I know, huge surprise, like the dragon has NEVER screwed up before.  First of all, I missed the punch line on the cowboy joke. (“I had to walk.”)

But even worse, I asked for a last push for donations to our wonderful experiment in laughter and anti-bullshit-isms and I don’t even remind you how to donate.  So, here you go…

The easiest and best way is to go to the website at http://dragonlaffs.com and on the top right column you will see:

Click on the writing where it says:
”If you enjoyed what you read here, please consider donating through our Paypal link.
Thank you!”
and you will be taken right to the site on PayPal to fill out a donation for us.  You don’t even have to have a PayPal account.  All you need is a bank account or a credit card and it’s easy.  I’ve used PayPal for years and have never had a single problem with them.  Never!
If you don’t want to go to the website (I really can’t figure out why you wouldn’t want to, but if that’s the case) then you can click the little logo to the right and it will take you to the same site.  Or, if for some reason your email doesn’t work with hyperlinks, you can cut and paste this address into your web browser and do it that way: https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=4X2MEADWHBYE8

As to why we are asking for money?  As you know, the Leprechaun and I do this in our spare (neither of us have “spare” time) time.  We have no advertising on the page because both of us hate giving up space to advertise someone else’s crap.  We’d rather use the space for our own crap…um…I mean stuff.  Our own good stuff.  Keeping the name “dragonlaffs.com” and paying for the bandwidth, and the storage space so that all our past issues are available to you costs money.  Neither of us is independently wealthy, recent lottery winners, or owners of our own web server.  Our families have agreed that we can spend our time, but if we have to spend our money, then it’s no longer beneficial for the good of our families.

So, there it is.  You probably won’t hear such an in-depth request for donations out of us again.  Well, at least not this year.  Let’s keep Dragon Laffs on the net and ad free. We can’t do it without your help.

Cheers!

Good Morning Campers!  I hope everyone has had a great week I have a special surprise for you!  But first, I have to give you another plea for funds!  Thank you, thank you, thank you to the few of you who’ve already given!  Bless you!  We couldn’t do any of this without you!  We’re asking for a little bit from the rest of you.  Just loose pocket change, what you find under the couch cushions, forgo that second chocolate latte, you get the idea.  We hate to beg for money, but we hate to see the end of our dream even more.  Okay, so no more preaching or begging and on to the surprise.
Here’s a picture of me in the midst of my acting career during the exercise I told you about.  There were lots of other pictures, but of other people that I’m sure you aren’t interested in.  And there were some of them that haven’t been cleared for general release yet, so here I am:
Yes, I know.  I can almost hear the words to Fiddler on the Roof.  Or that stupid hyena yell that they seem so fond of.  And yes I also know that I’m not only mixing my analogies, by I’m also mixing my religions, and races.  Oh well, it was still fun.  What do you say we get on with the fun!

A plethora of blonde jokes…to all you blondes out there in the campground, I’m really sorry, but that’s okay, ‘cause you probably won’t get most of these jokes anyway.

“We’ve been trying for months now, Doctor, and I don’t seem to be able to get pregnant,” she confessed miserably.

“I’m sure we’ll solve your problem,”  the doctor reassured her. “If you’ll just take off your underpants and get up on the examining table…”

“Well, all right, Doctor,” agreed the young woman, blushing, “but I’d rather have my husband’s baby.”


Q: What’s the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: First…pick them up off the floor…

A blonde is telling one of her friends, “Christmas is on a Friday this year.  Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”

A woman phoned her blonde neighbor and said: “Close your curtains the next time you & your husband are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.” To which the blonde replied: “Well the joke’s on all of you because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.”

For Sale!

Dog For Sale . Free to good home.
Excellent guard dog.
Owner cannot afford to feed Jethro anymore,
as there are no more drug pushers, thieves,
murderers, or molesters left in the neighborhood
for him to eat. Most of them knew Jethro only by
his Chinese street name,
Ho Lee Schitt.

 

A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room. As they walked through the first room, the woman said, “I think I would like this room in a cream color.”

The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out, “Green side up!” He then closed the window and continued following the woman to the next room. The woman looked confused, but proceeded with her tour. “In this room, I was thinking of an off blue.” Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, “Green side up!”

This baffled the woman, but she was hesitant to say anything. In the next room, the woman said she would like it painted in a light rose color. And once more, the contractor opened the window and yelled, “Green side up!”

Struck with curiosity, the woman mustered up the nerve to ask, “Why do you keep yelling ‘Green side up’ out my window every time I tell you the color I would like the room?”

The contractor replied, “Because I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.”

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Mars Curiosity rover sent back photos which scientists suggested

 

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately,
the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. So when he finished his
drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar,
handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head and fired a
shot into the ceiling. “WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?” he
yelled.

No one answered.

“ALL RIGHT, I’M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA’ BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN’T BACK OUTSIDE
BY THE TIME I FINISH, I’M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON’T LIKE
TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!”

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another beer, walked
outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of
town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say partner,
before you go. . .what happened in Texas?”

I want to be a watchmaker. It is a great job because you can make your own hours. A woman called her insurance company to see if her policy covered psychiatric treatment. After reviewing her policy, the agent told her, “Yes, Virginia, there is an insanity clause!”   He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.   Did you hear about the new pinata? It’s a huge hit.   Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.   Didja hear about the kangaroo that was hopping mad?

Archie Bunker called it right:

You must go to the website in order to view the videos….it’s well worth it!  http://dragonlaffs.com

“Wrinkled” was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up!

Talk about a windy day!

Everyone knows that highway signs aren’t supposed to bounce like they just remembered the lyrics to “Jump Around” by House of Pain. But this particular sign across a highway in Calgary, Alberta, Canada doesn’t care about your so-called common knowledge.

A storm that brought some serious wind sent this crossbar into gyrations so severe that cars began changing lanes to get out of the way. Watch all the way to the end of the short video, you’ll see they had good reason.

And of course, the video needs to be watched on our website!  Go to http://dragonlaffs.com

Well, early Saturday morning we learned that Congressman Paul Ryan, Republican from Wisconsin, is to be Mitt Romney’s pick for the next Vice President of The United States.

What are we to think of this selection?  He’s not a graduate of Columbia University.  He’s not a graduate of Harvard.  He wasn’t selected as the President of the Harvard Law Review. [Well, for my money, that’s three in the plus column!]

 

He didn’t get a special free quota scholarship ride to any prestigious university and, instead, had to work his way through Miami University of Ohio.  [For you left wing liberals out there I present this definition: work [wurk] noun, adjective, verb,worked or wrought; working. noun 1. exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor; toil.]

 

For God’s sake the man drove the Oscar Mayer Wiener Truck one summer and waited tables another!  [Look up work in the previous paragraph.]

One morning when Paul Ryan was sixteen years old he went in to wake his father up and found him dead of a heart attack.  He didn’t write two books about that experience.  [What? A missed liberal opportunity.]  Instead, he assumed the role of adult at an early age, never having the luxury to pursue youthful drug use and the art of socialist revolution.  [No drug use?  Not even casual drug use?  Geez!  What qualifications for office does this guy even have?]

Instead, Paul Ryan and his mother took his grandmother, suffering from Alzheimers, into the household and served as the primary care provider for his grandma.

 

His grandma wasn’t the Vice President of the Bank of Hawaii so she could offer nothing in return, except the element of “need”.

Once Paul Ryan got his BA in Economics from Miami University of Ohio he was hired as a staff economist in Wisconsin Senator Kastin’s office.

 

The job must have not paid well because young Ryan moonlighted as a waiter and fitness trainer.  No one offered him a “token honor” position at the University of Chicago and a $200,000 dollar a year salary. [Do I even need to keep asking these same questions over and over again?  It’s obvious that this gentleman led quite the different life than the individuals he and Mr. Romney are looking to replace.  That alone should be enough for us to vote them both in!  But, let us continue this look into Mr. Ryan’s life, shall we?]

When a still young Paul Ryan returned to Wisconsin to run for Congress he didn’t demonize his opponent and dig up dirt to shovel against him. He waited until the standing Congressman vacated the office before seeking the office.  In Janesville, Wisconsin they don’t have a big political machine to promote you, to criminalize your opponent; instead Paul Ryan had to go door to door and sit at kitchen tables and listen to his future constituents.

After getting elected to Congress Paul Ryan didn’t triumphantly march into Washington, buy himself a Georgetown townhouse and proceed over to K Street to rub elbows with lobbyists.  He bunked in his Congressional office and used the house gym for showers and a fresh change of clothes.

Paul Ryan then married and took his bride back to Janesville.  He lives on the same street he lived on as a kid and shares the neighborhood with eight other members of the Ryan clan.

 

He hunts with the local Janesville hunt club and attends PTA meetings and other civic functions.

For those who can’t make those public functions, Paul Ryan bought an old bread truck, converted it into a “mobile constituent office” and drives around to meet with those who need his help and attention.  [Does this sound anything at all like the yahoos who currently occupy the positions?  I don’t think that any of them could get out of their own way to actually help someone.  Heaven forbid, they might have to delay a vacation or a tee time!]

No, I don’t know if we can vote for a guy like this.  He doesn’t have a regal pedigree; he’s Irish for God’s sake!  No one awarded him a Nobel Peace Prize two months after getting elected.  No one threw flowers or got “chills down their leg” as a he took his seat in Congress.

What is most despicable about Paul Ryan is that he has had the nerve to write the House Budget for three years in a row.  He’s is brazen and heartless in advocating in that budget for a $5 trillion dollar reduction in federal spending over the next ten years!  The House passed his budget three years in a row and three years in a row the Democratically controlled Senate has let it die in the upper house, without ever proposing a budget of their own. 

What is wrong with this guy? 

If Congress were to cut $5 trillion dollars from the budget where would the President get the money to give $500 million dollars to a bankrupt Solyndra?  Or $200 million dollars for bankrupt Energy 1?  Or $11 billion dollars to illegal aliens filing INIT, non-resident tax returns to claim $11 billion big ones in child tax credits, even for their children living in Mexico?

I don’t know.

Paul Ryan seems heartless to me.  He keeps wanting to cut government waste, he keeps wanting to put a halt to those big GSA conventions in Vegas and, worse, he keeps trying to make people look at that $16.7 trillion dollar deficit! 

The guy’s no fun at all!

Who wants a numbers cruncher?  Who wants someone spoiling the party by showing folks the bill?  Nothing will spoil a party quicker than sending the host the bill before the party’s over.

Party Hearty folks!  At least until November.

And may I offer a loud and hearty AMEN!!!

  And naturally low in fat too!, but higher in caffeine than an entire Starbucks full of Red Bull!

 

Good Morning Fellow Coffee Slurpers !

Last week I made a pledge to with hold any and all political comments concerning Obama and the election if we could raise $100 in donations to cover the up for renewal blog costs.

Specifically what I said was:

I’ll even make you a challenge!

If between now and August 31st we can get $100 in contributions between the Paypal link and the DragonLaffs Store I will forgo a single political comment or Obama joke for 2 consecutive issues!

EVEN BETTER YET for each additional $50 in contributions beyond the first $100 I will forgo those jokes and comments an additional week!

Well Impish informed me on Sunday that you’ve met the $100 goal, so I owe you two weeks of Election and Obama free issues. Since there is still time before the 31st and its possible I’ll owe you at least one additional week, I’m delaying paying off (I feel only logically) until after Labor Day. The reason being the closing date for the challenge and Labor Day fall on top of each other. Additionally the vast majority of the next  issue of Leprechaun Laughs is already largely framed out (I TRY to work 2 weeks ahead in case of real life surprises or having to step in for Impish).

Guess I better start cutting down so I don’t suffer withdrawal!

 

But at least I won’t be crazy AND depressed!

 

GOING TO PUT ONE OF THESE ON RAIN GUTTER.

BET MOLLY WILL BE SUPRISED

 

  The Lone Ranger

Jay Thomas on Letterman

 

 

Due to the popularity of the “Survivor” shows, The state of Texas is planning to do one entitled:
Survivor, Texas Style

 

The eight (8) contestants will all start in Dallas, then drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio.
Then over to Houston & down to Brownsville.
They will proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock & Amarillo.
From there they will go on to Abilene & Fort Worth .
Finally, back to Dallas .
Each will be driving a pink Prius w/a bumper sticker that reads:
1 ~ I’m a Democrat
2 ~ Amnesty for Illegals
3 ~ I love the Dixie Chicks
4 ~ Boycott Beef
5 ~ I Voted for Obama
6 ~ George Strait Sucks
7 ~ Re-elect Obama in 2012
&
8 ~ I’m here to confiscate your guns
The 1^st one to make it back to Dallas alive wins.

God Bless Texas !!!

 

Today we’re making two old time favorites, Stuffed Peppers and Cabbage Rolls but in a deconstructed manner that makes them easier and faster to prepare!

Unstuffed Pepper Bake

 

Prep time: 15 minutes
Total time: 35 minutes
Serves: 4-6

• 1 lb Ground Beef
• 1/3 c  Frozen Diced Onion
• 10 oz pkg fzn Chopped Green Peppers
• 2 Garlic Cloves, minced or ½ tsp Garlic Powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/4 tsp Ground Black Pepper
• 14.5 oz can Petite Diced Tomatoes, drained
• 1 cup Instant White or Brown Rice
• 1 tsp Worcestershire Sauce
• 1 tsp Italian Seasoning
• 8 oz pkg Finely Shredded Sharp Cheddar Cheese, divided
• 15 oz can Tomato Sauce

Directions

• Preheat oven to 375°F.
• In a large sauce pan, sauté ground beef and onions, green peppers and garlic for 5 minutes, or until beef is browned. Drain off excess fat, and season with salt and pepper.
• Stir in the tomatoes, rice, Worcestershire sauce and Italian seasoning. Remove from heat, and stir in 1 cup cheese.
• Spread mixture evenly into a 13×9 baking dish and top with tomato sauce and remaining cheese.
• Bake for 20 minutes, until heated through and cheese is melted and bubbly.

 I’ve been know to use Israeli Couscous, Orzo or Acini de Pepe soup pasta in place of the rice. ( I rarely have instant rice around the house as we prefer the real deal) These you all cook barely al dente as they’ll cook some more in the dish.

Want more of an Italian taste? Use half a jar of your favorite spaghetti sauce in place of the can of tomato sauce (I like using an Herb & Garlic flavored one for this) and substitute a shredded Italian cheese blend or Pizza Cheese blend for the Cheddar

Cabbage Roll Casserole

This is a fairly new classic around my house.  I use to make regular cabbage rolls until I found this recipe. Now, instead, I make this and it is as good as the regular cabbage rolls and a lot easier. If you’ve ever made a batch, you know how time consuming this can be. This recipe gives you the flavor of cabbage rolls without the long preparation time and the mess.

•    2 medium or 1 large cabbage
•    1 to 1.5 lbs (.5 to .75 kg) ground beef
•    1 or 2 medium onions, finely chopped
•    1 to 1.5 cups (250 to 375 ml) regular short grain rice
        (not instant or converted)
•    1 or 2 28 oz (750 ml) cans diced stewed tomatoes (I mix a can of diced and a can crushed)
•    salt, pepper
•    tomato juice or extra stewed tomatoes ( one of those soda can size V-8 cut with half a can of water is good for this)

Time: 3 to 4 hours from start to finish
Servings: 4 or more

1.    To prepare filling, cook ground beef, onion, salt and pepper over medium heat til the pinkness is gone. Turn burner off and cover frying pan to keep meat warm.

2.    At the same time, bring rice, along with an equal amount of water, to a boil, stirring occasionally. Turn burner off, cover pot, and let it sit till you need it.

3.    Remove the first few outer leaves from the cabbage. You’ll need
enough to cover both the bottom and the top of the casserole dish(es). Cut the rest of the cabbage into quarters and shred it, using whatever means is easiest for you. This can be a bit messy if you get enthusiastic with your shredding. 🙂

4.    Once the cabbage is all shredded, you’re ready to assemble the casserole. Mix the ground beef and rice together thoroughly, adding a bit more salt and pepper if you like.

5.    Place a layer of whole leaves in the bottom of the dish. Next goes a layer of shredded cabbage. Then a layer of the meat and rice mixture. Lastly a soup ladle or two full of stewed tomatoes. Repeat this once or twice more, depending on the depth of your casserole dish. After the last tomato layer, add another of shredded cabbage, a few more stewed tomatoes, sprinkle with salt and pepper, then cover the whole thing with a few more whole cabbage leaves.
6.    Cover and place in a 325 to 350 F oven for 1.5 to 2 hours, adding some tomato juice from time to time if it seems to be drying out or burning.

Notes

•    Be sure the casserole doesn’t dry out, adding a few spoonsful of water if necessary during cooking.

•    This recipe makes 1 to 2 casseroles, depending on the size of the dishes (and the cabbage!).

•    To reheat leftovers, Sprinkle with about .25 cups of water and place in the oven for an hour at 325 F.

•    Genuine cabbage rolls have more rice than meat in the filling, it’s a poor man’s meal after all, but I usually use this larger amount of meat in the casserole to make a more substantial meal.

I’ve found that putting a layer of cabbage leaves on the top like the bottom greatly reduces the need for extra liquid while cooking.

Also twice I have not had enough rice for the recipe when I went to make it and wound up using frozen shredded hash browns in place of the rice. While not the same dish, it is still very edible and besides when does an Irishman ever object to a potato unless its thrown at him raw by a mad wife?

 

Play golf online

They say that “golf is a good walk spoiled.” Well now you can “spoil” sitting at your computer!

World Golf Tour is a free online golf game played right in your Web browser. Its main claim to fame is GPS reconstruction of some of the most famous courses in the world.

You’ll be able to tee off at Pebble Beach, Bethpage Black, the Olympic Club and more. As you play, you’ll gain levels and be able to enter tournaments against other online players and possibly win real prizes!

World Golf Tour is free, and only requires an email address to sign up. But buying extra clubs, new gear and paying green fees for certain courses will cost you credits. Credits can be bought or earned by completing online surveys.

https://www.wgt.com/signup.aspx

 

Is this my weapons locker? Straight up? Noneyo! I ain’t sayin’!

 

Is it still too soon to talk gun control?

By John Avlon, CNN Contributor updated 11:22 AM EDT, Mon July 30, 2012

STORY HIGHLIGHTS

• John Avlon: The view that it’s too soon after Colorado to talk about gun control is wrong
• He says politicians are making a mistake by ducking action on the issue
• A new poll of NRA members shows support for reasonable restrictions on guns, he says
• Avlon: Nearly 10,000 are murdered by gunshots each year; that must be reduced

Editor’s note: John Avlon is a CNN contributor and senior political columnist for Newsweek and The Daily Beast. He is co-editor of the book “Deadline Artists: America’s Greatest Newspaper Columns.” He is a regular contributor to “Erin Burnett OutFront” and is a member of the OutFront Political Strike Team. For more political analysis, tune in to “Erin Burnett OutFront” at 7 ET weeknights.

New York (CNN) — The bodies of the victims are being buried. The court case will continue, without cameras. The horror in Aurora has faded from the front page in favor of Olympic coverage.

So it is worth asking, 10 days after the largest mass shooting in American history, whether it is still too soon to start a conversation about reasonable gun restrictions. What actions could we take to make such slaughters more difficult to perpetrate?

Because if it is true, as the National Rifle Association says, that “guns don’t kill people; people kill people,” then it’s equally irrefutable that people with guns kill people.

The liberal nausea continues on from here if you have a strong stomach, high capacity for bullshit and circular logic, are a snipe from the shadows chicken shit liberal DL blog lurker or are just plain masochistic you can read on here:

http://www.cnn.com/2012/07/30/opinion/avlon-gun-control/index.html?iref=allsearch

Now for an opposing view point that has NEVER gotten NEAR to coverage ANY “tragic shooting” has, we take you to Central Florida where a 71 year old man graphically demonstrates for us via Store Security video footage of an actual robbery in progress how you prevent another Aurora from happening

How To Stop a Massacre: Surveillance Video Reveals Simple, Low-Cost Solution That Works Everywhere

In the aftermath of the Aurora , Colorado Batman movie theater shooting, a surveillance video has surfaced that shows the simple, obvious answer to the question on everybody’s mind: How do we stop a massacre?
The answer is revealed in the stunning short video shown below. This remarkable solution:

1. Requires no police.
2. Costs the taxpayers no money.
3. Requires no up-front paperwork.
4. Protects innocent lives.
5. Is deployed in as little as FIVE seconds.
6. Works everywhere.
7. Deters violent crime.
8. Makes bad guys flee immediately.
9. Is easy to learn.
10. Functions at the local level.
11. Does not require control or intervention by the United Nations or any government entity.

 

Florida senior citizen Samuel Williams thwarted a robbery at the Palms Internet Cafe when he managed to quietly pull his concealed gun and shot the would-be robbers. Williams, who is being hailed as a hero by Internet cafe patrons for quickly taking action when the armed robbers rushed in wearing masks and smashing computer screens, according to The Blaze.

Williams was seated near the back of the cafe when Duwayne Henderson, 19, pointed a handgun at customers inside the Palms Internet Cafe. Davis Dawkins, also 19, is shown in cafe surveillance tapes swinging a bat, the Ocala News reports.

When Henderson turned his back, Samuel Williams pulled his .380-caliber semi-automatic handgun from his concealed holster, took several steps and then dropped to one knee and fired two shots at Henderson as he bolted for the door. Samuel Williams walked closer to the door of the Palms Internet Cafe and continued firing at Dawkins and Henderson. The two would-be robbers reportedly “fell over one another” trying to get away from the building.

Neither Henderson or Dawkins suffered life-threatening gunshot wounds and were later arrested by local law enforcement officers. The men were charged with attempted armed robber with a firearm and felony criminal mischief. Henderson is currently being housed at the Marion County Jail and Dawkins was released after posting bond.

“I think he is wonderful. If he wouldn’t have been there, there could have been some innocent people shot,” Palms Internet Cafe patron and shooting witness Mary Beach told the Ocala News.

Samuel Williams holds a Florida concealed carry permit and will not face any criminal charges for shooting the armed suspects at the Palms Internet Cafe, according statements made by Florida State Attorney’s Office representative Bill Gladson to the Ocala News.

Read more at http://www.inquisitr.com/278528/senior-citizen-samuel-williams-shoots-robber-at-palms-internet-cafe-in-florida-video/#7fHmHLHxg7VCPF1m.99

THAT boys and girls is how you prevent the misuse of weapons by ANYONE. You do not take them away from the law abiding populace, that’s just plain STUPID. You do not restrict where people can and cannot carry, also imbecilic thinking. The only two things these measures do is prevent honest citizens from protecting themselves.

[Dresses like a Rastafarian Dipshit too but has no idea what any of it means]

 

PAY CLOSE ATTENTION NOW BOYS AND GIRLS!:

The very wise and worldly Leprechaun is going to cut right to the heart of this matter and explain WHY the liberals refuse to let go of the subject of gun control despite its blatantly obvious impracticality and unconstitutionality.

Additionally this will explain why Obama wants it so bad and why you should fear for your gun rights if he gets another 4 years to dismantle the US.

ARMED we pose a threat to the Obama government and the liberals socialist agenda. IF they go too far, push their Socialist agenda too hard, or are too flagrant 7/or forceful in their redistribution of YOUR wealth while armed we have the power to resist and remove them. We are a FREE PEOPLE and (more or less) governed BY OUR CONCENT.

UNARMED we are defenseless Sheeple with no effective capability for resistance to the tyranny of the New Socialist Order hiding in the shadows and pulling the string of their willing puppet president Obama.

THESE ARE NOT JUST ‘MY PERSONAL CRACKPOT’ VIEWS!!

In proof I offer 50+ quotes from some of the most famous and influential people in the history of our nation. Founding Fathers, Presidents, Newsmen, our Enemies, Prescient Setting Court Rulings, ALL saying the exact same thing I am. (With a few pictures for you that have written word perceptions problems)

1.”A free people ought to be armed.” ~George Washington

2.”To preserve liberty, it is essential that the whole body of people always possess arms, and be taught alike, especially when young, how to use them…” ~Richard Henry Lee

3.”[The Constitution preserves] the advantage of being armed which Americans possess over the people of almost every other nation (where) the governments are afraid to trust the people with arms.” ~James Madison

4.”Firearms are second only to the Constitution in importance; they are the peoples’ liberty’s teeth.” ~George Washington

5.”By calling attention to ‘a well regulated militia,’ ‘the security of the nation,’ and the right of each citizen ‘to keep and bear arms,’ our founding fathers recognized the essentially civilian nature of our economy… The Second Amendment still remains an important declaration of our basic civilian-military relationships in which every citizen must be ready to participate in the defense of his country. For that reason I believe the Second Amendment will always be important.” ~John F. Kennedy

6.”The congress of the United States possesses no power to regulate, or interfere with the domestic concerns, or police of any state: it belongs not to them to establish any rules respecting the rights of property; nor will the constitution permit any prohibition of arms to the people.” Saint George Tucker

7.”The right of the people to keep and bear…arms shall not be infringed. A well regulated militia, composed of the body of the people, trained to arms, is the best and most natural defense of a free country…” ~James Madison

8.”And what country can preserve its liberties, if its rulers are not warned from time to time that this people preserve the spirit of resistance? Let them take arms….The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time, with the blood of patriots and tyrants” ~Thomas Jefferson

9.”The world is filled with violence. Because criminals carry guns, we decent law-abiding citizens should also have guns. Otherwise they will win and the decent people will lose.” ~James Earl Jones

10.”The tank, the B-52, the fighter-bomber, the state-controlled police and military are the weapons of dictatorship. The rifle is the weapon of democracy. If guns are outlawed, only the government will have guns. Only the police, the secret police, the military. The hired servants of our rulers. Only the government-and a few outlaws. I intend to be among the outlaws.” ~Edward Abbey

1.”Congress have no power to disarm the militia. Their swords, and every other terrible implement of the soldier, are the birthright of an American… The unlimited power of the sword is not in the hands of either the federal or state government, but, where I trust in God it will ever remain, in the hands of the people” ~Tench Coxe

12.”The right of a citizen to keep and bear arms has justly been considered the palladium of the liberties of the republic, since it offers a strong moral check against the usurpation and arbitrary power of rulers, and will generally, even if these are successful in the first instance, enable the people to resist and triumph over them.” ~Joseph Story

13.”God grants Liberty only to those who love it, and are always ready to guard and defend it.” ~Daniel Webster

14.”A free people ought not only to be armed and disciplined, but they should have sufficient arms and ammunition to maintain a status of independence from any who might attempt to abuse them, which would include their own government.” ~George Washington

15.”You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence.” ~Charles A. Beard

16.”The balance of power is the scale of peace. The same balance would be preserved were all the world not destitute of arms, for all would be alike; but since some will not, others dare not lay them aside … Horrid mischief would ensue were one half the world deprived of the use of them … the weak will become prey to the strong.” ~Thomas Paine

17.”You are bound to meet misfortune if you are unarmed because, among other reasons, people despise you….There is simply no comparison between a man who is armed and one who is not. It is unreasonable to expect that an armed man should obey one who is unarmed, or that an unarmed man should remain safe and secure when his servants are armed. In the latter case, there will be suspicion on the one hand and contempt on the other, making cooperation impossible.” ~Niccolo Machiavelli

18.”The danger (where there is any) from armed citizens, is only to the ‘government’, not to ’society’; and as long as they have nothing to revenge in the government (which they cannot have while it is in their own hands) there are many advantages in their being accustomed to the use of arms, and no possible disadvantage.” ~Joel Barlow

19.”Self defense is a primary law of nature, which no subsequent law of society can abolish; the immediate gift of the Creator, obliges everyone … to resist the first approaches of tyranny.” ~Elbridge Gerry

20.”No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.” ~Thomas Jefferson

21.”Laws that forbid the carrying of arms… disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes… Such laws make things worse for the assaulted and better for the assailants; they serve rather to encourage than to prevent homicides, for an unarmed man may be attacked with greater confidence than an armed man.” ~Thomas Jefferson (quoting Cesare Beccaria)

22.”I am thus far a Quaker, that I would gladly argue with all the world to lay aside the use of arms and settle matters by negotiation, but unless the whole will, the matter ends, and I take up my musket and thank Heaven He has put it in my power.”
~Thomas Paine

23.”Guard with jealous attention the public liberty. Suspect everyone who approaches that jewel. Unfortunately, nothing will preserve it but downright force. Whenever you give up that force, you are inevitably ruined” ~Patrick Henry

24.”To prohibit a citizen from wearing or carrying a war arm . . . is an unwarranted restriction upon the constitutional right to keep and bear arms. If cowardly and dishonorable men sometimes shoot unarmed men with army pistols or guns, the evil must be prevented by the penitentiary and gallows, and not by a general deprivation of constitutional privilege.” ~Wilson v. State

25.”Certainly one of the chief guarantees of freedom under any government, no matter how popular and respected, is the right of citizens to keep and bear arms. … the right of citizens to bear arms is just one more guarantee against arbitrary government, and one more safeguard against a tyranny which now appears remote in America, but which historically has proved to be always possible.” ~Sen. Hubert Humphrey

26.”To disarm the people is the best and most effectual way to enslave them.” ~George Mason

27.”The philosophy of gun control: Teenagers are roaring through town at 90MPH, where the speed limit is 25. Your solution is to lower the speed limit to 20.” ~Sam Cohen (inventor of the neutron bomb)

28.”From the hour the Pilgrims landed, to the present day, events, occurrences, and tendencies prove that to insure peace, security and happiness, the rifle and pistol are equally indispensable . . . the very atmosphere of firearms everywhere restrains evil interference – they deserve a place of honor with all that is good” ~George Washington

29.”The Constitution of most of our states (and of the United States) assert that all power is inherent in the people; that they may exercise it by themselves; that it is their right and duty to be at all times armed.” ~Thomas Jefferson

30.”If gun laws in fact worked, the sponsors of this type of legislation should have no difficulty drawing upon long lists of examples of crime rates reduced by such legislation. That they cannot do so after a century and a half of trying — that they must sweep under the rug the southern attempts at gun control in the 1870-1910 period, the northeastern attempts in the 1920-1939 period, the attempts at both Federal and State levels in 1965-1976 — establishes the repeated, complete and inevitable failure of gun laws to control serious crime.” ~Senator Orrin Hatch

31.” `The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.’ The right of the whole people, old and young, men, women and boys, and not militia only, to keep and bear arms of every description, and not such merely as are used by the militia, shall not be infringed, curtailed, or broken in upon, in the smallest degree; and all this for the important end to be attained: the rearing up and qualifying a well-regulated militia, so vitally necessary to the security of a free State. Our opinion is that any law, State or Federal, is repugnant to the Constitution, and void, which contravenes this right.” ~Nunn vs. State

32.”Before a standing army can rule, the people must be disarmed, as they are in almost every country in Europe.” ~Noah Webster

 

33.”That the people have a Right to mass and to bear arms; that a well regulated militia composed of the Body of the people, trained to arms, is the proper natural and safe defense of a free State…”
~George Mason

34.”The most foolish mistake we could possibly make would be to allow the subjected people to carry arms. History shows that all conquerors who have allowed their subjected peoples to carry arms have prepared their own downfall by so doing. Indeed, I would go so far as to say that the underdog is a sine qua non [“something essential” lit. “without which not”] for the overthrow of any sovereignty. So let’s not have any native militia or police.” ~Adolph Hitler

35.”There are hundreds of millions of gun owners in this country, and not one of them will have an accident today. The only misuse of guns comes in environments where there are drugs, alcohol, bad parents, and undisciplined children. Period.” ~Ted Nugent

36.”The right of self-defense never ceases. It is among the most sacred, and alike necessary to nations and to individuals.”
~James Monroe

37.”The strongest reason for people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.” ~Thomas Jefferson

38.”Americans have the will to resist because you have weapons. If you don’t have a gun, freedom of speech has no power.” ~Yoshimi Ishikawa

39.”The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” ~Wayne LaPierre

40.”When seconds count between living or dying, the police are only minutes away.” ~Phillip Van Cleave

41.”I sympathize with people who want to ban guns, but I can’t agree with them. We have to be careful in our zeal to abolish guns that we don’t wind up with counter-productive legislation that will leave armed only the people most likely to do harm with them.” ~Hugh Downs

42.“The fundamental force behind the Second Amendment is to empower the people and give them the greatest measure of authority over the tyranny of runaway government.” ~Bob Schaffer

43.”There’s no such thing as a good gun. There’s no such thing as a bad gun. A gun in the hands of a bad man is a very dangerous thing. A gun in the hands of a good person is no danger to anyone except the bad guys.” ~Charlton Heston

44.“The Second Amendment is not about duck hunting, and I know I’m not going to make very many friends saying this, but it’s about our right, all of our right to be able to protect ourselves from all of you guys up there.” ~Dr. Suzanna Gratia Hupp – this video from her is amazing

45.”Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the outcome of the vote.” ~Benjamin Franklin

46.”These Sarah Brady types must be educated to understand that because we have an armed citizenry, that a dictatorship has not happened in America. These anti-gun fools are more dangerous to Liberty than street criminals or foreign spies.” ~Theodore Haas, Dachau Survivor

47.“Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.” ~Plato

48.”This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it or their revolutionary right to dismember it or overthrow it.” ~Abraham Lincoln

49.”Assault is a type of behavior, not a type of hardware.” ~Alan Korwin

50.”Four out of five politicians surveyed prefer unarmed, ignorant peasants.” ~Unknown

51.”Taking my gun away because I might shoot someone is like cutting my tongue out because I might yell `Fire!’ in a crowded theater.” ~Peter Venetoklis

52.”If you carry a gun, people will call you paranoid. That’s ridiculous. If I have a gun, what in the hell do I have to be paranoid about?” ~Clint Smith

53.”An unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it.” ~Col. Jeff Cooper

54.”Gun control has not worked in D.C. The only people who have guns are criminals. We have the strictest gun laws in the nation and one of the highest murder rates. It’s quicker to pull your Smith & Wesson than to dial 911 if you’re being robbed.” ~Lowell Duckett

55.“You won’t get gun control by disarming law-abiding citizens. There’s only one way to get real gun control: Disarm the thugs and the criminals, lock them up and if you don’t actually throw away the key, at least lose it for a long time… It’s a nasty truth, but those who seek to inflict harm are not fazed by gun controllers. I happen to know this from personal experience.” ~Ronald Reagan

 

BTW I should point out that I was forced to exercise extreme restraint in selection these quotes as when I searched for them I found well over FIVE HUNDRED and among those multiple by converts from gun control crowd. Strange that when I saw this and looked I spent roughly ONE HALF HOUR searching but was unable to find a SINGLE SOLITARY convert in the other direction!

 

 

Good Morning Campers.  Another Saturday spent with your favorite dragon… Nol!  Not Barney!  Dammit Lethal!  Stop spreading rumors!  Me!  Impish Dragon, I’m your favorite dragon….right?  RIGHT?
“I Love You, You Love Me, we’re a great …””
Shut that crap off!  I swear to Tiamat, that if I find out who has been sabotaging all my audio recordings with that crap, I’m going to eat the person responsible!!!
”…happy family.”
<sound of gun fire>
Okay, now, where was I?

Okay folks, all you wonderful generous people, I hate that we have to do this, but last weeks request for donations only garnered 3 donations.  Not near enough to cover our expenses again for the next year.  Yes, I know things are tough all over for everyone, us too.  We provide the work and the material for free.  Well, it’s not really free, it’s our time.  Time we take away from our family, time we take away from our friends of away from sleep.  Don’t get me wrong, we both LOVE doing this, but if I have to turn to Mrs. Dragon and say, not only am I taking away from the time spent with you and the little dragon, but I’m going to take from our very tight budget as well?  Well, I’m not sure I can do that.  We’re not asking for bunches of money from a couple of people, if everyone even just sent in one dollar, what ever you can spare, that would help immensely.  And to the three who have donated, I say thank you very much.  You help and generosity are deeply appreciated.  Again, go to the web site at http://dragonlaffs.com and at the upper right, directly under the word blogroll,  you can see where you can click on the words to donate through paypal.  If you really don’t want to go to the website….and I’m not really sure why you wouldn’t, but here’s the direct address to paypal to donate to dragonlaffs: https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=4X2MEADWHBYE8 

Now, let’s get on with the laughter!

Ain’t it the truth!  We ALL need to let them know that.  Your chance comes in November.  You must be sure to take advantage of that opportunity!  Please, don’t sit your ass at home.  You need to get out there and:
This is probably the best question I have EVER read.  And it makes the most sense!

And Everybody Seems To Think That Lethal Leprechaun’s Irish Blessings Are So Nice…

Thanks to Lynn for this Way Cool Website to Visit:

Telegrams From Last Century

There is something that is absolutely fascinating about telegrams to me. Telegrams have a romantic air of the past about them. They are like touchstones to people and places that are now captured in time on a piece of paper.

Created in August of 2011, this site features telegrams from the last century. The blog-style navigation is a breeze – just scroll down the page and click Older to view previous entries or newer to see more recent entries. On the left side of the page there is menu that gives you the option of viewing a full list of tags, emailing the site’s author, viewing the archive, sending the author a message (send me a telegram), submitting telegrams, or viewing a random post.

Beneath that menu there is a search field.  Just type in a key word and hit enter. For example, if you type in Howard Hughes and hit enter, you’ll bring up all the telegrams that he sent sent. Several of those telegrams were sent to Katherine Hepburn via her secretary Emily Perkins under the pseudonym Dan or Stephen.

Most of the telegrams are from someone famous to someone famous, but I think that just adds to the intrigue and romance allowing us a glimpse into their communications. You’ll also find telegrams to politicians like the one from Jackie Robinson to President Lyndon B. Johnson, communiqués from FBI agents about escaped prisoners like John Dillinger, and  telegrams of congratulations or condolences. It is also very neat to see how the actual physical form of the telegrams change over time, what kinds of paper they are printed on, and  how they are formatted.

This is a great site that celebrates the telegram, check it out today!

http://telegramsfromlastcentury.tumblr.com/

A dear nurse friend of mine sent me this.  She knows that I have this thing for nurses.  Not sure if it’s the uniform or the large breasts or just what it is, ….

The phone rings, and the wife answers.
A pervert, with heavy breathing, says, “I bet you have a tight ass with no hair?”
Woman replies, “Yes, he’s watching TV – who shall I say is calling?”

Olympic gymnast Gabby Douglas became America’s darling
when she won the gold medal. She spun in the air, twirled
and flipped twice and landed squarely on her feet. President
Obama called her and asked if she would be his
new press secretary.

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Last Saturday afternoon, in Washington , D.C, an aide to Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi visited the Bishop of the Catholic cathedral in D.C. He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day’s Mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and Say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.
The Cardinal replied, “No. I don’t really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi’s views.

Pelosi’s aide then said, “Look, I’ll write a check here and now for a donation of $10,000 to your church if you’ll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint.”
The Cardinal thought about it and said, “Well, the church can use the money, so I’ll work your request into tomorrow’s sermon.”
As Pelosi’s aide promised, Pelosi appeared for the Sunday worship and seated herself prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle. As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that Pelosi was present.
The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, “While Congresswoman Pelosi’s presence is probably an honor to some, the woman is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of her views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and she tends to flip-flop on many other issues.
Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. I must say, Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. She married for money and is using her wealth to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both In Washington and in California. The woman is simply not to be trusted.”
The Cardinal concluded, “But, when compared with President Obama, Pelosi is a saint.”

~~~
Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
~~~
Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”
~~~
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Here’s another opportunity for you to help us out.  A plea for help. A begging for funds.  All those things that we hate to do, but are forced to through economically troubled times.  Click on the little blue dragon and it will take you to our paypal donation site. Please help us keep this blog free!  Thanks for all you do!

Mt. Vernon Times Headline:

MT. VERNON , TEXAS WHOREHOUSE SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE!

Diamond D’s brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business. In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding with morning, afternoon and evening prayer sessions at their church. Work on Diamond D’s progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground!

After the cathouse was burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about “the power of prayer.”

But late last week ‘Big Jugs’ Jill Diamond, the owner/madame, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the church … “was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business either through direct or indirect divine actions or means.”

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently and voraciously denied any and all responsibility or any connection to the building’s demise.

The crusty old judge read through the plaintiff’s complaint and the defendant’s reply, and at the opening hearing he commented, “I don’t know how the hell I’m going to decide this damn case, but it appears from the paperwork that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that thinks it’s all bullshit!”

This is one tough repo lady!  Just give her the damn car!

Doctors automatically know what’s wrong with you.
They have a sick sense.

Okay, so this one is old.  I won’t call it a golden oldie cause…well…cause it isn’t.

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.
“Oh My God! Hurry! Grab your clothes,” she yelled to her lover, “and jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”
“I can’t jump out the window!” came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets. “It’s raining out there!”
“If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!” she replied. “He’s got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems!”
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon. So he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to “blend in” as best he could. It wasn’t that effective!
After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
“Do you always run in the nude?” one asked.
“Oh, yes!” he replied, gasping for air. “It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you’re running.”
Another runner moved alongside. “Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?”
“Oh, yes!” our friend answered breathlessly. “That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried.
“Do you always wear a condom when you run?”
“Only when it’s raining,” he replied.

While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud
case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller’s window, the hiccups
seemed to have worsened. The teller took my friend’s check and proceeded
to run a computer verification of his account. After a minute she looked
up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to
cash his check.

“Why not?” my friend asked incredulously.

“I’m sorry, sir,” she replied, “but our computer indicates that you do
not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact,”
she continued, “our records show your account overdrawn in excess of
$5000.”

“It CAN’T be!” he cried. “You have GOT to be kidding!”

“Yes, I am,” she answered with a big smile, counting out his cash. “But
you will notice that your hiccups are gone.”

The following video is a GREAT representation of how the current political regime is concerned more with their own re-election and popularity than they are with the lives of the men and women and their family and friends, who are protecting this country.  You must watch this video.  Which means you are going to have to go to the website to see it.  Our website is http://dragonlaffs.com .  The video is called Dishonorable Disclosures: How Leaks And Politics Threatens National Security.  It’s put together by a group called OPSEC.  Those of you in the military or associated with the military know that this acronym stands for OPERATIONS SECURITY.  The hallmark of keeping our brothers and sisters safe.  As one of the speakers at the end puts it so succinctly, “Shut the fuck up, Mr. President.”  Here’s the video’s own description:

Intelligence and Special Operations forces are furious and frustrated at how President Obama and those in positions of authority have exploited their service for political advantage. Countless leaks, interviews and decisions by the Obama Administration and other government officials have undermined the success of our Intelligence and Special Operations forces and put future missions and personnel at risk.
The unwarranted and dangerous public disclosure of Special Forces Operations is so serious — that for the first time ever — former operators have agreed to risk their reputations and go ‘on the record’ in a special documentary titled “Dishonorable Disclosures.” Its goal is to educate America about serious breaches of security and prevent them from ever happening again.
Use of military ranks, titles & photographs in uniform does not imply endorsement of the Dept of the Army or the Department of Defense. All individuals are no longer in active service with any federal agency or military service.

and here’s the video itself.  Sit back, relax and try to not get so pissed off.  I know that advice didn’t work so well with me.

So?  Are you as pissed as I am?  I hope so.  Truly I do.  Now, go out and enjoy the rest of your day.

Don’t mind those guys…TOO much…just don’t make and sudden moves and stay at least 15 feet from the anti sniper shields and all SHOULD be ok. See things were bad enough after I outted Obama on his disrespect for our Constitution, the Military, Veterans , the Holy Bible and Christendom in general two weeks ago, but then I had to follow that up by exposing a massive financial fraud on the part of both the DNC & RNC with regards to the ‘Donate $3 to the Presidential Election” box on your income tax last week by publishing an open letter from Ralph Nader and agreeing with him. Worse yet I called for the removal of the box and for everyone not to check it this year!

Ever since then the hate mail, death threats and shadow sniping (from both the left  and the right now) has increased 10 fold. I went so far as to prevail on some US Marshal contacts to slip me into WITSEC for a while but they said that doesn’t cover political dissidents if you are a US citizen ( another thing we taxpayers foot the bill for for non American apparently) AND I was too hot for them to handle anyway as most of Washington now wants my green ass nailed to a wall after skinning it off my dead corpse and stuffing it with empty political promises.

So I had to get No-name our chief of Corporate Security of lay in some extra security around here. I still have the Valkyre but at the moment they are guarding my escape route out of here in case something happens before the end of the issue.

IT’S A LIE!! THERE IS NOTHING CAFFINATED THAT’S BETTER THAN COFFEE!

well unless maybe someone makes caffeinated Dark Chocolate

 

The Golfer and the Surgeon

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital.

Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.

“I have some good news and some bad news,” says the surgeon. “The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!”

“Oh God no!” cries the man. “My golfing is over! Please Doc, what’s the good news?

“The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it’s a woman’s arm. I’ll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant.”

“Go for it doc,” says the man. “As long as I can play golf again.”

The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.

“Hi, how’s the new arm?” asks the surgeon.

“Just great” says the businessman. “I’m playing the best golf of my life.

My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved.”

“That’s great,” said the surgeon.

“Not only that,” continued the golfer, “my handwriting has improved, I’ve learned how to sew my own clothes and I’ve even taken up painting landscapes in water colors.”

“Unbelievable!” said the surgeon, “I’m so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?”

“Well, just one problem,” said the golfer, “every time I get an erection, I also get a headache.”

 

Need some dieting willpower help? Just picture Impish in a tube top and boy shorts expressing his feminine side while doing a Karaoke version of ‘Like a Virgin’! There, SEE? No more appetite right? Oh…sorry about your shoes!

 

My boss (Impish) gave me a verbal warning for being lazy, ( yeah, I know, stand in awe of the ludicrousness of THAT for a second!) but he sent it via e-mail because he didn’t feel like walking over to my cubicle.

What? WAIT! Where did that bus come from?

IMPISH! LOOK OUT!

Oh OUCH! That’s gonna be sore in the morning! On the bright side at least it was only a short bus full of liberals and it only clipped him!

SELF EXAMINATION FOR ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE….It takes less than 15 seconds…

If  you are over 45 yrs old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer’s Test 
How  fast can you guess these words and fill-in the  blanks?

1. _ _NDOM
2. F_ _K 
3. P_N_S
4. PU_S_
5. S_X 
6.  BOO_S

 

 

 

| | | | |  | | | | |
Answers:

1. RANDOM
2.  FORK
3. PANTS
4. PULSE
5. SIX
6.  BOOKS

You got all 6 wrong….didn’t you?

You  do NOT have Alzheimer’s

You are a  Pervert!

 

Sorry to take a time out here for a commercial, but as Impish said Saturday ,  WordPress is after us again. Now we don’t want to make this into one of those PBS membership drive things where to see the good stuff you have to sit through 20 minutes of begging every 15 minutes of the show. Beside we feel guilty about asking for money as it is but the fact of the matter this blog is NOT self sustaining in the cash department. Were it, you’d never hear from us about money, unless it was how we were donating the excess funds to a worthy charity as we have in the past.

So we’ve come up with a way to assuage our guilt at asking while giving you a way to get something in return for supporting us. Its our Zazzle hosted (thank god at least this one is free)

DragonLaffs Store

We’ve also in deference to the recent death threats and hate mail over our Obama exposures created a mug to mark the occasion.

Direct link top mug: http://www.zazzle.com/presidental_enemies_numbers_1_2-168787305187513774

This way we get a small donation to defray costs, and you get something to show for your money and show your support of DragonLaffs. Besides you can fill it with COFFEE! What possible better combination could there be?

Won’t you please check out store at: http://www.zazzle.com/dragonlaffsstore* and help support the blog you all profess to love so much?

I’ll even make you a challenge!

If between now and August 31st we can get $100 in contributions between the Paypal link and the DragonLaffs Store I will forgo a single political comment or Obama joke for 2 consecutive issues!

EVEN BETTER YET for each additional $50 in contributions beyond the first $100 I will forgo those jokes and comments an additional week!

Want nothing but a total laugh fest twice a week? Want to see if my head will explode from keeping it all inside? Can I become more insane than Impish already is? Find out the answer to all these vexing questions…Donate now! The ball is in your court!

 

One day a woman’s husband died, and on that clear, cold morning in the warmth of their bedroom, the wife was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn’t “anymore”.
No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more “just one minute.
Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, say “I love you.”
So while we have it, it’s best we love it, care for it, fix it when it’s broken and heal it when it’s sick.
This is true for marriage…..And old cars… And children with bad report cards, and dogs with bad hips, and aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.
Some things we keep — like a best friend who moved away or a sister-in-law after divorce. There are just some things that make us happy, no matter what.
Life is important, like people we know who are special. And so, we keep them close!
Suppose one morning you never wake up, do all your friends know you love them? Important thing is to let every one of your friends know you love them, even if you think they don’t love you back.

And just in case I’m gone tomorrow, please vote against that asshole Obama!.. ;>)

 

3 – Cheese Pizza Snack Mix

A new twist on the old Chex Party Mix recipe!

5 cups Kellogg’s® Crispix® cereal
5 cups Sunshine® Cheez-It® White Cheddar crackers
5 cups pretzel nuggets (I used the cheese filled Pizza flavored kind)
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/3 cup grated, reduced fat Parmesan cheese
4 teaspoons dry spaghetti sauce seasoning mix in a packet

2 teaspoons garlic powder
2 teaspoons Italian seasoning

1. In 2-gallon, zipper-type, plastic bag combine KELLOGG’S CRISPIX cereal, SUNSHINE CHEEZ-IT crackers and pretzel nuggets.
2. Pour oil over cereal mixture. Close bag and gently toss until evenly coated.
3. In small bowl combine remaining ingredients. Add to cereal mixture. Close bag. Gently toss until evenly coated. Store in airtight container.

I also as the whim takes me toss in those goldfish crackers. Either in a cheddar or one of the two pizza flavors

 

Ok these photos were in an e-mail I got sans comments. I being the faithful tracker down of stupid stuff to post went and located several sites with the photos and reconstructed the narrative that I apparently did not receive explaining the concept vehicle as best I could. This isn’t unlike those camper sidecars for motorcycles you occasionally see though I think the motorcycle would handle a wider range or terrain and conditions and fair better in an accident!

Camper For One, Please!

One Person Camper APE

Do you know about the Piaggio APE 50? It’s a cute little three wheeled vehicle. The APE is a unique vehicle in that it is exempt from taxes in some countries because of its extremely economical working nature. It is also allowed in certain metropolitan areas that larger cars are not. It uses only a tiny amount of gas.

The Bufalino, designed by Cornelius Comanns (great name) is a little three-wheeled camper made for a single person. Or two if you like things cozy. Like, really cozy. I’m talking privates touching cozy (the best kind).

the minimalist construction is based on the existing piaggio APE 50 three wheeled light transport vehicle; a model chosen for its economic and fuel efficient benefits.

‘my aim was to give people a better understanding of the country, the surrounding, and the range they have travelled. the travelling vehicle is always with you like some kind of a base camp, while also being used for moving on in an easygoing and spontaneous way.

‘bufalino’ encourages users to explore the surrounding off beaten tracks. meanwhile the furnished interior consisting of a bed, two seating units, a cooking zone, a basin, storage space, a water tank and a refrigerator offers the comforts of a home.

                                                                                  

Called the “Bufalino,” the mini-RV seats two, has a fold-down bed, a stove, a basin that acts like a sink and a tank for water, fridge, and loads and loads of storage space. The only thing it’s missing is a bathroom & shower but you have to wonder why that back couldn’t extend into some kind of ring of canvas where one could stand under an extending shower head or to use a small chemical toilet.

                                                                            

It’s just a concept right now, but this thing is cool enough that I could see it in production… in a sort of friendlier version of the Road Warrior future. I don’t think it’d fly these days. Of course, there’s no water or bathroom, so you’d have to hitch up somewhere with accessible facilities. Campsite? Sure, as long as there’s wi-fi!

Next damned thing you know the Geek Squad will be trading in their VW Bugs for these damned things!

 

 

Mars rover beams back ‘awesome’ shot of surface

NASA released the first color images of the surface of Mars from its new rover Curiosity last Tuesday, showing a dusty, tan desert dominated by the rim of the crater where the craft landed.

The image — shot at an angle by a camera on Curiosity’s still-stowed robotic arm — shows the sandy plain ahead of the rover and the northern rim of Gale Crater, where the rover touched down early Monday. The image was shot through a retractable, transparent dust shield over the lens, making it “kind of murky,” said Ken Edgett, a senior scientist for the camera’s builder, Malin Space Science Systems.

Controllers wanted to make sure the camera still functioned after Curiosity’s 352-million-mile voyage and harrowing landing early Monday, Edgett told reporters at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California.

but what they are NOT releasing is THIS photo which startled all of NASA and once and for all DEFINITIVELY answered ALL questions about the possibility of life on the planet Mars!

  

 

 

Would-be thief gets a taste of small town justice

 

In this hilarious Star Wars tribute, two Force-wielding cellists battle for musical supremacy using light sabers instead of bows. The elaborate production required 24 hours of filming in front of a green screen and 72 audio tracks.

 

 

Did the selection of Paul Ryan as his running mate make you more or less likely to vote for Mitt Romney for President?

38% It makes no difference. I was voting for Romney anyway.

14% It makes no difference. I wasn’t voting for Romney anyway.

19% It makes me MUCH MORE likely to vote for Romney

10% It makes me SOMEWHAT MORE likely to vote for Romney

5% It makes me SOMEWHAT LESS likely to vote for Romney

14% It makes me MUCH LESS likely to vote for Romney

That’s 67% Romney & 33% Obama by my count. We The People have spoken!

 

No, I don’t have one of these yet.. but I’m saving for one! At $2500 a go for a “bare bones” it might take me a while though!

Dealing With Muslims:

Two Black Americans were elected to congress this cycle, and both are Republican. Col. West is from southern Florida . He won in a walk.
This new Congressman was an extremely popular commander in Iraq . He was forced to retire because during an intense combat action a few of his men were captured. At the same time his men captured one of the guys who were with the Iraqis who captured his men.
Knowing that time was crucial and his interrogators were not getting anywhere with the prisoner, Col. West took matters into his own hands. He burst into the room and demanded thru an interpreter that the prisoner tell him where his men were being taken. The prisoner refused so Col. West took out his pistol and placed it into the prisoner’s crotch and fired. Then the Col. told the prisoner that the next shot would not miss. So the prisoner said he would show where the American service members were being taken. The Americans were rescued. Someone filed a report on incorrect handling of prisoners. Col. West was forced to retire. Col. West was just elected in November 2010 to Congress from Florida . During the elections he was part of a panel on how to handle or how to relate to Muslims. You will see his answer here explaining in just over a minute the truth about Islam. Please watch and if you agree, please forward it to your friends; if you disagree, hit the delete button.

See? EXACTLY what I have been saying ever since September 11th 2001!

ISLAM IS NOT A RELIGION OF PEACE! IT IS A RELIGON OF CONQUEST AND EVIL!

An evil tree bears evil fruit. You can destroy as much fruit as you want, but it will always grow back, and it will always be evil.

Tear the tree out of the ground by the roots and burn it. Burn it to ash and grind out the embers with your boot until there’s nothing left. Not a single spark. Not a single seed.  This is how you deal with evil.

See Mohammad towards the end of the Koran got more blood thirsty and hard line not because his views of Christians or Jews changed but because he WAS trying to craft a religion of peace in a volatile area and it was backfiring on him. This alienated his own clan who were quite blood thirsty and basically raided and made war to live on guess who? Yup Christians and Jews!

So Mohammad in an attempt to get them back on board bloodied up the last few chapters in total conflict to his earlier teachings/writings and these are the ones that under the rules of abrogation take precedent (when two or more verses conflict, the newest one [generally the violent ones] normally is the valid one) and all the fundamentalist point at as their holy justification for making deadly pains in the ass of themselves.

Due largely to this, until every last radical fundamentalist Muslim is buried on a pig farm wrapped in a pork fat saturated shroud,the body first washed in pigs blood, the Arab world is dragged kicking and screaming into the modern world where is is forced under threat of arms to act in a manner socially and morally acceptable to the modern global society and Mullahs made to adopt another way of resolving conflicting suras other than the rules of abrogation  we will continue to have these problems.

I say its well nigh PAST TIME for another Crusade, this time a global one!

Islam has a choice, moderate, police itself and grow up to modern standards or perish in fire and under our boots as we grind out the embers of the Religion of Intolerance, Hatred, & Bigotry Towards Women or Anything Non-Muslim.

 

Why this guy is not Romney’s VP choice I’ll never understand!

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