You’ve just snuggled down into your comfortable easy chair, your coffee on your right and pastry on your left, your feet up when the curtains part.  You expect to see Impish Dragon behind the curtain, but all there is is an empty, darkened stage.

You hear a door open from the back of the stage and a shuffling, dragging sound approaching the light.  A low moaning echoes from the blackness and you can’t help but be reminded of the Zombie movies.  All you’d have to hear now would be a desperate voice asking for “brains” and it would be enough to make you think you were part of some lousy rip-off of the living dead.

PIIIEEEESSSS!  I NEED PIES!!!!!  MOOOOOOAAAAAAANNNNNNN!  PPPPPIIIIIIIIEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!

A gaunt and decrepit looking blue dragon appears from the darkness, shuffling towards the front of the stage and the light.  Scratching his arm and sniffing like a heroin addict in withdrawal.

This is awful!  Just awful.  All my delicious pies gone….just…gone.  Destroyed, their lives snuffed out in an instant.  Before they ever had a chance.  It ain’t right I tell you, IT AIN’T RIGHT!

I’m sorry.  Trying to control myself with no pies….well…it’s hard.   To make matters worse, all of the bakeries in 250 miles of here are all sold out!  I don’t understand how that’s possible!

The dragon breaks down on stage and begins to sob.  After a few minutes, he seems to shake himself, pull himself together and return to normal.

I’m sorry.  This withdrawal thing is very hard, but here is much more we need to get to.

As many of you know, the 12th was Diaman’s birthday.  It’s very appropriate that someone as special as she is so close to Valentine’s Day.  Thank you very much to Ginny for giving up the date on her friend.  She was very surprised.  And she was even more surprised with the party we threw for her.  Many of the mythical creatures were in attendance as well as the entire Chip ‘n Dale dancing troop.  We had dancers jumping out of cakes (cake but not pie!!!) and lots of presents.

I’m really not surprised that she isn’t here with us today.  The last any of us saw her, she was leading the entire Chip ‘n Dale troop up to her room and locking the door.  I figure she’s still in the process of wearing them all out, especially since we put a bunch of recovery potions in the hallway outside her door.  I figure it ought to be about the middle of next week before she is too worn out to continue. 

As was previously mentioned, today is Valentine’s Day.  For a short history of the holiday, you folks follow along with the next presentation while I step out and make a few calls.  Seems there is a little mom and pop bakery that is rumored to still have a few pies on the shelf.  They may have been missed because they actually operate out of their own home.  I’ll be back shortly.

THE LEGEND OF ST. VALENTINE

The history of Valentine’s Day–and the story of its patron saint–is shrouded in mystery. We do know that February has long been celebrated as a month of romance, and that St. Valentine’s Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. But who was Saint Valentine, and how did he become associated with this ancient rite?

The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.

Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons, where they were often beaten and tortured. According to one legend, an imprisoned Valentine actually sent the first “valentine” greeting himself after he fell in love with a young girl–possibly his jailor’s daughter–who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter signed “From your Valentine,” an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories all emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic and–most importantly–romantic figure. By the Middle Ages, perhaps thanks to this reputation, Valentine would become one of the most popular saints in England and France.

ORIGINS OF VALENTINE’S DAY: A PAGAN FESTIVAL IN FEBRUARY

While some believe that Valentine’s Day is celebrated in the middle of February to commemorate the anniversary of Valentine’s death or burial–which probably occurred around A.D. 270–others claim that the Christian church may have decided to place St. Valentine’s feast day in the middle of February in an effort to “Christianize” the pagan celebration of Lupercalia. Celebrated at the ides of February, or February 15, Lupercalia was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus.

To begin the festival, members of the Luperci, an order of Roman priests, would gather at a sacred cave where the infants Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome, were believed to have been cared for by a she-wolf or lupa. The priests would sacrifice a goat, for fertility, and a dog, for purification. They would then strip the goat’s hide into strips, dip them into the sacrificial blood and take to the streets, gently slapping both women and crop fields with the goat hide. Far from being fearful, Roman women welcomed the touch of the hides because it was believed to make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city’s bachelors would each choose a name and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage.

VALENTINE’S DAY: A DAY OF ROMANCE

Lupercalia survived the initial rise of Christianity and but was outlawed—as it was deemed “un-Christian”–at the end of the 5th century, when Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine’s Day. It was not until much later, however, that the day became definitively associated with love. During the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds’ mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of Valentine’s Day should be a day for romance.

Valentine greetings were popular as far back as the Middle Ages, though written Valentine’s didn’t begin to appear until after 1400. The oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written in 1415 by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt. (The greeting is now part of the manuscript collection of the British Library in London, England.) Several years later, it is believed that King Henry V hired a writer named John Lydgate to compose a valentine note to Catherine of Valois.

TYPICAL VALENTINE’S DAY GREETINGS

In addition to the United States, Valentine’s Day is celebrated in Canada, Mexico, the United Kingdom, France and Australia. In Great Britain, Valentine’s Day began to be popularly celebrated around the 17th century. By the middle of the 18th, it was common for friends and lovers of all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes, and by 1900 printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology. Ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of one’s feelings was discouraged. Cheaper postage rates also contributed to an increase in the popularity of sending Valentine’s Day greetings.

Americans probably began exchanging hand-made valentines in the early 1700s. In the 1840s, Esther A. Howland began selling the first mass-produced valentines in America. Howland, known as the “Mother of the Valentine,” made elaborate creations with real lace, ribbons and colorful pictures known as “scrap.” Today, according to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated 1 billion Valentine’s Day cards are sent each year, making Valentine’s Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year. (An estimated 2.6 billion cards are sent for Christmas.) Women purchase approximately 85 percent of all valentines.

Okay, I’m back…it was a bust.  They not only didn’t have any pies, but they said something about some big order where they won’t have any for a long time.  I don’t understand what’s going on, it’s as if…

Suddenly, a voice from the main door says, “Excuse me Mr. Dragon, but you have a delivery.  May I come in?”

I’m very busy here and quite frustrated from a lack of my drug of choice!  Are you sure you really want to come in?  What do  you have?  What kind of delivery?  Who’s it from?

“I’m not really sure what it is, or who sent it, but the box says that it’s from the Little Pie Shop, St. Louis.  I have to open it and delivery it to you myself, due to the special instructions.”

Oh my god!  Oh my god!  A pie!  A pie!  Let me have it!  Let me have it!  Impish starts dancing around and wiggling his butt, his tail wagging back and forth like an excited little puppy.  Only a puppies tail doesn’t kill people.  Everyone in the first two rows is ducking and hitting the ground in order to not be hit by this swinging mass of dragon tail.  GIVE IT TO ME NOW!!!!

The delivery person opens the box and produces what looks like a huge, luscious cream pie.  He takes two steps towards Impish and launches the pie right into his face!  Splattering cream everywhere.  A tiny droplet falls on you and you realize that it the old shaving cream in a pie tin routine, just as the dragon lets out a horrendous roar!

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!!!!???? WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING????  Oh, I see!!!!!

In the bottom of the tin pie pan is a quickly drawn shamrock which looks like it was drawn in green permanent marker….and a laminated note.  Before you can ask what the note says there is another scream as Impish reads the note out loud:

“Congratulations, Impish Dragon!  From now until Easter, all pies within 300 miles of your location will be donated to numerous homeless and church soup kitchens and food banks.  Thank you for your generosity!”

My GENEROSITY!!!!  WHAT THE….

Just as the dragon is about to explode, MC Hammer, or a VERY good impersonator, steps out on stage, the music comes up and he starts to sing, “Pies!  Can’t touch dis! Break it down!”

LETHAL LEPRECHAUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are several reasons why we are thankful to Ginny this week.  She’s given us quite a few laughs, plus she alerted us to Diaman’s birthday. 

There is this very special animation that she had made for me!  Isn’t this cool!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!  It’s way cool!

This one though….is all hers.  This is Ginny’s self proclaimed theme song:

 

 

The new warnings on the sides of alcohol bottles and cans

Alcohol Consumption Warning

– The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

– The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

– The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

– The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

– The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

– The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

– The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your behind kicked.

– The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead/knees.

– The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

– The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

– The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

 

 

 

 

Things that men know:
1. Men know that Mother Nature’s best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman.
2. Men know that PMS is Mother Nature’s way of telling you to get out of the house.
3. Men know never to run away from a fight that you know you can win.
4. Men know that cats are evil and cannot be trusted.
5. Men know how to change the toilet paper, but to do so would ruin the game.
6. Men know exactly how much gas is left in the tank and how far that gas will get them.
7. Men know that from time to time, it is absolutely necessary to adjust oneself.
8. Men know that a woman will wear a low-cut dress and expect the man to stare at her cleavage. Men also know that the woman will get pissed off when they do, for reasons not totally clear to them.
9. Men know that it’s never a good idea to tell your father-in-law how good his daughter is in bed.
10. Men know that men are from here, and women are from way the hell over there.

 

 

A salesman was testifying in his divorce trial against his wife.

 

 

These are the glasses in my private dining room.  The one I use for entertaining.

 

Thanks to Ginny for this one!

Out-friggin’-standing!!!!

 

 

Do you remember your first car?  Brings a smile to your face just thinking about it, doesn’t it?  Check out this site for pictures and brochures of your first car:
http://www.lov2xlr8.no/broch1.html

Here’s mine:

Yes, the dragon’s first car was a fish!  A 1967 Plymouth Barracuda!  God, I miss that car!!!!

 

 

 

As if Comcast didn’t have a bad enough reputation…..

 

More pictures from our school.  This is our school bus and bus driver.

 

Your honor!  I object!  I’d at least like the opportunity to try!!!

 

Well, there’s definitely a long historical precedence in place!

 

This one could go a long way to improve their image:

“LOOK!  NO BOMBS!!!”

 

 

Bob was sitting on the plane, waiting to fly to Detroit, when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, obviously in fear. “What’s the matter,” Bob asked, “flying bother you?”

“No, I’ve been transferred to Detroit. I’ve heard things are terrible there. They’ve got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the highest crime rate in the nation.”

Bob replied, “I’ve lived in Detroit all my life. It’s not as bad as the media say. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, and enroll your kids in a nice private school. It’s as safe a place as you want to make it.”

The guy relaxed and stopped shaking. He said, “Oh, thank you! I’ve been worried to death. But if you live there, and say it’s OK, I’ll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?”

“I’m a tail-gunner on a Budweiser truck.”

 

What’s wrong….isn’t that what you asked for?

 

 

 

Only if someone misses!!!!!

 

Here’s a question that I’d like answered…

 

 

 

 

 

This one is too good not to share:

Late Breaking News!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let’s finish off today, with a few Valentine’s Day laughs

The Top 5 Worst Ways to Ask Someone to Be Your Valentine

#5. Not waiting until AFTER you’ve conducted their gynecological/proctological exam.

#4.  Sexting 26 pictures to him, using his Vatican email address.

#3.  Remind them that if they accept your invitation, they stand to gain not 1, but 72 virgins.

#2. At gun point.

And the Number One Worst Ways to Ask Someone to Be Your Valentine…

1. Ask her during her wedding

 

There once was a plumber from Lea
Who was plumbing a girl by the sea
She said “Stop your plumbing
I think someones coming”
Said the plumber, still plumbing “It’s me”

On the internet they found romance,
That put both in a sexual trance,
But each had a gripe,
That it’s hard to type,
With a hand stuck down in your pants.

With the heat of their passion quite high,
In the dark she had grabbed the K-Y,
But her burning desire,
Quickly set him on fire,
When she smeared Fiery Jack on the guy.

There once was a man named Sir Lancelot
Who went to parties and danced a lot
When making a pass
At a young pretty lass
The front of his pants would advance a lot!

Be sure to ‘sign’ Diaman’s ‘card’ by leaving her well wishes in the comments section!

As you get off the elevator on your way to the Conference Room you sense something might be up as there seem to be several news crews of local affiliates of the Big 4 (ABC, CBS, NBC & Fox) plus CNN, MBS (Mythical Bulletin Scrolls) DDA (Draconian Daily Alert). Reporters from Several major periodicals as well as The Onion, Huffington Post, Daily Prophet, Haven Herald, the National Enquirer and the Dogpatch Gazette all waiting in the hallway to be allowed in the Conference Room. The scent of Peppermint tea and Gingerbread waft down the hall to entice you. The smells almost remind you of Christmas all over again.

As you enter the conference Room you see the benches have been rearranged closer to make room for the press at the back of the room and that security is extremely tight. A dozen CyberLethals are posted about the room along with several larger mythical creatures in the employ of DL/LL Digital Media’s Security team. Most of the tops of the recliners in the Patron’s Section are sporting what you assume to be Ninja kitties all appearing to be lounging languidly while watching everywhere thru 1/2 lidded eyes.  Two more sit upright at the base of the podium, one of which is Chai, the other vigorously washing a paw and flexing the claws it contains is just small and cute enough to be the much feared Brutus the Brutal.

You spot Lethal with his back to you addressing someone in a very ornate high backed chair decorated with gilded carvings of Holly, Mistletoe and Snow flakes that is not part of the normal seating the the Patron’s Area. The arms of the chair each contain Diaman and Ginny who appear to be blatantly fawning over the chairs occupant. Around Lethal’s neck appears to hang a set of headphones sans cord sporting a tiny glowing light.

A human in black unmarked fatigues who’s features are obscured by a balaclava and another 6 CyberLethals are on the stage. Could you be seeing the legendary No-Name Head of  DL/LL Enterprises Security? Along with them are 3 very nervous looking gentlemen in black suits and power ties.

As soon as you are settled the faceless human nods at Lethal who turns and beckons at the CyberLethal doing guard duty at the door to allow the press in. Immediately the din in the room triples as the press start demanding answers and shouting out questions like self absorbed boors they are.

As Lethal walks towards the back of the room he raises an arm and clicks his fingers. A very strident but loud ‘Maow!’ emanates from Brutus who momentarily scowls at the press cowing them into submission.

No-name (if that is him) steps up to the podium and says “Good Morning Ladies and Gentleman of the Readership. Before today’s issue gets under way these gentleman chosen to represent the various Governmental Agencies from which Impish’s recent troubles stemmed have a statement to read. There will be no questions afterwards and I mean no questions.”

No-name gestures and the 3 step up to the podium. One begins reading from a prepared statement.

“The Mythical entities known as Santa Claus and Impish Dragon are not now, nor should they have ever been, classified as potential terrorist threats to the National Security of the United States.

It has come to our attention the information we acted on was serious flawed and therefore misleading. We deeply regret and damage done the the reputations of the victims of this mistaken operation.

Negotiations have been concluded with regard to reparations to both parties but those negotiations and subsequent reparations are covered by a strict nondisclosure agreement as they are considered matters of national security.

We would also like to acknowledge the very kind assistance of Lethal Leprechaun Esquire, both in the brokering of this settlement and in the returning of assets both erroneously frozen and or hacked to some 1500 senior members of various governmental agencies along with the repairing of the damage done to their credit ratings.

OK there is just no way I’m reading this last part. I…OH MY GOD! OW! OW! OW! MAKE HIM STOP FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY! OK! I’LL READ IT!”

There is a brief pause as the spokesman seems to be attending to a portion of himself below the podium. Mean time Brutus wander back around front of the podium with something in his mouth which he deposits at Chai’s feet. It appears to have possibly been a piece of torn and bloody blue pinstripe flannel. Brutus once again begins a serious cleaning of the same paw he was earlier which now appears might have a fairly significant quantity of blood on it as does his whiskers. When the speaking doesn’t resume Brutus eases the cleaning, easily climbs the front of the podium and regards the three suits momentarily before uttering a quizzical ‘Maow?’ Immediately one of the two undamaged suits grabs the prepared statement and nervously continues reading.

“Wwwwe are ppppleased tttto rrreport that the ccccontinual appppplication of ice packs and aaaanti-inflamitories are ssssuccessfully counter acting the mmmysterious sssswelling of the President’s groin area and tttthat he should be up, around and back to screwing the nnnnon-liberal American voters bbbby the end of the week. Ttthat concludes our statement. Thhhhank you for yyyyour attention.

As he concludes he looks to the back of the room at Lethal who is now in the act of donning those head phone. Lethal curtly nods at the suits and gestures off stage right just as a now all too familiar and annoying “Can’t Touch This!” started belting out of the PA.

As the music start the curtains retract to reveal 12 Santa impersonators in red velvet parachute pants dancing with 12 blue dragons dusted in gold glitter. Suddenly the music switches from ‘Can’t Touch This’ to Kool and The Gang’s Celebration. This throws the dancing would be Santas and Impishs into confusion as it apparently isn’t anything they practiced. You see Lethal smirking and holding a remote control in his hand. The real Impish’s head pops up from behind the line of dancers and yells “Lethal your ruining it! This is my moment!” Lethal pushes another button and his apparently prerecorded voice can be heard over the music.

‘As I told you thick head you had your moment Saturday when you came back 4 days early despite my instructions and almost ruined all the hard work a lot of people did on your behalf because ‘hiding is boring and lonely’. This is my day and your butting in…again, in fact ‘tis getting to be a bloody habit with you’.

Impish scowls, shows Lethal his own remote and pressed a button. The music once again returns to “Can’t Touch This” . Impish blows a raspberry at Lethal as he starts wobbling in time to the beat. Lethal sighs deeply and pushes several buttons on the device in his hand. Presentations screens about the room begin flashing Yellow and an orange scrolling message seems to indicate that the fire suppression system in Impish’s pie vaults has gone off line. Impish stops dancing causing several dancers bump into him.

“NO! Lethal! You WOULDN’T! PLEASE! NOT THAT!”

Lethal smiles evilly turns around and heads for the door while simultaneously flipping Impish off and, with dramatic flourish, presses the last button on his remote. The presentation screens pause for a moment before switching to flashing red with a message reading ALERT! Fire in Pie Storage Vaults 1 thru 6. Fire Suppression is off line in Pie Vaults.”

Over the sobs of Impish, No-name steps to the podium and announces “remain calm and enjoy the issue folks the Pie Vaults are air tight on a sealed level far below us. There is no danger to any of you. Lethal is simply demonstrating that he indeed CAN INDEED touch this.

Please enjoy the issue and don’t mind the sobbing Dragon.”

From the ornate chair you hear a booming HO! HO! HO! The Press is too busy laughing along with whom ever is in the chair to even ask questions.

 

Mike posted a link to these a couple weeks ago in the comments. They were so good I wanted everyone to see them and thought that there would be most appropriate around Valentines Day.

Most of us are aware of the 12 signs of the zodiac and the symbols that represent them. Capricorn the goat, Pisces the fish, Taurus the bull, and so on. However, one artist, known as Damon Hellandbrand, decided to re-imagine these zodiac signs as strange and terrifying monsters. The results are awesome! Hellandbrand most often creates his works using digital imaging programs, but some of these pieces were completed in pencil or watercolor. He says that he takes his inspirations from artists such as Frank Frazetta and Boris Vallejo.

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Impish & I will never look at our horoscope in quite the same way again!

 

With Spring Break in the Offing I’m sure there are a lot of hot college co-eds thinking the very thing. Time for me to ditch the Dragon, pack a bag and head for South Padre Island!

I’m sure one of you will try following this practice, I have just two words for that guy- air mattress. They are way more comfortable than the couch. Just ask Impish.

What can I say? Aside from being guilty of being a hopeless Irish romantic where me own dear Molly is concerned, I like Cupid. Lucky bugger got to shoot people once a year and get away with it scot free!

At any rate- ‘tis you last chance ta be cooking up something impressive for your love. Even the most kitchen inept of you (word has it that would be you Paul K-9!) should be able to handle whipping up a batch o’ Monkey Chow

Chocolate Pound Cake

 

Total Time: 1 hr. 30 min
Prep: 30 min
Cook: 1 hr.
Yield: 12 servings
Level: Intermediate

 

 

 

Ingredients

1 cup (2 sticks) butter, room temperature, plus more for greasing the pan
3 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup cocoa
1/2 cup vegetable shortening
3 cups sugar
5 large eggs, room temperature
1 cup milk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Vanilla ice cream, for serving

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease a 10-inch tube pan with butter.

Sift the flour, baking powder, salt and cocoa together. Set aside.

With an electric mixer, cream the 1 cup butter, the shortening and the sugar until fluffy. Add the eggs one a time, beating well after each addition. With the motor running, add the flour mixture and the milk alternately, beginning and ending with the flour. Add the vanilla.

Pour the batter into the prepared pan and bake for 1 hour. Check for doneness by inserting a toothpick into the cake; it should come out clean. Cool the cake in the pan for 30 minutes before turning it out onto a wire rack to cool completely.

Slice the cake and serve topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

Or try it Leprechaun Style, with a scoop of Ben & Jerry’s Mint Chocolate Chunk– mint ice cream with fudge chunks. Your store all out of it? Bailey’s Ice Cream is about tied with it as a topping in my house.

Sorry folks! That crash you just heard was Ginny falling to the floor after her knees gave way at the thought of those combinations.

Brownie Tart

 

 

Total Time: 55 min
Prep: 15 min
Cook: 40 min
Yield: 8 servings
Level: Intermediate

 

Ingredients

6 tablespoons (3/4 stick) unsalted butter
3 1/4 cups (20 ounces) semisweet chocolate chips
3 extra-large eggs
1 cup sugar
1 tablespoon instant coffee granules
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1 cup (4 ounces) chopped walnuts
2 to 3 tablespoons heavy cream

Directions

Grease and flour a 9-inch tart pan with removable sides. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. [ Read that as 9” spring form pan ]

Melt the butter in a bowl set over simmering water. Add 2 cups of the chocolate chips, remove from the heat, and stir until the chocolate melts. Set aside to cool completely.

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat the eggs, sugar, coffee, and vanilla on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Stir in the cooled chocolate. In a medium bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, salt, 1 cup of the chocolate chips, and the walnuts. Fold the flour mixture into the batter until just combined. Pour into the pan and bake for 35 to 40 minutes, until the center is puffed (the top may crack). The inside will still be very soft. Cool to room temperature before removing the sides of the tart pan.

Melt the remaining 1/4 cup of chocolate chips with the heavy cream and drizzle on the tart.

Monkey Chow

Lastly here’s a portable confection that your beloved can take with them or you can hide in their lunch bag as a surprise and a hint of things to come.

Also February Vacation is almost upon us for your little monkeys and/or grandmonkeys. The damage to your fridge and pantry  can be devastating when it comes to them climbing in and through them in search of snacks. Why not make a batch of this sure to please snack mix up for them.

 

 

Total Time: 22 min
Prep: 20 min
Cook: 2 min
Yield: 11 cups
Level: Easy

 

 

Ingredients

1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
2/3 cup peanut butter
8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted
1/3 malted milk powder
8 cups crisp rice cereal, such as Rice Chex
2 cups confectioners’ sugar
2 cups freeze-dried bananas or banana chips
1 cup butterscotch chips

Directions

Combine the chocolate chips, peanut butter, butter and malted milk in a medium microwave-safe bowl. Microwave in 30 second increments, stirring in between, until smooth. Put the cereal in a large bowl, pour in the melted chocolate-peanut butter and stir until evenly coated.
Allow the cereal to cool slightly, and then transfer to a large brown paper bag or resalable plastic bag. Add the confectioners’ sugar, bananas and butterscotch chips. Tightly close or seal the bag and toss to coat well. Store in an airtight container for up to 3 days.

For Valentines Day I’d buy some o’ them little candy hearts with the silly messages or get some with more Adult messages here: http://www.valentinegiftcompany.com/valentine-sexy-candy.html

OR you could go for cheaper ones and get some like these which might not get you the reaction you were looking for:

This is huge: FCC chairman’s strong net neutrality proposal turns the Internet into a public utility!

Brad Chacos PC World Feb 4, 2015 9:17 AM

U.S. Federal Communications Commission chairman Tom Wheeler just pulled out the big gun in the net neutrality battle: In an op-ed published on Wired, Wheeler announced a proposal to invoke the agency’s Title II authority, which would allow the FCC to regulate broadband Internet service as a public utility, similar to phone service. And he did so in strong, no-nonsense terms:

“Using this authority, I am submitting to my colleagues the strongest open internet protections ever proposed by the FCC. These enforceable, bright-line rules will ban paid prioritization, and the blocking and throttling of lawful content and services. I propose to fully apply—for the first time ever—those bright-line rules to mobile broadband.”

The hardline stance comes after Wheeler floated another net neutrality proposal in 2014 that would allow Internet service providers to engage in “commercially reasonable” traffic management, which led to fears of Internet fast lanes. The addition of mobile broadband to Wheeler’s new proposal is another surprise, since the net neutrality mandate that passed in 2010 (and was subsequently shot down in court) specifically excluded mobile networks.

While net neutrality advocates have long called for the FCC to invoke Title II authority over broadband, ISPs are strongly opposed to the idea. The 2010 version of net neutrality was deemed illegal after a lawsuit from Verizon. If Wheeler’s new proposal passes muster with his fellow FCC commissioners on February 26—as it likely will, given that dissenting Republicans only hold two of the five commissioner seats—it will undoubtedly draw even more lawyerly attention from the industry.

Wheeler says his proposal will modernize Title II to make it more appropriate for the Internet age, however. “For example, there will be no rate regulation, no tariffs, no last-mile unbundling,” he wrote. “Over the last 21 years, the wireless industry has invested almost $300 billion under similar rules, proving that modernized Title II regulation can encourage investment and competition.”

After years of being wishy-washy on net neutrality, the FCC is preparing for war. Let’s end with one more quotation from Wheeler—one that drives home the heart of the issue, in these days of throttled Netflix connections, appalling broadband speeds, and seriously overpriced Internet:

“Broadband network operators have an understandable motivation to manage their network to maximize their business interests. But their actions may not always be optimal for network users.”

 

 

A triple barrel’s worth of short comments/observations to wrap up this week so you can get away from what I understand is a still sobbing Impish. (You just got to love noise canceling headphones!)

For those wondering, yes that is a real production model 3 barreled shotgun. The new Chiappa 12 gauge.

Lawyers see new benefit to police body cameras

When District of Columbia police began outfitting some officers’ shirts and glasses with miniature cameras in the fall, the objectives were obvious: to protect residents from overly zealous officers during arrests as well as to protect officers from any unfounded complaints.

But this month in D.C. Superior Court, prosecutors and defense attorneys explored another benefit of the video: as evidence for trial.

The case, one of the first in the Washington region to use police body camera footage in court, involved a common assault allegation. A District man accused his onetime roommate of beating him on an August afternoon in 2013 after an argument over missing belongings.

When Michael Fouse of Southeast Washington took the stand Jan. 8, he testified that Allen Wells, his former roommate, had come to his apartment with four other men one summer day. Fouse said two of the men held him down as Wells punched him in the face and head “about 25 to 30 times” and then kicked him in his chest.

But in a video that Wells’s attorney, Stephanie Johnson, played in court — taken from a camera worn by one of the police officers who arrived just minutes after the altercation — Fouse, 54, never mentioned those details. He told the officers only that he was “assaulted” and that “everything happened so quickly, I don’t remember.”

Wells and his attorney cited the video as they argued that there was no brutal attack and that Wells, 67, acted in self-defense after Fouse pushed him. Prosecutors used the same video to point out the victim’s bloodied face and T-shirt.

Ultimately, Judge Fern Saddler found Wells guilty of simple assault.

You can access the rest of the article here: http://www.registercitizen.com/general-news/20150126/lawyers-see-new-benefit-to-police-body-cameras

What I want to know what are Jessie Jackson, Al Sharpton and the rest of the ‘Oh-the-police-hate-black-men-play-the-race-card-and-incite-riots-to-get-out-of-paying-for-your -crimes faction going to do with their legs cut out from under them. The camera is going to remove all the doubt and kill the support from all the lying witnesses about how the police brutally oppressed the perp’s rights. What’s next? They going to start aiming for the cameras when they shoot?

Pope Francis to be first pontiff to address Congress

WASHINGTON – Pope Francis will address a joint meeting of Congress on Sept. 24. He’ll be the first Pontiff to do so.

House Speaker John Boehner made the announcement at a news conference, then issued a statement expressing gratitude that the pope had accepted his invitation to appear before a joint meeting of the House and Senate.

The pope is scheduled to make his first papal visit to the United States this fall, with other stops in New York and Philadelphia.

The church already feels that the principle of separation is a one way street now someone who should know differently is going to reinforce their notion it is. THERE IS A BLOODY GOOD REASON THE SODDING POPE HAS NEVER ADDRESSED CONGRESS BEFORE! IT’S BECAUSE HE HAS NO BLOODY BUSINESS ADDRESSING OUR FEDERAL GOVERNMENT DIRECTLY IS GOES AGIANST WHAT WE WERE FOUNDED ON!

OK all you whiney liberals pay close attention to what I am about to say next!

OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THE IS HOLY TO THE US of A! WILL SOMEONE PLEASE BEAT BOEHNER WITH A HARDBOUND COPY OF THE CONSTITUTION, BILL OF RIGHTS AND THE FEDERALIST PAPERS!

Then juice them with a pint of Tabasco and give him a Founding Fathers Enema so that some of the principles on which the country is founded and he is supposed to be governing by are burned into his obviously up his ass brains!

Please drug him and tattoo “Separation of Church & State” across his forehead! Then you can censure and impeach him for violating his oath of office.

Finally here comes that 3rd barrel. As we all learned last Saturday Impish is apparently working on his Memoirs/Autobiography. Perhaps he feels he can best serve the world/dragon kind as a  bad example cautionary tale of the woes of excess.

In any event I take my responsibilities towards my clients, my partner and this business very seriously. Therefore I felt it my responsibility to read said work of fiction Memoirs even in its roughest of draft forms with an eye towards damage control, I mean eliminating incriminating self confessions, err that is his dragging the rest of us and the company down with him with ill advise revealing of proprietary information.

The reading is slow going currently because the earliest parts are in his own claw, which he apparently dipped in the blood of what ever he was eating at the time and used it for ink. I’ve found it interesting entertaining and informative with regard to his very early years as a hatchling. Hatchlings are apparently very different from adult dragons having far baser and simplistic needs/thoughts.

It seems to me that Impish is permanently stuck someplace between hatchling and adult at present after reading some of it.

Anyway in the spirit of entertaining you (to say nothing of continuing to heap my revenge upon Impish for screwing up my plans by coming back early) I’ve decided to cease Parting Shots for a while unless something important/special comes along in favor of ending each issue with an excerpt from what I’m guessing is his diary from his youngest time.

He had not yet come up with a title for his work of fiction recounting of his life through his eyes, so as you can see from the above, I chose one for him that sounded like something he’d choose. Admittedly the “or” part was mine, but hey, look at the capital letters of the title that sounds like him before you come bitching at me about abusing the poor dragon!

Now here’s a preview of selected sections I will be sharing weekly with you:

 

I am a pretty blue dragon. I hatched today. Girl was waiting. Told her my name was Henth. Then I ated her. Virgin’s sure taste good

I went to the barn. There were many animals. I ated them. Except the cat. I only tasted the cat. I did not ated it. Good cat.

After I finished ating the barn animals I brought the cat in to sleep on my pillow. We will dream of fishies and ated them.

Met a knight today. He tried to poke me with sharp stick. I didn’t let him. I did not ated him. How do you shuck a knight?

Got note from great aunt Kayath about knights. Came with churchkey. Opened knight and ated him. Prefer fresh to tinned meat.

Am going looking for a princess. Have heard they make great ateding. Will bring cat for company.

No princess yet 😦 I did find several walruses. I ated them, but they weren’t very good. Cat says we should find fishes.

Made cat sack from walrus. Cat didn’t seem very appreciative. Saw, gnomes? Yes, gnomes—a six pack. Ated them. Gnom gnom gnom.

Saw a knight on a horse but couldn’t catch it. Hungry. Tasted cat again this morning just in case. Still not going to ated it

Found large pile of oily black rock. Ated it. Belched fire for six hours. Bad heartburn. Yet, have strange craving for more.

I don’t get what the big deal is about dragons and gold. I mean sure its all…sparkly. But that doesn’t…really sparkly. Spar—

Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly!

Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly! What’s that kitty? I said that already? Really? Sorry…deep breaths. In, out, in, out…sparkly?

Cat points out that there is no gold here. Sigh. Maybe later. In the meantime, ated mime. Worse heartburn than black rock.

Not sure about ateding mimes. Too much gas later—silent but deadly. On the other claw, it’s one box they’ll never get out of.

Found princess and have set her out front as knight-bait. No more mime-indigestion. Thinking of collecting shields. Sparkly.

Princess is working. Have landed first knight and ated him. I was hungry so just roasted. Will think about a glaze next time.

Mellow day, slow-roasted knight with garlic at joints. Cat says it’s my best effort yet. Ated a couple of goblins too.

Found 5 gold coins in knight’s saddlebags and put them on pillow. Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly! Going to bed now.

Actually taken from: Dragon Diaries by Kelly McCullough

As you enter the campground you notice the snow is beginning to pile up.  It’s been snowing on and off for several weeks now and although the grounds crew have done an excellent job of clearing the walkways and sidewalks, the snow is beginning to be piled up higher and higher at the edges.  There are several older members who are complaining of the cold and mentioning that, “in Florida, we don’t tolerate this kind of stuff!  That’s why I moved down there to get away from it all.”  Those in the know realize that the group is being egged on by Impish’s own father, Papa Dragon Most Senior, who seems to be taking extraordinary delight in getting the crowd engaged in suggesting the campground be moved to a warmer climate or at the very least, the magic should be turned to a warmer setting.  As you walk away you hear him saying something about the temperature falling below 70 degrees and him needing a sweater.

 

When you enter the building, you can see the stage has the curtain pulled closed and from behind the curtain you can hear dragonish moaning and groaning.  You’re not really sure if it’s pain, sexual contentment or something even more difficult to consider and bleach out of your brain.  You brace yourself for the worst as the curtain is drawn back and you can see the ass end of the blue dragon facing you, tale stretched out straight and wings unfurled to the sides.  You see someone pushing what looks like a lawn mower sized vibrating device with rollers up and down the dragon’s back and Impish let’s out with:

 

“Excellent.  Oh that’s perfect.  It feels just right!  Yeah, right there!”

 

There are what appear to be hot towels spread out across his unfurled wings and a little Asian woman seems to be walking up and down the muscles where his wings meet his neck.

 

The dragon now seems to speak to a very ugly man near his head, who’s sitting in an office type chair.  Dressed in a brown leathery looking over garment, he’s taking notes in what looks like a steno pad on his crossed knee.  He pushes his glasses back up on his bulbous nose and says something to Impish which we cannot hear, but we certainly can hear Impish’s side of the conversation as his deep booming voice echoes out across the room.  It seems he doesn’t realize the curtain is even open at this point.

 

Let’s see…how about, ‘Listen closely and you shall hear a dragon’s tale to make you quake in fear’…

 

You can hear groaning and gagging faintly coming from the man taking notes.

 

What?  Oh, so you’re not a Hawthorne fan?  Whadda you mean, ‘I’m no Hawthorne’?  Just you remember who signs your paycheck!  Well, yes, technically, that WOULD be Lethal Leprechaun…

Well, then you remember who it is that can EAT you.

No, I thought that whole thing about Trolls being toxic to dragons was a myth.  It’s not?
Okay, then, you remember who it is that has Santa’s ear and can mention how naughty and disrespectful you are to your elders?  Ah ha!  Thought so!

 

So, no Hawthorne…. How about, ‘It was a dark and stormy night’ … Raymond Chandler?  Charles Shultz and Snoopy?  Really? 

Snoopy will kick my ass!?!?  You mean, he’s real, too!!!

AND, he spars with the Ninja Kitties!???  Damn!

 

Okay, Okay…try this.  ‘It was the best of winter nights, it was the stormiest of winter nights’…Dickens?  Really?  A Tale of Two Cities?  Classic of literature?  What do you mean, I’m not in the same league with published authors?  I AM a published author!  Yes, I got paid, too! 

Yes, with real money!

Well, if you must know, it was an article.  Yes, an article.

Um… on cooking lasagna.

Wow, this is harder than I thought.  I wonder how Lethal makes it look so easy, just letting the words to his Purloined and Perverted songs just sort of trip off his tongue.

No, I wasn’t speaking to you and I KNOW that I’m not Lethal.  Thanks for that overwhelming insight Captain Obvious.

Yeah, I should just be myself.  Stick with what I know best.  I know, classic stand up comedy!

“I just flew in from the North Pole and boy are my wings tired.” Ba-da-dum!

 

No really, I’m serious.  I just got back from one of Lethal’s “simple little delivery errands” with Santa and the new sleigh, no less.  Boy, did that wind up being way harder than Lethal made it sound.

 

Impish wiggles his body, trying to get a more comfortable position, he moans out a few directions to the massagers and muscle walkers and resumes his tale to the only Troll you’ve ever seen who wears glasses.  Not that, I’m sure you’ve seen that many Trolls before, but you understand what I’m saying.  He still seems to be completely oblivious to the fact that there is a crowd of people sitting in the seats behind his uncomfortably sized posterior, who are listening intently while getting coffee and eating breakfast.

Well, it started out with Lethal assembling the attorney equivalent of 5 kiloton warhead.  These folks built this document, I think he called it an Amicus Brief (only an Assassin Level Attorney would call something that is 136 single-spaced pages a “brief”)

 

The troll interrupts.

It’s not that kind of brief?  Well, having seen and delivered them, I can tell you that it wasn’t the underwear kind either, so what other kind is there?

Okay, so let me get this straight… it’s an informational briefing packet discussing the finer points of one or more laws and or past cases of precedence as they relate to a case before the court filed by interested but unnamed to the case parties meant to assist the court in arriving at the correct judgment?  Damn, even the explanation of what it is, isn’t brief!

 

Well, anyway…I guess Lethal got Santa to print it up all nice, bind them in a fancy cover and them wrap them up in gold foil wrapping.  Lethal said the gold foil would make the guys who X-ray the government’s mail pitch two fits minimum.  They even included gift cards containing notes from Lethal and Santa.  From what I heard them say, if those Amicus things were the explosive part, then the comments on the gift cards were the binary component of the detonator for this global bombshell of theirs. 

 

There were probably fifty copies, all told, for the ranking member minions of A.S.S. and the A.S.S.H.A.T. twins, the key members of Congress, the State Department,  Secretary of the Navy and the Joint Chiefs.  There was even a special issue for Biden that looked like a six-year-Old’s picture book.  It was about twice the size of the others because it had to be written using no more than two-syllable words and it literally had a lot of drawings and pictures in it.

 

It was given over to Santa and I to deliver them, since Santa needed to test his upgraded sleigh, which he got as a result of rescuing me in my daring escape.  I guess my first clue that it was going to be a very interesting evening should have been from Santa’s arrival.

 

It was like, all of a sudden the sleigh was there.  I saw a reddish streak, but never even saw the sleigh land.  Dancer and Prancer were puking their guts out and Prancer almost nailed Lethal.  That’s really surprising since Prancer really has a thing for our little green leprechaun.  That’s not surprising since Lethal enables Prancer’s carrot cake muffin obsession.  I got my tongue on one of those muffins once, but only because it was an old stale one.  I’ve got to admit, that even stale, that thing was freaking awesome!  They’ve got cream cheese and pineapple filling in the center and will flat out rock your world!  I know he gets them flown in from somewhere in Connecticut, out near the airport.  Oh, are you writing that down?  I’m not sure which airport.  As small as Connecticut is, how many damn airports can there be?   Anyway, he refuses to hook me up.  Something about me being greedy and a glutton…Hello?  Dragon! … Yeah, he says it like those are bad traits for a dragon.  I don’t even think he’s let Ginny have any…nope.  I don’t think he wants to be responsible for the medical fallout that might come from it.

 

Anyhow, then there was my pal Rudolph, he certainly wasn’t his normal, joking around, wise-ass self.  He looked a little worried, actually.  He whispered he was glad the reindeer were not going tonight because “the man is black and is a scary dude.  We don’t like him very much.”  Yup, those are the exact words he used.  I asked him what he meant and he jerked his rack back towards the sleigh and said, “Kringle”.  I asked if he meant Santa?  He said, “He’s not Santa tonight, he’s Kringle.  He had us doing all kinds of aerial acrobatics the whole way here.  Made us take the long way, too.  Said if anybody bucketed while we were flying and any got on him, he’d have venison stew when he got home.”

 

I thought maybe old Rudy was trying to play one of them silly reindeer games on me, so I went to see Lethal and talk to Santa myself.  The first thing I noticed right off was Santa smelled wrong.  Gone was the scent of fresh pine, snow and peppermint I usually associated with the jolly old elf.  He smelled of leather, poorly tanned Polar-Bear hide and something else I couldn’t place, but didn’t think I liked.  He had braids in his beard, wore leather pants and polar bear fur vest that was dyed black, showing his arms and bare chest beneath it.  He was considerably buffer than a scant few days ago when he dumped me in that missile silo hide out.  Lethal seemed nervous around him, too.  Like he was with the dude with antlers on his head (and that pack of vicious dogs) down on level 6.   Then it hit me…Santa smelled of hunting…he smelled like the antlered guy on level 6!  When I called him Santa and asked him what was happening to him, he was all growly and gruff with me and told me, “the name’s Kringle.  Why does everyone think I’m that pansy, Santa?  Call me Santa again Dragon and I’ll use your hide to upholster the inside of my sleigh instead of this prissy red velvet.  Now shut yer gob and hook up!  We got trouble to stir up this night!”

 

Lethal tried explaining as he helped me into the harness.  I didn’t understand it all, but apparently, it has something to do with Santa being an elder fae and there having been multiple incarnations of the entity we know as Santa currently and they all didn’t necessarily act like OUR Santa.  Apparently Kringle was a way earlier incarnation during a much more primitive and harsher time.  Lethal cautioned me that Kringle wasn’t kidding around about using my hide to reupholster the inside of the sleigh if I ticked him off.

 

So much for a flight full of shits and giggles.  Now, not only did I have people on the ground that wanted my hide, I was tethered to someone who also might wind up wanting it as well.

 

Anyway, the first 35 deliveries or so went fairly easily…Santa/Kringle programs his navigation thingie and the sleigh’s reins kept tugging on me until we were pointed in the right direction.  He uses the Roddenberry thing to deliver the presents on the fly, I barely even have to slow down for it to happen.

 

The Roddenberry, that’s Santa/Kringle’s name for it, is something like the Short Range Targetable Molecular Present Relocation Projector Mk4.  He says he got the idea from watching Roddenberry’s Original Star Trek and its transporter.  I don’t know how it works, but it’s really cool.  There is a screen and he can see where the present(s) are going to wind up when he aims it.  They used the Roddenberry Mk3 with something on the ground to help relocate larger presents to get me out of my cell in Gitmo.

 

Impish turns and glances back at the workers and complains about the towels getting cold.  But, doesn’t pay enough attention to even notice any of you.

So, like I was saying, everything was copacetic until we made it to the last 10 or 15 stops in Washington proper.  Then it was like someone had told them we were coming.  It might have been that plane going into Regan that spotted us.  We never knew for sure.  Every place we went after that there was some sort of security looking to bag a piece of us..

 

So there I was, flying an aerial obstacle course of bullets in the dark, and the rotten bastards weren’t even using tracers either so you couldn’t see them until the last possible second.  Suddenly my harness and the reins start to feel all funny.  All restrictive like and like what I’m towing isn’t responding to me as I’m flying.  About all I can do is to fly straight and level, but I can feel the sleigh is shearing side to side behind me.  When I look back to ask Santa/Kringle what’s goin on, suddenly the sleigh’s runners have become freaking stubby wings!  Santa’s got this helmet on his head and it’s got what looks like half a set of Google glasses hanging off his the right side in front of his eye.  I can see all sorts of colored lines and symbols reflected off his face from the glasses… or is it glass since there was only the one?…  Nervously I ask, “Yo Kringle!  What the hell?!  I’m taking fire here and the sleigh won’t let me evade!”  A round strikes my side, “Ouch!  See what I mean?!”

 

He looked up at me for a split-second with a crazy grin on his face and yelled, “Bombing run!  Just suck it up, pansy.  Now turn around, keep flying straight and level until I tell you.”  Suddenly he yells, “Bombs away!” followed by the crash of glass breaking, an alarm going off and Kringle shouting, “Special Delivery, Asshole!  Try to steal my technology for your unsanctioned uses will ya!  We’ll see about that load of reindeer crap!”

 

Pretty much most of the rest went like that.  At least I started getting notice from him about when those bombing runs were to commence.  It wasn’t as bad as the first run once I knew what was going on and got Kringle to work with me a little on the approaches to the target.  He understood that I knew just a LITTLE about how to do this.

 

Well, that is, until we hit the Vice-President’s Residence at Number One Observatory Circle.  Seems the Secret Service is still miffed over that whole taking a dump on Air Force One over the Pacific thing that I did a while back.  They brought heavy ordnance to the party.  Instead of dropping it in Biden’s bed with him, we had to settle for dropping the brief thing on the glass shelves behind his bar and wiping out his liquor supply.

 

Then we headed to the Potomac River, so we could follow it and line up on the State Department and then on to the Capitol.  Damn it all, if that ugly ass State Department Witch, Hillary, wasn’t out on her broom, doing barrel rolls and scaring the local children.  She was on a supped up Mk-17 broom that would give Harry Potter a severe case of broom envy.  When she spotted us she started hurling razor sharp ACLU Cards at us with both hands like they were ninja stars or something.  I shudder to think what she was using to hang on to the broom with and I suddenly see Bill’s dalliance with Monica in a whole new light.  I think Kringle finally took her out with a well-thrown spare copy of Lethal’s Abacus thing after one of those cards trimmed his beard for him.

 

We managed to drop all six copies at the State Department and headed for our final target, the presidential bedroom.  Kringle told me he wanted me to suck up whatever came my way and give him a stable platform for his drop.  Apparently, his intent was to slave the bombing sight to the Roddenberry and place Obama’s copy right atop his sleeping chest for maximum impact of statement.

 

It all went to hell about 30 feet from the release point when a Secret Service agent came out of this phone booth looking thing on top of the roof and swung a shoulder fired surface to air missile up and pointing right at me.  Yelling for Kringle to watch out and that I was taking evasive action, I pulled up hard, fighting against the protest of the sleigh.  I also might have pooped just a little, which ended up being a good thing, since it caught the agent squarely and clogging the missile tube.  That probably saved our asses.

 

Kringle was back there roaring loudly and I told him that we’d go around and line up again, but in between roars, which I figured out was Kringle laughing, he managed to inform me that my jerk pretty much coincided with his release and caused him to miss laying it on Obama’s chest, but instead it materialized just below the ceiling and it fell several feet directly unto sleeping Obama’s junk…and Kringle was alright with that result.

 

Kringle then produced a huge stein and started celebrating.  He got shit-faced pretty fast and hadn’t set any post-attack delivery run navigation instructions into the sleigh, so I was left to my own devices.  I took him back to the North Pole where I met Mrs. Claus, the elves, and Rudolph.  Apparently Mrs. Claus is pretty well versed in the way of the Elder Fae and past aspects resurfacing at odd times, and when Kringle had demanded Gloog and not hot chocolate in the stein, she knew what was going on and slipped a roofie in his drink.  Unbeknownst to either of them, Lethal had done the same thing when he realized it was Kringle and not Santa and that this wasn’t according to plan.

 

The elves and Mrs. Claus took Kringle inside.  Apparently, her pill was supposed to put Kringle back to Santa and Lethal’s was supposed to put him into sleepy town for several hours/days.  This meant that the transformation back to Santa was delayed.

 

I took the sleigh back to Santa’s workshop, along with Rudolph, who was now back to himself again, where I promptly fell for the old “snow sliding off the rook onto my head” gag.  He knew the location of my next hide out and suggested that I beat wing before the next spy drone overflight caught me, urging me to follow the route carefully.  I told him that it was going to be hard to follow a map while flying and he got me for the second time that night.  Out of a dark corner of the workshop a shadow detached itself and I was greeted by Ninja Kitty SC, all bundled up in what looked like a mouse fur flying suit, replete with cap and goggles.  Rudolph told me that Lethal had sent her back with him with a message that I was to fly and she was going to do the driving to make sure I didn’t take any detours.

 

And that’s how I got all these scratches, aches, pains and harness bruises.

 

Towels are removed as the massagers don gas masks and white wash brushes are dipped into buckets of ‘Icy Hot’ to begin applying it to Impish’s back and wing roots.

Oh that’s good.  He says as he turns around to look at his back.  That feels really … hey!  What are all you guys doing here?  Is it Saturday Morning all ready?  He notices you for the first time.  Did you guys…um…just get here?  Or have you been here all along?  How long have you….how much did you ….

 

The whole time?

He turns back to the troll.  You knew they were there the whole time?  I was adding to my autobiography, thinking it was just the two of us….. NO!  It’s NOT a work of fiction!  Haven’t you ever heard of poetic license?  Oh you are one dead troll walking!

 

Lethal, old buddy, pal, my friend, I can explain all of this…Really!  Please?

He hurries off the stage, massagers and brushes flying everywhere.  He pokes his head back around the curtain just once and says:  You guys go ahead and get started on the issue.  I’ll get back with you later.

 

Well, it’s happening again this year.  The snow of Feb 2015:

 

 

 

And in the category of “overstating the obvious” is this entry.  Did you really need to hire an engineering firm to determine that Rain is the biggest factor in flooding?  Whatever they charged you, I’ll cut it in half.  Hire the Impish Dragon Engineering and Flooding Experts.

I told them to Fuck off!!

Anybody who fits into my clothes isn’t starving!!

 

 

 

Air Canada plane leaves  Pearson Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese.

It’s the first time they’ve flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, ‘I don’t like Chinese.’

‘No rike Chinese?’ asks the co-pilot, ‘why not?’

‘You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that’s why!’

‘No, no’, the co-pilot protests, ‘Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.’

‘Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese … doesn’t matter, you’re all alike!’

There’s a few minutes of silence. ‘I no rike Jews!’ the co-pilot suddenly announces.

‘Oh yeah, why not?’ asks the captain.

‘Jews sink Titanic!’ says the co-pilot.

‘What? You’re insane! Jews didn’t sink the Titanic!’ exclaims the captain, ‘It was an iceberg!’

Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, … all fukin same.

 

One of my favorite Gifs/Animations of all time!

 

 

 

My try at taking an “artsy” selfie.  I think it turned out pretty good.

 

 

Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel. The only way to move things was by carrying or dragging.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is Miss Betty, our mythical monster care and feeding teacher.  Think of Hagrid from Harry Potter.  Ours is much more appealing to the eye, but no less dangerous in her strength.  The kids almost always underestimate her. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And of course we need a new blonde joke every now and then….

 

 

 

An oldie, but a goodie, with a nice new twist…

 

“I don’t know what to do here,” says the devil. “You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got a couple of folks here who were bad but more like stupid. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.”

“No,” Obama said. “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer, and I don’t think I could do that all day long.”

The devil led him to the door of the next room.

In it was George Bush with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

“No, this is no good; I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,” commented Obama.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, “Yeah man, I can handle this.”

The devil smiled and said………..

“OK, Monica, you’re free to go.”

 

I know a lot of people like this…..

 

 

Government work in action…..

 

Thanks to Papa Dragon Most Senior for this really funny one…

 

And it’s such a shame.  And I read an article that said that the CBC (Congressional Black Caucus) said that there is a huge problem with the way blacks are treated by police and the disparity in their treatment and charges, etc.  Well, the two guys on the right are a huge part of the problem!

 

What do you say we do another blonde joke….with a twist.

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a coffee.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.  In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

#1.  The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

#2.  The bouncer is a blonde girl.

#3.  I’m a six-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

#4.  The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

#5.  The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, mister.  Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, “No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

 

There were some really good Super Bowl commercials this year, but by far, the most popular was the Brady Bunch/Snickers commercial.  Well, you would be amazed at what it took to create that 30-second spot.  Here’s a behind-the-scenes look …

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You enter the conference room and are assailed by the comforting sensation of well stoked cast iron stoves blasting out their warmth, the smell of peat burning, coffee brewing and the somewhat surprising sight of Lethal clad rather than in his normal shades of Forrest & Kelly Green with Gold trim to a Lethal proudly clad head to toe in Patriot’s fleece wear.

Good morning folks. In deference to the freezing cold bitter winds and snow many of you are experiencing I have made instant Maxwell House coffee and powdered creamer available to those in the general seating area along with instant oatmeal and plenty of hot water.

Seems that the prognosticative signs to be read on Imbolic one of the four Gaelic seasonal festivals [aka (Saint) Brigid’s Day thanks to the stomp all over and defile everything that came before Christians] as well as Punxsutawney Phil agree on us having 6 more weeks of winter.

Personally I’m of the opinion that the Super Bowl’s being held on Imbolic might be in part an explanation for the most wild and unusual Super Bowl in my memory. It was certainly one of the books, and more books than one. There are events there (i.e. the Seahawks  incomplete nope wait it never touched the ground and he caught it catch) certainly worth of recording in Ripley’s.

While I could happily talk about the game and the Patriots win all morning, we do have much more pressing abet less pleasurable and more serious matters to discuss. So moving on, you’ve probably noticed the renovations and construction going on both outside and within. Post Impish’s recent what the DHSs are terming ‘involuntary prolonged discussion period’ we few representatives of the Mythical World who chose to have contact with you mere mortals have held protracted discussions and decided since the government apparently now feels we are fair game in advancing their aims, that we should band together.

To wit- once it is completed the building outside with its enclosed bridge to this ‘complex/compound’ (again the DHSs words for the DL/LL Digital Media Headquarters Building to attempt to portray us as a threat to more than the local Virgin, pie, cigar and Irish Whiskey population) will constitute the Mall of Mythical Creatures Diplomatic Embassies to the Mundane World. Everything you see inside the wall that is also going up (from the ‘borrowed’ plans for the failed US Southern Boarder Protection Wall) will in fact be considered foreign soil and therefore out of the DHS’s jurisdiction.

Currently we have 22 separate Mythical Beings/Species/Pantheons/Deities &/or Elder Gods with signed leases and deposits each for their own 1/2 floor minimum and most for an entire floor. One already has a pre-existing 99 century lease for an entire level of DL/LL HQ in addition to my and Impish’s Diplomatic Offices making our HQ already in fact protected- something it took me flexing my financial muscle to get across the certain DHS employees.

Unfortunately Messrs.’ Obama & Holder along with their Department of Just-us have a learning curve flatter than a crepe. Or, due to their uber Libatard, We’re-Black-In-Power- &-Therefore-Better-Than-Everyone-Else spoiled three year old attitudes, my somewhat subtle abet slightly heavy handed hints just are not getting through to their diapered ass or the toweled heads. Guess its time I get out a really big stick.

Mean while back at the ranch hide out Dragon Depository De Jour, Lassie informs me Impish is once again in danger, having this time outworn his welcome at his current hiding place. Strangely enough this event coincided with the completion of the work he was there to preform to pay off his debts to certain parties involved in his rescue. He has been whining & wheedling to be allowed access to several of my nicer bolt holes. I have refused these request out of a sense of self preservation. At the rate Impish burns through hiding spots I’d be with out any should I ever need to go to ground myself.

Therefore we are implementing a strategy taken from a pair of classic movies. Namely Stanley Kubrick’s Spartacus staring Kirk Douglas &  John McTiernan’s The Thomas Crown Affair starring Pierce Brosnan. I tried to drop a hint to Impish about what was coming last Saturday with the “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?’ Youtube clip. Unfortunately, I neglected to consider that clues do not usually work well on the habitually clueless.

I’ve spoken with the Draconian Queen Tiamat, and on Impish’s behalf obtained the Queen’s ordered help of 12 blue dragons all possessing the general size shape and characteristics of Impish. Likewise I have prevailed upon the Guild of Santa Claus Impersonators for a likewise number of their members whom do not require a costume’s padding to pull off the portrayal of Santa. These paired up teams will be making sudden random appearances allover the country and world. Thanks in no small part to the previously mentioned 22 separate Mythical Beings/Species/Pantheons/Deities &/or Elder Gods with whom I’ve been in discussion over this issue, we are ready to embark upon a co-ordinated world wide Shell/Three Card Monte Game Scam of epic proportions. In other words, were going to hide Impish right in front of their smug snotty attitude noses right in plain sight. Operational security keeps me from mentioning a few key features to this plan that should make it nearly impossible for them to tell the fauxs & frauds from the real deal.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a veritable host of Paralegals, International Law/Treaty Experts & Lawyers waiting for me. I’m about to make enough stink about voiding the 1938 treaty that keep the US in control of GITMO that even a certain pair of crepe flat learning curve A.S.S.H.A.T. libatards are going to have no problem feeling the message I’m sending right thru their 3 yr. old acting diapered asses and toweled heads.

Enjoy the issue, oh and I should warn you now to loosen the waist line on your fat pants before hitting todays recipes.

Oh! Almost forgot! Once last important thing!

Lethal removes his phone from his pocket scrolls a moment and makes a selection. Apparently its on speaker because you hear a gruff voice answer-

“Security Command Center. This is No-name, this communication is being recorded. Enter your ID code now.”

<Lethal two thumbs at his phone a moment.>

“Command Code confirmed. What’s up Lethal? More Feds from A.S.S. sneak in?”

“Nope. Time to have some fun and go on the offensive. Open file ShellGame. There is a list of communicants in it. Send the follow blast message…’Commence Operation Doppelganger Phase One’.”

“Order received and understood. Wilco. Standby for confirmation….message sent.

Be advised we have the first message confirmation. Jingle Bell One just lifted off with Crisco on board enroute to a randomly chosen location from the list. Anything further Sir?”

“Ok good he’s on schedule for a change. Nothing further. Just advise me if anyone on the list fails to acknowledge the message within an hour of its sending.”

“Understood. This is going to be funnier than Rick Perry’s Presidential Campaign! No-name out.”

<Lethal looks up at you all and holds up a finger asking for another moment of your indulgence once again apparently dialing the phone as shortly a very loud and annoyed “Merr-Rhant?!” can be heard.

“Want your treat ration cut tonight? Don’t sass me Chai!

Alert the Ninja Kitty Network that Phase One has started and Crisco is on the move. His destination was chosen at random for the list so we don’t know where he’ll show up. Also our Doppelgangers need watching over so nothing happens to them. As long as no harm comes to them let them get taken and alert the Smiley. Let the lawyers handle it unless it looks like they’re going to be moved to GITMO, then you know what to do right?”

“Meeh! Merrrooow! Purr!”  <click!>

< Lethal looks at you folk nods, then winks as he puts away his phone. He leaves the podium ,then about four steps from it he breaks into a little jig for a moment, followed by a song under his breath as he strolls towards the stage exit in no particular hurry…..>

Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah
Zip-A-Dee-A

My oh my, what a wonderful day
Making plenty o’ mischief and its going my way

Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah
Zip-A-Dee-A

Gonna sue that A.S.S.H.A.T. Holder
Before Obama gets any bolder
It’s actual
Everything is satisfactual

Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah
Zip-A-Dee-A

Wonderful feeling
Wonderful day

Yeah!

Impish muh buddy don’t worry you’re coming home soon!

Lethal suddenly spins around and cross cross steps several paces to his left calling “Hit me I’m open!” Suddenly Tom Brady who has been sitting quietly in one of the recliners in the Members Only Area jumps up plants his feet and fires a quick easy 10 yard pass right into the numbers on Lethal’s jersey. Lethal easily catches it, rolls around one of the CyberLethals who are now always on stage when he is, raises the ball in victory then slams it into the stage while bellowing “GRONK IT!” Brady who has now joined him on the stage hefts Lethal on to his shoulder as the two exit the room chanting “Super Bowl 50 & a Two-peat Dynasty!”

<The overhead screen suddenly starts rolling down on its own and lights up. A moment later you see the following while hearing Lethal’s voice. The sound and picture quality suggests he is resending the image and talking to you via his PDA. You can hear legal chatter and harrumphing going on in the background>

Thought I’d keep you apprised of developments as they come in for your amusement throughout the issue. I just got this status message from Brutus the Brutal down in our Customer Service Department. As you may remember he’s the one all complaints are directed to. It appears he’s hoping that A.S.S. will attempt to lodge a few over our tactics. I heard he had Slash help him with honing his claws this morning in anticipation of the operation commencing.

Further bulletins as they come in. I return you now to the issue.

Well THAT goes along way to explaining why Impish became P.N.G. at his latest hide out!

Herman had 50-yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone was sitting in the seat next to him.

“No, the seat is empty,” was his reply. The man says, “This is incredible, who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?”

Herman says, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven’t attended together since we got married in 1976.”

The man says, “Oh, I’m terribly sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else – a fri end or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?”

Herman shakes his head, “No, they’re all at the funeral.”

Well I see the Santa’s are on the job! Wonder where the Impish doubles are? Could ALL Blue Dragons be as lazy as Impish? That could be a serious problem if its true.

AT&T customer text messages easily replicated by scammers

Author: Cody Schultz, News Producer Click2Houston Published On: Jan 26 2015 07:36:53 AM CST

HOUSTON – AT&T customers may want to carefully read any texts they receive from the company.

The problem is that AT&T sends out customer alerts via text message, and the messages are very easy to mimic. With a little effort, scammers can send alerts that look just like the real thing.

And if a customer clicks on a link, the hacker may be able to grab login credentials, or fool them into giving up their credit card information. AT&T alerts come from a four-digit “short code” number that anyone can buy. The computer programmer who spotted the flaw reported it to the company, but hasn’t heard back.

AT&T declined to comment on the issue.

“BIGGER is better” has reached a whole new level.

German adult model Beshine, also known as Mayra Hills, claims to have the largest fake breasts in the world, and it’s easy to see why.

Weighing 20 pounds (a little over nine kilograms) each, her 10,000-cc assets require the petite Beshine to rock a 32Z bra, which just so happens to be the equivalent of a XXX-sized bra.

(No Impish! You don’t need to fly over and check them out for our readers! Can’t you recognize an A.S.S. trick when you see one? )

The Top 5 Signs Your Breasts are Way Too Big

1. Two smaller breasted women have been pulled into regular orbit around you.
2. Your bra lifts and separates through the use of hydraulics and a twenty-mule team.
3. You’ve had to take out a restraining order against Captain Ahab.
4. The only thing with larger cleavage than you is the Grand Canyon.

And the Number One Sign Your Breasts are Way Too Big…

1. Stephen Hawking has a theory about them.

Frank Mills – Kitty On The Keys

Nope. Sorry. Not one of the Ninja kitties. They don’t have time to practice the piano nor do I have one even the room for one!
 

OH LOOK! Finally Impish spotting! I do so love it when a plan comes together- particularly when its mine!

Never ask an adult to use their imagination

Coloring Book Corruptions is a website that publishes user submitted photos of children’s coloring books. Well, they were children’s coloring books, until adults came along and made them horrifying.

See for yourself.

I think Winnie the Pooh’s tastes on Honey’s might have changed!

Unconfirmed rumors from high ranking sources indicate that if you replace the birds with Air Force One and hitch the dragon to Santa’s sleigh you might have a credible explanation for A.S.S.’s sudden interest in Santa & Impish.

A clear warning message that even  the fairest of Fairy Princesses can become PMS Monsters!

You’ll never peel an orange the same way again.

Did you know you’ve been peeling an orange wrong?

Check this out:

Mind. Blown.

This technique works best with mandarin oranges, but just for good measure I tried it out on a Valencia orange as well. Simply lop off the ends, make a small incision in the side and carefully open to reveal easy-to-eat orange segments.

ANOTHER Impish spotting! Wait! That looks like a government issue car! Oh its going to be on now for sure!

And right behind it another Santa sighting! <snicker..Giggle! > Oh to be able to hear those 2 A.S.S.H.A.Ts right about now!

Schools could force your kids to hand over their passwords

Schools boards and teachers are out of control when it comes to usurping parental authority and violating our children’s civil rights (to say nothing of their program of brainwashing & forcibly instilling liberal values in our kids against our wishes).

New ‘Cyberbullying’ Law Will Force Illinois Students to Give Up Social Media Passwords. Students who refuse could face criminal charges according to school superintendent.

School Boards operate with seeming impunity and no accountability for their actions to any higher oversight. Who are they to decide that a child’s refusal is criminal?

Students suspected of “cyberbullying” could face criminal charges under a new Illinois state law if they refuse to reveal their social media passwords to school administrators.

According to the new rule, all forms of “digital harassment,” whether done on or off campus, will now be investigated as a violation of school disciplinary rules and procedures.

Parents and students in several districts were informed of the new policy, which began at the start of the year, after receiving letters from school officials earlier this month.

According to Triad District Superintendent Leigh Lewis, refusal from students and even parents could lead to criminal charges.

“If we’re investigating any discipline having to do with social media, then we have the right to ask for those passwords,” Lewis told Motherboard. “If they didn’t turn over the password, we would call our district attorneys because they would be in violation of the law.”

Parents speaking with KTVI News argued that the law went too far and violated not only the rights of students, but of parents as well.

“It’s one thing for me to take my child’s social media account and open it up, or for the teacher to look or even a child to pull up their social media account, but to have to hand over your password and personal information is not acceptable to me,” said Sara Bozarth.

The new policy, which will likely be challenged by civil liberties advocates, clearly represents yet another brazen attack on the rights of both students and parents alike.

One such letter obtained by Motherboard states that administrators may demand passwords from any student deemed to have “evidence” relating to suspected cyberbullying.

According to Triad District Superintendent Leigh Lewis, refusal from students and even parents could lead to criminal charges.

“If we’re investigating any discipline having to do with social media, then we have the right to ask for those passwords,” Lewis told Motherboard. “If they didn’t turn over the password, we would call our district attorneys because they would be in violation of the law.”

WHO told them they legally have that right?

Parents speaking with KTVI News argued that the law went too far and violated not only the rights of students, but of parents as well.

“It’s one thing for me to take my child’s social media account and open it up, or for the teacher to look or even a child to pull up their social media account, but to have to hand over your password and personal information is not acceptable to me,” said Sara Bozarth.

The new policy, which will likely be challenged by civil liberties advocates, clearly represents yet another brazen attack on the rights of both students and parents alike.

Again I am forced to ask, how is it that the School Board can get away with just appointing themselves investigators of a potential crime?! Isn’t criminal investigation (cyberbullying IS in most states a criminal offense now) the responsibility of the police? The Schools tampering with any child’s social media account might well in fact hamper an investigation and possibly even a prosecution due to their tainting the evidence by accessing it.

IF this scenario were to come to pass, will those in the school administration a well as the teachers be charged with interfering with a police investigation and/or tampering with evidence? Personally I doubt it. I find it far more likely that the School Board will attempt to hide behind the shield of protecting student privacy- the same privacy they just violated. Seems to me  that children’s privacy is only important in school when it protect School Administrators and Teachers from investigation into misconduct.

I don’t think anyone aside from a cyberbully would argue that cyberbullying is bad. It can cause serious trauma for the bullied kid. And because it happens online it isn’t confined to school, but can reach right into your home.

Parents, kids and schools need to work together to stop bullying in any form. However, some schools might be going a bit too far.

Actually, the language of the law says the student just has to violate school policy. While schools are focused on bullying right now, I don’t doubt they could come up with other reasons to demand passwords in the future.

As a parent, this raises a number of concerns. The big one is that if anyone is going to be monitoring my kid’s social accounts for trouble, it’s going to be me. If I want to involve the school, I’ll do it on my terms.

I know there are parents who aren’t as involved in their kids’ lives, or don’t understand the Internet well enough to keep tabs on them, but the solution isn’t to bypass the parents.

Plus, what is the school going to do with the password? If it’s a matter of seeing what the kid posted, the bullied child can provide a screenshot.

Is the school going to take over the account so the bully can’t post anymore? The kid will just start a new one or two.

Are they going to have someone go through the entire account looking for signs of other rule breaking? That’s a serious violation of the student’s privacy.

Let’s not forget that most the social accounts kids are using are ones that most adults don’t realize they’re on. Click here to see what I mean.

Frankly, schools aren’t equipped to deal with kids online. When the L.A. school district handed out iPads to every school child, it took the kids a day to get around the content restrictions the school had put up. The district had to abandon the program at a substantial financial loss.

Sources: http://www.komando.com/happening-now/293359/schools-could-force-your-kids-to-hand-over-their-passwords/all & http://www.infowars.com/new-cyberbullying-law-will-force-illinois-students-to-give-up-social-media-passwords/

While I applaud what the school is trying to do, this seems like a serious overreach. Undoubtedly these demands will be made on a child dragged out of his class marched to the Principal’s Office and threatened with (from the child’s perspective) dire consequences for not immediately and unquestioningly handing over their account info and password. Also undoubtedly this will be done sans benefit (to the child) of having a Parent present to protect his rights because the school will have had at the child before ever notifying the parent of their intent to force the child to give up his right to privacy.

Further I have to ask WHY it is necessary for the child to give up his account information when the simple demand that the child remove the offending bullying remark prior to returning to school the following morning and sending a letter, e-mail, text message or making a phone call to the parent to the same effect. Could it be because they want to remove any and all comments made by the child they do not approve of (which are likely critical of the school) in an attempt to censor the flow of information about negative experiences the child(ren) may behaving with the school or a teacher?

What do you think? Should a school be able to poke through your kid or grandkid’s social accounts without first advising you of the issue and seeking another avenue of correction??

 

Man those Santa Impersonators sure seem to be enjoying their job!

 

True love is the greatest thing, in the world-except for a nice MLT – mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They’re so perky, I love that. –Miracle Max

You want your true love still making your sammich after Valentine’s Day? Then pay attention! If you don’t you’ll need to pay Miracle Max a visit for sure!

Gluten-Free Brownie and Berries Dessert Pizza

Want to wow a chocolate-craving crowd? Make a sweet dessert pizza topped with a creamy layer and tart berries.

• Prep Time: 20 min
• Total Time: 2 hr. 40 min
• Servings: 12

 

 

Ingredients

1 box Betty Crocker™ Gluten Free brownie mix
Butter and eggs called for on brownie mix box
1 package (8 oz.) cream cheese, softened
1/3 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
2 cups sliced fresh strawberries
1 cup fresh blueberries
1 cup fresh raspberries
1/2 cup apple jelly

Directions

• Heat oven to 350°F (or 325°F for dark or nonstick pan). Grease bottom only of 12-inch pizza pan with cooking spray or shortening.
• In large bowl, stir brownie mix, butter and eggs until well blended. Spread in pan.
• Bake 18 to 20 minutes or until toothpick inserted 2 inches from side of pan comes out clean or almost clean. Cool completely, about 1 hour.
• In small bowl, beat cream cheese, sugar and vanilla with electric mixer on medium speed until smooth. Spread mixture evenly over brownie base. Arrange berries over cream cheese mixture. Stir jelly until smooth; brush over berries. Refrigerate about 1 hour or until chilled. Cut into wedges. Store covered in refrigerator.

4-Ingredient Chocolate Raspberry Cake

This clever cake calls for just a few basic ingredients, and raspberries on top. Chocolate, eggs and Betty Crocker chocolate frosting come together for a flour-free cake that’s outta this world rich, creamy, and delicious!

 

• Prep Time: 15 min
• Total Time: 1 hr. 15 min
• Servings: 8

Ingredients

1 (13 oz.) package dark chocolate chips
3/4 cup Betty Crocker Rich & Creamy chocolate frosting
8 eggs, room temperature
1 cup raspberries
1/4 cup powdered sugar for garnish (optional)

Directions

• Preheat oven to 325ºF.
• In a large, microwave-safe bowl, melt chocolate chips and frosting together until smooth. Spoon into a stand mixer and add 2 eggs at a time until all eggs have been added. Turn to high and beat for 2-3 minutes, until the mixture is fluffy and well combined.
• Spoon into a 7″ cake pan that has been lined and rimmed with parchment paper. Place this cake pan into a large baking dish and carefully fill the outside baking dish with 1″ of water. Be careful to not get any water inside your cake pan.
• Bake for 50-60 minutes, or just until the center of the cake sets. Remove and refrigerate until the cake is completely cool. Gently remove the cake from the cake pan by turning it upside-down on a serving platter. Sprinkle with powdered sugar and top with raspberries just before serving.

Peanut Butter Truffle Brownies

Craving chocolate and sweet peanut butter all wrapped up into one indulgent bar? Start with a no-fail brownie mix, then add layers of peanut butter and melted chocolate chips. Yum.

• Prep Time: 20 min
• Total Time: 2 hr. 40 min
• Servings: 24

Ingredients

Brownie Base

1 box (1 lb. 2.4 oz.) Betty Crocker™ Original Supreme Premium brownie mix Water, vegetable oil and egg called for on brownie mix box Filling
1/3 cup butter, softened
1/3 cup creamy peanut butter
1 1/3 cups powdered sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons milk Topping
3/4 cup semisweet chocolate chips
3 tablespoons butter

Directions

• Heat oven to 350°F (325°F for dark or nonstick pan). Grease bottom only of 8-inch or 9-inch square pan with cooking spray or shortening. (For easier cutting, line pan with foil, then grease foil on bottom only of pan.) Make brownies as directed on box. Cool completely, about 1 hour.
• In medium bowl, beat filling ingredients with electric mixer on medium speed until smooth. Spread mixture evenly over brownie base.
• In small microwavable bowl, microwave topping ingredients uncovered on High 30 to 60 seconds; stir until smooth. Cool 10 minutes; spread over filling. Refrigerate about 30 minutes or until set. For brownies, cut into 6 rows by 4 rows. Store covered in refrigerator.

Knock-You-Naked Brownies

 Another help for you guys for Valentine’s Day since you all need all the help you can get

 

Prep: 15 min
Inactive: 3 hr.
Cook: 35 min

Total Time: 3 hr. 50 min
Yield: 6 servings
Level: Easy

 

Ingredients

1 stick butter, melted, plus more for greasing
All-purpose flour, for dusting
1/3 plus 1/2 cup evaporated milk
One 18.5-ounce box German chocolate cake mix (I use Duncan Hines)
1 cup finely chopped pecans
60 caramels, unwrapped
1/3 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1/4 cup powdered sugar, sifted

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour a 9-by-9-inch baking pan.
Begin by pouring 1/3 cup evaporated milk into a bowl with the cake mix. Add the melted butter and the chopped pecans. Mix the ingredients together; it’ll be pretty thick!
Divide the dough in half down the middle. Press half of it into the bottom of the prepared pan to make the first brownie layer. Bake until slightly set, 8 to 10 minutes. Then remove from the oven and set aside.
While the brownie layer is baking, in a double boiler (or glass bowl set over a bowl of simmering water) combine the caramels and the remaining 1/2 cup evaporated milk. Stir occasionally until the caramels are totally melted and the mixture is smooth. Pour the caramel mixture over the first baked layer, spreading so it’s evenly distributed. Sprinkle the chocolate chips all over the top.
Next, on a clean surface or a sheet of waxed paper, press the remaining dough into a square shape slightly smaller than the baking pan. Carefully set it on top of the chocolate chips. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes. Remove the pan from the oven and let the brownies cool to room temperature. Cover the pan and refrigerate the brownies for several hours to allow them to set.
When you’re ready to serve them (or give them to someone you love!) sprinkle generously with the powdered sugar and cut them into large rectangles before removing from the pan. These are absolutely killer, my friends. Make them for someone you really, really love… or someone you want to love you back.
It’ll work. Guarantee it.

Finally all these yummies call out for an adult beverage. Here are two-

Winter Sangria

Total Time: 1 hr.
Prep: 1 hr.
Yield: 8 drinks
Level: Easy

 

 

Ingredients

2 cups no-pulp orange juice
3 to 6 ounces orange liqueur
2 tablespoons honey
1 cinnamon stick
2 clementines or blood oranges, cut into sections
1 Granny Smith or other tart apple, cut into 1/4-inch cubes
1 red Anjou pear, peeled and cut into 1/4-inch cubes
2 liters sweet sparkling red wine, chilled (Sunny likes Rosa Regale)
1 liter lemon-lime soda, chilled

Directions

In a large pitcher or punch bowl, whisk the orange juice, orange liqueur and honey. Add the cinnamon stick, clementines, apple and pear and stir to combine. Set aside at room temperature for at least 1 hour.
Right before serving, add the wine and soda to the fruit mixture and stir gently to combine. Serve immediately in ice-filled glasses.

Cherry Cuba Libre

 

Total Time: 10 min
Prep: 10 min
Yield: 1 serving
Level: Easy

 

Directions

For each cocktail, combine 1 to 2 ounces dark rum, the juice of 1/2 lime and a splash of cherry liqueur [I recommend Kirsch] in a highball glass. Fill with ice and top with cherry cola. Garnish with lime and a maraschino cherry.

Uh because Dragons ate all the damned Unicorns?

This photo is just in from one of Chai’s Ninja Kitty Network informants. I’m unclear if this guy is searching for the now confirmed Government issue car from the last Impish picture to come in or if A.S.S. has been ordered to search every snow pile and drift for Impish now.

 

LOL! Looks like they took the bait and grabbed a Santa in California! If A.S.S. thought they were having a bad day up until now,  just wait until those lawyer sharks start circling! I almost feel bad for them….NOT!

Ok as much as this pains me to do, I have to do the right thing regardless of how personally distasteful and abhorrent I might find it. I have to give an ‘Attagirl! Good on ya!” to Michelle Obama. (OMG! I think I’m going to be ill!)

Michelle Obama forgoes a headscarf and sparks a backlash in Saudi Arabia

Barack Obama was in Riyadh on Tuesday to pay his respects to the late Saudi King Abdullah. His visit, for which he cut short a much-hyped trip to India, underscores how important the U.S.-Saudi relationship remains to the American leadership. On social media, however, much of the attention has focused on something else: His wife’s attire.

As noted by the Associated Press, Michelle Obama did not wear a headscarf or veil Tuesday. In Saudi Arabia, that’s unusual: The country is one of the few on Earth where women are expected to cover their heads, and many Saudi women wear niqabs.

Exceptions are made for foreigners, however, and Michelle – who did wear loose clothing that fully covered her arms – appears to have been one of them. In photographs from the official events, other foreign female guests are also shown not wearing headscarves. In the past, Saudi leaders have met with a number of other foreign females without headscarves in the past.

More than 1,500 tweets using the hashtag #ميشيل_أوباما_سفور (roughly, #Michelle_Obama_unveiled) were sent Tuesday, many of which criticized the first lady. Some users pointed out that on a recent trip to Indonesia, Michelle had worn a headscarf. Why not in Saudi Arabia?

The response wasn’t entirely negative – Ahram Online notes that some Twitter users said Michelle shouldn’t be criticized too much, it being a short, impromptu trip and all. Saudi state television did show images of Michelle and her uncovered head, despite some claims that they had digitally obscured her (a widely circulated video with the first lady entirely blurred seems to have been an amateur production).

But in Saudi Arabia, the simple act of not covering your head can be political, intentionally or not.  Source to this point: http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/worldviews/wp/2015/01/27/michelle-obama-forgoes-a-headscarf-and-sparks-a-backlash-in-saudi-arabia/

Like the attire of other first ladies, Michelle Obama’s clothes have been scrutinized endlessly for what type of messages they convey.

And she gets high marks for her “fashion diplomacy,” as she engages with foreign leaders at home and abroad. Her choice to go with a suit rather than a dress for the first time at this year’s State of the Union address “was a glimpse of the self-aware, tough-minded, straight-talking lawyer who took a brief hiatus from the public eye,” according to Robin Givhan.

So it is with Obama’s attire in Saudi Arabia — a country with a very strict dress code for Saudi women, who are not allowed to drive and who live under a system of male guardianship. In a country that demands women adhere to a strict dress code in public (face and hair covered, and long, flowing robes), Obama went with a flowing blue top, black pants and no head covering.

FLOTUS Obama’s choice is not without precedent. Laura Bush in a visit with King Abdullah made the same choice in 2006.

Former secretary of state Condoleezza Rice also wrote in her 2011 book about Abdullah offering her a gift of a black robe and veil that she refused to wear.

But Obama is much more associated with clothes and fashion; she sets trends and boosts brands. And in the age of social media, she has an unparalleled global audience.

In 1995, Hillary Rodham Clinton told an audience at the U.N. Women’s Conference in Beijing, “Women’s rights are human rights, and human rights are women’s rights.”

Ten years later, at the World Economic Forum in Jordan in 2005, Laura Bush also emphasized women’s rights before a group of Arab leaders. She said: “Freedom, especially freedom for women, is more than the absence of oppression. It’s the right to speak and vote and worship freely. Human rights require the rights of women. And human rights are empty promises without human liberty.”

The Saudi delegation of leaders walked out before she got to that line, something she notes in her book, “Spoken from the Heart.”

Ten years after that, Obama, this time with her fashion, has made a similar statement.

Source: http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/the-fix/wp/2015/01/28/make-no-mistake-michelle-obama-just-made-a-bold-political-statement-in-saudi-arabia/

Texas Senator Ted Cruz (whom I personally consider to be an idiot on par with Rick Perry when it comes to the specter of a possible Presidency) took to his Facebook page to applaud Michelle Obama:

Yes, MAJOR kudos to you First Lady Obama, for standing up to repressive Muslims and their you must honor Sharia law in our presence regardless of where or who you are demands. At least ONE of the two Obamas involved in this Presidency has a set of stones and isn’t a bowing scraping fawning sycophant to every towelhead he encounters.

The longer anyone caves in these unrealistic Muslim demands of religious accommodations based on values and think at least 3 centuries out of date then the worse the problem with Islamic extremist and the Middle East in general is going to get. Like Global Thermonuclear War the only way to win at Islamic Insistence is to refuse to play. Ignore their demands, ignore their feigned outrage. Those who want to demonstrate because we refuse to kotow to Islam until it drags itself socially at minimum into the 20th century should be declared Persona Non Grata and deporting immediately. Attack us and the fist of our retribution should come crashing down without warning upon their homes and their mosques. They are not going to have respect for the rest of their world their belief systems and/or values then what are we respecting theirs?

Don’t give me that ‘bigger man’/taking the high road’ moral justification crap either- that’s what got us in this position in the first damned place! If we had targeted terrorist like Abu Nidal and his mentored Osama bin Laden almost thirty years ago when Oliver North first reported they were threatening his life for shining light on their terrorist activities and training camps, then September 11th might never have occurred.

Had we not caved to Islamic pressure and bagged Sadam Hussein dragging him by the collar out of the Presidential Place during Dessert Storm 1 instead of stopping a scant 12 hours from that objective, thee would have been no need for Dessert Storm 2 or probably the majority of the follow on wars. THIS is what being reasonable and the bigger man gets you with Islam. You cannot be socially reasonable or apply Christian morals and guiding principles when dealing with Islam and fundamentalist terrorism because that is exactly what they want expect and will exploit to the fullest extent possible.

An evil tree bears evil fruit. You can destroy as much fruit as you want, but it will always grow back, and it will always be evil.

Tear the tree out of the ground by the roots and burn it. Burn it to ash and grind out the embers with your boot until there’s nothing left. Not a single spark. Not a single seed.  This is how you deal with evil.

Make no mistake, oppression of Women’s/Human rights, the present interpretation of Sharia Laws rooted in the 16th century and the twisted interpretations of the verses of the Koran that represent Islamic Fundamentalism all solely for the sake of religious stagnation is all evil. I think that FLOTUS just wrapped that headscarf around the evil tree of Islam and started strangling it.

 

Told you we’d have fun today!