Dragon Laffs #1884

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Good Morning Campers,God bless America

Well, it’s been a week … again.  LOL.  Today is Wednesday and now I’ve got a new dart league that I’m playing on Monday nights.  So, that’s darts on Mondays and Tuesdays so Dragon Laffs on Thursdays may become problematic over the next couple of months while this plays out. 

Still waiting on test results, so no news on that front.  Going to call the doctor’s office tomorrow.  I’m almost willing to bet that my doc is on vacation or something.

Other than that, just working, working, working.

So, sadly, this will be a really quick issue, just kind of checking in to let you guys know that I’m still alive and kicking.  Thinking of you all while I know that you guys are thinking of us.

Laugh

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I would be more inclined to grow up if I saw that it worked out for everyone else.

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Took me a minute …

When people talk about time traveling to the past, they worry about radically changing the present by doing something small, but barely anyone n the present really thinks that they can radically change the future by doing something small.

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Important words … The prettiest smile hides the deepest secrets.  The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears.  And the kindest hearts have felt the most pain.

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“Red Rover, Red Rover, Send Impish right over!”

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So the future doesn’t look so bad for people on death row …

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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report from Buffalo, New York. Our bozo was enjoying a reefer while taking a little drive around town. He was pulled over for speeding and the cop could smell marijuana inside the car. Strike one. He then asked to see our bozo’s drivers license and he handed over a learner’s permit, only valid if someone else was riding with him. He was alone. Strike two. When asked to step out of the car, it was obvious he was trying to hide something in his pocket. When asked what it was, he replied that it was a 9mm pistol. And of course he didn’t have a permit for it. Strike three. He’s been charged with criminal possession of a weapon in the second degree, unlawful possession of marijuana and seven additional traffic violations. —

Impish Dragon’s Rule #27:   Don’t do something illegal while doing something illegal.

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Fantasy Pic Green

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The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Ypsilanti, Michigan where a Bozo walked into a Burger King at 7:50 a.m., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down, saying he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. OK, the Bozo said, give me a burger and an order of onion rings. Sorry, the clerk said, those items are sold after 10:30 a.m. only. Frustrated, confused and not wanting breakfast, the Bozo shrugged and left empty handed. The Bozo remains at large.

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So the guy is alive … because of being a Green Bay Packer Fan!!!

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My dad’s generation had wonder woman.

My generation has to wonder if it’s a woman.

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Motivational

camping

Canadian Borg

Canadian girls

Canadian Lay an Ass Gallery

canadians

Canasta

Canned Assholes

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Captain Celluite

Captain Obvious

Captain Obvious2

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Women never apologize … they just sleep naked and let you decide if you’re still mad or not.

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Don’t forget to drink water and get sun.

You’re basically a houseplant with complicated emotions.

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And that’s where I run out of time.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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Dragon Laffs #1883

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Gumby

Good Morning Campers,

The Marines have a motto … Semper Fi which is short for Semper Fidelis or Latin for “Always Faithful”.  I have a motto also, that comes in handy, quite often.  Semper Gumby.  Which is dragon for “Always Flexible”.  And that seems to be ever so much apparent lately.  This weekend has been a mother bear of jumping from one barn fire to the next.  You may have noticed a lack of an issue on Saturday (I did warn you guys, after all) and it’s debatable whether this one will make it out on time for Monday’s roll call as it’s already late on Sunday and I’m just now getting started, it’s been a tough couple of days.  But, I do want to say that you guys have been great.  I’ve gotten several messages of cheer and several of good wishes and prayers for us, so thanks for that.  They all help a great deal.

Mrs. Dragon and I had all of our tests last Wednesday and are still waiting for our results and although I usually espouse the “no news is good news” mantra with medical tests I have found that negative results usually arrive quite quickly while bad news comes much slower.  Now that could just be my general pessimistic outlook that I’ve adopted lately and everything going to crap (for instance, I’m STILL waiting on word on my tax refund … it’s been 10 weeks even though their crappy ass website says it’s not supposed to take more than 3!!!!) and it seems that Murphy is hard at work in my life right now.  So waiting for word on these test results is getting me a little bit TESTY!!!!

So …. Semper Gumby – always flexible.  frog standing

Stay froggy Impish.  Always ready to jump!  And don’t worry…when I know something, you guys will know something. 

So, in the meantime, let’s get some sort of issue out so you guys can have some sort of laughter, shall we?

Let's Laugh 5

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Okay, not very funny, but it is very appropriate.

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Accidently used the dog’s shampoo today and I’m feeling like such a good girl.

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This is on the main road to Cody, Wyoming

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Well, don’t beat around the bush, tell us how you really feel.

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Yup, even the little ones have attitude.

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If we’re ever in a situation where I am the “voice of reason” the we are in a very, very bad situation.

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Young enough to know I can.

Old enough to know I shouldn’t.

Stupid enough to do it anyway.

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That’s my blouse you bitch!

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You know how when your appliance is malfunctioning, you smack it with your hand and then it is all good again?  Too bad we can’t do that to people!

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Every time you feel yourself being pulled into other people’s nonsense, repeat these words: “not my circus, not my monkeys.” ~ Polish Proverb  In the original Polish: Nie moj cyrk, nie moje malpy (Mrs. Dragon found the original)

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You seriously have no idea what people are dealing with in their personal life so just be nice, it’s that simple.

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Eggs are fantastic for a fitness diet.

If you don’t like the taste, just add cocoa, flour, sugar, butter, baking powder, and cook at 350 for 30 minutes.

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burning calories

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Buy a Guitar

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Caffeine (3)

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Camera Phone

Camo Cat

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I’M GIVING UP ALCOHOL FOR A MONTH!

Wait … I got that wrong.

I’M GIVING UP.  ALCOHOL FOR A MONTH.

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Now here is a really cool story that I NEVER knew anything about.  I had always heard the “joke” … the Americans spent a million dollars on the pen and the Russians just used a pencil, but here is the TRUTH:

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A la Paul Harvey – Now you know, the REST of the story.

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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills, and an insatiable sex drive:

“Hi”.

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And sadly, that has to be it for today.  Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers.

Impish Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Dragon Laffs #1882

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Good Morning Campers,

Busy, busy week.  Nothing here to report.  But, I do have a request.  Mrs. Dragon had some tests done today and without going into too much detail, since it’s not my detail to go into, I would just ask for prayers and good thoughts that the all the tests come back in a friendly manner.  I will do my best to keep you guys informed of the results.

Working this weekend, so I’m not sure if/when the next issue will be.  You know, my usual caveat when I work the weekend.  Just so you guys know.

And other than that, let’s get on with the good stuff and …

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Okay, so it’s after Easter, but Papa Dragon Most Senior sent this and even though it’s an oldie it’s still a goodie, so here it is, late, but still funny …

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.

He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.  Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD .

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man what’s wrong.

“I feel terrible!” he explains, “I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM.”

The blonde says,”Don’t worry.”

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.

The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.  Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, “What is in that can?  What did you spray on the Easter Bunny?”

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. 

It says..

“Hair Spray, Restores life to dead hair and adds permanent wave.”

And that, dear campers, is the epitome of a dad joke.

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I was going to post about my afternoon run but I was autocorrected to afternoon rum so, change of plans.

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I am going to print this out and serriptiously post it in our smoking area!!

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Bozo Criminal for today comes from Long Island, New York, where Bozo Douglas Yee was driving down the Long Island Expressway when another car cut him off, or at least he felt like the guy cut him off. Our bozo was immediately overcome by road rage, chasing down the car, flashing a fake police badge at the driver and forcing him to pull over. The bozo then jumped out of his car and rushed up to the other car, again flashing his phony police badge and berating the guy for being such a lousy driver. The other gentleman calmly got out of his car and proceeded to arrest the bozo for impersonating a police officer. You see, the man he chased down and pulled over was actually an off duty New York City detective.

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Going out Trick or Treating

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I thought I was a good person, but the way I react when people drive slowly in the left lane would suggest otherwise.

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We should make yard signs out of these and post them up all over the place!

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I had this other friend who pretended for the longest time that he was a puppet by tying string to his arms and legs … he told me the most amazing stories about what the girls would do in front of him because they didn’t think he was a real boy.

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Damn … I think I know where that road is at!

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I have never seen an ALCOHOL company using a drunk person for any advertising.

Are they ashamed of their customers?

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Weird Fact

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The word “Pennsylvania” is misspelled on the Liberty Bell.

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Brilliance

British P

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Budget Crisis

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Buffer Spells

Buffy

Bullshit

Bumpy Road

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Bunny

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Life sure has gone downhill …

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And when parents stopped spanking kids on the butt for doing things that were stupid.

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When a candidate tells you they are going to raise taxes, cut jobs, and open borders, and you vote for them anyway, you are more than stupid.

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Because that’s how our “fair” country works.  You fucking dumbasses!

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See my last comments … you dumbasses!

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Just like if they know your sexual proclivities or any other personal thing about you…

Sometimes, the first step towards forgiveness is realizing the other person was born an idiot.

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Well, no shit.  Don’t you think that’s the problem

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The fact that celebrities have $20,000,000 for rioters bail and not a fucking penny for looting VICTIMS speaks volumes and volumes about the “elite”.

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Love and happiness until we meet again my friends.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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Dragon Laffs #1881

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Good Morning Campers,

What a beautiful holiday weekend it is!  The sun is shining, the weather is warm, the damn grass is growing and needs to be mowed for the first time this year … I’ll do that in a few hours after everyone is awake and I won’t be bothering them.  Although, I’m really not looking mowing dragonforward to it.  You know, it used to be something that I quite enjoyed, but I must be getting older or something because I’m really not looking forward to it this year.  If there was only a teenager I knew who could do it …  I know, you are all thinking the same thing that I am.  Why can’t Izzy dragon do it?  Well, I’ll tell you.  She is absolutely terrified of the mower.  But, that’s a story for another time and not really mine to tell.

Anyway, on to other topics.  Should we get into things that piss me off or things that make me laugh?

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Oh wait!  It looks like we have all kinds of categories to choose from!  Oh wow, let’s see …. um … okay, I just have to.  I’d like Famous Historic Boobs for $200 please …

And the answer is: Ozzy Oxbourne

Um … who is more coherent than Joe Biden?

That is correct for $200!

Damn, not at all what I expected.  I really … well … never mind.  Let’s move on to things that make dragons laugh … and campers laugh, cause I know what that is …

Let's Laugh 2

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We’ve done similar lists like this many times before.  But they are worth repeating

GUN LOGIC

1 – Eleven teens die each day because of texting while driving. Maybe it’s time to raise the age of Smart Phone ownership to 21.  Can you possibly imagine how THAT would go over?
2 – If gun control laws actually worked, Chicago would be Mayberry, USA.
3 – The Second Amendment makes more women equal than the entire feminist movement.
4 – Legal gun owners have 300 million guns and probably a trillion rounds of ammo. Seriously, folks, if we were the problem, you’d know it.
5 – When JFK was killed, nobody blamed the rifle.
6 – The NRA (National Rifle Association) murders 0 people and receives $$$$ 0 nothing in government funds. Planned Parenthood kills 350,000 babies every year and receives $500,000,000 in tax dollars annually.  And now they are telling us that being a member of the NRA and being anti-abortion is a sign of being a white extremist in the military. 
7 – I have no problem with vigorous background checks when it comes to firearms. While we’re at it, let’s do the same when it comes to immigration, Voter I.D., and candidates running for office.  Amen!
8 – Folks keep talking about another Civil War. One side knows how to shoot and probably has a trillion rounds. The other side has crying closets and is confused about which bathroom to use. Now tell me, how do you think that would end?  Which is exactly why they want to take away all our guns!  Why don’t people get that part?
Don’t be afraid to share this. There’s more logic and common sense expressed here than probably anything you have seen on the news today.
  HAVE A GREAT FUN  DAY!

Okay, well, I guess we strayed slightly into “Things that Piss Dragons Off” there for a minute.  Let’s move on.

Aussie Pete sent me these and I love them!

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Too true … all of them … way too true.

And thanks to Sasquatch for sending this one to us:

Mexico is smarter than US; this is reality in Mexico.
Voter registration cards with photo and fingerprint with hologram to prevent forgery is the law in Mexico.
*New Immigration Laws*
Be sure to read to the bottom or you will miss the message.
1. There will be no special bilingual programs in the schools.
2. All ballots will be in this nation’s language.
3. All government business will be conducted in our language.
4. Non-residents will NOT have the right to vote no matter how long they are here.
5. Non-citizens will NEVER be able to hold political office.
6. Foreigners will not be a burden to the taxpayers. No welfare, no food stamps, no health care, or any other government assistance programs . Any who are a burden will be deported.
7. Foreigners can invest in this country, but it must be an amount at least equal to 40,000 times the daily minimum wage.
8. If foreigners come here and buy land, their options will be restricted. Certain parcels including waterfront property are reserved for citizens naturally born into this country.
9. Foreigners may have NO protests; NO demonstrations, NO waving of a foreign flag, NO political organizing, NO bad-mouthing our president or his policies. These will lead to deportation.
10. If you do come to this country illegally, you will be actively hunted and, when caught, sent to jail until your deportation can be arranged. All assets will be taken from you.
Too strict? The above laws are the current immigration laws of MEXICO!
If it’s good for American’s to obey Mexican laws, then it’s good vice versa!
If you pass it on, in three days, most people in The United States of America will have read the message .
“The problems we face today   exist because the people who work for a living are outnumbered by those who vote for a living. And the politicians are hunting to please illegals to gain their votes “

And yet, these are all the things that Mexico and Mexicans bitch about us and to us when coming to our country!  How fucking hypocritical can you possibly be.  Their government wants us to do all these things for THEIR people, but won’t do these things in their own country!

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Camping is always more fun with friends.

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I’m thinking of taking this wine box back to complain.  It says once opened it will last for 6 weeks.  It only lasted 3 days.

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Most people will say the most washed body part in 2020 (and 2021) were the hands.  I will disagree and say it was the brain.

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I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests.  I don’t want to go out with a weirdo.

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Fantasy Pic Green

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I have this friend, who happens to be a spider, and he just loves pulling this prank on this same young lady who likes to sit and eat her lunch in the same spot every day.  I keep telling him that one of these days he’s going to get swatted, but about twice a week he scares the living daylights out of her.  He does it just rarely enough to keep make it random, but just often enough to make it fun.  We set up the camera and got this action photo and he has it framed over his desk.

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Weird Fact

Sasquatch sent me these a while back … thanks brother.

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More people live in New York City than in 40 of the 50 states.

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Last summer my wife and I met a couple who were friends of my wife at a restaurant. After lunch, the women decided to go shopping, and I invited the man to go sailing.
While we were out on the water, a storm blew up. The tide had gone out, and we were down wind trying to work our way back through a narrow channel. At one point the boat grounded and we had to climb overboard and shove with all our might to get it back in deep water.
As my new friend stood there, ankle deep in muck, the wind blowing his hair wildly, rain streaming down his face, he grinned at me, and with unmistakable sincerity said, “Sure beats shopping.”

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Breakfast of Champions

Breakfast

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Breaking the Bank

breast awareness month

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Breast Implants

Breastfeeding

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We need words like that in English.

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I have to wonder if the anti-force field involved wrapping the dog’s head in tin foil like it did with the two ladies who showed up at my front gate one when I was a military cop on base asking for protection from aliens …

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Another tried and true police tactic

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Joe Biden isn’t stupid, he has dementia. 

The people who voted for him are stupid.

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It’s a wonder there isn’t a murder charge.

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And that’s me…evil in somebody’s story.  LOL!  And that’s it for today my friends.  May you have a wonderful day with love and happiness.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1880

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Good Morning Campers,

iStock_000008795798_DoubleHappy EASTER!  What a great holiday that has Jelly Beans!  Come on!  Who doesn’t love Jelly Beans?  One of the few things that are called God’s food.  What’s God’s food, you ask?  It’s the only food that you will be able to find in Heaven.  Pizza, lasagna, soft pretzels, jelly beans, Jameson fine Irish Whiskey, a couple of other things.  jelly beans 1Bitburger Pils (a really great German Beer).  Mrs. Dragon’s Sausage Gravy and Biscuits and her Irish Soda Bread.  The rest of the list eludes me at the moment because I’m drooling over the thought of jelly beans. 

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Okay, so I’ll have to move on to another topic.  My drool is getting into the keyboard and the keys are starting to stick.

And before I start getting all the hate mail, yes I know that Easter is the celebration of the death of Christ for our sins and his subsequent resurrection from the grave and hence we celebrate the rebirth of spring and the new life that surrounds us at this time of year and how rabbits lay multicolored eggs for kids to find.

So with that Cadbury rabbit clucking in your head, let’s move on and

Let's Laugheaster bar 2 

 

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Her:  I want you to kill my ex but make it seem like an accident.

Me:  Say no more.

[Later]

Detective:  Looks like the killer beat him to death with a crowbar and then placed a banana peel by his feet.

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WARNING!!!  Lynn has sent us a dozen groaners in a row!!

1.    Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.

2.    What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.

3.    Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.

4.    Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.

5.    If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.

6.    Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

7.    A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.

8.    I lost my job as a stage designer.

I left without making a scene.

9.    Never buy flowers from a monk.

Only you can prevent florist friars.

10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?

A buccaneer.

11. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by.

I kneaded the dough.

12. My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’.

It’s a cover band.

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Bozo Criminal for today comes from Carbon County, Pennsylvania, where a group of bozos were drinking beer and discharging firearms from the rear deck of Bozo Irving Michaels’ home. The men were firing at a raccoon that had the misfortune to be walking by. But the beer apparently impaired their aim and despite the estimated 35 shots fired at the poor creature, he escaped into a 3 foot drainage pipe a few feet away. Determined to terminate the animal, our bozo retrieved a can of gasoline and poured some down the pipe, intending to smoke the raccoon out. Bozo threw a match in. Nothing. So he poured some more gas down the pipe, threw in another match and still no flames. Finally the bozo poured the whole 5 gallon can of gasoline down the drainage pipe, then proceeded to slide feet first approximately 15 feet down the sloping pipe to toss the match. The subsequent rapidly expanding fireball propelled our bozo back the way he had come, flying out of the pipe not unlike someone shot out of a cannon at the circus. The bozo landed with a thud in his front yard, miraculously suffering only minor injuries. No word on the whereabouts of the raccoon.

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AmyEasterDragonDone

Easter (2)

Easter bunny

Your diet is not only what you eat.

It is what you watch, what you listen to, what you read, and the people you hang around.  Pay attention to what you feed your soul, not just your stomach.

Easter Dragon Eggs xD

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I’m not a “why me” kind of person.

I’m a “oh hell, here we go again” kind of person.

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I’ve lost my mind and I’m pretty sure the kids took it.

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A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman rolling paint onto the walls. The handyman was wearing two heavy jackets, even though it was a hot summer day. Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the jackets on such a hot day.  The handyman showed him the instructions on the can of paint. They read: “For best results, put on two coats.”

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Happy Easter 2

This one is from our fellow camper Lynn … and it’s called:

Things you don’t want to hear during surgery

– Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.
– Someone call the janitor – we’re going to need a mop.
– Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!
– Spot! Spot! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
– Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?
– Hand me that…uh…that…uh…..thingie.
– Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
– Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
– Darn, there go the lights again…
– You know, there’s big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy’s got two of them.
– Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
– Could you stop that thing from beating; it’s throwing my concentration off.
– What do you mean he wasn’t in for a sex change…!
– Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
– This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
– Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donor card?
– Don’t worry; I think it’s sharp enough.
– What do you mean “You want a divorce”!
– She’s gonna blow! Everyone take cover!!!
– FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out of here!

Happy Easter 3

Happy Easter 4

happy easter egg

Happy Easter

Should we be concerned that April 3rd could be the final countdown?  4.3.21

Oh shit!  That’s today!!!!

Happy Easter

happy keester

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A baby’s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear.  Unless it’s 3 am.  And you’re home alone.  And you don’t have a baby.

Jelly beans

Johnsen, Char - Easter Dragon 2

Just found out

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Peep show

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Woodstock

And that’s it … not my normal post, but it’s Easter.  Hopefully I’ll get my self together for another issue soon.

Love and Happiness to you all.

Happy EASTER!

Impish Dragon

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