Good Morning Readers, please keep your seats this will be brief as it was a long aggravating weekend for me personally and I’m even less my “sunny dispositioned” self today.

I would ask that you read the Last Word today in its entirety. No its not political, no it doesn’t back any good causes. Its time to cover old ground again about who Impish and I are and why we make the comments in the Last Word we do.

On To The Laughter!

How to get a man to smile for a picture…

Works like a charm every time take it from me. I always smile when I see that!

I just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods’ DVD entitled “My Favorite 18 Holes.”

Turns out it’s about golf!  Absolute waste of money.

Pass this on so others don’t get scammed.

Best Regards,

Charlie Sheen

Whoever came up with this storyline is a bloody genius!

What must this guy have scored in his driving test!  I would have loved to see the look on the DMV Examiner’s face when this crossed his desk!

Don’t know where Zack has been lately with his groaner submissions but MikeR. seems determined to become Mayor of DragonLaffs Groanersville that’s for sure!

You’ve been warned!

The French will eat almost anything. A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city.
He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits.
He successfully raised a number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them, a restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits.
The young man replied, “I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have a hutch back of Notre Dame.

Hoisted On His Own Petard:

A police officer on patrol in a heavy drug-sales area of  Las Vegas, Nev., noticed a BMW stop at a home and take on a passenger.  Then the officer saw the BMW drop off the passenger at an apartment  building, park, and wait for the passenger to return, the resulting  report says.

When the officer subsequently stopped the BMW for a traffic violation, the passenger fled; after being caught and arrested  he revealed that the driver, known to him as “Joe,” had been giving him  $40 several times a week to buy cocaine. The drug was indeed found in
the BMW, and Clark County District Attorney David Roger says “Joe” will  be “prosecuted and held accountable just like anyone else” — “Joe” is Deputy D.A. David Schubert, a member of state and federal drug task forces who has run a number of high-profile prosecutions, including of Paris Hilton. (AC/Las Vegas Sun)

The real test of a DA’s integrity isn’t prosecuting celebrities, it’s prosecuting prosecutors!COPYRIGHT 2011 by Randy Cassingham, http://www.thisistrue.com All Rights Reserved.

I’d like to address a couple of recent comments made in the comments section rather than as specific remarks but as two different types of remarks we are not going to ever allow to post. In total so far there are 3 general types of remarks going right in the dumpster. One is SPAM or comments made with the sole reason of getting their website advertised and not in any shape participating in a discussion or commenting upon what was said. IF they happen to contain compliments we happily strip the SPAM casing off and post them as positive comments to send a message when the poster wanders back in. Besides one should never waste a kind word, particularly when its said about you!

The second is of the sort below. The first comment was made on the blog the subsequent remarks are an e-mail exchange between myself and the commenter who Impish informs be constantly rants at him complaining about our political commentaries and points of view. Essentially it seems he refuses to understand that neither of us will ever again be limber enough to get our heads far enough up our asses to see the Democratic point of view or the Republican one for that matter. It’s also clear from his remarks that he has never bothered to read the sections at the top of the blog page labeled ‘About Lethal Leprechaun’ or ‘About Impish Dragon’ or either of the about link that appear at the bottom of our posts (which in my case at least is totally different than the one in the blog header). Please note that in an effort at some points you will see <[edited for ID protection]> in place of some info which could be used to possibly identify and possible cause embarrassment or issues for the original sender.

Guest: I guess this explains why your head is totally up your ass. (Leprechaun note: This was posted as a response to LL # 50, presumably in relation the the Ted Nugent postings in the Last Word though he never chose to mention the exact reason or provocation for his attack.)

Lethal: While you are certainly entitle to your point of view and beliefs, I would ask that you afford me the same rights and courtesy. It’s either that of get yourself down to the bookstore for copies of ‘The Delete Key For Dummies’, The 1st Amendment for Idiots & Liberals” and finally “Using Your Scroll Wheel for Simpletons” because its likely that the things which caused you to make rude comments on the blog are only likely to increase in frequency as the 2012 election nears.

Guest: You call me rude – then call me <[edited for ID protection]>, dummy and simpleton. You personify the word rude as do your posts. I fear that Impish had no idea what a step backward he would be taking by adding you to his blog. Your lack of tolerance and bigotry have seriously degraded what was once a good blog. Lighten up – the world isn’t as bad as you seem to perceive it. There are enough Becks and Limbaughs out there already. (Leprechaun note: Becks and Limbaughs? Seriously? I was SO shooting for John Stewart with a side of Walter Cronkite!)

Lethal: I most certainly did NOT call you “dummy or simpleton” I will plead guilty to <[edited for ID protection]>. It was an attempt at twisting a portion of your screen name into a sarcastic commentary on your comment (the definition of <[edited for ID protection]> is” a person who has trouble articulating and is difficult to understand ). This level of cerebral sarcasm apparently escaped you, for that I am sorry.

The terms Dummies, Idiots & Simpleton were used in relation to fictional self help book titles the “For Dummies” & For Idiots” book series extend to many subject and are nationally well known. The” for Simpletons” series are a recent knock off which I have come across. The titles were designed to point out humorously what you should have been doing all along rather than attacking me.

Speaking of my attitude and tone, I responded to your comment in the same attitude and tone as it was perceived to be sent by you. We all know the line “violence begets violence” well attitude and rude words get you the same thing with a fair extra amount thrown in for good measure.

Our response to actions and comments such as your have been well and publicly documented in the past and should have come as no surprise. Bob was consulted regarding my response to you prior to it being sent after drafting it. Granted its not what he would have written but he is not me and I was the one verbally attacked.

We welcome comments of a debating nature or opposing points of view.  Hell we have asked for them,begged for them and encourage them. WE DO NOT welcome personal attacks for not agreeing with us and the opinions we express in our own blog

The problem is most Democrats and Liberals would rather attack us personally than debate the issue(s) choosing to focus on the one particular section or comment that “offends” them and then attempting a cyber flogging of us for it. Seems written point of view debates are too much work and go against” the entitlement free ride” & “maximum return for minimum effort” philosophies espoused by so many of you. Either that or your incapable of defending you point of view with fact and logical discourse conducted in a polite civil manner.

Were it solely up to me and were the blog capable of it, I would see you banned for your comment as well as the subsequent personal attack and indictment of me for treating you in the same manner I was. Which I again would point out is typical democratic/liberal tactics in action, use any tactic as long as you gain your goal and swear the ends justify the means, then vilify the opposition for opposing you using the exact same tactic. Seriously, I have to ask, when you register to be a Democrat do they issue a secret playbook to all of you with these behavioral responses and tactics in it?

My points:

1.) You’re NOT going to shut EITHER of us up. Not with personal attacks, not whining about the political/social commentary posts, not with crying that the tone of the e-zine cum blog changed when I came on board not nothing period. Those remarks if anything encourage us when we see them because we know people are actually reading these portions of the issue and we hit nerves hard enough to provoke a reaction of of someone in a society populated largely by apathetics. I sure Impish will tell you in his own words that he reads my stuff with much gusto and thinks its good and on point. If I have a topic or P.o.V. that might prove incendiary I do him the courtesy of running it by him before I post it. While 3 days a week I may have the LAST WORD in the blog, editorially speaking Impish has the last word 7 days a week on what goes in the blog.

2.) You want to express an opinion or offer an opposing point of view for possible publication, we welcome those. The proper place for those sort of responses is to send those of longer than say 5 lines to <DragonLaffs-owner@Yahoogroups.com>. Though we are not using it to send the e-zine out any longer we still use it so you can mail us both.

Go right ahead and put those written comments of 5 lines or less right in the comments section, we’ll see them rest assured. I will be creating an icon to appear after the closing credits to access this e-mail address in a non bot harvestable manner so it will be at the bottom of every blog post from now on for you to refer to.

Should you for some insane reason feel the need to offer constructive criticism of the jokes, our writing styles, the lay outs or anything else please refer to the blog header and the section marked complaint department for where and how to submit those. If you put them in the comments section while I can assure you Impish and I will see them I can also likewise assure you that we are the only people who will see them.

3.) I was dead serious about more of this stuff popping up and with less and less of a humorous bent to it as the election approaches. Despite my detractors assertion that I should “Lighten up – the world isn’t as bad as you seem to perceive it.” both Impish and I agree that the world IS as bad as WE perceive it (it’s not just me) and we live in mortal fear that it well may be worse than even that. So learn the location of the delete key and dust it off, review the location and function of your scroll wheel because more and more we are going to be addressing the pressing issues that the candidates should be addressing as well as a hard look at the candidates ON BOTH SIDES.

4.) Know that if you are going to attack us personally you had best come prepared to pay the price for you rudeness. We are not women, we are not politically correct pansies or liberals, we are men, ex US Service men. Personally I don’t much care which of us you come after. Verbally attack us and I’ll verbally beat on you like a fat chicken wails on a chocolates filled piñata  on Easter or Rock & Roll percussion legend on a set of rented drums. Attempt to cyber-bully or stalk us and I can and will see your identify is found out and you are prosecuted for it as well as for attempting to interfere with our First Amendment rights. I work the cyber security industry on a daily basis I assure you I have forgotten more about finding you then you will ever know about hiding from us like a coward after trying to bully us.

We have said most of this before and we’ll probably find ourselves saying it again round about September or October it seems we have to repeat this little sermon bi-annually as tedious as it is for both us and the readers.

Finally I got the impression this commenter was offended by my blunt frank no bs way of speaking the plain truth, warts, hairy moles, hideous scars and all ( oh wait….or is that Impish’s last blind date I’m think of? Nope. I’m positive that’s the truth. His date was even uglier than that). Going with the old adage that no matter how bad you think a particular trait is in a person you can always look around and find somebody worse let me show you that I DO infact demonstrat self restraint and some level of professionalism….maybe not the level that Democrats and Liberal want (they won’t be happy with less than a muzzle) but I do none the less. Let me happily introduce you to a liberals worst nightmare, “The Guy From Boston”

Guest #2: This is borderline child molestation. T.S.A. has crossed the line. Listen to what the girl has to say. We have to live like this because of some murderous losers?!

<Youtube of 6 Year Old Patted Down by T.S.A. attached here>

This individual was not e-mailed or spoken to, however his comment never got posted. Here’s why:

If this was an attempt to call our attention to this incident in the news, see item #2 above and interpret the line “longer than 5 lines” to also mean videos, press clippings photos etc.

You can rest assured though that when it comes to major things like that we’ve probably already seen them and are tracking them. In addition to Impish and I we get topical things referred to us by friends and family as a gesture of support for out blogging efforts. In fact the problem usually is not finding stuff like that worthy of comment, its finding the time to research and write all the comments in a manner and of a quality we want. Even harder than that is picking those to use and which to allow to pass by because there are so many comment worthy items and only 6 slots a week. For instance I was all set to make an issue out of this very subject and had started a rough outline of my thoughts and some links. However it rapidly became evident to me that the issue was being addressed and handled in a timely proper and relevant manner by the T.S.A. Mistakes happen, when the government can admit its’ a mistake and takes immediate corrective action I don’t see the need to castigate it as well for having made a mistake. Hence no Last Word on the subject out of me or Impish.

If it was an attempt to hijack us and force us into discussing something you feel strongly about, HEY! Get your own damned blog we’ve got more than enough to say in this one thank you very much!

Thanks for your kind attention to these remarks.

Questions, Comments, Submissions, Suggestions?     Even if you just want to say what a fine job we are doing or ask about including us in your will, contact us at:

What a fantastic issue yesterday … now I know how all the rest of you guys get to feel and look forward to reading Dragon Laffs … or in this case, Leprechaun Laffs… every morning!  Great job!  And the subject matter is very topical and the direction this e-zine is headed. Our freedoms have never been challenged as much as they are right now.  And any of you who think otherwise aren’t paying any attention.  Our country and our way of life is being systematically disassembled before our eyes and the entitlement sheep our not only going along quietly to slaughter, they are goading on the herd.  Things need to change.  And I’m sure as heck not talking about the current hopey changey bovine excrement, I’m talking about changing BACK to the way America was.  Back to being proud of our country and the direction she is moving.  This current administration, on both sides of the fence, is deplorable.  There is NO feeling of working toward a common good, a unified country.  There is only what can I get out of it!  No compromise, no togetherness, no unity or desire to make America the best that she can be.  No.  There is only the grab for the gold.  What can I get for ME and MINE.  Our politicians are bought and paid for.  Our country sold down the river.  It’s time for change!
It’s time to throw the bums out!
It’s time to take it upon ourselves, each and everyone of us.

YOU can make a difference.
YOU can push the brake
YOU can say ENOUGH!

It’s time to take our country back.

The best way to start the day, whether it be going to work, or overthrowing the country, is to start with a smile and a laugh.  It lightens the load and eases the trip, so, like we have said all along….
Dragon Laffs: Getting throw the day, one laff at a time.

Let’s Laugh!

Texting and driving is becoming one of the major causes of motor vehicle accidents.  But, texting and walking isn’t such a great idea either….

Back in my day….
I can remember my dad telling us that as kids, he had to walk to school every day, and it was uphill, both ways!  And their schools NEVER closed for snow days.  They’d walk, uphill, (sometimes they were even barefoot), in snow over their heads to school and back again.  I will admit that even Dad didn’t tell that story with a straight face….

The Washington Post had a contest wherein participants were asked to tell the younger generation how much harder they had it “in the old days.” Winners, runners-up, and honorable mentions are listed below.
Second Runner-Up:
– In my day, we couldn’t afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In winter, we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for traction.

First Runner-Up:
– In my day, we didn’t have MTV or in-line skates, or any of that stuff. No, it was 45s and regular old metal-wheeled roller skates, and the 45s always skipped, so to get them to play right you’d weigh the needle down with something like quarters, which we never had because our allowances were way too small, so we’d use our skate keys instead and end up forgetting they were taped to the record player arm so that we couldn’t adjust our skates, which didn’t really matter because those crummy metal wheels would kill you if you hit a pebble anyway, and in those days roads had real pebbles on them not like today.

And the winner:
– In my day, we didn’t have rocks. We had to go down to the creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads.

Honorable Mentions:
– In my day, we didn’t have fancy health-food restaurants. Every day we ate lots of easily recognizable animal parts, along with potatoes.

– In my day, we didn’t have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to have some fingers amputated.

– In my day, we didn’t get that disembodied, slightly ticked- off voice saying ‘Doors closing.’ We got on the train, the doors closed, and if your hand was sticking out, it scraped along the tunnel all the way to the next station and it was a bloody stump at the end. But the base fare was only a dollar.

– In my day, we didn’t have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms.

– Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a giant tortoise.

– Back in my day, ’60 Minutes’ wasn’t just a bunch of gray- haired, liberal 80-year-old guys. It was a bunch of gray- haired, liberal 60-year-old guys.

– Back in my day, they hadn’t invented electricity. We had to watch television by candlelight.

10 Stories of Weddings That Ended in Disaster Posted: 13 Apr 2011 05:00 PM PDT Your wedding is supposed to be a day to remember. For these people it will be, but for all the wrong reasons.

Okay, I’m from New Jersey and I had no idea they were this prolific…

Sounds Like New Jersey!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_jNT3vJai0&feature=player_embedded

I want mine!!!!

Motorcycles made from old watch parts…..I’m not sure, but I think the timing is off….







Would this fall under the category of “Too Much Time On My Hands”?

A fellow was talking to Lethal Leprechaun and said, “I gotta stop drinking that Irish whiskey.”

“How come?” asked Lethal.

“Because every Saturday night I go out and drink a fifth of the stuff, come home, make mad passionate love to the wife, wake up Sunday morning, and go to church.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Lethal asked. “A lot of good Irishmen go out on Saturday night, drink a fifth of good Irish whiskey, come home, make love to the wife, and go to mass on Sunday.”

“I know,” said his friend, “but I’m Jewish!”

Johnny Carson and Betty White in the Garden of Eden…..classic laffs!
http://wallythekat.tripod.com/A_Pages/AA-Videos-YOU-Tube/Johnny-Betty-White.html

I’m late because…

In college I had a professor who said he’d excuse us from any test if we ever gave him an excuse he’d never heard before.
I did it.
“I was in the darkroom developing pictures for the newspaper and I couldn’t see the clock.” I said. It was true so I was exempted from the test. This was back in the day of chemical-based photography which had to be done in the dark. Light ruined the film and paper.

List of most bizarre excuses for being late to work,
missing an appointment etc.>>>>>>>>>>>>

My Botox appointment took longer than I expected.

My cat attacked me.

I was delayed due to public transportation. Employee produced a note signed by “The Bus Driver.” (Reminds me of the child turning in a note signed “My Mom.”)

I didn’t get any sleep because my boyfriend’s wife threw me out of the house.

My car was inhabited by a hive of bees and I couldn’t use the car for two hours until bees left.

I knew I was already going to be late, so I figured I’d go ahead and stop to get donuts for everyone.

My hair was hurting my head. (Note. This is, to my thinking, a legitimate excuse. In college I actually woke up one Sunday morning and my hair hurt. I do not remember a great deal of what happened the night before.)

My Karma is not in sync today.

I’m not late — the company clock is wrong.

While rowing across the river to work, I got lost in the fog.

Someone stole all my daffodils.

I had to go audition for American Idol.

My ex-husband stole my car so I couldn’t drive to work.

My route to work was shut down by a Presidential motorcade.

I have transient amnesia and couldn’t remember my job.

I was indicted for securities fraud this morning.

The line was too long at Starbucks.

I was trying to get my gun back from the police.

I didn’t have money for gas because all of the pawn shops were closed.

One person reported taking a second shower after walking into a spider web.

A woman said her husband thinks it’s funny to hide her car keys, so she is late to work since she has to find them before she can drive to the office.

A man claimed the left-turn signal on his car was broken so he had to drive to work making only right turns.

Two women were sitting in the doctor’s waiting room comparing Notes on their various disorders.
“I want a baby more than anything in the world,” said the first, “But I guess it is impossible.”
“I used to feel just the same way,” said the second. “But then Everything changed. That’s why I’m here. I’m going to have a Baby in six months.”
“You must tell me what you did.”
“I went to a faith healer.”
“But I’ve tried that. My husband and I went to one for nearly A year and it didn’t help a bit.”
The other woman smiled and whispered, “Try going alone, next time.”

TRICKLE-DOWN ECONOMICS
You’re at a bar with a friend…. let’s call him George.
1. Explain to George that the two of you are going to share a beer. But he’ll have to front you the money for it, but there will be enough beer for the both of you if he’ll only help stimulate the economy a little!
2. Purchase said beer, making sure to get a glass, and drink it. At some point, George is bound to wonder where his portion of the beer is, since after all he paid for it. Should he ask you, remind him that he must be patient and wait for market forces to go to work. If he asks you more than once, wag your finger and accuse him of making class war, and remind him about the market forces a gain.
3. At some point you’ll have to excuse yourself for obvious reasons. Make sure to take your glass with you. George will want to know why, and he may be more than a little annoyed by now. Chalk it up to market forces, of course.
4. This part should be pretty obvious. Why else would you need the glass?
5. When you return, make a big thing of presenting George with the glass. When he asks what in the hell this is supposed to be, as well he should, let him know that the market has spoken, creating a whole ‘nother beer (assuming the glass is full). Thanks to the market’s power of beer creation, you both got a FULL beer instead of half a beer!
6. George may get suspicious and speculate that perhaps you’ve just stolen his money or whizzed in his glass…. stinkin’ socialist!

 I think I put my Last Word as my opening statement this morning, so instead, let’s throw one more good laugh in to start the weekend:

Well ok it’s probably more accurate to say because I got all my work done by Friday. I am doing nothing to day and getting paid for it. Nothing that is except listening to my personal assistant whose name just happens to be Friday bitch about doing all the work around here!

ANYWAYS.…50 issues of Leprechaun Laffs, a ‘mini mile stone’! WOOT! Good thing its Friday ‘cause from where I sit (in front of a keyboard sweating out the details of this issue) that’s plenty of reason to celebrate tonight!

You’ll find some new graphics lurking about too. I figured that after 50 issues ‘twas high time I had me own distinct look and feel for my posts. Since Impish has been supposed to remove the reference to opening by him from the banner I have been using for quite a while now and given his health/work load was unlikely to get to it for an even longer while, (It’s amazing how the honey-do list always trumps the Dragon-do or Leprechaun-do list) I decided to try my hand at making a few myself. This got to be quite entertaining when I realized that he was not there to slap me hands over any tag lines that might have “accidentally” wound up in the finish products. (Tag line suggestions gratefully accepted at LethalLeprechaun@ Ymail.com – please note that’s not a typo it is supposed to read ymail and you’ll need to remove the deliberate additional space after the @ so placed there to keep harvester bots at bay)

And Now On To The Business o’ Laughing ‘Til It Hurts!

It’s Friday, and after the week I’ve had, to HELL with coffee, its Guinness time!

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”

He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”

“Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?”

“Yes,” he says, “I was in  Iraq  for one tour.”

The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra points toward
employment.”   Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”
The guy says, “Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my
testicles.”

The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Okay. You’ve got enough points
for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00
pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am
every day.”

The guy is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00
pm, why don’t you want me here until 10:00 am?”

“This is a government job”, the interviewer says.. “For the first two
hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No
point in you coming in for that.”

Well that would certainly help explain 42 cent stamps! Must be Starbucks coffee!

I didn’t realize it, but these coupons are good for one gallon of gas at most retailers.  I have seen them around, but until recently never took advantage of them, I never realized their actual worth.

You probably have one or two just lying around somewhere, now is the time to use them before they lose their value, and it’s too late!!

Texas Monthly Talks TED NUGENT

Humm going to have to seriously think about suggesting to Donald Trump who currently leads in several polls of possible republican candidates that he consider ‘the Nuge’ as a possible running mate. A little business savvy & financial common sense from Trump plus a little ‘enough of treating criminals politically correct’ (which I am willing to bet trickles right down to his border defense views) from Nugent…. shades of Ronald Regan! Then we just might find ourselves starting to actually recover a small portion of that we have lost in America, dignity respect as a nation, control over our own finances and affairs and just MAYBE we’d find ourselves back on the road to being the Superpower we SHOULD be once again.

LMBO it just occurred to me that VPOTUS Nugent walking around armed would drive the Secret Service insane! I’ll be those weekend trips to Camp David would be really interesting too!

Like what you’re hearing? Want to hear more of Ted’s views? Sure no problem!

Ted Nugent on SCOTUS 2nd Amendment Ruling

Uncle Ted has a message for Hillary Clinton

Ted Nugent on Border Security –
Ted Nugent talks about Border Security on Fox News with Neil Cavuto

Now there are many of you that think the Ol’ Leprechaun is yanking your chain on this one but judging by what I see on-line there are several apparently voter attractive combinations featuring Ted and his brand of “America According to the Founding Fathers’ Vision” politics…

Nugent & Norris huh? Well if they’ll support ‘The Kicker & The Rocker’ I wonder how long it will be until someone suggest pairing ‘The Wrestler & The Rocker’ and we see Ventura – Nugent 2012 bumper stickers?

Good Morning Campers!
Sleep is over-rated and a complete waste of time….
Unless you aren’t getting any.  And I have no IDEA why I’m not getting mine.
So, the witty repartee is a bit lagging this morning, so what do ya say we just get on to the good stuff, huh?

Let’s Laugh!

DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE?

 

 

More than half of the coastline of the entire United States is in Alaska .

DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE?

 

 

The Amazon rainforest produces more than 20%of the world’s oxygen supply.
The Amazon River pushes so much water into the Atlantic Ocean that, more than one hundred miles at sea off the mouth of the river, one can dip fresh water out of the ocean.  The volume of water in the Amazon river is greater than the next eight largest rivers in the world combined and three times the flow of all rivers in the United States .

 

 

 

 

DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE?

 

Next to Warsaw , Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world.

Texas makes me think of the old slogan “Remember the Alamo.”  It seems that during that battle, the guy in charge of the whole thing put his wife, of all people, on the battle line.  She was shot by the enemy, shattered her patella, and had to be removed from the front line.  After the fighting was over, she divorced her husband, and sued for Alamo knee.

Take one minute….just one click, every day, helps more than you can imagine!

Okay, this one isn’t quite as bad as the last one, but it still deserves a minor beating…

A man enters a pharmacy and requested a supply of Viagra. The clerk sends him over to speak with the pharmacist. The pharmacist tells the man he would need a Doctor’s prescription in order for her to dispense the drug.
The man, seemingly pacified, leaves…. and returns with a gun. He pulled a hand gun and demanded Viagra again. The pharmacist gave him four full bottles and two partial bottles.  Then, the man fled.
The police sergeant who was first on the scene pondered, “This makes me wonder… do we look for a hardened criminal?”

“You read about all these terrorists, most of them came here
legally, but they hang around on these expired visas, some for as
long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are
two days late with a video and these people are all over you.
Let’s put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.”
  – Jay Leno

Ponder These

1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

15. If at first you don’t succeed, shouldn’t you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?

 Today’s Last Word is a giggling gaggle full of one liners…..you’ll see…

A couple of lines and some words.,..it’s the words that make them funny.
There’s a lesson in there somewhere.

I’ve been under the weather and consequently I’m crankier than normal. Besides witty introductions are overrated. So let’s just skip the pleasantries and get right to it.

LETS LAUGH

I’ve caught a stray parrot on my balcony.

All he says is, “good morning you old prick.”

…I figure it belongs to Impish.

The Donald is running for president.

             That’s right, bazillionaire megalomaniac Donald Trump wants to be the first reality TV show host to become president of the United States, saying that what the country needs right now is a “dealmaker.”         

The Top 5 Donald Trump Campaign Slogans

5> You’re Fired — Up!

4> Hair That Crazed Third-World Dictators Respect

3> I Got Guys Who Can Run the Middle East

2> America, You Sicken Me

  and The Number 1 Donald Trump Campaign Slogan…

1> This Land Is My Land

          [ Copyright 2011 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

Robert Klein…I don’t like getting older

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Chicken Surprise

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the ‘Chicken Surprise’, The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. ‘Good grief, did you see that?’ she asks her husband. He hadn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

‘Please sir,’ says the waiter, ‘what you order?’

The husband replies, ‘Chicken Surprise.’

(You’re going to love this……….. You’re going to hate yourself for loving this!…………..) . . . . .

 
‘Ah! So sorry,’  says the waiter, My mistake ‘I bring you Peeking Duck!’

I was in Afghanistan speaking with a reporter as a soldier packed her things.  The major came over and noticed some odd-looking pieces of cloth on her cot.
       “What are you doing with all these eye patches?” he asked, lifting one up.
       Taking it from him, she mumbled, “Um … this is my thong underwear.”

Had to have happened in an Air Force enclave. Why you ask? Simple.An Army officer would have probably recognized it for what it was having seen it on countless strippers and the female soldier would have screamed sexual harassment. A Marine officer would have also known what it on sight was but a female Marine would have strangled him with it for presuming to touch it.

ALCOHOL: BAD FOR LEGS

Impish walks into a cocktail lounge and approaches a woman sitting by herself and asks, “May I buy you a cocktail?”

“No thank you,” the stunner replies, “alcohol is bad for my legs.”

“Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?”

“No, they spread.”

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE, NOW GET OUT: “I’m proud to be an American   soldier,” said Ramdeo Chankarsingh, 44, of South Ozone Park, N.Y. He   was promised if he served in the military he would be given citizenship, so the Trinidad native enlisted in the Army in 1991 and served nine years as a medic, with tours of duty in Italy, Germany, and
Kosovo during the height of the first Gulf War. When his green card expired in 1999, a military judge ordered him to file for citizenship.
  However, he was then told that because he served during peacetime, he needed a valid green card. A year later he received an honorable discharge, and has been in limbo ever since. Immigration and Customs Enforcement has begun deportation proceedings. “My husband has been here for more than 30 years,” said his wife, Savitri, noting they have
two children, both U.S. citizens. “In his heart he’s an American citizen. It’s just paperwork.” (MS/New York Daily News, WABC-TV)

…And in a bureaucracy, we all know proper paperwork is more important than proper respect.

Makes perfect sense to me! Let’s keep the Imams bad mouthing the U.S. who promote violence against us and all the jobless illegal immigrants looking for a free ride but toss out the guy willing to actually defend a land he was not yet a citizen of to get citizenship in it. More liberal Obamaitics at work?