It’s that terrible day of the week when you realize that you still have more week to go and Friday is NOT “just around the quitting whistle. It’s also the day we empty out our collections of things that might have been though too risky for the other days to help you push on through to the promised land of the wild weekend.
On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her
wedding night and put it on.
She went to her husband, a retired Marine , and asked, Honey, do
you remember this?”
He looked up from his newspaper and said; “Yes dear, I do.. You
wore that same negligee the night we were married”
She said, “Yes, that’s right. Do you remember what you said to me
He nodded and said “Yes dear, I said: Oh baby, I’m going to suck
the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out.”
She giggled and said, “That’s exactly what you said. So now it’s fifty years later, and I’m in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight ?”
He looked her up and down and said, “Mission Accomplished.”
A little old guy is walking around in a supermarket calling out, Crisco, Crissssssscoooo!’
Soon an assistant manager approaches and says, ‘Sir, the Crisco is in aisle 3.’
The old guy replies, ‘Oh, I’m not looking for the cooking stuff. I’m calling my wife. She’s in here somewhere’
The clerk is astonished. ‘Your wife’s name is Crisco?’
The old guy answers, ‘Oh no, no, no. I only call her that when we’re out in public.’
‘I see,’ said the clerk. ‘What do you call her at home?’
You gotta love old people!!!
Now that’s the way I want to be executed!
I have decided on a new exercise program.
I am walking with a neighbor every day.
I never knew walking with someone else was such an incentive.
We don’t talk much during the walk though.
Our neighbor walks about 10 feet ahead of me.
I only started this program two weeks ago.
So far, I have followed her for 10 miles … without even using my cane!
I am feeling better each mile and my heart condition, my blood pressure and my back seem to be improving too!
Thanks for your concern.
While working for a local volunteer ambulance corp, we were responding to a call with lights and sirens, when we approached an elderly woman in her car right in front of us. Much to our annoyance nothing we did would make her get out of the way, until my driver got on the PA and said, “Please pull over to the right side.” Well, she pulled over quite quickly to let us by.
Several hours had passed when, returning to the base, we saw the lady still pulled over on the side of the road. Thinking something was wrong, we jumped out and went to her. She sat there just smiling at us. When we questioned her as to why she was still sitting there, she explained, “God told me to pull over, and he hasn’t yet said I could go.”
We explained to her that it was us who had told her to pull over because we had gotten a call. She was very insistent as to that it was God who told her. Seeing that we weren’t going to persuade her otherwise, we got back into the ambulance and pulled in behind her. My driver got back on the PA and said, “Madam you may now continue on your way.” She pulled off immediately and went on her way.
Due to intense mind fog all her thoughts have apparently been grounded!
Sheesh! I thought Impish and I were brutal! Thanks to Gailwynds for that one, I think.
Doctor Leprechaun, a noted Doctor of Quackery was known for his extraordinary common sense if unorthadox treatment of arthritis. One day he had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, almost
bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane.
When her turn came, she went into the doctor’s office, and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her head held
high. A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this rushed up to the little old lady and said, “It’s a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now
you’re walking erect. What did that Dr. Leprechaun do?”
“He goosed me with hands like ice and gave me a longer cane.”
Being that it IS hump day I figured a few words of encouragement mid-week were in order for you folks to help show you the light at the end of this weeks tunnel. Well a picture is always worth a thousand words ( and keeps us from having to think up profound stuff to say) so here ya go, one inspirational thought in a picture…….
OK you’ve been inspired now get the heck out of here and go back to slaving like the mindless minions and cubicle clones you all really are will ya? I’ve got coffee to drink and a Dragon to annoy!