Good morning campers.

I’m happy to report I am more or less back up and about as my normal cranky self except for a persistent and pesky low grade fever that comes and goes on a whim.

Impish scared the hell out of me when I opened DragonLaffs yesterday, his Jackson Pollack approach to the issue had me thinking my fever had spiked and I was delusional!

Regardless of his layout style however, he was right about us needing you to help us make DragonLaffs grow. However  he only gave you the general outline of the picture on the issue of membership numbers and as usual it falls to me to color in between his lines for you. Since I tend to be more of a fan of Edward Hopper than Jackson Pollack maybe you’ll get a clearer picture of why we keep talking about this subject. Look for a detailed explaination on the subject in my Last Word today.

and cream positive!

 

At school little Johnny learns about medicines.

The lady teacher asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for.

The first pupil said: Tylenol.
Very good ! And what is it used for ?
It is used for headache.

The second pupil said: Nytol. Excellent. And what it is used for ?
To help you sleep.

Now it is little Johnny ‘s turn and he said: Viagra ” Johnny. What is it used for ?”

I think it can be used for diarrhea.Who told you this ?

“Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father “take a Viagra, maybe
your shit will get harder !”

 

Humm,,, I should get a couple of those for Impish maybe they would cut down on his grocery bill!

The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts and Lethal intended to stock up. At the store, however, Lethal was disappointed to find only a few skimpy pre-packaged portions of the poultry, so he complained to the butcher.

“Don’t worry,” she said, “I’ll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping.”

Several aisles later, Lethal heard the lady butcher’s voice boom over the public-address system: “Will the gentleman who was looking for bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store.”

 

 

While conducting some business at the Court House, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say, “Your Honor, I’m guilty but…..there were extenuating circumstances.” The female Judge said, sarcastically, “I’d certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances.” I was curious, so I listened as the lady told her story. “Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, “Hi! I’m Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?”

I’m thinking, “Belinda, try decaf. This ain’t rocket science.” Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, “Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?”

Fine, I answered.

I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two
4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap!

Complete darkness, the power was off!

Belinda said, “Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag.” Then she headed for the door.

“Excuse me! You’re not leaving me in this vise alone are you?” I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, “Oh, you fussy puppy…the door’s wide open so you’ll have the emergency hall lights. I’ll be right back.”

Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that’s exactly how Bubba and Earl, “maintenance men Extraordinaire” found me…half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass

After exchanging a polite Hi, how’s it going type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, “Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway.”

“OK, you take care now” Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I’d been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, “Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch.

Are we upset?”

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps….”

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said “Case Dismissed

 

 

There are lots of unwritten rules in a civilized society, simple rules that most of us understand and respect to keep life flowing smoothly; rules like “The line forms at the rear” and “No dress ever makes your girlfriend look fat.”

And so it is with public Men’s Rooms. There is an established etiquette most of us pick up instinctively or with some instruction by our father as children. So it was a little surprising when I came across this piece on the Man of the House website.

Is it possible there are men out there who do not know this stuff? Or was this written to give women some insight into why guys never ask each other if they’d like to go to the Men’s Room with them?

Whatever the case, when you’re done reading, guys, are there any other rules the author neglected to include?

And ladies, are there any rules of Women’s Bathroom  etiquette? Or is it a free-for-all in there?

***

7 Rules of Men’s Bathroom Etiquette

By Craig J. Heimbuch

Rule #1 – The Buffer Urinal

What’s more uncomfortable than rubbing elbows with a stranger while standing, legs akimbo to avoid the puddle, at the urinal? This is basic field strategy here guys. Dave Barry covered this years ago. You never, ever, ever, select a urinal directly next to one already in use, not when there’s a choice anyway. If there are three urinals to choose from, pick one on the outside. Leave the center one for the guy who may actually die if he doesn’t get to the bathroom. If the one of the outside ones is in use, choose the one on the opposite end of the bank. If both outside ones are in use and only the center one is available, wait. One of the other guys will be done soon.

Rule #2 – Announce Your Presence

If you are using a stall and have the place to yourself, it’s one thing. But as soon as you hear the door open, you need to make your presence known. Am I suggesting that you say ‘hi’ and introduce yourself? Absolutely not. No way. Instead, do a little cough. A sniff can be mistaken for the shuffling of a shopping bag or a heavy winter parka. Plus, you may not want to be inhaling through your nose. I’m just saying. A cough is more effective, distinct and has the added bonus of being absolutely, 100% impersonal. Let’s remember, you’re in there to get something down, not to make a friend.

Rule #3 – Ignore My Kid

This should go without saying. I shouldn’t even need to put it here, but, inevitably, there is a guy every weekend – at Costco, say – who breaks this cardinal rule and feels the need to comment about the fact that my kid either a) really has to go or B) “made it.” This second one is especially creepy. It implies the guy was monitoring my kid’s transaction somehow and is especially creepy when accompanied by a groan, the kind someone does as they stretch in the morning. My kids are my business. I don’t like the idea that they need to be in the men’s room. I’d rather use the family bathroom, but it seems like it is always taken when I need it the most. My children will have enough reason for emotional scarring. They don’t need Old Man Winter making a comment regarding their “pee-pee.”

Rule #4 – No Eye Contact, No Talking

Okay, I have had exactly one interesting conversation with a stranger in a public restroom. It was at a grocery store. He was old, a WWII vet who was waiting for his meds. He seemed a bit lost and confused and began talking to me as I was washing my hands. But that one incident does not make it okay to speak with or look directly at another man in the men’s room. It’s never okay. Don’t be the guy who walks into the bathroom and tries to strike up a conversation or says something like, “Whew, it smells like Big Foot’s tomb in here!” Even if it were funny, the situation does not call for comedy. If there is, for some extreme reason, an occasion that necessitates inter-personal communication, eye contact is strictly prohibited. Stand, stock still, eyes forward like a Marine on inspection. When entering and exiting, keep your eyes down. When standing at the sink, it’s okay to look at yourself in the mirror, but absolutely never should peeking at your neighbor be allowed. Ever.

Rule #5 – Clean Up After Yourself

If you dribble on the seat, leave a mess of water and soap around the sink or miss the waste basket with an errant paper towel, pick it up. This isn’t elementary school, this is a men’s room. You may be in a huge hurry to get out of there and I understand that, but come on, you’re an adult. Act like it. If you leave drops on the seat or a toilet unflushed, that automatically removes that particular facility from use for at least 10 hours. Have some decency. And while you’re at it, after you rip off some paper towel, wipe the push bar and start the roll out so the next guy can rip a piece directly off. Why should I have to suffer your laziness the next time I go to get some paper towel only to touch an oddly gelatinous coating on the handy push bar? Clean and dry, that’s how you should leave the place. Repeat the backpacker’s mantra to yourself over and over: “Leave no trace. Leave no trace.”

Rule #6 – The Proper Stance

Whether in a stall or at a urinal, keep your stance narrow and your positioning square against the target. In the stall, a wide stance could lead to unexpected touching or, worse in the case of Senator Larry Craig, a political scandal. It’s important at the urinal too. No one wants to touch boots while you’re doing that. And if you stand at an angle, you’re likely to incur civilian backsplash casualties. I shouldn’t have to wear a disposable poncho into the men’s room because you don’t understand that the angle of incident is equal to the angle of reflection. In short: AIM.

Rule #7 – Don’t Linger

I am as guilty as the next guy of spending, perhaps, a bit too long in my bathroom at home. A lot of times, it’s the only time I get to myself to read or get caught up on all the staring and doing nothing I have fallen so far behind on since the kids came along. But, not here, not in the men’s room. Those who linger here are waiting for something. What? A chance to mug someone? A new friend? A visit from aliens? How am I supposed to know? It’s not something I do. When it comes to the men’s room, think about Chile’s. ‘Get in. Get out. Get on with life.’ Put an end to the awkwardness and discomfort. Do your thing and move on. The men’s room is not the place to stop and smell the roses.

Top Ten Reasons Why People Read In The Bathroom

#10 – more socially acceptable than yodeling
#9 – promotes better posture than Barcaloungers
#8 – tank-top tailor-made for bookrack
#7 – no pain-in-the-butt librarian “sssshhhhsshing” you
#6 – kills two birds with one kidney stone
#5 – elastic band around ankles increases blood supply to eyballs
#4 – usually no stranger reading over your shoulder
#3 – keeps mind off irrational fear of snakes inhabiting plumbing fixtures
#2 – unlike reading at the beach, involves no deadly cosmic rays

And the #1 reason why people read in the bathroom…

#1 – good supply of 2-ply bookmarks always close at hand.

Did you ever wonder how old some of your favorite cartoon characters were? Well, here are their real ages. They may surprise you.

 

Look For Part 2 On Friday!

 

A jaw-dropping model of San Francisco

You’ve probably made model houses out of popsicle sticks with your children. This man made a model of the entire city of San Francisco . And he decided to use toothpicks. He used more than 100,000 toothpicks, and it took 35 years to build. Not only is it huge, you can take tours using little plastic balls. Prepare to be amazed.

Scott Weaver’s Rolling through the Bay

 

Must be an excerpt from a Congressional Training Video!

 

As a nightclub owner, I hired a pianist and a drummer to entertain my customers. After several performances, I discovered the drummer had walked away with some of my valuables. I notified police, who arrested him.
Desperate for another drummer, I called a friend who knew some musicians. “What happened to the drummer you had?” he asked me.
“I had him arrested,” I replied.
My friend paused for a second and asked, “Wow…How badly did he play?”

 

Why We Constantly Talk About Membership Numbers and Ask For Your Help

OR The Color Between ImpishDragon’s Broad Strokes _ An Interpretational Painting by LethalLeprechaun

We are down about 150 readers from our pre-format change from e-zine to blog high point and where we never quite seemed to hit our goal of a thousand daily readers.

We need to continue to grow if we are to continue to improve DragonLaffs. Impish started this with but a handful of readers and because those readers sent the link on to their like minded friends he was able to grow to the point where not only did he need help with DragonLaffs in the form of a resident wise ass curmudgeonly Leprechaun but was able to jump to the next level which was a free blog. Now we need to get that readership number up there as high as possible by spreading the word.

Why you ask – what’s in it for us? Simple. If we can get and maintain an active readership of between One Thousand and Fifteen Hundred readers for 6 months we will start attracting the notice and attention of sponsors. Sponsors like to give things away and there are many blogs out there with contests and giveaways but none like ours. Once we make it through this doorway the giveaways will attract more members themselves which in turn will attract more and bigger sponsor attention which of course means more and bigger giveaways. This means that eventually DL & LL might actually achieve at least self sustainability costs wise and possibly some national recognition.

Self sustainability means that we would be able to migrate the blog to a paid hosting site which would mean we would be able to do more and cooler things in and with the blog for you guys. National recognition means that we continue to grow ands evolve. While personally I would not want this to turn into competition to Jon Stewart’s Daily Show as I doubt neither Impish or are have what that would take physically or humor skills wise (let alone actual looks wise) I would not mind doing a pod cast or satellite radio show a la Imus or a non visual Jon Stewart. Just think if Impish and I are capable of this level of work in our spare moments, what could we do collaborating together full time? OK, I know the thought of Impish focusing his <ahem> ‘mental powers” on anything full time IS an improbable and alien concept but just consider the possibilities for a minute, he MIGHT actually be some undiscovered comedic Dragon equivalent of the Rain Man or something!

The point is NONE of this will ever be possible for us or you with out your help in growing our membership. We can advertise on ad swap places all we want, but then we have to place ads in the blog too. Beside word of mouth advertising has always been proven the best. SO please help us out forward the link to friends and family, where you are able without running afoul of group rules repost and give credit to us. Lets all see how far we can take this shall we?

Good Morning Campers!  Welcome to Tuesday!  And welcome to the latest edition of our favorite e-zine! 

Here’s our latest polling data.  We have 416 regular subscribers and about 200 people who just read the blog on the net for a total of around 600 people a day who view our product.

But….we really aren’t getting the recognition that is our due, so here’s what I want you all to do.  Send this link: http://dragonlaffs.com to two of your favorite people in the whole world and tell them how much you enjoy our e-zine. 

A substantial savings will be awarded to each camper who brings at least two more campers with him to the wonderful world of Dragon Laffs and Leprechaun Laffs; 10% of your subscription price will be refunded to you, but not only that! 

There’s even more!  For every new camper you bring in beyond the first two, an additional 5% of your subscription price will be refunded!  That means, that every person who brings in 20 new campers will receive 100% of the price they paid for their subscription to Dragon Laffs and Leprechaun Laffs refunded to them! 

But wait! 

We’re going to sweeten the deal just a tiny bit more.  For those of you who DO bring 20 new campers to our little party, we’ll throw in an additional year’s subscription at no additional price! 

Can you imagine that? 

Two whole years of Dragon Laffs and Leprechaun Laffs, a priceless value, yours FREE!

So?  What are you waiting for?  Act now and save!

I know!  I know!  I can hear you now, “But Impish, I didn’t pay ANYTHING for my subscription to Dragon Laffs and Leprechaun Laffs, how can you refund me back what I didn’t pay?”

And folks, that’s the most wonderful part of the whole deal!  It cost you a whopping nothing, zero, nada, zilch to start your day the very best way possible (okay, so maybe the second best way…the first best way would be to have breakfast served on the naked bodies of …) um…. like I said, the very best way possible and if you bring in 20 new people you get EVERY BIT OF IT BACK!  Yes sirree!

A 100% refund! 

How can you possibly go wrong?

What have you got to lose?

Okay, enough of that, now, on to the show!!

 

 

Even sheep need a night out without the constant nagging.

Here’s one that was sent in by my Dad.  Thanks Dad!

These are possibly the 5 best  sentences you’ll ever read:
1. You cannot legislate the poor into  prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2. What one  person receives without working for, another person must work for without  receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the  government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply  wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they  do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and  when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work, because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

And yes, I know we’ve seen some of those before, but you will admit that they are worth repeating!

Now, how about a couple of puns from our Mistress of puns herself, Diaman:  He can flawlessly set up a tent. He has perfect pitch.

Never iron a four-leaf clover, because you don’t want to press your luck!

And I’m not really sure if this next is a pun or just an outright groaner…on second thought, it’s a groaner, because that’s what I did as soon as I heard this one:

A guy meets a cute girl at a bar and strikes up a conversation. Many drinks and a long enjoyable evening
later, he asks her to come back to his apartment.
In no time, they are in the throws of passion, tearing off each others’ clothes.  His manhood at full attention, he has just her socks and panties to go before reaching the promised land.When he pulls off her socks he realizes that she is missing all 10 toes.
She explains that she lost them after having been unprotected in freezing weather, and they were amputated due to frostbite. 
This immediately causes him to lose his erection and to have no desire to continue with his love making.  No longer the least bit interested in continuing, he apologizes to her and rushes to get her dressed and out of his house.
As she was a real beauty and he couldn’t wait to mount her, the event really bothers him so he visits his doctor and relates what happened.Upon finishing his story, the doctor pats him on the shoulder and says
“Nothing to fret about.  It just appears that you are lack toes intolerant.”

Yeah, I can hear you groaning too!

Well, let’s not stop there, let’s throw in another really bad groaner…. this one comes to us from our dear camper friend Stephanie:

It was very windy, and she was only six years old and small for her age. When her mother asked her to clean off the front sidewalk, the wind nearly blew her away. She picked up the broom countless times, but each time, the wind got the best of her and knocked her over.
Her mother came out a few minutes later to see how she was doing and found her stuffing rocks in her pocket. “I thought you were cleaning off the sidewalk,” her mother said. “What in the world are you doing?”
The child replied, “Now? I weigh me down to sweep.”

I know…. truly awful.  I’m very sorry, but you must understand that we only give out what we get in.

How to avoid getting hit by a train.  Pretty neat video.  http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/avoid-hit-train/

For you non-millionaires out there, or perhaps you are a millionaire and just prefer to do your sight-seeing from your computer at home, here’s a GREAT site to see all the GREAT sights.  You can literally sit here for hours and travel the world.  If it doesn’t come out in English, click the translate button at the upper right.  ENJOY! (Thanks to our dear camper friend Lynn for pointing out this site of sights)!  http://www.wondersoftheworld.tv/

And here’s a groaner from a new one on the Groaner-Circuit, Lynn!  Thanks Lynn!

I’ve been to a lot of places but I’ve never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can’t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I’ve never been in Cognito either. I hear no one recognizes you there.. I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport… you have to be driven there. I’ve made several trips.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We here at Dragon and Leprechaun Laffs like to get all simperish and sobby like little girls…. okay, well maybe just me…anyway, this next one is great!  We love showing loved ones coming home from the war and surprising their families.  Watch and enjoy!  What?  You mean you can’t see it?  Well, go to the website like you should and read the issue there! http://dragonlaffs.com For crying-out-loud!

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes
out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

 

 

 

We were lying on our backs on the grass in the park next to our hamburger wrappers, my 14-year-old son and I, watching the clouds loiter overhead, when he asked me, “Dad, why are we here?”
       This is what I said:  “I’ve thought a lot about it, son, and I don’t think it’s all that complicated.  I think maybe we’re here just to teach a kid how to bunt or eat sunflower seeds without using his hands.
       “We’re here to pound the steering wheel and scream as we listen to the game on the radio, twenty minutes after we pulled into the garage.
       “We’re here to look all over, give up, and then find the ball in the hole.
       “We’re here to wear our favorite sweat-soaked Boston Red Sox cap, torn Slippery Rock sweatshirt, and the Converse sneakers we lettered in on a Saturday morning with nowhere we have to go and no one special we have to be.
       “We’re here to tie the perfect fly, make the perfect cast, catch absolutely nothing, and still call it a perfect morning.
       “We’re here to nail a yield sign with an apple core from half a block away.
       “We’re here to win the stuffed bear or go broke trying.
       “I don’t think the meaning of life is gnashing our bicuspids over what comes after death but tasting all the tiny moments that come before it. 
       “We’re here to be there when our kid has three goals and an assist.
       “And especially when he doesn’t.
       “I don’t think we’re here to make SportsCenter.  The really good stuff never does.  Like finding ourselves with a free afternoon, a little red 327 fuel-injected 1962 Corvette convertible and an unopened map of Vermont’s back roads.
       “None of us will find ourselves on our deathbeds saying, ‘I wish I’d spent more time on the Hibbings account.’
       “We’re going to say, ‘That scar?  I got that scar stealing a home run from Consolidated Plumbers!’
       “See, grown-ups spend so much time doggedly slaving toward the better car, the perfect house, the big day that will finally make them happy, when happy just walked by wearing a bicycle helmet two sizes too big for him.  We’re not here to find a way to heaven.  The way is heaven.
       “Does that answer your question, son?”
       And he said, “Not really, Dad.”
       I asked, “No?”
       He said, “No, what I meant is, why we are here when Mom said to pick her up 40 minutes ago?”

Bush to be honored by the Obama Administration

The Obama Administration will be honoring the 43rd President of the United States.

 

It has asked the U. S. Board on Geographical Names to name the fault-line in the

tectonic area beneath Haiti after him.

 

(Yes, there is such a board, created in 1890 and updated in 1947.)

The area will now officially be referred to as “Bush’s Fault”

 

Now, here’s a bunch of kids playing outside.  It’s so good to see that not everyone let’s their kids sit in the house and play on the computer or play video games all day.  They really need to go outside and get some exercise.  I’m proud of these parents for making their kids do the right thing.

ENGLISH FOR TOURISTS

In a Bangkok temple: “IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.”

Cocktail lounge, Norway: “LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.”

At a Budapest zoo: “PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.”

Doctors office, Rome: “SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco: “THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.”

Dry cleaners, Bangkok: “DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant: “CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.”

On the grounds of a private school: “NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.”

On an Athi River highway: “TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.”

On a poster at Kencom: “ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.”

In a City restaurant: “OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

One of the Mathare buildings: “MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE.”

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: “DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.”

In a Pumwani maternity ward: “NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.”

In a cemetery: “PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.”

Tokyo hotel’s rules and regulations: “GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.”

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: “OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.”

In a Tokyo bar: “SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.”

Hotel brochure, Italy: “THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.”

Hotel lobby, Bucharest: “THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.”

Hotel elevator, Paris: “PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.”

Hotel, Yugoslavia: “THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.”

Hotel, Japan: “YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.”

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: “YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.”

Taken from a menu, Poland: “SALAD A FIRM’S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE’S FASHION.”

Supermarket, Hong Kong: “FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.”

From the “Soviet Weekly”: “THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.”

In an East African newspaper: “A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.”

Hotel, Vienna: “IN CASE OF FIRE , DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.”

A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest: “IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.”

Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.”

An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: “TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.”

Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia: “TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.”

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: “WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?”

In the window on a Swedish furrier: “FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.”

The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: “GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.”

In a Swiss mountain inn: “SPECIAL TODAY — NO ICE-CREAM.”

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: “WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.”

On the door of a Moscow hotel room: “IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.”

A laundry in Rome: “LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.”

 

 

I just love the lame attempts at spreading viruses that abound in the mail.  Even my anti-virus software didn’t think it was much of a threat.  It moved the email to my junk folder and than give it this little tiny warning, like it was almost embarrassed to overstate the obvious:

Attachment contains a virus An attachment to this message contains a virus and has been removed.

Come on….seriously?  You really think the IRS is going to contact me through email?  Through my Impish Dragon account? Really?  Let’s look at this crappy little joke of an email, shall we:

Department of Treasury Internal Revenue Source

Important information about your tax return (It’s almost July …. my tax return was filled out in January… you’re just a little behind the curve here fellas)

We are unable to process your tax return (Oh really?  Are you going back in time to take it all back?)

 

We recived (that’s received, genius!) your tax return. However, we are unable to process the return as field. (What the hell is a “return as” field?) Our records indicate that the person identifiedas (probably supposed to be identified and as, two separate words) the primary taxpayer or spouse on the tax return did not provided all the required documents shown on the tax form. Our records are based on information received from the Social Security Administration. Based on this information, the tax account for the individual has been locked (oh goodie!  Does that mean that I will never have to pay any more taxes to my locked account?)

What you need to do Print out the attached notification (you mean the attached notification that my anti-virus program said was a virus?  That attached notification?) and list of missing documents, fill it in, add the documents and send the following information to the adress (Do I really think the real IRS wouldn’t know how to spell “address”? Okay, “received” I can almost believe, you know the whole “i  before e, except after c” thing, but I’m pretty sure “address” would be one that they wouldn’t have such difficulty with) shown in the attached notification. List of required documents: 1. A copy of this letter 2. Notification letter (again, that would be the one with the virus?) 3. A photocopy of valid U.S. Federal or State Government issued identification. (Hmm, that must be the problem.  I can’t remember ever sending my government issued identification to the IRS…other than, you know, my whole social security number thingy.)

Keep this notice for your records. If you need assistance, please don’t hesitate to contact us (by return email perhaps?  Oh, I know….they must’ve just forgot to put the contact information on there.  I’ll do my homework and check the I.P. address in the email header and use one of MANY I.P. look up tools available on the internet….let’s see …. okay, there’s the contact information …. wait a minute!  Boy, I tell you what!  I’m so steamed!  That damn Obama has outsourced the IRS to Poland!  That’s right.  This email came from Warsaw, Poland!  Bastards!  No wonder honest Americans can’t find jobs anymore…. they’re all being outsourced to places like Poland and India!  Geez!)

What our little tongue-in-cheek lesson in email today should have taught you is that:

1. Get good anti-virus software on your computer and keep it up to date (although I’m pretty sure even crappy anti-virus software would’ve caught this dog).
2. Use a tiny bit of common sense…the IRS is NOT going to contact you by email, neither is UPS to tell you that they couldn’t deliver a package (another one I’ve gotten quite a bit lately).
3. If something looks suspicious and you don’t know who it’s from, or don’t believe it could be from someone it says it is (you are NOT the lucky recipient of the winning lottery numbers) don’t open it.  Just delete it.

Now, go have fun with the rest of your day!

Sorry for the late issue folks I started feeling ill about bed time last night and had a really lousy night so I spent some extra time in my bunk today. I’m more or less on the mend but I’ll probably be going back to bed fairly soon for a serious nap

Yeah, like THAT is ever a possibility! ‘Good’ and ‘Monday’ at best are oxymoronic and at worst the antithesis of each other, Monday probably being some obscure ancient term for ‘day of evil torments from the get-go’.

Humm…I think I feel a theme issue coming on! I mean seriously who doesn’t like Calvin and Hobbes at least as much as Leprechauns and more than Dragons?

Anyway, Let’s Get Our Laugh On!

British Perspective of Bin Laden Assassination

LOVE the dry British humor…this 4 minutes made my day

Listen closely…almost every word counts. Actually the ending is the best.

 

Possibly The Best Photo Caption EVER

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I knew he reminded me of somebody famous…..

On the left is “Walter,” Jeff Dunham’s dummy…

The one on the right is Obama’s.

The resemblance is uncanny isn’t it?

Found this both interesting and sad!

All You Need to Know about Government Bureaucracy:

** Pythagorean theorem:…………………………………………..24 words.
** Lord’s prayer:………………………………………………………66 words.
** Archimedes’ Principle:……………………………………………67 words.
** 10 Commandments:………………………………………………179 words.
** Gettysburg address:………………………………………………286 words.
** Declaration of Independence :…………………………………1,300 words.
** US Constitution with all 27 Amendments:…………………..7,818 words.
** US Government regulations on sale of cabbage:………. 26,911 words.

No further explanation needed.

Geeze! Now he sounds like a Liberal Democrat! I always thought they acted like difficult children and perfect little monsters but as they say the proof is in the pudding!’

 

 

A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, “I descend into hell!”

A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would spring, and the actor would drop from view.

The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, “I descend into hell!” the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend.

One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled, “Hallelujah! Hell is full!”

 

 

Horowitz was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home. He walked into the house and found his wife Fanny in the arms of another man. He started to yell at the interloper, “What right have you got to be making love to my wife?”
The man answered calmly, “You may as well know that I am in love with Fanny, and I would like to marry her. I understand you’re a gambler. Why don’t you be a good sport and sit down and play a game of gin rummy with me? If I lose, I’ll never see her again; if you lose, you must agree to divorce her…. Okay?”
“Okay,” replied Horowitz, “but just to make it a little more interesting, why don’t we play for a dollar a point?”

Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the
Lesson was about.

The daughter answered, “Don’t be scared, you’ll get your quilt.”

Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.

Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning’s Sunday School lesson was about.

He said “Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming.”

 

 

When a woman in my office became engaged, a colleague offered her some advice. “The first ten years are the hardest.”
“How long have you been married?” she asked.
“Ten years,” came the immediate reply.

 

Dr. Phil’s Test

Below is Dr. Phil’s test

 (that right there should explain why its in Leprechaun Laffs)

(Dr. Phil scored 55, he did this test on Oprah and she got a 38.)
Some folks pay a lot of money to find this stuff out!
The following test is pretty accurate and it only takes a few minutes.
Don’t peek!
Answers are for who you are now and not who you were in the past.

Allegedly this is a real test given by Human Relations Departments at many of the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and in their prospective employees. There are 10 Simple questions, so grab a pencil and paper. Record your letter answers to each question.

Ready?
Begin.

1. When do you feel your best…
A) in the morning
B) during the afternoon and early evening
C) late at night

2. You usually walk…
A) fairly fast, with long steps
B) fairly fast, with little steps
C) less fast head up, looking the world in the face
D) less fast, head down
E) very slowly

3. When talking to people you…
A) stand with your arms folded
B) have your hands clasped
C) have one or both your hands on your hips
D) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
E) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with..
A) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
B) your legs crossed
C) your legs stretched out or straight
D) one leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with…
A) big appreciated laugh
B) a laugh, but not a loud one
C) a quiet chuckle
D) a sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you…
A) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
B) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
C) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

7. You’re working very hard, concentrating hard, and you’re interrupted…
A) welcome the break
B) feel extremely irritated
C) vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most….
A) Red or orange
B) black
C) yellow or light blue
D) green
E) dark blue or purple
F) white
G) brown or gray

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are…..
A) stretched out on your back
B) stretched out face down on your stomach
C) on your side, slightly curled
D) with your head on one arm
E) with your head under the covers

10. You often dream that you are…
A) falling
B) fighting or struggling
C) searching for something or somebody
D) flying or floating
E) you usually have dreamless sleep
F) your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS:
1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6
2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1
3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6
4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1
5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2
6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2
7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4
8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1
9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e ) 1
10 (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

Now add up the total number of points.

OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should “handle with care.” You’re seen as vain, self-centered, and extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don’t always trust you, hesitating to become too d eep ly involved with you.

51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality, a natural leader, who’s quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once, someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting, someone who’s constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding, someone who’ll always cheer them up and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who’s extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expects the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you, realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions and who doesn’t want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don’t exist. Some people think you’re boring. Only those who know you well, know that you aren’t.

SUBSIDIZED??! Yup still sounds like a innocent naive Democrat!

A woman was sipping on a glass of wine while sitting on the patio with her husband.

She says, “I love you so much. I don’t know how I could ever live without you.”

Her husband asks, “Is that you or the wine talking?”

She replies, “It’s me… talking to the wine.”

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It’s obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, “Easy, William, we won’t be long, easy, boy.”

Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, “It’s okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, “William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William.”

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car..

She said to the elderly gentleman, “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa.”

“Thanks,” said the grandfather, “but I’m William …….the little shit’s name is Kevin.”

 

Gee and here all along I thought it was just al Qaeda, all the cyber-hackers/identity thieves, telemarketers and old age!

 

For all you sports enthusiasts…

Are you aware that a new world record has been set for the HIGH JUMP from a KNEELING position?

The record (0.757 meters) – remember this is from a KNEELING position was set recently on a beach near Montpellier in Southern France

The photograph below was taken a split second before the jump – but it gives you an idea as to how it was achieved…….

 

 

 

 

His wife asked Impish to describe her.
He said, ” You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J & K.”
She asked, “What does that mean?”
He answered, ” Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant,
Fantastic, Gorgeous, Hot.”
She said, ” Oh, that’s so lovely darling, but what about I, J & K?”
He smiled, “I’m Just Kidding!!!”

In lieu of flowers the family asks you make a donation to the burial fund to cover the cost of the excavation work required for the cremation pit or to Mrs. Dragons defense fund. I’m given to understand she’ll plead not guilty and use the tried and true “the bastard had it coming” defense after packing the jury with married women.

And magically now all the PC Police and ACLU members in our readership are grabbing for their protest signs to protest the teaching to this radical new religion in our schools!

Question of the Day:

Why are RaincoatsYellow?

 

Any MORE Questions?

This reminds me of someone famous….somebody in a seat of power… I can’t quite but my finger on who or why. It might be the ears though.

Bin Laden Wanted to Change al Qaeda’s Name

Months after the raid on Osama bin Laden, U.S. officials are still sifting through documents from his Abbottabad compound and learning more about the late terrorist leader. One such revelation: A letter written months before he died implies that bin Laden wanted to alter the name of his terror group from al Qaeda, which means “the base,” to a different name that would reinforce the network’s purpose of carrying out a holy war against enemies of Islam. The letter reveals bin Laden’s concern that his group was becoming unpopular in the Islamic world because they were responsible for killing so many Muslims. He was clearly seeking desperate measures to keep the network alive and strong until his final days.

Read it at The Guardian June 24, 2011 11:57 AM

Well the absolute LAST person I ever expected to find myself in agreement with was Osama bin Laden about ANYTHING (unless of course it was the fact we were hunting him down like a rabid dog). However in this instance I think he is 100% correct, it IS time for al Qaeda to change its name to something that more closely labels its current purpose. Anybody know what the Arabic phrase for “Predator Drones & S.E.A.L Team 6 Training Targets” is? No? How about “Military Equivalent of Whack-a-Mole Game”?  Not that one either huh? OK, then what about “Towel-headed Tantrum Throwing Terroristic Three Year Olds Who Refuse To Be Dragged Kicking and Screaming Into The Modern World”? All too wordy for a group name huh? Ok, then how about “Religiously Gullible Body Bag Fillers”? Still too long?! OK this my last attempt then “Stooges In Towels”. Anybody know the phrase for that in Arabic? Ok I lied, I do have ONE FINAL ABSOLUTE LAST ONE: “The Archie Bunkers of Islam”.

Good Morning Campers!
It’s Saturday and I’m on my way into work.  Yeah, what else do I need to say?
Hope you enjoy today’s issue, filled with laughter and titillation of every sort.  So, pour a cup of your favorite beverage, rest your tired bones and enjoy the best damn e-zine on the internet.

Let’s Laugh!

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school

after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.

One said to the other, ‘What do you think about

all this Satan stuff?’

The other boy replied, ‘Well, you know how

Santa Claus turned out.

It’s probably just your Dad.’

 

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl

whispered to her mother,

‘Why is the bride dressed in white?”

The mother replied, ‘Because white is the color

of happiness,

and today is the happiest day of her life.’

The child thought about this for a moment then said,

‘So why is the groom wearing black?’

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about

their fathers.

The first boy says, ‘My Dad scribbles a few words

on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem,

they give him $50.’

The second boy says, ‘That’s nothing. My Dad

scribbles a few words on piece of paper,

he calls it a song, they give him $100.’

The third boy says, ‘I got you both beat. My Dad

scribbles a few words on a piece of paper,

he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to

collect all the money!’

A police recruit was asked during the exam,

‘What would you do if you had to arrest your own

mother?’

He answered, ‘Call for backup.’

 

At Sunday School they were teaching how God

created everything, including human beings.

Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they

told him

how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying

down as though he were ill,

and she said, ‘Johnny, what is the matter?’ Little

Johnny responded,

‘I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have

a wife.’

A drunk woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi along 6th Avenue.

The Indian driver opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the Cab.

“What’s wrong with you Luv, haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

“I’ll not be staring at you lady, I am telling you, that would not be proper, where I am coming from”.

“Well if you’re not bloody staring at me Luvie, what are you doing then?”

“Well, I am looking and looking, and I am thinking to myself, where in hell is this lady keeping the money to pay for this ride.”

 

It took us a while to get here, but your wait was not in vain…

“Doctor, Doctor! You’ve gotta help me!” cried the scared woman. “I have a piece of lettuce stuck in my ear!”

“That looks nasty,” commented the nurse.

“Nasty?” replied the doctor. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”

“What do you mean?” asked the nurse and alarmed patient, in unison.

“This is just the tip of the iceberg!” replied the doctor.

(Editors note: the same joke was used yesterday by Lethal Leprechaun, I leave this in to show you that, although we’ve said often that we use each other’s stuff and step on each other’s toes, we also don’t necessarily see the same joke the same way)
K² writes in to us:
Dear Lethal Leprechaun,
I heard that the Irish have solved their own fuel problem and I wanted to know if it was true and I was sure you’d be the one to know.  I heard they imported 50 million tons of sand from the Arabs and they’re going to drill for their own oil.  Do you know what kind of rig they are using?

Creative weather forecasters do a lot of brain storming.

Thanks to K² for this hilarious clip of an Obama Impersonator telling racist jokes at a GOP Leadership Conference

 

Those canal crossings get you down?  Tired of having to load onto a ferry to get you and your 44 closest friends to the party?  Fear not, the solution is at hand….

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ‘ For Marijuana.
2. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, say it with a serious face.
3. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is ‘To Go’.
4. Sing Along At The Opera.
5. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
6. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling ‘Run For Your Lives! They’re Loose!’
7. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, ‘Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.’

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
8. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE “FITTING ROOM IS.

What an amazing compilation of facts and figures.  World War II was definitely a time of huge industrial advancement.  I hope you enjoy this essay sent to us by our good camper buddy Dan.

Amazing WWII Aircraft Facts

No matter how one looks at it, these are incredible statistics. Aside from the figures on aircraft, consider this statement from the article: On average 6600 American service men died per MONTH, during WWII (about 220 a day).

Most Americans who were not adults during WWII have no understanding of the magnitude of it. This listing of some of the aircraft facts gives a bit of insight to it.

276,000 aircraft manufactured in the US.

43,000 planes lost overseas, including 23,000 in combat.

14,000 lost in the continental U.S.

The US civilian population maintained a dedicated effort for four years, many working long hours seven days per week and often also volunteering for other work. WWII was the largest human effort in history.

Statistics from Flight Journal magazine.

THE COST of DOING BUSINESS

–––– The staggering cost of war.

THE PRICE OF VICTORY (cost of an aircraft in WWII dollars)

B-17 $204,370.
P-40 $44,892.
B-24 $215,516.
P-47 $85,578.
B-25 $142,194.
P-51 $51,572.
B-26 $192,426.
C-47 $88,574.
B-29 $605,360.
PT-17 $15,052.
P-38 $97,147.
AT-6 $22,952.

PLANES A DAY WORLDWIDE

From Germany’s invasion of Poland Sept. 1, 1939 and ending with Japan’s surrender on Sept. 2, 1945 ––- 2,433 days.
From 1942 onward, America averaged 170 planes lost a day.

How many is a 1,000 planes? B-17 production (12,731) wingtip to wingtip would extend 250 miles. 1,000 B-17s carried 2.5 million gallons of high octane fuel and required 10,000 airmen to fly and fight in them.

THE NUMBERS GAME
9.7 billion gallons of gasoline consumed, 1942-1945.
107.8 million hours flown, 1943-1945.
459.7 billion rounds of aircraft ammo fired overseas, 1942-1945.
7.9 million bombs dropped overseas, 1943-1945.
2.3 million combat sorties, 1941-1945 (one sortie = one takeoff).
299,230 aircraft accepted, 1940-1945.
808,471 aircraft engines accepted, 1940-1945.
799,972 propellers accepted, 1940-1945.

WWII MOST-PRODUCED COMBAT AIRCRAFT

Ilyushin IL-2 Sturmovik 36,183
Yakolev Yak-1,-3,-7, -9 31,000+
Messerschmitt Bf-109 30,480
Focke-Wulf Fw-190 29,001
Supermarine Spitfire/Seafire 20,351
Convair B-24/PB4Y Liberator/Privateer 18,482
North American P-51 Mustang 15,875
Republic P-47 Thunderbolt 15,686
Junkers Ju-88 15,000
Hawker Hurricane 14,533
Curtiss P-40 Warhawk 13,738
Boeing B-17 Flying Fortress 12,731
Vought F4U Corsair 12,571
Grumman F6F Hellcat 12,275
Petlyakov Pe-2 11,400
Lockheed P-38 Lightning 10,037
Mitsubishi A6M Zero 10,449
North American B-25 Mitchell 9,984
Lavochkin LaGG-5 9,920
Grumman TBM Avenger 9,837
Bell P-39 Airacobra 9,584
Nakajima Ki-43 Oscar 5,919
DeHavilland Mosquito 7,780
Avro Lancaster 7,377
Heinkel He-111 6,508
Handley-Page Halifax 6,176
Messerschmitt Bf-110 6,150
Lavochkin LaGG-7 5,753
Boeing B-29 Superfortress 3,970
Short Stirling 2,383

According to the AAF Statistical Digest, in less than four years (December 1941- August 1945), the US Army
Air Forces lost 14,903 pilots, aircrew and assorted personnel plus 13,873 airplanes ––- inside the continental United States. They were the result of 52,651 aircraft accidents (6,039 involving fatalities) in 45 months. They average 1,170 aircraft accidents per month–––– nearly 40 a day. (Less than one accident in four resulted in totaled aircraft, however.)

It gets worse…..
Almost 1,000 Army planes disappeared en route from the US to foreign climes. But an eye-watering 43,581 aircraft were lost overseas including 22,948 on combat missions (18,418 against the Western Axis) and 20,633 attributed to non-combat causes overseas.

In a single 376 plane raid in August 1943, 60 B-17s were shot down. That was a 16 percent loss rate and meant 600 empty bunks in England. In 1942-43, it was statistically impossible for bomber crews to complete a 25-mission tour in Europe.

Pacific theatre losses were far less (4,530 in combat) owing to smaller forces committed. The worst B-29 mission against Tokyo on May 25, 1945, cost 26 Superfortresses, 5.6 percent of the 464 dispatched from the Marianas.

On average, 6,600 American servicemen died per month during WWII, about 220 a day. By the end of the war, over 40,000 airmen were killed in combat theatres and another 18,000 wounded. Some 12,000 missing men were declared dead, including a number “liberated” by the Soviets but never returned. More than 41,000 were captured, half of the 5,400 held by the Japanese died in captivity, compared with one-tenth in German hands. Total combat casualties were pegged at 121,867.

US manpower made up the deficit. The AAF’s peak strength was reached in 1944 with 2,372,000 personnel, nearly twice the previous year’s figure.

The losses were huge––-but so were production totals. From 1941 through 1945, American industry delivered more than 276,000 military aircraft. That number was enough not only for US Army, Navy and Marine Corps, but for allies as diverse as Britain, Australia, China and Russia. In fact, from 1943 onward, America produced more planes than Britain and Russia combined. And more than Germany and Japan together 1941-45.

However, our enemies took massive losses. Through much of 1944, the Luftwaffe sustained uncontrolled hemorrhaging, reaching 25 percent of aircrews and 40 planes a month. And in late 1944 into 1945, nearly half the pilots in Japanese squadrons had flown fewer than 200 hours. The disparity of two years before had been completely reversed.

Experience Level:
Uncle Sam sent many of his sons to war with absolute minimums of training. Some fighter pilots entered combat in 1942 with less than 1 hour in their assigned aircraft.
The 357th Fighter Group (often known as The Yoxford Boys) went to England in late 1943 having trained on P-39s. The group never saw a Mustang until shortly before its first combat mission.

A high-time P-51 pilot had 30 hours in type. Many had fewer than five hours. Some had one hour.

With arrival of new aircraft, many combat units transitioned in combat. The attitude was, “They all have a stick and a throttle. Go fly `em.” When the famed 4th Fighter Group converted from P-47s to P-51s in February 1944, there was no time to stand down for an orderly transition. The Group commander, Col. Donald Blakeslee, said, “You can learn to fly `51s on the way to the target.

A future P-47 ace said, “I was sent to England to die.” He was not alone. Some fighter pilots tucked their wheels in the well on their first combat mission with one previous flight in the aircraft. Meanwhile, many bomber crews were still learning their trade. Of Jimmy Doolittle’s 15 pilots on the April 1942 Tokyo raid, only five had won their wings before 1941. All but one of the 16 copilots were less than a year out of flight school.

In WWII flying safety took a back seat to combat. The AAF’s worst accident rate was recorded by the A-36 Invader version of the P-51: a staggering 274 accidents per 100,000 flying hours. Next worst were the P-39 at 245, the P-40 at 188, and the P-38 at 139. All were Allison powered.

Bomber wrecks were fewer but more expensive. The B-17 and B-24 averaged 30 and 35 accidents per 100,000 flight hours, respectively–– a horrific figure considering that from 1980 to 2000 the Air Force’s major mishap rate was less than 2.

The B-29 was even worse at 40; the world’s most sophisticated, most capable and most expensive bomber was too urgently needed to stand down for mere safety reasons. The AAF set a reasonably high standard for B-29 pilots, but the desired figures were seldom attained.

The original cadre of the 58th Bomb Wing was to have 400 hours of multi-engine time, but there were not enough experienced pilots to meet the criterion. Only ten percent had overseas experience. Conversely, when a $2.1 billion B-2 crashed in 2008, the Air Force initiated a two-month “safety pause” rather than declare a “stand down”,
let alone grounding.

The B-29 was no better for maintenance. Though the R3350 was known as a complicated, troublesome power-plant, no more than half the mechanics had previous experience with the Duplex Cyclone. But they made it work.

Navigators:
Perhaps the greatest unsung success story of AAF training was Navigators. The Army graduated some 50,000 during the War. And many had never flown out of sight of land before leaving “Uncle Sugar” for a war zone. Yet the huge majority found their way across oceans and continents without getting lost or running out of fuel ––- a stirring tribute to the AAF’s educational establishments.

Cadet To Colonel:
It was possible for a flying cadet at the time of Pearl Harbor to finish the war with eagles on his shoulders. That was the record of John D. Landers, a 21-year-old Texan, who was commissioned a second lieutenant on December 12, 1941. He joined his combat squadron with 209 hours total flight time, including 2½ in P-40s. He finished the war as a full colonel, commanding an 8th Air Force Group ––- at age 24.
As the training pipeline filled up, however those low figures became exceptions.
By early 1944, the average AAF fighter pilot entering combat had logged at least 450 hours, usually including 250 hours in training. At the same time, many captains and first lieutenants claimed over 600 hours.

FACT:
At its height in mid-1944, the Army Air Forces had 2.6 million people and nearly 80,000 aircraft of all types.
Today the US Air Force employs 327,000 active personnel (plus 170,000 civilians) with 5,500+ manned and perhaps 200 unmanned aircraft.
The 2009 figures represent about 12 percent of the manpower and 7 percent of the airplanes of the WWII peak.

IN SUMMATION:
Whether there will ever be another war like that experienced in 1940-45 is doubtful, as fighters and bombers have given way to helicopters and remotely-controlled drones over Afghanistan and Iraq. But within living memory, men left the earth in 1,000-plane formations and fought major battles five miles high, leaving a legacy that remains timeless.

Holy Mary Blessed Mother of Jayus b’gosh & b’gorrah! It actually finally rained here! When I say rained I mean steadily and gently for some where in the neighborhood of five or six hours straight.

We here in Texas have not seen any appreciable rain probably since January and that ‘tis nae blarney.

I woke up Wednesday morning rather abruptly to the notion that yet another fecking liberal was pissin on me and trying to tell me it was rain. Then there was a prolonged loud building shaking rumble, followed by the immediate express arrival of two very freaked out cats to my bed. I then thought that perhaps it was Impish pissin’ on me for any one of the couple jokes I had made at his expense in Wednesday’s issue and that the rumble was simply him ‘outgassing’ as he is want to do frequently.

A bright flash suddenly filling the strangely dim for the hour room prompting a flurry of run and hide activity from the cats on the bed (across me apparently being the most direct route to wherever) and made me realize that this was natural metrological phenomena rather than something man or dragon made. The TV weather guessers had finally come thru on their empty promises it was raining! Even better it was mostly a gentle but steady soaking rain as opposed to the frog strangling deluge we normally get where 90% of it runs off after damaging crops! While it sort of puts the axe to my plans to grill up a storm to keep cool when the heat returns I call it a fair trade.

If it keeps up for most of the day while not out of our drought problem (the worst its been in 10 years) we will probably be out of the dangerous grass fire situation that has been plaguing us around here (three major one and within 5 miles of me in the last 7 days) Now if you’ll kindly excuse me I’m going to go outside and pay mother nature for her benevolence by mowing the fecking lawn that has grown 2 inches almost overnight.

Let’s Laugh Our Way To An Early Quitting Time!

(Impish that does not mean you! Sit down and dummy up you big dummy!)

Dear Customer:

We apologize for the delay in getting your order to you.

However, your item is on back order at this time. We didn’t anticipate such great demand for this item, and we have simply been unable to keep them in stock!

28 million are currently on back order, and we should be receiving more from the manufacturer soon. We will ship your order at the earliest possible time.

We thank you for your patience, and for your continued patronage!

ABC NOVELTIES COMPANY.

 

A Muslim kid can’t find his mother in the supermarket.
The store attendant says ‘What does your mother look like?’
The kid says “How the hell should I know?”

 

 

My 17-year-old niece asked me if she could use my name as a reference on her resume, which she planned to submit to a local fast food restaurant. I agreed.

A few days later, she called and asked me to meet her at the restaurant later that afternoon. When I asked her why, she replied, “The manager wants me to come in for an interview and she told me to bring my references.”

 

The Polish have solved their own fuel problems.
They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they’re going to drill for their own oil.  Impish is already in search of a kielbasa skin turban to wear and telling everyone to call him ‘sheik Dragon’. Word has it this was his ‘brilliant’ idea

 

Wheelbarrow Bet

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

“Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

“You’re on, old man,” the braggart replied. “Let’s see what you got.”

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right. Get in. “

 

Today’s Important PSA comes from Rick of WolfsWallpapers Yahoo Group: wolfswallpapers-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or visit their homepage: http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/wolfswallpapers/ where when not slaving for the dragon you’ll find me backstopping Rick and doing the Fantasy Friday Wallpapers.

 

 

A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem.
The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway.
When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front of and facing a full length mirror. The young woman was even more shocked, but if it would help solve her problem, she thought she had better do what the doctor said.
As soon as she was in position the doctor asked her to open her legs and when she did he put his head between them and rested his chin right on her private parts. After a few moments and some very positive ‘yes, yes’ type noises the doctor instructed her to get dressed again.
Afterwards, the doctor sat her down and informed her that the main cause of her problem was just that she was drinking far too much liquid before going to bed.
“So what did the exercise in front of the mirror tell you?”
“Well,” said the doctor, “my wife is right, a beard would suit me.”

 

Ask about my 3 for 1 special and my satisfaction guarantee! Remember me lucky charms are magically delicious too!

( This offer only good for human females 18 to 60. credit check required for those over 50. Graciemj you quit that shoving & line cutting now! wait your turn  polite  and lady like!)

 

 

Five (5) pearls of Leprechaun wisdom to remember:

1. Money cannot buy happiness but somehow, it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes Benz than it is on a bicycle. (it’s even more comfy in a Rolls)

2. Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard’s name. (as well as his D.o.B, S.S.N and C.C. numbers, then give me a call. I’ll do the rest and for a reasonable 40% including the laundering too!)

3. Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again. (help him get into even deeper trouble however and he’ll avoid you like the plague)

4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them. (well that and they will not chlorinate the shallow end of the gene pool and require an IQ test before allowing them to breed. But seriously if they were not around who would we give the Darwin awards out to?)

5. Alcohol does not solve any problem, but then neither does milk. (so why take chances the milk might be spoiled or wasn’t pasteurized properly? I’ve yet to hear of a case of spoiled Irish whiskey)

 

 

Ronald Reagan tells joke about Democrats

 

Italian Pregnancy

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, ‘Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!’ The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, “Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation but I’ll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?’

At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shotgun, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder, looks him directly in the eyes and tells him, “You gonna try again.”

Why Male Elk Have Long Antlers

 

 

 

 

 

It’s a guy thing, regardless of Species

 

 

Oops! is a word
That I don’t care
To hear as someone
Cuts my hair.

Another time
It’s not a thrill
Is when the dentist
Holds a drill.

An Oops! escaped
From pilot’s lips
Can do me in
On airplane trips.

But nothing’s worse
Than Oops spoken
When one finds out
The condom’s broken.

 

 

An Occupational Story

“You don’t measure up,” said the baker, deadpan.
“You’re such a drain on me,” said the plumber, plunging into the sea.
“I knew that would get a rise out of him,” the baker said, rolling over to cook his back in the warm sun.
The pro bowler, adjusting the frames of his glasses, noticed the split between the two men he thought of as pinheads.
“Please spare us,” said the bowler, “you don’t strike me as hostile…”
The architect surveyed the baker and the plumber, two pillars of the community, and tried to give them support. He shot the archer nearby a look.
“The baker has a point,” said the archer.
“But why must he needle the plumber like that?” asked the tailor, hemming and hawing.
“Oh, oh!” the plumber cried, wrenching in pain, his face growing flushed.
“Why is he yelling?” the shepherd asked, sheepishly.
“The plumber’s goose may be cooked,” the baker cried with mixed emotions.
The tailor was the next to realize that the plumber was hanging on by a thread.
“Save him,” the banker shrieked with interest, hoping the plumber would soon be safe.
“Help!” the plumber charged, his throat clogged.
“Someone should help him,” screamed the fireman, alarmed.
“He’s blue,” the singer noted, joining the chorus of onlookers.
The baker brushed by the painter and the dentist, swam quickly to the plumber and dragged him ashore with relish.
He cleared the plumber’s pipes.
“Tanks,” said the plumber, spouting off.
“Donut mention it,” said the baker, sweetly.

 

 

 

 

One lazy Sunday morning the wife and Impish were quiet and thoughtful, sitting around the breakfast table when Impish said to her unexpectedly,

“When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff, immediately.”

“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” Mrs. Dragon asked.

“I figure a woman as fine as yourself would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other asshole using my stuff.”

She looked at Impish intently and said: “What makes you think I’d marry another asshole?”

Speaking of our fearful (of Mrs. Dragon) leader, it’s been a while since I posted a LIVE candid of him on a casual Friday at the office off the hidden security cam in his private lair. I figure its high time we corrected this oversight and so with a couple of mouse clicks…Eureka!

and suddenly I remember why it’s been so long and why it’s going to be even longer until the next LIVE candid of him!

 

 

 

 

Here is a picture of the apparently well satisfied wife which allegedly accompanied the article:

Ah huh, as DragonLaffs’ resident Doctor of Quackery, I think I see the problem. I’ll need to see her privately three nights a week for six months in a four star luxury suite to confirm my diagnosis however.

 

These sound so good! Heaven help us…LOL!

1/2 bag frozen tater tots, about 40 pieces
1 pound sliced, lean bacon, about 20 slices

Preheat oven to 425.

Cut bacon strips in half making 2 equal size pieces, about 4 inches each.

(If you place each slice on a cutting board and run the back of the knife along it you can flatten and stretch the bacon so you can probably get three tots per piece)

Place a tater tot on the end of the half-strip of bacon and roll it around the tot, slightly overlapping by 1/2 inch. Cut off any excess bacon. Pierce with a toothpick and place bacon wrapped tot on a baking sheet. Bake until the bacon is crispy, about 15-20 minutes.

I put them on a wire rack so the grease drains while they bake. This also seems of cause them to be done closer to the 15 min mark too.

Leprechaun’s Hint:

Soak toothpicks in a bowl of water before sticking into the tots and hot oven.

  BE sure cardiologist Emergency Room and 911 are all on speed dialer then bid a fond fair thee well the the view of your toes before eating these.

Career Choice

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do, and he didn’t seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects.

1. A Bible…
2. A silver dollar…
3. A bottle of whisky…
4. And a Playboy magazine…

‘I’ll just hide behind the door,’ the old preacher said to himself. ‘When he comes home from school today, I’ll see which object he picks up.

If it’s the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me, and what a Blessing that would be!
If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.
But if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.

And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine, he’s going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.’
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table…
With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month’s centerfold.

‘Lord have mercy,’ the old preacher disgustedly whispered.
‘He’s gonna run for Congress!’

I was eating lunch on the 20th of February with my 5-year-old goddaughter and I asked her, “What day is tomorrow?”
She said “It’s President’s Day!”
She is a smart kid. So, I asked “What does President’s Day mean?” I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln … etc.
She replied, “President’s Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of unemployment.”
You know, it hurts when coffee spurts out your nose…

Speaking of Obama….

Teacher Arrested

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy
International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of
a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning
press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a
member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
‘Al-Gebra is a problem for us’, the Attorney General said.. ‘They
derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in
search of absolute values.’ They use secret code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’ and
refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every
country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘There are 3 sides to
every triangle’.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, ‘If God
had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.’ White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President – It is
believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.

Since I don’t have to say or add anything to this Last word  again I’m sneaking out of here while you read it. Friday please post the closing credits for me and then when they are done show the readers out please. Then join me in the hanger I’ll have the G-5 warming up for our little weekend get away… I mean fact finding trip!

When will Obama crack in public?

Posted: April 19, 2011 by Mychal Massie

At a time when many Americans can barely afford Burger King and a movie, Obama boasts of spending a billion dollars on his re-election campaign. Questioned at a recent appearance about the spiraling fuel costs, Obama said, “Get used to it” – and with an insouciant grin and chortle, he told another person at the event, who complained about the effect high fuel prices were having on his family, to “get a more fuel-efficient car.”

The Obamas behave as if they were sharecroppers living in a trailer and hit the Powerball, but instead of getting new tires for their trailer and a new pickup truck, they moved to Washington. And instead of making possum pie, with goats and chickens in the front yard, they’re spending and living large at taxpayer expense – opulent vacations, gala balls, resplendent dinners and exclusive command performances at the White House, grand date nights, golf, basketball, more golf, exclusive resorts and still more golf.

Expensive, ill-fitting and ill-chosen wigs and fashions hardly befit the first lady of the United States. The Obamas have behaved in every way but presidential – which is why it’s so offensive when we hear Obama say, in order “to restore fiscal responsibility, we all need to share in the sacrifice – but we don’t have to sacrifice the America we believe in.”

The American people have been sacrificing; it is he and his family who are behaving as if they’ve never had two nickels to rub together – and now, having hit the mother lode, they’re going to spend away their feelings of inadequacy at the taxpayers’ expense.
Obama continues to exhibit behavior that, at best, can be described as mobocratic and, at worst, reveals a deeply damaged individual. In a February 2010 column, I asked, “Is Obama unraveling?” I wrote that it was beginning to appear the growing mistrust of him and contempt for his policies was beginning to have a destabilizing effect on him.

At that time, I wrote that not having things go one’s way can be a bitter pill, but reasonable people don’t behave as he was behaving. He had insulted Republicans at their luncheon, where he had been an invited guest. I had speculated that was, in part, what had led him to falsely accuse Supreme Court justices before Congress, the nation and the world, during the 2010 State of the Union address.

It appeared, at that time, as if he were “fraying around the emotional edges.” That behavior has not abated – it has become more pronounced.. While addressing the nation, after being forced to explain the validity of his unilateral aggression with Libya, America witnessed a petulant individual scowling and scolding the public for daring to insist he explain his actions.

But during an afternoon speech to address the budget/debt, he took his scornful, unstable despotic behavior to depths that should give the nation cause for concern. Displaying a dark psychopathy more representative of an episode of “The Tudors” television series, he invited Rep. Paul Ryan, R-Wis., to sit in the front row during his speech and then proceeded to berate both Ryan and Ryan’s budget-cutting plan. Even liberal Democrats were put off by the act. MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough questioned the sanity of Obama’s actions.

Today, criticism is coming from all sides. A senior Democrat lawmaker said, “I have been very disappointed in [Obama], to the point where I’m embarrassed that I endorsed him. It’s so bad that some of us are thinking, is there some way we can replace him? How do you get rid of this guy?” (“Democrats’ Disgust with Obama,” The Daily Beast, April 15, 2011)

Steve McCann wrote: Obama’s speech “was chock full of lies, deceit and crass fear-mongering. It must be said that [he] is the most dishonest, deceitful and mendacious person in a position of power I have ever witnessed” (“The Mendacity of Barack Obama,” AmericanThinker.com, April 15, 2011).

McCann continued: “[His] performance was the culmination of four years of outright lies and narcissism that have been largely ignored by the media, including some in the conservative press and political class who are loath to call [him] what he is in the bluntest of terms: a liar and a fraud. That he relies on his skin color to intimidate, either outright or by insinuation [against] those who oppose his radical agenda only add to his audacity. It is apparent that he has gotten away with his character flaws his entire life, aided and abetted by sycophants around him. …”

With these being among the kinder rebukes being directed at Obama, and with people becoming less intimidated by his willingness to use race as a bludgeon, with falling poll numbers in every meaningful category and an increasingly aggressive tea-party opposition – how much longer before he cracks completely?

The coming months of political life are not going to be pleasant for Obama. Possessed by a self-perceived palatine mindset, that in his mind places him above criticism, how long before he cracks in public? Can America risk a man with a documented track record of lying and misrepresenting truth as a basic way of life, who is becoming increasingly more contumelious?

Mychal Massie is chairman of the National Leadership Network of Black Conservatives-Project 21 – a conservative black think tank located in Washington, D.C. He was recognized as the 2008 Conservative Man of the Year by the Conservative Party of Suffolk County, N.Y. He is a nationally recognized political activist, pundit and columnist. He has appeared on Fox News Channel, CNN, MSNBC, C-SPAN, NBC, Comcast Cable and talk radio programming nationwide. A former self-employed business owner of more than 30 years, Massie can be followed at mychal-massie.com.

OK so I did think of one last thing to say, a warning to those Democrats and Liberals who are now foaming at the mouth and madly scrolling to locate the comment link:

Heed our warning! We welcome opposing view points if they are couched in facts ands truth not spun of bullshit and misquotes! A few of you are already in danger of being permanently muzzled for this and I have no compunction against making any other Dems or libs who try baffling us with bullshit look like lying ignorant clueless asses.

What? Are you STILL reading this?! The bloody issue is done! Leave! Go Away! Get a life! No you can’t have any Brown Gold! Friday call security!