Happy Easter my dear brothers and sisters, my dear friends and family, my loved ones.

I know, I know, Easter is tomorrow, but this is as close as it’s going to come. I’m almost tempted to slip this one day, but I imagine, and hope upon hope, that all of you are busy tomorrow, that you are celebrating Christ’s resurrection by being in Church, but keep in mind that WE are the Church. The building is just the place that we gather sometimes.

Yeah, that’s gonna tick some people off. See, church (the building) is not a hospice (a place you go to die). It’s not supposed to be a place where you just show up on Sundays sing some songs, listen to a sermon and go home again. Only showing up on Sunday and that’s the only interaction with God that you get all week. That’s not Church, that’s church. The church (the building again) is supposed to be more of a hospital.  The place where you go to get patched up to get back into the war out in the world. You should be there every time the doors are open if you can be. If they have Wednesday night Bible Study, you should be there Wednesday nights. If they have Tuesday night Women’s night and your a woman, you should be there. If they have once a month men’s breakfast on Saturday morning and you’re a man, …. you get the idea.  

You should be doing small groups, volunteering to be involved in any way you can. So many times I see the same few people doing ALL the tasks while the rest come in Sunday morning, sit in the chairs, and then file out again afterwards. I’m not saying that’s wrong if they CAN’T do anything else, and I am by NO MEANS casting the first stone. I’m offering advice. If you want to get closer in your walk with The Lord, this is probably the first step, get more involved at your church, I’m 100% certain they will love you for it.

Now, let’s get this boat out of the dock, shall we?

What kind of a medical condition causes wrinkled clothes?

An iron deficiency

My phone has this cool app that shows me what I would look like as an old person.

It’s called Camera.

Has anyone else used WD40 to get rid of mice?

It doesn’t work, but it stops them from squeaking.

I agree. They really have one main job, to pass a yearly budget. If they can’t do that, then they shouldn’t be paid until they do.

Today marks the 312,654th time I have sworn I will never drink alcohol again.

Caffeine is not enough anymore, I need to chew on a powerline. 

9 out of 10 zoo dentists refuse to work on a grizzly bear unless it has been given a strong anesthetic…

There’s safety in numb bears.

Shenanigans

Because life is more fun when you are up to something

Google is actually derived from the mathematical term “googol” which means 1 with a hundred zeroes following it.

10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 = 1 googol

I don’t think dressing gowns are given enough credit.

Cold?
Put your dressing gown on.

Upset?
Put your dressing gown on.

Feeling frumpy?
Put your dressing gown on.

Life falling apart?
Put your dressing gown on.

That sounds truly disgusting.

Impish’s downfall!

Oh man! I like the black ones!

Oh NO!

A repeat, but worth it.

Saturday and the world mourns, the disciples come out of hiding and mourn, no one believes that the Christ will rise again. No one truly believes. 

But Sunday is coming…

Sunday and the empty tomb!  Mary is the first to find the open grave and runs to tell the others. Soon, many see the resurrected Jesus and everything, EVERYTHING is proven. ALL of our sins are washed away. He took the punishment that WE deserve so that we can return home.

He made salvation easy …

Follow Romans Road:

First stop: Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

Second stop: Romans 6:23a For the wages of sin is death

Third stop: Romans 6:23b but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord

Fourth stop: Romans 10:9 because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

Final stop: Romans 5:1 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our  Lord Jesus Christ.

That’s all there is to it. 

And we’ll leave it right there.

I’m jumping right in on this one having just finished the last one, simply because I have the time, the dogs are quiet, I’m comfortable, and my son will be here on Sunday to replace the fence, so I have to get ahead.

I know you all are anxiously awaiting the answers to the little quiz I gave you at the end of the last episode so let’s … wait till the end like I gave them to you in the LAST episode.

STOP throwing things at me!!!

I heard someone call mashed potatoes “Irish guacamole” today and I will never call them mashed potatoes again.

No, I don’t wonder about that anymore either. When we can have Gays for Islam (you do realize that in Islam, gays are thrown off roofs, right?) and we have people in Iran celebrating and people in America protesting and others saying that kids in kindergarten can choose their gender and men can have babies!!!! I’m figuratively pulling my hair out of my head here! No, I don’t wonder about how entire countries can be deceived…or at least large portions of it.

Yes … that was a bit of a mini-rant.

Is it the ‘S’ or the ‘C’ that is silent in the word ‘SCENT’?

I just realized that someone replaced the toilet paper roll. I’m now concerned that there is someone living here that I don’t know.

Not one that everyone will get.

I can get you some unicorn shanks, but you ain’t gettin’ any loins!

Worm humor…

Chris sent this to me and it needs to be spread far and wide so that everyone knows how screwed up this country really is. If you or I tried to run our personal household the way the government runs it’s financial “household” we would be put in prison. This is from Chris:

The US..

Newly-released Treasury financial statements show that as of Sept. 30, 2025, the federal government held $6.06 trillion in total assets against a staggering $47.78 trillion in liabilities

At the same time, the government continues to spend far more than it brings in. In fiscal year 2025, federal revenue totaled $5.24 trillion, while spending reached $7.34 trillion.

To put that in terms people would better understand:

A family  owns a house (has assets) worth $61,000, earns $52,000 a year and spends $73,000 a year and owes (or has outstanding debt of) $477,000. That means the family does not pay down the debt each year but adds $21,000 of additional debt each year.

I’m absolutely embarrassed for our country.

My Kid: I feel like you’re always making up rules and stuff. 

Me: Like what? 

My Kid: Like if I don’t clean my room a portal will open and take me to another dimension. 

Me: Well, that’ what happened to your older brother. 

My Kid: What older brother? 

Me: Exactly.

Are you sweating while putting gas in your car? Feeling sick while paying for it?

You’ve got the Carowner virus.

Remember this one from the other issue? Pete just sent me this today:

That’s funny, I just made this one yesterday with the same picture.

I can’t decide which type of mattress to buy.

I might have to sleep on it.

Twice, as a matter of fact … and no, I don’t want to talk about it.

Why’s it always gotta be Bob?

What’s the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist?

The literalist takes things literally. The kleptomaniac takes things, literally.

I think the punchline would have been better like this:

The literalist take things literally and the kleptomaniac literally takes things.

But that’s just me.

Celebrate the Ides of March with a donut. In fact …

Eat two, Brute.

For you who don’t know, the Ides of March have already passed…so this joke is a little late. March 15th.

So here we are, it’s Easter Thursday.  The Last Supper, The Garden of  Gethsemane, Judas’ betrayal … a lot going on today. Jesus healed a Roman guard that Peter cut the ear off of and then allowed Himself to be arrested quietly. All the disciples ran away. Then John and Peter quietly followed Jesus to the first “trial” where as Jesus predicted, Peter denied Christ three times before the cock crowed.  Jesus then looked directly at him and Peter ran away in tears and in shame. Jesus later forgives him … of course.

We’re almost straying into Friday…but, since the next issue isn’t until Saturday, we can stray into Friday. 

Friday, Christ is put on trial. A fake trial. An illegal trial in so many different ways. As soon as Pilate says that he finds nothing to charge Him with He should have been released…by Roman law. 

Beaten, whipped, shamed, spit on, ridiculed, disrespected in every possible way. Forced to carry His own cross to Golgotha where He is crucified, died and is then buried.

But Sunday is coming.

Sunday     Is     Coming.

So, the answers to The TWELVE GREATEST DAYS IN HISTORY!

You did realize that they may not have taken place yet, right? Oh? You hadn’t figured that out? Well, it’s all history to God. How many did you get right? Let’s see:

One: The Second Coming of Christ (Rev 19)
Two: The Rapture of the Church (1 Thes 4)
Three: The Ascension of Christ (Acts 2)
Four: The Resurrection of Christ (Matt 28)
Five: The Death of Christ: (Matt 27)
Six: The Birth of Christ: (Luke 2)
Seven: The Completion of the New Testament (Rev 22)
Eight: The Completion of the Old Testament (Mal 4)
Nine: The Birth of the Church (Acts 2)
Ten: The Birth of Israel (Gen 12)
Eleven: The Creation of Man (Gen 1-2)
Twelve: The Creation of the World (Gen 1)

And there you have it. When I first got this quiz, I think I got 6 right and 1 of the top 3. 

I hope you enjoyed this issue as much as I did, until next time… 

Got a major storm system headed our way, by the time you read this it will all be passed, of course, but it’s about an hour or so out right now, but we’re under a severe thunder storm watch with the possibility of tornadoes, and baseball sized hail. 

I have no doubt that God will protect us, He always has and He always will.

So, while we wait …

Halfway through a long flight, a flight attendant noticed a man gripping his armrest like it owed him money. He was drenched in sweat, shaking, and chewing his nails down to the quick.

Concerned, she leaned in and said, “Sir, you don’t look well. Can I get you something to help calm your nerves? Maybe a whiskey?”

The man closed his eyes, clearly battling himself, then finally whispered, “…Okay.”

A little while later, she checked on him again. Somehow, he looked worse – paler, shakier, eyes darting everywhere.

“Another whiskey?” she offered gently.

He didn’t even trust himself to speak this time. He just nodded.

On her next pass, she found him hunched over, quietly sobbing into his napkin.

Now genuinely worried, she said, “I’ve seen nervous flyers before, but never this bad. You must be terrified of flying.”

The man looked up, miserable, and said, “I’m not afraid of flying at all… I’m trying to quit drinking!”

Yup.

A married business executive had to make a trip to Palm Beach for his corporation. 

After a few days, he was enjoying himself so much that he decided to stay another week as part of his vacation. 

Wanting to share this newly discovered paradise, he wired his bachelor friend, “Take the next plane for a fun week on me. Bring my wife and your mistress.” 

His friend was quick to wire back, “Your wife and I are arriving tomorrow at 11:30 a.m. How long have you known about us?”

Just got a warning that it’s supposed to start raining in a few minutes so I took the dogs out for the last time and cleared out the entry to the basement. I have a trapdoor in my pantry to get to the basement, which, of course has stuff on it, so I moved said stuff into the kitchen, which leaves me free to lift the trapdoor to get to the basement stairs if need be. It is times like this that I had local TV.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both. 

– Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890-1969), Inaugural Address, January 20, 1953

Well, now the lights are going on and off so I’m getting off of here for a while. Talk later.

Well, it’s now the next day (Friday) and as it turns out, it got really exciting … for everyone except the Impish Lair. It was a complete and total non-event here. But, across town, the power went out, trees were uprooted, hail (not baseball sized, just regular sized). We got some rain, torrential for a little while, but even the lightning was kind of off in the distance. 

And it’s not like my little town is anything but…little. My work assistant lives 3.5 miles away, it says so right there on Google maps, lost power. His whole side of town did. His son got sent home from work at Taco Bell because they didn’t have power. 

The hot dog stand less than a mile from me was without power.

There was a 120 mph wind gust reported in the next county over … headed right for us!

But for House Impish …. not much.

God is SO GOOD!!

I hate to say I told you, but…

I TOLD YOU!

I need a hundred of those signs made up, please.

I have no idea why I saved this picture, but I did.

There’s a new health study that was just completed that claims having sex decreases your chances of getting a cold. 

The more sex you have, the less chance you’ll have of catching a cold. 

Can you just picture how it’s gonna be in office’s across the country this winter, every time a woman sneezes there’ll be some guy saying, “Hey, I got something for that.” 

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. 

He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it. 

Not Gutenberg?” gasped the collector.

Yes, that was it!”

You idiot! You’ve thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at auction for half a million dollars!” 

Oh, I don’t think this book would have been worth anything close to that much,” replied the man. 

“It was scribbled all over in the margins by some clown named Martin Luther.”

It was Palm Sunday and, because of a sore throat, five-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. 

When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. 

The boy asked what they were for. 

“People held them over Jesus’ head as he walked by,” his older brother explained. 

“Wouldn’t you know it,” the boy fumed. “The one Sunday I don’t go and He showed up!”

Nah! That’s pretty much the expectation.

A well-dressed, soft-spoken woman walked into a pharmacy one afternoon. She waited patiently in line, then approached the counter with a calm smile and said, very politely:

“Good afternoon. I’d like to purchase some cyanide.”

The pharmacist blinked, thinking he must have misheard. “I’m sorry… you’d like to buy what?”

“Cyanide,” she repeated, just as calmly. “A small amount will do.”

The pharmacist’s face went pale. “Ma’am, I can’t sell you cyanide! That’s extremely dangerous. What on earth would you need it for?”

She leaned in slightly and said, in the same even tone, “I intend to use it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacist nearly jumped out of his shoes. “Poison your husband?! Absolutely not! That’s illegal! I could lose my license, you could go to prison – we’d both be in serious trouble. There’s no way I’m giving you cyanide!”

The woman sighed, as if she had expected this reaction. Then she calmly reached into her purse, pulled out a photograph, and slid it across the counter.

The pharmacist picked it up and looked closely. It showed her husband… in bed… with the pharmacist’s own wife.

He stared at it for a long moment, then looked back at the woman, cleared his throat, and said:

“Well now… that’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

Chris sent me a GREAT quote for the times and two great cartoons to go along with it. Very appropriate for what’s going on.

“Never, never, never believe any war will be smooth and easy…Weak incompetent or arrogant commanders; untrustworthy allies; hostile neutrals; malignant fortune; ugly surprises; awful miscalculations – all take their seat at the council board on the morrow of a declaration of war”

This is way cool!

Skeleton of D’Artagnan, the fourth musketeer, found in Dutch church

Today is the second day of Easter week.  Yesterday was Palm Sunday. The day that Jesus enters into Jerusalem on a “young colt”. A young donkey that’s never been ridden, satisfying another prophesy.  He is welcomed by the crowds waving palm branches and shouting hallelujah as they would for a returning, conquering king. Sadly, their appeal will be short lived.

Today, day two, Holy Monday called by some, Jesus curses the fruitless fig tree, representative of Israel at the time of having the outward form but no real fruit. He also clears out the corrupted money changers from the temple who were not only cheating the people but keeping the Gentiles out of the only place they were allowed to come to worship.

Tomorrow, Tuesday is the awe-inspiring Olivet discourse. Read Matthew 21:23 thru 24:51. Some great parables and teachings.

Wednesday is a down day for Jesus and the disciples, but Judas is busy agreeing to betray the Son of Man.

And Thursday … we’ll talk about on Thursday.

We are marching towards the greatest event in history. The one event that ties together all of Christianity. Without this event, there is no Christianity.

Now, not the greatest day in history according to a list that I found once. Here’s a pop quiz. What are the TWELVE GREATEST DAYS IN HISTORY according to whatever organization it was that I got this list from?  I’ll give you a hint…The creation of Man (Gen 1-2) and the Creation of the World (Gen 1) are numbered 11 & 12 respectively. Who wants to take a stab at the top 3? Or even number 1? I guess I gave away the fact that the whole Easter theme is not number 1 … so?

Tune in next time for the answers.

Until then. 

Welcome to Saturday!

I can’t believe it’s almost the end of March!

Absolutely impossible to believe.

I’m actually writing this from last Sunday, so I haven’t been to the Urologist yet, I haven’t gone through Mary’s Birthday yet, and I’ve been wondering this whole weekend why my anxiety is through the roof.

The nice part is, by the time you are reading this, it will all be moot.

So, why not just go right to the fun stuff, right?

Celebrate with Dad?! What?!

That’s me…100%. Sadly, it comes with the job. I know of too real life monsters.

This happens to me every single weekend.

As should all of us with our friends.

Rest in Peace Chuck.

Does everyone remember Spy vs. Spy? That was one of my favorite parts of Mad Magazine!

Two traps you need to avoid:

1. Caring what they think

2. Thinking that they care

It was a beautiful day today, got up to almost 80°F. I just heard the forecast for tomorrow. What the heck is wrong with this place!!! Low of 28 high of 45! Hey, it’s Indiana, if you don’t like the weather, wait a minute.

My Roomba just beat me to a Cheeto that I dropped on the floor.

This is how the war against the machines begins.

Some of us have better jobs than others…

Nothing but truth in this.

Joe sent us this, timeless lessons:

10 Life Lessons Not Taught in School

Thoughtful and considerate physician-Parents  might want to offer up the following 10 lessons to their children, lessons about things they did not and will not learn in school. 

Lesson 1: life is not fair –get used to it.

Lesson 2: The world won’t care about your self esteem . It will expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself. And even then it won’t care if you feel good about yourself or not.

Lesson 2: You will not make $50,000 a year right out of high school. ROFLMAO! Okay, this one may need to be updated, but still.  My first year out of high school I made $5,000. That was working for the Air Force.

Lesson 3: You won’t be a vice president with a car phone until you earn both. You don’t get anything until you earn it.

Lesson 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss. Wait until you get THAT boss. You all know what I mean.

Lesson 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping they called it opportunity.  Nothing is beneath your dignity if you are taking care of your family. 

Lesson 6: If you mess up, it’s not your parents fault so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them. Your mistakes are never someone else’s fault. Own them, learn from them, we all make them, stand up, keep going.

Lesson 7: Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills , cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try cleaning your own room. Nothing more.

Lesson 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers but life has not. Some schools have abolished failing grades and will give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to anything in real life. 

Lesson 9: life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested  helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time. And as you get older, you have less and less of “your own time.”

Lesson 10: Television is not real life. In real life people have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.  Yeah, nobody believes that TV is real life. ‘Cause nowadays real life is crazier than TV.

Okay, so I didn’t believe this. So I tried it myself and it works. You actually get 4 choices! LOL! I listened to Man Eater… okay, so only for about 30 seconds (one can only take so much) but it does work.

This cracked me up!!

This kind of goes along with what I read in my Bible study this morning. It was the reference for Romans 3:9 and it says: All the world is under sin, and yet sin is considered an archaic topic in our secular society. It’s not hard to guess why. Vice is something done against oneself; crime is something done against society or an individual; but sin is against God. Since modern culture is essentially atheistic, “sin” has become a meaningless term. Sin seems to mean nothing to people nowadays. Crime and punishment, yes, but sin not so much.

I always dreaded old age. I cannot imagine anything worse than being old. 

How awful it must be to have nothing to do all day long but stare at the walls or watch TV. 

So last week, when the Mayor suggested we all celebrate Senior Citizen Week by cheering up a senior citizen, I decided to do just  that. I would call on my new neighbor, an elderly retired gentleman, recently widowed, and whom, I presumed, had moved in with his married daughter because he was too old to take care of himself. 

I baked a batch of brownies and, without bothering to call (some old people cannot hear the phone), I went off to brighten this old guy’s day. 

When I rang the doorbell this “old guy” came to the door dressed in tennis shorts and a polo shirt, looking about as ancient and decrepit as Donny Osmond. 

“I’m sorry I can’t invite you in,” he said when I introduced myself, “but I’m due at the Racquet Club at two. I’m playing in the semifinals today.” 

“Oh that’s all right,” I said. “I baked you some  brownies . . . ” 

“Great!” he interrupted, snatching the box. “Just what I need for bridge club tomorrow! Thanks so much!” 

I continued, ” . . . and just thought we’d visit a while. But that’s okay! I’ll just trot across the street and call on Granny Grady.” 

“Don’t bother,” he said. “Gran’s not home — I know. I just called to remind her of our date to go dancing tonight. She may be at  the beauty shop. She mentioned at breakfast (at which house?!) that she had an appointment for a Tint job.” 

So I went home and called my Mother’s cousin (age 83). 

She was in the hospital …… working in the gift shop. 

I called my aunt (age 74). She was on vacation in China. 

I called my husband’s uncle (age 79). I forgot, he was on his honeymoon. 

I still dread old age, now more than ever. I just don’t think I’m up to it!!! 

Some will not get that one.

Including government and military traffic. A rumor I heard the other day (open source, so I’m not giving away any secrets) said that this is now what Iran is threatening Trump with, severing these lines and cutting off the internet and Wi-Fi for the world if he doesn’t back off and that’s why Trump appears to be backing off.

THE NIGHTMARE

We wouldn’t last a year.

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. 

She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time. 

She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. 

To make sure she doesn’t get them mixed up again, she cuts out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male parrot’s neck. 

A while later, the local priest visits the old lady. 

The male parrot takes one look at the father’s collar, wolf whistles, and says, ”I see she caught you at it, too.” 

Taste: Yolk – 95% White – yeah, not so much.

I’ve been trying intermittent fasting and it’s easier than I expected. Today I fasted for 37 minutes. It’s all about dedication and putting your mind to it.

A hangover is just your body reminding you that you’re an idiot.

And that’s it for today. I hope you had as much fun as I did.

So, I heard an update on the SAVE Act on the radio the other day. You only have to prove your citizenship to register to vote, thereafter you have to show ID to vote.

So…when you are registering to vote at the age of 18 for most people I’m assuming that a birth certificate would prove citizenship. And for the others, then it’s something they are going to have to deal with. But, not impossible. Married women, who’s name doesn’t match their birth certificate can bring their marriage certificate. Stop freaking out, it happens all the time. 

I just watched a commercial for the Governor of New York … some woman named Kathy Hochul who is the perfect side kick for the mayor of New York. It doesn’t surprise me one bit that people are fleeing that state like rats from a sinking ship.

‘cept I usually HAVE a reason…

This is going to end badly.

No. They deserve so much more. They deserve life time support and medical care. They deserve to be paid ten times what they are paid and they deserve a retirement that recognizes the sacrifices they make for our country. They deserve to be treated like kings and queens. At the rock bottom minimum, they deserve what they were promised, because they aren’t getting that.

It’s All Mind Over Matter!

If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Looking into Essential Oils…

Which one is it that calms other people down?

Chloroform?

It’s chloroform isn’t it?

Can someone please explain to me what this whole 6 7 thing means? When I ask Izzy dragon, all she does is laugh at me and say it doesn’t mean anything…and according to Google, Izzy is right.

[slaps two fistfuls of sparklers on the counter]

“How much for the angry incense?”

I’m writing a series of books about making things louder.

I’m on the final volume now.

I recently started a diet… I get half an egg in the morning, half an apple in the afternoon, and half the fridge in the evening.

And that’s it for another one. It’s starting to look like the only time I’m getting to work on these is the weekend, but that’s okay if I can get ahead.

We are doing so well at the jail that we are picking up another block. The good thing is we are going to be doing them on the same night (Wednesday) that we are already doing one of the other blocks. The bad thing is that it’s going to make Wednesday a really long night. One of the things that the jail actually brought up is making us a “Church Block” and putting ALL the men who want to go to “Church” in one block so we can see them all at once. They (the jail) brought it up to us! That would be awesome!! So, put that on your prayer list.