Leprechaun Laffs Sabbatical 

My dear and special friends,

It seems as though our own Lethal Leprechaun, who is, as you probably already know, the Lord High Mayor of Leprechaunia, has been called back home to handle some very important Middle Kingdom issues.  There is no real danger involved, or so we’ve been told, but piles and piles of diplomatic work.

Frankly and honestly, it’s mostly my fault.  He’s been doing such an awesome job of taking care of me and my problems these last several months leading up to my surgery, that he has neglected his duties in Leprechaunia. I’m not 100% sure exactly what the problems are, but I do know that he has activated the Royal Leprechaunian Marines, the Royal Leprechaunian Navy (to haul the Royal Leprechaunian Marines around), the Royal Leprechaunian Woman’s Auxiliary (to take care of the physical and logistical needs of the Royal Leprechaunian Marines), and the Ninja Kitty Home Offensive & Spy Service (NK HOSS).  

He also packed his collection of dancing shellieleaghs, his entire legal staff, all the “Day Girls”, and most of his good recipe books. So what that means exactly is anybody’s guess.  He could be gone for several weeks or several years, if it ends up being a prolonged battle – be that in the courtroom or the actual field of war.

Thankfully for us, our two mythologies run on different time streams and what might be a year in Leprechaunia is only a few weeks here in our realm.  That’s really not as odd as it sounds.  It happens all the time, which is one of the reasons most of us mythological creatures live such a long time; it enables us to deal a bit more effectively with erratic time behavior.  It also has its drawbacks if you do it wrong.  Like the time I hopscotched a couple of realms to grab a couple of my favorite cigars.  I told my girl friend I’d be right back and when I got home I found her married to one of my buddies with several kids.  Seems that after 8 years or so she had me declared legally dead and a couple of years after that had moved on with her life.  Boy, was my face red!  Yup, I realm walked in the wrong order, just cause I wasn’t paying enough attention.    

Anyway, long story short, There will be no Leprechaun Laffs this week and possibly for the foreseeable future.  I will do my best to keep you all informed without breaking OPSEC and COMSEC and to keep you entertained on my own until Lethal’s return.  Communication is somewhat difficult with a lot of my messages going unanswered so don’t be surprised if you try and don’t get a rapid answer.

So, until next we speak…

Cheers,

Impish Dragon 🐉 

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Dragon Laffs #1561

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Good Morning Campers

Well, my first week back to work has been a tough one.  The first day was okay and then it’s been downhill from there.  The pain hasn’t been real bad, just overwhelming exhaustion.  And while you’re reading this, I’m at work on a Saturday working a long exercise.

But, financially, I had to get back.  Why don’t bill collector’s understand that you are recovering from hip replacement surgery, the medical bill they are bitching about will just have to wait?  They ought to understand that.

They don’t.

Anyway, let’s get to the laughing because I really, really need it!

Let’s Laugh

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We all know that person, right?

A woman parked her brand-new Lexus in front of her office, ready to show it off to her colleagues. As she got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver’s side. The woman immediately grabbed her cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the woman started screaming hysterically. Her Lexus, which she had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the woman finally wound down from her ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. “I can’t believe how materialistic you women are,” he said. “You are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else.” “How can you say such a thing?” asked the woman. The cop replied, “Don’t you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you.”

“OH MY GOD!” screamed the woman. “Where’s my tennis bracelet?”

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“Mr. Smith, of all the excuses I’ve heard in my life, that’s got to be a first.  You expect me to believe that a giant minion blocked the highway and THAT’S why you’re late to work?  I think you need to go down to HR and pee in a little cup.”

AS ONE OLD DEPLORABLE TO ANOTHER…

I used to think I was just a regular guy, but . . .

I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist;

I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today’s standards, makes me a fascist;

I am heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes me homophobic;

I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business;

I am a Christian, which now labels me as an infidel;

I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which now makes me a member of the vast gun lobby;

I am older than 70, which makes me a useless old man;

I think and I reason, therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary;

I am proud of my heritage and our  inclusive American culture, which makes me a xenophobe;

I value my safety and that of my family and I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist;

I believe in hard work, fair play, & fair compensation according to each individual’s merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist;

I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland for and by all citizens, which now makes me a militant.

Recently, a woman called me and my friends a “basket of deplorables.”

Please help me come to terms with the new me…because I’m just not sure who I am anymore!

I would like to thank all my friends for sticking with me through these abrupt, new found changes in my life and my thinking.  I just can’t imagine or understand what’s happened to me so quickly.  Funny…it’s all just taken place over the last 7 or 8 years.

As if all this crap wasn’t enough to deal with, I’m now afraid to go into either restroom!

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As many of you probably know, there is a huge controversy this NFL season over the whole kneeling during the National Anthem.  It’s friggin’ crazy!  I may give you my opinion on the whole thing later, but for right now, here’s a short article that Papa Dragon Sent me:

I would guess most of these people graduated from college too.  Says a lot about our education system doesn’t it.  This is depressing!!

NEW YORK (World News Bureau) – In a recent polling of 585 NFL players, nearly all of them were unsure of exactly what they are protesting.

Here’s a sampling of responses to the question “What are you protesting by kneeling during the National Anthem?”

“Pretty sure it’s against Nazis – especially the white ones.”

“We’re protesting America becoming capitalistic instead of equal.”

“I’m protesting against Trump saying black lives don’t matter.”

“We’re against global warming and the police.”

“We’re showing the world that we care about, ahh, things such as… such as…ahhhhh, freedom from suppression?”

“Me and my fellow players are protesting the Constitution of Independence because of what it does to people of color.”

“We are displaying our right to stand up by kneeling for our beliefs.”

“We are protesting Trump, because he, you know, keeping the black man down and sh*t.”

“Myself is kneeling to show that just because I’m American don’t mean I got to act like one.”

That’s really pretty damn sad.

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Sounds like a good plan to me.

dragon pics

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If Judge Judy was a Dragon…

“Your Honor, this man stole my torch!”
”It’s not your torch!  It’s my torch!”
”I’m just going to eat you both.”

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And this is why we do NOT let Izzy anywhere near the firearms in our house!

I hug people that I hate so that I know how big to dig the hole in my backyard.

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O   x   y   m   o   r   o   n  s~
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
7. Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?
8. Why do “tug” boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game” when we are already there?
10. Why are they called ” stands” when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
12. Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a “wise man” and a “wise guy” opposites?
14. Why do “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things?
15. Why is “phonics” not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway

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fantasy

Yup, it’s just a cool picture, that’s why.

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A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping centre was packed, and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen.
She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and hence, she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a quiet voice he said, “Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn’t afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?”
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, “Yes, I do remember that shop.”
He replied, “Well, I’m in the pub next door.”

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motivate

Never judge a book

Never Mind Why20 (2)

Newest Virus

News Readers

Nice Rack

I hate to end this here, but I have no choice.  As I said at the beginning, being my first week back to work, it’s been a really long one.

Thank you for your donations, I hope to have a more special update in next weeks issue about all of you who, at the last minute, decided to help us out and throw us a couple of bucks.  All you have to do is click on the donate button at the top of the page in the right hand column or write to me at impishdragon@gmail.com and I’ll send you my address if you don’t like to use PayPal. 

Until next week.

Cheers,

Impish

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Leprechaun Laughs # 415 For Wednesday Oct 11th 2017

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Let’s just roll that beautiful blog footage shall we?

Varrom

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The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad’s farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate, ‘ not ‘fascinating.'”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.

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One day Paddy goes into a pharmacy, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon.

He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist, and says “Could you taste this for me, please?”

The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.

“Does that taste sweet to you?” says Paddy.

“No, not at all,” says the chemist.

“Oh that’s a relief,” says Paddy. “The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.”

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* I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning.

* The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She’s 21, and her name’s Kathy.

* Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting “pedophile!” and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 24 and I’m 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

* My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said “Son, that’s 3 schools this year! You’d better stop before you’re banned from teaching altogether.”

* The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can’t afford batteries.

* A man calls 911 and says “I think my wife is dead”. The operator says, “How do you know?” The man says “The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!”

* I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, “You obviously haven’t been listening.”

* My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.

 

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Lethal went into the confessional and said to his priest, ‘I almost had an affair with another woman.’

The priest said, ‘What do you mean, almost?’

Lethal said, ‘Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.

The priest said, ‘Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.’

Lethal left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, ‘I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!’

Lethal replied, ‘Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!’

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Sumo dance

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more kids.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.

‘A less costly alternative, ‘ said the doctor, ‘is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can (COORS), then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.

‘The Alabamian said to the doctor, ‘I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to ear is going to help me.

”Trust me, ‘ said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

“1”

“2”

“3”

“4”

“5”

(you’ll love this.)

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas,

Mississippi, Parts of Georgia, Missouri, West Virginia, Western Maryland and All of Washington DC…

Most of the Maritimes. parts of Quebec, Ontario and Manitoba.

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A father asked his 10 year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

“I don’t want to know” the child said, bursting into tears. “Promise me you won’t tell me.”

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed, “When I was six, I got the ‘There’s no Easter Bunny’ speech.

At seven, I got the ‘There’s no Tooth Fairy’ speech.

When I was eight, you hit me with the ‘There’s no Santa Claus’ speech.

If you’re going to tell me that grown-ups don’t really get laid, I’ll have nothing left to live for.”

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Life like penis

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Dragon Laffs #1560

donation

Good Morning Campers,

Well, this isn’t really an update like the header suggests, but I just love the picture of me buried in bills…well…I don’t really love it, but it’s quite appropriate for what we are going through right now.

I want to open right up with thanking those of you who have stepped up to help us out.  It is incredible how fast the troops rallied.  After publishing the issue last night (Yes, today is Saturday, the same day you are reading last weeks issue, I’ve started this weeks issue) anyway, after publishing last week’s issue and going to bed, by the time I got up the next morning we had already received 7 donations.

So thanks to: Henry S., Ginny, John S., K2, Gail B., Leah H., and Steven H.  You guys are absolutely awesome!  Thank you. 

As I write this issue through out the week, I hope to be adding to the names of people who’ve donated and welcome them in to the Patron’s Club with all the benefits and rights thereof. 

Now, on with the show!

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Mrs. Dragon has started me on this diet program and I have to say, it works really well.  She’s mad at me right now because I keep sending Izzy Dragon’s friends into the kitchen and asking them to bring me out the piece of cake that’s on the kitchen table.  I mean, I am still recovering from surgery, after all.

Paychecks and weekends have a lot in common…they are both short and don’t last long enough.

3039

What a fantastic prank!

Well, I guess you’re going to have to click on the video above and go to YouTube to watch it.  That sucks!

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Now, that’s a great shot!

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“Did you hear that?”

“Yeah, it sounded like a dragon.”

“Yeah, I thought so, too.  Where could he be?”

“Ahem….excuse me, folks…”

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LOL, Looney Toons Cartoons!

Sing these lyrics to “These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things.”

Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up with strings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillac’s and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin’,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’,
And we won’t mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache,
When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I’ve had,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

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Donate Location

Well, it’s now Wednesday so here’s a new sponsor listing for the upcoming year:

Henry S., Ginny, John S., K2, Gail B., Leah H., Steven H., Wheats, Philip S., Garth B., Chuck G., Joe P., and Diaman (Thanks Mom!)

Lucky 13…13 Original Sponsors…Yeah, I’m not liking 13.  Come on with the rest of you, this year it’s really important!  There are a lot of things going on in the background that we’ve not shared with you, but it is very important to keep this blog going, so give a little, give till it hurts, give what you can. 

Here’s how: Go up to the top of the page and on the right hand column, you’ll see the column that I have reproduced on the right here.  Just go down to where it says: Donate to keep us free, click on the link and follow the instructions.  It goes through PayPal because that’s the easiest way we’ve found to take your money from you, I mean, um… accept your kind donation.  I can’t imagine that there’s anyone out there who isn’t familiar with PayPal, but just in case, you don’t have to have a PayPal account, you can use a bank account, credit card, debit card or your own PayPal account.

If you’d like to send a check through snail mail, send an email to: impishdragon@gmail.com and I can give you my home address off line. 

Okay, so enough with the begging for money, let’s get on with the show.

3044

Now that’s a case of not letting life get you down.

breaking-news

The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate.

The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

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So, it’s just a cool picture, that’s all.

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More…

coollogo_com-258205249French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney (AP), Paris  – The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney The decision comes the day after the nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists in army surplus camo pants

3048

I found this quite interesting.  It’s from Jeff Reagan’s Daily Health Newsletter for Conservatives.  Now, don’t ask me how I got it, I have no idea how half the shit in my inbox shows up.  But this was interesting.

I travel a fair amount for work.

That involves airplanes. A lot of airplanes.

And recently I found myself sitting there, with no book, no movies… no nothing.  (See, that was your first mistake.  Kindle.  My Kindle is a God-Send.  I ALWAYS have a book to read!) (And while we’re on the subject, I also have a few wonderful people who keep me supplied in electronic books.  The first is Lethal Leprechaun and the second is K2.  Thanks guys!)

The guy next to me was sleeping. (Fortunately he wasn’t using me as a headrest.)

That left me alone with my thoughts.

Looking for something to do, I went to the bathroom. Inside, I noticed something strange. Right below the “no smoking” sign… an ashtray.

Immediately I started wondering if the plane I was on was super old. I mean, airlines started banning smoking in the 80s, and since 2000, even international flights don’t allow it.

So why was there an ashtray?

The flight attendant gave me a shrug. My fellow passengers had no idea either.

A little research gave me the answer. The bottom line is it’s an FAA requirement.

Because the government doesn’t trust you to follow directions. And if you do light up, you’re going to need a safe place to stub it out. (The important line there is, “Because the government doesn’t trust you.” But, as I gaze around me at the Entitlement Lemmings wandering around the country, I can’t say as I really blame them all that much)

Apparently, people still do smoke on airplanes on occasion, even though you’re obviously not supposed to. They take the requirement so seriously, just a few years ago a flight bound for Mexico from England was grounded… it had no ashtrays.

Think about it. Because people can’t follow directions, airlines have to have something on every plane that’s never supposed to be used. What a waste.

Someone at the ashtray company must have a friend at the FAA.

God Bless,

Jeff Reagan
Editor, Patriot Health Alliance3049

Now there’s a statement that goes a long way to explaining the Entitlement Lemmings in our country right now.

We lost a couple of famous people lately.  2dRock and Roll Hall of Famer Tom Petty, who with his band The Heartbreakers helped spearhead back-to-basics heartland rock in the late 1970s, died Oct. 2, 2017, after he suffered cardiac arrest. Petty, shown in a 2016 photo, was 66

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Monty Hall, the former “Let’s Make a Deal” host, died Sept. 30, 2017, after a long illness. Hall, seen in 2014, was 962fPlayboy founder Hugh Hefner, who turned silk pajamas into a work uniform, women into centerfolds and sexual desire into a worldwide multimedia empire that spanned several generations of American life, died Sept. 27, 2017 of natural causes. Hefner, seen in a Nov. 4, 2010, photo, was 91.  And of course, we couldn’t just let Hugh’s death go without a real farewell.
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Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own. Moral of the story — In life, no one helps you once you’re screwed.

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Motivate

Neon Signs

Nepotism

nerd girls

Nerds

Nerds2

Never Forget

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Hey!  Me too!  I need one of those, too!

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, “Ask him where the money is!”

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, “Where’s the money?”

Guido signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

The lawyer tells the Godfather, “He says he doesn’t know what you are talking about”.

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido’s head and says, “Ask him again and tell him if he doesn’t answer I’ll kill him!”

The lawyer signs to Guido, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him.”

Guido trembles and signs back, “OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno’s house.”

The Godfather asks the lawyer, “What did he say?”

The lawyer replies, “He says you don’t have the balls to pull the trigger.”

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A man walked into the drugstore and shyly asked the pretty girl working there if he could buy some condoms. Seeing his discomfort,

The girl decided to have some fun. She asked what size he needed. He said he didn’t really know. So the girl said they come in three sizes, and that there were three holes in the fence outside that they used for sizing tests. He should go outside and put his tool to the test.

When he went outside, the girl Snuck around the fence, when he put his tool through the first hole, she caught him and gave him a hand job.

When he put his tool in the second hole, she gave him oral sex.

When he put his tool in the third hole, she had her pants down and she took him inside herself.

When he was finished, the girl ran around the front. He walked up and she asked, “So, what size do you need?”

He answered, “I’ve decided not to buy any condoms, but I do want 8 feet of that fence!”

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Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent.

Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below.

Quickly, she wrote, “Don’t despair. Sister Barbara.” on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man’s attention and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.

The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills.

“What’s this?” she asked. “That’s the $8,000 you have coming Sister,” He replied. “Don’t Despair paid 80-to-1.”

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A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences. Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.

‘Well,’ he said, ‘I took m’self far into the woods to find m’self a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothin’ to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, and he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.’

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, ‘WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don’t sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God’s HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.

The Rabbi looked up and said: “Looking back on it, ….circumcision may not have been the best way to start.”

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And we’ve reached the end of another issue.  No further donations have been received.  It’s difficult to believe that only 13 people find us worthy of a dollar.  Although I do want to say an extra special thank you to John S!  Sir, you are a generous gentleman.  No, you may not ask, John knows why.

Please, go to the top, hit the button and send us the price of a cup of coffee.  Every little bit helps.

And until we meet again next week……

Cheers!

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Leprechaun Laughs # 414 for Wednesday October 4th 2017

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No I’m not smiling, trust me. It’s either gas or abdominal pain making me grimace and you are mistaking for a smile.

A few of you might have noticed that I’m slow to approve/respond to comments on the blog as well as to emails. Please believe it has nothing to do with you or what you’ve said. Stress from some of the situations I am coping with at the moment are negatively impacting my health and my sleep cycle. When you add that to the amount of time and attention these situations are taking to deal with this severely impinges on my online time. On top of that how well I am feeling at any given moment also reduces the amount to time I am spending online at any given time I do manage to make it to my Lap Top and I have to prioritize what I need to get done when I do make it here..

Sorry about that but the situation is likely only going to get worse before it gets better.

Now lets move on to happier things shall we?

Blackbird

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Which Batteries Perform Best?

You probably have AA batteries scattered around your house. You use them for your remote controls, your grandkids’ toys and many other everyday items. Face it, you can’t live without batteries, but somehow we always seem to run out of them.

But before you buy AA batteries, you need to know a few things. First, there are two types of batteries: alkaline and lithium. More to the point, not all batteries are a good value. Does paying more mean you’ll get a better, longer lasting battery?

No, not according to Consumer Reports. They tested 15 brands of AA batteries, including Amazon-branded batteries and Costco’s Kirkland batteries.

The prestigious magazine found that some lower cost batteries are just as good or nearly as good as the most expensive brands. In fact, you’ll be shocked by how you don’t need to break the bank for high-quality batteries that will keep your Christmas presents humming for weeks or months.

Note: Consumer Reports tested batteries in two ways: They used the batteries until they died in toys for one hour a day and in flashlights for four minutes every eight hours.

Alkaline vs. Lithium

First things first. You’ve probably noticed that generally speaking, lithium batteries are expensive.

You might be tempted to buy them, thinking that if they cost more they probably last longer. As it turns out, Consumer Reports suggests using lithium batteries sparingly, like in devices that need a quick burst of power or that you don’t use very often.

Note: You can store lithium batteries for up to 15 years. They don’t need to be stored in the refrigerator and they don’t usually spew liquid like older, carbon-zinc batteries did.

Some alkaline batteries performed as well as lithium batteries in Consumer Reports’ test. These batteries are typically less expensive. You may want to use them in devices you use a lot, like your TV remote control and your computer’s wireless mouse.

So, which brands performed best in Consumer Reports’ tests? Both alkaline and lithium batteries were among the best values.

This might surprise you. The top performers included two brands that might have the perception of being “cheap.”

Costco’s Kirkland Signature brand AA alkaline battery had an overall score of 80, out of a possible 100. AmazonBasics Performance AA Alkaline had a 71.

That compares to top-rated brands such as Energizer Ultimate Lithium AA (89), Duracell Quantum AA Alkaline (89) and Rayovac Fusion Advanced AA Alkaline (85).

Lithium batteries

  • Energizer Ultimate Lithium AA – CR only tested two lithium style batteries and this one came out on top. It received an overall score of 89.
  • Energizer Advanced Lithium AA – This one came in second with an overall score of 82.

Alkaline batteries

  • Duracell Quantum AA Alkaline – CR tested a total of 13 alkaline batteries and this one is the best. It received an overall score of 89.
  • Rayovac Fusion Advanced AA Alkaline – Overall score of 85.
  • CVS Max AA Alkaline – Overall score of 82.
  • Duracell Coppertop Duralock AA Alkaline – Overall score of 80.
  • Kirkland Signature (Costco) AA Alkaline – Overall score of 80.
  • Rite Aid Home AA Alkaline – Overall score of 79.
  • AmazonBasics Performance AA Alkaline – Overall score of 71.
  • Walgreens W Alkaline Supercell AA – Overall score of 71.
  • Energizer ecoAdvanced AA Alkaline – Overall score of 68.
  • Energizer MAX +PowerSeal AA Alkaline – Overall score of 67.
  • CVS AA Alkaline – Overall score of 62.
  • Dynex (Best Buy) High Capacity AA Alkaline – Overall score of 60.
  • EcoAlkalines AA Alkaline – Overall score of 59.

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Two things that taste great but don’t taste great together!

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How the Death Star was really destroyed.

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That’s the Hull of a Submarine the boat is resting on. Any second I’d imagine that hatch in the lower right of the photo is going to open and a M-4 carbine is going to get screwed into their ears as they are introduced to the world of hurt their stupidity has gotten them into.

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This crap scorches my skivvies! They scream and holler and carry on whenever the subject of Puerto Rico to becoming the 51st state comes up. They claim they want to be autonomous, they don’t want to have to pay income tax like the rest of us.

However let some sort of natural disaster happen and they’ll scream holler and carry on expecting to be treated just like a state and as if the US government wasn’t already dealing with the aftermath of two back to back hurricanes in actual tax paying states!

Sumo

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Both gifted and blessed son, trust me!

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tornado flight

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Impish take notes now- I’m counting on you!

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Only GoT fans or Geo. R.R. Martin readers will get the reference.
LOL Makes me think of Billy Idol’s “White Wedding”
Maybe it will be a White (Walker) Wedding?

jump rope dog

Ok time for me to hop on off here and  do other things. Trust me I’d rather stay here.

LL Cert DOm Terror

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