Good Morning Campers! I hope everyone survived the night…what they are calling snowpocolypse 2011. I’ve got some cool pictures if you’re interested…you are? Okay, let’s start with:
Looking out my garage at about 330 pm yesterday… then the next one was an hour later at about 430 pm. Pretty much the exact same view, it really doesn’t give you the idea that another whole hour had passed, so at 5 pm I took this picture and realized, it really was almost exactly the same picture so I added this one to it. Now, I realize that you really can’t see the markings on the ruler so well because of how small the picture is, but you really don’t want this email to be bigger than it already is by me putting a larger picture of a ruler that measured at 4 inches….and continued over the next 3 hours to measure at 4 inches because it was sleeting and not snowing, but then I decided to get cute with the camera and you’ll have to see these as bigger pictures… first is some sparkling sleet drops (sparkling sleet drops?)
then how about the same picture (kinda) with a little cigar smoke added in…
and now with the wind blowing at a constant 50 mph…not sure what the gusts were:
Yeah, it’s kind of hard to tell from that picture, but it’s blowing pretty good! And now, enough of this stuff, let’s do some laughing!
I just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche
and I mentioned it on Facebook.
I said, “I can’t wait for the new 911 to arrive!”
Next thing I know, 4000 damn Muslims have added me as a friend!
To all you Flight Fans…this is great!
HD Ode to Joyous Flight (Sky Fighters/Les Chevaliers du Ciel)
1. The nicest thing about the future is . . .
that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will
make him wag his tail.
3. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when
you’re in deep sh**!
6. How come it takes so little time for a child
who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important . . .
because they demonstrate how many people a company
can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger
than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a cat . . and you will have a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the
teenage boy who wants to buy a car.
“Here’s a good test for stomach muscles. Clasp your hands over your head and place your feet together on the floor. Now bend to the right at the waist to the left of your feet as you sit down. Now by sheer muscular control, haul yourself up, bend to the left and sit down on the floor to the right of your feet. Keep this up and let us know of the result.”
The first letter received by the magazine said: “Hernia!”
1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. And preferably, during happy hour.
2. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.
3. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot:
1. I hate shots.
2. It’s coming back up.
4. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.
5. If the bartender makes your drink too weak, order a double next time. He’ll get the message.
6. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.
7. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she STILL might not like you.
8. If she buys you a drink, however, she likes you.
9. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.
10. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked.
11. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.
12. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I’m an idiot!”
13. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.
14. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.
15. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.
If you’re a Godfather fan (and who isn’t) this will be a great clip for you:
What is the internet, anyway… 1994…
A man goes into this local place where bricks and cement blocks are sold, and orders 20,000 bricks.
“May I ask what you’re building?” asks the man behind the counter.
“Yeah, it’s going to be a barbecue.”
“Damn! That’s a lot of bricks for one barbecue,”
“Not really; you have to consider that I live on the 18th floor.”
The IRS doing some good?!
Let’s not go crazy here!
The great and powerful IRS knows and sees all. And, if not, it certainly has eyes … everywhere.
Surprisingly, few people take comfort in that.
However, the oh-so-creepy omnipresence of the IRS might help find missing children.
Sen. Amy Klobuchar, D-Minn., has introduced a bill to allow IRS officials to release information (including the addresses) of people who have filed tax returns claiming missing children as dependents.
Many children are abducted by noncustodial parents. These parents may change their children’s names, but they still use the children’s Social Security numbers when submitting tax forms.
Up until now, IRS officials have not been able to release the names and addresses of these potential abductors to police because of privacy rules.
The Minneapolis Star-Tribune reports that in 2007, Treasury Department officials discovered that the Social Security numbers of 1,700 missing children were found on tax forms filed after the kids were reported missing.
Those records could not be released, unless a child abduction was being investigated as a federal crime.
The newspaper reports Klobuchar’s bill changes that, giving state and local police potential access to the records.
“This is a great tool for law enforcement,” Patty Wetterling, the vice chairwoman of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, tells the newspaper.
The Star-Tribune reports Wetterling’s son Jacob disappeared near St. Joseph, Minn., in 1989 and remains missing. Wetterling, who ran for Congress in 2006, stood by Klobuchar at a news conference Jan. 9 to announce the bill.
Klobuchar tells the Star-Tribune the bill is getting widespread bipartisan support as “a simple change” that would cost nothing.
The Old County Boy’s
Your Editing Lacks Continuity
Sometimes we just want to bug each other for no reason, so, for no reason, I am sending this email to bug you.
Click here: SINGING BUG
“Not really,” the blonde replied. “I’m nauseous from sitting backward on the train.”
“Poor dear,” Mom said. “Why didn’t you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?”
“I couldn’t,” she replied, “there was no one there.”
“It was wonderful,” she said later. “It isn’t every day that a mother watches her son receive his wings in the morning and have them clipped in the evening.”
Put me in charge of food stamps. No cash for soft drinks, Ding Dongs or Ho Hos, just money for 20-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese, and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want steak and frozen pizza ….. get a job. Amen! Heck, I don’t eat that good most times and I’m paying for your food stamps!
Put me in charge of Medicaid. The first thing I’d do is to get women Norplant birth control implants or tubal ligations. Then we’ll test recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine and document all tattoos and piercings. If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, smoke or get tats and piercings …. get a job. Yup, been doing this one for a while now. You want money? We want a urine test. Pretty easy, really. We would even pay for the urine test because in the long run, we’d save millions of dollars!
Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks? You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your home will be subject to inspections anytime, and possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360 …. get a job and your own place. Again, those of us who’ve lived in base housing KNOW that this is NOT too much to ask. We got all those things (inspections and such) for the PRIVILEGE of living in Government housing. Although we could have the plasma TV or the XBox….because we WORKED for them!
In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or you will report to a government job. It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo and speakers and put that money toward the common good. And we will give you plenty of time to look for a job of your own. Afterall, if I have you cleaning roads for 8 hours a day, that still leaves up to 8 more for you to look for work. I’m sure I’m not the only guy in the world who has worked a full time job (40 to 50 hours a week) and full time hours at a part time job…to make ends meet, so I wouldn’t have to live off the government tit!
Before you write that I’ve violated someone’s rights, realize that all of the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules.. Before you say this would be demeaning and ruin their self esteem, consider that it wasn’t that long ago when taking someone else’s money for doing absolutely nothing was understood by all to be demeaning and lowered self esteem. Gee, what can I add here except
If we are expected to pay for other people’s mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices. I agree, I agree, I agree! There are no consequences any more! None! Not even personal ones. Whatever happened to being able to look yourself in the mirror every day? How do these people do it?
And again, folks, we aren’t talking about the people who are legitimately on help because they legitimately need help. We’re talking about the entitlement leeches who take and take and take and don’t give ANYTHING back. I won’t allow my kids to behave that way, why the hell should I have to pay for someone else’s kids behaving that way?