Dragon Laffs

Good morning my dear friends. And it is morning here. yesterday. I know that sounds weird, but you are reading this on Saturday and I am writing this on Friday morning so it is yesterday for you.

I finally have a day off today…well…shouldn’t call it a day off since it’s already filled with stuff that needs to be done, which is why I’m up at my regular time in the morning to work on DL so I get to spend some quality time with you before I’m trying to get everything done that needs to be done that hasn’t been done for the last 2 or 3 weeks because of the constant work on the air show.

I just reread that last paragraph and as bad as it is grammatically, it still makes sense, so I’m leaving it.

Hey! I can hear you guys out there! “So Impish, when have you ever cared about grammar, before?”

Well…never, I’m more of a Jersey-speak, flow from the fingers, if it sounds good … OH NEVER MIND! It’s too darn early in the morning for this crap! Just…

Yeah, some aren’t going to get that one.

I’ve learned that 99% of the time when something isn’t working in your house, one of your kids did it. 

One of the most wonderfully written responses I’ve ever seen.

That statement is pretty poorly written.  Aircrew is showing the ground crew that they’ve got their hands clear of all the switches, sticks, and controls that could kill them.  In all honesty, they ought to be sticking their feet out of the cockpit as well (except someone has to  keep pressure on the breaks once the chocks are pulled).  Those flight control surfaces hurt when they move when they’re not supposed to!

Indiana, Gary Law

Within four hours of eating garlic, a person may not enter a movie house, theater, or ride a public streetcar.

A quiz programme contestant had to identify famous slogans.

After several correct responses, he was asked, “Which company originated the phrase ‘ Good to the last drop ‘?” 

The contestant thought for a moment and replied, ” Otis Elevator? “

That is too funny!

In my FBI (Faith Bible Institute) Class last night, the instructor was kind of talking about that. How, throughout the day to just kind of keep in touch with God. Whispered words of prayer, acknowledging that it is Him who is in control, things like that.

THAT IS THE DIFFERENCE!  I’m so very sorry, but it’s the truth. I’m not an Islamophobe, I’m a realist. Islam has, as one of it’s primary tenants, to kill or enslave everyone who is not Islamic.  This is what they are trying to do to every country they are moving into, including the United States.  That is not a “religion of peace”. The sooner EVERYONE gets it in their heads the safer we’ll all be.

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocre minds. 

-Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

Louisiana Law

It is illegal to shoot lasers at police officers.

I really have to wonder what required that sign being put up…

Oh Please!

A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200 to get his car fixed and roadworthy again. 

But had run out of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the operator, and reverses the charge and says to his father. 

“I need to borrow two hundred dollars ,” he says.

At the other end, his father says, “Sorry, I can’t hear you, son, I think there may be a bad line.” 

The boy shouts, “Two hundred. I need two hundred dollars!” 

“Sorry, I still can’t hear you clearly,” says his father. 

The operator cuts in, “Sorry to butt in, But I can hear him perfectly clearly.” 

The father says, “Good. YOU send him the money!”

Only for those people who talk out their ass all day.

A blonde took her dog to the vet for its annual check-up. 

“Your dog is overweight,” the vet said. “You should cut back on his food a little and make sure he gets some exercise. Try playing fetch with him.” 

“That’s impossible,” the blonde replied. “I can’t play fetch with my dog.” 

“Why not?” asked the puzzled vet. 

“Because,” the blonde said, “he can’t throw.”

And that’s it my friends. I hope you have an enjoyable Saturday. Holly and I are talking about going to the movie later today, but I don’t think there’s anything really interesting playing. Maybe the new Spiderman movie… We’ll see. 

So, until next time!

Well, it’s Tuesday and I’m way behind. 

At least I think it’s Tuesday. It has been one heck of a couple of four days…five days.  I’m not even sure anymore. 

The air show was a success … at least from an Emergency Management perspective.  One minor act of attempted stupidity that I can’t/won’t talk about. A LOT of people who shouldn’t have been out on a hot concrete pad, unprepared for several hours and paid for it that kept our medical boys and girls busy.

One heart attack that got airlifted out and another that should have gotten airlifted but we didn’t have a second chopper. They both survived.

No crashes and traffic moved extraordinarily smoothly. 

Some funny calls.  We had a lady who tried to direct traffic on the way out of the show on Sunday afternoon who refused to go back to her car. That one cracked me up.

Anyway, how about a couple of quick pictures of the show? I didn’t get many, I was busy putting out fires all weekend, then let’s get on with our regular episode.

Early friends and family crowds on Friday

Yes, that last one is as close as it looks. Any of you familiar with the Thunder Birds know of the jump scare where the one jet comes screaming up from behind the crowd at some point during the show.  Well, I was ready for him and snapped a really good shot. He’s probably only a couple of hundred feet off the ground.

It’s true. I found out after the air show that a whole group of friends of mine from another church had been praying all weekend for a safe and secure show. I thanked my friend profusely with tears in my eyes.

Okay, right here is the perfect place to include some commentary.  First of all, an email from a loyal reader and friend, Vincent who writes:

Just received this from a pal……..so true

I think that Trump renaming Lake Ontario to Lake America is pointless and stupid. Although I kinda get a chuckle about it if I’m being honest!😎

Wanna know what else I think is dumb?

The fact left-wingers are triggered about this after they spent the last decade plus renaming sports teams, public schools and universities, streets and highways, food and condiment brands, and redefining half the dictionary altogether.

Here’s a list of some in case you forgot:

• Washington Redskins ➡️ Commanders

• Cleveland Indians ➡️ Guardians

• Stanford Indians ➡️ Cardinals

• Loudoun County Raiders ➡️ Captains

• Edmonton Eskimos ➡️ Elks

• Columbus Day ➡️ Indigenous Peoples’ Day

• Lee–Jackson Day ➡️ eliminated

• Robert E. Lee High School ➡️ John Lewis High

• Jefferson Davis Highway ➡️ Richmond Highway 

• Mount McKinley ➡️ Denali 

• Fort Bragg ➡️ Fort Liberty

• Fort Hood ➡️ Fort Cavazos

• Boy Scouts of America ➡️ Scouting America

• Aunt Jemima ➡️ Pearl Milling Company

• Uncle Ben’s Rice ➡️ Ben’s Original

• Eskimo Pie ice cream bars ➡️ Edy’s Pie

• Land O’Lakes ➡️ removed the Indian, but kept the land

• Illegal alien ➡️ undocumented worker

• Hispanic ➡️ Latinx (a term Hispanics did not want and do not use)

• Mother ➡️ birthing person

• Anchor baby ➡️ child of noncitizens

• black ➡️ Black

• Breastfeeding ➡️ chest feeding

• Inmate / prisoner / convict / felon ➡️ justice-involved person

• Ex-con / ex-felon ➡️ returning citizen

• “Gender” as a biological fact interchangeable with “sex” to being a social construct 

• Fat ➡️ plus-sized

• Master bedroom ➡️ primary bedroom

• Manhole ➡️ utility hole

And so on and so on. . .

I agree with ALL of that. I think the renaming of the Lake to the Lake of America and the Gulf to the Gulf of America is complete and udder nonsense. But, I also agree that my dear departed father-in-law was a mailman and not a mailperson!  Since when have we become so STUPIDLY childish over such things? 

Dumb!

Just Dumb!

Go past the next two memes for the answer.

That was only 1!

That’s better. That was two. Now, what’s missing? R. R is missing. What’s the R for? Reverse!

Oh so very, very true!

I LOVED that show!!!!

Please Lord, PLEASE!

And she’s still going to kill you.

I’ve tried to use the same theory so many times, but no one will let me!

Before we wrap this one up, here are some “professional” pictures that our Public Affairs guys out at the base took at the Air Show.

Okay….

So, a little better than mine.

But they had real cameras, I had my iPhone. 

But that’s it for today my friends. I’m glad I got this one done. I’ve got Jail tomorrow, and FBI on Thursday, so I’ll try to put together an issue for Saturday and Monday. But, I have this weekend off and Monday is Labor Day or Memorial Day or something (I’m really tired) so I’ll try and get ahead AND do something with Holly this weekend. Be well my dear, dear friends.

It’s 530 in the morning on Saturday and I thought I’d throw some pictures from yesterday’s friends and family day from my phone your way.

This is not a regular post since it’s coming from my phone and being typed out one finger tap at a time, but let’s see if I can get some pictures for you.

That’s it for now my friends.

Got to get to work for the real air show starting today.

Cheers!

Impish

Well, if I can get this one done in time, it will be for Saturday and then maybe the only one I will miss is Monday.  But, if I can’t get this done in the next hour or so, I will set up what I have and call it good. How does that sound to you guys?

I have a late meeting with Thunder Bird 8 on Tuesday.

Jail on Wednesday.

FBI on Thursday.

Family Day on Friday.

Air Show on Saturday and Sunday.

Yeah … not looking good for Monday’s episode or perhaps even Impish Survival. But, we can all hold out hope, can’t we. 🙂 

Anyway, let’s get this party STARTED!

Well, no kidding!

Remember the other day when I talked about people reselling some of the things that were given away at the giveaway (boy, that’s an awkward sentence)? Here’s what Joe had to say about that:

Impish,

Anyone that takes items meant for the needy and sells them for profit  is

really tempting Karma!

    …Joe

Joe, I agree 100%, brother!

What a great quote!

Another case of, “Gee, I don’t understand why I didn’t get the job.”

 

I LOVE THIS ONE!!!

All the friggin’ time!

That just screams, “Lookin’ for that Puddy Cat!”

He’s tasting you.  I swear my dog does the same thing to me. As soon as I taste like pizza crust, I’m a dead man.

That one seems kind of unnecessary. But then again, with some of the headlines I’ve seen in the news lately. Never mind.

That’s it my dear friends. 

And this is also the very last plea for donations. It’s the end of the month. It’s all over with. The next episode that comes out … probably next Thursday. If I put anything out on Monday, it might be something quick that I throw together tomorrow night (Tuesday).  Thursday’s episode will be full of pictures of the air show…or my eulogy. In the mean time my friends, be blessed, stay frosty, and be full of LOVE! 

Wow!

Just … Wow!

Two-thousand, five-hundred episodes of Dragon Laffs.

I should retire right there.

Take a bow…exit stage right.

But you know I’m not going to.

We’re gonna build on that! Gonna keep going! But, man!  What a milestone. A quarter of a million. Nice. And it’s all been because of you guys. You did it. All I do is collect the stuff that you guys submit. Add my two-cents in here and there. Speaking of two-cents … are we going to have to change that saying now that we don’t do cents anymore? “I just added my nickel in…” Doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it? “Just added my two-bits” my work because nobody knows what a “bit” is. 

I know…it’s a one or a zero in binary language. That’s not the kind of “bit” we’re talking about here! Knock it off! 

Here’s Google AI’s explanation: The phrase “two bits” originates from colonial American history and the use of the Spanish dollar, or “piece of eight,” which was divided into eight smaller units called reales. Because each single real was worth one-eighth of the coin, two pieces equaled a quarter of a dollar, giving us the enduring slang term for 25 cents. Most users on Quora agree that this physical cutting of coins to make change drove the widespread adoption of the term. 

It also says that they actually used to take chisels and cut them into pieces.  So, yeah, putting in my two-bits won’t work either since that’s a derogatory term for something that’s worthless. But, then again, most peoples opinion is as well, so there’s that.

Anyway, 2500 episodes, issues (yeah, I have AT LEAST 2500 issues! [insert rimshot here!]) Thank you all so very much for your kind patronage.  May we all have another 2500 in front of us. Let’s see, we just celebrated 20 years in June, so another 2500 is roughly another 20 years … we got this! 

To another 2500 and another 20 years!

Not that we would EVER advocate for something like that … but if anyone out there tries this at home, I know a dragon or three who would LOVE to know the results. Ummm, asking for a friend.

ALL THE TIME!!!

THAT’S the kind of attitude I need to foster!

I have no idea why the job interview went poorly.

This is WAY cool!

Such a sad picture…

Adorable!

It’s not bad, it’s terrible! Izzy showed me an example from an AI lesson plan from Kentucky where the periodic table didn’t have a single solidary element correct and a map of the United States where most, if not all of the states were spelled incorrectly. When are we going to realize that we are selling ourselves downstream to incompetent convenience!

And that’s it my friends. Another one in the box and ready to go. I’m going to try to put another one together before the Air Show, so one more push for donations, although at this point, I’m pretty sure we’re done.  But, I’ll put it out there. Go to dragonlaffs.com in the upper right hand column and hit the donate button. Or write to me at impishdragon@dragonlaffs.com and we can talk about snail mail or any other ways to donate that you might think of. So, until next time.