Well, today is Veterans Day and I’m working on tomorrow’s issue.
I SHOULD be out mowing the lawn, but due to cold weather, lousy sleep, and a wet lawn, I think I’ll let it go…at least for now.
My granddaughter is being inducted into the Honor Society on Friday. I’m so very proud of her! Going to drive to Indy to be at the ceremony. Holly is going with me and will meet my family (other than Izzy) for the first time. It should be an interesting night.
But in the mean time, I get to spend time with you guys. My other family and friends!
If you don’t get this, or would love to live on this corner, we can’t be friends.
Yeah, I know, but it’s just so darn funny.
There was this poor, sad little fellow who was very nerdy, wizened and unhealthy looking.
He never had any luck with women, as they just laughed at his pathetic appearance.
He tried everything…lonely hearts columns, singles clubs, dating agencies etc, all to no avail.
One night he was all alone (as usual) in a bar, staring gloomily into his lonely drink, when a beautiful blonde started giving him the eye.
She wore the tightest of sweaters and briefest of mini skirts and he could scarcely believe it when she wiggled over to him and said “Hi.”
He blinked and looked around, thinking she must be talking to somebody behind him. But, no, she was talking to him, and soon they struck up an animated conversation.
After a few drinks, she asked him if he would like to take her home and the guy, floating on Cloud Nine, eagerly assented.
At her house she led him inside, wiggling her hips seductively.
She led him to the sofa and poured him a large Scotch.
Then she told him he was to take all his clothes off, and the blonde then blindfolded him with a scarf tied tightly around his eyes so that he couldn’t see a thing.
She announced that she was going to leave the room for a moment and when she returned he was to remove the blindfold and she would have a surprise for him.
He was now trembling with anticipation. He had never even had sex with a woman before, never mind this kinky stuff.
She left him sitting on the couch, stark naked and still blindfolded.
After a few moments he heard the blonde return. She told him in a sweet voice, “OK, you can take the blindfold off now.”
He eagerly whipped the scarf from his eyes, only to find the blonde still fully dressed, but accompanied by three small children who stared at him in amazement.
“There,” said the blonde to the kids. “Now that’s what you’ll look like if you don’t eat your vegetables.”
My friend likes to read his two young sons fairy tales at night.
Having a deep-rooted sense of humour, he often ad-libs parts of the stories for fun.
One day his youngest son was sitting in his first grade class as the teacher was reading the story of the “Three Little Pigs.” She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to acquire building materials for his home.
She said, “And so the pig went up to the man with a wheel barrow full of straw and said ‘Pardon me sir, but might I have some of that straw to build my house with?'”
The teacher then asks the class, “And what do you think that man said?”
My friend’s son raised his hand and exclaimed, “I know! I know! — ‘Holy smokes! A talking pig!'”
Apparently the teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
Police warn all clubbers, party-goers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.
A new date rape drug on the market called “beer” is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.
The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere.
“Beer” is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.
Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of “beer” and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.
Men are rendered helpless against this approach.
After several “beers” men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.
After drinking “beer” men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life’s savings in a familiar scam known as “a relationship”.
Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after “beer” is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.
However, if you fall victim to this insidious “beer” and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like minded guys.
For the support group nearest you, just look up “Golf Courses” in the yellow pages.
And that’s it for this one. I still feel bad enough that I think I’ll start the next one. Love and happiness to you all.
