Hey there! How ya doin’? Yeah the snow is something else huh, global warming my arse! Yadda…yadda…yadda… OK, pleasantries exchanged check.  I’m freezing my Tuchas off here already, then I received this little “love-you-gram” from the National Weather Service, (bear in mind I live LESS than 80 miles from the GULF OF FREAKING MEXICO and we are in NO WAY equipped to deal with or handle this as a community!):

“Winter storm warning in effect from noon today to noon cst friday,
The NWS in houston/galveston has issued a winter storm warning for snow, sleet and freezing rain, which is in effect from noon today to noon cst Friday. The winter storm watch is no longer in effect.
An upper level storm system approaching from the west will combine with increasing moisture and cold temperatures in the lower atmosphere to generate a mix of snow, sleet, and freezing rain across southeast Texas this afternoon through Friday morning.

Precipitation type: Very light snow and sleet is expected at the onset of the event Thursday across all of southeast Texas. Thursday night and Friday morning, a mix of sleet and snow is expected to the west of a line from matagorda to downtown houston to northern liberty county, with all snow across the northwest half of the area. East of this line, freezing rain is expected to mix in with the sleet and snow mainly before midnight. Over southern brazoria, southern galveston, chambers, and southern liberty counties mostly ice is expected. After midnight these areas may have a sleet and snow mix. Freezing rain mixed with sleet and snow may still be possible for most of chambers county and southern most galveston county including galveston island. Precipitation may continue to change over to all snow after 6am friday except for the immediate coast where sleet may mix with the snow. Precipitation should come to an end near or shortly after noon Friday.
Amounts: In the snow and sleet area, accumulations of 1 to 3 inches are expected with isolated totals around 4 inches. In the freezing rain threat area, ice accumulations of 1/10 to 1/4 inch are expected.
Impacts: Due to evaporative cooling in the very dry airmass, temperatures will run 5 to 7 degrees colder with this event than during the last few winter weather events to impact this area. These colder temperatures will result in a much higher likelihood of roads becoming iced over, even with light precipitation amounts. This will especially be the case with elevated surfaces like bridges and overpasses. Road conditions are expected to deteriorate beginning around sunset Thursday. In addition, power outages will be possible especially in the freezing rain threat area. “

Power outages? You mean like in addition to the rolling blackouts of yesterday, which while not currently in effect we have been told may possibly resume at any time and without warning??!!

Can we laugh now PLEASE?

( I’m hoping it will warm me up!)

It’s also a damned fine hand warmer!

Biker Humor

A tough looking biker was riding his Harley when he sees a girl about to Jump off a bridge so he stops.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“I’m going to commit a suicide,” she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn’t want to miss an opportunity and he asked, “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a kiss?”

So, she does.

After she’s finished the biker says, “Wow!  That was the best kiss I have ever had!  That’s a real talent you are wasting!  You could be famous! Why are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl…..”

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.
Mother: “What does the cow say?”
Child: “Moo!”
Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?”
Child: “Meow.”
Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?”
And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, “Bud.”

APNewsBreak: Sedative maker deplores execution use

By ANDREW WELSH-HUGGINS, AP Legal Affairs Writer Andrew Welsh-huggins, Ap Legal Affairs Writer – Wed Jan 26, 6:33 pm ET
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110126/ap_on_re_us/us_execution_drug_shortage

COLUMBUS, Ohio – The sole U.S. manufacturer of a sedative that Ohio plans to use to execute death row inmates — and that Oklahoma already uses to do so — said Wednesday it opposes the practice and has asked both states to stop using the drug.

Pentobarbital maker Lundbeck Inc. says it never intended for the drug to be used to put inmates to death.

“This goes against everything we’re in business to do,” Sally Benjamin Young, spokeswoman for the Denmark-based company’s U.S. headquarters in Deerfield, Ill., told The Associated Press.

“We like to develop and make available therapies that improve people’s lives,” she said. “That’s the focus of our business.”

Lundbeck does not sell the product directly to end users and has no way of preventing either state from using the drug.

“While we cannot control how our products are administered, it is our intent that our products be used in a safe and appropriate manner and encourage use consistent with the label,” the company said in a statement.

Both states switched to pentobarbital as a national shortage worsened of the drug they used previously, sodium thiopental.

That drug’s sole U.S. manufacturer, Hospira Inc., of Lake Forest, Ill., deplored the drug’s use in executions and also asked states not to use it, to no avail. The company announced last week it was discontinuing the product.

Pentobarbital is a barbiturate used to induce comas during surgeries to prevent brain damage when blood flow is interrupted, and to reduce possible brain damage following strokes or head trauma. It is chemically related to the same product used to euthanize pets.

The drug has been used in 200 of the 525 assisted suicides in Oregon since 1998, according to data compiled by the Oregon Public Health Division. It also was prescribed for 5 of 47 assisted-suicide patients in Washington state in 2009, state health statistics show.

Lemme see if I got this right now, no complaints about being a popular drug for assisted suicides but an outcry over putting convicted condemned murdering scum to death? I’ll show you a whole bunch of bullet and gun manufacturers that would not have any problems replacing these liberal panty-waisted Drug manufacturers!

I have been heard frequently asking the Dragon this, you think maybe I need a bigger pill?

The Mexican maid asked for a pay raise.
The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked: “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?”

Maria: “Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze.”
“The first is that I iron better than you.”
Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?”
Maria: “Jor huzban he say so.”
Wife: “Oh yeah?”

Maria: “The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you.”
Wife: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?”
Maria: “Jor hozban did.”
Wife increasingly agitated:  “Oh he did did he???”

Maria: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.”
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth.
“And did my husband say that as well?”

Maria: “No Señora…….. The gardener did.”

Wife: “So how much do you want?”

Amazing, freak inbounds basket helps team land OT win

It’s a wonder that any high school sports events are still being played along the East Coast, with near constant blizzards and assorted weather-related problems. Yet teams are trekking through the snow for hardwood faceoffs, few more dramatic than an overtime game in Maine on Tuesday the 25th between Sacopee Valley (Maine) High and A.R. Gould (Maine) High.

Yet as tight a contest as the game may have been, the final score in Sacopee’s eventual 57-50 victory was overshadowed by this miraculous inbounds play, which is a solid contender for freak play-of-the-year.

I just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.

I told them to kiss my ass.  Anybody who fits into my clothes isn’t starving. 

=======

Today’s word is…………….. Fluctuations……………….

I will never hear or see this word again without thinking of this joke.

I was at my bank today; there was a short line.  There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.  It was obvious she was a little irritated . . .

She asked the teller, “Why it change?  Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen.  Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?”

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fluctuations.”

The Asian lady says, “Fluc you white people too”

(You know you’re laughing…)

EDITORIAL CORRECTION/ADDITION TO LAST WORD DRAGON LAFFS ISSUE # 1162

We here at Dragon Laffs strive to give credit where credit is sue when and where we possibly can for any material that is not strictly our own. The Dragon apparently did not receive the same e-mail which I and several of our readers did that correctly attributed the commentary “Put Me in Charge”. Reader Jeannie correctly pointed out in the comments section:

Hi ya Dragon!
I had read the “Put Me In Charge” article before. It was written by Alfred W. Evans, Gatesville, Texas
http://destructoville.blogspot.com/2010/12/alfred-w-evans-for-president.html

Ya just got to love the practicality and pragmatism of them old time Texas Farmers and Ranchers! Think I’ll see if I can finagle my way onto his ticket for 2012, Evan –Leprechaun 2012, has a nice ring to it don’t ya think? 

NOW she tells me! Is it to late to change my mind and say HELLS YES!

US Internet ‘Kill Switch’ Bill to be Reconsidered by Brandon Dimmel on 2011-02-01 @ 09:16AM EST

The situation in Egypt is dire. The government, which is facing enormous protests has turned to shutting off communications, most notably the Internet, as a way to silence dissention. US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has gone on record admonishing the Egyptian Internet blackout, calling it a senseless attempt to bring order to a country at the cost of basic democratic rights.

Could an Internet Blackout Happen in the United States?

While most Americans have viewed the entire debacle as something that simply couldn’t and wouldn’t happen in the United States, some political pundits believe the U.S. government blocking nationwide Internet access is certainly plausible.

On a web blog entitled “Death + Taxes,” the author DJ Pangburn recently reminded Americans of Joe Lieberman’s controversial bill entitled “Protecting Cyberspace as a National Asset” — legislation that would provide the President with powers to protect systems considered national assets during an emergency.

Pangburn suggests that with such legislation, it’s possible that users in the United States could face an Internet blackout similar to that of Egypt, though the circumstances would be exceptional if the idea ever came to light. (Source: deathandtaxesmag.com)

US Gov’t Says Free Speech Will Be Protected

United States government representatives have since assured the public that this kind of measure would not limit basic freedoms, such as free speech. But the very idea of limiting access to the world wide web seems by nature a limit of free speech.

Furthermore, many critics note that the definition of a national emergency is quite flexible and far reaching. For example, would an assassination attempt on the President or another terrorist attack on a major U.S. city warrant cutting off access to the Internet for a few days or a week?

Internet Kill Switch Idea Not Dead Yet

Certainly, the implementation and use of an “Internet Kill Switch” is highly unlikely, primarily because of the impact such a move would have on the US economy.

Lieberman’s bill, which called for the creation of a secretive cyber security head office run jointly by the White House and Homeland Security, expired before Congress after passing through the Senate. It’s been said the bill will be re-introduced soon. (Source: investors.com)

Just another picture or two from my house…..they are getting the streets plowed and I managed to use the car as a snow plow….so, I can get out of the house if need be.  We’re warm and safe….I can’t but hope and pray for the same for you.  Which of us needs more than that?

Looking down my street, it doesn’t look so bad….except that this is all piled up sleet!  Oh well.  Warm and safe.

Good Morning Campers!  I hope everyone survived the night…what they are calling snowpocolypse 2011.  I’ve got some cool pictures if you’re interested…you are?  Okay, let’s start with:
Looking out my garage at about 330 pm yesterday…  then the next one was an hour later at about 430 pm.  Pretty much the exact same view, it really doesn’t give you the idea that another whole hour had passed, so at 5 pm I took this picture and realized, it really was almost exactly the same picture so I added this one to it.  Now, I realize that you really can’t see the markings on the ruler so well because of how small the picture is, but you really don’t want this email to be bigger than it already is by me putting a larger picture of a ruler that measured at 4 inches….and continued over the next 3 hours to measure at 4 inches because it was sleeting and not snowing, but then I decided to get cute with the camera and you’ll have to see these as bigger pictures… first is some sparkling sleet drops (sparkling sleet drops?)  
then how about the same picture (kinda) with a little cigar smoke added in…

and now with the wind blowing at a constant 50 mph…not sure what the gusts were:

Yeah, it’s kind of hard to tell from that picture, but it’s blowing pretty good!  And now, enough of this stuff, let’s do some laughing!

To all you Flight Fans…this is great!

HD Ode to Joyous Flight (Sky Fighters/Les Chevaliers du Ciel)
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/706.html

A few thoughts to go with your morning cup of coffee…..
1. The nicest thing about the future is . . .  
that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a  fine dog, but only kindness will
make him wag his  tail.
3. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably  don’t have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as  confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your  mouth shut is when
you’re in deep sh**!
6. How come it  takes so little time for a child
who is afraid of the dark to become  a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business  conventions are important . . .
because they demonstrate how many  people a company
can operate without.
8. Why is it that  at class reunions you feel younger
than everyone  else looks?
9. Scratch a cat .  . and you will have a  permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than  the
teenage boy who wants to buy a car.

“Hey!  I meant to do that!”

If you’re a Godfather fan (and who isn’t) this will be a great clip for you:

What is the internet, anyway… 1994…
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/today-show-from-1994-what-is-the-internet-anyway/

A man goes into this local place where bricks and cement blocks are sold, and orders 20,000 bricks.
“May I ask what you’re building?” asks the man behind the counter.
“Yeah, it’s going to be a barbecue.”
“Damn! That’s a lot of bricks for one barbecue,”
“Not really; you have to consider that I live on the 18th floor.”

What?!
The IRS doing some good?!
Let’s not go crazy here!

The Old County Boy’s

Your Editing Lacks Continuity

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSnCu43QzeY&feature=player_embedded

Sometimes we just want to bug each other for no reason, so, for no reason, I am sending this email to bug you.
Click here:                  SINGING BUG

Not sure who this guy/lady is, (although it was sent in by Sue…thanks Sue!) and it doesn’t really matter.  I LIKE the way this guy thinks…

Put me in charge of food stamps. No cash for soft drinks, Ding Dongs or Ho Hos, just money for 20-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese, and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want steak and frozen pizza ….. get a job.  Amen!  Heck, I don’t eat that good most times and I’m paying for your food stamps!

Before you write that I’ve violated someone’s rights, realize that all of the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules.. Before you say this would be demeaning and ruin their self esteem, consider that it wasn’t that long ago when taking someone else’s money for doing absolutely nothing was understood by all to be demeaning and lowered self esteem.  Gee, what can I add here except
AMEN!!!!!!

If we are expected to pay for other people’s mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices. I agree, I agree, I agree!  There are no consequences any more!  None!  Not even personal ones.  Whatever happened to being able to look yourself in the mirror every day?  How do these people do it?

And again, folks, we aren’t talking about the people who are legitimately on help because they legitimately need help.  We’re talking about the entitlement leeches who take and take and take and don’t give ANYTHING back.  I won’t allow my kids to behave that way, why the hell should I have to pay for someone else’s kids behaving that way?

Huh? What? Are you guys back again?! The Dragon took another powder on you guys and its up to me again?

Snow? OH! Snow SHARKS! He’s worried about snow sharks and can’t get to a computer! What idiot sold Mister Gulliable on SNow Sharks?

 Oh…wait…that was me. Damn! I hate it when a great joke backfires like that! Now I DO have to post a Leprechaun Laffs!

OH WELL, LET’S LAUGH (NO, NOT AT THE DRAGON!)

Well ok, maybe just a LITTLE bit, he DOES look pretty silly shivering and dancing  fearfully on that picnic table.

Ok! I take it back! There IS apparently such a thing as too much Customer Service!

A young boy asks his grandmother how old she is.  She replies “That’s none of your business.”
       He asks her how much she weighs, and again she replies, “That’s none of your business.”
       He asks her why she and Grandpa sleep in separate bedrooms.  Grandma gets angry at this point and sends him off to play.
       The boy goes straight to his Grandpa and explains what happened; his grandpa tells him that Grandmothers are like that, but if he really wants to know, to sneak a peak at her drivers license in her purse.
       Later, the little boy approaches Grandma and says, “I know that you are 64 years old, weigh 147 pounds, and that the reason you don’t sleep with Grandpa is because you got an “F” in sex!!!”

This almost groaner comes from K-Squared:

THIS IS QUITE REMARKABLE. PLEASE DON’T CHEAT!

In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of fruits on it. They are:
A. Apple
B. Banana
C. Strawberry
D. Peach
E. Orange
Which fruit will you choose? Please think VERY carefully and don’t rush into it.

This is great, I was astounded! Your choice reveals a lot about you!
Test results: Please SCROLL DOWN

If you have chosen:
A. Apple: That means you are a person who likes apples
B. Banana: That means you are a person who likes bananas
C. Strawberry: That means you are a person who likes strawberries
D. Peach: That means you are a person who likes peaches
E. Orange: That means you are a person who likes oranges
I hope you find fulfillment in this new insight about yourself.

May it bring you peace and understanding, tranquility and all that other profound stuff.
Also, I bet that right now you would like to find me and kick my butt!
Well, you won’t find me….because I am still hunting down the misfit who sent this to me!

WOW! And here I always assumed Impish was exaggerating about Mrs. Dragon’s Mood Swings & Irish temper!
Just think! He has a daughter to survive going through this yet whom already seems to possess a temper at 9!

God have mercy on his poor sanity and if not, at least his soul!

Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old friend John, “How come you aren’t married?”
John: “I haven’t found the right woman yet.”
George: “So what are you looking for?”
John: “Oh she’s got to be real pretty, – a good cook and house keeper, she’s got to know how to
handle money, have a nice and pleasant personality — and money, she’s got to have
money, and a nice big house wouldn’t hurt either.”
George: “A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU!”
John: “Oh, it’s okay, if she is crazy.”
_______________

I was listening to a lady who called a radio pastor. The pastor was a wise, grandfatherly gentleman who has that calm reassuring voice that can melt all fear. The lady, who was obviously crying, said, “Pastor, I was born blind, and I’ve been blind all my life. I don’t mind being blind but I have some well meaning friends who tell me that if I had more faith I could be healed.”
The pastor asked her, “Tell me, do you carry one of those white canes?”
“Yes I do,” she replied.
“Then the next time someone says that hit them over the head with the cane,” he said, “then say, ‘If you had more faith that wouldn’t hurt!’”

STRONG LANGUAGE ADVISORY!

This next video is NOT for those with weak hearts, sensitive ears, young children in the room/area, or who are easily offended by profane language!!

Having given that warning, I suspect that the vast majority of you will be able identify with the lyrical subject matter addressed and how they poor guy expresses his feelings over the wrong he has been done.  (Thanks to my wife Molly for turning me on to this one.)

Another of my ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’ Last Word Rants. This one is sure to set fire to your short and curlies

The below photo is real.

Why wasn’t the person with the threatening sign arrested for making terroristic threats??

We are the ones that will have to pay for the welfare of these immigrants!

“Get it Done, Arizona , you are in our prayers” !!

Boy-oh-Boy, this needs to travel around the U.S.A. Don’t let it die folks!

Hey someone want to do me a favor and tell Impish its ok get get off that picnic table as there is no such thing as snow gators or sharks that Calvin just happened by and was bored so he made a few snow sculptures? I’m going to be very busy making myself scarce and getting ready for the bitter cold that supposed to hit us starting later today.

Good Morning my tiny campers… (Sung to the tune of Elton John’s Tiny Dancer)…

Anyway…

Get ready for the blizzard of 2011!
The National Weather Service has issued a “Winter Storm Watch” for everywhere in the world.  Personally, we could see up to a foot and a half of snow.  Snow falling at 3 inches an hour; winds up to 30 mph which could potentially form drifts high enough to close roads and cover your house.
Wooo Hoooo!  I can hardly wait!  I’ll take pictures and try and keep you informed.  In the meantime, check this out: http://www.weather.com/outlook/videos/dangerous-winter-storm-this-week-365
Yup, effective over 100 million people and 29 states.  Gonna be great fun.  So.  Make sure you have enough staples for the next couple of days, make sure you have a full tank of gas and a back-up plan incase the power/heat goes off.  What’s your plan B?  You gotta have a plan B.
What’s my plan B?  Well, since I don’t have a fireplace to keep us warm in case the heat goes out and because it’s supposed to get WAY down there in temperature, my plan B is to move my little family about a mile down the street to billeting on base where they have a generator.  I also have a plan C in mind and the workings of a plan D…. just in case.
Anyway….why are we talking about all this gloomy stuff?  It’s gonna be great fun! We’re all gonna get buried in the snow for a couple of days (the heat and power are going to stay on) and we’re all going to cuddle and have fun with our families and even fall back on the great Eskimo past time of getting buried in the snow and making babies all winter long….or at least practicing to make babies.

Okay, enough!

Sheesh!

Get on with it dragon!  Let’s Laugh!

(Wow, where in the world did all that nonsense come from?  I gotta get some new material…

…and now, I’m talking to myself….

…through the keyboard…

…in the e-zine…

…man, I need help…)

Young Brian was an absolute nut on physical fitness.  Every morning before his early breakfast, unless the weather was unusually cold or foul, he put on his gym suit and jogged around the reservoir in the park. That done, he would indulge in calisthenics of some sort.

One morning, when the sun was peeping over the horizon and the dew lay refreshingly cool on the grass in the deserted park, Brian, his jogging done, threw himself down behind a line of hedges and began a strenuous series
of pushups.

That same morning old Lushley was also in the park, wending his way home; but for him it was still the evening before. His tuxedo was incredibly rumpled, his hat unimaginable askew; and there emerged from him in every direction a powerful aroma of some alcoholic beverage. His tottering footsteps somehow brought him behind the row of hedges, and he stopped short as he watched Brian at his pushups.

After a few moments, he extended his cane uncertainly and managed to tap Brian on the shoulder. “Young man,” he said, “I hate to be a bearer of ill tidings, but if you will take a close look, you will notice that your girl is no longer there.”

Tips re: English Grammer

1. Don’t abbrev.
2. Check to see if you any words out.
3. Be carefully to use adjectives and adverbs correct.
4. About sentence fragments.
5. When dangling, don’t use participles.
6. Don’t use no double negatives.
7. Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.
8. Just between You and i, case is important.
9. Join clauses good, like a conjunction should.
10. Don’t use commas, that aren’t necessary.
11. Its important to use apostrophe’s right.
12. It’s better not to unnecessarily split an infinitive.
13. Never leave a transitive verb just lay there without an object.
14. Only Proper Nouns should be capitalized. also a sentence should.
15. begin with a capital and end with a period
16. Use hyphens in compound-words, not just in any two-word phrase.
17. In letters compositions reports and things like that we use commas
18. to keep a string of items apart.
19. Watch out for irregular verbs which have creeped into our language.
20. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
21. Avoid unnecessary redundancy.
22. A writer mustn’t shift your point of view.
23. Don’t write a run-on sentence you’ve got to punctuate it.
24. A preposition isn’t a good thing to end a sentence with.
25. Avoid clichés like the plague.

Seriously, what the heck does this mean?

An Oldie, but goodie…

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida , are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”
The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”
Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”
Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”
Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”
Pharmacist: “All kinds”
Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?”
Pharmacist: “Definitely.”
Jacob: “How about suppositories?”
Pharmacist: “You bet!”
Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer’s?”
Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The works.”
Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”
Pharmacist: “Absolutely..”
Jacob: “Everything for heartburn and indigestion?”
Pharmacist: “We sure do.”
Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?”
Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes.”
Jacob: “Adult diapers?”
Pharmacist: “Sure.”
Jacob: “We’d like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.”

Okay, this is WAY Cool!  I don’t understand it, but it is WAY Cool!

The Sandpit

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fk9EBOOAYiU&feature=player_embedded#

Does this mean that I am on the Island of Dr. Moreau?

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, “I’m Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter.”
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, “I’m Jane Sugarbrown.”
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School and said, “Aren’t you Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter?”
She replied, “I thought I was, but mother says I’m not.”

Think Outside Your Box
You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car. Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.
You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.
THINK ABOUT IT BEFORE YOU SCROLL DOWN. THINK THINK THINK WHAT DID HE SAY?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
He simply answered: “I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams.”
Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to “Think Outside of the Box.”

This guy wanted a parrot who talked. He asked the pet store manager if there was a bird who was already speaking. The manager directed the guy to a bird by the window. “This bird has a vocabulary of 1000 words and another 50 phrases that would fit most occasions.”

The guy bought the bird and took it home.

Next day, the guy was back in the pet store to complain. The bird hadn’t said a word.
The pet store manager said, “That’s not unusual. Why not buy a few of the toys the bird had been used to playing with while here and put it in his cage. That should get him more
comfortable with his surroundings and loosen him up.” The man paid for the toys and took them home to the bird.

Two days later the guy showed back up. “Still not talking, huh?” asked the manager. “Well, perhaps a birdbath would do the trick.” The credit card was whipped out, the purchase made, and the guy was back home with his new birdbath.

And, like clockwork, two days later the guy was back to complain that the bird STILL hadn’t said one word. This time the shop owner scratched his head and said, “You know,
sometimes the bird would be praised in his training and allowed to ring this bell.” The guy was hesitant, but he really wanted to hear the bird talk, so he reluctantly purchased the
bell.

Two days later, the guy was back in the shop. This time the pet shop owner suggested the bird was lonely. The guy was upset that he’d have to purchase ANOTHER bird when the
first one wasn’t talking. The pet shop owner told him that, no, he wouldn’t have to do that. Just buy a mirror and trick the bird into thinking he had company.

You guessed. Two days later, the man was back in the store, this time with the parrot. The parrot was dead. “What happened! Didn’t the bird ever talk?” asked the pet store
owner.

“Yep. Right before he died it said, ‘Don’t they sell any fucking birdseed at that pet store?'”

Very interesting study…..

Robert Krulwich: Why Can’t We Walk Straight?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYcvLw_jkkk&feature=player_embedded#!

Hilarious British Animal Voiceovers

http://www.wimp.com/animalvoiceovers/

The Old Country Boy’s
Do ya know or do ya care
Words!

”Stewardesses” is the longest word typed with just the left hand
And “lollipop” is the longest with the right

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple

“Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”

There are only four words in the English Language which end in “dous”
Tremendous, horrendous, stupendous and hazardous

There are only two words that have all five vowels in order:
”abstemious” and “facetious”

“Typewriter” is the longest word that can be made using the letters of only one row of the keyboard.

A “jiffy” is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second

The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing

My wife told me I was no longer romantic, so I booked a table for the two of us on Valentine’s night.
The problem was she sucks at snooker & eight-ball.

Amazing!
Truly and utterly Amazing!

If you don’t shoot clays or play golf, you can probably still have some understanding of how LUCKY this shot is!
Click on the link below.
http://biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=24990

You didn’t honestly think we were going to get through the whole issue of Dragon Laffs without some sort of input from Zack, did you?  Really?

Okay, let’s just go ahead and start the fight… (thanks to dad for sending me this one!)

The Green Bay Packers Are Good For America!

Every Red Blooded American should jump in line to support the Green Bay Packers! The (angelic) Packers defeated the (evil) Chicago Bears on Sunday afternoon thus earning them the opportunity to go to the Super Bowl. By doing so, they saved the Hard-Working, Red Blooded, Taxpaying Americans literally several million dollars of tax money.
How you say?
Simple… we were told that if the (evil) Chicago Bears had won that President Obama (and probably his family)would be attending the Super Bowl to cheer on his hometown team. Since the (evil) Bears lost…the President won’t be attending. The money saved from not using Air Force 1, the limousines, all the additional security, and let’s not forget  Michelle Obama’s entourage, is literally several million dollars!  Therefore every American should cheer on the (angelic) Green Bay Packers at the Super Bowl to show them our gratitude.With that said…let’s circulate this email to everyone we know so they can understand why they should cheer for America’s team…the (angelic) Green Bay Packers!

(Funny, but I feel driven to explain that the foregoing was written with tongue, firmly implanted in cheek!  And if you guys didn’t get that in the first place…then go ahead and get mad and write back.  I can’t wait to see those letters!  lol!)