Morning Campers~

Looks like some of you took my advice yesterday and did a little grillin’ & chillin’ last night to start the weekend off right and are a little worse for the wear this morning. Most of the rest of you are shocked to see me here this morning since I said earlier this week that Impish and I had decided on me doing Mon-Wends-Fri while he was going to be the Tues-Thurs-Sat guy. Yeah well none more so than me.

It’s the first rule of war that no battle plan survives first contact with the enemy. Well in this particular case the enemy was Mr. Murphy of Murphy’s Law fame and he hit the old Dragon a pretty hard blow so mine is likely the only curmudgeonly face you may be seeing for a few days.

OK enough with the inane babble lets get some fresh air in those lungs and Laugh!

 

Irish Ballerina

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a Bar in Dublin.
She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, ‘What man here will buy a lady a drink?’
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her, but down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed ‘ Give the ballerina a drink!
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.
She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, ‘What man here will buy a lady a drink?’
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, ‘Give the ballerina another drink!’
The bartender approached the little drunk and said ‘Tell me, Paddy, it’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?’
The drunk replied, ‘Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!’

 

When the Gulf Coast and Particularly New Orleans got hammered by Katrina how much help did the US get in supplies Medical Aid or monetary help from Japan? Seems to me it was someplace between zippidty and do-dah, or in other words, nada, zip, zilch, zero, neyt, buspkis. So why are we not showing them the same level of global concern we got?

Charity and the road to economic recovery begin right here at home! How many out of work due to the recession people that are ether already in foreclosure or in danger of it you figure would be grateful for a little piece of what we’re sending off to a country who could not be bothered to help with our natural disaster?

“An employee at a Taco Bell in Alaska was sentenced to one day in jail for throwing a taco at his manager. He’ll spend the whole day pleading with fellow inmates to think outside the buns.” -Jimmy Fallon

New Seat Belt Law

This becomes effective March 27, 2011. The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive Testing on a newly Designed Seat Belt.
Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 95%
when the belt is properly installed.
Correct Installation is illustrated below…
Please pass on to family and friends.
THIS MAY HELP SAVE A LIFE!
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This can really save lives and lower blood pressure by 40%
I KNOW… YOU SMILED.

 

Top 10 Rejected Obama Mission Names

Apparently the White House tossed out a number of perfectly good names before arriving at “Operation Odyssey Dawn”:

10.Operation Nine Months In The Senate Didn’t Prepare Me For This
9. Operation Organizing for Libya
8. Operation Double Standard
7. Operation FINE! I’ll Do Something
6. Operation Enduring Narcissism
5. Operation So That’s What the Red Button Does
4. Operation France Backed Me Into A Corner
3. Operation Start Without Me
2. Operation Unlike Bush Wars This One Is Justified Because Hey Look A Squirrel
1. Operation Aimless Fury

 

Why the University of Texas ‘Longhorn’ logo is so popular…. 

Hook ‘em Horns! Yeee-HA!

 

A beautiful coat!

YOU ARE GOING TO WATCH THIS MORE THAN ONCE …[it’s short.]

http://elrellano.com/videos_online/4624/circo-roncalli.html

Well that’s all for today folks I have a full weekend of activities planned for the forecasted 80 degree weather so I’m out of here and I’ll see you Monday Morning!

YAHOO! ( no NOT the Internet site though you can yodel it like that if you want) IT’S FRIDAY! THE WEEKEND IS HERE! THE WEEKEND IS HERE! Thime to take a page from these guys:

Time to kick back, crack a cold one, char grill the hell out of something  (like say maybe a dragon) and….

 

Laugh All Weekend Long!

 

 

Today here are two that could pass for my own cats in appearance and their behavior.

Chai KNOWS she’s pretty and cute and will use it to her advantage in her eternal quest for attention and petting as well as a foil for trying to get out of trouble!

Ordinarily I’m smart enough not to bother a woman in the shower (ALWAYS gets ugly). But in SC’s case she’s always in there long enough to use all the hot water and never cleans the hair out of the drain!

Now THIS Is A Great Commercial

 

 

 

The Greatest Anti-Retirement Video of All Time

 

10 Laws That Prove The World Is Nuts

In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick?)

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

(Much worse than ‘going blind!’)

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let’s just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this? Impish is frantically packing and screaming for someone to book him a flight to Guam while asking why nobody told him this Twenty Five years ago)

In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband’s illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England – but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course! They eat baked beans on toast for breakfast so why should their topless laws make anymore sense than that?)

In Cali , Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this holy grail of men’s fantasies was actually a big enough problem there that they had to pass this law?)

In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to do things with animals that I just don’t want to write about here, however the animals must be female. Having a bit of ‘hows your father’ with a male animal is punishable by death.

(Like THAT makes sense Bestiality is ok but we’re not condoning homosexual bestiality! After all we ARE a ‘civilized” country and do have SOME standards of morality, as low as they might be we insist you adhere to them.)

In Maryland , USA it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only ‘in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.’

(Is America a great country or what? A law that gives every safe sex practicing male in Maryland a reason to go into a bar! BRILLIANT! Well, ok maybe not quite as great as Guam !)

 

(Special thanks to the ImpishDragon for confirming those uses from first hand knowledge)

 

National Geographic- Cougar Sleeping in a Tree

Great photography! This looks to be a fairly young cougar that is REALLY tired…

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(NO IMPISH! You CANNOT take her home! YES she is cute but she’s a cougar, a wild thing more fickle than a fairie and would rip your heart out through your wallet when she was done toying with you!)

 

Are You Prepared for a Disaster? Do You Have a Plan?

The recent events in Japan in addition to our annual review here at Firebase Leprechaun of our contingency plans and emergency stores for Hurricane Season  got me thinking about the rest of you. I know Impish knows full well the value of a disaster plan, heck he teaches Emergency Preparedness and has resources to help him aplenty. We here at Firebase Leprechaun had a vivid and graphic reminder of their value when a fire broke out here in our complex two weeks ago destroying two units and severely damaging two others. Due to clearly preplanned contingencies, had it been necessary for us to leave we could have been out of here, with our two cats and enough clothing, personal important papers &  basic necessities for all of us (cats included) for approximately a week. This would have required roughly 1/2 an hour to accomplish which would have included probably a good 10 minutes playing ‘corral the kitties’.

The events in Japan and our experience with the fire here highlight the fact that a disaster can strike at any time. You often don’t get a lot of warning. (We were not even aware that the fire was happening until the following morning and it was over.)

But that doesn’t mean you can’t prepare for emergencies. There are many basic measures you can take. But it’s difficult to make sure that you’ve covered all your bases.

In a major disaster, it might be several days before vital services are restored. That’s where the 72hours.org web site come into the picture. It has lots of information on preparing for emergency situations. And it covers almost every type of disaster you can think of. You can find planning information for multiple living situations. It has detailed instructions for reacting to specific disasters. And you can get help building a basic disaster kit. You can even print things out for future reference!

Don’t count on FEMA, the Red Cross or the local government to help you immediately after a disaster (remember New Orleans and Hurricane Katrina?) . Start planning and preparing to take care of yourself and your loved ones on your own before its too late!

http://72hours.org/

Also here is another handy site for getting as much advanced warning of certain disasters and information in the aftermath from my personal bookmarks:

Get FREE Emergency Notification of an emergency or the weather by email, wireless, cell phone or pager. The Emergency Email and Wireless Network provides free information in the form of an e-mail or text message alert. Sign up, customize it to suit your location and needs (for example in addition to severe weather alerts, hurricane and prison break warnings I also get Dept. of Homeland Security Threat Level Change notices) then you can start feeling more secure right away!

http://www.emergencyemail.org/

The life you save might be yours or someone’s who means even more to you! Use them both today!

 

Actually Darrell Powers, “Shifty”, died on June 17 2009 at the age of 86.
The accompanying ‘letter’ was not written by ‘Chuck Yeager’ but by a Mr. Mark Pfeifer.
See the following after reading this tribute ………..
http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/shiftypowers.asp

  

“Shifty” By Chuck Yeager

Shifty volunteered for the airborne in WWII and served with Easy 
Company of the 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, part of the 101st 
Airborne Infantry.  If you’ve seen Band of Brothers on HBO or the 
History Channel, you know Shifty.  His character appears in all 10 
episodes, and Shifty himself is interviewed in several of them. 

I met Shifty in the  Philadelphia airport several years ago. I didn’t 
know who he was at the time.  I just saw an elderly gentleman having 
trouble reading his ticket. I offered to help, assured him that he was 
at the right gate, and noticed the “Screaming Eagle,” the symbol of
the 101st Airborne, on his hat.

Making conversation, I asked him if he d been in the 101st Airborne 
or if his son was serving.  He said quietly that he had been in the 
101st.  I thanked him for his service, then asked him when he served, 
and how many jumps he made.

Quietly and humbly, he said “Well, I guess I signed up in 1941 or so, 
and was in until sometime in 1945 …. ” at which point my heart 
skipped.

At that point, again, very humbly, he said “I made the 5 training 
jumps at Toccoa, and then jumped into Normandy . . .  do you know 
where  Normandy is?”  At this point my heart stopped.

I told him “yes, I know exactly where Normandy is, and I know what 
D-Day was.”  At that point he said “I also made a second jump into 
Holland , into  Arnhem .”  I was standing with a genuine war hero…  
and then I realized that it was June,  just after the anniversary of 
D-Day.

I asked Shifty if he was on his way back from  France , and he said 
“Yes…  And it’s real sad because, these days, so few of the guys are 
left, and those that are, lots of them can’t make the trip.”  My heart 
was in my throat and I didn’t know what to say.

I helped Shifty get onto the plane and then realized he was back in 
Coach while I was in First Class.  I sent the flight attendant back to 
get him and said that I wanted to switch seats.  When Shifty came 
forward, I got up out of the seat and told him I wanted him to have 
it, that I’d take his in coach.

He said “No, son, you enjoy that seat.  Just knowing that there are 
still some who remember what we did and who still care is enough to 
make an old man very happy.”  His eyes were filling up as he said it. 
And mine are brimming up now as I write this.

Shifty died on Jan. 17 after fighting cancer.
There was no parade.
No big event in  Staples Center .
No wall to wall back to back 24×7 news coverage.
No weeping fans on television.
And that’s not right!!

Let’s give Shifty his own Memorial Service, online, in our own quiet way.
Please forward this email to everyone you know.  Especially to the veterans.

  
Rest in peace, Shifty.  
Chuck Yeager, Maj Gen. [ret.]

P.S.  I think that it is amazing how the “media” chooses our “heroes” these days…Michael Jackson & the like!

Shifty I’m sorry I never met you, it would have been an honor and a privilege to meet a man of your courage and soldier of your caliber regardless of your service branch.  It would have been an even greater honor to salute you and ask permission to shake your hand.

Semper Fi Shifty. You may be gone now, but rest assured you your deeds and your service to this country will never be forgotten. Not as long as Impish and I are around to remind others of it anyway.

 

“Kitty Porn” 

Get it yet?

If I have to explain it, then it just ain’t funny no more!

Good Morning Campers!  Lots of special stuff going on today.  For those of you who have been following the comments section in our neat little e-zine, you know that there is a picture, somewhere in here that is aimed at our Lethal Leprechaun’s perverted…or …. um … strange affections.  See if you can find it.
Sad and happy news today.  As we get older, it seems that is more and more the case.  Sad news along with most of the happy.  Sometimes it seems that there is just a little bit of happy to accompany all the sad news.

Good News: Today is my dear wife’s birthday!  My eternal best friend is 43 years old today.  Happy Birthday my dear Mary~Mae!

And the Bad News, crushing news: A dear friend, Mike Hale has been diagnosed with Fourth Stage Renal Cancer that has spread to the bones.  He is unable to work.  He has a wife and two children.  Six years in the Navy, eleven years working dispatch for the Indiana State Police, 911 dispatcher in several different counties in north central Indiana.  And this poor guy and his family get slammed with this.  There will be a fund raiser for his family to help with expenses coming up soon.  I’ll have more information.

I know it’s not the kind of thing to start the day off nicely with, but it is life, my dear campers.  And life is hard.  Sometimes it sucks.  But it’s the best we have and we have to make the best of it that we can…..
and with that in mind….
and thoughts and prayers in our heads…..
Let’s Laugh!

Exciting local news!  A Croc has been spotted in a small stream here near Dragon Laffs Headquarters.  One of our camera dwarves managed to snap this picture:

The government will be requiring new food labels that are more specific. Products will now be labeled:
“no fat”
“low fat”
“reduced fat”
and
“fat, but great personality”

A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a local bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup.

As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. She went on and on about how alcohol was tearing apart the fabric of society and how it was the root of all the city’s problems.

Slightly pissed off at having to listen to this the guy said, “Listen sister, I work hard for my money and sometimes at the end of a long day I like a drink or two. That doesn’t make me a bad person. I have a wife I idolize and two wonderful kids at home. I provide for my family, I volunteer my time to several local service clubs and I contribute regularly to various charities. Yet you stand here and condemn me just because I drink the occasional glass of scotch!”

The nun was slightly taken aback and replied, “I see your point my son and I apologize if I offended you but the alcohol is such a powerful demon that all who consume it are doomed…”

“Look there you go again,” said the man, “How can you make such a sweeping statement. Have you ever even TRIED alcohol?”

“Of course not!” gasped the nun, “The evil alcohol has never touched my lips.”

“Do you really think that one glass of booze can change you from a devout nun to some kind of evil degenerate?”

“Well, I really don’t know ….”

“I’ll tell you what, come into the bar with me and I’ll buy you a drink. One drink. I’ll prove to you that “evil” is not inside the glass, it’s inside the person.”

“Oh I could never be seen going into such a den of inequity, it’s out of the question. However, your comment about evil residing in the person rather than the glass is quite intriguing. I must admit you’ve aroused a curiosity in me.”

“Well let’s go inside and settle this”

“No my son, I could never enter such a place… but how about this. Take my tin cup with you and fill it with this “scotch” you mentioned. Bring it out to me and I’ll try it.”

“You’re on!” said the guy.

The nun removed all the change and handed him the tin cup. He went into the bar and said to the bartender, “Two scotch on the rocks, and could you put one of them in this tin cup please”

The bartender sighed and said, “Is that f#*king nun out there again!”

 

My little Izzy Dragonette wanted to go outside in the warm weather yesterday (which, of course, is going to disappear by this weekend) and was playing with chalk on the driveway.  This is the artistic result:

At least it’s spelled correctly.  lol.

There was a knock on the door this morning.

I opened it and there was a young boy standing there who said: “I’m a Jehovah’s Witness”

I said “Come in and sit down. Now what do you want to talk about”?

He said, ” Fuck if I know . . . . . I’ve never got this far before.”

A bar owner in the Old West has just hired a timid new bartender. The owner of the establishment is giving his new hire some instructions on running the place. He tells the timid man, “If you ever hear that Big John is coming to town, drop everything and run for the hills!! He’s the meanest, biggest, nastiest outlaw who ever lived!”

A few weeks pass uneventfully. But one afternoon, a local cowhand comes running through town yelling, “Big John is coming to town!! Run for your lives!”

When the bartender exits the saloon to start running, he’s knocked to the ground by several townspeople scurrying out of town. As he’s picking himself up, he sees a large man approaching the saloon, riding on a black bear, and using a cottonmouth moccasin snake for a whip.

He stomps up to the door, orders the poor barkeep inside, and demands, “I want a beer NOW!!” He pounds his heavy fist on the bar, splitting it in half.

The bartender nervously hands the big man a beer, hands shaking.

He takes the beer, rips the top of the bottle off with his teeth, and downs the beer in one gulp.

As the poor timid bartender cowers behind the bar, the big man gets up to leave.

“Do you want another beer?” the bartender calls out.

“Dang it, I don’t have time!” the big man yells. “I gotta get out of  town! Didn’t ya hear Big John is a-comin’?”

Ahhhh, just so you know who your friends are.  I promised K² I wouldn’t say that he sent this in.  So, this was sent in anonymously …..

Lethal got home in the early hours of the morning after a night at the local pub. He made such a racket hitting into the furniture as he weaved his way through the house, that he woke up the missus.

“What on earth are you doing down there?” she yelled down from the bedroom. “Get yourself up here to bed and don’t waken the neighbors.”

“I’m trying to get a barrel of Guinness up the stairs,” he shouted.

“Leave it ’till the morning,” she shouted down.

“I can’t,” he said.  “I’ve drank it!”

Take one minute….just one click, every day, helps more than you can imagine!

Is this the height of laziness or the epitome of practicality?  Only YOU can know for sure:

Tis a sad state of affairs, when even our campers from The Lucky Country, The Land of Oz feel the need to throw horrible jokes at us.  You’ve been warned!

The first expedition to Alpha Centauri had finally returned. The leader of
the expedition, Captain Nero, was making his report to his superior.
“So, Nero, did you find any indigenous life?”
“Yes sir. Intelligent life, if fact. And what’s more, they were almost
completely identical to humans.”
“Almost? What do you mean?”
“Well sir, they have one less joint in their arms.”
“I see. So I suppose you could say that…”
“Yes sir. The natives are wristless.”

Bob in Adelaide Sth Aust

Thank you Bob!

Sure, because “good music” has been outlawed for the past couple of years.  Listen to any FM radio station and you’ll see exactly what I mean.

 

A telephone rang. “Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?”
“Yes, it is,” came the reply.
“Thank God! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone.”

“Hello, is this the Sheriff’s Office?”

“Yes. What can I do for you?”

“I’m calling to report ’bout my neighbor Virgil Smith. He’s hidin’ marijuana inside his firewood! Don’t quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he’s hidin’ it there.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the Sheriff’s Deputies descend on Virgil’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil’s house.

“Hey, Virgil! This here’s Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?”

“Yeah!”

“Did they chop your firewood?”

“Yep!”

“Happy Birthday, buddy!”

The History of Twitter and Some of Its Impressive Tweets
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/history-twitter-impressive-tweets/ 

A Jewish businessman in Chicago sent his son to Israel for a year to absorb the culture.

When the son returned, he said, “Papa, I had a great time in Israel . By the way, I converted to Christianity.”

“Oy vey,” said the father. “What have I done?” He took his problem to his best friend, Ike.

“Ike,” he said, “I sent my son to Israel , and he came home a Christian.  What can I do?”

“Funny you should ask,” said Ike. “I too, sent my son to Israel , and he also came home a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi.”

So they did, and they explained their problem to the rabbi.

“Funny you should ask,” said the rabbi. “I, too, sent my son to Israel , and he also came home a Christian. What is happening to our young people?”

And so they all prayed, telling the Lord about their sons.

As they finished their prayer, a voice came from the Heavens:

“Funny you should ask,” said the Voice..

“I, too, sent my Son to Israel . . ..”

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out. So, he began circling around looking for a landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous.

Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around,rolls down the window and shouts to the guy, “Hey where am I?”

To this, the solitary office worker replies, “You’re in a plane.”

The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.

The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it.

“Simple,” replies the pilot, “I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft’s support office and from there the airport is just five miles due East.”

Thanks to George for sending me this GREAT story:

This came from a gent who runs a 2000 acre corn farm up around Barron, WI., not far from Oshkosh. He used to fly F-4Es and F-16s for the Guard and participated in the first Gulf War.
His story:
 
I went out to plant corn for a bit to finish a field before tomorrow morning and witnessed The Great Battle . A golden eagle – big, with about a six foot wingspan – flew right in front of the tractor. It was being chased by three crows that were continually dive bombing it and pecking at it. The crows do this because the eagles rob their nests when they find them. 
At any rate, the eagle banked hard right in one evasive maneuver, then landed in the field about 100 feet from the tractor. This eagle stood about 3 feet tall. The crows all landed too, and took up positions around the eagle at 120 degrees apart, but ke pt their distance at about 20 feet from the big bird. The eagle would take a couple steps towards one of the crows and they’d hop backwards and forward to keep their distance. Then the reinforcement showed up. 
I happened to spot the eagle’s mate hurtling down out of the sky at what appeared to be approximately Mach 1.5. Just before impact the eagle on the ground took flight, (obviously a coordinated tactic; probably pre-briefed) and the three crows which were watching the grounded eagle, also took flight thinking they were going to get in some more pecking on the big bird.
The first crow being targeted by the diving eagle never stood a snowball’s chance in hell. There was a mid-air explosion of black feathers and that crow was done. The diving eagle then banked hard left in what had to be a 9G climbing turn, using the energy it had accumulated in the dive, and hit crow #2 less than two seconds later  Another crow dead. 
The grounded eagle, which was now airborne and had an altitude advantage on the remaining crow, which was streaking eastward in full burner, made a short dive then banked hard right when the escaping crow tried to evade the hit. It didn’t work – crow #3 bit the dust at about 20 feet AGL. 
This aerial battle was better than any air show I’ve been to, including the war birds show at Oshkosh . The two eagles ripped the crows apart and ate them on the ground, and as I got closer and closer working my way across the field, I passed within 20 feet of one of them as it ate its catch. It stopped and looked at me as I went by and you could see in the look of that bird that it knew who’s Boss Of The Sky. What a beautiful bird! 
I loved it. Not only did they kill their enemy, they ate them.  One of the best Fighter Pilot stories I’ve seen in a long time…  There are no noble wars– Only noble warriors 

So, did you figure out which picture it was?  Well, here’s another picture captured from his computer….
It’s Kittie Porn!  Kittie Porn!  Get it?

Oh sheesh!

Have a great day everyone!

 

Lord I hope so, it’s blame it on this or the Super Moon & the Spring Equinox and this happens more often than either of those or St. Patrick’s Day!

Top o’ the Morn’ Campers! Every one have their coffee, bagel and their seat? Good. A few minor things I want to cover this morning before we start laughing until coffee come out our noses.

First thanks for the coffee and bagels to the Dragon who has agreed to share his with us every morning form now on! What a guy huh? Who knew he could swipe so much coffee and breakfast munchies from the base mess!

I’d like to take this next moment to thank ALL those who send us material for possible inclusion. Some of you do it regularly (a couple multiple times a day even) some of you only occasionally. Some of the material makes it some does not but all of it is appreciated. I know we give credit regularly to a few contributors whose material we use on a regular basis but we appreciate it all.  You may even see your material used sans credit. That isn’t a snub more than likely we’ve gotten it from multiple sources and if we spent the time thanking them all you’d have an issue of nothing but thank yous.

Also if you are sending us stuff and you are not seeing it used please don’t be upset. We regularly receive so much material from you good readers that it’s often a case of so much material so little blog space. Not that we are bound by any particular size limits but in fact more by time limits. The larger the post the longer it takes to assemble and edit, the longer it takes to read and from my experience the less enjoyable it is. We try to keep things to a reasonable length and follow the old show biz axiom ‘Always leave them wanting more’.

While we’re n the subject of submissions I’d like to make a request on behalf of Impish and myself. Well 2 actually. The first is please label you submissions with a subject line we can refer back to later. We get a LOT of submissions with blank subject lines. First of all, a lot of Spam comes appearing like that  and that trips Spam filters into committing thing to Spam and trash folders, occasional errantly and especially if you are not a regular  contributor. It also makes it harder for us to locate material for inclusion at a later time. Even the first line of the joke or title of the video would be a great help. The word submission alone, not so much. Secondly those of you that submit commentaries or articles that could potentially be urban legends can help us out greatly by doing a little fact checking before submitting and citing the link you checked.

Usually this simply requires running a search at http://www.snopes.com or even just Googling a ‘news story’ or editorial and seeing if you can find the newspaper, wire service or original source it came from. I can’t say how much time the Dragon spends but I spend up to 4 hours a week checking the truth of things we receive before considering them for publication. A little help from you submitters with this would help make things easier for us plus cut down (in theory) the amount of unfounded mistruths, propaganda and straight up B.S. running around the internet making it a better place for all of us!

 

 

A 13-year-old Ohio student has started a company called Man Cans, which makes candles in manly scents such as pizza, campfire and bacon.
                

The Top 5 Scents of Man Candles

5> Already Mown Grass
4> Vegas Stripjoint
3> Napalm in the Morning
2> Belching Contest
    and The Number 1 Scent of Man Candle…
1> Pizza Meadow
          [ Copyright 2011 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

 

 

 

Top 10 Rejected Obama Mission Names

Apparently the White House tossed out a number of perfectly good names before arriving at “Operation Odyssey Dawn”:

10.Operation Nine Months In The Senate Didn’t Prepare Me For This
9. Operation Organizing for Libya
8. Operation Double Standard
7. Operation FINE! I’ll Do Something
6. Operation Enduring Narcissism
5. Operation So That’s What the Red Button Does
4. Operation France Backed Me Into A Corner
3. Operation Start Without Me
2. Operation Unlike Bush Wars This One Is Justified Because Hey Look A Squirrel
1. Operation Aimless Fury

 

 

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph ‘s Hospital. She timidly asked, 
“Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is
doing?”
The operator said, “I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number of the
patient?”
The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said,  “Norma Findlay, Room 302.”
The operator replied,  “Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse’s station for that room.” After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said,
“I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her lood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her Physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow.”
The grandmother said, Thank you. That’s wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news.”
The operator replied, “You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?”
The grandmother said,”No, I’m Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me
shit.”

 

Man upset at burrito inflation starts standoff at motel

Chronicle News Services  March 21, 2011, 9:10AM

SAN ANTONIO — A man who barricaded himself in a South Texas hotel in an apparent drive-thru fast-food dispute is expected to face three counts of attempted capital murder.

San Antonio police say nobody was hurt in the standoff that ended Sunday night.

Police say the customer, who allegedly was unhappy that the price of what he was ordering at Taco Bell had gone up, is accused of shooting an air gun at the restaurant manager, displaying a semiautomatic assault rifle and pistol, then exchanging gunfire with three officers.

The Express-News said the man was ordering seven Beefy Crunch Burritos and was surprised to learn that the price had gone from 99 cents to $1.49.

Sgt. Chris Benavides says tear gas had to be used to get the man out of the room. The weapons were recovered.

The suspect’s name was not immediately released.

DUDE! OK I agree, the price of fast food for what you get is a crying shame and out of control. I mean six or seven bucks for a decent burger sans meat fillers value meal should be a felony crime, but to throw down over of all things Taco Bell? Not even Taco Cabana?

As me good wife Molly ( a born and bred Texas girl who proudly admits to both a Mexican food addiction and being somewhat snobbish about eating non authentic Mexican Food) would be lighting quick to point out, that’s not even real Mexican food!

To top it all off now you’re on the run for the borders for real besides! 

 

 

 

Here in Texas we have an Onion called the Texas 1015. Basically its our answer to the Georgia Vidalia onion. They are just starting to hit the stores now and that made me remember this recipe I make every year when I can get either onion.

I make fast work of the dicing issue and well as assure consistent uniformity of dice size by using a Chef’s Mandoline style slicer I have because I usually make a double batch. I like this on grilled brauts too

Apple and sweet onion marmalade

Serve over roasted chicken or pork.

SERVES 8

Ingredients
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 teaspoon mustard seed
2 large Vidalia onions, diced
1/2 cup apple juice (I use unsweetened apple cider)
1/2 cup chicken stock, vegetable stock or broth
2 Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored and cut into 1/2-inch dice
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1/8 teaspoon ground allspice
2 tablespoons chopped fresh flat-leaf (Italian) parsley

Directions
In a sauté pan, heat the olive oil over medium heat. Add the mustard seed and onions and cook, stirring occasionally, until the onions are lightly golden, about 10 minutes.

Add the apple juice and stock and bring to a boil over high heat. Add the apples, salt, pepper and allspice. Reduce the heat to low and simmer, uncovered, until the apples are tender, about 12 minutes.

Remove from the heat and stir in the parsley. Serve warm or at room temperature, or transfer to a container with a tight-fitting lid and refrigerate for up to 1 week. Bring the marmalade to room temperature before serving. Makes about 2 cups.

 

 

Cow, Ant, And Old Fart

A Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart are debating on who is the greatest  of the three of them.
The Cow:  I give four gallons of milk every day and that’s why I am the greatest!!

  The Ant:  I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry  52 times my own weight and that’s why I am the greatest!!

 

 

 

 

Why are you scrolling down?  It’s your turn to say something…

 

JANE FONDA MEMORIAL WALL—VERY HEARTWARMING.

After more than 40 years the Viet Nam Veterans of the United States of America raised a phenomenal amount of money to memorialize another one of Hollywood’s loyal American citizens who went out of her way to aid and abet the enemy and congratulate them on their treatment of US POW’s.

This memorial says it all!

Can I get an “Oh HELLS yeah!” from my fellow military brethren in the readership? Personally I think they chose too nice a spot for the memorial, I’d have sited it next to or better yet in a sewage treatment plant!