Sorry for the late issue folks I started feeling ill about bed time last night and had a really lousy night so I spent some extra time in my bunk today. I’m more or less on the mend but I’ll probably be going back to bed fairly soon for a serious nap
Yeah, like THAT is ever a possibility! ‘Good’ and ‘Monday’ at best are oxymoronic and at worst the antithesis of each other, Monday probably being some obscure ancient term for ‘day of evil torments from the get-go’.
Humm…I think I feel a theme issue coming on! I mean seriously who doesn’t like Calvin and Hobbes at least as much as Leprechauns and more than Dragons?
Anyway, Let’s Get Our Laugh On!
British Perspective of Bin Laden Assassination
LOVE the dry British humor…this 4 minutes made my day
Listen closely…almost every word counts. Actually the ending is the best.
Possibly The Best Photo Caption EVER
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I knew he reminded me of somebody famous…..
On the left is “Walter,” Jeff Dunham’s dummy…
The one on the right is Obama’s.
The resemblance is uncanny isn’t it?
Found this both interesting and sad!
All You Need to Know about Government Bureaucracy:
** Pythagorean theorem:…………………………………………..24 words.
** Lord’s prayer:………………………………………………………66 words.
** Archimedes’ Principle:……………………………………………67 words.
** 10 Commandments:………………………………………………179 words.
** Gettysburg address:………………………………………………286 words.
** Declaration of Independence :…………………………………1,300 words.
** US Constitution with all 27 Amendments:…………………..7,818 words.
** US Government regulations on sale of cabbage:………. 26,911 words.
No further explanation needed.
Geeze! Now he sounds like a Liberal Democrat! I always thought they acted like difficult children and perfect little monsters but as they say the proof is in the pudding!’
A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, “I descend into hell!”
A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would spring, and the actor would drop from view.
The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, “I descend into hell!” the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend.
One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled, “Hallelujah! Hell is full!”
Horowitz was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home. He walked into the house and found his wife Fanny in the arms of another man. He started to yell at the interloper, “What right have you got to be making love to my wife?”
The man answered calmly, “You may as well know that I am in love with Fanny, and I would like to marry her. I understand you’re a gambler. Why don’t you be a good sport and sit down and play a game of gin rummy with me? If I lose, I’ll never see her again; if you lose, you must agree to divorce her…. Okay?”
“Okay,” replied Horowitz, “but just to make it a little more interesting, why don’t we play for a dollar a point?”
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the
Lesson was about.
The daughter answered, “Don’t be scared, you’ll get your quilt.”
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.
Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning’s Sunday School lesson was about.
He said “Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming.”
When a woman in my office became engaged, a colleague offered her some advice. “The first ten years are the hardest.”
“How long have you been married?” she asked.
“Ten years,” came the immediate reply.
Dr. Phil’s Test
Below is Dr. Phil’s test
(that right there should explain why its in Leprechaun Laffs)
(Dr. Phil scored 55, he did this test on Oprah and she got a 38.)
Some folks pay a lot of money to find this stuff out!
The following test is pretty accurate and it only takes a few minutes.
Answers are for who you are now and not who you were in the past.
Allegedly this is a real test given by Human Relations Departments at many of the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and in their prospective employees. There are 10 Simple questions, so grab a pencil and paper. Record your letter answers to each question.
1. When do you feel your best…
A) in the morning
B) during the afternoon and early evening
C) late at night
2. You usually walk…
A) fairly fast, with long steps
B) fairly fast, with little steps
C) less fast head up, looking the world in the face
D) less fast, head down
E) very slowly
3. When talking to people you…
A) stand with your arms folded
B) have your hands clasped
C) have one or both your hands on your hips
D) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
E) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair
4. When relaxing, you sit with..
A) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
B) your legs crossed
C) your legs stretched out or straight
D) one leg curled under you
5. When something really amuses you, you react with…
A) big appreciated laugh
B) a laugh, but not a loud one
C) a quiet chuckle
D) a sheepish smile
6. When you go to a party or social gathering you…
A) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
B) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
C) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed
7. You’re working very hard, concentrating hard, and you’re interrupted…
A) welcome the break
B) feel extremely irritated
C) vary between these two extremes
8. Which of the following colors do you like most….
A) Red or orange
C) yellow or light blue
E) dark blue or purple
G) brown or gray
9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are…..
A) stretched out on your back
B) stretched out face down on your stomach
C) on your side, slightly curled
D) with your head on one arm
E) with your head under the covers
10. You often dream that you are…
B) fighting or struggling
C) searching for something or somebody
D) flying or floating
E) you usually have dreamless sleep
F) your dreams are always pleasant
1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6
2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1
3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6
4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1
5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2
6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2
7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4
8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1
9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e ) 1
10 (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1
Now add up the total number of points.
OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should “handle with care.” You’re seen as vain, self-centered, and extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don’t always trust you, hesitating to become too d eep ly involved with you.
51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality, a natural leader, who’s quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once, someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.
41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting, someone who’s constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding, someone who’ll always cheer them up and help them out.
31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who’s extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expects the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you, realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.
21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.
UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions and who doesn’t want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don’t exist. Some people think you’re boring. Only those who know you well, know that you aren’t.
SUBSIDIZED??! Yup still sounds like a innocent naive Democrat!
A woman was sipping on a glass of wine while sitting on the patio with her husband.
She says, “I love you so much. I don’t know how I could ever live without you.”
Her husband asks, “Is that you or the wine talking?”
She replies, “It’s me… talking to the wine.”
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It’s obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.
Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, “Easy, William, we won’t be long, easy, boy.”
Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, “It’s okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, “William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William.”
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car..
She said to the elderly gentleman, “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa.”
“Thanks,” said the grandfather, “but I’m William …….the little shit’s name is Kevin.”
Gee and here all along I thought it was just al Qaeda, all the cyber-hackers/identity thieves, telemarketers and old age!
For all you sports enthusiasts…
Are you aware that a new world record has been set for the HIGH JUMP from a KNEELING position?
The record (0.757 meters) – remember this is from a KNEELING position was set recently on a beach near Montpellier in Southern France
The photograph below was taken a split second before the jump – but it gives you an idea as to how it was achieved…….
His wife asked Impish to describe her.
He said, ” You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J & K.”
She asked, “What does that mean?”
He answered, ” Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant,
Fantastic, Gorgeous, Hot.”
She said, ” Oh, that’s so lovely darling, but what about I, J & K?”
He smiled, “I’m Just Kidding!!!”
In lieu of flowers the family asks you make a donation to the burial fund to cover the cost of the excavation work required for the cremation pit or to Mrs. Dragons defense fund. I’m given to understand she’ll plead not guilty and use the tried and true “the bastard had it coming” defense after packing the jury with married women.
And magically now all the PC Police and ACLU members in our readership are grabbing for their protest signs to protest the teaching to this radical new religion in our schools!
Question of the Day:
Why are RaincoatsYellow?
Any MORE Questions?
This reminds me of someone famous….somebody in a seat of power… I can’t quite but my finger on who or why. It might be the ears though.
Bin Laden Wanted to Change al Qaeda’s Name
Months after the raid on Osama bin Laden, U.S. officials are still sifting through documents from his Abbottabad compound and learning more about the late terrorist leader. One such revelation: A letter written months before he died implies that bin Laden wanted to alter the name of his terror group from al Qaeda, which means “the base,” to a different name that would reinforce the network’s purpose of carrying out a holy war against enemies of Islam. The letter reveals bin Laden’s concern that his group was becoming unpopular in the Islamic world because they were responsible for killing so many Muslims. He was clearly seeking desperate measures to keep the network alive and strong until his final days.
Read it at The Guardian June 24, 2011 11:57 AM
Well the absolute LAST person I ever expected to find myself in agreement with was Osama bin Laden about ANYTHING (unless of course it was the fact we were hunting him down like a rabid dog). However in this instance I think he is 100% correct, it IS time for al Qaeda to change its name to something that more closely labels its current purpose. Anybody know what the Arabic phrase for “Predator Drones & S.E.A.L Team 6 Training Targets” is? No? How about “Military Equivalent of Whack-a-Mole Game”? Not that one either huh? OK, then what about “Towel-headed Tantrum Throwing Terroristic Three Year Olds Who Refuse To Be Dragged Kicking and Screaming Into The Modern World”? All too wordy for a group name huh? Ok, then how about “Religiously Gullible Body Bag Fillers”? Still too long?! OK this my last attempt then “Stooges In Towels”. Anybody know the phrase for that in Arabic? Ok I lied, I do have ONE FINAL ABSOLUTE LAST ONE: “The Archie Bunkers of Islam”.