Dragon Laffs #1607

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Good Morning Campers,

It’s been an amazingly busy week!  And to top it off, the rest of the shop went out of town on Friday and won’t be back until next Friday AND I’m working this weekend.  So, Long story short, I NEED TO LAUGH!!!

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This is an interesting article:

Back in the day when America was in the “Big War” WWII, these planes were flown by young boys. Politically correct was go to war to break things and kill the enemy. Apparently no one worried about nose art on the bombers.

BTW. More airmen died in WWII than Marines

At the bottom after the pictures there are amazing stats re the Army Air Corps in WWII. This is the important part of the email…

Probably would not be allowed to leave the ground today As someone who still works with the “Big Jets” that still have nose art or ladder door art or any other kind of art I can tell you for SURE that these would not be allowed today.  Because, “my God, what would the ‘PUBLIC’ think?!”  My answer to that is, “Who gives a damn what the public thinks?”  Until that “PUBLIC” goes into harms way, they don’t deserve an opinion.  If you ask any active military or veteran and I’m 100% positive that a large majority would see absolutely nothing wrong with it.  Although I believe the females may have different art in mind.  (Even though the last hour of searching didn’t reveal any.)

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Do what?  I wonder…

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Chicago Style Pizza Pussy…

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She’s such a nice Irish Lass….

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Aren’t they all?

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Again, aren’t they all?

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Everything’s bigger in Texas…

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I’m very interested in MY own.

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IZA Probably True!!

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If that is a picture of one of the Hags, I’m gonna have to visit this Harderwyk place

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Why would anyone bail out?

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Well, I gave up on silly comments about half way through, so let’s just press on with the rest of the article.

Almost 1,000  Army planes disappeared en route from the US to foreign locations.  But an  eye-watering 43,581 aircraft were lost overseas including 22,948 on combat missions (18,418 against the Western Axis) and 20,633 attributed to non-combat  causes overseas.

In a single 376  plane raid in August 1943, 60 B-17s were shot down That was a 16 percent loss  rate and meant 600 empty bunks in England .  In 1942-43 it was  statistically impossible for bomber crews to complete a 25-mission tour in  Europe .
Pacific theatre  losses were far less (4,530 in combat) owing to smaller forces  committed..  The worst B-29 mission, against Tokyo on May 25, 1945, cost  26 Superfortresses, 5.6 percent of the 464 dispatched from the Marianas..
On average, 6,600 American servicemen died per month during WWII, about 220 a  day. By the end of the war, over 40,000 airmen were killed in combat theatres and another 18,000 wounded.  Some 12,000 missing men were declared dead, including a number “liberated” by the Soviets but never returned.  More  than 41,000 were captured, half of the 5,400 held by the Japanese died in  captivity, compared with one-tenth in German hands.   Total combat casualties were pegged at 121,867.
US manpower made up the deficit.  The AAF’s peak strength was reached in 1944 with  2,372,000 personnel, nearly twice the previous year’s figure.
The losses were huge—but so were production totals.  From 1941 through 1945, American  industry delivered more than 276,000 military aircraft. That number was enough not only for US Army, Navy and Marine Corps, but for allies as diverse as Britain, Australia, China and Russia.  In fact, from 1943 onward, America produced more planes than Britain and Russia combined  And more than Germany and Japan together 1941-45.
However, our  enemies took massive losses.  Through much of 1944, the Luftwaffe sustained uncontrolled hemorrhaging, reaching 25 percent of aircrews and 40  planes a month. And in late 1944 into 1945, nearly half the pilots in  Japanese squadrons had flown fewer than 200 hours.  The disparity of two years before had been completely reversed.

Experience  Level:
Uncle Sam sent  many of his sons to war with absolute minimums of training. Some fighter pilots entered combat in 1942 with less than one hour in their assigned  aircraft.
The 357th  Fighter Group (often known as The Yoxford Boys) went to England in late 1943 having trained on P-39s.   The group never saw a Mustang until shortly before its first combat mission.
A high-time P-51 pilot had 30 hours in type.  Many had fewer than five hours.  Some had one hour.
With arrival of new aircraft, many combat units transitioned in combat.  The attitude was, “They all have a stick and a throttle.  Go fly “em.” When the famed 4th Fighter Group converted from P-47s to P-51s in February 1944, there was no time to stand down for an orderly transition.
The Group commander, Col. Donald Blakeslee, said, “You can learn to fly `51s on the way to the target.
A future P-47 ace said, “I was sent to England to die.”  He was not alone.
Some fighter pilots tucked their wheels in the well on their first combat mission with one previous flight in the aircraft.  Meanwhile, many bomber crews were still learning their trade:  of Jimmy Doolittle’s 15 pilots on the April 1942 Tokyo raid, only five had won their wings before 1941.
All but one of the 16 copilots were less than a year out of flight school..
In WWII flying safety took a back seat to combat.  The AAF’s worst accident rate was recorded by the A-36 Invader version of the P-51: a staggering 274 accidents  per 100,000 flying hours.
Next worst were the P-39 at 245, the  P-40 at 188, and the P-38 at 139.  All were Allison powered
Bomber wrecks were fewer but more expensive.  The B-17 and B-24 averaged 30 and 35 accidents per 100,000 flight hours, respectively– a horrific figure considering that from 1980 to 2000 the Air Force’s major mishap rate was less than 2.
The B-29 was even worse at 40; the world’s most sophisticated, most capable and most  expensive bomber was too urgently needed to stand down for mere safety reasons.. The AAF set a reasonably high standard for B-29 pilots, but the desired figures were seldom attained.
The original cadre of the 58th Bomb Wing was to have 400 hours of multi-engine time, but  there were not enough experienced pilots to meet the criterion.  Only ten percent had overseas experience.  Conversely, when a $2.1 billion B-2  crashed in 2008, the Air Force initiated a two-month “safety pause” rather than declare a “stand down”, let alone grounding.
The B-29 was no better for maintenance. Though the R3350 was known as a complicated,  troublesome power-plant, no more than half the mechanics had previous experience with the Duplex Cyclone.   But they made it work.

Navigators:
Perhaps the greatest unsung success story of AAF training was Navigators.
The Army graduated some 50,000 during the War.  And many had never flown out of sight of land before leaving “Uncle Sugar” for a war zone.  Yet the huge majority found their way across oceans and continents without getting lost or running out of fuel — a stirring tribute to the AAF’s educational establishments.

Cadet To Colonel:
It was possible for a flying cadet at the time of Pearl Harbor to finish the war with eagles on his shoulders.  That was the record of John D Landers, a 21-year-old Texan, who was commissioned a second lieutenant on December 12, 1941.  He joined his combat squadron with 209 hours total flight time, including 2 in P-40s.  He finished the war as a full colonel, commanding an 8th Air Force Group — at age 24.
As the training pipeline filled up, however those low figures became exceptions.
By early 1944, the average AAF fighter pilot entering combat had logged at least 450 hours, usually including 250 hours in training.  At the same time, many captains  and first lieutenants claimed over 600 hours.

FACT:
At its height in mid-1944, the Army Air Forces had 2.6 million people and nearly 80,000 aircraft of all types.
Today the US Air Force employs 327,000 active personnel (plus 170,000 civilians) with 5,500+ manned and perhaps 200 unmanned aircraft.
The 2009 figures represent about 12 percent of the manpower and 7 percent of the airplanes of the WWII peak.

IN  SUMMATION:
Whether there will ever be another war like that experienced in 1940-45 is doubtful, as fighters and bombers have given way to helicopters and remotely-controlled drones over Afghanistan and Iraq .  But within living memory, men left the earth in 1,000-plane formations and fought major battles five miles high,  leaving a legacy that remains timeless.

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A woman went to the doctor for advice.  She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.

“Do you enjoy it?” the doctor asked.

“Actually, yes I do,” she answered.

“Does it hurt you?” he asked.

“No, I rather like it,” she responded.

“Well then,” the doctor continued, “There’s no reason that you shouldn’t practice anal sex, if that’s what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.”

The woman was mystified.  “What?  You can get pregnant from anal sex?”

“Of course,” the doctor replied.  “Where do you think people like Chuck Schumer, Nancy Pelosi, Elizabeth Warren, Barbara Boxer, Hillary Clinton, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, and Al Sharpton came from?”

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A weasel walks into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says, “Wow! In all my years tending bar, I’ve never had a weasel stop by.  What can I get you?”

“Pop,” goes the weasel.

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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, “Notice anything different?”

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A lady walked into a pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist.

She asked, “Do you have Viagra?”

“Yes,” he answered.

She asked, “Does it work?”

“Yes”, he answered.

“Can you get it over the counter?” she asked.

“I can if I take two.”

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Damn.

You know, there are so many scams on the internet now-a-days.  I’ll tell you what, as a friend, send me $19.95 and I’ll tell you how to avoid them.

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So, one way to find out if you are old or not is to fall down in front of a lot of people.  If they laugh, you’re still young.  If they panic and start running toward you to help, you’re old.

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My missus is pissed off with me again.

Last night, while she was fast asleep, I gently removed her tampax and replaced it with a party popper leaving the string hanging out.

I’m telling you!!!

That woman’s got no fucking sense of humor at all!

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Comments made in the year 1955!

 

‘I’ll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it’s going to be impossible to buy a week’s groceries for $10.00.‘

‘Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won’t Be long before $1,000.00 will only buy a used one.’

‘If cigarettes keep going up in price, I’m going to quit; 20 cents A pack is ridiculous.‘

‘Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents Just to mail a letter.’

‘If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to Hire outside help at the store.’

‘When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would Someday cost 25 cents a gallon.  Guess we’d be better off leaving the car in the garage.’

‘I’m afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they Let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in ‘GONE WITH THE WIND’, It seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.’

 

‘I read the other day where some scientist thinks it’s possible to put A man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some Fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas.’

‘Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn’t surprise me if someday they’ll be making more than the President.

‘It’s too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few Married women are having to work to make ends meet.

‘It won’t be long before young couples are going to have to hire Someone to watch their kids so they can both work.’

‘Thank goodness I won’t live to see the day when the Government Takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are Electing the best people to government.’

‘The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, But I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.’

‘There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend. It Costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay in a hotel.’

‘No one can afford to be sick anymore. At $15.00 a day in The hospital, it’s too rich for my blood.’

If they think I’ll pay 30 cents for a haircut, forget it.’

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When It Comes to Sex

– Accountants do it with Double Entry.
– Bankers do it with interest.
– Bartenders do it ‘on the Rocks’ — except when done ‘neat..’
– Bookkeepers do it for the record.
– Chess players check their Mates.
– Do it with bankers, but most of them are tellers.
– Engineers do it to specifications and a first-order approximation.
– Gardeners do it in the bushes, but keep things trimmed for it.
– Golfers do it in 18 holes.
– Housewives do it almost daily, then weekly, then monthly, and finish up annually — a birthday present for her hubby!
– Journalists do it for Times.
– Laborers do it for time-and-a-half, after working hours, but before clocking out.

And dragons do it with fire!  And baby, it’s hot!

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And with that, that’s it.  I hope and pray you are all having a much better week than I am. Cheers!

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Dragon Laffs #1606–Mother’s Day Issue

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Good Morning Mom, Mothers, Sons and Daughters of Mothers, and all of you campers… although that last was unnecessary since everyone should fall into the other categories… I hope you are having a truly wonderful day.

So…tomorrow is Mother’s Day.  And I want to take the opportunity to tell you all…

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So, with that, let’s laugh a little with our moms…

Happy Mother's Day

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Mothers Day

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HAPPY-~1

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I told my psychiatrist that I’ve been hearing voices.

He told me that I don’t have a psychiatrist.

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And speaking of psychiatrists, I love reading the vanity cards at the end of Chuck Lorre’s shows like The Big Bang Theory or Young Sheldon.  Here’s the latest:

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #264

A guy goes into a dentist’s office. The dentist says, “How can I help you?”

The guy says, “I’m a moth.”

The dentist says, “Excuse me?”

The guy says again, “I’m a moth.”

The dentist says, “I think maybe you should be seeing a psychiatrist, not a dentist.”

The guy says, “I saw a psychiatrist.”

The dentist says, “So what are you doing here?”

The guy says…

(SEE PUNCH LINE IN VANITY CARD #265 AT END OF TONIGHT’S EPISODE OF THE BIG BANG THEORY)

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #265



“Your light was on.”

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Why is it called boob sweat and not humidititties?

 

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“Mom Brain” is like dial up internet.  There are 17 tabs open, 9 of them are not responding, there are thousands of pop ups and where the fuck is that music coming from?

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Me: I can’t Salsa Dance.
Alcohol: Oh, yes you fucking can.

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I’d like to think I will die a heroic death, but it’s more likely I’ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.

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So I was just wondering…does 3 glasses of wine and 2 Bloody Marys equal 5 servings of fruits and vegetables?

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I want to go jogging in the morning, but Proverbs 28:1 says, “The wicked runs when no one is chasing them.” So, there goes that.

So, in closing, I’d like to share some recent vacation photos with you.  2c2dAnd despite evidence to the contrary, I had nothing to do with the volcano!

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, and that all you mothers have a great day!  I love you, mom!

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

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Dragon Laffs #1605

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http://play.starwars.com/html5/starwars_crawlcreator/?cid=null

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Yesterday was Star Wars Day, and if that black spot above works the way I hope it does, then you will already know this…if it doesn’t, well it was just an hour or so of my time that was wasted by building it.

Anyway, May 4th…Star Wars Day…May the 4th Be With You.

What an odd week.  The week started out like the picture to the right, Spring came in more like winter than it did spring, but now, at the end of the week, we are coming in with temperatures in the 80s…so, what

I’m sitting here writing this opening on Friday morning, I took the day off because Mrs. Dragon and I are both pretty sick…with temps in the 30s over night and in the 80s in the day time, is it really any wonder?  Anyway, I’m watching TBS and they are showing the Star War movies, in chronological order, rather than order of creation.  Currently I’m watching Revenge of the Sith and next will be the original Star Wars movie, Episode IV, A New Hope.  The only way it could be better is if there were no commercials.

So, while I go back to that yesterday (for you) you campers go ahead and start laughing (tomorrow for me).

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A guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to get them some snacks and drinks.

As he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantle. He picks it up, and as he’s looking at it, she walks back in. He says, “What’s this?”

She says, “Oh, my father’s ashes are in there.”

He turns beet red in horror and goes, “Geez, oh . . . I . . .”

She says, “Yeah, he’s too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray.”

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I love this next one.  Yes, it’s nerd humor, but if you haven’t figured that out about me by now, then it’s your problem.

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I’m still laughing.

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Three tourists were driving through Wales.

As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyll on the Welsh island of Anglesey, They started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name.

“LLan-fair-poo-wee…” said the first.

“No no – it’s llan-fair-pi-well…” argued the second.

“I think we need to ask a local about this,” the third sighed.

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They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, the third asked the blonde employee:

“Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are… very slowly?”

“Sure!” said the girl behind the counter. She leaned toward them and said: “Burrrrr-gerrrrr-Kinnnnng.”

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Hey!  It’s a better one than ours!  Ours is gimme three-quarters of your stuff!

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Ginny sent me this note:

“I tried the Japanese method of decluttering where you hold every object that you own and if it does not bring you joy, you throw it away.  So far, I have thrown out all of the vegetables, my bra, the electric bill, the scale, a mirror and my treadmill.”

You go Ginny!

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This is the way I wish to live my life, so that someone can write this about me…

Thanks for being the kind of friend who will laugh during the eulogy at my funeral because you knew the Real Story.

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“A Wine, Please.”

“Ma’am, this is McDonald’s.”

“Ok, a McWine, Please.”

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While sitting in the park the other day, a kid informed me that smoking was bad for you.

So, I popped his balloon with my cigar and told him so was talking to strangers.

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I just choked on an apple seed.
This is what I get for trying to eat healthy.
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups don’t pull this shit.

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Some people couldn’t be nice even if a unicorn shoved a fairy wand up their ass while Judy Garland stood there singing “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.”

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I was walking in the mall and I saw that there was a Muslim bookstore.The sign outside led me to wonder just what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore, so I went in. As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk gave me the stink eye, but asked if he could help me.  I know I didn’t look like his normal clientele, so I asked, “Do you have a copy of Donald Trump’s book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?”

The clerk said, “Kiss my ass, get out, and stay Out!”

I said, “Yes, that’s the one. Do you have it in paperback?”

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And we’ll finish up today with a special note from Mrs. Dragon…

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Oh, shit!

100d (3)

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Dragon Laffs #1604

 

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Well, another week is in the record book.  They sure do seem to be piling up quickly. It has been a long, tedious week.  I don’t have anything to talk about this morning, but I’m sure by the time it’s all done, I’m sure you’ll be sick and tired of me.

So, let’s get started.

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Let’s everyone give a round of applause to Ginny for finding out the true explanation of life…and here it is:

Life On The Front Porch
On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this I will give you a life span of twenty years.”

The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking.  How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?” 
And God said that it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh.. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.” 

The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”

And God again said that it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”
And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”

But the human said, “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?

“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I’m doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me, I will be on the front porch.

 

Okay, wait a damn minute!!!!!! It says right there, “forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.” Forty years!  FORTY YEARS!!!  Somebody owes me some friggin’ years back!!!!

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What an absolutely touching story.  I just had to share it with you.  It’s called, “The Umbrella”

On a rainy afternoon, a group of protesters were gathered outside the grocery store handing out pamphlets on the “evils” of America. I politely declined to take one.
There was an elderly woman behind me and a young (20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined.
The young protester gently put her hand on the old woman’s shoulder and in a patronizing voice said, “Don’t you care about the children of Iraq?”
The old woman looked up at her and said: “Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea , and a son in Vietnam.
All three died so a naive, ignorant, self-centered bimbo like you could have the right to stand here and badmouth our country, and if you touch me again, I’ll shove this umbrella up your ass and open it.”

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So, I just read where “America’s Dad” Bill Cosby was found guilty of 3 counts of sexual assault and can face 30 years in prison.  He’s 80 year’s old.  Put this dude in prison and five years will probably be a life sentence.  I think it’s too easy.  I think he ought to be treated the same way he treated those women.  Oh wait.  He’s going to prison.  He WILL be treated the same way as those women…..without the benefit of the drugs.

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Gawd!  That was bloody awful!  I’m really sorry.

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I have to stop saying, “How stupid can you be?”  I think people are starting to take it as a challenge.

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If you mated a Bulldog and a Shitzu would it be called a Bullshit?

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It’s just a matter of time before they add the word “Syndrome” after my last name.

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Very interesting observation…

It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet…nobody was married.  Here are the single people that come to mind: Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T. Bass, the Darlin family, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara…in fact, the only one married was Otis and he stayed drunk.

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God was sitting in heaven one day when a scientist said to Him, “God, we don’t need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing – in other words, we can now do what you did in the beginning.”

“Oh, is that so? Tell Me…” replies God.

“Well,” says the scientist, “we can take dirt and form it into the likeness of you and breathe life into it, thus creating man.”

“Well, that’s very interesting…show Me.”

So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil into the shape of a man.

“No, no, no…” interrupts God, “Get your own dirt.”

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So this next one comes with a disclaimer… You’ll figure it out.

My old Grandpa said to me, “Son, there comes a time in every man’s life when he stops4400 bustin’ knuckles and starts bustin’ caps and usually it’s when he becomes too old to take a whoopin’.”

 

I don’t carry a gun to kill people; I carry a gun to keep from being killed.

 

I don’t carry a gun because I’m evil; I carry a gun because I have lived long enough to see the evil in the World.

 

I don’t carry a gun because I hate the government; I carry a gun because I understand the limitations of government.

 

I don’t carry a gun because I’m angry; I carry a gun so that I don’t have to spend the rest of my life hating myself for failing to be prepared.

 

I don’t carry a gun because I want to shoot someone; I carry a gun because I want to die at a ripe old age in my bed and not on a sidewalk somewhere tomorrow afternoon

 

4453I don’t carry a gun to make me feel like a man; I carry a gun because men know how to take care of themselves and the ones they love.

 

I don’t carry a gun because I feel inadequate; I carry a gun because unarmed and facing three armed thugs, I am inadequate.

 

I don’t carry a gun because I love it; I carry a gun because I love life and the people who make it meaningful to me.

 

Police protection is an oxymoron: Free citizens must protect themselves because police do not protect you from crime; they just investigate the crime after it happens and then call someone in to clean up the mess.

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Now, anyone who’s read this e-zine for any length of time at all KNOWS how I feel about the police, my brothers in blue.  I don’t say the last paragraph lightly or derogatorily, but it still is true.  The police do not have the manpower to be everywhere every time.  They can only do what they can do.  It is up to the rest of us to do what we have to do to protect ourselves from the evil in the world.  Like this next little history lesson…and don’t think for a moment, that it can’t happen here!!

 

In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control:

From 1929 to 1953, about 20 million dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated

In 1911, Turkey established gun control:

From 1915 to 1917, 1.5 million Armenians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

Germany established gun control in 1938:

From 1939 to 1945, a total of 13 million Jews and others who were unable to defend themselves were rounded up and exterminated.

China established gun control in 1935:

From 1948 to 1952, 20 million political dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

Guatemala established gun control in 1964:

From 1964 to 1981, 100,000 Mayan Indians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

Uganda established gun control in 1970:

From 1971 to 1979, 300,000 Christians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

Cambodia established gun control in 1956:

From 1975 to 1977, one million educated people, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.   

56 million defenseless people were rounded up and exterminated in the 20th Century because of gun control.   

You won’t see this data on the US evening news, or hear politicians disseminating this information.

 

Guns in the hands of honest citizens save lives and property and, yes, gun-control laws adversely affect only the law-abiding citizens.

 

With guns, we are ‘citizens’; without them, we are ‘subjects’.

 

During WW II, the Japanese decided not to invade America because they knew most Americans were ARMED! Gun owners in the USA are the largest armed force in the World!  If you value your freedom, please spread this anti-gun control message to all of your  friends.

 

The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in defense.

 

The sword is more important than the shield and skill is more important than either.

 

SWITZERLAND ISSUES A GUN TO EVERY HOUSEHOLD! SWITZERLAND’S GOVERNMENT ISSUES AND TRAINS EVERY ADULT IN THE USE OF A RIFLE.  SWITZERLAND HAS THE LOWEST GUN RELATED CRIME RATE OF ANY CIVILIZED COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!!!

 

IT’S A NO BRAINER!  DON’T LET OUR GOVERNMENT WASTE MILLIONS OF OUR TAX DOLLARS IN AN  EFFORT TO MAKE ALL LAW-ABIDING CITIZENS AN EASY TARGET.

4405

Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a palm reader’s table.

The mysterious woman said: “For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future.”

Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said: “I can see that you have no girlfriend.”

“That’s true,” said Paul.

“Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Paul shamefully admitted. “That’s amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?”

“Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters

4406

Sucks getting old.

After being with her all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with his blind date.

Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him on the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said: “I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.”

“Thank heavens,” his date replied. “If yours hadn’t, mine would have had to!”

4407

In a recent survey carried out for the leading toiletries firm ‘Brut’, people from Chicago have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower.

 

In the survey, 86% of Chicago’s inner city residents (almost all of whom are registered Democrats) say that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.

 

 

 

The other 14% said they hadn’t been to prison yet.

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I would love to sit here and continue to write, quip, share pictures, jokes and fun…but alas, the days are not long enough and they stack up way too quickly.

So, my friends, until next week.

Cheers, Impish Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1603

Header1603

Good Morning Campers,

So, I’ve noticed that many, many of you are having the same “not Spring” weather that we are having here at DL & LL Enterprises.  Well, I figured out what it is!  I solved it!  But, I’m not sure what I can do about it.  So, here’s the situation:

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IT’S A FRIGGIN’ I.T. PROBLEM!!! 

Now doesn’t that just figure…

And on top of all that, this is what I have at work…

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So, after all this factual information, everybody please stand and join me and let’s all shout it out together…

coollogo_com-13940615

Let's Laugh 4

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A teacher asked her class, “What is sex?”

Johnny got up and said, “Sex is a ‘temptation’ caused by a ‘sensation’ where a boy sticks his ‘location’ into a girl’s ‘destination’ to increase the ‘population’ of the next ‘generation’.  Did you get my ‘explanation’ or do you need a ‘demonstration’?

The teacher fainted.

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Wife: “I have blisters on my hands from the broom.”

Husband: “Next time take the car, silly.”

He’s recovering nicely in the hospital.

4370

 

Flu
What is the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu?
For bird flu you need tweetment and for swine flu you need oinkment.

Flu Season
There is only one thing worse then the flu season … The tax season. You can recover from the flu.

4371

 

Couples who have lived together a long time have their own way of communicating.
A woman overheard her aunt and uncle one day, “What are you looking for in that closet?” she asked.
“Nothing,” he snapped.
“Well, it’s not in there. Look under the bed.”

4372
A lady on a commuter train was reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics. Fascinated, she turned to the man next to her and asked, “Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?”
“Really,” he said, “have you tried mouthwash?”
rimshot

 

4373
My daughter Michelle is the commander of a Coast Guard Cutter. When she gave my husband Bob a tour of her ship, he was impressed by the neatness of all decks.
However, when Bob went to Michelle’s house with her, he couldn’t believe the disorganization. “Why is everything in its place on your ship,” he asked, “but your house is such a mess?”
“My house,” Michelle said, “does not take 30-degree rolls.”

4374
A man goes to the doctor with a swollen leg. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.
“I’ll be right back with some water,” the doctor tells him.
The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.
The doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water. “Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that leg for at least 30 minutes.”

4375
A park ranger in the Everglades was making his rounds a couple of summers ago when a woman came bolting out of the weeds right in front of his truck. She seemed frantic and he finally got her calm enough to say that her five- year-old son was sitting on the back of an alligator.
Now the ranger was frantic. Running in the direction she was pointing he found the lad astride a twelve foot male alligator which was trying to relieve itself of its load by twisting and snapping. As the brave ranger moved in he tried to console the mother by saying, “I think I can grab the boy and move away before the gator moves. Be ready to grab your son. I may have to shoot the gator”
To which the lady replies “Good Heavens, no! Don’t shoot him. I just wanted you to make him hold still for a minute so I could take my son’s picture on his back.”
4376
“This house,” said the real estate salesman, “has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I’m honest, I’m going to tell you about both.
The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north.”
“What are the advantages?” inquired the prospective buyer.
“The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing.”

4377
Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, “Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it.”
So she drove the boat to shore.
Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, “Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I’m having a heart attack and set the table, cook dinner and wash the dishes.”

4380
A lawyer walks into his client’s death row cell and says, “I’ve got good news, and bad news for you.. ” The prisoner says. ” Okay. What’s the bad news? ” “The bad news is that the Governor won’t issue a stay of your execution…you go to the chair at 7 PM tonight.” “Oh, that’s horrible. What possibly could be the good news?”
“The good news is that I got your voltage reduced.”

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Bathroom

A five year old boy went for a weekend trip with his grandparents. On the way home, they stopped at a country restaurant for lunch.
The little boy left the table to use the restroom by himself. A moment later he returned with a confused look on his face. He says, “Grandpa, am I a rooster or a hen?”

4383

A Gift from the Sheriff

“Hello, is this the Sheriff’s Office?”
“Yes. What can I do for you?”
“I’m calling to report ’bout my neighbor Virgil Smith. He’s hidin’ marijuana inside his firewood! Don’t quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he’s hidin’ it there.”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, the Sheriff’s Deputies descend on Virgil’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil’s house.
“Hey, Virgil! This here’s Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep!”
“Happy Birthday, buddy!”

4385

A FARMER’S LOGIC

You know there are so many TV channels, each one starved for new programs.
In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who might have some theories on the matter.
This “TRUE” interview went as follows:
The lady reporter:  “I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?”
The farmer stared at the reporter and said?  “Did you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year”?
Reporter: (obviously embarrassed):  “Well, sir, that’s a new piece of information but what’s the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?”
Farmer:  “Miss, did you know that we milk a cow twice a day?”
Reporter:  “Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?”
Farmer:  “I am getting to the point, Miss.”  “Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day .. and only screwing you once a year, wouldn’t you get mad?”
THE TV INTERVIEW WAS NEVER AIRED …

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HISTORICAL FACT

 


Who says building a border wall won’t work?
3

The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don’t have any Mexicans……………….

4387

Motivational5

Please Emo

Please follow all directions

Please Help

Pleasing Your Man

plumbers crack

PMS

PMS1

PMS2

PMS28

Police Geeks

Police Medic

 

4389

 

A man goes to a shrink and says, “Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I’m going crazy. What do you think I should do?”
“Relax,” says the Doctor, “take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry’s bar?”

4390

“But, I’m a talking tree!” said the oak.
”And, you will dialogue,” replied the lumberjack.

4391

 

It took 50 yrs. but she’s been found!

“Where have all the flowers gone?….long time passing…. “

Thanks Peter, Paul & Mary for the song with Pete Seeger’s words.

10

 

Have you ever wondered what happened…

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…to all those really cute and crazy, good-looking, barefoot, young hippie chicks…

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… who didn’t wear bras, smoked a lot of weed, got tattooed…

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…and had sex with every guy they met during that great “Age of Aquarius” back in the 60s and 70s?

Well, wonder no more!

I found her!

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Kinda gets you tingly all over, doesn’t it?

Oh Yeah!!!

4392

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe… as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.
Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.
Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks.
A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, “Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We’ve been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?”
“I’m sorry,” replied the hunchback, “but we don’t have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in and I will get him!” Bob brings his wife in.
An older man comes down the stairs. “I’m afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory.”
With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion from his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.
After a brief examination, Igor’s master looks worried. “Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion.” Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.
The Hills’ deaths upset Igor’s master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.
Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty’s hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music.. Stunned, he watches as Bob’s arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!
Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.
He bursts in and shouts to his master:
“Master, Master”! …..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
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“The Hills are alive with the sound of music!”
(I am soooooo sorry…… But you really should’ve seen that coming)

Okay, so I read this last one out loud to Mrs. Dragon and Izzy Dragon.  Mrs. Dragon groaned appropriately and the little one said, “I don’t get it.”  It so sad that our young dragonettes are so under educated.

4393

Sounds very familiar….

Well, I’d love to keep adding more and more to this, but I have to send it out at some time and the way it is now, it will probably take hours to load.  So, have a wonderful week.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

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