Good Saturday Morning Campers! I know what you’re thinking…holy Carp! We don’t get Dragon Laffs on Saturdays anymore! What’s going on? Well, I’m here to tell ya…. Sometimes you DO get Dragon Laffs on Saturdays especially when Impish Dragon and Lethal Leprechaun have the time and the energy to make it work out that way. So, six issues this week.
My friends, let’s take this opportunity to talk about a couple of things. We have 413 active subscribers and (yesterday) we received 105 views, which means we have about 518 regular campers. This is down from where it once was, but that’s okay. I believe the ones we lost, or the transient ones that we never really had, are ones that we tended to piss off on a regular basis. So, no big deal. I would like you to encourage your friends, that you send stuff to from Dragon Laffs, to sign up on their own.
Secondly, I have been ignoring Breast Cancer Awareness for sometime now. Not because I’m no longer focused on it, but mostly because so much else is going on in my life personally right now. I just wanted to encourage all of to click on the link, that is and has been available further down in this e-zine for the Breast Cancer Site. The more clicks they get, the more donations are made to their site, by their advertisers for free mammograms for women who could otherwise not afford them. They do a LOT of good, and you are encouraged to click every day and maybe even by something nice for someone you love. The proceeds go towards mammograms.
Lastly, just one quick note. Just because I said that this year’s donation campaign is over (thank you very much to the generous few who did donate, your help is much appreciated) doesn’t mean we won’t continue to take donations. The PayPal link is always towards the bottom of each e-zine. (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=P894L2VX896HN) we will gladly take donations that way (you don’t need a paypal account to donate that way, only a credit card or bank account) or you can write to me firstname.lastname@example.org and I can give you a regular street address to send a check or money order. The need is there, all year round, to keep Dragon Laffs ad-free and free for the enjoying. Thank you for your generosity.
Now, I believe it is WAY PAST time for us to laugh!
Why Marrying a Good Speller is Important!
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A: You cry when you cut up an onion.
Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal™: For thou art with me;
Thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of mine barista;
Thou anointest my brain with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the House of Maxwell forever.
Oh man…., this one is scary!
How to order pizza in 2015
Life’s Crazy Rules
* Lerman’s Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.
* Murphy’s First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.
* Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it. Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.
* Kauffman’s Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.
* Miller’s Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.
* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you’ll want to be doing something else.
* Weiner’s Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.
* Isaac’s Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.
* Kenny’s Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location.
* Second Law of Business Meetings: If there are two possible ways to spell a person’s name, you will pick the wrong one. Corollary – If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway.
* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.
* Yeager’s Law: Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle. Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber’s day off.
* Lampner’s Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.
* Quile’s Consultation Law: The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services.
We’ve been bashing Lawyers a lot here lately, and I just wanted to tell Lucille, one of our campers who is a member of the bar, please don’t’ take these personally, it’s the OTHER 90% of the lawyers that give them all a bad name.
An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him.
The Devil told the lawyer: “I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners.”
The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, “So, what’s the catch?”
middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter
methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says, “I’m sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?'”
“But why?” asks the first man.
“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.
Charlie and The Apple Factory
Thirty minutes before a plane landed, its cabin lights came on, indicating to the flight attendants that breakfast could be served.
One of the passengers, upset because he was awakened, growled, “Who turned on the fucking lights!?”
“Oh, no, sir, ” the nearest flight attendant replied. “Those are the breakfast lights.
You slept through the ‘fucking lights’.”
Ice cream soda
Ice cream soda who?
Ice cream soda people can hear me.
Pretty much perfect descriptions, aren’t they?