Good Thursday morning…or for me, Saturday … time traveling dragon at your service.

Wet and rainy here today. Got woke up 4 times last night with tornado watches. Not warnings, watches. Like, come on people, if it’s not a warning, leave me alone. I have to have my phone by my bedside because of my job. I have been called out in the middle of the night before and I have been called in the middle of the night from one of my grief group members and I’ll ALWAYS take a call. The military taught me years ago the ability to awaken in the middle of a sleep, function coherently for whatever length of time I need to, and go immediately back to sleep. But, that doesn’t mean that my phone beeping at me with nonsense text messages about tornado watches at 2, 3, 4 am aren’t annoying. 

And here I am, it is now 1130, I have taken Izzy to work, got gas for the mower, even though I won’t be able to mow today, come home and did all my Bible study, went back and picked Izzy up after two short hours of work because they had nothing to do, went grocery shopping. Between all of that I started the dishwasher and did a load of laundry. 

We dragons get more done before 11 am then most people do all day. 

Anyway, enough about me. Hope all of you are doing well, whaddaya say we jump into the fun stuff and we’ll bang around this lair together for a while.

I heard something just the other day about the group of people who are running this device and how they claim they want to open a gateway to another world. They have a statue of Shiva the destroyer in their lobby … or somewhere on their premises and, from what I heard, they are run by some very bad people. The site itself sits on what was biblically called the gates of hell. Quite an interesting story. 

Last night my wife wore a police uniform to bed and said, “You’re being charged with being good in bed.” 90 seconds later the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

Well, if that’s the ONLY reason…

I used to mix my metaphors, but that ship has flown.

I suppose I’m in the minority but I always lick the knife when I’m done.

None of the other surgeons seem to do it.

Well, today my neighbors spoke to me. So I did what I had to do. I strapped a monitor on my ankle, went outside with my shirt on inside out, and argued with a pine tree. That should hold them off for a while.

When I said I wanted to be mysterious and fascinating, I didn’t mean medically.

This is so true. Having the faith to give things over to God is not easy. And it takes practice, if that makes sense. But then there’s people that make it look like it’s the simplest thing in the world. And I suppose, once you “get it” it really is. Once you understand that when you give your life over to God, because God gave His Son up for you and you accept that propitiatory sacrifice that Jesus made and everything that goes along with it, then nothing else matters. And when nothing else matters and you understand that you are now part of God’s plan and you are an adopted son (legally, see Galatians 4:5) with all the rights thereof, what in the world do you have to be worried about? I have the FAITH to know that all that is true, so I know that God will see me through the storm, the pain, or whatever else He has in mind for me OR He will take me home to be with Him. I know that so long as He still has work for me to do here on earth, then He will see me through the storm and help me deal with the pain and the darkness. But, either way it’s a win-win for me.

Whoever decided to put a “p” in “receipt” was an “idiopt”.

They’re hiring at the comb factory…

It’s part time.

Hey! That sounds just like MY favorite book. I reread it all the time.

Tell me straight, Doc, How long do I have left?

10.

10? 10 What? Years? Weeks?

9 … 8 … 7 …

“Mom? Don’t freak out, but I’m in the hospital…”

“Jeremy, you’ve been a doctor for over eight years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that.”

Heck, I can’t say it once!

And that, my dear friends, is that. I am all done in for now. Believe it or not, I just got a frost and a freeze advisory for the next two days … Sunday and Monday. Gotta love Indiana weather, it’s like they say, if you don’t like the weather, wait a minute.  I just turned the A/C on for the first time this season the other day and now I’m gonna have to switch back to heat.

Okay, until next time my friends…

Haven’t been on line since Sunday (Today is Friday) and it took me almost two hours to get jus get caught up on emails and put memes and pictures in folders before I could even START on DL. 

And now buddy Wheats just earwigged me with REO Speedwagon – Take It On the Run.

Izzy and I are going back and forth, “What do you want for dinner?” “I don’t know, what do YOU want for dinner?” And neither one of us want anything for dinner.

Anyway, I could go on, but if I do, we won’t get anywhere with the actual show … and as someone once said, “the show’s the thing.” or some such.

So, let’s get the road on the show and get the started partying.

So, starting out, Pop Smith sent me this picture with the quip: For when I get older … dude, I ain’t gettin’ older. I like it just the way I am. But, if I do need a walker, this is a pretty cool one.

Next is this one..

And you know I’ve done all the hard work for you, so here it is flipped…

And my first reaction is that if I didn’t flip it myself I’d call nonsense! No way! That didn’t happen! But, I flipped it myself.

And I am not a single bit surprised. Not one single bit.

I LOVE this one!

And this one!  Brother Wheats sent both of those to me.

And from our dear brother Joe from NJ:

His wife had just bought a new line of expensive cosmetics absolutely guaranteed to make her looks years longer.

She sat in front of the mirror for what had to be hours applying the”miracle” products. Finally, when she was done, she turned to her husband and said, “Honey, honestly now, what age would you say I am?” 

He nodded his head in assessment, and carefully said, “Well, judging from your skin, twenty. Your hair, eighteen. Your figure, twenty-five.” 

“Oh, you’re so sweet!”

“Well, hang on, I’m not done adding it up yet.”

And that one, was of course, from our dear sister Stephanie.

This reminds me so much of Izzy. She’s known as the bug lady at work because she identifies all the bugs for everyone.  She’s always taking pictures of and identifying all the bugs around the yard and is very interested in all of them, what they do and where they come from.

This is the GREATEST clean prank of all time!

The only one that I can think of that was worse was a girl I went to high school with had a family that owned a funeral home. It was a great place to hold high school parties with great big open rooms and such. But a lot of the times when we were there we would be told to stay out of the blue room or stay out of the green room. You know, because someone would be laid out in there for a funeral the next day. And of course, being teen agers, we wouldn’t do that.

So, one day when her dad had had enough, we were told to stay out of the blue room and of course, after having a little too much to drink (the drinking age back then in New Jersey was 18) we snuck into the blue room and there was this young girl, about our age laid out in there. We were a little freaked out, but we snuck up to her to get a better look and just as we were peering over the edge of the coffin, she opened her eyes, looked up at us and said, “Boo!”

Needless to say all of us big, tough football players screamed like little girls.  Her dad came out from behind the curtain and said, “I guess you guys won’t be coming in the room that you’re told to stay out of again, will you?” I’m pretty sure one of our running backs had to go change his shorts.

Sadly, our dear friend was in that same funeral parlor a few months later when he died in a drunk driving accident. No, we weren’t the brightest bulbs in the box back then.

Funny, as bad as I am with names, I can still remember all their names.

Every single, solitary night

I wasn’t one of the ladies (of course!) but I can definitely remember!

Another one from brother Joe…

A man walks down a street when suddenly he hears a tiny voice above him saying: “If you make one more step, a brick will land on your head and kill you.” 

• Surprised, the man stops just as a huge brick crashes down right in front of him.

Stunned, he continues on his way, and after a few minutes hears the voice again: “Stop! Don’t cross the road, if you do, the next vehicle will run you over!”

• The man freezes and again is almost hit by a speeding car.
• The man sighs a sigh of relief and asks the air: “Who ARE you?!?”
  • “I am your guardian angel!” Answers the voice joyfully.
• “REALLY??”  says the msn in sudden anger.  “Then where the heck were you when I got MARRIED??”

No, you won’t find that art on any jet in the real world.  That was created with AI by brother Wheats.

It is a time for intense mourning. We will now bow our heads and suffer through a moment of silence…

—————————————————————————————-

One of the biggest mistake of the Air Force’s long list of multiple mistakes. I will now go to my lair and cry myself to sleep. I’ll continue this tomorrow. If I’m up to it.

Okay, I couldn’t sleep, so I spent some time burning down a village and playing with some … fireworks.

So, let’s press on.

This is a quote from one of the books that I recently read that I thought was really good that I wanted to share with you guys.  The book was called Broken Wings

You don’t pray to earn God’s favor. You pray because you know you have His favor already. A child doesn’t choose his father by climbing into a random man’s lap and calling him “daddy.” A child sits on his father’s lap, tells him about his day, his desires and needs, and listens to his father’s stories, because he already knows he’s his father’s son. Prayer is an act of faith, not the basis for it.

That is the very best explanation of what prayer is that I’ve heard in a long time.

I’ve entered the snapdragon part of my life.

Part of me has snapped and the other part of me is draggin’.

I wasn’t sure whether that one should go under political or religious so I’m putting it here. It is harsh, it is abrupt and it is so very true.

This person, amongst many other things, is an idiot.

The other day I yelled into a colander and I strained my voice.

And I don’t know if it’s the same everywhere, but its also election day here. It’s the trifecta!  

Until they invented the other side of velcro…

It never really caught on.

There’s a LOT of truth to this one:

You’ll pay good money to go hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I do it for free I’m a bastard.

And I just read this out of Willmington’s Guide to the Bible in my FBI homework and it hit me really hard:

Paul speaks of the night as almost over, while Jesus says it is yet to come. Both are right. To the saint, the day breaks, but to the sinner, the night comes. This present world is the only hell the Christian will ever know, and it is the only heaven the unbeliever will experience.

Think about that for a second.  The very best that unbelievers have to look forward is this painfilled, miserable world that we live in now.  For them, it all goes down hill from here. For us believers, this is the worst that we’ll ever have to face.

Just …. think …. about … it.

If you must talk out of your butt, at least have the decency to stand up…

I simply cannot tolerate mumbling…

They asked me why I wear a helmet every time I ate.

I explained I was on a crash diet.

Yes, I’ll show myself out…

And that’s it my friends.  And it’s still Friday night. Many hours have passed, but it’s still Friday night. I got nothing left to give right now, so until next time…

And we’re back again, live on the air with Impish! Good morning creation! How’re ya’ll doin’??? 

What

Is

Happenin’

WORLD??

It’s still Saturday, I just finished the last episode and am jumping right into the next one and I got NUTTIN’ to say, so …

Okay, that’s not true, I do have something else to say, although by the time this goes to press there’s no telling how far out of date this might be. I just got an email from a reader who, rightfully, called me out on something that I posted about the Iran war. 

Now, I stand by what I said, when I said it, but since then it has become a complete cluster. I think something needed to be done in Iran. We cannot allow them to have nukes because the very first thing they will do is use them. That’s a given. And I honestly think that there was a plan in place for the Straits. But something somewhere went to hell in a handbasket and we either changed our minds or backed off.

I have a lot of criticism built up inside of me that I can’t express in a family friendly ezine and the fact of where I work, but I am very disappointed and it wouldn’t be fair of me to not say something.

And now…

My lips say, “I’m down for anything.”

What I mean is:
*Not after 7
*Food should be involved
*It depends on the weather
*The parking situation
*And how tired I am

See, I was going to go with the coroner, but yeah, the funeral director works, too.

It’s like he’s going, “Oooooooo!”

Do you realize that we are the last generation on Earth that knows what life was like before social media?

I got asked to leave a hall of mirrors yesterday.

I said, “Don’t worry. I’ll see myself out.”

Sometimes I read a text and think, wow what a psycho…

Then I press send.

You can’t change anyone but yourself.

Those who like my posts are happier, more intelligent, and better-looking than those that don’t; according to a study I made up.

Well…look at that! The writing turned blue half way through.

That is an awesome picture!!!!

I couldn’t resist. I told Izzy, “this is what we listened to as kids”.  March of 1973 … I was 14 and a couple of months old.

If someone from the Ziplock company could contact literally anyone in the cereal business, that would be great!

And Part 2!

Okay, didn’t realize there’s a part 3 & 4 … you’ll have to go find them yourselves.

Another one in the books. Hope you had as much fun as I did.

Okay, so jumped right in after the last one, so I really don’t have anything to say.  So let’s get to it…

A chicken and an egg walk into a bar.

The bartender says, “Who’s first?”

If you want your dog to take a pill:

1. Get a piece of cheese.

2. Eat the cheese for energy.

3. Get ready to wrestle your dog.

How rare is it for a cow to be struck by lightning?

Medium rare.

I always see more people walking into Walmart than out of Walmart.

But the meat is cheap so I don’t ask questions.

Absolutely one of the sweetest cartoons I’ve ever seen!

Not sure how true any of the next is … but it was sent to me so I’m passing it on to you.

They call it “No Kings” because it sounds better than “TDS Group Therapy Walk”

Tell me again how this came about through evolution…

With so many things coming back in style…

I can’t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.

And proving that Noah’s flood could have easily … EASILY formed the Grand Canyon amongst many others. There’s proof that that’s exactly what happened. The Bible doesn’t lie. Every time “science” proves something that goes against the Bible, in the end, science is proven wrong and the Bible is proven right. Eventually.

Him: Tell me your wildest fantasy? 

Me: Sleeping through the night and waking up to a clean house, a fit body, no wrinkles, laundry done and put away, a full on buffet breakfast with no calories, and a million bucks in my purse.

New self care ritual: Talk to myself like I talk to my dog:

“Hey cutie! Look at that belly! You’re so smart! Do you want a treat?”

Why do people say “tuna fish sandwich” yet nobody says “chicken bird sandwich”?

Well, I mowed the lawn. I had to charge the battery first, which I figured, but after that it was … a pain in the rump. I’ve got a burn pile in the middle of the far back yard, a tree down in the far side of the far back yard and a pile of old fence in the front of the far back yard. I got the mower stuck once trying to mow around all that stuff and … well, like a said, a pain in the rump.

I also got my yearly property tax statement in the mail today. Luckily it’s paid by escrow with my house payment. 

They increased the assessed value of my house by 30%! Yay! 

They even lowered my property tax rate! Yay again!

Now…they decreased Library Tax, County Tax, School Tax, City/Town Tax, City/Town (Debt) (whatever that is) and Township Tax. The only thing that went up was School (Debt).

And yet…

My total tax debt for the year went UP from last by … drumroll please…

30%!

Imagine that.  The same amount, after all that manipulation with the numbers, that they upgraded my house value by. I had to laugh.

But!!!!

I still live in one of the cheapest places in the country to live.

So, it’s all good.

I’m blessed.

Until next time my friends.

I want to start right out and say …

To Steve for his contribution to Julie’s Go Fund Me page. That’s the only one that I saw, so far, it’s just been a couple of hours, but I was so happy to see it that I had to say something right up front.

What a blessing! I’ll check again when I get to the end so that I don’t miss anyone…and I’ll post the link again.

In the meantime, I REALLY have to stop putting off mowing the lawn for the first time this season. I have REALLY been procrastinating on this. My lawn should have been mown two weeks ago. I HAVE TO DO IT THIS WEEKEND! Hold me to it you guys.

I’ve been so busy with other things that when I have time off I just don’t want to do ANYTHING!

Anyway, whaddaya say we just get started on the fun stuff? I’ve been away from the computer since the weekend, today is Thursday so I’m Jones-ing    a bit here. So, let’s get to it.

Of course, because hardly anyone is willing to put their butts where there words are!

If I get started, I’ll be on this topic for hours…

This one is WAY AWESOME!

Definitely B

I honestly didn’t know this was a thing until just today.

And Izzy told me!

I know for a fact that’s how Willow feels…but then she runs away like a little chicken as soon as she’s approached by … ANYTHING!!! Got a great bark though.

That looks absolutely disgusting!!!!

I’m sorry … truly I am … but I laughed SO HARD at this one. 

From Chris and very much worth repeating:

NASA just did something no diplomat, no UN resolution and no peace summit could do in six weeks.

They shifted the entire world’s attention from bombs to the Moon. In one launch.

Think about it. For over a month, the global conversation has been explosions, missiles, oil facilities on fire, body counts and broken ceasefires. Every headline darker than the last. Every scroll more exhausting than the one before it.

Then April 1, 2026. Kennedy Space Center, Florida. Eight point eight million pounds of thrust. And suddenly, for the first time in over 50 years, four human beings are heading to the Moon.

230,000 miles from Earth. The first crewed lunar mission since Apollo 17 in 1972. The first woman beyond low Earth orbit. The first person of colour near the Moon. A Canadian. All four of them, together, inside a capsule they named Integrity, hurtling through deep space.  (Face2Face Africa)

230,000 miles is not a small number. That is not a road trip. That is not a flight. That is the kind of distance that makes you sit quietly and reconsider every complaint you have ever had about your commute.

And yet there they are. Four humans. Drinking rehydrated food from a briefcase warmer. Exercising with a 30-pound flywheel the size of carry-on luggage. Staring out of windows at a view that less than 30 people in all of human history have ever seen.

War is loud. Space is quiet. And sometimes the world needs to be reminded which one is bigger.

Well done NASA. The jawjaw was needed. 

Ire ooo.

I may be turning into that one friend… CRAP!

 

Just kidding … but you guys saw my fence.

Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. 

She was sure she’d have no trouble finding a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area. 

She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers and attached her resume to each one. 

Two weeks later, Catherine was dismayed and bewildered that she had not received even one request for an interview. 

Finally she received a message from a prospective employer that explained the reason she hadn’t heard from anyone else. 

It read: “Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, however, want to thank you for the vegetable lasagna recipe.” 

Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is having their first baby. 

He is pacing the floor when the nurse comes out and says, “You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better go out and have a cup of coffee, because there may be another one.” 

Swampy turns a little pale and leaves.

Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he the father of twins, but the nurse cautions, “There is another on the way, so call back later.” 

At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so he goes to a bar and has some beer. 

When he phones the hospital again he is told that the third baby has arrived and a fourth is on the way. 

White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a double scotch.

Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded cricket score. 

When they pick him up off the floor the recording is still going strong: 

“The score is ninety-six all out,” says the voice, “and the last one was a duck.” 

An old lady went to an auction sale. 

There she was attracted to a parrot in a gilded cage. 

The parrot was large, very healthy looking and exquisitely colored. 

The old lady was so attracted by the parrot’s appearance that she couldn’t help but bid on it. 

She bid, determined to have the parrot, but another bidder competed and drove the price very high. 

The old lady eventually bought the parrot.

She was at the cashier’s desk and told the cashier that she was so excited about the beautiful appearance of the parrot that she had neglected to ask if it could talk. 

The parrot spoke up, “Who do you think was bidding against you?” 

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. 
 
When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. 
 
The theme: Viagra Advertising slogans. The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable. 
 
About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top 10 list. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone! 
 
The top 10 were:
 
10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!
9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.
8. Viagra, like a rock!
7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.
6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.
5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
3. Viagra, Home of the whopper
2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!
And the unanimous number one slogan
1.This is your peepee… This is your peepee on drugs 

Okay, that’s it for this one. Still just the one to thank for Julie’s fund … and that’s fine. Even if you just pass it on to other’s or offer up a quick prayer, it’s all good.

Here’s the link for you guys to pass on again my friends.  Try this …

And that’s it my friends … until next time.