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Battling the world's Bullshit with laughter.
Death Before Dishonor: Nothing Before Coffee.
You know that LITTLE VOICE inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn’t?
England, Birmingham Law:
Thursday afternoon and I’ve managed to get ahold of both my brother the Owl in Orlando and Papa Dragon Most Senior near Naples and both are well and accounted for. So, prayers answered. I hope and pray for each and every one of you out there that you had as good a result with Ian as I did.
Took Pepper Dragon to the Vet this morning and she got a bunch of shots, some general type medicine that she gets every year, a pill to help her with seasonal allergies, and a clean bill of health.
I’m a teenie bit ticked off at myself. Yesterday was Wednesday and Wednesday night is Bible study at the church and I completely spaced it. I was a bit tied up and concerned with my health last night (I haven’t been feeling exactly “right” lately) and did some home diagnosis’s (all with negative results, by the by), anyway, long story short, by the time I realized it, I was picking Izzy Dragon up from work at 2230 and realized that I had missed it! Something I look forward to all week!
You don’t suppose I’m …
I do have an awful lot of stuff to talk to the doctor about when I see her in … like a week. Ah, screw it. I’ll work it out when I see her.
Anyway, enough about me, let’s talk about you for a minute. No? Well, enough about you, then, let’s talk about life for a while. We could talk about the conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses falling…
Gosh, that sounds so familiar…All I really want…is to figure out where I’ve heard that before. While I figure that out, …
I need that kind of coffee that’s so strong when I take a sip, my ancestors wake up.
You’ve GOT to be kidding me!
I’m told to treat others as I want to be treated.
Now I’m facing sexual harassment charges.
Paddy took two stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow…
“Ooh!” said the presenter, “This is a very rare breed. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?”
“Sticks.” replied Paddy.
“Hey…Warrior…wanna buy a map?”
“Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.” ~ Steve Irwin
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of shit.
I can never go swimming because it’s always less than 30 minutes since I’ve last eaten.
The new Olympic event…Waterfall diving.
To anyone who has been through hell here on earth. Who has been living in survival mode for years. Who has faced challenges they didn’t think they could climb out of…
…Anyone who has been profoundly hurt, broken, abandoned and rejected by people they loved, trusted and cared about…
I just want to say, I’m so proud of you for making it this far. Proud of you for your strength, progress and courage to keep going. Very proud of you for choosing to stay alive.
Only trust men who like big butts…
For they cannot lie.
I’ve reached that age where 67% of my electric bill from using a heating pad on some part of my body.
When Pornstars take off their clothes, they are actually getting dressed for work.
Wisdom will kill me someday.
I think “Dildo” is a perfectly acceptable insult. I’d call you a “Dick” but you’re not real enough.
A man is sitting next to a woman who is trying to breast-feed her baby in a bus. The baby refuses to suck the breast and the mother warns, “if you don’t suck, I will give it to the man next to me.” The baby still refuses. After 20 minutes, the woman repeats the “threat”. The man clears his throat and says, “Look here woman, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off six bus stops ago!”
According to them, you only have freedom to choose what they say you can choose.
They ARE criminals.
We live in a society where people use a $900 phone to check their food stamp balance.
Also known as the Jersey Rule.
Every saint has a past
Every sinner has a future.
~ Oscar Wilde
Stupid People Are Like Glow Sticks. I Want To Snap Them And Shake The Crap Out Of Them Until The Light Comes On.
My next door neighbor knocked on my door wearing just a see through negligee and asked to borrow a cup of sugar and then winked at me and asked to come in for a cup of coffee.
I said, “Go away, Dave.”
And the problem is, there are a bunch of you out there, who are saying to yourself right now, “Yeah, so 33 plus 45 equals 78, what the heck does that have to do with anything? And why is there an old record in the corner? I don’t get it?” And THAT is so sad….so very sad.
I suppose you never really do. I know it would bother me for a really LONG time. And that is it for this issue. You may have noticed that I’ve stopped talking about donations. The donation season is pretty much over, I have been asked by the financial department to mention it one last time, so that’s what I’m doing.
There, I mentioned it. And I’m going to show the wall one more time in order to thank everyone.
You guys are absolutely wonderful. Thank you all so very much. And if, for some reason, I’ve missed anyone, it is entirely my fault and I humbly and deeply apologize. My normal bookkeeper is doing another gig nowadays and I miss her. But, we get by.
And with that…until next time, my dear campers, friends, family, and loved ones. May love and happiness visit you regularly until then.
Well, today is Monday and I went back to work this morning after my one day off this weekend and boy did I feel it. I had a heck of a time staying awake. I was going to take a sick day and call in this morning until I remembered that both of my guys were already taking the day off, so it was just going to be me there today. So, I drug myself out of bed and went to work. But, I think I’m going to take a vacation day or two later on this week and maybe extend my weekend this week. We’ll see.
Izzy and I have to take Pepper dragon to the Vet on Thursday for her annual visit, that ought to be fun, and it’s at like 1030 in the morning so it’s not worth going in to work before hand to turn around and come back home to pick Izzy and the dog up and by the time we get done and get back home, there won’t really be enough time left in the day to go back to work, so I’ll end up taking Thursday off anyway…and I might just throw Friday in the mix as well and make it a long weekend.
Anyway, enough talk about long weekends, let’s talk instead about making some laughter, shall we?
I walked in the bedroom to find my wife dead in the bed the other day. Looking at her lifeless there, I decided to have one last go. Right in the middle she opened her eyes and shouted BOO!
Honestly, some people are fucking sick in the head.
Ghetto word of the day: Bishop. My girlfriend fell down, so I picked that bishop.
You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the whole world and somebody’s still going to hate peaches.
This is an older drawing done of me by one of the art students at Dragon Laffs, Inc.
That’s about the way I was this morning…
When I was young, I was a poor golfer.
But after years of play and practice, I am no longer young.
Mine needs to have its own heartbeat.
It’s not me, it’s you. I just don’t think it’s going to work between us. You’re boring, tasteless, and I can’t stop cheating on you.
I’m not surprised Jeff Bezoz started seeing a woman who was close with his wife. That’s classic Amazon, “if you like this, here’s something similar you also might like.”
We spent a lot of money on our front entrance (if you can find it) to our corporate Headquarters
When you dream, one portion of your brain creates the story while another part witnesses the events and is shocked or surprised by the plot twists.
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica?
Where do they go? Well wonder no more.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the penguin family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
Gotcha! You really didn’t believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?