Time traveling.
For you it’s Saturday.
Lots of things have happened this week.
Monday was Labor Day, a day off.
Tuesday I went back to work after a 4 day weekend that went WAY too fast.
Wednesday lots of meetings and Jail ministry,
Thursday was Izzy Dragon’s 25th birthday and FBI (Faith Bible Institute)
Friday I had to replace all four tires on my car,
which leaves us at today, where I’m working all weekend.
For me…it’s still Monday, Labor Day, my last day off and I have all that to do yet.
Time travel…ain’t it cool.
Got to spend some good quality time resting, time with Holly, time with Izzy and time with you guys getting caught up and ahead a little bit on my issues. God is good!

Now…let’s get to the fun stuff, shall we?

Yes!  Absolutely! Jesus!

The Modern Toolbox

Hammer – In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.

Screwdriver – The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.

Phillips Screwdriver – The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.

Pliers – A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.

Multi-Pliers – Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.

Electronic Stud Finder – An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.

Halogen Light – A work light that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you’re working on so that you need to use a torch anyway.

Cordless Drill – A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.

Air Compressor – A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house.

Chain saw – Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself.

Vise Grips – A pair of helping hands that doesn’t critique the job you’re doing or offer advice.

A couple of nuns sitting in front at the football game were blocking the view of the field. 

Three men decided to badger the nuns to get them to move. 

In a loud voice, the first guy said, “I think I’m going to move to Utah, there are only about a 100 Catholics living there.” 

The second guy spoke up and said, “I want to go to Montana, there’s less than 50 Catholics living there.” 

The third guy spoke up and said, “I want to go to Idaho, I’ve heard there are only 25 Catholics there.” 

One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and calmly said, “Why don’t you all go to hell, there aren’t any there.” 

Most dragons I know would be looking for a different bed. Just sayin’.

Dress in the Armour of God Every, Single Day!

I know that kid. Not gonna end well for the dragon.

PLAYING WYTH WURDS

A backward poet writes inverse.

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.

What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off. 

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

Every calendar’s days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted – ‘taint yours and ‘taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. 

Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

The mine operator called the nearby state prison and asked them to send over a safe-cracker to open his jammed safe.  

Soon a convict showed up, spun the dials, listened intently, and calmly opened the safe door. 

“Well,” said the mine operator, “what do you think I owe you?” 

The prisoner said, “Uh, the last time I opened a safe, I got $25,000.” 

And probably 20 years.

“Can I get an eye please?”

Indiana Law

You are required to pour your drink into a glass.

Color me unsurprised.

Let’s do the next set upon a theme, shall we?

OUCH! Why would people do that? Really don’t understand that propensity at all.

Vermont Law

Whistling underwater is illegal

I was escorted to a wedding by my twenty-four-year-old bachelor son.

He appeared unaffected by the ceremony until the bride and groom lighted a single candle with their candles and then blew out their own.

With that he brightened and whispered, “I’ve never seen that done before.”

I whispered back, “You know what it means, don’t you?”

His response:  “No more old flames?”

There is no such thing in anyone’s life as an unimportant day.

Alexander Humphreys Woollcott (1887 – 1943)

I don’t pay a lot of attention to the news sometimes, but I have no idea what this cartoon is referring to.

And that’s it for today my friends. Tune in next time, same dragon channel, same dragon station for more of the GREATEST …

Okay, I can’t go on. 

Just … until next time my friends. Love and happiness to you all.