Good Morning Campers…

Many of you have tried to contact me to wish me well, and find out what’s going on.  It’s difficult for me to get messages out, while I’m in hiding … um… under house arrest.  My dear friend and legal representative, Lethal Leprechaun, due to the fact that I was so badly mistreated in my last placement, has arranged for me to be moving back and forth between two different magical/mythical homes.  These were negotiated between himself and a representative of Queen <said in a whisper> Tiamat.  All was well and good, and Lethal urged me to write a letter, not of apology so much as a letter of explanation.  Here’s what I sent him and the conversation we had afterward:

My Most Esteemed Queen,

Thou hast charged me with heinous crimes, all of them untrue.  I am naught but a loyal and trustworthy member or your court.  Please allow me to explain….

Thou knowest that I am the only dragon with an open persona in the public.  Aye, there have been other dragons in cinema and books, but most of them give dragons a bad name, not the good, kind and intelligent creatures that we really are.  I, on the other hand, through my Impish Dragon persona, have gathered a small following of like minded humans (okay, granted, there are probably some Gnomes, Dwarves, Gnolls, Fairies, Centaurs, and other mythical/magical creatures who are members of the readership of Dragon Laffs) who choose to see dragons as good and honest creatures.  Creatures with integrity, wit and humility.

Now, it comes to my attention that the oriental calendar has once again come round to the year of the dragon…the year of the water dragon to be precise and, although I know this calendar has naught to do with us real dragons, I thought it would be a good marketing tool to allow the GOOD name of dragons to get out.  Not the Hobbit eating and village burning of Smaug, nor the abandonment issues of Puff.  Any given human, when you ask them about dragons will come up with Norbert, the baby dragon from the Harry Potter movies: a lovable enough pet, but he is shanghaied in the end.  Sapharia, one of noble and intelligent birth…sadly, not many know of her true nature.  No, most are more likely to remember the buffoons Devon and Cornwall or the evilness of Vermithrax Pejorative neither of which is close to the truth.

My Queen, I took this as an opportunity to reveal the truth of dragon kind and to not continuing to allow the world to buy into the foolishness of Hollywood and Disney.

Respectfully Submitted,

Impish Dragon

Lethal Leprechaun: Ok A) You chose to live with humans, consort with them and view them as something altogether other than food.
B) You consort with ME to make money rather than the old fashioned Draconian way of terrorizing villagers and stealing it.
C) And I quote “Trustworthy  member of Her court”  is practically a blatant lie right there and is enough to carry a charge of Contempt of Court.
And on top of everything else, WHY THE FECK DO LEPRECHAUNS GET NO FECKING MENTION?? WHO DO YOU THINK STAFFS OUR ENTIRE ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT?

Lethal Leprechaun: And whatever happened to “declining numbers on both sides of the Dragon aisle requiring you to band together and come together to work to save the grandeur and majesty that is the ancient and wisest of races: Dragons”?

Lethal Leprechaun: Your writers need flogging!

Impish Dragon: So they do.  And besides, I thought leaving the Leprechauns out of it would be a good thing!  Figured it would be safer for you.

Lethal Leprechaun: It depends on your reasons for consorting with them, now doesn’t it?  Like say…attempting to learn the secrets of, what is arguably, the ONLY competition that Dragons have for being the richest race in existence?

Impish Dragon: Hmm….that’s a really good point.  Do you think she’ll notice?

Lethal Leprechaun: Do you honestly think you matter enough for the Queen of all Dragonkind to read your little letter and not some underling somewhere?

Impish Dragon: Well, she’s trying to kill me, or have me killed; I think that she would have enough interest in it to read it!

Lethal Leprechaun: Really?  And for that matter, do you know for a fact that SHE is behind all this?  YOU spoke with HER?  She told you snout to snout that she wants your skuzzy, scaled, traitorous tail dead?  Or did you not get the same printed poster and writ that I got, executed in HER name and ALLEGEDLY at HER direction?

Impish Dragon: Well … no … but if someone is throwing Her name around…

Lethal Leprechaun: And IF that WERE the case, that might, just MIGHT make this whole thing look ENTIRELY different, now wouldn’t it….

Impish Dragon: Well, yeah it would, but how do you …

Lethal Leprechaun: Shaddup, I’m thinkin’ here…
could it all be ….?
what if it was …?
Holy Jumping Shamrocks!  I think I’ve got it.  Anyone on Her High Council or Her staff not like you?  Anyone that also might be working for the Loony Liberal Left?  Did you also notice the complete lack of any official seal on any of the documents?

Impish Dragon: I can think of several who aren’t fans of mine.  They think I’m too outspoken for a dragon, and consort too much with the humans. And that I’m …

Lethal Leprechaun:  Yeah, yeah mate.  No sense in you singing your negative side to me, I know all about it.

Impish Dragon: No!  That’s not what …

Lethal Leprechaun: Any of them swift enough to have guessed your intent or that you might even have discussed it with?  See the Pan Lung had an interesting tail to tell me, if you’ll pardon the pun…

Impish Dragon: Go on…

Lethal Leprechaun: See, it seems they THOUGHT they had been hired by Tiamat to give you “your wish” and make you wingless like one of them, albeit as painfully as possible, while making it look like Asian Outrage over you usurping THEIR year.  Now, that’s not to say they weren’t, they just had different plans for you…they were going to use poisoned Asian Virgin Ninja Assassins.

Impish Dragon: Wow!  I’m speechless.

Lethal Leprechaun: Don’t I wish. Anyway, they could just be pissin’ in me fried rice..but what if they aren’t?  No seal on that writ IS sort of interesting and suspicious…maybe not the one on the island, or hung in the towns, but the one that was delivered by currier to the law offices?

Impish Dragon: Who do we know that can find out the truth?

Lethal Leprechaun: (Yeah, that whole speechless thing didn’t last long at all, did it?) I’m filling a legal writ which basically says PROVE you have the authority to do this and citing the lack of seals as a basis for the demand.  We’ll see what happens from there.  I’ll arrange for multiple deliveries in multiple areas … basically through a very expensive magical spell, every place that got a copy of the warrant will get a copy of our demand for proof of authority.  It will either start something huge or get you in even more shit.

Impish Dragon: (Funny how ALL the magical spells you use are “hugely expensive.”) Ok, so you want I should just hang with Odin?  Hey, by the way, who’d you dicker with over my house arrest?

Lethal Leprechaun: <whispers> Shen.  And I wasn’t the wrangler, I called in a favor.

Impish Dragon: Shen?

Lethal Leprechaun: Shh!  For Jaysus Sake!  NOT SO FECKING BLOODY LOUD!  YOU WANT HIM FLYING OVER HERE? EVERYTHING HIS SHADOW FALLS ON WITHERS AND DIES!  He’s the only one of his kind: a Black Shadow Dragon! How can you not know of him?  The sky grows dark with his passage and wherever his shadow touches, life ceases to exist!  As <whispers> Shen flies on, clouds boil black beneath him and the land quakes and shudders.  Volcanoes spout molten lava and poison gasses into the air as terrible storms sweep the earth.

Impish Dragon: Oh yeah, Shen.  I know him.  No worries, he’s actually related to me… let’s see … on my mother’s side, 3^rd cousin or some such.  He’s lots of fun at family get-togethers.

Lethal Leprechaun: That’s interesting.  Apparently, that is why he referred to you as the brain damaged black sheep of the family.  Now that makes sense.

Impish Dragon:  Ha, ha, ha!  Yeah, that Shen!  He’s a real kidder, he is!

Lethal Leprechaun: Yeah, he said he felt sorry for you, being exiled and brain damaged and all.  He DECLINED the bribe I offered out of family honor….I’m not sure that qualifies as kidding.

Impish Dragon: Yeah… No… What?

 

So, dear campers, that was several days ago, and apparently, the amazing Legal Team of Lethal’s has uncovered even more information.  It seems that this whole thing may have been a huge plan on the part of the left to tie us up in court and legal battles in order to take our attention away from Obama and the election.  If they could drag it out until after the election, it would be a fait accompli and we’d be done!

Just last night I got this late message from Lethal:

Lethal Leprechaun:  Just got some game changing information, but I can’t talk about it over unsecure lines. 

Impish Dragon: I’m still with Odin…the Valkyries are giving me strange looks…where shall we meet?

Lethal Leprechaun: Listen, I have a tough night dealing with all of this.  My head is pounding with a migraine.  Anyone annoys me or makes me think too hard and I’m likely to go all Mean Green Lethal Leprechaun Machine on their asses.  I got a truck load of rabid badgers and I’m itching for an excuse to use them!  The plane will be there to move you tonight.  Apparently, you’re eating Odin out of house and home and wearing out your welcome with the Valkyries! You’ll now be Zeus’s guest for a couple of weeks.  Try not to wear out this welcome too fast!  I’ll be in touch and let you know what’s going on with the investigation.  Just be sure of one thing…DO NOT accept ANYTHING from ANY other dragon, whether you’re related to them or not.

Impish Dragon: What are you saying?  My family…..?

Lethal Leprechaun: Apparently this goes a lot deeper and farther than we had even imagined….think big houses, painted white.  That’s all I’m sayin’ now unless you want them rabid badgers….

Impish Dragon: No…no dude, you go get some rest.  I’ll look forward to getting on the plane tonight.

Lethal Leprechaun:  And if you even think about getting air sick again, I’ve told the flight crew to make you clean it up before they are to let you off!

So, as you can see….a lot is going on.  Before I get too much further into this, why don’t we go ahead and start the laughter?

How about we start today’s issue with a couple of oldies, but goodies.  All of these have one thing in common…they all resulted in bodily harm to one or the other of the participants.  Let’s see…

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift….
The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
“Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
(A broken arm and two broken legs)

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’
‘No,’ she answered…
I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
(Black eye, broken nose, two missing teeth)

I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”
“Nah, she can order for herself.”
(Black eye, broken jaw, blisters on his feet from the walk home)

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, “Do you know him?”
“Yes”, she sighed, “He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
(Shards of glass removed from his rectum from where his wife shoved her drink)

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, “When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.”
(Body was never recovered.  Investigation is on-going)

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, “What’s on TV?”
I said, “Dust.”
(Split lip and loose teeth)

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is
terrible.”
My loving wife of 5 years replied, “And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”
(Case pending in divorce court.  Husband is suing to get his dignity back.)

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.”
I bought her a bathroom scale.
(In ICU on a respirator.  Not expected to recover)

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.’
(Wife’s body has not been recovered.  Husband is incarcerated, but expected to be released with no charges since no one has recovered a body.)

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror..
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
“I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
I replied, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
(Will require the use of a seeing-eye-dog for the rest of his life)

I rear-ended a car this morning…the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said ‘I am NOT Happy!’
So I said, ‘Well, which one ARE you then?’
(Sued by the Dwarven Council on Stature Equality.  Expected to be litigated to death.)

100 Years of History in 10 minutes
From 1911 to 2011
Well worth the watch!

I really apologize for these…..they are especially dreadful this time around:

Gossips have a keen sense of rumor.

I want to be a watchmaker. It is a great job because you can make your own hours.

I can Harley wait to get my motorcycle license.

After the shepherd retired, he felt ewes less.

Optometrists live long because they dilate.

Purposely NOT poking fun at the Leprechaun…

A property manager of single-family residences was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions.

“Professionally employed?” he asked.

“We’re a military family,” the wife answered.

“Children?”

“Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve,” she answered proudly.

“Animals?”

“Oh, no,” she said earnestly. “They’re very well behaved.”

It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the high school intercom:“Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing.”

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:“Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars please return to class.”

How to maintain a healthy level of insanity, by K²

“Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.”

“A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.”

“California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange.”

“You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

“I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.”

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.”

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.”

Some people say I have a weird personality… That’s ok, I have four more…

I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots.
Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to
visit there too often.  It’s right next door to Debt.  I’ve spent a great deal of time in Debt.  It’s not a very nice place.

I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was
very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I go there more often as I’m getting
older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets
the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get! PLEASE DO YOUR PART!

From one unstable person to
another… I hope everyone is happy in your head – we’re all doing
pretty good in mine!

“If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to
live, I wouldn’t brood. I’d type a little faster.” ~Isaac Asimov

A row of bottles on my shelf
Caused me to analyze myself.

One yellow pill I have to pop
Goes to my heart so it won’t stop.

A little white one that I take
Goes to my hands so they won’t shake.

The blue ones that I use a lot
Tell me I’m happy when I’m not.

The purple pill goes to my brain
And tells me that I have no pain.

The capsules tell me not to wheeze
Or cough or choke or even sneeze.

The red ones, smallest of them all
Go to my blood so I won’t fall.

The orange ones, very big and bright
Prevent my leg cramps in the night.

Such an array of brilliant pills
Helping to cure all kinds of ills.

But what I’d really like to know,
Is what tells each one where to go!

I just read that last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?

From the Big Bang Theory

Today’s Last Word…Well, this will piss you off…Thanks to LL for pointing this out to me in time to get it in today’s issue…for those of you who wish to read it on line where we found it, click on the title and it should take you there

OBAMA ELIGIBILITY COURT CASE…BLOW BY BLOW By Craig Andresen on January 26, 2012 at 9:25 am

Now, let’s face it… if you or I were to pull this garbage, a bench warrant would be issued and we’d be in jail faster than you can say, “Birth Certificate”.  And if half of what is alleged in this article were true, none of us would stand a chance.  It pisses me off that ANYONE can get away with something like this, just because of their position.  I’ve seen it happen over and over again (work in the military or for the government long enough and you’ll find someone who takes advantage due to their rank or position) and it pisses me off every time I see it.  And not to even mention the absolute gall and arrogance of ignoring the proceeding when they couldn’t get it cancelled.  What does that tell us about his presidency and the DNC’s apparent conspiracy to cover up his ineligibility?  Or the supposed claim that the state of Georgia has no authority over who is, or is not on their ballot?

Okay, so go ahead, and tell me how much I’m Obama bashing again.  That’s just fine.  I’m telling you, if presenting the facts, as far as we know them, and taking a stand for the Constitution is Obama bashing, then I’m guilty as charged.  But, on June 17, 1977 I raised my hand and swore to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; (And since I can hear you ones out there saying I’m Obama bashing telling me to write the rest of it, I will….) and I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice.  So help me God.

I can hear you crowing… I’m supposed to obey the President.  It says so right in my pledge that I’m trying to use to present my case.  Well, look at it closer…according to the regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice.  Did you know, that the UCMJ makes it a crime to obey an order from a superior that you know is unlawful?  That’s right.  If a superior, ANY superior, gives an order that goes against the Constitution, it is our DUTY to not only NOT follow it, but to do what we can to STOP that order from damaging the United States. 

Any of you sitting out there doubt for one minute that this man has NOT gone against the Constitution, time and time again?  If so, then you just ain’t payin’ attention, or you are willfully being deceitful (we call that lying or drinking the loony liberal Kool-ade, right down to the delusional dregs! ~LL). 

Okay, so I have to go find a cool place to rest.  I’ve gotten so angry I’ve set fire to everything in Zeus’s back garden.  It’s a good thing most of my laptops are flame proof.  (Dude, you’re SO screwed!  The Olympian gardens are HERA’s and you KNOW what a bitch she can be when you piss her off!)

Wow one month down and 11 left to go in 2012 already! How time flies and the price of coffee shamelessly soars!

I have decided to fight flights of fancy (Impish having any legit claim to “The Year of the Dragon”)
with hard facts, the fact that Ireland has a National Museum dedicated to venerating meself and me brethren Leprechauns.

Since when it comes to this subject Impish is about as logical as a liberal I doubt I’ll have much success but at least it will help me poor BP stay a wee bit lower until be gets this lunacy out of his system.

For those of you who cannot read it the tag line at the bottom reads:

“Because a National Heritage Museum is so much more impressive than usurping a tired old worn out Chinese Lunar Calendar Year and lots less (legal) trouble too!”

Besides, how much profit can you make selling rubes a calendar once every 12 years as compared to a museum gift shop open daily?

 

 

 

Just in Case You Have Nothing Better to Do (i.e. Bored)

 

Just Click on the Door Stop then click on the larger image

It is amazing how little it takes to entertain senior citizens!!!!!

You actually clicked? Seriously? You’re BORED already? The issue isn’t even started! I’m insulted!

 

 

 

Mitt’s Income vs. Your Income

 

How long would it take the GOP candidate to earn what you make in a year?

By Dan Check|Posted Tuesday, Jan. 24, 2012, at 4:35 PM ET

EMMANUEL DUNAND/AFP/Getty Images.

Mitt Romney released his 2010 tax return on Monday. His total income for the year was listed as $21.6 million, more than one-half of which came from capital gains. How does that stack up against your income? Enter your annual income below to find out how long it would have taken Mitt Romney to earn the same amount of money. (Don’t worry, we’re not collecting any data you type in.)

How long would it take Mitt Romney to earn what you make in a year? Find out here.

(thanks to my darlin’ Molly for depressing me even more by showing me this!)

Impish says he’ll need to find a place to live should he beat the charges against him as the wife threw him out followed by a hail of pots and pans.

Gee I can’t imagine why!

Ok so you’re going to wind up with a double dose of me preaching to the choir today but there is something I have to get off me chest before my BP spikes through the roof and I stroke out or go postal on the first Afghani rat bastard I see. Unfortunately I received this after having sent today’s issue to layout and having already spent an great deal of time on my Parting Shot, hence the double dosing. However once you read this I don’t think most of you are going to have a problem with the double dosing and I expect many of you are going to be as up in arms about the entire thing as I am.

I’ve been doing a Yeoman’s job according to several sources including Impish and Molly over keeping quiet about the Marines videoed urinating on dead (presumably) Taliban. Impish and I had discussed the “advisability” of me making a statement of my view point and decided it would be unwise at the time for me to say the sort of things that were running through my mind despite the likelihood that any reader who ever experienced combat would understand my point of view on the issue. As of today that point of view about the inadvisability of my remarks has changed in light of something K-Squared has sent me. I’ll come back after you see this. Be prepared to be incensed, and I DO NOT mean by your priest with Frankincense.

High Fashion in the Mosque

Notice the SMILE on the rat bastard’s face over his shirt!

We’re constantly clubbed on the head with the claim that the Muslim world condemns 9/11, abhors 9/11, etc. – Yet every day Shirts like this are mass produced, marketed, and sold by street venders thru out the Middle East and it’s simply OK. The mass-murder of 9-11 is a celebrated event by millions of people. Now a few of our military guys, after months of sleeping on the cold ground, eating MREs, not having a good hot shower, and away from their love ones, get caught peeing on a couple of dead Taliban/Al Qada types, and they are condemned by the world. What they did wasn’t right, but the huge outpouring of condemnation doesn’t compare (in my mind) to someone who would wear a shirt like this that glorifies the murder of over 3,000 innocent Americans.

So some pissed off young Marines pissed on some dead Taliban/Al Qada types to show their distain for the enemy and they way they do things (to say nothing of the politically correct, touchy feely, politics driven rules of engagement they are made to suffer under which effectively ties one of their arms behind their back). What things? SO GLAD YOU ASKED! HOW about (for starters):

1. Persecution of those of other religions up to and including torture and death.
2. Defamation and destruction of materials and places of other religions while DEMANDING we treat their religious places and materials with the respect of an adherent of their terroristic religion “of peace”.
3. Using those same religious sites to cache and store weapons and explosives (proven) while demanding we respect their religion and not “defile” these places by entering and searching them.
4. Securing hostages who are under threat of torture mutilation and death in mosques so as to make them untouchable and unrescueable
5. When in danger of being captured, killed or over run by U.S. forces, retreating into Mosques where US forces are forbidden to fire because we might “damage a holy site” but continuing to fire upon U,S, troops from those “holy sites of the religion of peace”
6. Offering bounties for wounded U.S. troops to torture and then publically behead.
7. Offering bounties for the bodies of fallen U.S. troops to mutilate desecrate and display publically while proudly claiming credit for the acts that they cannot do unless the U.S. soldier is dead because he’d kill him and 30 of his friends were he alive.
8. Issuing a fatwa at the drop of a hat on anyone who mentions Mohammed critically or draws a picture of him while adherents of “the religion of peace” sell and wear shirts proudly celebrating the tragedy of September 11th and the deaths of over 3000.

I could continue to list their daily atrocities committed against our troops, but I think you get the idea. Strange how that Liberal Bastion of Oppression, Bullshit and Hatred of All Things That Make Up America Except Our Money and Resources the United Nations, can be so silent about all these daily occurrences, but let one single squad of young fed up Marines express their contempt for these Tali-turds and the success stifling overly restrictive Mother-May-I rules of engagement they just cannot roll out the Liberally Superior Condemnation Wagon fast enough! As if that was not bad enough every damned arrogant Democrat in Congress and the Closet Towelhead himself our Tali-turd Lover in Chief hops aboard before they even have the Condemnation Party Wagon totally out of the UN’s paid for by our government garage!

If you ask me the REAL question is NOT why they did this, but why it has not happened sooner or more often. I think they showed a great deal of restraint! Were it me I probably would have killed, bled and gutted a pig over them and buried them with it each with a mouthful of pig organic by product then had a Rabbi & a Priest pray over the grave!

As for that festering anal pustule in the photo above THIS is how I would express my displeasure with him:

The ONLY reason I would not fix the problem with a FLAME THROWER is because napalm DOES stick to kids and I’d want to avoid any collateral damage from dealing with this ass pustule.

I’M THE SODDING BLOODY LETHAL LEPRECHAUN AND I SAY its high time these Tali-turds reap what they have been sowing for so long….IN BUGGERING SPADES! Only then when we take the gloves off and start making them fear us coming for them because they KNOW we’ll take away any chance they have at Paradise will we get a permanent resolution to this.

PISS ON THEM an piss on the bloody morally superior but have never been in battle liberals who are so quick to jump to condemn them too!

 

The Top 5 Oscar Nominations in Hell

5 Best Picture: “My Week With Marilyn Manson”
4  Best Actress: Bette Midler in “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Annoying”
3  Best Actor: Brad Pitt as Ron Jeremy in “Moneyshot”
2  Best Picture: “Stinker Sailor Told a Lie: The Italian Cruise Ship Disaster”

and The Number 1 Oscar Nomination in Hell…

1  Best Actress: Anne Hathaway in “The Devil Wears Your Freshly Flayed Skin”
[ Copyright 2012 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

 

New Battle Between Retailers and Credit Cards Could Catch Consumers In The Middle

January 24, 2012 By George Gombossy

Another major dispute on interchange fees could take place, and this one may have new, painful consequences on consumers. This time, the battle centers around the swipe fee that retailers pay on credit card transactions.

According to CNBC, there is an antitrust suit between five million retailers and Visa, MasterCard and 13 large banks, including Citi, Bank of America, Chase, Capital One, U.S. Bancorp and Wells Fargo. Retailers claim that banks and the payment systems have unfairly worked together to increase the amount of the interchange fee retailers pay on credit card transactions.

The amount that each retailer pays as a swipe fee varies widely but the industry average is approximately 2 percent. This antitrust suit could cut that figure by three-quarters down to 0.5 percent. That would be one more devastating revenue blow to the banks as well as Visa and MasterCard, leading to billions of dollars in lost income.

Last year, the Durbin amendment went into effect on October 1, cutting the interchange fee on debit card transactions from an average of 44 cents to no more than 21 cents (plus 0.05 percent of the transaction, with the possibility of an additional cent if banks comply with fraud prevention procedures). Banks tried to make up for this lost revenue by implementing a monthly debit card fee which led to consumer outrage. Banks eventually rescinded this monthly fee.

If the retailers win this antitrust suit, it could have have a significant impact on consumers:

* Banks will lose billions of dollars at a time when they have already suffered significant cutbacks in revenue. Whenever banks lose revenue in one area, they try to make up for it in another area and that always comes at the expense of the consumer. An increase in existing fees, the introduction of new fees, and an increase in the credit card interest rates are changes that could be pushed by banks.

* A significant decrease in credit card reward programs. The lucrative cash back and airline mile rewards will likely decline. Most banks eliminated debit card rewards when the Durbin amendment passed. The same could happen with credit card  programs if retailers win this suit.

* A likely decrease in attractive balance transfer offers. Currently, credit card issuers are offering 0 percent interest rates for extended periods of time in order to lure customers from their competitors. The Citi Platinum Select card offers 0 percent for 21 months; the Discover More card offers 0 percent for 18 months; and the Slate from Chase card offers 0 percent for 12 months with no balance transfer fee. If retailers win this antitrust suit, look for credit card issuers to scale back these balance transfer offers.

* On the positive side, a possible decrease in prices at store level. Retailers claimed the passage of the Durbin amendment could lead to a decrease in prices since they would no longer have to pay the high swipe fees on debit card transactions. It is difficult to see if this actually took place. However, retailers may face more pressure from consumer groups to cut prices if the interchange fee is also slashed on credit card purchases.

 

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint…

when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, ‘Hey Koala! What are you doing?’

The koala said, ‘Smoking a joint, come up and have some.’

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was ‘dry’ and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river.
A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, ‘What’s the matter with you?’
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink..
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,

‘Hey you!’
So the koala looked down at him and said,

‘F & #K me….
how much water did you drink!!!!!!!!!

 

I’ll bet the name of the Dragon this refers to escapes you right? Now I don’t want to say he’s a glutton or anything and ok I’ll admit he lost a whole 3 pounds while in captivity but after 52 kinds of pie on his flight, plus a week of binging on pies and hot wings, when my personal plane took his broad backside to his house arrest location it had to use the call sign “Shamrock One HEAVY”

Speaking of food, this seems like an ideal segue to… 

3-Nut Upside-Down Cake

 

A rich chocolate cake is even better when topped with a mix of sweetened nuts.

Ingredients:

• 1/4 cup butter
• 1/4 cup packed dark brown sugar
• 2/3 cup light-colored corn syrup
• 1/4 cup whipping cream
• 1/2 cup chopped pecans
• 1/2 cup chopped walnuts
• 1/2 cup chopped macadamia nuts
• 1-1/3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/3 cup butter, softened
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 2 eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 2/3 cup milk

Steps:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degree F. Line a 9x9x2-inch baking pan with foil; grease foil. In a small saucepan melt 1/4 cup butter over medium heat. Stir in brown sugar. Cook and stir until sugar is dissolved. Stir in corn syrup and cream. Bring just to boiling. Stir in nuts. Spread in pan.
2. Combine flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, baking soda, and 1/2 teaspoon salt; set aside. In a large mixing bowl beat 1/3 cup butter with electric mixer on medium to high speed for 30 seconds. Gradually add granulated sugar, beating on medium speed until well combined, scraping sides of bowl. Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating after each (about 1 minute total). Beat in vanilla. Alternately add flour mixture and milk to butter mixture, beating on low speed after each addition just until combined. Pour into pan, being careful not to disturb nuts. Bake for 45 to 50 minutes or until a wooden toothpick inserted near center comes out clean. Cool in pan on wire rack 10 minutes. Remove from pan. Carefully peel off foil. Place nut side up on plate. Serve at room temperature. Makes 9 servings.

 

Nutritional Information:

Carbohydrate: 65g, Sodium: 393g, Fiber: 2g, Cholesterol: 91mg, Total Fat: 31g, Calories: 551, Protein: 7g.

Hearty Lasagna Soup

 

Are you in the mood for lasagna, but don’t have the time? Try this clever soup that has all the flavors of your favorite lasagna…and it’s on the table in just 35 minutes.

Hearty Lasagna Soup

 

Prep: 10 minutes
Cook: 25 minutes

Serves: 4

Are you in the mood for lasagna, but don’t have the time? Try this clever soup that has all the flavors of your favorite lasagna…and it’s on the table in just 35 minutes.

Ingredients:

• 1 pound ground beef
• 1 small onion, chopped (about 1/4 cup)
  
• 1 teaspoon minced garlic
• 1/4 teaspoon dried parsley flakes
  
• 3 1/2 cups Swanson® Beef Broth (Regular or 50% Less Sodium)
  
• 1 can (about 14 .5 ounces) diced tomatoes
  
• 1/4 teaspoon Italian seasoning, crushed
• 1 1/2 cups uncooked mafalda or rotini pasta
  
• 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese

Directions:

Cook the beef, onion, garlic and parsley in a 3-quart saucepan over medium-high heat for 10 minutes, or until the beef is well browned, stirring often to separate meat. Pour off any fat.

Stir the broth, tomatoes and Italian seasoning in the saucepan and heat to a boil.

Stir the pasta in the saucepan. Reduce the heat to medium and cook for 10 minutes or until the pasta is tender. Stir in the cheese. Serve with additional cheese, if desired.

Recipe Tips:

Serving Suggestion: Serve with an Iceberg lettuce salad with Italian vinaigrette. For dessert serve fresh apple slices.

Nutrition Information

Nutritional Values per Serving

Using Swanson Beef Broth: : Calories 378, Total Fat 14g, Saturated Fat 6g, Cholesterol 73mg, Sodium 1074mg, Total Carbohydrate 32g, Dietary Fiber 3g, Protein 30g, Vitamin A 9%DV, Vitamin C 23%DV, Calcium 12%DV, Iron 20%DV
Nutritional Values per Serving

Using Swanson 50% Less Sodium Beef Broth: : Calories 378, Total Fat 14g, Saturated Fat 6g, Cholesterol 73mg, Sodium 680mg, Total Carbohydrate 32g, Dietary Fiber 3g, Protein 31g, Vitamin A 9%DV, Vitamin C 23%DV, Calcium 12%DV, Iron 20%DV
Nutritional Values per Serving

Using Swanson Certified Organic Beef Broth: : Calories 378, Total Fat 14g, Saturated Fat 6g, Cholesterol 73mg, Sodium 777mg, Total Carbohydrate 32g, Dietary Fiber 3g, Protein 30g, Vitamin A 9%DV, Vitamin C 23%DV, Calcium 12%DV, Iron 20%DV

 

 

The Top 5 Bumper Stickers for Hybrid Cars

5  If you can read this, then help push me up the hill
4  My other battery-powered ride’s a vibrator!
3  This car stops at all Whole Foods
2  Hippie-Chick Magnet

and The Number 1 Bumper Sticker for Hybrid Cars…

1  I’d rather be lecturing you about the planet

[ Copyright 2012 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

Today’s response to my Parting Shot video last issue regarding the controlling  of information you can access on the Internet comes from our very own Richard Kimbel-esque  fugitive on the run who is currently lolling in semi comfort under house arrest with a neutral party, Impish Dragon who wrote:

Comment on Leprechaun Laughs # 125 for Wednesday 1/25/12 by impishdragon Wednesday, January 25, 2012 5:29 AM

Wow.  I never looked at the internet and google, etc, in quite that way before (Your TED video in your parting shot).  That is an extremely important point to make.  So, the question becomes, where do we go for a truly honest search? 

Thanks my friend.  You’ve given me something to really think about.
Cheers,
Impish

 

Rather than a Rebuttal (note to self for the third time, figure out an alternate title and make a new graphic), my response to Impish’s comment is

The concepts of “And That’s The Way It Is” & “Just the Facts Ma’am”  died with Walter Cronkite and Jack Webb. Honest, unvarnished, undiluted and accurate reporting with a fundamental belief in the people’s right to know has gone the way of the Dodo and the passenger pigeon.

There is no long “the truth the WHOLE truth and nothing but the truth”, no accurate factual reporting with which people can  draw their own conclusions and create their own (well informed opinions). Now there is only “The Spin” & “The Sound Bite” (popular for the incredible ease with which they can be used out of context) and a preponderance of muckraking yellow journalism.

I am constantly reminded accessing the news of a scene in Star Wars – Return of the Jedi.

Luke: Obi-Wan? Why didn’t you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father.
Obi-Wan: Your father was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true, from a certain point of view.
Luke: “A certain point of view”?
Obi-Wan: Luke, you will find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.
— Return of the Jedi

While Obi-Wan may have been speaking in a quasi-religious &/or personal beliefs and values sense, from where I sit this has become the guiding philosophy of all news outlets, however the point of view that matters, the one the truth is judged by is each media/news services own political agenda.

Now this “cancer of the truth” is rapidly spreading to the internet in the form of overly restrictive search algorithms seeking to personalize your search results for you. I see this as much a result of a desire by Big Brother to have total control over information so as to make us believe and perceive what is in their best interest coupled with the continuing trend to “dumb down” the use of the internet until it becomes unrecognizable from AOL and therefore totally unusable as the meaningful, informative or educational unbiased information and idea exchange medium it was envisioned to be.

 

Abbott and Costello’s Classic Who’s On First Updated for the Obama Era

 Basically everyone knows this old classic. Well here they are again Abbott and Costello, this time discussion our current problem of unemployment in only the way they could.

COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America.

ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It’s 9%.

COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?

ABBOTT: No, that’s 16%.

COSTELLO: You just said 9%.

ABBOTT: 9% Unemployed.

COSTELLO: Right 9% out of work.

ABBOTT: No, that’s 16%.

COSTELLO: Okay, so it’s 16% unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, that’s 9%…

COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 9% or 16%?

ABBOTT: 9% are unemployed. 16% are out of work.

COSTELLO: IF you are out of work you are unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, you can’t count the “Out of Work” as the unemployed.
You have to look for work to be unemployed.

COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!

ABBOTT: No, you miss my point.

COSTELLO: What point?

ABBOTT: Someone who doesn’t look for work, can’t be counted with those who look for work.
It wouldn’t be fair.

COSTELLO: To who?

ABBOTT: The unemployed.

COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work.

ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work stopped looking.
They gave up. And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.

COSTELLO: So if you’re off the unemployment rolls, that would count as less unemployment?

ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!

COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don’t look for work?

ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That’s how you get to 9%. Otherwise it would be 16%.
You don’t want to read about 16% unemployment do ya?

COSTELLO: That would be frightening.

ABBOTT: Absolutely.

COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means they’re two ways to bring down the unemployment number?

ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.

COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?

ABBOTT: Correct.

COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?

ABBOTT: Bingo.

COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work.

ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like an economist.

COSTELLO: I don’t even know what the hell I just said!

And now you know why Obama’s unemployment figures are improving!

 Now to get the nasty taste of those twisted liberal idea of “facts” out of your mouth and brain. Here are Abbott & Costello doing the real version of the Classic Who’s On First. Forget and enjoy!

 

Hunting in Canada

A Canadian and an American were hunting in Canadian woods when a Mexican runs across the field and the Canadian shoots him in the back and kills him. “You can’t do that!” cried the American.

“Yes I can,” replies the Canadian,”it’s legal here in Canada .”

Later that night the American goes out and buys beer and puts it on the roof of his truck to open the door. Just then a Mexican runs by, grabs the beer, and runs away. The American thinks, “No problem,” and he shoots him in the back and kills him. As he is getting his beer the police come and arrest him.

“But I thought it was legal to shoot Mexicans here in Canada !” protests the American.

“Well, yeah,” says the cop, “but you can’t use bait.”

 

 

 

It never hurts to smile at a stranger….. or, you might want to save a life, with a simple kiss….

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to commit suicide,” she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn’t want to miss an opportunity so he asked… “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a kiss?”

So she does… And it was a long, deep lingering kiss.

After she’s finished, the biker says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That’s a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl…..”

 

 

 

 

This Parting Shot brought to you (with editorial comments by me) in part by Reader Paul (Pt. 1) and in part by Reader K-Squared (Pt. 2) I thought both sets of comments dovetailed so well that I decided they belonged together despite how long it made this Parting Shot.

Please don’t consider this is just a bunch of political hog-wash and trash it. Read it carefully, think about it, research it, item by item. A lot has happened in the last 3 years, WOW! It’s not what I had expected to happen within our country. How about you?

I WANT TO GET RE-ELECTED

“The country will survive Obama but it cannot survive the invincible, abject ignorance that elected him.”

 

An old West Virginia Hillbilly saying:

“You cannot get the water to clear up until you get the pigs out of the creek.”

SOME OF YOU MAY APPRECIATE THIS  (the intelligent folks with common sense ) AND SOME OF YOU (Liberals & Loonies) MAY NOT.  I DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR SENDING THIS BECAUSE OF IT’S TRUTH. (Besides that it’s my damned opinion and blog)

If any other of our presidents had doubled the national debt, which had taken more than two centuries to accumulate, in one year, would you have approved?

If any other of our presidents had then proposed to double the debt again within 10 years, would you have approved?

If any other of our presidents had criticized a state law that he admitted he never even read, would you think that he is just an ignorant hot head?

If any other of our presidents joined the country of Mexico and sued a state in the United States to force that state to continue to allow illegal immigration, would you question his patriotism and wonder who’s side he was on?

If any other of our presidents had pronounced the Marine Corps like Marine Corpse, would you think him an idiot?

If any other of our presidents had put 87,000 workers out of work by arbitrarily placing a moratorium on offshore oil drilling on companies that have one of the best safety records of any industry because one foreign company had an accident, would you have agreed?

If any other of our presidents had used a forged document as the basis of the moratorium that would render 87000 American workers unemployed would you support him?

If any other of our presidents had been the first President to need a Teleprompter installed to be able to get through a press conference, would you have laughed and said this is more proof of how inept he is on his own and is really controlled by smarter men behind the scenes?

If any other of our presidents had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to take his First Lady to a play in NYC, would you have approved?

If any other of our presidents had reduced your retirement plan holdings of GM stock by 90% and given the unions a majority stake in GM, would you have approved?

If any other of our presidents had made a joke at the expense of the Special Olympics, would you have approved?

If any other of our presidents had given Gordon Brown a set of inexpensive and incorrectly formatted DVDs, when Gordon Brown had given him a thoughtful and historically significant gift, would you have approved?

If any other of our presidents had given the Queen of England an iPod containing videos of his speeches, would you have thought it a proud moment for America ?

If any other of our presidents had bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia would you have approved?

If any other of our presidents had visited Austria and made reference to the nonexistent “Austrian language,” would you have brushed it off as a minor slip?

If any other of our presidents had filled his cabinet and circle of advisers with people who cannot seem to keep current in their income taxes, would you have approved?

If any other of our presidents had stated that there were 57 states in the United States , wouldn’t you have had second thoughts about his capabilities?

If any other of our presidents would have flown all the way to Denmark to make a five minute speech about how the Olympics would benefit him walking out his front door in his home town, would you not have thought he was a self-important, conceited, egotistical jerk.

If any other of our presidents had been so Spanish illiterate as to refer to “Cinco de Cuatro” in front of the Mexican ambassador when it was the 5th of May (Cinco de Mayo), and continued to flub it when he tried again, wouldn’t you have winced in embarrassment?

If any other of our presidents had burned 9,000 gallons of jet fuel to go plant a single tree on Earth Day, would you have concluded he’s a hypocrite?

If any other of our presidents’ administrations had okayed Air Force One flying low over millions of people followed by a jet fighter in downtown Manhattan causing widespread panic, would you have wondered whether they actually get what happened on 9-11? *

If any other of our presidents had failed to send relief aid to flood victims throughout the Midwest with more people killed or made homeless than in New Orleans , would you want it made into a major ongoing political issue with claims of racism and incompetence?

If any other of our presidents had created the position of 32 Czars who report directly to him, bypassing the House and Senate on much of what is happening in America , would you have ever approved.

If any other of our presidents had ordered the firing of the CEO of a major corporation, even though he had no constitutional authority to do so, would you have approved?

So, tell me again, what is it about Obama that makes him so brilliant and impressive?

Can’t think of anything? (can’t say that’s shocking to me)

Don’t worry.

He’s done all this in 34 months – so you don’t have that much time to come up with an answer. (ok, found something impressive, the fact he has screwed up this badly in such a short period of time and has not suffered a single use of the word “impeachment” in relation to him IS impressive)

Every statement and action in this email is factual and directly attributable to Barrack Hussein Obama.

Every bumble is a matter of record and completely verifiable.

AND NOW–

HE ACTUALLY WANTS US TO RE-ELECT HIM.

WAKE UP AMERICA 2012 IS UPON US.

I WONDER HOW MANY OF YOU WILL FORWARD THIS ?

I AM BECAUSE I CANNOT AFFORD TO TAKE A CHANCE ON THIS GUY FOR ANOTHER FOUR YEARS . . .

And Now Part Two which is thanks to K-Squared…

WHEN – he refused to disclose who donated money to his election campaign, as other candidates had done, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he received endorsements from people like Louis Farrakhan, Muramar Kaddafi and Hugo Chavez, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – it was pointed out that he was a total newcomer and had absolutely no experience at anything except community organizing, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he chose friends and acquaintances such as Bill Ayers and Bernadine Dohrn who were revolutionary radicals, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – his voting record in the Illinois Senate and in the U.S. Senate came into question, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he refused to wear a flag lapel pin and did so only after a public outcry, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – people started treating him as a Messiah and children in schools were taught to sing his praises, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he stood with his hands over his groin area for the playing of the National Anthem and Pledge of Allegiance, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he surrounded himself in the White House with advisors who were pro-gun control, pro-abortion, pro-homosexual marriage and wanting to curtail freedom of speech to silence the opposition, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he said he favors sex education in kindergarten, including homosexual indoctrination, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – his personal background was either scrubbed or hidden and nothing could be found about him, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – the place of his birth was called into question, and he refused to produce a birth certificate, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he had an association in Chicago with Tony Rezco – a man of questionable character and who is now in prison and had helped Obama to a sweet deal on the purchase of his home – people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – it became known that George Soros, a multi-billionaire Marxist, spent a ton of money to get him elected, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he started appointing White House Czars that were radicals, revolutionaries, and even avowed Marxist /Communists, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he stood before the Nation and told us that his intentions were to “fundamentally transform this Nation” into something else, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – it became known that he had trained ACORN workers in Chicago and served as an attorney for ACORN, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he appointed cabinet members and several advisors who were tax cheats and socialists, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he appointed a Science Czar, John Holdren, who believes in forced abortions, mass sterilizations and seizing babies from teen mothers, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he appointed Cass Sunstein as Regulatory Czar who believes in “Explicit Consent,” harvesting human organs without family consent and allowing animals to be represented in court, while banning all hunting, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he appointed Kevin Jennings, a homosexual and organizer of a group called Gay, Lesbian, Straight, Education Network as Safe School Czar and it became known that he had a history of bad advice to teenagers, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he appointed Mark Lloyd as Diversity Czar who believes in curtailing free speech, taking from one and giving to another to spread the wealth, who supports Hugo Chavez, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – Valerie Jarrett, an avowed Socialist, was selected as Obama’s Senior White House Advisor, people said it didn’t matter,
WHEN – Anita Dunn, White House Communications Director, said Mao Tse Tung was her favorite philosopher and the person she turned to most for inspiration, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he appointed Carol Browner, a well known socialist as Global Warming Czar working on Cap and Trade as the nation’s largest tax, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he appointed Van Jones, an ex-con and avowed Communist as Green Energy Czar, who since had to resign when this was made known, people said it didn’t matter. (Valerie Jarrett is a long time promoter of Van Jones).
WHEN – Tom Daschle, Obama’s pick for Health and Human Services Secretary could not be confirmed because he was a tax cheat, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – as President of the United States, he bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he traveled around the world criticizing America and never once talking of her greatness, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – his actions concerning the Middle East seemed to support the Palestinians over Israel, our long time ally, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he took American tax dollars to resettle thousands of Palestinians from Gaza to the United States, people said it didn’t
matter.
WHEN – he upset the Europeans by removing plans for a missile defense system against the Russians, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he played politics in Afghanistan by not sending troops early-on when the Field Commanders said they were necessary to win, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he started spending us into a debt that was so big we could not pay it off, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he took a huge spending bill under the guise of stimulus and used it to pay off organizations, unions, and individuals that got him elected, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he took over insurance companies, car companies, banks, etc., people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he took away student loans from the banks and put it through the government, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he designed plans to take over the health care system and put it under government control, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he claimed he was a Christian during the election and tapes were later made public that showed Obama speaking to a Muslim group and ‘stating’ that he was raised a Muslim, was educated as a Muslim, and is still a Muslim, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he set into motion a plan to take over the control of all energy in the United States through Cap and Trade, people said it
didn’t matter.
WHEN – he finally completed his transformation of America into a Socialist State, people woke up— but it was too late.

Add these up one by one and you get a phenomenal score that points to the fact that Barrack Hussein Obama is determined to turn America into a Marxist-Socialist society. All of the items in the preceding paragraphs have been put into place. All can be documented very easily.

Before you disavow this, do an Internet search. The last paragraph alone is not yet cast in stone. You and I will write that
paragraph. Will it read as above or will it be a more happy ending for most of America?

Don’t just belittle the opposition. Search for the truth. We all need to pull together or watch the demise of a free society.
Pray for Americans to seek the truth and take action for it will keep us FREE.

Our biggest enemy is not China, Russia, North Korea or Iran.
Our biggest enemy is a contingent of politicians in Washington, DC .
The government will not help, so we need to do it ourselves.

Question….will you delete this, or pass it on to others who don’t
know about Obama’s actions and plans for the USA, so that they may
know how to vote in November, 2012 and the ensuing years?

It’s your decision. I believe it does matter. How about you?

WHEN – November 2012 comes, it will matter who you vote for!

“All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”

I’m the Lethal Leprechaun and your too damned bloody right I approved this message!

 

 

Democratic Dream Ticket – What A Team!

My name is Barney Frank and I endorse this advertisement

Good Morning Campers…I join you from a secure location.  I’m in hiding.  Seems I’m a wanted dragon…and not the good kind of wanted (nod to the ladies ) more of the Wanted: Dead or Alive (preferably DEAD) kind of wanted.  I’ve a pretty good idea who I’m wanted by, but not why I’m wanted by … um … her <said in a whisper>.
What’s that?
A summons?
From her!!!???
Let me see that!
Okay, folks, I gather that there is some sort of summons being posted everywhere, I’ll look this over and get back with you.  For now…

A young man’s impression of how he feels texting a girl he cares about.

Can you imagine what it must be like for kids in school nowadays?  We used to pass notes in the hall, or sometimes, heaven forbid, in class.  The smart phone has completely revolutionized the way kids interact, flirt and cheat in school.  With the phones themselves getting smaller and smaller, it must be harder and harder for teachers to police their classrooms.  I’ve got an idea for all you teachers out there who are having this problem…

Industrial Strength Cell Phone Jammer (CDMA, GSM, DCS, and 3G)…powerful cellphone disrupting device provides industrial strength frequency jamming with four high gain antennas and an impressive 10 watts of output!

And right now, they’re on sale for $91.41!  For less than a hundred bucks, you can easily earn the title of “Meanest F♫cking Teacher” of the year!  Now, wouldn’t that plaque look great on your “I Love Me” wall in your office, home or even the classroom.  Hang that plaque right there in the classroom and on the first day next year, set the rotten little bastard’s expectations right up front!  For a modest fee, Dragon and Leprechaun Laffs, LLP, will set you up with:
1. The Industrial Strength Cell Phone Jammer
2. “Meanest Teacher of the Year” plaques going back for the last 3 years (additional years available for additional cost)
3. Installation and set up.
For an additional charge, for the teacher who wants it all, we can also wire the room to emit a piercing tone that only teenagers can hear, with a sliding volume control settings from “annoy” to “bleeding ears”.
We welcome your ideas for products you’d like to see.

He has difficulty communicating with pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf.

Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five-dollar bill next to it.

The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf-mute, and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket.

Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language.

“Look,” the pharmacist says, “if you can’t afford to lose, you shouldn’t bet.”

Oh yeah, very funny!  Who’s idea of a joke was this??

A filthy rich Florida man decided he wanted to throw a party so he invited all of his buddies and neighbors.  He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood.  He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women. 

At the height of the party, the host said, “I have a 10 foot man-eating gator in my pool and I’ll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.”

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash.  Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool.  Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its rear!  Leroy was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.  The water was churning and splashing everywhere.  Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising heck.  Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. 

Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool.  Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.  Finally the host said, “Well Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.”

“No, that’s okay.  I don’t want it,” said Leroy. 

The rich man said, “Man, I have to give you something.  You won the bet.  How about half a million bucks then?”

“No thanks, I don’t want it,” answered Leroy. 

The host said, “Come on, I insist on giving you something.  That was amazing.  How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?”

Again Leroy said no. 

Confused, the rich man asked, “Well Leroy, then what do you want?”

Leroy said, “I want the name of the sumbich who pushed me in the pool!”

I didn’t enlist in the Army — I was drafted. So I wasn’t going to make life easy for anyone. During my physical, the doctor asked softly, “Can you read the letters on the wall?”
“What letters?” I answered slyly.
“Good,” said the doctor. “You passed the hearing test.”

So, it’s been awhile since we’ve heard from Zack…but that’s not his fault.  I’m really far behind in my emails, in fact, the email that these really lousy jokes were in was dated December 19th.  So, I’m more than a month behind in my emails…..these jokes didn’t get any better with age…

Q: What did the rabbit give his girlfriend for Christmas?
A: A 14 carrot ring.

Q: What do rich cats have in their refrigerators?
A: Automatic mice makers.

I just got off the phone with a friend living in
Adams, N.Y. near the Canadian Border. He said that since
early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is
nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is
dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to
near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through
the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets
much worse, he may have to let her in.

Again, seeing as how far behind I am in my emails, it’s not surprising that I found this great Christmas joke I had to share…

I just thought I would share with you all this wisdom, if you have ever been owned by a cat or know anyone with a cat – you will relate to this! Enjoy!
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.
16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don’t reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.
19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.
22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat’s enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.
26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.
29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.
30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.
31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)
32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.
33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.
34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.
36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.
38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver’s face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.
39. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the gift for you.

I guess this is a good place to break in, right after a cartoon featuring a Leprechaun, as I’m sure you’ve read by now, I am under arrest…but luckily, I have this issue about done, so at least most of it will get out.  I’m going to try and finish up real quick and get this posted to the auto loader so that, if nothing else, you guys will have your laffs on Saturday morning.  I’m being told now that Lethal is here, so let me see what he has to say….carry on with your laffs.

A motorcycle mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley-Davidson when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, ‘Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?’ The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, ‘So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any
damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.

So how come I make $39,000 a year and you make $1,500,000 when you and I are doing basically the same work?’

The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic….

‘Try doing it with the engine running’.

Yeah, Monday’s are like that.

A true Christmas Story from just this last Christmas…

Lethal Leprechaun and Molly were Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed. Walking through the mall the surprised Molly looked up and noticed her husband was no where around and she was very upset because they had a lot to do. She used her cell phone to call Lethal because she was so upset, to ask him where he was. Our Green Hero, in a calm voice said, honey remember the jewelry store we went into 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day. Molly said crying, yes I remember that jewelry store. Lethal said, well I’m in the pub next to it

A nice “Pure Michigan” Ad…

I think I’ve found a long, lost relative!  Aunt Chippy is fantastic!

There’s lots more…..just go to youtube.com and do a search for Aunt Chippy and sit and enjoy….but make sure you have a couple of hours to kill.

Yeah, I’m not going to say any more about being behind in my emails, but here’s another one that should’ve been around for Christmas, but is still VERY much worth watching now:

Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately
gave myself a personal TSA pat down.  I was looking for my keys.  They were
not in my pockets.  A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

       Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car.  Frantically,
I headed for the parking lot.  My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times
for
leaving the keys in the ignition.  My theory is the ignition is the best
place not to lose them.  Her theory is that the car will be stolen.  As I
burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion.
Her theory was right.  The parking lot was empty.

       I immediately call the police.  I gave them my location, confessed
that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.  Then I
made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered.  I always call
her “honey”
in times like these.  “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”

       There was a period of silence.  I thought the call had been dropped,
but then I heard Diane’s voice. “Ken” she barked, “I dropped you off!” Now
it was my time to be silent.  Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”
Diane retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not
stolen your car?”

Today’s Last Word…Okay, I just have a minute here… I’ve been placed under house arrest.  Lethal says he’ll explain everything in a posting that you’ll get before this issue hits the stands, so you’ll know more about it than I probably do right now.  I’ve been told that I’m no longer allowed to talk about The             Of The               stuff and that if I even try, it will have to be edited right out of the issue before it gets to you.  I think that sucks.
It seems this whole        Of The             stuff is what has that bitch                 all up in arms over.  That’s really just wrong!
But, I’ll have to follow my lawyer’s advice and speak no more of the         of the             .  I’m sorry.  All of you         of the             fans out there will have to get along without your         of the             celebrations and         of the             coffee mugs and          of the             bow ties and all of that!
I’m off to an undisclosed location, LL won’t tell me where I’m going, he just says I have to be on my best behavior because there are some sort of Amazons there who will kick me in the butt if I don’t behave.
I’m really insulted by all that.
I don’t ever misbehave….
unless there are naked virgins…
or hot wings…
or pies… I love pies…
especially pizza pies!

So, as I dash out to Lethal’s plane…. he’ll probably try to put me in the cargo bay again …. I just want to say one more thing in defiance of everything else…

HAPPY             OF THE                   !!!

Lethal here again folks

Today I am coming to you from my offices at my law firm, Dewy, Cheatem, Griftem and Howe, rather than my usually offices at the DragonLaffs Corporate HQ. As there has been a bit of a development. As you know I said I would keep you updated on Impish’s situation as events warranted. Well I never would have suspected that the event warranting the update would have been an actual warrant for his detention!

Let me explain, as you know until we could figure out just who and why Impish was snatched I had him doing a forced imitation of Carmen Sandiago in an attempt to keep him hidden and safe. As you might have also garnered from the last update my staff and I were not with out our suspicions based on where Impish had re-emerged into this realm as to who it was behind his being dragonnapped.

This morning at the same time my law offices were receiving what you see below by official Gargoylegram messenger, identical copies appeared in every town in every country in the 5 realms, 2 dozen or so assorted dimensions and stuck to the outside of DragonLaffs HQ. IF its a little hard to read I DO apologize but please keep in mind the originals are on some sort of skin (what kind I do not want to consider) and were scribed with a Dragon claw suitable resharpened for use as a quill!

 

 

 

Now Queen Tiamat is not someone or something to be trifled with. She is considered among the eldest of the Elder Fae and even most of the Elder Fae and Elder Gods grant her due deference and generally try not to incur too much of her wrath or displeasure. When she is offended or in a snit and displeased, a rabid PMSing badger on crack would win a most cuddly contest next to her.

In short this writ pretty much took away all my remaining wiggle room, all my Irish inspirations, left handed leprechaun legal tricks, Gaelic Grifts and Celtic chicanery options went right out the window faster than Impish after an Ice Cream Truck.

At noon today as an officer of both the Fae and Mortal courts armed with the power of and under the compulsion of this  Writ, in the name of the Court of Queen Tiamat, Queen and Mother of All True Dragonkind I placed Impish Dragon under arrest. Discussions of the logistics and timing of pending arrangements for extradition to the Realm of Dragons are currently under way but not likely to be completed until some time mid next week at the soonest.

NOW BEOFRE YOU COMMENCE THE THROWING OF ROTTEN FRUIT AND SHOES!

1.) I had no choice I was out maneuvered and left without a single option. I have been at least two steps behind the entire situation. I finally caught up to one step behind but it was too late even then. The Writ came through very early this morning but I did not arrest Impish until noon because we were hard at working looking for loopholes and options. I plain ran out of time when I got word that someone one the safe island was attempting to contact Tiamat and negotiate for a reward for Impish’s location

2.) IF I had not arrested him myself someone that was not his friend would have. Impish probably would have resisted the attempt. At best one or both of them would have gotten hurt, possibly seriously and Impish would be looking at additional charges of assaulting an officer and resisting arrest. At worse one or the other would be dead and Impish might be charge with Murder of an Officer of the Court. Regardless of the outcome of the other charges that is an automatic death sentence.

3.) Arresting him myself and my subsequent instructions to him to plead to be held in an Accorded Neutral Territory facility pending trial based on his mistreatment and harsh imprisonment conditions the last time around meant that I could at least chose a place where he would be safe(r), better  cared for and more comfortable. It also allowed me to choose a location of one of the few people who might tell Queen Tiamet to bugger off and kiss her own bloody arse over any further demands she might be inclined to make and well as give me time to try and negotiate for the hearing and trial to be held someplace both Impish and I might feel safe and secure (definitely NOT Queen Tiamat’s realm or court).

‘Tis off then I am to bury a Dragon Queen under a blizzard of pretrial motions and to kiss some major Elder God tushe in the hopes of saving not only my but my biggest billable client and bestest bud’s life. I’m sure despite advice to the contrary not to try the case in the court of public opinion Impish will have a few thoughts on this development tomorrow ( another advantage of my arresting him was placing him someplace he could still work and post from)

I’ll update as soon as another “other shoe” drops.

 Well after a hectic few days I can say at last that (assuming he doesn’t do anything to call attention to himself) Impish is for the moment safe and sound. We still have more unanswered questions but we’re pretty sure we have definitive answers to the how, where and who issues. We’ll keep accessing all avenues of investigation (both mundane and arcane) and keep you informed of any new developments.

Mean time on another note, ole Mother Nature seems to be intent on apologizing to us for last years drought down here. We’re already ahead for this year on rain and we’re expecting still more over the next several days, some of it possibly heavy and fast. We’re looking at a possibility of 3 to 5 inches today alone and at least a total of 4 to 6 over the course of the days of rain.

As with everything else in life it seems rain too is either feast or famine.

 

CATHOLIC MORNING COFFEE  IN ROME

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St.Peters Square …

The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”
The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.”

The third Catholic gent says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says ‘Your Eminence’.”

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.”

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence,
The four men give her a subtle, “Well….?”
She proudly replies, “I have a daughter,

SLIM
TALL
34GG BREASTS
24″ WAIST and
34″ HIPS

  When she walks into a room, people say, “Oh My God.”

 

FYI: They make an Irish Cream flavored whipped cream now that is a perfect topper

Trivia and help feed hungry shelter dogs and cats!

Get your daily dose of Kibble Karma… Click to Play Bow Wow and Meow

Every dog and cat deserves a decent dinner!

If the above Bow-Wow and Meow links don’t work, please click on this link for dogs, http://www.freekibble.com/

or this one for cats, http://www.freekibblekat.com/

Burger King tries home delivery

By Bruce Horovitz, USA TODAY

The door-to-door Whopper may soon be on the menu.

Burger King, the No. 2 burger chain, has quietly begun testing home delivery of its burgers, fries and other sandwiches since fall at four of its restaurants in the greater Washington, D.C., area, with an eye on expanding beyond that.

Should home delivery catch on for the burger giants — as it has for the pizza kingpins — it could be an industry changer. But it runs counter to long-held consumer perception that fast-food burgers and fries travel poorly — and don’t warm up well in the microwave. It also would require millions of hungry folks to change their at-home eating habits. “There are some real food-quality issues here,” says Ron Paul, president of research firm Technomic. “But there’s no question that consumer expectation for having things delivered has risen.”

In some markets, Amazon can deliver books the same day they’re ordered. Groceries are increasingly being delivered. And retail giants, including Sears and Target, even offered home delivery of fresh-cut Christmas trees.

In an electronic age of instant everything — when millions of consumers expect to get what they want at the click of a button — the logic may seem sound. But what about those soggy fries and limp burgers that folks fear go hand-in-hand with home delivery?

Well, Burger King has developed a “proprietary thermal packaging technology,” says Jonathan Fitzpatrick, chief brand and operations officer for Burger King, “which ensures the Whopper is delivered hot and fresh, and the french fries are delivered hot and crispy.”

There’s a $2 delivery fee. And depending on the store (three in Maryland and one in Virginia), minimum orders vary from $8 to $10.

The stores try to deliver within 30 minutes of the time a phone or online order is received. Delivery customers must live within a 10-minute drive of the store. All soft-drink orders are in bottles. And breakfast items are not delivered. Delivery times are 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.

McDonald’s has two restaurants in Manhattan that offer delivery only to businesses. But there are no plans to expand the service, spokeswoman Ashlee Yingling says.

And Domino’s, whose business is 70% delivery, is watching — with a smile. “We wish them luck,” spokesman Tim McIntyre says. “There is a reason that not all pizza places deliver: It isn’t easy.”

 

WOW! A Press Secretary that tells the WHOLE truth? Someone better fire him FAST!

With Debit Card Changes You May Need To Carry Cash

January 17, 2012 By LowCards.com

Consumers could see more $5 or $10 minimum charge rules–or at least polite  requests–when using credit or debit cards this year, as merchants try to cope with an unintended effect of new federal limits on how much card issuers can charge them in so-called “swipe fees.”

Those regulations already sparked an uproar when some banks tried to impose monthly debit card use fees on consumers to offset the revenue hit–only to retreat in the face of
a withering backlash.

But the fallout didn’t end there. In an odd twist that stems from the way swipe fees have been assessed, the new rule could prompt card issuers to actually raise fees on smaller purchases in order to offset lost revenue from lower fees on larger ones.

And that means stores with a lot of small-ticket sales, such as coffee shops and gas stations, may force or coax consumers into paying with plain old cash for purchases under a certain amount, experts predict.

Stores now can refuse to accept credit cards for those smaller purchases, and they may request that customers not use debit cards for them either.

Story by J. Scott Trubey & Arielle Kass for the Atlanta Journal Constitution

 

 

5 Reasons It’s Better To Date A Geek

• January 18, 2012  By James Bruce

Let’s face it – geeks make for a better relationship than any of those alpha-male types. Exactly why is that though? Are you prepared to shun good looks for reliability and utility? What can you expect when you exchange your old boyfriend for a new geek version?

I’m going to assume here a geek boyfriend case type, though of course geek girlfriends have also been known to exist in the wild. Unfortunately, data on these rare creatures is still quite scarce, so we will not discuss them today. It’s tragic that I have to say this, but please don’t take this as 100% serious dating advice, and take a deep breath before posting vile comments about how shockingly generalized and stereotypical this portrayal of geeks is.

Free Tech Support

A standard issue geek is, by default, able to stop both your microwave oven and the TiVo, from flashing incessantly at you 00:00. His tech-savviness will ensure you stay atop of HDMI, HTML, HTTP and HDTVs with attached HDDs. He’ll certify that your virus definitions and various operating systems are all up to do date, managed via a central house server while-u-wait.

Don’t test his patience though – while the geek boyfriend will be more than happy to tutor you in Java and PHP, he will not appreciate questions about Windows XP. You have an expert at your disposal here, not a replacement search engine. Girls not willing to learn for themselves need not apply for a geek boyfriend – your Facebook will be checked, and you will be Googled!

Logic-Based Functionality

All geeks are pre-supplied with a Logic Interpreter, though they lack the typical Emotional Response Decision Determiner. While they may not be of much use in emotionally troubled times, you can depend on them to make logical decisions when the water level climbs. When the floods come, who would you rather be with? Someone to offer a shoulder to cry on, or a geek who can seek out the nearest high ground, upon which to set up an ad-hoc wifi communications protocol?

They won’t leave you

In terms of “going to cheat on you” and related factors, geeks are far less likely than their jock detractors. A geek is eternally grateful that you chose to merge with his interface, and won’t be in a hurry to seek out an alternative base.

They will however, have an unhealthy obsession with one or more of the following mythical beings:

• Rei from Evangelion
• 7 of 9
• Princess Leia
• Starbuck

Since he’s never going to get laid with any of them though, you should regard these as harmless fantasies, and they may even lead to…

More Fun in the Bedroom

Your geek has probably spent hours on the internet exploring every possible facet of his sexuality watching a lot of pR0n, so if you have a geek that’s open about it then you can always be sure to find something to guarantee fun. You might want to be open to the naughty side yourself though, or be in for a shock when things go down below.

At the very least embrace his kinky side, and keep a healthy collection of sci-fi costumes supplied. Slip into one of these anytime you need to a send an intra-person control message (ICPM) of “I want sex now”, and I guarantee a 100% error-free transmission rate, (wow)!

[OK I’ll admit it, 4 of those costumes DO do it for me and I have had girlfriends who dressed in at least one of them for me at Halloween]

You-Time

It’s likely that at numerous times in your relationship, your geek will become 100% absorbed in a new video game, surrounding himself with chips and dip. Don’t worry about leaving him alone sometime, geeks are expert hunter gatherers – in their prime. They use the power of logic, Google maps, and PayPal, to find and locate daily essentials within their locale. Unlike your typical man who drives around for hours yet ends up buying beer, the geek knows exactly what he needs and what it is near. Don’t feel guilty about using this time to get out more – your geek is simply being hardcore.

Is It Worth it?

Dating a geek will require you to have a wild side, but it’s a dependable and fulfilling ride. You’ll end up understanding an unhealthy number of four letter acronyms, and may even develop a keen interest in programming the next Sims. As long as you can handle long periods of hardcore gaming and more or less no social contact ever, your geek will ultimately serve you well, and leave you never. So what are you waiting for? Upgrade now!

Image Credit: ShutterStock 1, ShutterStock 2

And of course Leprechaun/Irish/Dotcom millionaire Geek boyfriends are preferred!

If all the porn sites went dark for a day, I guarantee the
politicians would rethink their stance on SOPA.

Congressmen Who Received Money for their SOPA Vote

Here is a list of Congressional politicians in favor of the bill known as SOPA and PIPA and the amounts of money they received from the SOPA backers who bought their favor in voting yes for both bills.

The Winners are:

Money Received from Pipa Sponsors:

Sen. Charles Schumer [D, NY] $864,265
Sen. Harry Reid [D, NV] $665,420
Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand [D, NY] $556,525
Sen. Barbara Boxer [D, CA] $544,424
Sen. Patrick Leahy [D, VT] $416,250 (head sponsor of pipa btw)
Sen. Michael Bennet [D, CO] $347,406
Sen. Roy Blunt [R, MO] $341,700
Sen. Robert Portman [R, OH] $337,525
Sen. Richard Burr [R, NC] $275,950
Sen. Patty Murray [D, WA] $272,750

Money Received from Sopa Sponsors:

Sen. Harry Reid [D, NV] $3,502,624
Sen. Charles Schumer [D, NY] $2,648,770
Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand [D, NY] $2,080,651
Sen. Barbara Boxer [D, CA] $1,431,843
Sen. Scott Brown [R, MA] $1,364,872
Sen. Robert Portman [R, OH] $1,363,009
Sen. Patrick Toomey [R, PA] $1,291,744
Sen. Michael Bennet [D, CO] $1,019,172
Sen. Mark Kirk [R, IL] $911,296
Sen. Patrick Leahy [D, VT] $905,310

Who sold themselves out, and who sold the justice system down the river for money.
These are the political whores who took money, to support the most damaging bills that would put control of the global internet into the hands of the Hollywood directors.

Get the money out of politics. Vote out these people is the one way to clean house and clean out the corruption out of this government.

 

Political Whores for SOPA- PIPA

Read more:
http://www.politicolnews.com/congressmen-who-received-money-for-sopa-vote/#ixzz1k70OcdXN>

 

Chuck Norris endorses Newt Gingrich, could be the new ‘Secretary of Attack’

You’ve probably been waiting for this news and you didn’t even know it: Chuck Norris has announced his endorsement in the GOP primaries.

The “Walker, Texas Ranger” star writes on the conservative website World Net Daily that he’s supporting Newt Gingrich‘s campaign for the Republican presidential nomination.

“We believe Newt’s experience, leadership, knowledge, wisdom, faith and even humility to learn from his failures (personal and public) can return America to her glory days,” Norris writes. “And he is the best man left on the battlefield who is able to outwit, outplay and outlast Obama and his campaign machine.”

Gingrich responded in the most amazing way possible. The candidate wrote on his Twitter, “Honored to have Chuck Norris’ endorsement. He will make an excellent Secretary of Attack.”
Can that please be a real thing? Because we all know that regardless of who wins the election, Norris gets that gig in a heartbeat.
And now, because we can’t write a post about Chuck Norris without a fun Chuck Norris fact, here you go: Voldemort calls Chuck Norris “You Know Who.”

 

 

Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women

PREGNANCY Q & A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q : I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
A: So what’s your question?
Q?: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.?
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.
Q?: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

 

“ESTROGEN ISSUES”

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE “ESTROGEN ISSUES”
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You ‘re using your cell phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: “How’s my driving”.
6. Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from “outer space.”
9. You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND

10. Cats’ facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds.
7. So many clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

 1. OTHER WOMEN

 

A lot of people are starting to complain how early the Election Year coverage and hype has started. Honestly it did start before Election Year even arrived and granted well before the usual season.  However lets keep something in mind shall we: 

 

‘nuff said about that right there.

SPEAKING of media and information coverage…

“If you can be told what you can see or read, then it follows that you can be told what to say or think.”

Hmmmmm…

 

Apparently the Ministry of Truth doesn’t even have any humans in it any longer only algorithms!

“Don’t you see that the whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought?”

George Orwell, 1984, Book 1, Chapter 5