Dragon Laffs #1209


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Warning_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu[1]Warning_thumb2_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu[2]Good Morning Campers… the second in a continuing series…. May I introduce to you,

Arabella Colleen:

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born yesterday morning at 1030 am, weighing in at 10 lbs, 14 oz!  What an adorable granddaughter!  I am such a blessed dragon.

And here, Arabella meets Riley for the first time…
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you can almost read the look on Riley’s face
”Oh my gosh, that girl is huge! She’s gonna kick my butt one day!”
lol, both of them arrived as wonderfully healthy babies.  I am the Grand Dragon!

Stay tuned for part 3 coming in August…. now…
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Political Quotes

“I resent your insinuendoes.”

“If we don’t make some changes, the status quo will remain the same.”

“We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world.”

“I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate.” — Dan Quayle

“If Lincoln were alive today, he’d roll over in his grave.”

“We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report.”

“Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository.”

“Let’s jump off that bridge when we come to it.”

“To be demeanered like that is an exercise in fertility.”

“I deny the allegations, and I defy the allegators.”

“If somebody’s gonna stab me in the back, I want to be there.”

“When you’re talking to me, keep your mouth shut.”

“Let’s do this in one foul swoop.”

“I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves in this session.”

“We’ll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger.”

“Outside of the killings in Washington DC, we have one of the lowest crime rates in the nation.” — Marion Berry

“I would like to take this time to reirritate my remarks.”

“The average age of a 7 year old in this state is 13.”

“I hate to confuse myself with the facts.”

“We have a permanent plan for the time being.”

“Family planning has many misconceptions.”

“The people in my district do not want this highway bypass, no matter if it goes through or around the city.”

“My knowledge is no match for his ignorance.”

“As long as I am in the Senate, there will not be a nuclear suppository in our state.”

“These numbers are not my own; they are from someone who knows what he’s talking about.”

“People planning on getting into serious accidents should have their seat belts on.”

In 1994, Americans stand on the horns of an enema.”

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Mini Dragon Rant

Weiner Faces Calls to Resign and Tries to Make Amends

These people just don’t get it!
Weiner gets caught sending pictures of his wiener to other people.  Well, maybe not that, but “suggestive” text messages to women.  Wait, let me get the exact quote:
Meagan Broussard, said it was Mr. Weiner who quickly initiated an exchange via instant messaging and sent racy photos to her.
Okay, so maybe Weiner was sending photos of his wiener…but that’s not the problem!  If it was just a matter of sending “suggestive” messages or otherwise, half the population of the world would be guilty!  People are going to flirt, some more suggestively than others, on line, by text OR ANY OTHER MEANS THEY CAN FIND!  It’s human nature. 
We need a twelve-step program ….
”Hi, my name’s Impish, and I’m an online flirt”
”Hi Impish.”
The PROBLEM, Congressman Weiner, is that you sent these messages that went beyond mere flirting, to people you didn’t even know!  What amounts to FORCING yourself on them. 
Cyber Rape?
Nah, too harsh.
But, just like in Central Park, the pervert with the raincoat who flashes women and little kids, your crime is that of Cyber Flasher.
Unwelcome and irresponsible.
And then….
Rather than just coming clean or even just claiming ignorance or “no comment” (also known as shutting-the-hell-up), what do you, Mr. Honorable Congressman?
You blame it on a huge Right-Wing-Republican-Conspiracy to frame you.
”Yup, that’s the ticket!  I was framed!”
Uh huh…. let’s see….what’s that word again?
Damn, can’t think of it…
OH Yeah!  I remember!
I N T E G R I T Y !
Do you remember these words Mr. Congressman?  It was probably a January… way back in 1999… come on Tony… remember…
I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God.
Read that underlined portion one more time, Tony, and look me in the eye and tell me that Cyber Flashing is one of the duties of the office of Congressman.  And lying about it is implicit in your job description.

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A policeman sent his wife and child to a resort for a vacation.
After a week, he joined them in the hotel.
As soon as he came to the hotel room, he wanted to make love to his wife.

“No, darling,” she said. “We can’t do it here. Jeremy is watching us.”

“You are right,” he said. “Let’s go to the beach.” So they hired a sitter from the hotel and headed for the beach.

After a while, they found an empty stretch of beach, laid down a towel and began to get busy. They were going hot and heavy when a policeman walked in on them.

“Put your clothes on immediately!” he barked. “You can’t do that in public! Shame on you!”

“You are right,” said the husband. “I am sorry, but I had a moment of weakness.

We haven’t seen each other in a week.
By the way, I am a policeman too and it would be very embarrassing if you fine me.”

“Don’t worry,” the cop assured. “You are a colleague and this is your first time.

But this is the third time I’ve caught her having sex on this beach this week, and I’m afraid there will have to be a fine involved!”

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A carpenter in New Hampshire was called upon to put up a bulletin board in the church vestry. Since the walls were marble, he tried to glue it rather than nail it but ran into problems until he tried making the frame out of burr oak. That adhered quite successfully, leading him to admonish his young assistant, “If it ain’t burr oak, don’t affix it!”

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Two men are walking their dogs in a graveyard. One man turns to the other and says, “Morning!”

The other man replies, “No, just walking the dog.”

Lethal made some very good points in his extra last night.  We were on the phone several times discussing it and we both agree, WE OPENLY welcome dissenting points of view, but let’s play fair.  If you quote an article, or a part of an article, give us the reference so we can see the rest of the article and don’t take lines out of context.  Let’s all fight fair, shall we?

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Yes!  That is correct!  Those of you who correctly identified the last two really lousy jokes as being submitted by Zack win the grand prize!

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Yup, no Last Word yesterday, but today you got baby pictures, a Last Word, a mini rant and several comments by me through out.  I hope I made up for my slight lack of a Last Word the other day, by this perfectly executed Dragon Laffs….if not…. thippt!!!! (That’s me sticking my tongue out at you.  Didn’t you ever read Bloom County?  Sheesh.  Some of you guys have led a very sheltered life.)

Conan

  • It turns out that one of the women Congressman Anthony Weiner was communicating with was a porn star. When asked how it was possible to get involved with someone in such a sleazy business, the porn star said, “I don’t know.”
  • People are bidding for a private lunch with Warren Buffett. So far, the bidding has reached $2 million. Buffett says the first financial tip he’ll give the winner is, “Try not to spend $2 million on lunch.”
  • Prince William and his wife Kate have posted an ad for a housekeeper. When he heard this, Arnold Schwarzenegger said, “So it looks like they do want to start a family.”
  • The Chinese economy has shown signs of slowing down. Experts say that’s what happens when your workforce starts to enter its teens.

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What do you mean, “What Grand Prize?”
Continued Dragon Laffs isn’t prize enough?
Gosh, some of you campers are so greedy!

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WTF

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Really?  You run out of important things to control like jaywalkers trying to keep kids from saying the Pledge of Allegiance in school?

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2011/06/07/backer-circumcision-ban-in-california-city-withdraws-proposal/

Woman Pushing to Ban Circumcision in California City Drops Proposal

The proponent of a ballot measure to ban circumcision in a California city has dropped the effort following claims of anti-Semitic themes and imagery, including a comic book that featured a “Monster Mohel.”

2bJena Troutman, the Santa Monica woman who submitted the proposal to the Santa Monica city clerk last month, said she has withdrawn the measure to prohibit “Genital Cutting of Male Minors.” Under the measure, which needed more than 6,000 signatures to go on the November 2012 ballot, circumcising a child under the age of 18 would have been a misdemeanor offense punishable by a $1,000 fine or a year in jail.

Troutman, a lactation consultant and mother of two, told FoxNews.com that her focus was “never about religion” when she submitted the initiative, which was written by a San Diego-based group called MGMbill.org, the same organization that authored the measure to ban circumcision that will appear on the ballot in San Francisco this November.

“I don’t have the time or the energy to argue with everybody, but you shouldn’t go around cutting up your little babies,” Troutman said. “Why don’t people [expletive] get that? For me, this was never about religion. It was about protecting babies from their parents not knowing that circumcision was started in America to end masturbation.” What????????? Does you mind even know what words are coming out of your mouth?

Santa Monica Mayor Richard Bloom confirmed the news on his Facebook page late Monday.

Bloom wrote: “The proponent of the Santa Monica ballot initiative to ban circumcision just left a msg 4 me that she is WITHDRAWING the measure!!” Dude, really?  You’re going to spell out “circumcision” and “proponent” and yet the word “for” is just too much?

During Tuesday’s telephone interview, Troutman distanced herself from MGMbill.org, which is led by Matthew Hess, the author of the “Foreskin Man” cartoon, which depicts a blond superhero taking on a character named “Monster Mohel.” Several critics, including the Anti-Defamation League, have blasted the publication as “disrespectful and deeply offensive.” Ya think?

“I respect and appreciate the Jewish religion and people’s delicate feelings about their religious customs,” she said, adding that she originally sought a religious exemption for the proposed ban but ultimately declined to include one since it would have been unconstitutional. And trying to keep people from having a highly recommended, minor surgical procedure is okay, we just don’t want to cross any religious boundaries?  Are you fucking crazy?!?!

Still, “bodily integrity and genital autonomy” are human rights, she said.

“I’m tired of it being about religion,” Troutman continued. “For over a million babies a year, they’re being cut for no reason.”

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, male circumcision has been associated with a lower risk for HIV infection in international observational studies and in three randomized controlled clinical trials. It is also cleaner, more sexually pleasing to the male and the female (if you really need me to explain it to you, I will).  But, since she’s obviously crazy, her opinion is that these babies are being cut for no reason!

“It is possible, but not yet adequately assessed, that male circumcision could reduce male-to-female transmission of HIV, although probably to a lesser extent than female-to-male transmission,” a CDC website reads. “Male circumcision has also been associated with a number of other health benefits. Although there are risks to male circumcision, serious complications are rare.”

Messages seeking comment from Hess were not immediately returned Tuesday.

Unlike in Santa Monica, Troutman confirmed that a measure banning male circumcision of minors will still appear on the ballot in San Francisco. If passed, the measure would make it a misdemeanor crime punishable by a $1,000 fine or a year in jail.

Amanda Susskind, regional director of the Anti-Defamation League’s Pacific Southwest region, characterized the news as a “welcome” development.

“Everybody is happy that this particular petition isn’t going forward,” Susskind told FoxNews.com. “[But] there’s a movement, so our concern is that they’ll find someone else in Santa Monica to file [another initiative] on their behalf.”

Susskind continued, “The main issue for us is the right for a parent to choose the religious upbringing of a child and I think that is a concept that resonates with most people.”

The bottom line?

People in California are friggin’ nuts!


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6 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1209

  1. Dan in NYC says:

    She’s gorgeous! Best wishes all around – especially to her Mom! !0-14 WOW!

  2. Jeannie says:

    CONGRATS Impish!! May God look over all of you!

  3. lethalleprechaun says:

    A LOT of Fruit Loops in California too Jerry!

  4. joe says:

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! She would also make my 2 week old look like a “baby”! Izzy was only 8-7 at birth. We do have a daughter that was 10-4 at birth and “came” out just fine. I hope everyone is up and doing well!!

  5. Jerry Moore says:

    Regarding you final shot, CA. is friggin nuts. We refer to it as the granola state, Full of Fruits and Nuts.

  6. lynn fux says:

    WOW,I thought 2 of mine were big ,weighing in at 10 lbs 6 oz but you need to call the nursery school and get a place for this September!!!!! She is gorgeous and I bet there is some friendly rivalry between the family over the weights. Beautiful healthy babes,!!! Congratulations and Mazal- Tov all around!!!!! Dragon genes must be good stuff!!!!!!

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