Dragon Laffs #1966

Good Morning Campers, 

Well, I really thought I was going to have time to put together an issue for you guys.  I had the best of intentions.  But, over the last couple of days, life as I know it, has fallen apart.  I have rants, bitches, gripes, complaints, screams, frustrations … you name it, I’ve got them. 

My stress level is MAXED-THE-FUCKED-OUT!  

I STILL don’t have a date for my surgery, but that may all be a moot point.  My little brother is in kidney failure.  Well, his kidney’s HAVE failed.  My LAST little brother.  And he’s NOT a candidate for a donation.  Him and I have the same blood type.  Which means it’s me or nobody.  Okay, so there’s no question there.  I can put off my surgery.  Pain and I are old friends, I’ve been saying that for years, what’s another couple of weeks or whatever. 

But now Mrs. Dragon needs three new tests and two different specialists.  She has, along with her fucked up heart, a significantly raised tumor marker in her last blood test for her also fucked up liver.  Doctor wants her to have a liver scan, carotid scan (strange sounds in her neck) and a chemical stress test.  Wants her to see the liver specialist and a new heart specialist. 

And if all of that isn’t bad enough, we were due a $330 refund from AT&T since August and those lying fucking thieves have not only not paid us, but have come up with lie after lie that we have fought back on and fought back on and fought back on and all after they took two months of payments out of our account AFTER we stopped DIRECT TV.  So, they basically STOLE money from us and have made excuses for NOT returning OUR money back to us.  For four months they have kept OUR money and now, instead of getting it back, we are “supposedly” getting a $120 refund in the form of a VISA gift card that was processed last week and due to shortages in employees might take up to 6 weeks to get here.  We are already not having a Christmas around here because of all the fucking medical bills and all the rest of the shit that’s going on, and now we have thieves stealing from us!  I told them on the phone tonight that I wasn’t rich enough to hire a lawyer to fight back, but that I did own a blog and I would tell everyone who would listen that I have been with AT&T for over 30 years and it used to be that they were one of the greatest companies in the world, but over the last several years, they have been just like all the rest of them.  They don’t care about their customers.  They lie and cheat and steal, just like the rest of them.  There is no such thing as customer service any more and as soon as I can I am going to drop everything that I have that is AT&T and whoever will give me the best deal and treat me right, they will get my business and they I will praise until they treat me badly.  AT&T, I gave you chance after chance after chance and you let me down.  You should be ashamed. 

Well,  I can’t say that I’m any less stressed.  I can’t say that I’m any less angry.  But after sharing with you guys, I at least don’t feel like I’m going to go off and burn down a village somewhere.  Although I can understand why Smog did what he did. 

I will try to keep you guys in the loop with my brother, with my surgery, and with Mrs. Dragon and I just know that your prayers will be sent my way and I deeply appreciate every one of them.  For the time being and for the next hour or so, why don’t we try to do a little laughing before I have to go to bed and start another day of trudging through the world.

  

You might want to move that sign back just a bit

Why was Darth Vader referred to as Lord Vader? 

Because calling him Master Vader made all the Stormtroopers giggle.

I LOVE this one … even though I’ve probably used it before:  

How do you milk sheep? 

Bring out a new iPhone and charge $1,000 for it.

I really don’t mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.

BOOBYTRAP backwards is PARTYBOOB.  

Just sayin’

When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to find out they are not it.

LSHMSFOAIDMT = Laughing So Hard My Sombrero Falls Off And I Drop My Taco

My son, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die. 

“Usually an overdose, son,” I told him.

Never in the history of calming down has anyone ever calmed down by being told to calm down.

“I work with animals,” the guy says to his date. 

“That’s so sweet,” she replies.  “I love a man who cares about animals.  Where do you work?” 

“I’m a butcher,” he says.

Do babies named “Karen” even exist or do they suddenly appear at age 40 and want to speak to the manager?

Google Maps

And more Google Maps

I thought I was just in a bad mood, but it’s been a few years so I guess this is who I am now.

Google Maps, I have questions…

God:  You’re a fire ant. 

Fire Ant:  What does that mean?  

God:  When you bite something it burns like fire.  

Fire Ant: [Gasp!] You mean I’m a dragon?  

God:  What? No.  

Fire Ant:  I’m the teensiest dragon!

Okay, so like What The Fuck Google Maps?! 

Okay, so that’s more than an hour, but that’s all I’ve got and for that I’m sorry, but they did cheer me up and I hope you too.  I’m working this weekend and I hope to put something together for Saturday since it will be doubtful for Monday, but like I said, I will keep you guys posted on what’s  going on, even if it’s through the app on my phone. 

Love and happiness to you all.

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Good Morning Campers, 

It’s Saturday morning and, as you can see above, Willow Dragon and I are on our own again.  But we can manage this.  We are a team.  We are both working together.  We are … aww, who am I kidding, the pup is sound asleep and I’m on my own. 

But, that’s okay.  It’s a nice, relaxing morning.  I’ve got something stupid on TV, a hot cup of coffee and you guys.  What more could a dragon want?  Life is good.  I have to go to the store, actually to the pharmacy later, and since I can go to the drive-thru, I am considering taking the Willow Dragon along for the ride.  I’d like to get her used to driving so as to have a companion whilst I travel.  We shall see. 

At any rate, let’s get into this

I have found that this is a very common problem for most guys.

We have ALL waited behind a door to scare someone, then leaving because they’re taking too long to come out.

Hardest Thing Ever?

Controlling your laughter at serious times.

 

That’s just ominous.

From Friggin’ Pete: Did you get the feeling that I set you up with those two memes? LMAO!

Why yes…yes, I did.  But, turn about is fair play.  It’s not like I haven’t picked on you in the past.  

And from Cynical John (who has one of the best on line handles of all time): Sounds like you had a great Thanksgiving, all things considered. Best wishes to all there in the Dragon Lair. 

Thanks John.  Yes, we had a really good Thanksgiving.  And all the best to you and yours.

When it’s time to take a nap, it’s time to take a nap.

I’ve always wanted to turn around in a big chair and say, “I’ve been expecting you…”

Today I passed a drug test at work. 

My dealer has some fucking explaining to do.

When I go swimming, I can feel people dressing me with their eyes.

We’re off to see the Dragon; 

The wonderful Dragon of Laffs.

Yup, I’m at LEAST that old. 

Now how about this from Friggin’ Pete:  I agree with you in “normal” as we knew it even 2 years ago, is a thing of the past”. And the simple, yet most complicated, reason is what I have been saying since my youth and it has been shown and proven over and over and over throughout my life. “Once The Government gets a foot inside the door, that door never shuts again.” The Liberal Communists have been kicking at the doors of freedom, here and there, for years now and have managed to kick in a few and get their foot in the door but, the last couple of years, it has been a total, organized attack by all of them, all at once. It is a full assault on America, it is a full assault on freedom and liberty, it is a full assault on our economy, our heath, our education system, our free press, our feelings for our fellow citizens. We will probably never be able to get the doors they have managed to kick in these last couple of years to ever shut again but, in time, we may be able to force them back to the other side of an opened door. We always have hope because (another favorite quote of mine) as long as there is breath, there is HOPE! 

I agree, Pete.  What it will may take is our last breath, our blood, our hope, and our sacred honor.  I know that it will take the courage and the fortitude of the many to stand up to the few.  I do believe it is the many.  I can’t believe that the grand majority of the good and righteous in this country believe in what is going on.  I choose instead to believe that they have followed the rules and believed that good will win out over evil.  But, I’m afraid that good needs a helping hand every now and then.  And when evil is in power, the rules aren’t being followed and to expect otherwise is wishful thinking.  Thanks for your input dear friend. 

And Leah also responded …  In answer to your “normal” comments . . . When I first learned of the holocaust, I was young and stupid and couldn’t understand why the Jews and others let it happen, why didn’t they leave or fight back? I have known what was happening to us and our country, and now I understand. 

It’s easy to see why good people don’t fight back.  Or they fight back within the confines of the rules.  Only the bad people now control the rules and they system in which we use to fight back and it becomes useless and we are left with no recourse because we don’t think like they do.  So, maybe it’s time we do.  I don’t know what that looks like, but I know we have to keep shouting it from the roof tops. 

A really big stash of … oh no wait. That was something else.

Professor:  You’re currently failing your ethics class.  

Me:  [Slides a $20 across the desk] How about now?

I’m super lazy today. 

It’s like normal lazy, but I’m wearing a cape.

Sitting at the ER.  I don’t really want to get into the details, but the “Dyson ball cleaner” is a very misleading product name.

We will continue having meetings until we find out why no work is getting done.

All leaves are cancelled until morale improves.

Hyphenated 

Non-hyphenated 

Oh, how wonderfully ironic

Something Biden can be proud of

Nancy Pelosi’s latest demands: she wants her sister’s ruby slippers returned and vacation pay for the flying monkeys.

Where the hell are THOSE democrats!?!?

If you are  wearing a mask in your car, I’m going to assume it’s to control the urge to lick the windows.

We had another late comment on the “What is Normal” front, from our good friend:

dowchuckil

NORMAL? when every individual takes it upon themself to act like it. I’m thinking most people are waiting for some perceived “super hero” to do it for them. everything from the completely useless mask wearing to the forced vaxx to the distancing to the amount “allowed” to assemble. don’t let the criminal and corrupt, mandate anything that violates your constitutional rights. The rights granted to us now were earned by regular people from the past . some gave their lives to do it. civil disobedience is an accepted and effective way to achieve goals.

Agreed, brother.  When the people in power are telling us to do one thing and they can’t even do it themselves, you know that something is deeply wrong.  Biden, just this weekend, out shopping on Nantucket:

The perfect picture for the times.  What’s good for you, I don’t have to follow.  Do what I say, not what I do.  Why do we let them get away with this?  Civil Disobedience is acceptable and encouraged.  That does NOT include smash and grab robberies like they are doing in California right now.  That’s WRONG!  And the idiots that made robberies like that a misdemeanor are the ones to blame as well as the punks who are doing it.  How can you call yourself a man when you take something that doesn’t belong to you?  How can you look yourself in the mirror and be proud of yourself?  We may not be having a real Christmas this year and I may be scared about where the money is going to come from for my surgery, but I can look myself in the mirror and know that I am doing everything that I can to provide for my family and know that it will be taken care of somehow because God has always provided for us.  I don’t have to go out and steal something from someone else to get it done. 

Okay, I’ve gotten off topic here, but all this shit is beginning to piss me off.  Again, I shouldn’t be watching the news while I put together Dragon Laffs.

Well, it is kind of your fault.  You must not have frightened them enough.  My grand dragonettes would never dream of doing anything like that to me for the very real fear of being eaten when I woke up.

Okay, let’s talk about something before we close out today.  This is an attempt to quell some worry before it gets too far out of hand.  Some of you know what I do for a living and know the specialties and such that I hold, but I am by no means an expert, but perhaps a bit more knowledgeable than the average joe. 

Yes, I’m talking about the new Omicron Variant of COVID that was first identified in South Africa a couple of days ago.  Let me say up front that doesn’t mean it started in South Africa, just that it was first identified in South Africa.  Which is not surprising, since South Africa has some of the most sophisticated and advanced scientific communities on the planet when it comes to epidemiology and microbiology.  They have to because of the environment they live in.  So, for them to discover something like this first, is not surprising at all. 

Anyway, a little basic virology.  Viruses mutate.  The flu virus does every year, which is why the flu shot changes every year and why you are supposed to get a new flu shot every year.  The virologists try to figure out how the flu virus is going to change year to year and prepare a vaccine to combat what they think is going to happen in the coming year. 

It is really not surprising that COVID has mutated yet again.  I know the “experts” said that the Delta variant was the last one.  But, they were full of shit.  As most “experts” are.  Fauci is still trying to push his agenda that this whole thing started in the “wet market” to try to take the heat off him and his China Lab.  Like I said, full of shit.  That guy needs to be put in jail and the complicit Biden administration instead has him in charge of shit. 

Anyway, as I was saying, Viruses mutate.  When they mutate they become more contagious, but less virulent.  What that means is that more people get sick, but they don’t get as sick.  Less people die.  What they are already finding out is that with this variant, people are feeling achy and might have a slight cough, but aren’t losing their sense of smell or taste and are being treated at home.  Like a very mild case of the flu.  If you remember, each new variant of this thing has been less deadly than the last.  And this one, so far, is proving to be the same. 

I only have one worry, and that is HOW this variant came about and what that might mean to long term effects.  We won’t really know that for some time to come.  From what I understand, this variant came about from one person who had COVID and untreated HIV/AIDS and was unvaccinated which all caused this new variant.  That kind of a fucked up cocktail in his system caused this new strain and so far it’s proved to be much weaker than other strains … but we’ll have to see for the future. 

So, we don’t borrow trouble.  Those of us who know what’s going on, kind of expected something like this to happen, so we weren’t surprised when it did and it’s not really going to change anything.  And I would expect that for all of you out there, you would keep on doing the things that you are doing now and not do anything new or take on any new worries.  Please.  Take a sigh of relief, Impish says it’s okay.  I’ll let you know when it’s time to worry. 

Until then, may love and happiness fill your week, until we speak again. 

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Dragon Laffs #1964

Good Morning Campers, 

It’s Thanksgiving morning. 

Early. 

And Willow Dragon and I are the only ones awake. 

Well, one of us is awake.

We put the turkey (breast) in the oven, got a couple of other things set up to go, the lair smells delicious, and I thought now would be a good time to start Saturday’s issue.  That and to tell you all how thankful I am for each and every one of you.  My heart fills with joy when I think of each of you and the wonderful feedback I get from you when I push one of these silly little Dragon Laffs episodes out to cyberspace. 

Why not start out today’s issue with a couple of comments from recent episodes: 

Friggin Pete

“”My death will probably be caused by being sarcastic at the wrong time.””

Well, actually, I’m kinda surprised you’ve made it this long…

Me, too, Pete.  Me, too.  I’m kinda surprised every morning when my eyes open and I sit up in bed and Mrs. Dragon hasn’t smothered me in my sleep.  And Pete continues with another quote:

Friggin Pete

“”There are a few minutes in the afternoon where I’m decent…””

Me too but, that just means my pants are on…

Friggin’ Pete, that explains SO much. 

Okay, let’s move on to some jokes, cartoons, memes, and other funny stuff and we’ll get back to more mail shortly.

    

I have so many questions…

If your parents never had children, chances are…neither will you. ~ Dick Cavett

I actually sent this one to Mrs. Dragon and her best friend, labeled it with their names and everything.  They laughed and laughed.  But, they’ve been whispering and pointing behind my back.  Like I said, it’s a wonder, every morning, when I wake up without being smothered in my sleep.

Them:  Are you afraid of losing friends over your posts about controversial topics?  

Me:  No.  I’m afraid of remaining silent and seeing friends and their loved ones suffer due to a lack of knowledge.

Okay, let’s go back to some more mail, shall we?  This one is from our dear friend, fellow camper, and regular contributor Leah: 

Leah D

The deal is . . . because you have access to far more information about what is really going on than any of us, I need you to post how you feel about people, incidences, the chance in hell we will ever see “normal” again.  

I thought that’s what I had been doing, Leah.  As much as I am able, anyway.  The chance in hell we will ever see normal again?  You’re asking that of an abnormal guy like me?  Oh geez! 

Okay, seriously now.  Pushing the soapbox back under the counter, pulling out the barstool, diming the house lights and becoming serious for a few minutes. 

Leah and anyone else out there who is interested in MY opinion.  Informed or otherwise as it may be.  I believe that “normal” as we knew it even 2 years ago, is a thing of the past.  Between the man-made virus that was released on purpose, the election that was horribly illegitimate on so many, many different levels and so many different locations, the current administration that has demonstrated such a total disregard for us Americans and a total regard for illegals.  A subtle defunding of not only the police, but the military.  We are on a hiring freeze, have no money to fly planes, are wondering how we are going to complete missions past July of next year (several months before the end of the fiscal year) and yet our government can give away trillions of dollars to other countries and stupid shit across our country.  At a time when China and Russia are chomping at the bit to attack the United States, insuring a strong and vital military should be the number one priority and we don’t have enough money to even staff our vacant commander positions.  We have mobs of 80 people walking in and robbing stores in California because the laws are so lax and others in Oregon able to do any drug they want out in the open for the same reason.  Some moron is let out of jail and runs his car through a parade killing people in Wisconsin because of lax bail laws and every single one of these things can be directly attributed to democratic leadership.  You’ve got nurses and medical personnel that are being fired for not getting a vaccine that doesn’t work who stayed at work in a basic war zone for over a year working bloody ridiculous hours, risking their lives and the lives of their family and loved ones and now they are being told comply or be fired.  This is now normal.  This is now normal because there are not enough people who are willing to stand up and say “this is bullshit” and we’re not going to take it anymore.  Or they are like me and do what they can by sniping from the sidelines.  But, this is the country that I have promised to lay my life down for.  This is the country that can still call me up and tell me to deploy because my oath of service will NEVER expire. 

So, I know that doesn’t answer your questions, Leah.  And I know that is not satisfying in any way.  It’s not satisfying to me on a daily basis.  But, all we can do…all of us, is to keep questioning, keep pointing out the bullshit, keep holding their feet to the fire.  And when we do get the chance, put someone else in office and watch the next election a hell of a lot more closely than we did the last one.

How about the rest of you?  When do YOU think we will see NORMAL again?

Well, it’s much later now.  Aaaaannndddd I’m alone again.  But, this time, Mrs. Dragon is laying down because she’s having another bad day.  (Gee, why does Impish have so much stress in his life?) So, yeah, laying down.  And Izzy Dragon is now at work.  And Willow Dragon and Pepper Dragon are both sleeping off their turkey overstuffed feeling.  So, it’s back to being just you and me, kid.  I’d break out the Jameson myself, but I have to pick up Izzy Dragon later and with Mrs. Dragon being under the weather as much as she’s been, my alcohol intake has been strongly curtailed.  So … laughter!

An older picture of Grandpa Mostest Seniorest Dragonest.  He was a door-to-door salesman, seen here trying to sell sail boats to this lovely village.

I don’t see the difficulty.

Opinions are like orgasms…

Mine is more important and I really don’t care if you have one.

Some days I feel like I am surrounded by fucking idiots. 

Other days I realize…

it’s not just some days.

Okay, “Highway To Hell” on 3…

I always wait for the cinnamon spice, myself.

Check on your friends who work in professions which require them to refrain from saying 90% of what they think.  We are not okay.

People need to stop putting flyers on my car.  I don’t want to see a band called “Parking Violation” at the “Courthouse.”

One spelling mistake can destroy your life.  Think of this poor husband who sent this text message to his wife:  I’m having a wonderful time, wish you were her.

I envy people that grow old gracefully.  They age like a fine wine. 

I’m aging like milk.  Getting sour and chunky.

This one is from Friggin’ Pete and it’s called “Tom”

At the Sunday morning church service, the minister asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, “I have a Praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle crash and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was terrible and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.”

You could hear a muffled gasp from all the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.

“Tom was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every movement caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a very delicate operation, which lasted for over five hours, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom’s scrotum,and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.”

Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery that was performed on Tom.

“Now,” she announced in a quavering voice, “thank the Lord, after six weeks, Tom is now out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.”

All the men sighed with relief.

The minister rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, “I’m Tom.”

The entire congregation held its breath.

“I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum.”

You guys have sent me SO MANY of these, that I could probably run two complete issues of political memes only and still not use them all up!  I had to expand the space I use to store them to accommodate them all.  But, I LOVE them!  Some of them are REALLY, REALLY good.  So, without further ado…

Such fucking bullshit!  Begging other countries for something we can do ourselves!

Seems funny they can’t figure out how to unload hundreds of cargo ships ready and waiting in the harbor but, they know how to change global warming?

I’m wondering why, with all the pressure and force being used, there are no TV commercials advertising the vaccine. 

I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that, by law, a drug commercial has to list the side-effects…

You either understand history or you trust the government. 

You can’t do both.

When all the guns have been banned,

When all the words have been censored,

When all the history has been erased,

When all the freedom has been taken,

Only then will you discover why our right to bear arms was so high on the list to begin with.

“People who will get very upset if someone said all blacks look alike are really comfortable saying all blacks ought to think alike.” ~ Justice Clarence Thomas

“Men fight for Liberty and win it with hard knocks.  Their children, brought up easy, let it slip away again, poor fools.  And their grandchildren are once more slaves.” ~ D. H. Lawrence

Nor will I seek your approval.

Yes!  And it was one of the most wonderful, memorable times of my life!  We still do it now … to some extent.  And it’s still just as exciting.

And that’s it for today’s adventure in Dragon Laffs!  May your days be filled with Love and Happiness, Laughter and Sharing until we meet again.

 

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1963 — Happy Thanksgiving

Good Morning Campers, 

Well, I had my pre-surgery appointment today and boy, let me tell you, wasn’t that a huge disappointment.  I didn’t get cut on at all!  Took my blood pressure, checked my blood oxygen levels, asked a bunch of questions (can I walk up a flight of stairs without passing out?  Can I run a short distance? [Depends on who’s chasing me.] Do you ever feel dizzy or pass out? [Well, I do suffer from vertigo] Ever get depressed?  [Yup, from pain from arthritis, which will partially go away with hip surgery] Ever think about killing yourself? [Not until I started filling out this questionnaire])  And then assigned me a bunch of lab tests.  I’m going to have them done tomorrow (Wednesday) so that they will get the results on Monday and we can then schedule the surgery then. 

Let’s just drag this out as long as we can for Impish. 

Sigh. 

Anyway, it’s Thanksgiving.  And this is a weird one for us.  Usually we have the Whelpling and the grand dragonettes over for Thanksgiving, have a whole house full, but this year, the ex complained that the Whelpling hadn’t been to her house for many a holiday and it was HER turn.  Rather than face the wrath of Tiamat (seen below) he decided that discretion (caution? terror?) is the better part of valor. 

So, this year, it will just be Mrs. Dragon, Izzy Dragon, and myself.  And then Izzy Dragon gets to go to work in the afternoon.  Working on a holiday!!! How horrible!!!! Just like an (gasp!) dare I say it (pant!) adult! 

Okay, so I just read that out loud and was just reminded by said miniature dragon, that she also worked on her birthday.  Oh say it ain’t so!  Not that!  Not like a real grownup!  OH!  And Halloween!  And I was just told to Fuck Off!  ROFLMAO!  Oh, my little girl has grown up to be such a lady!

LOL!  God, I love that girl!  Anyway, she fits right in this household.  Now, it’s time to start this thing up, so …

Department of health is looking to hire couples married for 7 years or more to educate people on social distancing.

This next was sent in by our dear friend “Friggin'” Pete.  It is a WONDERFUL addition to our Thanksgiving Day ezine. 

“Thanksgiving”

After George Washington authorized the first Thanksgiving Day in 1789, 74 years passed without another such day of thanks. Then Abraham Lincoln established the holiday as an annual event in American life. His Thanksgiving Proclamation is worth reading again today:

“It is the duty of nations as well as of men to owe their dependence upon the overruling power of God; to confess their sins and transgressions in humble sorrow, yet with assured hope that genuine repentance will lead to mercy and pardon; and to recognize the sublime truth, announced in the Holy Scripture and proven by all history, that those nations are blessed whose God is the Lord.

We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of heaven; we have been preserved these many years in peace and prosperity; we have grown in numbers, wealth and power as no other nation has ever grown. But we have forgotten God. We have forgotten the gracious hand which preserved us in peace and multiplied and enriched and strengthened us, and we have vainly imagined, in the deceitfulness of our hearts, that all these blessings were produced by some superior wisdom and virtue of our own. Intoxicated with unbroken success we have become too self-sufficient to feel the necessity of redeeming and preserving grace, too proud to pray to the God that made us.

It has seemed to me fit and proper that God should be solemnly, reverently, and gratefully acknowledged, as with one heart and one voice, by the whole American people. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November as a day of Thanksgiving and praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the heavens.”

When did President Lincoln authorize our annual Thanksgiving Day? In 1863 – in the midst of the Civil War.

Hard places and hard times are the best times to be thankful. For then we open our lives to the God who alone can bless and prosper us. He cannot give us what we will not receive. An attitude of gratitude is essential to receiving the grace and favor of our heavenly Father. And it is appropriate in thanks for his every blessing, given now and in eternity.

From my heart to yours, have a very blessed Thanksgiving Day.

Thanks Brother Pete.  And a very blessed Thanksgiving to you and yours as well.

I don’t know, if the police do get called, that’s all the more fun … at least in my book.

Not only is it okay, it’s highly encouraged!

Ain’t that the ever-lovin’ truth!

It’s total bullshit how little frolicking I get to do! 

I was made for frolicking.

I fucking knew it!

This Thanksgiving they say that we can have gatherings of up to 8 people without any issues. 

I don’t know 8 people without any issues.

“I was never a woman who wanted or needed a ‘Sugar Daddy’.  But if ‘Taco Daddies’ were ever a thing, my life may have taken a drastic turn.”  

We can’t say for certain that this quote is attributed to Stephanie … but if the shoe fits…

If you don’t get that last cartoon, look up WKRP in Cincinnati Turkey drop on YouTube … it’s well worth your time … oh, never mind, I think I can put it right HERE!

What an absolute classic!  And the greatest thing of all time, was that, unlike today’s TV where they would have shown all the gore and blood, it was all off screen and you had to imagine it all in your head, which I think just made it all the better.  What a wonderful thing.

As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself…

I’m going to get thrown out of Ikea in a minute.

It really, truly does.

It’s always that last one I have the most trouble with.

Sometimes I wonder

If the people who unfriended me in 2019 are starting to realize I was right.

Well, I do aim to please…

Don’t forget to turn your bathroom scales back 15 pounds Wednesday night at 1 am for Thanksgiving.

Amen.  When you are saying your Thanksgiving Day prayers, or going around the table and remembering what you are being thankful for, how about a special thanks for these folks who have offered to give up their very lives for you.

I’m wondering if this is the best school.

I do not burn bridges. 

I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.

It’s “Before” not “B4”. 

You speak English, not BINGO.

My dearest friends and campers, you know it is you that is one of the things I am most thankful for.  You bring such meaning and love and happiness to  my life and for that I thank you and am thankful for you each and every day.  May you all find love and happiness this day and may you all find something to be thankful for in your family and friends and loved ones.  Until we meet again.

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1962

Good Morning Campers, 

Well I’m back at work after having had some time off.  And boy did that time off go by quick.  It seemed like I blinked and it was gone.  But, that’s okay, I guess.  Time flies when you’re … recovering from stress.  I have relaxed a bit, even though I’ve had more stress added to my life, but that is what life is, right?  Laughing through the stress. 

But I really need to stop watching the damn news.  The more I watch, the madder I get.  All the bullshit that’s going on with this administration is just crazy.  And I can’t believe the crap that’s going on with the Rittenhouse trial.  That seems to be WAY too much coverage on that.  

My hot flight attendant asked how I liked my coffee. 

Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women.  And that’s when she told me, “That’s cute honey, but the coffee’s free.  You don’t have to pay for it here!”

Okay, so I screwed up.  I got involved in some drama here at the lair, not mine, but that of a friend, but it was so engrossing that I lost track of time and missed Saturday’s deadline for this issue.  And then I was going to publish on Sunday instead and ended up having to teach a class on Saturday and twisted my left side and hurt myself a little bit and was too uncomfortable last night to do anything but drink (and I’m sticking to that excuse).  So, THIS morning (Sunday) I’m just going to catch up and put out a Monday issue (don’t Mondays ALWAYs have issues?) and get caught back up again. 

Anyway, that’s why you guys didn’t get an episode on Saturday and yes, everything is fine and all is well.  Oh, and by the way, I have a date for a pre-surgery appointment on Tuesday afternoon with a nurse to go over what blood tests and such I’ll need.  I still don’t have a date for the actual surgery, but I assume we’ll talk about that at this appointment. 

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programing.

No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn’t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn’t her grandmother.

How fitting is it, that Impish Dragon’s Birth falls under the month of ………DRAGON GOD!!!

To the thief who stole my glasses:

I will find you…I have contacts.

Actually, that’s my Aunt Sissy

I asked a train engineer how many times he’s derailed the train. 

He looked at me and said, “I honestly don’t know…it’s hard to keep track.”

4…3…2…1…Ready or not, here I come!

It’s not a bad likeness of me, but I am mostly blue …

I wanted to be a Gregorian Monk, but I never had the chants.

So, apparently RSVP’ing back to a wedding invite “maybe next time” isn’t the correct response.

I see what the problem is here…

I’m speaking in English, and you’re listening in Dumbass.

Sure, you can get your wife jewelry or an expensive purse or perfume for Christmas, but she will never forget the Christmas you got her a mop.  Never. 

Follow me for more holiday gift ideas.

Your Jameson, sir.

I watched a documentary on marijuana last night. 

That’s probably how I’ll watch all documentaries from now on.

I’m really getting into the Thanksgiving spirit. 

I’ve given the bird to lots of people in the last week or so.

I received this email Saturday

Dear Mr. Impish,

I wanted to write you a long time ago, since your message about offending some people with the political rants.

Your mails are one of the few islands of normality in this crazy world. Please don’t change anything. I see lately some good developments (the Rittenhouse verdict, the Virginia gubernatorial run, etc.)… It looks like people are getting to their senses, hopefully so. But the libs are going crazier by the day. F them.

Best wishes for your health and upcoming challenges!

All best,
Dan

Thanks Dan, that really means a lot.  It’s emails like yours that keeps me doing what I do.  Oh, and he sent this picture along with the email:

Thanks again, Dan

My friend to Pfizer vaccine.  He is saying that “I am pfeeling pfine and pfantastic.  I had no pfever so pfar.”

Wow!  My kinda woman!

We always had a password for our kids, for anyone to pick them up, if we couldn’t.  It actually came into play one time.  I had to send one of my guys at work to pick my daughter up at school.  Before she had a cell phone.  I forgot to give him the password.  I was on my way to the hospital, so you can understand me forgetting.  I did try to get ahold of the school to let them know that he was going to pick her up and I did think that she would remember him.  She kind of remembered him but would NOT go with him if he didn’t have the password.  He had to get ahold of me in the emergency room to get the password to pick her up (this was before Mrs. Dragon had gotten sick and she was working and teaching and couldn’t be reached by him).  Anyway, the process worked.  It worked really well.

Is there really anyone who DOESN’T know NOT TO MICROWAVE METAL?

Threw out my back sleeping and tweaked my neck sneezing so I’m probably just one strong fart away from complete paralysis.

God, sometimes I think this describes me to a T!

Holy crap!  Go to school!  Get an education!  Until then, stay off text and don’t embarrass yourself!

I don’t understand how a cemetery can raise it’s funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

An apple a day is bullcrap.  Apples are dangerous.  Just look at Eve, Snow White, or any pig at a luau…

When I was young I was scared of the dark.  Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.

Tablets were replaced by scrolls.  Scrolls were replaced by books. 

Now we scroll through books on tablets.

The most dangerous game is resting your eyes after you turned off the alarm clock in the morning.

That’s it my friends.  I hope you have a good week.  See you all on Thanksgiving.  Love and happiness to you all.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment