Two-hundred and fifty years! Unbelievable. Many of us were here fifty years ago for the two-hundredth birthday. At that time I couldn’t imagine being here for the two-fiftieth.
I’m writing this from the view of the Sunday before and I can’t help but think that somebody, somewhere is going to try to do something stupid on Saturday. They are going to try to blow something up, shoot something up, fly a plane into something, or some other asinine thing.
And why not? We are the great Satan Afterall, right? We are the ones that are ruining the world. Well, if that’s the truth, then why is everyone trying to move here?!
Okay … Okay … I’m starting to rant. That’s not what I wanted to do … what I wanted to do was say:
It’s truly an amazing feat! There will be laffs. But there will be celebration. So, let’s get started, shall we?
Interesting Trivia from Aussie Pete:
Centuries ago, before modern lighting, walking through the narrow streets of Venice at night was a nightmare. The city had to solve two enormous daily problems: safety and cleanliness.
How they solved the situation with pure logic:
The anti-ambush design: The sharp corners of the buildings created perfect blind spots where criminals and attackers could hide. The solution? They rounded off the corners at the base of the buildings by inserting huge, rounded stone blocks, physically eliminating hiding spaces and making ambushes much more difficult.
The “anti-rude” system: The narrow, dark alleys too often became open-air urinals. To combat this degradation, stones with a specific slope were installed at the base of some critical corners.
The trick? The angle of the stone caused the water to bounce right off the shoes and pants of those using it as a bathroom. A brutal but foolproof method of enforcing urban discipline.
What today look like old, time-worn blocks of stone to tourists are actually masterpieces of preventative urban planning. They made Venice safer, cleaner, and decidedly more difficult to vandalize, centuries before the invention of security cameras.
This one is from brother Joe!
10 Commandments of marriage:
Perhaps a bit misogynistic but it is what it is.
Picture a seasoned, silver-haired husband of forty years sitting in a comfortable leather chair, a cup of coffee in hand, delivering his personal “Ten Commandments of Matrimony” to a room full of nervous, soon-to-be grooms at a bachelor party.
“We all know the old saying that marriages are made in heaven,” he began with a knowing, gentle wink. “But let me tell you, so are thunder and lightning. That’s Commandment Number One right there.” He chuckled, taking a slow sip of his coffee. “Now, if you ever want your spouse to truly listen and pay strict attention to every single word you say, just talk in your sleep. That’s the secret to getting heard, or Commandment Number Two.”
“Number Three is a matter of simple financial math,” he continued, leaning back. “Marriage is grand, but divorce? Divorce is at least a hundred grand. Keep that in mind the next time you’re arguing over who forgot to pay the electric bill.” He paused, his tone turning a bit more theatrical. “Commandment Number Four is all about the evolution of volume in the house. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. And in the third year? They both speak, and the neighbors listen.”
The room erupted in laughter, and he held up a hand to quiet them down. “Moving on to Number Five. When you see a man politely open the car door for his wife, you can be absolutely sure of one thing: either the car is brand new, or the wife is.” He smiled, his expression turning a bit more thoughtful. “Commandment Number Six is really the core of it all. Marriage is when a man and a woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.”
“Now, pay close attention to Number Seven,” he said, pointing a finger at the young men. “Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said, analyzing every single word. After marriage? He will fall fast asleep before you even finish your sentence.”
He sighed dramatically, shaking his head. “Commandment Eight is the great male tragedy. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, deeply understanding, highly economical, and a master chef in the kitchen. But the law, unfortunately, allows only one wife.”
“And for the ladies,” he added with a roguish grin, “Commandment Number Nine is the exact same deal. Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding, economical, and a considerate lover. But again, the law allows only one husband.” He finished his coffee and set the mug down on the table with a definitive clink. “Which brings us to the final Commandment, Number Ten. A man is completely incomplete until he marries. But after that? He is absolutely finished.”
That has got to be the scaryest thing I’ve ever read.
You wouldn’t even have to shoot all of them. Once you shoot a few of them and set the example, word will get out.
Natural Mosquito Control! Outstanding!
I definitely need that!!!
Yes, yes I have!
Thanks to Jonathon for this one … it is AWESOME!!!!
Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel; the only way to move things was by carrying or dragging.
One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food preparation area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just WATCHING.
Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders. They called the chief out of his cave and pointed out the unusual boulders and said then they ought to be useful in some way.
This was the beginnings of true civilization. Wug, the chief, studied these round boulders and formed a council of ten of the wisest men in the camp to determine how best to use these unusual rocks. The council knew they were on the verge of a wonderful discovery but it eluded them. The only thing they could do is to call in all the men of the camp, have each one look over the stones, and go back to their caves and
t-h-i-n-k about them.
This, in itself, was a daring program as no one had ever t-h-o-u-g-h-t bout anything except eating before.
For a week the men gave up watching the women dragging food to the encampment and gathered in small groups d-i-s-c-u-s-s-i-n-g this topic.
Another breakthrough for civilization!
At the end of the month, Gug, a smaller cave man, came up with an i-d-e-a. He discussed this with the others and the whole camp felt that this was a wonderful t-h-o-u-g-h-t.
The men would sit on the boulders and w-a-t-c-h the women as they dragged the food to the camp.
One big burley male found it was interesting to take a pile of small stones to his rock and throw them at the women when they became exhausted and slowed down.
This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ultimately led to television and the remote control.
A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.
“Why do we have to learn this stuff for a medical degree?” the young man blurted out.
“To save lives,” the professor replied before continuing the lecture.
In a few minutes, the student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?”
The professor stared at the student for a long time.
“Physics saves lives,” he said, “because it keeps the idiots out of medical school.”
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
– William James Durant (1885 – 1981)
I’ve got a few more of these to play…
And that’s it my friends. I hope this was a suitable celebration for a very special day. May God Bless us and keep us, and if He sees fit protect us and keep us safe. We started out as a Christian nation, may we return to our roots and make Him proud of us. Until next time my friends.
Dragon Laffs 