Morning Campers!

One last long day until we can smell the weekend it will be so close.

I am happy to report Impish returned home safe and sound last evening to his family. I expect you may well hear form him either today or tomorrow once he gets back up to speed.

Ok enough chit-chat lets move on to what we’re all really here for….

Let’s Laugh Until It Hurts!

50TH ANNIVERSARY STORY

A couple were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids,  all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

“Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,” gushed son number one, “Sorry I’m running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is and I didn’t have time to get you a gift.”

“Not to worry,” said the father. “The important thing is that we’re all together today.”

Son number two arrived and announced, “You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn’t have time to shop for you.”

“It’s nothing,” said the father. “We’re glad you were able to come.”

Just then the daughter arrived. “Hello and happy anniversary! I’m sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn’t have time to get you anything.”

After they had finished dessert, the father said,

“There’s something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we each worked two jobs  and were able to send each of you to college.
Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married.”

The three children gasped and all said, “You mean we’re bastards?”

“Yep,” said the father. “And cheap ones too..!”

This Brings the Whole “The Talk” Thing To An Hysterical Level

Makes me SO glad I don’t have kids!

Bubba and Billy Bob are walking down the street in Houston, Texas and they see a sign on a store which reads, “Suits $5.00 each! , shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 each. ”

Bubba says to his bud, “Billy Bob, look here! We could buy a whole gob of these, take ’em back home, sell ’em to our family and friends and make a fortune. Just let me do the talkin’ ’cause if they hear your accent, they might think we’re ignorant and won’t wanna sell that stuff to us. I’ll talk with a New York accent and they won’t know we’re from Arkansas.

They go in and Bubba says with his best fake New York accent, “I’ll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each. I’ll back up my pickup and…”

The owner of the shop interrupts, “Ya’ll from Arkansas, ain’t ya?”

“Well…yeah,” says a surprised Bubba….”How come you knowed that?”

“Because this is a dry cleaners”

Mohammed’s First Day of  School

Mohammed entered his classroom on  the first day of school.
“What’s your name?” asked the teacher.
“Mohammed,” he replied.
“You’re in  America now,” replied the  teacher,
“So from now on you will be known as Kevin.”
Mohammed  returned home after school.
“How was your day, Mohammed?” his mother  asked.
“My name is not Mohammed.  I’m in  America and now my name is Kevin.”
“Are you ashamed of your name?  Are you trying  to dishonor your parents,
your heritage, your  religion? Shame on you!”
And his mother  beat him. Then she called his father, who beat him again.
The  next day Mohammed returned to school. The teacher saw all of his bruises.
“What happened to you, Kevin?” she asked.
“Well ma’am, shortly after becoming an American, I was attacked by two Arabs!”

That actually happens to Impish ALL the time!

Inner  Peace:

If  you can start the day without caffeine,
If you  can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If  you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If  you can eat plain food every day and be grateful for it,
If  you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If  you can conquer tension without  medical help,
If you can relax without  liquor,
If  you can sleep without the aid of  drugs,

…Then  You Are  Probably The  Family Dog!

And  you thought I was going to get all spiritual didn’t you..?

A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees an Indian sitting on his porch.  He figures he’ll have a little fun.

Cowboy:  “Hey, cool dog.  Mind if I speak to him?”

Indian:  “Dog no talk.”

Cowboy:  “Hey dog, how’s it going?”

Dog: “Doin’ alright.”

Indian:  <extreme look of shock>

Cowboy: “Is this Indian your owner?” <pointing at Indian>

Dog:  “Yep”

Cowboy:  “How does he treat you?”

Dog:  “Real good.  He walks me twice a day, feeds

me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play.”

Indian:  <look of disbelief>

Cowboy:  “Mind if I talk to your horse?”

Indian:  “Horse no talk.”

Cowboy:  “Hey horse, how’s it going?”

Horse:   “Cool.”   Indian:  <extreme look of shock>

Cowboy:  “Is this your owner? “<pointing at Indian>

Horse:   “Yep”

Cowboy:  “How’s he treat you?”

Horse:   “Pretty good, thanks for asking.  He

rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and

keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.”

Indian:  <total look of amazement>

Cowboy:  “Mind if I talk to your sheep?”

Indian:  “Sheep Lie.”

 

It’s All About the Green Thing

By Jim Knowles

In the line at the store, the cashier told the older woman that plastic
bags weren’t good for the environment. The woman apologized to her
and explained, “We didn’t have the green thing back in my day.”

That’s right, they didn’t have the green thing in her day. Back then,
they returned their milk bottles, Coke bottles and beer bottles to the
store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and
sterilized and refilled, using the same bottles over and over. So they
really were recycled. But they didn’t have the green thing back in her
day.

In her day, they walked up stairs, because they didn’t have an
escalator in every store and office building. They walked to the grocery
store and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time
they had to go two blocks. But she’s right. They didn’t have the green
thing in her day.

Back then, they washed the baby’s diapers because they didn’t have the
throw-away kind. They dried clothes on a line, not in an energy
gobbling machine burning up 220 volts – wind and solar power really did
dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or
sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that old lady is right,
they didn’t have the green thing back in her day.

Back then, they had one TV, or radio, in the house – not a TV in every
room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a pizza dish, not a
screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, they blended
and stirred by hand because they didn’t have electric machines to do
everything for you. When they packaged a fragile item to send in the
mail, they used wadded up newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or
plastic bubble wrap. But they didn’t have the green thing back then.

Back then, they didn’t fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut
the lawn. They used a push mower that ran on human power. They
exercised by working so they didn’t need to go to a health club to run
on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she’s right, they didn’t
have the green thing back then.

They drank from a fountain when they were thirsty, instead of using a
cup or a plastic bottle every time they had a drink of water. They
refilled pens with ink, instead of buying a new pen, and they replaced
the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor
just because the blade got dull. But they didn’t have the green thing
back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar and kids rode their bikes to
school or rode the school bus, instead of turning their moms into a
24-hour taxi service. They had one electrical outlet in a room, not an
entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And they didn’t
need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites
2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

But that old lady is right. They didn’t have the green thing back in
her day.

 

 

Yup Hump Day has arrived in all it’s “Humptacularness.” Whoopee still 3 days until the weekend get here. I guess its time to swap out the Half and Half in the pitcher for Bailey’s again.

I spoke with Impish briefly. He’s doing just about how you would expect under the circumstances. I mentioned all your kind words of support and condolences for which he asked me to express his thanks. I’m sure when he gets back he’ll do it personally as well.

Ok its bad enough its only Hump Day without us getting all depressed too so…

Let’s Laugh!

 

Physicist Michio Kaku, author of the new book “Physics of the Future: How Science Will Change Daily Life by 2100,” says by that year we’ll have robots helping us with our daily tasks. But they’ll need some cool names, won’t they?

 

The Top 5 Robots We’d Like to See

5> Foreplay Droid: now you can skip the boring parts

4> Queenbot: rules the house like Elizabeth, sings like Freddie

3> The Snookinator: cyborg assassin sent back in time to kill the parents of the “Jersey Shore” cast before they can conceive

2> Groomba: traverses your woolly mammoth of a body, shaving, pruning, plucking and waxing

and The Number 1 Robot We’d Like to See…

1> Iron Man: no more wrinkled laundry!

[ Copyright 2011 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

FUNNY WEBSITE NAMES – All are real!!!

All of these are legitimate companies that didn’t spend quite enough time to consider how their online name might appear! These are not made up. Check them out yourself!

1.   ‘Who Represents’ is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is:  www.whorepresents.com

2. ‘Experts Exchange’ is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at: www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a great pen? Look no further than ‘Pen Island.’ It can be found at:www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist?  Try   ‘Therapist Finder’ at: www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then there’s the ‘Italian Power Generator’ company. Check it out at: www.powergenitalia.com

6.’IP computer’ software, there’s always: www.ip_anywhere.com

7. And the designers at ‘Speed of Art’ await you at their wacky Web site: www.speedofart.com

thanks to our token Israeli reader & Contributor Lynn for those

 

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. (Don’t go there you sick demented perverts!) They undress and step in the showers, before they realize there is no soap. (Didn’t I JUST say don’t go there? Honestly you people! And I get the hate mail for making Obama jokes? Sheesh!) Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap in his hands and heads back to the showers.

He gets halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place
to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he s a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.

The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls his dick.

Startled, he drops a bar of soap. “Oh look,” says the 2nd nun…”a soap dispenser.” To test her theory she also pulls his dick…and sure enough he drops the last bar of soap.

The third nun then pulls, first once, then twice and three times. Still nothing happens. So she tries once more and to her delight she yells… “Look, hand cream!”

A Little Something Special for Yesterdays Token Liberal Commenter

Just for the record ALL the Obama material I used yesterday plus this today came from our readers Don, I didn’t go hunting for it to promote an agenda. Sure makes you think don’t it? Oh! Wait! Thinking isn’t a Liberal or Democratic strong suit is it?

 Talk about your modern conveniences and time savers! With these Post-a-Note style Nasty Notes you don’t even have to waste your time or breath expressing your distain or dismay via the F-bomb anymore! Is this a wonder age we live in or what?!

Democrat, Republican, or a Texan?

You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, a terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner,
locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you…
You are carrying  a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your  family.
What do you do?

THINK  CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL  DOWN:

 

 

Democrat’s Answer:

• Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question!
• What is a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP?
• Does the man look poor or oppressed?
• Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling?
• Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
• Could we run away?
• What does my wife think?
• What about the kids?
• Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
• What does the law say about this situation? 
• Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
• Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
• Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?
• Does he definitely want to kill me, or would  he be content just to wound me?
• If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing  me?
• Should I call 9-1-1?
• Why is this street so deserted?
• We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day.
• Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
• I  need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus. 
• This is all so confusing!

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… …….. ……… ..  
Republican’s Answer:
BANG!
………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… …….. ……  

Texan’s Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! 

Click….. (Sounds of reloading)

BANG!  BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Click! (Only 2 mags?! Musta been his back up weapon!)
Daughter: ‘Nice grouping, Daddy!’
‘Were those the .45 ACP Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points I got you for Christmas?!’

Son: ‘Can I shoot the next one?!’

Wife: ‘You ain’t taking that to the Taxidermist!

Women! If it ain’t got lace & frills or isn’t artsy fartsy and gay looking you can’t bring it in THEIR house! It don’t matter you’re paying for the house or would be the only fella in your gun club with a trophy mounted terrorist on your man cave wall!

 

For a long time Verizon had the richly deserved distinction of having the hardest to understand bills and worst customer service in the wireless industry. To say this did not sit well with their customers would be something of an understatement. Most (if they could afford it) broke their contracts and went elsewhere, some suffered out their contracts in silence a few creative customers took their revenge in interesting ways like this:

Such an elegant and succinct comment on the astronomical size of his bill and its near indecipherability! Never piss off a Geek they beat you with their brains and with epic sarcasm every time!

I have to admit for as much as Impish and I raise a hue and a cry about what is going on here in the US, the sad state to which America and it’s ideals have fallen that even I had no real clear big picture idea of just how bad things are. That is at least until I saw this article sent to me by several readers as well other sources. I doubt most of you have realized that things are actually this bad either. Fasten your seatbelts, remove all breakable objects from the immediate vicinity, grab a couple of Rolaids or TUMS take a deep centering breath and read on but prepared to be disgusted and depressed like I am.

Anyone else besides Impish and I strongly considering finding a way & place to move to where we can have the old values and morals back again? Liberals, lawyers, politicians, the entitlement minded, illegal immigrants and religious whackos need not apply.

Alright quiet in the ranks you Grumbling Goldbricks! At Ease! Slurp or sip it if you got it and it better not be any of mine!

Yes its only Tuesday. No the weekend isn’t here yet. Yes it sucks. Yes I agree the US needs to shift to a 10 hour day 4 day work week schedule and add an extra day to the weekend in theory. However that’s not really going to get us anyplace as it will just make Tuesday “the new Monday”or Thursday “the new Friday” as well as certainly screw up the placement of Hump Day so lets just grit our teeth and get on with it shall we?

Alright then. About Face – Forward Laugh!

We’ve all been interviewed for jobs. And, we’ve all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don’t bite your nails. Don’t fidget. Don’t interrupt. Don’t belch. If we did any of the don’ts, we knew we’d disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The lowlights:

– “…stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.”

– “She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time.”

– “A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece.”

– “…asked to see interviewer’s resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate.”

– “… announced she hadn’t had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer’s office – wiping the ketchup on her sleeve.”

– “Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.”

– “Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions.”

– “When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office.”

– “At the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, went through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left.”

– “…pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him.”

– “Said he wasn’t interested because the position paid too much.”

– “While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold.”

– “During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate’s brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview.”

– “A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: ‘Which company? When do I start? What’s the salary?’ I said, ‘I assume you’re not interested in conducting the interview any further.’ He promptly responded, ‘I am as long as you’ll pay me more.’ I didn’t hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer.”

– “His attaché [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies’ undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume.”

– “Candidate said he really didn’t want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one.”

– “…asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security.”

– “Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch, and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk.”

That last guy must have been applying for a job as a terrorist.

 

There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives parallel each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy. Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten through their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college, and upon graduation, became priests. Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally acknowledged that Antonio Secola was just a wee cut above Timothy Murphy in all respects.

Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally Cardinal was swift to say the least, and the Catholic world knew that when the present Pope died, it would be one of the two who would become the next Pope. In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work. In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the chimney and the world waited to see whom they had chosen.

The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope! Antonio Secola was beyond surprise. He was devastated, because even with all of Timothy’s gifts, Antonio knew he was just a bit better qualified. With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio Secola asked for a private session with them in which he candidly asked, “Why Timothy?”

After a long silence, an old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered man and rose to reply. “We knew you were the better of the two, but we just could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called POPE SECOLA.

President Obama returned to Washington, D.C., on Wednesday night expecting to face tough questions on Libya, Japan’s earthquake recovery and other major international crises. But a more personal issue stood in the way: he appeared to be locked out of the White House.

Video of the First Family disembarking Air Force One showed Obama approaching the White House and trying to open a french door–that didn’t budge. Barely pausing, he walked to the next set of doors, peering in as he passed, and tried a third set of doors with success.

Crap! Who the hell left that door unlocked? There’s going to be a White House Marine Detail Guard finding himself standing a watch post in the ass end of Nowhereistan when I get to the bottom of this!

Damn Obama for being so damned dumb too! He couldn’t take the hint? Next time he leaves we’ll just have to move 1600 Pennsylvania Ave so he can’t find it when he gets back!

Florida kayaker has close encounter with enormous shark

Presumably, the kayaker in the video was aware that the massive creature swimming toward him was a harmless basking shark, but the situation must have been unsettling nonetheless. The extremely rare encounter with the planet’s second-largest shark — only the whale shark is larger — occurred off Panama City, Fla. Sightseers and fishermen also witnessed the spectacle. For the sake of perspective, the kayak is 14 feet long. Basking sharks, which can measure 40 feet, feed on plankton and are found in temperate and Arctic waters. Sightings off Florida are very unusual.

I wonder just how much you can crap a kayak before it sinks?
I’ll bet that poor guy came close to finding out!

This just in from our good friend and loyal reader Karl:

As a rule, I don’t pass along these “add your name” lists that appear in e-mails, BUT this one is important.  It has been circulating for months and has been sent to over 25 million people.   We don’t want to lose any names on the list so just hit forward and send it on.  Please keep it going!

To show your support for President Obama and the job he is doing please go to the end of the list and add your name.

1.  Michelle Obama.

2.

At Heathrow, a 300-foot long red carpet is stretched out to Air
Force One and President Obama strides to a warm but dignified
handshake from Queen Elizabeth II.
They ride in a silver 1934 Bentley limousine to the edge of
central London where they board an open 17th century coach
hitched to six magnificent white matching horses.
They ride toward Buckingham Palace, each looking sideways and
waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets,
all is going well.
But suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most
horrendous, earth-rending, eye-smarting blast of gastronomic
flatulence ever heard in the British Empire, including Bermuda,
Tortola and the Falkland Islands. It shakes the coach.
Uncomfortable, but under control, the two dignitaries of state do
their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen
decides that’s ridiculous. She turns to Obama and explains,
“Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I’m sure you understand
that there are some things that even a Queen cannot control.”
Obama replies, “Your Majesty,
please don’t give the matter another thought. You know, if you
hadn’t said something, I would have thought it was one of the
horses….”

Impish Dragon at the Beach

I swear he NEVER misses an opportunity for a snack!

 

In the not too distant future, YouTube, Twitter & Facebook will merge to form one giant, idiotic, super time wasting website called…

 

I’ve been Obama bashing pretty good today (it’s really hard to refrain from with the amount of quality humorous material out there he so generously provides us) so I figured I might as well end that way too. Yeah this piece is a bit dated but I think this particular view point and my twist one it at the end make it fresh enough and humorous enough to use as  today’s Last Word. This comes courtesy of Mike R.

Let me get this straight.
We’re going to be “gifted” with a health care plan we are forced to purchase and fined if we don’t, which purportedly covers at least ten million more people, without adding a single new doctor, but provides for 16,000 new IRS agents, written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn’t understand it, passed by a Congress that didn’t read it — but exempted themselves from it, and signed by a president who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn’t pay his taxes, for which we’ll be taxed for four years before any benefits take effect, by a government which has already bankrupted Social Security and Medicare, all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that’s broke!
What the hell could possibly go wrong?

Ugh! Monday again right? Damn I ran out of time zones too soon. Dragon Laffs is just going to have to either buy a corporate jet that can fly around the world with refueling or have the G-5 rigged for mid air refueling and buy a KC-135 tanker. All this having to land for fuel is wasting valuable weekend prolonging flight time!

That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it. Now lets get to the laughing before the horrible realities of the beginning of the week find us and suck all the happiness out of us for another week!

Holy Mother of Juan Valdez and all beans Columbian!

I’ve died and gone to coffee heaven!

Praise the Lord and pass the cream!

 

Taking a break from self-immolating in television interviews, former TV star
Chuck E. Sheen is currently appearing live in person in his “Torpedo of Truth” tour.

The Top 5 Better Names for Charlie Sheen’s Tour (Part I)

5> Chuck Fully Nuts
4> The Out-of-Your-Mind-a Monologues
3> Bask in the Glory of My Me-ness!
2> Sheen On, You Crazy Demon

and The Number 1 Better Name for Charlie Sheen’s Tour…

1> Marblequest

          [ Copyright 2011 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

 

 

The Top 5 Better Names for Charlie Sheen’s Tour (Part II)

5> Binge There, Done That

4> Sheen-Rage Wasteland

3> If I Collapse on Stage, NO REFUNDS!

2> The “Hot Shots! Part Douche” Tour

 

and The Number 1 Better Name for Charlie Sheen’s Tour…

1> Sex, Drugs and… Well, That’s About It, Actually

          [ Copyright 2011 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

Pink Lemonade Layer Cake

It’s a great cake not too sweet has a nice tangy taste and a look of spring it’s a cake perfect for Easter too!

Recipe courtesy Paula Deen

Prep Time: 25 min Inactive Prep Time:10 min

Cook Time: 33 min  Level: Easy

Serves: 10 to 12 servings

Ingredients

• 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened, plus more, for coating pans
• 1 (18 1/4-ounce) box white cake mix
• 1 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 3 tablespoons sweetened pink lemonade drink powder
• 1 pound confectioners’ sugar
• 5 tablespoons frozen pink lemonade concentrate
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter 2 (8-inch) round cake pans and line the bottoms with parchment paper or waxed paper.

Prepare the cake batter according to the package directions. To the batter, stir in the lemon zest, vanilla, and pink lemonade powder. Pour the batter evenly into the prepared pans. Bake until golden and a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean, 30 to 35 minutes. Let the cakes cool in the pans for 10 minutes. Carefully turn the cakes out onto a wire rack to cool completely.

While the cake is baking, prepare the frosting by beating together the confectioners’ sugar and remaining 1 cup butter until fluffy. Beat in the remaining frosting ingredients until combined.

Transfer one cake to a cake stand or large platter. Using an offset spatula, spread the top of the cake with a layer of frosting. Place the second cake on top of the first. Spread the remaining frosting over the top and sides of both layers.

 

 

Hells, yeah,  you KNOW I’m gonna sniff dat wiff my cold, wet nose!!

 

Another 25 Laws That Prove The World Really Is Nuts

Without further-a-do, here’s another twenty-five laws that prove the world really is nuts.

In Alabama , it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle.

Well that’s just silly! I mean how could he possibly drink, eat, text and drive at the same time if he was blind folded?

In San Salvador , drunk drivers can be punished by death before a firing squad.

Humm you know those Salvadorians just MIGHT be on to something there!

In Switzerland , it is illegal for a man to relieve himself while standing up after 10pm.

Unless he’s wearing night vision goggles to assist him with his aim? Or does the bathroom have to be equipped with a life preserver incase his wife falls in when he leaves the seat up?

In Jidda , Saudi Arabia , women were banned from using hotel swimming pools in 1979.

Burkas were clogging the pool filters and soaking up all the pool water probably

In France , it is against the law to sell an “E.T” doll. They have a law forbidding the sale of dolls that do not have human faces.

They’re just afraid of surrendering to and co-operating with a non human looking extra terrestrial again! YES AGAIN! Did Hitler look human with that haircut and mustache?

In Pennsylvania , it’s against the law to tie a dollar bill on a string on the ground and pull it away when someone tries to pick it up.

Ok so no trolling for politicians in Pennsylvania got it

In Florida , unmarried women who parachute on Sundays can be jailed.

My guess is it’s a religious thing. They want all heads bowed in prayer now searching the heavens for female skydivers who forgot to wear panties under their skirts and shorts.

In Kentucky , it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon more than six-feet long.

Tactically speaking this law makes a great deal of sense since its nearly impossible to draw and deploy a 6 foot concealed weapon with any appreciable speed

In California it is illegal for a vehicle without a driver to exceed 60 miles per hour.

Well again I have to say that makes perfect sense. I mean if there is no driver who does CHP pull over and write the ticket for?

In Devon , Texas , it is against the law to make furniture while you are nude.

See there was this woodworker who’s wife was a politician and they were both nudists on the weekend. He had an ugly accident running into a disk sander and lost 3 inches…..

In Salt Lake County , Utah , it’s illegal to walk down the street carrying a violin in a paper bag.

My guess: Too many people in SLC were using their violin cases to carry Thompson Machine Guns so they enacted a law. Violin in the case, machine gun in paper or plastic.

In the city of York , England , it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.

See now here is a CLEAR example of what happens when laws have to pass through committees and how they get fouled up from the original intent. ORIGONALLY the proposed law read it was ok to kill a Scotsman with in the city walls if he was carrying a set of bagpipes or a tune!

In France , it is forbidden to call a pig Napoleon.

It’s good to see France at least has stringent animal cruelty laws

In Ohio , it is against state law to get a fish drunk.

OK I admit it I came back to this one seven times. I still got nothing. Apparently some things DO defy commenting on.

In the UK , a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants – even, if she so requests, in a policeman’s helmet.

Well those helmets DO look a bit like chamber pots!

In Bozeman , Montana , a law prohibits all sexual activity from the front yard of a home after sundown.

So grab her in the front, but poke her in the rear got it.

In Vermont , women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

Actually I DID have a comment for this one but I think it probably well exceeds our rating standards. Let me just say from what I’ve heard little blue pills and dentures don’t mix well.

Under the UK ’s Tax Avoidance Schemes Regulations 2006, it is illegal not to tell the taxman anything you don’t want him to know, though you don’t have to tell him anything you don’t mind him knowing.

Yup no pesky rules about not incriminating yourself in the U.K. In fact, they made it a crime NOT to incriminate yourself! I say lets try this one out to the Royals and the Lords and politicians first!

In Calgary Alberta , there is still a by-law that requires businesses within the city to provide rails for tying up horses.

If you’ve ever seen some of the women in Calgary Alberta this makes perfect sense.

In Samoa , it’s a crime to forget your own wife’s birthday.

Hell that’s been a crime for as long as there have been wives. The only thing new here is that wives needed a law to take care of punishing husbands for doing it!

In Tennessee , you are breaking the law if you drive while sleeping.

Ummm so in Tennessee its ok to sleep with your sister but not while driving. Must have something to do with their priorities

In Louisiana , biting someone with your natural teeth is considered “simple assault,” but biting someone with your dentures is “aggravated assault.”

Of course! The are not a body part, they are purchased and therefore a weapon. Wonder what they charge you with if you remove them and gum someone to death instead of biting them?

In San Francisco , it’s illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.

That begs the pondering of the question: Does someone go around measuring all the really tall politicians, pimps, drug dealers and lawyers on street corners to see if they exceed six feet tall?

In Fairbanks , Alaska a law in does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.

Umm…I for one am interested is seeing the arrest procedure for illegally copulating moose couples. Particularly the handcuffing them and getting them in the back of the cruiser parts. One can only hope COPS will film there soon and catch this happening

In New Jersey , it is illegal to slurp soup.

Clams & Oysters ( the mollusks not the kevtching Jewish kind) and Jersey shore girls you can slurp, just not your Pasta e Fagioli or Italian Wedding soup!

I received this from several sources and could not be happier or prouder to post it. Let me just say it is high time and well over due. I should also say that I am disappointed that this is not a joint resolution by both Houses of Congress and the House of Representatives should be ashamed of that fact.

Senate declares March 30th Welcome Home Vietnam Vets Day, – Patriot Action Network  

Be sure and click on the link after it says “WELCOME HOME VIETNAM VETS”.

And it’s about damn time !!!!!

Thanks to MikeR. for the tribute links.

YouTube – Vietnam Veterans remembered Born In The USA

YouTube – Vietnam Song With Lyrics

YouTube – Duty Called – Greg Wilson – Vietnam Veterans Song

To all you ‘Nam Vets out there Semper Fi! and I salute you and your service! This is LONG over due and certainly your hard earned right.

To the rest of you~ Get out there on Wednesday, find a Viet Nam Vet and thank him for his service! Further make it a personal point to see the disrespect done to these men is NEVER done to another US service person ever again.

Finally while thanking the living leave us not forget those who never came back…the MIAs as well.

Afternoon Fellow Dragon Laffers.

I cannot, in good conscience, call this a particularly good afternoon. You see today I have the saddest duty I have had to date when it comes to Dragon Laffs, making a post reporting a death of a family member.  On Friday, Impish received notice that one of his younger brothers, who had just turned 50, had unexpectedly pass away.

This was what I was referring to when I said Mr. Murphy had hit Impish pretty hard in explaining my standing in for Impish yesterday.

Understandably Impish is extremely occupied with family matters at this time and in no mood to be humorous at the moment.

I’m sure you join with me in extending your support and condolences to Impish for his great loss.

Stanley Wydock 1961 – 2011

Stanley “Stan” Wydock of Staunton, Virginia passed away Friday, March 25, 2011 at the age of 50.  Stanley served in the United States Army. He was an over the road truck driver who had turned in the truck to spend more time at home and to work locally.

Stan leaves behind a beloved family and numerous friends who will miss him terribly.  His young life was over too soon.

Funeral services are set for Tuesday, March 29th, at the Coffman Funeral Home Chapel.

Memorial contributions may be made to the American Heart Association, 4217 Park Place Court, Glen Allen, VA 23060.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me, for I am meek, and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light~. Matthew 11:28-30

 

                             

Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live~ John 11:25 KJB

We give our loved ones back to God
And just as He first gave them to us and did not lose them in the giving,
So we have not lost them in returning them to Him
For life is eternal,
Love is immortal,
Death is only a horizon
And a horizon is nothing but the limit of our earthly sight.

Rest in Peace Stanley, brother of my friend and therefore my friend and brother as well.

 

I trust you will all understand and agree when I say there is no humor today. I’m not feeling particularly humorous and the passing of somebody’s loved one is never a cause for laughter but rather somber reflection on the frailty and fleetingness of life.  I’ll be back with our regular edition tomorrow.

Somberly,