Leprechaun Laughs #375 for Wednesday January 18th 2017

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It all started last Saturday when I raised the periscope cam from my Friday the 13th bolt hole. When I saw things looked normal I opened communications with my best bud and (formerly) trusted pal Impish and queried “Is it safe?”

In response I got a  suddenly cut off by a death rattle blood curdling scream from him. I dropped the periscope cam and cut communications immediately resetting the time lock on the bolt hole for another 24 hours, hoping all the while I would be able to locate enough of my buddy to give him a decent BBQing…err that is Viking funeral.

Then I find out ol’ Mister Smart Tail played a fast one on me so he could have a shot with getting away with talking football smack. With the Indianapolis Colts already well on their way to the glue and dog food factories he had to fall back on his back up Greenbay team whom Mr. Murphy seeing a chance for serious comic relief had given a shot at the play offs this year. Well I smacked his snout pretty hard (or so I thought at the time) in the comments section with facts and figures proving Greenbay had a snowball’s chances in Hell of making it to the Superbowl much less actually (barely stifled giggle) winning it.

Then come Sunday in a last 18 second miracle Greenbay beat the Cowboys to elevate Impish’s already made of cheese brain to extreme levels of Cheese headedness. Now he’ll be insufferable until either the Ravens peck Greenbay’s eyes out next Sunday or until the Patriots send them home sobbing from Houston on February 5th to go back to their off season meat packing jobs.

All that not being bad enough, Monday morning I had a rare weekday shot at sleeping in a bit. Since due to my legs and the associated pain I often don’t sleep well or uninterruptedly through the night this was a welcome event since I usually make it to the weekend with a serious sleep deficit or wind up having to take brief naps during the week to get through the day. So I was really looking forward to sleeping in until 8:30 or possibly a decadent 9:00 AM.

Well Mr. Murphy had an answer to that too. Tornado Warnings. Starting at 7:15 and lasting until 8:45 with a special warning for a funnel cloud that was a scant 5 to 7 miles North of me but moving East to West (to my knowledge it never actually touched down).

So as I grumpily stared into my Brown Gold while munching my multigrain English muffin and veggie cream cheese I mused about what other possibly unpleasant surprises the year might have in store. If recent events were any indication on a personal level forewarned would be forearmed and a definite good idea.

So I turned to the King of Prognostication of (vaguely worded) Possibility Pronouncements himself, Michel de Nostredame, AKA Nostradamus.

We’ll hear more from him later in the issue.

Mean time….

Skate

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imageMichel de Nostredame, AKA Nostradamus, was a French physician and astrologer who lived in the 16th century. Many conspiracy theorists believe, he’s predicted a lot of things; including the French Revolution, Adolf Hitler’s rise to power, 9/11 and even Trump’s election win.

His “prophecies”, are written in four-line verses and are extremely vague, so are very much open to interpretation especially after the fact – anyway *Tin foil hats on* here are some of the predictions he made for 2017:

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“For forty years the rainbow will not be seen. For forty years it will be seen every day. The dry earth will grow more parched, and there will be great floods when it is seen.”

So here he’s predicting both floods and drought which is covering all the bases. But his believers think this is a sign that global warming will lead to crazy ‘The Day After Tomorrow’ style weather.

Hmm, try selling this one in California at the moment or Texas the last few years.

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“The great man will be struck down in the day by a thunderbolt. An evil deed, foretold by the bearer of a petition. According to the prediction another falls at night time. Conflict at Reims, London, and pestilence in Tuscany.”

So he’s talking about thunder and conflict again pretty vague, the Nostradamus fans think this might be about an assassination that leads to war.

Reims is in France. I seriously doubt there will be any conflict there as the French will just capitulate like they usually do. That is unless he’s referring to a Terrorist attack on the cathedral there, though none of the interpretations I scanned putting this issue together took that view of this quatrain.

We’ll have more from old Nostradamus in just a bit but first some more chuckling.

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“Shortly before sun set, battle is engaged. A great nation is uncertain. Overcome, the sea port makes no answer, the bridge and the grave both in foreign places.”

So something about a battle at sunset and an issue with sea ports… His believers aren’t too clear on this, but some how it means world war 3 is coming.

 

 

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anytime they don’t know what the hell Michel is prattling on about (which is most of the bloody time if you ask me)  Nostradamus interpreters think its about either WW III or the Apocalypse.

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“Pestilences extinguished, the world becomes smaller, for a long time the lands will be inhabited peacefully. People will travel safely through the sky (over) land and seas: then wars will start up again.”

So this one is a little more wild apparently this means commercial space travel will become a reality, but there will be more war… possibly with aliens (in case you didn’t realize by now Nostradamus loves mentioning wars)

Well OF COURSE he does! Sex and Violence sell after all. Just as Hollyweird! As far as the ‘Alien war’ goes, I’m thinking the has more to do with terrestrial illegal aliens (or possibly terrorist sneaking across borders) than the extraterrestrial kind.

Nostradamus will be back in just a bit with more predictions for 2017.

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THAT folks is the end result of all the liberal brainwashing that has been going on quietly for decades in our public educational system.

 

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Well actually I can think of several other things like drink coffee, Irish Whiskey, Guinness and a few others but the rest I suppose would be subheadings under those two main categories.

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[Snicker] And all this time Impish has been thinking it was me that was having him followed.

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“Letters are found in the queen’s chests, no signature and no name of the author. The ruse will conceal the offers; so that they do not know who the lover is.”

So a Royal Scandal!? This is about as precise as Nostradamus ever gets, because of that no one online has a crazy theory about this one. My moneys on Prince Harry doing something… again

I love the British Royal Family, they help make our Politicians look like less of the thieves and idiots they are!

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“A fox will be elected without speaking one word, appearing saintly in public living on barley bread, afterwards he will suddenly become a tyrant putting his foot on the throats of the greatest men.”

So the Animals will rise up against man!? Nope, apparently this about someone getting elected then becoming a complete bastard…

Now I could say this referred to Obama but I’m sure the Liberals hiding in our wood work (yes we fumigate and often but there are so damned many of them) would undoubtedly point out and I am forced to agree this really does sound more like it refers to Trump.

Nostradamus will be back in a scroll or two.

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Stalkerazzism has apparent just hit a whole new low in England!

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“Twice put up and twice cast down, the East will also weaken the West. Its adversary after several battles chased by sea will fail at time of need.”

You’d be wrong to think this has anything to do with the East Coast–West Coast hip hop rivalry. Apparently this is a clear sign that China will become the leading global super power.

 

Hmm..Today (Monday’s) headline regarding China:

BEIJING (Reuters) – China will “take off the gloves” and take strong action if U.S. President-elect Donald Trump continues to provoke Beijing over Taiwan once he assumes office, two leading state-run …

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OK enough of ol’ Michel de Nostredame, AKA Nostradamus, was a French physician and astrologer and his 16th century take on the future. Time to consign him back on the shelf in the Conspiracy Nuts section until next year.

Moving right along, I predict the end of the issue, not Nostradamus’ sort,  is almost upon us for the week.

 

 

 

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I see Ginny’s been worshiping Impish’s graven image again!

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This last one comes from our very quiet but oh so deliciously naughty Cali beach bunny Diaman.   I know I’m going to catch hell for this…But it is Funny!

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Well ‘tis off I am to gaze into and partake deeply of my version of the tools for prognostication that Nostradamus used to see what portents of the future I can come up with. Maybe a nice fat stock tip or an upcoming trend I can exploit or get in on the ground floor of!

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What he had his ways and I have mine!

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Dragon Laffs–1522

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Good Morning Campers,1a
Today, January 14th, is “Dress Up Your Pet Day”.  But since dressing up your pet is such a sad thing to do to the poor pets, I’m not going to celebrate it here.  Just look at this poor little super-hero, does he look happy at all to you?

Or how about this little hotdog.  First of all, that has such incredibly 1bbad connotations, but that little guy looks ANYTHING but happy.

What makes people think that pets actually LIKE to be dressed in silly looking clothes?

So, no.  We won’t be celebrating “Dress Up Your Pet Day”. 

The other thing about Saturday the 14th is that it’s the day after Friday the 13th.  Now, Lethal did a really good job of explaining all the ins and outs of Friday the 13th, so allow me to explain the horrors that await on Saturday the 14th with this little video.

So, grab a coffee, sit yourself down and…c26e3224510912f80a75f456761b96b5

 

let's laugh

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A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo !
 
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer’s ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.
 
The tirade goes on and on without the officer saying anything.
 
When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an “AH” in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to The ‘violator’ for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the “AH” and demands to know what it stands for.
 
The officer says, “That’s so when we go to court, I’ll remember that you’re an asshole !” 
 
Two months later they’re in court. The ‘violator’ has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.
 
On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.
 
Under cross examination the defense attorney asks;“Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client ?”
 
Officer responds, “Yes, sir, that is the defendant’s copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top.”
 
Lawyer: “Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don’t normally make ?”
 
“Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an “AH,” underlined.”
 
“What does the “AH” stand for, officer ?” 
 
“Aggressive and hostile, Sir.” 
 
“Aggressive and hostile ?” 
 
“Yes, Sir.
 
“Officer, are you sure it doesn’t stand for asshole ?”
 
Well, Sir, you know your client better than I do.
 
How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client ?
Well, you gotta admit, it’s tough to bamboozle a lawyer, but if anyone can do it, it’s a cop.  Gotta love those guys in blue!
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Well, it’s a food group for Lethal and I.  Does anyone out there also rely on Caffeine to make it through the day?Untitled-01

This next one comes from my dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior.  He didn’t write it, but he passed it on to me.  It’s entitled “The Electoral College is Working Exactly as Our Forefathers Intended.

Hillary won California 5,860,714 to Trump’s 3,151,821.  61.6% to 33.1% exclusive of the other candidates. 

But deduct her California vote from her national vote leaving her with 54,978,783, and deduct Trump’s California vote from his national total, leaving him with 57,113.976, he wins in a landslide in the other 49 states, 51.3% to her 48.7%.

So, in effect, Hillary was elected president of California and Trump was elected president of the rest of the country by a substantial margin.

This exemplifies the wisdom of the Electoral College, to prevent the vote of any one populace
state from overriding the vote of the others.  Trump’s Campaign Manager,
Kellyanne Conway, whose expertise is polling, saw this early on and devised
her strategy of “6 pathways to the White House”. 

This meant ignoring California with its huge Democrat majority and going after the states
that would give him the necessary electoral votes to win, FL, NC, MI, PA, OH, and WI. 

When the afternoon of January 20, 2017 arrives, the Republican Party will have:

1)  The Presidency.
2)  A majority of the House of Representatives.
3)  A majority of the Senate.
4)  Almost two-thirds of all the governorships.
5)  Total control of the statehouses in almost two-thirds of all the states.
And in the near future, Republicans will be able to add:
6)  A majority of the Supreme Court

The above has never happened before in American history.
Think about that and let it sink in for a moment.
And it’s all because of one reason:  Barack Obama’s forcing his extreme far-left agenda on an unwilling country by executive orders, left wing judges, and obsequious bureaucrats.

It’s important to pass this on.  With the demand that we do away with the Electoral College and take the popular vote being pushed by the media, etc, all Americans need to know that the Electoral College is working exactly as our Founding Fathers intended.

That’s the very best explanation for the Electoral College that I’ve ever heard.

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dragon pix9“Sir Harry Knuckles, I don’t wish to disturb your counting of the treasure, M’Lord, but I believe thou shouldest glance over thy right shoulder.”

2441Thinking…definitely something the democratic population doesn’t have to worry about.

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The theme song of the Lethal Leprechaun.

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green-bay-packers-nfl-roundel-area-rugWe here at DL&LL pride ourselves on letting everyone have a say.  And in that vein, we have a “confession” from our own K2.

My name is Karl and I am a foodaholic. I have been eating food for as long as I can remember. When I was a working stiff, I would eat a little food before I went to work. You know, just a little food to brace myself for the day. I would hide my food in a brown sack when I went to work. At noon, I would go off somewhere and eat from it. Sometimes I noticed some other food addicts doing the same thing. When I got home, I openly ate food in front of my little loving wife. My depravity knew no bounds and I even made my two daughters eat food. I am sad to say that they too have become habitual  food eaters.

Because I have had a lifelong familiarity with food, I can say unequivocally that tofu is not food. Tofu is the anti-Christ of food. Tofu is the black hole of flavor in food. You can put tofu on one table and it will suck the flavor out of the food on a separate table even if that other table is across the room. Upon close investigation, you will see that tofu is cut from slabs of lard-like substance made from decomposed lawn slugs and bleached out grass clippings. Studying the MRI’s of people who say that they like tofu show that they have large voids or gaps in their brains. The “this tastes like crap” receptors in their brains cannot fire off. Tofu tastes like a soft hockey puck without the rubber flavor. My guide dog will eat his own feces but will not touch tofu.

So, speaking of dog feces, this brings up rap music. Rap is the tofu of music. Rap will suck the melody out of any song it is played with. Rap causes brain damage. Listening to rap for 24 hours will turn you into a mental cripple. That is because rap destroys the brain cells responsible for judgment, rendering the person incapable of telling the difference between what is good and what is Tofu.

K2

 

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It’s been said, that if your birthday is in late September or Early October there’s a very good chance that your parents had a really good New Year’s Eve Party.

fantasyf2010080101Opening presents at Christmas at the Leprechaun household.

2446Of course it’s the wrong answer, Paul.  You were a fireman, you should know that the correct answer is “steps to the kitchen for marshmallows and hotdogs.”

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great footballwriter.
When asked to define ‘great,’ he exclaimed, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages. 

2448Okay, so Mexican food last night wasn’t the best idea!

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The internet is filled with days and days and days of great videos.  Sometimes it’s amazing we find anything at all that we’re looking for.  This first one is so cool, I just had to show it to you.

How about the “Big Dog Blues”?

Cowboys in white hats still ride to the rescue

And not to be outdone, how about a repo-man with a heart of gold…

Okay, last video for today.  This one was sent to me by our own Ginny and it’s well worth watching.  Grab the tissues first, though.

I just discovered my age group! I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager)
 
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50-60 years later.
 
I don’t have to go to school or work
 
I get an allowance every month.
 
I have my own pad.
 
I don’t have a curfew.
 
I have a driver’s license and my own car.
 
I have ID that gets me into bars and the wine store. ( I like the beer & wine best)
 
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, they aren’t scared of anything, they have been blessed to live this long. Why be scared?
 
And I don’t have acne.
 
Life is Good! Also, you will feel much more intelligent after reading this, if you are a Seenager.
 
Brains of older people are slow because they know so much.
 
People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains.
 
Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as it puts pressure on your inner ear.
 
SO THERE!!

 

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I get picked on…a lot!  It goes with the territory of having a Leprechaun as a side-kick.Packers1  Although, I’m sure he’ll say that I’m the side-kick.  And I guess there’s truth to Packers2that.  Anyway, bandying words around is not what I had in mind. 

As many of you may know, I’m a Green Bay Packers fan.Packers  And, believe it or not, I’m being picked on because of it.  It all started with this cartoon that was put on Facebook by some of my “friends”.

2aYeah, that’s the kind of crap I have to put up with…so, knowing the people involved and who they cheer for every week, my comment on FB was: Tell me again how many of YOUR favorites are in the play-offs? And of course, the answer is none.  That shut up that bunch, but then I got this picture.
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And at first I thought it was making fun of Aaron, but I realized that it was Aaron making fun of cowboys!  So yeah.  I got that going for me.

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mexican hat dance

2cAnd I’m trying really hard to get through it in one piece and still finish this issue…..

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Yup, I went there.  lol

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Last Word
I’m sure if you didn’t watch the Golden Globes on TV that you saw at least part of Meryl Streep’s diatribe.  It really pissed me off that she thinks anyone gives a crap about her “opinions” about anything other than a role or a movie she was in.

I had planned on putting my own words to how I felt about her speech when I got this from our own dear Ginny.  This exactly expresses my own opinion perfectly.

Found this on Facebook….I thought it was well said…..about Golden Globes speech by Meryl Streep….
 
Copied from someone else and re-posted:
Dear Hollywood celebrities,
You exist for my entertainment. Some of you are great eye candy. Some of you can deliver a 3line with such conviction that you bring tears to my eyes. Some of you can scare the crap out of me. Others make me laugh. But you all have one thing in common, you only have a place in my world to entertain me. That’s it. You make your living pretending to be someone else.
Playing dress up like a 6 year old. You live in a make believe world in front of a camera. And often when you are away from one too. Your entire existence depends on my patronage. I’ll crank the organ grinder; you dance.
I don’t really care where you stand on issues. Honestly, your stance matters far less to me than that of my neighbor. You see, you aren’t real. I turn off my TV or shut down my computer and you cease to exist in my world. Once I am done with you, I can put you back in your little box until I want you to entertain me again.
I don’t care that you don’t like Mr.Trump. But I bet you looked cute saying it. Get back into your bubble. I’ll let you know when I’m in the mood for something blue and shiny. Make me laugh, or cry. Scare me.
But realize that the only words of yours that matter are scripted. I might agree with some of you from time to time, but it doesn’t matter. In my world, you exist solely for my entertainment.
So, shut your pie hole and dance.

 

Cheers Impish

Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments

Leprechaun Laughs # 373 for January 11th 2017

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Morning Folks! Busy, busy, busy! Lots to get done before I jump into my bolt hole full of good luck charms  Thursday night and wait for Friday the 13th to pass.

See, belief in something gives it power and there is so much belief in the superstitions and bad luck surrounding the date Friday the 13th…that it almost cancels me good luck powers out!

Hence the hiding out thing. Anyway moving on-

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Several of you were kind enough to inquire as to my health,safety and condition after I was ‘spell-napped’ at the end of the last issue by 3 rather scantily clad lusty err…lovely lasses.

I know Diaman was especially concerned and angry that there was possible poaching of ‘her Leprechaun’ going on.

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I can only assure you all that they did have my permission of call on me, though admittedly they might have misinterpreted that permission slightly.

Regardless,  a grand time as had by all involved (multiple times actually).  That is, with the possible exception of poor Impish, who wanted badly to ‘horn’ in on me bit of fun, but sadly is still not allowed in Tir Na Nog after his last rather rambunctious (even by Irish mythological standards) visit.

BTW Impish you’ll be happy to know all those homeless Nymphs have been successfully relocated to new trees and have agreed to stop cursing you.

 

Moving on-

As I’ve said two days hence is Friday the 13th, arguably the second most feared day on the US calendar, the first being April 15th or Tax Day as it’s widely known. I’ve included some briefing material on the background of the day to keep you busy while I prepare my bad luck bug out kit ah-err-that-is, to enlighten you as to the rational behind the fears and how to avoid the worst potential pitfalls of the day.

I will share with you this one thing I’m taking with me. When things seem darkest I’ve a powerful chant that will work only this year. Shall I share it with you? OK since you asked so nicely-

“Inauguration Day is only 7 Days away!“

Just keep chanting that to yourself and maybe if you’re lucky things won’t looks so bad for you.

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At least that is, sans legal provocation or orders to do so.

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Coffee graphics- check, check & check.
Donuts- check.
Opening Joke @ Impish’s Expense- check.

Ok, let’s get down to business!

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tree fall

Some people will allow nothing to stop them in pursuit of a Starbucks beverage!

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Then again looks like some people should have been stopped in pursuit of a Starbuck’s  beverage! Impish, don’t you have that same hoodie?

Friday the 13th: where does it come from and why is it unlucky?

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Friday the 13th, considered by many as one of the unluckiest days of the year, is almost here again.

If you are worried about what’s in store this time, then you’re not alone. Psychologists have even come up with a word for how you’re feeling – paraskavedekatriaphobia, or fear of Friday the 13th.

One option is to stay tucked up in bed all day to avoid any potential Friday the 13th bad luck that may come your way, or alternatively, you could ignore the superstitious chatter and embrace it.

In 2017, there happen to be two Friday the 13ths – January 13 and October 13.

Here are some fun facts to take your mind off it. As we’ll discover, it may even be the belief in the Friday the 13th superstition that could, in fact, prove the greatest risk to the average person.

Why is Friday the 13th unlucky?

Friday the 13th has long been regarded as an unlucky day. Why do we choose this day in particular to fear for our lives?

Biblical origins

  • The superstition around this day is thought to have come about during the Middle Ages, and may have Biblical origins.
  • Some historians have claimed it was the day on which Eve bit the apple from the Tree of Knowledge, the great flood began and the builders of the Tower of Babel.
  • In the New Testament there were 13 people present for Jesus’s last supper on Maundy Thursday, the day before Christ’s crucifixion on Good Friday. More bad luck

More bad luck

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  • On Friday October 13th 1307 Philip IV of France arrested hundreds of the Knights Templar.
  • In his novel Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown cites the 14th century execution of Templar Grand Master Jacques de Molay, which took place on Friday the 13th. He cursed the Pope and the King of France, and this spread misfortune down the ages.
  • It is also possible that the publication in 1907 of Thomas W. Lawson’s popular novel Friday, the Thirteenth played a part in disseminating the superstition. In the novel, an unscrupulous stock broker takes advantage of the superstition to create a Wall Street panic on a Friday the 13th.

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The origins of the Friday the 13th being an unlucky date are shrouded in mystery

  • The most commonly held perception is that Friday is an unlucky day and 13 is a particularly unlucky number
  • In numerology 13 is considered to be an irregular number and is also the number of witches you need to form a coven
  • There is also a biblical reference to 13 being considered unlucky. Judas, the apostle who later betrayed Jesus, was supposedly the 13th guest to sit down at the last supper. Christ was crucified on a Friday
  • In the 14th Century Geoffrey Chaucer referenced Friday as being an unlucky day in his Canterbury Tales, “And on a Friday fell all this mischance”

Bad things that have happened on Friday 13

  • In 1976, New Yorker Daz Baxter was apparently so afraid of Friday the 13th he decided the safest place to stay was his bed. However, Mr. Baxter was killed when the floor of his apartment block collapsed that day.
  • In 2009, the £13.5 million SAW ride at Thorpe Park had its opening premiere, only to be shut down due to a computer programming fault. Spooky.
  • In 2010, lightning struck a 13-year-old Suffolk boy on Friday 13th at 13:13. Definitely unlucky for him.
  • During the early 1990s retired bus conductor Bob Renphrey also vowed to stay in bed on the superstitious day after some seriously bad luck. The Welshman has crashed fours cars, fallen into a river and been made redundant on previous Friday the 13ths.

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A numbers’ game

  • The number 13 has been considered unlucky for many years, even before Christ. The number 12 is historically considered the number of completeness, while its older cousin, 13, has been seen as an outlier.
  • There are 12 months of the year, 12 gods of Olympus, 12 hours of the clock, 12 tribes of Israel, 12 Apostles of Jesus, 12 Descendants of Muhammad Imams, among many incidences of the pattern historically.
  • In many Western countries tall buildings are missing the 13th floor. In China the fourth floor and in some cases all floors with the number four are left out of Chinese buildings.
  • Houses often do not have a number 13, and many hotels, including the Carlton in London, miss out a thirteenth floor.
  • It is considered very unlucky for thirteen people to dine together, and the first to rise will reach serious misfortune – a superstition upheld by US President Roosevelt. He also refused to travel on Friday the 13th.

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They’re called “liberalnoculars”. Hopefully we’ll see them less in use after January 20th when we boot print tattoo the butts of the Sheethead in Chief and his entitlement minded First Family out of Washington DC.

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It was things like this that made Mom lose her shit.

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I don’t know about the risk issue but that brings the whole “cone of shame’’” thing to an entirely new level!

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You know…the one that circles your head after you make your wife lose her shit and she frying pans you upside the head.

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Umm…Molly says I’m done with marriage tweets if I know what’s good for me! Since she got me a new heavy griddle for Christmas and Texans regularly drive 70mph I’m going to take the hint.

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Needs to respond same way when Impish cries out in frustration…

“OH FOR GOD”S SAKES! I’m only thinking!”

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I recently posted another letter by Television personality and budding American Patriot Mike Rowe so I’ll not be re-explaining who he is. It’s likely most of you will recognize him from the picture anyway.

Mike Rowe writes a heartfelt letter to the parents of Special Forces Soldier

Mike Rowe, host of Discovery Channel’s “Dirty Jobs,” shared a post on Facebook Thursday thanking a military mom for her son’s service.

He shared his response to a letter he received from Diane Dodson, which he included at the top of the post entitled “Off The Wall.”

Dodson wrote of her son Justin, a soldier afflicted with ALS. She said her son was brought to tears after opening a piece of mail Rowe had sent him

 

 

imageMike Rowe’s letter to Justin’s parents:
“Hi Diane,

I suspect words like “Merry” and “Happy” are difficult to hear at the moment, so I’ll forego the holiday greetings, and simply say “you’re welcome.”

I was very sad to learn of your son’s illness, and deeply humbled that a man like Justin finds me “admirable.” Please assure him the feeling is mutual.

The truth is, acknowledging Justin’s service is both an honor and a privilege. I know that my freedom and my liberty were bought and paid for by people like your son. I know his freedom is now being removed one day at a time. I know that his liberty is being slowly denied, by an enemy he cannot overcome.

I would like you to know, that your note reminded me of just how tenuous it all is. Our freedom. Our liberty. Our health. It’s all so fragile. And so damn easy to take for granted.

Sooner or later, our bodies will fail us. There are no exceptions. But what Justin did with his body while it was still in his control, has left me forever in his debt, and mindful of what matters most. Because ultimately, there is no greater threat to our freedom, than a lack of gratitude to those who provide it.

Your note is a reminder that acknowledging soldiers like Justin, requires me to count my many blessings, and vow to be a better version of myself. Actually Diane, it’s more than a reminder – it’s a gift. A gift from you and your son.

A gift for which we, the undersigned, are most grateful.

Mike”

Well said and well done  sir!

We lost a big advocate of Common Sense and doing what is right not for any benefit but simply because it’s the right thing to do when Jerry Doyle passed away in July of 2016. Should you ever get tired of dong Dirty Jobs for Television I would suggest you sir are the perfect person to follow him as the voice of his radio show Epic Times for you sir truly understand that “it isn’t about Right or Left, it’s about Right or Wrong.”

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Dragon Laffs #1521

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Good Morning Campers,Good Morning Campers
Remember when your mom used to say, “I’ll knock you into the middle of next week!”  Time travel at its greatest!  But seriously, if she could do that say, on a Wednesday, then you could land on Saturday and pass by the worst part of the week.  You know, even better, if mom’s got a really good right hook, she could hit you on Tuesday and knock you to Friday night (you might have to tweek the times a little) thereby avoiding almost the entire week!

As an extra note: At 1100 hrs., CST, Mr. Lethal Leprechaun set condition “Fuckitall” and set the expiration as 1200 hrs. on Saturday.  It is fortunate that this issue was all but finished, so all I had to do was give you this little update and send it to the printers.  There are several “conditions” that can be set, here at DL/LL, but “Fuckitall” has very special connotations and NOT to be broken lightly.  Therefore, with no further ado, …
Let's Laugh

My Darling Husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip, I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the Ford F-150 when I turned into the driveway.

Fortunately it was not too bad and I really didn’t get hurt, so please don’t worry too much about me.

I was coming home and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake, while I was talking on my cell phone.

The garage door is slightly bent but the Ford F-150 fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your Ferrari.

It missed our bikes.

I am really sorry, but I  know with your kind hearted personality, you will forgive me. You  know how much I love you and care for you, my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture for you.

Your loving wife.

*P.S:  Your girlfriend phoned – she is pregnant.*

3Never, ever let your girlfriend call your wife.

2

 

Taking great pains to be specific, the new auto-shop teacher on our staff explained to three of his students that he wanted them to clean a car that was parked outside.
He gave them two extension cords, the vacuum cleaner, a bucket, rags and the car keys.
Later he went out and discovered them sitting in the car, feet up on the dashboard, listening to the stereo. “Why aren’t you vacuuming the car?” he asked.
“Because the extension cord wouldn’t reach,” was the reply.
Exasperated, the teacher stated, “That’s why I gave you TWO extension cords.”
“We tried the other one,” a student answered, “but it wouldn’t reach either.”

 

10

A guy starts talking to two women in a bar. To his surprise, they are Siamese twins. One thing leads to another, and they wind up back at his apartment.
 
He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the other. He realizes that the first one might get bored watching, so he her asks what she’d like to do.
 
She says, “Is that a trombone in the corner? I’d love to play your trombone.”
 
So she plays it while he makes hot passionate love to her sister.
 
A few weeks later, the girls are walking past the guy’s apartment building. One of the girls says, “Let’s stop up and see that guy.”
 
The other girl says, “Gee, do you think he’

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remember us?”

11
Dragon PixBecause it was a special New Year’s issue last week, we didn’t get any Dragon Pix, or Fantasy Pix and some of the other normal features you’ve all grown to love.  Or, at least, not hate so much.  So back by popular demand…
1bOkay, who snuck this one in the queue????

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Movie Night

This first video is so adorably cute, it just had to be put in here.

The second video is just a cool idea.  I can’t imagine why we never tried this before!

 

Thanks to Paul for sending this next one.  It is really, really amazing.  You only usually hear about the major earthquakes that strike populated areas, but you have NO idea how many quakes actually occur each year.  Watch this video and understand that as quakes occur there is a flash, the larger the quake the bigger the flash.  The rim of the Pacific Ocean is called the “Ring of Fire” for a reason.  Make sure you go full screen and note the dates changing in the lower left corner.  This is ONLY the first 15 years of the 21st Century.

 

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Yes, the New Year means something else….something we really aren’t happy to do.  May we all handle it as well as this next guy…

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Now, that’s my kind of Tax Audit!!

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I know quite a few people who would only be outstanding by this method.

Fantasy

Impish Iguana

What!!??  <Sputter!> What is going on?  Terrance!  Get in here right now!

2419

Good question.  It falls into the same category as leftover beer and leftover alcohol.

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The afterward to this story is that currently, he’s due to get out of the hospital next week.

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Signs

6f

6g

6h

6i

6j

6k

If this sign is really necessary, then I don’t want to use these facilities anyway.

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Now, this guy, on the other-hand, won’t get out of the hospital until sometime in February.  If he even recovers.

2424

That is wrong on so many levels.  If the Christian Science Church in Dixon, IL is really made that way, then the architect should be shot!

00

To the warriors, past and present, I salute you.

2425

Me too, Snoop, Me too!

Critter

a1

a2

a3

a0

a4

Wow!  Talk about doggie-breath!

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0

Yup!  That would do it for me!!

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9j

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Pestering Politicians

With Inauguration Day less than two-weeks away, I’ve got to get a bunch of these in before we have different clowns to poke fun at.
4m

4n

Well, the 2 Republicans and a Truck guys may have their hands full.

4o

Yeah, I don’t think so.

4p

Damn, Donald!  A little single minded are we?

4q

Retirement looks good on them.

4r

Yup.  I agree!

4s

He seems to have been quite successful in his last couple of goals for office.  I think (I hope?) that Putin has seen through his bullshit and has put everything on hold until after the presidency changes hands.  The LAST I heard, instead of kicking out American Diplomats from Russia, he invited all the Diplomat families to a big Christmas party.  And I’ll bet that just infuriated old Barry.

But, you want to scare the shit out of yourself, read a book called, Liberty’s Last Stand by Stephen Coonts.  Lethal recommended it to me (we share a lot of books back and forth and I am his B.B., after all) and I’m only part way through it, but the parallels to what’s going on right now is terrifying.  Good read.  Great author, I’ve read pretty much all of his stuff. 

2429

Ain’t that the truth!  It’s amazingly difficult to find time to read.

Public Service

Please excuse this unplanned interruption to today’s issue of Dragon Laffs…This is highly important! All of you put your drinks down and pay attention!  Recent information reveals that when you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure!  When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure! Whisky over ice causes heart problems and Gin over ice can give you brain problems!  All of this scientific information points to only one thing!

ICE IS REALLY, REALLY BAD FOR YOU!  Warn all your friends!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program already in progress…

…said, “if it was up to me, I’d use whipped cream!”

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3a

9k

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And after all that….

Last Word

You should know by now that we here at DL&LL Multimedia Enterprises have always had your best interests at heart.  And when it comes to telling you something we think you should know about, we try to do it with grace and class.  That’s why today’s last word is a…

Public Service

Okay, so this one is for real.  For any of you out there with teens – kids or grandkids – living with you are visiting a lot, you need to really pay attention to this.

And here is the list:

0a

All I can say is….Wow!

cheers

Impish Dragon

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Leprechaun Laughs # 372 for January 4th 2017

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So a brief explanation about todays coffee graphic is in order.

Way back on September 30th 2016 Impish sent me “The Pledge of Coffee Allegiance” along with the following comment:

I’m absolutely sure that you, with your incredible imagination and literary skills, can do something with that.

You are, after all, the coffee guru.

Well somehow or other despite my marking it for follow up (it was late in the day when I received it) the email wound up getting buried under a ton of other emails in my Inbox and frankly, totally forgotten about.

Last Wednesday I had started preforming my end of year computer maintenance- clearing out, cleaning up, organizing all in preparation for my semi annual total hard drive back up. While I was cleaning out and clearing up my Inbox I rediscovered the Pledge. Shortly thereafter I came across the photo you’ll find the Pledge now married to and realized they were a perfect match. I took it as a sign and stopped what I was doing to complete the graphic which you’ll see below.

I think it dovetails nicely with our “Death Before Dishonor, Nothing Before Coffee” Motto.

Blackbird

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Dasvidaniya Obama!

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Just under 3 weeks! I can’t wait! Wonder if he’ll bow to Trump too?

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Thanks to USPS we had a late Christmas package from my family stolen from us.

We couldn’t track it because they stopped scanning them “to concentrate on delivering them all by Christmas”.  We won’t even get into the fact that the ‘tracking number’ which the sending family member asked the postal employee to circle for her on the receipt was in fact the transaction number and totally worthless for tracking.

Then they dropped it at 7:30 Am on Tuesday morning after Christmas and couldn’t be bothered to ring the door bell. We didn’t find out about it until New Years Day so basically we’re screwed and some ghetto gangster SOB is enjoying our presents.

And USPS wonders why they are going out of business!

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Seems it’s forever making me say things I didn’t Nintendo!

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Well I guess there ARE times when a good pizza and a 6 pack will cure a world of ills!

Only a farm kid would see it this way!

When you’re from the farm, your perception is a little bit different. A farmer drove to a neighbor’s farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. “Is your dad or mom home?” said the farmer.

“No, they went to town.”

“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”

“No, he went with Mom and Dad.”

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself, when the young boy says, “I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message.”

“Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably. “No, I really want to talk to your Dad, about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant”.

The boy thought for a moment, then says, “You’ll have to talk to my Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard.”

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This Woman Is Packing Some Serious Heat!

I’m in serious lust right now!

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Nope. No lust with these women, unless it’s lust for some serious cover!

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In Memory of Carrie Fisher- The Force was strong with her.

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cooking 

I’ll admit the first one is a wee bit late…for some of you. Some others whom I will not call out by name (Impish and Ginny pay attention!) look about ready for this now. That’s the problem you encounter with posting only once a week around holidays. Anyway you’ll have it handy for the next time you tie 3 or 4 on or attempt to drink a pool of Peachcombers by yourself.

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Total Time:
2 hr. 50 min
Prep:
1 hr. 40 min
Cook:
1 hr. 10 min
Yield:
8 servings
Level:
Easy

 

 

 

 

 

Ingredients

4 strips bacon, chopped
1 cup finely chopped pork loin
1 small onion, finely chopped
1 1/2 cups crushed tomatoes
1/2 cup finely chopped mushrooms
2 tablespoons shredded celery root
4 stalks celery, chopped
2 medium carrots, peeled and chopped
Salt and black pepper
3 cups cubed potatoes
1/2 cup chopped Polish sausage
2 tablespoons finely chopped leek
1 teaspoon allspice
1 teaspoon bay leaves
1 teaspoon Hungarian paprika
1 cup diced pickles
3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
3 tablespoons chopped fresh dill
1 cup heavy cream

Directions

Fill a soup pot with 8 cups water set on medium-high heat.
In a pan, fry the chopped bacon. When it is done, take out and put into the water in the soup pot.
In the drippings of the bacon, fry the pork loin and then the onions. When brown, put them into the soup pot and bring to a boil. Add the crushed tomatoes, mushrooms, celery root, celery, carrots and some salt and cook for 15 minutes.
Next, add the potatoes, sausage, leeks, allspice, bay leaves Hungarian paprika and cook for another 15 minutes.
Add the pickles, garlic and seasoning if using, and let boil for 10 minutes. Add the dill and heavy cream and season with salt and pepper.

Now I’ll admit I have not tried this one but my German and Polish friends all swear by it. We Irish have… other ways of dealing with hangovers…

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Roasted Garlic Clove Chicken

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Ingredients

8 chicken thighs
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 head garlic, separated into whole cloves, papery skin removed (about 20 cloves)
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon butter
2 teaspoons herbes de Provence
1 teaspoon flour
1/4 cup chicken stock
1/2 lemon, juiced
Bread, for serving

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
Rinse and pat dry the chicken. Salt and pepper liberally and allow to temper on a cutting board while you prepare the garlic. In a large ovenproof sauté pan over medium heat, cook the whole garlic cloves in olive oil and butter, stirring occasionally, until lightly golden, about 10 minutes. Remove the garlic from the pan and set aside. Increase the heat to medium high and brown the chicken skin-side down until the skin is golden and crispy, about 5 minutes. Turn the chicken over, sprinkle on herbes de Provence. Add the garlic back to the pan and place hot pan in oven. Bake the chicken until cooked through, about 25 minutes. Once the chicken is done, remove chicken thighs and garlic to a platter. Place the pan over medium-high heat and sprinkle the drippings with flour and stir to incorporate. Deglaze the pan with the stock and lemon juice. Pour the sauce over the chicken on the platter and serve with bread for sauce-mopping and garlic-spreading.

 

Pan Roasted Brussels Sprouts with Bacon

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Ingredients

4 strips thick-cut bacon
2 tablespoons butter
1 pound Brussels sprouts, halved
1/2 large onion, chopped
Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Directions

Cook bacon in a large skillet over medium-high heat until crispy. Remove to a paper towel-lined plate, then roughly chop. In same pan with bacon fat, melt butter over high heat. Add onions and Brussels Sprouts and cook, stirring occasionally, until sprouts are golden brown, 8 to 10 minutes. Season with salt and pepper, to taste, and toss bacon back into pan. Serve immediately.

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1. ARBITRATOR – A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s.
2. BERNADETTE – The act of torching a mortgage.
3. BURGLARIZE – What a crook sees through. 
4. AVOIDABLE – What a bullfighter tries to do.
5. COUNTERFEITER – Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
6. LEFT BANK – What the bank robbers did when their bag
was full of money.
7. HEROES -What a man in a boat does.
8. PARASITES – What you see from the Eiffel Tower.
9. PARADOX – Two physicians.
10. PHARMACIST – A helper on a farm.
11. RELIEF – What trees do in the spring. 
12. RUBBERNECK – What you do to relax your wife. 
13. SELFISH – What the owner of a seafood store does.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     14. SUDAFED – Brought litigation against a government official.

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Wedding Ceremony

At a wedding , the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace.

The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful blonde woman carrying a child. She started walking toward the pastor slowly.

Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom. The groom’s mother fainted. The groomsmen started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation.

The pastor asked the woman, “Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?”

The blonde woman replied, “We can’t hear in the back.”

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Marketing Explained

People often ask for a simple explanation of “Marketing.”
Well, here it is:

* You’re a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to
him and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.”
That’s Direct Marketing.

* You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy.
One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, says,
“She’s fantastic in bed.”
That’s Advertising.

* You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his
telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic
in bed.”
That’s Telemarketing.

* You see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk up
to him and pour him a drink. You say, “May I?” and reach up to
straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm,
and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.”
That’s Public Relations.

* You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and
says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.”
That’s Brand Recognition.

*You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you
talk him into going home with your friend.
That’s a Sales Rep.

* Your friend can’t satisfy him so he calls you.
That’s Tech Support.

* You’re on your way to a party when you realize that there could be
handsome men in all these houses you’re passing, so you climb onto
the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of
your lungs, “I’m fantastic in bed!”
That’s Facebook (Social Media).

* You are at a party; this attractive “older” gentleman walks up to you and
grabs your ass.
That’s Donald Trump.

* You didn’t mind it, but twenty years later your attorney decides
you were offended and you are awarded a settlement.
That’s America !

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It would be really funny it it was the street sign on the local lovers lane!

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Triplet nearly sky clad Redheads? Oh Lord I hope it’s me they’re summoning!

NO Impish! You can’t ‘just tag along’ if they…

OH BEGORRAH! THEY ARE SUMMONING ME!

Got to go! Catch  ya next time!

Coming lasses!

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Irish Flag Sig

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