Leprechaun Laffs # 18


DL HEader

Hey there! How ya doin’? Yeah the snow is something else huh, global warming my arse! Yadda…yadda…yadda… OK, pleasantries exchanged check.  I’m freezing my Tuchas off here already, then I received this little “love-you-gram” from the National Weather Service, (bear in mind I live LESS than 80 miles from the GULF OF FREAKING MEXICO and we are in NO WAY equipped to deal with or handle this as a community!):

“Winter storm warning in effect from noon today to noon cst friday,
The NWS in houston/galveston has issued a winter storm warning for snow, sleet and freezing rain, which is in effect from noon today to noon cst Friday. The winter storm watch is no longer in effect.
An upper level storm system approaching from the west will combine with increasing moisture and cold temperatures in the lower atmosphere to generate a mix of snow, sleet, and freezing rain across southeast Texas this afternoon through Friday morning.

Precipitation type: Very light snow and sleet is expected at the onset of the event Thursday across all of southeast Texas. Thursday night and Friday morning, a mix of sleet and snow is expected to the west of a line from matagorda to downtown houston to northern liberty county, with all snow across the northwest half of the area. East of this line, freezing rain is expected to mix in with the sleet and snow mainly before midnight. Over southern brazoria, southern galveston, chambers, and southern liberty counties mostly ice is expected. After midnight these areas may have a sleet and snow mix. Freezing rain mixed with sleet and snow may still be possible for most of chambers county and southern most galveston county including galveston island. Precipitation may continue to change over to all snow after 6am friday except for the immediate coast where sleet may mix with the snow. Precipitation should come to an end near or shortly after noon Friday.
Amounts: In the snow and sleet area, accumulations of 1 to 3 inches are expected with isolated totals around 4 inches. In the freezing rain threat area, ice accumulations of 1/10 to 1/4 inch are expected.
Impacts: Due to evaporative cooling in the very dry airmass, temperatures will run 5 to 7 degrees colder with this event than during the last few winter weather events to impact this area. These colder temperatures will result in a much higher likelihood of roads becoming iced over, even with light precipitation amounts. This will especially be the case with elevated surfaces like bridges and overpasses. Road conditions are expected to deteriorate beginning around sunset Thursday. In addition, power outages will be possible especially in the freezing rain threat area. “

Power outages? You mean like in addition to the rolling blackouts of yesterday, which while not currently in effect we have been told may possibly resume at any time and without warning??!!

Can we laugh now PLEASE?

( I’m hoping it will warm me up!)

 

Max-Coffee

It’s also a damned fine hand warmer!

Biker Humor

A tough looking biker was riding his Harley when he sees a girl about to Jump off a bridge so he stops.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“I’m going to commit a suicide,” she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn’t want to miss an opportunity and he asked, “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a kiss?”

So, she does.

After she’s finished the biker says, “Wow!  That was the best kiss I have ever had!  That’s a real talent you are wasting!  You could be famous! Why are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl…..”

Lady Bikers

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.
Mother: “What does the cow say?”
Child: “Moo!”
Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?”
Child: “Meow.”
Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?”
And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, “Bud.”

DL Introspection Header

APNewsBreak: Sedative maker deplores execution use

By ANDREW WELSH-HUGGINS, AP Legal Affairs Writer Andrew Welsh-huggins, Ap Legal Affairs Writer – Wed Jan 26, 6:33 pm ET
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110126/ap_on_re_us/us_execution_drug_shortage

COLUMBUS, Ohio – The sole U.S. manufacturer of a sedative that Ohio plans to use to execute death row inmates — and that Oklahoma already uses to do so — said Wednesday it opposes the practice and has asked both states to stop using the drug.

Pentobarbital maker Lundbeck Inc. says it never intended for the drug to be used to put inmates to death.

“This goes against everything we’re in business to do,” Sally Benjamin Young, spokeswoman for the Denmark-based company’s U.S. headquarters in Deerfield, Ill., told The Associated Press.

“We like to develop and make available therapies that improve people’s lives,” she said. “That’s the focus of our business.”

Lundbeck does not sell the product directly to end users and has no way of preventing either state from using the drug.

“While we cannot control how our products are administered, it is our intent that our products be used in a safe and appropriate manner and encourage use consistent with the label,” the company said in a statement.

Both states switched to pentobarbital as a national shortage worsened of the drug they used previously, sodium thiopental.

That drug’s sole U.S. manufacturer, Hospira Inc., of Lake Forest, Ill., deplored the drug’s use in executions and also asked states not to use it, to no avail. The company announced last week it was discontinuing the product.

Pentobarbital is a barbiturate used to induce comas during surgeries to prevent brain damage when blood flow is interrupted, and to reduce possible brain damage following strokes or head trauma. It is chemically related to the same product used to euthanize pets.

The drug has been used in 200 of the 525 assisted suicides in Oregon since 1998, according to data compiled by the Oregon Public Health Division. It also was prescribed for 5 of 47 assisted-suicide patients in Washington state in 2009, state health statistics show.

Lemme see if I got this right now, no complaints about being a popular drug for assisted suicides but an outcry over putting convicted condemned murdering scum to death? I’ll show you a whole bunch of bullet and gun manufacturers that would not have any problems replacing these liberal panty-waisted Drug manufacturers!

 

I%20Took%20A%20Pill

I have been heard frequently asking the Dragon this, you think maybe I need a bigger pill?

 

The Mexican maid asked for a pay raise.
The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked: “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?”

Maria: “Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze.”
“The first is that I iron better than you.”
Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?”
Maria: “Jor huzban he say so.”
Wife: “Oh yeah?”

Maria: “The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you.”
Wife: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?”
Maria: “Jor hozban did.”
Wife increasingly agitated:  “Oh he did did he???”

Maria: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.”
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth.
“And did my husband say that as well?”

Maria: “No Señora…….. The gardener did.”

Wife: “So how much do you want?”

divider_

Amazing, freak inbounds basket helps team land OT win

It’s a wonder that any high school sports events are still being played along the East Coast, with near constant blizzards and assorted weather-related problems. Yet teams are trekking through the snow for hardwood faceoffs, few more dramatic than an overtime game in Maine on Tuesday the 25th between Sacopee Valley (Maine) High and A.R. Gould (Maine) High.

Yet as tight a contest as the game may have been, the final score in Sacopee’s eventual 57-50 victory was overshadowed by this miraculous inbounds play, which is a solid contender for freak play-of-the-year.

 

I just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.

I told them to kiss my ass.  Anybody who fits into my clothes isn’t starving. 

=======

Today’s word is…………….. Fluctuations……………….

I will never hear or see this word again without thinking of this joke.

I was at my bank today; there was a short line.  There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.  It was obvious she was a little irritated . . .

She asked the teller, “Why it change?  Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen.  Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?”

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fluctuations.”

The Asian lady says, “Fluc you white people too”

(You know you’re laughing…)

Garfield Is It Friday Yet

DL PSA Header

EDITORIAL CORRECTION/ADDITION TO LAST WORD DRAGON LAFFS ISSUE # 1162

We here at Dragon Laffs strive to give credit where credit is sue when and where we possibly can for any material that is not strictly our own. The Dragon apparently did not receive the same e-mail which I and several of our readers did that correctly attributed the commentary “Put Me in Charge”. Reader Jeannie correctly pointed out in the comments section:

Hi ya Dragon!
I had read the “Put Me In Charge” article before. It was written by Alfred W. Evans, Gatesville, Texas
http://destructoville.blogspot.com/2010/12/alfred-w-evans-for-president.html

Ya just got to love the practicality and pragmatism of them old time Texas Farmers and Ranchers! Think I’ll see if I can finagle my way onto his ticket for 2012, Evan –Leprechaun 2012, has a nice ring to it don’t ya think? 

 

It's Not Cheating

NOW she tells me! Is it to late to change my mind and say HELLS YES!

 

DL - LastWord 2

US Internet ‘Kill Switch’ Bill to be Reconsidered by Brandon Dimmel on 2011-02-01 @ 09:16AM EST

The situation in Egypt is dire. The government, which is facing enormous protests has turned to shutting off communications, most notably the Internet, as a way to silence dissention. US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has gone on record admonishing the Egyptian Internet blackout, calling it a senseless attempt to bring order to a country at the cost of basic democratic rights.

Could an Internet Blackout Happen in the United States?

While most Americans have viewed the entire debacle as something that simply couldn’t and wouldn’t happen in the United States, some political pundits believe the U.S. government blocking nationwide Internet access is certainly plausible.

On a web blog entitled “Death + Taxes,” the author DJ Pangburn recently reminded Americans of Joe Lieberman’s controversial bill entitled “Protecting Cyberspace as a National Asset” — legislation that would provide the President with powers to protect systems considered national assets during an emergency.

Pangburn suggests that with such legislation, it’s possible that users in the United States could face an Internet blackout similar to that of Egypt, though the circumstances would be exceptional if the idea ever came to light. (Source: deathandtaxesmag.com)

US Gov’t Says Free Speech Will Be Protected

United States government representatives have since assured the public that this kind of measure would not limit basic freedoms, such as free speech. But the very idea of limiting access to the world wide web seems by nature a limit of free speech.

Furthermore, many critics note that the definition of a national emergency is quite flexible and far reaching. For example, would an assassination attempt on the President or another terrorist attack on a major U.S. city warrant cutting off access to the Internet for a few days or a week?

Internet Kill Switch Idea Not Dead Yet

Certainly, the implementation and use of an “Internet Kill Switch” is highly unlikely, primarily because of the impact such a move would have on the US economy.

Lieberman’s bill, which called for the creation of a secretive cyber security head office run jointly by the White House and Homeland Security, expired before Congress after passing through the Senate. It’s been said the bill will be re-introduced soon. (Source: investors.com)

DL Closing Credits

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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