Dragon Laffs #1516

Header1514

campers

Well, it’s been over a week since Thanksgiving and I think we are just about out of turkey.5  Not that I don’t just love turkey.  If you haven’t figured it out by now it is one of my most favorite dishes of all time.  That’s one of the reasons it’s so easy for Lethal to black mail ….. sorry …. I mean motivate me with it.

It’s been a pretty boring week as far as everything goes. 

No dart matches (we have a bye week); no doctor appointments; no days off;

sigh

I can’t wait for the Christmas holidays to get here.  Above and beyond the fact that I just love Christmas, I’m taking a couple of days off.

Anyway, since I really don’t have anything to report, why don’t we just…

lets laugh2366No kidding.  We didn’t get grounded from anything.  Well, I take that back.  We got grounded – not allowed to go out and play, but that was AFTER the Ass Whoopin’!

Just a quick note here…K2 sent me a little list entitled The Top Ten Reasons Why Trick or Treating is Better Than Sex.  I’ll save the actual joke for next year’s Halloween Issue, but I just have one comment:  Karl, if you think Trick or Treating is better than sex, then you ain’t doin’ it right!

2367

 

I know it’s a little early in the issue for this, but as a news reporting organization, as well as poking fun at said news, we have to report it when we get it. Therefore:

Breaking News

BBC News – Suicide Bombers Go On Strike!
 

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-week strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with ISIS have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when ISIS announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54.  A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers’ union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Aloud Bang told the press, “Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad.  We don’t ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the groin”.
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, ISIS chief executive Aisheet Mapants explained, “I sympathize with our workers concerns but ISIS is simply not in a position to meet their demands.  They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.  Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife  It’s a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off.  I don’t like cutting benefits but I’d hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won’t be able to blow themselves up.”

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would

not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of American Democrat Hillary Clinton. 

Many Muslim Jihadists, after seeing a picture of her, believe she must be a virgin, and have reconsidered their benefit package.

This report was sent in by our man in the street, Papa Dragon Most Senior.  Thanks Dad!

2368

The ABC’s of Marriage

 

He said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous and Hot!”

She beamed at him happily and said: “Oh, that’s so lovely! But what about I, J and K?”

I’m Just Kidding!

(The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctors are fairly optimistic about saving his genitals).

2369

dragon pics

1a

It’s amazing to me that so many of our graduates from DL&LL University want their pictures taken with one of the co-founders.

2370

Yes, I know you should’ve been warned beforehand about this groaner, but it just came on so quickly, I never had the chance.

Paul sent in this next list, which is actually quite interesting and yes, I did check (somewhat) the veracity of this list.

11 THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT COCA-COLA

 
can of coca cola

Atlantans live in the hometown of the world’s best-known brand: Coca-Cola. That sweet, zingy soda pop will never lose a Pepsi Challenge inside the perimeter (especially with whiskey). That being said, there’s probably a lot you still don’t know about the elixir created by John Pemberton, commodified by Asa Griggs Candler, and consumed by everybody that’s ever lived. Crack a bottle and catch up on some lesser-known Coke facts.

Keanu Reeves owes his acting career to Coke 

Back before he was Ted, Neo, Sad Keanu, or the homeless guy in Poetic Justice (seriously),keanu-reeves he was in a Coke commercial. His character participates in a cycling race, comes in second, and reacts to his proud dad offering him ATL’s favorite soft drink by saying, “A Coke!,” (in a very Steven-Avery’s-nephew-like way). His last line — “My DAD!” — comes after someone asks who trained him (to come in second). But somehow it all seems lovingly doofus-y, meaning “very Keanu”, and thanks to the work that came after this break, he’s now rich and famous enough to buy the world a Coke.

Coke is a tasty way to stop an asthma attack 

cokeYour prescription inhaler is probably the best method for counteracting chronic breathing problems. But if it’s not handy — or even if it is — Coke tastes way better! Caffeine has been found to open the airways when asthmatics are wheezing or otherwise having trouble getting air. And since each 12oz can has 34mg of the hype, you have an excuse to keep chugging until you catch your second wind.

Coke’s stock has more than doubled in the last 10 years 

As beverage options have broadened and the market for drinkable liquids has expanded into things we didn’t even know could be ingested, The Coca-Cola Company has diversifiedcoca-cola-stock to include some level of ownership in a lot of your other favorite brands. Do you like Keurig, Odwalla or Simply Orange? So does Coke, and they know you love all four, because they have the receipts. Therefore, a $20 share in 2006 is worth around $45 today, at least at press time. It might be a good time to buy, since Coke’s likely going to Cuba soon, but that’s just what Fidel Castro tells us, and you know how he is with money.

Coke invented Santa Claus 

If you know St. Nicholas as a plump, white-haired, long-bearded member of the Bloods, santa on cans of cokeyou have been watching way too many episodes of Gangland. Santa likes to wear red because it was a fashion trait he was given by an artist named Haddon Sundblom, who was commissioned by Coke to draw him that way for the first time ever. Sure, St. Nick “existed,” but it was a Coke ad that cemented the image we’ve come to accept. The real question is, would Santa wear blue if Pepsi got to him first?

Coke owns Georgia coke2

That’s not just a clever double entendre. Coca-Cola has a line of canned Japanese coffee beverages named “Georgia,” named after our state. Since 2009, it’s been available here in the US, but only in Asian supermarkets.

Coke money basically built Downtown Chattanooga 

coke3ATL’s Georgia Aquarium was inspired by Chattanooga’s Tennessee Aquarium, which was built a few years prior and sits on the edge of the Tennessee River, next to the Tennessee Riverwalk, not far from the University of Tennessee in Chattanooga. These projects began and were helped greatly by the more than $50 million in funding support from John T. Lupton II, whose grandfather founded the JTL Corporation, which got the exclusive rights to bottle Coca-Cola from Asa Candler… for $1… in 1899.

Coke may or may not have a tiny bit of alcohol in it 

You’ll drown before getting a buzz from Coke — it’s still very much classified as a non-coca cola cocktailsalcoholic beverage. Still, Huffington Post published a story in 2012, quoting research from the National Institute of Consumption (it’s French), that said that Coke and 18 other popular soft drink brands were 0.001% alcohol per liter. Coke says the alcohol could possibly come from one of its secret ingredients, but one of the company’s websites says “alcohol is not added as an ingredient and no fermentation takes place.”

New Coke was actually a big money maker for Coke 

You may be too young to remember “New Coke,” but it was a remixed, sweetened version of the original Coke recipe that everybody already loved, which they got rid of entirely to launch the update. Let’s just say it got old quickly and has been known as one of the coke4biggest marketing failures of all time. However, in the six months after the company killed the New and brought back the Classic, sales went through the roof, more than doubling Pepsi’s sales during the same period. (So, basically “New Coke” was a huge success after it was dumped.  Hmm, you know, there’s a connection there with real life.  Start off by giving your best work, then start giving crappy work, then, when you get back to your best again, it looks even BETTER than before and you’ll get even more rewards for the same thing you’ve done all along.  I really need to think about that. ~ LOL!) THEN Coke released Coca-Cola Cherry right after, which was simply pure genius.

Factory error Coke cans sell for thousands cokecan

This fact is somewhere between the “Perri-Air” from Spaceballs and the ultimate win for whoever actually reaches for a Coke when they have asthma. Every once in awhile, a Coke can is accidentally sealed without anything inside but air. If you happen to find one of these, you can quickly make up to $10K — judging by past and current eBay auctions. Hopefully you never found one and cursed out your gas station clerk after returning it for a refund.

Kim Jong Un gets no Coke 

At one time there were only two countries in the world where you couldn’t buy Coca-Cola: kim jong unCuba and North Korea. And even then, as anybody who’s ever smoked a Cuban cigar can tell you, it wasn’t that hard in CastroLand. But now that we’re friends again, it’s only the so-called Hermit Kingdom that can’t drink from the fountain of the world’s biggest brand. Maybe stop firing off so many random missiles, dude.

Coke pumps from the heart of Mexico’s former president coke5

Before Vicente Fox rose to the height of political power in his country, he was a Harvard business school grad driving a Coke delivery truck. He stuck it out and rose through the ranks to run Coke in Mexico (and ultimately all of Latin America), presiding over the company at a coke6time when it became Mexico’s top-selling soft drink. He even married a Coke receptionist.

Not really sure what the last picture on the right has to do with Vicente Fox and Coke, but that is what I got when I did a Google search.   There is a legend that the coke bottle was shaped after the figure of a woman and these last two  pictures go a long way to disproving that myth.

Okay, so you get a warning for this one…
groan a

2374

movie

The world’s shortest train.  This is hilarious.  Pay attention, it goes by fast.

 

Okay, all I can say about this next one is that he is FRIGGIN’ CRAZY!!!!

Yeah, think I’ll go ahead and pass on the bridge ride.

 

Politics

You wouldn’t think that there would be a lot of political cartoons published right after the election, but you’d be wrong.  I think there are at least as many, if not more than before the election.  Let’s check out a few.

4c

You say that like there’s something wrong with that.

4d

Yeah, that’s another whole topic.  But, it does lead nicely into a little poem that Diaman sent in.

The election is over, the talking is done.
Your party lost, my party won.
So let us be friends, let arguments pass
I’ll hug my elephant,  you kiss your ass!

So it’s cute.  Not very subtle, but cute.

4e

4f

I’m not sure Miley can spell “Women’s Dignity” much less recognize it.

4g

That’s pretty true.  None of the people that I know have ever done anything like that.

2376

Yup.  That’s me.

2

2378

 

fantasy

f2010071903

Every day, before their shifts start, the security personnel get together and limber up for their shifts.  It’s just another one of those special little things that make DL&LL Media a favored and sought after employer.  And yes, they are on the clock when they warm up.

2379

It’s like the old joke about being involved in something and being committed to something.  For instance, let’s take the subject “Breakfast”.
You have eggs and sausage or bacon.
In this example the chicken is involved but the pig is committed.

Ginny sent this story in from a friend of hers.

For most people, Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on what we’ve been
given and savor the scents of crisp autumn days and pumpkin pie.

For me, a woman, it’s a little more complicated.

One November afternoon when my daughter was in kindergarten, I picked
her up after school. She bobbed out to the car and crawled into the back seat.

“What did you do today?” I asked.

She couldn’t wait to tell me. “We learned that boys are different from girls,” she chirped.

Looking into the rearview mirror, I could just see the top of her head. “My teacher told us that boys have a thing the girls don’t,” she added.

“Well, yes they do..” I said cautiously. I couldn’t think of anything else to say, so we were quiet for a moment.

Then she piped up again. “That’s how girls know that boys are boys,”
she said. “They see that thing that hangs down and they know that he
is a boy.”

I mentally calculated the distance home. Our five-minute commute
already felt like an hour.

“Did you know that when the boys see a girl they puff up?”

My palms were beginning to sweat. “Um…well…”

I was still searching for something new to say, to change the
subject, when she asked, “Why do the girls like the boys to have
those things?”

Well I didn’t know what to say. I mean, what woman hasn’t asked
herself that question at least once? “Oh, well…um…” I stammered.

She didn’t wait for my answer. She had her own. “It’s cause it moves when they walk and then the girls see that and that’s when they know they are boys and that’s when they like them. Then the boy sees the girl and he puffs up, and then the girl knows he likes her, too. And then they get married. And then they get cooked.”

That last part confused me a bit, but on the whole I thought she had
a pretty good grasp on things.

As soon as we got home and I pulled into the garage, she hopped out
of the car, fishing something out of her school bag. “I drew a picture,” she said. “Do you want to see?”

I wasn’t sure I did, but I looked at it anyway. I had to sit down.

There, all puffed up so to speak, looking mighty attractive for the
ladies, was a crayon drawing of a great big Tom Turkey. His snood, the thing that hangs down over his beak, the thing that  female turkeys find so irresistible, was magnificent. His tail feathers were standing tall and proud.

She was a little offended that I laughed so hard at her drawing, and I laughed until I cried. But when I told her I loved it – and I did – she got over her pique.

That was the end of that, for her anyway. But I’m not so lucky.

Every year I remember that conversation and to be honest, I haven’t looked at a turkey, or a man, the same way since.

2380

I can vouch for that.  I’ve worked with a lot of different departments that handle HazMat in one form or another and some of them REALLY take their jobs WAY TOO seriously.

This one was sent in by Papa Dragon Most Senior.  Most excellently said:

A guy looked at my Corvette the other day and said I wonder how many people could have been fed for the money that sports car cost.

I replied I am not sure, it fed a lot of families in Bowling Green, Kentucky who built it, it fed the people who make the tires, it fed the people who made the components that went into it, it fed the people in the copper mine who mined the copper for the wires, it fed people in Decatur IL. at Caterpillar who make the trucks that haul the copper ore.

It fed the trucking people who hauled it from the plant to the dealer and fed the people working at the dealership and their families. BUT,… I have to admit, I guess I really don’t know how many people it fed.

That is the difference between capitalism and welfare mentality. When you buy something, you put money in people’s pockets, and give them dignity for their skills.

When you give someone something for nothing, you rob them of their dignity and self worth.

Capitalism is freely giving your money in exchange for something of value.

Socialism is taking your money against your will and shoving something down your throat that you never asked for….

2381

Critter

a89

a90

That dog’s got to belong to only one of two people that I can think of …
Donald Trump
or…
Lethal Leprechaun
I’m sure you can figure out why.

a91

a92

a93

a94

 

2382

 

There is nobody … NOBODY …. who could turn that away if it came out to the table and you were told it was a salad!

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.

They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The angel said: “Unfortunately, there’s only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.”

The angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly took off her top and said: “Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created and I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”

The angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.

The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word.

The Angel immediately said: “OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven.”

Dolly was outraged and asked, “What was that all about? I showed you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?”

“Sorry, Dolly,” said the Angel, “but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair – no matter how big they are.”

2383

Well, this Jersey Boy would never DREAM of retiring and moving to Florida or …
…excuse me!
Yes, you there standing up, we’re not ready  to ….
What do you mean that I’m wrong?!  You do realize this is my stage, right?
You mean to tell me that, “because I’m from Jersey I HAVE to retire to Florida?  A rule BOOK!!
Okay, so show me the book.



Okay, so I am wrong.  It is a rule that ANYONE from New Jersey who retires MUST go to Florida.
I’m so fucked.

2384You know…that’s absolutely true!

motivateCautionOh, I hope so!

if you heard

medical porn

Medical Porn?  I mean, I’ve got this thing for nurses, but somehow, I don’t think that’s what they’re talking about.

mediocrity

Mensa

2385

Yup, I’ve had that kind of a day, too.

A man lost an arm when his golf cart rolled over on him on a down slope. He became very depressed because he loved to play golf.
  
   One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide and end it all. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.
  
   He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man down on the sidewalk skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels.
  
   He looked closer and saw that this man didn’t have any arms at all. He started thinking, “What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself?
 
   I still have one good arm to do things with.” He thought, “There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and  going on with  his life.”
  
   He hurried down to the sidewalk and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms  and felt useless and was going to kill himself.
 
   He thanked him for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if the guy could go on with no arms. The man with no arms began  dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again.
 
   He asked, “Why are you so happy anyway?”
 
   He said, “I’m NOT happy.
 
   My balls itch.”
 
Heart-warming stories like this just bring a tear to my eye.

2386

Lethal?  Why did I find these in my jerky locker?

12

2387

2388

2389

And that, my dear campers, is that.  It’s passed my bedtime and I have to work all weekend.  I hope you all have a great weekend.

Cheers

impish dragon

live love laugh

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Leprechaun Laughs # 368 for Wednesday Nov 30th 2016

 

image

Morning Folks,

I’ll make this brief an unplanned 24 stomach bug delayed or return from Thanksgiving with Molly’s family by a day. Now a day may not seem like a whole lot but we knew we’d already be on a tight schedule once we returned and that extra day was about all the lee way time we had in our schedule for the next two weeks.

See on the 16th of December Molly will be graduating Magna Cum Laude from U of H with a Masters in Supply Chain Management. For her that means Finals, finishing papers, attending various pre graduation awards functions on top of her regular 45 to 50 hour/ week job.

Additionally she’s decided to redecorate our living room before this for when her family  arrives, right down to new furniture. If you’ve never seen a strung out from lack of sleep woman on a redecorating spree my advice is keep avoiding it.

On my side things are starting to pick up business wise and January 2nd until April15th are my busiest part of the year. Seems that while I was away there was a whole new round of ransomeware scams leading to a bunch of my clients having employees who can no longer access their computers from checking personal email and updating their facebook on company computers on company time.

On the bright side most of them know how I operate, which is if you have a past due balance (depending on how past due) I either have selective blindness/deafness when it comes to your emails, texts and phone calls or you’re at the bottom of the queue. This means that checks for past due amounts are coming in two, three and four per day- a good thing since I expect Molly will be wanting more money from me soon for our living room which truth be told does need new furniture and lamps.

At any rate all this barely leave me time to eek out next week’s special issue much less be witty with my openings or thought provoking with an editorial or commentary. It’s 2:30 on Tuesday as I write this and I have a car arriving any moment to take me to my 3 PM appointment so I can be back in time to have a nice sit down at the table Anniversary meal with Molly. A meal since neither of us have time to cook today I’ll be picking up from a favorite local restaurant on my way back.

Skate

image

How Coffee Affects Your Body Throughout the Day

I know I am not alone in loving coffee. According to a poll conducted in 2015, 82% of Americans drink coffee daily. And the average person consumes 2.1 cups per day. Furthermore, the amount of coffee that a person drink tends to increase with age. This means that older westerners are drinking more coffee than ever before. Why coffee has become so popular so quickly is surely down to two reasons. Firstly, we just love the taste and aroma that only the finest coffee provides. Secondly, there are certain observable effects that coffee has on our body and mind that we like.

But what are these bodily effects, exactly? Are they, on balance, harmful or beneficial for your health? Let’s break this down by taking a look at what happens to your body after you finish drinking a cup of coffee.

0 minutes: Coffee time

coffee, health, body

Mmm. That was lovely! Now let’s see what happens next.

10 minutes after drinking

coffee, health, body

The coffee’s caffeine has started to enter your bloodstream. The raises your heart rate and consequently your blood pressure.

20 minutes after drinking

coffee, health, body

Now you feel more alert. Your brain ‘fog’ has vanished and you can think more clearly than previously. You are better able to solve problems. Furthermore, the caffeine is making you less tired by preventing your brain’s adenosine receptors from receiving adenosine. The coffee is therefore artificially removing your feelings of sleepiness.

30 minutes after drinking

coffee, health, body

After 30 minutes your body begins to produce more adrenaline than normal. By dilating your pupils, one effect is that your vision becomes sharper.

40 minutes after drinking

coffee, health, body

At this point, you start to feel a bit of a mood lift, thanks to an increase of serotonin in your body. This also increases your muscle strength for a time, because serotonin improves your motor neurons’ functionality.

4 hours after drinking

coffee, health, body

Your body cells are releasing energy faster than normal. This stimulates your stomach acids, increasing the rate of digestion. Your body is also breaking down fat now, whether you are exercising or not!

6 hours after drinking

coffee, health, body

Now the bad news. 6 hours after the pick-me-up cup of coffee, the caffeine you have consumed starts to have a diuretic effect. You are going to the bathroom more than you would otherwise, but you are not simply expelling water. Your body is also purging vital vitamins and minerals. In rare cases this leads to disorders of calcium metabolism.

Moderation

coffee, health, body The negative effects of caffeine are that it removes essential nutrients from your system. It’s for this reason that some people try to minimize their caffeine intake by either shunning coffee (or related drinks) or switching to de-caffeinated coffee. However, one cup of coffee won’t see you lose so many nutrients. But if you drink coffee several times a day, the loss can be very detrimental to your health.

What about coffee’s health benefits?

coffee, health, body

However, the story is not all doom and gloom. To make an informed decision about how much coffee you drink, you’ll also want to consider the health benefits that can be acquired from a nice warm mug of coffee. Because coffee provides you with more antioxidants than any fruits or vegetables, it’s known to be good at preventing and lessening the symptoms of certain diseases, such as:
•    skin cancer
•    colorectal cancer
•    heart disease
•    multiple sclerosis
•    Parkinson’s
•    type 2 diabetes

Coffee can improve the health of your liver, if you drink alcohol, it is also known to provide health benefits to your brain, thus making you more intelligent. It can even make you feel less stressed out, and increase your happiness by boosting your mood.
For more information on the health benefits of coffee, see here.
Your decision!
So, now you are in a much better position to decide whether you want to have another coffee today, or leave it for another occasion. In my case, I am going to stick to my usual routine of having one beautiful cup of coffee a day, three or four times a week. What about you?

image

  0511-1103-0819-5119_Leprechaun_Baking_Shamrock_Cookies_clipart_image

  It’s coming up on Christmas time and that means cookies recipes. May Santa bring you “fat pants” without you asking for them. Impish, may he bring you extra fatter ones.

Hazelnut Chocolate Chip Cookies

image

Soft and chewy by nature, these nutty cookies start with a buttery oatmeal batter, but it’s the added elements of chocolate chips, chopped hazelnuts and crushed toffee that’ll make people beg for the recipe.

Total Time: 1 hr. 45 min
Prep: 30 min  Inactive: 1 hr.
Cook: 15 min   Yield: 4 dozen
Level: Easy

 

Ingredients

1/2 cup old-fashioned oats
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup unsalted butter (2 sticks), at room temperature
1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
1 cup granulated sugar
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
4 ounces English toffee candy, finely chopped (recommended: Heath or Skor)
1 cup hazelnuts, toasted, skinned and chopped
1 (12-ounce) bag semisweet chocolate chips

Directions

Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.
Line 2 heavy baking sheets with parchment paper. Finely chop the oats in a food processor. Transfer the oats to a medium bowl. Mix in the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Set aside.
Using an electric mixer, beat the butter and sugars in a large bowl until fluffy. Beat in the eggs and vanilla. Add the flour mixture and stir just until blended. Stir in the toffee, hazelnuts, and chocolate chips.
For each cookie, drop 1 rounded tablespoonful of dough onto sheet, spacing 1 inch apart (do not flatten dough). Bake until the cookies are golden (cookies will flatten slightly), about 15 minutes. Cool the cookies on the baking sheets for 5 minutes. Transfer to a cooling rack and cool completely. (The cookies can be prepared 1 day ahead. Store in an airtight container at room temperature.)

image

Hey Impish! Weren’t you telling me about this gig you got doing a survey for Dove just a couple months ago?

image

Brutus practicing his undercover/hide in plain sight skills- the cheeky sneaky devil.

image

MAAAA! HELP! COME QUICK!

image

Cat’s name is actually ‘Fabulous’- no joke!

image

Quick! Every one grab a stiff drink before we get into these next few reports of what he liberal minds are up to, you’re sure to need/want it.

image

image

Think that’s bad? Here’s another Nebraska brilliant idea…

image

See what doing shots of ethanol will do to you?

This isn’t a joke and it’s really not funny, then again what P.C. Police ‘ruling’ is actually funny? Laughably stupid occasionally I’ll grant you but rarely if ever legitimately funny from where I sit. In case you cannot read the print above here’s a like to an NBC article on the subject.

Deaf child’s sign language name looks too much like gun, parent says school told him

Hunter Spanjer’s parents say officials at his Nebraska school asked them to change the sign for Hunter’s name, saying it looked too “gun-like,” but the school is denying they ever made the request. NBC’s Ron Allen reports and the Spanjer family talks about what the principal told them.

image

image

image

It’s kind of therapeutic to try though!

 

image

I know a lot of you are stressing over what to get who for Christmas. I’d like to help you out so I thought I’d include this suggestion from our local grocery store for your consideration:

image

Dats Just Cool1

Time for some gratuitous shots of stuff that exists for no other reason than its total coolness factor.

image

I think that’s all dinnerware for the largest part, I’m not completely sure. However I am completely sure that Impish has a serious case of statue envy right now!

image

image

The web is also book pages, rolled up and threaded on fishing line.

image

 

image

 

image

Hakuna matata! And in a really big way too!

image

Well apparently the verdict is in and its official

image

Until next week folks and remember, there are only –24– shopping days until Christmas!

Finn McCool Sig

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1514

header1514aCampers

Well, don’t I feel foolish!

All that worry, all the upset, all the crying, screaming and gnashing of teeth, and my buddy Lethal came through for me in the end.  Yes, I know he caused it with the MREs to begin with, so it was my foolishness that caused the problems.

I should know better.  I really should.

Just came across the picture yesterday, on Friday, and it reminded me of something that I did on Thanksgiving day when the kidlets and grand-kidlets got here.
01d

One of the things we instituted as the kids walked in the door was for them to give me their cell phones.  The Whelpling was upset and pretty much down right refused.  I say pretty much because this dragon doesn’t take refusal in his castle from anybody.  But, I didn’t rip his head off, instead, I listened to what he had to say.  Because of his job, he couldn’t shut his phone off and since I have the same situation with my job, I told him that he didn’t have to shut it off, just not have it on his person.  So, all the phones were put on the desk at the back of the room where if a phone call or an important text comes in, we would be able to hear it.  It was a great idea and I think we laughed and joked all the more because of it.

So, Let’s get a couple of notices out, right up front…The first one:
Adult

This is a blog for people who are up for adult conversations, adult topics and adult pictures and cartoons.  Most of you who’ve been around for even a little while already realize this.0

The second notice should be just as obvious to all of you, but I thought I’d add it in anyway.  We are not identified with any political or religious organization other than we have both sworn at one time to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States from all enemies, foreign and domestic and neither one of us feel as though we have ever been released from that sworn promise.    And we don’t tend to beat around the bush or paint anything with a politically correct brush.  Live, Love, Laugh

And we really get happily excited when we find campers who happen to believe in the same things as we do.  So, without any further ado…
Lets Laugh

12

This is great!!! 

5b

VORONEZH, Russia, Nov. 15 (UPI) — A Soviet star atop a tower in a Russian city is going viral after vandals painted it with a familiar face: Patrick Star from Spongebob Squarepants.

Social media users posted photos of the star, which tops a Soviet-era tower in the city of Voronezh, after it was targeted by unknown vandals Oct. 25.

Poman Ponizovny, an official from Voronezh Central District, said the building is not considered a memorial, but it still retains symbols from the Soviet era. The red star is a symbol of communism worldwide, originally used by the Red Army beginning in about 1918.

Restoration companies estimated the vandalism will cost about $1,500 to clean. Members of a local group dedicated to climbing local buildings, often without legal permission, distanced themselves from the vandalism and have offered to help clean the star.

Social media users were largely amused by the stunt, with some suggesting the square by the building be painted to resemble Spongebob so it would match the star.

The building was previously targeted by pranksters in October 2015, when a “Jolly Roger” pirate flag was flown from the spire.

2355

Ain’t that the truth!  And I’ll bet that there are lots of you out there who agree with me!

This next one is from Ginny.  It’s a little long, but you’ll probably find it quite interesting, just as I did.

You are gonna say “I didn’t know that!” at least 5 times.  Really neat stuff here:
Alaska

More than half of the coastline of the entire United States is in Alaska.

 1
 
 
Amazon
 2

The Amazon rainforest produces more than 20% of the world’s oxygen supply.
The Amazon River pushes so much water into the Atlantic Ocean that, more than one hundred miles at sea off the mouth of the river, one can dip fresh water out of the ocean.  The volume of water in the Amazon river is greater than the next eight largest rivers in the world combined and three times the flow of all rivers in the United States.

 
Antarctica
3
Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country.
Ninety percent of the world’s ice covers Antarctica
.
This ice also represents seventy percent of all the fresh water in the world.  As strange as it sounds, however, Antarctica is essentially a desert;
The average yearly total precipitation is about two inches.
Although covered with ice (all but 0.4% of it, ice.), Antarctica is the driest place on the planet, with an absolute humidity lower than the Gobi desert.
 
 Brazil
4
Brazil got its name from the nut, not the other way around.
 
Canada
5
Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined. Canada is an Indian word meaning ‘ Big Village’.
Chicago
6
Next to Warsaw, Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world.
Being one of the only Polish Dragons ever, I still don’t have any desire to live in Chicago.
 
Detroit
7
Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan, carries the designation M-1. So named because it was the first paved road anywhere.
Damascus, Syria

8Damascus, Syria, was flourishing a couple of thousand years before Rome was

founded in 753 BC making it the oldest continuously inhabited city in existence.
 
Okay, so that was fun!  I learned a whole lot!  But, we’re going to leave this amazing section and move on. 
Oh, don’t worry.  We’ll come back and do some more later on in the issue.

2356

Awww!  How cute!!!  But, that would’ve NEVER worked in our house.  As soon as it got quiet, mom would jump up to find out what we were getting into, knowing that if it’s too quiet we were getting into trouble.

It’s Dear Season around here at DL&LL Media.  We don’t usually hunt them with rifles or other weapons.  Normally it’s a camera that we use.  Take a picture to prove that you “got” one.  And after that it’s “Catch-and-Release.”

Here’s a great picture of a local White-Tail-Dear that I got this week.

01e

And of course, when I showed Lethal, he told me that a week ago he got a bigger one. 

Figures!

Dragon Pix

Thanksgiving-Dragon-bunt

Things sure do get exciting around Thanksgiving.  My Uncle Red always tries to have an all “Natural” Thanksgiving every year.  Some years he’s more successful than others.  This particular year shows one of his more successful dinners.  Which is to say, that he has yet to actually achieve an all natural Thanksgiving Day dinner.

2357

Okay, I’ll give another Amen to this one.  And again, I’ll bet that there’s a bunch of you out there who will agree with me 100%.

Movie

So there are fans and then there are FANS!!!!! You tell me which one this is.

David Blaine is known for his mind-blowing tricks and this one is no different. He starts out with some impressive card tricks, but ends with a shocking finale. Watch until the very end. Can you guess how he pulls this off?

So there is another fantastic David Blaine video that involves doing magic tricks for celebrities and others.  But it’s over an hour long and I don’t think our blog can handle that big of a load, so here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TdTpODq4vw and I highly ….. no …. I HIGHLY recommend you watch.

2358

Are we ready for some more of Ginny’s Amazing Facts?  Yeah?  Okay, here you go:

Istanbul, Turkey

9

Istanbul, Turkey, is the only city in the world located on two continents.

Los Angeles
10

The full name of Los Angeles is: El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de
Los Angeles de Porciuncula — and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A.
 
New York City
11
The term ‘The Big Apple’ was coined by touring jazz musicians of the 1930s who used the slang expression ‘apple’ for any town or city. Therefore, to play New York City is to play the big time – The Big Apple.
 
There are more Irish in New York City than in Dublin, Ireland;
More Italians in New York City than in Rome, Italy;
And more Jews in New York City than in Tel Aviv, Israel.
Ohio
12
There are no natural lakes in the state of Ohio . . . every one is man-made.
 
Pitcairn Island
13
The smallest island with country status is Pitcairn in Polynesia, at just 1.75 square miles or 4.53 square kilometers.
 
Rome
14
The first city to reach a population of 1 million people was Rome, Italy (in 133 B.C.)
There is a city called Rome on every continent.
Siberia
15
Siberia contains more than 25% of the world’s forests.
 
S.M.O.M.
16

The actual smallest sovereign entity in the world is the Sovereign Military Order of Malta (S.M.O.M). It is located in the city of Rome, Italy, and has an area of two tennis courts.
And, as of 2001, has a population of 80 — 20 less people than the Vatican. It is a sovereign entity under international law, just as the Vatican is.

2359

Fantasy

f2010071902

Lifeguard training for the summer jobs has already started at DL&LL Media

5a

Yup, you can’t fix stupid.

01f

Yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a prostate exam. Of course I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted.
The waiting room was filled with patients.
As I approached the receptionist’s desk, I noticed that she was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.
I gave her my name, and in a very loud voice, she said, “YES, I HAVE YOU NAME HERE. YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me, a now very embarrassed man. But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, “NO, I’VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON’T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.”
The room erupted in applause!
DON’T MESS WITH OLD RETIRED GUYS

2360

I agree.  I can’t think of a single staircase that couldn’t be improved this way.

Here’s another little health tidbit from Ginny.
01aa

And I can tell you exactly why the placebo relieved lower back pain as effectively as the acetaminophen did….because acetaminophen doesn’t do jack shit for lower back pain.

And for those of you who have been under a rock and don’t know what the results of the last General Election were…

5c

Motivate

Maturity

Maturity2

Maybe 10 years ago

I’m 100% sure I felt that way 10 years ago, also.

MCA

Think about it for a minute.  It’s subtle, but you’ll get it.

McWTF

2361

9c

2362

9d

2363

And that is all for today my friends.  I’m still worn out from Thanksgiving, both the partaking of and the angst of the prior to.  Yes, I know that most of the prior to part is my own fault, but still…..

Anyway, I hope you are all having a wonderful weekend.

Cheers Impish

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

DL/LL Digital Media Thanksgiving Day 2016 Issue

image

Ladies,  Gentleman and the rest of you Androgynous/Gender Identity Challenged rabble-

A few brief (hopefully but I doubt it) remarks from the founder of DragonLaffs- Impish Dragon.

MEMO

TO: L. Leprechaun

FROM: I. Dragon/T.T.

DATE: 20 Nov. 2016

RE: Annual Thanksgiving Message of DIC/DATMR

Dear Mr. Leprechaun,

I was going to give this year’s Thanksgiving Day rant message in person, but I don’t think I would be able to handle it live.  I’m so distressed about not having real turkey and real dressing and real potatoes and real cornbread and real yeast rolls and real pies, like apple and pumpkin and Dutch apple and pecan and real cookies and real turkey and real gravy and real turkey and real candied yams and real turkey and … and … and I just can’t go on!

Okay, I’m back (sniff!).  Anyway, attached is a recording that I made with a little help from Terrance (A LITTLE HELP!  Ha! -T.T.). It’s not very long, but it took me almost 16 hours to get it right. (It took 4 hours.  4 AGONIZING hours! – T.T.) I just had to keep stopping and composing myself. (I mostly let the video run so you’re going to get a little bit more than His Lizardship intended. – T.T.).

So, you asked for my Thanksgiving Day message and here it is.  Please play the video for all the wonderful campers eating MREs.  MREs!  Oh Lord!  I need to go to my room and have a good cry! 

Sincerely,

Ambassador Impish Dragon

(Lethal, I edited out the blank spots when he was in the corner crying like a baby human.  I hope it turns out alright.  Happy Thanksgiving, sir! – Terrance Troll)

As the video opens, Impish is sitting on a stool shuffling through a sheaf of papers in his hand.  He looks off stage and remarks,Terrance!  I haven’t got all day!  Are you almost ready?  Let’s get a move on!”

You hear off camera, “Just a minute, boss.” His words come through crystal clear and you realize that Terrance Troll must also be wearing a microphone.  He continues, “You want this to be perfect, don’t you?” Then, very faintly, you hear, (“A perfect pain in my ass!”) and realize you are hearing Terrance’s mumbles.  Or would they be grumbles?

“What was that?”

“Nothing boss.  Alright here we go!  Lights! Camera!  Action!”

“Okay…um…is the camera running now?”

“Yes…that is what is meant when I say ‘Camera’.”

“Well, don’t we need to start over because I just asked if the camera was rolling?”

“I’ll edit that part out.”

“Okay, so give it to me again and we can start.”

“Um…give you what again?”

“You know…”  Impish puts one hand closed into a fist up to his eye and winds his other hand next to his head so he looks like he’s using an old fashioned movie camera.

“Oh.  Well, the camera is still rolling so start when you’re ready.”

“No.  No.  I need you to say it.”

“Say what?”

“You know…IT!  Like you did before.”

“Oh, you mean lights, camera, action.”

“Right.  Go ahead and say it.”

“I just did.”

No, no.  With feeling, like you did the first time.”

(“I’ve got something that will give you some feeling!”)  “Okay, Lights, Camera, Action.”

Good Morning Campers and a Happy Thanksgiving to you all! (although I can’t imagine how it will be a ‘Happy’ Thanksgiving with no turkey). Today is the day that we remember all the things that we are thankful for.  (Like Turkey! ) And we have an awful lot to be thankful for this year. (Dressing or Stuffing.) Some of it may not be very obvious (like the obviously missing Turkey!)  and some of it is so obvious, you may not have noticed because it’s staring you right in the face! (I’m NOT thankful for the missing turkey. And that’s obviously staring me right in the face.)

As he shuffles his papers, clears his throat you realize that you are not only getting his speech, but you’re also getting HIS mumbles. Mumbles that he may not even realize he’s saying and definitely something he would’ve made sure Terrance edited out. 

As Impish Dragon continues, you realize this could be a lot of fun.

What is it that we should be thankful for?  Let’s start with some easy ones. 

Those of you at home, experiencing this issue at Thanksgiving time, can be thankful that you have your family around you while you eat your golden, succulent, perfectly cooked (sputter! Drool…) Turkey.  A turkey that is deliciously cooked just for you.  A turkey that is …..

Impish Dragon bursts into tears and runs off camera!  Since he is still miked-up you hear him plan as day as he runs away.Why‼??  Why is he doing this to me‼??”

His words are coming fast and his crying is making it difficult to understand, but you are getting most of it.

“I …I thought maybe he was fooling me.  I… I thought he was … just making me squirm a little, paying me back for finally winning at Thanksgiving last year…”

A HUGE sob racks the dragon.

“But I’ve looked EVERYWHERE‼!  He sent most of the kitchen staff home…HOME‼!  Like it’s not even important enough to have someone here to cook me food!  I searched this mountain from top to bottom.  Well, almost.  I didn’t go to THAT floor, but he couldn’t cook there anyway because all the cooks would be …. Um … eaten or dead or captured or tortured or… whatever it is that they do down there.”

You can almost hear the shudder in the dragon’s voice.

“Ugh!  No, they wouldn’t … they COULDN’T be down there. I searched the resort mountain.  Every nook and cranny.  I know where every nook and cranny is.  It’s not possible they are there.  AND I searched every town within 300 miles.  I would’ve sniffed out if ANYONE were cooking that many turkeys…we normally cook hundreds of them! … I would’ve found them!”

(I would’ve cut this off and gone after him to bring him back to continue with this ‘message’ but, honestly Mr. Leprechaun, I was laughing so hard I was unable to move.  But you’ll hear in a minute me bringing him back to the production. – T.T.)

The view switches to a small camera that is moving down the hallway.  The view is reminiscent of the cop videos you’ve seen on TV and realize that Terrance must be wearing a body-cam.

“Hey come on (snicker) boss.  Let’s (snort) get your message (giggle) finished.  It’s a (chortle) Tradition!”

As he rounds the final corner and enters into Impish Dragon’s office, the camera picks up the dragon in the corner of the room clutching a small brown Teddy Bear and rocking back and forth with big round tears rolling down his scaly cheeks.

“Aww (giggle) come on, Impish.  You need to be (snort) strong and finish this up.  Show him that you’re better (giggle) than this.  Now, put Teddy down, I’m sure he doesn’t want to be crushed by your big, strong claws. (snort)”

As Terrance pulls the Teddy Bear away from Impish and sets it on the ground, the bear dusts himself off, turns to face Impish and in a loud voice says, “Oh come on!  You big baby lizard!  Grow a pair, would you!”

And he then turns to Terrance and says, I expect a bonus in my damn check this payday!  This was NEVER part of my job description!”  He then stomps off and you hear him grumble, “Damn pussy dragons, I sure don’t get paid enough to put up with this fuc…”

After the slamming door cuts off the last of the pigmy bugbear’s words, Terrance turns back to Impish, “Right then.  Let’s go!” And he pulls the dragon to his feet, at the same time Impish was standing up, which causes him to stumble into Terrance, and hitting the body-cam and the screen goes suddenly blank.

It lights back up a second later and we see a composed Impish Dragon, sitting behind his desk, taking a sip from a coffee cup with a warm smile on his face.  (I slipped a little somethin’-somethin’ in his coffee…he should be…Impish begins to speak.

My fellow campers, both here and abroad.  I know there are some of you out there who don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, but you should never need an excuse to count your blessings and be thankful.

We should all be thankful for the world we have to live in.  God, in all his glory has seen fit to give us a fabulous and wondrous world in which we get to delight in every day of our lives.  Life is a miracle, from the smallest lizard to the most magnificent ancient dragon and everything in-between. 

For us Americans, and for many of you other countries who have adopted our form of democratic republic, we should be thankful for living in a country where we are free to cast our vote for the representative of our choice, the freedom to speak our minds without worry of retribution, the freedom to worship how and when we choose.

We are thankful for the men and women who have raised their hands to promise to: “Defend the constitution from enemies both foreign and domestic” and who are standing between us and our families and loved ones and the evilness of the world which we all know is out there.

We are thankful for the food on our tables, no matter the type and a roof over our heads, no matter the size for we are SO much better off than so many others in the world who may not have either one of those things.

We are thankful for family, friends and loved ones.  For brothers in arms who we would do anything for and have not the slightest doubt would do anything for us.  Brothers….in heart and in spirit regardless of whether or not they were born of another mother.  People we can turn to at any time and know that they will be there.  Yes, I’m speaking of Lethal and a few others of you out there who know who you are.

We are thankful for friends, who have become like family and in some cases closer than family, and for the love they give to us unreservedly.

And we are thankful and hopeful that our future is beginning to look a little brighter and we hope and pray that, for all of us here today, that the coming weeks, months and years are glorious indeed!

May God Bless You And Hold You With Love In His Heart And Hold You With Safety And Well-Being In His Hands!

May you all have a truly Wonderful Thanksgiving!

Impish Dragon

Alright then! Sit back, get comfy and loosen all restrictive clothing folks because a lot like your tables tomorrow the issue is jamb packed to groaning and overflowing and nobody is leaving until there are no more leftovers!

Lets Roll 1-2016

image

image

image

image

Washington, D.C.
October 3, 1863

By the President of the United States of America.

A Proclamation.

The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God. In the midst of a civil war of unequalled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere except in the theatre of military conflict; while that theatre has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union. Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defence, have not arrested the plough, the shuttle or the ship; the axe has enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large increase of freedom. No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy. It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and one voice by the whole American People. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union.

In testimony whereof, I have hereunto set my hand and caused the Seal of the United States to be affixed.

Done at the City of Washington, this Third day of October, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, and of the Independence of the United States the Eighty-eighth.

By the President: Abraham Lincoln

William H. Seward,
Secretary of State

 

image

image

image

SOME of us are not as enthused or eager as Impish to celebrate Thanksgiving every year for a myriad of reasons and rationales so here are a few reasons you can consider offering up if you find yourself in that boat.

image

Nothing is worse than the worst cook in the entire extended family laying claim to and insisting on hosting and cooking Thanksgiving every year. Arguably the most valid reason on the list!

image

I heard that! Equally as bad is the relative who secretly yearns to be a preacher that insists on a long winded rambling sermon of a blessing before the meal while all the food I killed myself getting to the table at the same time and hot sits rapidly cooling off.

image

Every year I have to restrain myself (abet with help from Molly and my MIL) from cracking a couple of necks to the overall benefit of humanity.

image

Hey! First of all she’s not my Aunt. Secondly, she shouldn’t come empty handed year after year packing a mouthful of smack to be talked about the cooking going on if she isn’t cruising for a gravy ladle shaped bruise in the middle of her unibrow forehead! Am I right?

image

There is a certain irrefutable logic to this one.

image

Once again a certain irrefutable logic prevails, especially if you’re a certain Dragon!

image

Best answer I ever heard to that one was- “6 months ago. You weren’t invited.”

image

So many good ones and so little time remaining before their expiration date!

image

Then there is always the house with 30 people crammed in it and a singe bathroom into which Uncle George disappeared over an hour ago with War & Peace under his arm.

image

No long lines during Thanksgiving Dinner!

image

 

image

animated_lightbar

Celtic Consumer Warnings

Being as Friday is Black Friday and the start of the Christmas Shopping Season we interrupt this Thanksgiving issue to bring you this important consumer warning with an eye towards keeping your holiday season merry and safe.

And a late addition- Impish was to have sounded this recall warning on Saturday but failed to read his e-mail until after posting the issue. He’s blaming it on ‘turkey deprivation’ of all things.

New Amazon phishing scam spreading like wildfire!

One of the most effective tools for a cybercriminal is the phishing scam. This is when a scammer poses as a trustworthy entity and tries tricking you into clicking on a malicious link. Their ultimate goal is to steal your sensitive information such as credit card details, usernames and passwords.

Just in time for the holiday shopping season, a massive email phishing scam is making the rounds. You really need to watch out for this fake Amazon email.

What’s happening is people are getting emails claiming to be from Amazon, but they are actually from scammers. The email warns the recipient that there is a problem processing an order that they placed and that it will not be shipped.

It goes on to say you won’t be able to access your account or place orders with Amazon until your information is confirmed. Inside the email is a malicious link that takes you to a fake Amazon page where you need to confirm your information. It asks for your name, address and all of your credit card information.

Here is an example of what the email looks like:

image

The fake Amazon page is so sneaky that after the victim enters the sensitive information and clicks Save & Continue, it redirects to the real Amazon site. The scammer now has enough of the victim’s information to cause all kinds of financial damage.

Amazon has posted on its site a few steps you need to take if you receive one of these phishing emails. Here are those steps:

What you need to do

If you receive this or any other email that you believe is an Amazon phishing scam, the company wants you to report it. Here are the steps Amazon asks you to take:

  • Do one of the following:
    • Open a new email and attach the email you suspect is fake.
    • Note: Sending this suspicious email as an attachment is the best way for Amazon to track it.
    • If you can’t send the email as an attachment, you can forward it.
  • Send the email to stop-spoofing@amazon.com

Note: Amazon can’t respond personally when you report a suspicious email to stop-spoofing@amazon.com, but you may receive an automatic confirmation. If you have security concerns about your account, please contact Amazon using the Contact Us button on the site.

How to avoid phishing scams

Here are some things you can do to help avoid falling victim to phishing scams:

  • Be cautious with links – If you get an email or notification from a site that you find suspicious, don’t click on its links. It’s better to type the website’s address directly into a browser than clicking on a link. Before you ever click on a link, hover over it with your mouse to see where it is going to take you. If the destination isn’t what the link claims, do not click on it.
  • Do an online search – If you get a notification that seems suspicious, you should do an online search on the topic. If it’s a scam, there are probably people online complaining about it and you can find more information.
  • Watch for typos – Phishing scams are infamous for having typos. If you receive an email or notification from a reputable company, it should not contain typos.
  • Use multi-level authentication – When available, you should be using multi-level authentication. This is when you have at least two forms of verification, such as a password and a security question before you log into any sensitive accounts.
  • Have strong security software – Having strong protection on your family’s gadgets is very important. The best defense against digital threats is strong security software.

PSA Recall

4C brand is very popular in the NE, I don’t know how far these products are dispersed, but the last thing you want at Thanksgiving is food poisoning!

4C Foods Corp. Voluntarily Recalls 4C Grated Cheese, Homestyle Grated Cheese, and Cento Grated Cheese Brands NET WT. 6 OZ Glass Jars Because of Possible Health Risk

For Immediate Release

November 15, 2016

Contact

Consumers

4C Foods Corp.
866-969-1920

Announcement

4C Foods Corp. is voluntarily recalling 4C Grated Cheese, Homestyle Grated Cheese, and Cento Grated Cheese Brands due to possible contamination with Salmonella. Other 4C Foods products, including any other cheese products, are not impacted by this recall.

Salmonella is an organism that can cause serious and sometimes fatal infections in young children, frail or elderly people, and others with weakened immune systems. Healthy persons infected with Salmonella often experience fever, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting and abdominal pain. In rare circumstances, infection with Salmonella can result in the organism getting into the bloodstream and producing more severe illnesses.

This recall was of a nationwide distribution and includes the following products, which were packed in 6 oz. vacuum-sealed glass jars, with BEST BY dates between November 12, 2016 and November 12, 2018 and packaged in cases of either 6 or 12 jars per case:

4C All Natural Parmesan Grated Cheese (UPC 41387-33126)
4C All Natural Parmesan/Romano Grated Cheese (UPC 41387-37126)
4C All Natural 100% Imported Italian Pecorino Romano Cheese (UPC 41387-77126)
4C HomeStyle All Natural Parmesan Grated Cheese (UPC 41387-32790)
4C HomeStyle All Natural Parmesan/Romano Grated Cheese (UPC 41387-11627)
4C HomeStyle All Natural 100% Imported Italian Pecorino Romano Cheese (UPC 41387-12302)
Cento Parmesan Grated Cheese (UPC 70796-90502)
Cento Romano Grated Cheese (UPC 70796-90501)

Although no illnesses have been reported, we are voluntarily recalling these products out of an abundance of caution after FDA testing revealed the issue.

Consumers are asked to return the product to the place of purchase for a full refund.

Retail stores and distributors are requested to immediately remove and discard any of the above items from the shelves and warehouses. 4C Foods Corp. will reach out to all retailers and distributors with additional information.

Please contact 4C Foods Corp. at 866-969-1920 Monday- Friday, 9:30 AM to 4:30 PM (Eastern Time), with any inquires.

This recall is being made with the knowledge of the US Food and Drug Administration.

We now return you to our previously scheduled issue.

image

Not a bad thing to do on your after dinner pre attack of the dessert table walk.

image

 

image

OK so maybe you’re one of those who like Thanksgiving and look forward to time time spent sharing food with your family and friends. Maybe your just like Impish and live for a sanctioned day when you can legally pig out until its about all you can do to lay on the couch or in your lazy boy with belt and pants undone and grunt like a contented piggy while watching the football rivalry of your choice through tryptophan sedated eyelids.

Maybe you’re not in a position to refuse being dragged along to the calamity that passes for Thanksgiving in your family (I think they call this condition Marriage &/or Child Living at Home Syndrome). For you folks we’ve a few survival tips to hopefully make the day a wee bit easier and more enjoyable for you.

image

OK, truth be told my mantra actually goes “Only once a year!… SIP! …Only once a year!” That ‘SIP! ‘ (of a heavily alcoholic beverage) makes all the difference in the world. Keep repeating your personal mantra and sipping the beverage of your choice until you start smiling and slurring your words. Repeat as needed to retain your calm composure.

image

Another oft successful variation on my Mantra tactic.

image

This sets us up for the corollary to this piece of advice-

image

I also pack one of those portable recharger batteries (about 1/2 the size of a Hershey’s plain chocolate bar) ,my Kindle (with 6 to 8 books I haven’t read minimum) and my tablet. The portable recharger will recharge any two of these items fully from less than 10% power. The other if I have to goes to the car from recharge. Pay close attention to power levels and rotate them often and you can pretty much avoid talking to anyone for more than 5 minutes per person all day long.

image

Preemptive strikes are always a good strategy as they allow you to control and direct the conversation (away from you). Just be sure the person you are throwing under the vicious gossip bus isn’t actually there or arriving later, otherwise this tactic might backfire when they seek to get the heat of the spotlight off themselves while getting revenge simultaneously by bringing your Cougar of a girlfriend who has children your age up.

image

This one only works if you’ve traveled some distance and stayed overnight to attend Thanksgiving. You use the excuse that you have to work the following day or that the hotel overbooked your room and you want to make the drive home in daylight while traffic is good to accomplish your escape.

image

Doesn’t work nearly as well if they live close by as if you live an hour or more away. I strongly suggest actually going away to avoid surprise drop ins “Since we missed you at Thanksgiving.” which after all was the entire point of the maneuver.

image

A favorite tactic of a certain well known dragon hereabouts.

image

Another tactic occasionally used by said dragon.

image

Strangely this one , for reasons I cannot fathom, is also know as ‘The Impish Dinner Conversation Defense”

image

Now this one not only gets you out of the cost, mess, effort, frustration and clean up of having Thanksgiving at your place. There are, as I see it, two significant downsides to this tactic however. One, no leftovers for consumption the day after, something many people look forward to as much if not more than the actual meal itself. Two you run the risk of then receiving an inescapable invitation to the home of the person previously mentioned in our Avoidance Reason section about, the host that can’t cook. This unfortunate downside leads us to our next survival tip-

image

Long with this very Boy Scout ‘Be Prepared’ philosophy I recommend you carry your own roll of your favorite brand of TP in your car to avoid another of our Avoidance Reason section issues.

image

Oft so very very true. Particularly if there are any devote gamers among them or they like talking out of turn about things their parents would rather you didn’t hear about.  Intel garnered at the little peoples table can often be turned in deadly ammunition later on at the adult table when the spotlight is uncomfortably centered on you. Just remember come Christmas to make up for throwing someone’s kid under the bus to save yourself. Kids might be young and exhibit poor brain to mouth filtration and/or impulse control but they are not stupid, they understand bribery and payoffs for jobs well done. Even better they instinctively seem to know that calling attention to either of these occurrences is likely to cause their parents to shut the tap off at the relative so you can count on them keeping quite. At least that is, until a better bribe comes along.

image

Finally a temporary exit strategy for when you are unable to affect a permanent exit. This one works particularly well right after dinner when some people seek to go for a walk or to the mall for a little post dinner exercise to help them make room for their planned assault on the dessert table later on. Involving a sweetheart or significant other in this endeavor often works well to cover your true intentions plus gets you some of that one on one quality face time with said person that every old person in your family seems to be dead set on denying you by sticking their nose uninvited into the middle of every private conversation you attempt to have with said SH or SO.

NO SH or SO? Grab that favorite cousin you haven’t seen since last Thanksgiving and take them with you. Walk to the nearest bar, put a quarter in a parking meter and tie the dog to it. The dog will appreciate being out where there’s all kinds of  new sights, sound, smells and people paying attention to them. Mean time you and cousin get to trade stories without being overheard and knock back a few to help you get through the rest of the day!

WARNING! Doesn’t work well with elderly dogs capable of only walking the length of a room before requiring a 4 hour naps. Does not work at all with cats.

image

That’s 100 pounds if you are a dragon!

image

This funny, yet moving song is a sweet reminder of what we celebrate this Thanksgiving season.

image

image

Speaking(well earlier I did) of Black Friday, here your one stop location for all the major Black Friday Ads and Deals.

All the Black Friday 2016 Ads, the best Black Friday Deals and Black Friday 2016

 By the way folks, as a public service let me point out that you have a scant 32 shopping days from Black Friday until Christmas! [Pauses expectantly then snickers and giggles at the sound of the groans and shrieks of despair from the crowd] Oh yeah! Doing that to you guys never gets old! I have exactly 2 gifts left to buy. I know what both are but have to hold off due in one case to delivery timing (its perishables food stuffs) and because if I don’t bring the other in until the last moment Molly can’t possibly find her present “accidentally” and will be surprised Christmas morning.

image

Adam Sandler – Live Performance – Thanksgiving Song on Saturday Night Live

 

Well folks we’ve reached the end of our Thanksgiving Issue… Huh? What’s that? OK maybe limit the response to my question to just the first 3 rows? AH! IMPISH! Yes I almost forgot! You’d all like to know what happens with poor Impish and his heart broken quest for a non MRE Thanksgiving Dinner!

Well ok since it is a holiday and it is an annual event story line here you go, part 2 for the issue of Impish Dragons Thanksgiving (Myth) Adventures:

Impish locked his door and engaged the diplomatic lock as well. He was in no mood to have anyone cajoling him to join the crowd on the campground where he was forced to admit Lethal had done an impressive job of mimicking a forward operating base where US troops were currently deployed. He stuffed the last of his carefully hoarded Lethal supplied turkey jerky into his maw, part of a…he wasn’t sure what exactly to call it. Bribe? Reconciliation gesture? Aimed at his co-operation and comportment at Thanksgiving dinner

Impish had spent a week attempting first to prove that there was going to be a regular Thanksgiving feast, then when he became convinced that Lethal’s intention to demonstrate support of our deployed troops by dining on MREs was genuine, he split his time between two ventures, neither of which was successful.

First he’d called Dr. Phil from the Hokey Pokey Clinic in an attempt to get Lethal committed as having gone crazy using the argument that nobody willing ate MREs, much less catered a holiday event with them. This nearly backfired and saw him locked up for severe depression and delusions before he managed to convince

Dr. Phil of the validity of his report. As a result his hated nemesis to ‘normal’ Dragon behavior was now part of the guest list calling the idea ‘inspired.’

Second he’d attempted to organize a break away protest dinner- a normal Thanksgiving Dinner to be had by those who didn’t see Lethal’s demonstration of solidarity as gourmand or gut friendly. This was to have been prepared by the others and overseen by him. Unfortunately there was barely a skeleton crew on duty in the kitchen. It seemed Lethal had given the Chief Chef the go ahead to grant vacation time and leave to basically everyone he could spare as long as coffee and sandwiches could be had at all times. Several surprise appearances in the various kitchens distributed throughout the complex had proven this to Impish beyond a shadow of a doubt as vacation schedules were hung in every one of the staff areas.

He’d fallen back on attempting to get the local grocery chains and Mom & Pop stores to produce those pre-prepared & precooked Thanksgiving Dinners in sufficient quantity for his appetite by distributing his order across them all. He’d been too late in trying this approach and out of 8 places would have been able to order a single dinner for 6 and that was to have been ham.

Impish thought Terrance feeling sorry (though likely more for the amount of rhetorical whining and griping he was forced to endure) had pulled some strings with a connection of his someplace and had managed to get assurance of a measly pair of 6 foot double meat party subs of hand cut real turkey from Subway with a minimal amount of vegetable contamination. As it turned out this had been Lethal’s doing as well another part of his reward for choking down just a company sized MRE in front to the readers and their military family guests before making a polite excuse about being off to see some working boys in the thin blue line. In truth he’d be back here in his office, bemoaning the loss of a Thanksgiving feast with the party subs.

Subway on Thanksgiving! Impish was resigned to close his eyes and take one for the sake of his loudly protesting the lack of holiday fare stomach.

He walked over the a heavy safe placing his hands carefully in out lined areas aligning his eye with a scanner and spoke clearly,

“Ambassador Impish Draconis. Unlock please.” After a moment a chime was heard followed by several large clicks and a creak as the door swung part way open.

Impish opened the door the rest of the way then carefully drew a thick leather bound book from the safe before pushing the door nearly closed with his tail as he headed for his desk. Swiveling his chair around so it faced the double doors leading to his terrace Impish slowly, almost reverently opened the book which bore the title Draconian – Mundane Trade Agreement Arbitration Records.’

The inside of the book revealed quite a different subject matter however, a pictorial record of great feasts which Impish had either been part of or instigated. He turned to the section marked ‘Thanksgivings’ as a tear slowly trickled down his face. “I suppose all good things come to an end and I should be thankful I’ve had as many wondrous Thanksgivings as I have. Truth be told, they did get a lot better after Lethal joined me, but now it looks like that’s all over and done.” he commented to himself with a sniff.

image

Turning to a well dog eared page titled ‘Deep Fried Turkey Day 2012’  he sighed longingly. That had been the first time Lethal had departed from what Impish viewed as ‘normal’ Thanksgiving fare and it had turned out to be a culinary experience Impish would be a long time forgetting. The turkeys were succulently moist, falling off the bones but at the same time incredibly flavorful owing both to the flavor injecting and the rub that had been placed on and under the skin wherever possible. The smell from the bubbling cauldrons of hot oil had nearly driven Impish mad. He wasn’t too sure about things when he discovered that they had to be fried without stuffing in the cavities but Lethal had made up for this by showing him stuffing croquets which initially had not impressed him until Lethal suggested he spear one an then dunk it in his personal gravy bowl. Once this was done he was hooked on as he called them gravy covered stuffing balls and they were on his menu wish lest every year. In fact they were one of the few things that Lethal caved on without much of a fight. Impish sniffed fighting back a sob of despair, there would be no stuffing croquets or gravy covered stuffing balls to be had this Thanksgiving.

image

As he flipped the pages stopping on Thanksgiving 2014 a.k.a. Turducken Day a faint smile flickered across his sad face. He’d been dubious of the concept upon first hearing it described to him but the samples Lethal had agreed to provide him had won him over and had in fact been the genesis of his Turturturkey idea he’d shot for this year. He was slipping into the memory of the rich taste of Turducken when he felt a tingle in his earlobe.

Tapping the involuntarily implanted ear stud on the tingling side he called out “Impish receiving. This better be good.”

“Emergency at the Campground Pavilion…[crackling makes next few words indecipherable]…trestle……in danger of collapse.

Never designed to carry…

“Chitty? Is that you? What are you doing here? What’s going on?!”

“Impish! Hurry! Unless……relieved the trestle… may collapse. Lethal under it attempting to shore it up!

He’ll be buried alive under the combine weight of the… DAMN IT MOVE YOUR TAIL!”

A different much clearer voice now takes over the line. Control copies all. Dragon One you are cleared to launch from your terrace on direct line to campground.”

Impish barrels through the French doors onto his terrace, wings already unfurling even as he is still morphing into Big Blue. As upset as he might be with Lethal, there are too many other lives in potential danger and Lethal has come though too many times for him to even contemplate not rushing to his best bud’s aid even when they are in (to his mind) serious disagreement.

“Dragon One airborne. ETA 30 seconds. Any update Control?”

“Suggest you land to make entry from Pavilion rear as festivities layout has blocked most of the other access.

No additional updates from C2B2. Leprechaun One and HB are not responding to hails.” came the immediate response.

“Dragon copies. Landing now.”

“Control standing by. Advise situation and required support soonest possible.”

“Dragon copies. Wilco”

Impish flares hard and preforms a flawless short field landing, translating his forward flight momentum into a high speed (for him) waddle to the rear of the Pavilion over which an olive drag military surplus tent has been draped. This matches up with the other tents that have been erected 2 abreast and four deep down the front of the Pavilion making an impromptu military mess hall.

As Impish shoved his head in the rear flap of the Pavilion covering tent and prepares to take charge, he is immediately assaulted by by sights and smells for which he was complete unprepared rendering him completely speechless and motionless for a moment. The trestle that was in danger of collapsing is not part of the Pavilion frame as Impish had feared but rather the trestle table upon which his personal feast is traditionally laid out for every holiday.

This is in no small part apparently due to the 4 platters bearing Turturturkeys running the full length of the table interspersed with huge bowls of stuffing croquets and fluffy whipped potatoes while several miniature gallon cauldrons of simmering gravy stood atop small braziers. It was practically a vision of Thanksgiving Nirvana and Impish momentarily reflected that he could not have possibly started hallucinating at a worst possible time.

He was startled back to reality by the voice in his ear “Dragon One- Control what is your situation? Over.”

As he drew breath to reply he spotted Hell Boy even redder than his normal want straining to hold up the center of the table on the far side looking at him pleadingly but unable to make the effort to speak. From the loud cursing in what he suspected was Ancient Gaelic and frantic hammering coming from under the table he knew where Lethal must be.

His head darted under the table on the side opposite Hell Boy and he strained his neck muscles to provide lift to the heavy table. As his vision adjusted he could see Lethal with a sawhorse under the table. Lethal was hammering on the legs trying to get the sawhorse upright under the table but the table was bowed too far in the center. Impish managed to  grunt out “Lengthwise not crossways” and slide his head a little farther under the table taking up a bit more of the load thus relieving some more of the sag in the table.

Again came the call in Impish’s ear, Dragon One- Control Say again or SITREP soonest. Over.”

Lethal looked at Impish for a quick moment then the sawhorse before nodding his understanding and frantically beginning to hammer in the opposite direction to free up the sawhorse so he might spin it.  He barely managed to croak out an intelligible “Control Dragon One on scene. Emergency Op underway- Standby.”

When it came loose Impish and Hell Boy both groaned at the sudden added weight. Impish closed his eyes on concentration, his neck muscles beginning to burn at the strain, he could only imagine how Hell Boy felt having supported his side far longer. The hammering started again and this time Impish could feel slight decreases in the weight he was bearing with each sound of the hammer as the sawhorse slid into place and began supporting the center of the table. Suddenly he heard a flurry of scuffling and the sound of several tools scraping on the floor. Seconds later Lethal’s Irish brogue called out loudly “Clear!”

Slowly both Impish and Hell Boy relaxed slightly. The table sagged, the sawhorse groaned then shuddered as it shifted slightly as it sought to support the load above it of both table and food. After a moment’s hesitation both let go of the table totally and stepped quickly back from it. The table stood solidly once again.

Lethal looked at his friend nodding his thanks for a job well done then quipped, “And there is the fourth reason the Turturturkey is impractical, too much bloody weight.”

Impish, a tear of happiness running down his cheek managed to answer Controls query finally. “Control- Dragon One. Situation has been resolved and is under control. No causalities No further assistance required. Dragon One out.”

“Control copies Dragon One. Enjoy your Thanksgiving feast. Control clear.” Control’s response sounded slightly muffled as though spoken around a mouthful of something.

Impish snagged a turkey leg just to keep his stomach semi quiet as he rounded the table to where Lethal was tending to Hell Boy with a very large and pungent smelling flag of laboratory grade crockery. The fumes were enough to clear Impish’s sinuses and make his eyes water but Hell Boy was downing what ever it was like it was spring water. Impish had other priorities however and regarded Lethal who stared at him expectantly.

“I saw the MREs come in. Two trucks worth.”

“Yep you did. Were supposed to. Would have be damned annoyed if you hadn’t.”

“You spent that much on a mere deception? My win last year must have had you desperate.”

Have you gone bloody daft? First you didn’t win last year, you walked right into my carefully bated trap just like I wanted you to. Second, there’s a lot of homeless people and others not eating as well as we are this Thanksgiving. I figured we should do something about it.

I gave the individual meals to homeless shelters and missions. The company sized ones went to a couple of churches holding dinners for families who couldn’t afford Thanksgiving dinner themselves.”

“But the kitchen staff! You furloughed 95% of them! How did you…?”

Lethal removed a saucer from under a normal sized gravy boat on the table and showed the bottom of it to Impish, before carefully replacing it. It read ‘Property of Four Seasons Leprechonia”.

“Let’s just say I had some pull at another kitchen facility capable of pulling this off. Especially since half our staff took advantage of a free week there in exchange for 2 days work while they were there once they learned what it was for.”

“Then what was all that about supporting our troops and hammering me over my lack of support for your holiday vision?”

“Look about you Impish. Everyone is standing in line for their food and getting it on metal trays. They are eating seated on benches at communal tables under a tent with a sand floor. They are eating in shifts, and policing their mess service just like their deployed family members. Hell, the majority of them showed up wearing some sort of camouflage or Battle Dress Utilities, even the readers. If that isn’t support I don’t know what is.

I managed to scrounge enough materials to make additional iLethals so that roughly half of them can Skype with their family members if they are reachable while they eat. When the other half sit they’ll get their shot at Skyping too.  The only deception here was the menu and that deception was only for you and the readers so they wouldn’t alert you.

“And the party subs from Subway?”

“Control; and the rest of the skeleton crew have to have something to eat until they are relieved. I was worried they’d arrive too soon and you’d see all the veggies and realize something was up. Now, do you want to ask more questions or can we have the Chaplin say grace for the head table and set down to dinner?”

“Just one more thing Lethal-“

“Bloody hell! What is it?”

“I did so win last year!  I made it into the kitchen where Thanksgiving was being prepared- even if it was just the extra stock for gravy. Happy Thanksgiving my friend.”

“Yer daft in the head Dragon! Thanksgiving was prepared off site and that pot was at best a Thanksgiving potpourri lure for my trap. Happy Thanksgiving Impish. Let’s eat.”

We’ll have to agree to disagree on that first part but I’m with you on that last part. Lethal? Hey! WAIT! Don’t start without me!

Brutus! Put that Turkey leg back you little thief I see you!”

“Will you all bow your heads for the blessing please.”

 

image

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1513

header19

campers
Well, it’s been a week.

I can’t possibly express to you how incredibly disappointed I am in Lethal’s menu for Thanksgiving. 

He says he wants us to eat like the military guys who are deployed overseas are eating. 

He says that the guys on the front lines are eating MREs.

He says that he wants to have the families over to eat MREs.

(SOB!) He says no turkey…

(weep!) He says no stuffing…

He says no ….

I can’t do this anymore…

Let’s just get on with it.! 

let's laugh

Here’s a great toy that I think we ought to give to all our police departments to play with.  Kinda like the “pit” maneuver on training wheels.

How many of you current or former LEOs out there (and I know there are at least a few) think that this is a great idea?  Let me know in the comments below.

I’m warning you now.  This next cartoon will make you…Groan

2343Now, don’t look at me that way.  Not only did I not write the joke, I warned you ahead of time!

The students at a local college were assigned to read two books, “Titanic” and “My Life” by Bill Clinton, and to write book reports. 
 
One student turned in the following book report; with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!  His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report. 
       
Titanic: Cost = $29.99 
Clinton : Cost = $29.99 
 
Titanic: Over 3 hours to read 
Clinton : Over 3 hours to read 
      
Titanic:   The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. 
Clinton:  The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe 
 
Titanic:   Jack is a starving artist. 
Clinton : Bill is a bullshit artist.
  
Titanic:   In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar. 
Clinton:  Ditto for Bill 
 
Titanic:   During the ordeal, Rose’s dress gets ruined. 
Clinton:  Ditto for Monica’s.
 
Titanic:    Jack teaches Rose to spit. 
Clinton:   Let’s not go there. 
 
Titanic:    Rose gets to keep her jewelry. 
Clinton:   Monica is forced to return her gifts. 
 
Titanic:   Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life. 
Clinton:  Clinton doesn’t remember anything. 
       
Titanic:   Rose goes down on a vessel full of sea men. 
Clinton:  Monica.. Ooh, let’s not go there, either.
 
Titanic:   Jack surrenders to an icy death. 
Clinton:  Bill goes home to Hillary; basically the same thing.

 

2346

Dragon__Earth_Dragon__You know, with the holidays coming, you’ll be seeing relatives that you haven’t seen since…well, since the holidays LAST year.  It’s the same in the dragon family.  This is a picture of my great uncle Stonewall waking up after eating the turkey last year.  He wanted to watch football on the TV.  But, I guess all of that is over now.  I can’t invite uncle Stonewall to Thanksgiving day dinner when we’re only going to have … (gulp!) … MREs!  Oh…(sob!) go on and read some more of the issue.  I can’t stand it…

2344

Health Capsules

See!  See! 10 Billion doughnuts every year!  I’m not getting anywhere NEAR my fair share! And donuts are another thing that I love on Thanksgiving morning!!!  I’ll bet we won’t have any of those, either!!  And none of the 700 million pancakes for breakfast!  This Thanksgiving is gonna SUCK!!!

2345Not near as comforting as I might have thought.

Aeronautical Quiz…

Ginny sent me this quiz and it was so interesting that I thought I’d share it with all of you.  And really, they say it’s common sense but here’s a clue: remember, that a helicopter’s blade (in cross-section) is shaped like an airplane’s wing and both catch air creating lift.  helico2So, this should actually be an easy quiz for those who have even a modicum of knowledge about aircraft.  airplane aniHowever, the answer may surprise you.  I may have a slight advantage with my Air Force experience, but… here’s the question:

”What is the primary advantage of rotary winged aircraft over a fixed wing aircraft?”

Scroll down for the correct answer.

 

arrow down 9

arrow down 5

10Yup, I got it wrong, too!

2347Ain’t that the truth!

 

Fantasy
f2010071901I don’t even want to talk about my aunt Gretta and what SHE’s like at Thanksgiving! 
2348
Movie

Okay, so this first video is GREAT!  Disco the Parakeet.  I didn’t know that parakeets could talk.  I’ve raised several over my lifetime and never had a one that talked.  This guy is good!  See for yourself.

Now this one, buddy Wheats sent me just yesterday.  Apparently, Millennials are people born after 1984.  And, at least according to this next video, they need our help!

And finally, we get a sneak peek at one of the famous Ninja Kitties in training…

 

2350

This is the honest truth.  Mrs. Dragon and I have been married for over 21 years, and although I joke around a lot here in the blog, I still open the door for her more often than not!  I hold the door for here when we go in someplace (unless it can be a “dicey” place, and then I go in first to make sure it is safe for her).  I’m currently walking with a cane and most of the time am in some degree of agony with every step I take and I STILL will hand her into the car first!

Our Izzy dragon has asked why I do it (when it’s just Izzy and I, I do the same thing for her) and my answer is that if she brings a boy home to meet me who doesn’t hold the door for her, I’ll kick his ass right out of the house.  She doesn’t really get it yet, but she’s starting to.

2351

Our dear friend and fellow camper Ginny is either very much behind and has sent us her goals for 2016 or she is very much ahead and has sent us her goals for 2017.  But, then again, when you start getting older, it’s tough to remember what the date is.

1. My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds. Only 15 to go.

2. Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza.

3. How to  prepare Tofu:
a.  Throw it in the trash
b.  Grill some meat

4. I just  did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

5. I don’t mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than  men who mention it.

7. Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school? Me neither.

10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.

11. I love being over 70. I learn something new every day and forget 5 others.

12. A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.

13. I think I’ll just put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a  day.

14. November 6, 2016 will be the end of Daylight Savings Time. Hope you don’t forget to set your bathroom scale back 10 pounds on Saturday night.

15. Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

Yup, it’s all true.

2352

Yeah, I’m not really getting that one either.  It’s just as easy for them to put it down, as it is for us to put it up.  When I asked why we had to put it up and then put it back down again, Mrs. Dragon told me the reason…she said that when she gets up in the middle of the night and sits down on the pot and the seat is up, she dunks her butt in the water.  I told her that when I go to the toilet in the middle of the night, I turn the fucking light on in the bathroom!
She didn’t think that was very funny.

Motivate

good-eats-turkey-innuendo-demotivational-poster-1259256748

Oh gawd!!! I was gonna do Thanksgiving Motivationals, but I just CAN’T!!!  I’m going to really miss my turkey!!

Math

Like the people who work the cash register who can’t make change without using the computer.

Math2

Nope!  You’re still not getting it.

Math3

AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!  PIE!!!!!!!!!!!

Math4

YouTube Math, like Microsoft Minutes have no basis in reality.

2353

2349

That would do it.

2354

Younger kids can’t believe we ever had phones with cords.  Teenagers can’t believe we ever had phones with dials.

Last Word

For my Last Word today, I only have one thing….

5b

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments