“That we we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain – that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom – and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.” Abraham Lincoln

So too is my resolve. So too should be the resolve of every American. not just once a year but everyday, every time you see or hear of a Muslim protest against the US , hear the words ‘Allahu akbar’, see or hear of a Muslim in the US demanding that we cater to his religion and/or Sharia Law, every time see a woman forced to wear the Hijab, despite not being Muslim or read of the oppression of women in general by the hypocritical ‘Religion of Peace’.

The events of September 11, 2001 are forever etched into the hearts and souls of the family members and loved ones of those who died, our nation, and the world. The United States experienced the worst incident of terrorism in its history; the coordinated hijacking of four commercial planes, the planned attack on symbolic targets, and the murder of innocent people were all tragic and shocking events. The extraordinary responses of individuals to the challenges they faced are inspiring and worthy of remembrance.

Sadly as time passes, fewer and fewer who are non directly linked can be bothered remember or even care. Lessons learned are forgotten, history repeats itself and we are lessened as a Nation for and by it.

On a last but far from least note I want to extend my genuine and heartfelt thank you to readers PaulK9 and Ginny. Their very kind and generous assistance made what is for me never an easy issue to author so much easier this year.It might not seem like a lot of what you sent me made it in her folks but believe me all of your support sure as hell did. Thank You.

Paul, of everyone I have met since that day, you are one of the few I know truly understands my feelings on the subject and knows first hand what facing something of that magnitude is like. Thanks for having my back on this.

Ginny darling’ you mischievous minx, a special thanks to you not only for the graphic which gave me the idea for the opening banner but for your apparently inexhaustible light hearted good humor (and teaching me humility daily with that damned trivia contest of yours!). Whenever this got too hard to contend with a few minutes reading your humor laden e-mails and responses made it a lot easier. Thanks for being a much needed ray of sunshine and for volunteering Paul’s help when I mentioned Impish and I decided there wasn’t going to be a special issue for this event this year.

For those of you who don’t know it, have forgotten or can’t even remember what they ate for breakfast today, every issue of Leprechaun Laughs since my first September 11th Memorial issue has opened with these words in memory of and personal admiration for Todd Beamer. These are the last words his wife heard at the end of his ‘good bye I love you but I think I’m about to die’ call.

Todd and a few others refused to go gently or meekly to their end. They went out like true American heroes fighting against the odds, refusing to give up because that’s what Americans due. We stand our ground, we draw a line in the sand and we refuse to retreat from confrontation regardless the odds. If their demonstration of American heroism isn’t worthy of admiration and remembrance I don’t know what is.

 Todd Morgan Beamer (November 24, 1968  – September 11, 2001) was an American software salesman and passenger aboard United Airlines Flight 93 which was hijacked as part of the September 11 attacks in 2001. He was one of the passengers who tried to reclaim the aircraft from the hijackers, leading them to crash it into a field in Stonycreek Township near Shanksville, Pennsylvania

The Shanksville Volunteer Fire Department is a volunteer fire department in Shanksville, Pennsylvania. The department provides fire protection and emergency medical services boroughs of Shanksville and Indian Lake as well as to the Stonycreek Township. The response area is approximately 62 square miles (160 km2) with an estimated 2,500 residents. Additionally the department is responsible for a 15-mile (24 km) stretch of the Pennsylvania Turnpike.

On September 11, 2001, the Shanksville Volunteer Fire Department responded to the United Airlines Flight 93 crash scene to search for survivors They found a smoking crater 8 feet (2.4 m) to 10 feet (3.0 m) deep, and 30 feet (9.1 m) to 50 feet (15 m) wide surrounded by burning wreckage of the aircraft. None of the 44 people on board survived. Flight 93 was one of four airliners hijacked that day as part of the al-Qaeda terror attack on the United States. It is widely held that the Flight 93 hijackers intended to use the aircraft to attack the United States Capitol building in Washington, DC. An assistant chief was one of the first on the scene, within seven or eight minutes. Firefighters from nine other local companies also came to the crash site.

New York City fire fighters donated a memorial made from a steel cross from the World Trade Center and mounted atop a platform shaped like the Pentagon. Hundreds of firefighters riding motorcycles escorted the beams from New York City to Shanksville. It was installed outside the firehouse on August 25, 2008.

 

Artistic Good News, and Bad News

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display.

“I’ve got good news and bad news,” the owner replied.

“Give me the good news first,” the artist demanded.

“The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful!” the artist exclaimed, “What could possibly be the bad news?”

“Well,” the gallery owner replied, “I have a buddy who’s a private investigator, and I had him look into the guy.”

“And…?” the artist says.

“He’s your doctor.”

Milwaukee Fire Department laid out 343 sets of fire gear
representing every single firefighter lost on 9/11.

Pretty sure most Dad’s have done more than a few of these too! 1,3,4,9,15,16,17,18 & 19 all seem likely candidates for Dads.

The Fall Foliage Prediction Map 2015 Edition

If you are a fan of Fall like myself, then this predictive fall foliage map via SmokyMountains.com will come in handy. The map “uses an algorithm to predict when leaves will peak in each area of the country,” according to Wes Melton, an engineer who worked on the map.

Factors such as temperature, the amount of sunlight, precipitation and moisture in the soil all affect how quickly the foliage will change.

http://smokymountains.com/fall-foliage-map/

 

The Islamic State might want to sit up and take note of this fact. Use a Ouija Board, consult a goat’s entrails, bang your heads against your pray rugs until you’re cross eyed and see if you can get through to Bin Laden or Hedeki Tojo in hell. See if either still thinks attacking the US was such a smart thing to do.

September 11th Organizations

http://www.survivorsnet.org/resources_other.html

The Cantor Fitzgerald Relief Fund (www.cantorrelief.com) was established on September 14, 2001 as a result of the tragedy at the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. The goal of the fund is to provide direct assistance to those who lost loved ones in the tragedy. 100% of the money donated to the Cantor Fitzgerald Relief Fund is disbursed directly to the families and loved ones.

Since its establishment, Cantor Fitzgerald and the Cantor Fitzgerald Relief Fund have provided approximately $120 million in financial support for the families and loved ones of the 658 victims. Please consider making a donation to help assist the over 800 families and 950 children from 12 companies, who receive support from the Cantor Fitzgerald Relief Fund.

Families of September 11 (www.familiesofseptember11.org) was founded by families of those who died in the September 11 terrorist attacks. Membership is open to the families of victims of 9/11 and the related anthrax attacks as well as surviving victims. Other families affected by related acts of terrorism, as well as survivors, witnesses and others interested in advancing FOS11’s goals may join as associate members. We promote the interests of the victims’ families, particularly extended and geographically isolated family members, who may need counseling, information, connection, or other services. They also support public policies that focus on prevention of and response to terrorism and advocate for public awareness of the effects of public trauma on victims, their families, citizens and especially our children.

Hold The Door (http://www.holdthedoor.com/) creates communities around the globe that possesses the heart, compassion, and strength we felt immediately following September 11th. We are determined to inspire everyday heroes and teach people that staying connected and helping others will help them heal and grow through any loss.

September 11th Families Association (http://www.911families.org/index.html) supports victims of terrorism through communication, representation and peer support. Our mission is to unite the September 11th community, present evolving issues, and share resources for long-term recovery. Last year, this organization opened The Tribute WTC Visitor Center is a visitor and learning center that is opening September 2006. Located at 120 Liberty Street in New York across the street from the World Trade Center site, Tribute is a place where visitors can learn about the events of February 26, 1993 and September 11, 2001. Through the voices of many individuals in the exhibitions and programs, Tribute will inform, educate and provide a place for reflection. Their funding goes to support initiatives, programs and surveys connected with its mission and goals and especially to support their expanding web outreach to members in 47 states and 12 countries.

September’s Mission (www.septembersmission.org). September’s Mission is a nationally recognized nonprofit organization devoted to building a positive and meaningful legacy out of the events surrounding 9/11. In January 2004, September’s Mission received the support of New York Governor George Pataki and the LMDC for the 9/11 Campaign.

The 9/11 Campaign is a grassroots fundraising effort started by September’s Mission and the victims’ families who are committed to the future memorial at the World Trade Center site. Money raised through the Campaign will support an endowment fund; the purpose of which is to support educational and cultural programming at the future memorial. The beauty of an endowment fund is it provides stabile annual funding for programs through the interest generated on the principal donations. This means that long after we’re gone, a stable source of funding will be in place to fund educational and cultural programs. The Living Memorial – a project of September’s Mission in partnership with Pace University and the New York State Museum that was recently funded by the Lower Manhattan Development Corporation is an example of the types of projects and programs the 9/11 Campaign endowment fund can support. It is a first of its kind Internet-based project that will create a new paradigm for documenting and providing resources for interpreting history; reaching and teaching audiences of all ages around the world; and a critical way to promote healing with the families in the years it will take until the memorial is built and open to the public.

The Skyscraper Safety Campaign (http://www.skyscrapersafety.org/) was created by the Regenhard Family in memory of Christian Michael Otto Regenhard, a 28 year old Probationary Firefighter who remains missing at the WTC, along with his entire Engine Company 279, to this date. Originally conceived as “Parents of Probies”, to represent the 17 Probationary Firefighters lost at the WTC, the organization quickly expanded to include the families of all Firefighters, Emergency Workers, and civilian victims of 9/11. Co-Chairperson Monica Gabrielle lost her husband Richard, who was an employee of Aon Corp., WTC2/103 floor. He was last seen alive, waiting to be rescued, on the 78th Floor of Tower 2. He has not been recovered.

Tuesday’s Children (www.tuesdayschildren.org). To lose a parent under any circumstance is truly tragic. For the children of September 11th, the sudden and violent nature of their loss has become the overwhelming and defining characteristic of their lives. Tuesday’s Children, a nonprofit family service organization founded by family and friends of September 11th victims, has made a long-term commitment to safeguard the health, happiness and future of both individual and family. With a focus on family resiliency and strength through community, Tuesday’s Children, in partnership with recognized leaders in the fields of child development, family advocacy and mentoring initiatives, has developed an innovative platform of programs designed to address the ongoing needs of thousands of children coping with the worst tragedy in the history of our nation.

The Voices of September 11th (www.voicesofsept11.org/) was founded in October 2001 to provide resources, support and information to all those affected by the 9/11 terrorist attacks. The organization provides a wide-range of community-based services, programs and special events including support groups, lectures and forums. Voices acts as a clearinghouse by distributing 9/11 related information through the Voices Web site, newsletters, and mailings.

Voices advocates on behalf of all those affected by 9/11 with local, state and national organizations on a variety of 9/11 issues, including the development of the Memorial at the World Trade Center, the Victims’ Compensation Fund, promoting local and national preparedness and enhancing national security. Voices is also engaged with several leading 9/11 organizations including: The Family Advisory Committee for the Lower Manhattan Development Corp., Columbia University’s WTC Evacuation Study, the Family Steering Committee for the 9/11 Independent Commission and the Coalition of 9/11 Families, among others. Voices is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization serving over 4,000 members across the United States and around the world.

WTC United Family Group (http://www.wtcufg.org/) Founded in September 2001, the World Trade Center United Family Group, also known as the September 11th Education Trust, is a nonprofit organization comprised of September 11th families, survivors, rescue workers, and others impacted by the tragedy from throughout the United States.  Our organization, built on the principles of trust and shared experience, will meet the ongoing and evolving needs of the community.  Together, we will perpetuate the memory of the victims who were murdered on September 11, 2001, and harness the memory of that day and its aftermath to educate and inspire current and future generations. Our organization will serve as a living tribute. WTC United Family Group, through its programs and services, provides emotional support to individuals affected by the events of September 11, 2001, protects the legacy and memory of the victims of the attacks, ensures an authentic perpetuation of the historic events and promotes civic participation within our community and the general public. to the thousands of innocent men, women and children murdered on that historic day.

WTC Families for Proper Burial (http://www.wtcfamiliesforproperburial.com/) seeks to inform the general public of the injustice of leaving the ashen remains of those killed at the WTC in a garbage dump, the Fresh Kills landfill in Staten Island.The City of New York has taken the position that the ashen remains should not be removed from the landfill. The group includes 9/11 family members, friends, and concerned citizens from across the United States and abroad.

Six Moments of Silence Are Part of the 9/11 Anniversary Commemoration.

Observe moments of silence
Observe a moment of silence on September 11 at any or all of the following times marking key moments on 9/11. As in years past, the moments below will be observed as part of the official 9/11 anniversary ceremony held at the World Trade Center for victims’ families.

Here is the list:

– 8:46 a.m. eastern time: Hijackers crash Flight 11 into the north tower.

– 9:03 a.m.: Hijackers crash United Airlines Flight 175 into the south tower.

– 9:37 a.m.: Hijackers crash American Airlines Flight 77 into the Pentagon.

– 9:59 a.m.: The south tower collapses.

– 10:03 a.m.: Passengers launch a counterattack on hijackers aboard United Airlines Flight 93. The hijackers crash the plane into an empty field near Shanksville, Pa.

– 10:28 a.m.: The north tower collapses.

PLEASE! Won’t you join me in taking just 6 minutes out of your day, one day out of the year to remember and honor all those whose lives this tragic event claimed? PLEASE?

Yup I’m at it again, this time the BS flag is on Impish & his feature Saturday about the couple with the safe in the floor. I’m not going to go too hard on him though, since not only is he gullible, not to smart and easily distracted from the facts by the thought of buried money, but the entire hoax was done by a hoax community acknowledge pair of Master Hoaxsters with a clear track record of successful epic hoaxes in their past.

A couple, a safe full of cash, new details revealed

Pictured: John Resig, Annie Elias, and Chris Moeser.

I’d like to reveal the story about the young couple who discovered $50,000 in a kitchen safe was a hoax. Original story here.

It came to pass for a couple reasons. My brother Leo and I were known for pulling a few notable hoaxes once upon a time – The Donald Trump Tip Hoax, and HOPA Hoax: Girl Quits Her Job on Whiteboard. – After which the national media declared us incapable of pulling another one. They weren’t totally wrong, it’s been 5 years since I even attempted it.

Instead, we took what we learned about going viral and repurposed the technique to create theCHIVE’s flash charity model. Much more rewarding. Still, you never lose the itch.

Then there was some fortuitous construction at my new house. The previous owner had installed a safe in the wall and I wanted to throw it out. My general contractor said it was a nice safe and encouraged me to keep it. Sure why not. I asked him to hide it in the kitchen floor and I’ll keep my comic books in it. But once I saw it half-installed there a lightbulb flickered. The 8-year-old in me remembered watching Geraldo Rivera open Al Capone’s vault and wanted so badly for there to be something, anything, in that damn thing.

The details:

The Cash – My executive assistant, Annie Elias annoyed bank tellers across Austin for a few days looking for old $100 bills and both $2 and $5 Red Seal Notes. She did an amazing job. Behind the $100’s were just a lot of old $1 bills. Oldest trick in the book, I know, but still gets the job done.

The Bourbon – James E. Pepper bourbon fell on hard times and went out of business in 1958. My Uncle, Ed Logan, had purchased a bottle of the ’54 in the early 70’s. He gave it to me last year as a gift. Pepper’s history is fascinating. This is one of the last remaining bottles of that era in existence.

The Book – If you’re looking for rare oddities and antiques, I recommend Uncommon Objects on South Congress. We found the old photos of Vincent and the estate with that tree, as well as the flash cards and A Guide for the Perplexed at Uncommon Objects.

The Bingo Card – I just love playing Bingo and wanted an old Bingo card in the narrative somewhere.

I’ve had a blast watching the story circle the globe from AOL to Yahoo (8,000+ upvotes on reddit really did the trick) as well as reading the conspiracy theories that this might be a marketing campaign for James E. Pepper Bourbon or perhaps the Arizona Office of Tourism.

But it might be best to out this baby now to prevent treasure hunters from turning over Mesa, AZ, for a three-trunked tree that doesn’t exist. The Phoenix local news is even running stories.

It was unique little ruse and we had a lot of fun creating it. Back into hoax hibernation for another 5 years but not before finding a home for that cash – about $1,000 total, save for one $2 and $5 note, souvenirs for myself and Annie. Not exactly 50 grand but every little bit helps buy more dog and cat food at our favorite no-kill shelter, Austin Pets Alive.

Was funny to see the volunteers’ faces when we started offloading the cash, I’m half convinced they thought Annie and I had emptied out a safe or something?

Anyway, they really appreciated it. Have a relaxing weekend, everybody!

KCCO,

John

Yup another in a long history of tall tales sold sincerely by a fellow Texan. With John’s ginger hair and penchant for drinking, tall tales and pub life despite his last name I suspect strongly he’s got some good Irish blood in him. Especially since he nearly took me in too.

The ” M ” word…

by Jeff Foxworthy

The ” M ” word…
Have you ever wondered why it’s OK to make jokes about Catholics, the Pope, Jews, Christians, the Irish, the Italians, the Polish, the Chinese, the French (including French Canadians), the elderly, bad golfers, men/women , blacks/whites, etc, but its insensitive to make jokes about Muslims? Time to level the playing field and be politically correct by including the Muslims!

Jeff Foxworthy on Muslims:

1.     If you grow and refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor, You may be a Muslim.

2.     If you own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes, You may be a Muslim.

3.     If you have more wives than teeth, You may be a Muslim.

4.     If you wipe your butt with your bare hand but consider bacon to be unclean, You may be a Muslim.

5.     If you think vests come in two styles:  Bullet-proof and suicide. You may be a Muslim

6.     If you can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared jihad against, You may be a Muslim.

7.     If you consider television dangerous but routinely carry explosives in your clothing, You may be a Muslim.

8.     If you were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs, You may be a Muslim.

9.     If you have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four, You may be a Muslim.

If you find this offensive and don’t forward it, you are part of the problem in America !

If you delete this you are, most likely a Muslim.

The monument displayed in the above photographs, officially entitled “To the Struggle Against World Terrorism” (but also known as “The Memorial at Harbor View Park” or the “Tear Drop Memorial”), was dedicated at the northeast corner of Bayonne Peninsula in New Jersey on 11 September 2006, the fifth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks on the United States.

The monument was the work of Russian artist Zurab Tsereteli, whose inspiration was described thusly in a brochure about the monument:

“To the Struggle Against World Terrorism” was conceived as the events of 9/11 unfolded and Russian artist Zurab Tsereteli walked the streets of Moscow. Struck by the outpouring of grief he observed, a memorial with an image of a tear formed in his mind. Shortly after the attacks, Tsereteli visited ground zero and looked to New Jersey’s waterfront for an appropriate site for a monument honoring victims of the World Trade Center terrorist attacks. Bayonne was a fitting location; the city was an arrival point for many New York City evacuees on 9/11, a staging area for rescuers, and offered a direct view of the Statue of Liberty and the former World Trade Center towers.
A gift from Tsereteli and the Russian people, the memorial is made of steel sheathed in bronze. Standing 100 feet high, its center contains a jagged tear. In it hangs a 40-foot stainless steel teardrop, representing sadness and grief over the loss of life, but also hope for a future free from terror. Etched in granite on an 11-sided base are the names of the nearly 3,000 killed in the 1993 World Trade Center bombings and terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, 2001.

Photographs of the monument’s construction (as well as the finished version of the memorial) can be viewed at the 911 Monument web site.

Firenado! 800,000 gallons of Jim Beam accidentally released into a Kentucky lake bursts into flames after being hit by lightning… before a tornado sucks the flaming liquid 100 feet up into the air

• The freak weather destroyed a warehouse in Kentucky holding bourbon
• The inflammable spirit flowed into a nearby creek towards a lake
• A lightning strike then set fire to the bourbon on the lake’s surface
• A small tornado sucked up the flaming liquid and set fire to nearby trees

A Jim Beam warehouse in Kentucky was struck by lightning releasing 800,000 gallons of bourbon into a nearby lake. Then, the lake was hit by a ‘firenado’ setting the inflammable liquid alight. 

The firenado was caused when a bolt of lighting hit the ground setting a fire which was in the path of a tornado, which sucked up the flames, creating a terrifying spiraling inferno. 

A video of the dramatic scenes has been viewed more than four million times on the internet.

 

According to The Weather Channel, a firenado can grow up to 100 feet tall. 

After the warehouse was damaged, the bourbon flowed into a nearby lake, which was then struck by lightening. 

A small tornado passed over the scene, sucking up the flaming spirit and spreading the fire further.

Despite being the victims of a lightning strike, Jim Beam are facing damages of $70,000 for polluting the nearby creek which led to major fish kills.

Steve Buscemi has never been one of my favorite actors, and generally speaking any character he plays I want to end in as hideous a fashion as possible. However after researching this and finding it to be true I have a new found total respect for him just like I do  his fellow New Yorkers Denis Leary, Joe Mantegna, Gary Sinise. From now on like his acting or his characters or not I’m going to make a point of watching every movie he makes.

In 1976 Steve Buscemi took the FDNY civil service test when he was just 18 years old. In 1980 Steve Buscemi became a New York City Firefighter.
For four years, Buscemi served on one of FDNY’s busiest, Engine Co. 55 in Manhattan’s Little Italy. He later left the fire service to become a successful actor, writer and director.

After 9/11/2001… Brother Buscemi returned to FDNY Engine 55.
On September 12, 2001 and for several days following Brother Steve worked 12-hour shifts alongside other firefighters digging and sifting through the rubble from the World Trade Center looking for survivors.
Very few photographs and no interviews exist because he declined them.

He wasn’t there for the publicity.

In 2003 he also gave a speech at a union rally supporting higher wages for firefighters and to stop fire houses from closing. He got arrested along with other firefighters.

Also not very well known is that in 2012 Brother Buscemi showed up in Breezy Point, NY and quietly assisted in the clean-up efforts of the damage and mass destruction left by Super Storm Sandy.

Once a brother, always a brother!

Just so we’re clear… this guy is a Badass !!!

Tip of the helmet Brother Steve!

Actor Steve Buscemi (pronounced “buss-ehm-ee”) has had a long and varied career in television and films since breaking into the acting business in the mid-1980’s, best known for playing darker roles such as Carl Showalter, one of the two kidnappers in the 1996 crime drama Fargo, Tony Blundetto, the cousin of mob boss Tony Soprano in the 2004 season of the HBO television series The Sopranos, and politician/gangster Enoch ‘Nucky’ Thompson in the current HBO series Boardwalk Empire.

Moreover, although he had long since left the FDNY and established himself as a leading actor by then, immediately after the 9/11 terrorist attacks on New York in September 2001 Buscemi returned to Engine Co. 55 and spent several days working lengthy shifts with other FDNY firefighters (without publicity), helping to sift through the rubble of the destroyed World Trade Center:

The day after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, Steve Buscemi, who worked as a firefighter from 1980-1984, showed up at his old fire station, Engine Company No. 55 in the Little Italy section of New York.

For the next week he worked 12-hour shifts, digging through the rubble trying to find the bodies of missing firefighters, all the while refusing to do interviews or have his picture taken.
“

It was a privilege to be able to do it,” the 45-year-old actor said. “It was great to connect with the firehouse I used to work with and with some of the guys I worked alongside. And it was enormously helpful for me because while I was working, I didn’t really think about it as much, feel it as much.
“It wasn’t until I stopped that I really felt the full impact of what had happened. It would have been much harder for me to get through it if I hadn’t been able to do that.”

Steve for your continued loyalty and dedication to NYC, for your doing what was right and doing it solely for that reason I salute you.

 

  What?! WHO IN THE HELL GAVE GINNY’S SCANTILY CLAD BUTT NOT ONE BUT TWO MINI UZIS! IMPISH I SMELL YOU ALL OVER THIS I KNOW SHE HAS YOU WRAPPED AROUND HER LITTLE FINGER! THOSE THINGS BETTER BE AIRSOFT!

Anyway, moving oh whilst taking cover, I received a memo from Impish this past week, written on a napkin in some sort of red sauce apparently by a claw. I say red sauce because I wasn’t sure if it was BBQ, Chili, Salsa, Catsup, Pasta Sauce, or knowing Impish’s gastronomic leans, a mix of all the above.

It was pretty brief and to the point, though far from any pretension to eloquence, reading:

Hey Lethal!

Why you no give mention of fund raise drive us on last issue? Us need more funds pay mean WordPress.  We get hardly any peoples dis time yet. Make grouch growls like at me but at dem not me.

I.D.

So there I was about to be stuck writing a plea for donations, something I hate doing pretty much more than anything (save being forced to concede or agree with a liberal’s point). I was wondering how long I could get away with taking a play from Impish’s excuse book and saying it was due to my injured hand and would be at least another week when Friday brought me a copy editing folder. She said that Ginny had left it for Impish and I to look over. This highly unusual turn of events caused me to stop a moment and check the folder’s contents. At once with a just little Cut Copy & Paste plus a wee editorial commenting (seen in green) I had my way out of my predicament.

So here is Ginny’s version of the logic behind why you should donate to our current once yearly fund raising drive:

Impish Dragon and Lethal Leprechaun realized that they had never received any donations from the town’s second (let’s not forget I’m the most successful lawyer around here!) most successful lawyer. Diaman and Ginny in charge of yearly contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

 

“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity or Dragon Laffs, the best and FREE e-zine published.  Wouldn’t you like to give a donation this year?

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”

Embarrassed, the girls as reps  of Dragon Laffs mumbled, “Um … no.”

The lawyer interrupts, “or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”

The stricken girls began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

“or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”

The humiliated girls, completely beaten, said simply, “We had no idea…”

On a roll, the lawyer cut them off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to DRAGON LAFFS??” 

“Well” they responded, “you have such a sad family situation.  Dragon Laffs will bring laughs to you twice a week to help you deal with life’s hardships.  I’m sure you could

donate at least or more for the joy they will bring you twice a week.  Not to mention full access to their Kingdom Fiefdom (or should that be Thiefdom? Either way we’re not kings as kings are rich and we are anything but!) and VIP treatment in all their weekly/special/holiday affairs.”

I see no reason to expound upon what Ginny has said other than to make one point she isn’t privy to. Namely the minimum acceptable participation level. We wound up having to go this route the last time and judging by the result of Impish’s pleading for two straight weeks we are going to have to do it again.

We’ve got 449 signed up subscribers according to the blog site. Just like last year I’m declaring the minimum acceptable participation level to be 5% of the membership, or 25 people.  We don’t require Vet’s, those living on fixed incomes, or who do to health care expenses can’t afford it to donate so I preapplied the same estimated credit we did to the numbers last time.  Out of 449 people out there I’m positive there are 25 that can spare a lousy buck to show their support.  It’s not about how much money we can raise. Yes, we have costs, in truth what we raise only partially covers those as we don’t factor in wear & tear on out personal equipment, personal time, any of the associated costs in maintaining our own internet connection to be able to post the issues or annual licensing fees for some of the software used.

It IS about participation and showing support, not being a ‘welfare’ entertainment source and knowing that our personal sacrifices of time effort and monies are appreciated enough by the readers that once a year a paltry 10% can be bothered to send us less than a cup of coffee ($1.00) to show their support. On a regular average only 15 of you, just 3% can even be induced to be bothered enough to click the star rating system for the issues regularly like we asked and that costs you nothing. Little things like that make us ask why we’re doing this and if its fair for the same same number of people to donate time after time (many of whom are of circumstances that give them a free pass according to our policies) while the rest of you freeload. For those loyal few we can easily make other arrangements.

So once again, I’m directing Impish to draw a line in the sand with his tail (ok it’s a fat tail and the line IS more of a trench but you get the idea). You’re reading these remarks on the 9th of September the fund raising is open until the 30th. As of Saturday the 5th we had 10 people donate, that’s roughly 1/4 of the way to the goal of 45 people. You’ve got 21 days remaining to get to the goal. Remember like I said its NOT about how much you send, we’ll be ecstatic to receive just a single dollar. It’s about a minimally acceptable to us level of membership participation. Many of you have stated you agree with the points of view we expound, so presumably that extends to the welfare state, well it’s time to prove it.

[Fat tail!!!!  I’ll have you know that my tail is very svelte!- I.D. 

Oh I agree completely, compared to Barney’s or Godzilla’s tail it is a (relatively) svelte tail. – L.L 

Can I hide in here with you? I think I might have accidentally given Ginny the wrong guns and now she thinks she’s a mafia gun moll! HEY! When diiiid yoooou geettt aaaa traappppdooorrr installlllle d???– I.D. ]

AHEM! Now I don’t want to be seen as making threats here about withdrawing my participation, us throwing in the towel entirely etc. etc., ad nauseum, ad infinitum. That’s not what this is about.  As I have said, its about  you showing your support for us and what we do, its about demonstrating to us our worth to you a single time in a year since the majority of you can’t be bothered enough to use the free star system on the site to show your support on a weekly basis. Frankly and bluntly folks, its about demonstrating to us we’re not wasting our time and yours with this blog that you are committed enough in your devotion to it to do this small thing for us.

If the minimum isn’t reached what then? I honestly do not know. Impish and I are in agreement not to have any sort of discussion about the outcome of this goal setting until the fat non anorexically tailed dragon has finished roaring out the tally. Frankly, I see no point in doing so because we were easily able to reach the goal last year and it has change by exactly a count of 2 this year so from where I sit there is no reason we cannot make it again this year.

You hear a hum followed by a click and then Lethal’s voice over the PA: “Attention Ginny the Jersey Gun Moll! Impish is hiding in the Editing Department!”

Good Morning Campers,

Before we go any further in today’s issue, I’d like to start right off with recognition as to the new people who’ve been added to the list of full member/patrons:

Leah H
Steven H
Henry C
Margaret C

That brings our total number of contributors to 10.
Just think.  You too can be a full member, with all the benefits and rights, plus have the use of all the facilities, including the “breaking you out of jail” program used so successfully on me in Gitmo.  How much will all that cost you?

The answer will shock you!

As much as you want, as little as $1! 

Just click the box next to this issue where it says donate and you can go through PayPal or write to me at impishdragon@gmail.com and I’ll give you a snail mail address where you can send cash, check or money order.

It’s that easy.

Come on now.  Honestly. Don’t we ALL know someone at work that’s likely to die in a work place accident that any idiot could have avoided?  That guy who gets a paper cut while working on his computer?  The guy who could drown at the water cooler?  Or maybe the one who gets third-degree burns from the copy machine?  Yeah…we all know one… or more.

 

And under the category of “Why the hell can’t something like this happen to me?”  Here’s this story from Jean:

Couple makes life-changing discovery in kitchen safe

When Eddie, 29 and Angie, 26 were renovating their kitchen in their Phoenix, AZ home, they made an incredible discovery that left them shocked and overjoyed.

The couple had been living in their home for two years when they decided to renovate the kitchen themselves. During the demolition, they found a mysterious safe built into the floor that had been tucked away under the kitchen island.

They remembered that they had found a safe code in the back of a medicine cabinet when they first moved into the house. They hadn’t found the safe but held onto the code.After about six tries, the couple was able to open the safe. They stared at the findings in disbelief.

Perched inside the safe was a pile of $100 bills. After counting the money, they realized that they had discovered $51,080 hidden in their home.

In addition to the money, the couple found a sealed bottle of James E Pepper and a book titled “A Guide for the Perplexed” by E.F. Schumacher. The book was published in 1977.

Upon further digging, the couple found a note in the book that read:

“Alan,

I have a book you must read. I’ve underlined a few key passages.

Your friend,

Vincent”

This couple is now $51,080 richer and has an awesome new kitchen! We’d call that a pretty successful afternoon.

I think I agree with Jean, who wrote that she wouldn’t have told the media about it.  Because you know, Uncle Sam is going to try and get at least half of that in some sort of “found money tax” or some such nonsense.  And you know there are going to be a butt-load of Alan’s and Vincent’s that pop out of the woodwork that say that all of that belongs to them.  Yeah, I’m a bit on the pessimist side this morning…or maybe just a realist.

Well, maybe a couple of these are true.  I am thankful for waking up on the right side of the sod every morning.  and I am thankful for my dreams that have turned into reality, although, at this very moment I’m having difficulty coming up with an example of one of my dreams coming to reality, but I’m still holding out on that one where I’m finally recognized for my tremendous contributions to the betterment of the country in my work life and the betterment of mankind in my blog life and winning the Peace Prize.  Hey, if Obama can do it for doing Nothing-At-All, then I’ve got a pretty good chance!

 

One of I and Mrs. Dragon’s favorite past times is spotting mistakes in movies.  You know what I mean, like when a guy in one scene is smoking a cigar and you see him put it out and then in the next scene he still has the cigar.  Yeah, that sort of thing.  Well, Kim Komando spotted this video on YouTube and I’m sharing it here with you.

I didn’t know about any of these.  But, they are pretty funny.  My own personal favorite is in Twister, when they are driving the red truck down the dirt road and get caught up by the water.  You know the part.  Where they say, “We’ve got cows.” Right, that part.  Well, on the drive up to that spot they are on a dirt road, but when the cut to the interior shot of the truck, you can see like a major highway out the window and then they cut back to the dirt road again.  This goes on for like two or three camera changes.  It’s pretty subtle, so you have to watch for it.

and here’s a section that we all like watching for…

Another representation of Diaman and I that one of our students drew.  I think he did a great job!

 

Thanks to my dad for these funny ones from the old TV Show Hollywood Squares:

In the 1960s there was a US TV game show called Hollywood Squares .

Basically stars were asked questions by the host, and the contestants had to guess whether their answer was correct or not.

Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be ?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde:Loneliness.
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married?
A. Rose Marie: No. Wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say ‘I Love You’?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are ‘Do It,’ ‘I Can Help,’ and ‘I Can’t Get Enough’?
A. George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.

Q. Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what’s a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at Nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn’t neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he
trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car, the rest is up to him .

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

I don’t know about you, but they sure cracked me up!

Ain’t it the truth!  And I gotta tell you.  An awful lot of us are getting sick and damn tired of the double standard coming out of our supposed “leaders”!

It’s amazing how many people recognize the same thing!

 

And this one comes from our own dear, sweet Diaman:

Alright, that’s enough of that, let’s get back to the funny stuff!!

 

One of the things that you’ll find as you wonder around the premises here at DL&LL Enterprises is that we have security (those are the guys that you don’t normally see until they’re needed) and we have hospitality.  Now, usually the hospitality folks can be recognized by one of a few different means.  In the above picture, we know that Diane is a member of hospitality because of her halo.  Now, the halo normally makes people think of good, and Diane is very, very good.  Think of our hospitality folks as the greatest concierge you’ve ever heard of.  They can get you anything, anywhere at anytime.  Or … at least, they have the best chance of getting it for you.

Let’s say you want a frozen banana covered in chocolate rice pudding at 3 am.  She could handle that with no problem.  But, if you wanted a motorized pogo stick ridden by a red headed kobald with a 45 inch chest, she’d probably call security to have you escorted out of the place. 

Why?

Because everyone knows that red-headed kobalds are left wing socialists who would want to move their whole family into your room and have you pay all the expenses. 

Anyway, you get the idea.

 

This is so true for me.  I’m not a morning person.  Never have been, never will be.  I’m much better at 10 pm than I am at 10 am.  Mrs. Dragon and I have been married for 20 years and, bless her heart, she still forgets this important fact about me.  On the weekends, she’ll be up in the morning when I am sometimes (not during the week because I get up at Oh-Dark-Hundred to go to work) and I’ll be enjoying my first cup of coffee and she’ll be chatting away with me, talking about our day and what she’d like to do and I have to remind her.

“Sweetheart, you know you’re wasting your time.  I’m not taking in ANYTHING that you’re saying right now because I’m still working on my first cup of coffee.  You’re only going to have to say everything all over again later, so why don’t we just sit here in companionable silence and enjoy our coffee.”

Now, written, that may sound somewhat nice, but when it comes out as a low growl from my morning voice, it really doesn’t come off that way.  And as you probably figured, it doesn’t really start our day off as pleasantly as you might think.

Yeah.

I’m one of THOSE people.

 

Final arrangements.  One of the dumber things this world has invented and we go along with.  I told Mrs. Dragon that I’d like to be cremated.

Why?

Because that body is not me anymore.  I’ve gone.  And without getting into WHERE I’ve gone, suffice it to say that I’m not in there anymore.  So go with the cheapest way of getting rid of my remains as possible.  If you could get away with putting my body in a dumpster or a landfill somewhere, that would be fine with me.  My body will decompose and I’ll make fabulous mulch someday.

But, when I miss you, I want somewhere to go to visit you. 

Then go somewhere we used to enjoy going together.  Go where we had our first kiss.  Go where we used to slip away to to be alone.  Go eat our favorite food, drink our favorite wine or leaf through a photo album.  Don’t put yourself $10,000 in debt to get rid of a body that I don’t need anymore.

That’s just my thoughts.  Any responses?

 

Musta been one hell of a party.

 

Warning: Prepare to have your blood sugar raised to astronomical heights with this super sweet video. 

 

 

 

One of the greatest jokes I’ve ever heard.  Man, I wish I could think this fast!

 

 

Ok.  I found this next video very interesting, especially since I seem to use the term all the time…even when I’m writing…since I tend to write as I speak…it’s okay … ok?

 

Exactly!  I go out to the back porch.  Grab a cigar and a cup of coffee.  Bring my Kindle.  And you are looking at one content dragon.

I had a guy at work notice that I bring my kindle with me everywhere.  Because I believe that even while standing in line, it’s better to get a few paragraphs read then doing something mindless on my cell phone.  He asked me how many books I read.  I told him that I believe I average about 2.5 books a week.  My record is 11 books in one week and very, very rarely does a week go by that I don’t finish at least one. 

And that’s another reason for owning a Kindle.  Two reasons ….#1, if I had to pay full price for all the books I read, I’d be perpetually in the dog house.  #2, I’d need another house just to store all the books.  Let’s take that out to it’s logical conclusion.  I’ve always been a big reader.  I started reading at a very early age because my mom read to me at bed time and encouraged me to read on my own.  (Parents are you listening?)  But, let’s say that I’ve been reading for 50 years.  And let’s say that my overall lifetime average is 2 books a week.  At that rate we get 108 books a year or about 5400 books.  Really seems like it should be more than that.  But at an average cost of $6.99 for a paper back book that’s $37,746. 

Not saying I spent that much, just looking at some numbers here.  Because I am a BIG believer in public and school libraries!

Now, at an average of $0.99 for an eBook (most of them I have have been free.  Mostly because I am Lethal’s Book Bitch and he feeds my habit) anyway, that comes to a (comparatively) paltry $5346.

Lethal, close your mouth.

Lethal is in shock right now, because he never thought that I would publically admit that I am his book bitch.  Sad but true.

But the amazing part of this whole conversation is that I went from a cartoon about sitting outside to where we ended up with book bitches.

Sigh.

 

 

So, this just recently came out.  If you need another reason to vote for Trump for president:

Now, if we can just get him to move back to Africa if ANY republican is elected, I’ll pay for the damn plane ticket myself!

 

There’s a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running “a bit peaked.”

Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.

“Ah,” the fighter pilot remarked, “the dreaded seven-engine approach.”

Since Lethal sent this to me the premise is that the military pilot is actually a Marine Pilot…and I wouldn’t doubt it.  But, it’s a funny joke regardless.

 

Once again, we come to the part of the show that I look forward to every week.  Motivational posters have given me more chuckles than any other kind of cartoon.  Here’s a couple of good ones from my collection:

 

 

Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.

 

 

When the zombie apocalypse finally happens, I’m moving to Washington D.C. I figure the lack of brains there will keep the undead masses away.

 

 

 

Special thanks to our Girl Ginny for most of these one liners.

 

Well, it’s the Labor Day Weekend and in celebration, we here at DL&LL Enterprises will take this last opportunity to have our traditional End Of The Summer weekend blast.

We are celebrating Labor Day by NOT publishing a special Labor Day issue, but instead, relaxing from our labors and spending time with our friends and family.

This will be the last party that the old patrons will get to enjoy their patron status, unless of course, they have re-donated again this year.  We also wish to invite our new year patrons that have contributed so far to our cause. 

We will be opening some new sections of our compound to the patrons and in celebration of National Book Week this week, here’s a picture of our newly opened library.  One of my favorite spots in the whole compound.

The artwork is stunning, the collection incomparable and the atmosphere, perfect.  If you love books and reading, you’ll love spending time in our new library.

There will be the normal cook outs, games, drinking, debauchery, food and fun.  But, it will all be overlaid by a labor free weekend.  Most of the staff will have a long weekend and most of the party will be self-serve and volunteer served.  Please treat the people who are running the games and doing the cooking and what little serving will be done, nicely.  They are giving of their time so the rest of us can relax and be labor free. 

I will be volunteering this afternoon to the barbeque.  I will be supplying both the heat and my cooking expertise to the traditional burgers, dogs, brats and chicken.  But, do me a favor and go by the Italian section and try some of my homemade lasagna.  I prepared it the night before so all the flavors could blend and sit overnight and now they will be baking them as needed so everyone can have a fresh hot slab of my world famous lasagna.  It’s actually called “Lasagna-Bob” (named after Mr. Grey) and world renowned.  Go ahead.  Google it.  Google Lasagna Bob and see what you come up with.  LOL!

So, to round out today’s issue, let’s talk just a little bit about Labor Day and then we’ll send you on your way to enjoy your (hopefully) long weekend.

Not surprisingly, we go to the Department of Labor’s website to discover the meaning of Labor Day. 

Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.

Well, in that regard, I guess the cartoon is right.  It’s a celebration of work!  Started by the Labor Movement and put into law as a national holiday June 28, 1894.  So this year is the 121st anniversary. 

Never more necessary and celebrated than during the two great wars that rocked our nation and the number and variety of people who stepped up to create and maintain one of the hugest war fighting machine creations the world has ever seen.

For many families, it’s the last road trip of the summer.  The last hurrah.  The huge rush and hard work put into … not working.  Now to this dragon, that doesn’t make much sense.  Sure, some preparation and effort needs to go into having a good time and relaxing, but this dragon prefers the stay at home, spend time with family and friends weekend, rather than the rush to DO THINGS weekend.

Sadly, for some, Labor Day is just another way to remind them of how tough things are right now for many people. 

And for some of us, another reminder of the fact that, due to the administration’s current policies, we are working hard for not only our families, but for some other illegal’s or entitlement’s family.  For them we wonder, do they even know what the word LABOR means?

But for now, lean back, put all that behind you for the weekend, grab a beer and a brat and forget about all that stuff for the weekend.

Until we meet again next week, I remain, cheerfully yours…

Nice place huh? I’d like to say I got to go fishing there over the weekend or was going next weekend. But with this bunged up hand and now thanks to the bunged up hand forcing me to use the cane in my left hand my bunged up knee, my changes of scenery are limited to short distance moves to other rooms of the apartment and even those sometimes need assistance if I can’t fit all my needs in a pocket of a shoulder satchel.

Doctor is making some disturbing noises over the hand and has scheduled an ultra sound, some X rays and some sort of therapy which is supposed to get at the tendon swelling which so far has resisted going down with other treatments. As for the knee it’s just grin and bare it until its better, a slow tedious process. Strange how you can bung something up in a heartbeat but it will take a season to fix itself.

Speaking of seasons we’ve had some early fall preview weather here since last week with a few mornings in the low 70’s/ high 60’s. A pleasant change from the triple digit heat indexes that we were experiencing. The Farmers Almanac is predicting harder than normal winter for the North East and cooler and wetter than normal for Texas and I’m thinking this might be a foretelling of that.

Roughly 30 days remain to peak hurricane season and I’d be happy to have dodged seeing or even having to worry about one for an entire season.

OK time for more pills for pain and swelling and to get hand back up (actually I’ve been writing this 5 minutes at a time and 75% left handed)

 

I’ve gotten so desperate I’ve taken to drinking it out of a lidded travel mug with a straw to keep from spilling it. Problem is it doesn’t hold enough and the one that does is too heavy to hold with right hand while moving about on cane with left! I’ve even had to resort to using Molly’s Keurig because I can’t handle my pot left handed with making a mess.

I got this theory says that Old Scratch used to be a Texican back in the day.

Sure Sign its Hot in Texas

A Staten Island lawyer asked a judge if he could have a “‘Game of Thrones’ style trial by combat” instead of an actual trial.

The Top 5 Differences in a “Game of Thrones” Style Courtroom Trial

5. A motion for sanctions can include requests for disbarring and/or beheading.

4.  The death penalty is the only sentence no matter what the crime and they still can’t beat Texas’ death penalty record.

3. The courtroom sketch artist is always running out of red colored pencils.

2. Based on the exposed breasts and penises, *every* jury is “hung.”

And the Number One Difference in a “Game of Thrones” Style Courtroom Trial…

1. Readers will say that the transcript was better.

Damn! Another of my reality show ideas down the toilet!

NEW HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL!!

Listen to the young people, F-this, F-that, and nary anyone will step up and correct them- even with wife and kids in tow!

FINALLY – – Someone in the teaching profession had the courage to set the standards so badly needed NOW.

We watched high school principal Dennis Prager of Colorado , along with Sara Palin and Tom Brokaw on TV a couple of weeks ago….what a dynamic, down  to earth speaker. Even though Palin and Brokaw were also guest speakers they did little but nod and agree with him. This is the guy that should be running for President in 2016

A Speech Every American High School Principal Should Give. By Dennis Prager .

To the students and faculty of our high school:

I am your new principal, and honored to be so. There is no greater calling than to teach young people.

I would like to apprise you of some important changes coming to our school. I am making these changes because I am convinced that most of the  ideas that have dominated public education in America have worked against you, against your teachers and against our country.

First, this school will no longer honor race or ethnicity. I could not care less if your racial makeup is black, brown, red, yellow or white. I could not care less if your origins are African, Latin American, Asian or European, or if your ancestors arrived here on the Mayflower or on slave ships. The only identity I care about, the only one this school will recognize, is your individual identity — your character, your scholarship, your humanity. And the only national identity this school will care about is American .

This is an American public school, and American public schools were created to make better Americans. If you wish to affirm an ethnic, racial or religious identity through school, you will have to go elsewhere. We will end all ethnicity, race and non-American nationality-based celebrations. They undermine the motto of America , one of its three central values — E pluribus Unum, “from many, one.” And this school will be guided by America ‘s values. This includes all after-school clubs. I will not authorize clubs that divide students based on any identities. This includes race, language, religion, sexual orientation or whatever else may become in vogue in a society divided by political correctness.

Your clubs will be based on interests and passions, not blood, ethnic, racial or other physically defined ties. Those clubs just cultivate narcissism — an unhealthy preoccupation with the self — while the purpose of education is to get you to think beyond yourself. So we will have clubs that transport you to the wonders and glories of art, music, astronomy, languages you do not already speak, carpentry and more. If the only extracurricular activities you can imagine being interested in are those based on ethnic, racial or sexual identity, that means that little outside of yourself really interests you.

Second, I am uninterested in whether English is your native language. My only interest in terms of language is that you leave this school speaking and writing English as fluently as possible. The English language has united America ‘s citizens for over 200 years, and it will unite us at this school. It is one of the indispensable reasons this country of immigrants has always come to be one country. And if you leave this school without excellent English language skills, I would be remiss in my duty to ensure that you will be prepared to successfully compete in the American job market. We will learn other languages here — it is deplorable that most Americans only speak English — but if you want classes taught in your native language rather than in English, this is not your school.

Third, because I regard learning as a sacred endeavor, everything in this school will reflect learning’s elevated status. This means, among other things, that you and your teachers will dress accordingly. Many people in our society dress more formally for Hollywood events than for church or school. These people have their priorities backward. Therefore, there will be a formal dress code at this school.

Fourth, no obscene language will be tolerated anywhere on this school’s property — whether in class, in the hallways or at athletic events. If you can’t speak without using the f -word, you can’t speak. By obscene language I mean the words banned by the Federal Communications Commission, plus epithets such as “Nigger,” even when used by one black student to address another black, or “bitch,” even when addressed by a girl to a girlfriend. It is my intent that by the time you leave this school, you will be among the few your age to instinctively distinguish between the elevated and the degraded, the holy and the obscene.

Fifth, we will end all self-esteem programs. In this school, self-esteem will be attained in only one way — the way people attained it until decided otherwise a generation ago — by earning it. One immediate consequence is that there will be one valedictorian, not eight.

Sixth, and last, I am reorienting the school toward academics and away from politics and propaganda. No more time will be devoted to scaring you about smoking and caffeine, or terrifying you about sexual harassment or global warming. No more semesters will be devoted to condom wearing and teaching you to regard sexual relations as only or primarily a health issue… There will be no more attempts to convince you that you are a victim because you are not white, or not male, or not heterosexual or not Christian. We will have failed if any one of you graduates this school and does not consider him or herself inordinately fortunate — to be alive and to be an American.

Now, please stand and join me in the Pledge of Allegiance to the flag of our country. As many of you do not know the words, your teachers will hand them out to you.

 

Dennis Prager is a radio talk show host in California.  He has never been a school principal.  No such event as described below has ever occurred.

The text referenced above is one such column, a piece authored by talk show host Dennis Prager, a staple of Southern California talk radio for over twenty years (and now a nationally syndicated radio host as well). Mr. Prager has never been a high school principal. His column, “A Speech Every American High School Principal Should Give,” was originally published on 13 July 2010, and within a few weeks of its publication we began receiving e-mailed copies which omitted the authorial attribution and changed the piece’s premise from the abstract to the concrete by presenting its content as a speech actually delivered by a real high school principal to his school’s incoming class:

• An early-August 2010 version was positioned as “Supposedly from an Arizona Principal.”
• Another early-August 2010 version bore this preface: “Hillsdale College is setting up a charter school in Washington D.C. This is what each student that is allowed to enroll in the school and their parents will read, sign and adhere to while in attendence. I sincerely hope that in the near future all our schools will adopt these very same policies.”
• A mid-August 2010 version asserted “This speech was given by a new HS principal in Florida.”
• An early-September 2010 version proclaimed the item to be the “Principal’s Remarks at a South Texas school.”
• A November 2010 version was titled “California Principal’s Opening Message to Students” and further asserted the speech was given by “Dennis Prager, a principal at a high school in Redding, California, on the first day of classes in 2010.”
• A July 2011 version opened “We watched high school principal Dennis Prager of Colorado…”
• A May 2012 version placed Sarah Palin and Tom Brokaw at the event as guest speakers: “We watched high school principal Dennis Prager of Colorado , along with Sara Palin and Tom Brokaw on TV a couple of weeks ago….what a dynamic, down to earth speaker. Even though Palin and Brokaw were also guest speakers they did little but nod and agree with him. This is the guy who should be running for President in 2012!”

In concept, Dennis Prager’s July 2010 column echoed one of his earlier efforts, a piece setting forth a commencement speech that he would give if were he called upon to address a graduating college class.
Read more at

The text referenced above is one such column, a piece authored by talk show host Dennis Prager, a staple of Southern California talk radio for over twenty years (and now a nationally syndicated radio host as well). Mr. Prager has never been a high school principal. His column, “A Speech Every American High School Principal Should Give,” was originally published on 13 July 2010, and within a few weeks of its publication we began receiving e-mailed copies which omitted the authorial attribution and changed the piece’s premise from the abstract to the concrete by presenting its content as a speech actually delivered by a real high school principal to his school’s incoming class:

• An early-August 2010 version was positioned as “Supposedly from an Arizona Principal.”
• Another early-August 2010 version bore this preface: “Hillsdale College is setting up a charter school in Washington D.C. This is what each student that is allowed to enroll in the school and their parents will read, sign and adhere to while in attendance. I sincerely hope that in the near future all our schools will adopt these very same policies.”
• A mid-August 2010 version asserted “This speech was given by a new HS principal in Florida.”
• An early-September 2010 version proclaimed the item to be the “Principal’s Remarks at a South Texas school.”
• A November 2010 version was titled “California Principal’s Opening Message to Students” and further asserted the speech was given by “Dennis Prager, a principal at a high school in Redding, California, on the first day of classes in 2010.”
• A July 2011 version opened “We watched high school principal Dennis Prager of Colorado…”
• A May 2012 version placed Sarah Palin and Tom Brokaw at the event as guest speakers: “We watched high school principal Dennis Prager of Colorado , along with Sara Palin and Tom Brokaw on TV a couple of weeks ago….what a dynamic, down to earth speaker. Even though Palin and Brokaw were also guest speakers they did little but nod and agree with him. This is the guy who should be running for President in 2012!”

In concept, Dennis Prager’s July 2010 column echoed one of his earlier efforts, a piece setting forth a commencement speech that he would give if were he called upon to address a graduating college class.

Read more at http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/principal.asp#LtYHQILbgrGmwkzw.99

How do you avoid this happening and seeing your send to me laughed at here just like this? It’s incredibly easy actually, just follow these simple steps:

Globalization?

A definition of globalization that I can understand and to which I now can relate:

Question:
What is the truest definition of  Globalization ?

Answer :
Princess Diana’s death.

Question:

How come?

Answer :

An English Princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, riding in a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling), followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.

This was sent to me by a Canadian, [Living in Australia] using American Bill Gates’ technology, and you’re probably reading this on your computer, that  uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian truck drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexicans who are in the US illegally because the current president, born in Kenya and educated as a Muslim in Indonesia refuses to enforce US law.

That, my friends, is Globalization !

 

No dog has ever been happier than this dog in a hot tub

Just look at this cute little guy and tell me you’ve ever seen a happier pooch. I don’t know if anybody has ever loved anything as much as this dog loves this hot tub. Watch his cute and funny reaction as the hot tub jets massage his back.

Sounds a lot like the same noises Impish makes in a hot tub!

 

My understanding is Mrs. Dragon actually bought him a new recliner with a noxious odor filter and a catalytic converter the output side of which is ducted to the outside

 

Presidential candidate Donald Trump had to return to New York City to show up for jury duty. I know we just did this topic with President George W. Bush who also had to report for jury duty, but I just couldn’t resist…

The Top 5 Overheard During Donald Trump’s Jury Duty Term

5.) “Juror #6 insists on seeing the court’s proof of jurisdiction in exchange for $5 million to the charity of the judge’s choice.”
4.) “And my point is that if the defendant doesn’t have a hundred million dollars on him right now, then we aren’t peers.”
3.) “Can’t the defendant just declare bankruptcy and start all over with no charges against him?”
2.) “No Mr. Trump, my ruling has nothing to do with my time of the month.”

And the Number One Overheard During Donald Trump’s Jury Duty Term…

1.) “‘I’m really rich’ is not a verdict, Mr. Trump.”

 

Watermelon-and-Cucumber Smoothie

 

Total Time: 5 min
Prep: 5 min
Yield: 1 serving
Level: Easy

 

 

 

 

 

Ingredients

One 2-inch piece English cucumber, peeled and roughly chopped (about 1/2 cup), plus one slice reserved for garnish
3 tablespoons lowfat buttermilk
1 tablespoon honey, optional
1/2 small lime, juiced (about 1 tablespoon)
2 cups cubed seedless watermelon, frozen

Directions

Put the cucumber, buttermilk, honey if using and lime juice into a blender. Blend on high until smooth. Add half of the frozen watermelon and blend until almost completely smooth, turning off the blender and pushing down on the ingredients with a spatula or wooden spoon as needed to help the blending process. Add the remaining frozen watermelon and continue to blend until smooth. Add 1 to 2 tablespoons of water if needed to adjust consistency. Pour into a glass and garnish with a cucumber slice.

I like a little fresh mint dropped in at the final couple pulses before serving. You can use lemon instead of lime and I’ve even see one with kiwi instead of cucumber though I’m not sure about the buttermilk in that one. No buttermilk? Use a little light cream like you’d put in coffee or perhaps a little coconut cream if you have it. To make it an adult beverage I recommend a wee dram of Malibu Coconut Rum.

 

BBQ Pork Loaded Fries

At a glance

Prep 30 min.

Total 40 min.

Serves 8

Bake: 10 min.

Prepared steak fries are topped with savory pulled pork and Cheddar cheese. They are baked for just 10 minutes, sprinkled with tomato and green onion for winning loaded fries everyone will enjoy!

What You’ll Need

2 cups warmed slow- cooked pulled pork 
1 package (28 ounces) frozen steak fries, prepared  according to package directions
1 cup shredded sharp Cheddar cheese  or Monterey Jack cheese (about 4 ounces)
1 medium tomato, chopped (about 1/2 cup)
2 green onions, sliced (about 1/4 cup)

How to Make It

• 1 Set the oven to 450°F.  Drain any excess liquid from the pork. 
• 2 Arrange the fries in a 13x9x2-inch baking dish.  Top with the pork and cheese.
• 3 Bake for 10 minutes or until hot and the cheese is melted.  Sprinkle with the tomato and green onions before serving.

Serves 4 to 6

I gave you a killer pulled pork recipe last week and this is perfect for the left overs or to serve a large crowd. Works well with waffle fries & potato skins as well though you may need to alter your cooking time and temp. Pepper Jack Cheese goes well as well and give it a little zing if your like your nachos spicy.

Works well with left over pot roast shredded and tossed with equal parts BBQ sauce and Picante as well.

I like to do it with sausage gravy too. Bake fries first the apply gravy and cheese and put back in oven (I turn it off as soon as it goes back in) for 5 minutes until cheese melts

 

Someone out there Must be “deadly” at Scrabble.

Wait till you see the last one! It’s going to be hard to top because it fits to a “T”

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES – LET’S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS!  NO MORE Z’S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I’M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FINALLY…. FOR THE GRAND FINALE :

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA
When you rearrange the letters:

An Arab Backed Imposter

What  Causes The Most Accidents In the USA? Not  cell phones…. 

Not  the radio………
Not the GPS monitor…… 
Not talking………….
Not  texting…………..
Not watching a car  video……
Not changing a  CD…….
Most driving accidents in the USA  are caused  by:

Yep  !!!….
You guessed  it right!!!….
Inappropriate  footwear !!!!…

 

Virginia Tech survivor: The gun lobby’s foolish answer

By Colin Goddard Updated 11:39 AM ET, Fri August 28, 2015

Editor’s note: Colin Goddard is a Virginia Tech shooting survivor and a senior policy advocate for Everytown for Gun Safety, a gun control advocacy group. The opinions expressed in this commentary are his.

(CNN)Early Wednesday morning, Alison Parker and Adam Ward were on assignment in Moneta, Virginia — Parker as a reporter and Ward as a cameraman. Working for WDBJ7, Roanoke’s CBS affiliate, they were working on a story about the 50th anniversary of Smith Mountain Lake and interviewing Vicki Gardner, who leads Smith Mountain Lake’s Chamber of Commerce.

In other words, they were doing their jobs.

Until, in a few terrifying moments on live TV, they weren’t.

Instead they became two more victims of our nation’s gun violence epidemic. A disgruntled former WDBJ employee shot them both, severely wounding Gardner in the process. It was a chilling look at gun violence in this country, a crisis that kills more than 30,000 Americans each and every year.

Wednesday’s horror hit particularly close to home for me, because, like Ward, I, too, am an alum of Virginia Tech. It’s conceivable that I could have crossed paths with him during our shared time on the Blacksburg campus. A little over eight years ago I survived the infamous mass shooting at Tech, which is less than 80 miles from where Ward died. Shrapnel is still lodged in my body from that day, but I was lucky to emerge with my life intact. Thirty-two others were killed.

The extremist leadership of the National Rifle Association and other gun lobby groups routinely respond to these incidents with empty platitudes about how “the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” In light of what transpired Wednesday, I’d like to follow their rhetoric to its logical end by asking them a couple of simple questions that our elected officials answer all too rarely.

Are reporters supposed to keep a revolver in their left hands and hold onto the microphone with their right? Do cameramen avert death if they stare down the sights of an AR-15 with one eye while looking into the camera with the other?

These questions, of course, reveal the absurdly unserious nature of the gun lobby’s worldview.

While the details of how the shooter in the televised killing obtained his weapon continue to unfold, we know that requiring background checks on all gun sales would save lives. And yet despite this, gun lobby groups routinely hawk the idea that implementing background checks on all gun sales is overly burdensome to prospective buyers, as if the 90 additional seconds required to make sure the buyer isn’t a convicted domestic abuser or dangerously mentally ill is somehow an affront to one’s rights.

Try telling that to a family member whose loved one was killed because a gunman avoided a background check. And yet for years, these groups have had enough political clout to scare politicians out of backing common sense reforms. Every year in Virginia, a small group of four gun lobby-backed legislators won’t even allow a basic background checks bill out of a House subcommittee.

While checks are required on sales at federally licensed dealers, criminals and other dangerous people can all too easily shirk such checks by purchasing guns from unlicensed strangers — whether online, at a gun show or elsewhere.

After tragedies like Wednesday’s, gun extremists will often try to change the subject. Sometimes they’ll suggest it’s “too soon” to talk about the bigger-picture policy issues that could help reduce gun violence. They’ll say that it would be “irresponsible to politicize” these moments, as if merely discussing ways to prevent future tragedies like these somehow dishonors the victims. If we followed this logic, there would never be a time to have these conversations, because 88 Americans are shot and killed every day.

The truth is, elected officials who aren’t willing to take action want these events to recede from the headlines so they can return to the status quo of not standing up to the gun lobby.

It’s time for all Americans to come together and ask our lawmakers, “Do you side with the overwhelming number of Americans who support basic gun safety measures or do you side with the gun lobby?”

For the sake of the many Americans whose lives were destroyed during this cruel summer of gun violence — while doing their jobs, enjoying a night out at the movies, or praying in their house of worship — we demand that political leaders side the right way and take action to end this crisis.

I am sympathetic towards Mr. Goddard for being a VTech shooting survivor, and can certainly both see and understand from whence he arrives at his view point. I’ll even go so far as to say that I can agree with him that the Gun Lobby does keep some much needed reforms from ever occurring and that those reforms might possibly save some lives. However as much as he rails at the Pro Gun faction for it’s behavior, you could reverse the statements and point them right back at the liberals.

Liberal never miss the chance to snowball the slightest incident into a reason to ban guns all together utilizing the logic that guns themselves are bad and responsible for the horrors that we as a society witness.

They point to lives destroyed by guns, and tell us we can ‘trust them’ to usurp another of our constitutionally guaranteed rights. One which pretty much every founding father at one point said was the only assurance the populace had against a tyrannical government.

They love to drag their poster child for the Evilness of Guns, AR-15 into the discussion of every event even if one was not involved.

But what they really hate? Facts. Hard unassailable, non-spinable, incontrovertible data that throws the bullshit flag on their entire gun hating position. Facts and data like this:

 

Good Morning Campers,

This is going to sound horrible, but it is now officially Friday (by about 30 minutes) and I have just started putting this week’s issue together.  Now, mind you, I’ve been gathering material and working on things, but usually by this time I’ve got most of it done and am just putting the finishing touches on it.

I don’t have a really good excuse, like poor Lethal with his busted up finger, nor a good excuse like Lethal who’s had a week from hell…well…thinking about his history, maybe not. 

Nope, my only excuse is….I been busy.  I been a berry, berry a busy.

Yup.  That’s it.

BUT!

I’m sure you will find that this issue is just a fun filled as any other.  The only thing you will really be missing…well, the two or three of you who actually read it … is the Agent 44-DD chapter.  Like Lethal told you the other day, we’ve kinda written ourselves into a little corner and we need to discuss where we want the story to go from here.

Hey, do me a favor, please.  Those of you who read the Agent 44-DD stories, can you give me a little bump on either the comments or an email and let me know whether you like it or not. 

Okay, let’s do a quick thank you to those of you who’ve donated so far.  Not many to start with but I have high hopes that more of you will throw a dollar or two our way.  Give up a latte or a coffee this week and help us out, will you?

Diaman
Kristine M.
Henry S.
Ginny
Don C.
Fred S.

Hmm, almost all of those names are familiar from last year.  Thank you all very much for your continued support.  You and the Veterans, the disabled, and the retired on a fixed income are going to have a lot more room in the good seats this year.

Well, one more reminder that the donation button is to the right side towards the top and if you don’t want to use paypal you can always send me an email at impishdragon@gmail.com and I’ll give you the snail mail address.

Now, without further ado…

I’m thinking that maybe religion SHOULD be taught in school if these answers are any indication:

Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following 25 statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched  or corrected . Incorrect spelling has been left in .   
  
1.    IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF. 
 
2.    ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLETREE. NOAH’S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS. 
 
3.    LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT. 
 
4.    THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS. 
 
5.    SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH. 

6..    SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES. 
 
7.    MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD, WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS. 
 
8.    THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS. 
 
9.    THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE. 
 
10.    THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11.    MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE  OF GERITOL. 
 
12.    THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM. 
 
13.    DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES. 
 
14.    SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES. 
 
15.    WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA. 
 
16.    WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER. 
 
17.    JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION. 
 
18.    ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD. 
 
19.    JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE. 
 
20.    IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE. 

21.    THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS. 

22.    THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES. 
 
23.    ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN. 

24.    ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY, WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE. 
 
25.    CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY. 
 
  
Aren’t Children great!!

 

Well, at least the cat seems to enjoy his independence…

 

You guys all remember last week, when Tom, from the great Northwest wrote to us and we all laughed?  Well, he wrote in again, although, I don’t think we will be doing much laughing this time

Thank you for the update Tom, and I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say, be careful and stay safe dear friend.

If you don’t see it, keep looking.

Don’t focus on the traffic.

Thanks to my best pal and partner, Lethal Leprechaun for this one.

 

Okay, before I go any further, I want to give you guys some warnings and a disclaimer.  First, the warnings:

And now the disclaimer, when you get to the end, which you eventually will, and you are looking for someone to pummel for the several minutes you just spent reading this that you will never, ever be able to get back, I want you to know, in no uncertain terms, that IT WASN’T ME!!!!!

Our story starts back in the 1970’s. The west coast of the United States. Just off this coast live two clams: Sam Clam and Eddie Clam. Now, Sam and Eddie are pretty typical 1970’s clams. They like to head out to discos every night that they can and follow all of those regrettable fashion trends, like leisure suits and platform shoes. The two of them knew each other from when they were just little gastropods, so they were practically inseparable. They even shared an apartment. Anyway, one seemingly normal night, Sam Clam and Eddie Clam are heading out to their favorite disco, but since they live underwater and their favorite disco is on land, this means that they have to cross the Pacific Coast Highway to get there. Normally, this isn’t a problem, but tonight, Sam is breaking in a new pair of platform shoes, and he’s having a bit of trouble. As they cross the highway, Sam trips on his new shoes and falls on the pavement. Eddie isn’t paying much attention, but he turns around just in time to see a big truck run right over Sam Clam. No more Sam Clam. When Eddie sees this, he’s crushed (not in the same sense as Sam, but metaphorically). The two of them had been such good friends for so long that Eddie just didn’t know what to do with himself. For the next couple of weeks, Eddie just sat at home, mourning the passing of his dear friend. However, he eventually realized, “Hey, this isn’t how Sam would want me to handle his death! He’d want me to be out there painting the town, and having a blast!” So, Eddie resolves to go and have a good time that night. Unfortunately, Eddie is still pretty depressed, and when he starts crossing the highway, he’s just looking at his feet instead of looking for cars. Sure enough, one comes around the bend and flattens Eddie Clam. No more Eddie Clam. Except, just after that, Eddie sees a bright light at the end of a tunnel, and he emerges into what he believes to be clam heaven. His suspicions are confirmed when he looks over to see St. Peter Clam sitting at a desk by the pearly gates. Eddie walks over, and St. Peter Clam tells him, “You should have watched where you were going.” “Yeah, I guess so,” Eddie replies. “We’ll we’re all set for you here; your name’s on the list so you can–” “Actually,” Eddie interrupted, “Could you tell me if you saw a Sam Clam come through here a while ago? We’ve got some… unfinished business.” St. Peter Clam starts leafing through his guestbook, and eventually comes across the Sam Clam entry. The expression on his face told Eddie that Sam was not in clam heaven, but Eddie does some more pleading, and St. Peter Clam eventually relents. “Take this harp,” St. Peter Clam says, “And I’ll send you down there. The catch is, you have to keep strumming this harp the entire time you’re there. If you stop strumming, poof! You’re back up here, and not going back.” Eddie begins thanking St. Peter Clam profusely for the opportunity, and begins his descent. Eddie steps out into the clambake, and immediately realizes that he has no idea where to find Sam Clam. He stops a demon clam walking by, who, in an unusually friendly fashion, gives Eddie some directions on how to find Sam. Eddie follows them, and finds himself in front of a large building with a flashing sign that read “SAM’S DISCO”. Eddie gets really excited at this point, because it was always Sam Clam’s dream to run a disco. Eddie dashes into the disco, weaves through the demon clams on the dance floor, and finds a door labeled “Office”. Eddie knocks, and a voice beckons him in. Sam Clam is sitting at the desk, on the phone, but he drops the phone when he sees Eddie. The two of them lock eyes, and then dash toward each other to share a big clam hug (somehow). In the midst of the excitement, though, Eddie drops his harp, and ten seconds into the hug, poof! Eddie finds himself back up in clam heaven. St. Peter Clam inquires about Eddie’s excursion, and Eddie announces that he is finally at peace and ready to enter clam heaven. Nonetheless, St. Peter Clam stops him and says, “Well, wait, what happened to your harp?” Eddie Clam thinks for a second and exclaims, “Oh no! I left my harp in Sam Clam’s disco!”

I know, I know, but I tried to warn you!

Ain’t that the truth!

 

Now, for a change of pace, let’s watch the Navy perform some selections from the Jersey Boys.  You won’t be sorry

Those guys were great!

One of my all time favorite pictures.  This one is GREAT for the wallpaper on your phone.

 

 

And we don’t believe you any more than we believed your husband.

 

Okay, this is an oldie, but goodie.  But, the reason I’m presenting it here is that I swear my life is getting more and more like this.  There’s way too many times that I just can’t say the damn words!!!

An obvious nod to the heroes who stopped the terrorist on the French train recently.  It’s nice to know that there are some people willing to stand up still out there and it’s nice to know that, even in some small way, they get recognized.

 

 

Just a warning.  Get caught cheating on a test in OUR school and see what happens to you!!!

 

 

Gads, that one is awful as well!!!!

 

A pretty young maiden from France
Decided she’d “just take a chance.”
She let herself go
For an hour or so
And now all her sisters are aunts.

 

If there were such things as leaf blowers when we were kids, we would’ve done something like this, I’m sure.  How many of you out there can honestly say different?

 

Yeah, this guy’s the jackass of the week.  lol. 

 

 

This one’s just too good to pass up.  Talk about clueless!!!

 

 

There’s a new democratic hopeful entering the race!!!

 

 

One of the most important thing we can change for the better, I believe, is to impose term limits on our House and Senate.  And realize that these idiots did nothing to gain such a retirement and benefit package as they have now.  Hell, even in the military you only get half your base pay at 20 years.  Not a one of these people ever did anything more important than the least of the military members have done.

 

Lastly, here’s a couple of essays that really paint a different picture of The Donald and not only what he is offering, but what he represents as well.  I’m not saying he’s the nominee of choice, but I am saying he’s worth another glance.

And this second one shows us why Hilary, Obama and the rest of the democrats are scared to death of this man.

Don’t forget to vote with stars and please consider giving us a donation.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

We’re (I hope) going to keep this short this morning.

After a very all too brief reprieve I’m back to alternately baking in triple digit temps or choking on Ozone Warnings. Basically status quo for August and early September in SE Texas. We needed the rain and thankfully there were no major flooding issues.

Late last week I nearly dislocated my right thumb during a near fall in the middle of the night. This makes typing and using my thumb driven trackball nearly impossible to say nothing of extremely painful. While I’m well on the way to healing that doesn’t help this weeks issue which thankfully was mostly done.

This does mean there will be a brief hiatus for  the Agent 44DD Adventures on my part however and likely Impish’s as well not only due to my inability to write and our need to rethink some of the plot line but due to two of our upcoming issues being occasion specific.

One official announcement before we get going:

This year Impish and I have decided not to go with additional  special edition issues for Labor Day and to mark the 14th Anniversary of the September 11th attacks. This decision was made due to a number of factors and after careful review we felt the best decision.

Impish will address Labor Day in his Saturday Sept 5th issue and I will have some September 11th related material in my Wednesday Sept 9th issue. We will of course immediately revert to our regular non reality based issues again commencing with Impish’s Sept 12th issue.

 

NOOOOO!!!!!!

Lamest excuses for having Ashley Madison accounts

 

WOW! And apparently a swallower too!

Former President George W. Bush received a summons for jury duty at the George Allen
Courts Building in Dallas, Texas. He showed up for jury selection and posed for selfies with
several of his fellow jurors at the courthouse.

He didn’t get picked to serve on a jury but what if he had?

The Top 5 Things Overheard During President Bush’s Jury Duty Term

5. “What do you mean we can’t impose the death penalty for disturbing the peace? This is Texas!”

4. “Umm, Mr. Bush, we’re only in the opening arguments. Could you please put away the ‘Mission Accomplished’ sign?”

3. “Mr. Bush, this is the wrong courtroom. Again.”

2. “No, Mr. Bush, Mr. Cheney may not participate in the jury’s deliberations.”

And the Number One Thing Overheard During President Bush’s Jury Duty Term…

1.  “Aw, c’mon…let us hear it just once more. Say ‘nuclear.'”

New from Dearborn, Michigan…….

The latest toy has hit the shops…

A talking Muslim doll.
Nobody knows what the hell it says,
Because no one has the guts to pull the cord.

 

 

Beer Braised BBQ Pork Butt

As you’re reading this there is one of these finishing in my 5 Qt crockpot. Since I was already using my oven Monday at 450 degrees for fries I placed the Pork Butt in after the fries came out and left it while we had dinner. I put it in the removable crock and refrigerated it until this morning. Then I just picked up from the lower the oven to 325 point and applied it to the crock pot.

Ingredients

For the dry rub:

2 tablespoons kosher salt
About 40 grinds black pepper
2 tablespoons chili powder
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon onion powder
2 teaspoons ground coriander
2 teaspoons ground mustard seed

12 ounces good ale or dark beer, such as Bass
4 cloves garlic, chopped
1 5 -pound pork butt (shoulder of the animal)

Directions

Combine rub ingredients in a bowl and mix well. Rub all over pork butt. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least one hour and as long as overnight.
Preheat oven to 500 degrees F. Unwrap pork and place in a roasting pan with sides about 2 inches high. Cook 45 minutes until dark browned and even blackening in places. Remove from oven. Lower oven to 325 degrees F. Pour beer over the top and add chopped garlic around the pork. Cover tightly with heavy duty aluminum foil or twice with regular foil. Poke about 10 holes all over the top of the foil. Cook pork butt 2 1/2 hours longer until so tender that it comes away very easily from center bone.

Place the meat on a plate and pour the pan juice (there will be plenty) into a saucepan. To the pan juices add:
1/2 cup ketchup
2 tablespoons whole grain Dijon mustard
3 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
1/3 cup dark brown sugar

Bring to a simmer until reduced by half and thick, about 20 minutes.
While the sauce is boiling down, pull apart the pork with 2 forks. Pour the sauce over the pulled pork and work through until fully absorbed.

Since Tuesday marked the 40th anniversary of Bruce Springsteen’s iconic rock album “Born to Run,”  I thought we should hear from the Boss himself.

 

‘Little House on the Prairie’ actress Melissa Gilbert to run for Congress

By Lindsey Bever, The Washington Post Posted: 08/11/15, 4:00 PM EDT

Actress Melissa Gilbert is best remembered as the freckled-faced child star in the 1970s and ‘80s TV series “Little House on the Prairie.” America watched her grow up on set — where she had her first kiss, learned to ride a horse and survived her first bee sting, she once told the Archive of American Television.

The show undoubtedly gave her a name in the industry — and it’s that name that may now give her a boost in the battle for political success.

Gilbert, 51, announced this week that she’s running for Congress in Michigan’s 8th Congressional District. Gilbert lives with her husband, fellow actor Timothy Busfield, in Livingston County, where she is seeking the Democratic nomination in the hopes of challenging the district’s Republican incumbent.

“I’m running for Congress to make life a little easier for all the families who feel they have fallen through the cracks in today’s economy,” she said in a statement on her campaign site. “I believe building a new economy is a team effort, and we need to bring fresh voices to the table to get the job done.”

It marks the first time Gilbert has sought political office — joining a long line of celebrities-turned-politicians. The most notable, perhaps, is Republican Ronald Reagan, who earned his celebrity as a film actor in the late 1930s, appearing in dozens of films, including “Dark Victory” alongside Bette Davis and Humphrey Bogart. But it was the 1942 “Kings Row” that he said “made me a star.” No doubt. He was later elected governor of California and then president of the United States.

Gilbert has already started facing challenges at the start of her political career. The Internal Revenue Service said this summer that the actress owed more than $360,000 in federal income taxes, according to the Associated Press, “a point,” the Detroit Free Press said, “Michigan Republicans were quick to point out as she announced her campaign.”

Read the rest of the article here.

On Hold

After arriving home from a doctor’s appointment my husband, Bernard, told me that he was being referred to a specialist for further tests.

He called our local hospital to make an appointment, but he was put on hold.

The next thing I know he is laughing and holding out the phone to me to listen to the hospital’s choice of music:

“Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen.

The Final Word on Nutrition

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here’s the final word on nutrition and health:

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

6. The French eat foie-gras, full fat cheese and drink red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like.  Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

 

Gaah! It pains me only slightly less to be quoting Jon Stuart than it does to agree with Ralph Nader. Maybe because I’ve done it more often and because Jon is a bit like Impish and I and throws the Political B.S. flag fairly indiscriminately. Also there is no doubt in my mind that Jon loves this country (and NYC) as much and Impish and I do. I can’t speak for Impish but personally I wish I could be half as funny as Jon was on a regular basis. If that were true we’d have gone viral with this blog long ago.

Regardless of all that Jon is right, betting on the American people when the cow chips hit the fan is a no brainer sure thing, just as a Moroccan would be ISIS terrorist found out last weekend.

Train shooting heroes: The men who helped avert a massacre in Europe

By Faith Karimi, CNN Updated 0354 GMT (1054 HKT) August 24, 2015

(CNN) The three friends from the United States traveled in Europe as vacationers. Now the world knows them as heroes.

Anthony Sadler, Spencer Stone and Alek Skarlatos were aboard a high-speed train en route to Paris from Amsterdam on Friday when a gunman opened fire.

Along with two others — a French national and a Briton — they charged, tackled and subdued him, officials said.

Applause poured in from world leaders and citizens alike as more details emerged on the chaotic, bloody scene aboard the train.

Here are the five heroes who may have averted a massacre:

ALEK SKARLATOS

The 22-year-old Skarlatos, a National Guardsman based in Oregon, was on a month long vacation after his return from deployment in Afghanistan.

But instead of taking in scenic European country sides, he was taking on an attacker aboard a zipping train.

Skarlatos heard gunfire and breaking glass, and sensed something was wrong. When the suspect appeared with a gun in their car, he mobilized others.

He is the one who yelled “get him” after he heard a gunshot and noticed that the gunman’s weapon appeared to be jammed.

“The guy had a lot of ammo,” Skarlatos said of the attacker. “His intentions were pretty clear.”

Once they charged at him, he seized the gunman’s rifle and pounded him in the head with the muzzle repeatedly.

ANTHONY SADLER

Sadler, a senior at California State University in Sacramento, was on his first trip to Europe when terror struck.

When his friends jumped the gunman and took him down, he and another passenger helped restrain him and ensure he stayed down.

“The three of us beat up the guy,” Sadler said. “In the process, Spencer gets slashed multiple times by the box cutter, and Alek takes the AK away.”

Sadler helped tie up the suspect then went to other train cars to reassure passengers, said Jean-Hugues Anglade, a French actor who was traveling with his family.

He “came running into our car, yelling that the shooter was overpowered by American soldiers on leave, that everything was fine,” Anglade told French magazine Paris Match. “He reassured us, he looked for survival blankets and a first aid kit for two seriously injured people.”

It’ll be hard to top his first trip to Europe and his final year in college.

“I’m just a college student, it’s my last year in college. I came to see my friends on my first trip in Europe and we stopped a terrorist, it’s kind of crazy,” Sadler told CNN.

He urged people to be proactive during such situations.

“The gunman would have been successful if my friends had not gotten up,” he said.

CHRIS NORMAN

Briton Chris Norman rushed to help the Americans overpower the suspected gunman.

“All of us were in the same carriage, these two guys plus Spencer — the guy who got injured — were sitting on the same seats, the same row at the back of the train,” Norman said.

Norman, who said he was sitting at the front of the car, saw a train employee dash past.

“I looked up, I saw a guy carrying an AK-47, or at least I assumed it was some kind of machine gun anyway,” he said. “I ducked down in my seat.”

When Skarlatos and his friends tackled the gunman, Norman said rapid reasoning” prompted him to jump in and help subdue the gunman.

“My thought was, ‘OK, I’m probably going to die anyway, so let’s go.’ I’d rather die being active, trying to get him down, than simply sit in the corner and be shot. Either you sit down and you die or you get up and you die. It was really nothing more than that.”

He said his instincts kicked in.

“We’ve seen enough of these kinds of attacks to understand that they will kill everybody once they get started, and my point of view was, two guys had already started tackling him,” Norman said. “Maybe they needed some help. … I said to myself, maybe I have a chance if I get up and I help as well.”

SPENCER STONE

When the group decided to take down the gunman, Stone rushed him first, getting slashed several times with a box cutter in the process.

“If anybody would have gotten shot, it would have been Spencer for sure, and we’re very lucky that nobody got killed, especially Spencer,” Skarlatos said.

He tackled him and seized his weapons, including a box cutter, he said.

“It feels pretty crazy. I never thought I’d be here,” Stone said.

Stone suffered wounds in the head and neck, and almost had his thumb cut off.

Despite his injuries, he helped a man who had his throat cut and applied pressure to the neck to prevent him from bleeding out, according to his friends.

Stone, who serves in the U.S. Air Force, was hospitalized for a day. He was released Saturday.

UNKNOWN FRENCH NATIONAL

In addition to the four men, a French national is credited with helping avert a massacre. Authorities did not identify him.

A “French (male) passenger tried courageously to overpower him before the suspect fired several shots,” French Interior Minister Bernard Cazeneuve said.

“Then two American passengers intervened and managed to overpower the shooter, immobilized him on the ground and put aside his weaponry.”

You can click the by line at the top of the article to read the rest of it.

Let me first make a humorous observation that I’ll be unable to sleep over not making if I don’t. You know things have reached the point of intolerability and enough has in fact become too damned much when the French stop surrendering or capitulating and start fighting back.

Secondly a very loud and proud “Ooo-Rah!” to those heroes. Yes I know, the word gets over used by the media but these 4 are legitimate heroes in the truest sense of the word cut from the same fabric as  September 11th 2001’s Flight 93 passenger Todd Beamer who with several others attempted to wrest control of Flight 93 away from the terrorist bent on (allegedly) crashing it into the White House.

Both on Flight 93 and again aboard that Amsterdam to Paris train last Friday Americans stood up to Terrorism, to misguided Islamic Fundamentalist Zealotry bent on forcing the world to regress to the 6th Century and submit to their rule rather than give up a few outmoded ideas about women and the world. For this the French President awarded the 3 American and 1 British ExPat France’s Legion of Honor. I think the US should also have a Medal for just such heroes, those civilians who stand up and fight terrorist when they attempt their cowardly acts. I suggest it be named in some fashion for those aboard Flight 93 who attempted this on September 11th 2001 to honor them and their being the first to do so.

Finally, Al Qaeda, the Islamic State and the rest of you goat humping sand flea infested socially regressive can’t cut it in the modern world towel heads who what to keep the eternal struggles of the Middle East going for no legitimate reason other than because you think you’ve got a good thing going on… HEAR ME!

Americans have had enough of being threatened by you cowardly bullies! The Japanese in WWII feared invading the U.S. because of the number of civilians with guns. You had better start fearing attacking anything related to the U.S. or any mass transit form in any country anywhere that has American men on it because we are no longer willing to go silently into the night, no longer willing to turn the other cheek, we refuse to be made Sheeple by you and your no place in modern society or world beliefs that do not even begin to reflect the true tenants of Islam. We will lead and as always others will follow our lead when we rise to confront you, and that’s just our civilian populace. Our military might be stretched thin and tired of fighting a continual war on terrorism in every Middle Eastern litter box there is but that won’t stop us from coming for you. Cruise Missiles, Spy Satellites, Predator Drones, these things never tire, never stop hunting you when we set them on you. You fear them and so you rightly should for they are the extension of our will to live and remain free, unthreatened in our existence by anyone. Of our determination to have and retain the freedom of choice over our individual form of worship and our right to self government. For better than 2 centuries we have sacrificed, fought and died to preserve these things. Yes, we argue like indolent children amongst ourselves over every conceivable issue, but we also come together in unwavering and unquestioned solidarity when attacked by an enemy or a National Disaster faces us.

The one thing we all agree on? Our hated of terrorism and terrorist, the need to stand up to them at every turn and level and never to bow down to them regardless the cost. Send us your brain washed Ayoub El Khazzani we’ll send you Drones and Cruise missiles in the dark so you too shake in fear and know terror. Oh- and unlike our four guys stopping your Ayoub El Khazzani? No four of you Jihad jerks are going to stop one of those.

Twisted Sister – We’re not gonna take it (With Lyrics)