I’m pressed for time, not feeling particularly well or chatty this week, plus I’m basically unfit for polite company, largely due to my mood. So please excuse the lack of introductory remarks.
I’m wishing that everyone in the path of Hurricane Irma stays safe and healthy, most especially our friends family and loved one ( i.e. Poppa Dragon Most Senior) through et another terrifying natural disaster. Please says prayers and think supportive thoughts for them as you did for me.
And all ya’ll though we were gun nuts in Texas? Might be true, but we’re smarter than to shoot at a Hurricane!
Brings a whole new dimension to the term “nutcracker” doesn’t it?
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a
U-Haul to the funeral home.
1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to
“bruise” the fruit of the vine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat from the table … no matter how good his manners are.
PERSONAL H YGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you’re interested: “I’ve been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.”
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say “Monday.” If the latter is the answer, it is the man’s responsibility to get her to school on time.
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can’t hear you.
1. Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say “yes” to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
I’ve been saying for years that TV has gone to the dogs. Now apparently there is proof.
For those who cannot read the sign atop the mailbox it reads: ‘No Wake Zone’
One day a young woman had just started playing her round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.
Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, ‘Why are you back in so early? What’s wrong?’
‘I was stung by a bee’, she said.
‘Where?’, he asked.
‘Between the first and second hole’, she replied.
He nodded knowingly and said,
‘Then your feet were too far apart.
Gregorian – The Sound of Silence
Person 1: Did you hear that (name of your favorite politician) isn’t going to run for (office name)??
Person 2: No, why not?
Person 1: During their last colonoscopy they found a brain tumor.
Somehow I strongly suspect that is his wife or girlfriend behind him cussing him out for embarrassing her.
Field trials of the latest in Ninja Kitty tactical gear.
Especially if your just a kid! What?! Impish gets away with bad puns all the time!
Probably for a cowboy or his girlfriend too.
Tommy Shaughnessy enters the confessional box and says, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.”
The priest asks, “Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?”
“Yes, Father, it is.”
And who was the woman you were with?”
“I can’t be tellin’ you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”
“Well, Tommy, I’m sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.
“Was it Brenda O’Malley?” “I cannot say.”
“Was it Patricia Kelly?” “I’ll never tell.”
“Was it Liz Shannon?” “I’m sorry, but I’ll not tell her name.”
“Was it Cathy Morgan?” “My lips are sealed.”
“Was it Fiona McDonald, then?” “Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”
The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re a steadfast lad, Tommy
Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now.”
Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?” “Five good leads,” says Tommy.
Despite myself I and my best intentions I just couldn’t allow September 11th to pass by unremarked upon.
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. – John 15:13
Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord. And let the perpetual light shine upon them. For when their hour came they made no distinction between friend and stranger but laid down their lives willingly without hesitation that others might live.
I passed on my way, God be praised that I met them
Be my life long or short, sure I’ll never forget them,
We may have good men, but we’ll never have better
Glory O, Glory O, to these bold 343 Fire men.
[unapologetically purloined and repenned from “Down By the Glenside” a traditional Irish tune of bravery by Lethal Leprechaun in honor of the FDNY 343]
This isn’t a rumor…. You know me, I vetted this thing 3 ways to Sunday before ever even considering posting it.
Nearly sixteen years later, this story will still stir your soul and speak to the good in those around us. It’s quite a chronicle by an unnamed Delta F/A about that fateful time and the resilience of the human spirit. Enjoy AND BE REASSURED OF the goodness in mankind. We hear so much bad we sometimes need to be reminded of the good.
Delta Flight 15
Amazing Story of Delta Flight 15, September 11, 2001
Written by a flight attendant
“On the morning of Tuesday, September 11, we were about 5 hours out of Frankfurt, flying over the North Atlantic. All of a sudden the curtains parted and I was told to go to the cockpit, immediately, to see the captain. As soon as I got there I noticed that the crew had that “All Business” look on their faces. The captain handed me a printed message. It was from Delta’s main office in Atlanta and simply read, “All airways over the Continental United States are closed to commercial air traffic. Land ASAP at the nearest airport. Advise your destination.”
No one said a word about what this could mean. We knew it was a serious situation and we needed to find terra firma quickly. The captain determined that the nearest airport was 400 miles behind us in Gander, Newfoundland. He requested approval for a route change from the Canadian traffic controller and approval was granted immediately–no questions asked. We found out later, of course, why there was no hesitation in approving our request.
While the flight crew prepared the airplane for landing, another message arrived from Atlanta telling us about some terrorist activity in the New York area. A few minutes later word came in about the hijackings.
We decided to LIE to the passengers while we were still in the air. We told them the plane had a simple instrument problem and that we needed to land at the nearest airport in Gander, Newfoundland to have it checked out.
We promised to give more information after landing in Gander. There was much grumbling among the passengers, but that’s nothing new! Forty minutes later, we landed in Gander. Local time at Gander was 12:30 PM! . . . that’s 11:00 AM EST.
There were already about 20 other airplanes on the ground from all over the world that had taken this detour on their way to the U.S.
After we parked on the ramp, the captain made the following announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, you must be wondering if all these airplanes around us have the same instrument problem as we have. The reality is that we are here for another reason.” Then he went on to explain the little bit we knew about the situation in the U.S. There were loud gasps and stares of disbelief. The captain informed passengers that Ground control in Gander told us to stay put.
The Canadian Government was in charge of our situation and no one was allowed to get off the aircraft. No one on the ground was allowed to come near any of the aircrafts. Only airport police would come around periodically, look us over and go on to the next airplane. In the next hour or so more planes landed and Gander ended up with 53 airplanes from all over the world, 27 of which were U.S. Commercial jets.
Meanwhile, bits of news started to come in over the aircraft radio and for the first time we learned that airplanes were flown into the World Trade Center in New York and into the Pentagon in DC. People were trying to use their cell phones, but were unable to connect due to a different cell system in Canada. Some did get through, but were only able to get to the Canadian operator who would tell them that the lines to the U.S. Were either blocked or jammed.
Sometime in the evening the news filtered to us that the World Trade Center buildings had collapsed and that a fourth hijacking had resulted in a crash. By now the passengers were emotionally and physically exhausted, not to mention frightened, but everyone stayed amazingly calm. We had only to look out the window at the 52 other stranded aircraft to realize that we were not the only ones in this predicament.
We had been told earlier that they would be allowing people off the planes one plane at a time. At 6 PM, Gander airport told us that our turn to deplane would be 11 am the next morning. Passengers were not happy, but they simply resigned themselves to this news without much noise and started to prepare themselves to spend the night on the airplane.
Gander had promised us medical attention, if needed, water, and lavatory servicing. And they were true to their word. Fortunately we had no medical situations to worry about. We did have a young lady who was 33 weeks into her pregnancy. We took REALLY good care of her. The night passed without incident despite the uncomfortable sleeping arrangements.
About 10:30 on the morning of the 12th a convoy of school buses showed up. We got off the plane and were taken to the terminal where we went through Immigration and Customs and then had to register with the Red Cross.
After that we (the crew) were separated from the passengers and were taken in vans to a small hotel. We had no idea where our passengers were going. We learned from the Red Cross that the town of Gander has a population of 10,400 people and they had about 10,500 passengers to take care of from all the airplanes that were forced into Gander! We were told to just relax at the hotel and we would be contacted when the U.S. airports opened again, but not to expect that call for a while.
We found out the total scope of the terror back home only after getting to our hotel and turning on the TV . . . 24 hours after it all started.
Meanwhile, we had lots of time on our hands and found that the people of Gander were extremely friendly. They started calling us the “plane people.” We enjoyed their hospitality, explored the town of Gander and ended up having a pretty good time.
Two days later, we got that call and were taken back to the Gander airport. Back on the plane, we were reunited with the passengers and found out what they had been doing for the past two days. What we found out was incredible.
Gander and all the surrounding communities (within about a 75 Kilometer radius) had closed all high schools, meeting halls, lodges, and any other large gathering places. They converted all these facilities to mass lodging areas for all the stranded travelers. Some had cots set up, some had mats with sleeping bags and pillows set up.
ALL high school students were required to volunteer their time to take care of the “guests.” Our 218 passengers ended up in a town called Lewisporte, about 45 kilometers from Gander where they were put up in a high school. If any women wanted to be in a women-only facility, that was arranged. Families were kept together. All the elderly passengers were taken to private homes.
Remember that young pregnant lady? She was put up in a private home right across the street from a 24-hour Urgent Care facility. There was a dentist on call and both male and female nurses remained with the crowd for the duration.
Phone calls and e-mails to the U.S. and around the world were available to everyone once a day. During the day, passengers were offered “Excursion” trips. Some people went on boat cruises of the lakes and harbors. Some went for hikes in the local forests. Local bakeries stayed open to make fresh bread for the guests. Food was prepared by all the residents and brought to the schools. People were driven to restaurants of their choice and offered wonderful meals. Everyone was given tokens for local laundry mats to wash their clothes, since luggage was still on the aircraft. In other words, every single need was met for those stranded travelers.
Passengers were crying while telling us these stories. Finally, when they were told that U.S. airports had reopened, they were delivered to the airport right on time and without a single passenger missing or late. The local Red Cross had all the information about the whereabouts of each and every passenger and knew which plane they needed to be on and when all the planes were leaving. They coordinated everything beautifully. It was absolutely incredible.
When passengers came on board, it was like they had been on a cruise. Everyone knew each other by name. They were swapping stories of their stay, impressing each other with who had the better time. Our flight back to Atlanta looked like a chartered party flight. The crew just stayed out of their way. It was mind-boggling. Passengers had totally bonded and were calling each other by their first names, exchanging phone numbers, addresses, and email addresses.
And then a very unusual thing happened. One of our passengers approached me and asked if he could make an announcement over the PA system. We never, ever allow that. But this time was different. I said “of course” and handed him the mike. He picked up the PA and reminded everyone about what they had just gone through in the last few days. He reminded them of the hospitality they had received at the hands of total strangers. He continued by saying that he would like to do something in return for the good folks of Lewisporte.
He said he was going to set up a Trust Fund under the name of DELTA 15 (our flight number). The purpose of the trust fund is to provide college scholarships for the high school students of Lewisporte. He asked for donations of any amount from his fellow travelers. When the paper with donations got back to us with the amounts, names, phone numbers and addresses, the total was for more than 14,000 dollars!
The gentleman, a MD from Virginia, promised to match the donations and to start the administrative work on the scholarship. He also said that he would forward this proposal to Delta Corporate and ask them to donate as well.
I just wanted to share this story because we need good stories right now. It gives me a little bit of hope to know that some people in a far away place were kind to some strangers who literally dropped in on them. It reminds me how much good there is in the world.”
NO WHERE DID OR DO WE SEE OR HEAR ABOUT THIS AMAZING EVENT
AMERICANS HELPING AMERICANS IN THEIR TIME OF NEED
We certainly were busy watching the news right after 9/11, but we never saw this…
BOATLIFT OF 9/11… In over 11 years since this happened, this is the first time I’ve ever seen this…I don’t even remember seeing/hearing about this evacuation on the news. The fact is, it was all done in 9 hours … 500,000 people… This is a video well worth watching. The guy at the end (same guy who is at the beginning) has some great words to live by for all of us. Watch till the end. You won’t regret it. Narrated by Tom Hanks. If you wish, please, pass this message along.
Lethal wanted desperately to have sex with the hot girl at work, but she had a boyfriend. One day Lethal got so desperate that he went to her & said,
“I’ll give you a $100 if you’ll let me have sex with you.”
The girl looked at him shocked & said “Hell no!”
He said “I’ll be real quick, I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend over to get it, & I’ll be finished by the time you’ve picked it up!”
She thought for a moment & told him that she would have to talk to her boyfriend.
So she called him & explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, “Ask him for $200. Pick up the money really really fast, & he won’t even be able to get his pants down!”
She agreed & accepts the proposal. 30 minutes go by & the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend’s call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls & asks, “What the fuck happened?”
Still breathing hard she managed to reply, “That bastard Lethal had all QUARTERS!!!!”
This next one might require you to go back to your high school algebra to get it.
And finally, yet another entry in our “Weird Stuff you se on the Road” Category