Okay, a couple of things…

A week ago I told you about making two of the World Famous Lasagna Bobs for a fund raising event. It was an auction. 

One went for $60 and the other for $75, so I was pretty pleased.

Work, helping out two different churches, the world situation, and having a girlfriend have completely worked me over this week. So I apologize for missing Saturday. I’m going to try and make it up  to you tonight…Saturday night…when I should be out with Holly.

I’m such a bad boyfriend.

More than 2 hours away from me … darn it!

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband’s libido.

‘What about trying Viagra?’ asked the doctor.

‘Not a chance’, she said… ‘He won’t even take an aspirin.’

‘Not a problem,’ replied the doctor. ‘Give him an ‘Irish Viagra’…

‘What is Irish Viagra?’, she asked. It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won’t even taste it.

Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.

It was a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, ‘Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T’was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!’

‘Really? What happened?’ asked the doctor.

‘Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate.

He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arms, he sent me cups and saucers flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! Twas a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!’

‘Why so terrible?’ asked the doctor, ‘Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn’t good?’

‘Freakin’ jaysus, it was the best sex I’ve had in 25 years! But sure as I’m sittin’ here, I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again.

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband’s libido.

‘What about trying Viagra?’ asked the doctor.

‘Not a chance’, she said… ‘He won’t even take an aspirin.’

‘Not a problem,’ replied the doctor. ‘Give him an ‘Irish Viagra’…

‘What is Irish Viagra?’, she asked. It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won’t even taste it.

Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.

It was a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, ‘Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T’was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!’

‘Really? What happened?’ asked the doctor.

‘Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate.

He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arms, he sent me cups and saucers flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! Twas a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!’

‘Why so terrible?’ asked the doctor, ‘Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn’t good?’

‘Freakin’ jaysus, it was the best sex I’ve had in 25 years! But sure as I’m sittin’ here, I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again.

Read this question, come up  with an answer, and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is  not a trick question. It is as it reads. No one I know has gotten it right  – including me. (You’ll appreciate this fact soon enough…)

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met this guy whom she did not know. 

She thought this guy was amazing, 

She believed him to be her dream and  she fell in love with him right there but did not ask for his number and no  matter how hard she tried she could not find him.

A few days  later she killed her sister. Question: What is her motive in killing  her sister? Give this some thought before you answer. 
(Scroll Down)

 

Keep going!
























Answer:  She was hoping the  guy would appear again at the next funeral.

If you answered this  correctly, you think like a psychopath. 

This was a test by a famous  American Psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a  killer.

Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and  answered the question correctly. If you didn’t answer the question  correctly – good for you.

If you got the answer correct, please  let me know so I can take you off of my email list — unless that will tick you off, then I’ll just be extra nice to you from now on.

Minnesota Law

All men driving motorcycles must wear shirts. 

I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

• Sam Kinison (1953 -1992)

I had an early morning visitor…

That is so sweet!

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice . 
————————– 
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. 
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. 
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow. 
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done. 
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. 
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. 
– ————————- 
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

• Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)

Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life  thinking they had no faults at all.

And that’s it my friends. Wish it were longer. May you be blessed.

It’s been one of those weeks.

I’m writing this on my phone while on the fly. I’m working all week and this weekend so I haven’t had two minutes to do anything.

I will try for Monday, but no promises. It’s a difficult time for the military and in my private life.

Maybe I’ll explain some of it on Monday.

Until then my dear friends, stay safe, be loved, and may God pour out His blessings on you all.

Impish

Sunday night.

Late.

Taking tomorrow off so I can make Lasagna Bob for Holly’s church for an auction to  raise money tomorrow night.  I’ve got two lasagnas going for them and one for my assistant.  I spent probably $50 on ingredients, so I hope they raise at least that much, otherwise it would be easier to just donate the money.

We’ll see and I’ll let you know.

In the meantime, for a little bit before I go to bed, …

A couple were invited to a Halloween masquerade party…

That night, the wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

He, being a devoted husband, protested…

But she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and that he should go alone and enjoy himself.

So, he took his costume and away he went…

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party.

As her husband didn’t know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

So, she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor…

Dancing with every girl he could, copping a little kiss here and there.

His wife went up to him, and being a rather seductive woman herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her instead.

She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband…

After a few more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had some fun in the back seat.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed…

Wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked how his night was.

“Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”

“Uh huh,” she said, “Did you dance much?”

He replied, “To tell you the truth, I never even danced one dance… ”

“When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we just went into the spare room and played poker all evening.”

“But the guy who borrowed my costume said… ”

“He had the time of his life!”

Cousin Eddie. 

Hey! MY FORD can keep up!

That’s it my friends.  The lasagna’s turned out great, hope they make lots of money tonight.  Until next time, be blessed, be happy, be loved.

Yes, I know Halloween was two days ago…for you. For me, it’s tonight. Holly and I are planning on going to the movies. I was going to get up early and mow the lawn one more time, but then the rain came and so instead, I’m getting ahead and spending time with you guys while I sit on the couch, drink coffee and the TV is on in the background.

There’s a ton of crap going on right now, isn’t there? “Everyone should have 90 days worth of supplies for the upcoming …” The upcoming what? The Chinese are supposed to be shutting down our electrical grid, Iran is going to launch ICBMs at us, and the apocalypse is in the way.

Well, that last one is true, but not until after the Rapture, seven years of tribulation, and I’m not going to be here for any of that. Neither should any of you.

Don’t get me wrong, EVERYONE should have an emergency kit at home, but shutting down our electrical grid for 90 days? If they do shut down our grid, it’s going to be for a heck of a lot longer than 90 days. Oh, some of the bigger cities will probably get their power back in 90 days, but here in fly-over country? Doubtful.  

But, in all honesty, I think it’s just are asinine leadership over-reacting. But, that’s just me. And if I’m proved wrong…well…we’ll all know soon enough.

But, in the mean time, … 

Okay, I didn’t get all of them, but here are my answers to the ones I did get:

1. Sandbox
2. Man over board
3. I understand
4. Reading space?
5. Long underwear
6. Cross roads
7. Down town
8. Tricycle
9. Unlevel?
10. 3 degrees below zero
11. ?
12. ?
13. Highchair
14. ?
15. Touchdown
16. 5 feet underground
17. Mind over matter
18. He’s beside himself
19. Backward glance
20. ?
21. ?
22. Space program
23. ?
24. Just between you and me

Okay, so I can’t get it to play here, so you have to click on the following link. Trust me, it’s worth it.

LINK

Sounds like my ex…except it wasn’t mating she was screaming for.

259 x 67 x 39 = 676767

That’s it my friends. I hope you enjoyed as much as I did.

Welcome to the Halloween issue. 

I’ll try not to make it all about Halloween, but it is that time of year.

Last year (I think it was last year) we had our first trick-or-treaters ever living in this house. Living on a busy State Road with so many other houses to go to, I understand why, I have a tiny bit of candy just in case, but I really don’t expect anyone.

I’m sitting here on Friday afternoon, waiting for the plumber to show up for a leaker shower and to come and do my annual heater inspection, so I’ll try to get as much of this knocked out while I wait and finish up when I come home tonight.

So, without further ado…

This should be posted EVERYWHERE!

FAKE NEWS!!! No knight in shining armor has EVER killed a dragon!!!

From an old turkey to a youngster.

“I’ve found that the key to a long life is to stay indoors eight weeks after you see smiling pumpkins.”

An exciting news flash from Joe:

Impish, 

Rumor has it that that the American Bar (Legal) Assoc. will build their 

infamous museum in ‘Sioux City Iowa’. 

Love those Church Ladies…
  
They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.

 

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. 
————————– 
The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’ 
————————– 
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. 
————————– 
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you. 
————————– 
Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help. 
————————– 
Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. 
————————– 
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 
————————– 
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. 
————————– 
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 
————————– 
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. 

Made a new bucket list. 

Number #1 thing on it is:

 “DON’T KICK IT!”

That’s it my friends, and I’m out of time. The plumber just texted me and told me he’s on his way.

Which is good since he’s an hour and a half late.

Until next time, be blessed, be happy, be loved.