“Opinions are like assholes”, we used to say, “everyone has one and most of them stink.” Or the other one, “Opinions are like armpits, everyone has one and not a one of them would be hurt by a little deodorant.”  And the old gruff Sargent would say, “When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you!”
Lethal made some very good points yesterday in his last word, and I want to repeat a couple of them here.  This blog, e-zine, newsletter, posting … whatever you want to call it, is an opinion.  It is our opinion.  With the basic understanding of trying to make people laugh, we also try to make them think, and that’s a difficult thing to do to some people and you end up pissing them off.  But, getting an emotion out of someone, any emotion, is what a writer is trying to do to his audience.  That’s why a writer, writes.  At least, that’s why THIS writer, writes.  I want to elicit an emotion out of you.  Most of the time I shoot for the humorous angle.  Sometimes it’s just to make you go hmmm…but sometimes, I will admit this, it’s to piss you off.  Anger is an emotion, isn’t it?  Anger makes people act and react.  And sometimes….like now, for instance… action and reaction is what this country needs.
In my opinion.
And most of you must either agree with my opinion or disagree enough to want to stick around to get mad.
Maybe some of you read the funny stuff and pass over the rest…
You know, that’s okay too.  Because I’m here to express my opinion to you.  If you like what you read, you read more, pass it on to your friends, and our base of readership continues to grow.  If you don’t like what you read, well, everyone should know by now where the delete key is

But, if you have a desire to express your opinions back, that is FANTASTIC.  We LOVE to read your opinions, especially if they are different then ours and are expressed eloquently.  We may even feature them in one of our issues and get a discussion going.  But, we won’t tolerate name calling and being vulgar for the sake of being vulgar.  Calling me a jerk or an S.O.B. may make you feel better and may, in the first instance be quite true and in the second, casting aspersions on my mother that are undeserved.  But, those types of comments will be deleted when they are seen and you won’t get a chance to express your point.  I’m not saying that any opinion you send in with vulgarities in it will be deleted, not at all.  But the ones that are nothing but name calling will be. 

The best way to get a letter, submission, joke or what have you, to us is by sending it to dragonlaffs-owner@yahoogroups.com. This will send an email to both of us.  Adding your quick opinion to the comments section of the blog is good for just that: a quick comment directed toward the blog.  If you never have commented before, your first comment will have to be approved by either myself or Lethal, but once approved, you write it, and it goes right in….except, like I said, if we see B.S. in the comments, we will delete it.

And yes, we can do that …. cause it’s our blog …

Now, enough of that, it’s time to laugh!

 

Only in North Dakota!
This is I-29 right now between Argusville and Harwood. . . snow plows are cleaning off the dirt & debris from the flood waters & fields.  Fingers crossed, roads will open this weekend!

Not sure if they got open or not, but this sure is a cool picture!

The woman calls the town psychiatrist and cries, “Doctor, you’ve got to come as soon as possible. My husband is in really bad shape!”

The shrink rushes over.

The worried wife says, “Thank God you are here, doctor. Just go down the hall. He’s in the last room on the right.”

The shrink goes in the room and sees the woman’s husband sitting on the edge of the bathtub, dangling a fish line in the toilet.

He goes back to the wife and says, “Yes, this is very serious. But why didn’t you call me sooner?”

“Who had time?” the wife asks. “I’ve been cleaning fish all week.”

Hey!  I finally found a throne suitable for Lethal:

The scene is sometime in the old era when cockpits had round dials plus flight engineers and navigators. The crusty old-timer captain is breaking in a brand new navigator.

The captain opens his briefcase, pulls out a .38 and rests it on the glare panel. He asks the navigator, “Know what this is for?”

“No, sir,” replies the newbie.

“I use it on navigators that get us lost,” explains the captain, winking at his first officer.

The navigator then opens his briefcase, pulls out a .45 an sets it on his chart table.

“What’s THAT for?” queries the surprised captain.

“Well, sir,” replies the navigator, “I’ll know we’re lost before you will.”

Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the banker started screaming hysterically. His car, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again. After the banker finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

“I can’t believe how materialistic you bankers are,” he said. “You are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else.”

“How can you say such a thing?” asked the banker arrogantly.

The cop replied, “Didn’t you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you.”
“Fuck!” screamed the banker. “Where’s my Rolex?”

The current financial crisis explained in a single picture:

This financial crisis is forcing state and local agencies to make some tough decisions.

If things continue for much longer, there’s a real risk that we may have to lay off Jose.

Take one minute….just one click, every day, helps more than you can imagine!

Whoever wrote this is bloody brilliant!  It was sent in by our good buddy Mike Richards, and Mike, if you wrote this, “good on ya!” if not, still thanks for sending it in!

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?

Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.

Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?

Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different prices up to $200 a gallon.

Customer: What’s the difference in the paint?

Clerk: Oh, there isn’t any difference; it’s all the same paint.

Customer: Well, then I’d like some of that $12 paint.

Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?

Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It’s my day off.

Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.

Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?

Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.

Customer: You’ve got to be *&%^#@* kidding!

Clerk: I’ll check and see if we have any paint available.

Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it!

Clerk: But it doesn’t mean that we have paint available. We sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price per gallon just went to $16. We don’t have any more $12 paint.

Customer: The price went up as we were talking?

Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times a day, and since you haven’t actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase your paint as soon as possible. How many gallons do you want?

Customer: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so I’ll have enough.

Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can’t do that. If you buy paint and don’t use it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.

Customer: WHAT?

Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will lose your remaining gallons of paint.

Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I already paid you for it!

Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is used, every drop. If you don’t, it causes us all sorts of problems.

Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if I don’t keep painting until after Saturday night!

Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically becomes the $200 paint.

Customer: But what are all these, “Paint on sale from $10 a liter” signs?

Clerk: Well that’s for our budget paint. It only comes in half-gallons. One $5 half-gallon will do half a room. The second half-gallon to complete the room is $20. None of the cans have labels, some are empty and there are no refunds, even on the empty cans.

Customer: To hell with this! I’ll buy what I need somewhere else!

Clerk: I don’t think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for your bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room from someone else, but you won’t be able to paint your connecting hall
and stairway from anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that if you paint in only one direction, it will be $300 a gallon.

Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was $200!

Clerk: That’s if you paint around the room to the point at which you started. A hallway is different.

Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only paint in one direction, you’ll confiscate the remaining paint.

Clerk: No, we’ll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference on your next gallon of paint. But I believe you’re getting it now, sir.

Customer: You’re insane!

Clerk: Thanks for painting with United

And in the category of “Man, I hate it when that happens” comes this great submission from K²

I was just looking at my house on Google Streetview and I saw my wife through the
window in the front room, shagging the postman.

It was only after I’d bludgeoned her to death that I realized that the image was two years old….

When I used to be a postman.

After a short electronic sabbatical….. he’s back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You’ve been warned!

Have you heard about the pharmaceutical company that developed a new drug which, when administered to women, compels them to go join a convent?
The FDA refused to license it. Seems it was habit forming.

Truer words were never spoken.  Not sure if they are attributed properly, but I don’t really care.  It’s the words that are important in this case, not who wrote them:

Everyone is a Genius. But if you judge a fish on it’s ability to climb a tree, it will go through life thinking it is stupid. Albert Einstein

Oh dear lawd!  Zack, I think Stephanie is giving you a run for your money, buddy!

A group of dwarfs and midgets holding their annual convention realized that they were truly living in a world designed for larger people. The furniture, beds, cabinets and fixtures were either too large or too tall for their comfort. They resolved that this would never happen again at one of their conventions.
They ran a lottery, conducted raffles, and raised enough money to build their own resort for future meetings, a resort designed for smaller than average people. They did acquiesce in making some of the rooms normal sized in order to attract as many people possible to the vacation resort. However, the special rooms were made with smaller accommodations. Rooms, fixtures, furniture… everything was made smaller for the smaller guests.
Furthermore, they had resolved that all dwarfs could stay there without paying anything. They called these rooms stay-free mini pads.

Not mine….but not bad, well worth reading.  Before you go to the link, just be aware that this guy likes to use really rough language.

Spurious Logic, but fun just the same:

Just imagine…

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today!

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received a $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.  It is called the 401-Keg.

A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!

Makes you damned proud to be an American!

 

The Last Word is where we take the time to spread a little of the good word…as we see it…and sometimes we find someone else who has said it “real good” and like to share.  Here then is a posting that was sent to me by our good friend Jeannie, of something that is going on in the Seattle PD…

The Seattle Police Officers’ Guild has a newspaper that generally doesn’t get a lot of attention. A paper copy of it is distributed to about 1,250 SPD officers, but it’s not online. A copy of the December newsletter is getting press attention because of one officer’s essay, “Just Shut Up and Be a Good Little Socialist” which rails against the Seattle’s anti-bias training.
An officer, whom I will not name, let me borrow his copy of The Guardian.Since Officer Steve Pomper’s article will likely get attention from our talk show hosts, I transcribed exactly what Pomper wrote:

Just Shut Up and Be a Good Little Socialist
by Officer Steve Pomper, East Precinct

The city, using its Race and Social Justice Initiative (RSJI), continues its assault on traditional and constitutional American values such as self-reliance, equal justice, and individual liberty. But more to our immediate concern, the city is inflicting its socialist policies directly on the Seattle Police Department.
I once wrote, elections have consequences. This is true, and Seattle voters will get what they deserve. However, the city has extended its leftist political agenda to the police department, which should remain as apolitical as possible. The police department is not a laboratory and its cops are not guinea pigs.
Social justice is a socialist scheme that judges people not as individuals, but by their race, ethnicity, and socioeconomic status. Again, please research it yourself. The groups touting social justice all tend toward the political left, including socialist and communist groups.
Remember when communism and socialism used to be considered bad in America? You know, for little things like slaughtering a hundred million people during the 20th Century? Even in its least aggressive forms, socialism is responsible for wrecking economies, restricting liberty, and stifling human innovation and achievement worldwide.
I’m not conflating Seattle’s quaint socialist cabal with the brutal tyrants of the last century. However, any student of history knows totalitarianism begins with small bites. In 21st Century America, political repression comes in the form of what Europeans call Fabian or Democratic Socialism, which we Americans know as progressivism.
By this method, if we aren’t careful, we will literally vote ourselves into tyranny. Some think we came pretty damn close to it in 2008: Thank God for the November slap down ordinary Americans gave their overreaching government.
Socialist oppression may start with the “best” of intentions by people who feel they have the right to run other peoples’ lives. And while they may not intend oppression, this is to where socialism always – always – leads, to one degree or another.
In cities it begins like this: Mayors present social justice policies to city departments. Department heads carry out the policies without much dissention, not wanting to jeopardize their jobs. Before they know it, they’re complicit in implementing socialism. …Lives, fortunes, and sacred honor… what a charming, archaic notion.
These initial policies always seem benign. The city compels its employees to participate in RSJI classes, and they conduct ostensibly, innocuous surveys advancing an unquestionably leftist political agenda. They attempt to make us feel comfortable with socialist and progressive terminology through repetition and saturation. The Race and Social Justice Initiative, SPD Race and Social Justice Change Team, and Race and Social Justice Survey. I’m waiting for the Race and Social Justice Torchlight Parade and Race and Social Justice 10K Race for Social Justice. On and on it goes until, they hope, the term no longer riles us.
Most of us refuse to believe “real” socialism will ever take hold in Seattle-in America. We know city leaders aren’t going to change our minds. We’ll always be patriotic, antisocialist, Americans. Really? Well, at what point do we say, “Hell no!” to the indoctrination? In its early, weaker stages, or later when, the infection has spread and the disease is harder to cure?
Perhaps there should be no participation at all in anything involving Social Justice? At what point does our commitment to American liberty and opposition to socialism compel us to disengage from something we find so abhorrent to our nature? I don’t know the precise answer to this, but don’t we need to at least think about it?
Anyone think that back in 1776, Thomas Jefferson, Sam Adams, or Ben Franklin would have participated in a King’s Royal Justice Initiative (KRJI?)? Complete a survey for ol’ King George III? America was exceptional then, and we must remain exceptional now. And what makes America exceptional is our commitment to equal justice and individual liberty, not social justice and emulating Europe’s failures.
I’ve given some thought to my own RSJI participation to date. The “Perspectives in Profiling” class (or as one officer put it, one of our “de-policing classes”) served as a good way to learn what the enemy is up to (Yes, enemy. A liberal after my money in taxes maybe my opponent, but a socialist attacking the Constitution and my liberty is my enemy).
The RSJI survey was an opportunity to let the city know exactly how I feel about its institutional racial profiling policy. It was another opportunity to give them my opinions on the city practicing arbitrary justice over equal justice. To let them know that I’m not okay with blatantly violating the 14th Amendment.
What happens the next time they order us to take the survey or to otherwise actively participate in promoting RSJI? Many of us have already let them know what we think about their socialist policies. (I would pay handsomely to be in the room when they read some officer’s surveys). The next time would simply mark our participation in the RSJI effort as a whole, regardless of how we answer. Would we be surrendering to their attempts to indoctrinate SPD in social justice culture? Perhaps, if some new policy doesn’t force it sooner, that’ll mark the line drawn in the sand.
Speaking of the survey, our precinct command staff recently carried out an order forcing all SPD employees, sworn and civilian, to complete a six page hardcopy of the RSJI Survey. Seems we were less than enthusiastic about voluntarily completing the paperless online survey. Imagine that. Compliance didn’t work, so the city resorted to compulsion, How delightfully socialist of them. There is also an ancillary issue, which is truly ironic: Regarding Seattle’s supposed “green” commitment to going paperless. Since all city departments are supposed to participate in the RSJI survey, and the city employs thousands, with about 2,000 in the SPD alone, I have to wonder how much paper the city wasted to print out this worthless survey?
I’ll leave you with this refresher: employing the RSJI, the City of Seattle is actually deciding on which people do or do not “merit punishment” for a crime, based upon their race, ethnic heritage, and/or socio-economic status. So far this only applies to DWLS3, but one has to ask, what’s next? They’re also deciding purchases and the issuing of city contracts based upon similar criteria. This is social justice, folks, and socialism has no place in Seattle, and positively no place in the Seattle Police Department.

 

Good Morning Readers, please keep your seats this will be brief as it was a long aggravating weekend for me personally and I’m even less my “sunny dispositioned” self today.

I would ask that you read the Last Word today in its entirety. No its not political, no it doesn’t back any good causes. Its time to cover old ground again about who Impish and I are and why we make the comments in the Last Word we do.

On To The Laughter!

How to get a man to smile for a picture…

 

 

 

 

Works like a charm every time take it from me. I always smile when I see that!

 

I just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods’ DVD entitled “My Favorite 18 Holes.”

Turns out it’s about golf!  Absolute waste of money.

Pass this on so others don’t get scammed.

Best Regards,

Charlie Sheen

 

 

 

Whoever came up with this storyline is a bloody genius!

What must this guy have scored in his driving test!  I would have loved to see the look on the DMV Examiner’s face when this crossed his desk!

 

Don’t know where Zack has been lately with his groaner submissions but MikeR. seems determined to become Mayor of DragonLaffs Groanersville that’s for sure!

 

You’ve been warned!

The French will eat almost anything. A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city.
He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits.
He successfully raised a number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them, a restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits.
The young man replied, “I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have a hutch back of Notre Dame.

 

Hoisted On His Own Petard:

A police officer on patrol in a heavy drug-sales area of  Las Vegas, Nev., noticed a BMW stop at a home and take on a passenger.  Then the officer saw the BMW drop off the passenger at an apartment  building, park, and wait for the passenger to return, the resulting  report says.

When the officer subsequently stopped the BMW for a traffic violation, the passenger fled; after being caught and arrested  he revealed that the driver, known to him as “Joe,” had been giving him  $40 several times a week to buy cocaine. The drug was indeed found in
the BMW, and Clark County District Attorney David Roger says “Joe” will  be “prosecuted and held accountable just like anyone else” — “Joe” is Deputy D.A. David Schubert, a member of state and federal drug task forces who has run a number of high-profile prosecutions, including of Paris Hilton. (AC/Las Vegas Sun)

The real test of a DA’s integrity isn’t prosecuting celebrities, it’s prosecuting prosecutors!COPYRIGHT 2011 by Randy Cassingham, http://www.thisistrue.com All Rights Reserved.

I’d like to address a couple of recent comments made in the comments section rather than as specific remarks but as two different types of remarks we are not going to ever allow to post. In total so far there are 3 general types of remarks going right in the dumpster. One is SPAM or comments made with the sole reason of getting their website advertised and not in any shape participating in a discussion or commenting upon what was said. IF they happen to contain compliments we happily strip the SPAM casing off and post them as positive comments to send a message when the poster wanders back in. Besides one should never waste a kind word, particularly when its said about you!

The second is of the sort below. The first comment was made on the blog the subsequent remarks are an e-mail exchange between myself and the commenter who Impish informs be constantly rants at him complaining about our political commentaries and points of view. Essentially it seems he refuses to understand that neither of us will ever again be limber enough to get our heads far enough up our asses to see the Democratic point of view or the Republican one for that matter. It’s also clear from his remarks that he has never bothered to read the sections at the top of the blog page labeled ‘About Lethal Leprechaun’ or ‘About Impish Dragon’ or either of the about link that appear at the bottom of our posts (which in my case at least is totally different than the one in the blog header). Please note that in an effort at some points you will see <[edited for ID protection]> in place of some info which could be used to possibly identify and possible cause embarrassment or issues for the original sender.

Guest: I guess this explains why your head is totally up your ass. (Leprechaun note: This was posted as a response to LL # 50, presumably in relation the the Ted Nugent postings in the Last Word though he never chose to mention the exact reason or provocation for his attack.)

Lethal: While you are certainly entitle to your point of view and beliefs, I would ask that you afford me the same rights and courtesy. It’s either that of get yourself down to the bookstore for copies of ‘The Delete Key For Dummies’, The 1st Amendment for Idiots & Liberals” and finally “Using Your Scroll Wheel for Simpletons” because its likely that the things which caused you to make rude comments on the blog are only likely to increase in frequency as the 2012 election nears.

Guest: You call me rude – then call me <[edited for ID protection]>, dummy and simpleton. You personify the word rude as do your posts. I fear that Impish had no idea what a step backward he would be taking by adding you to his blog. Your lack of tolerance and bigotry have seriously degraded what was once a good blog. Lighten up – the world isn’t as bad as you seem to perceive it. There are enough Becks and Limbaughs out there already. (Leprechaun note: Becks and Limbaughs? Seriously? I was SO shooting for John Stewart with a side of Walter Cronkite!)

Lethal: I most certainly did NOT call you “dummy or simpleton” I will plead guilty to <[edited for ID protection]>. It was an attempt at twisting a portion of your screen name into a sarcastic commentary on your comment (the definition of <[edited for ID protection]> is” a person who has trouble articulating and is difficult to understand ). This level of cerebral sarcasm apparently escaped you, for that I am sorry.

The terms Dummies, Idiots & Simpleton were used in relation to fictional self help book titles the “For Dummies” & For Idiots” book series extend to many subject and are nationally well known. The” for Simpletons” series are a recent knock off which I have come across. The titles were designed to point out humorously what you should have been doing all along rather than attacking me.

Speaking of my attitude and tone, I responded to your comment in the same attitude and tone as it was perceived to be sent by you. We all know the line “violence begets violence” well attitude and rude words get you the same thing with a fair extra amount thrown in for good measure.

Our response to actions and comments such as your have been well and publicly documented in the past and should have come as no surprise. Bob was consulted regarding my response to you prior to it being sent after drafting it. Granted its not what he would have written but he is not me and I was the one verbally attacked.

We welcome comments of a debating nature or opposing points of view.  Hell we have asked for them,begged for them and encourage them. WE DO NOT welcome personal attacks for not agreeing with us and the opinions we express in our own blog

The problem is most Democrats and Liberals would rather attack us personally than debate the issue(s) choosing to focus on the one particular section or comment that “offends” them and then attempting a cyber flogging of us for it. Seems written point of view debates are too much work and go against” the entitlement free ride” & “maximum return for minimum effort” philosophies espoused by so many of you. Either that or your incapable of defending you point of view with fact and logical discourse conducted in a polite civil manner.

Were it solely up to me and were the blog capable of it, I would see you banned for your comment as well as the subsequent personal attack and indictment of me for treating you in the same manner I was. Which I again would point out is typical democratic/liberal tactics in action, use any tactic as long as you gain your goal and swear the ends justify the means, then vilify the opposition for opposing you using the exact same tactic. Seriously, I have to ask, when you register to be a Democrat do they issue a secret playbook to all of you with these behavioral responses and tactics in it?

My points:

1.) You’re NOT going to shut EITHER of us up. Not with personal attacks, not whining about the political/social commentary posts, not with crying that the tone of the e-zine cum blog changed when I came on board not nothing period. Those remarks if anything encourage us when we see them because we know people are actually reading these portions of the issue and we hit nerves hard enough to provoke a reaction of of someone in a society populated largely by apathetics. I sure Impish will tell you in his own words that he reads my stuff with much gusto and thinks its good and on point. If I have a topic or P.o.V. that might prove incendiary I do him the courtesy of running it by him before I post it. While 3 days a week I may have the LAST WORD in the blog, editorially speaking Impish has the last word 7 days a week on what goes in the blog.

2.) You want to express an opinion or offer an opposing point of view for possible publication, we welcome those. The proper place for those sort of responses is to send those of longer than say 5 lines to <DragonLaffs-owner@Yahoogroups.com>. Though we are not using it to send the e-zine out any longer we still use it so you can mail us both.

Go right ahead and put those written comments of 5 lines or less right in the comments section, we’ll see them rest assured. I will be creating an icon to appear after the closing credits to access this e-mail address in a non bot harvestable manner so it will be at the bottom of every blog post from now on for you to refer to.

Should you for some insane reason feel the need to offer constructive criticism of the jokes, our writing styles, the lay outs or anything else please refer to the blog header and the section marked complaint department for where and how to submit those. If you put them in the comments section while I can assure you Impish and I will see them I can also likewise assure you that we are the only people who will see them.

3.) I was dead serious about more of this stuff popping up and with less and less of a humorous bent to it as the election approaches. Despite my detractors assertion that I should “Lighten up – the world isn’t as bad as you seem to perceive it.” both Impish and I agree that the world IS as bad as WE perceive it (it’s not just me) and we live in mortal fear that it well may be worse than even that. So learn the location of the delete key and dust it off, review the location and function of your scroll wheel because more and more we are going to be addressing the pressing issues that the candidates should be addressing as well as a hard look at the candidates ON BOTH SIDES.

4.) Know that if you are going to attack us personally you had best come prepared to pay the price for you rudeness. We are not women, we are not politically correct pansies or liberals, we are men, ex US Service men. Personally I don’t much care which of us you come after. Verbally attack us and I’ll verbally beat on you like a fat chicken wails on a chocolates filled piñata  on Easter or Rock & Roll percussion legend on a set of rented drums. Attempt to cyber-bully or stalk us and I can and will see your identify is found out and you are prosecuted for it as well as for attempting to interfere with our First Amendment rights. I work the cyber security industry on a daily basis I assure you I have forgotten more about finding you then you will ever know about hiding from us like a coward after trying to bully us.

We have said most of this before and we’ll probably find ourselves saying it again round about September or October it seems we have to repeat this little sermon bi-annually as tedious as it is for both us and the readers.

Finally I got the impression this commenter was offended by my blunt frank no bs way of speaking the plain truth, warts, hairy moles, hideous scars and all ( oh wait….or is that Impish’s last blind date I’m think of? Nope. I’m positive that’s the truth. His date was even uglier than that). Going with the old adage that no matter how bad you think a particular trait is in a person you can always look around and find somebody worse let me show you that I DO infact demonstrat self restraint and some level of professionalism….maybe not the level that Democrats and Liberal want (they won’t be happy with less than a muzzle) but I do none the less. Let me happily introduce you to a liberals worst nightmare, “The Guy From Boston”

 

Guest #2: This is borderline child molestation. T.S.A. has crossed the line. Listen to what the girl has to say. We have to live like this because of some murderous losers?!

<Youtube of 6 Year Old Patted Down by T.S.A. attached here>

This individual was not e-mailed or spoken to, however his comment never got posted. Here’s why:

If this was an attempt to call our attention to this incident in the news, see item #2 above and interpret the line “longer than 5 lines” to also mean videos, press clippings photos etc.

You can rest assured though that when it comes to major things like that we’ve probably already seen them and are tracking them. In addition to Impish and I we get topical things referred to us by friends and family as a gesture of support for out blogging efforts. In fact the problem usually is not finding stuff like that worthy of comment, its finding the time to research and write all the comments in a manner and of a quality we want. Even harder than that is picking those to use and which to allow to pass by because there are so many comment worthy items and only 6 slots a week. For instance I was all set to make an issue out of this very subject and had started a rough outline of my thoughts and some links. However it rapidly became evident to me that the issue was being addressed and handled in a timely proper and relevant manner by the T.S.A. Mistakes happen, when the government can admit its’ a mistake and takes immediate corrective action I don’t see the need to castigate it as well for having made a mistake. Hence no Last Word on the subject out of me or Impish.

If it was an attempt to hijack us and force us into discussing something you feel strongly about, HEY! Get your own damned blog we’ve got more than enough to say in this one thank you very much!

Thanks for your kind attention to these remarks.

Questions, Comments, Submissions, Suggestions?     Even if you just want to say what a fine job we are doing or ask about including us in your will, contact us at:

What a fantastic issue yesterday … now I know how all the rest of you guys get to feel and look forward to reading Dragon Laffs … or in this case, Leprechaun Laffs… every morning!  Great job!  And the subject matter is very topical and the direction this e-zine is headed. Our freedoms have never been challenged as much as they are right now.  And any of you who think otherwise aren’t paying any attention.  Our country and our way of life is being systematically disassembled before our eyes and the entitlement sheep our not only going along quietly to slaughter, they are goading on the herd.  Things need to change.  And I’m sure as heck not talking about the current hopey changey bovine excrement, I’m talking about changing BACK to the way America was.  Back to being proud of our country and the direction she is moving.  This current administration, on both sides of the fence, is deplorable.  There is NO feeling of working toward a common good, a unified country.  There is only what can I get out of it!  No compromise, no togetherness, no unity or desire to make America the best that she can be.  No.  There is only the grab for the gold.  What can I get for ME and MINE.  Our politicians are bought and paid for.  Our country sold down the river.  It’s time for change!
It’s time to throw the bums out!
It’s time to take it upon ourselves, each and everyone of us.

YOU can make a difference.
YOU can push the brake
YOU can say ENOUGH!

It’s time to take our country back.

The best way to start the day, whether it be going to work, or overthrowing the country, is to start with a smile and a laugh.  It lightens the load and eases the trip, so, like we have said all along….
Dragon Laffs: Getting throw the day, one laff at a time.

Let’s Laugh!

 

Texting and driving is becoming one of the major causes of motor vehicle accidents.  But, texting and walking isn’t such a great idea either….

Back in my day….
I can remember my dad telling us that as kids, he had to walk to school every day, and it was uphill, both ways!  And their schools NEVER closed for snow days.  They’d walk, uphill, (sometimes they were even barefoot), in snow over their heads to school and back again.  I will admit that even Dad didn’t tell that story with a straight face….

The Washington Post had a contest wherein participants were asked to tell the younger generation how much harder they had it “in the old days.” Winners, runners-up, and honorable mentions are listed below.
Second Runner-Up:
– In my day, we couldn’t afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In winter, we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for traction.

First Runner-Up:
– In my day, we didn’t have MTV or in-line skates, or any of that stuff. No, it was 45s and regular old metal-wheeled roller skates, and the 45s always skipped, so to get them to play right you’d weigh the needle down with something like quarters, which we never had because our allowances were way too small, so we’d use our skate keys instead and end up forgetting they were taped to the record player arm so that we couldn’t adjust our skates, which didn’t really matter because those crummy metal wheels would kill you if you hit a pebble anyway, and in those days roads had real pebbles on them not like today.

And the winner:
– In my day, we didn’t have rocks. We had to go down to the creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads.

Honorable Mentions:
– In my day, we didn’t have fancy health-food restaurants. Every day we ate lots of easily recognizable animal parts, along with potatoes.

– In my day, we didn’t have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to have some fingers amputated.

– In my day, we didn’t get that disembodied, slightly ticked- off voice saying ‘Doors closing.’ We got on the train, the doors closed, and if your hand was sticking out, it scraped along the tunnel all the way to the next station and it was a bloody stump at the end. But the base fare was only a dollar.

– In my day, we didn’t have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms.

– Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a giant tortoise.

– Back in my day, ’60 Minutes’ wasn’t just a bunch of gray- haired, liberal 80-year-old guys. It was a bunch of gray- haired, liberal 60-year-old guys.

– Back in my day, they hadn’t invented electricity. We had to watch television by candlelight.

10 Stories of Weddings That Ended in Disaster Posted: 13 Apr 2011 05:00 PM PDT Your wedding is supposed to be a day to remember. For these people it will be, but for all the wrong reasons.

Okay, I’m from New Jersey and I had no idea they were this prolific…

Sounds Like New Jersey!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_jNT3vJai0&feature=player_embedded

And here’s ANOTHER Really Good Point (RGP)

I never really looked at our hunters from this perspective. A blogger recently added up all the hunters in just a handful of states, and comes to a striking conclusion:

The state of Wisconsin has gone an entire deer hunting season without someone getting killed. That’s great. There were over 600,000 hunters. Allow me to restate that number. Over the last two months, the eighth largest army in the world – more men under arms than Iran; more than France and Germany combined – deployed to the woods of a single American state to help keep the deer population at bay.

But that pales in comparison to the 750,000 who are in the woods of Pennsylvania this week. Michigan’s 700,000 hunters have now returned home. Toss in a quarter million hunters in West Virginia, and it is literally the case that the hunters of those four states alone would comprise the largest army in the world.

His point? America will forever be safe from foreign invasion with that kind of home-grown firepower. Hunting — it’s not just a way to fill the freezer. It’s a matter of national security.
“That’s why all enemies foreign and domestic want to see us disarmed.”
That’s 2,300,000 in just 4 states!

I want mine!!!!

 

Motorcycles made from old watch parts…..I’m not sure, but I think the timing is off….







Would this fall under the category of “Too Much Time On My Hands”?

Take one minute….just one click, every day, helps more than you can imagine!

 

 

A fellow was talking to Lethal Leprechaun and said, “I gotta stop drinking that Irish whiskey.”

“How come?” asked Lethal.

“Because every Saturday night I go out and drink a fifth of the stuff, come home, make mad passionate love to the wife, wake up Sunday morning, and go to church.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Lethal asked. “A lot of good Irishmen go out on Saturday night, drink a fifth of good Irish whiskey, come home, make love to the wife, and go to mass on Sunday.”

“I know,” said his friend, “but I’m Jewish!”

Johnny Carson and Betty White in the Garden of Eden…..classic laffs!
http://wallythekat.tripod.com/A_Pages/AA-Videos-YOU-Tube/Johnny-Betty-White.html

I’m late because…

In college I had a professor who said he’d excuse us from any test if we ever gave him an excuse he’d never heard before.
I did it.
“I was in the darkroom developing pictures for the newspaper and I couldn’t see the clock.” I said. It was true so I was exempted from the test. This was back in the day of chemical-based photography which had to be done in the dark. Light ruined the film and paper.

List of most bizarre excuses for being late to work,
missing an appointment etc.>>>>>>>>>>>>

My Botox appointment took longer than I expected.

My cat attacked me.

I was delayed due to public transportation. Employee produced a note signed by “The Bus Driver.” (Reminds me of the child turning in a note signed “My Mom.”)

I didn’t get any sleep because my boyfriend’s wife threw me out of the house.

My car was inhabited by a hive of bees and I couldn’t use the car for two hours until bees left.

I knew I was already going to be late, so I figured I’d go ahead and stop to get donuts for everyone.

My hair was hurting my head. (Note. This is, to my thinking, a legitimate excuse. In college I actually woke up one Sunday morning and my hair hurt. I do not remember a great deal of what happened the night before.)

My Karma is not in sync today.

I’m not late — the company clock is wrong.

While rowing across the river to work, I got lost in the fog.

Someone stole all my daffodils.

I had to go audition for American Idol.

My ex-husband stole my car so I couldn’t drive to work.

My route to work was shut down by a Presidential motorcade.

I have transient amnesia and couldn’t remember my job.

I was indicted for securities fraud this morning.

The line was too long at Starbucks.

I was trying to get my gun back from the police.

I didn’t have money for gas because all of the pawn shops were closed.

One person reported taking a second shower after walking into a spider web.

A woman said her husband thinks it’s funny to hide her car keys, so she is late to work since she has to find them before she can drive to the office.

A man claimed the left-turn signal on his car was broken so he had to drive to work making only right turns.

The Idiot’s Guide to Internet Success!

Let’s begin (Please take note of the sarcasm in these):
Q: How long will it take me to get insanely rich?
A: Depends on you. Probably two weeks. Some people take as long as a month.

Q: Does it take hard work or long hours to get insanely rich?
A: No. This is the Internet.

Q: Can just anybody get insanely rich?
A: Yes. This is the Internet.

Q: How do I proceed?
A: As you’re surfing around the net you’ll see banners and links that say things like “Make Fourteen Million Dollars in Ninety Days, Click Here to See How!” Simply click the link to get started.

Q: It won’t really take ninety days though, will it?
A: Of course not. They just say that so you’ll be pleasantly surprised and so it doesn’t sound like hype.

Q: Okay, I’ve found one that says “Retire to Your Own Caribbean Isle in One Month!” Is that good?
A: Perfect.

Q: What does MLM mean?
A: Nobody really knows. Morons Lose Money has been snidely suggested by the little-brains.

Q: I signed up and now I sell low phone rates. They say it’s the easiest thing to sell because everyone uses a phone. And since it’s MLM, by the time my third level is operating I’ll be making $345,915.45 per week.
A: Conservatively.

Q: They say the first step is to get my mother into the program. Why is my sponsor happy that Mom has Alzheimers?
A: Your sponsor is a shrewd business person. People with any sort of memory disorder make the best targ… uh, clients. You can switch your mother’s long distance carrier for her, and then start calling the other members of her support group.

Q: That sounds a little fishy.
A: The ends justify the means. You are offering people substantial savings on long distance. It’s for their own good.

Q: How else can I get new business?
A: Spam. Spam. Spam.

Q: I thought spam was bad.
A: No, spam is good. Anyone who says it’s bad is just jealous because their brains are too small.

Q: But won’t I lose my web host and ISP?
A: In the get-rich-quick business, it’s important to cultivate a zen-like non-attachment to service providers.

Q: What else can I do to promote my new business?
A: Here’s a list of suggestions:
–Sign up with a free website provider and fill your site with zany colors and flashy banners.
–Join every free banner exchange.
–Get your own free-for-all links page.
–Join every opt-in email list with the word Money, Rich or Lackwit in the title.
–Buy software that submits your site URL to the 15,000 most important search engines. –Buy software that submits your ad to the 50,000 most-read free classified sites.
–Hire a bulk emailer.
–Sponsor a golf tournament.

Q: Okay, I’ve done all that and I’m still not rich. I haven’t even driven my hit counter to its knees yet. What am I doing wrong?
A: It’s possible that you’re not very bright. Consult one of your friends who has retired on their Internet earnings.

Q: What if I don’t have any friends who have retired on their Internet earnings?
A: Then contact someone on the Internet who has retired on their Internet earnings.

Q: What if I’ve never heard of anyone retiring from their Internet earnings?
A: Well, then maybe you can be the first.

Breaking News!!!!!
The Artic ocean is warming up, icebergs are growing scarcer and in some places the seals are finding the water too hot, according to a repot to the Commerce Department yesterday from Consulafft, at Bergen, Norway.

Reports from fishermen, seal hunters and explorers all point to a radical change in climate conditions and hitherto unheard-of temperatures in the Arctic zone.  Exploration expeditions report that scarcely any ice has been met as far north as 81 degrees 29 minutes.  Sounding to a depth of 3,100 meters showed the gulf stream still very warm.  Great masses of ice have been replaced by moraines of earth and stones, the report continued, while at many points well known glaciers have entirely disappeared.

Very few seals and no white fish are found in the eastern Arctic, while vast shoals of herring and smelts which have never before ventured so far north, are being encountered in the old seal fishing grounds.

Isn’t this horrible news!  Al Gore was right!
Well, not hardly, I forgot to mention that this report was from November 2, 1922.  As reported by the AP and published in the Washington Post – 88 years ago.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/science/globalwarming1922.asp

Two women were sitting in the doctor’s waiting room comparing Notes on their various disorders.
“I want a baby more than anything in the world,” said the first, “But I guess it is impossible.”
“I used to feel just the same way,” said the second. “But then Everything changed. That’s why I’m here. I’m going to have a Baby in six months.”
“You must tell me what you did.”
“I went to a faith healer.”
“But I’ve tried that. My husband and I went to one for nearly A year and it didn’t help a bit.”
The other woman smiled and whispered, “Try going alone, next time.”

TRICKLE-DOWN ECONOMICS
You’re at a bar with a friend…. let’s call him George.
1. Explain to George that the two of you are going to share a beer. But he’ll have to front you the money for it, but there will be enough beer for the both of you if he’ll only help stimulate the economy a little!
2. Purchase said beer, making sure to get a glass, and drink it. At some point, George is bound to wonder where his portion of the beer is, since after all he paid for it. Should he ask you, remind him that he must be patient and wait for market forces to go to work. If he asks you more than once, wag your finger and accuse him of making class war, and remind him about the market forces a gain.
3. At some point you’ll have to excuse yourself for obvious reasons. Make sure to take your glass with you. George will want to know why, and he may be more than a little annoyed by now. Chalk it up to market forces, of course.
4. This part should be pretty obvious. Why else would you need the glass?
5. When you return, make a big thing of presenting George with the glass. When he asks what in the hell this is supposed to be, as well he should, let him know that the market has spoken, creating a whole ‘nother beer (assuming the glass is full). Thanks to the market’s power of beer creation, you both got a FULL beer instead of half a beer!
6. George may get suspicious and speculate that perhaps you’ve just stolen his money or whizzed in his glass…. stinkin’ socialist!

 I think I put my Last Word as my opening statement this morning, so instead, let’s throw one more good laugh in to start the weekend:

 

Well ok it’s probably more accurate to say because I got all my work done by Friday. I am doing nothing to day and getting paid for it. Nothing that is except listening to my personal assistant whose name just happens to be Friday bitch about doing all the work around here!

ANYWAYS.…50 issues of Leprechaun Laffs, a ‘mini mile stone’! WOOT! Good thing its Friday ‘cause from where I sit (in front of a keyboard sweating out the details of this issue) that’s plenty of reason to celebrate tonight!

You’ll find some new graphics lurking about too. I figured that after 50 issues ‘twas high time I had me own distinct look and feel for my posts. Since Impish has been supposed to remove the reference to opening by him from the banner I have been using for quite a while now and given his health/work load was unlikely to get to it for an even longer while, (It’s amazing how the honey-do list always trumps the Dragon-do or Leprechaun-do list) I decided to try my hand at making a few myself. This got to be quite entertaining when I realized that he was not there to slap me hands over any tag lines that might have “accidentally” wound up in the finish products. (Tag line suggestions gratefully accepted at LethalLeprechaun@ Ymail.com – please note that’s not a typo it is supposed to read ymail and you’ll need to remove the deliberate additional space after the @ so placed there to keep harvester bots at bay)

And Now On To The Business o’ Laughing ‘Til It Hurts!

It’s Friday, and after the week I’ve had, to HELL with coffee, its Guinness time!

 

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”

He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”

“Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?”

“Yes,” he says, “I was in  Iraq  for one tour.”

The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra points toward
employment.”   Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”
The guy says, “Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my
testicles.”

The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Okay. You’ve got enough points
for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00
pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am
every day.”

The guy is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00
pm, why don’t you want me here until 10:00 am?”

“This is a government job”, the interviewer says.. “For the first two
hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No
point in you coming in for that.”

Well that would certainly help explain 42 cent stamps! Must be Starbucks coffee!

 

 

I didn’t realize it, but these coupons are good for one gallon of gas at most retailers.  I have seen them around, but until recently never took advantage of them, I never realized their actual worth.

 

You probably have one or two just lying around somewhere, now is the time to use them before they lose their value, and it’s too late!!

 

Simply codenamed NGP (Next Generation Portable) at present, the handheld device features a 5-inch OLED touchscreen, front and rear cameras 3G and WiFi connectivity and several features tailored specifically for gaming.

A high performance CPU and GPU allows the console to produce visuals comparable with Sony’s home console, PlayStation 3. The NGP is the first handheld games console to feature dual analogue sticks and has touch control on both the screen and a rear tracking pad. In addition, the NPG also features the same gyroscopic motion control technology contained within Sony’s PlayStation Move. Used in conjunction with NPG’s front and rear cameras, the motion sensors allow players to tilt the console to control games, or change their viewpoint.

NGP is also designed for Artificial Reality Games (ARGs) which incorporate the real world into the gameplay. As an example, a show reel at Sony’s conference depicted a group of friends scoring points by jumping into the air.

Sony were also keen to highlight NGP’s social connectivity. In built software called ‘Near’ uses the equipped compass and GPS to track your position and locate other NGP players and what games they are playing. While Live Area allows you to move seamlessly between your game and text chat with friends. Live Area also allows players to visit the PlayStation Store to download new content without interrupting their game.

Sony demonstrated an NGP version of successful action-adventure Uncharted, while several third party publishers pledged support for the machine, including Activision, who announced a new Call of Duty title for the device. By Tom Hoggins, in Tokyo 9:31AM GMT 27 Jan 2011

So there you have it straight from the Leprechaun and ‘tis no blarney about it either. “Tis sure ta be out just in time for the Cmas Gift Grabbin’ Riot we call Black Friday & Cyber Monday. Here kind hearted soul that I am I’ve given ya almost 7 full months warning on the subject! ‘Tis probably time best spent figuring out how ta pay for the bloody thing too!

 

 

 

THE PLAN

A.. Back off and let those men who want to marry men, marry men.

B.. Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women.

C.. Allow those folks who want to abort their babies, abort their babies.

D.. In three generations, there will be no Democrats.

                      DAMN! – I love it when a plan comes together . . .

 

 

Texas Monthly Talks TED NUGENT

Humm going to have to seriously think about suggesting to Donald Trump who currently leads in several polls of possible republican candidates that he consider ‘the Nuge’ as a possible running mate. A little business savvy & financial common sense from Trump plus a little ‘enough of treating criminals politically correct’ (which I am willing to bet trickles right down to his border defense views) from Nugent…. shades of Ronald Regan! Then we just might find ourselves starting to actually recover a small portion of that we have lost in America, dignity respect as a nation, control over our own finances and affairs and just MAYBE we’d find ourselves back on the road to being the Superpower we SHOULD be once again.

 

LMBO it just occurred to me that VPOTUS Nugent walking around armed would drive the Secret Service insane! I’ll be those weekend trips to Camp David would be really interesting too!

Like what you’re hearing? Want to hear more of Ted’s views? Sure no problem!

Ted Nugent on SCOTUS 2nd Amendment Ruling

 

Uncle Ted has a message for Hillary Clinton

 

Ted Nugent on Border Security –
Ted Nugent talks about Border Security on Fox News with Neil Cavuto

 

Now there are many of you that think the Ol’ Leprechaun is yanking your chain on this one but judging by what I see on-line there are several apparently voter attractive combinations featuring Ted and his brand of “America According to the Founding Fathers’ Vision” politics…

 

Nugent & Norris huh? Well if they’ll support ‘The Kicker & The Rocker’ I wonder how long it will be until someone suggest pairing ‘The Wrestler & The Rocker’ and we see Ventura – Nugent 2012 bumper stickers?

Good Morning Campers!
Sleep is over-rated and a complete waste of time….
Unless you aren’t getting any.  And I have no IDEA why I’m not getting mine.
So, the witty repartee is a bit lagging this morning, so what do ya say we just get on to the good stuff, huh?

Let’s Laugh!

Very Powerful stuff here my fellow campers.

A wealthy man sat in his attorney’s office. “Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?” the lawyer asked.

“Give me the bad news first.”

“Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars.”

“That’s the bad news?” the man asked incredulously. “I can’t wait to hear the terrible news.”

“It’s of you and your mistress.”

Ever wonder what π (Pi) sounds like?  Pi (π), one of the most important numbers in mathematics (is it possible to have a number be more important than another?) is rendered here musically.  This is way cool campers.

 

Wow, if you follow all the links and watch all the movies, like I did, you can spend over an hour at this deliciously delightful site.http://twistedsifter.com/2009/04/10-reasons-animated-gifs-rule/ 

I’m sorry…I have to ask….WHY??????

From The Old Country Boy’s Collection of:

DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE?

 

 

More than half of the coastline of the entire United States is in Alaska .

 

DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE?

 

 

The Amazon rainforest produces more than 20%of the world’s oxygen supply.
The Amazon River pushes so much water into the Atlantic Ocean that, more than one hundred miles at sea off the mouth of the river, one can dip fresh water out of the ocean.  The volume of water in the Amazon river is greater than the next eight largest rivers in the world combined and three times the flow of all rivers in the United States .

 

 

 

 

DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE?

 

Next to Warsaw , Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world.

 

DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE?

 

Los Angeles

Los Angeles ‘ full name is:
El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula
— and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A.

 

I believe we should all get together and beat Stephanie up over this one!

Texas makes me think of the old slogan “Remember the Alamo.”  It seems that during that battle, the guy in charge of the whole thing put his wife, of all people, on the battle line.  She was shot by the enemy, shattered her patella, and had to be removed from the front line.  After the fighting was over, she divorced her husband, and sued for Alamo knee.

 

Take one minute….just one click, every day, helps more than you can imagine!

Okay, this one isn’t quite as bad as the last one, but it still deserves a minor beating…

A man enters a pharmacy and requested a supply of Viagra. The clerk sends him over to speak with the pharmacist. The pharmacist tells the man he would need a Doctor’s prescription in order for her to dispense the drug.
The man, seemingly pacified, leaves…. and returns with a gun. He pulled a hand gun and demanded Viagra again. The pharmacist gave him four full bottles and two partial bottles.  Then, the man fled.
The police sergeant who was first on the scene pondered, “This makes me wonder… do we look for a hardened criminal?”

Okay, this one makes perfect sense to me.  And I agree 100%

If Moses had the internet!
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/moses-internet/ 

“You read about all these terrorists, most of them came here
legally, but they hang around on these expired visas, some for as
long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are
two days late with a video and these people are all over you.
Let’s put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.”
  – Jay Leno

Ponder These

1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

5. On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message “oneslice”? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?

6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

7. Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

8. How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?

9. Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

10. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart than apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” When, it isn’t all right .

11. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

12. Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

13. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

14. How come we never hear father-in-law jokes?

15. If at first you don’t succeed, shouldn’t you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?

 Today’s Last Word is a giggling gaggle full of one liners…..you’ll see…

A couple of lines and some words.,..it’s the words that make them funny.
There’s a lesson in there somewhere.