Good Morning Campers!

412 active subscriptions and 219 visits yesterday means for all intents and purposes we had 631 hits yesterday.  Not close to our over a thousand from last year, but not shabby.  Thanks to all of you out there who visit and refer and share our little product with your friends, family and neighbors.

We have had a couple of people respond to my Last Word piece on open carry of weapons.  Most everyone who responded was against it or at best ambivalent on the subject.  Let me just throw one more idea into the fray and see what kind of dust it unsettles….someone wrote and said that, and I’m paraphrasing here, we (Americans) aren’t in the old west times anymore where everyone was a cowboy.  I’d like to add that, it’s been said that the old west, when everyone was armed was one of the most polite societies in American history.  You could also say the same thing about Victorian England, a very polite society, when a gentleman wore a sword when he was out.  Is it possible that we force ourselves to be polite, tip our hat to ladies and what-not, when we know that everyone is armed and our one boorish comment might get us killed?  Or at least skewered? 

Anyway, I thought I’d show you my neighbor’s snowman….  Not bad, but not overly impressive…that is until I tell you that the camera angle is a little deceptive and they built this guy to almost the height of the peak of the roof!  Short of getting a crane (which I wouldn’t necessarily put past these guys, but doubt highly) I am VERY impressed with how they must’ve worked to get that head up on top of that body so high up.  Nice job fellas! 

I’m sorry to say that it is a working weekend for me again this week and looking in my crystal ball, consulting my sages and saging my consultants, I don’t believe you will get another full Dragon Laffs again until next week. (L.L.: You’re danged right there won’t be! You won’t pay me overtime!) But….until that time…

Let’s Laugh Away the Cold!

Psalm 23.657

Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal(tm): For thou art with me;
Thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of mine barista;
Thou anointest my brain with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the House of Starbucks forever.

 

Finkelstein and Jesus

Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when he decided that he really needed a new robe.
After looking around for a while, he saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor…
So, he went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for him. A few days later, when the robe was finished, Jesus tried it on — and it was a perfect fit!
He asked how much he owed.
Finkelstein brushed him off: “No, no, no, for the Son of God there’s no charge!
However, may I ask for a small favor. Whenever you give a sermon, perhaps you could just mention that your nice new robe was made by Finkelstein, the Tailor?”
Jesus readily agreed and as promised, extolled the virtues of his Finkelstein robe whenever he spoke to the masses.
A few months later, while Jesus was again walking through Jerusalem , he happened to walk past Finkelstein’s shop and noted a huge line of people waiting for Finkelstein’s robes.
He pushed his way through the crowd to speak to him and as soon as Finkelstein spotted him he said: “Jesus, Jesus, look what you’ve done for my business!
Would you consider a partnership?”
“Certainly,” replied Jesus.
“Jesus & Finkelstein it is.”
“Oh, no, no,” said Finkelstein.
“Finkelstein & Jesus.
After all, I am the craftsman.”
The two of them debated this for some time.
Their discussion was long and spirited, but ultimately fruitful — and they finally came up with a mutually acceptable compromise.. A few days later, the new sign went up over Finkelstein’s shop:

Robot helps sick child go to school

It’s hard enough for kids to make friends at school. But this boy faces an even bigger hurdle. He has a disease that confines him to home. So he sends a telepresence robot to school in his place. Watch this uplifting video to see how technology enriches this child’s life.

 

 

Impish, a lascivious Dragon, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the
story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Impish and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”

Impish said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump..”

The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”

Impish placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You’re on!”

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the
ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Impish,
saying, “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”

Impish replied, “I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the
5 PM news, and so I knew he would jump.”

The blonde replied, “I did too, but didn’t think he’d do it again.”

Impish took the money.

Police in London have found a bomb outside a
mosque. They called the bomb squad for help on what
to do with it.

The squad sent two detectives.  After a couple minutes
of investigation, they came back and reported to the Brits:

“Tell the public not to panic.  We’ve managed to push it inside.”

Two Minnesotans are sittin’ in a boat.
So Ole asks Sven, “Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off der  boats?”
To which Sven replies, “Well, yA know, if they fell forwards they’d still  be in ‘da fockin’ boat…!”
Ya sure… there ya have it then …

The quote of the day is:

“The trouble with quotes on the Internet is that you can never be sure they’re genuine.” – Abraham Lincoln

Winter Humor

You got to laugh or you’re gonna cry!

Where was this advice when I was a kid?!

One of the primary reasons I only miss New England in the Spring and Fall!

Seems like a fair division of misery to me!

This happened so much here here in Texas last week they’re practically giving smoked butts away this week!

Why is it every woman reader is tittering while all the male ones groan in sympathy for the poor dog??!!

 

My daughter just walked into the living room and said, “Dad, cancel my allowance, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, stereo, I-Phone and jewelry to the charity shop. Sell my car, take my front door key and throw me out of the house”.
Well, she didn’t actually put it like that… Actually she said, “Dad, this is my new boyfriend, Mohammed.”

 

Recently Impish gave us an excellent article (if a bit bigoted since nary a Marine was mentioned) on ParaJumpers and the ricks they undertake. However the risks undertaken to save wounded soldiers does not stop once that chopper clears the Dust Off LZ! This is a remarkable story about a tough kid, brave crew, a rock steady doctor and one heck of a video.

This is a little graphic but watch it.

The story is about Channing Moss, who was impaled by a live RPG during a Taliban ambush while on patrol. Army protocol says that medivac choppers are never to carry anyone with a live round in him. Even though they feared it could explode, the flight crew said damn the protocol and flew him to the nearest aid station. Again, protocol said that in such a case the patient is to be put in a sandbagged area away from the surgical unit, given a shot of morphine and left to wait (and die) until others are treated. Again, the medical team ignored the protocol.

Here’s a short video put together by the Military Times, which includes actual footage of the surgery where Dr. John Oh, a Korean immigrant who became a naturalized citizen and went to West Point, removed the live round with the help of volunteers and a member of the EOD (explosive ordinance disposal) team. Moss has undergone six operations but is doing well at home in Gainesville, GA. I think you’ll find the video absolutely remarkable.

Where do people like this come from? The entire group that was involved are heroes. If you ever had any feelings of inadequacy, this may reinforce them!

Live RPG removed from soldier. Spc. Channing Moss was hit by a live rocket-propelled grenade in
Afghanistan. For medics there was only one choice.

http://www.militarytimes.com/multimedia/video/?bctid=51745112001

I really didn’t mean for this issue to get this huge….it just kinda happened on it’s own.  But, you guys either get the present or the curse, depending on how you look at it, by getting this size of an issue.

What Leprechaun told you was true.  I tried a double lutz on the front driveway and it turned into a double klutz!  I did manage to crawl to the computer and put this together for today though, so….let’s take advantage of the fun and get to laughing!

The  woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.

The foreman frowned and said, “I have to ask you this: “Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons? 

“Well, as a matter of fact, I have!” I’ve been divorced three times, owned 2 Toyotas, and I voted for Obama.”

 

 

(Notice that a medium is a size 14 to 16!)

 

 

 

SHIT!!
I forgot what it was……….

Something new for all you apple fans out there.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my iPhone…but I don’t think I’m going for this gadget.  http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/ihand-the-latest-must-have-gadget-for-apple-fanboys/

 

It’s been touted as the best hotdog commercial ever….and they’re probably right!

A very funny skit….imagine a world without photoshop http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/imagine-a-world-without-photoshop/

You can never get enough of Achmed the Dead Terrorist!

 

A real eye opener as to the WW II Iwo Jima conquest!

All 132 photo’s are worth a review.

http://picasaweb.google.com/7thfighter/IwoJima?authkey=Gv1sRgCIW06db_6oth&feat=email#slideshow/5299163150448181842

A letter to the editor…

Dear Imp,

You wrote:

I happen to work with a bunch of engineers and they’re a great bunch of guys!
Fully half of them have a personality…
sorta…
maybe…

Well, like you, I used to be indecisive too.

Now…. I’m not so sure…

K-Squared

The New York Mercantile Exchange saw oil near a hundred dollars a barrel Friday. Gas prices could be headed back up to four dollars per gallon once again. By the time summer vacation arrives it will be cheaper to mail your car to wherever you’re going. -A. Hamilton

WOW!  Look at this…

Toowoomba Flood 2011.01.10

Amazing footage of East Creek near Chalk Drive / Chalk Lane rising and washing away lots of cars during Flash Flood in Toowoomba on Monday 10 January 2011.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYUpkPTcqPY&feature=related

 

The hardest damn test you’ll ever take.  You need only get 4 questions correct (40%) to pass…are you ready?  Now, no cheating by looking at the answers!  I just barely passed with 4 out of 10 correct!

 

Question #1: How long did the Hundred Years’ War Last?

 

 

Answer #1: The Hundred Years’ War lasted 116 years!  Come on.  Didn’t you get that one?  Okay, here’s the next one…

Question #2: From which country do we get Panama hats?

 

 

 

Answer #2: Of course, the obvious answer is that Panama hats are made in Panama…right?  Nope, wrong!  Panama hats are made in Ecuador!  Who’d of thunk it?  Better luck with question three.

Question #3: From which animal do we get catgut?

 

 

 

Answer #3: Right now your saying to yourself that you may not know the right answer, but you definitely know the wrong answer.  And the wrong answer is that catgut comes from cats.  And you would be correct that that is a wrong answer.  But, what is the correct answer?  Well, believe it or not, cat gut comes from Sheep and Goats!  Wikipedia says: “It is a type of cord that is prepared from the natural fiber in the walls of animals intestines.  Usually sheep or goat intestines are used, but it is occasionally made from the intestines of a hog, horse, mule or donkey.  While the name contains the morpheme ‘cat’, strings have never been made from the guts of cats.”  Wow, huh?  Okay, better luck with the next one…

Question #4: In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

 

 

Answer #4: Having caught on to the game, you know the answer is not October, but which of the 11 others is it?  Oh go ahead, take a shot in the dark.  What have you got to lose?  Ah, but if you are just guessing and just happen to get it right then you really didn’t get it right and you can’t really count it as a correct answer…at least…not to yourself…not if you have any integrity…okay, the answer is November!  November, already!  Put the gun down!

Question #5:  (Boy, you sure are getting mean when you keep getting these wrong) What is a camel’s hair brush made out of?

 

 

Answer #5: I’m not going to tease you or anything anymore…you are dangerous when you get cranky!  A camel’s hair brush is made from squirrel fur!  Now, think of all the fun we COULD’VE had with this if you weren’t so mad at missing so many answers.  Sheesh!  Just remember, it’s all your fault.

 

Question #6: The Canary Islands, in the Pacific, you remember them.  Right?  The Canary Islands?  Okay, so what animal are the Canary Islands named after?  You got this one, right?

 

 

Answer #6:  The Canary Islands, in the Pacific, are named after dogs!  You got that one, right?  No?  You better get it together, you have to get all the rest of them right to get a passing score on this test… let’s go!

 

Question #7: What was King George VI’s first name?  Ok, now this one ought to be super easy…

 

 

Answer #7: Albert!  It was Albert!  Albert was King George VI’s first name!  I can’t believe you didn’t get that one.

Man, let’s just get this over with…

Question #8: What color is a purple finch?

 

 

Answer #8: A purple finch is the color crimson.  What else would it be?

Question #9: Where are Chinese gooseberries from?  And no…before you even go there, they’re not from geese!

 

 

 

Answer #9: Chinese gooseberries come from New Zealand….not from geese!

And finally, to put us all out of this misery….Question #10: What is the color of the black box (you know the black box, that indestructible thingy that they ought to make the whole plane out of if it’s so indestructible) in a commercial airplane?

 

 

ORANGE!!!!! The black box on a commercial airplane is orange!  Of course!

You failed, didn’t you?

Sigh!

Hope you had fun, just the same!  Until later!

Well the deal was Impish was to write the openings and I would do the rest. However “Twinkletoes” our very own “Lord of the Prance” did his “best” Brian Boitano imitation (Just think about a dragon trying to ice skate, much less gracefully to music!) on a patch of ice yesterday afternoon culmination in a “double dignity dip” flat on the ice. Ergo no comments from Dragon for opening…well ok there WERE multiple ones about winter, ice, lack of sanding and his intense dislike of gravity, but none that were fit for publication at least.

Setting Laughter Selector to “ON” Mode!

Just Ask the Impish One!

CATHOLIC CODE WORDS

This information is for Catholics Only. It must not be divulged to non-Catholics The less they know about rituals and code words, the better off they are.

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.

HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN:  The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

INCENSE:  Holy Smoke!

JESUITS:  An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.

JONAH: The original ‘Jaws’ story.

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

KYRIE ELEISON:  The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. (for you non-Catholics it means Lord have mercy)

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn’t covered by an HMO. (The Bible’s way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.

PROCESSION:  The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL:  The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

RELICS:  People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS:  The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don’t know the seating capacity of a pew.

Little known facts about the Catholic Church in Las Vegas :

There are more churches in Las Vegas than casinos. During Sunday services at the Offertory, some worshipers contribute casino chips as opposed to cash. Some are sharing their winnings – some are hoping to win. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, and they are worth money, the Catholic churches are required to send all the chips into the diocese for sorting. Once sorted into the respective casino chips, one junior priest takes the chips and makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips into cash. And he, of course, is known as ‘The Chip Monk’.

I Hear the President’s Last Visit to the Troops Didn’t Go So Well

Thanks to K-Squared for that one.

Houston suffered some fairly serious (for this far south) icing on Friday. When we finally thawed out there had been over 1000 accidents (most of them multi vehicle) and 700 Emergency Services calls all for less than a 1/4 inch of black ice. Just imagine if we had gotten conditions like are show above in Brazil Indiana!

According to the NWS we can expect more of the same anytime after noon today but most likely after 3 to 4 PM…just in time for the afternoon commute! Tighten your seatbelts boys and girls and pay attention to your airbag’s self diagnostic test, here we go again!

A guy walks into the doctor’s office and says,

“DDDDDoc, I’ve bbbeen stut-stuttterrrering for Ye-yeears, and
IIII’m tired of it. Ca-ca-caan yoooou hellllp me?”

The doc says, “Well, I’ll have to examine you to see what’s going
on.”

So he examines him, and says, “Well I think I know what the
problem is.”

The guy asks, “We-we-well wwwhat is it, dddoc?

The doctor replies, “Well, it’s your penis, it’s about a foot
long and all the down pressure is putting strain on your vocal
cords.”

The guy asks, “Wwwhaat ca-can we dddo?”

The doctor says, “Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter
one.”

The guy replies, “DDDDDoooo it!”

The guy has the operation and three weeks later, he comes back
into the doctor’s office and says,

“Doc, you solved the problem and I don’t stutter anymore, but
I’ve only had sex once in the past three weeks. My wife doesn’t
like it anymore. She liked it better with my long one. I don’t
care if I have to stutter, I want you to put my long one back
on.”

The doctor says, “NNNNope a ddddeal’s aaa dddddeal!!!

Why Men Wear Earrings

Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with men?

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense”

The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”

“Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,” he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”

“Ever since my wife found it in my truck!”

(I always wondered how this trend got started.)

and now we know….

The Mount Vernon Statement

We recommit ourselves to the ideas of the American Founding. Through the Constitution, the Founders created an enduring framework of limited government based on rule of law. They sought to secure national independence, provide for economic opportunity, establish true religious liberty and maintain a flourishing society of republican self-government.

A Constitutional conservatism based on first principles provides the framework for a consistent and meaningful policy agenda.

* It applies the principle of limited government based on the rule of law to every proposal.
* It honors the central place of individual liberty in American politics and life.
* It encourages free enterprise, the individual entrepreneur, and economic reforms grounded in market solutions.
* It supports America’s national interest in advancing freedom and opposing tyranny in the world and prudently considers what we can and should do to that end.
* It informs conservatism’s firm defense of family, neighborhood, community, and faith.
* If we are to succeed in the critical political and policy battles ahead, we must be certain of our purpose. We must begin by retaking and resolutely defending the high ground of America’s founding principles.

Sounds like a decent platform for a presidential campaign!

Leprechaun & Dragon 2012!

Sort of has a nice ring to it don’t you think?

Dragon Laffs issue #1164, for some insane reason, did not post at the top of the blog like it should have.  Instead, it posted deep inside where I eventually found it.  You can either click on the link to the right under recent posts that says “Dragon Laffs #1164” or you can click on this link https://dragonlaffs.com/2011/02/04/dragon-laffs-1164/ to take you there.  For those of you subscribed through email, you should’ve gotten the issue in your email.  I really have no idea what the heck happened.

Cheers!

Impish

Well looks like you people lucked out! “Howzdat?” you ask?  Impish CLAIMS he tried twice this morning to get an issue he spent most of the weekend preparing to post with epic failure as a result. Had he been successful with his alleged post we would have undoubtedly been forced to listen to him complain about the snow and suffer through yet another rehash and analysis of the SUper Bowl. Instead you get my sparkling commentary, an issue of Leprechaun Laffs and the dragons promise of posting his allegedly AWOL issue tomorrow. Seems more or less a win/win for you people. Now I have to get back to the salt mines and make up for everyone being closed here Friday due to the Black Ice Texas was “blessed” with so without anymore “much ado about nothing”….

COMMENCE THE LAUGHTER!

Welfare Question!!!

Question –

When you apply for Welfare in Pakistan , India, China , Mexico, or Arab countries, what does that Government give you?

Answer – A map of the USA!

====

Two Information Technology guys were chatting in a pub after work. “Guess what, mate,” says the first IT guy, “yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde girl in a bar.”
“What did you do?” says the other IT guy.
“Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off.”
“You’re kidding me!” says the second IT guy.
“I took her miniskirt off, and then I lifted her and put her on my desk next to my new laptop.”
“Really? You got a new laptop?”

====

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free.  Here’s an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

I actually met my Molly on-line (via a mutual friend ) and held a digital long distance relationship with her for over a year involving many a digital date ( as well as a phone bill resembling the debt of a small 3rd world country) before ever meeting her face to face.

IF YOU BUILD IT, DUMB WILL COME:

Boston, Mass., police set up a sting  operation that succeeded in recovering more than 230 stolen items, and
helped them obtain 24 arrest warrants. It was all accomplished with the creation of a phony jewelry store, “MIB Jewelry”      (MIB: “men in blue”).
Undercover officers opened the store after spreading rumors on the  streets that the store would be a friendly buyer of stolen goods. They  upped their odds of success by busting eight other stores that fenced  stolen goods, which would have been competition for the new store. When  asked if they ever worried that thieves would figure out the meaning of
  the store’s name, Police Commissioner Edward Davis’ replied, “We don’t  catch the smart ones.” (JW/Boston Herald) 

…Which, really, is the big  problem with the system, isn’t it? It only catches the slow stupid ones.

Take the time to listen to this preacher. This guy missed his calling.  Instead of being a preacher, he should have been a comedian.

 

An old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times sake.

He engages a  prostitute …….and takes her up to a room.

He’s soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his  age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, ‘How am I doing?’

The prostitute replies, ‘Well Ray, you old sailor, you’re doing about three knots.’

‘Three knots?’ He asks, ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

She says, ‘You’re knot hard, you’re knot in, and you’re knot getting your money  back !’

 

 And here I thought only Impish pondered this deeply philosophical conundrum!

Gratuitous Dragon Photo

 

Plant a pig

I’m taking a respite from my recent ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’ style of Last Word commentary for a couple reasons. First because its danged hard to find good commentary in a graphical format that does not require pre-graphics explanation or post graphic summing up. This sort of defeats the purpose. Secondly, the following idea is SO profound and brilliant that it deserves, nae requires me to take a break and post it. The shear simplicity and brilliance of the manner in which the following addresses TWO very real problems is will simply take your breath away. It bypasses all red tape debate and political correctness whining,  simply solving the issue at hand. Not only does it do that in an simplistically elegant manner, its does it in a ecologically sound green manner and is a permanent fix to one of the problems besides! All that in a single package is extremely hard to beat!

 

In Spain , at Seville some local people found a way to stop the construction of another mosque in their town. They buried a pig on the site, making sure this would be known by the local press. Islamic rules forbid erecting a Mosque on “pig soiled ground”. The Muslims had to cancel the project…this land had been sold to them by government officials…
No protests were needed by the local people … and it worked!! Not dummies …. the Spaniards.
They found a solution !!! No protests needed!

In Texas they have an over abundance of feral pigs. They could send them all over the country and just plant them everywhere!  After all…contaminated soil would surely drift and they could create new job programs by having soil testers to determine where contaminated soil existed. Of course, high on the mountain tops of the Rockies or other mountain ranges they might find some uncontaminated soil, but then…building a mosque there would pose some problems…Americans…put on your thinking caps and let’s find a solution to this problem of a spreading menace to the American way of life!  If pigs are the answer…let’s do it!

               Your Committee for the Betterment of America

“Do right and bear the consequences.”  Sam Houston

Please consider donating to your local “Plant A Pig Foundation” today. While not tax deductible, but well worth the effort.