Dragon Laffs #1223


Dragon Laffs 2
Good Saturday Morning to you all!  Thanks to everyone who sent anniversary wishes to me and Mrs. Dragon.  They were all deeply appreciated.  Today’s issue is quite an eclectic collection of fun stuff.  I highly recommend spending some time with the game that is talked about in the Last Word.  But, I have to tell ya, be prepared to spend some serious time on it.  It was very eye opening for me, but I will tell you that I did exceedingly well with the budget and still managed to maintain a strong military.  Anyway, enough about that; don’t want to put too many spoilers in the opening.

Wadda ya say we just jump right into the laughter?

LOL Cow

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno

  • The royal couple has left Los Angeles after a short visit. It’s the first time that two unemployed people from another country have come to L.A. and left.
  • The FBI is investigating after a stun gun was found on a flight to Newark, New Jersey. They think a passenger planned to use the stun gun on himself when he realized he was on a flight to Newark, New Jersey. I’ve had that same feeling several times going in and out of Newark!

Lynn sends in this picture with the following title:
Life Summarized in One Picture.

2aCow quack
Thanks Lynn.  I think I agree.

Late Night With Jimmy Fallon

  • A lawmaker in California is pushing for 13 counties to break away and form a new state called South California. Meanwhile, residents are pushing for a more fitting name: “North Mexico.”
  • While criticizing President Obama over debt talks, John Boehner said quote, “It takes two to tango.” Then Biden was like, “Sure, but it only takes one to break dance.”

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Here’s a great Dragon that can be used as wallpaper “borrowed” from the latest edition of Wolf’s Wallpapers – Fantasy Friday.  If you are interested in new wallpapers, consider joining the yahoo group.  Subscribe by sending a blank email to: wolfswallpapers-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

awesome

Any of you who’ve been around here for any length of time know that I love to manipulate images to make things a little different than what was started with, so picture taking and by extension, video arts are near and dear to my heart.  Well, I’ve just seen the holy grail of all video equipment and I have to share with the rest of you.  Thanks to Lynn for sending me this link:
http://thecreatorsproject.com/creators/curt-morgan-brain-farm#ooid=llNm1mMTrsXpzJ-sLczGIpjMW1McjQPk

2b

wow2

360° View of the inside of the Space Shuttle.  Use your mouse to look around: http://360vr.com/2011/06/22-discovery-flight-deck-opf_6236/index.html

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This was sent in by K² and I’m pasting here in the exact format in which it was sent:

Impish and his wife live in Indiana. One winter morning while
listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, “We are going
to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car
on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can
get through.”

Impish’s wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says,
“We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park
your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplows
can get through.”

Impish’s wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio
announcer says, “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today.
You must park …” just then the power goes out, and Impish’s wife
is very upset. With a worried look on her face she says, “Oh god,
I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to
park on so the plows can get through?”

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are
married to blondes exhibit, Impish says, “Honey, why don’t you
just leave it in the garage this time?”foot

When Mrs. Dragon read this, she laughed…and then she asked where K² lived.  Buddy, I’m giving you this heads up so you have time to move.

511

 

Woof

Here’s some more Puns by our Queen of the Pun Diaman:

If you are among the cream of dairy inspectors, nothing
cheesy gets pasteurize
 
Some balding men want natural hair at no cost;
in other words, they don’t want toupee.

The electrician got his supplies at the outlet store.
 
 
The professor discovered that his theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

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bartending

energy drink

even

woof6
Public Service 1

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine...
And those who don’t and are always
seen with a bottle of water in their hand.

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day,
At the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) – bacteria found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer
(or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol goes through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health.


Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit
.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I’m doing it as a public service

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Okay, so it’s bad….and it’s wrong….but it’s funny and I did it anyway:

My Daddy Is A Dancer

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did 
for a living.

All the typical answers came up – fireman, mechanic, businessman. 
salesman…and so forth.

However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the 
teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, “My father’s an exotic 
dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes to music in front of 
other men and they put money in his underwear.

Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and 
stay with him all night for money.”

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other 
children to work on some exercises and took little Justin aside to ask him, 
“Is that really true about your father?”

“No,” the boy said, “He works for the Democratic National Committee and 
helped to get Obama elected, but it’s too embarrassing to say that in front 
of the other kids.” 

 

512

woof2

Thanks to Stephanie for this all encompassing list.  Although for some of the references, you probably have to be of a certain … age.

I’m not saying she is easy, but…

She’s been on her knees more times than Billy Graham.
 
She’s been laid on more kitchen floors than linoleum.
 
She’s done more screwing than Black and Decker.
 
She’s responsible for more merry men than Robin Hood.
 
She’s turned more tricks than Harry Houdini.
 
She’s been boarded more times than Amtrak.
 
She’s been mounted more often than Trigger.
 
She’s been involved with more animals than Marlin Perkins.
 
She’s entertained more troops than Bob Hope.
 
She’s been at more bedsides than Dr. Kildare.
 
She’s been turned more ways than Rubik’s Cube.
 
She’s spent more time under men than barstools.
 
She’s seen more traffic than the George Washington Bridge.
 
She’s had more turnovers than the International House of Pancakes.
 
She’s been under more sheets than the Ku Klux Klan.
 
She’s had more marines land on her than on Iwo Jima.
 
Her body has been declared a national recreation area.
 
Her diaphragms come with a service contract.
 
She has an IUD with a beeper.
 
She uses industrial strength douche.
 
Her gynecologist entered her in the Grand Canyon look-alike contest.

Her underwear is by Rubbermaid.
 
Her pantyhose has a pet door.

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a58

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Ginny says: This is one of the funniest videos I’ve ever seen. Not only is the guy on the far right hilarious, but the one to the immediate right is funny because of his non-reaction for so long. Hope you enjoy it as much as I have!

513
And they’re probably made in the exact same factory.

Moo

Here’s an oldie but goodie from our old pal the Old Country Boy

Guilty Conscience

An elderly Italian Jew wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by talking to his Rabbi. “Rabbi, during World War II, when the Germans entered Italy, I pretended to be a Catholic and changed my name from Levy to Spumoni, and I am alive today because of it.”
“Self preservation is allowable, and the fact that you never forgot that you were a Jew is admirable,” said the Rabbi.”Rabbi, during the war, a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic, and they never found her.”
“That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to feel guilty.”
“It’s worse, Rabbi. I was weak and told her she must repay me with sexual favors, which she did, repeatedly.”
“You were both in great danger and would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found her. There is a favorable balance between good and evil, and you will be judged kindly. Give up your feelings of guilt.”
“Thank you, Rabbi. That’s a great load off my mind. But I have one more question.”
“And what is that?”
“Should I tell her the war is over?”

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w48drag race
Drag Racing

w49

One of my all time favorite quips:

My wife said, “Watcha doin’ today?”
I said, “Nothing.”
She said, “You did that yesterday.”
I said, “I wasn’t finished.”

moo2

How about a little Angry Birds Humor….
514

What really happened at Stonehenge

515 What really happened to stonehenge

 

‘There was this boy in high school that was what you would consider a nerd. Anyway he had his own lab in the basement of his home and one night he came up and said “Dad look what I made.” So he poured a flask of fluid into a pot of soil and instantly grass started to grow.
 
Of course his dad was really impressed with this and asked his son if he can make something to make his penis grow.  His son thought for a minute and said that if he did then dad would have to buy him a convertible.
 

Dad agreed. The next night the son came out of the basement and gave his dad a vial. The next morning his father came to him and told him that he had something to show him. They went to the front yard and the boy saw a cherry red Ferrari.The son looked at his dad and said “I only asked for a convertible.”
 
The dad replied “the convertible is in the garage. The Ferrari is from your mother.

515

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Okay, you want to try to walk in the shoes of the people who make the rules…. read this and then try the game at the end.  Try to make the decisions and back the programs that you truly believe in.  I’m very interested to know how you did.

Computer game gives people shot at managing budget

WASHINGTON (AP) — Think you might do better than President Barack Obama and congressional leaders in picking and choosing what government spending to cut — or taxes to raise — to stave off a debt showdown that could wreck the economy? A new computer game gives you, too, the chance to play “Budget Hero.”

“Budget Hero 2.0” is an update of an original version that came out in 2008. It shows players just how difficult it might be to carry out their grand policy objectives — universal health care, extending the Bush tax cuts or ending foreign aid — and still keep the government from either becoming irrelevant, or going broke.

“Our timing turns out to be perfect,” said former Rep. Jane Harman, D-Calif., who resigned this year to head the Woodrow Wilson Center, a nonpartisan think tank that developed the game with American Public Media.

Harman said the game is a valuable teaching tool, particularly now as the president and Congress butt heads over the future course of government. Players get insights into the “difficult choices involved in reducing the deficit and raising the debt limit,” she said.

Among the first players to test their skills at the unveiling this week of the new version were Sen. Jeff Sessions of Alabama, the top Republican on the Senate Budget Committee, and Sen. Mark Udall, D-Colo.

Udall said he had two kids in college and “I’ve been a real nag about video games,” but that “the point of this game is to educate, to empower us.”

The new version, updated to reflect the increasingly dire financial situation and such new factors as the House Republican budget’s approach to Medicare, allows players to pick from some 100 policy cards as they try to earn “badges” that reflect their political leanings. Fiscal conservatives can try to earn a tea party badge, defense hawks a national security badge or environmentalists a green badge.

The game starts in the year 2021, based on Congressional Budget Office numbers showing what happens to the government’s budget if there is no change in current policy. Players, by using their policy cards, change the course of history.

Before clicking on a policy, the player can check out the pros and cons. Raising the Social Security eligibility age to 70 for those born in 1973 or after would save $152 billion over 10 years but would also mean a 10 percent loss in benefits for those now in their mid- to late 40s.

In a quick demonstration of the game, two college students, one taking typical Republican positions and the other Democratic, showed just how difficult it will be to save the country. The Republican extended the Bush-era tax cuts, cut spending for the arts and humanities and reduced congressional budgets. The Democrat went after a green badge by raising the federal tax on gasoline and ending tax breaks for big oil companies, while also expanding health insurance coverage.

Both plans saw the government go broke — reaching a point where there isn’t enough money to cover mandatory programs such as Social Security, Medicare and interest on the debt — in the 2030s.

“This game will lead you to the conclusion that there has to be structural change” in the big entitlement and revenue programs, said John Tanner, a former Democratic lawmaker from Tennessee.

Linda Fantin of American Public Media said the game has been played 830,000 times since the original version came out in 2008. The sponsors said they hope to get the new version into schools and universities by the fall semester. The game is free and available at http://www.budgethero.org .

And here’s the game: http://marketplace.publicradio.org/features/budget_hero/
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One Response to Dragon Laffs #1223

  1. Dan- NYC says:

    The options are limited and skewed left of center but still a somewhat thought provoking exercise.

    For example, Social Security only has two options – raising the retirement age and slowing increases. Other options such as raising or eliminating the contribution ceiling above the current $108,000 level is absent. Also the military and tax options were overly simplistic. Still managed to put off the grim reaper until 2042 by reducing the debt from 75.5% in 2012 to 33.8% and and shrank government from 25.9% to 19.8% in 2021. Taxes include doing away with oil (Big Oil in their terms) and extractive industries tax breaks and well as the mortgage interest deduction.

    I got the Efficient Government badge but not the National Security or Energy Independence.

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