Leprechaun Laffs # 49


DL - Leprechaun Laffs

 

I’ve been under the weather and consequently I’m crankier than normal. Besides witty introductions are overrated. So let’s just skip the pleasantries and get right to it.

LETS LAUGH

hump day blues

 

I’ve caught a stray parrot on my balcony.

parrot

All he says is, “good morning you old prick.”

…I figure it belongs to Impish.

DL Introspection Header

The Donald is running for president.

             That’s right, bazillionaire megalomaniac Donald Trump wants to be the first reality TV show host to become president of the United States, saying that what the country needs right now is a “dealmaker.”         

The Top 5 Donald Trump Campaign Slogans

5> You’re Fired — Up!

4> Hair That Crazed Third-World Dictators Respect

3> I Got Guys Who Can Run the Middle East

2> America, You Sicken Me

  and The Number 1 Donald Trump Campaign Slogan…

1> This Land Is My Land

          [ Copyright 2011 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

 

Robert Klein…I don’t like getting older

For those not on the blog click here or go to the blog like you should be!

 

Chicken Surprise

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the ‘Chicken Surprise’, The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. ‘Good grief, did you see that?’ she asks her husband. He hadn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

‘Please sir,’ says the waiter, ‘what you order?’

The husband replies, ‘Chicken Surprise.’

(You’re going to love this……….. You’re going to hate yourself for loving this!…………..) . . . . .

 
‘Ah! So sorry,’  says the waiter, My mistake ‘I bring you Peeking Duck!’

 

erp-Scratch-Off-Parking-Tickets

 

I was in Afghanistan speaking with a reporter as a soldier packed her things.  The major came over and noticed some odd-looking pieces of cloth on her cot.
       “What are you doing with all these eye patches?” he asked, lifting one up.
       Taking it from him, she mumbled, “Um … this is my thong underwear.”

Had to have happened in an Air Force enclave. Why you ask? Simple.An Army officer would have probably recognized it for what it was having seen it on countless strippers and the female soldier would have screamed sexual harassment. A Marine officer would have also known what it on sight was but a female Marine would have strangled him with it for presuming to touch it.

DL Accidentially Priceless Photography

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ptp5

ptp6

ALCOHOL: BAD FOR LEGS

Impish walks into a cocktail lounge and approaches a woman sitting by herself and asks, “May I buy you a cocktail?”

“No thank you,” the stunner replies, “alcohol is bad for my legs.”

“Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?”

“No, they spread.”

coollogo_com-10365867

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE, NOW GET OUT: “I’m proud to be an American   soldier,” said Ramdeo Chankarsingh, 44, of South Ozone Park, N.Y. He   was promised if he served in the military he would be given citizenship, so the Trinidad native enlisted in the Army in 1991 and served nine years as a medic, with tours of duty in Italy, Germany, and
Kosovo during the height of the first Gulf War. When his green card expired in 1999, a military judge ordered him to file for citizenship.
  However, he was then told that because he served during peacetime, he needed a valid green card. A year later he received an honorable discharge, and has been in limbo ever since. Immigration and Customs Enforcement has begun deportation proceedings. “My husband has been here for more than 30 years,” said his wife, Savitri, noting they have
two children, both U.S. citizens. “In his heart he’s an American citizen. It’s just paperwork.” (MS/New York Daily News, WABC-TV)

…And in a bureaucracy, we all know proper paperwork is more important than proper respect.

Makes perfect sense to me! Let’s keep the Imams bad mouthing the U.S. who promote violence against us and all the jobless illegal immigrants looking for a free ride but toss out the guy willing to actually defend a land he was not yet a citizen of to get citizenship in it. More liberal Obamaitics at work?

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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