Dragon Laffs #2061

Good Morning Fellow Campers!

It’s Thursday for you guys.  I’m starting this on Monday, so I’m time traveling again.  Today has been a busy day for me.  I have 45 minutes before I have to get ready for Grief Group so I’m trying to put a couple of lines on here to get started before this day is gone. 

Like I said, busy day for me. 

It started out at 0530 hrs with my phone ringing … from work … with them reporting to me of an incident that took place that they have to report to me.  Not a big deal, nothing I can talk about — and no, for those of you wondering, it was not A BIG DEAL.  Something normal that happens all the time that just has to be reported to me when it happens.  The unusual part was that it was at 0530.  Now, I was getting up at 0600 anyway, so it wasn’t THAT big of a deal.  I had to run out to the base to pick up my laptop that was sitting there hooked up to the LAN getting all the updates it’s been missing out on being home here with me over the past 100 weeks.

But, since I had a little extra time this morning, I ran by my favorite breakfast spot and got my Deputy God’s favorite breakfast sandwich.  Yup, you know the one.  One of the ONLY breakfast sandwiches you are going to be able to get when you get to Heaven.  You know the one.  

That’s Heaven’s food.  Makes my mouth water just thinking about it.  Anyway, like I said, stopped and picked one up for me and my Deputy, since he was the only one that was going to be in today.  I had to make sure the laptop was back in working order and either pick up the laptop, run home and run some reports or run the reports there…after the Deputy and I had our LONG overdue morning briefing.  So, we talked for a bit, he went off to teach a class and I ran a bunch of reports, packed everything back up and left with JUST enough time to make it to Physical Therapy. 

Need I remind you, that I am now down to ONE WEEK remaining before I go back to work FULL TIME.  I’m trying not to be worried about going back to work FULL TIME (I don’t know why it keeps doing that, but every time I write the word full and time together it comes our FULL TIME).  Hmmm.  Must be a subconscious thing.    

An hour’s worth of PT, 30 minutes of mine and 30 minutes of theirs, then it was off to the pharmacy to pick up medicine for the Izzy Dragon and I and to get back home, hook up the work laptop, get on the government website connections (VPN) and the little baby spins like a top again.  Did several more hours of work and getting things ready for me to go back to the office next week and now I’m getting ready to go to Grief Group tonight. 

And that, ladies and gentlemen and all mythological creatures, both near and far has been my day SO FAR.  I have to still feed Pepper and Willow Dragon, drop Izzy Dragon at her place of employment, go to the next town over for class, make two stops on the way, have the two hour Grief Group session, come home for about an hour, then go back out and pick Miss Izzy back up again, and then it ought to be about time to curl up with my tail tucked and my wings folded for another day. 

WOW!!! 

Like I said, busy day. 

And tomorrow, I get to play darts. 

Whooooo Ahhhh!!!!

Oh!  And tomorrow is also Papa Dragon Most Senior’s 87th birthday!  So, a phone call will be thrown in there somewhere.  LOL!

Now, 

Being MALE is a matter of Birth, Being a MAN is a matter of Age, But being a GENTLEMAN is a matter of CHOICE

I had to try five different examples of that before I figured out it was true!!

ON THE INTERNET YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO BE.  

It’s strange so many people choose to be so completely stupid.

Stop asking me what I do for fun!!!!…………

Illegal shit. 

Now leave me the hell alone.

“I said Smile for the camera!”

This one is from out dear camper friend Joe L in NJ.  And I want to apologize right up front, cause it’s a REAL GROANER!  But!!!  I’ll admit it!  Right here and Right Now!  I laughed.  Truly I did.  So, here goes:

In the days of old, when Genghis Kahn’s men were running over Asia, they set their sights on further shores. Rather than ‘huns’, these warriors were known as Kahn’s men, or simply, Kahns. 

When they had conquered all the way to the water’s edge, they build boats, gathered their loot, and bravely went to sea. By a sad twist of fate, they encountered an island of lepers, which resulted in most of the crew being infected. Hastily leaving that island, they set sail again, but by the time they reached Ireland, there wasn’t much left of them. 

Disembarking on stubby limbs, they set forth, but were soon set upon by the natives for the riches they carried. Rotted away, but still clever, they hid on the island and awaited rescue, and the locals never did get their hands on the treasure. And that’s how the story of the little people got started in Ireland – the leper Kahn’s and their pots of gold. 

Cunning though diseased, the Kahns were never fooled by those who tried to trick them out of their pots of gold by swapping them for an empty pot – thus the saying: “You cannot change a leper’s pots”. 

Someone told me I need to stop using F-bombs.

What the fuck is an F-bomb?

Your kids would have fewer allergies if they ate dirt and licked some salt blocks like the rest of us dis growing up.

Just an absolutely awesome picture!

As you can imagine, I’ve had more than my fair share of tears over the last several months and almost every time one or both of my puppy dragons have come over to me and laid their heads in my lap or pressed themselves against my legs or something similar when I have been crying.  So, I can verify that this is very true.

Several people have sent me copies of the first one of the two of these that are on this video, but I choose this video because it also has a bonus video with it.  So, enjoy…and thanks to all of you who sent me copies of this.

Those are definitely NOT my puppies watching the fireworks!  Mine HATE fireworks!

One day I was born.

Then everything bothered me.

And that brings us up to date.

I really felt uncomfortable driving into the cemetery.  The GPS blurted out, “You have reached your final destination.”

Johnny Depp gets 15 million dollars for being with a nut job. 

All these years I’ve done it for free.

Girl Friend:  I’m sick and tired of you pretending you’re a detective.  I think we should split up. 

Me:  Good idea!  We can cover more ground that way.

I’ll Never Understand…5,000 years of eating all kinds of bread and then suddenly, in the course of a decade, everyone is allergic to gluten. 

These next couple were sent to me by Paul K. and he writes: 

Liberty Arms is a gun and ammo shop in Tazwell, Tennessee with a patriotic sense of humor. Their billboard sign changes frequently.

They are one of the largest sellers of guns and ammo in the country as I hear it.

Thanks Paul!

Nicely said, guys!

If you haven’t realized the hypocrisy in the easiest and obvious of things, how are you possibly going to recognize it in the more complex and hidden?

Just like they are trying to take away the 2nd amendment and our weapons while arming up the branches of the government that make no sense in giving guns to!

So now burning a Gay Flag is called a “Hate Crime” but burning the American Flag is “FREE SPEECH”!?!?

I think I’m starting to lose my mind. 

But as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be okay.

Is there a world where this is even possible?

And it’s a shame we live in a world where this is probably required.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

It might pass like a kidney stone 

But it will pass

NOTICE TO THE PUBLIC 

Due to the coronavirus, we are asking protesters to work from home and destroy their own property.

Thank you.

 

Remember when we talked about the extra IRS agents being hired?  I wanted to show you guys this visual real quick before we ended today:

 

Think about it…23,000 Dept. of State Employees + 35,000 Dept. of Justice Employees + 60,000 US Customs and Border Protection Employees = 118.000 total Employees.  Not even close to the total 165.000 IRS employees.  You gotta wonder why, right? 

That’s it.  That’s all I wanted to point out. 

So, go out there and have a great day and until we meet again, may your days be filled with Love and Happiness.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Dragon Laffs #2060

GOOD MORNING LOYAL LAFFERS!!!!!

It’s Monday morning!  One week and counting until my return to full time work!  I gotta tell you, I think I’m actually looking forward to it.  I never thought I’d say that out loud, but I think it’s true.  As much as I’ve liked working from home, it’s also frustrating not being able to REALLY get things done.  Anyway, one more week and we’ll see.

Lots of crazy things going on lately.  You guys see the MMA trainer/fighter who stopped the homeless guy from his random attacks in New York?  Yup.  Saw it this guy walking down Broadway and him and another guy stepped in and held this guy down until the cops got there.  Nicely done! 

China is launching missiles over Taiwan because of Pelosi’s visit.  Okay, officially, they are conducting invasion exercises.  Basically, they are throwing a temper tantrum because they said no and we did it anyway.  That’s pretty damn childish.  But they have to appear badass because the leader (I can’t remember his name off the top of my head) is trying to stay in power. 

You know that the Texas and to a lesser degree Arizona folks have been busing illegal aliens to D.C. Well, Mayor Adams of New York made some sort of comment about them Texas sucking it up so Texas sent a bus to New York and Mayor Adams is now crying and asking for the National Guard for help.  It’s hilarious.  Mayor Adams says Gov Abbott is despicable for doing this.  You know?  TELL THE PRESIDENT…it’s his policy guys!

Pelosi’s husband gets caught for a DWI?  Gets off with a slap on the wrist?  Whatta ya wanna bet?  Yeah, I know…suckers bet.

A N Y W A Y … What do you say we get this train moving down the track?

Well, maybe not like that!  How about we just get into the laughter part?

Quote by a forest ranger at Yosemite National Park on why it is hard to design the perfect garbage bin to keep bears from breaking into it:
“There is considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.”

Yeah, it was pretty bad.

Dan Bongino on FOX News just made a really good point.  What was the point of Pelosi’s trip to Taiwan to begin with?  You know, once the Whitehouse leaked the trip, she pretty much HAD to go or we looked weaker than we already looked, even though Quivering Joe told her not to go, but what the hell was she doing over there to begin with?  Was she announcing some new plan to support Taiwan?  Setting up some new Defense Plan (which she wasn’t authorized to do, anyway)?  It’s all total bullshit. 

One of our wonderful campers, Paul K., sent me a great video.  It was a spoken essay and try as I might, I couldn’t embed it here, but it was so good, I decided to transcribe it instead, so, here it is, word for word as best as I could manage.  Thanks for this one, Paul!

I never dreamed that I would have to face the prospect of not living in the United States of America.  At least not the one I’ve known all my life.  I’ve never wished to live anywhere else.  This is my home and I was privileged to be born here.  Today I woke up and as I had my morning coffee I realized that everything is about to change.  No matter how I vote, no matter what, I see something evil has invaded our nation and our lives are never going to be the same.  I’ve been confused by the hostility of family and friends.  I look at people I’ve known all my life, so hate-filled that they agree with opinions they would never express as their own.  I think I may have well entered the Twilight Zone.

We have become a nation that has lost its collective mind.  You can’t justify this insanity. 
* If a guy pretends to be a woman, you’re required to pretend with him. 
* Somehow it’s unamerican for the census to count how many Americans are in America. 
* Russians influencing our elections are bad, but illegals voting in our elections are good. 
* It was cool for Joe Biden to blackmail the President of Ukraine, but it’s an impeachable offense if Donald Trump inquires about it. 
* Twenty is too young to drink a beer, but eighteen is old enough to vote. 
* People who have never owned slaves should pay slavery reparations to people who have never been slaves.
* People who have never been to college should pay the debts of college students who took out huge loans for their degree. 
* Immigrants with tuberculosis and polio are welcome but you better be able to prove your dog is vaccinated. 
* Irish doctors and German engineers who want to immigrate to the U.S. must go through a rigorous vetting process, but any illiterate gangbangers who jump the southern fence are welcome. 
* Five billion dollars for border security is too expensive, but 1.5 trillion for free health care is not.  * If you cheat to get into college you go to prison, but if you cheat to get into the country you go to college for free. 
* People who say there’s no such thing as gender are demanding a female president. 
* We see other countries going Socialist and collapsing, but it seems like a great plan to us. 
* Some people are held responsible for things that happened before they are born and other people are not held responsible for what they are doing right now. 
* Criminals are caught and released to hurt more people, but stopping them is bad because it’s a violation of their rights. 
* And pointing out all this hypocrisy somehow makes us racist. 
* Nothing  makes sense anymore.  No values, no morals and no stability. 
* People are dying of a Chinese virus, but it’s racist to refer to it as Chinese, even though it began in China. 

We’re clearly living in an upside-down world where right is wrong and wrong is right; where moral is immoral and immoral is moral; where good is evil and evil is good; where killing murderers is wrong, but killing unborn babies is A-Okay.  Wake up America.  The great unsinkable ship, Titanic America has hit an iceberg, is taking on water, and is sinking fast. 

Speak up.

Okay, that took a LOT longer than I thought it would.  LOL!  Anyway, as you can see, well worth the effort.  The funny thing is, it was a young lady standing in front of the camera with a picture of Fauci behind her.  And she spoke the whole thing VERY quickly.  Thanks again, Paul.

MAN!  I love these old ads!

Not a goldfish, Kitty.

If your electric car runs out of power on the interstate do you walk to a charging station to get a bucket of electricity?

Another of my baby pictures.  My mom had a weird sense of timing.

Come on…admit it…haven’t we all been there?

It would be a lot like the Dragon Laffs Campers all meeting somewhere in the Real World.

FOR SALE:  MY WHITE PRIVILEGE CARD

Over 50 years old but in mint condition.  Never been used.
REASON FOR SELLING:  It hasn’t done anything for me!  No free college, no free food, no free housing, no free anything.  I’ve had to go to work every day of my life while paying a boatload of taxes to carry those who chose not to work!
If interested, I prefer cash, but willing to do an even trade for a Victim Card which seems much more widely accepted and comes with countless benefits without even having to show the card!
If interested contact me on my cell phone that I pay for every month.
Serious buyers only!

There is a certain segment of the population who have no idea what the rest of us are laughing at right now.

I think the me who buys groceries and the me that actually has to cook the meals are two entirely different people.

I was wondering why music was coming from my printer.  Apparently the paper was jamming.

Another historical photograph.  Two of our original security experts coming to an understanding over … let’s say … areas of responsibilities.

Someone should start a rumor about a shortage of jobs so everyone will panic and go get one.

Everyone needs a friend who they probably shouldn’t be allowed to sit next to at a serious function.

And the rest of us, who did get it, cried.

If your wife or girlfriend ever asks, “If I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?”

Never give two names.

This one is from our dear camper friend Lynn.  She sends us a YouTube video of :

Misheard Lyrics | Peter Kay: The Tour That Didn’t Tour Tour

Some really funny stuff.  Thanks, Lynn!

I just deleted all the German names off my mobile phone.

Now I’m Hans free.

I love this joke with all my heart.  And yes, I have used it before.  But, for those of you who may not have heard it before, or may just want to laugh at it again, here it is again…

A week ago, my Mother-in-Law began reading The Exorcist.  She said it was the most evil book she had ever read.  So evil, in fact, she couldn’t finish it, took it over to the beach, and threw the book into the ocean off a fishing pier. 

I went and bought another copy, ran the faucet over it, and left the wet book in the night table drawer by her bed.

I am, without a doubt, going to hell.

How do I feel about gun control? 

Break in and you’ll find out.

The pictures that are now going through my head……

THE PROBLEM WITH THE WORLD IS THAT THE INTELLIGENT PEOPLE ARE FULL OF DOUBT, WHILE THE STUPID PEOPLE ARE FULL OF CONFIDENCE.   ~ Charles Bukowski

Aaaaannnnddddd we’re out of time today my friends.  Some things we didn’t get to, but there is always next time.  Until then…

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Dragon Laffs #2059

Embarrassed by your own government.  It’s a terrible feeling to have.  But when your own president acts like and says things like a complete moron, what other kind of feeling are you supposed to have?

Biden goes on TV and says the Supreme Court acted Unconstitutionally in regards to Roe v Wade.  And then writes a presidential edict on abortion that IS unconstitutional.  You have to wonder if the man has even read the Constitution?

Then writes the Inflation Reduction Act, which in itself is a lie.  The burden will be felt mostly by those of us make less than $200,000 a year.  Gee, that’s like most of us!  And is touted as having no new taxes, which is an outright lie.  Sure, we can trust you.

China is harassing the CRAP out of Taiwan and our response is saying out loud how bad that is, patting Taiwan on the shoulder and saying, “there, there.” and sending some of our naval ships in their direction next week.  Oh, and we’re going to cancel our Minuteman test that was scheduled for this week, so there’s no misunderstanding.  And we want to be perfectly clear, that nothing has changed with our policy towards China and Taiwan.

Maybe what we need to do, is climb on the front lawn and crank this as loud as it will go!!!

Thanks Stephanie…now…

Warning Labels are stupid.
I bought some deodorant and it said on the can, “AVOID CONTACT WITH EYES”.  
Too late!  I’d already seen it.

I joined a Carpenter’s Class the other day.  We haven’t made anything yet…we’ve only just begun.

And if you’re thinking to yourself, “I don’t get it” then it’s because your too young.

Why does the need to pee intensify by a million when you are trying to unlock your front door?

I’m not sure, but it looks cool.

“Are you free tomorrow?”

“No, I’m expensive every day.”

“Did you call for an Uber?”

I recently got some great advice from my dear friend and fellow camper Joe in NJ

I am passing this to you because it definitely worked for me, following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace. 

The Article said: “The way to achieve inner peace, is to finish all the things you’ve started”. 

So, today I have finished a bottle of Vodka, a bottle of Red Wine, a bottle of Jack Daniels, a bottle of Perma Frost, my entire supply of  Prozac, a pint of Haagen-Dazs Ice Cream and a large box of Chocolates. 

Damn… if I don’t feel better already! 

If you know anyone who is in need of inner peace, you’d be helping them by passing this message along to them.

Thanks Joe…that helps an awful lot (hic!)

Not sure if my girlfriend’s going to leave me because she thinks I have a gambling problem or if she’s just bluffing.

Teach her to be good and let her know that is what you are proud of her for

You know you are in trouble when the little voices in your head start a chat group.

I’ll never regret someone that I had an amazing time and experience with.  Even if we fall off.  You made my life special at a certain time.  We grew together, even if we grew apart.  Thank you.

Time to get up and get going…
Today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves!

We’re going to start today’s Politically Incorrect Zone with one Dragon’s Opinion. If you don’t like it, then skip it and move on, but you ought to just think about it a little bit…

IRS Stockpiles More Than 5 Million Rounds of Ammunition

Republican lawmakers want to stop the agency from purchasing more

Okay, a couple of sides to this.  First of all, The IRS has about 5,000 weapons, and 5 million rounds of ammo.  They spent 3/4 of a million of our dollars in 2022 alone on ammunition.  If you look at it and break it down, that’s 100 weapons per state and 1,000 rounds of ammunition per weapon…on average.  Now, not knowing which part of the government is reading this ezine, I refuse to point fingers at anyone, but I know of individual dragons, who are friends of mine, who own more ammunition than that.  Heck, they probably have more ammo than that of each caliber of weapon that they own.  So, it’s really not that much when you break it down that way. 

The BIGGER question is WHY does the IRS need to be armed to begin with?  Shouldn’t the IRS need nothing more than a calculator to do its job?  I understand that there are times that in their collection of taxes that law enforcement becomes involved, but isn’t that what LAW ENFORCEMENT is for?  I repeat my earlier question…WHY IS THE GOVERNMENT ARMING THE IRS AND HIRING TWICE AS MANY AGENTS?!?!

And arming up other government agencies that you wouldn’t think otherwise would be armed?  They are trying to take our guns away from us, while quietly spreading the guns amongst themselves…does anyone else see a problem with this?

I don’t understand how she can stand up there every day and lie for that man.

A man tells a Rabbi, “I have a strong desire to live to eternity.  What am I supposed to do?”

“Get married,” replies the Rabbi.

“It’s that simple?  Would that allow me to live forever?”

“No, but the desire will disappear.”

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be very liberal, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words, redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch conservative, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs.

The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school.

Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn’t even have time for a boyfriend and didn’t really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, “How is your friend Audrey doing?”

She replied, “Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She’s always invited to all the parties and lots of times she doesn’t even show up for classes because she’s too hung over.”

Her wise father asked his daughter, “Why don’t you go to the Dean’s office and ask him to deduct 1..0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly, that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA”

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father’s suggestion, angrily fired back, “That’s a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I’ve worked really hard for my grades! I’ve invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!”

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, “Welcome to the conservative side of the fence.”

And the truly wonderful thing about this one is that it caused a nice long conversation between Izzy Dragon and I about the whole “everyone deserves food” thing.  And she FINALLY came around to my way of seeing things.  And I also found out that she thought that I meant that NO ONE deserved food, even children and things like that, so we had a conversation about special circumstances and how it really only meant people that could work or contribute that DIDN’T work or contribute who still expected to be taken care of and … well, long story short, I ended our conversation by welcoming her to the “Conservative side of the fence” and she said, “NO!” and hit me in the arm.  LOL!

What the hell was their name to come up with THAT one?  Maybe the last name of Finger?

To me, essential oils are what drips out of tacos.

And really good east coast pizza!!

Okay, so the rocks are noticibly smaller and some of them are much shinier, but other than that … not much differently than last time.  We have one more week to go (and some of you are going “Thank Goodness!)  I think MY rock (the big black one to the upper left) is about half the size it started out as.  I guess we’ll tune in again next week or a few days later.  The final step says 7 to 10 days and I’ll let Izzy decide when she opens it back up. 

And that’s it for today my friends.  Until next time, may you all find love and happiness.

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Dragon Laffs #2058

So, Nancy landed in Taiwan and, so far, nothing from China other than a big show of force.  Okay, I can live with that.  I’m not sure how we would react if one of China’s higher ups visited one of our Territories, but I don’t think we would threaten them with nuclear annihilation.  But, who am I to say.

Also, the PACT Act was passed last night with an overwhelming majority.  Depending on who you listen to, there are many different reasons why it passed this time and didn’t pass last week.  Regardless, it did pass this time and it’s a good thing.  Now, many, many vets will be helped that need the help.

I didn’t go out and play darts last night, Tuesday night, I should say.  I had a REALLY bad day.  Not sure why.  But, very tough day and I’m hoping and praying that  today is a better day.  I’m actually going into work today to teach a minor class for an hour or so today, with me going back to work full time in about ten day, I figured it would be okay to do that.

So, I’m sure you guys are tired of listening to me rambling, so…

I knew that Publix was expensive, but that’s just a little over the top…

That’s a heck of a rollback savings that’s more expensive than the original price.  Sounds like our government had a hand in that one.

H  O  L  Y    C  R  A  P  !  !  !  

GIVE BLOOD!

8 Billion Mosquitos Can’t Be Wrong.

Awwww…….!  That’s so sweet!  But……

I didn’t wear earrings for a long time and the holes closed.

Now I’m worried about my vagina.

The absolute definition of “Shit Happens”

So, I was in the shoe store the other day trying on a pair when I said to the salesman, “It’s too tight.”  He told me to try it with the tongue out and I said, “Ith thtill thoo thight.”

If  I’m not mistaken, it’s also taken in front of the same house.

There isn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for a Klondike Bar!

I just saw where Revlon is going to declare bankruptcy.  Things are going to get ugly.

If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.

Noble gases should have no reaction.

Okay, it’s just a cool picture.  I can’t come up with anything.

I hate it when TV shows say they contain “Adult Situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills, cleaning up after their kids, doing household chores, or any other Adult things.

This next one REALLY cracked me up!!

So very, very true!

SERVICES PROVIDED:  If you ever get ghosted by a person you just slept with, give me their number, I’ll call to tell  them we’ve just found your body, that they are the last known person to see you alive and demand they come to the station to answer a few questions.

I have an amazing superpower — I can melt ice cubes by staring at them.

It takes me quite a long time, but it does work.

If we are ever in a “Don’t Laugh” situation… don’t look over at me!

Me:  Please bring me a screwdriver.

Wife:  Flathead, Phillips, or Vodka?

And that’s when I knew she was the one.

Legal gun owners have 300 million guns and probably a trillion rounds of ammo.  If we were the problem, you’d know it.

You’re kidding yourself if you think it won’t happen!

Due to personal reasons I will be saying “aye” and “arggg” instead of yes and no from now on.  Please respect my piracy during this difficult time.

Can’t believe we don’t have world peace after changing the name on pancake boxes and syrup bottles.

And that’s it for today my friends.  I hope you all have a GREAT day and that you have enjoyed this as much as I have.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Dragon Laffs #2057

Today, as I’m writing this, it’s Saturday.  Although you guys are reading this on Monday.  I’d like to start out with a really good comment from Jim, about the Last Word that we talked about on Saturday.  You remember that?  The Pact Act?  Yeah, you remember.

Jim

3 hours ago

Dragon Laffs #2056

I agree with Steward of taking care of our veterans. But he didn’t know that the fat head of the senate attached a lie in that bill to add 400 billion for their green new wants and desires that increased the bill to over 700 billion. The conservatives said no, only for the vets with nothing else, and the dems caved in. The original bill is to be intro to the senate for approval next week.

Now this makes much more sense why the Republican Senators would stop the bill.  And why the dems would throw something stupid in there to try to get it passed.  I’m so tired of hearing all  this green bullshit thrown around when it makes no sense. 

Let’s stop drilling in the United States to save our country, but then buy oil from overseas and ship it by boat, that burns so much more oil to get it here.  What friggin’ sense does THAT make for the green earth? 

Let’s get all these electric cars.  When our electric grid can’t handle the burden we have NOW and we’re going to increase it?  Where are all these cars going to get charged?  Where are all these lithium batteries going to get made?  Where is all the lithium?  Oh yeah…Afghanistan!

Friggin’ Morons!

Thank you Jim, for pointing this out.  No one on the news is pointing this out.  I’m glad to see that we are bringing you Breaking News here at Dragon Laffs.  And it’s all thanks to Jim.

Parts of Kentucky and Las Vegas and I-70 near St. Louis and several other places across the country are under water as we speak.  Izzy Dragon says it’s the Wrath of God (because the casinos were flooding in Vegas).  It’s always something. 

The news is not worth watching…although…with Pelosi’s planned trip to Taiwan and China threatening to respond violently if she does, that might become interesting.  I mean, let’s say, hypothetically, if The Wicked Witch of the West’s plane was to … oh, I don’t know. … be shot down, let’s say, hypothetically — there’s a couple of reactions we have to have:

**We’re pissed off because of all those innocent people on board (because you know she would have a plane full of people with her)
**We’re pissed off because “HOW FUCKING DARE China!
**We’re American, we can fly anywhere we want (if we’re invited).  
**Now we HAVE to respond appropriately,  not just go home with our tail between our legs, like Brandon will want to do.
**And I’m not going to put down, in writing, the obvious last point because, hey, this is a public forum and I’m not stupid.

Izzy says, but who would we get next?  It doesn’t matter.  NO ONE would be as bad as her for Speaker of the house.  I can’t imagine a worse geriatric, drunken, bully.

Anyway, that’s enough about that.  I’ve gotten my political ranting out of my system for now.  So, let’s get on to the good stuff.

No doubt!  I have GOT to do this to Izzy Dragon!  She is the Mac and Cheese Queen!

Sometimes, not saying anything is the best answer.  You see, silence can never be misquoted.

Apparently exercise helps you with decision making.  It’s true.  I went for a run this morning and decided I’m never going again.

I’m about 5 lbs. away from Google Maps mistaking me for a roundabout. 

If I was to have a tattoo, it would look a lot like this.

I envy people that grow old gracefully.  They age like a fine wine.

I’m aging like milk.  Getting sour and chunky.

If a Vampire bites a Zombie, does the Zombie become a Vampire, or does the Vampire become a Zombie?

There is no better feeling than someone playing with your hair or running their fingers down your back…

Unless you thought you were alone.

Impish Dragon’s Angels … yes, I  know we’ve done it before, but it’s so much fun with a new picture, I just had to do it again.

Yes, it truly is.

A mosquito just landed on my husband’s face…

Easiest decision of my life.

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

A man and a woman were traveling in a train. 

Woman:  Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place. 

Man:  Awwww…….!  Are you single? 

Woman:  No.  I’m a Dentist.

My wife asked me if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner…

So I took the battery out of the smoke alarm.

Well, that correction changes things just a little bit.

That’s one hell of an optical illusion.  

Yeah, I know you’ve probably seen it in a dozen different formats before, but it’s still funny.

“Wanna play ‘Go Fish’?”

What do you call two guys above a window? 

Kurt and Rod

Does he really not understand how friggin’ stupid he looks?

A nice, western wedding…until you see the guy with the blow up dinosaur…

House key?  Liquor cabinet?  Gun cabinet?  Chasidy belt?  I’m really stumped here.  The key to the lock of the box that the key is locked up in?

Or if you’re hungry go buy food.

What an absolutely stunning picture!

I don’t know why the Invisible Man was so misunderstood…

I thought he made himself clear.

And apparently polls, as well.

Go ahead and ask the democrats…they’ll say, “Inflation?  What inflation?”

Stopped by a roadside stand that said Lobster Tails $2.  So, I paid my $2 and the man behind the counter turns to me and says, “Once upon a time there was this lobster…”

Think about it for a minute, it will come to you.

Apparently, they grow cloves of garlic significantly different sizes in different places.

Scientifically Proven Fact: 

(From our dear friend Joe in New Jersey)

Bath Towels Are The Leading Cause Of Dry Skin!

THAT’S rough!

Nope, no inflation here…

And that, my friends and dear family, is that for this episode of your favorite ezine on the interwebz!  Tune-in again on Thursday when you should be able to find us again to laugh with.  Until then, be happy, be loved, and be well.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment