Dragon Laffs #2151

It is Monday morning…it’s not really, but work with me here…it’s Monday morning and another weekend has come and gone.  I hope everyone has had as good a weekend as…

Okay, I can’t do this.  I’m writing this on Friday afternoon, trying to get ahead of the game so that I don’t fall behind again before even Saturday’s issue even publishes.  I know that I have a tough week coming up and I have a lot of studying to do this weekend.  We have our Men’s group on Monday night, where I have to get the first part of my plan ready and on Wednesday night we FINALLY start our Jail Ministry.  Thursday is our Anger Group that I co-facilitate.  That’s not to mention my normal Sunday Church and every other Wednesday lunch time on base Grief Group and the other every other Wednesday lunch time bible study.

Come to think of it, it’s not a busy week, it’s a normal week…sheesh!

And from here, let’s move on to the fun stuff, and we’ll talk more later…

I did find this old picture of Lethal Leprechaun, my brother from another mother.  May God continue to Bless you my brother.  I know you’re causing trouble in Heaven.  I surely miss you but know that you are full of joy and in no pain.  Love you, my friend.

What does a coffin and a condom have in common? 

They’re both filled with stiffs, only one’s coming and one’s going! 

I really, really don’t want to know.

A man had just been married and came to work in a hurry the next day. 

He went up to a friend and said, “You must help me. My wife and I are both virgins and we don’t know what to do!” 

The friend replied, “Where are you going for your honeymoon?” 

Man says, “To Disneyworld.” 

Friend, “OK, I’ll come along with you and the first night I’ll hide in the closet. if you have a problem….I’ll be there.” 

Man, “Thank you!” 

They did exactly that. The man left his wife and went to the bathroom. 

He stubbed his toe as he reentered the bed and uttered an , “Oh…shit!” 

His friend in the closet whispered, “Flip her over! Flip her over!” 

A man is very ashamed of his pecker because of the size. He has an extremely small pecker and doesn’t want his girlfriend to dump him when she sees the size. 

One night when he and his girlfriend are making out in a dark corner he decides he will show her. 

The man unzips his pants, whips out his small pecker, and shoves it into her hand. 

He sits there impatiently waiting to see her reaction. 

His girlfriend says, “Thanks, but I don’t smoke.” 

How it all began…

THAT would be worth having!!

Ain’t that the truth!  If it’s NOT the truth for you, then you ain’t doin’ it right!

Accidentally took some of my cat’s medicine.

Don’t ask meow.

I will say, as a dragon, that I ALWAYS urinate with precision and ESPECIALLY with elegance!

Ten Things That Will Disappear

1. The Post Office

Get ready to imagine a world without the post office. They are so deeply in financial trouble that there is probably no way to sustain it long term. Email, FedEx, and UPS have just about wiped out the minimum revenue needed to keep the post office alive. Most of your mail every day is junk mail and bills.

2. The Check

Britain has already done away with checks as of 2018. It costs the financial system billions of dollars a year to process checks. Plastic cards and online transactions will lead to the eventual demise of the check.  This plays right into the death of the post office.  If you never paid your bills by mail and never received them by mail, the post office would absolutely go out of business.

3. The Newspaper

The younger generation simply doesn’t read the newspaper.  They certainly don’t subscribe to a daily delivered print edition.  That may go the way of the milkman and the laundry man.  As for reading the paper online, get ready to pay for it.  The rise in mobile Internet devices and e-readers has caused all the newspaper and magazine publishers to form an alliance. They have met with Apple, Amazon, and the major cell phone companies to develop a model for paid subscription services.

4. The Book

You say you will never give up the physical book that you hold in your hand and turn the literal pages. I said the same thing about downloading music from iTunes.  I wanted my hard copy CD.  But I quickly changed my mind when I discovered that I could get albums for half the price without ever leaving home to get the latest music.  The same thing will happen with books. You can browse a bookstore online and even read a preview chapter before you buy.  And the price is less than half that of a real book. And think of the convenience!  Once you start flicking your fingers on the screen instead of the book, you find that you are lost in the story, can’t wait to see what happens next, and you forget that you’re holding a gadget instead of a book.

5. The Land Line Telephone

Unless you have a large family and make a lot of local calls, you don’t need it anymore.  Most people keep it simply because they’ve always had it.  But you are paying double charges for that extra service.  All the cell phone companies will let you call customers using the same cell provider for no charge against your minutes.

6. Music

This is one of the saddest parts of the change story.  The music industry is dying a slow death.  Not just because of illegal downloading.  It’s the lack of innovative new music being given a chance to get to the people who would like to hear it. Greed and corruption is the problem. The record labels and the radio conglomerates are simply self-destructing. Over 40% of the music purchased today is “catalogue items,” meaning traditional music that the public is familiar with. Older established artists. This is also true on the live concert circuit. To explore this fascinating and disturbing topic further, check out the book, “Appetite for Self-Destruction” by Steve Knopper, and the video documentary, “Before the Music Dies.”

7. Television Revenues

To the networks are down dramatically. Not just because of the economy. People are watching TV and movies streamed from their computers. And they’re playing games and doing lots of other things that take up the time that used to be spent watching TV.   Prime time shows have degenerated down to lower than the lowest common denominator. Cable rates are skyrocketing and commercials run about every 4 minutes and 30 seconds. I say good riddance to most of it. It’s time for the cable companies to be put out of our misery. Let the people choose what they want to watch online and through Netflix.

8. The “Things” That You Own

Many of the very possessions that we used to own are still in our lives, but we may not actually own them in the future.  They may simply reside in “the cloud.”  Today your computer has a hard drive and you store your pictures, music, movies, and documents. Your software is on a CD or DVD, and you can always re-install it if need be. But all of that is changing. Apple, Microsoft, and Google are all finishing up their latest “cloud services.”  That means that when you turn on a computer, the Internet will be built into the operating system. So, Windows, Google, and the Mac OS will be tied straight into the Internet. If you click an icon, it will open something in the Internet cloud. If you save something, it will be saved to the cloud.  And you may pay a monthly subscription fee to the cloud provider.  In this virtual world, you can access your music or your books, or your whatever from any laptop or handheld device.  That’s the good news. But, will you actually own any of this “stuff” or will it all be able to disappear at any moment in a big “Poof?”  Will most of the things in our lives be disposable and whimsical?  It makes you want to run to the closet and pull out that photo album, grab a book from the shelf, or open up a CD case and pull out the insert.

9 Joined Handwriting (Cursive Writing)

Already gone in some schools who no longer teach “joined handwriting” because nearly everything is done now on computers or keyboards of some type (pun not intended).

10. Privacy

If there ever was a concept that we can look back on nostalgically, it would be privacy.  That’s gone.  It’s been gone for a long time anyway..  There are cameras on the street, in most of the buildings, and even built into your computer and cell phone.  But you can be sure that 24/7, “They” know who you are and where you are, right down to the GPS coordinates, and the Google Street View.  If you buy something, your habit is put into a zillion profiles, and your ads will change to reflect those habits..  “They” will try to get you to buy something else.  Again and again and again.

All we will have left that which can’t be changed……are our “Memories”.

Logic is dead.

Excellence is punished.

Mediocrity is rewarded.

And dependency is to be revered.

This is present day America.

When people rob banks they go to prison.

When they rob the taxpayer they get re-elected! 


    An angel of truth and a dream of fiction, 
    A woman is a bundle of contradiction, 

    She’s afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse, 
    But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house. 

    Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose, 
    She’ll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose, 

    She’ll win you in rags, enchant you in silk, 
    She’ll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk; 

    At times she’ll be vengeful, merry, and sad, 
    She’ll hate you like poison, and love you like mad. 




This is really true, he did that. If this is what he did in death, just imagine the romance he must have given her in life…..


“ET?  Is that you?”

The New Zen 

1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre. 

2. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbour’s milk, that’s the time to do it. 

3. Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you aren’t getting any. 

4. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted. 

5. No one is listening until you fart. 

6. Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else. 

7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 

8. If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments. 

9. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes. 

10. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you. 

11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 

12. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. 

13. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything. 

14. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen. 

15. Don’t worry; it only seems kinky the first time. 

16. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement. 

17. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. 

18. A closed mouth gathers no food. 

19. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side,  and it holds the universe together. 

20. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 

21. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving. 

22. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it. 

23. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 

24. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our arse & then things get worse . 

Do you know what it is?

Tobacco Smoke Enema Kit (1750s – 1810s).
The tobacco enema was used to infuse tobacco smoke into a patient’s rectum for various medical purposes, but primarily the resuscitation of drowning victims. Doubts about the credibility of tobacco enemas led to the popular phrase “Blowing Smoke Up Your Ass.” As you are most likely aware, this odd tool is still heavily used today by American Democrats.

A man on a construction site thirty floors up had to go to the bathroom. 

He approached his foreman and told him that he was going down to use the restroom. 

The foreman told him he was crazy; by the time he got down and back up, he’d lose a half hour. 

The foreman pushed a plank out over the edge of the building. 

He stood on one end and told the guy to go out on the other end and pee. 

He said, “Damn, Chuck, we’re thirty floors up! Piss’ll turn to vapor before it hits the ground!” 

What could he do? It was his foreman, after all. 

So the guy gingerly heads out on the plank. 

Suddenly the foreman’s cell phone rang. Not even thinking, he jumped off the board to get it, sending the peeing man to his death! 

At the inquest, an electrician who was working on the twenty-seventh floor was asked what he’d witnessed regarding the accident. 

“I’m not really sure. I think it had something to do with sex.” 

The coroner said, “Sex? Why do you think that? 

The electrician replied, “I saw the man falling with his dick in his hand, screaming, “Where’d that cocksucker go?” 

Having just had it done, I understand it completely!!!

The World’s Most Awful Quiz

There are only nine questions.

This is a quiz for people who know everything!

I found out in a hurry that I didn’t.

These are not trick questions.

They are straight questions with straight answers.

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year.

    What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn’t been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ‘dw’ and they are all common words. Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter ‘S.’

Answers To Quiz:

1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends: Boxing.

2. North American landmark constantly moving backward:

   Niagara Falls . The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.

3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry.

5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place  on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are stems.

6. Three English words beginning with dw:          Dwarf, dwell and dwindle.

7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point,     quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce.

9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with ‘S’: Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts

PLEASE DO YOUR PART: Today is National Mental Health Day. You can do your part by remembering to send this e-mail to at least one mentally-challenged person.

Well, my job’s done!

Just don’t send it back to me.

I’ve already flunked it once!

Not sure if I flunked this one or not.  I got six out of nine right.  I actually feel pretty good about that!

Okay, so last night I FINALLY got to see Jesus Revolution at the theater.  Before I talk about the movie, let me tell you why this was so darn hard for me.  Going to the movies was always very special to Mary and I.  See, on our honeymoon, that’s pretty much all we could afford to do.  Well, that and spend the day at the Indianapolis Zoo.  So, every year on our anniversary, we’d go to the movies in celebration.  On our first anniversary we saw one movie, on our second anniversary we saw two movies…on our third we saw three and realized we couldn’t keep this up, so we went back to just one movie on our fourth and keep that up for the twenty-six years we were married.  But, that was also one of our favorite things to do.  We never took a real vacation, except the one time my dad paid for us to go to Disney World, but we didn’t really care.  We were simple people.  A night out to see a movie was a big deal for us.

So now, going by myself, was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.  And it literally took me weeks to work up the nerve to do so.  I was worried that my local theater was going to get rid of the movie so I basically FORCED myself to go last night.  I’ve never gone to the movie by myself before.  

But, I’m so glad that I did.  What a GREAT movie.  Highly recommended.  I laughed, I cried.  It’s a good thing that no one sat near me in the theater, watching this old man wiping tears from his eyes.  But, I stopped caring about stuff like that a long time ago.  I can’t believe there’s anyone out there who hasn’t heard of the movie, but for those of you who haven’t, here’s the trailer:

The guy who plays Lonnie Frisbee is the same guy who plays Jesus on the Chosen.  Another GREAT series.  Another highly recommended one.  That one you can watch by downloading the free app.  Right now they are finished with season 3, so 24 episodes.  Any of you who haven’t seen that one I truly and seriously am so deeply jealous of you!!!  


Because you haven’t seen it yet and get to watch it for the first time!  You lucky, lucky people you!

And then … AND THEN … I wake up this morning to THIS:

Yes, those are Willow (in the foreground) and Pepper (in the background) and my raggedy old garage and deck and fence that’s falling apart and…well, you get it.  And about an inch and a half of snow that was unexpected.  It’s MARCH for crying-out-loud!

And this is the other thing that we woke up to the other morning.  Willow still sleeps in a kennel at night and when we are not home.  The couple of times we’ve left her out she has been fine and she’s stopped eating her blankets and stuff, so we decided to give her an old pillow to make it a little more comfortable for her.  It’s been over a year since she’s chewed anything that wasn’t hers to chew on purpose.  But for some reason, this is what we woke up to:

That used to be a pillow.

And since we’re throwing unusual stuff in-between the memes in this section, here’s one from Leah D. that EXACTLY explains what an awful lot of us have wanted to say to many people many times.

I empathize quite strongly with Allen.

Why didn’t you tell us the MRNA VACCINES caused MYOCARDITIS?

I Did.  But you just sent me back a picture of a guy in a TINFOIL HAT.


The world is increasingly designed to depress us.  Happiness isn’t very good for the economy.  If we were happy with what we had, why would we need more?  How do you sell an anti-ageing moisturizer?  You make someone worry about ageing.  How do you get people to vote for a political party?  You make them worry about immigration.  How do you get them to buy insurance?  By making them worry about everything.  How do you get them to have plastic surgery?  By highlighting their physical flaws.  How do you get them to watch a TV show?  By making them worry about missing out.  How do you get them to buy a new smartphone?  By making them feel like they are being left behind.

To be calm becomes a kind of revolutionary act.  To be happy with your own non-upgraded existence.  To be comfortable with our messy, human selves, would not be good for business.

~ Matt Haig


  • Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese.
    • Luis Buñuel, Spanish filmmaker
  • Getting old is like climbing a mountain; you get a little out of breath, but the view is much better.
    • Ingrid Bergman
  • The idea is to die young as late as possible.
    • Ashley Montagu, British-American anthropologist
  • The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
    • Lucille Ball
  • No one is as old as those who have outlived enthusiasm.
    • Henry David Thoreau
  • You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.
    • Joan Rivers
  • It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.
    • Andy Rooney
  • My mother always used to say, “The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.”
    • Betty White
  • I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
    • Phyllis Diller
  • Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
    • Truman Capote
  • My face carries all my memories. Why would I erase them?
    • Diane Von Furstenberg
  • I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.
    • Bob Hope
  • I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to.
    • Albert Einstein
  • Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
    • Groucho Marx

A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she’s low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she’s pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.

She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.

Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, “A little more to the left…a little more to the right!…”

Morris was having a good time in Tel Aviv and was invited to a party. Unfortunately, during the evening, he lost his wallet.

So Morris, not being of the shy kind, stood on a chair and shouted, “Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, I’ve just lost my wallet with over $1,500 in cash in it. To the person that finds my wallet, I will give $150.”

A voice from the back of the hall shouted, “I will give $175!”

And that my dear friends is that for today.  But before we go, let’s throw this in…

Since St. Patrick’s Day was just the other day and since this stuff has a short shelf-life, let’s do this real fast and then we’ll call it a day.

“Irish Shopping”

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each
time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was
 filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started
 to leave.   “S’cuse me”, said a customer, who was puzzled over what
 McQuillan had done, “what was that all about?” “Nothin’, said the
 Irishman, “my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!”
 “I’ve Lost Me Luggage”
 An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal
 with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if
 he was already homesick. “No,” replied the Irishman “I’ve lost all me
 luggage!” “How’d that happen?” “The cork fell out!” said the Irishman.
 “Water to Wine”
 An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for
 speeding in Connecticut.  The state trooper smells alcohol on the
 priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the
 car. He says, “Sir, have you been drinking?”  “Just water,” says the
 The trooper says, “Then why do I smell wine?”  The priest looks at the
 bottle and says, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”
 “The Brothel”
 Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the
 brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the
 brothel, and one of them said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to see a man of the
 cloth goin’ bad.” Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the
 other Irishman said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to see that the Jews are
fallin’ victim to temptation as well.” Then they see a catholic priest
 enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, “What a terrible
 pity…one of the girls must be dying.
 Irish Cemetery
 Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the
 pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the
 old graveyard.. “Come have a look over here,” says Paddy, “It’s
 Michael O’Grady’s grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old
 age of 87.”  “That’s nothing,” says Sean, “here’s one named Patrick
 O’Toole, it says here  that he was 95 when he died.”! Just then,
 Seamus yells out, “Good God, here’s a fella that got to be 145!” 
 “What was his name?” asks Paddy.  Seamus stumbles around a bit,
 awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone
 marker, and exclaims,  “Miles, from Dublin.”
 Irish Predicament
 Drunk Ole Mulvihill (From the Northern Irish Clan) staggers into a
 Catholic Church, enters a confessional box, sits down but says nothing.
 The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the Ole just
 sits there.  Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The
 drunk mumbles, “ain’t no use knockin, there’s no paper on this side
 Irish Last Request
 Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady’s after his Sunday morning
 service, and she’s in tears.  He says, “So what’s bothering you, Mary
 my dear?”  She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. My husband
 passed away last night.”  The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible.
 Tell me, did he have any last requests?”  She says, “That he did,
 Father…”  The priest says, “What did he ask, Mary?”  She says, “He
 said, ‘Please Mary, put down that gun!’

And now we’re done.  So until next time…

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Dragon Laffs #2150

This is going to sound terrible, but I have no time.  I have to try and get as much of this done as possible, so no lead in to this one.  Instead, I’m going to jump right into the fun stuff.  Maybe I’ll have a chance later to get into the writing part of this.  In the mean time…

My trainer said I should do lunges to stay in shape.  That would be a big step forward.

While reversing the car today, I thought…

“Aah!  This takes me back.”

Five ants rented an apartment with five other ants now they are tenants together.

Some day you are going to grow up and eat entire villages.

I’m in the hospital after being diagnosed with bad camouflage disease.  They’ve just moved me to ICU.

I hate it when people don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”.

There so stupid.

Not everyone thinks Cleopatra is beautiful, but that’s not how Julius Caesar. 

And each bubble is a new dream, a new life, a new thought …

Rectal Grease went and complained to HR and now we can’t use nicknames at work anymore…

Statistically speaking, you’d think I’d make a good decision once in a while out of sheer luck.


Getting older is like visiting an all you can eat buffet.  What should be hot is cold, what should be firm is limp, and the buns are bigger than anything else on the menu!

That’s a REALLY GOOD question…

“I’m definitely going to need more coffee for this crap.”

~ Me, every morning

Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls.  No guy has ever said, “Bro, she was ugly…but that purse…”

“We are all searching for someone whose demons play well with ours.” ~ Meghan Coates

And this is where I was when I failed to send out Thursday’s edition.  And where I was when I sent my apology.  And where I was when I realized that a bunch of you guys can be really mean.  (Said tongue in cheek and with laughter in my heart because I really do appreciate the fact that you guys tease right back quite well.)  What am I talking about?  Here, let me show you…


15 hours ago

I will survive

Well, you could’ve been a LITTLE more broken up about it, Hank.


14 hours ago

No issue today? OMG! Call the Dragon Police!!!!! What is the punishment for that? Standing in front of a fire breathing dragon?

Well, for the rest of you, maybe…but for another dragon, that wouldn’t really accomplish much.  We’re impervious.  But, I do like the sarcasm.

And then this one…

David Dixon

12 hours ago

My poor dying aunt was hoping to see one last episode of dragonlaffs. I had to tell that there’s not one today. Now she will probably go to hell for the things she said.
(Actually, I have outlived all my aunts and uncles. But I think I’ve made my point.)

David, please tell your poor dying (non-existent) aunt how horribly sorry I am.  I’ve drowned my sorrows in this bottle of fine Irish Whiskey, it is just about St. Patrick’s Day, now isn’t it.  And we haven’t paid near enough homage to the memory of Lethal Leprechaun as we should have, something else for me to feel bad about and depressed about, and … I’ll need another bottle of Jameson’s please.  You good, kind and wonderful campers go on and keep on reading and laughing while I go drown my (hic!) sorrows.

No!  No!  Don’t worry about little old blue me.  Me and Mr. Jameson will be just fine…

And thank you very much to the lot of you who send sweet and kind letters and notes of appreciation and kindness for my slight delay in getting this (hic!) issisode out to youse.

So now burning a Gay flag is called a “Hate Crime” but burning the American Flag is FREE SPEECH!!!

Great!  So now the Mexicans are getting in on it, too?!

Deer population is controlled by releasing wolves into an area. 
All problems should be solved that way. 
Too much pollution?  Release wolves in factories.
  Dislike Congress?  Wolves. 
Wanna lose weight? 
That’s right, wolves.

And that is EXACTLY what is wrong with our country right now!!!!

I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn…

…and now we wait.

My buddy Steve tied a level to the top of his head.

Now he’s Even Steven.

My wife asks me to remind her of stuff.

That way, if she forgets something, it’s my fault.

The one that’s been getting me lately is everyone is calling me about my Medicare.  I’m not flippin’ ON Medicare!!!  That doesn’t seem to matter!  I get at least 9 calls a week.  And they are all from different numbers.

So, this is where I would normally end this issue, but since it’s going to be late … all the way to Saturday, I’m going to throw a bit extra in there…

This one is sent in by Joe from NJ and he’s called it, “My Life”

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

2. To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.

3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

4. It’s the start of a brand new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles.

5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

6. When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

8. I had my patience tested. I’m negative.

9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.

10. If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”

11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

13. I run like the winded.

14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.

15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”

16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

17. I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

18. When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”

19. Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.

20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

Doctor, you’ve gotta help me… my wife Sharon just isn’t interested in sex anymore. Haven’t you got a pill or something I can give her?”

“Look, Charlie, I can’t prescribe…”

“Doctor, we’ve been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I am desperate! I can’t think; I can’t concentrate; my life is going utterly to Hell! You’ve got to help me.”

The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills. “Ordinarily, I wouldn’t do this. These are experimental, but the tests so far indicate that they’re VERY powerful. Don’t give Sharon more than ONE, understand?… JUST one. One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?”

“Um… okay.”

Charlie expresses gratitude, and departs for home, where Sharon has dinner waiting.

When dinner is finished, Sharon goes to the kitchen to bring dessert. Charlie, in fumbling haste, pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into Sharon’s coffee. He reflects for a moment, hesitates, then drops in a second pill.

And then he begins to worry. The Doc did say they were powerful.

Then an inspiration strikes: Charlie drops one pill into his own coffee.

Sharon returns with the shortcake, and they enjoy their dessert and coffee, our Charlie with poorly concealed anticipation.

Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish, Sharon shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange smoky look enters her eyes. In a deep, throaty, near-whisper, in a tone of voice Charlie has never heard Sharon use before, she says, “I… need… a man..!!!”

Charlie eyes glitter and his hands tremble as he replies, “Me… too..!!!.”

The quiet of the hospital was broken by the piercing sirens, and white-clad guards ran everywhere looking for the missing mental patient to no avail.

Later that evening, the police, responding to a report of a woman screaming, surrounded a house.

As they pulled up, they could see activity through a gap in the curtains, and the lights abruptly went out. Repeated knocking and ringing of the bell being unavailing, they broke down the door.

To their horror, they saw a woman lying naked on the floor and the mental patient just pulling up his pants. The mental patient ran to a large bedroom window, picked up a stool, broke it out, and tried to make his escape into the fields behind the house.

One of the officers, not quick enough to catch him, fired at the fleeing form, hitting him in the arm. The impact and surprise threw the fleeing felon off balance, and he crashed into the low fence surrounding the back yard.

The man was treated at the local hospital, and sent back to the institution, where he was placed under guard in solitary confinement

The headline in the local paper the next day read:

Police Wing Nut, Lock Nut Up

A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of our largest accounts. He asked my help in putting it into operation.

At first, he handled most of the work. Eventually, though, he asked me to help with the last phase of the training.

When I sat down with one woman and told her I would be showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed with relief.

“I’m so glad you’re teaching me instead of him.”

Surprised, I said that my colleague was far more experienced than I was.

Yes,” she said, “but I feel much more comfortable with you. I get nervous around really smart people.”

A Rabbi who’s been leading a congregation for many years is upset by the fact that he’s never been able to eat pork. So he devises a plan whereby he flies to a remote tropical island and checks into a hotel.

He immediately gets himself a table at the finest restaurant and orders the most expensive pork dish on the menu.

As he’s eagerly waiting for it to be served, he hears his name called from across the restaurant. He looks up to see 10 of his loyal congregants approaching. His luck, they’d chosen the same time to visit the same remote location!

Just at that moment, the waiter comes out with a huge silver tray carrying a whole roasted pig with an apple in its mouth.

The Rabbi looks up sheepishly at his congregants and says, “Wow – you order an apple in this place and look how it’s served!”

And on that practical note, we’ll call this one an issue.  I hope you all  had as much fun as I did playing with the laughter.  And may God Bless you all with Joy and Love until we meet again (hopefully on Monday).

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments


No issue today.

Mostly because I just realized I forgot to set it up to go out last night and it’s not quite finished.

I can’t reach it from my government computer.

My apologies.



Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Dragon Laffs #2149

Good Morning Campers,

Welcome to Monday.  What a great weekend it was!  Well, I’m predicting since it’s currently Saturday morning, but I’ve already gone to Men’s Breakfast, which was awesome this month!  Had a great phone call with the Whelpling last night that really touched my heart.  And have gotten some really good messages and comments from you guys that we’ll share some with throughout this issue.

Now, on the bad news front, Papa Dragon Most Senior, my Dad, and his dear wife, are both very, very sick.  They both have a viral infection.  Dad is much sicker and not doing well.  I’m quite worried and am asking all you guys to add them both to your prayers please.  Thank you in advance for that.

So, with that, what do you say we get this thing started and we’ll play more as we go along?

So, are you wondering what that is a picture of?  Well, it is a picture of five (5) megabytes of memory on punch cards.  That’s five … mega … bytes.  That’s like a handful of typewritten pages.

So, let’s move on to our first message

Cornelious Phog

3 days ago

Dragon Laffs #2142

Just ban trains along with my guns and gas stove. There’s an easy answer to everything.

Cornelious,  I can’t help but sense a bit of sarcasm in your missive.  I just don’t think you really want anyone to ban your gas stove … or your trains for that matter.  I don’t know what it is … call it a weird feeling, or a strong vibe, but I just don’t think your serious.  But, I do thank you for writing.

Seriously, Cornelious, don’t give them any ideas.  That will be the stupid democrats next brilliant idea, to ban trains.

Cheers, Impish Dragon

Wow!  That is one brave lady!  Good for her!

And next, we have another message.  This one from …

Michael Collett

2 days ago

Dragon Laffs #2147

I read and look forward to ALL your comments. Maybe you could include an intentional mistake or typo, just to see how many react.

Hey Mike, how you doin’?  First, I’m not sure that anyone could tell with my…um…unusual writing style.  And B, I’m not sure I could make missed steaks on porpoise.  It’s really not my stile.  I suppose I could do the obvious and screw up your and you’re or there, their, and they’re, to, too, two, or or and oar.  Although I’m not sure anyone screws up that last one.

Okay, I’ve really picked that one about as clean as I’m going to get it.  That was fun.  Thanks Michael.

I really like that shirt!

And now another comment, which I also like!  


5 hours ago·dragonlaffs.com/2023/03/11/dragon-laffs-2148/#respond

Dragon Laffs #2148

1) You just KNOW I had to look up the Atomic Mass of Uranium!
2) We will, we will ROCK YOU!
3) I just HAD to borrow your percentage information and resend it.

So, Steve, I can see we think alike.  Yup, the Atomic Mass of Uranium was wrong.  

For those of you who didn’t get that one…and yeah, for number 3, I sent those percentages off to a bunch of people who REALLY needed to see them.  I don’t think it will quiet any of them down but they still needed to see them!!  Thanks for writing Steve!

“That silly Impish Dragon is following me, I know he is…”

Now this one…


11 hours ago·gravatar.com/scoker813

Dragon Laffs #2148

Hey Dragon. Regarding the “Subway Mom” — it’s not about her son….it’s about EASY MONEY!!

Yup.  I got that one, too, SLC.  But, I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt that she was JUST a crappy mother.  Not a conniving uncaring troll AND a crappy mother.  

John McDonald

6 hours ago

Dragon Laffs #2147

Really like the one about burglars carrying id.

That is how we operate around here.

Makes me wonder where, “around here” is.  Would be really convenient.  I’ll bet you enjoyed the story of the rapist who had his name in his pants.

And I quite enjoyed this one from John as well…

John McDonald

5 hours ago

Dragon Laffs #2148

Norris maybe.

Nugent never.

He pissed in his bed to avoid being in the military.

Or as Paul Harvey used to call them “chicken hawks”.

Want to go to war, but not serve themselves or have their family serve.

Candidate Bone Spurs.

Beau Biden, according to people who were he was, probably got what his cancer while on active duty.

I didn’t know that about Nugent.  And I agree with you about the rest.  There are far too many who are happy to send us to war, watch us fight and die, but are unwilling or unable to do so themselves.  I don’t mind the unable THAT much if they TRULY are unable, but if they are just afraid, and can’t get over it like the rest of us did, then there should be something else they can do to serve their country that is just as hard or harder.  I tend to agree with Robert Heinlein in Starship Troopers when he postulated that only through government service could you attain citizenship and therefore stuff like voting.  Somehow I think we might have a much better result in office if it was only veterans who could vote.

Wow!  I just had a picture of Heaven flash through my mind at the thought…okay, moving on…

Leah D

an hour ago

Dragon Laffs #2147

This is another issue I did not get. Please tell me why I am not getting DragonLaffs in my comcast mailbox? I came to the website to find two more issues I have missed.

Leah and everyone else.  For some reason, those of you who have been reading Dragon Laffs in your email instead of going to the website at dragonlaffs.com, have been occasionally NOT been receiving your issues of Dragon Laffs in your inbox as expected.  I have no idea why this is happening.  It is nothing that you or I have done.  It is nothing that word press has done.  It is nothing that your email provider has done because it is happening to different providers.  There is nothing we can do that we’ve found to fix the issue, it tends to go away on its own.  The best I can tell you is this.  Other than the rare occasion when I screw up and send the issue out early or something incredibly drastic happens and I don’t warn you ahead of time, the issues go out at 0200 hrs on Monday, Thursday, and Saturday every week.  So, if you wake up on one of those days and don’t have an issue, go to http://dragonlaffs.com and check for an issue there.  If there isn’t an issue there, then you can worry if I’m alright.  If there IS an issue there, then wait for your email to fix itself.  That’s all the information I have for you.  Sorry.

The SR-71 still holds the air speed record.

Teaching Math in Public Schools


 A logger sells a truckload of timber for $100 His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? $____ 

2.  Teaching Math In 1970…   

A logger sells a truckload of timber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? $___  

3. Teaching Math In 1990…  

A logger sells a truckload of timber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit? __Yes or __No  

4. Teaching Math In 2000…   

A logger sells a truckload of timber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20.

Your assignment: Underline the number 20 

5. Teaching Math In 2015…  

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living?

Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes. 

6. Teaching Math in 2022… 

Math is Racist.  It was only invented to prove the superiority of whites. Students no longer need any math skills to go to Graduate school.  2 + 2 = 4, or 22, or whatever you feel is correct. There are no wrong answers, feel free to express your feelings e.g., anger, anxiety, inadequacy, helplessness etc. Should you require debriefing at the conclusion of the exam there are counselors available to assist you to adjust back into the real world

So, this next bunch is from Joe in NJ.  I found them quite interesting…this is what Joe had to say:

Impish, No idea if these are true but they’re interesting. …Joe in NJ

_______________ Day Brightener – A Bit Of Historical Knowledge For You Related To Old Sayings

       Early aircraft throttles had a ball on the end of it, in order to go full throttle the pilot had to push the throttle all the way forward into the wall of the instrument panel. Hence “balls to the wall” for going very fast. And now you know the rest of the story.

Did you know the saying “God willing and the creek don’t rise” was in reference to the Creek Indians and not a body of water? It was written by Benjamin Hawkins in the late 18th century. He was a politician and Indian diplomat. While in the south, Hawkins was requested by the President of the U.S. to return to Washington In his response, he was said to write, “God willing and the Creek don’t rise.” Because he capitalized the word “Creek”, he was referring to the Creek Indian tribe and not a body of water.


In George Washington’s days, there were no cameras. One’s image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are ‘limbs,’ therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression, ‘Okay, but it’ll cost you an arm and a leg.’ (Artists know hands and arms are more difficult to paint.)

As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October). Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn’t wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term ‘big wig’. Today we often use the term ‘here comes the Big Wig’ because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.


In the late 1700’s, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The ‘head of the household’ always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the ‘chair man.’ Today in business, we use the expression or title ‘Chairman’ or ‘Chairman of the Board.’

Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee’s wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman’s face she was told, ‘mind your own bee’s wax.’ Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term ‘crack a smile’. In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt. Therefore, the expression ‘losing face.’


Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in ‘straight laced’ wore a tightly tied lace.


Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the ‘Ace of Spades.’ To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren’t ‘playing with a full deck.’

Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV’s or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to ‘go sip some Ale and listen to people’s conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. ‘You go sip here’ and ‘You go sip there.’ The two words ‘go sip’ were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term ‘gossip.’


At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid’s job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in ‘pints’ and who was drinking in ‘quarts,’ hence the phrase ‘minding your ‘P’s and Q’s’.


One more: bet you didn’t know this! In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem…. how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a ‘Monkey’ with 16 round indentations. However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make ‘Brass Monkeys.’ Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts greater and much faster than iron when it’s chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would roll right off the monkey; Thus, it was quite literally, ‘Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.’

And that is it for today my friends.  May God Bless you with Love and Happiness until we meet again.

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Dragon Laffs #2148

It’s Saturday and I’ve just spent the last day running around like a maniac and not getting much done.  Just running and humping to someone else’s tune.  And it feels like I’ve wasted an entire day.  I REALLY need some laughing, so let’s get the fun stuff going and maybe we’ll get to something serious later…

This is an old joke that I heard many years ago, that apparently is making it’s way around the planet again…I used to love telling this one to my State Troopers when I was dispatching.

Rectum Stretcher

A woman was speeding down a highway in her car. While driving she passes a cop with a radar gun waiting patiently. 

The policeman chases after her. 

The cop pulled her over and asked, “Where is the emergency?”

She answers, “I’m late for work!”

‘Oh yeah,’ said the cop, ‘what do you do?’ 

‘I’m a rectum stretcher,’ she replies. 

The policeman asks, “And just what does a rectum stretcher do?”

‘Well,’ she said, ‘I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it’s about 6 feet wide.’ 

“And just what do you do with a 6 foot butthole?” he asked.

“You give him a radar gun and put him on the highway”

Mom of NYC teen killed subway surfing plans to sue MTA

The mother of a 15-year-old Manhattan boy killed “subway surfing” on the Williamsburg Bridge plans to sue the MTA for failing to block off empty parts of the train used for the daredevil stunt, she told The Post.

Norma Nazario of Alphabet City said she reviewed footage on her late son Zackery’s phone and that it showed nothing prevented him from climbing onto the roof of the J train, where he eventually hit his head and died Monday.

“[The videos] show he has easy access. No alarms, no security, no cameras, no anything!” Nazario said ahead of her son’s wake Thursday evening.  

“He was able to access anything in the trains, the empty cabins, the train stations, nobody [was]  looking. I was so surprised.”

The grieving mother said transportation honchos have known for a decade that thrill-seeking teens ride on the outside of trains — but have made no apparent effort to restrict access to those areas.

There’s more to the article here: https://nypost.com/2023/03/03/mom-of-nyc-teen-killed-subway-surfing-plans-to-sue-mta/  If you’re interested.  But, you’ve got enough to get the gest of it with what I copied.  My point…What you’re saying is your son was breaking the law and got killed while doing so and doing a very dangerous act, so you are going to sue the subway people because they didn’t stop him.  That makes perfect sense for an entitled moron.  

We expect our kids to do stupid things, but it’s up to us as PARENTS to STOP them, to TEACH them, and to WATCH them so they don’t do STUPID things.  NOT to sue the people where our kids do stupid things and end up killing themselves.  We act like the grownups that we are and accept the responsibility for not STOPPING them, not TEACHING them, and not WATCHING them. 

If you can’t tell, that’s a boulder that just rolled right through her house.

If your wife is on a scale and says: “I’ve lost a few pounds”!

NEVER tell her: “Turn around, I think I found them”!

“Paladin, you gotta come up for air sometime…”

Subject: You’re An EXTREME Redneck When…


You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
Someone in your family died right after saying, ‘Hey, guys, watch this.’
You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your junior prom offered day care.
You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are ‘Gentlemen, start your engines.’
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

And in closing…


Two good ol’ boys in an Alabama trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Nissan plant. 

After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd,  “If’n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin’ and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?”

The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.


Finally, he says, “Well, I don’t know about kin, but it would make us even!

Stephanie sent us this one: 

My goal is to be that old person that everyone is afraid to take out in public.

Then Stephanie tells us, she’s already there!

The only bad thing about my six-figure salary is the decimal point.

♪♫”Let the Sunshine, Let the Sunshine In…”♫♪

Cinderella removed just one shoe and found true love and you all out there naked on the internet and still single.

I almost cut off my finger while preparing a salad and all I could think was, this would’ve NEVER happened with brownies.

Okay, so this is really good magic.  You really need to click on this link: https://www.facebook.com/reel/623470722680445?sfnsn=mo&s=F5x8gs&fs=e

What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy? 

A red headed bitch with a yeast infection. 

This is an old joke sent in by our own Joe from NJ.  This is a true classic!  Love this one.  Thanks Joe!

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speech making.

“I have and idea, boss,” his chauffeur said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.”

Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”

When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur’s cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool.

Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”

I got a lift to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said, “Have a good day, son.”

“Don’t call me son,” I said.  “You’re not my dad.”

He scratched his head.  “No, but I brought you up, didn’t I?”

Why don’t the 99% of us who aren’t offended by everything quit catering to the 1% who are?!

When the truth comes out, do not ask me how I knew.
Ask yourself why you didn’t.

To me, “Drink Responsibly” means don’t spill it.

I found this VERY interesting.  Something I thought was true the whole time and now one of our fellow campers has put it into words.

I looked some of these up, pretty accurate Ever watched TV news or a talk show and been concerned with how much the country has changed? A recent poll conducted by a national polling firm, “YouGov” questioned typical people on the street. The averaged answers are listed below.

What percentage of the country is black? Answers 41%… Actual 12%. If you watch commercials, you will think it is 90%.

What percentage of marriages are mixed race? Answer 50%…Actual 1%. If you watch commercials, you will think it is 90%.

What percentage is “Latino”? Answers 39%… Actual numbers 17%.

How many families make over $500,000 a year? Answers 26%… Actual figure 1%. We think a quarter of the country is rich.

What percent of Americans are vegetarians? Response? 30%… Actual 5%.

What percent of Americans live in NY city? Answers? 30%… Actual 3%.

What percentage of Americans are ‘transgender? 22%… Actual number 1%

What percentage of your fellow citizens are Gay? Result? 30%… Actual 3%.

So why do people have such inaccurate thoughts on these counts? THE MEDIA! The media run race, gender, and wealth stories constantly. Result? We are being brainwashed by the media. Hitler’s propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels would be proud if he had half this success.

Disney just went full-on “gender” . They will no longer welcome guests with the traditional “Welcome ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls” Why? Because 1% of the population dictates to the other 99% (that would be the vast majority) and corporate America falls for it.

Regardless of what you think, less than 20% of Americans use “Twitter” yet Twitter controls 80% of public opinion. Why? The media.

Next time you are thinking Americans have changed and not in a good way, remember, it’s fake. Most people think just like you do, but the media has brainwashed Americans with their constantly misleading WOKE broadcasts.


This is incredible!!!!!

Umm…yeah, okay.

And tonight, is that most hated night of the year…Daylight Saving Time.  The night where we lose an hour of sleep.  Sunday morning, (Saturday night) at 0100 hrs. it magically becomes 0200 hrs. and we all just lose an hour’s sleep.  Well, here’s some memes to help you remember on your way out and I’ll say may God Bless you with Love and Happiness until we meet again.

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments