Well looks like you people lucked out! “Howzdat?” you ask? Impish CLAIMS he tried twice this morning to get an issue he spent most of the weekend preparing to post with epic failure as a result. Had he been successful with his alleged post we would have undoubtedly been forced to listen to him complain about the snow and suffer through yet another rehash and analysis of the SUper Bowl. Instead you get my sparkling commentary, an issue of Leprechaun Laffs and the dragons promise of posting his allegedly AWOL issue tomorrow. Seems more or less a win/win for you people. Now I have to get back to the salt mines and make up for everyone being closed here Friday due to the Black Ice Texas was “blessed” with so without anymore “much ado about nothing”….
COMMENCE THE LAUGHTER!
When you apply for Welfare in Pakistan , India, China , Mexico, or Arab countries, what does that Government give you?
Answer – A map of the USA!
Two Information Technology guys were chatting in a pub after work. “Guess what, mate,” says the first IT guy, “yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde girl in a bar.”
“What did you do?” says the other IT guy.
“Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off.”
“You’re kidding me!” says the second IT guy.
“I took her miniskirt off, and then I lifted her and put her on my desk next to my new laptop.”
“Really? You got a new laptop?”
For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free. Here’s an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
I actually met my Molly on-line (via a mutual friend ) and held a digital long distance relationship with her for over a year involving many a digital date ( as well as a phone bill resembling the debt of a small 3rd world country) before ever meeting her face to face.
IF YOU BUILD IT, DUMB WILL COME:
Boston, Mass., police set up a sting operation that succeeded in recovering more than 230 stolen items, and
helped them obtain 24 arrest warrants. It was all accomplished with the creation of a phony jewelry store, “MIB Jewelry” (MIB: “men in blue”).
Undercover officers opened the store after spreading rumors on the streets that the store would be a friendly buyer of stolen goods. They upped their odds of success by busting eight other stores that fenced stolen goods, which would have been competition for the new store. When asked if they ever worried that thieves would figure out the meaning of
the store’s name, Police Commissioner Edward Davis’ replied, “We don’t catch the smart ones.” (JW/Boston Herald)
…Which, really, is the big problem with the system, isn’t it? It only catches the slow stupid ones.
Take the time to listen to this preacher. This guy missed his calling. Instead of being a preacher, he should have been a comedian.
An old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times sake.
He engages a prostitute …….and takes her up to a room.
He’s soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, ‘How am I doing?’
The prostitute replies, ‘Well Ray, you old sailor, you’re doing about three knots.’
‘Three knots?’ He asks, ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
She says, ‘You’re knot hard, you’re knot in, and you’re knot getting your money back !’
And here I thought only Impish pondered this deeply philosophical conundrum!
Gratuitous Dragon Photo
Plant a pig
I’m taking a respite from my recent ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’ style of Last Word commentary for a couple reasons. First because its danged hard to find good commentary in a graphical format that does not require pre-graphics explanation or post graphic summing up. This sort of defeats the purpose. Secondly, the following idea is SO profound and brilliant that it deserves, nae requires me to take a break and post it. The shear simplicity and brilliance of the manner in which the following addresses TWO very real problems is will simply take your breath away. It bypasses all red tape debate and political correctness whining, simply solving the issue at hand. Not only does it do that in an simplistically elegant manner, its does it in a ecologically sound green manner and is a permanent fix to one of the problems besides! All that in a single package is extremely hard to beat!
In Spain , at Seville some local people found a way to stop the construction of another mosque in their town. They buried a pig on the site, making sure this would be known by the local press. Islamic rules forbid erecting a Mosque on “pig soiled ground”. The Muslims had to cancel the project…this land had been sold to them by government officials…
No protests were needed by the local people … and it worked!! Not dummies …. the Spaniards.
They found a solution !!! No protests needed!
In Texas they have an over abundance of feral pigs. They could send them all over the country and just plant them everywhere! After all…contaminated soil would surely drift and they could create new job programs by having soil testers to determine where contaminated soil existed. Of course, high on the mountain tops of the Rockies or other mountain ranges they might find some uncontaminated soil, but then…building a mosque there would pose some problems…Americans…put on your thinking caps and let’s find a solution to this problem of a spreading menace to the American way of life! If pigs are the answer…let’s do it!
Your Committee for the Betterment of America
“Do right and bear the consequences.” Sam Houston
Please consider donating to your local “Plant A Pig Foundation” today. While not tax deductible, but well worth the effort.