A Plea for help

Okay, I told you guys about the problems that the Whelpling and his family are having and I’m not going to sit here and beg you to donate.  I’m just posting the “Fund Me” type site that his dear wife has set up and I’m asking any of you who might belong to any other sites to please copy and paste this link and post it anywhere you can.

Thank you dear campers.

https://gogetfunding.com/family-in-need-21/#.V22KQ_Oyf6I.facebook

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1493

Dragon Laffs

campers

 

I hope this is finding you all well on this fine Saturday morning.  It’s been a tough week for me.

Since we spoke last, the Whelpling has been in and out of the hospital twice and is now recovering at home.  We don’t need to talk about his incapacitation other than to say he is still currently “under the weather” and could use your prayers and best wishes.

On the flip side, I’m the proud owner of two of his three kidlets.  They are staying at Impish Dragon Cavern for the next week.  We will be kidnapping the third one tomorrow.  That way we will have completed the whole set.

You’ll be happy to know that we have put the two of them to work in the DL & LL Enterprises Genetically Modified Farming Complex.

Here they are after having worked the day in the corn radiation experimentation laboratory.
01cAnyway, with everything else going on, I’m also working today (Saturday).  So, I’ll leave you with these exemplary words:

Let's LaughYou know, the Summer Olympics are coming up in Rio.  With that in mind, it was very timely when I got this History Lesson from one of our long time readers and contributors.

 

2500 years ago a slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee (pronounced Get-offa’-me) was attending a great athletic festival in Greece. This festival had no name.

In those days the athletes performed naked (believe it or not).  

To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on drink containing saltpeter before and throughout the variety of events.  

At the opening ceremonial parade, Gedophamee observed the first wave of naked athletic males marching toward her and she exclaimed:  “Oh! Limp pricks!”   Over the next two and a half millennia that expression morphed into  “Olympics” .   Just thought I’d share this new found knowledge with you.  

K2
Thanks for that timely history lesson, Karl

2068

Here’s a great quote from the Owl about working for the mouse at Disney:
Owl
“Like working blindfolded in a mine field with Tigger!” 

3g
Just read this essay this morning (Tuesday) sent in to us by our dear friend and fellow camper Jeannie.  I have redacted one item, which will become obvious to you as you read because I’ll make it so, because I will not allow that filthy, cowardly terrorist’s name to appear in my ezine.  He will be henceforth known as scumbag.

Scumbag Becomes a Useful Soldier in Barack Obama’s War Against Guns

By   |  June 20, 2016, 05:00am

A poll came out the other day that shows just how divided the country is now. A slim majority of Americans believe scumbag’s attack in Orlando was a terrorist act. An overwhelming majority of Republicans think so. But an overwhelming majority of Democrats do not see it as a terrorist attack, but rather as just a mass shooting. (Sorry, but you can’t say “just” and “mass shooting” in the same sentence!) In the spirit of never letting a crisis go to waste, the Obama Administration is seizing on this data to rewrite history and make scumbag a useful soldier in the war against guns.

On Meet the Press, Attorney General Lynch announced that the 911 transcript of scumbag’s call would be edited to delete all references to Islamic terror. She claims, “What we’re not going to do is further proclaim this man’s coward’s pledges of allegiance to terrorist groups, and further his propaganda.” What she really wants to do is alter history, redacting the terrorist’s own claims, in order to make this just (there it is again, “just”) a shooting and not a terrorist attack.

Scumbag is not useful to Barack Obama as a terrorist. If scumbag is a terrorist, in some way Barack Obama can be held to blame for policies that neglected to find and stop scumbag. But scumbag is very useful to Barack Obama as just another in a long series of shooters during his administration. As a terrorist, scumbag would raise questions about why the terror watch list, on which he appeared, failed. As a gunman, scumbag would raise questions about why he could so easily get guns and do so much damage.

So history must be altered. The transcripts must be edited. This administration will not let a crisis go to waste. Their claim is that they don’t want to further scumbag’s propaganda. Really, they want to use scumbag to further their own propaganda. This administration has a history of denying terrorist attacks are actually terrorist attacks. This will be another one conveniently memory holed and altered to fit Obama’s own purposes.

Hope and Change.  I hope I can spin this the way I want to and I will change history to suit my own personal agenda.
That’s the hope and change we got, fellow campers, why are we just sitting here letting them get away with it?

2069
Dragon PixSpangler5Another Spangler and one of my favorites.  Gotta love the play of the books, the tiny dragon and the chocolate chip cookies.  In other pictures, he also features cats that are bigger than the dragons…like this one:
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2070

A woman called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.

“Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.”

I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.

The customer was flummoxed: “I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”

 

2071
Okay, I’ve been hit with so much political stuff today (Tuesday) I have to jump into this before I get overwhelmed
Politics
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IF even the Brits don’t like him, then no body should.

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4hAMEN!!!!!  Let some guy follow my wife or daughter into the bathroom and him and I will both be going to the hospital.  But, I’ll just be going to get my boot back from out of his ass!

4iNo more is needed to be said here.

4jOh those tricky bastards!

4k
OKay, one more for luck:
4l

2072

A woman goes into a bar with a duck under her arm.
The bartender says, “What’ll the pig have?”
The woman says, “that’s not a pig, that’s a duck!”.
“I know,” says the bartender, “I was talking to the duck.”

 

2073
Fantasy Pix
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There really needs no explanation for this one.  It is just a really cool looking city that Lethal and I are considering investing in.

2074a

videos
We’ve got some really funny ones today.  Watch and laugh.
Jim Gaffigan on CAKE!!!  Way funny~

Wow, this is one incredible trained dog video!  Thanks toPaul

 

2074b

motivational
Lemur Matrix11 (2)LeopardLet me guessLet_Peace_RainLevel 1 WizardI’m sure that last one didn’t mean a lot to some of you, but the rest of you who get it are laughing like crazy right now.

2075

Finally, today’s Last Word is a great essay by the Common Constitutionalist, a blog that we’ve featured before right here.  I hope you enjoy it.
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Thank Heavens for the Bill of Rights

The Republicans in the Senate do occasionally find their backbones and were able to display them as they rejected four pieces of anti-gun legislation. Thank you Republicans and thank you founders for giving us the Bill of Rights.

Given the current state of the federal leviathan, imagine the condition of our individual and states’ rights without the specific declaration of those protections against federal intrusion. Turns out the anti-federalists were right to insist on a Bill of Rights!

We would have no right to own or carry a weapon of any kind without the language expressed in the Second Amendment. We on the right would have nothing specific to argue against the gun-grabbers of the left. For decades we have debated the language and meaning of the Second Amendment, but without it, our argument would be relegated to the abstract, for nowhere else does the Constitution specifically address this right. Given the nature of today’s courts – that would not be nearly enough. Thanks to George Mason and the anti-federalists, we at least have the Amendment specifying this natural right.

Our freedom of speech, assembly, religion, etc. would all be substantially abridged, if not for the First Amendment. We would have virtually no states’ rights left without the Tenth – and so on.

But at the time of our nations founding, federalists argued that there was simply no need to compile a list of natural rights already bestowed upon them by God. After all, these were rights free men were supposed to already have, so what would be the point in listing them. And what if they forgot one or more? This might be more detrimental than having no Bill of Rights at all. Also, they surmised – most states already had a Bill of Rights. This, the federalists thought, was more than sufficient. They were wrong.

As long as men continued to be of good character, there was no fear of the federal government infringing on the states or the bill of rightsindividual. It was understood that any power not specified in the Constitution was to revert back to the States and the people. It was so obvious to the federalists; it shouldn’t have been needed to be spelled out.

Ostensibly lead by the great George Mason of Virginia, the anti-federalists were dead set against ratification of the Constitution without a specific Bill of Rights protecting the states and citizens from federal encroachment. So adamant was Mason that he refused to sign the document, despite a promise made by James Madison to add a bill of rights in the first congress. He was one of only three not to sign. Another was Elbridge Gerry, who was generally cranking and against most everything. The third might be considered America’s first moderate – Edmond Randolph – who was spineless and afraid to be associated with something which might fail.

A promise is a promise – at least it was back then – and after Madison was elected to first the Congress, they took up the various state (anti-federalist) concerns. The first draft, as it were, of this Bill of Rights, contained 17 articles. Most made it through to the second draft and were then modified and combined to form the final draft of 10 amendments, or the Bill of Rights.

One they should have kept from the first draft (it was dumped in the second draft) was Article 16, which stated:

“The powers delegated by the constitution to the government of the United States, shall be exercised as therein appropriated, so that the legislative shall never exercise the powers vested in the executive or judicial; nor the executive the powers vested in the legislative or judicial; nor the judicial the powers vested in the legislative or executive.”

This would sure come in handy – as today’s federal judges write laws, Congress and the Senate willingly relinquish their authority to the President and Obama acts as if he is the embodiment of all three branches.

Lest anyone, or everyone, on the left mistakenly think that the Bill of Rights are indeed rights bestowed upon us by the national or federal government – think again. As I have said countless times before – it one wishes to know what the founders meant – read their own words. They were pretty clear-thinking and concise authors.

Of the Bill of Rights, Alexander Hamilton wrote:

“The sacred rights of mankind are not to be rummaged for, among old parchments, or musty records. They are written, as with a sun beam in the whole volume of human nature, by the hand of the divinity itself; and can never be erased or obscured by mortal power.”

Sums it up rather nicely – doesn’t it.

I couldn’t have said it better myself.Cheers Impish

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Leprechaun Laughs # 346 for Wednesday June 22nd

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It’s Monday as I write this. I’ve been back from our no notice getaway for roughly 3 hours now having left So. Padre literally at (or with) the crack of dawn. We were making great time and probably would have been home in about 5 hours were it not for the hour we spent in line at the Brownsville ICE station which interestingly is no where close to Brownsville to be asked 4 questions over the course of 30 seconds and sent on our way.

This delay meant we hit heavy traffic pretty much the rest of the way back with a couple brief respites largely due to excessive amount of Monday Morning &/or I’m late for work again commuter stupidity. For example, if you’re driving a Mini Cooper DO NOT attempt to get cute/pushy/aggressive with a full loaded fuel tanker, even if it is a convertible in the rare green color. They can and most likely will drive right over you, literally in fact.

There is a simple law of the road I graphically saw demonstrated at Fort Benning in Georgia where a driver in a jeep attempted to cut diagonally across the line of travel of a tank instead of waiting for the tank to pass. The tank predictable not able to stop on the required dime ran up and over the back of the jeep totally destroying it, the dimwitted driver barely managing to escape the vehicle unscathed. He began screaming at the tank driver and throwing parts from his wrecked vehicle at the tank. This pissed the tank commander off who popped his hatch and retorted “Most metal rules asshole!” before proceeding to  order the driver to drive over the remainder of the jeep and continue on his way.

If a few more Texas drivers learned the immutable law of physics and the road there’d be far fewer accidents, far fewer road/lane closures at peak commute times and one less harried Leprechaun w/o time to stop and chat.

Lets Roll rune

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Damn Ninja Cats are sending me messages in my coffee now! It’s been a month since there was any Anchovy Pizzas in the house so they’ve apparently taken to dropping hints.

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Six trivia questions to see how much history you really know.  Be honest; it’s kind of fun and revealing. If you don’t know the answer make your best guess.  Answer all of the questions (no cheating) before looking at the answers

DON’T SELECT THE OBVIOUS!

1) “We’re going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good.”

A. Karl Marx                   

B. Adolph Hitler                 

C.Joseph Stalin

D. Barack Obama          

E. None of the above

2) “It’s time for a new beginning, for an end to government of the few, by the few, and for the few.. And to replace it with shared responsibility, for shared prosperity.”

A. Lenin                         

B. Mussolini

C. Idi Amin

D. Barack Obama

E. None of the above

3) “(We)…. Can’t just let business as usual go on, and that means something has to be taken away from some people.”

A. Nikita  Khrushchev     

B.  Joseph Goebbels           

C. Boris Yeltsin

D. Barack Obama          

E. None of the above

4) “We have to build a political consensus and that requires people to give up a little bit of their own … In order to create this common ground.”

A. Mao Tse Tung           

B  Hugo Chavez                   

C. Kim Jong II

D. Barack Obama          

E. None of the above

5) “I certainly think the free-market has failed.”

A.  Karl Marx                 

B. Lenin

C. Stalin

D. Barack Obama    

E. None of the above

6) “I think it’s time to send a clear message to what has become the most profitable sector in (the) entire economy that they are being watched.”

A. Pinochet                   

B. Milosevic

C. Saddam Hussein

D. Barack Obama          

E. None of the above

No peeking!

Scroll down for answers … and the answers are:

(1)  E. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/29/2004

(2)  E. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 5/29/2007

(3)  E. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007

(4)  E. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007

(5)  E. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007

(6)  E. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 9/2/2005

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My Four Part Long Term Plan for Liberal Eradication

A. Back off and let those men who want to marry men, marry men.

B. Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women.

C. Allow those folks who want to abort their babies, abort their babies.

D. In three generations … there will be no Democrats.

I love it when a plan comes together … don’t you?!

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LL PSA Banner

Here’s a Warning for All you Liberals and Muslims out there!

Reading

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!cid_9BB18BDD-3D8F-4432-A74E-E0F45E860EDA

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Turkish Red Lentil Soup

While soup wouldn’t seem to be a summer time dish this is one of those rare exceptions. It’s equally good hot or room temp. It’s also fairly fast cooking and can be made start to finish in under an hour which means no prolonged stays in hot kitchens!

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1 pound red lentils
1 medium carrot, shredded
2 medium onions, chopped
9 cups water, divided
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon butter
2 tablespoons flour
1 tablespoon tomato paste
¾ tablespoon dried mint
¼ tablespoon salt
¼ tablespoon pepper

Lemon wedges

 

Put lentils, carrot, onions and 4½ cups water in a large pot and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low until lentils are cooked. Put aside.

In a second pot, heat olive oil and butter on high until butter is melted. Lower heat to medium and add flour, tomato paste, mint, salt and pepper. Mix well. Add 4½ cups water and bring to a boil. Add the boiled lentil mixture to the pot and return to a boil. Reduce to medium-low heat and cook for 20 minutes. Continue to stir so soup does not become too thick. Serve with lemon wedges for squeezing into soup. Makes 8 servings.

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One meteorite and two $4.5 million dollar guns

That’s right. You get 2 guns after you pay four point five million dollars.

An American company named Cabot Guns has created these 2 fully functional pistols. Craftsmanship is one thing but you are paying for the material that created these guns.

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Back in the 1830’s a bunch of rocks were discovered in Namibia, Africa. Those rocks were from meteorites which struck the Earth an estimated 4.5 billion years ago.

Over the years, scientist have studied the “Gibeon” region meteorites to answer questions about the origins of our universe.

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The Cabot company has taken a piece of this meteorite to make a pair of 1911 pistols which they have named the, “Big Bang Pistol Set”.

The guns were created using electron-beam welding and EDM wire cutting to forge every detail of the guns. Every detail except one, they left the triggers untouched.

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A price of $4.5 million has been set by the company. If they find a buyer, this would set a record. They would become the most expensive guns ever sold.

Unfortunately this price is just a tad too steep even for your favorite gun toting Leprechaun, Of course I’ll happily accept donations toward paying for them!

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Just so he isn’t crying about buses running him over I’d better toss Impish a bone after that last one. I sort of promised I’d include this video because he’s such a big fan of them anyway.

 

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Been chewing on these items for a couple weeks now. I haven’t posted them in favor/protection of my blood pressure and due to the fact I often get told that I’m preaching to the choir.

However after reading Impish’s issue Saturday and seeing how he presented those issues that were burning his tail I decided I’d try something similar though I think I failed on the brevity part with the exception of my comments.

Joe Biden Writes Open Letter to Stanford Rape Survivor

‘You will never be defined by what the defendant’s father callously termed “20 minutes of action,”‘ the vice president wrote. ‘His son will be.’

The sentencing of convicted rapist and former Stanford University swimmer Brock Turner has incited widespread discussion about rape culture and privilege in the U.S.

On Thursday, Vice President Joe Biden lent his voice to the chorus of people showing support for Turner’s victim.

The woman, who has chosen to remain anonymous, read a letter addressed directly to Turner at his sentencing, the full text of which was published on BuzzFeed Friday.

Biden, who has worked tirelessly throughout his career in the Senate to end violence against women and who has also spoken extensively about sexual assault on college campuses, penned an open letter to Turner’s victim. It was published in full on BuzzFeed.

If you had ever tried to tell me that I would be proud of someone in the Obama Administration much less that it would be Joe Biden I would have first had your sanity checked. First you were found sane I them would have thought you were making a slur at me or trying to insult me. In either case I would have dragged you out to an unused deer lease and we would have dueled over the insult.

Say what you want, even blind dogs occasionally find a bone, 100 monkey banging away on 100 typewriters excreta excreta Joe hit a bases loaded home run with his response and shows why he and not Hillary should be the Democratic Presidential Candidate. Where was Hillary on this woman’s issue? Dead silent. Well not ol’ Joe who has it turns out has been a champion of the college rape issue since his days in Congress.

BRAVO ZULU JOE! Bloody well said and done. At this moment I’d be damned right PROUD to shake your hand and stand for a photo with you and believe me that is saying something.

Why? Because of comments he made like these:

Here are five of the most inspiring quotes from Biden’s letter:

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It’s plain to see where the kid gets it from as his father is obviously a lying sack of shit as well…there is NO WAY IN HELL his kid lasted for “20 minutes of action”.  I’d be willing to concede something more in line with  20 seconds, unless it’s a case of it taking him that long to find his ‘manhood’ in his pants.

OK yes that is a bad joke I agree. I challenge you complainers to try injecting any levity or lightheartedness into something like this and see if you can do better. Yes I know it’s a serious matter trust me I know it. However given that its about to get even MORE serious I felt a tension/disgust/mood leveling comment of (dubious) levity really was in order.

Here Is The Powerful Letter The Stanford Victim Read Aloud To Her Attacker

Read it.

READ IT ALL.  Every. Last. Nauseating. Disgusting. Sordid. Word.

Be sure not to miss any of the part on the red background up top taken from her interrogation by the defense lawyer in an attempt to get his client off from the responsibility for his crime. Excuse me for stopping this commentary right here. I honestly have fears and concerns for my health and blood pressure should I not.

Before I do leave however let me just say, if there ever was a crime &/or case deserving of legislated minimum sentencing laws this is it. What he got is a travesty of justice. Both the sentence and the sentencing judge need to be reviewed.

Since the case was full of ‘privileged people’ I doubt this will ever happen. So I can only say that at this time I pray God Almighty is in fact female and that in her infinite wisdom she grants Brock Allen Turner at least one experience similar to the victims while he is in prison.

For the sin of asking for such a boon, I’d gladly spend extra time in Purgatory.

Democrats’ new line on gun control: Do it for national security

Democrats pushing for gun curbs after the latest mass shooting in the United States are co-opting a Republican mantra to build public support and defang opposition: it’s time to get tough on national security.

Shoring up national security has long been a pillar of Republican orthodoxy, as has staunch opposition to gun control.

But the massacre of 49 people in Orlando, Florida, last Sunday, the deadliest mass shooting in modern U.S. history, by a gunman who pledged loyalty to Islamist militants may be leaving Republicans on shakier ground.

I’m sorry but it seems to me as if the Dems are again blaming the rest of us for their failures while chugging happily around on their choo-choo train of circular illogic once again.

In a nutshell here is my take on this should have been avoidable tragedy.

  1. Liberals hate guns.
  2. The preponderance of people open about the sexual preference to the point of going to an openly Gay night club are also liberals. (Republicans tend to be closet gays by and large)
  3. Ergo by extension, Gays hate Guns. This is unfortunate because one or two gun loving NRA membership card toting concealed weapon permitted Gays could have made a huge change in the outcome of this tragedy. What do I base this position on? Two things, first sans anyone shooting back at him and restricting his movements he had free reign in that club to shoot and do what he would. Secondly the first time a police office did fire at he he fled to hide in the the men’s room. Now consider if his cowardly flight had occurred  after the first  four or 5 rounds had been fired instead of after the first hundred because someone whistled on past his ear.
  4. This self proclaimed terrorist had a known history of violent rage and been on a watch list because of considerable evidence that he harbored pro Radical Islamic Fundamentalist beliefs.
  5. The Dems who control the Justice Department removed him from the watch list. Those same Dems who are all touchy-feelie about profiling &/or offending Muslims of course had all records regarding the terrorist’s being on a watch list, rage issues, etcetera expunged and destroyed instead or erring on the side of abundant caution. IN OTHER WORDS THEY GAVE HIM A CLEAN SLATE SO THAT WHEN WE WAS BACKGROUND CHECKED FOR THE SALE OF WEAPONS NO FLAGS CAME UP.
  6. Ergo by logical extension the Dems are at least partially culpable for enabling this asshat to carry out his bigoted chicken shit act of terrorism! Now in order to prevent themselves from looking like a bunch of asses again in the future with a (potentially) more serious act of terrorism because people they investigated were allowed to buy guns they want the very guns you’d use to defend yourself again their screw up!

My end take on this?

If you’re really worried about National Security do the following:

  1. Pass a law that states that the right to purchase or possess firearms is restricted to AMERICAN CITIZENS. No citizenship papers? No firearms for you. Caught with one and no papers? You are declared ‘Personna Non Grata’ and summarily deported, no appeal, no hearing just a hob nailed boot in your ripped up green carded backside. If you enter the USA again for any reason you are subject to immediate arrest and permanent incarceration.
  2. Sell to a non citizen lose your FFL license and all the weapons in your store are confiscated. It was a private party sale? All your firearms and ammo are confiscated and you lose your right to possess any more just like a convicted felon.
  3. Continue to investigate those who wind up on watch lists, keep records, make nation wide readily accessible data bases, not only of the Watch lists but the investigations and any subsequent activities or brushes with the law.

4. Round up all the Liberals and Dems in office who made this debacle possible in the first place and render them harmless. THEY are the TRUE threat to national security! Require the DNC to contribute to a fund for the victims every time their Touchy-Feelie PC policies of Appeasing Muslims and Islam allows something like this to happen on American soil. See how fast funds for Democratic political campaigns wind up in short supply and just how fast the get their heads of of their asses.

Firefly Aim to Misbehave

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Special (Belated) Anniversary Announcement

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Attention

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Lethal here~

This should have been drafted and posted yesterday as was my intention when I awoke. However in the midst of my normal morning reverie and contemplation of the divine gift that is coffee (one of the ways I know God loves me and wants me not to kill every other one of his creations I encounter on any given day) I got a call from General Molly who had been at work for a scant 2 hours at this point informing me she was on her way home and we were going to be on our way to South Padre Island for Father’s Day weekend no later than noon.

Now if your married like me and have been for any length of time you know that the easiest way to deal with a situation like this when a woman gets one of their spontaneous ideas is to snap too and say “Aye-Aye Ma’am!” putting everything you had planned on the back burner immediately ‘lest it be used for your funeral pyre…before your even dead.

Unfortunately this occasionally means shorting a good friend his accolades in favor of an attempt at the mythical questing beast known as domestic harmony.

Anyway 15 years ago yesterday Sunday June 17th 2001, our guest of honor got the skewed notion that people he knew would like it if he were to start infliction his notion of humor and view point of socially/politically significant topics of the day.

Fifteen years. Fifteen long years and while he’s slowed down somewhat he still hasn’t stopped talking!

God willing, it will be another fifteen before he does too!

Happy Anniversary my friend and sorry it’s a day late.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to run back to relaxing before I’m caught at my lap top and catch all kinds of hell from all manner of wimmen folk.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1492

Fathers Day

Good Morning Campers,

father's day brewTomorrow is Father’s Day.  To many of you out there right now, I hope you’re not saying, “Oh Crap!” and dashing out the door, credit card in hand to do some last minute shopping.  I used to ask my Dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior, what he wanted for Father’s Day and when we were younger, he’d always answer the same way, “For you kids to be good for one day!”

And no, we weren’t bad kids…per se…we just had very imaginative ways of getting in happyfathersdaytrouble.  Or, at least I thought so at the time.  Now, having raised my own son and having watched my son deal with his sons…well, I understand that it wasn’t that imaginative after all.  Like many sons, I have come to realize how absolutely amazing my dad was, now that I’m a dad myself.

I was listening to the Bob and Sheri Show on the radio the other morning and they were taking calls on the most inventive punishments that your father had ever used.  And man! Some of them were pretty wild! Well, that got me thinking about my own childhood and although I can’t think of anything really inventive that my father did, there was one instance that was absolutely hilarious that I remember quite well.
A little back story first.  When I was still in kindergarten, my parents moved into the house that I ended up growing up in.  It was a 3 bedroom ranch style house which was just perfect for our little family of one girl (the oldest child) and two boys (with me being the number one son).  The boys shared a room, my sister had her own room and of course my parents had their room.  All was well until the third son showed up.  We suddenly didn’t
have enough room in our little house.

Not to be discouraged and my father being the consummate craftsman that he was, the basement was soon turned into a tiled and paneled bedroom for the two oldest boys.  It was beautiful with one side being carpeted, a drop ceiling with inset lighting, built in desk for us to work at, shelves, a closet and basically a bedroom that was 3/4 the size of the whole house!  The other 1/4 was my dad’s work shop, artist studio (yes, he is an artist as well as a wood craftsman dabbling in oils, clay modeling, just about anything like that you could imagine dad could do with excellence), and mom’s laundry room.  We won’t discuss the horrendous noise that came out of his workshop late at night when he used his belt sander.  Let’s just say that Stanley and I were sure that the machine that H.G. Wells described in his Journey To The Center of The Earth novel was making its way through our walls.

Anyway, one of the nice things, from my point of view, was that it was always about ten degrees cooler in the basement than it was upstairs and in the winter time, us “Cellar Dwellers” as we liked to call ourselves would be warm and snuggled down under several inches of bedding when we went to sleep.

The way I figure it, I was probably about 12 years old or so and my brother was a year or so younger and we got to laughing about something after we had been told to “turn off the lights, shut up and go to sleep” at least a couple of times.  But, whatever this was, was so funny that we couldn’t seem to stop laughing and every time dad would stand at the top of the stairs, turn on the stairway light and holler down the stairs that he was going to “come down there with my belt if you don’t shut up and go to sleep!” we would be quiet for a few minutes and then start laughing and cracking each other up uncontrollably.

As was destined to happen, the stairway light came on and dad came down the stairs and we could hear his belt come out of his pants and we laid there in terror as he approached our two beds.  He then proceeded to wail on the two of us with his belt like there was no tomorrow!

Remember what I said about us having several inches of blankets on top of us?  Well, we didn’t feel a thing!  When he had finished with his “30 lashes” or whatever it was and started going back towards the stairs he said something like, “Now! Shut up and go to sleep!”

Well, as suicidal as it sounds, that just pushed us over the edge again and we started laughing so hard we couldn’t stop.  Dad, God love him, turned back towards us with this incredulous look on his face and must have realized what had happened because he almost started laughing himself as he turned and headed back towards the stairs saying, “Oh, just go to sleep!”

My brother Stanley has since passed on (boy, do I sure miss him!) but I can still see him laughing with me as we’re laying in our beds under our protective shields of blankets.
I don’t know if my dad remembers this instance or not, but, since I know he’s reading this, I love you dad!  I still laugh about this to this day!  And, I’ve told this story to your grandkids and will soon, I’m sure, share it with your great-grandkids!

But, it’s time to get this issue going.  You’ll find some Father’s Day stuff strewn around, which is how most fathers find things anyway.  So, let’s move on and

let's laugh

“To her the name of father was another name for love”

2054

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

He asks, “What are you doing?”
She answers, “I’m moving to Nevada!  I heard that prostitutes there get paid $400.00 for what I’m doing for YOU for FREE!”
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.

 When she asks him where he’s going?  He replies, “I’m coming, too. I want to see how you live on $800 a year

2055

“Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.”

I was going to include a news article that I read that got my dander up and was ready to wax poetic ranting to convey my most inner feelings…translated: I got really pissed off at a news report and wanted to share my feelings with you guys.

But then, I read another article and wanted to share that one with you.  Well, too rants wouldn’t be too bad, I thought.  But, then I read the third article.

Well, as you can imagine, fire was leaking from my nostrils, steam was coming out of my ears as I read more and more that just galled me. k

So instead, I’ll just give you guys the headlines from one of the many websites/emails that I follow and I think you’ll begin to understand my rage.

DHS Forbids the Use of the Terms “Jihad” and “Sharia” – They’re Too “Disrespectful” Our Government forcing us to not use terms that Our Government finds “Disrespectful” when even the Muslim communities don’t find them so.

Feds Anticipate “Intelligence Bonanza” to be Collected From Life-Saving Biomedical Devices NSA excited about getting information on individuals by using internet connected devices like pacemakers and such.

Harry Reid: Democrats Will “Force A Vote” on Gun Control That’s right, now that we are all standing in the government’s politically correct sheep line, the next thing is to take our guns so it will be easier to lead the sheep to slaughter

State Rep Devises Way to Guarantee No Republican Will Ever Win Office in California Again Devious and perfectly legal…

First Amendment Violation? Gov’t Demands And Threats of “Liability” for Not Using Transgender Pronouns Transgender teacher wins a lawsuit ($60,000) because well…let me quote it here because otherwise, you’ll never believe me: In Oregon, a school district has settled a transgender bias claim, paying $60,000 to a transgender employee who demanded to be called “they” rather than “he” or “she.” Okay, we can’t say Jihad or Sharia but we HAVE to say They, Ze, or Hir. Can someone please tell me what the hell are “Ze” and “Hir”? 

Actions/Directives That Caused the FBI to “Overlook” the Orlando Shooter The administration’s efforts to purge the Muslim records and to remove from the playbook any profiling information from Islamists or Muslims may have played a role in the Orlando Shooter not being stopped.

So, do you begin to see my dilemma? Any one of these subjects would be enough to get dragon hackles rising, but to throw all of them at me at once is rage making.  So, you guys go on and keep reading, I need a stiff shot of “medicine” in my morning coffee and we all need a good laugh after that B.S.

2056
“A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.” — Enid Bagnold

dragon pix
StolenTreasureOkay, so I was rotten when I was a kid.  What can I say?  I did end up giving it back to her.


“My father always told me, ‘Find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.’ ” — Jim Fox

Donald Trump in a speech to evangelicals in Washington Friday stood by his proposed ban on allowing Syrian refugees into the U.S. He was blasted by the administration for profiling Muslims. Homeland Security tells us that if you see something say something, just don’t say anything offensive.

 

This one definitely deserves the warning…Groan
2057

“Any man can be a Father but it takes someone special to be a dad.” — Anne Geddes

The flight was coming into Philadelphia when a combination of mechanical errors and unstable weather caused the plane to start plummeting to the ground!The pilot feverishly worked his controls, and finally, the engines roared back to life in time to prevent the plane from crashing!

As the plane landed, airport officials rushed to the disembarking gate and were stunned to see 200 little people shakily get off the plane.

Finally the crew got off the plane and the local manager of the airline came up to congratulate him on his perseverance under extreme odds.

As the official and the pilot were talking, the official commented how unusual it was that there were so many little people on the flight.

“Those weren’t little people,” the pilot replied. “Those were DNC delegates with all the crap scared out of them!”

7

“A father is a banker provided by nature.” — French Proverb

I know we’ve talked about the “Entitlement Generation” before and my disgust, and yours as well I imagine.  Well, a new management company has actually created a training video to help us Non-Millennial employers and supervisors in how to deal with this group of employees.
Let me just say, it sure helped me out a lot. (<—NOT a paid endorsement) (where the hell is that sarcasm font that I asked for?!)

You see?  It’s just not their fault.  Nothing is.

fantasyf2010052001It reminded me of Lethal’s rainbow shield against Mother Nature, but different.  (Yup, it’s early morning and I know that later on today that sentence will make PERFECT sense.)

Believe it or not.  I found a video that is the last video’s response.  This one is a Millennial guide to baby boomers: A Guide.

“A father is a man who expects his children to be as good as he meant to be.”

2058

”Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father!”

Okay, so I know I’ve shown you quite a few videos already, and I should’ve put them all in one category, but I just couldn’t pass this last one up.  It will definitely crack you up.

Now, back to the other kinds of jokes and fun.

Critter
This is one we haven’t seen for a while.  Everybody likes our funnies animal friends
a39a40a41a42a45

 

2059Works that way for all of us, pal.

A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.

A 72 year  old man had one hobby – he loved to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, ‘Pick me up.’ he looked around and couldn’t see anyone.

 He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, ‘Pick me up.’

 He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

 The man said, ‘Are you talking to me?’

 
frog

The frog said, ‘Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me; and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous, because I will be your bride!’

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket.

 The frog said, ‘What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said?’ I said, ‘Kiss me, and I will be your beautiful bride.’

 He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, Nah. At my age, I’d rather have a talking frog.’

2060

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?

 

Father

2061

motivationaldeath rowdisbeliefLegoLego2Leisure Time
2062
I had to leave his signature at the end so you would know this wasn’t a quote from me…

The frequency of sexual activity of senior males depends on where they were born. Statistics just released from Statistics Canada and The United Nations B.O.H. Team, that:
North American men between 60 and 75 years of age, will on average, have sex two to three times per week, whereas Japanese men, in exactly the same age group, will have sex only once or twice per year if they are lucky.
This has come as very upsetting news to a lot of men I know, as none of us had any idea we were Japanese.

K2

2063
fathers-day-greetings-1

A black eye (periorbital hematoma) or shiner’ (colloquial) is bruising around the eye commonly due to an injury to the face rather than an eye injury.  The name is given due to the color of bruising.
 
The so-called black eye is caused by bleeding beneath the skin around the eye. 
Sometimes a black eye indicates a more extensive injury, even a skull fracture, particularly if the area around both eyes is bruised (raccoon eyes), or if there has been a head injury…. 2a

For years, the conventional wisdom has been that the best treatment for a black eye is to cover it with a piece of raw meat. 

Scientific studies have proven that while the raw meat helps reduce the swelling and aids in the healing process, applying cold meat actually delays the recovery of the broken blood vessels that cause the bruising around the orbital socket, while frozen meat may cause superficial thermal burns to the skin. 

These same studies demonstrated that application of warm and tender meat is much more effective in helping the eyes recover from the damage because the bruising isn’t compounded by thermal shock. 

Therefore, the next time you get a black eye, try this method:
2

Administer treatment until pain and swelling are gone.

Caution: This method may cause swelling in other areas. 

For most old guys the swelling will be minimal – therefore it is not expected that this method will be dangerous for you. 

No need to thank me. 

I forward this in the interest of better health for Old Farts

 

2064
fathers-day-quotes-12

politiciansThis is another, relatively new section, although it is one of my favorites, something we’ve been doing for a long time anyway, and the fact that they make it SO EASY doesn’t diminish the fun at all.
44aAnd everyone of you out there know that’s the honest truth!
4bRepent!  For the end is near!
4cSadly, this is so true…it shouldn’t just be on Memorial Day.  EVERY DAY should be Memorial Day!
4d4e

At this time, we all know the horrible things that have happened in Orlando this last week.  First *** a The Voice participant gets shot after a concert while signing autographs, right in front of her brother.  Then the Pulse nightclub is the venue for the worse mass terrorist shooting in America’s history. And finally, the poor two year old boy gets killed by an alligator while at Disney World.  It’s been a really tough time.  But, somebody is fighting back…at least against the ISIS inspired supporters of the Pulse Shootings.

ISIS’ Twitter Accounts Get Fabulous Gay Makeovers7a

In the Wake of Orlando, Anonymous Hacks Hundreds of ISIS’ Twitter Accounts

Techly  It’s not going to bring down the caliphate – but it is funny as hell. In a small, moral victory for the good guys, the hacktivist collective known as Anonymous, has infiltrated hundreds of pro-ISIS twitter accounts and given them a fabulous gay makeover. 
A hacker by the name of WauchulaGhost has been responsible for the majority of the attacks.  For instance, he broke into ISIS account, @gi_h_a_d35, changed his profile picture to a gay flag and tweeted out this message: “Hello World. It’s time I share with you a little secret…

WauchulaGhost has also been tweeting out IP addresses, phone numbers and other contact information for fellow hackers to use. Explaining his motivation, he/she said:

“Daesh [ISIS] have been spreading and praising the attack, so I thought I would defend those that were lost. The taking of innocent lives will not be tolerated.Our actions are directed at Jihadist extremists. Many of our own [group of hackers] are Muslim and we respect all religions that do not take innocent lives.”

Anonymous and ISIS have had a very bizarre and underwhelming “war” since the Charlie Hedbo attacks, kind of like when Soulja Boy and Lil Bow Wow had a “beef” 
All I can say is, Well Done WauchulaGhost!!!!

stupid5I just picture Marvin the Martian, “Where’s the Earth Shattering Kaboom?”  Hang on a sec Marvin.
5a
5bNew Ass Crack in 3…2…1…
5cHey Marvin!  Quick!  Over here!
5dThe real surprising part is it looks like this guy does this a lot since he has a special board to stand on and all.

2065

2066

2067

Last WordWell, my dear fellow campers, this issue is huge!  And I’ve run out of time and need to upload this to the site.  But, I have to leave you with this amazing video of how Social Engineering can destroy your life!

I know, right?

Just watch…

Cheers Impish

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