Dragon Laffs #1981

So, we are going to try a little preemptive humor and request for prayers.  It’s quite possible that while a lot of you are reading this, especially if you are reading this later than it’s published, that Izzy Dragon and I may be going through Mrs. Dragon’s funeral Mass and after … ceremony (whatever that ends up looking like).  I say that because I’m not sure what that’s going to look like because her family, that is, her side of the family is setting that up.  Anyway, if you are not busy at 2 pm eastern time on Monday and happen to think about it, or anytime say from 2 to 4 you might send up some good thoughts for Izzy and myself to help us through, it would be deeply appreciated. 

Okay, now to the preemptive humor part.  We’re going to try to throw some laughter in here right now, because Mary loved to laugh.  Well, that’s kind of a silly thing to say, isn’t it?  Doesn’t everyone love to laugh? 

Not really. 

At least, not in my limited experience. 

I’ve actually met people who DON’T want to laugh.  And of course, I’ve made it my goal to, at the very least, get a smile out of them.  And a real smile, not a smirk, or a fake, get out of my face, get rid of you, smile.  And I must say, I’ve been probably 90% successful.  And I don’t think that’s so bad. 

So without TOO much further ado, why don’t we …

Boy, ain’t that the truth!  There’s nothing funnier than someone getting upset over something that was meant as a joke and ALL the rest of us KNOW is a joke, but some moron is going to be “offended” or “upset” by it.

Me:  I need a doctor’s appointment.  

Receptionist:  Okay [checks bookings]  How about 10 tomorrow?  

Me:  No, I don’t need that many.

Me:  Hey, can I get a cheap shot?  

Bartender:  You’re ugly and no one loves you.  

Me:  I didn’t ask for a double.  

Bartender:  On the house.

 

We’ve been around people so much lately, we definitely need those shots.

Flu?  COVID?

Nope.  Tequila.

 

Wood Carving of my Great, Great Grandfather Hysterical Dragon

I never realized how funny I was until I started talking to myself.

Yup, gonna need one of those.

I’ve been disgusted before, but not like this…

Decided to try magnetic lashes.  Now my eyelid is stuck to the fridge. 

Send help.

Yeah, I don’t know why…

For you Navy types out there, here’s a GREAT link.  US Navy year in photos for 2021 Ihttps://www.navy.mil/Resources/Blogs/Detail/Article/2881511/us-navy-2021-the-year-in-photos/

If we started burying the dead with their shoelaces tied together, we wouldn’t have to worry about a zombie apocalypse anymore.

 

Realized I had to pee
Got up and walked to the pantry…forgot why I was going to the pantry.
Remembered I had to pee so went to the bathroom.
Sitting on the toilet remembered why I was going to the pantry…to get toilet paper.

 

I may not be the best looking or the funniest out there, but let me tell you something…I’m also not the smartest.

Just an aside here…thanks to Leah, Joe, Stephanie, Pete, and all the rest of you that I can’t possibly remember right now who have and continue to send me encouraging words in emails and comments.  They mean a whole lot and help more than I can say.

Man, I really love my furniture…me and my recliner go way back.

I’m pretty sure I only need one more bad decision and I’ll own the whole set.

And that my friends is it for tonight if I’m going to have this ready for tomorrow.  Keep us in your prayers for the day, I think we’re going to need it.  Love and happiness to you all.

 

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Dragon Laffs #1980

Well, I don’t know how well this is going to work, but I find myself with some free time this morning.  And you guys … and I … have suffered my rantings enough, at least for the time being, and last night I slept for the first time all the way through the night.  I still can’t sleep with the lights out.  Not really sure why that is, but I don’t feel comfortable being in the dark yet.  But, I did sleep the whole night through.  I woke up feeling fairly refreshed.  Got up, took a shower, shaved (haven’t done that in several days), took care of the doggies; Izzy Dragon is still asleep and I hope resting comfortably.  And I thought, maybe I’d try to put together something of a regular issue.  See how that works.  Because we all know that laugher … or at least some smiles … is probably the best medicine for all of us right now.  I know that being a family, like we are, you guys are suffering to some degree right along with me.  Your heartfelt comments and emails show me that, so what do you say we try to do a little laughing … or smiling today.  For us.

 

Weirdest looking chicken breast that I’ve ever seen.

The old “My Cat Made Me Do It” Defense.

YUCK!

Might wake up early and go running, but I also might win the lottery…the odds are about the same.

I ran out of coffee this morning.
Jameson seemed like a reasonable replacement.
Everyone is so pretty today.

On our way to the … no, even I can’t go there.

 

Reading is just staring at a dead piece of wood for hours and hallucinating.

Yeah, okay, just because it’s beautiful.

John S. sent this to me and I’m going to send it to you.  Normally I’d edit it a little bit, but I’m starting to run out of steam (seams I’m not fully up to par yet) so I’m just going to copy and paste:

Apparently the White House referred to Christmas Trees as Holiday Trees for the first time this year, which prompted CBS presenter Steven Levy to present this piece.
The following was written by Steven Levy and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.
My confession:

I don’t like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don’t think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can’t find it in the Constitution and I don’t like it being shoved down my throat…

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren’t allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that’s a sign that I’m getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it’s not funny, it’s intended to get you thinking.

In light of recent events… terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O’Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn’t want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school… The Bible says thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Steven Benjamin Spock said we shouldn’t spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock’s son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he’s talking about.. And we said okay..

Now we’re asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don’t know right from wrong, and why it doesn’t bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with ‘WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.’

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world’s going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send ‘jokes’ through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing yet?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you’re not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit.

If not, then just discard it… no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don’t sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.

Well, that’s it for now and not bad for a first effort.  Just got called over to the church and rather than finish this later I think I’ll just send it out.  Much love and happiness to you all and many, many, many thanks to each and every one of you for hanging with me and the words of encouragement and love that you’ve shared with me.  It’s still going to be rough, especially through this next week.

Impish Dragon

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My Continued Thanks

My continued thanks to you all who have written such kind words of support for me and my family.  They are deeply appreciated.  I know at least one of you have donated to Izzy’s Go Fund Me page and THAT as well is deeply appreciated, but because I asked her not to involve me in that aspect of it, (since I am so overwhelmed with everything … EVERYTHING else), that’s all I know, but I’m sure that Dragon Laffs has done it’s normal exemplary job.  

So, the obituary is located here: https://www.eddyfuneralhomes.com/obituary/Mary-Wydock

The lady at the funeral home said that it wasn’t the longest obituary she’s ever had on the website, but it’s definitely close.

My dear, sweet colonel, when I asked her about the car, said that there was more wrong with it than they original thought and we should probably get it back sometime next week.  That it was still a bit cheaper than buying a good used car.  

Well, fuck.

So, anyway, the only reason I was really writing to you guys today was to give you the obit and now you have it and now I have to get back to the other things I need to get done.  I’m trying really hard not to get more ranty than I already am.  Enjoy the obituary, it’s really good.  It’s mostly a collaboration between one of her sisters and myself.  We make a pretty good writing team.

Love and Happiness to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon 

 

 

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If you wish to help…

Okay, so this post is going to be different and shorter.

I wasn’t going to do this, but I have been urged by several of you to say something, so I am going to and because Izzy has asked me to as well.  If you wish to help, with what I am sure is going to be outrageous medical bills, car repair expenses, furnace repair, etc. (and yes, this is being edited by Izzy).  (Izzy, if you get to throw the car and the furnace in there, I get to say it was you who did so!) (She is leaning over my shoulder as I write this…) Anyway, of course you can always hit the donation button at the top of the page and donate just like you would for anything else.

Additionally, and unbeknownst to me, Izzy has started a Go Fund Me page because she is worried about the medical bills.  (Aww, isn’t it sweet!  They grow up so fast!) (Yes, that was sarcasm.)  She did it all on her own and didn’t even tell me about it until after it was a done deal and no matter how much I told her that I kinda felt like that was begging, she told me to shut up and stay in my lane.  She’s over 18 so there’s very little I can do about it, but now she’s forcing me to send it out to you guys.  Here’s the email she sent to me to send to you:

I thought you might be interested in supporting this GoFundMe, https://gofund.me/c93b664b

Even a small donation could help reach the fundraising goal. And if you can’t make a donation, it would be great if you could share the fundraiser to help spread the word.

Thanks for taking a look!

So, now I’m supposed to ask you to please share it with all your friends.  Can I get to the rest of what I want to say now, Izzy?

Okay, we’re alone now.  Geez, what a bossy kid we raised.  But…I sure am proud of that little dragonette.

Anyway, a little bit of good news today, and I will take every scrap of that I can get.  Well, TWO pieces actually.  We nailed down the time and date of Mary’s services.  It’s going to be 2 pm on Monday, so there is time to plan and such.  Once the obituary is up, I’ll send you guys a link, which will then give you all the information on both of us you’ll ever want to know, but hey, we’re all old friends by now.  I think it’s only fair since a lot of you will go searching for it anyway…I know I would.

And the second bit of good news is that the car is not a TOTAL loss.  It is repairable, so that beats the hell out of trying to buy a new one, or in what would have been the case a “good enough used one.”  Don’t ask me what is wrong with it because my dear commander is handling the details and she is not sharing.  When I asked she said, don’t worry about it, you have enough to worry about right now, it’s not a total wreck, it’s fixable and being fixed.  You should have it back by the end of the week and it’s only taking that long because they’re quite busy right now cause it’s that time of the year.

So, that’s my update for today.  No ranting tonight.  Last night’s almost killed me and I don’t think my emotions can handle another one like that one for a while.  I did actually laugh today.  Izzy made me laugh and it was a great feeling.

I’m going through some old pictures of Mary for the services and came across an old video and accidently hit play.  It was very short, only like ten seconds or so, and Izzy was laying across Mary’s lap rolling around and Mary was laughing like hell.  It made me laugh for just a second and then it made me cry for like 3 solid minutes.

But…

That     one     second     was     GLORIOUS!

I just might make it out of this alive.

Love and Happiness to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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Continuing to Share My Grief With My Other Family

I’ve always used the color blue to denote when I’m speaking to you, as me, and black when it was from anyone else, but to me, blue is a happy color, and I can’t do that right now, so if this is confusing to any of you, I apologize for that.
I have to keep writing.  It’s either that or go absolutely in-fucking-sane.  I’m still a writer at heart.  Always have been.  Even though, over the years, this has become less about my voice and more about your voices and your memes and our laughter together.  Well, for the next little while, if you’re willing to stick with me and ride along, this is going to be about my survival as a living, functioning human being.  Because, you understand, that human beings can’t continue to live and breath without a functioning heart and right now, mine is gone. It has been taken away.
But maybe, just maybe, by screaming when I need to, crying when I want to, talking to friends and family when they are available, having long thoughtful arguments with God at convenient and inconvenient opportunities, and then writing to rid my veins and arteries of the pestilence that builds up and thickens and hardens them … there is the slightest of chances that I can come out of this as a real live boy.
Write or die Mr. Dragon.  It’s your choice, sir!
Well…
If I HAVE to choose…
I guess…
(Sigh)
I will fucking well write.
Yes, that is indeed what it sounds like in my head, at least right now, anyway.

First, before it gets TOO crazy in here, let me PROFUSELY thank Leah and Don for your amazing gift/donation.  Yes, expenses are getting crazy already and yours will be extraordinarily useful.  Thank you very, very much.

Next, to the many, many of you who have sent me comments and emails of encouragement and sorrow and kind words and sympathy, I wish I could take the time to thank each and every one of you individually and give each of you a moment in time to wrap you in big dragon wings and hug you all because you have all touched me so deeply.  But, there have been so many of you, that I can’t do that and still have time to do anything else.  Please, keep writing to me and telling me your own stories, they all help, truly they do, because they show me that someone else has made it out the other side when I’m still trapped in the darkness convinced that there is no way out.

And  to show you that I’m not being done fucked with yet, (the hits just keep on coming) now continues the …     …     well, I would say the REST of the story, but I’m not 100% sure that they are done fucking with me yet.  Anyway, our story continues…

I  wake up Monday morning, 38 hours or so after the death of my wife, 60 hours or so after the death of my car, 80 some odd hours after the death of my mailbox, portions of my fence, etc. (you see where I’m going with this, right?) and I hear a strange noise coming from my basement.  What lives in the basement that you need in the wintertime?  Silly question, why your furnace, of course!  So, that, of course would be the next thing that would start to give our intrepid dragon trouble.  It’s making a very strange sound every time the blower motor kicks on and come to think of it, the blower motor is kicking on quite frequently, don’t you think?  I certainly do!

Long story short, I make a call to my dear, wonderful colonel, cry on the phone, she says, “It’s just stuff, we can get stuff fixed.”  And within 2 hours there’s a guy at my house working on my furnace.

For 3 fucking hours.

We’ve only lived here for 6 years and the furnace was just about new when we moved in and the guy said it has not been working right since it was installed, but it picked this particular day, in the midst of EVERYTHING else that’s going on, to finally give up the ghost.  I’m giving you a VERY simplistic explanation as to the problem and the solution for literary effect, trust me, it makes sense.  It could have broken down last season, it could have waited till next season, why did it pick THIS season, in the midst of all the rest of this crap going on, to break down?

I     just     don’t      get     it.  I don’t understand.  What in the hell have I done to deserve this abuse?  This pure hell?

Mary’s family have started calling me Job.  (Job, not job.  Like from the Bible.  The guy that God kicks his ass with all the trials?  Job?  As in the Patience of Job?  Oh, come on you heathens!)  Oh, and to add insult to injury, the tow truck showed up to tow the car at the same time as the heater guy and the heater guy had to wait.  Nice, right.  The guy rushes over, doing my colonel a favor and now he has to wait cause there’s a tow truck in his way.

So, now we’re going to talk about blessings for a minute then I’m going to let you guys go for the night cause I’m starting to run out of steam.  I’ve cried WAY too many times today.  Anyway, the Base Chaplin brought over dinner tonight that his lovely wife made for Izzy and I.  Wonderful meal.  So very thoughtful.  One of the things I’ve discovered is that I would have already been dead by now if it wasn’t for Izzy Dragon reminding me to eat.  I don’t want to eat, I don’t feel like eating and the actual thought of eating makes me feel sick.  So, anyway, Chaplain…dinner…and he stays and talks with us while we’re eating, keeping us company and I decide to talk to him about my anger with God because, you know, hey, Chaplain, he’s like God’s rep here on earth, right?  And I tell him about the whole furnace thing breaking down and how it could have been ANY time since it’s basically been broken since it’s been installed, why did it have to be RIGHT NOW when I’m already in the midst of so much other CRAP going on in my life, that it HAS TO BE RIGHT NOW.  WHAT KIND OF BENEVOLENT FUCKING GOD WOULD DO THAT TO ONE OF HIS ADORING CHILDREN!!

And he said the oddest thing to me.  He said, “But maybe this is the perfect time.”

What the fuck?

And after some discussion and some thought, this is the best way I can describe it to you.  See if you can follow along.  God says, “Impish, I have this truly horrendously shitty thing I have to do to you.  It’s gonna happen, ain’t nuthin’ I can do about it.  Deals already been struck.  Mary’s time is up.  AND, I’ve got a bunch of little shitty stuff to do to you that I can spread out over time to give you a break, but I’m not going to.  Now, I’ve been preparing you and Mary for this for quite some time.  Every year on your anniversary I’ve given you a little taste, and I’ve had you care for Mary’s health over the last couple of years, you know this.  So, this is what I’m going to do.  I’m going to give you the really bad shitty thing.  That’s going to gather you this HUGE support system around you and give you strength and friends and family and love and support and everything you are going to need to get through this, then I’m going to throw all the rest of this shit at you, one right after the other after the other because you now have all these wonderful people gathered around you and they are going to take care of you and make sure you get through it and that is going to be the biggest testimony of MY LOVE IN YOUR LIFE.

and…

and…

see Mary what a wonderful thing it is we have?          Mary?          Honey?

Mary?

DON’T YOU SEE I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHEN YOU TOOK MY HEART AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!!! 

I feel as though I should apologize because of how hard that made me cry to write.  I sobbed so loudly I woke Izzy up and she ran down stairs and hugged me for 5 minutes.  But that last part just poured from me.  And now I’m wiped out, so, again.  Thank you all for your love and support.  It’s going to be what gets me through.  Love and Happiness to you all.  I.D.

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