Dragon Laffs #1260


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Adult Content 1Good Morning Campers…

Many of you have tried to contact me to wish me well, and find out what’s going on.  It’s difficult for me to get messages out, while I’m in hiding … um… under house arrest.  My dear friend and legal representative, Lethal Leprechaun, due to the fact that I was so badly mistreated in my last placement, has arranged for me to be moving back and forth between two different magical/mythical homes.  These were negotiated between himself and a representative of Queen <said in a whisper> Tiamat.  All was well and good, and Lethal urged me to write a letter, not of apology so much as a letter of explanation.  Here’s what I sent him and the conversation we had afterward:

My Most Esteemed Queen,

Thou hast charged me with heinous crimes, all of them untrue.  I am naught but a loyal and trustworthy member or your court.  Please allow me to explain….

Thou knowest that I am the only dragon with an open persona in the public.  Aye, there have been other dragons in cinema and books, but most of them give dragons a bad name, not the good, kind and intelligent creatures that we really are.  I, on the other hand, through my Impish Dragon persona, have gathered a small following of like minded humans (okay, granted, there are probably some Gnomes, Dwarves, Gnolls, Fairies, Centaurs, and other mythical/magical creatures who are members of the readership of Dragon Laffs) who choose to see dragons as good and honest creatures.  Creatures with integrity, wit and humility.

Now, it comes to my attention that the oriental calendar has once again come round to the year of the dragon…the year of the water dragon to be precise and, although I know this calendar has naught to do with us real dragons, I thought it would be a good marketing tool to allow the GOOD name of dragons to get out.  Not the Hobbit eating and village burning of Smaug, nor the abandonment issues of Puff.  Any given human, when you ask them about dragons will come up with Norbert, the baby dragon from the Harry Potter movies: a lovable enough pet, but he is shanghaied in the end.  Sapharia, one of noble and intelligent birth…sadly, not many know of her true nature.  No, most are more likely to remember the buffoons Devon and Cornwall or the evilness of Vermithrax Pejorative neither of which is close to the truth.

My Queen, I took this as an opportunity to reveal the truth of dragon kind and to not continuing to allow the world to buy into the foolishness of Hollywood and Disney.

Respectfully Submitted,

Impish Dragon

Lethal Leprechaun: Ok A) You chose to live with humans, consort with them and view them as something altogether other than food.
B) You consort with ME to make money rather than the old fashioned Draconian way of terrorizing villagers and stealing it.
C) And I quote “Trustworthy  member of Her court”  is practically a blatant lie right there and is enough to carry a charge of Contempt of Court.
And on top of everything else, WHY THE FECK DO LEPRECHAUNS GET NO FECKING MENTION?? WHO DO YOU THINK STAFFS OUR ENTIRE ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT?

Lethal Leprechaun: And whatever happened to “declining numbers on both sides of the Dragon aisle requiring you to band together and come together to work to save the grandeur and majesty that is the ancient and wisest of races: Dragons”?

Lethal Leprechaun: Your writers need flogging!

Impish Dragon: So they do.  And besides, I thought leaving the Leprechauns out of it would be a good thing!  Figured it would be safer for you.

Lethal Leprechaun: It depends on your reasons for consorting with them, now doesn’t it?  Like say…attempting to learn the secrets of, what is arguably, the ONLY competition that Dragons have for being the richest race in existence?

Impish Dragon: Hmm….that’s a really good point.  Do you think she’ll notice?

Lethal Leprechaun: Do you honestly think you matter enough for the Queen of all Dragonkind to read your little letter and not some underling somewhere?

Impish Dragon: Well, she’s trying to kill me, or have me killed; I think that she would have enough interest in it to read it!

Lethal Leprechaun: Really?  And for that matter, do you know for a fact that SHE is behind all this?  YOU spoke with HER?  She told you snout to snout that she wants your skuzzy, scaled, traitorous tail dead?  Or did you not get the same printed poster and writ that I got, executed in HER name and ALLEGEDLY at HER direction?

Impish Dragon: Well … no … but if someone is throwing Her name around…

Lethal Leprechaun: And IF that WERE the case, that might, just MIGHT make this whole thing look ENTIRELY different, now wouldn’t it….

Impish Dragon: Well, yeah it would, but how do you …

Lethal Leprechaun: Shaddup, I’m thinkin’ here…
could it all be ….?
what if it was …?
Holy Jumping Shamrocks!  I think I’ve got it.  Anyone on Her High Council or Her staff not like you?  Anyone that also might be working for the Loony Liberal Left?  Did you also notice the complete lack of any official seal on any of the documents?

Impish Dragon: I can think of several who aren’t fans of mine.  They think I’m too outspoken for a dragon, and consort too much with the humans. And that I’m …

Lethal Leprechaun:  Yeah, yeah mate.  No sense in you singing your negative side to me, I know all about it.

Impish Dragon: No!  That’s not what …

Lethal Leprechaun: Any of them swift enough to have guessed your intent or that you might even have discussed it with?  See the Pan Lung had an interesting tail to tell me, if you’ll pardon the pun…

Impish Dragon: Go on…

Lethal Leprechaun: See, it seems they THOUGHT they had been hired by Tiamat to give you “your wish” and make you wingless like one of them, albeit as painfully as possible, while making it look like Asian Outrage over you usurping THEIR year.  Now, that’s not to say they weren’t, they just had different plans for you…they were going to use poisoned Asian Virgin Ninja Assassins.

Impish Dragon: Wow!  I’m speechless.

Lethal Leprechaun: Don’t I wish. Anyway, they could just be pissin’ in me fried rice..but what if they aren’t?  No seal on that writ IS sort of interesting and suspicious…maybe not the one on the island, or hung in the towns, but the one that was delivered by currier to the law offices?

Impish Dragon: Who do we know that can find out the truth?

Lethal Leprechaun: (Yeah, that whole speechless thing didn’t last long at all, did it?) I’m filling a legal writ which basically says PROVE you have the authority to do this and citing the lack of seals as a basis for the demand.  We’ll see what happens from there.  I’ll arrange for multiple deliveries in multiple areas … basically through a very expensive magical spell, every place that got a copy of the warrant will get a copy of our demand for proof of authority.  It will either start something huge or get you in even more shit.

Impish Dragon: (Funny how ALL the magical spells you use are “hugely expensive.”) Ok, so you want I should just hang with Odin?  Hey, by the way, who’d you dicker with over my house arrest?

Lethal Leprechaun: <whispers> Shen.  And I wasn’t the wrangler, I called in a favor.

Impish Dragon: Shen?

Lethal Leprechaun: Shh!  For Jaysus Sake!  NOT SO FECKING BLOODY LOUD!  YOU WANT HIM FLYING OVER HERE? EVERYTHING HIS SHADOW FALLS ON WITHERS AND DIES!  He’s the only one of his kind: a Black Shadow Dragon! How can you not know of him?  The sky grows dark with his passage and wherever his shadow touches, life ceases to exist!  As <whispers> Shen flies on, clouds boil black beneath him and the land quakes and shudders.  Volcanoes spout molten lava and poison gasses into the air as terrible storms sweep the earth.

Impish Dragon: Oh yeah, Shen.  I know him.  No worries, he’s actually related to me… let’s see … on my mother’s side, 3rd cousin or some such.  He’s lots of fun at family get-togethers.

Lethal Leprechaun: That’s interesting.  Apparently, that is why he referred to you as the brain damaged black sheep of the family.  Now that makes sense.

Impish Dragon:  Ha, ha, ha!  Yeah, that Shen!  He’s a real kidder, he is!

Lethal Leprechaun: Yeah, he said he felt sorry for you, being exiled and brain damaged and all.  He DECLINED the bribe I offered out of family honor….I’m not sure that qualifies as kidding.

Impish Dragon: Yeah… No… What?

 

So, dear campers, that was several days ago, and apparently, the amazing Legal Team of Lethal’s has uncovered even more information.  It seems that this whole thing may have been a huge plan on the part of the left to tie us up in court and legal battles in order to take our attention away from Obama and the election.  If they could drag it out until after the election, it would be a fait accompli and we’d be done!

Just last night I got this late message from Lethal:

Lethal Leprechaun:  Just got some game changing information, but I can’t talk about it over unsecure lines. 

Impish Dragon: I’m still with Odin…the Valkyries are giving me strange looks…where shall we meet?

Lethal Leprechaun: Listen, I have a tough night dealing with all of this.  My head is pounding with a migraine.  Anyone annoys me or makes me think too hard and I’m likely to go all Mean Green Lethal Leprechaun Machine on their asses.  I got a truck load of rabid badgers and I’m itching for an excuse to use them!  The plane will be there to move you tonight.  Apparently, you’re eating Odin out of house and home and wearing out your welcome with the Valkyries! You’ll now be Zeus’s guest for a couple of weeks.  Try not to wear out this welcome too fast!  I’ll be in touch and let you know what’s going on with the investigation.  Just be sure of one thing…DO NOT accept ANYTHING from ANY other dragon, whether you’re related to them or not.

Impish Dragon: What are you saying?  My family…..?

Lethal Leprechaun: Apparently this goes a lot deeper and farther than we had even imagined….think big houses, painted white.  That’s all I’m sayin’ now unless you want them rabid badgers….

Impish Dragon: No…no dude, you go get some rest.  I’ll look forward to getting on the plane tonight.

Lethal Leprechaun:  And if you even think about getting air sick again, I’ve told the flight crew to make you clean it up before they are to let you off!

So, as you can see….a lot is going on.  Before I get too much further into this, why don’t we go ahead and start the laughter?

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How about we start today’s issue with a couple of oldies, but goodies.  All of these have one thing in common…they all resulted in bodily harm to one or the other of the participants.  Let’s see…

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift….
The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
“Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
(A broken arm and two broken legs)

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’
‘No,’ she answered…
I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
(Black eye, broken nose, two missing teeth)

I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”
“Nah, she can order for herself.”
(Black eye, broken jaw, blisters on his feet from the walk home)

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, “Do you know him?”
“Yes”, she sighed, “He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
(Shards of glass removed from his rectum from where his wife shoved her drink)

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, “When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.”
(Body was never recovered.  Investigation is on-going)

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, “What’s on TV?”
I said, “Dust.”
(Split lip and loose teeth)

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is
terrible.”
My loving wife of 5 years replied, “And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”
(Case pending in divorce court.  Husband is suing to get his dignity back.)

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.”
I bought her a bathroom scale.
(In ICU on a respirator.  Not expected to recover)

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.’
(Wife’s body has not been recovered.  Husband is incarcerated, but expected to be released with no charges since no one has recovered a body.)

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror..
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
“I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
I replied, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
(Will require the use of a seeing-eye-dog for the rest of his life)

I rear-ended a car this morning…the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said ‘I am NOT Happy!’
So I said, ‘Well, which one ARE you then?’
(Sued by the Dwarven Council on Stature Equality.  Expected to be litigated to death.)

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100 Years of History in 10 minutes
From 1911 to 2011
Well worth the watch!

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Pun Queen

I really apologize for these…..they are especially dreadful this time around:

Gossips have a keen sense of rumor.

I want to be a watchmaker. It is a great job because you can make your own hours.

I can Harley wait to get my motorcycle license.

After the shepherd retired, he felt ewes less.

Optometrists live long because they dilate.

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Purposely NOT poking fun at the Leprechaun…

An Irish tradition

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.

On that special day, they’d each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy’s, 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat…and nearly drowned!

Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother.

‘Grandma,’ he asked, “Tis me 18th birthday, so why can’t I walk ‘cross the lake like me father, his father, and his father before him?”
Granny looked deeply into Paddy’s, troubled brown eyes and said, “Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya fookin idiot”!

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A property manager of single-family residences was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions.

“Professionally employed?” he asked.

“We’re a military family,” the wife answered.

“Children?”

“Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve,” she answered proudly.

“Animals?”

“Oh, no,” she said earnestly. “They’re very well behaved.”

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It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the high school intercom:“Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing.”

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:“Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars please return to class.”

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How to maintain a healthy level of insanity, by K²

“Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.”

“A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.”

“California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange.”

“You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

“I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.”

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.”

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.”

Some people say I have a weird personality… That’s ok, I have four more…

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Motivational In Soviet RussiaMotivational Tetris

The M67

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I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots.
Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to
visit there too often.  It’s right next door to Debt.  I’ve spent a great deal of time in Debt.  It’s not a very nice place.

I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was
very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I go there more often as I’m getting
older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets
the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get! PLEASE DO YOUR PART!

From one unstable person to
another… I hope everyone is happy in your head – we’re all doing
pretty good in mine!

“If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to
live, I wouldn’t brood. I’d type a little faster.” ~Isaac Asimov

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SPECIAL POEM FOR OLDER FOLKS
Thanks to Ginny for sending this one in!

A row of bottles on my shelf
Caused me to analyze myself.

One yellow pill I have to pop
Goes to my heart so it won’t stop.

A little white one that I take
Goes to my hands so they won’t shake.

The blue ones that I use a lot
Tell me I’m happy when I’m not.

The purple pill goes to my brain
And tells me that I have no pain.

The capsules tell me not to wheeze
Or cough or choke or even sneeze.

The red ones, smallest of them all
Go to my blood so I won’t fall.

The orange ones, very big and bright
Prevent my leg cramps in the night.

Such an array of brilliant pills
Helping to cure all kinds of ills.

But what I’d really like to know,
Is what tells each one where to go!

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A rich man was trying to find his daughter a birthday gift
when he saw a poor man with a beautiful white horse. He
told the man that he would give him $500 for the horse.horse24
The poor man replied, “I don’t know mister, it don’t look so
good,” and walked away. The next day the rich man came
back and offered the poor man $1000 for the horse. The
poor man said, “I don’t know mister, it don’t look so good.”
On the third day the rich man offered the poor man $2000
for the horse, and said he wouldn’t take no for an answer.
The poor man agreed, and the rich man took the horse home.
The rich man’s daughter loved her present. She climbed onto
the horse, then galloped right into a tree. The rich man rushed
back over to the poor man’s house, demanding an explanation
for the horse’s blindness. The poor man replied,
“I told you it don’t look so good.”

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I just read that last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?cow

Why did the capacitor kiss the diode?
He just couldn’t resistor.

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From the Big Bang Theory

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Today’s Last Word…Well, this will piss you off…Thanks to LL for pointing this out to me in time to get it in today’s issue…for those of you who wish to read it on line where we found it, click on the title and it should take you there

OBAMA ELIGIBILITY COURT CASE…BLOW BY BLOW
By Craig Andresen on January 26, 2012 at 9:25 am

Editor’s Note:

The hearing was before Judge Michael Malihi of the Georgia state Office of State Administrative Hearings. David Farrar, Leah Lax, Thomas Malaren and Laurie Roth, represented by California attorney Orly Taitz, who has handled numerous cases concerning Obama’s eligibility; David Weldon represented by attorney Van R. Irion of Liberty Legal Foundation; and Carl Swensson and Kevin Richard Powell, represented by J. Mark Hatfield. This hearing took place  in the courthouse lacated at: 230 Peachtree Street N.W., Suite 850 Atlanta, Georgia 30303 on January 26th 2012 at 9am EST.

Docket Number: OSAH-SECSTATE-CE

1215136-60-MALIHI

Given the testimony from today’s court case in Georgia, Obama has a lot of explaining to do. His attorney, Jablonski, was a NO SHOW as of course, was Obama.

The following is a nutshell account of the proceedings.

Promptly at 9am  EST, all attorneys involved in the Obama Georgia eligibility case were called to the Judge’s chambers. This was indeed a very interesting beginning to this long awaited and important case.

The case revolved around the Natural Born clause of the Constitution and whether or not Obama qualifies under it to serve. More to the point, if found ineligible, Obama’s name would not appear on the 2012 ballot in Georgia.

With the small courtroom crowded, several in attendance could be seen fanning themselves with pamphlets as they waited for the return of the attorneys and the appearance of the judge.

Obama himself, who had been subpoenaed to appear, of course was nowhere near Georgia. Instead, Obama was on a campaign swing appearing in Las Vegas and in Colorado ignoring the court in Georgia.

Over the last several weeks, Obama’s attorney, Michael Jablonski, had attempted several tactics to keep this case from moving forward. He first tried to have it dismissed, then argued that it was irrelevant to Obama. After that, Jablonski argued that a state could not, under the law, determine who would or would not be on a ballot and later, that Obama was simply too busy with the duties of office to appear.

After all these arguments were dispatched by the Georgia Court, Jablonski, in desperation, wrote to the Georgia Secretary of State attempting to place Obama above the law and declared that the case was not to he heard and neither he nor his client would participate.

 

Secretary of State, Brian Kemp, fired back a letter hours later telling Jablonski he was free to abandon the case and not participate but that he would do so at his and his clients peril.

Game on.

5 minutes.

10 minutes.

15 minutes with the attorneys in the judge’s chambers.

20 minutes.

It appears Jablonski is not in attendance as the attorneys return, all go to the plaintiff table 24 minutes after meeting in the judge’s chambers.

Has Obama’s attorney made good on his stated threat not to participate? Is he directly ignoring the court’s subpoena? Is he placing Obama above the law? It seems so. Were you or I subpoenaed to appear in court, would we or our attorney be allowed such action or, non action?

Certainly not.

Court is called to order.

Obama’s birth certificate is entered into evidence.

Obama’s father’s place of birth, Kenya East Africa is entered into evidence.

Pages 214 and 215 from Obama’s book, “Dreams from My Father” entered into evidence. Highlighted. This is where Obama indicates that, in 1966 or 1967 that his father’s history is mentioned. It states that his father’s passport had been revoked and he was unable to leave Kenya.

Immigration Services documents entered into evidence regarding Obama Sr.

June 27th, 1962, is the date on those documents. Obama’s father’s status shown as a non citizen of the United States. Documents were gotten through the Freedom of Information Act.

Testimony regarding the definition of Natural Born Citizen is given citing Minor vs Happersett opinion from a Supreme Court written opinion from 1875. The attorney points out the difference between “citizen” and “Natural Born Citizen” using charts and copies of the Minor vs Happersett opinion.

It is also pointed out that the 14th Amendment does not alter the definition or supersede the meaning of Natural Born. It is pointed out that lower court rulings do not conflict with the Supreme Court opinion nor do they over rule the Supreme Court Minor vs Happersett opinion.

The point is, to be a natural born citizen, one must have 2 parents who, at the time of the birth in question, be citizens of the United States. As Obama’s father was not a citizen, the argument is that Obama, constitutionally, is ineligible to serve as President.

Judge notes that as Obama nor his attorney is present, action will be taken accordingly.

Carl Swinson takes the stand.

Testimony is presented that the SOS has agreed to hear this case, laws applicable, and that the DNC of Georgia will be on the ballot and the challenge to it by Swinson.

2nd witness, a Mr. Powell, takes the stand and presents testimony regarding documents of challenge to Obama’s appearance on the Georgia ballot and his candidacy.

Court records of Obama’s mother and father entered into evidence.

Official certificate of nomination of Obama entered into evidence.

RNC certificate of nomination entered into evidence.

DNC language does NOT include language stating Obama is Qualified while the RNC document DOES. This shows a direct difference trying to establish that the DNC MAY possibly have known that Obama was not qualified.

Jablonski letter to Kemp yesterday entered into evidence showing their desire that these proceedings not take place and that they would not participate.

Dreams From My Father entered.

Mr. Allen from Tuscon AZ sworn in.

Disc received from Immigration and Naturalization Service entered into evidence. This disc contains information regarding the status of Obama’s father received through the Freedom of Information Act.

This information states clearly that Obama’s father was NEVER a U.S. Citizen.

At this point, the judge takes a recess.

The judge returns.

David Farrar takes the stand.

Evidence showing Obama’s book of records listing his nationality as Indoneasan. Deemed not relevant by the judge.

Orly Taitz calls 2nd witness. Mr. Strunk.

Enters into evidence a portion of letter received from attorney showing a renewal form from Obama’s mother for her passport listing Obama’s last name something other than Obama.

State Licensed PI takes the stand.

She was hired to look into Obama’s background and found a Social Security number for him from 1977. Professional opinion given that this number was fraudulent. The number used or attached to Obama in 1977, shows that the true owner of the number was born in the 1890. This shows that the number was originally assigned to someone else who was indeed born in 1890 and should never have been used by Obama.

Same SS number came up with addresses in IL, D.C. and MA.

Next witness takes the stand.

This witness is an expert in information technology and photo shop. He testifies that the birth certificate Obama provided to the public is layered, multiple layered. This, he testifies, indicates that different parts of the certificate have been lifted from more than one original document.

Linda Jordan takes the stand.

Document entered regarding SS number assigned to Obama. SS number is not verified under E Verify. It comes back as suspected fraudulent. This is the system by which the Government verifies ones citizenship.

Next witness.

Mr. Vogt.

Expert in document imaging and scanners for 18 years.

Mr. Vogt testifies that the birth certificate, posted online by Obama, is suspicious. States white lines around all the type face is caused by “unsharp mask” in Photoshop. Testifies that any document showing this, is considered to be a fraud.

States this is a product of layering.

Mr. Vogt testifies that a straight scan of an original document would not show such layering.

Also testifies that the date stamps shown on Obama documents should not be in exact same place on various documents as they are hand stamped. Obama’s documents are all even, straight and exactly the same indicating they were NOT hand stamped but layered into the document by computer.

Next witness, Mr. Sampson a former police officer and former immigration officer specializing in immigration fraud.

Ran Obama’s SS number through database and found that the number was issued to Obama in 1977 in the state of Connecticut . Obama never resided in that state. At the time of issue, Obama was living in Hawaii.

Serial number on birth certificate is out of sequence with others issued at that hospital. Also certification is different than others and different than twins born 24 hours ahead of Obama.

Mr. Sampson also states that portion of documents regarding Mr. Soetoro, who adopted Obama have been redacted which is highly unusual with regards to immigration records.

Suggests all records from Social Security, Immigration, Hawaii birth records be made available to see if there are criminal charges to be filed or not. Without them, nothing can be ruled out.

Mr. Sampson indicates if Obama is shown not to be a citizen, he should be arrested and deported and until all records are released nobody can know for sure if he is or is not a U.S. Citizen.

Taitz shows records for Barry Soetoro aka Barack Obama, showing he resides in Hawaii and in Indonesia at the same time.

Taitz takes the stand herself.

Testifies that records indicate Obama records have been altered and he is hiding his identity and citizenship.

Taitz leaves the stand to make her closing arguments.

Taitz states that Obama should be found, because of the evidence presented, ineligible to serve as President.

And with that, the judge closes the hearing.

What can we take away from this?

It’s interesting.

Now, all of this has finally been entered OFFICIALLY into court records.

One huge question is now more than ever before, unanswered.

WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY?

Without his attorney present, Obama’s identity, his Social Security number, his citizenship status, and his past are all OFFICIALLY in question.

One thing to which there seems no doubt. He does NOT qualify, under the definition of “Natural Born Citizen” provided by SCOTUS opinions, to be eligible to serve as President.

What will the judge decide? That is yet to be known, but it seems nearly impossible to believe, without counter testimony or evidence, because Obama and his attorney chose not to participate, that Obama will be allowed on the Georgia ballot.

It also opens the door for such cases pending or to be brought in other states as well.

Obama is in it deep and the DNC has some…a LOT…of explaining to do unless they start looking for a new candidate for 2012.

Defining “Natural Born Citizen”

Now, let’s face it… if you or I were to pull this garbage, a bench warrant would be issued and we’d be in jail faster than you can say, “Birth Certificate”.  And if half of what is alleged in this article were true, none of us would stand a chance.  It pisses me off that ANYONE can get away with something like this, just because of their position.  I’ve seen it happen over and over again (work in the military or for the government long enough and you’ll find someone who takes advantage due to their rank or position) and it pisses me off every time I see it.  And not to even mention the absolute gall and arrogance of ignoring the proceeding when they couldn’t get it cancelled.  What does that tell us about his presidency and the DNC’s apparent conspiracy to cover up his ineligibility?  Or the supposed claim that the state of Georgia has no authority over who is, or is not on their ballot?

Okay, so go ahead, and tell me how much I’m Obama bashing again.  That’s just fine.  I’m telling you, if presenting the facts, as far as we know them, and taking a stand for the Constitution is Obama bashing, then I’m guilty as charged.  But, on June 17, 1977 I raised my hand and swore to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; (And since I can hear you ones out there saying I’m Obama bashing telling me to write the rest of it, I will….) and I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice.  So help me God.

I can hear you crowing… I’m supposed to obey the President.  It says so right in my pledge that I’m trying to use to present my case.  Well, look at it closer…according to the regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice.  Did you know, that the UCMJ makes it a crime to obey an order from a superior that you know is unlawful?  That’s right.  If a superior, ANY superior, gives an order that goes against the Constitution, it is our DUTY to not only NOT follow it, but to do what we can to STOP that order from damaging the United States. 

Any of you sitting out there doubt for one minute that this man has NOT gone against the Constitution, time and time again?  If so, then you just ain’t payin’ attention, or you are willfully being deceitful (we call that lying or drinking the loony liberal Kool-ade, right down to the delusional dregs! ~LL). 

Okay, so I have to go find a cool place to rest.  I’ve gotten so angry I’ve set fire to everything in Zeus’s back garden.  It’s a good thing most of my laptops are flame proof.  (Dude, you’re SO screwed!  The Olympian gardens are HERA’s and you KNOW what a bitch she can be when you piss her off!)

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6 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1260

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    I say..I say a civilized polite hangin’s too good for them fellas Paul.

    I think they deserve the traditional ancient fate reserved for traitors but with an updated twist. ( for those of you of a blood thirsty bent or seriously considering the pros and cons of this punishment for this case go to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanged,_drawn_and_quartered otherwise I’ll hit the high points below)

    They should be hung, cut down while still alive, then drawn and quartered, and finally beheaded.
    Traditionally the head is tarred and mounted on a spike above the entrance to the leaders fortification known as “the Traitors Gate” as an example and warning to all. The reminder of the body it cut into 5 parts and sent to be impaled on a pike on the approach to the major cities of a realm with a plaque stating who they were and that they were executed for the crime of treason. Also all the traitors lands titles and property are forfeit to the crown and their immediate families (if they survived or were not implicated either confined someplace under permanent house arrest or exiled from the realm never to return under pain of death.)

    Now for my personal touches or updated twists:
    1.) As punishment for and to atone for the continual insults and injustices done under his administration by both him and his Liberal maniacal minions, he should be KEEL HAULED under the USS Constitution by Marines while it is under way even if it has to be towed. The choice of this vessel was deliberate since he has continually chosen to disregard and show his disdain for the legal document it represents.

    2.) Since I am unable to locate a “Traitors Gate” on the White House Capitol Federal Building Pentagon or Supreme Court and various health agencies tell me I cannot go placing carrion on 18 foot sharpened poles outside major metropolitan areas due to the possibility of the airborne spread of contamination and disease (to say nothing of the taint of Islamic loving liberalism) I suggest we dispose of his remains in the following manner:

    a.) Head – stuff all the legal documents preventing the families of the 281 Marines slain in the Beirut Bombings into his mouth. Fashion a life-like facemask out of pig skin and cover the head with it. Find the biggest designated liberal sleaze ball diploweeniedunker in the State Department that backs this the loudest and send him with it unescorted into Iran to meat with Hezbollah and present it to them with the message “Pig Piss On You Hezbullies! One way or another you’ll pay for your crimes against Americans.” Let’s see how long their good will the State Department is intent on obtaining at the expense of our own people and his diplomatic credentials protects him after that.

    b.) The remainder of his Muslims Before Americans Ass: Cut it up in as many pieces as are required to allow the rest of him to be stitched inside the carcasses of dead pigs place these in plastic 50 gallon drums fill them with a mix of pigs blood pigs dung and cement and bury his ass in the deepest part of the ocean we can possibly find using a submarine’s torpedo tubes if required to get him on his way as fast as possible on his trip to hell. Any liberal or ACLU mouth pieces objecting to this can be his pallbearers, 2 to a torpedo tube and loaded in after each drum…alive.

  2. paul says:

    HANG THEM BOTH

  3. lethalleprechaun says:

    Seems to me this is MORE than enough to institute Impeachment hearings followed by his being tried for Treason as a spy in time of war.

    When he is found guilty he should be executed TWICE. Once as Barrack Obama & once as Barry Sorento, just to make sure we executed the right guy since we still don’t know who he really is.
    Don’t let him be buried with any honors or on US soil. Send his remains back to Kenya or bury him with Bin Laden.

    Further if he wasn’t eligible to be President his widow should be required to forfeit all his salary as President and reimburse the government for all travel costs. She should also be denied any additional security after Obama is removed from office. Personally I’d STRONGLY suggest she be named a co-conspirator in his treason as I cannot believe she did not know this was a sham.

    • impishdragon says:

      Well Lethal, either everyone agrees with us, or all the disciples of the great one have the weekend off. It’s kinda quiet out there, my friend…

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Superbowl weekend – who’d have thought all our readers were football fans?

        Of course the outcome is obvious…Its an all New England game so anyone not from there loses and even if your favorite New England team loses you’re not too unhappy because a New England team won anyway. Just for the record however and to irate you Impish I’m calling Patriots as the winner.

        Also hoping for a HEADS coin toss ’cause that means a free pizza for me at Papa John’s!

      • impishdragon says:

        Aye, tis so a Northeasterly win this day, but naught for the Patsy boys, but for the large men of blue, the Giants of New York shall rule the day. Although I do hope for a heads call for your pizza, dear friend.

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