Dragon Laffs #1437

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Good Morning Campers,

I hope that everyone has recovered from their partying last weekend.  I know that Lethal kicked the stragglers out on Wednesday, but don’t take it so hard.  It was all for the best.  We can’t be responsible for you missing work.  You need to get back out there and earn that money…for taxes for the government, for the wickedly lazy who won’t go to work themselves and rely heavily on you to put drugs food on their tables and big screen TVs basic necessities in their homes.

One of the things that annoyed me to no end (speaking of people who get things for free), when I was working as a dispatcher for the State Police (one of the best jobs I ever had on a job satisfaction scale), it didn’t pay enough for me to make ends meet and keep my family really in the basic necessities.  I worked pretty much full-time hours at the county jail to make enough to make ends meet.

Well, at that time we were cut down on everything at home and had very basic cable only because we couldn’t get ANY TV channels otherwise (believe me, I tried) and I would go in the jail and the offenders had better cable than I did!  Yes, it chapped my ass that I was paying for them to have a better TV experience than I was getting.

Just one of the many inequities in our society.

I have to pay (a lot!) for my and my family’s cell phones and yet the government is taking my money and using it to pay for cell phones for people who won’t work.

Folks, election time is coming up.  I know it’s not real close, but it’s getting here and the people who want you to vote for them are giving you their speeches and their promises right now.  So right now is the time for you to be looking very carefully and doing what you can to get someone on the ballot and elected who will take this country in the direction in which it needs to go to save it.

Don’t waste your precious vote on the next fad president or stay at home and think it doesn’t matter if you vote or not.  It’s important.

Now, I think it’s time to get on with the laughter before I get too high up on this soap box.

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A first-grade teacher, Ms. Williams, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Jerry, what’s your problem?”
Jerry answered, “I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 5rd grade!”
Ms. Williams had had enough. She took Jerry to the principal’s office.
While Jerry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal that this was an exceptionally bright kid. The principal told Ms. Williams he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Jerry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Jerry: “9.”
Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”
Jerry: “36.”
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Williams and tells her, “I think Jerry can go to the 3rd grade”
Ms. Williams says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions.”
The principal and Jerry both agreed.
Ms. Williams asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”
Jerry, after a moment: “Legs.”
Ms. Williams: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Jerry replied: “Pockets.”
Ms. Williams: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
Jerry: “Pants.”
Ms. Williams: “What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?”
Jerry: “Coconut.”
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Williams: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?”
The principal’s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Jerry replied, “Bubble gum.”
Ms. Williams: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?”
Jerry: “Shake hands.”
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Williams: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement?”
Jerry: “Firetruck.”
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Jerry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.

Well, I got six of them wrong, but I was really thrown on the coconut one!

 

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That one really deserves a groaner tag, but I’ll let it go.

 

When I read this next one to Mrs. Dragon, her only response was, “Damn Straight!”

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Egyptians are smarter than Americans.  Watch this video and follow along with the translation.  Amazing.  And still so many people think this man is the answer to all our problems.  Well, this dragon thinks this man is all of our problems and the answer is to get his ass out of office and keep that lying bitch Hillary out, as well.

 

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This one is just plain pretty.  Kinda like the velvet Elvis oil paintings, but better…lots and lots better.

Two police officers responded to a domestic disturbance with gunshots fired.

When they arrived on the scene, they discovered the wife had shot her husband for walking across her freshly mopped floor.
They immediately called their sergeant.         
Hello, Sarge?
Yes.
It looks like we have a homicide here. 
What happened?
 
A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she has just mopped.
Have you placed her under arrest?
No sir…….the floor is still wet!

 

WHY DO THE CHINESE KICK OUR ASSES IN MATHEMATICS?

STUDY THE FIRST PHOTO VERY CAREFULLY.

THEN LOOK AT THE SECOND ONE.

IT MAY TAKE AWHILE, BUT EVENTUALLY YOU WILL NOTICE A SLIGHT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CHINESE AND AMERICAN STUDENTS.
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Class Photo: University of Colorado
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Any questions?

 

 

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Results of a recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
* This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone,
and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
 
* This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
 
* This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine, and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex
 
* This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say “screw you.”
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.
 
* Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.
 
* This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
And, last, but not least:
The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.
 
* You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself!

There’s a joke here…actually, there are several jokes here…where I could plug in names to the different kinds of sex, but I figure I’d piss off a lot of people, so I’ll just let it go and let it play through my head.  At least that way, I get to laugh.

 

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This is George.  Him and his brothers are used as security in our moat.  Where is the moat?  Well, most of you haven’t seen it yet, since it surrounds the new water park area.  George and his brothers are only there to keep unwanted people out.  They don’t bother the people who are allowed in.  They also help the wait staff out with flaming drinks.  Nice guys.  Really!

 

Thanks to Ginny for sharing this next one with us.  Read the write-up first, then I have some additional information at the end.

This isn’t a joke or cartoon; just something interesting
to know……….       Please forward this on to others…….
 
On Monday, I played the Disney, Lake Buena Vista course. As usual the starters matched me with three other players. After a few holes we began to get to know each other a bit. One fellow was rather young and had his wife riding along in the golf cart with him. I noticed that his golf bag had his name on it and after closer inspection it also said “wounded war veterans”.
 
When I had my first chance to chat with him I asked him about the bag.
His response was simply that it was a gift. I then asked if he was wounded and he said yes. When I asked more about his injury, his response was “I’d rather not talk about it, sir”.    
 
Over a few holes I learned that he had spent the last 15 months in an army rehabilitation hospital in San Antonio, Texas. His wife moved there to be with him and he was released from the hospital in September. He was a rather quiet fellow; however, he did say that he wanted to get good at golf.
We had a nice round and as we became a bit more familiar I asked him about the brand new set of Ping woods and irons he was playing. Some looked like they had never been hit.
 
His response was simple. He said that this round was the first full round he had played with these clubs.  Later in the round he told me the following.
 
As part of the discharge process from the rehabilitation hospital, Ping   comes in and provides three days of golf instruction, followed by club fitting. Upon discharge from the hospital, Ping gives each of the discharged veterans, generally about 40 soldiers, a brand new set of custom fitted clubs along with the impressive golf bags.    
 
The fellow I met was named Ben Woods and he looked me in the eye and said that being fitted for those clubs was one of the best things that ever happened to him and he was determined to learn to play golf well enough to deserve the gift Ping had given him. Ben is now out of the service medically discharged just a month ago. He is as fine a young man as you would ever want to meet.      

Ping
, whose products are made with pride here in America (Arizona), does not advertise this program.
 
God Bless America and the game of golf.    
 
Thank you PING
 
May God Bless our Military!
Here’s a link to the Snopes.com article where you will find out that it’s not just golf and it’s not just Ping.  There is a whole lot of this type of stuff going on and they are keeping it quiet and not advertising.  What a great deal and a wonderful way for some of these companies to say thanks to our vets who suffered for all of us.
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Yes, indeed, we do have our own scourge to worry about.  And heaven forbid he trip anywhere and sue somebody.

 

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“Chitty, Babe, bank left for a second, I just saw a glint out there in the desert.”

CB2 and I had been assigned over flight patrol over our desert hideout by Mr. Green.  He insists it’s not a 01hideout, but a secret operations center and I insist there isn’t any real difference.  I think our current “duty” is more a matter of us getting out of his hair than a real need for surveillance, what with the 2 gazzillion monitors, cameras, detectors and other nasty surprises he has hidden all over the area.

“You see it?  Right down by the base of that cliff.”

“Yes.  I see the bloody thing.  Prolly one of the green one’s cameras, it is.” CB2 continues in a raised voice, “And STOP calling me Babe!  I’m not your babe, I’m your partner!”

“Oh right.  Sorry.  No babes or other pet names.  I forgot.  It won’t happen again.  No worries, babe…er.. I mean, Chitty.”

With a sharp swoop of the car, I’m now floating in midair.  Well, plummeting towards the ground actually, but the point is, I’m no longer attached to the car.  As I unfurled my wings I reminded myself to buckle the seatbelt from now on.  But, come to think of it, I believe I HAD buckled my seatbelt and I believe I HAD heard a distinct “click” just prior to her dive which left me airborne.  I do believe she unbuckled me on purpose and dumped me out in the atmosphere.  But, before I could ask, we were landing next to the object which was definitely NOT one of Mr. Green’s toys.

The object was silver in color, round and shaped just like a …

“Oh look!  It’s a little bitty flying saucer!”

“Oh bollox on that!  Of course it’s not a bloody …”

Just then, the saucer, a little larger than Chitty’s spare tire…or tyre if you prefer, had a small square, just like a little door, open in the side of the thing.  It slid away to the side and disappeared from view.  Then a tiny
ramp slid down from the opening and came to rest on the desert floor.

“I swear to Tiamat, that if a little green dude comes out and threatens us with an Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator I’m going home and resting my poor head.”

CB2 didn’t reply, which I thought was odd.  She just sat there, not moving, not talking and I began to fear she was broken down or disabled in some manner when she finally lets out the mechanical equivalent of an
ear-splitting scream.

When I looked back down, there he was…a little green dude with a ray gun in his hands, peeking out from beside the door opening, with his fingers in his … ears? Looking distressingly at Chitty, Chitty-Bang, Bang.

He looked over at me, with what could only be described as a pained look on his face and mouthed some words that, not only could I not understand, I could not hear, due to CB2’s mechanical scream.  She was going on for an impressively long time when I bellowed in my loudest dragon voice, “CB2 STAND DOWN!!” And then I blew a stream of fire across her hood to get her attention.
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The sudden silence was deafening.

“Chitty, babe, what the hell?!”

“It’s a…, it’s a…, it’s a…”

“Easy girl.  You’re looking for a noun next.  It’s a what?”

“It’s a … ALIEN!”

The little green dude makes a mighty leap (for him, all of about a foot and a half) to the ground, swinging his gun(?) around in a circle and he can distinctly be heard saying, “Where?!  Where’s the Alien?!”

Having considered and rejected the obvious rejoinder, I replied, “She’s talking about you.”

The little green dude lowers his weapon and says, “Me?  Your mechanical transportation device was speaking of me?  But, I’m not an alien.  I know where I was born and that’s where I’m from.  An alien is one from one place who is trying to live or does live in a different place.  If he does it against the law he is an illegal alien, if he does it temporarily, he is a resident alien, if he…”

“Yes, yes.  But, she believes you are a space alien.”

“Oh!  Oh!  I saw that movie!  It was very scary.  I thought Ripley was very brave to…”

“You saw Alien?  The movie?”  Now, I was getting confused, which really wasn’t that big of a surprise, but I should’ve been able to keep up since it was all pretty easy concepts we were dealing with at the moment.

“Yes! Yes!  And Aliens, all the other sequels.  And Event Horizon, which was a very good movie.  Very scary.  Bad aliens…”

And at that point I could see the little light bulb come on in his eyes and I believe he finally got it. “You think I am an ALIEN? Like I have a steam shovel in my mouth to poke through your belly?”  He falls over to the ground and rolls around in the dust in what I assume is laughter, but sounds more like a braying donkey.

He is rolling and kicking his feet and raising a dust cloud around him.  The cloud completely covers him and begins to build in size until it reaches the size of a large beach ball.

Suddenly, the braying stops and slowly the cloud dissipates to reveal…nothing.  The little green dude is gone.

Looking around I quickly spot him back in the door way to what I assume is his ship, leaning casually against the door frame.  His arms crossed across his chest while he twirls his weapon on the finger of one hand.

“How… what….?” I stammer.

“It was getting dusty in there and was hard to breath so I moved.”

“Okay, well…what’s your name, anyway?  I can’t keep calling you ‘little green dude’ in my head.”

“You know my name?!  How do you know my name?”

“What are you talking about?  I just told you that I can’t keep calling you ‘Little green dude’ anymore and…”

“But that’s my name!  Well, in my language it’s the great gaz…er…um… (and here he says something completely unintelligible) but it translates in your words as ‘Little Green Dude’.”

“Okay, LGD.  It’s time for you to come with us.  I’m about as convinced that I’m crazy or I’m dreaming right now, so either way, it probably won’t matter in the long run.”

“Are you going to take me to your leader?”

“Oh.  Um.. yeah, right.  We’re going to take you to Mr. Green.”

“Oh goody!  I’ve always wanted to say that,” he says while clapping his hands and jumping up and down in the air which seems to rock his entire ship.  In a much deeper, mechanical and more menacing voice he says, “TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER.”  And then starts the donkey braying giggling again. “Take me to your …” and he can’t get the whole sentence out before he’s laughing again.

“Okay, jump in the car, let’s go Chitty.”

I walk over and lift the surprising light “flying saucer” and put it securely in the back seat.  I’m sure Mr. Green is going to want to get a good look at that.  Other universe space technology!  Wow!  He’s going to be so impressed with me.

Poor CB2 squeaks out “Alien” but lifts into the sky and brings us to Headquarters. Where Little Green Dude happily goes off with a couple of security personnel and we are left writing an after action report after dropping the “flying saucer” off in one of the labs.  Well, I’m left writing the report.  Chitty, Chitty-Bang, Bang is last seen in her garage where every now and then a soft “Alien” can be heard.


While Impish is writing his report, we spy in on Lethal Leprechaun who is sitting at a round table with a beer and a cigar in front of him.  Standing on the table on the other side of him is Little Green Dude with a much smaller beer and a somewhat smaller cigar.  We hear, “I swear to God Lethal, it was the funniest thing I’ve done in a long, long time.  When I jumped down and said,  ‘Alien?!  Where’s an Alien?!’ I thought I was going to give the whole thing away right there. And I can’t believe how much that dumb
dragon was oohing and aahing over my ‘flying saucer’.  I swear one of the two-by-fours holding up the floor fell off into the sand when he picked it up!”

They both lift their glasses, clink them together with a “Cheers” and drink up as they fade from our view.

 

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I’m thinking someone either wants to really go out or is really hungry, but either way, “It’s time to get up!!”

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Poor guys!  I think daylight savings time sucks, too!

 

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I see that other black dog.  Do you see the other dog?  It’s flat on the ground!

 

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We don’t allow Baileigh to beg for food…so instead she lays on the ground by your feet and looks pitiful.

 

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Yup, from a sound sleep.  It’s truly amazing.

 

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Corny Joke5

Me neither…

 

Hostility

Ooh!  Crunchy knights…and squires, too! 

 

Hot Ice

Shouldn’t there be a puddle, then?  Hmm…there’s a “frigid” joke in there that I’m definitely going to let go.

 

Hot Nerd

A nerd?  Just because of the glasses?  But, yeah.  Okay.

 

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The next thing you hear is the sound of an open palm striking a child’s cheek.

 

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Yeah, that would be me playing golf.

 

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Yeah, that would be all of us here at DL&LL Enterprises.  Coffee comes before (just about) everything.

 

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How about a fast set of:
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Today’s Last Word is a selection of great quotes sent to us by Ginny and used here because they are quite good and I’m quite busy and running out of time for this issue.  Thanks for dragon my ass out of the fire, Ginny…

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,’Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.’
Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: – ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’
– Eleanor Roosevelt
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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
– Mark Twain
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
– George Burns
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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
– Victor Borge
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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
– Mark Twain
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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
– Socrates
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
– Groucho Marx
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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
– Jimmy Durante
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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor
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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
– Alex Levine
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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
– Rodney Dangerfield
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Money can’t buy you happiness. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
– Spike Milligan
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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
– Joe Namath
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I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.
– Bob Hope
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
– W. C. Fields
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We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
– Will Rogers
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Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
– Winston Churchill
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Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
– Phyllis Diller
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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
– Billy Crystal
And the cardiologist’s diet: If it tastes good spit it out.
~~~~
May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and
may nothing but happiness come through your door
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A Special Message from Lethal “Noah” Leprechaun

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High Folks Lethal here coming to you from onboard the CLS (Curmudgeonly Leprechaun’s Ship) Grace O’Malley standing safely off Houston’s Ship Channel in the Gulf of Mexico.

I’m writing this because I have been fielding numerous messages from concerned readers regarding Molly’s and my safety fearing that the near record breaking Bayou flooding brought on by the heavy rains (11 inches in 3 to 4 hours in some places) had gotten us. Not with out good reason either I might add as there have been seven confirmed deaths and two missing as a result of historic flooding in the area. A city official noted that they responded to 968 incidents overnight (Monday to Tuesday), 531 of which were water-related.

We’re good, safe, secure & dry. At one point we were ready to load the car and to leave because of reports of a Bayou near us getting close to flooding which would have basically cut off our sole still viable escape route away from the storms but then we started seeing end of the storms on radar.

We’re fortunate in that the work done on the foundation of the building our apartment is in while cracking many walls and making doors stick seems to have fixed any issue with our apartment flooding during heavy rains or at least so far anyway.

The closest serious flooding is about 5 or 10 miles from us and throughout the entire thing we never lost power which I’ll admit was a bit of a surprise to me considering of often and easily the power does go down hereabouts.

We’re quite happy now that our planned move last November fell through since if it had not I’d be posting quite a different message here today. While we would have been on the second floor high and dry, we’d have been searching for our car’s roof top on the flood waters had we moved.

Molly worked from home yesterday after talking with her boss and telling him she would be late because she was unwilling to travel until the sun was up and she could clearly see what she was up against  as downtown is impassable and most highways thru it
were either flooded or full of debris /or abandoned cars. Since we no longer have the Yukon or Tahoe with the high ground clearance Molly is no longer fearless about picking her way through minor flooding. Most of her company didn’t make it in until almost noon, several people with low sitting cars gave up, turned around and went back home. Many businesses and a lot of the schools were closed either due to their flooding , parking lots being flooded or the impassibility of streets.

Despite the weather guessers having studied their pretty computer pictures, their divining of entrails and what ever else they do to consistently wind up with the wrong forecast claims that all signs indicated we were done with the heavy rains with the exception of the usual afternoon showers when the sun started setting and the heat pump switch off we endured about 2.3 to 3 hours of a serious window rattler early this morning. Despite it dumping another 1/2 to 3/4 of an inch of rain it hasn’t really effected things too badly and the flooded highways and roads continue to drain and be cleared.

They expect the bayous to be flooded for quite some time as yet, the NWS warning being in effect until next Monday or until canceled.

Thanks for checking on us to those who did. Here are a few photos of the flooded areas yesterday for all you cyber-rubberneckers.

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This before, during and after shots of I-45 Northbound @ N. Main St. Molly passes through here everyday on way to work.

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Bad day to be an Insurance Claims adjuster!

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This is a bridge over Bray’s Bayou downtown. This is the one that got all the news attention because it went form 3 feet to just over 30 feet in a single hour before cresting at 44 feet. This is the one in which lives were lost during a rescue. IT’s currently down to 21 feet but still flowing at over 2000 cubic feet a minute which is in the lethal range if you’re in the water.

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Brays Bayou water levels rising. The bridge in the distance appears to be the same one as the previous shot with the truck.

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Here it is an hour after the last shot.

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That white line on the left  side middle way up the photo is a concrete lane divider that stands 42 inches high.

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Grand Parkway @ HWY 90. Rear hatches are open because people couldn’t open doors against water pressure holding them closes so the escaped through the rear hatches. Open hatches make rescue workers lives easier because they know those cars are empty. One car was recovered with a body inside.

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Allen Parkway @ Memorial Drive

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Another shot taken somewhere along Allen Parkway

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No data on where this was taken as it was reposted so many times and shot with a Drone.

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See idiot in red canoe just left of center photo? Bad idea. that water is teeming with chemicals and disease. Sewage processing plants were flooded and over flowed, one spilling over 100K Gallons of unprocessed effluent. That’s not even addressing the fact if something happened he’d be screaming for  Emergency Services people to rescue his dumb ass from his own dipshidiosity!

{Word for the Day: Dipshidiot (n.) – A person who is not only a dipshit but an idiot all rolled into one.]

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Underground parking lots while a secure place to park normally become underground reservoirs during severe rains.

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Galleria lower parking level is FULL- of water. Not cars.

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The Galleria is one of the most expensive high class neighborhoods in Houston. This is a photo of a property called Galleria Townhomes. A 1BD/1BA, 820 SF apartment here will run you between $1065 & $1497/mo.  The full submersion car wash is complementary. The structure to the left side is a 2 level parking area with the light reflecting on the flooding in the lower level.

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River Oaks Area proving it was names correctly, That Buffalo Bayou on the other side of the tree line well over its banks. Oh btw, River Oaks is the wealthiest and most expensive community in Texas and among the top ten in the United States. Real estate values in the community range from $1 million to over $20 million.

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Important thing to know in Houston – Never live in a property that is lower than the street in front of it. This is why.

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Another Dipshidiot, this one in the Braeswood- Maplewood South area of Meyerland section of Houston.

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Need more proof of why playing in flood waters is a bad idea? These guys have been forced out of the bayous by the flooding &/or washing away of their homes too. This one is downtown in the Energy Corridor outside a major office building. How’d you like to meet up with him in the flood waters while bring a Dipshidiot?

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Patio/Pool area of the Omni Hotel on Riverway in the Galleria Houston. Who’s up for a swim?

Visualized: How the insane amount of rain in Texas could turn Rhode Island into a lake

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Quite a bit, isn’t it? Just eyeballing, it looks like enough water to completely fill up a good-sized house. According to the EPA, the average American family can expect to go through about half an acre-foot of water per year.

But this is just one acre-foot, and in Texas we’re talking about millions. So let’s bump up the scale.

 

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In this view I’ve multiplied that cube by 1,000. Now we’re looking at an enormous block of water 351 feet long on any side. By comparison, the Statue of Liberty is only about 305 feet tall from ground to torch. A person is barely visible in this view. With 1,000 acre-feet of water, you could fulfill the water needs of a 2,000 household town for a year, or fill up about 500 Olympic size swimming pools.

But we’re still not at the right scale to understand Texas. Let’s cube it again:

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Now we’re getting somewhere. Each one of these cubes is 1,000 acre-feet in size, for a total of 1 million acre-feet. The Burj Khalifa, the world’s tallest building at 2,700 feet, is dwarfed by this massive brick of water. The Statue of Liberty is just a speck at this scale.

This 3,500 foot tall block of water could supply the needs of a city of 8 million people for one year. The crazy thing? This all flowed into Texas reservoirs in just the past 48 hours.

But those 48 hours are still just the tip of the iceberg in terms of the rain that’s fallen in the past month. Finally, here’s the full block of 8,000,000 acre-feet of water that’s accumulated in the past 30 days.

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So you can start to see the magnitude of crisis that Texas is facing. But even this is just a fraction of the total amount of rain that’s fallen. After all, much of the rain doesn’t end up in reservoirs, but soaks into the ground or runs off from rivers to the sea. And this doesn’t even count the amount of water that’s fallen in Oklahoma.

And most troubling for people on the ground in those areas: there’s more rain in the forecast:

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FYI: It was “60% for Scatter Thunderstorms” that caused the current situation too. It’s not unlike New England getting 14” of “Partly Cloudy with a slight chance of flurries.”

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Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Leprechaun Laughs # 301 for May 27th 2015

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Good Morning Ladies and Gentleman~

Just a few housekeeping notes before we get the issue rolling.

  1. The rating stars are no longer found at the top of the issue but now at the end of the issue. This move was suggested by a reader who pointed out that people might be more apt to click on them to rate us if they were right where they finished the issue as opposed to having to scroll back to the start to find them and vote.. We’ll try the theory out for a while and see if it s true.
  2. To those of you still drunk hung over, unable to stand with out support due to sexual exhaustion, suffering from heat stroke, sun burn or any other holiday weekend party induced malady. QUITCHERBITCHIN ALREADY! I spent the weekend sequestered in my office working to make sure things got to press on time so I don’t want to hear it, see your pictures or listen to you moan and groan about how you’re paying for the fantastic time you had.
  3. (This applies only to those of you from #2 above who have not left since Saturday as yet) GET THE HELL OUT! The party officially ended Monday night at midnight CST. You’ve already missed a days work and you’re pissing off the cleaning crews who are starting to make threats about feeding the Ghouls, plus the denizens of the marsh and moat with those who just won’t leave. Besides being rude acting like Liberals &/or Occupiers, you are cutting into your recuperation time before our Independence Day Celebration.

Finally before I intone the opening line, let me just post this very important safety notice to someone purported to be important and vital around here.

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Go Ahead Impish! I Double Dead Dog DARE you to even breath on the contents of this issue and see what happens! Remember the fence in the river at Camp Hokey Pokey? Small. Potatoes.

You’ve been warned Boy-o!

Opening Logo 11

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Come to think of it my new machine does sound a lot like Darth Vader when its brewing! Though admittedly it beeps more like R2D2 when its done.

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I’m taking a few days off. Anybody needs me they can damned well find me at the end of the rainbow.

KFC’s Tray Typer keyboard

KFC isn’t exactly the company you think of when it come to cool new tech toys, but this new invention makes total sense. After all, how many times have you accidentally smudged up your smartphone screen by trying to text while enjoying some fast food?

Sadly, we won’t be seeing the Tray Typer here in the U.S. any time soon. The keyboard was part of a KFC promo campaign in Germany.

 

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I swear Impish has decided to enter a contest with me when it comes to safe houses/ bolt holes. Every time I get one he gets one. This is a photo of him from his latest. Apparently that’s the last known photo of the Realtor and her dog in the boat, just prior to it mysteriously exploding and sinking.

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Here’s a photo of one of my more recent acquisitions. Not to practical you say? On the contrary! It’s easily towable or bargeable to any new location I want. Doesn’t require shore hook ups which means I can place it where anyone approaching has to be looking for me and best of all it has an underwater escape hatch leading to a 65 m personal sub complete with its own docking mini sub and a 300m working depth.

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NATIONAL HAMBURGER DAY – May 28

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NATIONAL HAMBURGER DAY

National Hamburger Day is celebrated each year on May 28.  This day is set aside to honor a classic sandwich, the hamburger.  National Hamburger Day is part of National Hamburger Month.

 

For Some Fun Hamburger Trivia

See: http://www.foodreference.com/html/fhamburgers.html

It is most likely that the hamburger first appeared in the 19th or early 20th centuries and there is much controversy over it’s origin.  The true origin might not ever be identified with certainty.  Over the years, the hamburger has become a culinary icon in the United States.

From early on, the hamburger was prepared with all of the now typically characteristic trimmings. including onions, lettuce and pickles.

Since the beginning, many different variants of the hamburger have been created, some of which have become very popular.  Much of this diversity comes from restaurant chains that have tried to reproduce the success of other very famous and extremely successful hamburger chains.

5 Darkest McDonald’s Secrets

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A case in point-

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Its two day after a holiday eat leftovers. If you don’t have left overs it’s the day before National Hamburger Day, so celebrate early. Either way I ain’t cooking this week because I cooked ahead over the weekend while slaving away over a hot Lap Top to get this issue done on time.

 

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Once you do, I then suggest you make these:

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That’s Nutella under the roasted marshmallow. ‘Nuff said? No? We warmed the stay soft Chocolate chip cookies in tin foil before making them. ‘Nuff now? Thought so!

 

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Drone Pilot Wings

Get Your Wings

What are the Drone Pilot Wings, anyway?

When a pilot or astronaut finishes flight training, they get their pilot wings. Astronauts get astronaut wings.

You worked hard to fly your first drone, but where are your wings? Well, we have the only authorized Drone Pilot Wings, and they’re exclusive to DronePilotWings.com!

Actual size: 2" wide, wing-tip to wing-tip.

Actual size: 2″ wide, wing-tip to wing-tip.

Wonder if there is such a thing as Dragon Drone Piloting Wings? I need a pair of those.

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So we’ve had the Techno-weenies and Gadget-Geeks in our Armory Section working night and day in addition to revamping Miss Chitty (like me they get no freaking rest) working on a multipurpose defensive weapon that was easy to conceal but still covered most threats for our field agents. I think we finally have a winner!

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I’ve noticed ever since their.. “unplanned little adventure” Mistress of the Ninja Kitties SC and Impish have been…missing at the same time with a fair amount of regularity. Ever watchful I focused the Jumbotron on finding out why and where they were going. From what I knew it wasn’t to visit Bruce at the same time. This is what I found is short order-

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I believe the correct technical term for this particular situation is pussy whipped!

Though with cat moves like this I can see why he is:

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Speaking of Bruce, you’ll all be happy to know he’s making a steady recovery. That is he is now. We had to find him a..health aide to make sure he stopped trying to over do it.

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We were force to trim Bruce’s claws and tell him it was a result of his injuries. I think Impish is miffed. As he applied for the job in another one of his duty shirking schemes and got laughed at rejected right out of hand.

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One of our D.R.A.G.O.N. agent Candidates John G (“Gatti”) Nome going through a section of his concealed sniping training

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Wonder if its too late to get a change to the Election Laws passed for 2016?

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Rest room ‘rules’ at the indoor shooting range I was at this weekend:

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I particularly liked #4!

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Tale of the IDIOT

I hate to say it boys & girls but this will be the last installment of of ‘Tale of the IDIOT’.

I’ve run out of  entries in the Diary I liberated from where Impish had forgotten about it. Fear not however, I’m given to understand through an intermediary that the oft mention in the Diary ‘Cat’ also has some sort of recounting of at least part of their time together, as well possibly as a certain Unicorn. I hope to bring one or both of those to you very soon.

    Dragon Diaries Part Seven

Ated another tax collector this morning. What part of “dragon” do they not understand?

Starting to hope more tax collectors will come by. Empty calories, but they have great crunch factor. Maybe I could arrange to have a team of auditors stop in…
—Love the way their little briefcases pop between my teeth.

Biggest problem of being unable to write myself? Getting left in limbo for months at a time. Stupid ghost writer. I’d toast him but it might go badly.

“A one Llama, he’s a priest. A two Llama, he’s a beast.” Both are delicious when breaded and fried, what a feast! (With apologies to Ogden Nash)

Same old same old. Knight came a calling claiming I’d devoured his own true love, blah blah blah, despair. I mercy-ated him. You know, put him out of my misery and all that.

Knight had a squire, officious looking fellow with a poofy mustache. I ated him too. Crunch-crunch-crunch.

Cat came home all fluffy after arguing with some village official. Am most displeased. On the upside, said official will likely be delicious…

 

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Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Thank you

Now that the day is mostly done and most everyone has had a chance to read Mr. Leprechaun’s fantastic Memorial Day issue and by posting this here, where everyone can see it, instead of in the comments section, where it would be mostly ignored, I’d like to say a few words of thanks. 

Thank you, Lethal Leprechaun, my brother in arms, my brother in soul, my brother from a different mother, for your gallant service; for the horrible wounds you suffered; for the years of commitment you’ve given to your country, your family and friends and the rest of the nation who may never know your name, but should still be humbled by all you have given. 

I am proud to stand with you right up to the final days and face with you any and all evilness this pitiful world has to throw at us. To St. Peter’s gate I will march beside you and our other brothers and sisters who have served their country and are willing to lay down their lives for our freedom. 

To all of you who have served, are serving or will serve in the defense of your loved ones and your country, I am honored and truly humbled to be your brother. 

And to all of those who’ve given that ultimate sacrifice, you have the humble thanks of this Air Force Veteran and his family. 

Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments

DL/LL Memorial Day Issue 2015

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As you enter the Conference room you see rather than the normal pair of flags US and POW/MIA which are always on display to either side of the podium a total of 7 flags grace the stage today. The five flags representing the five branches of our Armed Services have joined the usual two. You also notice that the aisle seats on the benches in the open seating area all are marked as reserved 2 deep and CyberLethals are insuring that these seats remain open. The Patrons Reserved Seating Area seems to have been rearranged to accommodate the same arrangement as well.

In front of the podium stands a worn pair of military boots, a bayonet fixed rifle barrel stuck down between them, multiple sets dog tags dangling from the the rifle’s butt and held in place with a battle worn helmet.

Shortly you hear the rhythmic tromping for men marching in lock step growing louder as they approach. Soon after you make out a gravel voice calling out a cadence that those marching sing out loudly and with a great deal of pride:

Above the land,
Across the sea,
We’re everywhere,
We need to be.
We’re brothers of,
A special kind,
A better band,
You’ll never find.
Band of brothers,
That’s what we are,
Fighting evil,
Near and far.
Band of brothers,
That’s what I said,
Baptized by fire,
Scarred by lead.
We’re lean and mean,
And fit to fight,
Anywhere,
Day or night.
When bullets fly,
And rockets fall,
We’ll stand our ground,
And give our all.
We’re on the move,
We’re on the march,
We’re diggin’ ditches,
And breakin’ starch.
When you hear,
Our battle cry,
You better move,
And step aside.
Band of brothers,
That’s what we said,
Mess with us,
We’ll shoot you dead.
Band of brothers,
Trained to kill,
If we don’t getcha,
Our sisters will.

As this has been going on, men and women have marched into the room lead by two familiar faces in uniform, Impish & Lethal who have ascended to the Podium. These marching men, some in dress uniforms, some in BDUs, some in suit jackets sporting Overseas caps adorned with embroidered VFW legends and offices held, some looking decidedly more rough than others in jeans and leather vests bearing the names of not easily pronounceable and unfamiliar locations, some just in civvies wearing Flag pins crossed with the flag of their service branch, some using canes, some using crutches, some pushed in wheel chairs, but all have the same thing in common, Every eye bears the same look of fierce pride and determination, every voice is loud and proud. These are US Military Veterans, Warriors all and they are on a mission. That mission: to honor the memory of their fallen brethren, those of this band of brothers whom never made it back home.

The formation smartly fills in the empty seats and remain standing marking time in place until all have arrived at their assigned seat. Then suddenly Impish bellows out loudly “DETAIL! HALT!” Two more sets of foot falls are heard and then silence.
Again Impish calls out “DETAIL! PA-RAID REST!” He then smartly spins to face Lethal,  snaps off a sharp salute, then while holding it says. “SIR! Veteran’s Honor Detail 2015 is present or accounted for SIR!”

Lethal who turned at the same time Impish had to face him from the podium just as smartly responds to Impish’s salute with one of his own. Impish releases his as soon as Lethals’ is completed. “Very good Sargent. Take your post.”

Salutes are again exchanged and Impish smartly marches to his norm place on the stage before executing an about face and assuming the parade rest position. Once he has Lethal calls out…

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Honor Guard Detail.. ATTENTION!

Ladies & Gentlemen, Please Stand for Our National Anthem

At Ease! Everyone Be seated.

OK, first of all who’s the smart ass who yelled “PLAY BALL!” ? Security show that man out and take away his picnic pass!

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Please note that today is one of the very few times in my issues where you will see anything come before coffee.

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Memorial Day is a federal holiday in the United States for remembering the people who died while serving in the country’s armed forces. The holiday, which is observed every year on the last Monday of May, was formerly known as Decoration Day and originated after the American Civil War to commemorate the Union and Confederate soldiers who died in the war. By the 20th century, Memorial Day had been extended to honor all Americans who died while in the military service. It typically marks the start of the summer vacation season, while Labor Day marks its end.

Many people visit cemeteries and memorials, particularly to honor those who have died in military service. Many volunteers place an American flag on each grave in national cemeteries.

Annual Decoration Days for particular cemeteries are held on a Sunday in late spring or early summer in some rural areas of the American South, notably in the mountain areas. In cases involving a family graveyard where remote ancestors as well as those who were deceased more recently are buried, this may take on the character of an extended family reunion to which some people travel hundreds of miles. People gather on the designated day and put flowers on graves and renew contacts with relatives and others. There often is a religious service and a picnic-like “dinner on the ground,” the traditional term for a potluck meal in which people used to spread the dishes out on sheets or tablecloths on the grass. It is believed that this practice began before the American Civil War and thus may reflect the real origin of the “memorial day” idea.[

Memorial Day is not to be confused with Veterans Day; Memorial Day is a day of remembering the men and women who died while serving, while Veterans Day celebrates the service of all U.S. military veterans.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memorial_Day

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A sharpshooter plays ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ with his gun

Guns have been a part of our country’s culture since the beginning. That’s why this rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner” is perfect! Watch a sharpshooter play our national anthem with the most unlikely instrument imaginable: his rifle.

 

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A boy told by his school not to fly the American flag off his truck refused to give in

When the school administration at York Comprehensive High School in South Carolina insisted that 18-year-old senior Peyton Robinson mustn't fly his American flag and POW-MIA flag in the bed of his pickup truck, due to "safety concerns," Peyton was notably bothered.

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I had the whole story here with some really great photos and an interview with the kid and a well thought out and written commentary on the timeliness of the occurrence. It was predictably critical of the local School system, discussing how a teenager of an age who we’d normally associate with unflattering behavior/news articles instinctively understood patriotism, support for our Troops/MIAs and that as long as we had troops out there fighting and dying that every day should be Memorial Day. This in contrast to a school official who apparently didn’t understand these things, the fact that the kids truck was private property that he violated w/o due cause and had he to be taken to citizenship school by this teen and his friends, but Impish published his ‘just the bare fact ma’am’ version first.

I grant you Impish didn’t know we both had the same article nor had Wheats any way to know I was using it and had already completed and uploaded the issue ( that I now had to retract and re-edit after working on it for over a week) so that I might press on to the next deadline which I was buried under publishing 3 issues in 10 days plus supporting the constantly and incessantly over burdened Impish in getting his issues out but that knowledge at this point admittedly  ain’t helping my attitude about the situation much!

This concludes this edition of the Cranky Celtic Curmudgeon’s Complaint Corner. I’m going back to the salt mine. You go back to the issue. Don’t be looking for me at the party, some of us still have an issues to crank out for Wednesday and now I have even more wasted time to make up for.

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Regardless of the exact date or location of its origins, one thing is clear – Memorial Day was borne out of the Civil War and a desire to honor our dead. It was officially proclaimed on 5 May 1868 by General John Logan, national commander of the Grand Army of the Republic, in his General Order No. 11. “The 30th of May, 1868, is designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion, and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village and hamlet churchyard in the land,” he proclaimed. The date of Decoration Day, as he called it, was chosen because it wasn’t the anniversary of any particular battle.

On the first Decoration Day, General James Garfield made a speech at Arlington National Cemetery, and 5,000 participants decorated the graves of the 20,000 Union and Confederate soldiers buried there.

The first state to officially recognize the holiday was New York in 1873. By 1890 it was recognized by all of the northern states. The South refused to acknowledge the day, honoring their dead on separate days until after World War I (when the holiday changed from honoring just those who died fighting in the Civil War to honoring Americans who died fighting in any war).

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ANDRE RIEU & JSO – WHEN THE SAINTS … – AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL – STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER

 

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Red Poppies

In 1915, inspired by the poem “In Flanders Fields,” Moina Michael replied with her own poem:

We cherish too, the Poppy red
That grows on fields where valor led,
It seems to signal to the skies
That blood of heroes never dies.

She then conceived of an idea to wear red poppies on Memorial day in honor of those who died serving the nation during war. She was the first to wear one, and sold poppies to her friends and co-workers with the money going to benefit servicemen in need. Later a Madam Guerin from France was visiting the United States and learned of this new custom started by Ms. Michael. When she returned to France she made artificial red poppies to raise money for war orphaned children and widowed women. This tradition spread to other countries. In 1921, the Franco-American Children’s League sold poppies nationally to benefit war orphans of France and Belgium. The League disbanded a year later and Madam Guerin approached the VFW for help.

Shortly before Memorial Day in 1922 the VFW became the first veterans’ organization to nationally sell poppies. Two years later their “Buddy” Poppy program was selling artificial poppies made by disabled veterans. In 1948 the US Post Office honored Ms. Michael for her role in founding the National Poppy movement by issuing a red 3 cent postage stamp with her likeness on it.

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The Real Rambo (Most Heavily Decorated Soldier)

This is the story of Robert Howard: the most decorated soldier / veteran in American history…it’s people like him who make this country GREAT!

Courage under Fire – Col. Robert L. Howard – Medal of Honor profile.. 1 of 3

Courage under Fire – Col. Robert L. Howard – Medal of Honor profile.. 2 of 3

Courage Under Fire – Col. Robert L. Howard – Medal of Honor profile.. 3 of 3

 

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National Moment of Remembrance

The “National Moment of Remembrance” resolution was passed on Dec 2000 to help re-educate and remind Americans of the true meaning of Memorial Day.  It asks that at 3 p.m. local time all Americans “voluntarily and informally observe in their own way a Moment of Remembrance and respect, pausing from whatever they are doing for a moment of silence or listening to Taps.”

Echo Military Taps – HQ

For those who served our country and those who made the ultimate sacrifice…Lest we forget.

 

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SOME GAVE ALL

 

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New preamble to the constitution

This is probably one of the best e-mails I’ve seen in a long, long time. The following has been attributed to Lewis Napper, a Jackson, Mississippi computer programmer. He didn’t expect his essay — a tart 10-point list of “rights” Americans don’t have — to become an Internet legend. Well guess what?

‘We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights.’
ARTICLE I:
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth.. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II:
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone — not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of dummies, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III:
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV:
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V:
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we’re just not interested in public health care.
ARTICLE VI:
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don’t be surprised if the rest of us want to see you get the blue juice.
ARTICLE VII:
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don’t be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won’t have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure..
ARTICLE VIII:
You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE IX:
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
ARTICLE X:
This is an English speaking country. We don’t care where you came from, English is our language. Learn it!
Lastly
ARTICLE XI:
You do not have the right to change our country’s history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, sorry if you are uncomfortable with it.

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God Bless the USA – The Texas Tenors

The Texas Tenors is a classical crossover trio vocal group formed in 2009 by country music singer JC Fisher, pop singer Marcus Collins and opera singer John Hagen. They were a top four finalist in the fourth season of America’s Got Talent, making them the highest ranking vocal group in the show’s history.[ As of 2013, the group has performed more than 600 shows in over 20 countries including Great Britain and China. They perform in Branson, Missouri. The trio filmed a PBS special, performing songs from their second album You Should Dream, which first aired in November 2013. The Texas Tenors partner with several charity organizations including Homes For Our Troops and ChildFund.

Fallen Chopper Pilot

THE ABOVE AND BEYOND MEMORIAL

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On Memorial Day 2001, the museum added a stirring and spectacular new exhibit to its already highly praised fine art collection. The work of art, an immense 10 x 40 foot sculpture entitled Above and Beyond. Above and Beyond is comprised of more than 58,000 imprinted dog tags, one for each of the service men and women who died in the Vietnam War, including one black dog tag that honors all the service members that have died from various causes after they left Vietnam. Above and Beyond is the first new permanent Vietnam War memorial, other than The Wall in Washington, D.C., to list all those killed in action. Above and Beyond at the National Veterans Art Museum is a singular honor for Chicago.

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When visitors first entered the museum’s original location on South Indiana Avenue, they heard a sound like wind chimes coming from above them and their attention was drawn upward 24 feet to the ceiling of the two-story high atrium. They saw there above them, tens of thousands of metal dog tags, spaced evenly one inch apart, suspended from fine lines that allowed them to move like a living thing with the shifts in air currents.

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Observance

In traditional observance, the flag of the United States is raised briskly to the top of the staff and then solemnly lowered to the half-staff position, where it remains only until noon. It is then raised to full-staff for the remainder of the day. The half-staff position remembers the more than one million men and women who gave their lives in service of their country. At noon, their memory is raised by the living, who resolve not to let their sacrifice be in vain, but to rise up in their stead and continue the fight for liberty and justice for all.

Section 1082 of the 1998 Defense Authorization Act adds the flying of the POW-MIA flag on all Federal and U.S. Military Installations on Memorial Day. The POW-MIA flag is to be half-staffed until noon along with the National flag.

Other traditional observances included wearing red poppies, visiting cemeteries and placing flags or flowers on the graves of our fallen heroes, and visiting memorials.

Traditional observance of Memorial day has diminished over the years and many Americans have forgotten the meaning and traditions of the day. At many cemeteries, the graves of the fallen are increasingly ignored or neglected. Most people no longer remember the proper flag etiquette for the day. While there are towns and cities that still hold Memorial Day parades, many have not held a parade in decades.

There are a few notable exceptions. Since the late 1950s on the Thursday before Memorial Day, 1,200 soldiers of the 3rd U.S. Infantry place small American flags at each of the more than 260,000 gravestones at Arlington National Cemetery. They then patrol 24 hours a day during the weekend to ensure that each flag remains standing. In 1951, the Boy Scouts and Cub Scouts of St. Louis began placing flags on the 150,000 graves at Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery as an annual Good Turn, a practice that continues to this day. More recently, beginning in 1998, on the Saturday before the observed day for Memorial Day, the Boys Scouts and Girl Scouts place a candle at each of approximately 15,300 grave sites of soldiers buried at Fredericksburg and Spotsylvania National Military Park on Marye’s Heights (the Luminaria Program). And in 2004, Washington D.C. held its first Memorial Day parade in over 60 years.

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Just a couple last minute ideas to set you Memorial Day apart from the crowd’s

Grilled Banana S’Mores

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Total Time: 11 min
Prep: 1 min
Cook: 10 min
Yield: 9 sandwiches
Level: Easy

Ingredients

Medium ripe bananas
Brown sugar
Large marshmallows
Peanut butter or chocolate spread
Graham cracker squares

Directions

Heat a grill to medium (350 degrees F). Leave bananas in their skins and make 1 slit down the length of each banana. Pack the slits with brown sugar.
Put the banana(s) on the grill and grill until soft and charred, about 5 minutes. Remove them to a cutting board and set aside to cool slightly. Peel the skins from the bananas and cut into 1/2-inch thick slices. Meanwhile, put the marshmallows on skewers and toast over the grill until brown and melty, about 2 minutes. You can also brown the marshmallows using a hand-held torch.
To assemble, spread some peanut butter on graham crackers and top with bananas and marshmallows. Cover with another cracker and serve. Enjoy!

Pink SHAMpagne

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Total Time: 2 min
Prep: 1 min
Cook: 1 min
Yield: 2 servings
Level: Easy

Ingredients
1 cup sparkling apple cider
1/2 cup cranberry juice
1/2 cup raspberry-flavored club soda
Fresh raspberries, for garnish
Special equipment: 2 chilled Champagne flutes

 

Directions

Combine the sparkling apple cider, cranberry juice, and club soda in a small pitcher. Put a few raspberries in each Champagne flute and fill to the top with the SHAMpagne mixture.

Of course if you desire an Adult Beverage, a little Grey Goose or Bacardi Superior or Gold can easily fall right in the mixture.

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Heaven Was Needing A Hero – fallen soldier tribute

 

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Civil War monuments

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The Confederate Soldiers and Sailors Monument was dedicated May 30, 1894 on Libbie Hill terrace in Richmond, Va., Tuesday, April 14, 2015. Known as the ‘Single Soldier’, ‘Silent Sentinel’ or similar names depending on the locale, he tops many of the thousands of Civil War monuments to be found in more than 30 states. (AP Photo/Steve Helber)

After the Civil War ended in April 1865, statues depicting Union and Confederate soldiers went up across the country, from New England squares to southern courthouses. A century and a half later, these weathered “Silent Sentinels” still stand guard, rifles at the ready, gazing off into the distance.

Appropriate for a war that pitted brother against brother, many of the statues bear a strong family resemblance.

Most of the statues were mass-produced by a handful of Northern companies that found a steady market selling to communities, North and South, eager to honor their fallen soldiers and surviving veterans.

Firms such as the Monumental Bronze Co. of Bridgeport, Conn., did a brisk business selling soldier statues. A life-size parade rest model was listed in its sales catalog for $450, while the 8-foot-6-inch version sold for $750.

Commissioning a monument made of Italian marble or New England granite could cost tens of thousands of dollars, much too expensive for most small towns. So, many turned to the northern foundries specializing in cast bronze or zinc statuary used to decorate cemetery markers. “It’s like going to Wal-Mart. It’s less expensive,” said Timothy S. Sedore, author of “An Illustrated Guide to Virginia’s Confederate Monuments.”

Because they had lost the war and were economically shattered, southerners got a later start erecting monuments. By the time the 20th century arrived, they were making up for lost time, with hundreds of soldier statues installed across the South, typically outside county courthouses.

But old animosities died hard, and folks in the South didn’t usually publicize who was supplying the statues: mostly companies in Connecticut, Massachusetts and Ohio.

“They’re not meant to represent one person or another,” said Sarah Beetham, an art historian who teaches at the University of Delaware and the Pennsylvania Academy of the Fine Arts. “This way, people could go and see in them their sons or fathers who had fought in the war.”

Known as the “Silent Sentinel,” “Single Soldier” or similar names, the figure tops many of the thousands of Civil War monuments to be found in more than 30 states. Today, 150 years after the guns fell silent to end the nation’s bloodiest conflict, the ranks of the more than 3 million citizen soldiers who fought on both sides are represented by some of our most ubiquitous yet often overlooked public symbols.

“Before the Civil War, you would never have had an image of the common soldier to memorialize. You would have a general or a biblical figure,” said Earle Shettleworth, head historian for the state of Maine. “After the war, there was more of a democratic way of memorializing those who had participated.”

With untold thousands of war dead buried in graves on or near battlefields and encampments far from their homes, some communities in the North and South erected hometown monuments to the fallen even as the fighting raged. Most were stone obelisks placed in local cemeteries.

Within a couple of years after Gen. Robert E. Lee’s surrender at Appomattox, Va., more elaborate monuments were being commissioned from sculptors. By 1867, monuments featuring sculpted or cast metal soldier statues were dedicated in cemeteries in Cincinnati and Boston. The version depicting a single soldier at “parade rest” hands gripping a musket at the end of the barrel, the stock resting on the ground became the most popular way to honor the more than 2 million men who fought for the Union.

Versions of the Silent Sentinel statue can be found from Amarillo, Texas, to Kennebunk, Maine. The Northern version features a Union soldier wearing a kepi and caped greatcoat, while his Southern counterpart typically wears the iconic slouch hat and bedroll strapped diagonally across his chest.

An accurate number of Civil War monuments is difficult to pin down. Beetham, who wrote her dissertation on post-Civil War citizen soldier monuments, estimates there are some 2,500 across the Northern states, with the Silent Sentinel version believed to account for as many as half of them. Estimates of Confederate monuments range between 500 and 1,000, including hundreds of the rebel version of the solitary soldier.

“In Georgia, there must be one in practically every county in every town square and cemetery, and it’s facing north, by the way,” said Ben Jones, a former Georgia congressman who played the role of Cooter on “The Dukes of Hazzard.”

Jones, the chief of heritage operations for the Sons of Confederate Veterans of the Civil War, said his group doesn’t have a definitive number. In Virginia, where Jones now lives, there are at least 360 Confederate monuments by Sedore’s count, including about 100 Silent Sentinels.

All those soldier monuments North and South are a collective symbol of the losses felt in virtually every community, Jones said.

“It represents the humanity, the family” and, he said, “the people who didn’t come back or who did come back worse for the wear.”

Connecticut’s Monumental Bronze Co. was one of the top manufacturers of soldier statues for Civil War monuments and memorials between the mid-1870s and 1912. Some facts about the company:

—Claimed its soldier and sailor monuments were installed in 31 states

—Specialized in cast zinc statues, which it billed as “white bronze” for the finishing process that resulted in a light gray or pale blue color

—Advertised white bronze as more durable — and cheaper — than granite or marble

—Soldier statue prices: $450 for life size; $750 for 8-foot, 6-inch model; $600 for “Defense of Flag” version depicting infantryman holding flag

—Testimonial from treasurer of Pennsylvania cemetery that bought a soldier statue in 1881, printed in company catalog circa 1905: “The weather does not seem to make any change upon it.”

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A day in the Life of the Old Guard, the Army’s oldest unit. (Full HD Version)

 

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Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them.
May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.
Amen

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So the Almighty has said, so those we honor and remember this day have done.

John McDermott – Willie McBride

 

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The Last Post

The ‘last post’ is universal among almost all the armed forces of the world, though it may vary among them in its execution. In this example the bugle call is played in its entirety, and it is a sad and beautiful thing to hear.

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning.
We will remember them.

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