Today is a very special day. Today is Lethal Leprechaun’s Birthday!
Now, we’re not sure exactly how old he is…that is, we know that the last two digits are 55, but we don’t know if that’s 155 or 2155 years old. He started several years ago, just putting the number of the last two digits on his cake, and blowing them out. I figured that out the last time he was something 99 and there was a crapload of candles on his cake, then the next year there weren’t any and the year after that there was just a single candle. And I’ve been keeping track ever since.
Yeah, I’ve known him for a long time.
So, when I say that he is one of my best friends in the whole world, know that that goes back a long way. And it truly means something.
My friend, my pal, my buddy, my cohort in crime, my brother from another mother, I hope you truly have a wonderful birthday. Tip one back for me.
And know that if I was there, I’d give you a big fat sloppy kiss right on your ugly ass forehead.
Won’t you all help me in wishing this guy a great birthday!
Some (like me) say ‘Mabon’, others say ‘Autumnal Equinox’, most of you will just say, ‘first day of fall’. Here in Texas we also all say, ‘Thank God! Only one more week of Hurricane Season!’. IT’s going to be a while yet before it starts feeling like fall here in Texas though we are loosing a lot of the oppressive humidity which makes things easier and our nights have started dropping into the 70’s which gives out A/C units and our wallets a break.
Well you need to start reading and I need to get going to my hand doctor’s appointment. I should learn today if/when I’ll be having some outpatient surgery on it. You know its strange but I can’t shake the feeling I’ve heard of this doctor someplace before. I don’t know what it is but the name Dr. Frank N. Furter just rings a bell with me.
Autumnal equinox (Mabon)
Vernal point and autumnal point are the points on the celestial sphere where the Sun is located on the vernal equinox and autumnal equinox respectively. Usually this terminology is fixed for the Northern hemisphere. These classical names are direct derivatives of Latin (ver = spring and autumnus = autumn). These names are based on the seasons, and can be ambiguous since seasons of the northern hemisphere and southern hemisphere are opposites, and the vernal equinox of one hemisphere is the autumnal equinox of the other.
On the day of the equinox, the center of the Sun spends a roughly equal amount of time above and below the horizon at every location on the Earth, so night and day are about the same length. The word equinox derives from the Latin words aequus (equal) and nox (night). In reality, the day is longer than the night at an equinox. Day is usually defined as the period when sunlight reaches the ground in the absence of local obstacles. From the Earth, the Sun appears as a disc rather than a point of light, so when the center of the Sun is below the horizon, its upper edge is visible.
In the half-year centered on the June solstice, the Sun rises north of east and sets north of west, which means longer days with shorter nights for the northern hemisphere and shorter days with longer nights for the southern hemisphere. In the half-year centered on the December solstice, the Sun rises south of east and sets south of west and the durations of day and night are reversed.
Also on the day of an equinox, the Sun rises everywhere on Earth (except at the poles) at about 06:00 and sets at about 18:00 (local time).
Boy he’s one of my best hires ever too! Got tossed from MMA Fighting for ‘Excessive Roughness’
Forfeiture 101: When can law enforcement seize your assets?
Civil asset forfeiture is a powerful tool for law enforcement. Forfeiture laws are designed to keep criminals from profiting on their ventures — a premise few people would disagree with. However, it is possible that the civil forfeiture process can be used to take your property even if you have not been formally charged with a crime. Since law enforcement agencies can keep significant amounts of the proceeds, potential conflicts of interest arise.
Administrative forfeitures are generally uncontested. The seizing law enforcement agency processes the seizure, since without a challenge, the courts are not at all involved. However, administrative claims are limited to $500,000 or less and cannot include real property (homes or business real estate). The agency must have probable cause that a crime is involved, but over 200 different crimes can be subject to forfeiture of proceeds from the crime and/or property used in the commission of the crime.
The agency must get a warrant based on probable cause and notify the owner of the assets of the seizure procedure. If it is uncontested within a set timeframe, the agency claims the property. Otherwise, they must proceed with either criminal or civil forfeiture.
Criminal
Criminal forfeiture requires being found guilty of the crime relevant to the forfeiture. The trial takes place in a criminal phase and a forfeiture phase, as the standards of guilt are different between the two phases. The criminal phase requires proof beyond a reasonable doubt, and the forfeiture phase requires a preponderance of evidence (more likely than not).
Civil
While there must still be an underlying suspected crime, civil forfeiture involves only property. With the lower standard of a preponderance of evidence, it is often used by law enforcement when they are not sure they can prove the crime, but have enough evidence to pass the lower standard.
Most people still would not care if all of these procedures were followed. However, a significant number of civil forfeitures are proceeding without a warrant, sometimes putting innocent citizens in the position of being presumed guilty until proven otherwise.
Furthermore, states also have forfeiture laws, and often multiple agencies lay claim to part of the seized property through sharing agreements, even if they were not directly involved in the forfeiture.
Some forfeitures, particularly at state level, can be executed without a warrant. Examples according to the People’s Law Library of Maryland, using Maryland law, include materials found during a search warrant or an administrative warrant (e.g. building codes), and probable cause that the property is dangerous to health or safety.
Another possibility is the “cold consent” primarily used at airports, bus, and train stations. Typically used by the DEA, agents stop and ask for consent to search for forfeitable assets if they fit a drug courier profile or have reason to believe there is an underlying crime such as money laundering. Unsuspecting travelers, believing they have nothing to hide, can find their assets seized on questionable premises. Probable cause has been stretched extremely thin at times, and has led to counter-charges such as racial profiling.
Civil asset forfeitures have risen dramatically over the last seven years. 2012 saw a massive increase, with $4.6 billion in assets seized by civil forfeiture. According to the Washington Post, since 2001, approximately $2.5 billion in cash alone was seized from individuals that were never charged with a crime. This makes for a group of odd political bedfellows seeking to reform civil forfeiture — liberals who see racial profiling and other discrimination in the search targets, and more libertarian conservatives alarmed at government overreach and the concept of law enforcement having financial incentive to increase civil forfeiture.
The takeaway: do not allow a cold consent, regardless of whether you have nothing to hide. The agent may think differently on that topic.
Even though it is legal, carrying large quantities of cash around is not a good idea, either, especially when driving long distances. Do not be a tempting target for an overzealous enforcement agency.
Hey Impish! Here’s a little more pizza for you that arrived late
Sorry, I didn’t quite catch the name of this one when the guy said it. I think it was Virgin something or other with all White Meat.
Got you a couple slices of the Virgin pizza with Pepperoni too cause I know you like to spice it up a bit.
I figured since she was the delivery girl I’d stick her going away view in too in case you were interested. Not sure what your position on ham or Canadian bacon on a pizza is.
Not if you’d keep your mouth shut Impish!
Mabon, (pronounced MAY-bun, MAY-bone, MAH-boon, or MAH-bawn) is the Autumn Equinox. The Autumn Equinox divides the day and night equally, and we all take a moment to pay our respects to the impending dark. We also give thanks to the waning sunlight, as we store our harvest of this year’s crops.
The Druids call this celebration, Mea’n Fo’mhair, and honor the The Green Man, the God of the Forest, by offering libations to trees. Offerings of ciders, wines, herbs and fertilizer are appropriate at this time. Wiccans celebrate the aging Goddess as she passes from Mother to Crone, and her consort the God as he prepares for death and re-birth.
Various other names for this Lesser Wiccan Sabbat are The Second Harvest Festival, Wine Harvest, Feast of Avalon, Equinozio di Autunno (Strega), Alben Elfed (Caledonii), or Cornucopia. The Teutonic name, Winter Finding, spans a period of time from the Sabbat to Oct. 15th, Winter’s Night, which is the Norse New Year.
At this festival it is appropriate to wear all of your finery and dine and celebrate in a lavish setting. It is the drawing to and of family as we prepare for the winding down of the year at Samhain. It is a time to finish old business as we ready for a period of rest, relaxation, and reflection.
The holiday of the autumnal equinox, is ritual of thanksgiving for the fruits of the earth and a recognition of the need to share them to secure the blessings of the Goddess and the God during the coming winter months. The name Mabon is a reference to Mabon ap Modron, a character from Welsh mythology.
Mabon is a harvest festival, the second of three among the sabbats, preceded by Lammas / Lughnasadh and followed by Samhain., that encourages pagans to “reap what they sow,” both literally and figuratively. It is the time when night and day stand equal in duration; thus is it a time to express gratitude, complete projects and honor a moment of balance.
Mabon is considered a time of the Mysteries. It is a time to honor Aging Deities and the Spirit World. This is the time to look back not just on the past year, but also your life, and to plan for the future. Considered a time of balance, it is when we stop and relax and enjoy the fruits of our personal harvests, whether they be from toiling in our gardens, working at our jobs, raising our families, or just coping with the hussle-bussle of everyday life.
May your Mabon be memorable, and your hearts and spirits be filled to overflowing!
The Top 5 Most Popular North Korean TV Shows
The BBC announced that they will start airing shows to viewers in North Korea. Does this mean the BBC will have to try some “alternative” programming?
5.) How I Imprisoned And Brainwashed Your Mother
4.) Curb Your Bourgeois, Traitorous Enthusiasm
3.) The Price is Whatever Our Supreme Commander Who Descended From Heaven Says It Is. Any Problems with That?
2.) Survivor: Here
And the Number One Most Popular North Korean TV Show…
Crazy-As-F**k Dynasty
Earl Thomas Conley – Turn This Bus Around
Don’t make me turn that atomic bus around Impish!
That’s precisely why Impish and I comment on Current Events and Politics always plenty of those things going on!
The Celtic feast Mean Fomhair, also known as Herfest or Alban Elfed, is celebrated in the period of the autumnal equinox. During this period, people give thanks to the Sun, the elves and especially the god of the forest – Green Man. They thank them for an abundant harvest and help with growth and cultivation. As a sign of respect and gratitude, people give gifts in the form of the most beautiful flowers and crops of the best quality on the altar. Other offerings, for example wine, cider, herbs and fertilizer are spilled or scattered on the harvested fields and gardens. The horn of plenty is the ancient symbol of the rich harvest.
A Green Man is a sculpture, drawing, or other representation of a face surrounded by or made from leaves. Branches or vines may sprout from the nose, mouth, nostrils or other parts of the face and these shoots may bear flowers or fruit. Commonly used as a decorative architectural ornament, Green Men are frequently found in carvings on both secular and ecclesiastical buildings. “The Green Man” is also a popular name for English public houses and various interpretations of the name appear on inn signs, which sometimes show a full figure rather than just the head.
The Green Man motif has many variations. Found in many cultures from many ages around the world, the Green Man is often related to natural vegetative deities. It is primarily interpreted as a symbol of rebirth, representing the cycle of growth each spring. Some speculate that the mythology of the Green Man developed independently in the traditions of separate ancient cultures and evolved into the wide variety of examples found throughout history.
This, one of the finest interpretations of the Green Man I have ever seen was made out of the trunk of a standing Dead oak and is all hand carved.
English Lesson
The most interesting English lesson I have had to date.
Did you know “listen” and “silent” use the same letters? Do you know that the words “race car” spelled backwards still spells “race car”? And that “eat” is the only word that if you take the first letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense “ate”?
And have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in “illegal immigrants,” and add just a few more letters, it spells: “Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, baby-making, non-English-speaking assholes and take those other hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding, goat-loving, raggedy-ass shitheads with you.”
How weird is that?
Parting Shot
Just because I usually have to agree to disagree with someone, dislike what they stand for or think they have a deficit of talent doesn’t mean I cannot admire them for their good deeds and I suppose the reverse also then holds true. This is particular true of Jon Stewart. I think if we ever met we’d have ground for many spirited and enjoyable debates over a pint. While he looks at things through somewhat liberal colored glasses, he too is not afraid to throw the BS flag on either side of the aisle, or upon many occasion as we have done here on the entirety of Congress and we won’t even go into his assault on FOX News and the rest of the talking head pundits.
Jon gets my tip of the hat/nod/salute/begrudging respect not for his views when they happen to agree with mine or his political BS flag throwing. He gets it for the same reason Gary Sinise, Joe Mantegna and Steve Buscemi do, for his unwavering support support of our troops, those still dealing with the aftermath of September 11, 2001 in terms of both physical and mental health issues as well as their families. This is another guy who never got so full of himself that he forgot his roots or where he came from.
Now, if we could only get him to blog for us.
Jon Stewart lobbies on Capitol Hill for permanent health care for 9/11 first responders
The word that is cut out is ‘bullshit’ and a spot on label if you ask me.
NEW YORK (CNNMoney) – Jon Stewart had a warning for the men and women who have descended on Capitol Hill to lobby for a measure that would provide benefits to 9/11 first responders.
“Today, on the Hill, you will be exposed to possibly toxic levels of bull$@!& and arrogance,” Stewart said during a Wednesday morning rally in Washington, D.C. “You’re strong men and women, but these are conditions you may never have faced before.”
It was a characteristic zinger from Stewart, but the former “Daily Show” host struck a mostly serious tone throughout the event.
Surrounded by firefighters, union officials and a bipartisan contingent of New York lawmakers that included Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, Stewart was in the nation’s capital to campaign for the renewal of the James Zadroga 9/11 Health and Compensation Act.
The law, enacted in 2010, provides health care benefits to first responders afflicted with illness as a result of the attack. It is named for Zadroga, a New York City police officer who died of a respiratory disease in 2006 that was linked to his work at Ground Zero.
The law is set to expire at month’s end. Failure to renew the bill could affect more than “33,000 responders and survivors who have at least one injury or illness caused by the attacks,” according to the Citizens for the Extension of the James Zadroga Act.
Sporting a navy New York City Fire Department T-shirt — and a grayish beard he’s grown in the month since stepping down as host of “The Daily Show” — Stewart lamented that the measure faced any opposition at all.
“I’m embarrassed. I’m embarrassed for my country. I’m embarrassed for New York,” Stewart said. “Nobody had to lobby you to rush to those towers on that day.”
“So, I am sorry, and I apologize,” he added. “And hopefully we’ll never have to do this again.”
Pay attention to the fact the talking head quotes at the end.
It’s Tuesday morning and I’m at home, rather than at Mr. Gray’s normal day job because of a wicked ass headache that gave me crap for sleep last night. When your job involves making decisions that could affect many people’s lives and you are not at 100%, tis best served by staying home and suffering in silence.
My idea behind mentioning that is not to get the well-wishes that I’m sure many of you will send my way, in fact, by the time you read this it will all be in the distant past (I most sincerely hope!) and long forgotten by me. But the reason I bring this up is to perhaps explain the bit of a maudlin mood I’m in and to share a bunch of pictures that Jean sent me that really hit home.
I just got through this past weekend, teaching class to a bunch of Air Force Reserve guys who are all getting activated and sent overseas. In all my classes, my last little speech involves thanking them for their service and their sacrifices that they have voluntarily given and endured for the protection and the safety and security of all the rest of us.
Many of you know that both Lethal and myself have given of our own in the service of our country. I, in my small way, am continuing to do what I can for my boys in blue and I know that Lethal has given so very much more than I have that it grips my heart at times to talk to him when I can hear the pain in his voice from the things that he has suffered over the years.
And then I get these pictures from Jean:
HAVE YOU SEEN ANY PHOTOS LIKE THIS IN THE LAST SIX YEARS?
There were many, many more pictures in the email she sent me and maybe I’ll sprinkle them out throughout the rest of the issue, but my emotional hold won’t let me continue to put them in right now. Well, the answer to the original question, Have you seen any pictures like this over the last six years?, is a resounding no. Any pictures you do see with the current commander in chief are staged and are obviously not the open, emotional pictures you see here.
Now, I was never a huge fan of Bush’s politics, although I wasn’t a big opponent either, but the one thing you have to say about the man, is that he knew how to properly show his affection for his military. From sneaking overseas (yes, sneaking!) to have serve Thanksgiving to the troops…
to doing more with the wounded and disabled vets than any president before or since…
He was the military’s leader. The Commander-In-Chief.
It breaks my heart that the men and women who are now serving, both active duty and reserves, in the Guard and the Guard Reserve, that they don’t have that Leader with the heart of a Warrior to, at the very least, let them know how much they are appreciated. To let them know how much their sacrifices and their service means.
So, if I may, and I know it’s not Veteran’s Day and I know it’s only coming from an ex-Air Force NCO and a current member of the United States of America who is one who benefits from your sacrifice and your service, let me take this opportunity to tell you that there are still people left in our country who DO appreciate what you do. Who are eternally thankful that there are men and women like you, who are standing tall, keeping the watch and willingly putting your butts on the line to stand between us back home and the evilness in this world. Thank you for your long hours, your dark nights, your numbing cold and your blistering heat. Thank you for the sweat of your brow and the lion in your heart.
And thank your families who stand behind you and suffer along with you. Who’s waking thoughts are of your safety and who’s final prayers before bed are for your welfare.
Thank you. From my heart. Thank you.
We have some new Contributors!
Special thanks to : Philip S., Lona T., Karl K., Joe P., and Jon J. So, here’s our list:
That’s 19 Contributions so far. We still have a little time left if you wish to donate, still. And get all the benefits thereof. Please, won’t you please at least consider it?
Now…
Bill tried to cheer up Hillary this morning by reminding her that Nelson Mandela wasn’t elected president until after he had served 27 years in prison.
I’m not sure that Bill got the desired affect he was looking for.
Winter is coming!
No, not on Game of Thrones, but it’s really coming. Here’s a picture of some of my cooler friends from last years snow extravaganza. Some of you may have remembered that party. It was a really good one!
The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, “Put those on.”
The bride replies, “I can’t wear your trousers.”
He replies, “And don’t forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!”
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, “Try those on!”
He replies,”I can’t get into your knickers!”
“And you never bloody will if you don’t change your attitude.”
So sad, and so true.
This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window…
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
“Do you know what I am doing?” asks the doctor?
“Yes, checking for abnormalities.” she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, “Do you know what I am doing now?”, she replies, “Yes, checking for cancer.”
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, “Do you know what I am doing now?”
She replies, “Yes, getting herpes – that’s why I am here!”
Yup, makes perfect sense to me. The art of distraction. But, how stupid are we going to stay?
On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, “My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe.” The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished.”Oh, oh, aaaahhh,” he exclaims, “My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, “My picture?” He answers, “Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever”.
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, “Why do you wear a robe? We are married now.” At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, “oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture”. He beams and asks why and she answers, “So I can get it enlarged!”
Just another one to keep you reminded. This is the way it SHOULD be.
Ever wonder where the meat comes from on our table. Here’s one of our huntresses. Well, a pencil sketch of one of our huntresses, but it’s a really good likeness.
If you can sympathize with any of these, you’re probably as old or older than I am.
Old Age
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
I don’t have gray hair. I have ‘wisdom highlights.’ I am very wise.
I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.
My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance of idiots that needs work.
Even duct tape can’t fix stupid…but it can muffle the sound.
I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do that second week.
The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back ‘no’ which is shorter than yes.
Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?
I don’t trip over things, I do random gravity checks.
The biggest lie I tell myself is…”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.
Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet…
Old age is coming at a really bad time. I’m not young enough for it.
Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap.
Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
When did it change from “We the people” to “Screw the people?”
Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?
At my age, ‘Getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering why I went in there.
Yup. Got most of them.
I’ve flown all over the world and have met many a fine inflight personnel. This one though, is quite funny:
And here’s another one for my Dad. Papa Dragon Most Senior.
The Gospel According to St. Andrew:
1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. — Grantland Rice2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become. This is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. — John Updike
3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. — Robert Lynd
4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. — Horace G. Hutchinson
5. They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. — Gardner Dickinson6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they’d starve to death. — Sam Snead
7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. — William Wordsworth
8. If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt. — Dean Martin
9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up. — Tommy Bolt10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. — Bishop Sheen
11. I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they’d come up sliced. — Arnold Palmer
12. My handicap? Woods and irons. — Chris Codiroli
13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top. — Pete Dye
14. I’m hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them! — Buddy Hackett
15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf. — Billy Graham
16. If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. — Jack Lemmon
17. It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. — Mark Twain
18. Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. — Harry Vardon
19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them. — Jimmy DeMaret
20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. — Ben Hogan
21. If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle. — Anon
20. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie. — George Deukmejian
23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. — Lee Trevino
24. Reason they call it golf is cuz all the other four-letter words were taken. — Woody Woodbury
And Finally:
25. The No. 1 Golf rule you MUST follow: take the car keys and cell phone out of your golf bag before you throw it into the creek.
Okay, that’s the last one I’m going to share…but it is one of my favorite sets of pictures.
Get down you runt!
Super Turtle, huh? Well, then fly!
Yup. Been there, my friend. Been there.
Terror Alert News
Reliable investigative sources in California say that radical Muslims are planning to go on a rampage in the City of Los Angeles, killing anyone who is a U.S. citizen.
Police fear the death toll could be as high as 9.
A convict managed to escape from prison and his escape was the lead item on the six o’clock news.
So not to be captured, he ran through fields and traveled through back roads until he reached his wife’s house.
When he reached the house, he rang the bell, his wife opened the door and screamed,
“You lousy bum! Where have you been? You escaped more than six hours ago!”
Ray was trying to cross the street.
As he stepped off the curb a car came screaming around the corner and headed straight for him.
Ray walked faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changed lanes and kept coming at him.
So Ray turned around to go back, but the car changed lanes again and continued coming at him.
By then, the car was so close and Ray was so scared that he just froze in the middle of the road.
The car got real close, then swerved at the last possible moment and stopped next to Ray.
The driver rolled down the window. It was a squirrel.
It said, “See, it’s not as easy as it looks, is it?”
“I’m sorry,” said the clerk in flower shop, “we don’t have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?”
Replied the customer sadly, “No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone.”
Jim was teeing off from the back tees On his downswing, he suddenly realized that his wife, Mary, was about to tee off from the red tees, directly in his path. Unable to stop his down swing he nailed the ball, hit Mary directly in the right temple, killing her instantly.
A few days later Jim received a call from the coroner concerning her autopsy. “Jim, your wife seems to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and struck her in the temple. Is that correct?”
“Yes sir,” Jim replied, “that’s correct.”
“Well, Jim, I also found a large bruise on Mary’s right hip. Do you know anything about that?”
“Yes sir,” Jim said, “That would have been my mulligan.”
Two Italian men got on a bus. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! … Two asses, they come together again I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.’
The lady can’t take this anymore, “You foul- mouthed sex obsessed pig!”, she retorted indignantly. ‘In this country, we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!”
‘Hey, coola down lady,’ said the man, ‘Whooza talkin’ about sex? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spell ‘ Mississippi .’
$10.00 says you’re gonna read this again!
I debated on whether to rant through this Last Word, or to publish someone else’s essay or to do something else…something else won out. Here are some humorous pictures with a message…
Baffling, I know, but true none the less. Don’t ask me why, since it’s the guns that are the problem, not the criminals.
Good question. But, I’m sure we all know it’s the cops that are at fault. Not the Hoodlums, and especially not the parents.
Yeah, because we all know how many problems Rednecks, Christians, Gun Owners and Cops create.
Shame on you for putting that much pressure on your children. Teaching them to behave all the time must have been devastating to their psyche.
Oh, of course! Terribly sorry. We didn’t see the connection. Now that we know that we can tell if your lying….what’s that? How can we tell that you’re lying? Because your mouth is open and you are talking.
And my favorite one by far!…
What a perfect comparison.
Well, did I make my point?
You have the power in your hands. Know who you have to vote for and do so!
As you arrive Lethal while at the podium seems engrossed in something other than launching today’s issue at the moment on his tablet and headset.
“ Walk around is completed? Ok, then we’re good to go. Open front and rear bay doors then let’s run down the start up check list shall we? Rear are already open? Ok the we can get started while the front opens.”
1.) Set Magical Power Unit Selector to ‘ALL’. 2.) Spin up Quad Turbines to speed 3.) Quad Turbine Engines Throttles to Idle Detent. 4.) Switch Hydrazine and Nitro-methane Fuel Valve Selectors to ‘Mix 1 ‘. 5.) Switch Fuel Flow Valves 1 thru 4 to ‘Open‘ 6.) We have ignition. Confirming all four turbines are lit. 7.) All engine sensors nominal. 8.) Tire Ice Spikes Deployment Master Safety to ‘Armed‘ 9.) Undercarriage Cattle Dragon Prods Master Safety to ‘Armed‘ 10.) Switch Cattle Dragon Prods Output to ‘500KV‘. 11.) Pneumatic Meat Mallets Master Safety to ‘Armed‘ 12.) Select Pneumatic Pressure Setting ‘Pummel‘ 13.) Countermeasures Master Safety to ‘Armed‘ 14.) Countermeasures Selectors to ‘Passive‘ and ‘Full‘ 15.) Stealth and Refraction Cloak Master Safety to ‘On‘ 16.) Engage Dragon Tracking Sensory Suite. 17.) Slave Dragon Tracking to Navigation Unit. 18.) Activate Heads Up Windshield Display. 19.) Standby for Systems Check- All system are confirmed nominal.
Megabus you’re clear to retract parking anchors and go for dragon hunting. Now, let’s go make sure a certain whiney dragon remembers what getting run over by a bus really feels like!
He looks up and notices you all sitting there expectantly, then down at the now mostly empty, even with extra chairs removed, Patrons Area snorts, shakes his head and mutters something about it being too much to expect someone to throw him an occasional “heads up!” bone.
Yeah ok as you probably guessed by now this is one of them open season on Impish issues.
Apparently ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’ applies to dragons too except the rod gets replaced with a bus. He had the temerity last week to suggest I threw him under a bus for pointing out the the safe under the kitchen floor story he ran was in fact a hoax. This even after I went out of my way to explain it wasn’t his fault. This leads me to believe I’ve been going so easy on him for so long he’s totally forgotten what being run over by a bus is like. Ergo he must be in desperate need of a strong reminder.
I should mention there area few, late arriving September 11th inclusions this week that didn’t arrive in time for last weeks issue that were simply too good not to pass on so keep your Kleenex boxes handy.
You guys start on the issue, I’m going to monitor the hunt, uh…that is mass transit situation and I’ll catch up with you before the end.
Impish: Just two things-
a.) Don’t try to run or hide, you’ll only wind up run over and run down. This is all on your head after your remark in last weeks issue. So dragon up and take it like a whiney wuss.
b.) Pay close attention to the issue (well ok at least as close attention as is possible for you given your nanosecond attention span) because there will be a test afterwards and failing will definitely have painful repercussions
Impish has one that read Pizza or more accurately:
Last Living 9/11 Search And Rescue Dog Gets ‘Sweet 16’ Birthday Party
The last known living search and rescue dog who helped save survivors trapped in the rubble of the World Trade Center buildings on Sept. 11, 2001, is getting a very special birthday surprise.
Bretagne, as a member of Texas Task Force 1, and her mom/handler Denise Corliss had an unforgettable first mission together.
With nearly 100 other dogs, Bretagne joined search and rescue teams at Ground Zero to help locate survivors in the aftermath of the 9/11 terrorist attacks in New York City. Denise and Bretagne have been inseparable ever since.
Happy Birthday, Bretagne! You and all the other service dogs out there truly deserve it.
Neglected Ducks Get Their First Swim
CNN announced that they are changing the rules for their upcoming GOP presidential debates.
The Top 5 New Rules for the CNN GOP Presidential Debate
5. Trump cannot erect a great wall with a very big, very beautiful closed door between himself and the other candidates.
4. Only Lindsay Graham can address someone with the phrase, “You go, girl!”
3. Points are awarded for cleverness in avoiding the question.
2. Absolutely no references to Erin Burnett’s appearance, attire or body parts. Seriously, just don’t do it, Donald.
And the Number One New Rule for the CNN GOP Presidential Debate…
Rubbing Wolf Blitzer’s beard for luck allowed
What constitutes an ‘act of God’ for insurance purposes?
“Acts of God”, for insurance purposes, are defined as events that occur through natural causes and could not be avoided through the use of caution and preventative measures. In essence, the phrase “Acts of God” refers to natural disasters.
The phrase generally brings to mind hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, hail, or floods. However, the lines can be fuzzier than most people realize.
For example, consider fires. An accidental fire in your home is not considered an Act of God because it could have been prevented, either by someone’s actions in starting the fire accidentally or poor workmanship during construction of the house. A fire caused by a lightning strike that consumes multiple homes, such as often occurs in the West, would be an Act of God. What happens when a similar fire is an act of arson?
The key is whether a human or humans could reasonably be considered at fault – at least until insurance companies find a way to sue God.
Now for the big question: is your car or home covered against Acts of God?
In both cases, the answer depends on what type of policy you purchased and the coverage and exclusions that it includes. Many Acts of God may be covered, but the definition of an Act of God is whatever your policy says that it is.
Generally, you will not see the phrase “Act of God” in policies, and perhaps not “natural disasters.” Policies tend to refer to specific risks or classes of risk as “perils.” Anything that is not spelled out as a specific exclusion or risk is subject to debate, and you can guess who will win that debate. It is important to ask for definitions to be spelled out before a debate on the subject becomes necessary.
While your policy may vary, several generalities are usually true with respect to Acts of God.
Flooding Is Not Usually Covered
Homeowner’s and auto policies generally do not include flooding in their policies. Homeowners in flood-prone areas have to seek flood insurance through FEMA’s National Insurance Flood Program. Auto insurance usually requires comprehensive coverage to pay on flood damage.
Auxiliary Damage Is Not Usually Covered
Your insurance company will be thinking, “Is there any way we can blame somebody else for this damage?” Let’s consider the example of a tree falling on your house as a result of a windstorm.
The default position is that you are “probably” covered for the damage under your insurance – but what if the tree was rotten? Should you have been expected to know that and have the tree removed? What if it is your neighbor’s tree? Would their insurance company be expected to pay instead?
Similarly, it is not unheard of to be covered for wind damage directly caused by a storm but not for any damage from subsequent flooding.
Where You Live Matters
Keep in mind that insurance is always based on risk assessment, and Acts of God are no different in that regard. For example, if you live in a tornado- or hurricane-prone area of the U.S., the risks are so high that coverage for those perils may not be standard.
Riders Are Available
Riders may be purchased as add-on policies for other risks such as earthquakes and sinkholes, as well as for normally covered perils – such as tornadoes if you live in a tornado-prone area and cannot get standard coverage with your homeowner’s policy.
Coverage for Acts of God is not always straightforward, and it is not usually in insurance company interests to make it so. The bottom line is to clarify, clarify, clarify.
Read your policy and make sure you understand all exclusions and the default position (whether unspecified Acts of God are considered covered or uncovered). It can make the difference between a relatively short recovery from a natural disaster and a prolonged battle with your insurer… a battle that you may ultimately lose.
Stuck In The Middle With You – Stealers Wheel
To achieve full understanding of this section I refer you to the comments section of Saturday’s Dragon Laughs. the Readers Digest version is that Impish’s Pizza slice wasn’t what it appeared to be and I (feeling uncharacteristically kind and sorry for his glutinous disappointment) promised to locate him a fell real deal Dragon sized slice options.
EH…16” pan I’d call that slice 18 x 16 so that only 144 sq. inches of pizza. that’s just a snack right big gut guy? Like them funky corner pieces when they square cut a pizza, which by the way is sheer pizza heathenism and tantamount to eating it with a knife and fork.
Ok that table is 3 foot square and the boarder is just shy of 3 inches so I’m going with that’s a 24 inch pan. A little measuring with my imaging program and I figure about 8 inches of pizza would be handing off when crust and pan edge were aligned. So now were up to 383 sq. inches of pizza. getting better, but still its just plan cheese pizza, right Sumo Stomach?
Wow! NOW we’re getting someplace eh Blue Buddha Belly? That table is 5 foot x 3 foot. The pizza paddle is 2 foot square and its hanging off the sides at least 2 inches each side. That makes it 28 inches across the crust with at least a 10” hang over. A little number crunching and…. 475 sq. inches of pizza! Plus look at all the toppings and how thick it is. It has to be at least 3 times the thickness of the last 2 pieces. Now we’re getting closer don’t you think my greedy glutton?
Uhhh! Ut oh! Saliva booms and Industrial Wet Vacs to Conference Room we’ve got a Drool Spill! No worries folks! that foot high wall of Speedi-Dri should contain it until they get here, they’re waiting at the end of the hall because I feared this was going to happen.
OK this last one is a little easier, It’s square and I have hard measurements on it. It’s 54 inches square for 2916 sq. in. of pizza in the whole thing I’d say that slice is about half the width by half the length so that’s 729 sq. inches of pizza. Now that’s a lot of pizza, but I only see two toppings, pepperoni and black olives and there’s no way its as thick as the previous one whose area I’m personally inclined to double because of its sheer height making it like 2 slices stacked on top of each other which would make it 950 square inches for it’s stomach effect. So he of the Titanic Tummy looks like you have a couple local options for getting your pizza pig out on what do you say pal? Impish? Impish?! Oh! I should have known!
While doing this feature I came across an interesting statistic. Drop this one the next time you run in to pick up a pizza at your favorite non chain pizzeria. Just maybe you’ll get something off on you pie.
What a coincidence! I say that about Impish ALL THE TIME!
Another “Aw F*%k” moment in time
Bird? No. Dragon? Yes! Speaking of birds-
We’ve had a few days respite from the 90’s and its been great, a little nonexistent in Texas taste of fall. That got me thinking of warm fall comfort foods like this one.
Osso Buco
Can’t afford veal shanks? Neither can I! This works equally well with Beef shanks & Ox Tails. I’ve even had it once at a game dinner done with wild boar shanks.
Serve it with/over pashed potatoes with roasted garlic and parmesan (don’t waste the good stuff use the jar stuff for this!) or polenta (again with roasted garlic and parmesan). Molly loves Couscous and she buys an Herb & Mushroom flavor which she just loves this over.
I like to add some mushrooms about the last half hour of cooking and occasionally with swap the onions out for leeks if I have those and the shanks at the same time
Crusty bread is a must for soaking up all the juices and for the bone marrow!
Total Time: 2 hr. 15 min Prep: 15 min Cook: 2 hr. Yield: 6 servings Level: Easy
Ingredients
1 sprig fresh rosemary 1 sprig fresh thyme 1 dry bay leaf 2 whole cloves Cheesecloth Kitchen twine, for bouquet garni and tying the veal shanks 3 whole veal shanks (about 1 pound per shank), trimmed Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper All purpose flour, for dredging 1/2 cup vegetable oil 1 small onion, diced into 1/2-inch cubes 1 small carrot, diced into 1/2-inch cubes 1 stalk celery, diced into 1/2 inch cubes 1 tablespoon tomato paste 1 cup dry white wine 3 cups chicken stock 3 tablespoons fresh flat-leaf Italian parsley, chopped 1 tablespoon lemon zest
Directions
Place the rosemary, thyme, bay leaf and cloves into cheesecloth and secure with twine. This will be your bouquet garni. For the veal shanks, pat dry with paper towels to remove any excess moisture. Veal shanks will brown better when they are dry. Secure the meat to the bone with the kitchen twine. Season each shank with salt and freshly ground pepper. Dredge the shanks in flour, shaking off excess. In a large Dutch oven pot, heat vegetable oil until smoking. Add tied veal shanks to the hot pan and brown all sides, about 3 minutes per side. Remove browned shanks and reserve. In the same pot, add the onion, carrot and celery. Season with salt at this point to help draw out the moisture from the vegetables. Sauté until soft and translucent, about 8 minutes. Add the tomato paste and mix well. Return browned shanks to the pan and add the white wine and reduce liquid by half, about 5 minutes. Add the bouquet garni and 2 cups of the chicken stock and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low, cover pan and simmer for about 1 1/2 hours or until the meat is falling off the bone. Check every 15 minutes, turning shanks and adding more chicken stock as necessary. The level of cooking liquid should always be about 3/4 the way up the shank. Carefully remove the cooked shanks from the pot and place in decorative serving platter. Cut off the kitchen twine and discard. Remove and discard bouquet garni from the pot. Pour all the juices and sauce from the pot over the shanks. Garnish with chopped parsley and lemon zest.
Swiped this one from Impish’s Wedding Album
OK Impish! Here’s That test I warned you about!
In which issue, last weeks (#315) or this weeks (#316) did I “throw you under the bus”? That’s it, single question test, pass or fail.
Pass and the Megabus continues on its way and switches to running down race baiting, police hating blacktivists, Non melding Muslims and and hat in the ring for the Presidential nomination liberals. The Ambulance scoops you up and you get to meet Dr. Quackery’s two new nude nurses, Silky and Foxy.
Fail and I turn the bus around for another run. Sure it will take me most of two states and a week to do so but it will give you time to review and reflect on how you failed the test, to say nothing of heal up some.
I FOUND IT!!! I FINALLY FOUND IT!!! The pizza slice fit for a dragon! I’ve got to make this intro quick, so I can track down where this picture came from!
This is awesome! I’ll be back in a …. what’s that?
Ginny says that Lethal has made it so I can’t leave until my whole presentation is finished.
But…
But…
I was just gonna leave all these nice campers here reading the issue, find the pizza and be right back.
But…
But…
Okay, okay. No buses! I’ll go later.
I must say that the turn out for this year’s donation drive is a bit disappointing. Not a single new person donated since Lethal’s issue on Wednesday. So, even Ginny’s plea didn’t go over.
So, Ginny did a little something for me to try and drum up a few more donations. With our four new people from last week added: Donald G., Gail B., and Joseph C.
Sadly, only 14 people have donated for this year’s bills. I think that is showing a lack of satisfaction with our site. So, maybe that tells us that we aren’t reaching the people or satisfying them the way we used to. Let us know you appreciate our work.
It’s not the money, it’s the appreciation.
Now it’s time to move on, so…
A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere.
A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition.
Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes inserted, etc. for a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and declare, “Scottish.”
The other signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and announced, “Irish.”
This act tired them out so badly it was almost a week before the first summoned up the strength to announce, “Glasgow.”
Again the second replied in a reedy, frail voice, “Dublin.” Once more, the strain was too much for them both; they passed out.
Days passed before the first man managed to again point to himself and say, “Jimmy.”
Replied the Irishman: “Lethal Leprechaun.”
A few hours later, Jimmy managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, “Cancer.”
Lethal responded: “Libra.”
How sad it is to work in an office with no humor. Poor clowns.
I couldn’t help but overhear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at the bar last night.
One of the guys says to his buddy: “Man you look tired.”
His buddy says, “Man I’m exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time.She’s after me 3 and 4 times a day, I just don’t know what to do.”
A fellow about my age (70+),sitting a couple of stools down, also overheard the conversation.
He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says:“Marry her. That’ll put a stop to that shit.”
Here’s a snapped photograph of me, just hanging around. This was in one of my quiet, contemplative moods.
I know I don’t look contemplative or quiet, but that is how I look. When I’m angry and reactionary, it is extraordinarily hard to get a picture of me, because most creatures are running for their lives.
As it is, I believe I ate the photographer after he took my picture, but going through his camera, I really liked this picture of me, so I kept it.
I kept the camera, too. Sold it on ebay.
Well, honestly, had I eaten it, too, not only would I not have gotten this picture, but there’s a good chance the camera would’ve gotten stuck in my teeth. You have no idea how hard it is to find a tooth pick in my size!
See, no one knows how tough it is to be me!
Sigh!
Okay, it’s time to poke some fun at our politics. This is an equal opportunity poking session. It’s not my fault that all the poking seems to be pointed at the liberal left. Truly it’s not.
My oh my. Even Dorothy can see it in her “dreams”.
Way too much truth to be that funny, I know.
JUST HOT OFF THE WIRES………Breaking News – Bruce Jenner Transition Fires New Speculation
Wash. DC – Over the past year a rash of news stories surfaced stating that gold-medal winning Olympic decathlete Bruce Jenner was undergoing a gender transition from male to female. Jenner has confirmed the story and members of his extended family, including the Kardashian clan, have recently approached various news outlets confirming Jenner’s intentions concerning his surgery.
Now it appears a number of world leaders have picked up on the story and are wondering aloud
“What will happen to Jenner’s balls if he completes the transition?”
Sources this week quoted Israeli Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu as suggesting it would be a monumental step if Jenner were to donate his balls to U.S. President Barack Obama. Netanyahu stated “Everyone knows Obama has no balls and it would be damn nice if he suddenly had Olympic sized balls. It would be a huge step forward for world peace.”
German Chancellor Angela Merkel remarked ” I don’t even have any balls, but everyone tells me I
have a bigger set than Obama. I think it would be a great idea.”
On the other hand, Russian President Vladimir Putin joined Syrian President Bashar Assad in
proclaiming that Obama’s lack of balls has finally enabled a number of regimes worldwide a fair chance to consolidate their power. Putin, on a shirtless fly fishing expedition in Kanchatka, said
“The days of U.S. Presidents with big balls like Reagan are over. Now it’s our turn.“
Iranian President Hassan Rouhani remarked earlier in the week that “It’s been great the last six years. It’s like playing soccer against the U.S. with no goalie in their net”
While world leaders debate the issue, closer to home New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick and Super Bowl MVP quarterback Tom Brady stepped forward to say they would each donate one ball to the President if Jenner does not come through. Belichick, however, cautioned that “The President would have to understand, our balls would be underinflated, but still probably an improvement over what he seems to be working with.”
And neither Brady nor Belichick will get in any trouble for under-inflating those balls, either.
And you know what, you two? The American people are getting sick and bloody tired of it!
But really, what difference does it make now?
Bitch!
Can I get an AMEN!!!
You should be worried. You should be VERY worried!
See, I can pick on Trump, too.
And he swears it’s not a toupee.
Here’s a really cool graphic from our friends at makeuseof.com if you’re a Star Wars fan. And who isn’t?
I had no idea! I’m not really a video game player, my reactions are no longer as fast as they used to be and even on the easy settings, I find it frustrating to get killed as easily as I end up. But, the books and the movies….yeah, I can do that.
And this one comes to us from Grumpy. What? You didn’t know that the Seven Dwarfs are part of our staff? Well, you learn something new everyday, don’t ya!
Eight Words with two Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female…… Any part under a car’s hood. Male….. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another. Male….. Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner. Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n. Female….. A desire to get married and raise a family. Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book. Male…… Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female…. An embarrassing by–product of indigestion. Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female…… The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male….. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female…. A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male… A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
AND; He said….I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it. She said…. You wear pants don’t you? He said….. Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said… That’s a good idea – you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart! He said….. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said ….Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said….. Why aremarriedwomen heavier thansinglewomen? She said….. Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge. Oh no she didn’t!!!
A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.
“You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?” she scoffed.
I replied, in my most sneering and lugubrious tone,
“I didn’t know there were any witnesses…now I’ll have to kill you too.”
Our Archery Coach. She and her team have won many awards and our DL&LL School has taken first place ever since she has joined our school. It just seems like the other team can’t seem to concentrate.
Okay, so what’s with that? Everyone who’s ever owned a cat has witnessed this phenomenon. I’ve seen my dog do it, too, but not near as much as any cat I’ve ever owned. Well, you don’t really own a cat, they are more like house guests that you are putting up with.
Some people say that cats can see ghosts or other “other-worldly” things. As far as the dog goes, I just think she’s moronic.
What do you think?
This could easily fall under the category of “Oldie, But Goodie” because it’s been around for so long, but I think it’s still funny, so here you go.
Jennifer visited a psychic of some local repute.
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news: ‘There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt – prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.’
Visibly shaken, Jennifer stared at the woman’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself.
She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller’s gaze, steadied her voice, and asked:
‘Will I be acquitted?’
I’m sure many of you saw or heard about Obama’s recent trip to the Alaskan Glaciers to reinforce “Global Warming”. What a fucking hypocrite. I could go on, but this essay on Minutemannews.com says it much better than I can…
WHAT A JOKE! The Real Scoop on Obama’s Trip to Look at Glaciers
Did you see this rather ironic story onIsThatBaloney.com? Evidently, Mr. Obama is SOOO concerned about the environment that he had fly to Alaska and get his picture taken with the melting glaciers threatening our very existence. The irony is the ‘cost’ to the environment (not to mention, the taxpayers) for making such a monumental trip.
5. It is roughly an 8.5 hour flight to Anchorage from DCthus costing $1,938,000 to get President Obama to Alaska.
6. Obama has to get back, so DOUBLE all those costs and impacts for a total of 40,000 gallons of fuel burned, 844,000 pounds or 422 tons of CO2 emitted costing $3,876,000,just to fly Air Force One, so Obama can look like he is doing something about climate change.
7. That does not include any military support planes,multiple gas guzzling limos, accommodations for some 50 secret service agents, local police and other resources. When you add all that in, President Obama probably costs the American taxpayers $10 million or more so he could have his picture taken.
It is beyond all rational thinking to grasp how folks are so easily swayed by the hype surrounding climate change – and the hypocritical ‘stance’ of most liberals. Obama is hypocrite number one. He could care less about the environment – the trip to Alaska actually proved that. His agenda is much greater, but these idiots are too stupid to recognize it.
This whole thing made me think of Ted Cruz’s response to some climate change activists the other day. Did you see the story onRight Scoop?
I’m going to post just Cruz’s bottom line – the point where he schools the activists on the reality of climate change. It’s BRILLIANT. Of course, Cruz isn’t going to get the attention that Obama gets jetting across the country in Air Force One to “save the planet.” Go toRight Scoopand watch the interaction, but here is Cruz’s response when asked if he believed in Climate change…
Cruz- “… Let’s step back for a second and look at this with some historical perspective. Thirty to forty years ago there were a group of political liberal and scientists who said we were facing global cooling. They said we were headed toward a global ice age and the solution to global cooling was increased was massive government control of the economy, the energy sector, and every aspect of our lives. Then the data disproved it. It was not in fact correct that we were seeing global cooling. So that was kind of a problem. Then many of these same political liberals, and many of these same scientists they then latched on to a new theory, it’s called global warming. And the new theory of global warming interestingly enough, the solution was the exact same as the solution had been for global cooling. It was massive government control of the economy, the energy sector, and every aspect of our lives. But then the problem became the data and evidence didn’t back up global warming. In particular if you look at the satellite data. Listen I am the son of two scientists and mathematicians. It is the essence of science to look to the evidence. In the last eighteen years there has been no meaningful recorded warming according to the satellite data. So all of a sudden all these political liberals, the evidence and data didn’t back them up. So then the theory changed to a third version, it’s just been in the last few years when the theory magically transformed into climate change. And climate change from the perspective of a political liberal who wants government power climate change is the perfect pseudo-scientific theory. Why is that? Because it can never be disproven. Whether it’s hotter or colder, whether is wetter or drier the climate is always changing. Now you asked a question, ‘do you believe in climate change?’. Of course! From the dawn of time the climate has been changing. Until the end of time the climate will change. And yet interestingly enough the political liberals, their solution to climate change is exactly the same as it was to global cooling and global warming. Massive government control of the economy, energy sector, and our lives. And when you start to see politicians who propose the exact same solution to every problem regardless of the facts or the data you start to think these are politicians who just want power over our lives. You know what I’m interested in? I’m interested in the single moms who are working here who are struggling to feed their families and are seeing their electric bills skyrocketing because these political liberals are driving up their electric bills, driving up their energy bills, making it harder and harder to provide for their kids. We need to follow the facts and data and not just give power to a bunch of out of touch elites in Washington over our lives.”
Honestly, I love Cruz! Our nation would benefit from having a man like him as President. As for our ‘acting’ President – well, there is nothing nice to say – and that’s putting it nicely.
It’s the law. Sorry, but that’s how it is.
Dragons have a similar reaction to Dragons Bane.
Get down Charlie! You’re going to ruin it for everyone!
George knew it was wrong, but the damn turtle was getting all the lime light and he’d had enough!
I know, right! And hear colors! That’s the loudest blue I’ve ever heard!
Football season officially started this Last Thursday night with Lethal’s favorite New England Patriots hosting the Pittsburg Steelers.
As for me, my Colts are playing Buffalo and my Packers are playing da’ Bears, both are on tomorrow at 1 pm. With the new NFL Ticket that came free this year with DirecTV, I should be able to watch both of them. I’m gonna try out that new picture-in-picture. Woo Hoo! I can’t wait!
My wife is weird, she starts every conversation with, “Were you even listening to me?”
Here is the perfect rendition of us at work:
Wayne was returning home from a business trip, bags in hand, and slowly making his way to his vehicle in the crowded airport garage. Suddenly a large dark car screeched to a stop in front of Wayne, and the driver pointed menacingly at him. “Get in,” the driver ordered. “I’ll take you to your car.”
Startled, Wayne took a step backward. “Ah… no thanks,” he answered. “I can get there myself.”
“No!” the man barked back as he threw open his passenger side door. “Get In!”
Wayne’s eyes now darted around the garage, hoping to find a security guard. Just then, the driver’s face softened. “Please,” he said, “I’ve been driving up and down for two hours. I can’t find a space to park and I want yours.”
This one is dedicated to all you parents out there. I’m pretty sure that school is back in session for everyone. Ain’t it great!!!
A very elderly gentleman, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He was in his mid nineties.
He was very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of a good after shave.
He presented a very well looked after image, Seated at the bar was an elderly really classy looking lady, (mid eighties).
The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits along side of her.
He orders a drink.
He takes a sip.
He slowly turns to her and says, So tell me, do I come here often?”
What an excellent idea! I’m definitely going to use that one on the littlest dragon!
Well folks, that’s it for today. I hope I helped some of you laugh or at least have a pleasant morning. Now I’m off to find that giant slice of pizza.
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So, when I say that he is one of my best friends in the whole world, know that that goes back a long way. And it truly means something.
Dragon Laffs 