Dragon Laffs #1199


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01_thumb_thumbWarning_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thumb_thuWarning_thumb2_thumb_thumb_thumb_thuAhh….another Saturday and your favorite dragon is back to working the weekends again.  It was nice having several weekends off in a row, but now we’re paying for it by having to work several weekends in a row.  Let’s see, my next day off ought to be…. sometime in June….July maybe.  OH dear!  Now I really need to laugh! So, let’s get this party started… oh, by the way…. today’s reason to party is:  Today is the 126th Anniversary of Geronimo’s Corn Liquor Rebellion.  Getting mad because the white man was making silly laws about making moonshine on the reservation… that would kinda piss me off, too.  Seems our government has a long history of getting in people’s business and making rules just to make rules.  So, now …..

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An old Sailor and an old Marine were sitting at the VFW arguing about who’d had the tougher career. “I did 30 years in the Corps,” the Marine declared proudly, “and fought in three of my country’s wars. Fresh out of boot camp, I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade. As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch, all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire. Finally, as a Gunny Sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day, and mortar fire all night. In a firefight, we’d fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we’d charge the enemy with bayonets!”
“Ah,” said the Sailor with a dismissive wave of his hand, “Lucky bastard! All shore duty, eh?”


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DragonPapa1 (115)

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THE OUTHOUSE POEM
 
The service station trade was slow
The owner sat around,
With sharpened knife and cedar stick
Piled shavings on the ground.
 
No modern facilities had they,
The log across the rill
Led to a shack, marked His and Hers
That sat against the hill.
 
“Where is the ladies restroom, sir?”
The owner leaning back,
Said not a word but whittled on,
And nodded toward the shack.
 
With quickened step she entered there
But only stayed a minute,
Until she screamed, just like a snake
Or spider might be in it.
 
With startled look and beet red face
She bounded through the door,
And headed quickly for the car
Just like three gals before.
 
She missed the foot log – jumped the stream
The owner gave a shout,
As her silk stockings, down at her knees
Caught on a sassafras sprout.
 
She tripped and fell – got up, and then
In obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust.
 
Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did, and then we found
The whittling owner knew.
 
A speaking system he’d devised
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
Beneath the toilet seat.
 
He’d wait until the gals got set
And then the devilish tike,
Would stop his whittling long enough,
To speak into the mike.
 
And as she sat, a voice below
Struck terror, fright and fear,
“Will you please use the other hole,
We’re painting under here!”

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Groaner Zack
And the king speaks:

Q: What is the difference between a mosquito and a fly?
A: Try sewing buttons on a mosquito!

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The Gas Price Hypocrisy……
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKdScVerrBU&feature=player_embedded

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She is SOOOOOo deserving of the heartache she has brought on herself…
http://www.imdb.com/video/wab/vi2435187481 

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From the “You’ve GOT To Watch This” File….
Okay, here’s a bunch of stuff I didn’t know.  From our great friends at “Make use of” here is Apple: The Beast File (The Hungry Beast)
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/apple-beast-file/
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For all you aircraft fanatics out there….and I know you’re out there, because I’m one of them….here’s another great SR-71 story sent in by Danny M.  Called, The King of Speed.
http://www.jumbojoke.com/the_king_of_speed.html

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Little known fact

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Walking to work one day, my husband was hit by a car. It was a minor accident and the driver apologized, adding, “You certainly are lucky. We’re right next to a doctor’s office.”

“I don’t know how lucky that is,” my husband replied. “I’m the doctor.”

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Just to set the record straight, I could easily have set this up as a Lethal Leprechaun joke, but chose not to; not because of any thing other than the poor guy seems to have this hang up over the tele-tubbies and I didn’t want to add insult to injury.

The teacher called up Pauly’s mother to complain:
“Really, Mrs. P., it’s just too much! And we can’t put up with it any more. At first it was just rouge and lipstick, but this morning  your son arrived at school wearing a dress, a wig, and heels!”
“OMG,” said Mrs. P. “He’s gotten into his papa’s things again!”

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Make up your own funny caption…. I got nuthin’

Late Night With Jimmy Fallon

  • After bin Laden was killed, the FBI updated its most wanted list. So on behalf of everyone here, I just would like to congratulate Lindsay Lohan on her recent promotion.

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Very well done:

Ultimate Dog Tease

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Groaner Zack

A certain man was infatuated with a young woman, but was so timid he never had the courage to speak to her. In fact, he told his therapist that every time he got near her he felt like nothing more than a tiny pebble.

The therapist responded, “Well, if you want to get the girl you’ll just have to be a little boulder!”

ashamed zack

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Gotta Share….Improv Everywhere!
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/surprise-musical-gotta-share/ 

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Sent in by Jeannie, created by Stumble Upon, here’s a great listing of the best free window’s software…Enjoy.

WOW! What a goldmine of software!

The Best Of: Windows Software

On this page you will find the best 90 free Windows programs for all your needs. We’ve taken the effort to categorize the apps and picked only those we believe to be the best ones and which will most likely be useful to you.

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Today’s Last Word starts with a thought, most eloquently presented by Rose: No one has been able to explain to me why young men and women serve in the U.S. Military for 20 years, risking their lives protecting freedom, and only get 20% of their pay.  While politicians hold their positions in the safe confines of the capital, protected by these same men and women, and receive full pay retirement after serving one term.  It just doesn’t make any sense.

 

Well, let’s start today’s Last Word with a “joke” sent in by Buddy Bob in Alaska. Yes, this has been around for a while, but it is a device to start a topic, so bear with me.

I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against a mosque being built near Ground Zero.
I think it should be the goal of every American to be tolerant.
The mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.
That is why I also propose, that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque thereby promoting tolerance within the mosque.
We could call one of the clubs (which would be gay) “The Turban Cowboy” and the other being a topless bar “You Mecca Me Hot”.
Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork and adjacent to that have an open barbeque pork rib restaurant, called something like Iraq-o-Ribsâ
Across the street there could be a very daring lingerie store called Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods.
Next door to the lingerie shop, there would be room for an Adult Toy Shop (Koranal Knowledge), its name in flashing neon lights, and on the other side a liquor store, maybe call it “Morehammered”?
Then the Muslims could be allowed to show their tolerance.
Problem solved.

Are we not yet tired of being called intolerant American’s?  There is no more tolerant place in the world, then right here in the good ole USA.  But you know what?  I’m getting a little less tolerant….hell, let’s be honest…I’m getting a LOT less tolerant.  I’m a lot less tolerant of stupid people.  I’m a lot less tolerant of two-faced people.  I’m no where near as tolerant of politicians as I once was.

But probably more so than anything else….I’m not tolerant of my country being run into the fucking ground!  Illegals are running rampant in our country, taking our money and our sacrificed for privileges and spitting on them.  And Obama has the nerve to joke about it?  Talking about moats and alligators!!!  Oh?  You didn’t hear it?  Well, here’s a little excerpt:

“We have gone above and beyond what was requested by the very Republicans who said they supported broader reform as long as we got serious about enforcement. All the stuff they asked for, we’ve done,” the president said.

“But even though we’ve answered these concerns, I’ve got to say I suspect there are still going to be some who are trying to move the goal posts on us one more time. You know, they said we needed to triple the Border Patrol. Or now they’re going to say we need to quadruple the Border Patrol. Or they’ll want a higher fence. Maybe they’ll need a moat. Maybe they want alligators in the moat. They’ll never be satisfied,” he continued.

Yeah, tell that to the people who are fighting for their land and their freedoms everyday.  Tell that to the people who are currently fighting a fire, a duplicate of one that was set last year, 50 miles NORTH of the border, that is said to have been set by illegals.  Me?  Intolerant?  Yeah.  I’m just a tiny bit intolerant of this administration pissing down my leg and telling me it’s raining.

 

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