Okay, so I just realized that I missed a couple of things. 

The 25th Anniversary of 911 last Friday.  Not that it’s a big deal to me to remember the death and destruction that happened on that day, because all it does is piss me the hell off. That 25 years later we’re still fighting the same … 

See. Never mind.  

It is worth recognizing the amazing heroics of the men and women who responded that day and the lives that were lost. I’m sorry that I missed it. I missed it mostly because I’ve been trying to do these issues so far in advance.

The other thing I missed was Izzy Dragon’s birthday, which was the day before 911. I didn’t miss it in real life, but mentioning it here. I will say we had a nice day … couple of days really.

I’m actually writing this from the afternoon of her birthday. She’s upstairs playing with her new stuff and I’m getting ready to go to FBI soon, which is what reminded me that tomorrow is the anniversary of 911 and this episode that I’m writing right now is for Monday.

So be it. Time travel back-firing on me.

So, in the meantime, let’s go and get our laughter on, shall we?

(Added note … I just put something together for 911 that didn’t piss me off…although it did piss me off.)

I know…makes perfect sense. Now, 

So much truth in that and the people doing the voting are too damn stupid to realize it! Or they are part of the problem.  I see another revolution coming, call me a prophet.

A 66-year-old husband named Bob is taking a quiet afternoon stroll through a cemetery when he comes across an elderly man sitting on a stone bench, weeping uncontrollably in front of a headstone.

Bob, being a kind-hearted soul, walks over, places a hand on the man’s shoulder, and asks softly, “I’m so sorry for your loss, friend. Who is buried here that brings you such deep sorrow?”

The man wipes away a tear, looks up, and sobbed, “My wife’s first husband!”

Bob nods sympathetically, assuming it’s a complicated family history. “Ah, I see. A tragic loss, was he?”

The man blows his nose into a handkerchief, shakes his head bitterly, and cries out:

“I never even met the guy… but I’ve been suffering for thirty years because of how perfect he apparently was!”

Seems this hillbilly came to town carrying a jug of moonshine in one hand and a shotgun in the other. 

He stopped a man on the street, saying to him: “Here, friend, take a drink outta my jug.”

The man protested, saying he never drank.

Unimpressed, the hillbilly leveled his shotgun at the stranger and commanded: “Drink!”

The stranger drank, shuddered, shook, shivered and coughed.

“God! That’s awful stuff!”

“Ain’t it, though?” replied the hillbilly.

“Now here, you hold the gun on me while I take a swig.”

This was sent to me as a video that I can’t copy over so I’m going to transcribe it for you.

Islam has a problem with gays, democracy, bacon, dogs, music, Christmas, Hindus, Jews, Buddhists, Christians, women who show their hair, people who leave their religion, and even people who draw pictures of their prophet, who by the way, married a six-year-old (and consummated that marriage when she was nine). But if I have a problem with Islam, for some reason, I’m an Islamophobe.

And they want to come to OUR country, expect US to change, and want to enact Sharia Law. Do none of the left-wing blind turnips out there realize the insanity in all of this?

A priest and a rabbi are seated together on a plane. After a while, the priest turns to the rabbi and asks, “Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork? ” 

The rabbi responds, “Yes, that is still one of our beliefs.” 

The priest then asks, “Have you ever eaten pork?”

To which the rabbi replies, “Yes, on one occasion, I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.” 

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, “Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?” 

The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.” 

The rabbi then asked him, “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptation of the flesh?” 

The priest replied, “Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith.” 

The rabbi nodded understandingly. He was silent for about five minutes, and then he said,  “Beats a ham sandwich, doesn’t it?” 

It’s our job to lead people to Jesus as our Lord and Savior through our words, actions, and deeds. That’s our job, folks.

Massachusetts, Newton Law

All families must be given a hog from the town’s mayor.

There was a major sale at Victoria’s Secret and Joe wanted to get his wife some really sexy lingerie.  
The store was packed with women for this big sale and before he knew it, Joe was pushed and shoved by frantic women all trying to get at the merchandise.  

Joe remained calm for as long as he could, then bowed his head and pushed hard and effectively and ploughed through the crowd of women. 

“Hey you!”, an angry female voice yelled out at him, “Try acting like a gentleman!”. 

“That’s what I HAVE BEEN doing,” Joe retorted, “But since that isn’t working out for me, I’m gonna now act like you ladies!” 

And that’s it my friends. Until next time.

Time traveling.
For you it’s Saturday.
Lots of things have happened this week.
Monday was Labor Day, a day off.
Tuesday I went back to work after a 4 day weekend that went WAY too fast.
Wednesday lots of meetings and Jail ministry,
Thursday was Izzy Dragon’s 25th birthday and FBI (Faith Bible Institute)
Friday I had to replace all four tires on my car,
which leaves us at today, where I’m working all weekend.
For me…it’s still Monday, Labor Day, my last day off and I have all that to do yet.
Time travel…ain’t it cool.
Got to spend some good quality time resting, time with Holly, time with Izzy and time with you guys getting caught up and ahead a little bit on my issues. God is good!

Now…let’s get to the fun stuff, shall we?

Yes!  Absolutely! Jesus!

The Modern Toolbox

Hammer – In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.

Screwdriver – The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.

Phillips Screwdriver – The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.

Pliers – A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.

Multi-Pliers – Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.

Electronic Stud Finder – An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.

Halogen Light – A work light that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you’re working on so that you need to use a torch anyway.

Cordless Drill – A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.

Air Compressor – A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house.

Chain saw – Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself.

Vise Grips – A pair of helping hands that doesn’t critique the job you’re doing or offer advice.

A couple of nuns sitting in front at the football game were blocking the view of the field. 

Three men decided to badger the nuns to get them to move. 

In a loud voice, the first guy said, “I think I’m going to move to Utah, there are only about a 100 Catholics living there.” 

The second guy spoke up and said, “I want to go to Montana, there’s less than 50 Catholics living there.” 

The third guy spoke up and said, “I want to go to Idaho, I’ve heard there are only 25 Catholics there.” 

One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and calmly said, “Why don’t you all go to hell, there aren’t any there.” 

Most dragons I know would be looking for a different bed. Just sayin’.

Dress in the Armour of God Every, Single Day!

I know that kid. Not gonna end well for the dragon.

PLAYING WYTH WURDS

A backward poet writes inverse.

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.

What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off. 

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

Every calendar’s days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted – ‘taint yours and ‘taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. 

Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

The mine operator called the nearby state prison and asked them to send over a safe-cracker to open his jammed safe.  

Soon a convict showed up, spun the dials, listened intently, and calmly opened the safe door. 

“Well,” said the mine operator, “what do you think I owe you?” 

The prisoner said, “Uh, the last time I opened a safe, I got $25,000.” 

And probably 20 years.

“Can I get an eye please?”

Indiana Law

You are required to pour your drink into a glass.

Color me unsurprised.

Let’s do the next set upon a theme, shall we?

OUCH! Why would people do that? Really don’t understand that propensity at all.

Vermont Law

Whistling underwater is illegal

I was escorted to a wedding by my twenty-four-year-old bachelor son.

He appeared unaffected by the ceremony until the bride and groom lighted a single candle with their candles and then blew out their own.

With that he brightened and whispered, “I’ve never seen that done before.”

I whispered back, “You know what it means, don’t you?”

His response:  “No more old flames?”

There is no such thing in anyone’s life as an unimportant day.

Alexander Humphreys Woollcott (1887 – 1943)

I don’t pay a lot of attention to the news sometimes, but I have no idea what this cartoon is referring to.

And that’s it for today my friends. Tune in next time, same dragon channel, same dragon station for more of the GREATEST …

Okay, I can’t go on. 

Just … until next time my friends. Love and happiness to you all.

NEVER FORGET!

NEVER FORGET!

NEVER FORGET!

NEVER…

EVER…

FORGET!

 

 

Impish Dragon

So it’s Saturday morning and I’m going to get an early start on this one. I’m going to be busy most of the rest of the weekend doing fun stuff … I hope, other than the fact that I have to mow the lawn at some point in time. But, I’m going to put that off for as long as I can. 

Right now I’m monitoring the church and waiting for a young lady to finish cleaning so I can go back over and reset the alarms when she’s done and Holly is watching her grand kidlets while their parents are out shopping for a new vehicle.

So, you guys get me for a little while. Ain’t you the lucky ones!  So let’s do this!

Why does it have to be either/or … why can’t it be both?

I would buy this collection today! Although, I think I have most of them anyway.

Don’t be fooled. It may have been written by man’s hand, but the words were from God, Himself.

That needs to be my shirt for work!!!! Holly says she getting it made! ROFLMBO!!!!

Joe sent this next one in from someone else, but I can say, wholeheartedly, I AGREE!!!

I’m worn out hearing people moan, “Our grandparents could buy a house on one paycheck, but now we can’t even afford rent on two!”
Yeah, maybe because Grandma wasn’t dropping half her income on $14 iced lattes and avocado toast shaped like art projects. Back then, if they wanted coffee, they boiled it at home in a dented pot. It tasted like burnt rubber and regret, but it woke you up and cleaned your pipes.
And Grandma wasn’t “out to brunch.” You think she had time for mimosas and hashtags? She was making something called whatever’s left in the fridge and feeding six people with it.
Don’t even start with Uber Eats. You think Grandpa was out here paying $38 to have a burger delivered three blocks away? Please. He grilled mystery meat on a rusted barbecue, and everyone called it dinner.
Now people cry about being broke while sitting in a house full of gadgets. Two SUVs in the driveway, six streaming services, three air fryers, and matching tattoos that cost more than their light bill. You think Grandpa had a tattoo? He did. It said “Korea, 1951,” and it came with trauma, not Instagram likes.
And the kids; Lord help us. “We can’t make ends meet, but Brayden needs the new iPhone!” No, he doesn’t. You’re handing an $1100 device to a child who still eats crayons and forgets to flush.
When we were kids, there was one phone. It hung on the wall like a family relic. The cord stretched just far enough for you to whisper secrets before someone yelled, “Get off, I need to make a call!” And guess what? We lived.
The TV? One. In the living room. With three channels and a dial that clicked like a safe. And if Dad wanted to watch bowling, you were a fan of bowling, end of story.
Now there’s a flat screen in every room, the baby’s got an iPad, the dog’s got a camera, and everyone’s wondering why they can’t afford rent.
Because you’re living like rock stars on retail salaries, that’s why.
Grandpa wasn’t leasing Teslas or buying $12 smoothies called “Green Zen Awakening.”

I read that to Izzy and she rolled her eyes at me. I told her that’s the truth and she said it’s not. What do you guys think?

Yeah….me, too.

Um… wouldn’t that be a GOOD thing? Just sayin’…

In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women near or over 50:
“As I grow in age, I value women near or over 50 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman near or over 50 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, ‘What are you thinking?’ She doesn’t care what you think.
If a woman near or over 50 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it’s usually more interesting.
Women near or over 50 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot or stab you if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman near or over 50.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman near or over 50 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women near or over 50 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman near or over 50, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.”

Sigh. So true. Ladies, I apologize for my gender all the damn time.

Where do I sign up? I need to be washed and vacuumed!

A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. 

She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. 

There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. 

“Because I’m not an atheist.”

Then, asks the teacher, “What are you?”

“I’m a Christian.”

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Christian. 

“Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian.” 

The teacher angrily says, “That’s no reason.”

“What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?” 

She paused, smiled and said, “Then, I’d be an atheist.”

A blonde, tired of being made fun of and determined to end it all, grabs a rope and heads out to the park, where there are lots of trees.

A couple of hours later a man is walking by and sees the blonde, hanging from a tree by the waist.

“Can I help you with something, miss?” asks the man.

“No thanks. I’ve just had it with the world and with everyone making fun of me, so I’m hanging myself.” replies the blonde. 

“Well, you’ve got to put the rope around your neck if you want to do that,” offers the man helpfully.

“Well, I tried that,” says the blonde, “but I couldn’t breathe.” 

Sure, like God would never ask us to change or a loving God would never send anyone to hell.

A man walks into a small, quiet restaurant, sits down in a booth, and orders a bowl of hot soup.

A few minutes later, the waiter brings out the bowl, sets it down on the table, and starts to walk away.

“Excuse me, waiter!” the man calls out. “Please come taste this soup.”

The waiter turns around, looking surprised. “Is there something wrong with it, sir? Is it too cold?”

“Just taste the soup,” the man says calmly.

“Is it too salty? Not enough seasoning?” the waiter asks, trying to be helpful.

“I’m asking you to please just ,taste the soup” the man repeats.

The waiter sighs, walks back to the booth, and leans over. “Alright, fine, I’ll taste it. Where’s the spoon?”

The man looks up at him and says, “Aha! You tell me!”

ME TOO!!!

That’s alright!  Us good men don’t have flat stomachs and we talk back, too…usually with a smile on our faces in an attempt to get you to smile.  You may not believe it, but it works for me … with good women … ALL THE TIME!

Izzy just sent this to me. Not a Flock camera, but if you can get a speeding ticket via camera, something is wrong with this country. I want to get one of these because I would DEFINITELY take it to court and defy them to produce my accuser.   

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know. 


– Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

And that’s it for today, my friends. Gotta shut it down kinda quick. On my way out the door. Until next time.

That’s right, today is Labor Day! The day we celebrate … um … Labor!

No…

Um…

We celebrate the Working Class!

Do we?

Hmmm, let’s see, looking up Labor Day, honoring workers, vital contribution, hard work and dedication, Labor movement, safe work environment, hard-won benefits, 8-hour work day, weekends off, paid leave…

Yeah, all great stuff.  All worth celebrating. And yet the sarcastic side of me is saying, then why are there people who are looking for minimum wage to be $20 to $25 an hour? So that the price of a burger at McDonald’s will be astronomical or better yet, there won’t BE any high school jobs at McDonald’s because all the jobs will be replaced by robots, like they are trying to do in so many places.  

I may just be in a mood today and perhaps should work on this later, but … let’s go ahead and get it started and see where we go from here, so … 

QUIZ CONTESTANTS

The Weakest Link

Anne Robinson: In traffic, what “J” is where two roads meet? 
Contestant: Jool carriageway.

Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant: Bombay.

Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.
Robinson: Wh…?
Contestant (interrupting): Pass!

Anne Robinson: In olden times, what were minstrels, travelling
entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.

Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were written 
by Matthew, Mark, Luke and…?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?



 
The Afternoon Programme Quiz

Presenter: Who killed Cock Robin?
Contestant: Oh God, I didn’t even know he was dead.



Lincs FM phone-in

Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world? 
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I’m sorry, I don’t know the names of any countries in
Spain.


 
Steve Wright Show, Radio 2

Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Contestant: India.

Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Contestant: Espresso.

Wright: What is the capital of Australia? And it’s not Sydney.
Contestant: Sydney.



This Morning

Judy Finnegan: The American TV show ‘The Sopranos’ is about opera. True 
or false?
Contestant: True?
Finnegan: No, actually, it’s about the Mafia. But it is an American TV 
show, so I’ll give you that.



BBC Radio Newcastle

Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel
last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.



Bob Hope Birthday Quiz, LBC

Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant: Four.


 
BBC GMR, Phil Wood Show

Wood: What “K” could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er…
Wood:  It’s got two syllables… Kor…
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood:  Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run…
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood:  OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I…
Contestant: Walked?



Daryl’s Drivetime, Virgin Radio

Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham (helpfully): It’s a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.

Mary and her husband were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy morning.  

He suddenly said, ‘Mary, if I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.’ 

‘Now why would you want me to do something like that?’ Mary asked. 

‘I figure that you would eventually remarry, and I don’t want some other asshole using my stuff….’ 

‘What makes you think I’d marry another asshole?”

Maryland Laws

It’s illegal to play Randy Newman’s “Short People” on the radio.

“If you’re going to work here young man, ” said the boss, “the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm.” 

“Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?”

“Oh, yes, sir.” responded the young man.

“And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat.” said the boss. 

QUIZ CONTESTANTS CONTINUED

National Lottery Jet Set

Eamonn Holmes: What’s the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.? 
Contestant: William Shakespeare.


 
Chris Searle Show, BBC Radio Bristol

Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn’t hear that, I can let you try again. 
Caller: Er… Mexico?



Family Fortunes

1) Something a blind man might use? A Sword

2) A Song with the word Moon in the title? Blue Suede Moon

3) Name the Capital of France? F

4) Name a bird with a long Neck? Naomi Campbell

5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? A burglar

6) Where is the Taj Mahal? Opposite the Dental Hospital

7) What is Hitlers first name? Heil

8) A famous Scotsman? Jock

9) Some famous brothers? Bonnie and Clyde.

10) A dangerous race? The Arabs

11) Something that floats in a bath? Water

12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? A horse

13) Something you wear on a beach? A deckchair

14) A famous Royal? Mail

15) Something that flies that doesn’t have an engine? A bicycle with wings 

16) A famous bridge? The Bridge Over Troubled Waters

17) Something a cat does ? Goes to the Toilet

18) Something you do in the bathroom?  Decorate

19) A method of securing your home?  Put the kettle on

20) Something associated with pigs?  The Police

21) A sign of the Zodiac?  April

22) Something people might be allergic to? Skiing

23) Something you do before you go to bed? Sleep

24) Something you put on walls? A roof

25) Something Slippery? A conman

26) A kind of ache? A fillet of fish

27) A Jacket Potato topping?  Jam

28) A food that can be brown or white?  A potato

29) Something sold by gypsies? Bananas

30) Something Red? My sweater

This story was sent in by Joe and said it was an oldie, but I heard that it was a true story. I’m not 100% sure, but sure enough because of the size of the stones on this guy.

After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. 

He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. 

He especially wanted to thank the bride’s and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. 

As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. 

So taped to the bottom of everyone’s chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. 

Inside each manila envelope was an 8×10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. 

The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. 

After just standing there, just watching the guests’ reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, “F— you!”. 

Then he turned to his bride and said, “F— you!” 

Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, “I’m outta here.” 

He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. 

While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong. 

His revenge…making the bride’s parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride’s and best man’s reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. 

This guy has balls the size of church bells. 

Do you think we might get a MasterCard “priceless” commercial out of this? 


Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends……..$32,000. 

Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion…………………..$3,000. 

Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui……………….$8,500. 

The look on everyone’s face when they see the 8×10 glossy of the bride doing the best man………….Priceless. 

There are some things money can’t buy, for everything else there’s 

MASTERCARD 

Oxymorons

State worker 

Legally drunk 

Exact estimate 

Act naturally 

Found missing 

Resident alien 

Genuine imitation 

Airline Food 

Good grief 

Government organization 

Sanitary landfill 

Alone together 

Small crowd 

Business ethics 

Soft rock 

Butt Head 

Military Intelligence 

Sweet sorrow 

Happily married 

“Now, then…” 

Passive aggression 

Clearly misunderstood 

Peace force 

Extinct Life 

Plastic glasses 

Terribly pleased 

Computer security 

Political science 

Tight slacks 

Definite maybe 

Pretty ugly 

Rap music 

Working vacation 

Microsoft Works 

Morris had been playing golf for years, and he had the finest equipment, but his technique never improved a bit. 

As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. 

On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. 

On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods.

“Why don’t you use an old ball?” his friend Sam asked.

“I’ve never had an old ball,” Morris said.

And that’s it for Monday, Labor Day. Go relax. Enjoy the rest of the day. I hope this was a happy part of it. May God Bless you and keep you and watch over and protect you until we can meet again. My love to you all.