Okay, I think spring is finally here. It’s been almost a whole week now with out temperatures below freezing and frost advisories.  But … BUT!!! I am sick and tired of the RAIN! It seems like I should be thinking of building an Ark…or at least a decent sailboat. 

Don’t get me wrong, I swim, VERY well…but 40 days and 40 nights, not to mention all the fountains of the great deep busting forth and the windows of the heavens opening up, so yeah…at least a sailboat I think.

I’d say it has to stop raining eventually, but…

Anyway, I’m teasing …

Mostly…

But, since I’m starting this one immediately after the last one, waddaya say we jump right in, shall we?

An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked. The wily old General sends for his trusty Indian Scout.

“Yumti-Bi,” he said, “you must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here.” 

Yumti-Bi layed down and put his ear to the ground…

“Large Heap – war party,” he says, “maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black horses, two on white stallions. All have warpaint…many many guns. Medicine man also with them.”

“Good grief!” exclaims the General, “you can tell all of that just by listening to the ground???”

“No, General,” replied the Indian, “I can see under the gate…” 

A pastor was working late on a Saturday night at the Almighty  God Tabernacle.  

Around 10:00PM he decided to call his wife before he left for home.  

Although the pastor let the phone ring  several times, his wife didn’t answer.  A few moments later he tried again and she answered right away.  

He asked her why she hadn’t answered before, and she said that the phone hadn’t rung.

The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office.  

The caller wanted to know why the pastor had called him Saturday night.

The pastor was confused.  The caller said, “It rang and rang,  but I didn’t answer.” 

The pastor remembered the incident and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he’d intended to call his wife and must have dialed the wrong number.

The man said, “That’s OK.  Let me tell you my story.  You see, I  was planning to commit suicide that night, but before I did, I prayed, ‘God if you’re there, and you don’t want me to do this, give me a sign now.’ At that point my phone started to ring. 

 I looked at the Caller ID, and it said, ‘Almighty God.’ I was just too afraid to answer!”

I’ve heard that this was a true story, although I am of the opinion that it is a “true” story…more of an urban legend. It’s been used in quite a few sermons. But, either way, it’s a good story.

No worries, just tryin’ to find me a sailboat

Way too funny!

Joe from NJ says:

Wouldn’t it be ironic if Popeye’s chicken was cooked in Olive Oil.

We all know mirrors don’t lie… 

I’m just grateful that they don’t laugh.

So now cocaine is legal in Oregon but straws are not. 

That must be frustrating!

This one is from our dear Leah…

I figured out the difference in gross and net pay when I got my first real job at age 14. 

It’s so “gross” to see what you actually catch in your “net”

My wife asked ,”Did you eat that cake in the fridge?”
No l ate it over the sink like you taught me.

Yes!  I will keep babying my poor decrepit old washer and dryer until they collapse just so I don’t have to get a modern set.

Oh, if only we stuck with that!!!

Okay guys, that’s it, I’m done. Got another one in the box and it’s still Friday. Now, I’ve got to get some sleep cause I got some CBRN Classes tomorrow morning and … full class. Until next time.