It’s very late Monday night and I have to get up and go to work tomorrow, but if I don’t at least get this started you guys will have nothing for Thursday …
… and that is unacceptable.
So, let’s see what we can get done, shall we?
Having worked around engineers for the 19 years (we are in the Civil Engineering Squadron) this sign makes perfect sense to me. It not only describes the situation, it warns the innocent.
It’s amazing how much comfort this brings me.
No, love is very much wide-eyed and aware…stupid men are blind.
Ed: I had to come back and edit this when I remember all the women who showed up to work with black eyes from abusive men and they said, “But I love him! I can change him!” So now I say, stupid women are blind, also.
That’s it my friends. Got it done. Not the best I’ve ever done, but something for you to laugh at.
And it’s Saturday and I have just a little time to get this one out for Monday. It was a good day at work today since I got off early. 🙂
I really don’t have much to say, so let’s get back into it.
For all Who Work With Rude Customers, An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin’s 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, ‘I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS’.
The attendant replied, ‘I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these people first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.’ The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, ‘DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?’
Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: ‘May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please,’ she began – her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. ‘We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14.’
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, ‘F… You!’ Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit) ‘I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to get in line for that too.’
The family of a recently deceased millionaire gathered in a sleek corner office for the reading of the will. The attorney cleared his throat, put on his glasses, and began to read.
“To my devoted wife, Rose, who stood by my side through thick and thin, I leave the estate, the luxury fleet, and $10 million.”
The widow wiped away a tear.
“To my brilliant daughter, Jessica, who nursed me through illness and built my company into an empire, I leave the business, the yacht, and $5 million.”
Jessica smiled softly through her grief.
“And finally,” the attorney continued, glancing up at the back of the room, “to my cousin Dan, who constantly insulted me, wished for my downfall, and insisted I’d never mention him in my will…”
The attorney leaned forward and whispered, “Well, Dan, you were wrong.
Hi Dan!”
Why have I NEVER thought of this?!
And that’s it, my friends. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Until next time, be well, be loved, be happy.
So, no Halloween memes for this issue. Saving what I have left for Halloween issue. That doesn’t mean that you should stop sending me Halloween stuff. It just means that I used more of my stuff than I calculated.
Again, I’m right up against the wall on time. This is a UTA weekend, so I will do my very best to get an issue set up for Monday, but it might not work out.
Fair warning.
Work is driving me crazy busy and classes and stuff, it’s been hard to get ahead.
Anyway, I’m waiting for the HVAC guys to get here with a checkup that is supposedly part of my service plan, so let’s see what I can get done while we wait.
Jonathon sent that one in and said he thought I had used it before. I think so, too. But as funny as it is, I’ll use it again!
I do!!
Me, taking my pet out for a walk.
(Think about it, you’ll work it out)
Redneck Slang
“Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!”
“Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.”
“I’ll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style.”
“This’ll jar your preserves.”
“Cute as a sack full of puppies.”
“If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.”
“Gooder than grits.”
“It’s so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.”
“It’s been hotter’n a goat’s butt in a pepper patch.”
“Wintery roads are said to be “slicker than otter snot.”
“A bothersome person is “like a booger that you can’t thump off.”
“When something is bad then you say, “that ain’t no count.”
“If something is hard to do, it’s “like trying to herd cats.”
“A hectic schedule keeps you “Busier than a cat covering doo-doo on a marble floor.”
“She’s uglier than homemade soap.”
“Your momma’s so fat, when she got on the scales to be weighed, it said ‘To be continued’.”
“He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.”
“Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits.”
“The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead”
“I’m just about as welcome at my inlaws as a hair in a biscuit.”
Today is Tuesday, this is due on Thursday, and I’m at the jail all night tomorrow. Maybe I’ll just take a day off work every week, build that week’s Dragon Laffs all in one day and do it that way.
This rushing around at the last minute is going to about kill me.
The problem is the girlfriend. She takes up a lot of my free time now. So, hmmm…
Not a chance in hell folks, she stays!
I’ll keep suffering through.
Now, on with the laughter.
I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. . . . I want to achieve it through not dying.
-Woody Allen (1935 – )
And the hummingbirds win the best costume award AGAIN this year!
The Dirty Song That’s Not Actually Dirty
That is SO Good!!!
A frustrated young monk approached the Shaolin Grandmaster.
“Master, I have trained for years, yet my Kung Fu remains weak,” the young man pleaded. “What is the secret? What must I do to reach your level?”
The Grandmaster smiled gently and looked out over the courtyard.
“Tell me, my son… have you ever observed the ants, working tirelessly day and night to build an empire, only to see it wiped away by a single wave of the hand?”
“I have, Master,” said the monk, leaning in closely.
“And have you watched the bamboo in a raging storm—how it bends gracefully, yet never breaks?”
“Yes, Master!”
“And have you sat by the lake at midnight, contemplating the stillness of the full moon reflected on the water?”
“Many times, Master!” the young monk gasped, eyes wide with anticipation.
The Grandmaster sighed. “Well, there’s your problem. You keep staring at stupid crap instead of practicing.”
Well, today is Saturday and I’m trying to get this one done for Monday. I’m fighting a tooth infection and don’t really feel good at all. Sorry. So, we’ll see where we go with this and take it from there.
A reader asked if I had the original, high def picture of the dragon coke bottle from the other issue. I told them I don’t have it, but Aussie Pete might since he sent it to me. So, I’m asking Pete, if you have it, can you send it to me.
This is the closest I could find to it.
Pete, you have a personal message in the comments section from Sammye:
MESSAGE FOR AUSSIE PETE:
Do you have a larger, HD copy of the dragon coke bottle? I think it is absolutely brilliant and I would love to use it as my computer wallpaper. I tried the one Dragon has but it’s only 500 x 500 warps out of shape when put on a higher resolution. Thanks in advance if you do and can provide one … I would greatly appreciate it.
Got another letter from Joe. It’s a good one.
Impish,
We live in Beesley’s Point, NJ. Couple miles west of Ocean City, NJ.
General Beesley rode out of town in the 1700’s and said: “Don’t do anything until I get back!”
Everyone is still waiting!
…Joe
And that’s it my friends. I’m worn out, and not feeling well, so … until next time.
