Good Morning Campers.
Even if it’s not much of a good morning, we still need to put on a good face for the natives and pretend like it’s a good morning.  So, everybody grab your coffee and take a BIG swallow.  Okay, for those of you who weren’t bright enough to wait until the coffee was a little cool, you can now take a big swallow of ice water to ease the blisters on your tongue.  Ok, back to the natives… Take that big swig of coffee and smile…no, really smile, not that stupid fake one that you use on the kids…
Geez…
Okay, let’s start again…
Big drink, Big smile…and a big…

Now, stop bothering me and get to the rest of the ezine….

Charles and Di started it

Fergy and Andrew copied it

William perfected it J

Great Gag!
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/xray-tv-prank/ 

Disney Music in the background, “Some day my prince will come …” Just too funny.  But I have to ask….wtf is up with that hat??????

 

Ever wonder what one megabyte looks like?

Well, wonder no longer….

Thanks to your friends at Dragon Laffs, and the miracle of modern technology, we can actually show you, in picture form, what one megabyte looks like:

 

 

 

Or would that be a mega-bite?

Really great quotes on marriage…many of you who aren’t married may not “get” some of these, but those of you that are, will probably laugh all the way through…or cry, maybe.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. David Bissonette

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
Sacha Guitry

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Anonymous

The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?”
Dumas

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud

‘Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.’
Anonymous

‘There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.’
Sam Kinison

‘I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.’
James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
Patrick Murra

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once….
Nash

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.
Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): ‘My wife’s an angel!’
Second Guy: ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.’
Anonymous

If you want her attention, just whisper.
Vern

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno

• Mother’s Day is tough this year. Do you go to the ATM and take out $200 for roses or do you use the $200 to fill up the SUV to go visit mom?
• The price of oil is now under $100 a barrel. The oil companies say they should be passing on the savings to us in six or seven years.
• Supporters of Osama bin Laden want to rename the Arabian Sea after bin Laden’s death. They want to call it “Martyr’s Sea.” Please, hiding in your bedroom for six years with the blinds closed? How about “Chicken of the Sea?”
• Donald Trump is furious with President Obama. Killing bin Laden was supposed to be the final task on “Celebrity Apprentice.”

The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson

• It’s not always good to give your child a trendy name. I still haven’t been forgiven by my 18-year-old son Sir Mix-a-Lot.
• “Thor” is a superhero with the strength of the Hulk, the courage of Superman, and the thick, stumpy legs of Khloe Kardashian.
• Thor has a hammer that he can use to crush his enemies and then celebrate by putting up a bookcase or some shelving.
• Thor is a god who lives down on earth among regular humans. Nowadays, we would call that “Oprah.”

Okay, so this one is a bit outdated for the spring.  I have a LOT of pictures in my queue to use for Dragon Laffs and sometimes they get a bit dated….but it’s still funny….and besides, it’s gotta be snowing somewhere!!!

Late Night With Jimmy Fallon

• The unemployment rate went up last month for the first time since November. But on the bright side, I hear a senior management position just opened up at al-Qaida.
• President Obama will be doing an interview with “60 Minutes,” and Michelle Obama will be doing an interview with Martha Stewart. Not to be outdone, Joe Biden will be doing an interview with a panda he made at Build-a-Bear Workshop.
• Eighty-five-year-old Hugh Hefner and his 25-year-old fiancée Crystal Harris have sent out the invitations for their June 18 wedding. That’s right, she told guests to wear white — but bring black, just in case.

 

WARNING!!!! This one is especially obnoxious….Thanks Zack!

All but two of the ballerinas were in costume early for the matinee performance. At 1:55 the distressed director asked this pair of women why they were not yet in costume.
The first one said, “It may seem like a silly superstition but I never put mine on until 1:58.”
“What about you, the same thing?” he asked the other dancer.
She replied, “Oh, yes, I have a two to two tutu, too!

Great Video!!

3,000 Arctic Reindeer Face a Mighty Water Crossing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pBT8n-SNWk&feature=player_embedded

What do you mean, this is your house?  I rented it fair and square!

50 Funniest Homer Simpson Quotes 
Published on 9/13/2006

Most famous Homer Simpson Quotes on beer, love, marriage, donuts, alcohol and work. 

Operator! Give me the number for 911! 

Oh, so they have internet on computers now! 

Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! 

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand. 

I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman. 

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. 

Well, it’s 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids. 

Maybe, just once, someone will call me ‘Sir’ without adding, ‘You’re making a scene.’ 

Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel. 

Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do? 

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons. 

Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way. 

 

When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV! 

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get. 

I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes! 

[Meeting Aliens] Please don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! 

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. 

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail. 

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. 

The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it’s time to snatch your mother from his neon claws! 

When I look at the smiles on all the children’s faces, I just know they’re about to jab me with something. 

I’m having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church! 

Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn’t, it’s that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such. 

I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell? 

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you’re prejudiced against all races. 

It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day. 

Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos. 

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here. 

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that. 

Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman’s bottom? That’s right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman. 

Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. 

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? 

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover. 

Homer no function beer well without. 

I’ve always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is — and it’s me. 

Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? 

If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can’t speak English. 

I’m never going to be disabled. I’m sick of being so healthy. 

I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. 

Alcohol is a way of life, alcohol is my way of life, and I aim to keep it. 

All my life I’ve had one dream, to achieve my many goals. 

Dad, you’ve done a lot of great things, but you’re a very old man, and old people are useless. 

But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder. 

I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around. 

Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here’s the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won’t ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. 

That’s it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I’m going to clown college! 

Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems. 

If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing 

And my own personal favorite….

I’m in no condition to drive…wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk! 

‘To Start Press Any Key’. Where’s the ANY key? 

Yes, Sue…you can get an “Amen” from me!

Now I lay me down to sleep…one less terrorist this world does keep…with all my heart I give my thanks…to those in uniform regardless of ranks…you serve our country and serve it well…with humble hearts your stories tell…so as I rest my weary eyes…while freedom rings our flag still flies…you give your all, do what you must…with God we live and in God we trust….

Amen

Question to Confucius

 

Woman asks:
If I sleep with 3 men, everyone calls me a slut.
But when a man sleeps with 10 women,
Everyone calls him a real man.
How come . . . ?!?

Confucius replies:
It’s very simple.
‘When one lock can be opened by 3 different keys, it’s a bad lock.
But when one key can open 10 different locks, we call it a MASTER KEY . .

Direct Quote from “Larry, the Cable Guy”

“Even after the Super Bowl victory of the New Orleans Saints, I have noticed a large number of people implying with bad jokes that Cajuns aren’t smart. I would like to state for the record that I disagree with that assessment. Anybody that would build a city 5 feet below sea level in a hurricane zone and fill it with Democrats that can’t swim is a damn genius”.

This is an older post, but is so appropriate to the conditions we are facing in our country today, that it just had to be included in today’s Last Word.

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it was, as I filled it lovingly with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table ..

Everywhere!

Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn’t even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be …. Quiet, serene…. and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.

Now let’s see. Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care and free education, and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegal’s came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; Your child’s second grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn’t speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to ‘press one ‘ to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than ‘Old Glory’ are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe it’s time for the government to take down the damn bird feeder.

If you agree, pass it on; if not, just continue cleaning up the poop.

Okay, so just my opinion also, but I’m getting tired of filling the damn bird feeder and cleaning up the shit that is left behind.  This country is NOT being the America that we all know and love.  Just a couple of fast questions, some of which you may have heard out of me before…
–Why are we giving aid to foreign countries when we have to cut down on teachers, police officers, firefighters and we have our own people living in cardboard boxes in the streets?
–Why are we making deals with impoverished countries to have our drug manufacturers GIVE away their medicine and making our own people choose between buying their medicine for the month or buying food?
–Why are we allowing people who are here in this country illegally to have access to all the things that the hard-working Americans that PROVIDE those things don’t qualify for?
–Why are we allowing this president to buy votes, and thus, buy the presidency, by trying to pass legislation which will legalize all the illegals who are here in our country?
— (Here’s an old one) Why do I have to take a piss-test to earn the money and the people who receive it in the form of welfare don’t?
–Why are we sending our military to a dozen different deserts to defend other’s borders when our own border security is an oxymoronic joke?
–Why is there no public outcry over: his so poorly forged birth certificate?  the lack of photographic proof of the death of Osama bin Laden? So many, many other things?
–WHY IS VIRTUALLY THE ENTIRE FRIGGIN’ COUNTRY STANDING AROUND WITH STUPID LOOKS ON THEIR FACES LIKE SHEEP IN LINE FOR THE SLAUGHTER???
Wake up America!  The clock is ticking…and it damn well might be attached to a bomb!

Rate this:

Is It Friday Yet?

Got to love time savers, coffee and Hump day Graphic all in one click! Not only that he looks a lot like I still feel, though the purple bunny slippers are more a Molly thing as I generally don’t wear much of any footwear in the house. I’ve been feeling so lousy lately even coffee doesn’t make much of an improvement, not even when a wee dram accidentally falls in me cuppa.

Be sure to check the Last Word today as we have discovered evidence that among may be a famous reader, who  we think it is and why!

MEMO

TO: ImpishDragon

FROM: “the Shredder” in Mailroom

Re: Equipment Request

Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions.
One said, “I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best.”
I don’t think I have ever heard of that one, said the other cowboy. “What is it?”
Well, it’s where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind.
Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and
whisper in her ear, ‘Boy, these feel just like your sister’s.’
Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds.

Eve Of Destruction Video

Gracemj sends us this one. I don’t normally hold with holy rollering and personally find it offensive. I feel its used too much too publically and usually not only hypocritically but for entirely wrong reasons from the Lord’s intention (if we can presume to know such a thing)However the graphic paired with this make me will to overlook the small amount at the end.

She writes “This protest song was written in 1965. Unfortunately, it still rings true today.”

If anything Gracie it grows more true every day we allow things to continue on this path. Sadly pretty soon we will be unable to stop our own destruction at our own hands.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Akoukq5DvAE&feature=player_embedded#at=48

The eastern world, it is exploding
Violence flarin', bullets loadin'
You're old enough to kill, but not for votin'
You don't believe in war, but what's that gun you're totin'
And even the Jordan River has bodies floatin'

But you tell me
Over and over and over again, my friend
Ah, you don't believe
We're on the eve
of destruction.

Don't you understand what I'm tryin' to say
Can't you feel the fears I'm feelin' today?
If the button is pushed, there's no runnin' away
There'll be no one to save, with the world in a grave
[Take a look around ya boy, it's bound to scare ya boy]

And you tell me
Over and over and over again, my friend
Ah, you don't believe
We're on the eve
of destruction.

Yeah, my blood's so mad feels like coagulatin'
I'm sitting here just contemplatin'
I can't twist  the truth, it knows no regulation.
Handful of senators don't pass legislation
And marches alone can't bring integration
When human respect is disintegratin'
This whole crazy world is just too frustratin'

And you tell me
Over and over and over again, my friend
Ah, you don't believe
We're on the eve
of destruction.

Think of all the hate there is in Red China
Then take a look around to Selma, Alabama
You may leave here for 4 days in space
But when you return, it's the same old place
The poundin' of the drums, the pride and disgrace
You can bury your dead, but don't leave a trace
Hate your next-door neighbor, but don't forget to say grace
And… tell me over and over and over and over again, my friend
You don't believe
We're on the eve
Of destruction
Mm, no no, you don't believe
We're on the eve
of destruction.

Eve of Destruction was written by 19-year-old songwriter P. F. Sloan in 1965 and eventually became Barry McGuire’s one and only big Billboard chart hit song.

Scary that a 19 year old in 1965 could see things that clearly but sadly most of us are still unable to. Fortunately for you DragonLaffs reader you have Impish and myself who can see clearly and cry out in warning against the impending darkness.

WHOA! Where the heck did ALL this just come from? Apparently being sick make me not only mean(ier) & nasty(ier) it makes me broody and Apocalyptic too! Quick we need a belly laff!

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Chinese, a Japanese, a Kiwi, a Canuck, an Eskimo, a Fijian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Spaniard, a Mongolian, a Tibetan, a Polack, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Indian, an Italian, a Brazilian, a Kenyan, a South African, a Filipino, a Pakistani, a Korean, an Argentinean, a Lithuanian, a Dane, a Finn, a Swede, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, a Croat, and a Panamanian go to a fancy bar…………..

The bouncer says, “Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai.”

Direct your cat calls and spoiled produce at/to: and Beamrider for that little travesty of humor.

 

 

 

 

 

Impish walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.
Impish says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”
“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be $9.40 please.” The Dragon reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, Impish and the ostrich come again and the man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke..”
The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same..”
Again Impish reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. “The usual?” asks the waitress.
“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,” says the Dragon.
“Same,” says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $32.62.”
Once again Impish pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?”
“Well,” says Impish, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a leprechaun appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there..”
“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress.. “Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”
“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the Dragon.
The waitress asks, “What’s with the ostrich?”
Impish sighs, pauses and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say..”

OK boys and girls remember you heard it here first! last Friday, less and one week ago I said Trump was not going to make the cut and I considered him out of it.

Apparently not only does “The Donald’ read DragonLaffs, apparently he knows when Lethal says “You’re Fired!” wise people pack up and take their political aspirations home with them with as much dignity shards as you can gather after blowing the initial screening interview for the biggest job in the USA.! This posted just after noon on Monday, now doubt when he saw Fridays edition and my comments:

Donald Trump says he will not run for president in 2012

Associated Press May 16, 2011, 12:23PM

NEW YORK — After months of flirting with politics, Donald Trump said Monday he won’t run for president, choosing to stick with hosting “The Celebrity Apprentice” over entering the race for the Republican nomination.

The reality TV star and real estate magnate made his announcement at a Manhattan hotel as NBC, which airs his show, rolled out its fall lineup.

He’s spent the past few months weighing whether to seek the presidency, delivering speeches to national GOP groups, traveling to early primary states like New Hampshire and criticizing President Barack Obama from afar.

He is the second Republican in a matter of days to say no to a bid for the GOP nomination. Mike Huckabee announced Saturday that he wouldn’t seek the presidency.

At the Hilton hotel in New York, NBC said that “The Celebrity Apprentice” would be coming back in midseason. But Bob Greenblatt, the head of NBC entertainment, said the only mystery would be whether Trump was host.

Trump then took the stage, saying the show has made a lot of money for charity and that he wanted to continue doing so.

“I will not be running for president as much as I’d like to,” Trump said.

 

 

What a day yesterday!  I just have one question, which should easily explain to you how my day went, when I tell you, the whole day was like this.  Here’s my question… “How is it that a 32 oz. soft drink, when dropped and spilled on a kitchen table (covered in papers and school work, by the way) can spread approximately 17 gallons of sticky liquid on EVERYTHING???  I was wading waste deep in soda at one point in time, thinking it was some sort of a poltergeist trick or something.  Unbelievable.

Okay, so enough humorous whinging (as LL would say) we need to get on with our laughs….

On their wedding night, the young bride
Approached her new husband and asked
For $20.00 for their first lovemaking
Encounter. In his highly aroused state,
Her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made
Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a
Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals

that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was
Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.
During the next few minutes, he explained that
His employer was going through a process of corporate
Downsizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he’d be able to find
Another position that paid anywhere near what
He’d been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
Showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling
Nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued
By the bank which were worth over $2 million,
And informed him that they
Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for more than
Three decades she had ‘charged’ him for sex,
These holdings had multiplied and these were the
Results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments
Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could
Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
‘If I’d had any idea what you were doing,
I would have given you all my business!’

That’s when she shot him .

You know, sometimes, men just don’t know when
To keep their mouths shut.

SISTER MARY ANN’S GASOLINE Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.   She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.  She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street.. One of them turned to the other and said,

“Now THAT is what you call faith, If it starts, I’m turning Catholic.’!!

Okay, this is really cute.  And once we tell you what it’s about, you don’t even have to know the words:

Use Your “Inside Voice”

Watch this cute dog being told to use his “inside bark.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArnunZlPvxo&feature=player_embedded

You know, it pisses me off that someone has taken a picture of our Dragon Laffs Enterprises Security Teams training in the desert near our company complex and turned it into some silly joke about Victoria’s Secret.  The problem is now that our Security Chief, No-Name, will have to go out and do something about this.  And although No-Name will be discreet, it always bothers me that our Chief of Security, who by the way, is also our weapons expert, explosives expert, personnel defense expert, and an instructor at the Ninja Academy of Fighting, has to go and take care of some of these corporate problems that pop up because some people can’t keep their nose out of other people’s business.  It’s a shame really, but he does enjoy the overtime pay.  So, I guess there’s a plus there after all. 

Women: Know Your Limits! Harry Enfield – BBC comedy

An important public service announcement brought to you by the comedy legend Harry Enfield and his Chums. From BBC.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w

And government study suggests government money spent on this silly project…although…this joke is probably full of shit.
I’m sorry…. I just had to.

A happily married man had only one complaint, his wife was always nursing sick birds. One November evening, he came home to find a raven with a splint on its beak sitting in his favorite chair. On the dining room table there was a feverish eagle pecking at an aspirin while in the kitchen his wife was comforting a shivering little wren that she found in the snow.

The furious spouse strode over to where his wife was toweling down the cold little bird. “I can’t take it any more! We’ve got to get rid of all of these darn…”

The wife held up her hand to cut him off in mid-curse. “Please Dear,” she said, “Not in front of the chilled wren.”

Yeah baby!  I got to get me one of them!

 

How cork in harvested in Sardinia.
http://www.wimp.com/corkharvested/

Not to be confused with how cork is soaked … on Saturday Night Live! …(the quality of the video isn’t great, but it’s funny as hell)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emxgL86J1lc 

 

Super MariObama

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pejs0hp8DnU&feature=player_embedded

(Time out for obligatory self-deprecation joke:) “Wait till I tell Mrs. Dragon that I finally found it!”  (Okay, on with the show)

You know, Lethal Leprechaun is very old.  He’s been around for a while.  Did you know that he was once stranded on a deserted island?  When he had been there  for over 10 years, he saw a speck on the horizon.

He thought to himself, “It’s certainly not a ship”.

As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft.

Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous red-head!

She walked up to the stunned Leprechaun and said to him, “Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a good cigar?”

“Ten years,” replied the amazed Lethal.

With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter.

He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag. “Faith and begorrah,” said the castaway, “that is so good! I’d almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!”

“And how long has it been since you’ve had a drop of good Bushmill’s Irish Whiskey?” asked the red-head.

Trembling, Lethal replied, “Ten years.”

Hearing that, the red-head reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him.

Lethal Leprechaun opened the flask and took a long drink. ” ‘Tis nectar of the gods!” he shouted. ” ‘Tis truly fantastic!!!”

At this point the gorgeous red-head started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling Leprechaun and asked, “And how long has it been since you played around?”

With tears in his eyes, Lethal fell to his knees and sobbed, “Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in there too!

What a cool trick!
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1b7HIj/www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rs8masuu5oE
The same thing electronically?
http://inoyan.narod.ru/kaleidoskop.swf 

Now buddy!  That’s team-work!

I didn’t know they came in labeled boxes.

“Oh I don’t know…just hanging around…what are you doin’ today?”

 

My kids have never been thrilled about naps, but one day 
they were putting up more of a fuss than usual. In the 
middle of the tantrums, a friend called.
“What’s all the commotion?” she asked.
“Nothing,” I said. “Just the siesta résistance.” 

 

This is so bad that the author, and I both offer you an apology….

Q: What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his teeth?

A: Gladiator.

So….she’s probably Gladiator, too?

You know…I used to have that same problem.  Now I live where I work and there’s no problem anymore….except when I have to fly to one of those remote locations and do an ad-spot or raze a village… or gather virgin sacrifices, then drinking and flying is rather difficult.  There was that one time recently where I put a little bit too much jump-start in my morning coffee; I was on my way to gather a batch of oriental virgins and I accidently crashed into the Japanese coast-line.  I guess I caused a little earthquake and everything.  I think they’re probably still mad at me, but thankfully, I’m pretty sure they don’t know it was me.   You can keep my secret, right?

15 Craziest Wedding Toppers
http://www.oddee.com/item_97734.aspx?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Oddee+%28Oddee%29

See!  And again, dammit!  Someone has gotten a picture of our cleaning staff at work and tried to make it into something funny!  Man, that pisses me off.  We value our privacy here at Dragon Laffs.  No-name is going to be busy figuring out who our leak is.  Think I’ll turn that over to Lethal Leprechaun and his department heads.  They do such a great job on security and such.  I’m more the artistic type….as I’m sure you all know.

his company had a real superior product in its butter substitute, but the company went under one time when it received an order for a million pounds of the stuff. Some of the employees made mistakes in preparing the product and much of it was wasted. They were not able to deliver in time. The company had not allowed enough margarine for error.

Just when you thing you’ve seen it all……

http://www.thrillist.com/links/229865/aHR0cDovL3d3dy5udWRpdHlmb3JjaGFyaXR5Lm9yZy9pbmRleC5odG1s/direct

I completely scrapped my Last Word for today and inserted this at the last minute because I believe it is an important read.  It’s important because we Americans need to know what happened.  Since they won’t show us any pictures yet, (I believe they will eventually, but are they going to be doctored up like his birth certificate?) any information on the death of bin Laden needs to be exploited and shared.  So, read on dear campers, read on…

From Fox News…

Sources: Navy SEALs Knew Bin Laden Mission Was One-Shot Deal

WASHINGTON — Those who planned the secret mission to get Usama bin Laden in Pakistan knew it was a one-shot deal, and it nearly went terribly wrong.

The U.S. deliberately hid the operation from Pakistan, and predicted that national outrage over the breach of Pakistani sovereignty would make it impossible to try again if the raid on bin Laden’s suspected redoubt came up dry.

Once the raiders reached their target, things started to go awry almost immediately, officials briefed on the operation said.

Adding exclusive new details to the account of the assault on bin Laden’s hideout, officials described just how the SEAL raiders loudly ditched a foundering helicopter right outside bin Laden’s door, ruining the plan for a surprise assault. That forced them to abandon plans to run a squeeze play on bin Laden — simultaneously entering the house stealthily from the roof and the ground floor.

Instead, they busted into the ground floor and began a floor-by-floor storming of the house, working up to the top level where they had assumed bin Laden — if he was in the house — would be.

They were right.

The raiders came face-to-face with bin Laden in a hallway outside his bedroom, and three of the Americans stormed in after him, U.S. officials briefed on the operation told The Associated Press. The officials spoke on condition of anonymity to describe a classified operation.

U.S. officials believe Pakistani intelligence continues to support militants who attack U.S. troops in Afghanistan, and actively undermine U.S. intelligence operations to go after Al Qaeda inside Pakistan. The level of distrust is such that keeping Pakistan in the dark was a major factor in planning the raid, and led to using the high-tech but sometimes unpredictable helicopter technology that nearly unhinged the mission.

Pakistan’s government has since condemned the action, and threatened to open fire if U.S. forces enter again.

On Monday, the two partners attempted to patch up relations, agreeing to pursue high-value targets jointly.

The decision to launch on that particular moonless night in May came largely because too many American officials had been briefed on the plan. U.S. officials feared if it leaked to the press, bin Laden would disappear for another decade.

U.S. special operations forces have made approximately four forays into Pakistani territory since the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, though this one, some 90 miles (145 kilometers) inside Pakistan, was unlike any other, the officials say.

The job was given to a SEAL Team 6 unit, just back from Afghanistan, one official said. This elite branch of SEALs had been hunting bin Laden in eastern Afghanistan since 2001.

Five aircraft flew from Jalalabad, Afghanistan, with three school-bus-size Chinook helicopters landing in a deserted area roughly two-thirds of the way to bin Laden’s compound in the Pakistani city of Abbottabad, two of the officials explained.

Aboard two Black Hawk helicopters were 23 SEALs, an interpreter and a tracking dog named Cairo. Nineteen SEALs would enter the compound, and three of them would find bin Laden, one official said, providing the exact numbers for the first time.

Aboard the Chinooks were two dozen more SEALs, as backup.

The Black Hawks were specially engineered to muffle the tail rotor and engine sound, two officials said. The added weight of the stealth technology meant cargo was calculated to the ounce (gram), with weather factored in. The night of the mission, it was hotter than expected.

The Black Hawks were to drop the SEALs and depart in less than two minutes, in hopes locals would assume they were Pakistani aircraft visiting the nearby military academy.

One Black Hawk was to hover above the compound, with SEALs sliding down ropes into the open courtyard.

The second was to hover above the roof to drop SEALs there, then land more SEALs outside, plus an interpreter and the dog, who would track anyone who tried to escape and to alert SEALs to any approaching Pakistani security forces.

If troops appeared, the plan was to hunker down in the compound, avoiding armed confrontation with the Pakistanis while officials in Washington negotiated their passage out.

The two SEAL teams inside would work toward each other, in a simultaneous attack from above and below, their weapons silenced, guaranteeing surprise, one of the officials said. They would have stormed the building in a matter of minutes, as they’d done time and again in two training models of the compound.

The plan unraveled as the first helicopter tried to hover over the compound. The Black Hawk skittered around uncontrollably in the heat-thinned air, forcing the pilot to land. As he did, the tail and rotor got caught on one of the compound’s 12-foot (3.6-meter) walls. The pilot quickly buried the aircraft’s nose in the dirt to keep it from tipping over, and the SEALs clambered out into an outer courtyard.

The other aircraft did not even attempt hovering, landing its SEALs outside the compound.

Now, the raiders were outside, and they’d lost the element of surprise.

They had trained for this, and started blowing their way in with explosives, through walls and doors, working their way up the three-level house from the bottom.

They had to blow their way through barriers at each stair landing, firing back, as one of the men in the house fired at them.

They shot three men as well as one woman, whom U.S. officials have said lunged at the SEALs.

Small knots of children were on every level, including the balcony of bin Laden’s room.

As three of the SEALs reached the top of the steps on the third floor, they saw bin Laden standing at the end of the hall. The Americans recognized him instantly, the officials said.

Bin Laden also saw them, dimly outlined in the dark house, and ducked into his room.

The three SEALs assumed he was going for a weapon, and one by one they rushed after him through the door, one official described.

Two women were in front of bin Laden — yelling and trying to protect him, two officials said. The first SEAL grabbed the two women and shoved them away, fearing they might be wearing suicide bomb vests, they said.

The SEAL behind him opened fire at bin Laden, putting one bullet in his chest, and one in his head.

It was over in a matter of seconds.

Back at the White House Situation Room, word was relayed that bin Laden had been found, signaled by the code word “Geronimo.” That was not bin Laden’s code name, but rather a representation of the letter “G.” Each step of the mission was labeled alphabetically, and “Geronimo” meant that the raiders had reached step “G,” the killing or capture of bin Laden, two officials said.

As the SEALs began photographing the body for identification, the raiders found an AK-47 rifle and a Russian-made Makarov pistol on a shelf by the door they’d just run through. Bin Laden hadn’t touched them.

They were among a handful of weapons that were removed to be inventoried.

It took approximately 15 minutes to reach bin Laden, one official said. The next 23 or so were spent blowing up the broken chopper, after rounding up nine women and 18 children, to get them out of range of the blast.

One of the waiting Chinooks flew in to pick up bin Laden’s body, the raiders from the broken aircraft and the weapons, documents and other materials seized at the site.

The helicopters flew back to Bagram Air Base in Afghanistan, and the body was flown to a waiting U.S. Navy ship for bin Laden’s burial at sea, ensuring no shrine would spring up around his grave.

When the SEAL team met President Obama, he did not ask who shot bin Laden. He simply thanked each member of the team, two officials said.

In a few weeks, the team that killed bin Laden will go back to training, and in a couple of months, back to work overseas.

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Next person that tells me there is no reason to be superstitious over Friday the 13th and that being so is a sign of ignorance is going to get a shelleigh right square in the mush! By 7:00 PM on Friday I was in me sick bed with a high fever, chills, pounding headache and generally feeling like the Dragon normally looks… an ugly death warmed over. I couldn’t get out of bed at all on Saturday and while I was up for a wee while Sunday morning I’m currently gutting out this issue from my bed again. I’m even planning on posting it earlier than I normally do so I can turn in earlier and sleep later, hopefully a LOT later in the morning.

You’ll have to excuse me if it’s not up to my usual standards but I I felt bad for you folks. It’s bad enough its Monday for you people too, but to have it be Monday AND have to listen to the Dragon whine about how he worked all weekend and then had to pick up my slack was just too much to inflict on your readers so here I am doing the best I can.

OK enough about my devotion to DragonLaffs and my misery….

LET’S HAVE SOME MEDICINAL LAUGHTER!

Can I get that with a double shot of Tylenol3 and Prozac please?

Simple Alzheimer’s Test

How fast can you guess these words, no cheating

1. F_ _K
2. PU_S_
3. S_X
4. P_N_S
5. BOO_S
6. _ _NDOM

 

 

 

 

Answers:

1. FORK
2. PULSE
3. SIX
4. PANTS
5. BOOKS
6. RANDOM
You got all 6 wrong….didn’t you?
Don’t worry. You don’t have Alzheimer’s. You are just a pervert.

In your case Impish I’m afraid its both options. On the bright side, in an hour, I’ll be able to bill you for giving you the same test again!

 

Late Night Laughs

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno

• President Obama gave a big speech at the U.S.-Mexico border, talking about creating pathways to citizenship. We already have pathways. They’re called tunnels.
• Newt Gingrich announced he is running for president. His new slogan is “At least I’m not Trump.”
• McDonald’s is undergoing a billion-dollar makeover, to be more like Starbucks — snobby, overpriced, and full of unemployed people.
• Oreo has come out with something called the “Triple Double” Oreo. They call it that because your waistline triples and your cholesterol doubles.

[ Administrative Note: Have purchasing get quote on boxcar load of “Triple Double Oreos” before Dragon starts whining about wanting them and how he’s always last to get the good things again]

Conan

• President Obama’s approval rating is the highest in two years. Experts say that at this rate, Obama can count on re-election if he just kills bin Laden two more times.
• Al-Qaida has not yet picked a new leader to run their terrorist organization. Apparently, candidates keep losing interest after asking, “What happened to the last guy?”
• Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver might be splitting up. Arnold’s friends say he is doing everything he can to win his wife back. He just burned every single copy of “Jingle All the Way.”
• Donald Trump says he uses Head & Shoulders on his hair. As a result, Head & Shoulders is suing Donald Trump for slander.

Late Show With David Letterman

• A deadly peacock has escaped from the Bronx Zoo. They want everyone to be on the lookout for an enormous tail. It’s like looking for Kim Kardashian.
• There was a naked guy running around on the subway. Charlie, Charlie, Charlie . . .
• Newt Gingrich announced that he’s running for president on Twitter and Facebook. I think his concession speech will be on YouTube.

Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Questions on the Application to Replace Osama bin Laden

10. “How many threats per minute can you type?”
9. “Can you work weekends?”
8. “Are you just doing this for the sweet 8-inch picture tube television?”
7. “How do your co-terrorists describe you?”
6. “What is the current bounty on your head?”
5. “Any ideas for a new catchphrase? ‘Death to America’ is kind of played”
4. “Would you require the use of the company llama?”
3. “How often do you delouse your beard?”
2. “Were you bar mitzvahed?”
1. “What are your long-term goals, besides not getting killed by Navy SEALs?”

The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson

• Mel Gibson’s new movie is about a man who is so emotionally damaged that he can only communicate through hand puppets. It’s called “The Craig Ferguson Story.”
• I don’t know how I feel about film festivals. On one hand, film is an art form and competition demeans it. On the other hand, I’m a very big fan of watching other people fail.
• I’ve been to the Cannes film festival three times. Yes, I used to be in real show business.

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

• CBS has offered Charlie Sheen’s role on “Two and a Half Men” to Hugh Grant. I wonder what the thought process was there: “Where can we find another actor who has been busted with hookers?”
• Lindsay Lohan pleaded no contest to theft charges for allegedly taking a necklace from a jewelry store. She will serve her sentence at home with a monitoring bracelet. If she stole a necklace, what are the chances they’ll get that monitoring bracelet back?
• After 25 years Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife Maria Shriver are separating. She said, “I’ll give you 25 years to learn to speak English. If not, we’re done.”

Late Night With Jimmy Fallon

• Just a month after misplacing a cobra, the Bronx Zoo spent today looking for its missing female peacock. Yeah, you know what else the Bronx Zoo should be looking for? A new zookeeper.
• A TSA screener in Kansas City is facing criticism for giving a pat-down to an 8-month-old baby. You don’t pat down a baby! You stick him in a tray and run him through the X-ray machine.
• The White House announced that the $50 million reward for Osama bin Laden’s whereabouts won’t be going to anyone. Then China was like, “Wanna bet?”
• The number of millionaires in the U.S. is expected to double by the year 2020. Of course, by then, being a millionaire will just mean you have a full tank of gas.

“Thanking Obama for killing Bin Laden is like going into McDonalds and thanking Ronald McDonald for the hamburger. It’s the guy cooking the burger that should get the credit, not the clown.”

 

Ah Mulligan! Another Leprechaun after me own heart..frequently and with a bloody big knife too! You bankrupt a fellow once and steal then marry his girl and some folks just can’t find forgiveness!

The Village People – it’s a riot!

THE ONLY LIVE ONE IS THE GUY IN THE MIDDLE.

The rest are puppets.

Click below:

THE VILLAGE PEOPLE…IT’S A RIOT!

You know…I’ve seen Impish look a lot like that, usually after a fight with Mrs. Dragon!

Well we WERE supposed to just be adding a couple more potential Republican candidates to the mix today but apparently before I can do that we have to delete another one.

Seems Mike Huckabee has decided to go against the tea leaves and not throw his hat into the steel cage match of his party’s primary saying his heart just isn’t in it. Too bad Fred Thompson didn’t do this back in ‘08 and I would not have embarrassingly backed a horse that died before it completely cleared the starting gate!

Mike Huckabee will not try to become the Republican candidate in next year’s US presidential election.

“All the factors say go, but my heart says no,” he said on his Fox News Channel show on Saturday. Huckabee made a strong showing in the 2008 campaign for the Republican candidature.

He is the second prominent Republican contender to bow out; Haley Barbour announced last month he would not run. Barack Obama’s approval rating has hit its highest point in two years, 60%, and more than half of Americans now say he deserves to be re-elected, according to a poll last week.

Obama had already been expected to be a fundraising powerhouse in his re-election campaign, with some estimating he will bring in as much as $1bn.

Wow $1 BILLION in Obama’s campaign funds? That’s a LOT of drug money! What a clever way to launder it! Brilliant! Oh well we can always hope with the money to buy that much air time he bored half his voter base to death!

Ok scratch one more Republican from the possibles list now lets add two new ones to the mix:.

The Fast Fix: President Mitch Daniels?

By Chris Cillizza Mon May 9, 10:45 am ET

Could Mitch Daniels, the Republican governor of Indiana and former Bush Administration official, be a serious contender in 2012?

Mitch Daniels, the governor of Indiana, isn’t all that well known by the general public, yet he’s seen as a very serious contender for the presidency if he decides to run in 2012.

Why?

Daniels has a long and impressive resume in politics that has been capped by seven well-regarded years as Hoosier State governor.

But even more importantly is the fact that Daniels is one of the few people in either party who seems willing to take on the nation’s ever-growing debt problems. In a speech earlier this year, Daniels’ compared the debt to the threat from Russia during the Cold War.

In Indiana he has balanced the budget for four straight years without raising taxes, a record that has has many Republicans clamoring for a Daniels candidacy.

Daniels isn’t without problems though. His call for a “truce” on social issues has not gone over all with party activists. He did sign a bill defunding Planned Parenthood in the state late last month though.

To read remainder of article click here

A Potential Candidate in No Rush for a Race

By JEFF ZELENY Published: May 4, 2011

WASHINGTON — Gov. Mitch Daniels of Indiana called the leisurely pace of the 2012 presidential campaign “a blessing” for voters. Whether he plans to take advantage of it is another question, which he did not answer as he paid a visit here Wednesday

For weeks, the clamor about Mr. Daniels has swelled among Republicans. And for weeks, he has dropped only cursory clues about his intentions, sending mixed signals about whether he was looking for a way out of — or into — the party’s presidential nominating contest.

He exhibits many qualities of a candidate: deep experience in government, a passionate concern about the nation’s fiscal burdens and policy proposals that could keep Congress busy for a long while. A campaign structure is almost fully locked into place. Yet his public appearances have been missing one ingredient: enthusiasm.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/05/us/politics/05daniels.html

[Mitch must be taking a page from the Fred Thompson’s How to Run For President on an Ambivalence Platform and Embarrass Yourself and Supporters 2008 playbook. –L.L.]

Mitch Daniels’ Hamlet Complex

by Jill Lawrence

The Indiana governor needs to jump into the 2012 race—or stop ruminating about it. Jill Lawrence on why playing the reluctant candidate is more likely to turn Daniels into a Fred Thompson than a George Washington.

Didn’t I just say that Jill? Get your own witty copy and stop stealing mine!

One week of making the rounds as a possible presidential candidate, and Mitch Daniels is already digging himself out of a hole. Memo to Mitch: Get in or out, but do it soon. There’s such a thing as playing too hard to get, and it can be risky.

The Indiana governor’s high-profile speech last week in Washington about his education accomplishments, and his wife’s upcoming keynote address Thursday at a state Republican Party dinner, are among the strong signs that he is serious about jumping into the 2012 GOP race. The former federal budget director, a fiscal Paul Revere raising alarms about the $14.3 trillion national debt, has certainly received encouragement to run from some in his party and many in the media, including me.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2011-05-09/mitch-daniels-for-president-2012-his-risky-hamlet-complex?cid=csi:relatedstories2:3

Huntsman’s 2012 Buzz Caused Friction With Obama Team

by McKay Coppin

With Jon Huntsman gearing up for a 2012 campaign, sources in Beijing tell McKay Coppins exclusively that the ambassador’s presidential buzz led to clashes with the White House—and the Chinese government.

With Jon Huntsman gearing up for a presidential campaign, political pundits are zeroing in on how the Republican’s service as the Obama administration’s ambassador to China will affect his chances in the GOP primary.

Real answers to that question won’t come until voters begin pulling levers, but in the meantime, something else is coming into focus: how the Huntsman 2012 buzz, which began a full four months before he officially left the Obama administration, affected his service in China.

An embassy official who worked closely with Huntsman in Beijing told The Daily Beast that the last few months of the ambassador’s tenure were marked by friction with the White House. After a January Newsweek article set off a flurry of speculation that Huntsman would make a bid for the presidency, the Obama administration began taking aggressive measures to ensure that Huntsman wouldn’t be able to use his appointment for 2012 posturing, said the official, requesting anonymity to discuss internal matters.

“Once the resignation was submitted, politics probably became much more of a question mark, and it was tense,” the official said. “On the embassy side, there was suspicion that [Huntsman] was being subjected to greater scrutiny than he would have otherwise been.”

According to the official, who was not a political appointee, the administration began micromanaging Huntsman’s schedule, canceling media appearances and carefully vetting his public remarks. The source specifically noted a major education speech in Shanghai that was heavily scrutinized by administration officials “to make sure it was kosher.”

http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2011-05-11/jon-huntsman-2012-presidential-buzz-caused-friction-with-obama-team?cid=csi:relatedstories2:2

How Jon Huntsman Could Win in 2012

by McKay Coppins

As he launches a new PAC, Obama’s former China ambassador is considered a dark horse, but he could parlay conservative positions on abortion, guns, and the deficit—and support from Glenn Beck—into a strong presidential bid, writes McKay Coppins.

When Jon Huntsman Jr. returned to the United States last weekend, no one was quite sure how serious he was about making a run for the White House—not even his staff.

As U.S. ambassador to China, Huntsman had hinted at presidential aspirations, but federal law prohibited him from engaging in overtly political activities while working for the State Department. So his supporters were forced to assemble a campaign-in-waiting without his input and simply hope for the best.

Now, it appears, they can stop wondering: He’s serious.

On Tuesday, after two days of consulting with staffers—some of whom he was meeting for the first time—Huntsman filed paperwork to create a federal political action committee that will allow him to travel and raise money. Insiders say HPAC, as they’ve named it, will serve as a de-facto exploratory committee, and that Huntsman will likely announce his bid this summer. The question now is, can he win?

http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2011-05-04/jon-huntsman-for-president-2012-how-he-could-win/

The case against Jon Huntsman

By Chris Cillizza Posted at 11:53 AM ET, 02/ 1/2011

Yesterday, we made the case for why soon-to-be-former Ambassador to China Jon Huntsman could win the Republican presidential nomination.

Today we argue the opposite — the case against Huntsman.

(Look for cases for and against all of the potential Republican nominees for president in the coming week and months!)

Obama’s ambassador:

There is no figure in American politics right now whom Republican voters distrust and dislike more than President Obama. So, having served in his administration is not an ideal launching pad for a bid for the GOP nomination. That’s the position Huntsman currently finds himself in, having spent the better part of the last two years working for Obama in China. “I’m sure that him having worked so well for me will be a great asset in any Republican primary,” Obama joked at a recent press conference.

While Huntsman allies insist that serving as an ambassador is not the equivalent of being a member of the Obama Cabinet, it may not matter for many Republican primary voters who view ANY connection to Obama as unpalatable. If Huntsman can’t get past “hello” — kind of the opposite of “you had me at hello” — with Republican primary voters, the strength of the rest of his resume won’t matter much.

The Mormon problem:

Huntsman is a Mormon. (Send the breaking news alert now!) The 2008 candidacy of former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney seemed to suggest that being a Mormon complicates drawing in social conservative voters who dominate the Iowa caucus and the South Carolina primary — two of the first three nominating contests in the 2012 race. Romney spent oodles of time and money in each state but finished a distant second behind former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee in Iowa and third in South Carolina.

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/thefix/case-forcase-against/the-case-against-jon-huntsman.html

Ahh….another Saturday and your favorite dragon is back to working the weekends again.  It was nice having several weekends off in a row, but now we’re paying for it by having to work several weekends in a row.  Let’s see, my next day off ought to be…. sometime in June….July maybe.  OH dear!  Now I really need to laugh! So, let’s get this party started… oh, by the way…. today’s reason to party is:  Today is the 126th Anniversary of Geronimo’s Corn Liquor Rebellion.  Getting mad because the white man was making silly laws about making moonshine on the reservation… that would kinda piss me off, too.  Seems our government has a long history of getting in people’s business and making rules just to make rules.  So, now …..

An old Sailor and an old Marine were sitting at the VFW arguing about who’d had the tougher career. “I did 30 years in the Corps,” the Marine declared proudly, “and fought in three of my country’s wars. Fresh out of boot camp, I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade. As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch, all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire. Finally, as a Gunny Sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day, and mortar fire all night. In a firefight, we’d fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we’d charge the enemy with bayonets!”
“Ah,” said the Sailor with a dismissive wave of his hand, “Lucky bastard! All shore duty, eh?”

THE OUTHOUSE POEM

 

The service station trade was slow

The owner sat around,

With sharpened knife and cedar stick

Piled shavings on the ground.

 

No modern facilities had they,

The log across the rill

Led to a shack, marked His and Hers

That sat against the hill.

 

“Where is the ladies restroom, sir?”

The owner leaning back,

Said not a word but whittled on,

And nodded toward the shack.

 

With quickened step she entered there

But only stayed a minute,

Until she screamed, just like a snake

Or spider might be in it.

 

With startled look and beet red face

She bounded through the door,

And headed quickly for the car

Just like three gals before.

 

She missed the foot log – jumped the stream

The owner gave a shout,

As her silk stockings, down at her knees

Caught on a sassafras sprout.

 

She tripped and fell – got up, and then

In obvious disgust,

Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,

And faded in the dust.

 

Of course we all desired to know

What made the gals all do

The things they did, and then we found

The whittling owner knew.

 

A speaking system he’d devised

To make the thing complete,

He tied a speaker on the wall

Beneath the toilet seat.

 

He’d wait until the gals got set

And then the devilish tike,

Would stop his whittling long enough,

To speak into the mike.

 

And as she sat, a voice below

Struck terror, fright and fear,

“Will you please use the other hole,

We’re painting under here!”