Dragon Laffs #1943

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Good Morning Campers,

Just another lazy Sunday morning here at Casa de Dragon.  And boy do I need one.  It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve had a day to just sit around and do nothing at all.  And that’s exactly what I plan to do today.  Nothing but sit here, write to you guys, laugh a little, maybe watch some TV.  Take Willow out a dozen times or so.  Boy, is she a pill.  I’m not really sure what bug has gotten up here ass, but Izzy Dragon left her backpack that she uses for work on one of the chairs in the living room last night when she went up for bed and Willow has determined that it is some sort of intruder and has stopped throughout the morning to bark at it…over and over and over again.  Then she’ll go back to playing or sleeping or whatever it was she was doing and then later she’ll spot it again and go back to barking at it again.  It is absolutely hilarious. 

Oh, and she loves to eat crickets.  I had to look up on line to make sure that they weren’t going to make her sick or anything because that has become her favorite outdoor activity.  Hunting and eating crickets.  And Lord knows there’s enough of them in the back yard for her to hunt down.  That and chasing the little white butterflies.  Those, she has a little more trouble catching.  Her favorite indoor activity?  Helping me with Dragon Laffs.  Which means it takes me roughly twice as long to put out an issue now as it used to.  LOL!  Now … if I only had twice as much time, that would be great.

So, what do you say we get to the good stuff, shall we?

Lets laugh

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Oh … by the way … those of you who were sending an email to impishdragon@gmail.com and getting a message about the mailbox being full … that problem has been fixed.  I had a clog in the delete drain that has been fixed.  Thanks to Leah for pointing it out to me.

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Posted a photo of my clean house and it was flagged and removed as “Fake News”

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Yeah … it’s on the Christmas wish list

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Dragons

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Sometimes those midnight snacks are the best.

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Fantasy

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“Wanna go swimming?”

Yeah, I know it’s lame, but I couldn’t think of anything else.

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That’s wrong in SO MANY ways.

Was in the pub a few months ago with my mate and these four huge bastards started mouthing off at us.  “Pretend we’re the police,” my mate said.

I only got half way through the first verse of Roxanne before they kicked the shit out of us.

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Motivational

Happiness 15

Happiness is not

Have you ever been so angry

Have you ever been so drunk

Have you ever been so mad

Have you ever been so mad2

have-you-ever-been-so-angry-thumb

He died fighting

He is not

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Why should the number 288 never be mentioned in company?

Because it is two gross.

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What has four letters,

sometimes has nine letters,

but never has five.

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Interesting Trivia

Owls’ ears are placed asymmetrically –

at different heights on the sides of their faces –

so sound reaches each ear at different times.

This is essential to identify the exact direction of their prey.

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Success is relative – The more success, the more relatives!

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A mate and I were walking past a poster on the local library wall.

It featured a photo of Einstein with the words

“Even Einstein reads books.”
My friend was amazed, he said …..

“I didn’t know Einstein’s first name was Even.”

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I went to see a psychic who was in a bad mood …

Then I saw a clairvoyant who was really grumpy.

I’m just trying to find a happy medium.

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I have some significant questions …

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I’m writing a book in the fifth person … So, every sentence starts out with: “I heard from this guy’s cousin who told somebody’s girlfriend …”

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So … you think the Army isn’t ready?

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The dog lied … and is now laughing his ass off.

Some people say, “Ignorance is bliss.”  I wouldn’t know about that.

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And if you don’t get this one, you are way too young.

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As soon as someone invents a time machine, I’m going back to when being fat and pale was a sign of nobility.

 

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A little boy has diarrhea and says to his mom, “I need some Viagra.”

Mom says, “Why?”

Little boy says, “Isn’t that what you give dad when his shit won’t get hard?”

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Politics

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I remember a man who said, “We need to close our borders.”
I remember a man who said, “We need to bring our businesses home.”
I remember a man who said, “We need to become less dependent on other countries to survive.”
I remember a man who said, “We need to take care of America first!!!”

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If you vote democrat after all this is over then you really are just an idiot!

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A dog had his chain reduced one link at a time, every few days, until his chain was so short he could barely move.  He never resisted because he was conditioned to the loss of his freedom slowly, over time.  It’s happening to Americans right now.

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And that’s it for today my friends.  Love and happiness to you all, enjoy your week until we meet again.  Cheers

Impish Dragon

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Dragon Laffs #1942

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Good Morning Campers,

So, a couple of things this morning.  First of all, the mini dragon training is going well.  Willow is learning things.  We took our first road trip yesterday.  Pepper (our other little friend) had a Vet appointment, so we decided to take Willow with us.  Willow pretty much couldn’t have cared less, she curled up on the back seat and fell asleep and slept pretty much the whole time.  Actually, that’s a good thing that she is so comfortable in the car.  So, I’m going to take her on more road trips so she stays comfortable.

We have also gone now three days (I think) with no accidents in the house and we are beginning to pick up on her cues of when she has to go.

So, that’s the Willow update.

Now, the Aussie Pete update.  Pete replied right away to my request for a status check:


Aussie Pete

Hi, Aussie Pete is doing O.K. I live in Queensland which has been fairly free of covid, earthquakes and idiot protesters, because our Premier has closed our southern border and won’t let any of these into our beautiful state. I’ve had my two jabs of Astra so I guess my chances of getting the virus is reduced, and if I did cop it hopefully not as severely as needing hospital care. So, all in all mate, I’m living the dream. Give Willow a pat for me. Keep smiling. A.P.

Thanks Pete!  Glad you are happy and healthy.

And I hope that all the rest of you are doing just as well, now let’s get started on the laughter and we’ll hit more mail in a little bit.

Lets Laugh

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Okay, since we’re already here, let’s intersperse some mail for now.  Marsha writes…


Dear Dragon,

If I survived covid , been tested and have high antibodies, can I now identify as vaccinated? Asking for health care worker that doesn’t want shot, and can’t afford to not work.

Marsha

Dear Marsh,

Males are identifying as females; females as males; Given half a chance, I’m pretty sure that Izzy Dragon would identify as a bowl of mac and cheese as much of it as she eats.  Biden identifies as a President … and Pelosi has been identifying as a human being for years.  So, yeah, I don’t see a problem with your friend identifying as vaccinated.  But sadly, it’s not up to me and I’m afraid they are going to run into some problems with their employers.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

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Geez!  That’s pretty generous.  20 children is a bit much even for me.

And this next one is from our own dear Stephanie in reply to John S’s comment from a couple of issues ago. 

Apparently John S. has never been to New Orleans.
The French Quarter is on high ground and it, along with the Garden District, did not flood during hurricane Katrina. There is no other place like it. Historical, haunted, festive, Creole food, a melting pot of French, Italian, English, African, Haitian, many different tribes of Indian, Swamps, bayous, rivers, creeks. Horse drawn carriages, street performers, magicians, jazz bands, riverboats, St. Louis Cathedral, the French market.
Come spend a weekend and see if you can see why it has value.

Okay, but don’t just pick on John S.  I also said that I didn’t understand why people would build a city that far below sea level.  And can’t you have all those things on higher ground?  I understand it’s a wonderful place … but it floods every couple of years.  It reminds me of people who live in the desert.  Why?  Move somewhere else.  You can still have the same things you have where you are, just someplace better.  Love you Steph, but it never makes sense to me for people to live someplace where it floods all the time.

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Active policy statement?  The name of the town?  I’m not sure, but there is definitely a story here.

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Is there any of the old free coffee left?

Leah D Writes:453

Wondering . . . you speak of HazMat outfits, I read this morning that one ICU nurse ended up with serious bladder problems because it was too much trouble and took too much time to get out and back into the HazMat outfits they have to wear on the covid floors. Knowing how easy it is for a male, compared to a female, did they make any special changes in female versions of the HazMat you wear?
What do you mean there isn’t any specific male/female outfits?

Here is an individual in a correct MOPP 4 ensemble.  There is no difference between the male and female outfits.  No, it’s not easy to relieve yourself while “MOPPed out” but not THAT hard.  I know your ICU nurse was not wearing anything as difficult as our MOPP gear so I suspect that her main problem wasn’t that it was too much trouble or took too much time, but either laziness on her part or poor 454management on the facilities part.

No, it’s not easy.  Even if she is in level A protection (Which I also have to wear at times and looks like this to the left) you can take the time to get out of it and take care of yourself.  You HAVE to take the time to get out of it and take care of yourself.

So, in MY opinion … and it is my opinion … there is a disconnect somewhere.  And with the fact that there is a huge problem right now with staffing, it could be that there is just not enough people to give the people who are working a break to take care of themselves.  And if that is the problem, then that is a HUGE problem and needs to be addressed.

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Dragon Pics

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“Hmm, he said he was going to be home … I wonder where he could be …”

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Stealing someone’s coffee is called mugging.

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Breathtaking

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This is what an Icelandic ice cave lit up by a burning flare looks like.

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Biden was in three states today:

Unconscious, Semi-conscious, and disoriented.

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This could easily be Willow.

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And why not?  You were young once, too, right?

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Sept 11
Saw a pretty amazing thing tonight at the gym. This firefighter was on the stair climber in full equipment, including his mask and oxygen tank. After about a half hour, I saw him finishing and taking his gear off so I went over to tell him how much I respected what he was doing. I figured he was training for a firefighter exam, but when I commented on it, he exclaimed, “110 floors! Took me 30 minutes, 10 seconds.” 110 floors… OMG. It’s September 11 and he had just climbed the equivalent of 110 floors like the firefighters did in the World Trade Center. Apparently, this is a tradition that many firefighters do to honor the 343 firefighters who lost their lives in the line of duty that day. It’s a helluva tribute!

Thanks Leah!  Yes, that’s a helluva tribute indeed!

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Fantasy

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“Oh … so you say you’re planning a picnic today?”

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Irony:  Getting hit by an ambulance.

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This is ridiculous!

My daughter’s pediatrician asked her if I had any guns in the house.  She didn’t understand this was an invasion of privacy, so she told him yes.

Now he’s always asking me where to find ammo.

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Motivate

Ha, Ha, Ha

haircuts

Haircuts2

half

halflings

Hallucinogens

Hammertime

Hangman

hangover

Hangovers

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I got this next one from Leah and laughed my ass off!!

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I have two granddaughters and their husbands who failed to follow protocol!

Whitey was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers called pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs. Whitey kept records and any rooster that didn’t perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.

That took an awful lot of Whitey’s time so Whitey got a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Whitey could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. Whitey’s favorite rooster was old Brewster, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning, Whitey noticed old Brewster’s bell hadn’t rung at all!

Whitey went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. BUT, to Whitey’s amazement, Brewster had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring. He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

Whitey was so proud of Brewster, he entered him in the county fair… and Brewster became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result… The judges not only awarded Brewster the “No Bell Piece Prize”, but they also awarded him the “Pulletsurprise” as well. 

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She said she missed me.

Normally that would be good, but she’s reloading.

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I found that I have been happier since I changed from coffee in the morning to orange juice.  My doctor explained that it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I really think it’s the Vodka.

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politics

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I accidently punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life I don’t know what does.

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And that’s it for today my friends.  I hope you had as much fun as I did.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

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Dragon Laffs #1941

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Good Morning Campers,

What a week!  First of all, the little Willow Dragon has become the most littlest of scamps!  What fun she is.  As I am typing this, late on Wednesday as you probably guessed because I have been busy catching up from my busiest of weeks, she is sound asleep on my feet behind my laptop.

It’s been raining all week and we’ve determined that she really, really doesn’t like the rain.  And our house training has suffered a little bit because of it.  But, that’s all right, we’ll get it worked out.

Got some bad news this week.  A very good friend of mine, a military member, took his own life last Friday.  I didn’t find out about it until Monday.  He left behind a wife and two young girls.  I really don’t understand why or what was going on.  And it bothers me that, considering that we were friends, that I DIDN’T know why or what was going on.  Now, I get to go to his visitation tomorrow and his mass on Friday.

Australia is in upheaval.  Pete, you need to write and let me know how you’re doing brother.  From what I’ve seen with the authorities firing rubber bullets at peaceful protestors and arresting people for bring food into the cities, it seems like the place is going to hell in a hand basket.

And Biden is again not allowed to answer questions in the Oval office … is it because he’s unable to and the aides know it?  Geez folks, what the hell is going on in our country?

We really need to laugh, don’t you think?

Let's Laugh

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Chuck Norris has been exposed to the Coronavirus ….

…. the virus is now in quarantine for 2 weeks.

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She says I keep pushing her buttons.  If that were true, I would have found “mute” by now.

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3cb453

 

3cc

 

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Dragon Pic

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What’s that song about being a rose … yeah baby … that’s me!

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The Institute of Unfinished Research has concluded that 6 out of 10 people

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Fantasy

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Ahhh … the feeling of freedom …

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I love this joke …

So, I was at the bar last night and the waitress screamed, “Anyone know CPR?”

I said, “Hell, I know the entire alphabet.”

Everyone laughed … well, except this one guy.

I know, it’s kind of sick, but I still laughed.

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Motivational

gun control 2

gun control

Gun Fights

gun safety training

Gunfight

guns don't

Guns

guns2

Gurkhas

guts

Guy walks inot a bar

gym clothes

Gym_Teacher

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A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.  “Ha!  That’s not going to help,”  she said. 

“Sure, it does,” he said.  “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

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There should be more of this in the world.

Just asked Siri, “Surely it’s not going to rain today?”

She said, “It will, and don’t call me Shirley.”

I forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode.

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Maybe I should have paid more attention to this one.

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There will always be someone who can’t see your worth.

Don’t let it be you.

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4c

And that’s it my friends.  Until we meet again, may your days be filled with love and happiness.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

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Dragon Laffs #1940

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So, Good Morning Campers,

I’m going to apologize again to you right up front for this being a quick and simple issue.  I got home late last night from the conference (Saturday) and Sunday has been full of exciting things.  First and foremost you may have noticed the addition of the new editor in chief in the above picture.  While I was gone, Mrs. Dragon and Izzy Dragon picked up a new friend.  Please meet Willow:

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Willow is a black Lab mix.  What the girls didn’t expect is that as soon as I walked in the door, Willow fell in love with me and we have been practically inseparable ever since.

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If I sit down she promptly climbs up on my lap and wants to fall asleep.  If I get up she follows me around the house.  I’m the only one she will go out side and pee and poop for.  She’s already listening to me and she’s only 11 weeks old.  It’s hilarious and pissing both of them off especially since I said that I wasn’t ready for a new dog yet and they said there wasn’t anything I could do to stop them while I was gone.  And they were right and now their dog is my dog…in less than 24 hours.

Still the Alpha Male.

LOL!

She is awfully cute.

She can stay.  But, I think I’m going to change her name to Prison Bitch.  If you look close, you can see the little scars on the end of her nose (cause of all the fights she’s been in in the joint) and when she eats, she scrunches down over her food and wraps her paws around her bowl so no one will steal her food, just like they do in prison.

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So yeah, Willow, Prison Bitch, or Jail-Cell Sally.  Although Mrs. Dragon did say that if she begins to answer to Prison Bitch, then I have to go … so there is that.

Anyway, we also had to return a car, I had to mow the lawn and we had to go shopping.  Monday is trash day, so today we had to gather all the trash (not THAT big a job) but there are certain things we have to do on Sundays.  All this leads me to say that … this is going to be a relatively short issue.  And now Willow is pushing the mouse around the mouse pad … lol.

Anyway, let’s get to doing some laughing …

Lets laugh

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I was on the toilet when my friend sent me an XXX video.  I played it, but there was no sound.  I increased the volume to the highest, but still no sound.  So, I didn’t bother … I watched it for 8 minutes before I remembered my phone was connected to the Bluetooth in the living room!!  My family and OUR GUESTS are waiting for me to come out.

I’ve been in the toilet for 8 hours now.

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Everyone needs someone who will call and say: Get dressed, we’re going on an adventure.

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Dragon Pix

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Some cauldrons are much different than others …

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I hate it when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real.  If I could counterfeit money I wouldn’t be at Dollar Tree.

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Fantasy

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On a three hour tour …

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My Guardian Angel …

Just filed a restraining order against me.

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coollogo_com-155905453

Ground Control

Ground Zero Mosque

grounds for divorce

Group Failure

Guard Dog

Guarranteed Delivery

Guess (2)

Guess What

Guess

Guess3

Guinea Pigs

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I run like the winded.

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They say that money doesn’t buy happiness, but I’m accepting donations to test that theory.

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That’s it my friends.  Gotta go, falling asleep.  Hopefully I’ll have a real issue for you soon.

Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

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Dragon Laffs #1939

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Okay, so I’m here at the Indiana Emergency Response Conference and it’s actually a pretty good time.  WAY out of my wheel house, mostly having to do with Fire and Emergency Medical Services, but I’m learning a lot and doing a lot of contacting making … but what it’s not leaving me a lot of time for is you guys.  So, it’s Friday night and there’s just tomorrow morning left, but I want to put a little something together for you guys for tomorrow morning, just so you know that I haven’t forgotten about you and to let you know that I love and care about you before I fall face first into my pillow.

So here’s some laughs to get you through to Monday.

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Maybe my mom was right all those years ago.

Maybe I won’t be happy until someone loses an eye.

Maybe that’s what’s been missing.

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I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits.

The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

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Dragon Pix

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Yeah, this one just because it’s cute.

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Why would I want to be alone with my thoughts?

Have you heard some of the shit that comes out of my mouth?

Just try and imagine what’s trapped inside this head of mine …

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Fantasy

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Yeah … and just because I like this one, too.

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Pretty much my theory for most everything.1701

I think we can conclude that the

“Time Out”

generation didn’t produce as good of citizens as the

“Ass Beating”

generation.

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Motivational

Grandpa

granny-gun1

Grappling

Gratitude

gravity

gravity3

Gravity15

Great_Butt

Grief

Grieving

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Okay, going to end this issue with a shit load of politicals …cause I gotta get to sleep and I still have to pack because I gotta check out in the morning before anything starts. So ….

Pestering Politicians

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And that’s it my friends.  Until next time.  Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

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