DL/LL Digital Media Enterprises Memorial Day 2016 Issue

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As you arrive you can tell that plans are in full swing for the first 3 day party on the DL/LL Digital Media Readers Resort Mountain. There is a great deal of hustle and bustle in the parking lot centered around loading luggage into shuttle busses, parking cars and the issuing of color coded wrist bands corresponding to privilege levels and shuttle busses to be boarded when you are done. CyberLethals and iLethals abound to oversee all phases of the operation and get you inside as efficiently and swiftly as possible.

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As you are directed towards the building you notice the walkways are lined with simple white crosses, White marble tombstones and battlefield crosses adorned with dog tags softly tinkling in the gentle breeze. Each is attending by one of the DL/LL Veterans standing behind the grave marker at parade rest.

 

 

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As you come abreast of each one in your groups headed for the entryway they snap to attention and recite:

“This is my gone before serviceman. There are legion like him dating back to the first shots fired in the American Revolution but this one is mine. I will honor him and keep the memory of his sacrifice and service alive as I hope one day someone will keep mine, lest we ever forget the high price of freedom.”

 

 

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The grave markers continue though the building to the elevator and again down the corridor to the Conference room.

Inside, there 10 flags are displayed in two ranks in front of the stage watched over by a spit and polished honor guard. To the rear, The American Flag and the POW/MIA flag. In the front rank are flags for the five branches of the military services plus the Army Reserve, Air Force Reserve and the National Guard , each flag attended by one of its own.  Lethal and Impish stand at the podium in full uniform awaiting you.

Staff urge to hurry grab your refreshment of choice and take your seat as soon as possible. As soon as you have Lethal begins:

Good Morning, Thank You all for coming.

We are here today to begin a three day weekend which culminates in Memorial Day, a day of remembrance for our honored dead, our fallen service men and women.

Why is it important we remember the fallen? The answer is simple, a man’s (or woman’s) legacy is all anybody has left after they shuffle off this mortal coil.

More than 500 WWII Veterans die every day. And when the last one dies, we will begin to forget. That is what happens, you see … do you remember World War I? Do you feel the emotional connection to that war? But as long as we take the time to remember and honor those who lost their lives fighting for our great Country they will never really be lost. Their legacy will remain.

Regardless of their background, upbringing, branch of service, where they were stationed or what action they saw, they all have one thing in common. Each of their legacies starts off with the same notation-

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13 KJV

When needed, they stepped up, took an oath pledging their lives in the service of their country and defense of friends, family and total strangers. Regardless of all the rest of their accomplishments or failures, that alone is worthy of remembrance and honor. This has happen for eleven separate wars for a total of nearly 1.2 million causalities. Lord only knows how many have lost their lives in covert operations and are not therefore openly counted in these figures. Never should we allow any future generation to forget men and women such as these have lived and died for us.

That Ladies and Gentleman is the reason and importance behind Memorial Day. Please keep it in mind this weekend.

One last thing, there exists an entire category of people whom it appropriate to honor this day. Those who made it back physically but mentally or spiritually died on the field of battle. First it was called ‘Shell Shock’ then ‘Battle Fatigue’. Those in Viet Nam coined the term ‘The Thousand Yard Stare’ then finally came ‘Post Traumatic Stress Disorder’. However you name it, these men too died on the battle field, they just didn’t fall down. So they too deserve our remembrance and honor.

Thank you for your kind attention. I know you are all anxious to get to the issue and what comes after so without further preamble lets get this issue started

Ladies and Gentleman I would ask that you join Impish and I in standing for the raising of the National Colors.

Morning Colors USMC style at Parris Island

 

Please be seated. You may slurp it, munch it, dunk it, smoke it, vape it or toke it (but don’t inhale it!) if you have it.

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Memorial Day Facts at a Glance

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Forgotten anything

 

A proud American seeks an MIA soldier: CBSN Special

 

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Bombardier’s Station in B-17.  The unit behind the chair is the bombing site. The item hanging down above it it’s the site for the remote operated chin turret which he fired. To the right of the chair you see the control yoke for the chin turret.

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The Meaning of Memorial Day – “Freedom is Never Free” – A Vietnam Veteran’s Tribute

 

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USS Missouri sends a 16 inch ‘Hi how are ya?’ to our enemies from her forward turret

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War Lyrics

Edwin Starr

War, huh yeah
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, oh hoh, oh
War huh yeah
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, say it again y’all
War, huh good God
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, listen to me

Oh, war, I despise
‘Cause it means destruction of innocent lives
War means tears to thousands of mothers eyes
When their sons go off to fight and lose their lives

I said
War, huh good God y’all
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, just say it again
War whoa Lord
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, listen to me
War, it ain’t nothin’ but a heartbreak
War, friend only to the undertaker

Oh war, is an enemy to all mankind
The thought of war blows my mind
War has caused unrest within the younger generation
Induction, then destruction who wants to die

War, good God, y’all
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, say it, say it, say it
War, uh huh, yeah, huh
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, listen to me
War, it ain’t nothin’ but a heartbreaker
War, it’s got one friend that’s the undertaker

Oh, war has shattered many young man’s dreams
Made him disabled bitter and mean
Life is much too short and precious to spend fighting wars these days
War can’t give life it can only take it away, ooh

War, huh, good God y’all
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, say it again
War, whoa, Lord
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, listen to me
War, it ain’t nothin’ but a heartbreaker
War, friend only to the undertaker

Peace love and understanding tell me
Is there no place for them today
They say we must fight to keep our freedom
But Lord knows there’s got to be a better way

War, huh, good God y’all
What is it good for?
You tell ’em, say it, say it, say it, say it
War, good Lord, huh
What is it good for?
Stand up and shout it, nothing
War, it ain’t nothin’ but a heartbreaker

 

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Live on PBS From the West Lawn of the U.S. Capitol!

Sunday, May 29, from 8:00 to 9:30 p.m. ET

The National Memorial Day Concert features uplifting musical performances, documentary footage, and dramatic readings that honor the military service of all our men and women in uniform, their families at home and those who have made the ultimate sacrifice. One of PBS’ highest-rated programs, the multi-award-winning television event has become an American tradition, featuring a star-studded lineup performing in tribute to all Americans who have sacrificed for our country.

The program is co-hosted by Tony Award winner Joe Mantegna and Emmy Award winner Gary Sinise, two acclaimed actors dedicated to supporting veterans and troops.

The concert’s mission is to unite the country in remembrance and appreciation of the fallen and to serve those who are grieving. Executive Producer Jerry Colbert says, “We think of the agony of the mother or father who lost a child, the spouses and children left behind, the people who are wounded in body and soul. And we do this memorial service to remember and reach out to them. We must remember their sacrifices and continue the mission set forth by Abraham Lincoln to ‘care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow and his orphan.’”

 

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The True Meaning of Memorial Day

 

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National Moment of Remembrance

You’re so focused on unplugging and decompressing over the next few days that an appointment may have slipped your mind.

3 p.m. on Memorial Day, remember?

Sure, Memorial Day weekend is when America pretends that summer has started. And if you’re like 80% of us, that’s where the meaning of the three-day holiday begins and ends.

Which is why, in 2000, Congress passed The National Moment of Remembrance Act, as an added way of honoring America’s fallen heroes.

The National Moment of Remembrance, established by Congress, asks Americans, wherever they are at 3 p.m., local time, on Memorial Day, to pause in an act of national unity for a duration of one minute.

Each year at 3:00 p.m. on Memorial Day, Americans unite in a National Moment of Remembrance which honors America’s fallen and their families. During this Moment, 200 Amtrak trains blast their whistles, approximately 500,000 Major League Baseball fans are joined in silence, and countless other participants make a vow to remember.

Memorial Day was originally established as Decoration Day in 1868, as a way to honor the fallen soldiers of the Civil War. Never before had so many American soldiers died in battle, and as a result national cemeteries began to be formed. On the first Decoration Day, 5,000 participants gathered at Arlington National Cemetery to decorate the graves of the 20,000 Union and Confederate soldiers buried there. Southern states refused to acknowledge the day, choosing to honor their dead on separate days until after World War 1, when Memorial Day changed from honoring those who died during the Civil War to those fallen in any war.

But as the true meaning of Memorial Day has become obscured over time, shrouded in the haze of BBQ smoke, some were moved to institute a moment of silence. Allegedly, the idea for the moment came when children touring Washington D.C. were asked about the meaning of Memorial Day and responded, “That’s the day the pool opens.”

So the National Moment of Remembrance Act calls us to stop and remember. As noted by the Uniformed Services Benefit Association, here’s what will happen at 3pm on Monday in observance of the National Moment of Remembrance: Trains will blow their whistles. Almost 500,000 Major League Baseball fans will pause for a moment of silence. Cars will drive with their headlights on. Americans everywhere will wave flags. “Taps” will play throughout the nation.

The time 3 p.m. was chosen because it is the time when most Americans are enjoying their freedoms on the national holiday. The Moment does not replace traditional Memorial Day events; rather, it is an act of national unity in which all Americans, alone or with family and friends, honor those who died in service to the United States.

Won’t you please set a reminder on your phones or other digital devices right now and make a promise to take one solitary minute out of your Monday, 1/1440th of your Memorial Day to join with Impish and I in honoring our fallen heroes who paid with their lives for you to have the opportunity to celebrate Memorial Day?

Heart-wrenching story of Lance Cpl. losing his team

 

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Just A Common Soldier

Just A Common Soldier, also known as A Soldier Died Today, is one of the most popular poems on the Internet. Written and published in 1987 by Canadian veteran and columnist A. Lawrence Vaincourt, it now appears in numerous anthologies, on thousands of websites and on July 4, 2008 it was carved into a marble monument at West Point, New York. This year marks the poem’s 25th anniversary.

Thank to Paul K9 for sending this one in.

 

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Wrong question, wrong answer: Army chief of staff rejects on-post carry

[Highlighting and text emphasis is mine- L.L.]

By J.E. Dyer April 9, 2016

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A nice little lesson here in how framing the proposition the wrong way leads to a biased conclusion.

Jack Heretik reports at the Washington Free Beacon on recent Senate testimony given by General Mark Milley, the Army chief of staff.  Senator Mike Lee (R-UT) questioned Milley about personnel security on military facilities, both bases and off-base recruiting stations.

Milley responded that personnel security for recruiting stations is best managed by local commanders, who are familiar with the level of risk, local laws, and other related conditions.  He stipulates the following about the conditions of carry:

[S]ome of the constraints on that: people have to be trained, it must be a government owned weapon, can’t carry privately owned weapons, et cetera.

But here is how he responded on the question of individual soldier carry on bases. 

Note that Senator Lee did not mention concealed carry, with all that implies, in his question.  It’s the general who frames the issue in those terms:

Milley then answered about larger bases, saying that his preference for increased security is that it would be better for more police and guards.

“In terms of carrying privately owned weapons on military bases, concealed, privately owned weapons, that is not authorized. That is a DOD policy. I do not recommend that it be changed. We have adequate law enforcement on those bases to respond,” Milley said.

But hang on.  Who’s talking about carrying privately owned weapons, concealed?

On a military base, the going-in proposition should not be that someone with a concealed weapon might be ready to respond if an attacker starts pumping rounds at people.

The going-in proposition should be that a military base is a hard target because a lot of qualified, trained soldiers (in the case of the Army) are walking around with regulation sidearms in regulation holsters, out where everyone can see them.  Deterrence should be the organizing idea, more than reaction.

Of course there should be rigorous qualifications for this, including (in my view) a minimum grade, or rank, requirement, and a commanding officer’s formal permission, granted only after a soldier meets demanding criteria.  This responsibility isn’t for the most junior soldiers in the enlisted ranks.  It would have to be attended by rules that were part of an entrenched culture of firearm safety and responsibility.

But that last sentence is the key.  General Milley speaks from the mindset of an American culture that has come to treat firearms as too dangerous for the people to be trusted with.  The culture sees the people themselves as inherently untrustworthy, for a number of important purposes.  One of those is being armed, and able to defend yourself and defuse situations in which people’s lives are at risk.

There is a whole world of prejudicial assumptions behind the premise that all handling of dangerous situations must be left to those formally chartered for law enforcement.  Those assumptions have gone unexamined in American public discussions for decades now.

But the price we’re beginning to pay for refusing to examine those assumptions is very high.  It’s costing people their lives, whether they are formally prohibited from defending themselves (as in some states), or discouraged from defending themselves by cultural biases and assumptions.

Ultimately, the bias against seeing the people armed – even trained soldiers on a military base – is a bad trend that works to the advantage of excessive, improper government.

I have the greatest respect for General Milley, and I understand his concern about the administrative challenges of allowing soldiers to go armed on military bases.  The challenges are real.  It’s not like they’ve never been faced before; keeping everyone disarmed, by default, on a military base is a relatively recent development.  But changing the culture back to accepting armed soldiers as a baseline would unquestionably require effort and adjustment.

What Americans need to understand is that the members of the top military brass are not going to push for that.  Now that they don’t have to administer their forces on that basis, it just looks to them like a headache.

The people themselves have to decide that’s how they want their military to operate – because it’s how Americans live.  Not everyone has to embrace the armed life, with its serious responsibilities.  But those who don’t choose it must not be able to set the limits of fear and ignorance on those who do.

Same old story, they can fight and die  on an ill-conceived whim, but most can’t legally buy a beer or vote.

Not tho’ the soldier knew Someone had blunder’d: Theirs not to make reply, Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die:

Into the valley of Death Rode the service men & women of the US military.…at home…unarmed…but instead armored in targets of terrorist hatred.

 

 

Willie McBride a.k.a. Green Fields of France

Well how do you do young Willie McBride?
do you mind if I sit down here by your graveside
and rest for a while ‘neath the warm summer sun
I’ve been walkin’ all day and I’m nearly done
I see by your gravestone you were only nineteen
when you joined the great fallen of 1916
Well I hope you died quick and I hope you died clean
Willie McBride was it slow and obscene CHORUS

CHORUS
Did they beat the drum slowly did they play the fife lowly,
did they sound the death march as they lowered you down
did the band play the last post and chorus,
did the pipes play the “Flowers of the Forest”

And the beautiful wife or the sweetheart for life
in some faithful heart are you forever enshrined
and although you died back in 1916
in that faithful heart are you forever nineteen?
or are you a stranger without even a name
enshrined forever behind a glass pane
in an ould photograph torn tattered and stained,
fading to yellow in a brown leather frame? CHORUS

Now the sun shines down on the green fields of France
a warm summer wind makes the red poppys dance
The trenches have vanished under the plows,
there’s no gas no barbed wire, there’s no guns firing now
but here in this graveyard it’s still No Man’s land,
the countless white crosses stand mute in the sand
for man’s blind indifference to his fellow man,
to a whole generation that was butchered and damned CHORUS

Now Willie McBride I can’t help wonder why
Do those who lie here do they know why they died
Did they really believe when they answered the call
did they really believe that this war would end wars
For all of suffering and shame
the killing the dying was all done in vain
for young Willie McBride it’s all happened again,
and again, and again, and again and again CHORUS x2

 

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PLEASE Oh Lord, Let it happen in our life time- We’ve more than enough Willie McBrides already!

DL Sigs

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Leprechaun Laughs #343 for Wednesday May 25th 2016

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Yup, still raining around here. Rain has been in the forecast everyday now since last Tuesday. We were threatened with up to 6 inches total accumulation last week but thankfully only saw about 2.5 to 3 inches.

Now rain is in our forecast, or at least the threat of it every day right through Memorial Day. I’m starting to suspect this isn’t Texas and the Gulf Coast at all but that somehow while I was sleeping at some point I was transported the the Pacific Northwest and Seattle.

I’m beginning to fear that these dark green blotches on my already normally green skin are in fact patches of moss or mold growing on me!

So before all this rain turns me into the Swamp Thing, the Creature From the Black Lagoon or freaking Moss Man, let’s get this show on the road as I still have work to be done on the Memorial Day issue for Saturday.

Let's Roll - USA

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Creedence Clearwater Revival (live) – Who´ll stop the rain

 

Impish was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar.
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so he approached and asked, “Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland ?”
One of them angrily screeched, “It’s Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!”
So he apologized and replied, “I am so sorry.  Are you three whales from Scotland ?”
And that’s the last thing he could remember.

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The smartest way to trick a dog into taking medicine a dog into taking medicine

 

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feeling old yet

I think the Ninja cats have watched one too many Super Hero movies with Impish’s daughter. They’re demanding their own “Catmobile” now and this is what they came up with:

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Lonnie Johnson – Falling Rain Blues

 

Lethal Libations

Just in time for the holiday weekend this delicious adult beverage will go down refreshingly smooth all summer long and have you feeling no pain at all! What could be better than that?

Pain Killer

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If you need to numb the pain, the Pain Killer is just what the doctor ordered. It was originally concocted at the legendary Soggy Dollar Bar in the Sandcastle Hotel, Jost Van Dyke, British Virgin Islands. Technically you can’t make one unless you’re using Pusser’s Navy Rum. Pusser’s is a delightful rum based on the rum used by the British Navy until July 31, 1970.

Pain Killer

4 oz. rum (preferably Pusser’s)
4 oz. Pineapple Juice
1 oz. Coconut Cream
1 oz. Orange Juice
8 oz. Crushed Ice

Mix all ingredients in a blender and blend for approximately 3 seconds. Serve in a tiki mug or double rocks glass and dust with nutmeg, cinnamon, or both.

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From our ‘Everything is Bigger in Texas“Department- It was thought a small alligator had managed to find its way into Lake Conroe recently or that one of the alligator gar known the inhabit the swampy end  of the lake had grown too large and was venturing out in search of dinner. Reports of small dogs being missing, half eaten raccoons and squirrels being found on lawns as well as small water fowl suddenly being dragged under and never being seen again lasted about to weeks until this roughly 50 pound snapping turtle was spotted and captured. This was no easy feat either since he chewed his way though the volleyball net originally used to snare him before they got him to shore.

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Impish said the things attitude reminded him of one of his ex-wives.

Can’t Help Falling in Love (Elvis) – ThePianoGuys

Speaking of Impish, he is a big fan of The Piano Guys so this new one is for him. Enjoy buddy!

 

I say it’s a phoenix, Impish says it’s a dragon.  Regardless its pretty darn cool looking you’ve got to admit.

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Keep your eyes on the two glowing dots that appear below the tail hanging off the ledge.

owl & pigeons

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Have You Ever Seen the Rain? – John Fogerty

You can’t tell I have rain on my mind can you?

Hey I’d love to hang around and continue to watch you guys laugh coffee out your noses when you see things in the issue but I’ve got only 2 more days to finish the Memorial Day issue and its only about 75 or 80% done so I’m outta here. Catch you Saturday bright and early.

Computer Leprechaun

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1488

Header 73

Good Morning,

I think the above header is most appropriate for my week, this week.  I’ve worn so many different hats and been so many different people (and that’s not EVEN counting all the additional people in my head) that it’s just been a crazy week.

All three of us in the family have had one or more Doctor’s appointments this week, to the point that we had some sort of appointment every day.  And now the insurance company is going to give me a hard time over a medicine that the doctor put me on, because the administrative people at the insurance company know more what I need then my doctor does.

Anyway, the rest of the week was more of the same.

I’m working on Saturday, off on Sunday and will be having some people over on Saturday night.  You all are invited, the only requirement is for you to bring your own drinks.  I used to try and have something for everyone in the drinks department, but that got to be way too crazy so now I have what we like, and you’re always welcome to share that, but otherwise, you’re on your own.

OH, and the number one rule.  If you’re going to drink, I get your keys when you show up.  Even if you have a dedicated sober driver, I will happily give them back to the DD when you’re ready to leave if that individual has remained sober.

So, now that I’ve said a great deal of nothing in my opening monologue, let’s get to the good stuff while I go take a nap.  I really got to get better writers.

coollogo_com-20902805

1983

Three nurses sadly pass away. They rise up into heaven, and there they approach the gate keeper to plead their case for entering paradise.

So the keeper points to the first nurse, who says: “I worked in an emergency room. I treated many people, and always did my best to help. And although sometimes we would lose patients, I still think I deserve to enter.”

The gate keeper glances at her file and admits her to heaven.

The second nurse then says, ” I used to work in the operating room, assisting surgeons. It was a lot of stress, and we lost many people, but I always did my best.”

The keeper glances at her file and motions her to enter.

“And you?” He asks the third nurse.

“I was a case manager for an HMO. I worked with thousands of patients.” She answers confidently.

The gate keeper takes a long and careful look at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts entering digits quickly, looking back from time to time at the woman’s file. After a few minutes like this, the keeper looks up, smiles at her and says: “Congratulations! You’ve been admitted to heaven…for five days!”

1984

Breaking News

We interrupt this e-zine to bring you this breaking news story. 

Lewinsky Fails To Endorse Clinton

Monica Lewinsky released the following statement on Hillary Clinton’s run for President:

“I will not vote for Hillary Clinton. The last Clinton Presidency left a bad taste in my mouth. As we get closer to November of this election year, citizens must remember that they cannot trust Hillary Clinton to create American jobs. The last time she had a meaningful job, she outsourced it to me. And I simply blew it.”

Monica

We now return you to your issue of Dragon Laffs already in progress.  Thank you for your understanding.

…and the grocer says, “That’s NOT a banana, lady!”

1985

California Self Defense…………. 
A liberal acquaintance from California asked me what I thought he might need in order to defend his home and family from home invasion and the like. 
  I suggested a 9mm, a couple of clips, and a box of shells. 100
A few days later he sent me this picture and asked me how to make it all work.
He voted for Obama…twice.
Dragon Pix
d2016042505Don’t ever, ever, ever! Get between a mother and her babies!

1986Ain’t that the truth!!!!  I’d shop at that store!

 

 

Video

So, I started with this very cute “Mental Health Hotline Message” and afterward there was video after video of taped scammer calls and phone scammers being owned and all kinds of good stuff.  Be aware that after you watch this one, you may very well be sucked in and watch for hours.  Sadly, this is the first one that I watched this morning (Monday) and got absolutely nothing else done before I had to go to work.

Every now and then we have to give you one of those really nice, touchy/feely videos to make you feel good about the world.  Here’s one of them now:

 

And I’ve included thjs one, just because stuff blowing up is cool and fireworks are cool, so when a fireworks factory blows up, that is pretty much at the top of the coolness scale.

 

 

1987

 

Fantasy

f2010050401

As some/many of you know, I’m a science geek as well as a fantasy, mythical creature.  And rather than being just involved with my own heritage (the realm of fantasy and mythology oddly enough) I’m also a big fan of science fiction.  This detail of the U.S.S. Enterprise is really quite detailed.  I believe I saved the whole hi-res picture above, so if you’d like to get a better look at it, you can left click and “save as” and when you open it with your picture program you should be able to zoom in on the details.

But then again, maybe not.

1988

Can I get an amen?
Amen Sheep

 

1989

 

Public Service

There is yet another new scam off wondering around with out adult supervision.  This scam involves spoofing your caller I.D. and trying to trick you into believing you are receiving a call from the police department, IRS, State Police, etc.  Here’s a quick article from our dear friends at the Kommando Show.
Watch out for fake caller ID scams

Just like you and me, scammers work hard to earn their living. So it should come as no surprise that they’re constantly coming up with new ways to trick people like you and me into simply handing over our hard-earned cash.

This time around, the FTC is warning people about a phone scam that is using fake caller ID information, called caller ID spoofing, to get victims to send money to what they think is a legitimate agency, such as the police department, a cable provider or another company you do regular business with.

Use the following guidelines, directly from the FTC, as rules of thumb to avoid caller ID scams:

  • If you get a strange call from the government, hang up. If you want to check it out, visit the official (.gov) website for contact information. Government employees won’t call out of the blue to demand money or account information.
  • Don’t give out — or confirm — your personal or financial information to someone who calls.
  • Don’t wire money or send money using a reloadable card. In fact, never pay someone who calls out of the blue, even if the name or number on the caller ID looks legit.
  • Feeling pressured to act immediately? Hang up. That’s a sure sign of a scam.

I know that the “computer issue” stuff is Lethal Leprechaun’s forte, but I felt this was important enough to get this out to you as soon as possible.  I’ve seen and read a lot about people still being scammed by these scumbags, and it’s usually some older person who isn’t as savvy at this sort of thing and it pisses me off.
Don’t ever, ever, ever believe what you get in your e-mail, unless you’re sure it’s from someone you actually trust.  And remember, the scumbags can make it look like you’re getting an email from someone you know, too.  And don’t ever trust anyone who calls you on the phone, no matter what the caller I.D. says.  If they called you, you can’t be sure.  If you want to be sure that the person on the phone is who they say they are, hang up the phone, look up the number to the organization they claim to be from (don’t ask them for the number for you to call back, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t give you the right number) and call them to see if they are looking for you for some reason.

Okay, Public Service is now out of service.  Back to the laughs!

1990

 

Thanks to K² for this next one,
4f

Quote of the day.   No … of the week! Wait!   Make that a month.   Actually, it

q

ualifies as quote of the year.

No!  DECADE. Wait a minute.  It’s the greatest quote EVER!

 
“My accomplishments as Secretary of State? Well, I’m glad you asked! My proudest accomplishment in which I take the most pride, mostly because of the opposition it faced early on, you know, the remnants of prior situations and mind-sets that were too narrowly focused in a manner whereby they may have overlooked the bigger picture, and we didn’t do that, and I’m proud of that. Very proud. I would say that’s A major accomplishment.”
 
– Hillary Clinton 11 March 2014
Could someone please tell me what she just said?  And she is running for President?

That really would be about right.  And that is a perfect lead in to:
Poke Politician

4c

 

I figured that this spot is perfect for the following graphic:

3d

4d

4e

4i

Baby says, “Let’s see…is her mouth open?  Then yup, she’s spouting shit!”

4j

Okay!  Uncle!  I can’t take anymore! 

We need to go right into Motivational Posters so we can laff!
Kung_Fu

Kyle

lady gaga

Lady gaga2

lamborgorhini limo

laptop

1991

101

1992

And it really sucks when you can’t find the damn can opener!

Now, here’s a new section that I’d love for all of you to contribute to.  It has to do with weeding out the shallow end of the gene pool and it’s called:
coollogo_com-167301556

You’ll understand the title in just a second…
20

“Hey!  I’ll bet if I pull the trigger back a little bit, it will let enough light in the other end that I’ll be able to tell if there is a bullet in there or not.”

21

“I’m Batma…” Thud!

22

I always wondered where “Stumpy” got his nickname from.

23

“Hey Jethro, kneel down, hold my beer and watch this!”

24

“Sure son, go on out and play on the trampoline if you want.”

102

And it goes by WAY TOO FAST!!!

1994

Of course!  What else would it be?

103

“Bubba!  Come on!  Walmart dropped the price of those chips you like!”

! BIRDBRAINS Drop-In Template.ai

1993

1997

And with that my friends, another issue of Dragon Laffs has come to an end.  I know there wasn’t as much of my jabbering in this issue, but I hope you all got something to laugh at.  Until next time…

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Leprechaun Laughs #342 for Wednesday May 18, 2016

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We’re getting as much as another 6 inches of rain this week. So far since Saturday we’ve gotten probably 2.5” but thankfully have managed to avoid any serious flooding from prolonged downpours.

As this is ‘graduation season’ I’ve been hard at work with several caterers as per my usual, coming up with new ideas, making old things new again and tossing in a couple Yankee favorites Texas apparently have never come across before. However the rather unpredictable weather and subsequent last minute venue change are driving everyone I’m working with to distracted frazzlery.

As a result, I’m pressed for time to write my usual brilliant opening and make my deadlines so lets just get to it shall we?

Opening Logo 10

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‘Bout time my espresso got here!

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What Happens When You Throw A Pound Of Solid Sodium Into A River?

 

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THE DONALD’S FIRST DAY IN OFFICE

1. President Donald Trump and Vice President Marco Rubio are sworn into office.

2. In a rare event on inauguration day, Congress convenes for an emergency
meeting to repeal the illegal and unconstitutional Socialist healthcare
farce known as Obamacare. The new Director of Health and Social Services Dr.
Ben Carson announces that an independent group of healthcare management
professionals is hired to handle healthcare services for poor and low income
people. They are also assigned the duty of eliminating Medicare and Medicaid
fraud. Government’s costs for public healthcare are reduced by 90%.
Healthcare insurance premiums for working Americans are reduced by 50%. The
move saves billions of taxpayer paid dollars. Healthcare service in the U.S
improves 100%.

3. Newly appointed Department of Homeland Security Chief Ted Cruz announces
the immediate deployment of troops to the U.S. Mexico border to control
illegal immigration and the immediate deportation of illegals with criminal
records or links to terrorist groups. New bio-encrypted Social Security IDs
are required by every American citizen. Birthright is abolished. All
immigration from countries that represent a threat to the safety of American
citizens is terminated indefinitely. The move saves American taxpayers
billions of dollars. Several prisons are closed.

4. Newly appointed Secretary of Business and Economic Development Carly
Fiorina eliminates more than half of the Government agencies operating under
the Obama administration saving taxpayers billions of dollars. Stocks rise
100%.

5. Newly appointed Director of Government Finance Rand Paul announces the
abolition of the IRS and displays a copy of the new Federal Tax Return form.
It consists of one page. The instructions consist of two pages. The Federal
Reserve is audited. The move saves American Taxpayers billions of dollars
and increases tax revenue.

6. Hillary Clinton is in prison, where she belongs. Her cell is directly
across from Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton who are serving time for
“Hate Crimes”. She bitches at them constantly from behind the bars of her cell in what some call cruel and unusual punishment.

7. Bernie Sanders is in the nuthouse, where he belongs. His room is directly across from Nancy Pelosi, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Chris Matthews and Al Franken. They meet for tea every day at 10 AM and discuss the success and benefits of Communism and Socialism throughout the world. They also wonder when the Mothership” is going to pick them up and return them to their home planets.

8. Windows 12 is released. It is designed for humans, doesn’t try to satisfy the needs of every person on the planet, doesn’t require a degree in nuclear physics to operate and looks just like Windows 7 except it is easier to use.

9. Barack Obama flees the United States under cover of darkness and returns to his homeland of Kenya before his trial for treason begins. He deplanes on a remote jungle airstrip. It was reported that he was last seen wandering through the jungle singing “Hakuna Matata” with a chimp named Commie.

10. Oscar Meyer announces the introduction of a new cholesterol and fat free pepperoni that tastes just like regular pepperoni.

11. Not to be outdone, Kraft Foods announces the introduction of several varieties of cholesterol and fat free cheeses that taste just like regular cheese.

12. A committee is not established to determine what is causing global
cooling. Billions of taxpayer dollars are saved.

13. Dead people are no longer allowed to vote in Chicago, a huge blow for the Democrat Party in the State of Illinois.

And this my friends constitutes THE PERFECT DAY!

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Truth is it never was.

20054112_30_600_360

 

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What are the differences between gas and charcoal? If I’m cooking with propane, how can I tell if my tank is full or empty? And if I’m using charcoal, how do I know which type of charcoal to buy?

In this series of videos, we do our best to provide clear and well-informed answers to the most common questions about cooking on outdoor grills of all types. Our experts offer advice on choosing a type of grill, picking the right kind of fuel, buying the best accessories, and cooking your meat to the perfect level of doneness.

These tips and tricks come to us courtesy of our friends at Reviewed.com. The team also produced some shopping aids: buying guides for gas grills and for charcoal grills, and another buying guide just for portable grills. You can see even more at Reviewed.com’s 2016 Guide to Grilling.

http://www.wired.com/2016/05/gas-or-charcoal/

Too much info for posting in the issue so go peruse what catches your eye. It’s ok I’ll just get a coffee refill and wait right here.

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Along with the rain we’ve been getting a lot of wind this week which made me remember this old chestnut.

The Association Windy

 

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Molly bought the Ninja Kitty Clan a new water dish. The aerating one with 64 oz. back up tank was about five or six years old and showing its age. Our water is hard here and it tends to etch and cloud plastic as well as leave lime scale deposits which are basically impossible to remove without the use of chemicals, Chemicals which I have no clue as to their possibly being harmful to cats.

Since Molly was unable to locate the same one we currently had [there was a plastic ‘T’ with a hose attached to an aquarium pump which caused the dish to bubble softly and keep the water fresh for them which they quite liked after a day or two of getting used to it) she was forced to purchase another style. This one is based on a fluid pump and sends the water up the inside of a small mushroom in a slight fountain effect.

Unfortunately, unlike the bubbles which were static in one location and worked around, the fountain effect is entirely random and unpredictable in terms of height or where the fall of the water column is at any given time. This leads to the entirely intolerable condition of wet whiskers. SC resolved this issue by simply placing a paw over the fountain source and spattering water all over the place while drinking. Chai on the other hand solved her wet whisker issue by simply refusing to drink from the demon bowl at all. Instead she fills the bowl with whatever she can find  located on the floor, in bathroom waste baskets or out right steal off higher surfaces. Pens, hair ties, a hair brush, several unopened fast food straws, a set of chopsticks and a $5 bill so far have all be retrieved from the new water dish. OF course a cat refusing to drink or not getting enough to drink is an extremely serious potentially health threatening issue for them so for the time being we’ve had to capitulate and place a soup bowl on the floor wither water in it which is basically 2 giant steps backward.

Sigh!

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Speaking of cats of the Ninja clan, I am reliably informed that Brutus the Brutal , our Complaint Department Head no has staff, our as her prefers to refer to them ‘crew’. Here he is with his new hires, Buster and Reaper.

Honestly though, his hanging with Impish all the time has turned him into suck a little diva. See here:

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Where the rest of the clan is happy with an occasional wee saucer of 1/2 and 1/2 mid afternoon, certain furballs are demanding an iced latte! Personally I think Impish put him up to this so he has an excuse for an afternoon donut run. Unfortunately Impish forgot that to Brutus his not being around to make said donut and latte run is not an acceptable reason to Brutus for him to forgo his latte. For a wee little furballls his caterwauling until he gets what he wants is both impressive and downright annoying.

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Well I’d like to hang around but the maid service is here and I have to oogle  supervise that is.

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Lethal's Business Card

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Dragon Laffs #1487

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Good Morning Campers,

Today is Monday.  I actually started this issue on Saturday morning, but had such a full weekend that I couldn’t sit down in a quiet spot and just write to you guys.  So, here I am now.

Except…

I gotta go to work in a couple of minutes.  Sigh.  So, anyway.

Saturday, my kid, you’ve met him before, the Whelpling.  He came over with his lovely wife, she’s a true Angel.  And their three kidlets…the Mini-Whelplings?  Grand-Whelplings?  I don’t know.  So, the five of them came over and we had a REALLY GREAT time.

Sunday, yard work.  And I only got about half of it done.  See, the yard is big enough and I’m old enough that I have a ride on mower for most of it and a regular push mower for the rest.  Well, I had just started on the portion behind the garage when I heard a big bang, the sound of the engine and blades changed sounds.  The engine started whining and smoking and the blades stopped. 

I knew what had happened.  And I had told myself over and over to get a spare. 

The belt from the drive shaft to the blades broke.  So for right now I’ve got a little tractor that doesn’t do anything.  I have a belt on order and I figured that since I was going to be underneath this thing to work on it anyway, I might as well change out the blades.  So, that will not happen until sometime after Wednesday.  I’m just really glad that I got the main portion near the house done before it went kablooie.  So I did the very small front yard and the touch up in the back near the house with the push mower and the back part of the yard will just have to wait.

So, that was my weekend.  How was yours?  You know, there’s a comment button around here somewhere for you to click on and tell me all about it. But, for now, let’s get to laughing.

So when is “Old Enough To Know Better” supposed to kick in?

Have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered “who ties your shoelaces for you?”

let's laugh

1969

Nice!  Math humor.  You gotta love it.

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, “Listen here, good looking. I will screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, their place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on… It doesn’t matter to me.  I just love it.”
His eyes now wide with interest, he responds, “No kidding… I’m in Government too.  Are you federal or state?”

As a government employee myself, I take umbrage…. no, never mind.  Even I can’t lie that convincingly.

1970

Nicely played person with chalk.  Nicely played.

10

I woke up in a cold sweat the other night with a nightmare that was horribly similar to that last joke.

1971

11

1972

Dragon

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Here’s a “behind-the-scenes” picture of my short lived film career.  I’m the one breathing fire.  No, I wasn’t the star of the film, I was a stunt double for the “leading man” Puff.  Don’t even get me started as to the pay inequality when I did ALL the hard work, the flying, the flame breathing, taking shots from arrows from villagers, and he’s the one who got to eat all the virgin sacrifices.  Now, is that fair?  No.  I think not!

1973

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter:
“Me want coffee.”

 

The waiter says, “Sure Chief. Coming right up.”

 

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee…..

 

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

 

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter: “Me want coffee.”

 

The waiter says, “Whoa, Tonto! We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?”

 

The Indian smiles and proudly says, “Training for position in United States Congress. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull,
Leave mess for others to clean up
.
Disappear for rest of day.”

 

NOVEMBER 2016 VOTE WISELY!

Politicians

So that last joke…or you can possibly call it a warning … naturally leads us to this topic.  Let’s laugh (or cry) about the current state of American Politics.
4d

Hey Campers.  Aren’t we all getting just a little sick and tired of this whole gun bullshit?  Every friggin’ democrat out there has some plan to take our guns away from us.  The 2nd Amendment to the Constitution of the United States guarantees our freedom to protect ourselves.  Protect ourselves from some one(s) who want to hurt us or our families.  And maybe more importantly, protect ourselves from the big evil government from trying to hurt us, take away our guns, tax the living crap out of us…the list goes on and on.

I’m just tired of listening to this illegal bullshit. And the people who are buying into this crap. If you take away guns from your law abiding citizens, the only ones who will have guns are the criminals.

4e

And that’s the crap that some “Americans” want in the White House?

4f Oh!  Don’t even get me STARTED on that nonsense!  Go ahead and try to follow my wife or daughter into the women’s room.  You sure won’t have to be “confused” over your gender identity anymore.

4g

Oh, were it ever that easy.

4h

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Pure Evil Genius!

So, I found this next infograph so interesting, I just had to share it with you, my favorite campers.

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11

Yup.  I’m pretty sure that that would have meant divorce, at the very least, for most of us.

1974

Fantasy

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There is a great story behind this picture!  I mean SUPER GREAT!  Sadly, you’ll have to ask Ginny and possibly Diaman for an explaination since I was forced by them to sign a non-disclosure statement.  But, since I only agreed not to speak of it, I can show you this one and only photo of the incident in question and advise you to go ask the girls about it.

A young Navy officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear.  Since he wasn’t physically impaired he  remained in the  military and eventually became an Admiral.

However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.

One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff.

The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview.  At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, “Do you notice  anything different about me?” The Master  Chief answered,  “Why yes.  I couldn’t help but notice you are missing your starboard ear, so I don’t know whether this impacts your hearing on that side.”

The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.

The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, “Well yes, you seem to be short one ear.”

The Admiral threw him out also.

The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major.  He was articulate, extremely sharp, a combat veteran and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together.  The Admiral  wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question.  “Do you notice anything different  about me?”

To his surprise the Sergeant Major said, “Yes.  You wear contact lenses.”
The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly  tactful  Marine.  “And how do you know that?”  the Admiral  asked.

The Sergeant Major replied, “Well sir, it’s pretty hard to  wear glasses with only one fucking ear.”

Well, if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear that Marine Sergeant Major was our own Lethal Leprechaun!

 

1975

I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet…
I get hungry!

1976

Critter

Here’s a category we haven’t done in a while….let’s get this one laughing!!
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a38

a39

And that’s one of the greatest thing about having a fenced in property.  I get up, hold open the back door the dog goes out.  I wait a while, go back to the back door, hold it open, the dog walks back in.  I could be standing there naked and no one would know the difference.  (And yes, I know I just pitched an underhanded softball to Lethal and fully expect him to hit it out of the park)

1977

It’s Tuesday morning and I’m sitting behind my computer like I normally am at 0515 hrs, getting my first glimpse of the day, taking my first couple of sips of coffee and listening to my flash briefing from my Echo device. 

As I’m sitting here listening, it occurs to me that we’ve turned into those crazy people of the future that Isaac Asimov talked about in the Foundation Series.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about you need to read those books.  Pure Classics.  But, what do I mean by that?

The first story of the day is how one state (Tennessee I think, the state’s not important) is having this huge battle over which bathroom you should use depending on your self perceived gender. 

I’m flabbergasted.  (That is such a great word!)

Of all the things that are going on in our world right now.  Iran is getting nuclear weapons, The spoiled child despot in North Korea is playing with nuclear weapons, 50,000 homeless disabled Vets, hundreds of thousand homeless Vets, untold numbers of homeless in general and the moron in the White House wants to bring in hundreds of thousands of refugees and give them a place to live, medical care, social security….Not a single solitary “refugee” should  be welcome on our land until every single homeless person has received the same privileges that the Muslim Moron wants to give away to non-Americans.

Anyway, I digress. 

My point is, that the inmates have taken over the Asylum.  And we’re all just hanging on by our fingertips.  What a country we’ve turned into.

I really need to laugh some more!…and go to work.

1978

Movie

Brenie Sanders destroys Hillary in debate on Vermont Gun Laws.  This is great fun to watch Bernie get Hillary during this debate.  He absolutely killed Hillary over this issue.

 

 

1979

Motivate

kittens

Kitty Porn

know

Know_the_Difference

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1980

The true sign of a redneck…getting it done, no matter what it takes.

1981

1982

Last Word

Not two minutes after I wrote my little rant on Tuesday Morning this article popped up on my computer.  Since it’s appropriate to what we’ve been discussing and since the whole idea of perverts using our restrooms for perverted reasons pisses me off to no end, I reproduce this article here in its entirety. 

What’s Next for Target Dressing Rooms – Attacks – Abductions?

On April 19, Target announced that anyone can now use their restrooms or dressing rooms, regardless of gender.

With its announcement, Target has made the statement that they are a company run by enlightened progressives who care more about equal rights than you and I.

Their statement, so chock-full of feel-good liberal buzzwords, it could have (and may have) been written by the Obama administration. On its corporate website they posted that, “We believe that everyone – every team member, every guest, and every community – deserves to be protected from discrimination, and treated equally. We welcome transgendered team members and guests to use the restroom or fitting room facility that corresponds with their gender identity.”

So we deserve to be protected from discrimination, just not from predators. They also mentioned that they “welcome transgendered team members” (store employees) yet strangely, I haven’t seen anywhere the number of transgender “team members” they have. And even odder is that the mainstream media has not bothered to ask. I wonder why that is, he asked rhetorically.

Instead, all we hear is the constant refrain of how anyone who doesn’t agree with the Target policy is a Bible-thumping myopic Neanderthal. When we with common sense dare to question the sanity of the Target policy, the left claims that we are unnecessarily whipping up opposition and just being absurd.

Yet we warned from day one what will happen. I don’t mean to imply that Target, as a private company, can’t institute any policy it wishes. They have every right to and once initiated, all who enter their stores must comply. If someone disagrees with a store policy they can turn around and walk away. Evidently, many have.

But still, we warned them. We warned that their policy would be abused, not by transgenders, but by sick twisted perverts and son1 of a gun, we were right again.

Not four days after the Target announcement, one of these sick pervs was arrested for secretly filming girls and women in a Target dressing room in Brentwood, Missouri. He was arrested after holding a camera phone under a dressing room door while a female shopper tried on a swimsuit. Upon arrest it was discovered that he was also in possession of a loaded gun – but I’m sure the gun was to be used for self-defense and not for potential abduction. And as it turns out the pervert was not a first timer. He was also arrested in 2013 for being a pervert.

A few days later it happened at an Oklahoma Target, where a man was caught looking under a door while a woman was trying on clothes. The perv admitted to police that he’s done this at other Target stores.

The most recent incident happened at a Texas target where a man used his phone to video a young girl in a dressing room. Unfortunately he is still at large.

Just a few weeks into this wonderful freedom policy and already there’ve been several documented incidents. But these perverts are like cockroaches. You may only see one, but if there is one in plain sight, rest assured there are thousands in the shadows which have not been discovered.

So what do we think, no – what do we know this will lead to? Of course. Mere peeping toms will give rise to those who wish to act on those impulses. It will give rise to stalking and eventually to attacks either in dressing rooms or elsewhere, but due to the unlimited access. This will happen – Mark my words!

And when it does will the enlightened left hold Target responsible as they insist gun manufacturers be for shootings? No chance!

Nothing can derail the agenda – not voyeurism, assault or even rape. The barriers of normal civilized societies must be smashed at any and all cost. Hundreds or thousands of girls and women being violated in some form is a small price to pay for radical leftists to upend normality. That’s what it’s really all about.

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Cheers Impish

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