Good Morning Campers!  Can you believe this heat???!!! Yesterday, here in Indiana, we reached a heat index of 119ºF!!!  And today is supposed to be the worst day this week.  That’s crazy!
You know, we’ve all heard stories of how hot it gets in the car with the windows rolled up, well, yesterday, I put an internal food thermometer on my dashboard.  I had originally had the windows down, but we got a rain shower and I had to go out and put them up.  I promptly forgot about it until after work.  When I went out to go home, I checked that thermometer and you won’t believe how high it was.

180º!!!!!

Folks, that’s a well-done steak!  That’s unbelievable! 

I want all of you campers to be careful out there!

Plenty of water, don’t go out unless you have to, check on your friends, family, and neighbors, especially the elderly. 

Put on sunscreen!

Keep the kids indoors!

Watch out for and protect one another.  We’re all we have.  Let’s take care of each other.  Now…let’s start today with a laugh!  Plenty of graphics and cartoons in today’s issue.  I hope you all like it.

Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:
Guitar, for sale………. Cheap……. . …….no strings attached.

Ad In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight … One Lung At A Time!

On a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative. The more The Success, The more The Relatives.

When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking…
I Gave Up Reading

My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn’t Need Glasses….
He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.

You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:
Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick..
Or when your Son starts To wipe It Off

Sign In A Bar:
‘Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please do Pay In Advance.’

Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don’t Stand In Her Way…..

Behind Every Great Man,
There Is A Surprised Woman.

The Reason Men Lie:
Because women Ask too Many Questions..

Getting Caught
Is The Mother Of Invention.

Laugh And The World Laughs With You,
Snore And You sleep Alone

The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.

Sign At A Barber’s Saloon In Detroit :
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business..

Sign In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager…

During a recent password audit by Google, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

“MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento”

When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said:

“Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.”

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are — or where you are going. You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but
somehow, now it’s my fault.”

http://www.chezmaya.com/jeux/game33.htm

The following questions were set in last year’s GED examination  
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)…………and they WILL breed and vote.  Okay, now all of us KNOW that these probably aren’t from last year’s GED (mostly because they’ve been around a lot longer than that) but they are most probably actual answers to SOME sort of test and they are most DEFINITELY funny!

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large  pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists 

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs              (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery               (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow 

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow                                  (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U..                (wtf!)                                                  

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium            (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section‘
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.               (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.           (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.            (OMG)

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight   (brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

Picture of the Week!

So Ken and Dad…I gotta ask … how many of these are true?

   An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls for his grandson to approach the bed. “Lissin a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome-plated 38-caliber revolver so you will always remember me.”
   The grandson smiles weakly and replies, “But Grandpa, I really dona lika guns. Howz ’bout you leava me you Rolex watch instead?”
   Gasping for air, the old man answers with a snarl in his voice, “Shuddup ana lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business. You gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home, and maybea couple ah little bambinos.”
   After a slight pause to catch his breath he continues, “Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another  man. Whadda you gonna do then…pointa to your watch and say ‘Time’s up?’

And continuing the telling story of today’s situation, here’s some more Editorial Cartoons

Holy bloody bejaysus, the Saints be praise!d it fecking rained in Houston!

Begorrah! for the second day straight yesterday we had gentle showers on an off all day. Though by midnight the two day total was still only slightly more an inch of rain it is still our first significant rain event in probably well over 3 months with the possibility of more rain today and tomorrow to come! Given our near record drought conditions this has been a much needed and much welcomed event almost worthy of celebration.

We Now return you to our regularly scheduled opening comments

 Ok let’s take our seats so we can get this pre Leprechaun Laffs briefing over as quickly as possible and get our laugh on shall we folks? Right. Now today we have the second installment of what I hope to make a regular feature known as “Warrior Wednesday” where we honor those who are fighting for our way of life which we all enjoy be it front lines or elsewhere. I also am trying to highlight simple ways we can give back to them to show our support and thanks in meaningful ways that will make a difference for them as well as problems they should never be forced to endure or accept as facts of life.

Those of you who regularly visit the blog rather than rely on the far inferior e~mail version of things may have notice that at the bottom of the permanent banner up the top is a link to a permanent page called “WAYS TO HELP TANGIBLY SUPPORT OUR TROOPS” for the rest of you stubborn or lazy individuals who never frequent the blog here is a link to that section https://dragonlaffs.com/ways-to-help-tangibly-support-our-troops/ 

please check it out and consider helping out. Shortly I hope to update this section and add links for helping with the serious issue we’re covering today

Today we are going to spend a great deal of the issue calling attention to what has apparently become a fairly serious problem with our deployed troops and how you can help alleviate it for the price of a couple of Starbucks Lattes.

It seems our troops who often work 18 hour days under grueling condition for weeks on end are suffering from an inability of obtain sufficient coffee and other caffeinated beverages to keep them awake and alert enough to do their jobs and insure each others safety!

It is so important a commodity and supply that the troops have a whole lexicon of nicknames for it going back to WWII; Joe, Java, Go Juice, The Black, November Juliet (a reference to the phonetic alphabet letters N & J as a work around of a politically incorrect & socially unacceptable term I will not print here), lifers juice and Brown Gold just to name a few of the better known ones.

Let me put this in a perspective civilians will relate to. Were the economy such that you were needed and able to works copious amounts of over time and pulled double shifts for a standard five day work week you’d have only logged 80 hours. A soldier doing 18 hour days in a combat zone works 90 hours in that same five day period plus has an additional 36 hours more staring at him as he doesn’t get the weekend off to plow a pillow with his face!

He’s doing this carrying at the least forty pounds of extra gear and sometimes as much as one hundred pounds and doing strenuous activity in the same high heat that is currently kicking so many of your butts Beginning to see now why a steady supply of caffeinated beverages is as an essential supply for them as food and ammo?

How much sleep would you be able to get when you finally can sleep if you had to worry about the guys on perimeter watch nodding off at their posts and possibly allowing insurgents inside the camp with the slightest alarm being raised?

Unfortunately for reason I don’t understand nor can I locate any discussion of or explanation for the priority of caffeinated beverages on the list of supplies is apparently so far down the list that its becoming a problem obtaining them in the field as stocks are sporadic always low and rapidly blown though. Were going to talk about a couple very easy ways to do something about this today. Ok enough said briefing is over. Dismissed.

ATTENSHUN! Prepare to Laugh! LAUGH!

Where Staying Awake Means Staying Alive

by Emily Jacobs http://www.sallybernstein.com/beverages/coffee/staying_alive.htm

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of caffeine? Many United States soldiers stationed in Iraq are currently facing shortages of caffeinated products and are seeking an easy solution to a state of fatigue that could become a big problem.

“Here in Baghdad, caffeine is essential to staying alert and awake while pulling guard,” one soldier’s email reads. “It had been nearly two months since we received any caffeinated beverages, and we were all hurting.”

As caffeine has become the solution to a dangerous lethargy, it is not just any coffee that these military officers are relying on–they reveal that extreme circumstances require a bit of extra help—a little more jolt. Recently Shock Coffee, with 50% more caffeine than a normal cup of coffee, has gained popularity with many soldiers stationed overseas for its extra caffeine boost.

“We’re always low on soda and caffeinated beverages to help us keep going,” said an army specialist. “And honestly, regular army coffee is just awful.”

In many military camps overseas Shock’s Hyper-caffeinated coffee has become the officer’s favorite choice of beverage. Several requests are processed everyday for those who crave that jolt of adrenaline produced by the all-natural brew. Soldiers are desperate to get their hands on Shock, the pioneer of its own coffee category.

“Shock has been welcomed by our Marines with open arms,” says one Sergeant. “The state of alertness, especially in the mornings, has definitely increased. Not to mention, your product tastes great.”

It’s not just the military that has joined the Hyper-caffeinated craze. The National Coffee Association reports that the percentage of “gourmet coffee drinkers” has increased to over 15% of the total US population – that is over 30 million drinkers. Turns out the pursuit of caffeine might just be what all Americans are looking for.

http://www.shockcoffee.com/

Gene Simmons Military Tribute

This was filmed in Iraq at a USO tour of a US Marine Base. Play it and spread it to every single person you know… cause you won’t see it on the news.

45 Reasons to Re-Enlist

By Rod Powers,

1. Yesterday sucked, today sucked, tomorrow is going to suck, and this seems to be a pretty solid forecast for the rest of my enlistment.

2. Spending 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year training for something that there is a 99.9% chance that we will never do.

3. WWWDWOA? (what would we do without acronyms?)

4. Taking simple daily tasks and breaking them down into nuclear physics before doing them.

5. Having to attend a brief prior to carrying out any task more complicated than picking my nose.

6. Being a personal servant (that’s basically all I am) to any one of the 300 thousand people in the military who out-rank me.

7. Being an adult and having somebody inspect me everyday to make sure I put my clothes on properly, and put my shoes on the right feet.

8. Having to wear a “cover,” or hat, every time I want to go outside.

9. I love cleaning the same places over and over and over until either the paint comes off or my hands are bleeding.

10. Without the military’s influence and good teaching, I would never have realized that you can sweep water with a broom for hours every time it rains.

11. There just aren’t that many jobs out there where you can rest assured that everyone you work for is just waiting to screw you over any way they possibly can.

12. If I got out, I would surely miss the idea of waking up every morning for a “meeting”.

13. Getting to wear civilian clothes whenever I am on leave.

13. Getting to eat meat that comes in boxes labeled ” not fit for human consumption” and “for institutional use only.”

14. Getting “random” drug tests every couple of weeks. I was “randomly” picked for every test for almost two years straight. Not many people can testify to taking about 50 drug tests in the past two years without having ever been caught doing drugs in my life.

15. Waking up every morning and going to “staff meeting” where a piece of paper is read to me even though it is posted on the wall and on the offices internet, both of which I have access to. I guess I can’t read.

16. Going to medical complaining of severe heart and chest pain and being told to come back during “sick-call” the next day.

17. I love the fact that my opinion has about as much influence as my sister’s pet iguana’s.

18. Because no matter how much I hate my job, I have to respectfully request to get a different one. Event then it is only if my “chain of command” permits.

19. You do not have to respect the person, you have to respect what they wear on their collar or sleeve.

20. I love the fact that the military wonders why we have so many people around the world that hate our country. I am sure that us being bullies and telling the world what they can and cannot do, then ignoring those rules ourselves has nothing to do with it.

22. I hate good food.

23. I love the ” you are U.S. ambassadors” speech.

24. I hate spending time with my family.

25. Not only getting to do my own job, but getting stuck with as many additional duties as my chain of command wants to give me.

26. Having to change your computer password every two weeks to keep terrorists from hacking into our email or even playing a innocent game of solitaire.

27. When you get out you will only be 38-40. You still have your entire life ahead of you. Yeah, okay, I want my life to start at 38.

28. What? You are going on leave?

29. Oh, look…There’s the boss. We better all stand at attention until he tells us we can move. Do they do that in the civilian world too?

30. Is that local time or Zulu?

30. I want to work somewhere that has total control of my paycheck so that they can take half if I mess up.

31. If I get in trouble out in town I would like to get woken up the next day at 6 am and have to stand in front of my boss, manager, assistant manager, and anyone else who has nothing better to do so that they can all chew my ass.

32. Can we be tested to make sure we are physically-fit every year only please make exceptions to this for enormously fat 30+ year old NCOs and Officers.

34. Where else can you pay taxes to pay your own paycheck?

35. You take an oath to support and defend the Constitution, and after that the Constitution doesn’t even apply to you.

36. Because only during magic shows and military working hours are the rules of logic suspended.

37. Because no-matter how stupid you are, you will eventually get promoted by accumulating points for not getting promoted.

38. Because where else can you get your teeth drilled and jacked up whether they need it or not?

39. Where else can you get given shots by people who claim to practice medicine that didn’t even graduate from high school, and can’t even pronounce the name of the drug that they are injecting you with?

40. Because if you’ve had enough military #### for one lifetime and you want to quit, you can rest assured that the military will do everything it can to screw you over for the rest of your life.

41. Because it’s fun to go to medical to get your eye checked out and have the tech point a light in your eye for ten minutes until you are blind and then to hear them say, “that was cool, let’s try the other one.”

42. Why did our parents even bother giving us first names?

43. IN what other job can you do things NOT the RIGHT WAY, but the “MILITARY WAY”?

44. Sitting around twiddling my thumbs all day long until about 4:00pm, even though I finished all of my work by ten in the morning is really fun to do every DAGGOM DAY…it builds character.

45. Who really wants to have any control over their life anyway?

Rogers’ Premium Gourmet Coffee and Tea Brands

Nominate a Soldier for Free Coffee
Nominate an active duty soldier serving overseas in a war zone, and we’ll send him or her a bag or two of free coffee.  It may be any of the stock of coffee we have, but we know soldiers love the gourmet coffee we send no matter what the brand!  (See troops’ thank you notes below.)

To nominate a soldier, email us with the soldier’s name, soldier’s email address, and soldier’s shipping address.  We’ll notify the soldier of your nomination before sending the shipment to ensure he or she is familiar with our program.

Photo on left – coffee in our office ready for shipping to the troops!

Adopt a US Soldier
We’ve begun a program of “adopting” US Soldier through the organization Adopt a US Soldier .   This great organization connects supportive citizens and companies to US soldiers serving overseas.

Soldiers can register at “Adopt a US Soldier” to be “adopted” by us and others!

http://www.gourmet-coffee.com/rogers-fine-brands.html

Provided that is, he has enough caffeinated beverages to stay awake and alert to any and all possible threats!

Man that’s one department I hope budget cuts don’t touch ‘cause they are fighting a never ending uphill battle!

This puts to shame the output of a number of Hollywood producers and/or directors.

(All the shit Michael Moore spews forth immediately jumps to mind)

All I can say is WOW!!!!!!!

This film was made by a 15 year old girl. It is the hottest thing on the internet and on Fox News today. Lizzie Palmer who put this YouTube program together, is 15 years old. There have been over 3,000,000 hits as of this morning.

In case you missed it, here it is.

Watch all of it……..and, pass it on!!

DON’T MISS THIS. WHAT A GREAT EXPRESSION OF CARING.

P.S. If parts of it make you want to cry, that’s okay too. Crying is permitted by all Americans.

Laziest Soldier
A sergeant was addressing a squad of 20 and said: “I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest.” 19 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man “why didn’t you raise your hand?” The man replied: “Too much trouble, sarge.”

Marine in Hell
A Marine dies in combat and wakes up to find he is in hell. He’s really depressed as he stands in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance counselor. He thinks to himself I know I lead a wild life but, Hell, I’m a Marine. We’re expected to live wild lives. I wasn’t that bad. I never thought it would come to this. ” Looking up he sees that it is his turn to be processed into hell. With fear and heavy heart, he walks up to the counselor.
Counselor: What’s the problem, you look depressed?
Marine: Well, what do you think? I’m in hell.
Counselor: Hell’s not so bad; we actually have a lot of fun. Do you like to drink?
Marine: Of course I do. I’m a Marine.
Counselor: Well then, you are going to love Mondays, On Mondays we drink up a storm. You can have whiskey, rum, tequila, beer, whatever you want and as much you want. We party all night long. You’ll love Mondays. Do you smoke?
Marine: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Counselor: You are going to love Tuesdays. Tuesday is smoke day. You get to smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available anywhere. And you smoke to your heart’s desire without worrying about cancer because you are already dead! Is that great or what? You are going to love Tuesdays. Do you like to fight?
Marine: Of course I do. I’m a Marine!
Counselor: You are going to love Wednesdays. That’s Fighting Day. We challenge each other to fights to see who’s the toughest in Hell. You don’t have to worry about getting hurt or killed, because you’re already dead. You are going to love Wednesdays. Do you gamble?
Marine: Show me a Marine who doesn’t!
Counselor: You are going to love Thursdays, because we gamble all day and night. Black jack, craps, poker, slots, horse races, everything! You are going to love Thursdays. Are you gay?
Marine: Of course, not! I’m a Marine!
Counselor: Oh, you’re going to hate Fridays.

West Point
Returning to West Point late one night, Colonel Schultz and his wife were challenged by the sentry at the gate.
“Halt and identify yourself!”
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” declared the startled woman.
The sentry stepped aside. “Advance, Holy Family, to be recognized.”

REAL SERGEANTS
* Can cuss for ten minutes without ever repeating a word.
* Have a spine.
* Can play a cherry Lieutenant like a finely tuned instrument.
* Can see in the Dark.
* Have eyes in the back of their heads.
* Still don’t trust the Russians.
* Still hate the French.
* Don’t know how to be politically correct.
* Don’t give a damn about being politically correct.
* Think that “politically correct” should fall under S### in the UCMJ.
* Love deployments because there is less paperwork and more “real work.”
* Can run 5 miles with a hangover.
* Do not fear women in the military.
* Would like to date G. I. Jane.
* Still know how to use a buffer.
* Can tell you anything you want to know about an M1911A1 although they are no longer in the inventory.
* Believe that they do have a rendezvous with destiny.
* Believe that “Nuts” wasn’t all that Brigadier General McAuliffe said to the Germans at Bastogne.
* Don’t know how to use a “stress card”.
* Idolize John Wayne.
* Don’t believe that AAFES really needs a “commander”.
* Would have paid money to see Custer getting his clock cleaned.
* Really don’t like taking S### from those who haven’t “been there”.
* Know how to properly construct a field latrine.
* Might admire the Germans, but still realize they got their butts kicked twice.
* Aren’t afraid of the Chinese, who probably don’t have enough rowboats to invade Taiwan.
* Would rather be OPFOR than MOPP 4.
* Don’t believe a darn thing the Iraqis say.
* Don’t need a GPS to find themselves.
* Have enough BDU’s in their closet to start a surplus store.
* Think that MRE’s taste good (with a little hot sauce).
* Are convinced that “wall-to-wall” counseling really works.
* Have more time on the front-line than most others have in the chow line.
* Know how to make coffee when the measuring scoop goes missing.
* Know that it’s not good coffee when you can see through it.
* Don’t blame poor marksmanship on their M-16.
* Know that inept leaders will always say they have inept soldiers.

AWOL Recruit

As the sun rose over Parris Island, the senior drill instructor realized that one of his recruits had gone AWOL. A search party was dispatched immediately. After a few hours the recruit was discovered hiding in some bushes. He was sent back to the base and promptly escorted to the drill instructor’s office. The instructor asked the young recruit, “Why did you go AWOL?”
The recruit replied, “My first day here you issued me a comb, and then proceeded to cut my hair off. The second day you issued me a toothbrush, and sent me to the dentist, who proceeded to pull all my teeth. The third day you issued me a jock strap, and I wasn’t about to stick around and find out what would follow that SIR.”

Telephone Remake

This is a couple guys located in Afghanistan, that re-made the music video by Lady Gaga….Telephone. Prepare yourself for a fantastical journey.
Right now this is the temporary version, we have more scenes to cut, and edit, however with guys always on mission it is harder to film than you think.

Justin Timberlake accepts Marine’s invitation to ball

By the CNN Wire Staff July 16, 2011 9:05 p.m. EDT

(CNN) — YouTube has made another match for a U.S. Marine looking to score a date to the Marine Corps Ball.

Justin Timberlake said Friday that he will accept an invitation extended through a YouTube video by Cpl. Kelsey de Santis.

“If my schedule works out to do it, I’d love to do it. It’s an honor,” Timberlake said at a media event to promote the film “Friends with Benefits.”

De Santis made the video after Timberlake’s “Friends with Benefits” co-star Mila Kunis received a similar invitation from a Marine serving in Afghanistan.  (Timberlake’s public pressure on Kunis to accept the invitation was the motivation behind des Santis asking Timberlake [see below]}

“If you can’t go, all I have to say is ‘Cry Me a River,’ ” De Santis, flanked by a contingent of tough-looking male Marines, said on the video, referencing one of Timberlake’s hit songs.

Timberlake joked that he was not accepting “because she shouted out one of my songs, which I love,” but because “I don’t get asked out ever, so I was very flattered by that.”

His acceptance comes one day after Kunis addressed rumors that work would keep her from her date, despite saying she would attend Sgt. Scott Moore’s YouTube invitation to attend the Marine Corps Ball in Greenville, North Carolina.

“I will happily clear it up, once and for all,” Kunis said Thursday. “Never did I say that I was not going. … I am attending. I’m going. November 18 I will be there.”

If Timberlake follows through on his acceptance, he will attend the November 12 Marine Corps Ball in Washington.

In a show of typical Marine spirit not to be out done we have a third Marine stepping up and posting a video invitation now to a celebrity:

Marine Sgt. Ray Lewis asks Betty White to the Marine Corps Ball. This is the third time a Marine has asked an actress to their yearly tradition called the Marine Corps Ball. The first was Sgt. Scott Moore. the other was Corporal Kelsey De Santis. Lewis is an Afghanistan and Iraq veteran, a journalist and a Hip Hop artist (RSonic).

As yet no word on who will be desperate enough to ask Impish Dragon to the Marine Corps Ball…or what the sex of that Marine will be. Stay tuned for further developments.

Finally A Democrat to be proud of!

Happy Birthday, John Glenn! First American to Orbit Earth Turns 90

by Mike Wall, SPACE.com Senior Writer Date: 18 July 2011 Time: 11:11 AM ET

On Feb. 20, 1962, John Glenn rode the Friendship 7 capsule into space, the first time an American orbited the Earth. In this image, Glenn enters the capsule with assistance from technicians.
CREDIT: NASA

View full size image

John Glenn, one of NASA’s original seven astronauts and the first American to orbit Earth, joined another exclusive club today (July 18) — the nonagenarians.

Glenn is celebrating his 90th birthday after a long and storied career as an American spaceflight icon. In 1962, he became the first American to orbit Earth, putting the United States back on even footing with the rival Soviet Union in the Cold War space race.

And 36 years later, Glenn — by then a long-serving United States Senator — became the oldest person ever to fly in space, launching aboard the shuttle Discovery on its STS-95 mission in 1998. Glenn was unavailable to speak with SPACE.com on the eve of his birthday, but his legacy is cemented in American history, space experts said.

“Glenn epitomized ‘the right stuff,'” said space history expert Robert Pearlman, editor of collectSPACE.com and a SPACE.com contributor. “He will always be viewed as an American hero for what he did in space.” [Photos: John Glenn’s Space Legacy]

Astronaut John H. Glenn Jr. in his silver Mercury spacesuit during pre-flight training activities at Cape Canaveral. On February 20, 1962 Glenn lifted off into space aboard his Mercury Atlas (MA-6) rocket and became the first American to orbit the Earth. After orbiting the Earth 3 times, Friendship 7 landed in the Atlantic Ocean 4 hours, 55 minutes and 23 seconds later, just East of Grand Turk Island in the Bahamas. Glenn and his capsule were recovered by the Navy Destroyer Noa, 21 minutes after splashdown.
CREDIT: NASA

View full size image

The first American to orbit Earth

John Glenn was born in Cambridge, Ohio, in 1921. He entered the Naval Aviation Cadet Program in 1942, then joined the Marines in 1943.

Glenn flew 59 combat missions during World War II, then 90 more in the Korean War. After Korea, Glenn became a Navy test pilot. In July 1957, he set a transcontinental speed record, flying an F8U Crusader jet from Los Angeles to New York in just 3 hours and 23 minutes — the first time such a long flight had averaged supersonic speed.

In 1959, NASA selected Glenn as part of its first-ever astronaut class. The so-called Mercury Seven were chosen from a pool of 508 high-flying, high-achieving military men.

Two of Glenn’s Mercury Seven classmates — Alan Shepard and Gus Grissom — made it to space before he did, launching in May 1961 and July 1961, respectively. But Glenn’s flight of Feb. 20, 1962 was arguably a more meaningful accomplishment for the nation’s fledgling human spaceflight program.

This image shows the launch of Friendship 7, the first American manned orbital space flight. With astronaut John Glenn aboard, the Mercury-Atlas rocket is launched from Pad 14, February 20, 1962.
CREDIT: NASA

View full size image

Shepard and Grissom only reached suborbital space, but Glenn circled the Earth three times during his nearly five-hour mission aboard the Mercury capsule known as Friendship 7. With Glenn’s mission, NASA and the nation matched the rival Soviet Union, which had launched cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin on an orbital flight 10 months earlier.

The Soviets had led the space race since its inception. They launched the first artificial satellite, Sputnik I, in October 1957. Gagarin also became the first person to reach space (as well as the first to orbit Earth) when he blasted off on April 12, 1961. [Giant Leaps: Top Milestones of Human Spaceflight]

“For many, John Glenn’s flight represented the first time that we caught up with the Russians,” Pearlman told SPACE.com. “It represented a real challenge to what was being deemed a Soviet superiority in space.”

Glenn returned to Earth an American hero.

A ticker-tape parade in New York City celebrated the man and his mission, and President John F. Kennedy gave him the Space Congressional Medal of Honor. Streets, schools and other buildings across the country were named in his honor. NASA’s Glenn Research Center in Cleveland, Ohio, is named for the astronaut.

“John Glenn is a legend, and NASA sends him our best wishes on this major personal milestone,” NASA chief Charles Bolden said in a statement today. “John’s legacy and contributions to the continued progress of human spaceflight are immense. His example is one we continue to emulate as we push toward farther destinations in the solar system.”

A political career — and return to space

Glenn left NASA in 1964, his departure possibly hastened by a real or perceived lack of future spaceflight opportunities.

“There was pressure on NASA not to fly Glenn again,” Pearlman said. “He was too valuable to the country” to risk losing him in an accident.

So, Glenn went into business, and then politics. He represented his native Ohio as a Democrat in the United States Senate from 1974 to 1999. During his tenure, he remained a staunch supporter of NASA and the American space program, Pearlman said.

Despite his career switch, Glenn wasn’t quite done with spaceflight. He flew aboard the space shuttle Discovery’s STS-95 mission in 1998, spending nearly nine days in space at the age of 77. Glenn thus became the world’s oldest astronaut, a distinction he still holds. [Most Memorable Space Shuttle Missions]

Glenn’s participation gave researchers the chance to investigate the effects of microgravity on the elderly. However, in some ways, he was not the ideal candidate for such a study, because he was in such good shape at the time.

“The doctors told him he had the body of a 50-year-old,” Pearlman said. “So while he was flying to represent senior citizens, he was flying with an atypical physical ability. He didn’t represent the everyman senior citizen; he represented the superman.”

NASA’s space shuttle fleet is retiring this year after one final flight of the Atlantis orbiter, which is in space right now and due to land on Thursday (July 21). Last year, Glenn released a statement calling for NASA to keep flying its shuttles until an American-built replacement was ready. NASA currently plans to continue flying astronauts on Russian Soyuz capsules until privately built American spacecraft become available.

“For the ‘world’s greatest spacefaring nation,’ this is hard to accept,” Glenn wrote in 2010.

Glenn also advocated that NASA commit itself to building a new heavy-lift rocket and spacecraft for future space exploration, something NASA is planning on now. The space agency is developing a new heavy-lift rocket called the Space Launch System to launch astronauts on deep space missions to an asteroid or elsewhere.

“A heavy-lift space workhorse to someday replace the Shuttles is a necessity for our space future,” Glenn wrote. “The flexibility that gives to our manned and unmanned programs will be key to the world leadership as other nations develop their manned space capabilities.”

The image of Glenn — an icon, a larger-than-life spaceflight trailblazer — will likely follow the man down through the years. It is how he will be remembered.

“Glenn’s role in history is well-defined,” Pearlman said. “He was more or less the all-American hero.”

http://www.space.com/12328-astronaut-john-glenn-90th-birthday-american-orbit.html

Tuesday…
Second worse day of the week.
The heat in the Midwest is killer right now.  We reached a heat index of 112 yesterday.  At least that’s the highest that I saw.  It is currently 80 degrees with 100% humidity and it’s not even 7 am yet.  Craziness.

Any of you campers who are facing these kinds of temps, please, Please, PLEASE be careful.  Drink plenty of fluids, don’t stay out in the sun too long.  WATCH those kids!   We don’t want to lose any of you. 

Now, let’s get the day started with a laugh.

I used to work in a computer store and one day we had a gentleman call in with a smoking power supply. The service representative was having a bit of trouble convincing this guy that he had a hardware problem. Service Rep: Sir, something has burned within your power supply. Customer: I bet that there is some command that I can put into the AUTOEXEC.BAT file that will take care of this. Service Rep: There is nothing that software can do to help you with this problem. Customer: I know that there is something I can put in… some command… maybe it should go into the CONFIG.SYS. [After a few minutes of going round and round] Service Rep: Okay, I am not supposed to tell anyone this but there is a hidden command in some versions of DOS that you can use. I want you to edit your AUTOEXEC.BAT and add the last line as C:DOSNOSMOKE and reboot your computer. [Customer does this] Customer: It is still smoking. Service Rep: I guess you’ll need to call Microsoft and ask them for a patch for the NOSMOKE.EXE. [The customer then hung up. We thought that we had heard the last of this guy. But NO; he calls back four hours later!] Service Rep: Hello, Sir, how is your computer? Customer: I called Microsoft and they said that my power supply is incompatible with their NOSMOKE.EXE and that I need to get a new one. I was wondering when I can have that done and how much it will cost.

Computer novices may feel like they’re alone these days, but the following call to Microsoft’s help center shows there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information superhighway.

Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she’d be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded: “Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe.”

Two doctors are walking down the corridor of the hospital.
First doc asks, “Did you tell that politician in room 316 that he was
going to die?”
“Sure did”, second one answers.
First doc says, “Darn! I wanted to tell him!”

Okay, so everyone loves a good blonde joke, right?  Well, except maybe the blondes….or maybe especially the blondes.  Being of Polish descent, as most good dragons are of some sort of Slovenian descent, I don’t mind Polish jokes, instead, I enjoy a good one that I haven’t heard before.  Sadly, those are kind of rare.  So are new blonde jokes…which means that you may have heard some of these already:

The Five Degrees of Blonde

TELL ME THIS WON’T HAPPEN TO US!!!

Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh, crap, am I driving?”

Copied EXACTLY the way I got them….enjoy.

I love political cartoons.  Artists expressing their opinions through their art.  There have been many songs written about political ideas or controversies, of course there are always comedians doing their bit, making you laugh, but doing it with a point.  Writers have, since politics began, been writing opinions and essays (called Rants nowadays) and of course speakers have been making political statements even longer than that.  But the political cartoonist….ah….now there’s an art.  Getting your point across using few, if any words.  And today’s political climate and the decisions that are being made gives huge fodder for the artists.

Here then, is part 1 of some of the best from recent weeks:

One of my favorites.  What a huge mistake we are making by backing out of the space program.  I can only hope and pray that private enterprises in this country take over and pick up where NASA is going to leave off.  1903, America has the first powered aircraft flight at Kittyhawk, NC…66 years later, America puts a man on the moon and 45 years after that, America gets out of the space program.  That’s so sad.

Yeah ok like that Monday graphic isn’t going to get old and annoying really fast. I better keep this moving right along. I’d change the banner but I have a colossal case of the ‘Idontwannas’ which I suffered from most of the weekend now coupled with a giant dose of the ‘UnmotivatedMondayManicMania’. Finally as if that’s not bad enough, I apparently have something wrong with my vision today. Not only are my optic and rectal nerves crossed giving me a shitty outlook, I can’t I see myself doing shit today either. Could I be approaching a serene state of total ambivalence?

Fortunately we have a guest reader wit out Last Word today, so that’s one less thing I have to do to get this issue off to press.

I guess we better get this show on the road before my condition deteriorates anymore and I decide to cancel today due to complete lack of interest! You guys go on without me I’m taking my coffee to couch for a couple hours and see if I can’t improve my mood.

So Make With The Laughing Already!

That’s just about my attitude this morning too!

This transcript of official Court testimony reportedly occurred in County Cork court, deep in Munster, Ireland:
Said the court Solicitor, “Now, if you please, Mr. O’Flaherty, at the scene of the accident, did you tell the Garda officer that you had never felt better in your life?”
O’Flaherty, a farmer, replied, “That’s correct, sir. Yes, I did.”
The Solicitor then asked, “Well, Mr. O’Flaherty, would you please tell the court how can it be that you are now claiming to be seriously injured when my client’s car hit your cart?”
O’Flaherty replied, “When the Garda arrived, he walked over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him without even a how do you do.”
“Then he walked over to Darcy, my dear dog, my lifelong companion, who was also quite badly hurt, and shot him.”
“So, when the Garda asked me how I felt, under the circumstances, I thought that it was a wise choice of words to say I’d never felt better in me life.”

24 Irish Maxims for Life

1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day.
Tomorrow is not looking good either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make
As they go flying by.
3. Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without
it.
4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If s/he isn’t there
The first time, chances are you won’t be needing her/him again.
6. I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I
Thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
8. My reality check bounced.
9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
10. I don’t suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
11. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut
Butter.
12. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy
And taste good with ketchup.
13. Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.
14. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level,
Then beat you with experience.
15. A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the
Butt.
16. Don’t be irreplaceable – if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be
Promoted.
17. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of
The month than you did before.
18. The more rubbish you put up with, the more rubbish you are going
To get.
19. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a
Clipboard.
20. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing
Worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
21. If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
22. When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
23. Following the rules will not get the job done.
24. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more
easily by reducing it to the question, “How would the SEAL Team 6
handle this?”

My last Wednesday’s Last Word dealing with the execution here in Texas of a Mexican National for Rape and Murder as well as my follow on thoughts and comments are still hitting home with some folks. If you are not reading these Dragon & Leprechaun Laffs on the blog site (http://dragonlaffs.com) as we intend for them to be you are really missing out on the full effect as well as the comments and the opportunity to make your own comments.

Dan- NYC says: July 16, 2011 at 13:07

Definitely secure the border as stated above and cages the animals south of it. Then let’s see what’s left to do.

It’s probably worth remembering that China is in the wings and would gladly take over the role of patron or in the case of Mexico, the John.

eric says: July 15, 2011 at 01:54 [sic]

close the borders, remove all illeagles, cut all aid, bring our boys home, let them kill themselves, protect our soil, cut all aid to everyone who is not a legal resident, send mexico or whatever country the bill, freeze all raises for our public servants and force them to follow all the laws they passed, let the people of this country have a say in all the decisions for this great country, right or wrong, if you represent me in washington, i want my voice heard!! back to basics, if not this great experiment of democracy will fail… then where do we go???

paul says: July 15, 2011 at 15:41 [sic]

Eric:
don’t forget term limits – we desperaly need those – politics was never intended to be a career, but a service to your country

Ok back to me now.

Dan~ China seems to be largely staying away from the ‘client state business’. The only one that I am aware of them having is North Korea and I get the impression that they really had little choice in that matter given the common border and the threat of having a client state of the U.S. bordering them otherwise.

One thing for sure though. If Mexico did become a client state of China’s for some reason you’d see and end to NAFTA and that border wall go up in rapid succession short order.

Personally I see them becoming a client of Venezuela and buddy buddy with the likes of Hugo Chavez and the Castros before China.

Eric~ Actually from my research into that e~mail I think you are alluding to about public servants following the laws they create the fact they do not is pretty much urban legend and hype. As OI have stated many times previous, I’d like to see their raises voted on by the American people, every two years at election time right on the ballot. Seriously how many other employers do you know of where the employees tell their employers they have decided to give themselves raises and the employer has no say in it? As to ‘the small folk’ having a say, you are touching on something I have been kicking around for a while now and will eventually when I figure enough of it out suggest in a  Last Word, that our Congressional Representatives need to be subject to our direct input and vote the will of the people they represent. This goes back to the raise issue as well. If you vote raises for specific individuals by district based on how they preformed and how they represented the interests and will of the people in their respective districts, if their record of votes versus the input of their constituents is readily available to their constituents then you’ll start seeing far more accountability out of our politicians.

Paul~ You are one hundred percent correct however I don’t think that should be limited to just politicians. there are too many people in government making a career out of it for the free ride. It seems once you get a position in government even if you are grossly incompetent unless you attract the attention of the national media you have a job for life. I see very few positions that should be careers and I think that proficiency exams, continuing education and performance reviews should be mandatory for keeping a federal position.

Lastly I came across this news item which touches on the issue of Texas executing a Mexican national sort of:

Alleged teen assassin heads to Mexico trial

15-year-old American who began life of crime at 11 only faces 3 years if convicted in the deaths of four men

By DUDLEY ALTHAUS HOUSTON CHRONICLE July 16, 2011, 6:58AM

CUERNAVACA, Mexico — The accused adolescent assassin universally known by his nickname “El Ponchis” goes to trial Monday, now a famous face among the growing phalanx of teens filling the ranks of killers and victims in Mexico’s gangster wars.

Edgar Jimenez, born in San Diego but raised in a tattered industrial suburb of central Mexico, publicly confessed when arrested by soldiers in December to killing four men in a criminal career that began when he was 11. He turned 15 in May.

The Mexican federal charges against him range from murder and kidnapping to drug dealing and weapons possession. If convicted, Jimenez faces only three years in prison because of his status as a minor. And as an American citizen, he is entitled to move north of the border after prison.

Jimenez will have an oral trial, akin to those in the United States, and his fate will be decided by a juvenile judge in Cuernavaca, capital of violence-plagued Morelos state south of Mexico City.

Jimenez — whose father said he earned the El Ponchis nickname because he was a stoutly built toddler — and two older sisters were arrested moments before boarding a plane to Tijuana en route to their mother’s home in San Diego. Paraded before television cameras and standing shoulder high to the soldiers flanking him, the boy said he had slit the throats of men at the behest of one of Mexico’s largest narcotics gangs.

That confession will be inadmissible in the trial because of judicial reforms enacted to end the widespread practice of torture-induced confessions. Whether Jimenez actually committed murders, or how many, presumably will be determined in the trial.

Morelos is one of just a handful of Mexican states that have replaced traditional closed-door justice — in which defendants are presumed guilty — with oral trials in which prosecutors bear the burden of proof. All Mexican states will be required to hold oral trials within the next four years.

Under Morelos’ recent judicial reforms, the focus is to rehabilitate juvenile offenders and return them to society. Defendants aged 14 to 16 face a maximum three years in prison, regardless of their offenses. Older minors can be jailed no more than five years, while those under 12 face no prison time at all.

[excerpted for brevity and certain passages highlighted  by LethalLeprechaun]

Holy shit! An American national in Mexican court? Has he had his right to see his Embassy consul explained to him in his native language?

are we sending a legal team to defend him with tales of a broken home and a loss of identity? how he fell in with a bad crowd at an young and impressionable age? How he felt he had no choice if he wanted to live?

O wait, this is an AMERICAN we are talking about! Shit the kid is screwed! Obama is probably already working on a national apology speech for they day they convict the kid.

Regarding the yellow highlighted portion of the news article above, that’s the Mexican judicial system and what passes for justice in Mexico and they presume to come here and lecture us on the finer points of justice and capitol punishment?! SERIOUSLY?! 

Regarding the orange highlighted portion of the news article, gee is it any wonder they are ass deep in criminals drug cartels and a corrupt military, police force and government? Why not just give him a stern talking to and a time out? It ought to be about as effective!

OK Moving On! Want Your Comments And View Point Heard?

You can only do it from the blog!

Sadly, the whereabouts of Lethal’s wife Molly’s remains are still a mystery. Lethal was indicted for Murder despite the lack of a body but acquitted my an all male jury after 5 minutes deliberation on the first ballot.

Here is a quick and dirty version and then a healthier version for you finicky folk. It’s good hot or room temp and about all you really need to go with it is a simple tossed salad

LAYERED ENCHILADA CASSEROLE

2 lbs. ground beef
1 can (16 oz.) refried beans
1 pkg. (1 3/4 oz.) taco seasoning mix
1 pkg. (10 oz.) corn tortillas
1 can (15 oz.) tomato sauce
1 can enchilada sauce
16 oz. shredded cheddar cheese (sharp)

Brown ground beef, drain, stir in beans, seasoning mix and 1 cup water. Simmer for 10 minutes. Pour enchilada sauce on pie plate. Dip both sides of tortillas in sauce. Layer beef mixture, cheese and tortillas in 13 x 9 x 2 inch pan. Top with cheese. Cover with foil. Bake at 375 degrees for 45 minutes.

In place of the enchilada sauce I use roughly 8 oz of chunky salsa drained and run through a blender. Then I add back in a little of the drained juices and a pinch of chili powder to correct for flavor and consistency. This does need a few minutes in a sauce pan but I always have salsa on hand as opposed to enchilada sauce which Molly doesn’t like. If you were less worried about authenticity I suppose you could use a less sweet Sloppy Joe sauce or a spicy non sweet  BBQ sauce in a pinch.

ENCHILADA CASSEROLE

Prep: 25 min.
Bake: 25 min.

Ingredients
1 pound ground turkey
1-1/2 cups chopped onions
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tablespoon plus 1/3 cup vegetable oil, divided
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons chili powder
3/4 teaspoon seasoned salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
4 cups water
12 corn tortillas (6 inches)
1-1/2 cups (6 ounces) shredded cheddar cheese
1-1/2 cups salsa

Directions
In a large skillet over medium heat, cook the turkey, onions and garlic in 1 tablespoon oil until no longer pink; drain. Sprinkle with the flour, chili powder, seasoned salt and pepper. Add water; bring to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer, uncovered, for 8-10 minutes or until reduced.
In another skillet, fry tortillas in remaining oil for about 15 seconds, turning once. Drain well. Cut nine tortillas in half. Place cut edge of one tortilla against each short side of a greased 11-in. X 7-in. Baking dish. Place cut edge of two tortillas against long sides of dish, overlapping to fit. Place a whole tortilla in center.
Spoon 2 cups of meat mixture over tortillas; sprinkle with 1/2 cup cheese. Repeat layers. Top with remaining tortillas and meat sauce.
Bake, uncovered, at 375° for 20 minutes. Sprinkle with remaining cheese. Bake 5-10 minutes longer or until cheese is melted. Serve with salsa.
Yield: 8 servings.

Save yourself a pile of time and grief, spray the tortillas lightly with PAM, stack them and wrap in a lightly dampened paper towel. then microwave for about 20 seconds. you’ll achieve the same results as frying them which is really just to soften them and make them pliable so they do not break while you line the pan.

Nutrition Facts: 1 serving (1 cup) equals 430 calories, 27 g fat (9 g saturated fat), 63 mg cholesterol, 634 mg sodium, 29 g carbohydrate, 5 g fiber, 17 g protein.

For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting.

When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles. There was a note that read, “Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn’t do!”

“I suppose,” the husband responded, “we could clean the house…”

A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there. He asks the lady “Do you have a vagina?”She slams the door in disgust…

The next morning she hears a knock at the door, it is the same man, and he asks the same question of the woman, “Do you have a vagina?” She slams the door again.

Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice, “Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again.”

The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door.The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice “Honey, I’m going to hide behind the door and listen, and if it is the same guy, I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it.” She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.

Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question. “Do you have vagina?””
Yes!” she says……
The man replies, Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and start using yours!!

This is extremely cool!

OK so last week Impish stole my thunder once again by beating me to this first clip about 3 dimension printers making solid structurally strong objects that even have moving parts. Usually its me doing it to him so I guess I cannot grumble too much about it. However as usual he only told half of a really cool story and shockingly left the best part out. What better than printing a wrench when you need one? How about 3 dimensionally printing something edible out of chocolate?

3D PRINTER

Thanks to Sammemom for showing us this, but I think this next printer is going to prove even more popular!

The World’s First 3D Chocolate Printer

Read more about it here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/08/3d-chocolate-printer_n_893381.html

Years ago when Northern Ireland endured so much violence in Belfast and the anti English sentiment stirred such passion among the Catholics, Father Sheehan was an avowed anti British pastor, who would denounce the Brits every Sunday from his pulpit. His sermons became so notorious that Father Sheehan was summoned before Bishop Flanagan for a dressing down.
“Father,” began Bishop Flanagan, “You know that the Church seeks peace between Northern Ireland and the British, but your sermons are having the opposite effect and are stirring up violence instead. I want you to promise me and to swear by all that is holy that you will never mention the British in your sermons or in public again.”
“But Bishop, I cannot…” stammered Father Sheehan.
“No buts,” demanded the Bishop. “You can and you will. Now Swear to me at this very moment or you will feel my wrath!”
“Alright, Bishop Flanagan,” Father Sheehan replied grudgingly. “Alright. I swear by all that is holy.”
The following Sunday found Father Sheehan back in his pulpit in Belfast, preaching.
The sermon concerned the Last Supper when Jesus was telling his disciples, “And one of you shall betray Me.”
Father Sheehan remarked: “First one disciple says to Jesus, ‘Is it I Lord?’ and Jesus replies, ‘No, it’s not you.’”
Next Father Sheehan said that “a second disciple rises and cries, ‘Is it I Lord?’ And Christ says, ‘No, it’s not you.’”
Finally Father Sheehan described Judas Iscariot’s actions, “Then the conniving, lowly Judas Iscariot rises to his feet. The dog looks the Lord in the eyes, while saying, ‘Blimey, Mate. Ya think it’s me?’”

At the banquet of their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. “Tell us, Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?”

Tom responds, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single.”

Well this is not the guest reader’s comments I thought I had. I apparently mislaid them someplace or am just too blind to see them amidst the hundreds of e~mails in my Inbox. So instead of one guest Last Word author we’re having two since both of their remarks are on the same subject, namely the game in Impish’s Last Word on Friday for balancing the budget.

First up on the soapbox we have Tom who wrote us at the owner’s e~mail. Take it away Tom:

Hi Dragon & Lethal too!

I tried the budget game and did fairly well, but it’s incomplete and no way to be accurate. That’s why it’s a game.

Did you know that the government owns 650 million acres of unused land? That’s about 1/3 of the country. If just 3.3 million of those acres were sold to private people it would produce tax free revenue and jobs. We spend 25 billion per year to maintain vacant property. Why?

Gas and oil leases would increase revenue without raising taxes and produce jobs at the same time.

I don’t believe the debt ceiling thing is what the debate is about at all. It’s about raising taxes so the libs can spend more of our money. Tell Obama that we can’t raise the debt ceiling, but we’ll raise tax and he’ll jump at it in a second.

The problems cannot and will not be solved with Obama and his crew in the White House. If republicans give an inch, it will be end and we will have lost.

Thanks for listening;

Tom

And now up on the soapbox for his five minutes of fame and to express his view we have our regular commenter Dan from NYC. Youse is up dere Dan:

The options are limited and skewed left of center but still a somewhat thought provoking exercise.

For example, Social Security only has two options – raising the retirement age and slowing increases. Other options such as raising or eliminating the contribution ceiling above the current $108,000 level is absent. Also the military and tax options were overly simplistic. Still managed to put off the grim reaper until 2042 by reducing the debt from 75.5% in 2012 to 33.8% and and shrank government from 25.9% to 19.8% in 2021. Taxes include doing away with oil (Big Oil in their terms) and extractive industries tax breaks and well as the mortgage interest deduction.

I got the Efficient Government badge but not the National Security or Energy Independence.

OK I feel my self sliding further into total ambivalence and I have a pile of shows to catch up on on the DVR that Molly doesn’t watch so that’s all for today folks, see you on Wednesday.

Good Saturday Morning to you all!  Thanks to everyone who sent anniversary wishes to me and Mrs. Dragon.  They were all deeply appreciated.  Today’s issue is quite an eclectic collection of fun stuff.  I highly recommend spending some time with the game that is talked about in the Last Word.  But, I have to tell ya, be prepared to spend some serious time on it.  It was very eye opening for me, but I will tell you that I did exceedingly well with the budget and still managed to maintain a strong military.  Anyway, enough about that; don’t want to put too many spoilers in the opening.

Wadda ya say we just jump right into the laughter?

Lynn sends in this picture with the following title:
Life Summarized in One Picture.

Late Night With Jimmy Fallon

• A lawmaker in California is pushing for 13 counties to break away and form a new state called South California. Meanwhile, residents are pushing for a more fitting name: “North Mexico.”
• While criticizing President Obama over debt talks, John Boehner said quote, “It takes two to tango.” Then Biden was like, “Sure, but it only takes one to break dance.”

Impish and his wife live in Indiana. One winter morning while
listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, “We are going
to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car
on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can
get through.”

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are
married to blondes exhibit, Impish says, “Honey, why don’t you
just leave it in the garage this time?”

Here’s some more Puns by our Queen of the Pun Diaman:

Okay, so it’s bad….and it’s wrong….but it’s funny and I did it anyway:

My Daddy Is A Dancer

“No,” the boy said, “He works for the Democratic National Committee and 
helped to get Obama elected, but it’s too embarrassing to say that in front 
of the other kids.” 

I’m not saying she is easy, but…

Her underwear is by Rubbermaid.
 
Her pantyhose has a pet door.

Ginny says: This is one of the funniest videos I’ve ever seen. Not only is the guy on the far right hilarious, but the one to the immediate right is funny because of his non-reaction for so long. Hope you enjoy it as much as I have!

And they’re probably made in the exact same factory.

Here’s an oldie but goodie from our old pal the Old Country Boy

Guilty Conscience

An elderly Italian Jew wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by talking to his Rabbi. “Rabbi, during World War II, when the Germans entered Italy, I pretended to be a Catholic and changed my name from Levy to Spumoni, and I am alive today because of it.”
“Self preservation is allowable, and the fact that you never forgot that you were a Jew is admirable,” said the Rabbi.”Rabbi, during the war, a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic, and they never found her.”
“That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to feel guilty.”
“It’s worse, Rabbi. I was weak and told her she must repay me with sexual favors, which she did, repeatedly.”
“You were both in great danger and would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found her. There is a favorable balance between good and evil, and you will be judged kindly. Give up your feelings of guilt.”
“Thank you, Rabbi. That’s a great load off my mind. But I have one more question.”
“And what is that?”
“Should I tell her the war is over?”

Okay, you want to try to walk in the shoes of the people who make the rules…. read this and then try the game at the end.  Try to make the decisions and back the programs that you truly believe in.  I’m very interested to know how you did.

Computer game gives people shot at managing budget

WASHINGTON (AP) — Think you might do better than President Barack Obama and congressional leaders in picking and choosing what government spending to cut — or taxes to raise — to stave off a debt showdown that could wreck the economy? A new computer game gives you, too, the chance to play “Budget Hero.”

“Budget Hero 2.0” is an update of an original version that came out in 2008. It shows players just how difficult it might be to carry out their grand policy objectives — universal health care, extending the Bush tax cuts or ending foreign aid — and still keep the government from either becoming irrelevant, or going broke.

“Our timing turns out to be perfect,” said former Rep. Jane Harman, D-Calif., who resigned this year to head the Woodrow Wilson Center, a nonpartisan think tank that developed the game with American Public Media.

Harman said the game is a valuable teaching tool, particularly now as the president and Congress butt heads over the future course of government. Players get insights into the “difficult choices involved in reducing the deficit and raising the debt limit,” she said.

Among the first players to test their skills at the unveiling this week of the new version were Sen. Jeff Sessions of Alabama, the top Republican on the Senate Budget Committee, and Sen. Mark Udall, D-Colo.

Udall said he had two kids in college and “I’ve been a real nag about video games,” but that “the point of this game is to educate, to empower us.”

The new version, updated to reflect the increasingly dire financial situation and such new factors as the House Republican budget’s approach to Medicare, allows players to pick from some 100 policy cards as they try to earn “badges” that reflect their political leanings. Fiscal conservatives can try to earn a tea party badge, defense hawks a national security badge or environmentalists a green badge.

The game starts in the year 2021, based on Congressional Budget Office numbers showing what happens to the government’s budget if there is no change in current policy. Players, by using their policy cards, change the course of history.

Before clicking on a policy, the player can check out the pros and cons. Raising the Social Security eligibility age to 70 for those born in 1973 or after would save $152 billion over 10 years but would also mean a 10 percent loss in benefits for those now in their mid- to late 40s.

In a quick demonstration of the game, two college students, one taking typical Republican positions and the other Democratic, showed just how difficult it will be to save the country. The Republican extended the Bush-era tax cuts, cut spending for the arts and humanities and reduced congressional budgets. The Democrat went after a green badge by raising the federal tax on gasoline and ending tax breaks for big oil companies, while also expanding health insurance coverage.

Both plans saw the government go broke — reaching a point where there isn’t enough money to cover mandatory programs such as Social Security, Medicare and interest on the debt — in the 2030s.

“This game will lead you to the conclusion that there has to be structural change” in the big entitlement and revenue programs, said John Tanner, a former Democratic lawmaker from Tennessee.

Linda Fantin of American Public Media said the game has been played 830,000 times since the original version came out in 2008. The sponsors said they hope to get the new version into schools and universities by the fall semester. The game is free and available at http://www.budgethero.org .

And here’s the game: http://marketplace.publicradio.org/features/budget_hero/