Good Morning Campers!
Yes, it has been a long time since you’ve heard from me.  It’s been a tough week, but for more on that, see today’s last word.
I want to start off today’s show by thanking a very dear and generous friend, Lethal Leprechaun, for standing in for me so many times recently.  It is especially noted since I know, so many times, he really wasn’t feeling up to his usual curmudgeonly self.  And although I “jokingly” paid for his services, both monetarily and being the butt of his supposed ire and rapier wit and humor, I know, as should all of you, that it was all done in friendship and camaraderie, for two people who see the world the same way, from different points of view and wondering why the hell so many others don’t see the same things we see.
I love ya man!
Thanks.
Now, let’s <sniff> get on with the <sniff> laughter.

The Top Ten Things Men Know “FOR SURE” About Women

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10. They have boobs.

This one is lots of fun
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/video-chat-magic/

 

 

Tweets from around the world

 

More Really Bad Puns from the queen of bad puns… Diaman

When the wheel was invented it caused a revolution.

Blessed are the cracked, for they are the ones who let in the light.

 

There were some Eco warriors protesting outside the local council offices. They all had there with their “Save The Ancient Woodland” posters and banners. So I decided to go down there and take their shit.
“Chop em all down, we need the logs!” I cried
Go away you monster! One of the hippies shouted.
“Seriously,” I laughed “You know they’re going to do it anyway. Your wasting your time.
What are they cutting them down to build? A motorway or a railway?”
“A mosque.” He replied
Three days now I’ve been there protesting with them.

This is great animation. Haven’t seen it in a long time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=jEjUAnPc2VA

I think it’s time to rethink the WHOLE thing:

This comes from one our wonderful campers, Todd, who took one of our WTF pictures ….

This is pretty good.  Check the lead in paragraph…

Nero Fiddled – Zero Dances

http://iowntheworld.com/blog/?p=79426

 

Thanks to Gramps for this really unusual site.  How in the world do you search for something like this or how do you search and “accidently” come up with…
Molecules with silly or unusual names..
http://www.chm.bris.ac.uk/sillymolecules/sillymols.htm

 

 

 

 

The following song is very good, but the back story is very bad.  A young, 26 year old assistant football coach exercising his First Amendment rights using music and humor.  He worked for a Tennessee Middle School and was fired for writing and singing this song.  WTF is wrong with our country?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfH46DTAkxo

Here’s a “classic” joke for my dad and all the other golfers out there….

A young woman had been taking golf lessons.
She had just started playing her first round of golf
When she suffered a bee sting.
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return
To the clubhouse for help and to complain.

Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and,
‘Why are you back in so early? What’s wrong?’

‘I was stung by a bee’, she said.

‘Where’, he asked.
‘Between the first and second hole’, she replied.

He nodded knowingly and said,
‘Then your feet are too far apart.’

Another GREAT oldie…

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

“1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
“2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
“3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
“4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
“5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, “No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

I’m pretty sure this is the same guy who did the skeleton Marionette.  This guy is GREAT!!!!!!  Very much worth watching.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/kPvciIdDZAE

You can see where this is headed, right?

All these cute animals stuck in places they shouldn’t be and leaving us wondering, “how the hell did he get there?”

Getting worse and worse as each picture goes by

How in the world did that horse get there?  There’s no bigger question than that, right?  Well, how about, how the hell did that bird get there?

How in the hell did that sheep get there?

Oh my lord!  How in the hell did the elephant get there?

Then there is the obvious…

 

 

 

 

You know… you’ve heard me say several times how tough it’s been lately.  How hard this last week’s been with our Compliance Inspection and all, but I want to take this opportunity to say a few things by way of explanation, that should’ve been said before.  This inspection was the culmination of about two years worth of work for my shop.  Without getting into too much military jargon and stuff, let’s say that two years ago we weren’t doing so well.  Most of you know that I am an Emergency Manager for the Dept of Defense working at an Air Force Base in northern Indiana.  Grissom Air Reserve Base.  Okay, this is a HUGE program that not only touches every single office on base, but also, extensively into the local community and the state itself.
Less than two years ago, when my boss took over, our shop was doing successfully about 1/3 of what it was supposed to be doing.  Obviously, that was not enough.  As of yesterday, when the inspection team finally finished up, in MY opinion, we wowed the heck out of them!  It has been a LONG, LONG battle for a shop of three guys.  And I have to mention here that the leadership and hard work of Dan, my boss, was the driving force behind our success.
I know that I have not conveyed to you what I really wanted to in this Last Word, but I think that it is necessary to publicly recognize him and our shop and the efforts that we have produced in the last year and a half, and sadly my friends, this is the only venue that I have for that right now.
So, hats off and cheers to the 434 MSG/CEX. The Grissom Emergency Management Office.     

    MONDAYS SUCK!

Groan…grumble… snort. If I open my bloodshot eye (yes singular- I’m not wasting the effort of opening both until I know I have coffee at hand enough to get my heart started) and do not see and smell coffee somebody is in for a ginormous ass whooping for waking me! Nope just as I thought, no coffee, some yahoo has fouled up HUGE and is going to suffer a career and psyche damaging counseling session!

YOU people? What do you want? Another Leprechaun Laffs?! I get weekends off its in my contract now. Monday? Can’t be, I didn’t have 2 days off this weekend I barely got half a….Sunday…off…DAMN! It IS Monday! Groan!

OK OK already let me at least get a cup of coffee. Mean time…

Lets Laugh It Up

  And now the groaners are even coming in comics form! Zack, Mike R., beamrider you’d better step up your game!

 

An 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks,
‘How do you stay in such great physical condition?’
I’m Italian and I am a golfer,’ says the old guy, ‘and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of vino, and all is well.’
‘Well,’ says the doctor, ‘I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when he died?’
‘Who said my Dad’s dead?’
The doctor is amazed. ‘You mean you’re 80 years old and your Dad’s still alive. How old is he?’
‘He’s 100 years old,’ says the old Italian golfer. ‘In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little vino and that’s why he’s still alive. He’s Italian and he’s a golfer, too.’
‘Well,’ the doctor says, ‘that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. How about your Dad’s Dad? How old was he when he died?’
‘Who said my grandpa’s dead?’
Stunned, the doctor asks, ‘You mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s still living! Incredible, how old is he?’
‘He’s 118 years old,’ says the old Italian golfer.
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, ‘So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?’
‘No. Grandpa couldn’t go this morning because he’s getting married today.’
At this point the doctor is close to losing it. ‘Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old man want to get married?’
‘Who said he wanted to?’

 

WHERE WOULD YOU BE:

IF – YOU HAD ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES?
IF – YOU HAD NO WORRIES?
IF – YOU CAME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL IS AWAITING YOU?
IF – YOUR BATHWATER HAD BEEN RUN?
IF – YOU HAD THE PERFECT KIDS?
IF – YOUR PARTNER WAS AWAITING YOU, WITH OPEN ARMS AND KISSES?
SO, WHERE WOULD YOU BE?

HELLOOooo!!!!!!!!!

YOU’D BE IN THE WRONG Freaking HOUSE!

Wow I didn’t expect to be dragging this header out again quite so fast but apparently my Friday Last Word on the Angry America poll struck a chord with reader Dan from NYC. His comments followed by my follow up response rather than rebuttal since we seem to both be on the same page regarding this:

Dan in NYC  June 10, 2011 at 17:34   says:

I’m try to keep in mind this is a humor site but when I saw those poll numbers the other side of my brain powered up. None of the stats really surprise me although I think there may be a bias toward the left. Who can really say that the Feds are adequately addressing, let alone solving the economic problems we face – other than the 18% that work for the federal government? Some of the questions miss the point entirely so I’ll assume this was worked on by some professor’s grad students who have no clue about making a living. For example, how honest is it to ask (#22) if a respondent feels their income is stagnant? The vast majority of Americans (those that are awake at least) who still have jobs know that their wages may be the same but their dollars buying power is shrinking ~ 21% in the last 12 months. Stagnant my ass! The pond is draining! What about asking about job opportunities?

I found the variance in responses on #21 between the retirement numbers (70:30), putting their kids through college (45:48), starting a family (31:56) and buying a home (29:63) not at all surprising with the exception of the kids through college. My take is that each looks at different age demographics. Those thinking about retirement, seriously at least, tend to be past the other 3. Those thinking about college may be counting on aid and other traditional programs that may not be available when it comes time to pull the trigger. Even state universities are constantly facing having to raise tuition & fees. Starting a family precludes the first two but is very telling but of what? Values? Selfishness? Immaturity? Who can say? Likewise buying a home from scratch is a young person’s game. Given the ever shrinking values in most of the country I suspect the confidence of youth is the bane of the potential retirees. But then the banks aren’t lending so easily – if at all.

The fact is jobs that aren’t being off-shored are being, to coin a phrase, in-shored. The madness of the embrace of the hapless influx of undocumented because they’re illegals are not just picking fruit or any of the other such BS claims of the left. They are flooding the ranks of workers taking jobs that our kids, or unskilled workers would be happy to have. Hell, they’re even knocking out other Americans of Hispanic origin who have settled here legally.

The Republicans are full of shit and the lefties want to “take the mother down”. Arab Spring, Euro Summer and then what? The winter of our discontent? All lies, obfuscation and cheer-leading aside, we ARE in the second dip and I don’t see where anyone – political, corporate or otherwise – who has any real interest in making it better — even if they could.

Pay down your debt. Buy food like it’s going out of style and clothing regardless of the style. Harder times are on the doorstep.

First of all, why is it that everyone can remember the humor part of our format and nobody can remember the timely topics /social / political (listed in order of importance I might point out) commentary / consciousness raising portion of things? THAT is what gets you people all fired up and commenting not the humor!

My response to Dan:

lethalleprechaun  June 11, 2011 at 00:26   says:

Dan I’ll tell you what my financial adviser said to me when I asked him what HE was buying in the current market.

His response was “Canned goods and ammunition”.

Clothes is a good point I had not really considered prior either since I’m not a fashion plate or much of a clothes horse. Unless leaving the house I’m usually in jeans and an old t-shirt barefoot.

I’d suggest in addition a a couple good heavy belts, some decent camping gear (Both Bedding & cooking) some basic fishing tackle, a compass and several maps both topographical and road of your area, a decent assortment of good quality hand tools, several sheath and folding knives of various sizes with materials for sharpening them. a selection of oil fired hurricane lamps and at least one of those white gas lanterns. Most importantly, especially if you are stocking up on can goods made sure you have a good sturdy heavy duty can opener. You’d be surprised how many people over look this item in their emergency kits.

Get yourself a real good family sized first aid kit and augment it with the usual assortment of over the counter remedies you might need as well as extra bandages and an advanced first aid manual (a tackle box is an excellent way to contain all this). Drinking water filters and treatment as well as containers for carrying both a personal and potable water supply are also a must as is several rolls of duct tape, a roll of polyethylene, at least an 8 x !2 fiberglass reinforced tarp and some rope and cordage. Parachute cord is easy to come by is disproportionately strong for it’s size ( 1/8” in diameter but supports over five hundred pounds) and stores just about anywhere.

Find a couple of “urban survival guides” and a copy of “How things work”. AN old time boy scout field guide from the 1970s or 1980s would be a sound investment too. A book or two on homeopathic remedies and/or medicinal uses for herbs would not be amiss either.

Lastly and most importantly of all, keep your mouth shut about having this stuff and being prepared. in a situation where you need to use it your priorities are you and your family first. You have no friends, only unprepared liabilities. Yes that’s harsh but survival has always been about the fittest and best prepared that is life and nature’s way and nature is a harsh mistress.

One night little Johnny was lying asleep in his bed and was awakened by a noise. He laid there for a second and realized it was coming from his parents’ room. He jumped up and ran to their room only to find them awake, having sex.

He just stared wide eyed at them for a while, not knowing what they were doing. He walked a little closer to the bed and said, “Daddy?”, voice quivering, afraid and unaware of what they were doing. “What are you and Mommy doing?” The Dad jumped a little, startled, rolled over to see his son. “Well, Johnny, I’m…um… You know how you were wanting a baby brother?” “Yes…” replied little Johnny in a timid voice. “Well, I’m a putting little brother in your Mommy for you.” Johnny smiled and said, “Oh, ok!” and left the room feeling safe and secure.

The Dad felt good about himself for his witty and quick-on-the-spot answer and rolled over to fall asleep in his wife’s arms. The next day after work, Daddy came home to find Johnny sitting on the grass crying. “What’s wrong???” Daddy asked as he picked his son up filled with concern. “Daddy! you… you know.. *sniff* my little brother that you put in Mommy???” “Yes…” the Dad replied nervously. “Well… well… Today… *sniff*… the mailman came over and he ate him!”

A professor at the Clemson University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?”

About 90 students raise their hands.

“Well, that’s a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?”

About 40 students raise their hands.

“That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”

About 15 students raise their hand.

“Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”

Three students raise their hands.

“That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further…Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?”

Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says, “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”

The Middle Eastern Muslim student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, “So, Ahmed, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?”

Ahmed replied, “Shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats.”

Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.

Vegetarians and vegans spend entirely too much time trying to make vegetables taste like meat. You made your choice, now live with it hippie!

If you’re reading a book to your child and you decide to do a funny voice, you better be prepared to repeat that voice for like 3 fucking years.

Mental Note: Actual notes work better.

I have a hard time grasping the fact that in other countries, peoples thoughts are in a different language.

You’re the one who posted over a thousand pictures of yourself on-line, why does looking at them make me the weird one?

The “don’t talk to me about kids until you have a kid” people are extremely annoying. I don’t think I need to produce another human being to know it’s problematic to let a 4-year old treat me like his bitch.

I wonder how many twins are going by the wrong name because their parents mixed them up when they were babies…

Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I’d like to read a medication bottle and see “May cause extreme sexiness.”

Guys- what you lack in height does not need to be made up for in pure, unadulterated douchebaggery

 

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, ‘this is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?’
‘Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.

Well the field narrows yet again. Personally despite what ever dribbles from his lips I an counting Newt as fork stuck in him done. However this whole thing opens a window on an ( in my opinion) ugly aspect of Republican campaigning and explaining failing to make the grade. 

Newt Gingrich’s campaign team resigns en masse

By Steve Holland WASHINGTON | Thu Jun 9, 2011 6:16pm EDT

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/06/09/us-usa-campaign-gingrich-idUSTRE75864A20110609?feedType=RSS&feedName=topNews&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+reuters%2FtopNews+%28News+%2F+US+%2F+Top+News%29&utm_content=Google+Feedfetcher

(Reuters) – Key members of Republican Newt Gingrich’s presidential campaign team resigned on Thursday in a devastating blow to his 2012 election hopes.

Rick Tyler, who quit as Gingrich’s spokesman, cited “a difference of opinion on how to move forward” as the reason he, campaign manager Rob Johnson, senior strategist Dave Carney and others left the campaign.

The mass exodus from Gingrich’s campaign, which has sputtered from the beginning, could scare off would-be financial contributors and other supporters.

Texas Governor Rick Perry, considering a late entry into the 2012 contest, could benefit since Johnson and Carney are former Perry aides who left his side when he had earlier ruled out a race.

Gingrich said in a statement he is still a candidate.

“I am committed to running the substantive, solutions-oriented campaign I set out to run earlier this spring,” he said. “The campaign begins anew Sunday in Los Angeles.”

Newt dude incase you didn’t get the memo? when your ENTIRE campaign team resigns en masse that’s an indication they threw the towel in for you. If you cannot convince your own people of your commitment and viability how the hell do you expect to convenience voters and contributors?

Callista Gingrich Joins GOP’s Worst Wives Club

So Callista Gingrich forced Newt’s campaign implosion by dragging him on an Aegean cruise? Hardly—she’s just joined Marsha Barbour and Cheri Daniels as the latest victim of the GOP’s ugly new fad: Blame the wife.

The more I think about it, I’m starting to get a little disappointed in Richard Nixon. Why didn’t his team ever figure out that all of his problems, from Watergate to pesky reporters to, well, the Jews, could so easily be dumped on his wife? “It’s Pat—she drove us to these reckless decisions. We all tried to stop her.” But those were the days when Republican wives were quiet homemakers in their “respectable cloth coats,” not all uppity like Jackie Kennedy.

Those days, apparently, are gone. The latest ugly fad in GOP circles is to blame everything on the Mrs. “The problem was the wife,” is the headline of a gossipy piece by Fred Barnes on Newt Gingrich’s political collapse. No one in the article is courageous enough to say this on the record, by the way, but we all know—wink, wink—what’s really going on.

The former speaker of the United States House of Representatives, college professor, nemesis of presidents, author of umpteen books, relentless Amazon book reviewer, outspoken commentator on Fox News and every Sunday show in America, is unable to walk from here to there without Callista holding his hand while tripping the blind and stealing money from church collection plates to fund her countless Tiffany rings and Greek cruises.

It was Callista, officer, who forced her husband to make his inelegant comments on Medicare that infuriated the conservative base. It was Callista who used witchcraft or voodoo to make it impossible for well-paid, experienced campaign aides—all of them adults—to earn the trust and respect of a veteran political operator. It was Callista who was behind Newt’s embarrassing glitter-bombing by a gay activist. And it was Callista who placed a gag and handcuffs on her husband and forced him to take a vacation away from the oppressive Washington heat.

Well I, for one, am not buying it. And I have to say I’m a little ticked off that Newt Gingrich’s campaign collapse is suddenly all Callista’s fault.

Come to think of it, the GOP’s “wife is the villain” motif is not completely novel. In the 1980s, before the Reagans became America’s version of Grandpa and Grandma Moses, Nancy Reagan was the Cruella de Ville to Ronnie’s sweet-as-a-puppy-dog presidency. And in 2008, that role was played by Jeri Thompson—Fred’s so-called trophy wife—who prevented his campaign’s genius, faultless advisers from making the former Tennessee senator our nation’s commander in chief. (Fred, by the way, would have none of that. He used to joke, “Jeri’s not the trophy wife. I’m the trophy husband.”) So far, however, the 2012 campaign has taken all this up another unsavory notch.

Ok, so let me see if I have this all right and in perspective now.

The Democrats can’t either keep it in their pants or off the internet and spending us into total bankruptcy.

The Republicans who have little in the way or sexual morals their own self are all controlled puppet master style by their evil manipulative behind the scenes controlling wives? They slam the Democrats at every turn but fail to provide any serious substantial/solutions /ideas of their own  and are content with the status quo provided that status quo is pissing all over Obama’s presidency. Have I got that right?

Mean time the darling of the tea party set, Mz. “I’m not running for President; I’m just touring America in this campaign bus” Sarah Palin is painted the wicked witch Momma Bear of Alaska. The same governor who rode herd on the Oil companies until they became docile and reasonable, making the citizens of Alaska richer than any governor  has made the citizens of their state in history.

She was harassed by the media and the politicians for even THINKING about being anyplace near the white house until she felt she could not govern effectively any longer and resigned only to continue to be hounded by the liberal media.

They have succeeded in gaining access to her e-mail only to find exactly nothing. No dirt. No mismanagement. No embarrassment. Only competent governing. Apparently because she isn’t a pervert, a sex addict, a closet (or is that stall?) homosexual and doesn’t need a women standing behind her to tell her what to do the old boys network feels justified in condemning her too, even though she apparently isn’t even running yet and seems to have a superior moral and ethical record than most of the candidates and half of congress!.

I wonder if its too late to get England to take us back as a crown colony? I mean seriously, how much worse can the politics and bullshit possibly be?

Yup your eyes don’t deceive you, its your ever luvin’ ever faithful constantly curmudgeonly Leprechaun on duty again this morning. This IM transcript should serve to explain how I got to be doing today’s issue.

Leprechaun: THAT is your great “Master Plan” to increase readership? Gratuitous baby pictures in every issue??!

impishdragon: Yeah. That’s my plan. It’ll work once more in August too.

Leprechaun:: So what’s the Sitrep, am I publishing Saturday? If so I need to start an issue for it

impishdragon: SITREP: under constant barrage of fire!  Have men down. I repeat. Have men down. Your immediate action requested. Affirm. Please create DL for Saturday. Unable to determine if we can hold position through then. Acknowledge …

Leprechaun: Understand issue is in doubt. Stand by for posting reinforcement, additonal coffee supplies and Close Attitude Support.  Firebase Shamrock sending The Irish Brigade to reinforce for counter attack.  Incoming ordinance WILL BE HEAVY GUNS suggest you execute duck and cover under desk or on lunch hour until barrage lifts.

impishdragon: Save yourselves!

Leprechaun: Negative. Hold until relieved this command leave no man or dragon behind. I fear no inspection except from the Inspector General code named Mother In Law.  The shadow of death is the one Marines cast! GENTLEMEN, PREPARE TO DEFEND YOURSELVES! FIX BAYONETTES! PREPARE TO REPEL BOARDERS!   SEMPER FI  DO OR DIE HOLD ‘EM HIGH AT 8TH & I! PUG MO’ THOIN!

impishdragon: Thanks pal

So there you have it. I can report the dragon was successfully reinforced and is now holding his own against the Red Tape Menace and their allies the Anally Retentive Minions of Bureaucratic Minutia and Record Keeping. Since Impish is still waging the war after battling them to a stalemate yesterday I’ve picking up his slack in the blog department.

SO…. now that explanations have been made:

IT’S THE WEEKEND! LET’S GET OUR LAUGH ON!

WHAT?! It’s the WEEKEND! I’m relaxing! Haven’t you ever kicked back and let it all hang out? You should see what Impish looks like when he is putting together a weekend edition!

It’s even funnier when he gets his backside stuck in his office chair and we have to pry it off him!

As Sadie and Irving are leaving the mall, they see their neighbor’s son Paul and his fiancée Sharon just going in.
“Did you see that? ” Sadie says.
“See what?” asks Irving, pretending not to know what Sadie is referring to.
“Paul’s fiancée, that’s who,” Sadie says, “She’s dressing all wrong.
She’s probably 37-23-35 and with big breasts like hers, she shouldn’t be wearing such a skimpy see through top.
And such a tight leather skirt she’s wearing – I don’t know how she can breathe properly.
And it’s so short, it make her legs look too long.
I know she’s got a beautiful face but I don’t think blonde dyed hair suits her.
Believe me, Irving, that marriage won’t last more than 1 year.”
With a deep sigh, Irving replies, “Please God I should have such a year!

 

I left Impish with a bodyguard as you can see

Animation Video ~ good one!!!!!

Thanks to Lynn for this. Its one of the best I have seen

Click on the link below the pigeon  and make sure your sound is on…..

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=jEjUAnPc2VA

Since we of course all are missing the Dragon today and his umm… “wit and stylings”, I thought I would ease the pain of separation by using as many gratuitous dragon graphics and cartoons as I could. Besides he’s paying extra for me to do it so you don’t forget him.

 

I vow Impish will never become extinct in our memories…just as long as he keeps paying me to remind you he is around that is!

Minorities

We need to show more sympathy for these people.

They travel miles in the heat.
They risk their lives crossing a border.
They don’t get paid enough wages.
They do jobs that others won’t do or are afraid to do.
They live in crowded conditions among a people who speak a different language.
They rarely see their families, and they face adversity all day ~ every day..

I’m not talking about illegal Mexicans ~ (are you bloody NUTS?!)

I’m talking about our troops!

Doesn’t it seem strange that so many are willing to lavish all kinds of social benefits on illegals, but don’t support our troops?

Wouldn’t it be great if we took the $360,000,000,000 (that’s billion) we spend on illegals every year, and spend it on our troops and caring for their families!!!

 

Now if we could only get Impish to remember to PEEL THEM before eating them!

Wadda ya know he remembered! Maybe dragons CAN be trained!

 

Flying bear kills two Canadians in freak accident

OTTAWA (Reuters) – Two Canadians died instantly in a freak accident when a car hit a 440-pound (200-kg) black bear and sent the animal flying straight through the windshield of an oncoming vehicle, local media said Wednesday.

The bear’s body hit the 25-year-old driver and a 40-year-old man sitting behind her and then shot out of the back window. The bear also died.

Reuters– Wed Jun 8, 11:11 am ET http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20110608/wl_canada_nm/canada_us_bear

 

Must be Congressman Weiner’s kid – it was probably Weiner’s wienerschnitzel she saw being eaten!

 

Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest.
At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsmanlike manner at a recent football game. “I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents.”
“Ahhh, that’s a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin’,” the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat.
“That’s not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents.”
“Saints preserve us!” the priest said, making another chalk mark.
“There’s more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team’s players in the … in a sensitive area.”
“Oh, goodness me!” the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. “Who in the world were we playin’ when you did these awful things?”
“Southern Methodist.”
“Ah, well,” said the priest, wiping his sleeve, “boys will be boys.”

Hey I said I would use “as many gratuitous dragon graphics and cartoons as I could.”, I didn’t say I would not slip in a Irish joke or two.

 

2011 Computer Reliability Reports: Lenovo, Asus On Top

By Press Release | Last updated Jun 5, 2011, 8:51 am

“There have been some interesting changes over the last 3 months. We are in a time of rapid technical change and consumers more than ever need to have up-to-date unbiased guidance.” stated David Milman CEO of RESCUECOM.

The Computer Reliability Report gives an unbiased summary of the most reliable personal computer manufacturers. The top five brands with the best overall reliability in Q1 2011 are:

• IBM/Lenovo (254)
• Asus (242)
• Toshiba (164)
• Apple (149)
• HP/Compaq (122)

Although both Asus and Lenovo climbed in the rankings, Lenovo managed to maintain their lead. Interestingly Lenovo increased their market share over 26% this quarter, while ASUS lost almost 40%.

HP/Compaq was the runaway leader in number of PC’s shipped even with losing 2.5% market share, but they are now struggling to stay in the top five. Although grouped with the “Other brands” category, Samsung is rapidly rising in market share. Looked at separately Samsung would place third, bumping out HP/Compaq. With over 260% gain in market share, Samsung is a brand to watch in the future.

Apple, one of the proverbial reliability favorites narrowly missed number one in the last ranking. Now while increasing 26% in market share, mostly at the expense of Dell, they have fallen to fourth place. While Apple’s reliability has consistently placed them in the top five, it will be interesting to see if they can keep their ongoing commitment to quality.

RESCUECOM determines the manufacturer’s reliability by comparing their market share of shipped computers in a given time period, to the percentage of computer repair calls RESCUECOM handles for that same manufacturer. There are two key reliability areas reflected in the report: The component quality used, and the likelihood of the customer to seek third party support on their PC. Failure prone components lead to more frequent computer repair, and a lack of manufacturer support leads to seeking outside support options, such as RESCUECOM.

The following data was used to calculate reliability scores for the Q1 2011 Computer Reliability Report:

Manufacturer: U.S. Computer RESCUECOM Computer

Market Share – Computer Repair Share – Reliability

(percentage Share (percentage of service calls Score of computers shipped) to 1-800-RESCUE-PC)

IBM/Lenovo 5.5 % 2.17 % 254

Asus 3.0 % 1.24 % 242

Toshiba 10.2 % 6.19 % 164

Apple 9.7 % 6.50 % 149

HP/Compaq 26.5 % 21.67% 122

*Data Source: IDC

 

The Dot

FINALLY, SOMEONE HAS CLEARED THIS UP.

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story.
When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab, or a motel in the United States . If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with technical advice.

A man checks into a hotel and the desk clerk asks, very quietly, if he would like a woman sent to his room. The man says yes.
The desk clerk says, “I have a stenographer, a switchboard operator or a teacher. Which one should I send up?”
With this the man replies, “I’ll take the teacher.”
When the man checks out the next morning, the desk clerk says, “I’m curious, why did you pick the teacher instead of the stenographer or the switchboard operator?”
The man replies, “The stenographer would say that she can’t take it as fast as I give it. The switchboard operator would cut me off before I’m finished, but the teacher would tell me to do it over and over again until I get it right.”

 

Impish has been ducking him for weeks now ever since he heard St George trained the  Black Knight.

Q: What’s the difference between a nun and a woman taking a shower?
A: The nun has hope in her soul.

Gee, I say that every time the dragon says ‘Hey can you cover for me?”

A worried father telephoned his family doctor and said that he was afraid that his teenage son had come down with V.D. “He says he hasn’t had sex with anyone but the maid, so it has to be her.”

“Don’t worry so much,” advised the doctor. “These things happen.”

“I know, doctor,” said the father, “but I have to admit that I’ve been sleeping with the maid also. I seem to have the same symptoms.”

“That’s unfortunate.”

“Not only that, I think I’ve passed it to my wife.”

“Oh Shit,” said the doc, “That means we all have it.”

 

Archie Bunker on Democrats

It’s pretty telling when a show that originally aired during the Carter administration is equally applicable in an Obama world.

 

I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt. She asked, “Do I click the square?”

I said, “Yes.”

She asked me, “Single click or double click?”

 

Three nuns passed every day through a street that led them from Church to a Reformatory. They noticed a parrot that stood at the entrance of a big residential house. Every time they passed in front of that house, the bird would pronounce three sequential colors.

One day, they heard, “Yellow, blue, black.”

One of the nuns noticed that those colors perfectly matched the colors of their underwear. She mentioned her discovery to the other two nuns, but both were reluctant to believe that could be possible.

The next day, they all wore black underwear and passed in front of the house, and very precisely the parrot spoke,

“Black, black, black.”

Hearing that, the three nuns were astonished! One of the nuns spoke up, “Girls, tomorrow we are going to trick that bird.” Saying that, she recommended that the next day, none of them should be wearing any underwear under their vestments.

Respecting their agreement, the next day they wore no underwear, and proceeded to pass in front of the parrot’s house. Initially, the parrot looked a bit puzzled, he swung back and forth on his perch.

Then, after a while, the Parrot said, “Straight, straight, curly!”

 

The 10 Issues Fast-Food Companies Don’t Want You To Know

The secrets aren’t only in the sauce.

http://www.smartmoney.com/spend/deal-of-the-day/10-things-fast-food-companies-wont-say-1305929832052/#tab_article MAY 23, 2011, 4:48 P.M. ET

Every business has its secrets, or aspects it would rather that the public not know. Fast-food companies are not exception.

Jillian Mincer and Catey Hill outlined the 10 things in Smart Money that fast-food companies would rather you did not figure out.

1) Of course they have healthy options, but they will cost you more. So much for their claims of trying to provide good nutrition to their customers.

Pricing, in addition to the heavy marketing of unhealthy food options, undercuts what the fast food industry says is its commitment to healthy options. On average, the salad with chicken at a fast-food restaurant tends to be the most expensive option on the menu ($4.85 on average) and costs $1.90 more than a large burger and the healthy chicken sandwich costs $3.73 on average, about 26% more than a large “red-meat sandwich.

2) Don’t count on a lot of the money in fund raising actually going to the intended recipient.

These programs aren’t as lucrative as schools might hope, according to a 2006 report by Arizona State University’s Commercialism in Education Unit. The report found that almost three out of four schools participating in these so-called income-generating advertising activities didn’t receive any income in the 2003-2004 academic year. In addition, 12.6% of schools received $2,500 or less and less than 1% of schools received more than $50,000.

3) The VALUE meals are expensive.

That bundled meal option may encourage customers to spend more than they would otherwise. It’s true that the value meal is typically cheaper than the sum of its parts, but research suggests some people don’t actually want all the parts, or not in such large sizes.

4) The smiles from staff are intended to make you spend.

According to Gallup research from 2011 an “engaged fast-food customer spend 16% more than a customer who is not engaged” and “the most powerful driver of engagement in a fast-food restaurant is ‘being treated as a valued customer,’ followed by ‘the warmth of the greeting’ and ‘taste of food.'”

5) Unless you are connected you can’t buy a good fast food franchise.

Thanks to the slow economy and intense competition, many fast-food businesses are sticking established owners, who are better able to withstand short-term challenges with a new franchise than a rookie owner.

6. Food isn’t the only thing we serve fast.

As careful as many fast-food restaurants are, there have been Salmonella, E. coli and other food-poisoning bacteria outbreaks in recent years, including a rare but serious 2006 outbreak of E. coli linked to Taco Bell by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention that sickened hundreds in the northeast.

7. Don’t like our building? We’ll change it.

All of them [fast-food chains] will build site-specific buildings if they’re made to do that, hundreds of communities across the country have successfully lobbied fast-food shops to design buildings that fit their neighborhoods’ styles.

8. Our food may be cheap. Our stocks, not so much.

Some fast-food stocks have been on a tear over the last 12 months, driven by an improving economy. So far this year, Yum! Brands (YUM: 54.41, 0.53, 0.98%), which owns Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, and KFC, has gained about 43%; Starbucks (SBUX: 36.03, 0.29, 0.81%) has increased 70%. But with a few exceptions, this might be a better time to eat your favorite fast food restaurant than to own its shares, say some investing pros.

9. We’re keeping soft drink prices low.

In recent years, governments at all levels have been flirting with the idea of a tax on soda, condemning the sugary, carbonated beverages for their high-calorie, low-nutrient value. But so far, they’ve had no luck raising the price of pop, thanks in part to aggressive lobbying on the part of the fast-food industry.

10. Those toys aren’t free

In 2006, fast-food joints spent an estimated $360 million on the toys, according to a Federal Trade Commission report. But the industry more than made up for that investment with some $348.5 billion in kids meals sales.

The first guy said, “You know, I’m really lucky. When my wife makes love, she’s like an acrobat. She can get into the most incredible positions.”

The second guy said, “I’m lucky, too. My wife is like a world-class pianist when we have sex. She’s got the most talented hands you can imagine.” No one spoke for a moment.

Then the first guy said to the third guy, “Impish how’s you wife in bed?”

Impish took a sip of his beer, then replied, “I guess you could say that my wife makes love like a chess player.”

“A chess player?”

“Yeah. Every twenty minutes, she moves.”

NOBLE BIRTH?! Good luck with that pal!  I have a hard enough time find virgins that are old enough for you to legally eat at all!

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.

Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

‘How do you feel about sex?’ he asked her rather tentatively.

‘I would like it infrequently’ she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered,

‘Is that one word or two?’

TRUST ME that’s NOT what Impish spent his time lighting…and still does!

I think this is Impish’s greatest fear, I know he has nightmares about it!

No Last Word today as  I spent too much time when assembling this issue on making sure you didn’t miss the Dragon too much. Now Molly is muttering about locating her rolling pin if I don’t get started on that honey-do list.

I hope all the dragon graphics kept you from missing our errant Impish Dragon TOO much and garnered a couple belly laughs as well.

I’ll see you all again on Monday and Hopefully Impish will be back come Tuesday and all will return to normal While ordinarily I appreciate letters of support and thanks for my stepping in Impish let’s keep it low key this time around please, we don’t need Impish losing any sleep fretting that you readers like me better than him or having nightmares about being replaced by me ( as if I could ever eat THAT much! ).

Impish Pal, I got nuthin’ but love in my heart for ya….and your gold. This was all really a tribute to our feckless…I MEAN fearless leader and the true heart and soul of Dragon Laffs. Don’t think of this as me throwing you under the bus ( again) but rather as  your own personal tribute roasting, only with a way smaller budget and considerably less profanity.

By the way the bill for all this and 15% extra for being kind to you and saying nice things about you is on your desk. I’d appreciate a check on mine by Monday please!

 

WAHOO IT’S THE WEEKEND! TIME TO KICK BACK AND… spend the weekend slaving at the Honey-do ranch according to the list I was just handed. SIGH!

Oh well at least we can:

LAUGH LIKE ITS FRIDAY AND YOU’RE SNEAKING OUT EARLY!

Impish I’m watching you (and so are the inspectors!) so don’t even THINK about trying it!

After many years, a young Jewish Talmud student who had left the old country for America returns to visit the family. “But–where is your beard?” asks his mother upon seeing him.
“Mama,” he replies, “in America, nobody wears a beard.”
“But at least you keep the Sabbath?”
“Mama, business is business. In America, everybody works on the Sabbath.”
“But kosher food you still eat?”
“Mama, in America, it is very difficult to keep kosher.”
The old lady ponders this information and then leans over and whispers in his ear, “Isaac, tell me–you’re still circumcised?”

 

Now THAT is a Candy Store!

I want to meet the mold model! I wonder if any of them come cream filled?

I do the water and sewer billing for a small city in Washington State.

Customers complained about our postcard-sized bills — which they said looked too much like junk mail. So we decided to start sending full-sized bills in envelopes. The month before the switch, I had a note printed on the cards, announcing the change.

Two days later, I heard someone yelling at our receptionist, “Is this some kind of joke?” When the customer threw his bill upon the desk, I saw his point. The note was, “Coming soon! New Larger Bills!”

——–

A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was playing with extraordinary performance.

“This is a very smart dog,” the man commented.

“Not so smart,” said one of the players. “Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.”

——–

A mission statement is defined as “a long, awkward sentence that demonstrates management’s inability to think clearly.”

All good companies have one.

Vacationing in Alaska, I couldn’t help but notice all the warnings about bears posted in campgrounds, visitors centers and rest areas advising people not to feed the bears, how to avoid bears, what to do if a bear sees you, what to do if a bear attacks, and so on.

My favorite, however, was a hand-lettered sign on the door of a small gas station in a remote area. It said: “Warning! If you are being chased by a bear, don’t come in here!”

Swiss Army Bike

Folding Electric Bike by Voltitude

First Kiss

At the end of their first date, a young man takes his favorite girl home. Emboldened by the night, he decides to try for that important first kiss.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, “Darling, how about a goodnight kiss?”
Horrified, she replies, “Are you mad? My parents will see us!”
“Oh, come on! Who’s going to see us at this hour?”
“No, please. Can you imagine if we got caught?”
“Oh, come on. There’s nobody around. They’re all sleeping!”
“No way. It’s just too risky!”
“Oh, please, please. I like you so much!”
“No, no and no. I like you too, but I just can’t!”
“Oh, yes you can. Please!”
“No, no. I just can’t.”
“Pleeeeease!”
Out of the blue, the porch light goes on and the girl’s sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled.

In a sleepy voice, the sister says, “Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or, I can do it. Or, if need be, he’ll come down and do it himself. But for crying out loud, tell him to take his hand off the intercom button!”

Helping Impish Dragon work off his Community Service one PSA at a time

 

A Neat Way To Identify Power Cords !

This is a great idea!

Use bread clips to identify power cords when you have a bunch of them in a power strip.

This makes it easy to select the right one.

Just use a Sharpie to mark them.

Works on that tangle of cables behind your TV, DVD and home theater set ups too!

Wife’s Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing.’ I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.

I can’t explain his behavior I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’ When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep – I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband’s Diary:

Boat wouldn’t start, can’t figure it out.

 

A politician involved in a sex scandal? Say it ain’t so!

Democrat Congressman Anthony Weiner has pushed Republican Arnold Schwarzenegger off the hot seat. Weiner got caught tweeting a picture of his Weinerette to a young woman he met via Twitter. Then he lied about it until evidence piled up, at which point he admitted to getting iFrisky with SIX women — despite getting married less than a year ago.

The Top 10 Things You Should Never Do If Your Last Name Is Weiner

10> Wear socks with sandals. It just looks stupid.

9> Refer to disciplining your child as “spanking my little Weiner.”

8> Agree to be John Boehner’s running mate.

7> Become a partner in a law firm with Small, Johnson and Wang.

6> Use your name in vein.

5> Perform magic at your high school talent show as “The Amazing, Astounding, Magnificent Weiner.”

4> Open a tattoo/piercing or massage/waxing business named after yourself.

3> Co-sponsor meat-industry regulation bills with Barney Frank.

2> “This is America. If Disney can have a theme park, I can have a theme park.”

and The Number 1 Thing You Should Never Do If Your Last Name Is Weiner…

1> Behave like one.

[ Copyright 2011 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

While Impish’s phrase ‘Cyber Flashing’ IS certainly an accurate term for Weiner displaying his wiener, someone else has already coined what it appears will be the media adopted term for this behavior, ‘iFrisky‘.

I still can’t help but wonder if it was Kosher and therefore a Hebrew National. HEY! Don’t groan at me over a bad pun! I have been listening to Jon Stewart trying not to make fun of this and failing all week!

Speaking of comics and the field day they are having at the expenses of Weiner’s wiener, here a few great ones from the master himself Jay Leno.

From Tuesday’s Tonight Show with Jay Leno:

JAY LENO: According to TMZ, the day after First Lady Michelle Obama unveiled the new USDA guide to healthy eating, President Obama was spotted in Ohio eating two chili dogs… That’s two politicians this week getting in trouble for their wieners.

What a story this is! Yesterday, Congressman Anthony Weiner, now known of course as the ‘peter tweeter,’ that’s who he is now. Well, he held a big press conference at a hotel in New York City where he admitted to everything. Did you see him standing in front of that microphone? I think it was a microphone.

See, this is why Twitter exists. Members of Congress can now send you pictures of their penises electronically. Remember the old days with Sen. Larry Craig? You had to get in your car, drive to the airport, find the airport bathroom, try to figure out which stall he’s in, knock on the door. Now they send it right to your house. It’s fantastic!

Well, you know this was gonna happen. A second woman has come forward now, and she says she has over 200 explicit sex text messages from the married congressman. She says they’re very short messages, you know, like cocktail wieners. They’re the smaller…

Anyway, yesterday, Weiner said he wanted to apologize to his constituents, especially the really hot ones. He feels bad about that. But he said there were six girls in three years, but he never had sex with any of them. Six girls, three years, and no sex — Do you know what I call that? High school. OK? That was high school. That was high school for me.

And his wife, I guess his beautiful wife, Huma, she’s a beautiful woman, if you’ve seen her. She is an aide for Hillary Clinton. And I guess Hillary called Huma to console her, while Anthony Weiner got a call from Bill going, ‘Yeah!!!’

Since lawmakers are already attempting to prevent teens from sex-texting the same sort of pictures to each other under child pornography laws  I cannot help but wonder if Internet Laws regarding ‘Indecent Cyber Exposure’ can be far off for our increasingly draconian and personal life invading government to prevent our lawmakers from sex-texting their constituents. Though I will point out that Weiner’s apparent physique and endowment are a hell of a lot more impressive than some of the platforms our Congressmen run on and win as well as the fact he apparently has a large and hard working staff!

Two timely, topical and original leprechaun groaners in this introspection, oh yeah the bad puns bar has just been raised! Zack, beamrider, MikeR. and the rest of you, you’re on notice, you’ve got to step up your game and get creative and original if you want to run with the big dog now! Don’t worry about running with the dragon, he can barely plod along and resorts to cheating by fly-hopping in a foot race.

 

Apparently its not just Impish and I that are outraged by the things happening in America or by Obama and his action (s) or in action(s). Clearly a great deal of America is also pretty angry and stressed over the situation as well.

America the Angry

As unemployment hits 9.1 percent, Americans are losing their cool. A Newsweek/Daily Beast poll finds rising anger levels affecting everything from work to sex drive. Plus, great thinkers from Cornel West to Robert Reich tell us what they’re angry about.

Gas and grocery prices are soaring, the housing market is crashing to new lows, and yet another dismal jobs report has confirmed a stubbornly high unemployment rate. Could the anger fueling the Arab Spring soon bring club-wielding protesters to America?

According to an exclusive poll by Newsweek and The Daily Beast, reality is beginning to break down Americans’ normally optimistic attitude. Three-quarters of our respondents think the country is on the wrong track. A majority say the anxiety wrought by this recession has caused relationship problems and sleep deficiency. Two-thirds even report being angry at God. See the results of our poll below.

By almost four to one, Americans say our economy is not delivering the jobs we need, 81 percent to 12 percent.

And Obama isn’t helping. 50 percent of respondents think the president has no real plan to balance the budget; 40 percent say he does.

Republicans aren’t getting any love, either. Our poll respondents say the GOP is just laying the blame on Obama rather than making their own positive proposals, 58 percent to 29 percent.

Over half (52 percent) say their personal economic situation makes them nervous. Forty eight percent say it makes them anxious, 44 percent say it makes them upset, and 30 percent say it makes them angry.

Americans are even losing sleep over this: 56 percent are so angry about their personal economic situation that they have lost sleep.

Thirteen percent say their anger has affected their sex life. Of those, 63 percent say they experienced a lower sex drive at least some of the time.

Listen up, Republicans: Our respondents overwhelmingly say they support increasing taxes on the wealthiest as a means of balancing the budget, 68 percent to 27 percent.

Seventy percent of Americans are nervous about their retirement because of their personal economic situation; 45 percent are nervous about being able to put their children through college; 31 percent are nervous about starting a family; and 29 percent are nervous about being able to afford to buy a home.

Twenty seven percent say their family’s economic situation has affected their health, and 26 percent of those married say it has affected their marriage.

Of those who say their family’s economic situation has affected their marriage, 57 percent say their relationship with their spouse has become worse, while 34 percent say it has become stronger.

Douglas Schoen is a political strategist and author of the upcoming book Mad as Hell: How the Tea Party Movement is Fundamentally Remaking Our Two-Party System to be published by Harper, an imprint of HarperCollins on September 14. Schoen has worked on numerous campaigns, including those of Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Michael Bloomberg, Evan Bayh, Tony Blair, and Ed Koch

http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2011-06-04/anger-in-america-could-the-arab-spring-happen-in-the-us/

Good Morning Campers… the second in a continuing series…. May I introduce to you,

Arabella Colleen:

born yesterday morning at 1030 am, weighing in at 10 lbs, 14 oz!  What an adorable granddaughter!  I am such a blessed dragon.

And here, Arabella meets Riley for the first time…

you can almost read the look on Riley’s face
”Oh my gosh, that girl is huge! She’s gonna kick my butt one day!”
lol, both of them arrived as wonderfully healthy babies.  I am the Grand Dragon!

Stay tuned for part 3 coming in August…. now…

Political Quotes

“I resent your insinuendoes.”

“If we don’t make some changes, the status quo will remain the same.”

“We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world.”

“I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate.” — Dan Quayle

“If Lincoln were alive today, he’d roll over in his grave.”

“We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report.”

“Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository.”

“Let’s jump off that bridge when we come to it.”

“To be demeanered like that is an exercise in fertility.”

“I deny the allegations, and I defy the allegators.”

“If somebody’s gonna stab me in the back, I want to be there.”

“When you’re talking to me, keep your mouth shut.”

“Let’s do this in one foul swoop.”

“I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves in this session.”

“We’ll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger.”

“Outside of the killings in Washington DC, we have one of the lowest crime rates in the nation.” — Marion Berry

“I would like to take this time to reirritate my remarks.”

“The average age of a 7 year old in this state is 13.”

“I hate to confuse myself with the facts.”

“We have a permanent plan for the time being.”

“Family planning has many misconceptions.”

“The people in my district do not want this highway bypass, no matter if it goes through or around the city.”

“My knowledge is no match for his ignorance.”

“As long as I am in the Senate, there will not be a nuclear suppository in our state.”

“These numbers are not my own; they are from someone who knows what he’s talking about.”

“People planning on getting into serious accidents should have their seat belts on.”

In 1994, Americans stand on the horns of an enema.”

Weiner Faces Calls to Resign and Tries to Make Amends

These people just don’t get it!
Weiner gets caught sending pictures of his wiener to other people.  Well, maybe not that, but “suggestive” text messages to women.  Wait, let me get the exact quote:
Meagan Broussard, said it was Mr. Weiner who quickly initiated an exchange via instant messaging and sent racy photos to her.
Okay, so maybe Weiner was sending photos of his wiener…but that’s not the problem!  If it was just a matter of sending “suggestive” messages or otherwise, half the population of the world would be guilty!  People are going to flirt, some more suggestively than others, on line, by text OR ANY OTHER MEANS THEY CAN FIND!  It’s human nature. 
We need a twelve-step program ….
”Hi, my name’s Impish, and I’m an online flirt”
”Hi Impish.”
The PROBLEM, Congressman Weiner, is that you sent these messages that went beyond mere flirting, to people you didn’t even know!  What amounts to FORCING yourself on them. 
Cyber Rape?
Nah, too harsh.
But, just like in Central Park, the pervert with the raincoat who flashes women and little kids, your crime is that of Cyber Flasher.
Unwelcome and irresponsible.
And then….
Rather than just coming clean or even just claiming ignorance or “no comment” (also known as shutting-the-hell-up), what do you, Mr. Honorable Congressman?
You blame it on a huge Right-Wing-Republican-Conspiracy to frame you.
”Yup, that’s the ticket!  I was framed!”
Uh huh…. let’s see….what’s that word again?
Damn, can’t think of it…
OH Yeah!  I remember!
I N T E G R I T Y !
Do you remember these words Mr. Congressman?  It was probably a January… way back in 1999… come on Tony… remember…
I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God.
Read that underlined portion one more time, Tony, and look me in the eye and tell me that Cyber Flashing is one of the duties of the office of Congressman.  And lying about it is implicit in your job description.

A policeman sent his wife and child to a resort for a vacation.

After a week, he joined them in the hotel.

As soon as he came to the hotel room, he wanted to make love to his wife.

“No, darling,” she said. “We can’t do it here. Jeremy is watching us.”

“You are right,” he said. “Let’s go to the beach.” So they hired a sitter from the hotel and headed for the beach.

After a while, they found an empty stretch of beach, laid down a towel and began to get busy. They were going hot and heavy when a policeman walked in on them.

“Put your clothes on immediately!” he barked. “You can’t do that in public! Shame on you!”

“You are right,” said the husband. “I am sorry, but I had a moment of weakness.

We haven’t seen each other in a week.

By the way, I am a policeman too and it would be very embarrassing if you fine me.”

“Don’t worry,” the cop assured. “You are a colleague and this is your first time.

But this is the third time I’ve caught her having sex on this beach this week, and I’m afraid there will have to be a fine involved!”

A carpenter in New Hampshire was called upon to put up a bulletin board in the church vestry. Since the walls were marble, he tried to glue it rather than nail it but ran into problems until he tried making the frame out of burr oak. That adhered quite successfully, leading him to admonish his young assistant, “If it ain’t burr oak, don’t affix it!”

Two men are walking their dogs in a graveyard. One man turns to the other and says, “Morning!”

The other man replies, “No, just walking the dog.”

Lethal made some very good points in his extra last night.  We were on the phone several times discussing it and we both agree, WE OPENLY welcome dissenting points of view, but let’s play fair.  If you quote an article, or a part of an article, give us the reference so we can see the rest of the article and don’t take lines out of context.  Let’s all fight fair, shall we?

Yes!  That is correct!  Those of you who correctly identified the last two really lousy jokes as being submitted by Zack win the grand prize!

Yup, no Last Word yesterday, but today you got baby pictures, a Last Word, a mini rant and several comments by me through out.  I hope I made up for my slight lack of a Last Word the other day, by this perfectly executed Dragon Laffs….if not…. thippt!!!! (That’s me sticking my tongue out at you.  Didn’t you ever read Bloom County?  Sheesh.  Some of you guys have led a very sheltered life.)

Conan

• It turns out that one of the women Congressman Anthony Weiner was communicating with was a porn star. When asked how it was possible to get involved with someone in such a sleazy business, the porn star said, “I don’t know.”
• People are bidding for a private lunch with Warren Buffett. So far, the bidding has reached $2 million. Buffett says the first financial tip he’ll give the winner is, “Try not to spend $2 million on lunch.”
• Prince William and his wife Kate have posted an ad for a housekeeper. When he heard this, Arnold Schwarzenegger said, “So it looks like they do want to start a family.”
• The Chinese economy has shown signs of slowing down. Experts say that’s what happens when your workforce starts to enter its teens.

What do you mean, “What Grand Prize?”
Continued Dragon Laffs isn’t prize enough?
Gosh, some of you campers are so greedy!

Really?  You run out of important things to control like jaywalkers trying to keep kids from saying the Pledge of Allegiance in school?

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2011/06/07/backer-circumcision-ban-in-california-city-withdraws-proposal/

Woman Pushing to Ban Circumcision in California City Drops Proposal

The proponent of a ballot measure to ban circumcision in a California city has dropped the effort following claims of anti-Semitic themes and imagery, including a comic book that featured a “Monster Mohel.”

Jena Troutman, the Santa Monica woman who submitted the proposal to the Santa Monica city clerk last month, said she has withdrawn the measure to prohibit “Genital Cutting of Male Minors.” Under the measure, which needed more than 6,000 signatures to go on the November 2012 ballot, circumcising a child under the age of 18 would have been a misdemeanor offense punishable by a $1,000 fine or a year in jail.

Troutman, a lactation consultant and mother of two, told FoxNews.com that her focus was “never about religion” when she submitted the initiative, which was written by a San Diego-based group called MGMbill.org, the same organization that authored the measure to ban circumcision that will appear on the ballot in San Francisco this November.

“I don’t have the time or the energy to argue with everybody, but you shouldn’t go around cutting up your little babies,” Troutman said. “Why don’t people [expletive] get that? For me, this was never about religion. It was about protecting babies from their parents not knowing that circumcision was started in America to end masturbation.” What????????? Does you mind even know what words are coming out of your mouth?

Santa Monica Mayor Richard Bloom confirmed the news on his Facebook page late Monday.

Bloom wrote: “The proponent of the Santa Monica ballot initiative to ban circumcision just left a msg 4 me that she is WITHDRAWING the measure!!” Dude, really?  You’re going to spell out “circumcision” and “proponent” and yet the word “for” is just too much?

During Tuesday’s telephone interview, Troutman distanced herself from MGMbill.org, which is led by Matthew Hess, the author of the “Foreskin Man” cartoon, which depicts a blond superhero taking on a character named “Monster Mohel.” Several critics, including the Anti-Defamation League, have blasted the publication as “disrespectful and deeply offensive.” Ya think?

“I respect and appreciate the Jewish religion and people’s delicate feelings about their religious customs,” she said, adding that she originally sought a religious exemption for the proposed ban but ultimately declined to include one since it would have been unconstitutional. And trying to keep people from having a highly recommended, minor surgical procedure is okay, we just don’t want to cross any religious boundaries?  Are you fucking crazy?!?!

Still, “bodily integrity and genital autonomy” are human rights, she said.

“I’m tired of it being about religion,” Troutman continued. “For over a million babies a year, they’re being cut for no reason.”

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, male circumcision has been associated with a lower risk for HIV infection in international observational studies and in three randomized controlled clinical trials. It is also cleaner, more sexually pleasing to the male and the female (if you really need me to explain it to you, I will).  But, since she’s obviously crazy, her opinion is that these babies are being cut for no reason!

“It is possible, but not yet adequately assessed, that male circumcision could reduce male-to-female transmission of HIV, although probably to a lesser extent than female-to-male transmission,” a CDC website reads. “Male circumcision has also been associated with a number of other health benefits. Although there are risks to male circumcision, serious complications are rare.”

Messages seeking comment from Hess were not immediately returned Tuesday.

Unlike in Santa Monica, Troutman confirmed that a measure banning male circumcision of minors will still appear on the ballot in San Francisco. If passed, the measure would make it a misdemeanor crime punishable by a $1,000 fine or a year in jail.

Amanda Susskind, regional director of the Anti-Defamation League’s Pacific Southwest region, characterized the news as a “welcome” development.

“Everybody is happy that this particular petition isn’t going forward,” Susskind told FoxNews.com. “[But] there’s a movement, so our concern is that they’ll find someone else in Santa Monica to file [another initiative] on their behalf.”

Susskind continued, “The main issue for us is the right for a parent to choose the religious upbringing of a child and I think that is a concept that resonates with most people.”

The bottom line?

People in California are friggin’ nuts!

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