Notice of Delay

Due to no Wi-Fi for last 5 days and more hassle and frustration than any one Dragon should put up with in a lifetime, there will be no issue on Saturday.  There  may be an issue on Sunday.

Just so you know, Mom and everyone else who may be worried, I am physically ok.  Dealing well with the pain and getting a tiny bit better every day.

Mentally and emotionally … meh…

Going to send this before the pop up storm that is currently thrashing us pushes me back off line.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

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Leprechaun Laughs # 412 for September 20th 2017

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Still not in a great mood or feeling very talkative. The way things are going for me it might be quite sometime before I get back of my old talkative self.

I will however make this one observation to you:

While all these end of the Hurricane Season major Hurricanes have not sold me on that global warming bunk even if it is spouted by Richard Branson, along with the nuclear antics of North Korea’s Kim Jong-un certainly have me boning up on my Book of Revelations with regard to the end of days.

Varrom

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Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg. Paddy says, “Me feet are freezing, mate. Could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?”

“No bother,” he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy’s two stunning 19-year-old twin daughters sitting on their beds. “Hello dere, girls. Your Da’ sent me up here to shag ya both.”

“Fook off you liar!.”

“I’ll prove it” Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs, “Both of them, Paddy?”

“Of course! What’s the use of fookin’ one?”

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Lethal had had a hard day at the office and was taking the Commuter train. He was in his seat and closed his eyes hoping to catch a quick nap. As the train rolled out of the station, a woman sitting next to him pulled out her cell phone.

She started talking in a loud voice: “Hi sweetheart. It’s Sue.

I’m on the train”. “Yes, I know it’s the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting”. “No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss”.

“No sweetheart, you’re the only one in my life”.

“Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart!”

Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly. When Lethal sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone, “Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed.”

Sue doesn’t use her cell phone in public any longer.

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Home Free Releases Uplifting ‘God Blessed Texas’ Cover To Benefit Hurricane Victims

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Home Free burst onto the country music scene in 2013 following their epic win on the NBC singing competition The Sing Off. The Minnesota-based a cappella group gained a large and faithful following with their jaw-dropping country and crossover music covers. 

The talented quintet is reaching out to their mass following with a cover of Little Texas‘ “God Blessed Texas” in an effort to show their support and to help raise funds for those affected by Hurricane Harvey in Texas and Hurricane Irma in the Southeast U.S. 

The cause is especially dear to the vocal band because their bass singer, Tim Foust, is a native of Texas and knows many that were personally affected by the catastrophic storm.

“As a Texan, I was heartbroken to see the effects of Hurricane Harvey,” said Tim Foust.  “And as a native of Nederland, it’s devastating knowing that 500,000 people have been affected in my community alone.”

As a way to celebrate the resilience of Texans and bring joy to those who are starting the process of cleanup and rebuilding, Home Free wanted to record a special version of “God Blessed Texas” with all proceeds from sales and streaming going to benefit the relief efforts. 

In addition, the group has also started a YouCaring campaign to raise money and awareness for those affected.  The goal is to raise $100,000 by September 29. The money raised through this YouCaring campaign will go to the Nederland Church of Christ Disaster Relief Fund and the Southeast Texas Food Bank. The money will go to help Southeast Texas get back on their feet by providing food, water, shelter, school supplies, beds, cleaning supplies, tools, and more.  

To contribute to Home Free’s YouCaring campaign, click here

Download or stream “God Blessed Texas” at the links below. You can see the full video here.  Sorry but Youtube is understandably blocking my linking to it directly. 

Download this song on iTunes.
Download this song on Amazon.
Download this song on Google Play.
Stream this song on Spotify.
Stream this song on Apple Music.

 

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Sign seen on a college fraternity house:

VIRGINITY REDUCTION CLINIC TONIGHT
Bothered by the burden of excessive virginity?
Meet with our trained counselors for one-on-one help, or participate in a group session.
Anesthetics provided free of charge! All you’ll feel is a prick!
And we all know how small they are!!!!

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Irish Cop

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from London and is certain that he has a better education than any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop’s expense!

Irish cop says, “License and registration, please.”

London Lawyer says, “What for?”

Irish cop says, “Ye did nae come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”

London Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”

Irish cop says,”Ye still did nae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please.”

London Lawyer says, “What’s the difference?”

Irish cop says, “The difference is, ye have come to complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!”

London Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”

Irish cop says, “Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.”

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living crap out of the lawyer and says,

“Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?”

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A teacher asks the class to name things that end with the letters ‘tor’ that eat things. The first little boy says, “Alligator.” “Very good, that’s a big word.” The second boy says, “Predator.” “Yes, that’s another big word. Well done.”

Little Johnny says, “Vibrator.” After regaining her composure and nearly falling off her chair, she says,

“That is a big word, but it doesn’t eat anything.” “Well my Aunt Maryanne has one and she says it eats fucking batteries like there’s no tomorrow!”

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That folks is a graphite trolling rod after being hit by lighting from my understanding of it.

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Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, ‘Lillian, you should have remained a virgin… ‘

– Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)


Last week,

I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement…

– Mark Twain


The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and to have the two as close together as possible

– George Burns


Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

– Victor Borge


Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

– Mark Twain


By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy;

If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

– Socrates


I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

– Groucho Marx


My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.

Every now and then she stops to breathe.

– Jimmy Durante


I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

– Zsa Zsa Gabor


Only Irish coffee provides, in a single glass, all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

– Alex Levine


My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

– Rodney Dangerfield


Money can’t buy you happiness … But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

– Spike Milligan


Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.

– Joe Namath


I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.

– Bob Hope


I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it…

– W. C. Fields


We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

– Will Rogers


Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

– Winston Churchill


Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

– Phyllis Diller


By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.

– Billy Crystal

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Dragon Laffs #1558

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Campers

 

It’s currently Monday morning, and as I sit, waiting as patiently as possible to hear from my Dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior and my brother, the Owl, who both live in Florida and who both, for one reason or another, rode out Irma, I thought it would be a good time to start today’s issue.

Now, by the time you are reading this, I’m sure I’ll already know how they both are, so you can sit back and relax, no tension, but for me, at this moment, it’s a little nail biting.  My brother works at Disney, so I thought I’d throw a little bit of the mouse in today’s header.  That is an actual picture of Irma approaching the magic kingdom with the princess castle in the foreground.  Really kinda scary looking, if you ask me.

So, while we wait for word on what’s going on, why don’t we go ahead and get started on today’s issue?

Let's Laugh

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Several things wrong with that gift, from my point of view…but…I won’t go into them now, let’s just say that something like a vacuum or new set of pots and pans would have been much better.  Women like to buy personal items like nose hair trimmers and deodorant themselves, so they get what they truly want.  Just more of the usual insightful advice from your blue dragon.

public service

Let’s jump into a public service announcement that you need to pay attention to, courtesy of our great friends at Kim Komando.

Don’t fall for this elaborate phone scam

We’re talking about an elaborate phone scam that seems to be going viral. I actually know someone who recently fell victim to this racket.

Here’s how the scam went down. The victim received a call at her place of business claiming that her Social Security number had been stolen. The caller said he was a representative of a law firm and was on his way to deliver a subpoena.

Supposedly, the criminal used the victim’s Social Security number to take out a payday loan in her name. Since no repayments had been made, the loan company filed a lawsuit against her.

The alleged rep said he needed to verify some information if she wanted to resolve the issue. He already knew her business phone number and address, however, the home address he quoted her was wrong. He also wanted her to confirm her Social Security number.

Hopefully, you’re catching onto what’s happening here. Yep, you guessed it, the “rep” was a fraud.

The victim made the critical mistake of giving the fraudster her actual home address and Social Security number. She felt uncomfortable about the situation, unfortunately, this was after the fact, and contacted the Better Business Bureau (BBB). The BBB informed her that the number she received the call from was listed as fraudulent. Yikes!

This type of scam could happen to anyone. You really need to watch out for schemes like this, especially now, following the data breach at Equifax that has impacted an estimated 143 million people in the U.S.

Criminals will be ramping up scams associated with exposed Social Security numbers. You might find phishing emails in your inbox or receive scam phone calls piggybacking on the massive breach. It’s important that you’re prepared for everything.

How to handle scam phone calls

Follow this link: https://www.komando.com/happening-now/418660/dont-fall-for-this-incredibly-tricky-phone-scam?utm_medium=nl&utm_source=notd&utm_content=2017-09-10-article-title to read How to handle scam phone calls and the rest of the article

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Ever wonder where Mario Brothers came from?  Well, me too.  Let’s watch and find out.

 

Oh this next one is so true!

You Know You’re From New York When…
You’re 35 years old and don’t have a driver’s license.
You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available.
You take the train home and you know exactly where on the platform the doors will open that will leave you right in front of the exit stairway.
You know what a “regular” coffee is.
It’s not Manhattan…… It’s the “city”.
There is no north and south. It’s “uptown” or “downtown.” If you’re really from New York you have absolutely no concept of where north and south are…. And east or west is “crosstown.”
You cross the street anywhere but on the corners and you yell at cars for not respecting your right to do it.
You move 3,000 miles away, spend 10 years learning the local language and people still know you’re from Brooklyn the minute you open your mouth.
You return after 10 years and the first foods you want are a “real” pizza and a “real” bagel.
A 500 square foot apartment is large.
You know the differences between all the different Ray’s pizzas.
You are not under the mistaken impression that any human being would be able to actually understand a p.a. Announcement on the subway.
You wouldn’t bother ordering pizza in any other city.
You get ready to order dinner every night and must choose from the major food groups which are: Chinese, Italian, Mexican or Indian.
You’re not the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year’s eve.
Your internal clock is permanently set to know when alternate side of the street parking regulations are in effect.
Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet.
You don’t even notice the lady walking down the road having a perfectly normal conversation with herself.
You pay “only” $230 a month to park your car.
The presidential visit is a major traffic jam, not an honor.
You can nap on the subway and never miss your stop.
The deli guy gives you a straw with any beverage you buy, even if it’s a beer.

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Dragon Pix

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From Left to Right: Impish Dragon, Lethal Leprechaun, Diaman, …

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I’m 100% sure that there is a perfectly logical explanation behind this one…other than snow diving, which is sure what it looks like to me.

This next one is for Lethal. 

One day, a very genteel Texas lady was driving across a high bridge  in Austin. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin’ to jump.
(“fixin'” in Texas means: has the means or abilities to take action).
She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, “Please don’t jump, think of your dear mother and father.”
He replied, ” My mom and dad are both dead; I’m going to jump.”
She said. “Well, think of your sweet wife and precious children.”
He replied, “I’m not married and I don’t have any kids.”
She said, “well, then you just remember the Alamo.”
He replied, “What’s the Alamo?”
She replied. “Well bless your heart!  You just go ahead and jump  you little Yankee Obama loving liberal left wing Democrat Bastard. You are holding up traffic.”

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Time for a family update.  Yup, just as I predicted, I have heard from both the Owl and Papa Dragon Most Senior and they are both alive and well.  Papa Dragon and Mrs. Papa Dragon went to Mrs. Papa Dragon’s Sister’s house to ride out the storm.  Their house is approximately 70 miles inland from where Papa Dragon lives so they figured it would be a safer haven than where they were at.  As it turns out, the reverse was true.  They got harder hit than Papa Dragon’s house did.  See, Papa built his house on a slight rise and was basically the highest land point in his neighborhood, so when he arrived back home on Wednesday, they had no flooding in their house at all.  And because of the steel shutters he installed before they left, there was no broken windows or significant damage to their house at all.  They got their electricity back later that morning and with it their TV, so they knew what was going on, but they didn’t have land-line telephone and because of a technological issue, Papa Dragon couldn’t be reached by cell phone.  So, other than some trees down on the property, he is doing quite well.

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Fantasy

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Cassandra, head of procurement for DL&LL Enterprises whose favorite phrase is, “You want it when?”

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Marriage is like a casino.  You go in all excited and optimistic, and you stumble out broke, drunk and talking to yourself.

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I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now.  I don’t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.

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A large dog walks into a butcher’s shop with a purse in its mouth.  He puts the purse down and sits in front of the meat case.  “What is it, boy?” the butcher asks, joking around with his customers.  “Want to buy some meat?”

“Woof!” barks the dog.

“Hmm,” says the butcher.  “Well, what kind of meat? Liver? Bacon? Steak?…

“Woof!” interrupts the dog.

“And how much steak?  Half a pound, one pound…”

“Woof!” says the dog.  The amazed butcher wraps up the meant and finds the money in the dog’s purse.

As the dog leaves, the butcher decides to follow.  The dog enters an apartment house, climbs to the third floor, and begins to scratch on the door.  With that, the door whips open and an angry man starts shouting at the dog.

“Stop!” yells the butcher.  “What are you doing?  That’s the most clever animal I’ve ever seen!”

“Clever?” counters the man.  “This is the third time this month he’s forgotten his keys!”

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Karma, Kismet, Fate…whatever you wish to call it, when you see it in action it is well worth the watch.

How Politics Work

I told my son, “You will marry the girl I choose.”
He said, “No.”
I told him, “She is bill gates daughter.”
He said, “Yes.”
I called bill gates and said, “I want your daughter to marry my son,”
Bill gates said, “No.”
I told bill gates, “My son is the C.E.O. Of world bank.”
Bill gates said, “Ok.”
I called the president of world bank and asked him to make my son the C.E.O.
He said, “No.”
I told him, “My son is bill gates son-in-law”
He said, “Ok.”
This is how politics work.

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Motivational

Naughty News

Navigation

Necking

neckstand

Neighbors Wife

neoconservatism

We need to send some democracy to North Korea.

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This is not normally where I’d end my issue, but today pain is a real problem, so this is what you get.  I hope you guys have a great week until we meet again.

Cheers Impish

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Leprechaun Laughs # 411 for Wednesday Sept 13th 2017

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I’m pressed for time, not feeling particularly well or chatty this week, plus I’m basically unfit for polite company, largely due to my mood. So please excuse the lack of introductory remarks.

Porkys 3 D

!cid_ii_12f4e954a6c8e4af

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I’m wishing that everyone in the path of Hurricane Irma stays safe and healthy, most especially our friends family and loved one ( i.e. Poppa Dragon Most Senior) through et another terrifying natural disaster. Please says prayers and think supportive thoughts for them as you did for me.

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And all ya’ll though we were gun nuts in Texas? Might be true, but we’re smarter than to shoot at a Hurricane!

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Brings  a whole new dimension to the term “nutcracker” doesn’t it?

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Redneck Etiquette

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3. It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a

U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT

1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to

“bruise” the fruit of the vine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat from the table … no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL H YGIENE

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys.

2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.

3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING (Outside the Family)

1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.

2. Be aggressive. Let her know you’re interested: “I’ve been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.”

3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say “Monday.” If the latter is the answer, it is the man’s responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATER ETIQUETTE

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.

2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can’t hear you.

WEDDINGS

1. Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say “yes” to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.

2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

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I’ve been saying for years that TV has gone to the dogs. Now apparently there is proof.

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For those who cannot read the sign atop the mailbox it reads: ‘No Wake Zone’

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One day a young woman had just started playing her round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.

Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, ‘Why are you back in so early? What’s wrong?’

‘I was stung by a bee’, she said.

‘Where?’, he asked.

‘Between the first and second hole’, she replied.

He nodded knowingly and said,

‘Then your feet were too far apart.

Gregorian – The Sound of Silence

 

Person 1: Did you hear that (name of your favorite politician) isn’t going to run for (office name)??

Person 2: No, why not?

Person 1: During their last colonoscopy they found a brain tumor.

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Somehow I strongly suspect that is his wife or girlfriend behind him cussing him out for embarrassing her.

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Field trials of the latest in Ninja Kitty tactical gear.

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Especially if your just a kid! What?! Impish gets away with bad puns all the time!

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Probably for a cowboy or his girlfriend too.

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imageTommy Shaughnessy enters the confessional box and says, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.”

The priest asks, “Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?”

“Yes, Father, it is.”

And who was the woman you were with?”

“I can’t be tellin’ you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”

“Well, Tommy, I’m sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.

“Was it Brenda O’Malley?” “I cannot say.”

“Was it Patricia Kelly?” “I’ll never tell.”

“Was it Liz Shannon?” “I’m sorry, but I’ll not tell her name.”

“Was it Cathy Morgan?” “My lips are sealed.”

“Was it Fiona McDonald, then?” “Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re a steadfast lad, Tommy

Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now.”

Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?” “Five good leads,” says Tommy.

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Despite myself I and my best intentions I just couldn’t allow September 11th to pass by unremarked upon.

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Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. – John 15:13

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord.  And let the perpetual light shine upon them. For when their hour came they made no distinction between friend and stranger but laid down their lives willingly without hesitation that others might live.

I passed on my way, God be praised that I met them
Be my life long or short, sure I’ll never forget them,
We may have good men, but we’ll never have better
Glory O, Glory O, to these bold  343 Fire men.

[unapologetically purloined and repenned from “Down By the Glenside” a traditional Irish tune of bravery by Lethal Leprechaun in honor of the FDNY 343]

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This isn’t a rumor…. You know me, I vetted this thing 3 ways to Sunday before ever even considering posting it.

Nearly sixteen years later, this story will still stir your soul and speak to the good in those around us. It’s quite a chronicle by an unnamed Delta F/A about that fateful time and the resilience of the human spirit.  Enjoy AND BE REASSURED OF the goodness in mankind.  We hear so much bad we sometimes need to be reminded of the good.

Delta Flight 15

Amazing Story of Delta Flight 15, September 11, 2001

Written by a flight attendant

“On the morning of Tuesday, September 11, we were about 5 hours out of Frankfurt, flying over the North Atlantic. All of a sudden the curtains parted and I was told to go to the cockpit, immediately, to see the captain. As soon as I got there I noticed that the crew had that “All Business” look on their faces. The captain handed me a printed message. It was from Delta’s main office in Atlanta and simply read, “All airways over the Continental United States are closed to commercial air traffic. Land ASAP at the nearest airport. Advise your destination.”

No one said a word about what this could mean. We knew it was a serious situation and we needed to find terra firma quickly. The captain determined that the nearest airport was 400 miles behind us in Gander, Newfoundland. He requested approval for a route change from the Canadian traffic controller and approval was granted immediately–no questions asked. We found out later, of course, why there was no hesitation in approving our request.

While the flight crew prepared the airplane for landing, another message arrived from Atlanta telling us about some terrorist activity in the New York area. A few minutes later word came in about the hijackings.

We decided to LIE to the passengers while we were still in the air. We told them the plane had a simple instrument problem and that we needed to land at the nearest airport in Gander, Newfoundland to have it checked out.

We promised to give more information after landing in Gander. There was much grumbling among the passengers, but that’s nothing new! Forty minutes later, we landed in Gander. Local time at Gander was 12:30 PM! . . . that’s 11:00 AM EST.

There were already about 20 other airplanes on the ground from all over the world that had taken this detour on their way to the U.S.

After we parked on the ramp, the captain made the following announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, you must be wondering if all these airplanes around us have the same instrument problem as we have. The reality is that we are here for another reason.” Then he went on to explain the little bit we knew about the situation in the U.S. There were loud gasps and stares of disbelief. The captain informed passengers that Ground control in Gander told us to stay put.

The Canadian Government was in charge of our situation and no one was allowed to get off the aircraft. No one on the ground was allowed to come near any of the aircrafts. Only airport police would come around periodically, look us over and go on to the next airplane. In the next hour or so more planes landed and Gander ended up with 53 airplanes from all over the world, 27 of which were U.S. Commercial jets.

Meanwhile, bits of news started to come in over the aircraft radio and for the first time we learned that airplanes were flown into the World Trade Center in New York and into the Pentagon in DC. People were trying to use their cell phones, but were unable to connect due to a different cell system in Canada. Some did get through, but were only able to get to the Canadian operator who would tell them that the lines to the U.S. Were either blocked or jammed.

Sometime in the evening the news filtered to us that the World Trade Center buildings had collapsed and that a fourth hijacking had resulted in a crash. By now the passengers were emotionally and physically exhausted, not to mention frightened, but everyone stayed amazingly calm. We had only to look out the window at the 52 other stranded aircraft to realize that we were not the only ones in this predicament.

We had been told earlier that they would be allowing people off the planes one plane at a time. At 6 PM, Gander airport told us that our turn to deplane would be 11 am the next morning. Passengers were not happy, but they simply resigned themselves to this news without much noise and started to prepare themselves to spend the night on the airplane.

Gander had promised us medical attention, if needed, water, and lavatory servicing. And they were true to their word. Fortunately we had no medical situations to worry about. We did have a young lady who was 33 weeks into her pregnancy. We took REALLY good care of her. The night passed without incident despite the uncomfortable sleeping arrangements.

About 10:30 on the morning of the 12th a convoy of school buses showed up. We got off the plane and were taken to the terminal where we went through Immigration and Customs and then had to register with the Red Cross.

After that we (the crew) were separated from the passengers and were taken in vans to a small hotel. We had no idea where our passengers were going. We learned from the Red Cross that the town of Gander has a population of 10,400 people and they had about 10,500 passengers to take care of from all the airplanes that were forced into Gander! We were told to just relax at the hotel and we would be contacted when the U.S. airports opened again, but not to expect that call for a while.

We found out the total scope of the terror back home only after getting to our hotel and turning on the TV . . . 24 hours after it all started.

Meanwhile, we had lots of time on our hands and found that the people of Gander were extremely friendly. They started calling us the “plane people.” We enjoyed their hospitality, explored the town of Gander and ended up having a pretty good time.

Two days later, we got that call and were taken back to the Gander airport. Back on the plane, we were reunited with the passengers and found out what they had been doing for the past two days. What we found out was incredible.

Gander and all the surrounding communities (within about a 75 Kilometer radius) had closed all high schools, meeting halls, lodges, and any other large gathering places. They converted all these facilities to mass lodging areas for all the stranded travelers. Some had cots set up, some had mats with sleeping bags and pillows set up.

ALL high school students were required to volunteer their time to take care of the “guests.” Our 218 passengers ended up in a town called Lewisporte, about 45 kilometers from Gander where they were put up in a high school. If any women wanted to be in a women-only facility, that was arranged. Families were kept together. All the elderly passengers were taken to private homes.

Remember that young pregnant lady? She was put up in a private home right across the street from a 24-hour Urgent Care facility. There was a dentist on call and both male and female nurses remained with the crowd for the duration.

Phone calls and e-mails to the U.S. and around the world were available to everyone once a day. During the day, passengers were offered “Excursion” trips. Some people went on boat cruises of the lakes and harbors. Some went for hikes in the local forests. Local bakeries stayed open to make fresh bread for the guests. Food was prepared by all the residents and brought to the schools. People were driven to restaurants of their choice and offered wonderful meals. Everyone was given tokens for local laundry mats to wash their clothes, since luggage was still on the aircraft. In other words, every single need was met for those stranded travelers.

Passengers were crying while telling us these stories. Finally, when they were told that U.S. airports had reopened, they were delivered to the airport right on time and without a single passenger missing or late. The local Red Cross had all the information about the whereabouts of each and every passenger and knew which plane they needed to be on and when all the planes were leaving. They coordinated everything beautifully. It was absolutely incredible.

When passengers came on board, it was like they had been on a cruise. Everyone knew each other by name. They were swapping stories of their stay, impressing each other with who had the better time. Our flight back to Atlanta looked like a chartered party flight. The crew just stayed out of their way. It was mind-boggling. Passengers had totally bonded and were calling each other by their first names, exchanging phone numbers, addresses, and email addresses.

And then a very unusual thing happened. One of our passengers approached me and asked if he could make an announcement over the PA system. We never, ever allow that. But this time was different. I said “of course” and handed him the mike. He picked up the PA and reminded everyone about what they had just gone through in the last few days. He reminded them of the hospitality they had received at the hands of total strangers. He continued by saying that he would like to do something in return for the good folks of Lewisporte.

He said he was going to set up a Trust Fund under the name of DELTA 15 (our flight number). The purpose of the trust fund is to provide college scholarships for the high school students of Lewisporte. He asked for donations of any amount from his fellow travelers. When the paper with donations got back to us with the amounts, names, phone numbers and addresses, the total was for more than 14,000 dollars!

The gentleman, a MD from Virginia, promised to match the donations and to start the administrative work on the scholarship. He also said that he would forward this proposal to Delta Corporate and ask them to donate as well.

I just wanted to share this story because we need good stories right now. It gives me a little bit of hope to know that some people in a far away place were kind to some strangers who literally dropped in on them. It reminds me how much good there is in the world.”

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NO WHERE DID OR DO WE SEE OR HEAR ABOUT THIS AMAZING EVENT

AMERICANS HELPING AMERICANS IN THEIR TIME OF NEED

9/11 Boatlift

We certainly were busy watching the news right after 9/11, but we never saw this…

BOATLIFT OF 9/11… In over 11 years since this happened, this is the first time I’ve ever seen this…I don’t even remember seeing/hearing about this evacuation on the news. The fact is, it was all done in 9 hours … 500,000 people… This is a video well worth watching. The guy at the end (same guy who is at the beginning) has some great words to live by for all of us. Watch till the end. You won’t regret it. Narrated by Tom Hanks. If you wish, please, pass this message along. 

 

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Pick up

Lethal wanted desperately to have sex with the hot girl at work, but she had a boyfriend. One day Lethal got so desperate that he went to her & said,

“I’ll give you a $100 if you’ll let me have sex with you.”

The girl looked at him shocked & said “Hell no!”

He said “I’ll be real quick, I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend over to get it, & I’ll be finished by the time you’ve picked it up!”

She thought for a moment & told him that she would have to talk to her boyfriend.

So she called him & explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, “Ask him for $200. Pick up the money really really fast, & he won’t even be able to get his pants down!”

She agreed & accepts the proposal. 30 minutes go by & the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend’s call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls & asks, “What the fuck happened?”

Still breathing hard she managed to reply, “That bastard Lethal had all QUARTERS!!!!”

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This next one might require you to go back to your high school algebra to get it.

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And finally, yet another entry in our “Weird Stuff you se on the Road” Category

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Bigger Shillelagh!

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Dragon Laffs #1557

DL
Campers

On Wednesday, Lethal advised that he was not going to be doing his annual Patriot’s Day01a issue.  Patriot’s Day, 911 Memorial Day, World Trade Center Memorial…you get the idea.  I always liked the fact that he did that issue every year because I was sure it would just be too damn hard for me to do it.

And then I realized that that is exactly what he was saying as to why he wasn’t going to be doing it this year and you know what, he’s absolutely right.

001They day and days leading up to September 11th are such difficult ones for so very many of us, why are we making it worse by mentally beating ourselves with it.  There will be so many other things going on that it is going to be hard, damn hard, for us to just get through.  What we really need, really and truly NEED, is a release.  A way to psychologically blow a breath of fresh air through our heads.

The day is such a twisted mess for me because, you see, my darling Izzy was born on the day before.  So, as this is the sixteenth anniversary of that horribly cowardly event, it is also her sixteenth birthday.  A day that should be filled with laughter and happiness, not a day for asking why is Dad so sad?1

So today’s issue is going to be a reverse Patriot’s Day issue.  And I sincerely hope and pray that none of you out there take it to mean that I am trying to demean or deemphasize this important event in our history.  Quite the contrary.  Think of this as a medicinal way of dealing with the pain that I know you will be dealing with over the next few days.

So accept this leaf blower of a breath of fresh air through your craniums and may laughter truly be the best medicine.

Always in our memoryMay God Bless you all and keep you well, until next week.  Now…

Lets Laugh

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This one is attributed to the California jury in the O.J. Simpson trial, but I suppose it could be connected with many different high-profile trials of late:

A prosecuting attorney just could not believe that a jury had found the defendant not guilty.

Astonished, he asked the jury foreman, “How could you possibly have found this man innocent?”

The foreman replied, “Insanity.”

The perplexed prosecutor asked, “All twelve of you?”

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Harry was finally a groom and was very excited about his upcoming marriage.

He was on his way out of the office when his boss came over to him with an outstretched hand, “Congratulations Harry, I just wanted to tell you I’ve been married for twenty-two years, and I am sure that you will always remember this day with the fondest of memories, as the happiest day of your life.”

“But sir”, said Harry, “a little bit confused, I’m not getting married until tomorrow!”

“Yeah, I know”, said his boss.

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Dragon Pix

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What it looks like when Impish finally gets pissed off.

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Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister.

“Reverend,” she wailed, “John and I had a dreadful fight!”

“Calm down, my child,” said the minister, “it’s not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight.”

“I know, I know!” said Joanna. “But what am I going to do with the body?”

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Public Service

Please share this important Public Service Announcement with those people who are determined to rid the country of all monuments, displays and pictures depicting racist images.

Please do not use $1’s, $2’s, $5’s, $10’s, $20’s, $50’s or $100 dollar bills. They contain the images of former slave owners!! However, do NOT throw them away. I am a Certified Money Disposer, also known as a CMD. Please send  all offending materials to me and I will dispose of them properly! If you are unable to deliver them, don’t worry, I offer rapid pickup for your convenience! Call me immediately if you are in possession of such offensive materials and I will eliminate the mental anguish you are currently feeling!

To alleviate the pain and guilt you are feeling I can be reached twenty four hours a day at: 1-800-CMD-DRGN

Politics

This is the perfect spot for these next … images

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Does it all make more sense now?  Nope, not to me either.

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Groan

This one is truly terrible.  I’m warning you now, you shouldn’t read it.  It’s awful!  Please, please, please listen to me!  Do not read this next joke!

Once upon a time an evil king captured a virgin princess and held her captive in his high tower.
Though she was very beautiful he forced her to wear a disgusting and smelly burlap dress.
“You’ll never get away with this,” she cried. “Some brave knight will rescue me!”
“Not in that thing,” the evil king replied.
She waited day and night, but it was just as the king predicted.

Every knight that saw her in the window of the high tower was scared away by her dress,

which, as I’ve mentioned, was very disgusting.
After many months the princess broke down crying and the evil king taunted her,

“You see? I told you no knight would rescue a damsel in this dress!”

Groan Warn

But, you read it anyway, didn’t you?

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An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor’s office.
“We have come for an examination,” said the young girl.
“All right,” said the doctor. “Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off.”
“No, not me,” said the girl. “it’s my old aunt here.”
“Very well,” said the doctor. “Madam, stick out your tongue.”

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Peek-a-boo!

This next list, although attributed to Jeff Foxworthy, has been determined to not be his material at all.  Now, having pushed that piece of factual evidence out in front, it is still worth reading and considering the logic this offers. 

You might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is now run by idiots…

If plastic water bottles are okay, but plastic bags are banned.

 

If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for entering and remaining in the country illegally.

If you have to get your parents’ permission to go on a field trip or to take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion.

If you MUST show your identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book and rent a video, but not to vote for who runs the government.

If the government wants to prevent stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines that hold more than ten rounds, but gives twenty F-16 fighter jets to the crazy new leaders in Egypt.

If, in the nation’s largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not one 24-ounce soda, because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat.

If an 80-year-old woman who is confined to a wheelchair or a three-year-old girl can be strip-searched by the TSA at the airport, but a woman in a burka or a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched.

If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more.

If a seven-year-old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher is “cute” but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable.

If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government regulation and intrusion while not working is rewarded with Food Stamps, WIC checks, Medicaid benefits, subsidized housing, and free cell phones.

If you pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big-screen TV, while your neighbor buys iPhones, time shares, a wall-sized do-it-all plasma screen TV and new cars, and the government forgives his debt when he defaults on his mortgage.

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This is hilarious!  Saturday Night Live poking fun at Liberals.

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That’s such an old and horrible joke! 

A blonde goes into a store and sees a shiny object on the shelf. She asks the clerk, “What is that shiny object?”

The clerk replies, “That is a thermos.”

The blonde then asks, “What does it do?”

The clerk responds, “It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold.” The blonde says, “Oh! I could use something like that!! I’ll take it!”

The next day, as she walks into work with her new thermos she spots her boss and shows off her shiny new thermos, “I just got this yesterday, isn’t it wonderful?  It’s a thermos and it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold!” The boss asks, “And what do you have in it?” The blonde replies, “Some coffee and a popsicle.”

Okay, so that was another awful joke…they just seem to keep on coming.

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I’ve actually seen that happen before.  You want to talk about a mess!  Think of a tub that you fill with bubble bath liquid….and then keep adding water until the entire bathroom is full of bubbles.  Now multiply that by about 100,000!

Motivate

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That’s it for today folks.  I hoped you enjoyed your reverse Patriot’s Day issue and got some laughs and smiles.  That was my whole goal after all.

Cheers Impish

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