For you Irish &/or Catholics: Only 11 more days until St Paddy’s Day

and for those counting it down 25 more days of Lent left.

For you ASPCA/PETA types: I certify no animals were hurt or even inconvenienced in the making of this Opening Banner . However I cannot say the same for the piece of yarn used to assist in the posing of the kitten

For you Carnivores/Cheeseburger lovers: I certify that on Sunday for lunch Two Bacon Blue cheese and Portobello Mushroom Gourmet 1/2# burgers pan seared in a cast iron skillet and served with the condiments of the eaters choice on freshly baked that morning rolls were served in my house.

For a certain Dragon: You’re too damned right you didn’t get one and weren’t invited! After the last time we invited you for burgers how dumb do you think we still are? Get your own!

For you cat lovers: No, I did not just tease my cats with the cheeseburgers. They instead got their preferred, favorite treat- Blue Hills Hi-Pro Kitty kibbles soaked in tuna water with a bit of the tuna and a little cheddar cheese mixed in.

For the rest of you: Can we get this show on the road now? Sheesh! 

IMPISH! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BROWN GOLD!

You have your own cup which you apparently use to it’s full capabilities FAR too much as evidenced by your muchly padded by munchies waist line!

So I was asking Impish the other day how his rehab post partial knee replacement surgery was progressing. I was concerned, being something of an expert in damaged knee joints owing to having 2 of them of my own, that he might be endangering himself with the snow and icy weather that seems to have plagued him recently. I found what he was telling me quite remarkable…for a moment.

My doctor started me on a rehab exercise program.

I am walking with a walking therapist every day.

I never knew walking with someone else was such

an incentive.

We don’t talk much during the walk, though.

My therapist walks about 10 feet ahead of me and

sets the pace, as directed by my doctor.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.
.
.

So far, I have followed her for 27 miles without

even using my cane!

I am feeling better each mile and my joint pain,

my blood pressure and my blood glucose count seem to be improving.

I have fun where ever we go!

Wackiest motor vehicle laws of 2013

Published On: Feb 22 2013 03:20:56 PM CST Updated On: Feb 25 2013 01:00:00 AM CST

Most driving laws make sense, but some are strange and downright weird. Here are some of wackiest traffic laws of 2013.

In Nevada, it’s illegal to ride a camel on the highway.

Driving barefoot is illegal in Alabama. It is also illegal to drive while blindfolded.

It’s illegal to drive in Massachusetts with a gorilla in the backseat of your car.

In Milford, Massachusetts, you’re not allowed to peep into another car’s window.

In Sag Harbor, New York, it’s illegal to take your clothes off in your car.

Horn honking is not permitted in Oxford, Mississippi as it might scare horses.

If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter in Florida, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

The fine for hitting a pedestrian in Sarasota, Florida is only $78.

When in Derby, Kansas, screeching your tires or peeling out is considered a misdemeanor and can cost you 30 days in jail.

In Topeka, Kansas, it is unlawful to transport dead poultry along Kansas Avenue. Lesson: look elsewhere for a KFC

The ice cream man is banned in Indianola, Iowa.

If you are convicted of a DUI in New Jersey you permanently forfeit the option to obtain a vanity plate.

In California:

Good Morning Campers.  Due to an unexpected computer outage for me this week, my opening statements will be given over to dropping you right into the firefight.  Please join the me in the battle against the world’s bull shit with laughter!!!

Or the header for a party or great summer picnic!!

A young cowboy from Texas goes off to college.
                Half way through the semester, having foolishly
                squandered all his money …. he calls home.

                “Dad,” he says, “You won’t believe what modern education
                is developing! They actually have a program here in Missoula
                that will teach our dog, Ole’ Blue how to talk!”

                “That’s amazing,” his Dad says. “How do I get Ole’ Blue
                in that program?”

                “Just send him down here with $1,000” the young cowboy says
                “and I’ll get him in the course.”

                So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

                About two-thirds of the way through the semester,
                the money again runs out. The boy ca lls home.

                “So how’s Ole’ Blue doing son?” his father asks.

                “Awesome, Dad, he’s talking up a storm,” he says, “but you
                just won’t believe this — they’ve had such good results
                they have started to teach the animals how to read!”

                “Read!?” says his father, “No kidding! How do we get Blue
                in that program?”

                “Just send $2,500, I’ll get him in the class.”
                The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.

                At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog
                can neither talk, nor read.

                So he shoots the dog.

                When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father
                is all excited.

                “Where’s Ole’ Blue? I just can’t wait to see him read
                something and talk!”

                “Dad,” the boy says, “I have some grim news. Yesterday
                morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole’ Blue was
                in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading
                the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does”.

                “Then Ole’ Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your daddy
                still messing around with that little redhead who lives
                down the street?”

                The father went white and exclaimed, “I hope you shot
                that s.o.b before he talks to your Mother!”

                “I sure did, Dad!”

                “That’s my boy!”

                The kid went on to law school, and now serves in
                Washington D.C. as a Congressman.

I have finally found the purely logical, scientific explanation for my condition that our
dear Leprechaun seems to like to comment on so often:

And there ain’t nobody hotter than a dragon!  I’m sure many
of you wonderful female campers could attest to that!

at first they just snickered.

Scientific proof that dragons are products of reverse evolution.  
Allow me to explain; if you believe in the theory of evolution, which we will NOT
get into here, then you know that fish →reptile→mammal/higher animal.
Where the picture above shows higher animal (bird)→reptile→dragon.  And here’s
the “cro-magnon” picture of the proof.
You believe that, right?

This is just horrible!  Read more and find out what exactly I’m talking about…

Terrific!

Oh Crap!
I’m sorry.

I just remembered that we did the same thing.

We took an arrogant bastard community organizer, who had never worn a uniform and made him Commander-in-Chief.  A guy who had never had a real job, worked on a budget, or led anything more than an  ACORN demonstration, and we made him “Beloved Leader” of the United States

TWICE !!!

I’m sorry I brought this up.

Never mind.

And in the same vein as my tongue-in-cheek Mini Rant…

12) Only in America is it required for a wage-earner to take a drug test in order to make and keep the job that is used to pay the money into the welfare system where the partakers of said welfare are NOT required the same drug test in order to receive the money!

“Aye, there’s a piece of shyt on the end of yer driver. “

Obama picked up his driver and cleaned the club face, at which point the caddy said:

“Nae, the other end.”

One of the Leprechaun’s cats.

85 years old and you’re going to start jumping out of airplanes?” I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.

She said to me, “Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club.”

“I’m in trouble again, and I don’t know what to do… I signed up for five jumps a week.” I told her.

She fainted.

Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.

No, I didn’t know that.  I always just use the top lip of the cup and fill with any of the above to there.

When Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve, the female reindeer go into town and blow a few bucks.

Two old dears having a coffee, one asks the other, “Did you come on the bus?” “Yes,” she replies, “but I made it look like an asthma attack.”

Frosty the Snowman pulled down his pants when he heard the snow blower coming.

A young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kilt. “Reach up there and find out.” She did, but quickly pulled her hand back out and said, “Oh, it’s gruesome!” “Aye, it has,” replied the Scotsman, “and if you put your hand back up there, it’ll grow some more!”

MASTURBATION – A solo played on a private organ.

How do Greeks separate the men from the boys? With a crowbar.

Did you hear about the new douche they’ve made for women? It’s made of Marijuana, Arrid Deodorant, and Kentucky Fried Chicken. It leaves you high, dry, and finger licking good!

You don’t want Monica Lewinsky and Tonto in your car at the same time. You might wind up with a blown Injun.

VIRGIN: A girl who whispers sweet nothing doings.

The woman asked the pharmacist, “Do you have Viagra?” “Yes,” he answered. She asked, “Does it work?” “Yes,” he answered. She said, “Can you get it over the counter?” “I can, if I take two tablets,” he replied.

Did you hear about the guy who scheduled an appointment with an impotence clinic? He had to cancel because something came up!

Watch out for tennis players – love means nothing to them!

The biology teacher at the all-girls academy was handing back a test on the male anatomy. “I don’t understand why you girls can’t understand the male sex organ. You’ve had it pounded into you all semester!”

A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom he needs Viagra. The mom asks, “Why on earth do you need that?” The little boy replies, “isn’t that what you give dad when his shit won’t get hard?”

First, the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, “There’s something he’s needing”

After casting about for a suitable pearl,
Kept messing around and created a girl.

God named this creation “Woman” and he gave her —

Two beautiful legs, so long and so tender.
A beautiful waist so slim and so slender.

Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
Rounded and firm to bring out the fire.

Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes as she whips them around

Two lovely arms just waiting to bless you,
With two loving hands to soothe and caress you.

Soft cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
With two dreamy eyes to make him grow bolder.

Two beautiful lips so warm and inviting.
God knew that the man would find it exciting.

She was made for a man to make his heart sing.
Then he added vocal chords and ruined the whole fucking thing…

This next portion was written and sent in by Lethal Leprechaun.  We were going to wait until his issue, but thought it was more important to get it out sooner, rather than later.  I was going to write up my own piece, or take parts of his, but his turned out so good, and I was a day and a half without internet (too long a story to go into now), so instead, I decided to give credit where credit was due.

One of the finest ( if not the finest) Army Officer it was ever my privilege to meet/serve with/under has heard TAPS sound over his own grave.  Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf, rose to fame while serving as Commander of United States Central Command, as commander of coalition forces in the Persian Gulf War, which lead to the lightning quick dismantling of Saddam Hussein’s forces in the first Gulf War. He was laid to rest at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point Thursday Feb. 28, 2013 almost unnoticed and uncommented on by the liberal media. He was 78 when he died in Tampa, Florida on December 27, 2012 of complications from pneumonia.

A U.S. Army Honor Guard soldier (R) carries the cremated remains of U.S. Four Star General H. Norman Schwarzkopf to his burial service at the United States Military Academy at West Point, New York, February 28, 2013. REUTERS/Mike Segar

A U.S. Army soldier holds a four star flag outside the Cadet Chapel during the funeral service for the late U.S. Four Star General H. Norman Schwarzkopf at the United States Military Academy at West Point, New York, February 28, 2013. Schwarzkopf, who graduated from West Point in 1956.

Former Illinois sergeant Drew Peterson was sentenced to

Okay, it’s time for a real rant, rather than the play pretend one I used earlier.  And of course, I’ll tell this story with words and pictures!
800,000 Federal Civilian Employees are facing a coming furlough beginning in March.  Okay, so we all know that the federal government is too big, so cutting the fat is a good idea, right?
Well, not in this case.
Is it the big-wigs in Washington that are going to have 20%  of their pay taken away from them?
Nope!
The politicians, facing 1/5 reduction in their pay?
Nope!
Okay, how about a 20% reduction in unemployment payments, welfare, food stamps, etc?
Nope, nope and nope!
As a matter of fact, unemployment and other entitlement programs were INCREASED as well as our taxes on January first!
So who’s pay is being chopped?
Mine for one!
Now, that doesn’t mean much to you other than I’m sure I’m going to receive some sympathetic emails from you wonderful campers, but why mine?
Because I am a Department of Defense civilian employee.  Almost ALL DoD civilians will face the same thing.  It has been stated that the Navy will not be able to support it’s mission after only two months of this.  The military will be a hollow shell because, like it or not, 90% of the non combat positions in the military are being done by civilians now.  And now we will be working and being paid for a 4 day week.  20% out of my check.  Boom!
But, there is no overtime either.  So, when I have to work a UTA weekend to teach reservists what they need to know to stay alive, I’ll have to take not one, but three days off during the week to make up for it.
So who else is going to get the axe?
TSA employees-you think it takes a long time to catch a flight before,  how about having to show up three hours early for a flight?
Meat inspectors – ready for the food shortages?
The list goes on and on.
Oh, and of course, it’s the republican’s fault.
Fox News from Feb 19: Instead, he would rather blackmail Americans with food shortages, long lines at airports and the like, and invoke the specter of another recession to gain political advantage over the Republicans. See here for the rest of this interesting article.Why do I have to face a huge cut in pay while the dammed entitlement leaches get a raise?  Anyone who doesn’t believe that this is part of O’bastard’s master plan to make ALL of us depended on the largesse of the government is really NOT PAYING ATTENTION!
I can’t file for unemployment, work overtime, use my vacation time, sick time, and (in most cases) get a part-time job!!!
On top of the fact that we haven’t gotten a cost of living increase in 4 years!
You know, I like my job.  It’s important.  Amongst other things I help our military brothers and sisters stay alive in about the most crappy of environments they could possibly run into.  We make below the national average for household incomes and are 25 to 40% below our civilian counterparts.
Why us, among all the money the government spends, gives away to our enemies or spends on drug users and malcontents who WON’T work, why the lower ranking worker bees that keep things running?
This is not right!  It’s an insult!  And it’s designed to cause the most trouble for EVERYONE.
So, don’t think it’s just me and my brothers and sisters who are going to suffer, this is aimed at ALL of us!
And why is it that congress and the president aren’t taking a 20% pay cut?
And here’s another man’s opinion:

You know, I’m with you Joe.  Maybe if congress had manned up instead of wussing out by exempting themselves from any cuts, maybe there would be someone there left to vote for, but for my money, I think that for next year’s mid term elections, every single sitting congress member, no matter the party, should get kicked out and someone else, anyone else, should be elected in their place.  Maybe if we could get rid of most of them, maybe the REST of them would get the message that US not THEM are in charge!!!!  Especially since they won’t put themselves in the same positions they put us.  Let’s face it, how many of them, even with a 20% decrease in pay, would miss any meals?
I’m looking at my list of medications, wondering which ones I can not take for 6 months!
I’m looking at the food in the house, and wondering if we could make it last an extra month or so!
Probably have to start walking to work (although there is an upside to that)
The entertainment budget disappeared first, as well as our cable channels, home telephone line.
Canceled two doctor’s appointments.
How many
Of those
PRICKS
have to
do the
SAME??!!
I know, there are some of you out there who are saying that it’s not that big a deal.
I also know that there are some of you who are out there still singing O’Bastard’s praises.
”Today President Obama put his inspirational words into action.  For the first time,
the U.S. Government Official Position is that Prop 8 is unconstitutional.  Thank the President
for standing on the right side of history.”
If you want to look up that bit of praise, you can do a google search on your own.
The Entitlement Leeches will continue to vote these types of people in so long as they
keep getting their free shit.  And those of us who are paying for their free shit are
are slowly doing it with less money.
It’s going to stay this way until we stand up and make them stop.  They will take more and more from us.
Our Guns.
Our Money.
Our Rights.
How much are they going to get before we’ve all had enough?
You entitlement leeches just wait.  Your turn is coming.
It won’t be long before we’re out of money.
Then what the hell are you going to do???

Woo whoo! Only 18 days left until Saint Patrick’s Day!

Time to get me party duds out and off to the cleaners!  Fortunately it falls closer to Impish’s issue than to does mine so I can devote 100% of me time to appropriate and dignified festivities- like making 200 Smoked Corned Beef on rye sliders with Cole slaw on top. Don’t look at me funny! You’ve heard of TexMex cuisine? Well this be CelTex cooking.

Hopefully most of you are not TOO buried in snow and other assorted winter weather nastiness associated with the large storm which has trekked all the way from Texas to New England over the past 3 days. Some of the roads down here in the panhandle as I understand it are still impassible and unplowed.

We’ve been fortunate here at Keebler Towers just some strong winds, a bit of welcome rain and a slight drop in the high temp to the low and mid 60’s.

 And that’s enough o’ the jawing for today.

The Carburetor

“The car won’t start,” said a wife to her husband. “I think
there’s water in the carburetor.”

“How do you know?” said the husband scornfully. “You don’t
even know what the carburetor is.”

“I’m telling you,” repeated the wife, “I’m sure there’s
water in the carburetor.”

“We’ll see,” mocked the husband. “Let me check it out.
Where’s the car?”

“In the swimming pool.”

The Tiny Cabin

A social worker from a big City in Massachusetts recently transferred to Mountains of West Virginia and was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.
“Anybody home?” she asked.
“Yep,” came a kid’s voice through the door.
“Is your father there?” asked the social worker.
“Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in,” said the kid.
“Well, is your mother there?” persisted the social worker.
“Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here,” said the kid.
“But,” protested the social worker, “are you never together as a family?”
“Sure, but not here,” said the kid through the door. “This is the outhouse!”

Government workers are so very smart. Aren’t you overjoyed that they’ll soon be handling all our financial, educational and medical dilemmas?

How well do you know the news?

In today’s fast-paced news world, it can be tough to keep up with all the top headline makers. This fun quiz challenges you to identify some of the people, places and news blurbs from last year’s top stories.

Once you’ve answered all 13 questions, it compares your results with other test-takers. Only 8 percent of people got every question right, so don’t fret if you didn’t!

http://www.pewresearch.org/quiz/the-news-iq-quiz/

What did you score on the test Mr. Smarty Pants Leprechaun you ask? Why….

Just a single video demo of an easy fast recipe today. The kicker isn’t the dish or the ingredients, but rather the method of cooking. You’ll probably want to skip ahead to the 2:55 mark to get to the actual recipe. I’m sorry about that but this was the best demo of the recipe and it’s versatility that I could find despite being front loaded with non-relevant material.

ONE WORD OF CAUTION!: Use ONLY Zip Loc FREEZER bags- don’t try to make substitutions or you’ll be sorry!

Gun Control- It already has started at Cabela’s

There was a bit of confusion at the Cabela’s Sporting Goods store this morning.  When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets the cashier said, “Strip down, facing me.”

Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control whackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card.

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer! 

I STILL DON’T THINK I LOOKED THAT BAD!

SPEAKING of Gun Control, its time for a mini Leprechaun rant on the subject. Seems Obama has determined Gun Control applied the the US Marines as well!

Marines in inaugural parade had bolts removed from their rifles

Disabled Marine rifles at inauguration signal shift in administration policy

http://www.examiner.com/slideshow/usmc-inaugural-parade-marchers#slide=58650901

It’s seems our Kenyan Conman in Chief, our Liberal Socialist Constitutional Rights Usurper has yet AGAIN insulted our Military while simultaneously humiliating the oldest Military Force in the Nation. The one who’s LOYALITY & HONOR are cornerstone of their beliefs and whom are tasked with assisting with protecting the pompous ass on a daily basis, while simultaneously taking Gun Control to a whole new level!

Marines march to honor the president, who honors them in return by requiring them to march with clubs. Credit: United States Marine Corps [Notice the opening where the bolt should be in that rifle]

Dishonored and disarmed: Bolts are clearly missing from these Marine rifles during President Obama’s inauguration parade. This is an unmistakable insult to the honor of the Marine Corps.

David Codrea has revealed that President Obama has so little regard for the United States Marines risking their lives under his command life that they were forced to dismantle their already empty parade rifles for his second inauguration parade. This is nothing less than a slap in the face of the Corps:

“Didn’t know the Marines had to take the bolts out of their rifles for the Inaugural,” an email forwarded to Gun Rights Examiner from a United States Marine Corps source observed. “Wonder if someone can explain why [they] would be marching in the inaugural parade with no bolts in their rifles!”

The email linked to a YouTube video of the 57th Presidential Inaugural Parade, embedded in this column, featuring Bravo Company Marines from the Marine Barracks Washington. Sure enough, the observation in the email is confirmed by watching the video, with screen shots provided in the photo and slide show accompanying this article.

This prompted an internet search to see if others had also noticed, and the Blur-Brain blog had.

“The bolts have been removed from the rifles rendering them unable to fire a round,” the post stated. “Apparently Obama’s Secret Service doesn’t trust the USMC. Simply searching each guy to make sure he didn’t have a live round hidden on him wasn’t enough, they had to make sure the guns were inoperable.

Obama doesn’t trust the very men who put their lives on the line to serve their country. I guess it shouldn’t be that much of a shock. Untrustworthy people find it very difficult to believe that other men have honor.

You will notice that not a SINGLE peep about this in ANY of the Lame Stream Obama’s Orifice Kissing Media. Nor was a peep made about this injustice, disrespect of, insult to and besmirchment of the Marine Corps Honor made by anyone in the Corps itself. They chose rather to remain true to their personal code of Duty Honor and Loyalty which has been the hallmark of the Corps since 1775 in stoic silence.

In solidarity with my brothers let me just say we have not ignored this slight by Obama OR the Secret Sexual Escapades Service nor will we forget or forgive simply because we turned the other (well slapped also) cheek and continued to do our job, unlike either of them with Loyalty and Honor.

Saepe Expertus, Semper Fidelis, Fratres Aeterni.
Often Tested, Always Faithful, Brothers Forever.

Ooo-rah!

A MUST HAVE FOR THE MAN CAVE

FOR ALL YOU CAR GUYS !!!! Hydraulic chair

Click on link to view

http://www.wimp.com/hydraulicchair/

We’re continuing our discussion from last week about Smartphone apps meant to keep you safe and secure in the event of Emergencies and/or while traveling.

In case of an emergency, paramedics and first responders need as much info about you as you can give. However, you might be unconscious or otherwise unable to speak. In that case, you can let your iPhone speak for you.

ICE 123 stores emergency contacts, medical information and even special instructions. You can set your info as your phone’s wallpaper or have it accessible from an easy-to-find app.

This doesn’t replace the emergency card you carry in your wallet. Instead, it supplements it to give first responders an easy way to contact the people you need them to.

Cost: Free

Link: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/ice-123/id319178726

HelpBridge (Free; iOS, Android) – This app lets you quickly send emails and texts to loved ones to let them know you are OK. Or, you can post an emergency message to your Facebook Timeline. These forms of communication can also include your location, if specified.

Iams Vet 24/7 (Free; iOS, Android) – Health care isn’t limited to just humans. Our furry friends and animal companions need veterinary care just like we need medical care.

The Iams Vet 24/7 app lets pet owners get immediate access to animal hospitals and clinics. Results are filtered by distance from the location of the phone, so your phone’s GPS will need to be activated.

Emergency Medical Center Locator (Free; iOS) – Find the nearest and most advanced specialized emergency rooms in the country using this app.

Specialized hospitals include trauma, stroke, eye, pediatric, cardiac and burn. All you need to do is enter your ZIP code and you will be directed to the nearest center via Google Maps.

American Red Cross Shelters (Free; iOS) – Run by The American Red Cross National Shelter System, which contains information on 60,000 potential disaster facilities, this app provides you with real-time information about its shelters across the U.S.

You can view shelter details, such as capacity and current population, address and location. If you need a place to take refuge, this app can help you find it.

Walgreens (iOS, Android; Free) – This app isn’t limited to just scanning a medication barcode. You can refill from your account, refill for a family member or even transfer a prescription.

In addition to refills, the app has a pill reminder function, a vaccination scheduler and a pharmacy history. Plus, it has other non-medication functions like daily coupons and a store locator.

Rite Aid (iOS, Android; Free) – Similar to the Walgreens app, this app does more than just barcode scanning. You can refill a prescription with a medication number or from your previous refill history. It also has a prescription transfer feature.

The app includes other handy features like access to Rite Aid’s wellness+ program. It also has a store locator, shopping list creator and coupons.

Stop laughing Impish! That’s YOU in a few short years!

3 Myths About Fueling Up Your Car or Truck

NEW YORK (MainStreet) — Don’t look now, but the price of gasoline is climbing again, with some U.S. cities seeing gas going for $4 per gallon.

Officially, the U.S Energy Information Administration has gasoline at $3.75 per gallon this week, up from $3.54 only two weeks ago. It’s particularly costly in California, where the average price of a gallon hovers around $4 in the middle of February.

With gasoline becoming an increasingly precious commodity, auto consumers will no doubt turn to some time-honored practices to save a few shekels on fuel, including driving less, carpooling or telecommuting from the home office.

For those who keep driving, there are time-honored strategies such as buying cheaper gas and keeping tabs on a vehicle’s fuel economy.

But are those strategies more help than harm? Edmunds.com is out to debunk some long-standing myths about vehicle mileage – and what the company has come up with may change the way you think about gasoline and fuel economy:

Your fuel economy gauge should be your guide. That’s just not so, Edmunds says. “Our testing reveals that one such gauge claimed fuel economy 19% higher than the actual result,” Edmunds says. “Calculating gas mileage manually is the most accurate way to monitor your car’s fuel economy.”

Cheap gas will wreck your car’s engine. Again, this “fact” is right up there with the existence of the Easter Bunny and the ability of leprechauns to find gold. Edmunds performed a blind test on three samples of gasoline from major and independent gas stations and found no difference. “Because of the advances in engine technology, a car’s onboard computer is able to adjust for the inevitable variations in fuel, so most drivers won’t notice a drop-off in performance between different brands of fuel, from the most additive-rich gas sold by the major brands to the bare-bones stuff at your corner quickie mart,” Edmunds reports. The firm does point out the value of fuel tank cleaning agents, which consumers may want to use twice a year.

Using lower octane gas in a premium-recommended car will cause the engine to knock. Edmunds says that with the average cost of premium gasoline north of $4 per gallon, “drivers who are pumping premium are undoubtedly asking themselves if they can safely switch to regular grade, which is about 30 cents a gallon cheaper. In many cases, the answer is yes,” Edmunds reports. The company says that with advancements in fuel technology, even regular gasoline is sufficient enough to avoid “knocking” from your vehicle’s engine. Edmunds does say performance may suffer “slightly” from using regular gasoline over premium, with engine speed a half-second slower on the way from zero-to-60 miles per hour. But knocking won’t be an issue.

Now I know these are kind of late, but do you have ANY idea how hard it is to come up with a list of New Year’s Resolutions one has an actual shot in hell of realistically keeping?

New Year’s Resolutions That You Can Really Keep

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some example resolutions that you can use as a starting point.

1. I want to gain weight — at least 30 pounds.

2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.

3. Read less (it makes you think — eww!)

4. Watch more TV. I’ve been missing some good stuff.

5. Procrastinate more (starting tomorrow).

6. Drink. Drink some more.

7. Take up a new habit — maybe smoking.

8. Spend more time at work (surfing the web).

9. Stop bringing lunch from home — I should eat out more.

10. Start being superstitious.

11. Spend my summer vacation in cyberspace.

12. Create some loose ends.

13. Buy more tech toys (need to replace obsolete ones bought 6 months ago).

14. Get further into debt (easy thanks to #13).

15. Wait for opportunity to knock.

16. Focus on the faults of others.

17. (Mainly, but not exclusively, for women): Eat more chocolate.

And the Absolute Easiest New Year’s Resolution to Keep:

18. Don’t believe politicians.

 For the record that is a photograph of a personal sidearm of mine, one of two FN Five-Seven I own which takes the 5.7 x 28mm ammo shown with it in the picture. The other is equipped with a laser site for daytime use.

The 5 Worst/Recent Mass Murders in the USA (with a Firearm) Came from Democrats

By Clash Daily / 18 January 2013 /http://clashdaily.com/2013/01/the-5-worst-mass-murders-in-the-usa-with-a-firearm-came-from-democrats/

The source of information for this news post came from Roger Hedgecock’s 1/17/13 radio show. Here’s the link. Fast forward to 21:13 for Roger’s comments.

The five worst mass killings, where a firearm was used, have a common thread. Hint #1: They didn’t belong to the NRA. They don’t fit the stereotype of the “red-neck” gun owner.

Check it out :

Ft. Hood…. The shooter was Nidal Malik Hassan who was a registered democrat and a devout muslim.
Columbine… The shooters were Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold who’s families were registered democrats and open liberals
Virginia Tech….. The shooter was Seugn-Hui Cho who used to send hate mail to President Bush.
Aurora Theater….. The shooter was James Egan Holmes who was a registered democrat and a local staff worker for the Obama campaign, and was a participant in the occupy Wall St. demonstration.
Newtown…. The shooter was Adam Lanza who was a registered democrat and frequently made statements that he hated Christians.

Common thread is that all of these shooters were progressive liberal Democrats.

Also, of the worst killings in the last several decades, only one was a female, all the rest were boys, barely men. Their role models were rappers, action movies, comics and violent video games.

Our problem isn’t weapons, it’s boys without boundaries. Who live in ‘progressive’ households.

Personally from where I’m sitting it seems to me that what we need to be banning and/or registering more carefully is LIBERALS!

How is it that responsible conservative gun owners are being held responsible for these shootings and are targets for the liberal media and politicians?

Oh yeah! That’s right! Liberals are NEVER responsible for ANYTHING they do- either their actions or the effects of them. It’s ALWAYS someone else’s fault. I’m surprised they haven’t attempted to blame Newtown on Bush! OH! WAIT! One of them HAS tried!:

Letter: Bush should have extended ban

Had President Bush extended the ban the mother of Connecticut school shooter Adam Lanza could not have purchased her collection of assault weapons which ended up killing her, 20 children and five adults at Sandy Hook Elementary School.

Collection??!! COLLECTION??!! She had ONE Bushmaster .223 assault rifle and TWO Handguns! Since WHEN is a SINGLE ANYTHING a “COLLECTION”?! Feel free to click the link and read the rest of this liberal loon’s comments if you have a high temper threshold and a strong stomach, its not a long article though a lot like Brill Cream a little dab of Liberal Logic Lunacy will go a long way for you.

Now lets have a fast look at a couple factoid charts prepared after much research by MotherJones for their great article:

A Guide to Mass Shootings in America

There have been at least 62 in the last 30 years—and most of the killers got their guns legally.

—By Mark Follman, Gavin Aronsen, and Deanna Pan | Updated: Sat Dec. 15, 2012 11:45 AM PST

Click the link above to be taken to the excellent article which will likely never see national news coverage or be eyeballed by any Liberal (especially on in Congress!) out of fear of encountering hard truths and facts which they cannot spin distort or debate.

Weapons: Of the 142 guns possessed by the killers, more than three quarters were obtained legally. The arsenal included dozens of assault weapons and semiautomatic handguns. (See charts below.) Just as Jeffrey Weise used a .40-caliber Glock to slaughter students in Red Lake, Minnesota, in 2005, so too did James Holmes, along with an AR-15 assault rifle, when blasting away at his victims in a darkened movie theater. In Newtown, Connecticut, Adam Lanza wielded a .223 Bushmaster semiautomatic assault rifle as he massacred 20 school children and six adults.

The killers: Half of the cases involved school or workplace shootings (12 and 19, respectively); the other 31 cases took place in locations including shopping malls, restaurants, and religious and government buildings. Forty four of the killers were white males. Only one of them was a woman. (See Goleta, Calif., in 2006.) The average age of the killers was 35, though the youngest among them was a mere 11 years old. (See Jonesboro, Ark., in 1998.) A majority were mentally ill—and many displayed signs of it before setting out to kill.

Interesting, semi-automatic hand guns are the clear favorite as opposed to Assault Weapons by damned near a 2:1 margin but its the Liberal hated impediment to their enforcing their vision of socialist tyranny on us Assault Weapon because we can defend ourselves with it that they want banned NOT the semi-automatic handgun! Once again we here at DL/LL Electronic Media Enterprises (we REALLY got to come up with a shorter corporate name!) in our quest for truth, fairness and accuracy have yet again proven that there is now hard fact a Liberal will not disregard or outright ignore to enforce their non-reality based vision of the world on the rest of us regardless the cost (to others, because after all their are entitled and believe you should be responsible for their wants, to say nothing of the rest of our Constitutional Rights) or true facts!

At this point I had planned on including this very clear and demonstrative video about just how clueless the Liberal politicians are… go just how crafty at attempting to pull the wool over everyone’s eyes. It was this really great video about how what they are trying to ban currently are not even Assault Rifles but rather SPORTING RIFLES, with a simple easy to understand demonstration of the differences between the two weapons despite their similar appearance. This sound familiar? Well it should, a certain Dragon used it Saturday. (On the bright side with his doing this to me as often as he does I’ll never have to worry about rearranging my bookshelves for any kind of a literary or journalism award!)

My point is liberal will do & or say (or deny saying) anything, they will misrepresent and mislabel, they will ignore or distort any fact(s) contrary to their agenda of removing all guns from our hands and thereby our ability to resist their tyrannical socialist vision of a world where everything you make goes to the state and you are at the mercy and whim of the state for your existence from the day your parents request permission from the state to conceive you.

IF you are ok with this, then support the SPORTING RIFLE restrictions as proposed but have the integrity and honest not to pretend these weapons are Assault Weapons or even the root of the problem. If you are not ok with this please support those manufacturers who are making a stand at the cost of their bottom lines in support of your Constitutional Right to Bear Arms .

Welcome and Good Morning Campers!
Welcome to Saturday.
I’m at work right now, and typing this with the power of my mind in real time, as you are reading this.
I am thinking the words just seconds before you’re reading them.
This is the first time…
<…coffee is great.  Thanks.  I just have to finish…>
…and then the words just appear…
<…okay, grab your gasmasks and be prepared to…>
…get around the fact that this is amazingly…
<…uncomfortable and due to the new filters it is much easier to…>
…see how cool this magic really is.  So, without further ado, let’s…
<…ALARM RED, MOPP 4, ALARM RED MOPP 4!  MASK! MASK!…>
…Get ready to LAFF!!!

The joke itself is pretty lame, but the picture at the end is worth a million!!

My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing
through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn.

He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.

He said with excitement, “you appear quite elderly to be driving.”

“Well, yes, I am,” she replied proudly. “I’ll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don’t even
need a driver’s license anymore.  “The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a
driver’s license. I told him yes and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut
the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, saying,
‘You won’t need this anymore,’ so I thanked him and left!”

Didn’t I tell you it was adorable!

After his retirement, the pope is going to remain in Vatican

City, but will have to vacate the papal living quarters.  You

can see more about that on an upcoming HGTV episode

of Househunters

North Korea successfully set off an underground nuclear blast

on Monday, alarming the neighboring South Koreans. They’re

totally out of luck. The last thing the Obama administration is

going to do is support the South during Black History Month.

Pope Benedict, 85, is resigning because of his failing health.

Too bad, says Larry King, he’s such a nice young man.

Actually there’s a special coincidence with this story.

The last Pope to resign, Gregory XII,  did so in 1415.  He

was one of the first interviewees on “Larry King Live”

NASA scientists warned that an asteroid will whiz past the

Earth. The last major collision occurred eons ago and killed

all the dinosaurs. We’re about to come within seventeen

thousand miles of finding out if white male Republicans

can be turned into oil.

CIA Director-designate John Brennan told his Senate confirmation

hearing that he’s opposed to waterboarding terrorists but he’s

completely in favor of drone strikes. You know how government

bureaucrats are. When you kill somebody you’re done with it, but

torture produces information and that just makes more work for

everybody.

Warren Buffett bought Heinz, paying twenty-eight billion for

the food company that makes beans, Ore-Ida fries and

Weight Watchers entrees. That’s diversity. No matter which

side of your New Year’s resolution you are on, it is money

in Warren Buffett’s pocket.

Nancy Pelosi said that she opposes a congressional pay cut

because a pay cut will undermine the dignity of the job. It’s

just like clockwork. It only takes two years after an Anthony

Weiner scandal before House Members are bragging about

their dignity again.

The first passenger lawsuit has been filed against Carnival

over “horrifying conditions” on the Carnival Triumph that

caught fire. Apparently those sharks seen circling the

crippled ship was just a legal team.

The Department of Labor has suspended new enrollment in

the Job Corps. The program trains young people to get in the

work force. Which pretty much these days means learning

how to operate a Slurpee machine.

A Michigan woman claims she didn’t know she was pregnant

until she gave birth to a 10 pound baby. How obese are we

getting when a baby bump is mistaken for just another roll of fat?

Q: Why does California have the most lawyers in the country, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste sites?
A: New Jersey got first choice.

On Christmas eve, a burglar broke into the home of a lawyer.The thief took all the lawyer’s Christmas gifts from under the tree but left the packages for the wife and children alone.

As the criminal was leaving the house, he was caught by a policeman. He confessed to what he did but told the policeman that he couldn’t be arrested.

The policeman asked why, and the thief responded, “Because the law states that I’m entitled to the presents of an attorney.”

A very interesting and highly topical video.  The difference between an assault rifle and a sporting rifle.

There is a TON of hits on this one, so it might not play all the way through for you at first.  Try coming back at a different time if it’s not working properly for you.  Trust me … sound like a politician now, don’t I? … trust me, it’s worth figuring out!

Welcome to the Last Word.  Today’s pictorial special is entitled:
”Are you afraid of heights?”
Did you know that the fear of heights is called Acrophobia from the Greek meaning “peak, summit, edge”  and “fear”.  It is an extreme or irrational fear of heights.  Most people experience a degree of natural fear when exposed to heights, especially if there is little or no protection.  Those who are confident in such situations may be said to have a “head for heights.”
Acrophobia sufferers can experience a panic attack at a high place and become too agitated to get themselves down safely.  Between 2%-5% of the general population suffer from acrophobia, with twice as many women affected as men.
What do you think about these people?  Do you think they are acrophobic or that they have a head for heights? 

I want to know how they got the picnic table up that high!

I wonder who delivered lunch?

High School gymnastics sure has gotten tough since my day.

People really weren’t happy when they moved the smoking section.

“Whatcha doin’?”
”I don’t know, just hangin’ around.”

This is just the height of laziness.
or
When a nap attack occurs at the wrong time.

”…fights the never ending battle for Truth, Justice and the American Way!”

And we end today with the incredible power of absolute human stupidity.  The only up side to this one is that the shallow end of the gene pool tends to be self correcting.  If this doesn’t end up killing him, odds are that something else will soon.
Very, very soon.

Have a great day

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

 FAIR WARNING! With the stir the CEO and face of the World’s Largest (by assets) untaxed in any Nation Multinational Corporation has created by stepping down and asking “So what’s my retirement package like? None of my predecessors (literally) have touched it in 600 years, must be pretty sweet by now huh?” has caused some of you MIGHT find today’s issue a wee bit heavy on the religious humor.

Why’s that? Simple. That “World’s Largest (by assets) untaxed in any Nation Multinational Corporation “ I was referring to is in fact, the Catholic Church!

You know, those guys who are forever crying “Separation of Church & State!” anytime talk of making them register as a Special Interest Lobby, Taxing them or any other talk of making laws that pertain to every other institution (especially labor laws) comes up while they constantly and incessantly attempt to intervene and interfere in our governmental process to promote their beliefs issues and agendas!

On another note, today’s issue is somewhat of a rarity with me as it is almost completely humor based with very little in the way of serious subjects being addressed and those only lightly with the exception of a PSA Safety Tip on being Personally Emergency Ready and an extremely interesting Youtube you’ll not want to miss.

SPEAKING of being ready….

HOLY PROSTITUTES

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye..
It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought.
Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks,
‘What may we do for you! my son?’

He answers, ‘I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business….’

‘Very well my son. Please follow me.’ He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, ‘Please knock on this door.’

He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door. This nun instructs, ‘Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.’

He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.
The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY
THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT,
YOU SINNER

In parochial school students are taught that lying is a sin. However, Instructions also advised that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the Truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings:

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, ‘Father, may I ask a favor?’ ‘

‘Of course, child. What may I do for you?’

‘Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your Robes perhaps?’

‘I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.’

‘With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.’

When they got to Customs, she let the Priest go first. The official asked, ‘Father, do you have anything to declare?’

‘From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.’

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, ‘And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?’

‘I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.’

Roaring with laughter, the official said, ‘Go ahead, Father.

Next please!’

Emergency tip that could save your life

Information courtesy of a KimKommando Tip of the Day

Any cellphone with a number keypad has one-button emergency calling. This is usually the “9” key. Just press and hold to dial 911. Check your phone’s manual to verify the key and to make sure it is turned on.

Smartphones have an emergency call icon on the lock screen. This connects you directly to 911 without taking the time to unlock your phone. If you don’t see this icon, consult your smartphone’s manual.

Your phone isn’t just useful to make an emergency call, though. You can actually make it into a medical alert gadget.

First, keep a copy of your phone’s passcode in your wallet, near where you keep your ID. That way, first responders know how to unlock your phone to get to your ICE contacts. If you have an ICE card, put your phone’s passcode on that.

Next, create special contacts with an “ICE” prefix on your phone, so something like “ICE Bob” or “ICE Alice.” This saves first responders crucial time in contacting the people you need them to. There are also ICE apps like ICE 123 for iPhones and ICE for Androids.

Some people even create wallpaper with their ICE contacts and set it as the background of the lock screen.

Of course, there is the chance that your smartphone can lose power or be damaged in a disaster.

It helps to have this information in as many places as possible. Most medical professionals recommend having an ICE card in your wallet or purse in addition to all the tips above. AAA has a free template you can print and fill out.

Both apps and the AAA Pdf are free, so there is no reason for not using them, unless of course you have a Windows OS phone or a Blackberry.

A couple personal thoughts on the AAA ICE card:

I printed them out fairly large so I have plenty of room to write neatly and legibly.Then I took it to Kinkos and had is reduced and printed on card stock with archival inks and laminated it. I thought this a bit expensive but a worthwhile investment in our safety. I made double copies of them all and keep a spare set in a double zip Lock bag with our Hurricane Season/Emergency Departure bags.

Molly however pointed out I could have achieve the same thing cheaper by filling out the form and then taking a careful photo/scan of it and having it printed out at a Kodak kiosk, 3×5 for the car and wallet sized for the personal one. Which I then could still laminate. The Kodak kiosks will even do the scanning for you.

This idea is particularly brilliant because you can get copies of the scans/photos as jpegs and place them all in a file with other important scanned documents you might need. I did this compressed the file, password protected it and them uploaded the file to an on-line file sharing service that allows only the uploader to access their files. This means that anytime I have secure internet access anywhere in the world I can obtain this information in a couple minutes if I lose the copies I carry with me.

Speaking of laminating I double laminated a small version of the car one on the heaviest stock I could buy that it fit on and using a zip tie attached this to our spare key which we have one of Molly’s relatives that lives close enough to us keeping for use, in case of, you guessed it- an emergency. Not only does it label the key but it gives them snatch and dash capability.

Next week we’ll talk tech about a few more Smartphone apps to help keep you and your pets safe in everyday life and while traveling.

. 

I’m guessing he was speaking with the voice of long experience!

Jewish Mother

A 25-year-old Jewish girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting and crying, the mother says, “Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!” Without answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Mercedes stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and wearing a yarmulke, (skull cap), steps out of the car and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, “Your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation but I’ll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. “Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli, a condo in Miami , and a $1,000,000 bank account.” “If a boy is born, my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a $25,000,000 bank account.” “However, if there is a miscarriage, I’m not sure what to do. What do you suggest?”

All is silent at this point, then mother placed a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and told him, ‘You’ll have sex with her again.”

BABYBOOMER GAME

MEMORY TEST! My score is 20/20

Have a paper and pencil handy to record your answers. Your mind isn’t as sharp as it once was! (It’s just gotten older, that’s all.)

This is NOT a pushover test. It’s a Baby Boomer era test!

There are 20 questions. Average score is 12. This one will be difficult for the younger set. (DUDE!)

Have fun, and no peeking! (Answers are at the end of the issue to prevent it)

Good luck, youngsters!

1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways?

        A. Flintstones vitamins
        B. The Buttmaster
        C. Spaghetti
        D. Wonder Bread
        E. Orange Juice
        F. Milk
        G. Cod Liver Oil

2. Before he was Muhammed Ali, he was…

        A. Sugar Ray Robinson
        B. Roy Orbison
        C. Gene Autry
        D. Rudolph Valentino
        E. Fabian
        F. Mickey Mantle
        G. Cassius Clay

3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, ‘We have met the enemy and…

        A. It’s you
        B. He is us
        C. It’s the Grinch
        D. He wasn’t home
        E. He’s really me and you
        F. We quit
        G. He surrendered

4. Good night, David…

        A. Good night, Chet
        B. Sleep well
        C. Good night, Irene
        D. Good night, Gracie
        E. See you later, alligator
        F. Until tomorrow
        G. Good night, Steve

5. You’ll wonder where the yellow went…

        A. When you use Tide
        B. When you lose your crayons
        C. When you clean your tub
        D. If you paint the room blue
        E. If you buy a soft water tank
        F. When you use Lady Clairol
        G. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent

6. Before he was the Skipper’s Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie’s friend…

        A. Stuart Whitman
        B. Randolph Scott
        C. Steve Reeves
        D. Maynard G. Krebs
        E. Corky B. Dork
        F. Dave the Whale
        G. Zippy Zoo

7. Liar, liar…

        A. You’re a liar
        B. Your nose is growing
        C. Pants on fire
        D. Join the choir
        E. Jump up higher
        F. On the wire
        G. I’m telling Mom

8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights never ending battle for truth, justice and…

        A. Wheaties
        B. Lois Lane
        C. TV rating
        D. World peace
        E. Red tights
        F. The American way
        G. News headlines

9. Hey kids! What time is it?

        A. It’s time for Yogi Bear
        B. It’s time to do your homework
        C. It’s Howdy Doody Time
        D. It’s time for Romper Room
        E. It’s bedtime
        F. The Mighty Mouse Hour
        G. Scooby Doo Time

10. Lions and tigers and bears….

        A. Yikes
        B. Oh, no
        C. Gee whiz
        D. I’m scared
        E. Oh my
        F. Help! Help!
        G. Let’s run

11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone…

        A. Over 40
        B. Wearing a uniform
        C. Carrying a briefcase
        D. Over 30
        E. You don’t know
        F. Who says, ‘Trust me’
        G. Who eats tofu

12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women’s stockings…

        A. Troy Aikman
        B. Kenny Stabler
        C. Joe Namath
        D. Roger Staubach
        E. Joe Montana
        F. Steve Young
        G. John Elway

13.  Brylcream…

        A. Smear it on
        B. You’ll smell great
        C. Tame that cowlick
        D. Grease ball heaven
        E. It’s a dream
        F. We’re your team
        G. A little dab’ll do ya

14. I found my thrill…

        A. In Blueberry muffins
        B. With my man, Bill
        C. Down at the mill
        D. Over the window sill
        E. With thyme and dill
        F. Too late to enjoy
        G. On Blueberry Hill

15. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by…

        A. Clark Gable
        B. Mary Martin
        C. Doris Day
        D. Errol Flynn
        E. Sally Fields
        F. Jim Carrey
        G. Jay Leno

16. Name the Beatles…

        A. John, Steve, George, Ringo
        B. John, Paul, George, Roscoe
        C. John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo
        D. Jay, Paul, George, Ringo
        E. Lewis, Peter, George, Ringo
        F. Jason, Betty, Skipper, Hazel
        G. John, Paul, George, Ringo

17. I wonder, wonder, who…

       A. Who ate the leftovers?
        B. Who did the laundry?
        C. Was it you?
        D. Who wrote the book of love?
        E. Who I am?
        F. Passed the test?
        G. Knocked on the door?

18. I’m strong to the finish…

        A. Cause I eats my broccoli
        B. Cause I eats me spinach
        C. Cause I lift weights
        D. Cause I’m the hero
        E. And don’t you forget it
        F. Cause Olive Oyl loves me
        G. To outlast Bluto

19. When it’s least expected, you’re elected, you’re the star today.

        A. Smile, you’re on Candid Camera
        B. Smile, you’re on Star Search
        C. Smile, you won the lottery
        D. Smile, we’re watching you
        E. Smile, the world sees you
        F. Smile, you’re a hit
        G. Smile, you’re on TV

20. What do M & M’s do?

        A. Make your tummy happy!
        B. Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket
        C. Make you fat
        D. Melt your heart
        E. Make you popular
        F. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand
        G. Come in colors

Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.

1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa .
6) It is always available as needed. 

And finally…

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get it…

I have a job.


I work, they pay me.

(Not nearly enough)

I pay my taxes & the government
Distributes my taxes as it sees fit.

In order to get that paycheck, in my case,
I am required to pass a random urine test
(with which I have no problem).

(Only because they don’t check for Caffeine)

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes
To people who don’t have to pass a urine test.

So, here is my question:
Shouldn’t one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check
Because I have to pass one to earn it for them?

Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet.
I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their BUTT—-doing drugs while I work..

Can you imagine how much money each state would save
If people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?
I guess we could call the program”URINE OR YOU’RE OUT”!

Pass this along if you agree or simply delete if you don’t.
Hope you all will pass it along, though.
Something has to change in this country – AND SOON!

P.S. Just a thought, all politicians should have to pass a urine test too!….

Congratulations, You’ve met a Liberal then. 

OK folks, here is that promised Youtube, but first I need to explain what makes it so great.

This clip is from the testimony being offered in front of the Connecticut State Legislature regarding the myriad of gun control proposals that have sprung up in the Connecticut General Assembly post Newton. It is being offered by a dad who had a kid at the school that day… what a great video!

 I wonder why we didn’t see this on the national news over and over and over like the other side of the argument.

This father is focused and addressing the true issue If someone that close to the issue can see the base issue so clearly, why in the hell can’t the liberals and lawmakers even begin to have a clue? 

I received another crop of them…this time from Impish himself! 

On the golf course, the husband did say
To his wife, “I am horny.” “Okay,
We will screw,” she replied,
“When we get back inside.
So this round for us both is fore play.”

An old hooker would frequently crow
She preferred to give head in the snow
And would say with a sniff
They’re continually stiff
Before and after they blow.

There was a boxer from Kansas
Who got knocked out by wife, Francis.
It was the night before
She caught him with a whore
And now he’s big man on canvas.

An elderly bride in the hall
Married ‘Stretchy Tri-Testicle Saul’.
’Twas her last day — they say
One went down the wrong way;
Well, at least she died having a ball.

There once was a woman, Monique,
Who proclaimed an efficient technique,
“One f*ck daily’s just right.”
She did seven one night,
And then found that it made her hole weak

Yeah yeah yeah, I know, I’m SO going to hell in a hand basket. Pfffht! Been there done that, been threatened with it about a dozen times now. If this banner is the thing that sends me there you Catholics and religious types got a really weird scoring system when it comes to sins.

We got editorial rules here at DL/LL Enterprises. Things that (hopefully) make LL distinctive from DL. One of which is the fact I do ‘The Parting Shot” as opposed to Impish’s Last Word. Another is that Part Shot banners always have a firearm or projectile weapon of some sort in the banner, along with (hopefully) some other graphical representation that relates to the subject matter of the commentary.

Keep those rules in mind just for a second YOU try finding a base graphic which to convert into a Part Shot Header when dealing with the subject of the First Pope in 6oo years to abdicate the position in favor of the hitherto unknown and untested Pope’s Retirement Package!

Yeah that’s just about what I thought would happen to those objections.

Pope would fit right in if he chose South Florida as his retirement spot

By Frank Cerabino Palm Beach Post Staff Writer http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/news/local/cerabino-pope-would-fit-right-in-if-he-chose-south/nWMwp/

Dear Pontiff:

First of all, congratulations.

As a wise man once said: Nobody on his or her deathbed has ever said, “I wish I had spent more time at the office.”

So props to you, Benedict XVI, for being the first pope in 600 years to realize that.

When you become a retiree at the end of the month, you’ll need a new place to stay.

Have you considered moving to Florida? Everyone else has.

I read that the church is planning to move you to a fixer-upper monastery at the Vatican, where you will be downsized to Cardinal and made to live near your replacement.

That’s never a good idea. First it’s like, “Oh, we’re so glad to have you around for your counsel, blah, blah, blah …” and within a few months, your calls are going straight to voicemail and you’re getting all your papal news from Twitter.

Do yourself a favor and make a clean break.

And when you do, there’s no place better to land than a South Florida condo.

You’ll fit in. Trust me.

Half of the adults-only developments here have Italian-sounding names and were built in the style of the Vatican. And nearly all the landscaping work is done by Catholics.

So think about it. You don’t have to commit.

At first, just come for the season.

I guarantee you, once you get here and feel that warm sunshine radiating through your mitre, you’ll want to take off all your shmatas and sit by the pool in a bathing suit for deep reflection, a little contract bridge and maybe a late-night cigar.

Which brings me to something else. You probably could use some sharpening of your leisure skills.

I’ve read that your plan for retirement is to pray. Which is like Tiger Woods saying he’s quitting the tour so he can play golf.

Seriously, your Holiness, coming to Florida may be God’s way of having you experience some of His most remarkable creations: Like the all-you-can eat buffet at Golden Corral followed by a musical review performed by the Kings Point Players.

We here in South Florida are living in the land of miracles, and I’m not just talking about hip replacements.

A lot of prayers have been answered here.

Which reminds me, you’re gonna have to watch out for the ladies.

The adults-only communities are teeming with them, and many are still on the prowl. It’s like being surrounded by an army of Mary Magdalene’s grandmothers.

So I wouldn’t flash a lot of that fabulous jewelry around the clubhouse, or mention your vow of celibacy in any way that might be misconstrued as a challenge.

As a last resort, you’ll be able to keep them away with your golden staff.

I know you’re feeling old and tired now. In your retirement announcement, you spoke of a recognition that you were losing the “strength of mind and body” to do your job.

Fortunately, you don’t need either to enjoy South Florida living. And after a few months in the condo, your immersion into shared experiences will rejuvenate you, even if it’s mostly just stimulation by agitation.

Instead of wasting away in that hush-hush monastery atmosphere, you’d be part of the hustle-bustle among other people, who like you, also consider themselves infallible.

Who knows? This might lead you to imagine that you still have some of that papal mojo left. If so, you might consider joining the condo board, where you can enforce rules that make the Inquisition look progressive.

So, think about it, Your Holiness. There’s no reason to feel cast aside and too old for the world.

That’s why God made Florida.

Below are the right answers to the Babyboomer Game:

1. D – Wonder Bread
2. G – Cassius Clay
3. B – He Is us
4. A – Good night, Chet
5. G – When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent
6. D – Maynard G. Krebs
7. C – Pants on fire
8. F – The American Way
9. C – It’s Howdy Doody Time
10. E – Oh my
11. D – Over 30
12. C – Joe Namath
13. G – A little dab’ll do ya
14. G – On Blueberry Hill
15. B – Mary Martin
16. G – John, Paul, George, Ringo
17. D – Who wrote the book of Love
18. B – Cause I eats me spinach
19. A – Smile, you’re on Candid Camera
20. F – Melt in your mouth not in your hand