Good Morning Campers.  Just a quick note to wish all you fathers out there a Happy Father’s Day.  May you have a relaxing and enjoyable day.

Cheers!

The Dragon Laffs Team

Good Morning Campers!
Yes, I know it’s late.  But it’s Saturday and most of you are still waking up anyway.
I found out something new…it’s really, really hard to do a “theme” issue.  Today’s theme was supposed to be “sexy Saturday”, but that didn’t work out real well.  Without re-using the same tired cartoons and jokes, trying to stay topical with what’s going on in the world right now AND following a theme?  Virtually impossible.
Therefore, instead of an issue entitled Sexy Saturday, you have a section, entitled Sexy Saturday.  Okay, so it’s the best I could do.
Before we get to laughing, I want to mention one thing.  Today’s Last Word is going to be controversial (gee, imagine!) and I want to emphasize that the opinions expressed, with the exception of one, obvious quote, are mine.  Many of you were very helpful in putting this together, sending me articles and opinions by some very famous and important people.  Many others of you offered me your opinions and after MUCH research and rewriting, the opinion you have at the bottom is the result.
Thanks to LL for his in-depth contributions as well as his patient debate on the topic.  What a great sounding board he is.
And now, let’s start this day with some much needed laughter!

I got this one from our dear camper Sue.  This is what she writes:

You may need to watch it twice; once to watch the Burma shave signs change and once to catch all the pictures plus listening to the music of the Statler Brothers.

THIS IS REALLY GREAT!

I am only sending this to my “mature friends” because most younger folks would have no idea what they are singing about. Too bad they missed it!

Click: http://oldfortyfives.com/DYRT.htm

Well Sue, you may have only sent it out to your “mature friends”, but I’m sending this out to everyone in the hopes that we might kindle a little excitement in people for a simpler life….nah….just watch and enjoy!

The baby pigeon said, “I can’t make it; I’ll get too tired.”

His mother said, “Don’t worry; I’ll tie a piece of string to one of your legs and the other end to mine.”

The baby started to cry.

“What’s wrong?” said the mother.

“I don’t want to be pigeon towed!”

and another …

A young lady was a theater major applying for fall semester classes. At the end of the busy day she goes back to her dorm and enters in a huff of anger.
“What’s wrong, Shelly?” Asks her roommate.
“Well, all the acting classes are filled. I couldn’t even get into Mime class.”
“Why not?”
“How should I know? You can’t get a word out of those people!”

FEDS PLAN CRACK-DOWN ON SECOND-HAND BARBECUE SMOKE

Summer evenings may no longer be filled with the smell of barbecued steaks, marinated chicken breasts, hamburgers and or hot dogs. The President, concerned about the health risk of second-hand barbecue smoke, is planning to sign an executive order that would ban the sale of barbecues, charcoal and charcoal lighter as well as impose stiff penalties on people who are caught engaging in this favorite summer past-time.

The White House Press Secretary said, “The smoke from just one barbecue is equal to at least 1000 packs of cigarettes and poses a significant health threat to the American public. The President has decided to do the right thing and ban these silent killers.”

Members of the President’s own party are not pleased by this announcement. The Senate Majority Leader said, “Rather than ban barbecues, we should heavily tax and regulate the barbecue industry. The President is missing out on a golden opportunity to bring new revenue into Washington.”

BNN Disclaimer: This story is totally false; not one shred of it is true! It was created for entertainment purposes ONLY. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental.

A 4-year-old son was eating an apple in the back seat of the car, when he asked, “Daddy, why is my apple turning brown?”

“Because,” his dad explained, “after you ate the skin off, the flesh of the apple came into contact with the air, which caused it to oxidize.
That changes the molecular structure and turns it into a different color.”

There was a long silence.

Then the son asked softly, “Daddy, are you talking to me?

So, let me ask you…… is this a dirty picture, or not? 

A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him.

The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

They were even after the first few holes.

The second guy said, “We’re about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?”

The first guy said that he wasn’t much for betting, but agreed to the terms.

The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease. As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00.

He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.

The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.

The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.

The Priest said, “You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings.”

The pro said, “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

The Priest said, “Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation…… and, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I’ll marry them.

Nagasaki 1945, after the atomic bomb

Nagasaki 2011, after the earthquake and tsunami

Question…. What the hell is that arch made out of?

 

Today’s Last Word concerns a topic that has been debated quite a bit lately.  A topic that the Leprechaun and myself have gone round and round on and one I hope to show, at the end of this essay, that doesn’t really have a simple answer, but can be handled quite simply.

We are at war in Libya.  Let me turn it around for you and see if this doesn’t help explain the situation… If China was flying drones and firing missiles at our encampments in Afghanistan and killing American’s, even though the battle wasn’t being fought by Chinese troops on the ground and our chance at firing back at any member of the Red Army and killing them was slim to none, would we still not think we were at war with China?
Of course not!

If any of our people, in the name of the United States Government, are killing members of a foreign nation, whether face-to-face or from a console three thousand miles away, we have committed an act-of-war on that country.

Now, I am not a legal expert, a Constitutional lawyer, or a historical specialist so perhaps that gives me an advantage over them in the fact that I can use a more logical and accurate tool – common sense.  I don’t have to worry about all the nonsense that is flying around Washington between a president who is hiding behind sophistic bull-shit (Remember “what the definition of “is” is?) and a congress that doesn’t have enough internal fortitude (“balls”) to do it’s sworn duty. I can hold it up to the light of day and say that if you throw a rock at me, we are engaged in hostilities even if you used a sling-shot and my arm can’t throw hard enough to reach you.

Okay, now that we have established, to any logical, thinking person’s viewpoint, that we are at war in Libya then the president has a legal, constitutional and binding responsibility to get Congress’s approval after sixty days of fighting. 

No if, ands, or buts.

Period.

Don’t tell me about the U.N. resolution, they DO NOT run our country!  They do NOT remove your responsibility to following the rules!

You condemned yourself with your own words when you answered a similar question:

In December 2007, the Boston Globe asked 12 presidential candidates about military action aimed at stopping Iran from building nuclear weapons. “In what circumstances, if any,” the Globe asked, “would the president have constitutional authority to bomb Iran without seeking a use-of-force authorization from Congress?”

Here is how Barack Obama responded: “The president does not have power under the Constitution to unilaterally authorize a military attack in a situation that does not involve stopping an actual or imminent threat to the nation.”

There you have it.

Quite simple when you look at it properly and without the fancy word play that lawyers spend so many years honing. 
1. What the president is doing is illegal.
2. He knows it is illegal and has used every sneaky device he has available to get around it.
3. He acknowledges, through his own words, that what he is doing is illegal.
4. If he thought he was so right in what he was doing, why didn’t he just take it to congress in the first place?

I feel 100% confident in saying that he will not be impeached for this offense.
The laughable excuse for a fake birth certificate has disappeared off of just about everyone’s radar; the illegal alien problem has gone away from most of the Main-Stream-Media (you only hear about it from a local perspective and even that is slowing down), the next thing you know they are all going to be given amnesty and he will have a huge voter base; government run healthcare, banks, businesses, police forces…..

How many of our freedoms are going to be taken away, or blithely GIVEN away before we stand up and say,

It’s Friday its hot here and due to get even hotter. We should be in the mid 80s for this time of year but we’re in the mid to high 90s and this weekend triple digits are forecast with a heat index of roughly 5 more degrees from excessive humidity. Let’s just say that my new morning beverage of choice is iced coffee and leave it at that shall we? The crockpot is getting one hell of a work out this week that’s for sure.

Now before I bust out in non evaporating sweat….

LET’S LAUGH

Honestly I can tell you for a fact the smell of coffee beats the HELL out of the smell of Napalm in the morning- that stuff just reeks!

 

Sandra: Do you ever miss the ex?
Cindy: OH! All the time! You wouldn’t believe how much!
Sandra: Wow! I didn’t think you cared about him at all.

Cindy: Wait a minute! Did you say “ex” or “sex”?

 

 

There has been a big change over the years in woman’s undergarments and especially their panties.
The main difference is in older times you had to move the panty to see the ass but now you have to move the ass to see the panty !

 

 

Dick and Sandra were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 50th wedding anniversary.
Sandra said, “Will we go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon?”
“Uh huh,” said Dick.
“Will we do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon?” asked Sandra.
“Uh huh,” said Dick.
“And will we make love like we did on our first honeymoon?” asked Sandra.
“That’s right,” said Dick, “except this time I get to sit on the side of the bed and cry, ‘It’s too big, it’s too big!'”

 

 

A blonde was hunched over the bar, toothpick in hand, spearing futilely at the olive in her drink. A dozen times the olive eluded her. Finally, another patron, who had been watching intently from the next stool, became exasperated and grabbed the toothpick.
“Here, this is how you do it.” he said, as he easily skewered the olive.
“Big Deal,” muttered the blonde. “I already had him so tired out, he couldn’t get away.

 

 

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words COMPLETE and FINISHED, in a way that’s easy to understand.

Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED. I beg
to differ because, there is :

When you marry the right woman, you are “COMPLETE”.
And when you marry the wrong one, you are “FINISHED”!

And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are …

“COMPLETELY FINISHED” !!! 

 

Turkey

A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.

He stopped and asked the boy, ‘Where did you get that turkey?’

The boy replied, ‘What turkey?’

The game warden said, ‘That turkey you’re carrying under your arm.’

The boy looks down and said, ‘Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!’

The game warden said, ‘Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I’m going to do to you.

If you break his leg, I’m gonna break your leg. If you break his wing,

I’ll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I’ll do to you.

So, what are you gonna do with him?’

The little boy said, ‘I guess I’ll just kiss his butt and let him go!’

 

Cold Tomato Soup (Zuppa di Pomodoro Fredda)

3 Tbs (45 ml) extra-virgin olive oil, plus additional for garnish
1/2 onion, chopped
2 lbs (900 g) ripe tomatoes, peeled, seeded, and coarsely chopped
Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste
1-2 cups (250-500 ml) chicken stock, vegetable stock, or water
1 cucumber, peeled, seeded, and diced
About 4 oz (110 g) goat cheese

Heat the oil in a pot over moderate heat and saute the onion until tender but not brown, about 5 minutes. Add the tomatoes and season with salt and pepper. Saute for 5 minutes, then lower the heat, add the stock, and simmer covered for 30 minutes.

Puree the soup in an electric blender or food processor and set aside to cool. Refrigerate until ready to serve. Garnish with the cucumber, a dollop of goat cheese,
and a drizzle of olive oil immediately before serving.

Serves 4 to 6.

 

 

Mom is working in the farmhouse kitchen when dad enters with his first erection in years. “Mom, get into bed!” he says. She takes off her apron, puts all the ingredients and utensils away, washes her hands, gets into bed… but too late. Dad has withered away.

“Ya know, we can’t have this happen again,” says dad.
“Next time I get one of these I’ll ring the fire bell so you can start getting ready when you hear it. When I get to the house, we’ll be right.”

A year goes by. Mom’s in the kitchen. She hears the fire bell. She goes through all the preparations. Dad comes pounding into the house, through the kitchen, into the
bedroom where mom lies naked waiting for him. He looks her over and says,

“Get up, ya oversexed fool, the barn’s on fire!”

 

Did I read that sign right?
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a second-hand shop:  WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:  CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park (I sure hope so):
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer’s field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)

Its Friday, its hot and nobody want to get worked up or think too hard (LEAST OF ALL impish dragon) so today just a little humorous food for thought.

When imagination threatens to go haywire

JORDAN FENSTER entertainment editor at the New Haven Register Published: Tuesday, June 07, 2011

I was sitting on the toilet the other day at work and heard a repetitive beeping. I immediately assumed it was a bomb.

I did not call the police — not out of any doubt that the offending noise did, in fact, come from an explosive device, but out of fear the police would find me with my pants down around my ankles. So, after finishing my, um business (realizing too late that the flush could be the trigger mechanism), I bravely set off to find the device. I closed my eyes and followed my ears, letting the beep guide me ever closer to its source.

It was one of those automatic urinals. Apparently it was out of batteries or something.
I tell this (regrettably true) story to illustrate how much of a slave to my imagination I am, and the level of paranoia I experience on a daily basis. There’s a little mathematical formula I worked out to scientifically explain the phenomenon from which I suffer: Paranoia + Imagination (minus common sense) = sitting on a toilet with your pants around your ankles and calling the bomb squad.

To help, I put together a little graph. See that dip? that’s that momentary flash of common sense, that little voice inside that says, “Jordan, what kind of idiot are you? You’re in a bathroom at a newspaper office and you think someone has planted a bomb? Get real, moron.” Notice, however, how precipitously it jumps back up there. Common sense is like that dog that warns you the hurricane is coming, but all you hear is barking.

The events of Sept. 11, 2001 have had a deleterious effect on my paranoia — or, actually the exact opposite. I was by nature a paranoid lunatic before witnessing first-hand the second plane crash, but that event (and others) served to fortify the walls of my paranoia. What was a little outpost in the wilderness is now a neurotic army base.
I tend to duck and cover every time I hear a low-flying plane. I also tend to drink more since 2001, but I’m not sure the two things are connected.

My overactive imagination, however, I blame not on my parents alone but on how, in society, we raise our kids. We teach them to draw, to paint, to write, to sing and, worst of all, to interpret and analyze. We tell our kids to look into the sources behind statements and ideas, to use metaphor and meaning and to pick apart concepts like so many Thanksgiving turkeys.

Bad idea. We’d be smarter to limit their imaginations, teach them that cigars are just cigars, not phallic symbols in any way, to call a spade a spade and be done with it.
This is why America is losing the innovation war — rather than teach our kids to do, we’re teaching our kids to dream. Better we had a race of automatons without the capacity for any more than rudimentary imaginations.

Otherwise, soon enough, we’ll have a nation of guys with their pants around their ankles, and too much work for bomb squads. Now, now, I am just kidding. I of course take pride in my imagination and encourage it in my own children. Imagination is what makes every trip to the bathroom an adventure. Imagination is what drives our will to succeed, to hope, to change our miserable lives.

Wait … what’s that smell? I gotta go call the cops.

Good Thursday Morning Campers!  Boy, it’s been an interesting week.  I’ve had amazing things going on and our dear Leprechaun has had excellent posts going out.  This week, I think, is going to be one for the record books….and it ain’t over yet!

I wonder what our superheroes in Washington are going to be up to?  Look below for my Mini-Rant on some of the headlines I read this morning.

How about we just jump into the laughter this morning…

Now that’s a hell of a shot!

Element: MAN 
Symbol: XY

 

Common Name(s): Varies anywhere from John to !$#$&*!

 

Atomic Weight: 180 +/-100

 

Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature, but easily gets bent out of shape. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young, fresh samples.

 

Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with Wo any chance it can get. Also, tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (element Kid) for a prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. 

Usage: None really, except methane production. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command. 

Caution: In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

Okay, how about a couple more puns from Diaman?

When I bought some fruit trees the nursery owner gave me some insects to help with pollination. They were free bees. 

 

This one should probably be in the groaner department, but since it’s also from Diaman, we’ll keep it here:

Another Presidential Ticket

Rumor has it that Congressman Anthony Weiner is going to run for president.
He has chosen Attorney General Eric Holder as his running mate.
Get your Weiner-Holder bumper stickers early, before they are all gone.

I’m going to try my very best not to violate copyright laws here, but there is an article on line that you must read.  I’m going to give you the beginning and then the link….

What happened inside the hospital during the Joplin, MO tornado

Dr. Kevin Kikta was one of two emergency physicians on duty at St. John’s Regional Medical Center in Joplin, MO on Sunday, May 22 when an EF-5 tornado struck the hospital.

by Kevin J. Kikta, DO

You never know that it will be the most important day of your life until the day is over.  The day started like any other day for me: waking up, eating, going to the gym, showering, and going to my 4 pm ED shift. As I drove to the hospital, I mentally prepared for my shift as I always do, but nothing could ever have prepared me for what was going to happen on this shift.

Things were normal for the first hour and half. At approximately 5:30 pm, we received a warning that a tornado had been spotted. Although I work in Joplin and went to medical school in Oklahoma, I live in New Jersey, and I have never seen or been in a tornado. I learned that a “code gray” was being called. We were to start bringing patients to safer spots within the ED and hospital.

ok…now it’s time to follow the link: http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/05/happened-hospital-joplin-mo-tornado.html

Ok, as stupidly this guy acts to prove his point…he does.

Have you ever tried to ride a bike in NYC?

Get Life Insurance first…

Bike Lanes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=bzE-IMaegzQ

We are kinda sneaky that way…

 

 

 

So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, “This is a tree..”

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, “Tree.”

The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, “This is a rock.”

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, “Rock.”

The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.

The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, “Man riding a bike.”

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.

The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and to be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied, “My bike.”

My plans for the weekend….

I’m just gonna let you go here and find out for yourself… my Dad sent it to me with the subject line: You should love this one!  Thanks Dad…. I sure did!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QK3Eo9cScEQ&feature=share

…or I wasn’t aiming at you!

The only pair of matching singing bird pistols
http://www.christies.com/features/singing-bird-pistols-en-1422-3.aspx

I’m not sure exactly how much truth there is to this, but the parts I could verify are correct, plus I couldn’t stop laughing when I read it, so I have to send it on….

All you Need to Know about Government Bureaucracy:

** Pythagorean theorem:…………………………………………..24 words.

** Lord’s prayer:………………………………………………..66 words.

** Archimedes’ Principle:…………………………………………67 words.

** 10 Commandments:……………………………………………..179 words.

** Gettysburg address:…………………………………………..286 words.

** Declaration of Independence:…………………………………1,300 words.

** US Constitution with all 27 Amendments:……………………….7,818 words.

** US Government regulations on sale of cabbage:……………….. 26,911 words.

‘SORT OF PUTS THINGS INTO PROPER PERSPECTIVE, DOESN’T IT?

Cabbage?  Really?
Still laughing here Sue, thanks!

I had heard this one before, but it’s still a golden oldie…

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone.”

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, “Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I’d locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.

“Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire.”

“When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook.”

He continued, “Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke.”

“Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.

And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her!!!”

I’ve had days like that, it’s not fun!  The poor guy!

Jeannie sent us this submission and I started looking around and following some of this kid’s other videos.  .  .  wow!  The only reason I stopped is because I had to finish this issue.  What an entertainer!  This is the very best of youtube.

Very, very good. A very talented kid. You’ll like this…

Killer Queen Cover (FreddeGredde)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o57xEVHrYvE&feature=player_embedded#at=30

It’s Thursday Morning….I’m trying to finish up Dragon Laffs and as usual, there is an over-abundance of material and only so much time and space.  I could easily fill two or three of these a day and send them out, but I don’t have the time needed to do so….anyway, as I was saying, I was sitting here working on this issue and I opened an email from my favorite schizophrenic camper, Jeannie,  about a congress that is so WEAK and EMASCULATED that it must go hat in hand to the courts in order to exercise its’ power as outlined in the Constitution to declare war! (She also noted that if this were Bush, he would’ve been impeached by now)
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0611/57032.html
as I read that story, I remembered seeing another about Obama going to congress to defend his disobeying of the law because of the definition of “hostilities” (hmm, seems reminiscent of another president deciding that a blow job wasn’t sexual relations) and as I was looking for the “definition of hostilities” article
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2011/06/15/white-house-defends-legality-libya-mission/
I come across a headline that raises my head up…

School Surveys 7th-Graders on Oral Sex

A middle school in Massachusetts is under fire for requiring children to complete a graphic sex survey — without parental knowledge or consent — that included questions about sexual partners and oral sex.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/06/15/school-surveys-7th-graders-on-oral-sex/#ixzz1PR1rEAlO

7th Graders?  13 year old girls and boys? Really?
and what’s the excuse?
Principal Fran Thomas told Fox News Radio that students were indeed given the survey – and admits it was graphic. But Thomas said the school has nothing to do with the content and they were required to administer the survey to fulfill a grant requirement.

“I can take no responsibility for what’s on that survey,” Thomas said. “It’s not generated by the school system.”

I’m here to throw the bullshit flag on this one (as well as the stupid Libya articles for both congress and Obama), as it all comes down to the same thing!

People, do your friggin’ jobs!

Come on Fran!  You can’t take “responsibility for what’s on the survey”?  You’re the damn Principal!  Everything that goes on in that school is your responsibility!  You’re going to sell out your kids because you don’t have the guts to stand up and say, “NO!  This is not right! This is NOT going to be administered in my school!” 
I don’t give a damn if it is associated with desperately needed grant money!  Are you selling your integrity for grant money?

Just because it comes from some bureaucracy,  doesn’t mean you can’t hitch up your panties, stand up and say, “NO!”  If you can’t do it, the damn school system and the parents need to hire somebody who can.  We give our kids over to you teachers and principals expecting you to teach and protect!  Parents, it’s time to go into your school’s office and flip over some friggin’ desks!
(Figuratively folks, not literally)

Yeah….. it pissed me off this morning.  WTF is happening to us?  Where the hell are our balls to stand up and say, “NO!”


Thanks to Jonathon for this interesting picture!  Definitely a WTF?

This really looks like the dog is laughing at something the kid just said…

A Muslim kid can’t find his mother in the supermarket.

The store attendant says ‘What does your mother look like?’

The kid says “How the hell should I know?”

 

Illegal immigrants are boycotting Arizona by the thousands, showing their outrage with Arizona ‘s controversial new SB-1070 law by moving elsewhere.

In the small town of Guadalupe , AZ , south of Phoenix , Manuel Renaldo is one of those who is punishing Arizona by leaving. As he loaded his stolen car with his stolen belongings and family of ten, Renaldo told this reporter through an interpreter “It’s a matter of principle; I refuse to be supported by a state that treats me like a criminal!”
The effects of the exodus are being felt by Arizona retailers, who are reporting dwindling sales of beer, spray paint, and ammunition. Also hit hard are the state’s hospitals, which have reported a dramatic decline in births and emergency room visits. Tattoo parlors are in a state of panic.

Renaldo told a reporter through an interpreter “He and his family are moving to California , which is a state that will support him and his family with dignity!” …and understands his ‘rights’ as an illegal immigrant!

Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it!

Yes….it’s satire…and yes…I know I’m going to get shit complaints over it.

I had to include this as a Last Word all by itself because I am such a HUGE fan of Calvin and Hobbs and I have now become a huge fan of Pants are Overrated.  Follow the links throughout and you won’t be disappointed.

by Robert Krulwich

Something isn’t right here. There are creatures among us — a puppy named Snoopy, a boy named Charlie Brown, a wild dagger-haired tempest called Calvin — who don’t ever, ever, ever grow up. They’re not allowed.

They come from a corner of the universe where puppies, boys and tigers live and dream until the day whoever created them says, “enough.” After that, they don’t die (at least, not in the usual way,) they get recycled and go on forever.

Courtesy of Pants Are Overrated

An artist’s rendering of the original Calvin and Hobbes characters, which were created by Bill Watterson.

There is, in Cartoon Land, a biological law that says for these creatures, there is only one season: forever puppy, forever boy. Calvin can’t grow up because for him time doesn’t tick in the usual way. His days follow days as ours do, but his years don’t multiply. We know that, he doesn’t.

Which brings me to Dan and Tom Heyerman. These guys (they are brothers) write and draw comics on their blog, Pants Are Overrated. In total violation of Everything That’s Sacred, (and to the delight of many Calvin and Hobbes fans), a couple of weeks ago they, very briefly, brought Calvin back…as an adult! Their Calvin is 26 years older than his former, original self. Not only that, he has a kid, a daughter named “Bacon” (named for the Enlightenment philosopher, Francis Bacon.)

This is a dangerous, dangerous thing to try. But Tom (who draws) and Dan (who writes), come remarkably close to capturing some of the original magic…

Credit: Pants Are Overrated

Oh, there are a few bits I could argue with. Calvin and Hobbes’ creator Bill Watterson would probably not have stuck in that Donald Trump reference. The drawings, though…my, they’re good. I wondered if the woman who shares Calvin’s bed might be Calvin’s neighbor Susie Derkin, which makes absolutely no sense because Calvin and Susie hated (and wildly flirted with) each other, but when I looked at this second strip…It IS Susie!

Credit: Pants Are Overrated

The problem is not that these cartoons are badly done. On the contrary, if you look at a spate of Calvin-As-A-Grown Up drawings collected by Gerry Canavan and posted here, the Heyermans version is probably the best.

The problem is me. I just watched my youngest daughter graduate college (this past weekend) and when you sit on your folding chair watching your daughter turn into a full-fledged, strong, out-in-the-world adult, creatures who don’t change, who don’t remind you the world is always changing — become extra magical. They live outside the tick, tick, tick that is sending all of us into our futures.

I know the Heyermans weren’t thinking about this when they drew their homage to Bill Watterson, but when they added 26 years to Calvin, they added 26 years to me. And while I liked what they did, I kinda wish they hadn’t done it. They recently said that even though they got 55,000 views on their site, they’re moving on to other projects.

Tom Heyerman wrote there won’t be any more “Hobbes and Bacon” strips…at least not for a while, that updating Calvin and Hobbes “is just not what we do.” I’m glad.

I think they realized they had perturbed the universe.

Rate this:

Top o’ the Morn’ campers! Little change up today, besides trying out a new look  and unifying our banners, instead of ‘Hump Day’ we’re observing ‘Warrior Wednesday’ today. Warrior Wednesday is something I came up with after spotting this graphic. I’m going to try and run it once a month and feature something about thanking or helping our military on that day.

Well here in the comfort of my repossessed from the Keebler Elves tree house its already nearly hot enough to bake cookies sans oven so lets get right to it shall we before I have to go seek out a cool dimly lit Public House and an nice cold draught.

Lets Be Laughing!

While my son was on the Navy carrier USS George Washington, the air wing was busy with training missions.

After talking to a pilot, one air-traffic controller accidentally left his microphone on and remarked to a nearby buddy, “That guy sounded just like Elmer Fudd.”

The airwaves got strangely quiet as everyone listened, realizing that the pilot had also heard the comment.

After about ten seconds, the pilot broke the silence by announcing: “Be vewy, vewy quiet. We aw hunting submawines.”

 

Father O’Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long, that he decides to take a vacation.
He has never been married and he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So, he decides to go to the States before it is too late. He hops on the plane bound for Nevada. He arrives in the Airport in Las Vegas.
As he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to him and exclaims, “Elvis! Oh my God! It’s Elvis! I knew you weren’t dead Elvis! How have you been?”
Father looks at her and says, “Get outta me face. Can’t you see I’m not Elvis? I don’t look a thing like Elvis.”
The father moves on to his cab waiting outside. He hops in his cab and he’s a little upset so he tells the cabby, “Take me to my hotel and step on it.”
The cabby turns and says, “Sure thing sir – Oh my God! It’s Elvis! I knew you weren’t dead! I’m your number one fan! It’s so great to see you!”
“Shut up, you imbecile. I’m not Elvis! Now turn around and drive!” So the cabby speeds up to the hotel. Father O’Malley gets his things and walks up to the hotel check-in counter.
“Oh my God! Oh my God! It’s you!” screams the hotel clerk. “You’re back Elvis! I knew this day would happen. We saved everything just the way you like it! Free cheeseburgers, peanut butter and fried banana sandwiches, masseurs, complementary hookers and a full liquor bar!
I’m so glad you’re back!”
Father O’Malley looks at the hotel clerk and says, “Thank you.. Thank you very much!”

The distinguished-looking elderly man asked at the department store information kiosk where he might purchase some personal stationery. He was directed to the notions department on the third floor, but in the crowded elevator he became confused and got off on the fourth floor by mistake.
Approaching the attractive floor manager standing near the elevator doors, he said, “Excuse me, Miss, but do you have notions?”
“Sure,” she replied mischievously, “but during the work week I try to suppress them until after five o’clock.”
“No, no, you don’t understand,” he stammered. “I mean to say, do you keep stationery?”
“No, I like to go with the flow right till the end,” replied the floor manager, laughing. “And then, I just start quivering all over.”

The driver of a public transportation vehicle in Orlando made this announcement as it came to a stop, “When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step.”
He then continued, “If you fail to do so, then PLEASE lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you.”

In Honor of Warrior Wednesday

This a video of how to say thank you to people defending our country with a simple hand gesture. Please watch so if you ever see one you can say ‘Thank You”

 

*STORY*
For the past several years as I’ve been traveling around the country, I’ve been approaching Soldiers in airports and thanking them for serving for us. On several occasions I have noticed that it felt a little awkward for both of us. There are several reasons, some of which I am even just now learning as I produce this film and talk to more Service Men & Women and Veterans. But they have always appreciated being thanked, and I have always felt better having expressed my gratitude.
I started to think that it would be nice if civilians had a gesture or sign that they could use to say “thank you” quickly and easily without even having to approach. I did some research and found the sign that we are now using.
Is this limited to the military? Not at all. If you look around you I’m sure that you’ll find lots of people who are serving their communities, from local to global. If you appreciate their service, give them a sign. Say “thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
-Scott Truitt, FOUNDER, The Gratitude Campaign http://www.gratitudecampaign.org/

There, now how much simpler can it be than learning a simple gesture and using it when you see our military in uniform? No remembering ‘Red Shirt Friday’ (we’ll be working on that one another time), no donations that you might find hard to afford or which have inconvenient drop off spots. you don’t even have to talk to them or stop what you are doing, simply catch their eye, make a simple gesture and their day all in about two seconds. Simple and couldn’t be easier right? Good! NOW GET IT DONE!

Little Johnnie’s neighbor had a Baby.

Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from the hospital.

Johnnie’s family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnnie’s dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby’s missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, ‘What a beautiful baby’.

The mother said, ‘why, thank you, Johnnie..

Johnnie said, ‘He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?’

‘Yes’, the mother replied, ‘we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 Vision.’

‘That’s great’, said Little Johnnie, ‘coz he’d be fucked if he needed glasses.

Totally looks like

Yesterday was Flag Day, a fact that went by largely unnoticed by most and celebrated probably solely at the Capitols or by only the most devotedly patriotic of us and a few hardcore veterans.

this site:  http://www.pueblo.gsa.gov/cic_text/misc/ourflag/titlepage.htm has a great deal of information on our flag and flag day, as well as this take on what it means to be an American written in 1918 that is as on point and Warrior Wednesday worthy now as it was when it was authored.

The American’s Creed

(underlining and emphasis are mine)

I BELIEVE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AS A GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLE, BY THE PEOPLE, FOR THE PEOPLE; WHOSE JUST POWERS ARE DERIVED FROM THE CONSENT OF THE GOVERNED; A DEMOCRACY IN A REPUBLIC, A SOVEREIGN NATION OF MANY SOVEREIGN STATES; A PERFECT UNION, ONE AND INSEPARABLE; ESTABLISHED UPON THOSE PRINCIPLES OF FREEDOM, EQUALITY, JUSTICE, AND HUMANITY FOR WHICH AMERICAN PATRIOTS SACRIFICED THEIR LIVES AND FORTUNES.

I THEREFORE BELIEVE IT IS MY DUTY TO MY COUNTRY TO LOVE IT, TO SUPPORT ITS CONSTITUTION; TO OBEY ITS LAWS; TO RESPECT ITS FLAG; AND TO DEFEND IT AGAINST ALL ENEMIES.

too bad they left off the part from the officer’s oath ‘against all enemies foreign and domestic’ in my opinion.

The Creed was written in 1918 by William Tyler Page of Friendship Heights, Maryland in the course of a nationwide contest on the subject. Page was a descendent of President Tyler, and Representative John Page, who served in the Congress from 1789-97.

William Tyler Page began his government career as a Congressional page in December of 1881. In 1919, he was elected Clerk of the House of Representatives, and held that position until December of 1931. a new post, Emeritus Minority Clerk, was then created for him which he occupied until his death on October 20, 1942.

I can think of more than a few foreheads and backsides in Washington Dc that could benefit from this being tattooed in the brightest possible ink thereupon. I think it should be read each morning in both houses of congress prior to opening of business and should be on a plaque where the president cannot possibly miss it in the oval office too.

The Obedient Wife

There was a man, who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife…’When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.’ And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there – dressed in black and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, ‘Wait just a moment!’

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, “Girl, I know you were not foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband.’

The loyal wife replied, ‘Listen, I’m a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him.’

You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?’

‘I sure did,’ said the wife. ‘I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check….

If he can cash it, then he can spend it.’

I knew we were in the realm of fairy tales and mythological creatures with that story title. There is no such thing as an obedient wife!

Peach Cake

3 eggs, well beaten

1 3/4 cups sugar

1 cup oil

2 cups flour

1 tsp each of salt & cinnamon

2 cups diced canned peaches drained

Confectioners sugar for topping

Heat oven to 350. Mix all ingredients thoroughly by hand.

Pour in greased and floured 9X13 pan. Bake 40 minutes or until

toothpick comes out clean. Sprinkle warm cake with confectioners sugar.

Makes approx 12 servings.

Notice the license plate!

‘nuff said right there!

“The Meaning of the Flag Draped Coffin”

All Americans should be given this lesson. Those who think that America is an arrogant nation should really reconsider that thought. Our founding fathers used GOD’s word and teachings to establish our Great Nation and I think it’s high time Americans get re-educated about this Nation’s history.

Pass it along and be proud of the country we live in and even more proud of those who serve to protect our ‘GOD GIVEN’ rights and freedoms.

I hope you take the time to read this … To understand what the flag draped coffin really means …. Here is how to understand the flag that laid upon it and is surrendered to so many widows and widowers.

Do you know that at military funerals, the 21-gun salute stands for the sum of the numbers in the year 1776?

Have you ever noticed the honor guard pays meticulous attention to correctly folding the United States of America Flag 13 times? You probably thought it was to symbolize the original 13 colonies, but we learn something new every day!

The 1st fold of the flag is a symbol of life.

The 2nd fold is a symbol of the belief in eternal life.

The 3rd fold is made in honor and remembrance of the veterans departing the ranks who gave a portion of their lives for the defense of the country to attain peace throughout the world.

The 4th fold represents the weaker nature, for as American citizens trusting in God, it is to Him we turn in times of peace as well as in time of war for His divine guidance.

The 5th fold is a tribute to the country, for in the words of Stephen Decatur, ‘Our Country, in dealing with other countries, may she always be right; but it is still our country, right or wrong.’

The 6th fold is for where people’s hearts lie. It is with their heart that they pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America , and the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all.

The 7th fold is a tribute to its Armed Forces, for it is through the Armed Forces that they protect their country and their flag against all her enemies, whether they be found within or without the boundaries of their republic.

The 8th fold is a tribute to the one who entered into the valley of the shadow of death, that we might see the light of day.

The 9th fold is a tribute to womanhood, and Mothers. For it has been through their faith, their love, loyalty and devotion that the character of the men and women who have made this country great has been molded.

The 10th fold is a tribute to the father, for he, too, has given his sons and daughters for the defense of their country since they were first born.

The 11th fold represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon and glorifies in the Hebrews eyes, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

The 12th fold represents an emblem of eternity and glorifies, in the Christians eyes, God the Father, the Son and Holy Spirit.

The 13th fold, or when the flag is completely folded, the stars are uppermost reminding them of their Nations motto, ‘In God We Trust.’

After the flag is completely folded and tucked in, it takes on the appearance of a cocked hat, ever reminding us of the soldiers who served under General George Washington, and the Sailors and Marines who served under Captain John Paul Jones, who were followed by their comrades and shipmates in the Armed Forces of the United States, preserving for them the rights, privileges and freedoms they enjoy today

There are some traditions and ways of doing things that have deep meaning.

In the future, you’ll see flags folded and now you will know why.

Share this with the children you love and all others who love what is referred to, the symbol of ‘ Liberty and Freedom.’

http://www.legionpost37.com/Coffin.html

MAYBE THE SUPREME COURT SHOULD READ THIS EXPLANATION BEFORE THEY RENDER THEIR DECISION ON THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE. FORWARD IT; MAYBE SOMEONE WITH THE NECESSARY POWER, OR POLITICAL AND FINANCIAL INFLUENCE, WILL GET IT TO THEM.

IN THE MEANTIME, MAY GOD PROTECT US  and them ALWAYS from all enemies foreign and domestic, ONE NATION, UNDER GOD, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL.