Dragon Laffs #1850

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help

Good Morning Campers,

Well, things are going to hell in a hand basket.  They impeached Trump for a second time for things he didn’t do and for a second time, it will be a worthless jester.  Spending our money on something they shouldn’t be.  Nancy Pelosi needs to be fired.  Don’t we have that right, as her employer?  Can’t California get it’s head out of it’s ass long enough to do even that much?  We don’t ask much of you, but can’t you guys do that for us?

Sigh.

This country needs to heal in a bad way.

getwell

Not sure that will help, but it can’t hurt.

Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.

Anyway, today is Thursday and had Mrs. Dragon at the eye doctor for her final eye surgery.  It’s all done.  She had four and I had four … eight eye surgeries between two people in the same damn year…ain’t that a kick in the pants.  I know it’s a shot in the wallet, that’s for sure!  Even with insurance.  So, we just got home and because she was worried, she didn’t sleep last night … at least not well, so she went to bed.  And I took the day off work to keep an eye on her, not that there’s much of that left, so I’m spending time with you and Izzy and I are going to go to the grocery in a bit … the exciting day of a dragon.  Beats working, I guess.

So, rather than me rambling or getting pissed off, which I’m trying really hard not to do, let’s get to some laughter, shall we?

Lets laugh

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Well, you blame your farts on the dog … poor dog, gets blamed for everything.

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0aa2

I found this to be a very interesting official statement …

404

Sorry if it’s a bit small.

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She was always smiling from the way he made her feel.  He was hot, dark, and steamy.  H made her life have meaning.  She couldn’t live without him.  And she didn’t want to…

Coffee.  He was coffee.

Dragon.  He was Dragon.

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Jobs People Look Down On

* Truck Driver                    *Oil Worker
*Electrician                          *Carpenter
*Mechanic                            *Farmer

Jobs People Look Up To

*Social Media “Influencer”
*Athlete
*Actor
*Model

Jobs that Keep Society Running

* Truck Driver                    *Oil Worker
*Electrician                          *Carpenter
*Mechanic                            *Farmer

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Dragons

100d (2)

When Uncle Sal said he was going to pull a rabbit out of his hat, him and his audience both were badly surprised … and scarred for life.

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Whenever I think I have had a horrible day at work, I remind myself that Nancy Pelosi has a gynecologist.

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If you’re experiencing joint pain, you’re probably holding the lit end.

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8 Year-old:  I feel like you’re always making up rules and stuff.

Me:  Like what?

8 Year-old:  Like if we don’t pick up our room a portal will open and take us to another dimension.

Me:  Well, that’s what happened to your older brother.

8 Year-old:  What older brother?

Me:  Exactly.

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So sad … So true, but So Sad.

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Fantasy

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Yup, that’s exactly how a writer works.

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Mail

Okay, let’s hit some of the comments and stuff that I’ve gotten lately…

Leah D

So did the mess up, also mess up the issue number? What did happen to 1848?
The Revolutions of 1848, known in some countries as the Springtime of the Peoples or the Spring of Nations, were a series of political upheavals throughout Europe in 1848. It remains the most widespread revolutionary wave in the European history.
In 1848, a violent storm of revolutions ripped through Europe. The torrent all but swept away the conservative order that had kept peace on the continent since …
Oh, now I understand!

1848 was indeed published … on the Monday that it was supposed to be published on.  I just checked … it’s there, in case any of you missed it, you can scroll back on the website and read it…as far as the rest of your comment goes, Leah – okay.  If you say so.  Your mind must be quite an interesting place to visit.

Marsha M

Let me add 1 more to your list…why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway? Yep old and to much time on my hands….and a song stuck in my head now…Thanks…Dragon Laughs are the only ones I get lately…stay cool keep it correct….don’t want you blocked or removed.

Marsha … I haven’t kept it correct in almost 15 years of doing this, I don’t suppose I’m going to keep it correct now.  So, I suppose I should apologize now, if I end up getting kicked off line for pissing people off.  It’s really hard to keep my mouth shut about things … especially things that piss me off.  Like this whole armed march on Washington that’s being planned for next week … we don’t do that crap.  We’re the good guys.  And it’s been bothering me the whole time.  And now, just five minutes ago, I got a message on back channels that I’m hooked up to, that pretty much shows that it’s all bullshit.  Let me give you a little example of what I mean. 

Here’s the poster that’s going around.  Not for promotion, but to show you what’s out there:

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OKAY, WE DON’T DO ARMED PROTESTS!  That’s the first bullshit point to come across to me, but this is what someone else pointed out to me …

…based on the design of the flyer, the language, and the omissions, the upcoming rallies have all the indication of being a false flag.

*yellow/black/red colors used is not common among the right
*stars are wrong
*Statue of Liberty is an odd choice
*Text layout is wrong
*Lack of any instructions to comply with local laws
**Lack of attribution to any one group**

And compared to past BLM flyer …

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So … you tell me, who’s REALLY trying to cause problems in our country.  And knowing that every penny that gets donated to BLM ends up in democratic pockets … 

CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE OPEN YOUR FRIGGIN’ EYES!!!!!

So yeah … Marsha … it’s really hard for me to keep it correct.  All of the above was open source, so I don’t have a problem sharing it with you guys.  I just wish that someone from the media would pick up on this.  But, we all know that they are in the pockets of the idiots as well.2b2a

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So, I’m pretty sure that I’ve done this joke before, but it cracks me up every time, so let’s do it again …

Cop:  Turn around

Me:  Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never comin’ round

Cop:  TURN AROUND!

Me:  Every now … [Gets tazed]

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Motivational

Your Inheirtance

Your Job

Your Liver

Your Lucky Day

Your mission

your penis

Your pockets

Your Wife Called

Your_Penis

you're hired

Yourevotingforwho

Coulda used that one a couple of times …

Youve scared the door

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Here’s something else to be worried about … and there is a Smithfield Foods that is right in my “realm of responsibility” so I know the truth of what he speaks …

A Little Known Reality.

Source: Michael Snyder, Guest Post

In future China will employ millions of American workers and dominate thousands of small communities all over the United States .

Chinese acquisition of U.S. businesses set a new all-time record last year, and it is on pace to shatter that record this year.

The Smithfield Foods acquisition is an example. Smithfield Foods is the largest pork producer and processor in the world. It has facilities in 26 US. states and it employs tens of thousands of Americans. It directly owns  460 farms and has contracts with approximately 2,100 others.

But now a Chinese company has bought it for $ 4.7 billion, and that means that the Chinese will now be the most important employer in dozens of rural communities all over America . 

Thanks in part to our massively bloated trade deficit with China, the Chinese have trillions of dollars to spend. They are only just starting to exercise their economic muscle.

It is important to keep in mind that there is often not much of a difference between “the Chinese government” and “Chinese corporations”.  In 2011, 43 percent of all profits in China were produced by companies where the Chinese government had a controlling interest in. 

Last year a Chinese company spent $2.6 billion to purchase AMC entertainment – one of the largest movie theater chains in the United States. Now that Chinese company controls more movie ticket sales than anyone else in the world. 

But China is not just relying on acquisitions to expand its economic power.
“Economic beachheads” are being established all over America . For example,
Golden Dragon Precise Copper Tube Group, Inc. recently broke ground on a $100 million plant in Thomasville , Alabama. Many of the residents of Thomasville , Alabama will be glad to have jobs, but it will also become yet another community that will now be heavily dependent on communist China .

And guess where else Chinese companies are putting down roots?
Detroit.
Chinese-owned companies are investing in American businesses and new vehicle
technology, selling everything from seat belts to shock absorbers in retail stores, and hiring experienced engineers and designers in an effort to soak up the talent and expertise of domestic automakers and their suppliers. If you recently purchased an “American-made” vehicle, there is a really good chance that it has
a number of Chinese parts in it. Industry analysts are hard-pressed to put a
number on the Chinese suppliers operating in the United States .

China seems particularly interested in acquiring energy resources in the United States.
For example, China is actually mining for coal in the mountains of Tennessee.
Guizhou Gouchuang Energy Holdings Group spent 616 million dollars to acquire Triple H Coal Co. in Jacksboro, Tennessee.
At the time, that acquisition really didn’t make much news, but now a group of conservatives in Tennessee is trying to stop the Chinese from blowing up their mountains and taking their coal. 

And pretty soon China may want to build entire cities in the United States just like they have been doing in other countries. Right now China is actually building a city larger than Manhattan just outside Minsk , the capital of Belarus.

Are you starting to get the picture?
China is on the rise. If you doubt this, just read the following:

# When you total up all imports and exports, China is now the number one trading nation on the entire planet.

# Overall, the U.S. has run a trade deficit with China over the past decade that comes to more than 2.3 trillion dollars.

# China has more foreign currency reserves than anyone else on the planet.

# China now has the largest new car market in the entire world.

# China now produces more than twice as many automobiles
as the United States does.

#After being bailed out by US. taxpayers, GM is involved in 11 joint
ventures with Chinese companies.

# China is the number one gold producer in the world.

# The uniforms for the U.S. Olympic team were made in China.

# 85% of all artificial Christmas trees the world over are made in China.

# The new World Trade Center tower in New York is going to include glass imported from China .

# China now consumes more energy than the United States does.

# China is now in aggregate the leading manufacturer of goods in the entire world.

# China uses more cement than the rest of the world combined.

# China is now the number one producer of wind and solar power on the entire globe.

# China produces 3 times as much coal and 11 times as much
steel as the United States does.

# China produces more than 90 percent of the global supply of rare earth elements.

# China is now the number one supplier of components that are critical to the operation of any national defense system.

# In published scientific research articles China is expected to become
the number one in the world very shortly.

And what we have seen so far may just be the tip of the iceberg.

For now, I will just leave you with one piece of advice –
learn to speak Chinese.

You are going to need it

That essay doesn’t even talk about all the land China is buying up through proxies across our once great nation.  That ought to scare the hell out of you.  I know it does me.  And Mrs. Dragon wonders why I get so upset sometimes.

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I sure hope he doesn’t have to stop in a hurry…or dodge another car

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Yeah … I got nothin’

Mail box

Let’s do some more mail …

dowchuckil

one of the best ever, keep it up. WE need you.
i know what you mean about the lie that is transpiring. i’ve developed an affliction where my head just keeps swiveling side to side.

I’m with you 100% dowchuckil.  And when my head swivels, fire tends to go EVERYWHERE!  It can be a real mess. 

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You know … that’s a pretty good idea … You could put that right out in the open and the U.N. troops would never think to look there!!

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You are not trash!

You are recycling.

Because trash can be disposed of.

But, we’re stuck with you.

Daaaammmmnnnnn!  That’s cold blooded!

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I’m a huge fan of
SPACE
Both Outer and Personal

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Ultimately, I just want someone who knows which songs not to talk over.

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And with that little gem, we’re going to call it a day.  Be well my friends.  Stay safe, stay healthy and keep laughing.

Cheers

Impish Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1849

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Elephant cutting

Good Morning Campers,

And I do mean morning … like 0300 hrs. in the morning on Tuesday.  And I have no damn idea what the hell I’m doing up.  I can’t sleep so I’m up with you guys.  Honest to goodness I think my growling stomach woke me up.  It’s either that or Mrs. Dragon’s snoring.  But, I woke up 0aaand both were going off equally loud and I couldn’t go back to sleep so I thought, look, you NEVER wake up hungry in the middle of the night and you’re a diabetic, so get up, get something to eat and … well … shit, by that time, it will just about be time to go to work, so … shit!

So, I guess I’m missing out on about 2 hours of sleep today.  It won’t kill me … I’ll just wish I were dead…later.  LOL! 

Anyway … Let’s get some funny stuff out there.

Lets laugh

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Sasquatch said to me: I bought a new pair of sneakers from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day.

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Cookies have very few vitamins, that’s why you have to eat so many of them.

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If Twitter can “Do what they want” since they are a private company, then every single business in America should be open right now.

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The Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From Porsgrunn, Norway comes the story of a bozo car thief who stole a car from the front yard of its owner. The owner happened to see what was going on and as the bozo sped away, he jumped in his other car and gave chase. The bozo led the owner on a chase that lasted fifteen minutes. During that time, the owner was right on the bozo’s tail, so close that the bozo could see his enraged face in the rearview mirror. Finally the bozo decided to do the right thing. He picked up the cell phone in the car and called the police to come and arrest him, figuring he would be better off in the custody of the police than in the grips of the car’s owner.

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When we go into another lockdown, just train all the Amazon delivery drivers to give the vaccine.  Entire population immunized by Saturday.  Wednesday if you’ve got Prime.

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Our good buddy Sasquatch got bored and started throwing stuff around …

If a poison “use-by” date expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

Which letter is silent in the word “Scent,” the S or the C

Do twins ever realize that one of them was unplanned?

Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn’t it be called double V?

Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and it just takes 75-100 years to fully work. [sometimes 50-60, depending on the quality of the body. Unfortunately we cannot sue the manufacturer]

Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

The word “swims” upside-down is still “swims”.

100 years ago, everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

If you replace “W” with “T” in “What, Where and When”, you get the answer to each of them.

FOUR GREAT UNRESOLVED CONFUSIONS!

At a movie theatre, which armrest is yours?  [some people think it is both]
If people
evolved from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?
Why is there a ‘D’ in fridge, but not in refrigerator?
Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?

VAGARIES OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

Why does the word “Funeral” starts with FUN?
Why isn’t a fireman called a waterman?
How come Lipstick doesn’t do what it says?
If money doesn’t grow on trees,
how come banks have branches?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat?
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
Why are goods sent by ship called CARGO and those sent by truck SHIPMENT?
Why do we put cups in the dishwasher and the dishes in the cupboard?
Why is it called “Rush Hour” when traffic moves at its slowest then?
How come noses
run and feet smell?
Why do they call it a TV “set” when there is only one?
What are you vacating when you go on a vacation?
Who thinks this stuff up?
[Probably retired people who do not have much to do] or those of us stuck in isolation….

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Dragon Pix

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“So … you gonna take me out dancing, or what?”

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From some of your emails, I gather I need to explain to you what happened with the last issue and why you guys got an email saying that it was published and then it wasn’t there…you see, there’s a very simple explanation … I’m an idiot.  You see, when I finish an issue, I tell Word Press when to publish it, by setting a time and clicking on a date on a calendar.  When that time comes up, it publishes and automatically sends out an email to everyone who’s signed up to get one.  Well, when you’re an idiot and select a date that’s already passed, it slides the post in the stream where you said you wanted it … in this case, a week ago, and sends out an immediate email saying that a new post was sent out.  I noticed that the little popup said “posted” instead of “scheduled” like it normally says.  I immediately pulled it back, scheduled for when it was supposed to be scheduled for … no harm, no foul … except you guys already started looking for the issue and didn’t find it.  So I sent out the “Sorry” post that apparently some of you didn’t get.  Sigh.  So, there you have it.  All is well, I’m just an idiot and can’t read a friggin’ calendar.

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While watching The Mummy 2, these mummies are chasing a bus through London.  My mom asks, “They didn’t use real mummies, did they?”

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Fantasy

f2011031203

My neighbor coming over for a visit.  He thinks he’s so cool. 

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Okay … this one has to win a prize …

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Anniston, Alabama. Bozo Carlos Perez pulled up in front of the court house in a stolen car with no license plates. As if he didn’t already look suspicious enough, he called over the first person he saw and asked where he might get a photo ID card since he didn’t have a drivers license. Remember, he was behind the wheel of a stolen car with no license plates at the time. He also made a poor choice of someone to ask. He called over Sheriff Larry Amerson, who was in full uniform at the time. He arrested the bozo on the spot.

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When Kentucky Fried Chicken first opened in China, their “Finger Lickin’ Good” tagline was initially translated as “Eat Your Fingers Off.”

 

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Bored during lockdown?  Call a women’s rights group and ask to speak to the man in charge.

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For years you probably have wondered who first uttered the phrase: “You Gotta Be Shittin’ Me” .
Am I right?
Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our country, way back when George Washington was crossing the
Delaware River with his troops.  
There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington’s boat.  It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.
Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern.  He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.  
Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth  
Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware.   Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.  
Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted.  He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on.  
Another hour later, one of his men said, ‘General, I see lights ahead.’ They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house.   
What they didn’t know was that this was a house of ill repute, hidden in the forest to serve all who came.  
General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him.
The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman.
A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.  
Washington was the first to speak, ‘Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men.  We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort.’   
Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, ‘Well, General, you have come to the right place. We can surely give you warmth and comfort.  How many men do you have?’  
Washington replied, ‘Well, Madam, there are 32 of us without Peters ..’  
And the Madam said, ‘You gotta be shittin’ me.’

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If you ever feel alone, watch a horror movie late at night with the lights off.  You won’t feel so alone anymore.

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coollogo_com-155905453

You guys are dicks

You had one job

You have 5 seconds

You is

You should be so lucky

You want some of this

You weak minded fool

You win this time

you

Your Attention

Your Audition

Your Daughter

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While looking at a house, my brother asked the realtor which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning.  She asked, “Does the sun rise in the north?”  When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, (and has for some time), she shook her head and said, “Oh, I don’t keep up  with that stuff.”  Yup, she votes. 

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How the hell…

So my colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the admin assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore.  She drove down in a convertible, but didn’t think she’d get sunburned because the care was moving.  Another voter.

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And one more for good measure …

I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area.  So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.  She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.  “Now,” she asked me, “has your plane arrived yet?”  and another democrat voter.

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I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers.  Or maybe she said “a tent of lovers.” I wasn’t really listening.

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Autocorrect makes me say things I didn’t Nintendo.

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Math questions are so stupid!  They’re like, “If you have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do you have?”  Oh, I don’t know…a drinking problem, maybe!

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Leah D. adds this comment, which adds credence to our last math problem …

Today I went to the liquor store.  I have to go into the liquor store, can’t order it online. I was so lucky because there was only one other person in there, for there have been times when I had to turn around and go home, because it was so busy.

Then, would you believe, both items I wanted were on sale!?  So, I bought 6 bottles of one, and 5 bottles of another, which emptied those shelves.  Now I won’t have to go back for a very long time.

Even the roads were near empty, so I had the best day.  About time!

Yup … I’m pretty sure the correct answer is … a drinking problem.  LOL!  Nah, I’m kidding.  Who am I to judge.  That was just barely enough to get us through a weekend not too long ago.

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Okay, and that’s if for today … many of you may be wondering why I haven’t had much to say on what’s going on politically and in the capital … I don’t know.  It seems that here at home, it’s all I’ve been talking about.  I am so mad that I can hardly stand it because nobody is paying attention to the truth. 

But I believe it will come out.  It has to come out.  Otherwise the evil wins. 

If I get started, I won’t stop, so let me just say … my love and best wishes to all of you.  Keep laughing my friends. 

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1848

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creature

coffee

Good Morning Campers,

It’s Sunday morning and I’m just getting this darts3issue started because we had our big, season end dart banquet yesterday, which means that I played darts from noon until midnight last night.  It was great fun.  I am the treasurer, statistician, record keeper, gopher, tournament director (with Mrs.darts Dragon) and all around go to dragon for the league, so it was a very, very busy day for us yesterday, but we had a lot of fun.  darts1But, needless to say my ass is worn the heck out this morning.  I didn’t win either of the two blind draws we had, in fact, I think the best that I did was fifth place.  But there were some really great moments.  Like for the first tournament, ourdarts2 newest (youngest, most inexperienced) member drew what could arguably be said is either our number one or number two player in the league as her partner.  It was a blind draw which means you randomly draw your partner.  And they ended up taking first place.  He coached her and joked with her.  She was nervous as heck because a lot of these guys take this stuff really seriously and she didn’t want to disappoint him with getting stuck with a new player, but our guys aren’t really like that … for the most part.  The look on her face when she ended up taking out the last out and winning the match was so cool!  Great fun.

Oh, I did a first myself … for any of you dart players out there who may know what this means.  I opened one of my cricket matches with a round of 9 in 20’s for the first time ever!  I’ve hit a Ton 80 before in 501, which is the same 3 darts in the same spot, but never done it in cricket and most certainly never done it to open a match.

And for those of you who didn’t understand a word of what I just said … it looks like this on the dart board:
darts4

And it closes the 20s and gives you 120 points to boot.  The sad part is, I’m pretty sure we went on to loose the match after winning that leg.  Ah well, It’s now time to get our laugh on, don’t you think?  Enough of the dart talk?  I agree …

Let's Laugh

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breaking-news

God was seen in Texas today.
When asked why He is in Texas, God said, “I’m working from home, today.”

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George Carlin once said that if you nail two pieces of wood together that no one has ever nailed together before, some schmuck will buy it from you…I think this falls under the same category.

The Bozo criminal for today just didn’t know when to leave well enough alone. From England comes the story of Freddie Smyth who was arrested and charged with shoplifting. Then when he was brought in to be booked, police couldn’t believe their eyes when the bozo attempted to steal the magnetic letters off the board being held up to his face for his mug shot.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say this guy’s got a serious problem.

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I arrived early to the restaurant.  The manager said, “Do you mind waiting a bit?”

I said, “no.”

“Good,” he said.  “Take these drinks to table nine.”

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Kids?  Are you paying attention out there?  Did you get the above lesson?  Let me put it to you this way … picture yourself as a 41 year-old parent trying to get a new job because you lost your last one due to ____ (pick your emergency of choice) and you are standing in front of your potential new boss … uh huh … keep thinking about it … do you get it now?  No?  You’re a fucking idiot.

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Dragon Pix

39

“Get off my lawn!”

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Bozo criminal for today comes from Topeka, Kansas where bozo Raymond Fletcher held up a convenience store. When the bozo discovered there was not much money in the register, he decided to wait on customers for a while to build up a little more loot. Yep, he put on a green vest and went to work. His plan failed when one of the clerk’s friends came in and got suspicious when he saw the rather surly looking individual behind the cash register. He called the cops who arrived while the bozo was still hard at work.

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My farmer friend used his stimulus to buy baby chickens.  He got his money for nothing and his chicks for free.

And if you don’t get this reference, you might be too young.

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Fantasy

F2011021904

“I’m the King (Queen) of the world!”

Or for the dragons out there …. Lunch is served.

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Thanks to Lynn for writing this up so eloquently … I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Rick Klein, the political director for ABC News called for a “cleansing” of Trump’s movement.

“Trump will be an ex-president in 13 days. The fact is that getting rid of Trump is the easy part. Cleansing the movement he commands is going to be something else,” Klein said in a tweet, which he later deleted.

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The majority of the establishment media wants a one-party state where every man, woman and child knows his or her place. Trump’s awakening of the GOP base and others is a threat to that, and it became even more threatening after he began successfully courting Democratic voters last year.

Leftists have used words such as “reconciliation” and “re-education” with regard to how to deal with us since the election. Now ABC News has called for a “cleansing” of the political movement the president created.

While for most of us that movement equates to a robust economy, individual liberty, national sovereignty and a strong military, the hateful establishment media always viewed it as a threat to the status quo.

The actions of a relatively small number of Trump supporters at the Capitol on Wednesday have given these people what they view as a valid reason to delegitimize every one of the tens of millions of Americans who voted against the corrupt Washington and media establishment.

https://www.westernjournal.com/abc-news-calls-cleansing-trump-supporters-wake-capitol-incursion/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=conservativetribune&utm_content=2021-01-08&utm_campaign=manualpost&fbclid=IwAR0hHgW3AC24cNfzJWxD6wBWWKgSKfaYNbYPeonNSP—6b7qW4oLFJKiKZk

And follow the link to show many, many, many times where the democrats encouraged violence over the summer! 

0a3

Can you say hypocrite?

 

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There is an explanation for this … I don’t know what the hell it is … but I’m sure there is an explanation. 

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I don’t curse.  I speak fluent trucker, with a sailor dialect and a construction accent.

Leah says:  A guy answered this: My addition would be I speak fluent Staff Sergeant with blue air capability, using a trucker accent, a sailor’s dialect, and a construction mindset …

And Impish Dragon adds: I speak fluent fucking dragon

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  • More than 70 of the DEMOCRATS didn’t show up for his inauguration.  He hadn’t even been president yet, and 70+ Democrats boycotted the event.  Is that when Trump divided America?
  • 19 minutes after Trump was inaugurated, the Washington Post declared the impeachment campaign has started.  Was that when Trump divided America?
  • Nancy Pelosi ripped up Trump’s State of the Union speech right in front of the world, showing complete disrespect for the President of the United States.  Is that when Trump divided America?
  • America had to endure 3 years and over 40 million dollars spent on trying to prove that Trump only won because of Russian Collusion and not because America voted him in, and then 17 Democrats did everything in their power to prove that there was Russian Collusion … and came up with ZERO.  Was that when Trump divided America?

Think for yourselves.
Who is really dividing America?

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Motivational

x26 Taser

Yankee

Yeah

yeahbaby

yes

yoga

You did there

You don't know jack

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Thanks Bill E.  This one is just Perfect!

The Hooker’s Union

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. 
When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, “Is this a union house?”
“No,” she replied, “I’m sorry it isn’t.”
“Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?”
“The house gets $60 and the girls get $40,” she answered.
Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached  a brothel where the Madam responded, “Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules.”
The man asked, “And, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?” 
“The girls get $80 and the house gets $20.”
“That’s more like it!” the union man said.
He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive  blue-eyed blonde. 
“I’d like her,” he said.
 

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“I’m sure you would, sir,” said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 80 year
old woman in the corner,  “but Nancy here has 40 years seniority and
according to union rules, she’s next.”

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NOW  you know what’s wrong with the seniority system in the House  and Senate. 

Absolutely perfect.

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Thanks to John S. for this trip down memory lane…

The History of ‘APRONS’ 
… I don’t think our kids know what an apron is. The principle use of
Mom’s apron was to protect the dress underneath because she only
had a few.

It was also because it was easier to wash aprons than dresses and
aprons used less material.

But along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans
from the oven.

It was wonderful for drying children’s tears, and on occasion was even
used for cleaning out dirty ears.

From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy

chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.

When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids..


And when the weather was cold, Grandma wrapped it around her arms.


Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot
wood stove.

Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.


From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had

been shelled, it carried out the hulls.

In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from
the trees.

When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much
furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.

When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her
apron, and the men folk knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner.

It will be a long time before someone invents something that will

replace that ‘old-time apron’ that served so many purposes.

I don’t think I ever caught anything from an apron – but love.

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Apparently, walking around WalMart with an Alka-Seltzer in my mouth yelling, “The VACCINE ISN’T WORKING!” isn’t funny.

Yeah, I think I’ve used that one before … but it’s funny!!!

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Child:  Dad, I’m cold.

Dad:  Go to the corner, it’s 90 degrees.

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Trump said a LOT of Crazy Stuff in his Tweets the past Four Years…
Let’s examine them:
He said: My offices are bugged. He was right.
He said: The FBI, CIA, DOJ and the Obama administration were plotting against him. He was right.
He said: The media both liberal and social are liars . He labeled them FAKE NEWS. He was right.
He said: Russian collision was a hoax. He was right.
He said: He could bring manufacturing back. He was right.
He said: If we build a wall and manage immigration it will create jobs. He was right.
He said: Joe and Hunter got rich off of shady corrupt deals with the Ukraine and China. He was right.
He said: new trade deals would be better for the people. He was right.
He said: Moving the embassy to Jerusalem would be the right decision. He was right
He said: getting us out of un-winnable wars would create peace. He was right.
He said the Clintons were corrupt. He was right. And still are!
He said: locking up minority’s for decades for non violent offenses was wrong so he changed it. He was right.
He said: Jobs are worth way more than welfare so he gave the people jobs.
He was right.
He said: our government is filled with corrupt people and he will fight to drain the swamp and right the wrongs. He is right.
President Trump has been right on just about everything he said. So when he says the election was rigged I’ll bet my life on him being right. 74 million strong Sir, we got your back.Copy and share…

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Remember Khrushchev’s Quote?

IT HAS TAKEN 60 YEARS, BUT IT SEEMS THAT WE WILL SOON BE THERE

THIS WAS HIS ENTIRE QUOTE:  A sobering reminder.  It’s been almost sixty-one years since Khrushchev delivered this.

Do you remember September 29, 1959?

THIS WAS HIS ENTIRE QUOTE:

“Your children’s children will live under communism. You Americans are so gullible.  No, you won’t accept communism outright; but we will keep feeding you small doses of socialism until you will finally wake up and find you already have Communism.  We will not have to fight you; We will so weaken your economy until you fall like overripe fruit into our hands.”  “The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.”

Do you remember what Khrushchev said in 1959?

Remember, socialism leads to Communism. So, how do you create a Socialistic State?

There are 8 levels of control; read the following recipe:

1) Healthcare – Control healthcare, and you control the people.

2) Poverty – Increase the poverty level as high as possible. Poor people are easier to control and will not fight back if you are providing everything for them.

3) Debt – Increase the debt to an unsustainable level. That way, you are able to increase taxes, and this will produce more poverty.

4) Gun Control – Remove the ability to defend themselves from the Government. That way, you are able to create a police state.

5) Welfare – Take control of every aspect (food, housing, income) of their lives because that will make them fully dependent on the government.

6) Education – Take control of what people read and listen to and control what children learn in school.

7) Religion – Remove God’s belief from the Government and schools because the people need to believe in ONLY the government knowing what is best for the people.

8) Class Warfare – Divide the people into the wealthy and the poor.  Eliminate the middle class This will cause more discontent, and it will be easier to tax the wealthy with the support of the poor

HOPE YOU’LL PASS THIS ALONG.

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We’ve talked about and looked at an awful lot today, there’s just one Impish Dragon quote I’d like you all to keep in mind …
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Keep in mind that this is always a safe place for you.  Until Word Press kicks us off for expressing our opinions, you can always write to me and we can discuss anything.  Whether I agree with you or not.  But, until we meet again, may your lives be blessed with laughter and love.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Sorry

Accidentally sent out an email saying a new post was posted. The new post will be posted on Monday morning as normal.

Sorry ‘bout dat!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Dragon Laffs #1847

Header1847

coyote

Good Morning Campers,

I’m in shock this morning.  I’m sad, I’m angry, and I’m completely flabbergasted (I’ve been using that word a lot lately).  And I’m so pissed off at the fucking media I can hardly speak.  All fucking year long … the rioting and burning and looting and they mostly downplayed it or even ignored it completely and today (Thursday) they are out for blood!  And not a single one of them have said a word about the fact that the ones who actually broke in and caused the damage were ANTIFA agents dressed as Trump supporters planted in the group to cause trouble!  99% of the protesters (and they were protesters, not rioters like the media would have you believe) were well behaved and just pissed off American Citizens expressing their displeasure with their elected leaders. 

These fuckers did everything they wanted to do, they did it right in front of all of us, and nobody is doing anything about it.  And now, on top of everything else, on top of shutting down Trumps Twitter account and his Facebook account, not broadcasting his speech on TV, not consulting him about bringing in the National Guard, completely cutting him out … which sounds an awful lot like a coup, now the democrats want to Article 25 or impeach him in his last days of office because he was honest enough to call a thief a thief. 

I don’t know folks.  As I was telling Sasquatch earlier, I got into this blog business so I could say what I wanted to say without worrying about what other people thought.  Like-minded people would follow along and unlike-minded people would eventually get sick and tired of listening to me and find somewhere else to hang out.  I wonder how much longer things like free speech are going to be allowed?  You may think I am overreacting, but am I?  Let’s not even go as far as talking about President Trump losing his Facebook and Twitter accounts and he’s the friggin’ President!  You’d think if ANYONE would have freedom of speech it would be him.  And don’t give me any crap about inciting riot or any soapboxcrap like that.  Or that shit that Zuckerberg threw out there “we believe the risks of allowing the President to continue to use our service during this period are simply too great …” Oh, bullshit!  Kiss my ass you pussy asshole! 

I have a friend of mine that got kicked off Twitter for a month for calling Kamala Harris a whore and that’s a proven and self-admitted fact.  There’s even pictures for crying-out-loud!

And for goodness sake, how many times do I have to call Pelosi a bitch before someone comes and shuts off my Wi-Fi?  But the nice people at Word Press have never given me a warning.  But, is that going to change?  Is it going to become a crime to not spout the party line?  It seems to be the case nationally now and on the larger platforms.  It only seems to be the smaller, little read spots where you can get to the truth.  And even when you tell the truth and even don’t use derogatory language on the big platforms like twitter … you get shut down if you say something that doesn’t agree with party politic. 

So … what happens next?  Well, next for us is some laughter … for the country … Biden becomes our next president, at least for a few months until Kamala takes over because he becomes “indisposed”.  As for the rest … time will tell.  It’s time for me to push this soapbox back under the desk where it belongs and let’s laugh … at least a little.  Because it’s better to laugh than it is to cry.

Lets Laugh

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I have to say a special thanks to Joe L in New Jersey for this one.  It made me laugh so hard when I really needed a laugh, I really didn’t see the end coming, and it was brand new for me!  Thanks Joe!  A brother from NJ!

It is said no English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words – “Complete” and “Finished”.
In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.
The final question was: “How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand ? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.”
Here is his astute answer:
“When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!”
He won a trip around the world, and a case of 25yo Scotch.

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No shit, hold my beer.  The little bastard has started off with a bang.

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I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these days.

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Age 16:  Takes 4 hours to do hair and plan outfit

Age 18:  Takes 2 hours to do hair and plan outfit

Now:  I brushed my hair 3 days ago and I have no idea whose shirt this is

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Dragon Pix

37

As I sneak up behind the king, and wrap my hands around his eyes, I whisper in his ear, “Guess who.”

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And you younger ones probably don’t recognize why that’s funny.

My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn.  He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair. 

“My goodness,” he said with excitement, “you appear quite elderly to be driving.”

“Well, yes I am,” she replied proudly.  “I’ll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don’t even need a driver’s license anymore.  The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver’s license.  I told him yes and handed it to him.  He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the wastebasket, saying, you won’t need this anymore, so I thanked him and left!”

This next one asks a REALLY good question …

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Because I’m a Man

This one is, of course, from Stephanie … and there is much with it that I take exception to.  I will, again of course, point out the places where I take exception as we go through it together.

Because I’m a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling the AA is not an option. I will win.  This one is true.  Why call AAA when a coat hanger is normally easily at hand and I can do it myself.

Because I’m a man, when the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, “I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know where to start.” We will then drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.  I did use to be able to fix these things, now who the heck knows, and of course a beer is involved … so yeah, this one is true, too.

Because I’m a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You’re a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.  Everyone knows that women don’t get as sick as men do, and pointing it out like this is just not right, so I suppose this one is true, but just mean.

Because I’m a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like “cumin” or “tofu.” For all I know, these are the same thing.  No one even eats tofu!

Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.  Hey!  I fixed things!  Once!

Because I’m a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole program looking for it…though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator…(applies to engineers mainly).  Holding the remote is a man’s right!

Because I’m a man, there is no need to ask me what I’m thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, hunting, sex, cars, sex, tractors, sex, fishing, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don’t ask.  This list sucks!

Because I’m a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother’s Day is okay; I don’t need to see it. And don’t forget to pick up something for my mother, too.  Never mind, just finish the damn list.

Because I’m a man, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the film. Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t…and if you are feeling amorous afterwards…then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

Because I’m a man, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I’m a man, and this is, after all, the year 2020, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I’ll do the rest…. like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.

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Because of my ……..

I was on a regular drive to work when suddenly a police car flags me down to stop.

I await nervously while he saunters over and raps his knuckles smartly on my window.

Cop: “Do you know why I pulled you over ?”

Me: “Because of my …”

Car driving by: HONKKKK !!!

Me: “Because of my ……”

2nd car driving by: HONKKKKKKK !!!!

Me: “Because of my ……”

3rd car driving by: HOOONNNNKKKKKKK !!!!

Me: Because of my

            “Honk if you think cops are idiots’’

                                   bumper sticker ?

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Thanks to John S … who normally sends us the Bozo criminals of the day … for these stories of Smart Thieves as lessons learned for us to study and be smarter for.

1. LONG  – TERM PARKING

Some  people left their car in the long-term parking at the airport while away, and  someone broke into the car. Using the information on the car’s  registration in the glove compartment, they drove the car to the  people’s home and robbed it.  So I guess if we are going to leave the car in long-term parking, we  should NOT leave the registration/insurance cards in it, nor your remote  garage door opener. This gives us something to think about with all our  new electronic technology.

2. GPS:

Someone had their car broken into  while they were at a football game. Their car was parked on the  green which was adjacent to the football  stadium and specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen from the  car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had  been prominently mounted on the dashboard. When the victims got  home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just  about everything worth anything had been  stolen. The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house.  They then used the garage remote control  to open the garage door and gain entry to the house. The thieves  knew the owners were at the football  game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so they

Knew how much time they had to clean  out the house. It would appear that they had brought a truck to  empty the house of its contents Something  to consider if you have a GPS – don’t put your home address in it.  Put a nearby address (like a store or  gas station) so you can still find your way home if you need to, but no  one else would know where you live if  your GPS were stolen.

3. CELL  PHONES:

I  never thought of this! This lady has now changed her habit of how she  lists her names on her cell phone after her handbag was  stolen. Her handbag, which contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet,  etc., was stolen. Twenty minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened,  hubby says, “I received your text asking about our Pin number and I’ve  replied a little while ago.” When they rushed down to the  bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The  thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text  “hubby” in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within 20  minutes he had withdrawn all the money from  their bank account.

4. PURSE IN THE  GROCERY CART SCAM:

A lady went grocery-shopping at a  local mall and left her purse sitting in the children’s seat of the cart while she reached something off a shelf/ Wait  till you read the WHOLE story! Her wallet was stolen, and she reported  it to the store personnel. After  returning home, she received a phone call from the Mall Security
To  say that they had her wallet and that although  there was no money in it, it did still hold her personal papers. She  immediately went to pick up her wallet, only to  be told by Mall Security that they had not called her. By the time she returned home again, her house had been  broken into and burglarized. The thieves knew that by calling and saying  they were Mall Security, they could lure  her out of her house long enough for them to burglarize it

Moral lesson:

A. Do not disclose the relationship  between you and the people in your contact list. Avoid using names  like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad,  Mum, etc.

B. And very importantly, when  sensitive info is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling  back.

C. Also, when you’re being texted by friends or family to meet  them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them. If  you don’t reach them, be very careful about going places to meet  “family and friends” who text  you.

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Fantasy

f2011021902

Yeah … that one’s just because it’s cool …

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Chris writes and says …   I am confused

I DO NOT CONDONE RIOTING OR LOOTING OF ANY KIND BY ANYONE AND BOTH EVENTS NOTED BELOW DISGUST ME.

I am confused though…The news would lead me to believe…..

Rioting, looting and attacking and defacing federal buildings is ok for liberals and Black Lives Matter and they should be forgiven and not prosecuted.

                                     but

Rioting, looting and attacking and defacing federal buildings is not ok for conservatives and Trump supporters and is treasonous.

And the more I read and find out the more I learn that 99.9% of the Trump supporters were well behaved and some of them actually tried to stop the ANTFA mobs from breaking into the Capitol building.  But, for the ones who were NOT protesting properly … you were wrong.  Those of them who followed the people who broke in to the Capitol … YOU were wrong, even though you weren’t the ones who broke in.  And in the end … all played right into their hands.

And I am so disappointed and so overwhelmed … we need to just go back to the laughs.

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Friend:  What’s the most difficult part of being a parent?

Me:  Without a shadow of doubt, it’s the kids.

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I’d like to cancel my subscription to 2021.  I’ve experienced the free 7-day trial and I’m not interested.

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Motivate

Planking

wrestling midgets

wrong

wtd

WTF

WTF2

WTF3

WTF4

WTF5

WTF6

WTF7

WTF8

wtf9

WTF10

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Here’s an inspirational story from 09 December 2015

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Alex went to the DMV to renew his license. When he was told to go have his picture taken he noticed that there were some men having their picture taken, these men were wearing turbans on there heads. Alex was asked to take his hat off to have his picture taken. He said “no”, and “no” again when asked the second time. When he was asked why he would not remove his hat he said, “those men didn’t remove their head wear, I shouldn’t either”. It was explained that this was their attire and their religion. Alex told the DMV person that what he had on was his attire and when he entered the Marines he declared an oath to the USA, and one nation under God, so that his oath was under God so just as good as his religion. Well, the DMV people didn’t know what to do, they spoke to supervisors and called Sacramento. Alex was told, after an hour, that he could wear his hat for the picture and if there were any problems they would let him know and he could appeal their decision. He told them if there was a problem he WILL appeal it. Alex feels no one has more right to display their head gear then a Veteran or active service person. When he left several employees at the DMV clapped quietly for him. He has spoken to few other Veterans and they plan to do the same.

coollogo_com-17330256

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There is a special place reserved for you in hell … and may you get there sooner rather than later.

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And around here we also call them …

2b2

Doctor:  You’ve been diagnosed with an incredibly rare disease.

Me:  How rare?

Doctor:  What do you want to name it?

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And I’ve run out of time.  It’s now way past my bedtime and I do have things to do tomorrow, so I must end this here.  Good luck and God Bless you all until we meet again my friends.  Be good to each other and stay true.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

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