In a few hours, at 2 am, due to the magic of science and some crap that none of us really understand, it suddenly becomes 3 am.  While there is much speculation and debate about why and how and the history and why it makes sense in some instances and doesn’t in some others, the long and the short of it is that tonight, we lose a bloody hour of sleep and it ain’t fair!  So, as a public service to you, our wonderful and loyal campers, here’s a gentle reminder to set your clocks forward.  Either do it before you go to bed or when you get up.  Don’t bother getting up at 2 am to do it, it ain’t worth it.  Now, go on back to whatever it was you were doing before.  Have a wonderful night.

Cheers!

Your friends at Dragon Laffs Inc.

Good Saturday Morning Campers!  I know what you’re thinking…holy Carp!  We don’t get Dragon Laffs on Saturdays anymore!  What’s going on?  Well, I’m here to tell ya…. Sometimes you DO get Dragon Laffs on Saturdays especially when Impish Dragon and Lethal Leprechaun have the time and the energy to make it work out that way.  So, six issues this week. 

My friends, let’s take this opportunity to talk about a couple of things.  We have 413 active subscribers and (yesterday) we received 105 views, which means we have about 518 regular campers.  This is down from where it once was, but that’s okay.  I believe the ones we lost, or the transient ones that we never really had, are ones that we tended to piss off on a regular basis.  So, no big deal.  I would like you to encourage your friends, that you send stuff to from Dragon Laffs, to sign up on their own. 

Secondly, I have been ignoring Breast Cancer Awareness for sometime now.  Not because I’m no longer focused on it, but mostly because so much else is going on in my life personally right now.  I just wanted to encourage all of to click on the link, that is and has been available further down in this e-zine for the Breast Cancer Site.  The more clicks they get, the more donations are made to their site, by their advertisers for free mammograms for women who could otherwise not afford them.  They do a LOT of good, and you are encouraged to click every day and maybe even by something nice for someone you love.  The proceeds go towards mammograms.

Lastly, just one quick note.  Just because I said that this year’s donation campaign is over (thank you very much to the generous few who did donate, your help is much appreciated) doesn’t mean we won’t continue to take donations.  The PayPal link is always towards the bottom of each e-zine.  (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=P894L2VX896HN) we will gladly take donations that way (you don’t need a paypal account to donate that way, only a credit card or bank account) or you can write to me impishdragon@yahoo.com and I can give you a regular street address to send a check or money order.  The need is there, all year round, to keep Dragon Laffs ad-free and free for the enjoying.  Thank you for your generosity.

Now, I believe it is WAY PAST time for us to laugh!

Why Marrying a Good Speller is Important!
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/why-marrying-a-good-speller-is-important/ 

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A: You cry when you cut up an onion.

Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal™: For thou art with me;
Thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of mine barista;
Thou anointest my brain with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the House of Maxwell forever.

Oh man…., this one is scary!
How to order pizza in 2015
http://www.funnieststuff.net/viewmovie.php?id=2202

Life’s Crazy Rules

* Lerman’s Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.

* Murphy’s First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

* Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it. Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.

* Kauffman’s Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

* Miller’s Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you’ll want to be doing something else.

* Weiner’s Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.

* Isaac’s Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

* Kenny’s Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location.

* Second Law of Business Meetings: If there are two possible ways to spell a person’s name, you will pick the wrong one. Corollary – If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway.

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

* Yeager’s Law: Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle. Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber’s day off.

* Lampner’s Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.

* Quile’s Consultation Law: The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services.

We’ve been bashing Lawyers a lot here lately, and I just wanted to tell Lucille, one of our campers who is a member of the bar, please don’t’ take these personally, it’s the OTHER 90% of the lawyers that give them all a bad name.

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him.
The Devil told the lawyer: “I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners.”
The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, “So, what’s the catch?”

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a
middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter
methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says, “I’m sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?'”
“But why?” asks the first man.
“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

To get drunk and call your parents house and leave messages about masturbation?  Dude, you have a lot more problems going on then just not being able to get laid.  This message is just mind-boggling.

What a GREAT saying!

It only takes a minute of your time….click it every day!

Charlie and The Apple Factory
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/charlie-and-the-apple-factory/ 

The expressions on the birds faces are priceless!

Thirty minutes before a plane landed, its cabin lights came on, indicating to the flight attendants that breakfast could be served.
One of the passengers, upset because he was awakened, growled, “Who turned on the fucking lights!?”
“Oh, no, sir, ” the nearest flight attendant replied. “Those are the breakfast lights.
You slept through the ‘fucking lights’.”

Just when you thought it was safe to read Dragon Laffs again……

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Ice cream soda
Ice cream soda who?
Ice cream soda people can hear me.

Our last word today will be a little psychoanalysis by Winnie the Pooh
Just figure out what category you fit into on your own:

Pretty much perfect descriptions, aren’t they?

Good Morning Campers!  I hope everyone is having a truly glorious day! Yes, I know you would normally have had the weekend edition of Leprechaun Laffs to giggle over this morning, but I got a call, late last night that our own Lethal Leprechaun has been called in this morning to testify at Faire Court.  Now, we’re not sure if it is for something he is guilty of or something he has witnessed.  Knowing our Lethal, he’s probably guilty as sin!  But, also knowing our Lethal, he’s bought off the judge, the jury and both lawyers and he’ll have them all proclaiming his innocence from the roof-tops (that is…if they ever want to see their kidlets home again!) before noon.  Then he’ll have steaks and drinks with the attorneys from both sides and be home by the middle of the afternoon so he can watch his favorite soap opera, “As the Dragon Flames.”

Or, I’ll get a call here in a couple of hours to get bail together and go get him. 

Either one.

Now, let’s get on with the laughter!

TEXAS WINS AGAIN!

RECENTLY THEIR WAS A COLLEGE CONTEST TO PRESENT THE BEST EMBLEM WHICH REPRESENTS YOUR UNIVERSITY —TEXAS WON HANDS DOWN!!!!

Go Longhorns—-

Quite good fun this one:

http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/camera-capture/

Being a dragon, my diet includes all kinds of things that most people wouldn’t consume.  Villagers, cows, sheep, the normal sacrificial virgin of course and the occasional living room sofa.  But there are some things, that even a self-respecting dragon won’t eat….and here’s 12 of them…

12 Delicious Edible Insects

Published on Today 3/4/2011 under Misc – by Beverly Jenkins –
http://www.oddee.com/item_97582.aspx?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Oddee+%28Oddee%29

Pinky and the Brain wallpaper….put together by my good friend Wheats!  Thanks Wheats!

Read the following before you watch..

This is from a Dallas news broadcast.

Watch the left side of the table when it comes into view and the small
desert lizard on that side of the table.

Remember the man on the left is not paying attention to the lizard crawling
towards him but is concentrating on the snake the other guy is holding…

This one is so terrible that it’s got to improve to be bad….Thanks to Stephanie for this one…

A man goes to his doctor for a check-up. Half way through, the doctor tells him to take down his trousers. The doctor pulls forward his pants and stands back in surprise, as there is a squirrel in a chauffeur’s uniform and little hat.
The doctor, in disbelief, looks again; and, sure enough, there is a squirrel, but he is dressed as a chauffeur. “Did you know you have got a squirrel dressed as a chauffeur down your pants?” asks the doctor.
“Yes,” says the man, “and he’s driving me nuts.”

What a dragon car looks like….

 

 

And another set of….
Dear (blank), Sincerely, (blank)

Dear little girls,
We would appreciate it if you left our hair the way it came.
Sincerely, Barbies of the world.

Dear person texting while walking,
Sorry for breaking your nose. Can you see me now?
Sincerely, lamp post.

Dear emails and text messages,
Please find a way to clearly express my sarcasm.
Sincerely, I keep pissing people off.

Dear everything I own,
Must be nice to have the power of invisibility.
Sincerely, seriously, I set you down for two seconds.

Dear Scrooge,
I know, right?
Sincerely, The Grinch.

Dear ancient Mayans,
Your prediction skills can’t be that great… You didn’t even see the Spanish coming.
Sincerely, 2012

Dear self checkout,
I DID put the item in the bagging area!!
Sincerely, annoyed customer.

Dear unborn son,
Please note that your name will be Luke purely so I can say “Luke, I am your Father” when you question my authority.
Sincerely, soon to be father.

Dear guy with the British accent,
You instantly became more attractive. Say more words.
Sincerely, average American girl.

Dear rehab,
BRB.
Sincerely, Lindsey Lohan.

Dear vegetarians,
If you love us so much, why do you keep eating all of our food?
Sincerely, animals.

Dear China,
Where do you dig to?
Sincerely, the rest of the world.

Dear brain surgeons,
It doesn’t seem that difficult.
Sincerely, rocket scientists.

Dear Men,
Apparently size really does matter.
Sincerely, Pluto.

Dear life,
Please get theme music.
Sincerely, my life would be so much more epic.

Dear Movie,
Really? 
Sincerely, the book

Dear ketchup bottle,
Please never stop making that farting noise when you’re almost out. It will always be funny.
Sincerely, people of all ages.

Dear China,
Your fire drills make no sense, but they’re REALLY fun.
Sincerely, An Amused American.

Dear Clorox Bleach,
Pussy.
Sincerely, 0.01% of Bacteria.

Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can’t touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle.

Gas is getting to this!
$3.65 a gallon last night!  Can you believe that non-sense?
Here we go again!

It only takes a minute of your time….click it every day!

I LOVE this joke!  Thanks Stephanie!

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek and an African went to a night club.
   The bouncer said “I’m sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai” !!!!!!!!

Believe it or not……

A revelation with an Incredibly Big Message (IBM):

Well, you might have thought that you knew how the Internet started, 
but here’s the TRUE story …

In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of  Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.

And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband: “Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?”

And Abraham did look at her – as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said: “How, dear?”

And Dot replied: “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success.  Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever  having to move from his tent.
To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was called Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures – Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham’s drum and began to siphon off some of Abraham’s business. But he was soon discovered, arrested and prosecuted –  for insider trading.

And the young men did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land.

And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates’ drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say: “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.”

And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known. He said: “We need a name that reflects what we are.”

And Dot replied: “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.”

“YAHOO,”  said Abraham.

And because it was Dot’s idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham’s cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot’s drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God’s Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE)

And that is how it all began.

Truuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuly!!!

Remember our, “No wonder you failed the exam”?  Well, how about a couple more.  This is great stuff and you just can’t make this up.
http://www.funnieststuff.net/viewmovie.php?id=2201

Good Morning Campers! Welcome to another wonderful day at Dragon Laff Studios.  Seems as though Lethal had the “Take Out The Trash Day” yesterday… What?  Oh yeah, right… sorry… seems that Lethal had “Hump Day Humor” yesterday and the last thing he promised was that he was going to drink coffee and annoy a certain dragon.  Well, I don’t know how successful he was at the coffee part, but I will tell you that he was highly successful in his mission to annoy said dragon.  You know with St. Patrick’s Day right around the corner, we’re going to have to do something really “special” for our resident Leprechaun.  Now….what might that be… 

 

 

Late breaking news!!!!

This Just In!!!
We here at Dragon Laffs have just come in possession of a photograph that could, quite literally, rock the entire nation. Here’s a copy of the letter we received with it.  We’ve endevored to remove any incriminating information about the sender or his/her political views….

Please DO NOT FORWARD this to just anyone. Don’t even think about it!! 

The repercussions could shake things up more than you can imagine.
A highly respected politician’s head is on the line here!

Finally, at long last…

we have photographic

proof that

Spring is just around the

corner!

by Paul Demko
The quotes below are complaints reported by clients of Room 111, a public health clinic in St. Paul that treats people for sexually transmitted diseases. Nurses at the clinic began creating the list two decades ago; it now includes several hundred comments.

“I have reason to believe my penis was exposed to LSD. When I ejaculate I have flashbacks.”
“My hair is falling out and the sun hurts my crotch.”
“I went to a party, had a few beers, woke up in a closet later on and my face stunk and my dick hurt.”
“My last period looked like meat.”
“My balls feel soft and mushy.”
“I be messin’ with these nasty women from Minnesota and they don’t tell you they got something unless they mad at you.”
“How am I supposed to do lap dances smelling like a dead fish?”
“I got the dripper.”
“I have food chunks in my urine.”
“Had sex with my daughter’s fiancé and then douched with Lysol—feelin’ a little raw down there.”
“Scabs on my butt and I’m losing my mind.”
“I’m releasing semen when I take a crap.”
“I was poked in the rectum with the infected finger of a 70-year-old homosexual man.”
“I live at the VA and my roommate has his girlfriend from Minneapolis over. They throw ticks at me that bite my neck and when I pop the sores, they smell like vagina juice.”
“Can’t you put the swab in further?”
“I had sex with my baby’s momma, sex with my other baby’s momma and my other new baby’s momma has disease.”
“Last time I had sex I passed something that looked like Cream of Wheat before it’s cooked.”
“My cervix hurts when I jiggle.”
“The seam in my circumcision split open.”
“I be messin’ with my ex-wife and my girlfriend and I don’t trust either of them.”
“My whole body smells like a menstruating woman, especially my armpits.”
“From the looks of my penis, I believe they are sucking the adrenaline out of me.”
“I think they hypnotized me and put implants and poltergeists in my brain and had sex with me.”
“I think my boyfriend knows what’s going on. He’s been calling me a ‘chlamydiahoris. ‘”
”My pee smells like ham.”

 

Never, Never, Never,
EVER
And I repeat
EVER
Tell A Woman
She Doesn’t Know How to Cook B-B-Q !!!

Oh my Gawd!  That hurts just THINKIN’ about it!

To make sure the newspaper got out in time, the management made sure that folks working the overnight shift were fed.  After all, at the time, there weren’t any all-night diners open in the town.  To get around this, the company provided trays of sandwich fixin’s, and snacks for city desk reporters and staff. 
       One morning, as he was just getting ready to start on his last article, a hungry editor turned to a reporter and asked if there was any food left.  “Yeah, I think there’s a piece of cake left, but it’s not for you.”
       “Why not?” asked the editor.
       “Because you can’t have your cake and edit, too!”    

I am completely convinced that there is no other life in the universe. If there were other beings they would appear on my teenage daughter’s phone bill.

 

Ain’t that the truth!  You know the part that annoys me most?  Here it is, 2011 and we don’t have the toys that were promised us in 2001: A Space Odyssey, Star Trek and many of those other science fiction shows, We don’t have the alternative energy sources that we SHOULD’VE had if we had only put as much effort and money into the science as we put into the bullshit political bribery and economic help, to make nice with the damn Arab countries that are holding us hostage…that we are LETTING hold us hostage because we are so tied to oil as an energy source!  Can you imagine just one piece of Star Trek technology….the transporter, and how that would change our world?  Like a magic teleportation spell.  Time to go to work, “Bye honey, I’m going to work.” Punch in the coordinates for work and VRAZOING!  There you are at work!  Go home for a lunch break? Like stepping through a door way. VRAZOING!  Have lunch in New York and go back to work in Albuquerque. Or the moon.  Get up in the middle of the night, open the fridge and realize there’s no milk.  Now, I know, on Star Trek they had the replicator, but if all we have is a transporter, you just step in and step out at the grocery, pick up your milk and step right back into your kitchen again.  Going to the doctor? VRAZOING!  You are there!  No more planning long vacations.  You want to go to the Grand Canyon.  Go!  Just be home for dinner and don’t forget, you’ve got homework to do.  Why DON’T we have this stuff?  Because somebody wants to keep us tied to oil.  What about a car that runs on water?  I’ve got the video around here somewhere, I know that ALL of us have seen it at least once, it’s possible!  It’s already been done!!!!!! Why are we still tied to these damn fossil fuels?
Why?
Because somebody (big oil) (shhhh!) is making way too much money off us.  And until we take control away from this somebody (big oil)(shhhh!!!!) we are going to continue to stay on this same Merry-Go-Round while they laugh their collective asses off at us.
So, let me just slide this soap box back underneath the table where it belongs and I will return you to your regularly scheduled Dragon Laffs which will be completed for you in its entirety.
Thank you…

I believe we’ve shown this little guy before, but here’s a better look.  I want one of these!  Imagine, shoveling your driveway and walks while sitting at your computer, drinking coffee….. Now THAT’S what modern technology should be all about!
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=tPg1ZMiC9pA 

There are so many different things going on here that it is tough to separate them all.  First of all, being a person who wears one of these things (not exactly the same one, but close) for a living, I can tell you from direct experience, what you are trying to do won’t work!  Secondly, the whole, don’t ask, don’t tell thing comes to mind, but it is POSSIBLE that one or the other of these two is the opposite sex.  Thirdly, if you want to see how this thing is supposed to be used, look at this next picture:

As you can well see, these men and women are using this device properly to protect … um … HEY!  WHO SWITCHED OUT MY PICTURES!?!?

Thanks Sue!

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house. 

My next house will have no kitchen – just Vending machines and a large trash can. 

Be who you are and say what you feel… because those that matter… don’t mind…and those that mind…don’t matter!

 

 

In the sleepy village of Erbum, in the town of Tillet, Hertfordshire
lives a lady by the name Linda Lykes 
She owns the local pub called The Cock Inn.

Her mail is addressed:
Linda Lykes
The Cock Inn
ERBUM

 

Thanks for this beginning advice, DVL…

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade.. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable. 

A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to   Rome with her husband..  She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:  

” Rome?  Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty. You’re crazy to go to Rome.  So, how are you getting there?”

“We’re taking Continental,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”  

“Continental?” exclaimed the hairdresser. ” That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome  ?”

“We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome ‘s  Tiber River called Teste.”  

“Don’t go any further. I know that place.  Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump.”

“We’re going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.”

“That’s rich,” laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him.  He’ll look the size of an ant.

Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it.” 

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome . 

“It was wonderful,” explained the woman, “not only were we on time in one of Continental’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..  

And the hotel was great! They’d just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it’s a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no extra charge!”

“Well,” muttered the hairdresser, “that’s all well and good, but I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.”  

“Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.  

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me..”  

“Oh, really!  What’d he say ?”   

He said: “Who fucked up your hair?”

Best Video Of The Year  (Amazing!)
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9206.htm

NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

An Oldie but Goodie

From our Old Friend… The Old Country Boy:

DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE?

Nissan has invented an artificial butt to test car seats.

The following is from Jerry in response to the Last Word we ran (I’m ashamed to admit that it was this long ago) several weeks ago.  (It just goes to show you how far behind in my emails I am!)
I will let Jerry and his submission speak for themselves:

In response to your post about gun owner ship
Jerry
IN GOD WE TRUST

The following is one of the better Pro-Gun arguments I’ve read.

“The Gun Is Civilization!”  Interesting take and one you probably never heard before. . . . . .

As the Supreme Court hears arguments for and against the Chicago , IL Gun Ban,

I offer you another stellar example of a letter (written by a Marine) that places the proper perspective on what a gun means to a civilized society.
Read this eloquent and profound letter and pay close attention to the last paragraph of the letter….
“The Gun Is Civilization” by Maj. L. Caudill USMC (Ret)
Human beings only have two ways to deal with one another: reason and force. 

If you want me to do something for you, you have a choice of either convincing me via argument, or force me to do your bidding under threat of force.  Every human interaction falls into one of those two categories, without exception.  Reason or force, that’s it.
In a truly moral and civilized society, people exclusively interact through persuasion. 

Force has no place as a valid method of social interaction, and the only thing that removes force from the menu is the personal firearm, as paradoxical as it may sound to some.
When I carry a gun, you cannot deal with me by force.  You have to use reason and try to persuade me, because I have a way to negate your threat or employment of force.
The gun is the only personal weapon that puts a 100-pound woman on equal footing with a 220-pound mugger, a 75-year old retiree on equal footing with a 19-year old gang banger, and a single guy on equal footing with a carload of drunk guys with baseball bats.  The gun removes the disparity in physical strength, size, or numbers between a potential attacker and a defender.
There are plenty of people who consider the gun as the source of bad force equations.  These are the people who think that we’d be more civilized if all guns were removed from society, because a firearm makes it easier for a [armed] mugger to do his job.  That, of course, is only true if the mugger’s potential victims are mostly disarmed either by choice  or by legislative fiat — it has no validity when most of a mugger’s potential marks are armed.
People who argue for the banning of arms ask for automatic rule by the young, the strong, and the many, and that’s the exact opposite of a civilized society.  A mugger, even an armed one, can only make a successful living in a society where the state has granted him a force monopoly.
Then there’s the argument that the gun makes confrontations lethal that otherwise would only result in injury.  This argument is fallacious in several ways.  Without guns involved, confrontations are won by the physically superior party inflicting overwhelming injury on the loser.
People who think that fists, bats, sticks, or stones don’t constitute lethal force watch too much TV, where people take beatings and come out of it with a bloody lip at worst.  The fact that the gun makes lethal force easier works solely in favor of the weaker defender, not the stronger attacker.  If both are armed, the field is level.
The gun is the only weapon that’s as lethal in the hands of an octogenarian as it is in the hands of a weight lifter. 

It simply wouldn’t work as well as a force equalizer if it wasn’t both lethal and easily employable.
When I carry a gun, I don’t do so because I am looking for a fight, but because I’m looking to be left alone. 

The gun at my side means that I cannot be forced, only persuaded.  I don’t carry it because I’m afraid, but because it enables me to be unafraid.

It doesn’t limit the actions of those who would interact with me through reason, only the actions of those who would do so by force. 

It removes force from the equation… and that’s why carrying a gun is a civilized act.
By Maj. L. Caudill USMC (Ret.)
So the greatest civilization is one where all citizens are equally armed and can only be persuaded, never forced.

Thank You

It’s that terrible day of the week when you realize that you still have more week to go and Friday is NOT “just around the quitting whistle. It’s also the day we empty out our collections of things that might have been though too risky for the other days to help you push on through to the promised land of the wild weekend.

50th Anniversary

On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her
wedding night and put it on.

She went to her husband, a retired Marine , and asked, Honey, do
you remember this?”

He looked up from his newspaper and said; “Yes dear, I do.. You
wore that same negligee the night we were married”

She said, “Yes, that’s right. Do you remember what you said to me
that night?

He nodded and said “Yes dear, I said: Oh baby, I’m going to suck
the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out.”

She giggled and said, “That’s exactly what you said. So now it’s fifty years later, and I’m in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight ?”

He looked her up and down and said, “Mission Accomplished.”

 

A little old guy is walking around in a supermarket calling out, Crisco, Crissssssscoooo!’

Soon an assistant manager approaches and says, ‘Sir, the Crisco is in aisle 3.’

The old guy replies, ‘Oh, I’m not looking for the cooking stuff. I’m calling my wife. She’s in here somewhere’

The clerk is astonished. ‘Your wife’s name is Crisco?’

The old guy answers, ‘Oh no, no, no. I only call her that when we’re out in public.’

‘I see,’ said the clerk. ‘What do you call her at home?’

‘Lard ass.’

You gotta love old people!!!

Now that’s the way I want to be executed!

 

I have decided on a new exercise program.

I am  walking with a neighbor every day.
I never knew walking with someone else was such an incentive.

We don’t talk much during the walk though.
Our neighbor walks about 10 feet ahead of me.

I only started this program two weeks ago.

So far, I have followed her for 10 miles … without even using my cane!

I am feeling better each mile and my heart condition, my blood pressure and my back seem to be improving too!

Thanks for your concern.

---

While working for a local volunteer ambulance corp, we were responding to a call with lights and sirens, when we approached an elderly woman in her car right in front of us. Much to our annoyance nothing we did would make her get out of the way, until my driver got on the PA and said, “Please pull over to the right side.”  Well, she pulled over quite quickly to let us by.

Several hours had passed when, returning to the base, we saw the lady still pulled over on the side of the road.  Thinking something was wrong, we jumped out and went to her.  She sat there just smiling at us.  When we questioned her as to why she was still sitting there, she explained, “God told me to pull over, and he hasn’t yet said I could go.”

We explained to her that it was us who had told her to pull over because we had gotten a call.  She was very insistent as to that it was God who told her. Seeing that we weren’t going to persuade her otherwise, we got back into the ambulance and pulled in behind her.  My driver got back on the PA and said, “Madam you may now continue on your way.”  She pulled off immediately and went on her way.

Due to intense mind fog all her thoughts have apparently been grounded!

Sheesh! I thought Impish and I were brutal! Thanks to Gailwynds for that one, I think.

Doctor Leprechaun, a noted Doctor of Quackery was known for his extraordinary common sense if unorthadox treatment of arthritis. One day he had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, almost
bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane.

When her turn came, she went into the doctor’s office, and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her head held
high. A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this rushed up to the little old lady and said, “It’s a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now
you’re walking erect. What did that Dr. Leprechaun do?”

“He goosed me with hands like ice and gave me a longer cane.”

 

 

 

 

   

Being that it IS hump day I figured a few words of encouragement mid-week were in order for you folks to help show you the light at the end of this weeks tunnel. Well a picture is always worth a thousand words ( and keeps us from having to think up profound stuff to  say) so here ya go, one inspirational thought in a picture…….

 

 

 

 

 

 

OK you’ve been inspired now get the heck out of here and  go back to slaving like the mindless minions and cubicle clones you all really are will ya? I’ve got coffee to drink and a Dragon to annoy!