Good Morning Campers,
Before we go any further in today’s issue, I’d like to start right off with recognition as to the new people who’ve been added to the list of full member/patrons:
Leah H
Steven H
Henry C
Margaret C
That brings our total number of contributors to 10.
Just think. You too can be a full member, with all the benefits and rights, plus have the use of all the facilities, including the “breaking you out of jail” program used so successfully on me in Gitmo. How much will all that cost you?
The answer will shock you!
As much as you want, as little as $1!
Just click the box next to this issue where it says donate and you can go through PayPal or write to me at impishdragon@gmail.com and I’ll give you a snail mail address where you can send cash, check or money order.
It’s that easy.
Come on now. Honestly. Don’t we ALL know someone at work that’s likely to die in a work place accident that any idiot could have avoided? That guy who gets a paper cut while working on his computer? The guy who could drown at the water cooler? Or maybe the one who gets third-degree burns from the copy machine? Yeah…we all know one… or more.
And under the category of “Why the hell can’t something like this happen to me?” Here’s this story from Jean:
Couple makes life-changing discovery in kitchen safe
When Eddie, 29 and Angie, 26 were renovating their kitchen in their Phoenix, AZ home, they made an incredible discovery that left them shocked and overjoyed.
The couple had been living in their home for two years when they decided to renovate the kitchen themselves. During the demolition, they found a mysterious safe built into the floor that had been tucked away under the kitchen island.
They remembered that they had found a safe code in the back of a medicine cabinet when they first moved into the house. They hadn’t found the safe but held onto the code.After about six tries, the couple was able to open the safe. They stared at the findings in disbelief.
Perched inside the safe was a pile of $100 bills. After counting the money, they realized that they had discovered $51,080 hidden in their home.
In addition to the money, the couple found a sealed bottle of James E Pepper and a book titled “A Guide for the Perplexed” by E.F. Schumacher. The book was published in 1977.
Upon further digging, the couple found a note in the book that read:
“Alan,
I have a book you must read. I’ve underlined a few key passages.
Your friend,
Vincent”
This couple is now $51,080 richer and has an awesome new kitchen! We’d call that a pretty successful afternoon.
I think I agree with Jean, who wrote that she wouldn’t have told the media about it. Because you know, Uncle Sam is going to try and get at least half of that in some sort of “found money tax” or some such nonsense. And you know there are going to be a butt-load of Alan’s and Vincent’s that pop out of the woodwork that say that all of that belongs to them. Yeah, I’m a bit on the pessimist side this morning…or maybe just a realist.
Well, maybe a couple of these are true. I am thankful for waking up on the right side of the sod every morning. and I am thankful for my dreams that have turned into reality, although, at this very moment I’m having difficulty coming up with an example of one of my dreams coming to reality, but I’m still holding out on that one where I’m finally recognized for my tremendous contributions to the betterment of the country in my work life and the betterment of mankind in my blog life and winning the Peace Prize. Hey, if Obama can do it for doing Nothing-At-All, then I’ve got a pretty good chance!
One of I and Mrs. Dragon’s favorite past times is spotting mistakes in movies. You know what I mean, like when a guy in one scene is smoking a cigar and you see him put it out and then in the next scene he still has the cigar. Yeah, that sort of thing. Well, Kim Komando spotted this video on YouTube and I’m sharing it here with you.
I didn’t know about any of these. But, they are pretty funny. My own personal favorite is in Twister, when they are driving the red truck down the dirt road and get caught up by the water. You know the part. Where they say, “We’ve got cows.” Right, that part. Well, on the drive up to that spot they are on a dirt road, but when the cut to the interior shot of the truck, you can see like a major highway out the window and then they cut back to the dirt road again. This goes on for like two or three camera changes. It’s pretty subtle, so you have to watch for it.
and here’s a section that we all like watching for…
Another representation of Diaman and I that one of our students drew. I think he did a great job!
Thanks to my dad for these funny ones from the old TV Show Hollywood Squares:
In the 1960s there was a US TV game show called Hollywood Squares .
Basically stars were asked questions by the host, and the contestants had to guess whether their answer was correct or not.
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be ?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde:Loneliness.
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married?
A. Rose Marie: No. Wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say ‘I Love You’?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are ‘Do It,’ ‘I Can Help,’ and ‘I Can’t Get Enough’?
A. George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.
Q. Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what’s a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at Nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn’t neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he
trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car, the rest is up to him .
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
I don’t know about you, but they sure cracked me up!
Ain’t it the truth! And I gotta tell you. An awful lot of us are getting sick and damn tired of the double standard coming out of our supposed “leaders”!
It’s amazing how many people recognize the same thing!
And this one comes from our own dear, sweet Diaman:
This will boggle your mind!
The year is 1915 – One hundred years ago.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Most women only washed their hair once a month, And, used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was only 30.
Alright, that’s enough of that, let’s get back to the funny stuff!!
After about an hour the dog wakes up, walks to the door and the guy lets him out. The dog wags his tail and leaves.
One of the things that you’ll find as you wonder around the premises here at DL&LL Enterprises is that we have security (those are the guys that you don’t normally see until they’re needed) and we have hospitality. Now, usually the hospitality folks can be recognized by one of a few different means. In the above picture, we know that Diane is a member of hospitality because of her halo. Now, the halo normally makes people think of good, and Diane is very, very good. Think of our hospitality folks as the greatest concierge you’ve ever heard of. They can get you anything, anywhere at anytime. Or … at least, they have the best chance of getting it for you.
Let’s say you want a frozen banana covered in chocolate rice pudding at 3 am. She could handle that with no problem. But, if you wanted a motorized pogo stick ridden by a red headed kobald with a 45 inch chest, she’d probably call security to have you escorted out of the place.
Why?
Because everyone knows that red-headed kobalds are left wing socialists who would want to move their whole family into your room and have you pay all the expenses.
Anyway, you get the idea.
This is so true for me. I’m not a morning person. Never have been, never will be. I’m much better at 10 pm than I am at 10 am. Mrs. Dragon and I have been married for 20 years and, bless her heart, she still forgets this important fact about me. On the weekends, she’ll be up in the morning when I am sometimes (not during the week because I get up at Oh-Dark-Hundred to go to work) and I’ll be enjoying my first cup of coffee and she’ll be chatting away with me, talking about our day and what she’d like to do and I have to remind her.
“Sweetheart, you know you’re wasting your time. I’m not taking in ANYTHING that you’re saying right now because I’m still working on my first cup of coffee. You’re only going to have to say everything all over again later, so why don’t we just sit here in companionable silence and enjoy our coffee.”
Now, written, that may sound somewhat nice, but when it comes out as a low growl from my morning voice, it really doesn’t come off that way. And as you probably figured, it doesn’t really start our day off as pleasantly as you might think.
Yeah.
I’m one of THOSE people.
Final arrangements. One of the dumber things this world has invented and we go along with. I told Mrs. Dragon that I’d like to be cremated.
Why?
Because that body is not me anymore. I’ve gone. And without getting into WHERE I’ve gone, suffice it to say that I’m not in there anymore. So go with the cheapest way of getting rid of my remains as possible. If you could get away with putting my body in a dumpster or a landfill somewhere, that would be fine with me. My body will decompose and I’ll make fabulous mulch someday.
But, when I miss you, I want somewhere to go to visit you.
Then go somewhere we used to enjoy going together. Go where we had our first kiss. Go where we used to slip away to to be alone. Go eat our favorite food, drink our favorite wine or leaf through a photo album. Don’t put yourself $10,000 in debt to get rid of a body that I don’t need anymore.
That’s just my thoughts. Any responses?
Musta been one hell of a party.
Warning: Prepare to have your blood sugar raised to astronomical heights with this super sweet video.
One of the greatest jokes I’ve ever heard. Man, I wish I could think this fast!
He replied, “No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints. “
Ok. I found this next video very interesting, especially since I seem to use the term all the time…even when I’m writing…since I tend to write as I speak…it’s okay … ok?
Exactly! I go out to the back porch. Grab a cigar and a cup of coffee. Bring my Kindle. And you are looking at one content dragon.
I had a guy at work notice that I bring my kindle with me everywhere. Because I believe that even while standing in line, it’s better to get a few paragraphs read then doing something mindless on my cell phone. He asked me how many books I read. I told him that I believe I average about 2.5 books a week. My record is 11 books in one week and very, very rarely does a week go by that I don’t finish at least one.
And that’s another reason for owning a Kindle. Two reasons ….#1, if I had to pay full price for all the books I read, I’d be perpetually in the dog house. #2, I’d need another house just to store all the books. Let’s take that out to it’s logical conclusion. I’ve always been a big reader. I started reading at a very early age because my mom read to me at bed time and encouraged me to read on my own. (Parents are you listening?) But, let’s say that I’ve been reading for 50 years. And let’s say that my overall lifetime average is 2 books a week. At that rate we get 108 books a year or about 5400 books. Really seems like it should be more than that. But at an average cost of $6.99 for a paper back book that’s $37,746.
Not saying I spent that much, just looking at some numbers here. Because I am a BIG believer in public and school libraries!
Now, at an average of $0.99 for an eBook (most of them I have have been free. Mostly because I am Lethal’s Book Bitch and he feeds my habit) anyway, that comes to a (comparatively) paltry $5346.
Lethal, close your mouth.
Lethal is in shock right now, because he never thought that I would publically admit that I am his book bitch. Sad but true.
But the amazing part of this whole conversation is that I went from a cartoon about sitting outside to where we ended up with book bitches.
Sigh.
So, this just recently came out. If you need another reason to vote for Trump for president:
Now, if we can just get him to move back to Africa if ANY republican is elected, I’ll pay for the damn plane ticket myself!
There’s a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running “a bit peaked.”
Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.
“Ah,” the fighter pilot remarked, “the dreaded seven-engine approach.”
Since Lethal sent this to me the premise is that the military pilot is actually a Marine Pilot…and I wouldn’t doubt it. But, it’s a funny joke regardless.
Once again, we come to the part of the show that I look forward to every week. Motivational posters have given me more chuckles than any other kind of cartoon. Here’s a couple of good ones from my collection:
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
When the zombie apocalypse finally happens, I’m moving to Washington D.C. I figure the lack of brains there will keep the undead masses away.
Special thanks to our Girl Ginny for most of these one liners.
Well, it’s the Labor Day Weekend and in celebration, we here at DL&LL Enterprises will take this last opportunity to have our traditional End Of The Summer weekend blast.
We are celebrating Labor Day by NOT publishing a special Labor Day issue, but instead, relaxing from our labors and spending time with our friends and family.
This will be the last party that the old patrons will get to enjoy their patron status, unless of course, they have re-donated again this year. We also wish to invite our new year patrons that have contributed so far to our cause.
We will be opening some new sections of our compound to the patrons and in celebration of National Book Week this week, here’s a picture of our newly opened library. One of my favorite spots in the whole compound.
The artwork is stunning, the collection incomparable and the atmosphere, perfect. If you love books and reading, you’ll love spending time in our new library.
There will be the normal cook outs, games, drinking, debauchery, food and fun. But, it will all be overlaid by a labor free weekend. Most of the staff will have a long weekend and most of the party will be self-serve and volunteer served. Please treat the people who are running the games and doing the cooking and what little serving will be done, nicely. They are giving of their time so the rest of us can relax and be labor free.
I will be volunteering this afternoon to the barbeque. I will be supplying both the heat and my cooking expertise to the traditional burgers, dogs, brats and chicken. But, do me a favor and go by the Italian section and try some of my homemade lasagna. I prepared it the night before so all the flavors could blend and sit overnight and now they will be baking them as needed so everyone can have a fresh hot slab of my world famous lasagna. It’s actually called “Lasagna-Bob” (named after Mr. Grey) and world renowned. Go ahead. Google it. Google Lasagna Bob and see what you come up with. LOL!
So, to round out today’s issue, let’s talk just a little bit about Labor Day and then we’ll send you on your way to enjoy your (hopefully) long weekend.
Not surprisingly, we go to the Department of Labor’s website to discover the meaning of Labor Day.
Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.
Well, in that regard, I guess the cartoon is right. It’s a celebration of work! Started by the Labor Movement and put into law as a national holiday June 28, 1894. So this year is the 121st anniversary.
Never more necessary and celebrated than during the two great wars that rocked our nation and the number and variety of people who stepped up to create and maintain one of the hugest war fighting machine creations the world has ever seen.
For many families, it’s the last road trip of the summer. The last hurrah. The huge rush and hard work put into … not working. Now to this dragon, that doesn’t make much sense. Sure, some preparation and effort needs to go into having a good time and relaxing, but this dragon prefers the stay at home, spend time with family and friends weekend, rather than the rush to DO THINGS weekend.
Sadly, for some, Labor Day is just another way to remind them of how tough things are right now for many people.
And for some of us, another reminder of the fact that, due to the administration’s current policies, we are working hard for not only our families, but for some other illegal’s or entitlement’s family. For them we wonder, do they even know what the word LABOR means?
But for now, lean back, put all that behind you for the weekend, grab a beer and a brat and forget about all that stuff for the weekend.
Until we meet again next week, I remain, cheerfully yours…
Dragon Laffs 
Cremation for me was sort of a matter of practicality given my career path. My mother, a somewhat stubborn woman where it concerns her children, insisted she would never believe any of her children were dead until she saw their bodies and that she would insist on seeing them regardless of the condition.
As an EMT I had seen bodies post traumatic death, fire, corruption due to being dead several days before being found. I knew what sort of shape my remains were likely to return in and that if I was not cremated before my return to my family I would be destined for a closed casket funeral in all likelihood. I wanted to spare both my parents (because if Mom was going to raise a fuss about seeing me ,my Father would feel it his duty to be there for her) their last memory of me being of seeing me like that. To that end and much to my mothers unhappiness my final instructions were that I was to be cremated as soon as possible after my death but prior to my remains being returned to my family. To appease her need for certainity I wore a St. Michael and St Christopher Medals on a chain with rubber key tag identifiers and my SSN engraved around the edge of the back side of both. If she received these with my effect she’d have no doubt whose cremains they were.
My current last wishes package includes a living will, organ donor cards and the following instructions for disposal of my remains paraphrased from a Star Trek the Next Generation episode, not because I’m such a big Trekie but because they sum up my feeling in the best most succinct manner of anything I have heard to date. If/when something that does the job better comes along then I’ll happily abandon these words for them: “My bodily is now only an empty shell. I direct it be treated as such, with as little ceremony and as expeditiously as legally possible, preferably via cremation or burial at sea. Should no one with to claim my cremains, I direct that they be scattered somewhere where they might rejoin the circle of life.”
After that you can drink up all my Brown Gold (I’m taking the recipe for it to my crematory oven) and Irish Whiskey, divide my 50,000 plus book electronic library amoungst yourselves and take turns having the magically dancing shelleigh beat Impish all you want as I’ll most likely be too busy attempting a coup d’etat in Hell.
Lethal,
You forgot the part where you asked me to clear your browser history.
Impish
And yes, I know, you’ll come back with a smart remark about not needing it, that it’s on automatic self-destruct or some such, but you gotta admit, it was a funny line.
again, Impish
Your Saturday/Labor Day’s issue was truly a Labor of Love. It was packed with laughs, things to ponder and videos to watch. t too vote for cremation, not so much for the monetary value for leaving this earth, I don’t want to be hostess to all that creeps and crawls. Just put me in a Hellman’s Mayo jar and prop my Kindle and charger in front of it. I too love to read, I remember as a kid going to the local library for story time. I walk into a library or Barnes and Noble it becomes a “holy ground”for me. So happy to see four more donations added to the fund of keeping Dragon Laffs free, Wishing everyone a safe and fun-filled weekend.
I loved the Hollywood Squares questions. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time! Thanks for making my day better!!
Totally agree with the cremation comment. My thoughts exactly
Totally agree with the cremation comment. My thoughts exactly.