Dragon Laffs #1634

Christmas

GREAT NEWS!  Mrs. Dragon came back negative on all the bad stuff and positive on all the good stuff!  Thank you all for all your prayers and well wishes!  It meant a lot!  Been a long hard week.  But the weekend is here!  So, let’s laugh!!!!!!!!!

4h

8

4953

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me, again, asking why I didn’t do something useful with my time. “Like sitting around the pool, drinking wine isn’t a good thing. (Talking about my “doing-something-useful” seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.)

She is “only thinking of me,” she said, and suggested, I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the fellas.

So, I did and when I got home, decided to play a prank on her. I sent her an e-mail saying that I had joined the Senior Parachute Club.

She replied, “Are you nuts? You’re 86-years-old and now you’re going to start jumping out of airplanes?”

I told her that I even had a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.

Immediately, she telephoned me and yelled, “Good grief, Dad, where are your glasses?! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club.”

“Oh man, am I in trouble,” I said, “I signed up for five jumps a week!”

The line went dead.

Life as a Senior Citizen isn’t getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun.

4i

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off. ~ Gloria Steinem

4954

So, after winning the game, I decided to throw the ball into the crowd, like they do on the T.V…apparently, it’s unacceptable in bowling.

6

Police have reported a man going into local craft stores and dipping his testicles in glitter… it’s pretty nuts.

4955

Satisfying a woman, Rule #9:

For those of you who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G Spot is located at the end of the word “shopping.”

6a

I’ve decided I’ll never get down to my original weight, and I’m okay with that.

After all, 6 lbs, 3 oz. is a just not realistic.

4956

I always mean what I say…  I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

6b

Research about Sex

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex:

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: ! Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say “screw you”.

The 5th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

The 6th kind is called Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.

OOPS. Don’t forget the 7th kid of sex: Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to live on!

4957

My relationship with whiskey is on the rocks.

6c

The worst part about parallel parking is the witnesses.

4958

Girls who say, “A lot of guys are after me,” should keep in mind that low prices always attract many customers.

6d

Dear Santa,

I’ve been good all year.
Most of the time.
Once in a while.
Oh, never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

4959

Three Wise Women would have…
…asked directions
…arrived on time
…helped deliver the baby
…brought practical gifts
…cleaned the stables
…made a casserole
and there would be peace on earth.

6e

When you stop believing in Santa … you get underwear.

4960

Wow!  Apparently it’s “rude” to ask the parents of a kid on a leash if it was a rescue.

6f

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the Taser wrong.

4961

My Four Moods

1.  I’m too old for this shit.
2.  I’m too tired for this shit.
3.  I’m too sober for this shit.
4.  I don’t have time for this shit.

6g

Procrastination

procrastination2

Procrastination3

Profession

Professor Badass

progress

Progressives

Promotion

Proof

Proportionality

Prostitutes

4962

6h

I’m sorry folks.  Had a rough day, so that’s it for this week.

Love you all.

Cheers!

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1633

funnies only

Good Morning Campers,

Not much to report this week.

Mrs. Dragon had her surgery on Tuesday.  She came out of it very well, but we won’t really know the final answer until we do the follow-up with the doctor next week.

Been a busy week after getting back from Alpena and doing the whole Thanksgiving thing.  The Whelpling, and Mrs. Whelpling were over, along with the grand-dragonettes, so that was fun, and it’s been work, work, work since then. 

As a matter of fact, while most of you are reading this, I’m at work teaching G.I.s how to stay alive in crappy environments.  No, I’m not talking about environments full of liberal democrats…although that might be a more toxic environment than these guys are facing, I’m talking about CBRN.  And for those of you who don’t know what the acronym stands for it’s….well …. Nasty!

Boy, it’s a good thing I LIKE stuff nasty!!!

LOL!

And with THAT thought in your head, let’s go ahead and find some funny stuff to LAFF at!

4928

I’m not saying your perfume is too strong, I’m just saying the canary was alive before you got here.

4929

Tips for losing weight: Slowly turn your head to the left, then again to your right.  Repeat this exercise every time when offered food.

4930

This one makes a really good point: With all this “gun control” talk, I haven’t heard one politician say how they plan to take guns from criminals, just law abiding citizens.

4931

Ron, an elderly man in Australia, had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond at the back.

It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”

Ron frowned, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding the bucket up, he said: “I’m here to feed the alligator.”

4932

I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.

4933

Marriage Tip #46: Your wife won’t ever start an argument with you if you’re cleaning.

4934

I’m in a good place right now.  Not emotionally.  I’m just at the liquor store.

4935

Guys, this is important!  I need your help!
I’m in the middle of an argument with my wife and she just told me that I’m right.  What the hell do I do next?

 

4936

Let’s do some motivationals!!!!

priceless

Priorities

Priorities1

Priorities2

Priorities3

Prison

Problem Solving

Problem Solving2

Problem_Solving

Problems

Procede_with_caution

Okay, that last one is just wrong!

4937

4938

4939

4940

4941

4942

4943

4944

I know this one is short.  Let’s do some more cartoons and I have to call it a night.

4945

4946

4947

4948

4949

4950

4951

4952

I’m gonna have to try that last one.

Until next time my friends.

Impish

Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1632

thanksgiving

Good Morning Campers,

Although Thanksgiving has passed by the time you read this I hope you all had a wonderful day.  The Whelpling, Mrs. Whelpling, and the three dragonettes came over and we had a great feast.  It was a good day overall.

I don’t really have much else to talk about this Friday evening, so let’s just get some laughing in.

4901

Donald Trump is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!”  This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.
Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?”
Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous.  I meant to shout “Donald, duck!”

4902

It shouldn’t be called payday…

…it should be called “Exchange Day.”  They give it to me, and I give it to everyone else.

4903

Sometimes, I wonder why I’m broke.  Then I walk into the supermarket to get milk and spend $150 … and forget the milk.  And it all makes sense.

4904

I’m at the age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my sense of humor suggests I’m 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.

4905

Okay….and?  As long as he wasn’t one of the ones involved in the care of that patient, I don’t see the problem.  If he was involved in the care, than that’s cheating.  Which is a capital offense in Vegas…unless you work for the house.

I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than “fuck”.

4906

 

No wonder spiders are so damn hard to kill.

Okay, this next one makes a REALLY good point:

4

I’m so old…
That I’ve actually dialed a rotary phone before, while listening to an 8 track, next to a black & white TV with aluminum foil on top of its rabbit ear antennas!

4907

That’s not really that surprising to me.

4908

And people wonder why Rome fell.

4a

Keep looking…you’ll figure it out.

Looking at inspirational quotes to feel better is like looking at a treadmill to lose weight.

4909

Challenge – Accepted!

 

Pain is relative – Other people really don’t understand bloodrosepain.  On days where I feel “okay” 1635_separator_bleeding_rose_anithose other people couldn’t get out of bed. 


 

4910

I’ve felt that way before. 

Hi ya neighbors,

Can I just ask everyone a huge favour?

Those of you who are planning to put Christmas lights outside your homes, please can you avoid anything blue and flashing? Every time I drive past, I think it’s the police and have a mild panic attack. I have to remove my foot from the accelerator, slam on the brakes, put my seat belt on, throw my phone on the floor, shove my bottle of wine under the seat and swallow my joint! It’s a major drama. I really appreciate your cooperation and understanding.

Thank You

4911

And that doesn’t surprise me one bit.

I offered to write some cards for Hallmark.

They said I’m the reason people need cards.

4912

I can understand that.  On Thanksgiving, my 7 year-old grand daughter asked to play a game on my tablet, I said sure and handed it to her cause I was busy with other things.  It wasn’t until I saw her watching a kids movie on Netflix that I realized, I didn’t have Netflix on my tablet, I didn’t give her my password, or use my finger print, and no one else knows my password.

4913

My bank balance is a constant reminder that I’m safe from identity theft.

4914

Well crap!  If that’s the case, I should be writing best selling novels!

4915

4b

It’s been a long time coming.  The gratitude to first responders hasn’t been this high since 9-11 … and it should be!

Dear Family:
I’m not dead yet. Thanksgiving is still important to me.
If being in my Last Will and Testament is important to you, then you might consider being with me for my favorite holiday.
Dinner is at 2:00, NOT 2:15, NOT 2:05.  Two (2:00). Arrive late and you get what’s left over.
Last year, that moron Marshall fried a turkey in one of those contraptions and practically burned the deck off the house. This year, the only peanut oil  used to make the meal will be from the secret scoop of peanut butter I add to the carrot soup.
Jonathan, your last new wife was an idiot. You don’t arrive at someone’s house on Thanksgiving needing to use the oven and the stove. Honest to God I thought you might have learned after two wives – date them longer and save us all the agony of another divorce.
Now, the house rules are slightly different. This year because I have decided that 47% of you don’t know how to take care of nice things, then paper plates and red Solo cups might be bad for the environment, but I’ll be gone soon and that will be your problem to deal with.
1. The University of Texas no longer plays Texas A&M. The television stays off during the meal.
2. The “no cans for kids” rule still exists. We are using 2 liter bottles because your children still open a third can before finishing the first two. Parents can fill child’s cup when it is empty. All of the cups have names on them and I’ll be paying close attention to refills.
3. Chloe, last year we were at Trudy’s house and I looked the other way when your Jell-O salad showed up. This year, if Jell-O salad comes in the front door it will go right back out the back door with the garbage.  Save yourself some time, honey. You’ve never been a good cook and you shouldn’t bring something that wiggles more than you. Buy something from the bakery.
4. Grandmothers give grandchildren cookies and candy. That is a fact of life. Your children can eat healthy at your home. At my home, they can eat whatever they like as long as they finish it.
5. I cook with bacon and bacon grease. That’s nothing new. Your being a vegetarian doesn’t change the fact that stuffing without bacon is like egg salad without eggs. Even the green bean casserole has a little bacon grease in it. That’s why it tastes so good.  Not eating bacon is just not natural. And as far as being healthy, look at me.  I’ve outlived almost everyone I know.
6. Salad at Thanksgiving is a waste of space.
7. I do not like cell phones. Leave them in the car.
8. I do not like video cameras. There will be 32 people here. I am sure you can capture lots of memories without the camera pointed at  me.
9. Being a mother means you have to actually pay attention to the kids. I have nice things and I don’t put them away just because company is coming over.  Mary, watch your kids and I’ll watch my things.
10. Rhonda, a cat that requires a shot twice a day is a cat that has lived too many lives. I think  staying home to care for the cat is your way of letting me know that I have lived too many lives too. I can live with that. Can you?
11. Words mean things! I say what I mean. Let me repeat: You don’t need to bring anything means you don’t need to bring anything. And if I did tell you to bring something, bring it in the quantity I said. Really, this doesn’t have to be difficult.
12. Domino’s and cards are better than anything that requires a battery or an on/off switch. That was true when you were kids and it’s true now that you have kids.
13. Showing up for Thanksgiving guarantees presents at Christmas. Not showing up guarantees a card that may or may not be signed.
In  memory of your Grandfather, the back fridge will be filled with beer. Drink until it is gone. I prefer wine anyway. But one from each family needs to be the designated driver. I really mean all of the above.
Love You,
Grandma.

4916

7 years!?  On a piss study?!

4c

4d

power

Power_Projection

powerleveling

Pragmatism

Prank

pregnant

Preparation

Preparedness

Preparedness2

Presents

previously

I finally did it!  I bought a pair of shoes with Memory Foam insoles.  Now, no more forgetting why I walked into the kitchen!

4917

Two delicate blossoms of Southern femininity were conversing on the porch of a large white-pillared mansion.

The first woman said, “When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me.”

The the second woman commented, “Well, isn’t that nice?”

The first woman continued, “When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive.”

Again, the second woman  commented, “Well, isn’t that nice?”

The first woman boasted, “Then when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.”

Yet again, the second woman commented, “Well, isn’t that nice?”

The first woman then asked her companion, “What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?”

The second woman replied, “My husband sent me to charm school.”

“Charm school!” the first woman cried. “Land sakes, child, what on Earth for?”

“So that instead of saying, ‘Who gives a crap,’ I learned to say, ‘Well, isn’t that nice?'”

4918

Morris and his wife were vacationing in Hawaii when a violent earthquake occurred at 3 AM.

As soon as morning came, the man went down to the hotel lobby to read the newspaper about what had happened. As he was reading the newspaper, a local gentleman stepped up and asked him if he had felt the earthquake during the night.
“I sure did. My wife and I are here on vacation from the mainland, and I have felt other earthquakes, but I have never felt a quake like that one, it was terrible. I thought the building was going to come down on us.”
The guy asks, “What were you doing during the earthquake?”
“Gee, I was having the best sexual performance of my life as that earthquake was happening.”
“Is that right? And, what did your wife think about it?”
Morris said, “Well, it damn near woke her up!”

4919

Phone rings, woman answers. The pervert, with heavy breathing, says, “I bet you have a tight ass with no hair?” Woman replies, “Yes I do, he’s watching golf. Whom shall I say is calling?”

4920

A woman goes to see her female doctor. She asks, “My husband want intense sex all day. What can I give him?” The doctor, after thinking about this, smiles warmly, and say, “My number.”

4921

Flying to San Francisco from San Diego the other day, a passenger noticed that the “Fasten Seat Belts” sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one. Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. “Well,” she explained, up front there are 17 University of San Diego girls going to San Francisco for the weekend. In back, there are 25 Navy recruits out on weekend liberty. “What would you do?”

4922

My friends, I wish you peace, love, and health, blah, blah, blah…screw that!

I wish you lots of sex, booze, orgasms, and hope you win the lottery!

4923

Mrs. Dragon: Having a husband is great because I always have someone to gossip to and he won’t tell a single soul because he wasn’t actually listening in the first place.

Impish Dragon: Huh?

4924

Big girls don’t cry…they pop a couple of Xanax, wash it down with vodka, and set your car on fire.

4925

Ginny: “I just checked my bank account and it said, ‘Return everything you just bought except the hooker heels…you’re gonna need those.’”

4e

4f

4g

4j

Instead of presents this year, I’m giving everyone my opinion.

Get excited.

4926

I look both ways before crossing a one=way street.

That’s how little faith I have in humanity.

4927

Dude, you should have been listening way earlier.

And that’s it for today my friends.  I hope you have a great weekend.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Happy Thanksgiving!

Dear Campers,

From our house to yours, may God’s Blessings be upon you and your families; may God’s Bounty fill your homes; and may God swaddle you with His Love and Comfort on this day we remember all the things we are thankful for.

Thank you all for your love and support and know that you are all in my heart today and every day.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1631

Header1631

Greetings from the frozen state of Northern Michigan!

It’s crazy!  The Air Force sends me to south Florida in July and Northern Michigan in November.  Can we switch them around please? 

The header is from one of the rest stops between my little cavern in Indiana and the frozen friggin’ tundra of Michigan.

This is a picture from outside my hotel:
5

Pretty, but it’s like 2 degrees outside.

Anyway, I hope to add to this all week long and have a really good issue for you on Saturday.  We’ll see how that works out.

For now….let’s laugh!

4881

I hate to start things off with such a horrible groaner, but you can all blame Ginny for this one:

While Captain Cook was sailing the South Pacific, he discovered an island that had a fabulous house of ill repute. The women were out of this world, the hospitality incredible, and the prices amazingly cheap.
After many enjoyable visits, he told all his brothers and cousins about the place, and they went there by the boatloads.
Soon they had trashed the place with their drunken brawls, terrorized the women, who all ran away, and the house shut down.
It just goes to show you… too many Cooks spoil the brothel.

4882

A woman with 14 children, ranging in age from one to fourteen, went to court to sue her husband for divorce on grounds of desertion.
“When did he leave you?” the judge asked.
“Thirteen years ago,” the tired mother replied.
The judge was confused. “Well, if he left thirteen years ago, where did all these children come from?”
“Well,” said the woman, “he kept coming back to say he was sorry.”

4883

A Texas couple, both well into their 80’s, go to a Sex Therapist’s office.
The doctor asks, ‘What can I do for you?’

The man says, ‘Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?’

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, ‘There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.’

He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.

The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again.  The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave..

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, ‘I’m sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?’

The man says, ‘We’re not trying to find out anything. She’s married; so, we can’t go to her house. I’m married; and we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and best of all, Medicare pays $43 of it.

4884

Saw a baguette at the zoo…
It was bread in captivity.
rimshot

4885

Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

4886

Alpena, Michigan is a cute little town with a LOT of big stores.  It’s a shame we’re only seeing it at night.  We’re working out on the base from 0600 to 1900 (that’s 6 am to 7 pm for you civilian types)

6A

They have a Walmart, Home Depot, Meijers, all the fast feeders, Lots of mom and pop places.  In my little town we have a crappy little kmart and a krogers, and their population is smaller than ours and their county population is smaller than ours.  Amazing.

This next one was sent by my brother the Owl and it cracked me up!!!!!

6

Tip of the day:
Never make snow angels in a dog park.

4887

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the damn lock.

4888

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying:

“HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.”

A short time afterward, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside.

He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager.

The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least.

However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office.

Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said, “I can’t hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type.”

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter.

He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.

The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, “The sign says you have to be good with a computer.”

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer.

The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager.

By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded!

He looked at the dog and said, “I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can’t give you the job.”

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.

The manager said, “Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual.”

The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, “Meow.”

4889

What the fuck are birds so excited about at 5 am?

4890

The older I get, the meaner I get…I’m pretty sure within the next few years I’ll be biting people.

4891

Good parenting is hearing a loud bang, and automatically yelling, “Stop Doing That!”

4892

Retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing standing up.

Finkelstein looks around and asks, “So, who’s gonna tell his wife?” They cut cards. Goldberg picks the two of clubs and has to carry the news. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse.

“Discreet? I’m the most discreet person you’ll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me.”

Goldberg goes over to the dead man’s apartment and knocks on the door. His wife answers through the door and asks what he wants? Goldberg declares: “Your husband just lost $500 in a Poker game and is afraid to come home.

“Tell him to drop dead!” yells the wife.

4893

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered.

They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said: “I built a big house for our mother.”

The second said: “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”

The third said: “You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible. Now she can’t see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it.”

Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks.

“William,” she said, “the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house.”

“Arnold,” she said, “I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver is so rude! He’s a pain!”

“But David,” she said, “the chicken was delicious!”

4894

Dear McDonalds,

Thank you for not serving hotdogs.  I don’t think I could order a super-sized McWeiner with a straight face.

4895

A newly ordained priest, nervous about hearing confessions, finally asks an older priest to observe how he does and give some tips.

After listening in on the second confession, the older priest suggested that the younger man fold his arms, maybe rub his chin with one hand while saying phrases like “I see” or “I understand” or “Yes, my child. Go on”.

The young priest puts the suggestions into practice and later tells the older priest how much it has helped getting more information from his flock.

“You’ve done well,” said the older man.

“Isn’t that much better than slapping your knee and yelling ‘No way! What happened next?'”

4896

If you suck at playing the trumpet, that’s probably why.

4897

I just burned 1200 calories.

I forgot the pizza in the oven.

We haven’t seen them in a while, so here’s a bunch of Motivational Posters!!!

Poor Judgement

Poor Life Choices

popemobile

Porn

Porns Law

Positive Thinking

Possibilities

Potential

I really loved that one! My own personal mantra!

Potential2

Poverty

Poverty2

Yeah, things are really tough out there.

My body is a temple
Ancient and crumbling
Probably cursed or haunted

4898

When I offer to wash your back in the shower, all you have to say is yes or no.
Not all this “Who are you, and how did you get in here?” nonsense.

4899

Having worked for the Government for the last 11 1/2 years, albeit in a minor employee kind of way, I can say for sure that this next one is 100% accurate.

Once upon a time, the government had a vast scrapyard in the middle of a desert.

Congress said, “Someone may steal from it at night.” So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?”

So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing his tasks correctly?”

So they created the Quality Control Department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, “How are these people going to get paid?”

So they created a time keeper and a payroll officer position. Then hired two people.

Then Congress said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?”

So they created an administrative section and hired three people: An Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost.”

So they laid off the night watchman.

So, here’s a picture of the river in the daylight:

6c

I think it’s prettier at night.  LOL!

And this is another one from brother Owl.
6d

A man enters a sexy lingerie store to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price — the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him. Upstairs the wife thinks (she’s no dummy): “I have an idea. It’s so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, I’ll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.”

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, “Good Grief! You’d think for $500, they’d at least iron it!

He never heard the shot.

Funeral on Thursday at Noon.

The coffin will be closed.

4900

Okay a few more local pictures and I’ll call this issue complete.

The first one is a picture of the oldest building still standing and in use on Alpena CRTC.  It’s called the River Club and it’s where we’ve gone to eat for lunch the past couple of days.

7

And this is a picture of the inside of the club.  Since this base is used a LOT for exercises from units all over the world, each one tries to decorate it, just a little.

7e

This next one is what our poor players are trying to play in right now…

7b

And finally, downtown Alpena, Thursday night….late!  (Worked late and couldn’t friggin’ sleep!)

7f

And that brings this episode to a close.  I hope you enjoyed my little adventure.

For now, my dear fellow campers, be well.

Live, Love, Laugh!

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments