Yes, I know Halloween was two days ago…for you. For me, it’s tonight. Holly and I are planning on going to the movies. I was going to get up early and mow the lawn one more time, but then the rain came and so instead, I’m getting ahead and spending time with you guys while I sit on the couch, drink coffee and the TV is on in the background.

There’s a ton of crap going on right now, isn’t there? “Everyone should have 90 days worth of supplies for the upcoming …” The upcoming what? The Chinese are supposed to be shutting down our electrical grid, Iran is going to launch ICBMs at us, and the apocalypse is in the way.

Well, that last one is true, but not until after the Rapture, seven years of tribulation, and I’m not going to be here for any of that. Neither should any of you.

Don’t get me wrong, EVERYONE should have an emergency kit at home, but shutting down our electrical grid for 90 days? If they do shut down our grid, it’s going to be for a heck of a lot longer than 90 days. Oh, some of the bigger cities will probably get their power back in 90 days, but here in fly-over country? Doubtful.  

But, in all honesty, I think it’s just are asinine leadership over-reacting. But, that’s just me. And if I’m proved wrong…well…we’ll all know soon enough.

But, in the mean time, … 

Okay, I didn’t get all of them, but here are my answers to the ones I did get:

1. Sandbox
2. Man over board
3. I understand
4. Reading space?
5. Long underwear
6. Cross roads
7. Down town
8. Tricycle
9. Unlevel?
10. 3 degrees below zero
11. ?
12. ?
13. Highchair
14. ?
15. Touchdown
16. 5 feet underground
17. Mind over matter
18. He’s beside himself
19. Backward glance
20. ?
21. ?
22. Space program
23. ?
24. Just between you and me

Okay, so I can’t get it to play here, so you have to click on the following link. Trust me, it’s worth it.

LINK

Sounds like my ex…except it wasn’t mating she was screaming for.

259 x 67 x 39 = 676767

That’s it my friends. I hope you enjoyed as much as I did.

Welcome to the Halloween issue. 

I’ll try not to make it all about Halloween, but it is that time of year.

Last year (I think it was last year) we had our first trick-or-treaters ever living in this house. Living on a busy State Road with so many other houses to go to, I understand why, I have a tiny bit of candy just in case, but I really don’t expect anyone.

I’m sitting here on Friday afternoon, waiting for the plumber to show up for a leaker shower and to come and do my annual heater inspection, so I’ll try to get as much of this knocked out while I wait and finish up when I come home tonight.

So, without further ado…

This should be posted EVERYWHERE!

FAKE NEWS!!! No knight in shining armor has EVER killed a dragon!!!

From an old turkey to a youngster.

“I’ve found that the key to a long life is to stay indoors eight weeks after you see smiling pumpkins.”

An exciting news flash from Joe:

Impish, 

Rumor has it that that the American Bar (Legal) Assoc. will build their 

infamous museum in ‘Sioux City Iowa’. 

Love those Church Ladies…
  
They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.

 

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. 
————————– 
The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’ 
————————– 
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. 
————————– 
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you. 
————————– 
Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help. 
————————– 
Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. 
————————– 
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 
————————– 
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. 
————————– 
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 
————————– 
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. 

Made a new bucket list. 

Number #1 thing on it is:

 “DON’T KICK IT!”

That’s it my friends, and I’m out of time. The plumber just texted me and told me he’s on his way.

Which is good since he’s an hour and a half late.

Until next time, be blessed, be happy, be loved.

It’s very late Monday night and I have to get up and go to work tomorrow, but if I don’t at least get this started you guys will have nothing for Thursday …

… and that is unacceptable.

So, let’s see what we can get done, shall we?

Having worked around engineers for the 19 years (we are in the Civil Engineering Squadron) this sign makes perfect sense to me. It not only describes the situation, it warns the innocent.

It’s amazing how much comfort this brings me.

No, love is very much wide-eyed and aware…stupid men are blind. 

Ed: I had to come back and edit this when I remember all the women who showed up to work with black eyes from abusive men and they said, “But I love him! I can change him!” So now I say, stupid women are blind, also.

That’s it my friends. Got it done. Not the best I’ve ever done, but something for you to laugh at.

And it’s Saturday and I have just a little time to get this one out for Monday. It was a good day at work today since I got off early. 🙂 

I really don’t have much to say, so let’s get back into it.

            For all Who Work With Rude Customers, An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

The family of a recently deceased millionaire gathered in a sleek corner office for the reading of the will. The attorney cleared his throat, put on his glasses, and began to read.

“To my devoted wife, Rose, who stood by my side through thick and thin, I leave the estate, the luxury fleet, and $10 million.”

The widow wiped away a tear.

“To my brilliant daughter, Jessica, who nursed me through illness and built my company into an empire, I leave the business, the yacht, and $5 million.”

Jessica smiled softly through her grief.

“And finally,” the attorney continued, glancing up at the back of the room, “to my cousin Dan, who constantly insulted me, wished for my downfall, and insisted I’d never mention him in my will…”

The attorney leaned forward and whispered, “Well, Dan, you were wrong. 

     Hi Dan!”

Why have I NEVER thought of this?!

And that’s it, my friends. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Until next time, be well, be loved, be happy.

So, no Halloween memes for this issue. Saving what I have left for Halloween issue. That doesn’t mean that you should stop sending me Halloween stuff. It just means that I used more of my stuff than I calculated.

Again, I’m right up against the wall on time. This is a UTA weekend, so I will do my very best to get an issue set up for Monday, but it might not work out.

Fair warning. 

Work is driving me crazy busy and classes and stuff, it’s been hard to get ahead.

Anyway, I’m waiting for the HVAC guys to get here with a checkup that is supposedly part of my service plan, so let’s see what I can get done while we wait.

Jonathon sent that one in and said he thought I had used it before. I think so, too. But as funny as it is, I’ll use it again!

I do!!

Me, taking my pet out for a walk.

(Think about it, you’ll work it out)

Redneck Slang

“Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!”

“Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.”

“I’ll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style.”

“This’ll jar your preserves.”

“Cute as a sack full of puppies.”

“If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.”

“Gooder than grits.”

“It’s so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.”

“It’s been hotter’n a goat’s butt in a pepper patch.”

“Wintery roads are said to be “slicker than otter snot.”

“A bothersome person is “like a booger that you can’t thump off.”

“When something is bad then you say, “that ain’t no count.”

“If something is hard to do, it’s “like trying to herd cats.”

“A hectic schedule keeps you “Busier than a cat covering doo-doo on a marble floor.”

“She’s uglier than homemade soap.”

“Your momma’s so fat, when she got on the scales to be weighed, it said ‘To be continued’.”

“He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.”

“Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits.”

“The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead”

“I’m just about as welcome at my inlaws as a hair in a biscuit.”