Leprechaun Laughs # 154 for Wednesday August 15th 2012


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Don’t mind those guys…TOO much…just don’t make and sudden moves and stay at least 15 feet from the anti sniper shields and all SHOULD be ok. See things were bad enough after I outted Obama on his disrespect for our Constitution, the Military, Veterans , the Holy Bible and Christendom in general two weeks ago, but then I had to follow that up by exposing a massive financial fraud on the part of both the DNC & RNC with regards to the ‘Donate $3 to the Presidential Election” box on your income tax last week by publishing an open letter from Ralph Nader and agreeing with him. Worse yet I called for the removal of the box and for everyone not to check it this year!

Ever since then the hate mail, death threats and shadow sniping (from both the left  and the right now) has increased 10 fold. I went so far as to prevail on some US Marshal contacts to slip me into WITSEC for a while but they said that doesn’t cover political dissidents if you are a US citizen ( another thing we taxpayers foot the bill for for non American apparently) AND I was too hot for them to handle anyway as most of Washington now wants my green ass nailed to a wall after skinning it off my dead corpse and stuffing it with empty political promises.

So I had to get No-name our chief of Corporate Security of lay in some extra security around here. I still have the Valkyre but at the moment they are guarding my escape route out of here in case something happens before the end of the issue.

Opening Logo 9

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IT’S A LIE!! THERE IS NOTHING CAFFINATED THAT’S BETTER THAN COFFEE!

well unless maybe someone makes caffeinated Dark Chocolate

 

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The Golfer and the Surgeon

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital.

Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.

“I have some good news and some bad news,” says the surgeon. “The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!”

“Oh God no!” cries the man. “My golfing is over! Please Doc, what’s the good news?

“The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it’s a woman’s arm. I’ll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant.”

“Go for it doc,” says the man. “As long as I can play golf again.”

The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.

“Hi, how’s the new arm?” asks the surgeon.

“Just great” says the businessman. “I’m playing the best golf of my life.

My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved.”

“That’s great,” said the surgeon.

“Not only that,” continued the golfer, “my handwriting has improved, I’ve learned how to sew my own clothes and I’ve even taken up painting landscapes in water colors.”

“Unbelievable!” said the surgeon, “I’m so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?”

“Well, just one problem,” said the golfer, “every time I get an erection, I also get a headache.”

 

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Need some dieting willpower help? Just picture Impish in a tube top and boy shorts expressing his feminine side while doing a Karaoke version of ‘Like a Virgin’! There, SEE? No more appetite right? Oh…sorry about your shoes!

 

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My boss (Impish) gave me a verbal warning for being lazy, ( yeah, I know, stand in awe of the ludicrousness of THAT for a second!) but he sent it via e-mail because he didn’t feel like walking over to my cubicle.

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What? WAIT! Where did that bus come from?

IMPISH! LOOK OUT!

Oh OUCH! That’s gonna be sore in the morning! On the bright side at least it was only a short bus full of liberals and it only clipped him!

SELF EXAMINATION FOR ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE….It takes less than 15 seconds…

If  you are over 45 yrs old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer’s Test 
How  fast can you guess these words and fill-in the  blanks?


1. _ _NDOM
2. F_ _K 
3. P_N_S
4. PU_S_
5. S_X 
6.  BOO_S

 

 

 

| | | | |  | | | | |
Answers:

1. RANDOM
2.  FORK
3. PANTS
4. PULSE
5. SIX
6.  BOOKS

You got all 6 wrong….didn’t you?

You  do NOT have Alzheimer’s

You are a  Pervert!

 

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Sorry to take a time out here for a commercial, but as Impish said Saturday ,  WordPress is after us again. Now we don’t want to make this into one of those PBS membership drive things where to see the good stuff you have to sit through 20 minutes of begging every 15 minutes of the show. Beside we feel guilty about asking for money as it is but the fact of the matter this blog is NOT self sustaining in the cash department. Were it, you’d never hear from us about money, unless it was how we were donating the excess funds to a worthy charity as we have in the past.

So we’ve come up with a way to assuage our guilt at asking while giving you a way to get something in return for supporting us. Its our Zazzle hosted (thank god at least this one is free)

DragonLaffs Store

We’ve also in deference to the recent death threats and hate mail over our Obama exposures created a mug to mark the occasion.

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Direct link top mug: http://www.zazzle.com/presidental_enemies_numbers_1_2-168787305187513774

This way we get a small donation to defray costs, and you get something to show for your money and show your support of DragonLaffs. Besides you can fill it with COFFEE! What possible better combination could there be?

Won’t you please check out store at: http://www.zazzle.com/dragonlaffsstore* and help support the blog you all profess to love so much?

I’ll even make you a challenge!

If between now and August 31st we can get $100 in contributions between the Paypal link and the DragonLaffs Store I will forgo a single political comment or Obama joke for 2 consecutive issues!

EVEN BETTER YET for each additional $50 in contributions beyond the first $100 I will forgo those jokes and comments an additional week!

Want nothing but a total laugh fest twice a week? Want to see if my head will explode from keeping it all inside? Can I become more insane than Impish already is? Find out the answer to all these vexing questions…Donate now! The ball is in your court!

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One day a woman’s husband died, and on that clear, cold morning in the warmth of their bedroom, the wife was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn’t “anymore”.
No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more “just one minute.
Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, say “I love you.”
So while we have it, it’s best we love it, care for it, fix it when it’s broken and heal it when it’s sick.
This is true for marriage…..And old cars… And children with bad report cards, and dogs with bad hips, and aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.
Some things we keep — like a best friend who moved away or a sister-in-law after divorce. There are just some things that make us happy, no matter what.
Life is important, like people we know who are special. And so, we keep them close!
Suppose one morning you never wake up, do all your friends know you love them? Important thing is to let every one of your friends know you love them, even if you think they don’t love you back.

And just in case I’m gone tomorrow, please vote against that asshole Obama!.. ;>)

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3 – Cheese Pizza Snack Mix

A new twist on the old Chex Party Mix recipe!

5 cups Kellogg’s® Crispix® cereal
5 cups Sunshine® Cheez-It® White Cheddar crackers
5 cups pretzel nuggets (I used the cheese filled Pizza flavored kind)
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/3 cup grated, reduced fat Parmesan cheese
4 teaspoons dry spaghetti sauce seasoning mix in a packet

2 teaspoons garlic powder
2 teaspoons Italian seasoning

1. In 2-gallon, zipper-type, plastic bag combine KELLOGG’S CRISPIX cereal, SUNSHINE CHEEZ-IT crackers and pretzel nuggets.
2. Pour oil over cereal mixture. Close bag and gently toss until evenly coated.
3. In small bowl combine remaining ingredients. Add to cereal mixture. Close bag. Gently toss until evenly coated. Store in airtight container.

I also as the whim takes me toss in those goldfish crackers. Either in a cheddar or one of the two pizza flavors

 

imageOk these photos were in an e-mail I got sans comments. I being the faithful tracker down of stupid stuff to post went and located several sites with the photos and reconstructed the narrative that I apparently did not receive explaining the concept vehicle as best I could. This isn’t unlike those camper sidecars for motorcycles you occasionally see though I think the motorcycle would handle a wider range or terrain and conditions and fair better in an accident!

Camper For One, Please!

One Person Camper APE

Do you know about the Piaggio APE 50? It’s a cute little three wheeled vehicle. The APE is a unique vehicle in that it is exempt from taxes in some countries because of its extremely economical working nature. It is also allowed in certain metropolitan areas that larger cars are not. It uses only a tiny amount of gas.

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The Bufalino, designed by Cornelius Comanns (great name) is a little three-wheeled camper made for a single person. Or two if you like things cozy. Like, really cozy. I’m talking privates touching cozy (the best kind).

the minimalist construction is based on the existing piaggio APE 50 three wheeled light transport vehicle; a model chosen for its economic and fuel efficient benefits.

‘my aim was to give people a better understanding of the country, the surrounding, and the range they have travelled. the travelling vehicle is always with you like some kind of a base camp, while also being used for moving on in an easygoing and spontaneous way.

‘bufalino’ encourages users to explore the surrounding off beaten tracks. meanwhile the furnished interior consisting of a bed, two seating units, a cooking zone, a basin, storage space, a water tank and a refrigerator offers the comforts of a home.

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Called the “Bufalino,” the mini-RV seats two, has a fold-down bed, a stove, a basin that acts like a sink and a tank for water, fridge, and loads and loads of storage space. The only thing it’s missing is a bathroom & shower but you have to wonder why that back couldn’t extend into some kind of ring of canvas where one could stand under an extending shower head or to use a small chemical toilet.

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It’s just a concept right now, but this thing is cool enough that I could see it in production… in a sort of friendlier version of the Road Warrior future. I don’t think it’d fly these days. Of course, there’s no water or bathroom, so you’d have to hitch up somewhere with accessible facilities. Campsite? Sure, as long as there’s wi-fi!

Next damned thing you know the Geek Squad will be trading in their VW Bugs for these damned things!

 

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Mars rover beams back ‘awesome’ shot of surface

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NASA released the first color images of the surface of Mars from its new rover Curiosity last Tuesday, showing a dusty, tan desert dominated by the rim of the crater where the craft landed.

The image — shot at an angle by a camera on Curiosity’s still-stowed robotic arm — shows the sandy plain ahead of the rover and the northern rim of Gale Crater, where the rover touched down early Monday. The image was shot through a retractable, transparent dust shield over the lens, making it “kind of murky,” said Ken Edgett, a senior scientist for the camera’s builder, Malin Space Science Systems.

Controllers wanted to make sure the camera still functioned after Curiosity’s 352-million-mile voyage and harrowing landing early Monday, Edgett told reporters at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California.

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but what they are NOT releasing is THIS photo which startled all of NASA and once and for all DEFINITIVELY answered ALL questions about the possibility of life on the planet Mars!

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!cid_6C96B098-3BDC-4CBF-A910-EBFBDA97FC1A@local

 

You're_Doing_It_Wrong

Would-be thief gets a taste of small town justice

 

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In this hilarious Star Wars tribute, two Force-wielding cellists battle for musical supremacy using light sabers instead of bows. The elaborate production required 24 hours of filming in front of a green screen and 72 audio tracks.

 

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Did the selection of Paul Ryan as his running mate make you more or less likely to vote for Mitt Romney for President?

38% It makes no difference. I was voting for Romney anyway.

14% It makes no difference. I wasn’t voting for Romney anyway.

19% It makes me MUCH MORE likely to vote for Romney

10% It makes me SOMEWHAT MORE likely to vote for Romney

5% It makes me SOMEWHAT LESS likely to vote for Romney

14% It makes me MUCH LESS likely to vote for Romney

That’s 67% Romney & 33% Obama by my count. We The People have spoken!

 

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No, I don’t have one of these yet.. but I’m saving for one! At $2500 a go for a “bare bones” it might take me a while though!

Dealing With Muslims:

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Two Black Americans were elected to congress this cycle, and both are Republican. Col. West is from southern Florida . He won in a walk.
This new Congressman was an extremely popular commander in Iraq . He was forced to retire because during an intense combat action a few of his men were captured. At the same time his men captured one of the guys who were with the Iraqis who captured his men.
Knowing that time was crucial and his interrogators were not getting anywhere with the prisoner, Col. West took matters into his own hands. He burst into the room and demanded thru an interpreter that the prisoner tell him where his men were being taken. The prisoner refused so Col. West took out his pistol and placed it into the prisoner’s crotch and fired. Then the Col. told the prisoner that the next shot would not miss. So the prisoner said he would show where the American service members were being taken. The Americans were rescued. Someone filed a report on incorrect handling of prisoners. Col. West was forced to retire. Col. West was just elected in November 2010 to Congress from Florida . During the elections he was part of a panel on how to handle or how to relate to Muslims. You will see his answer here explaining in just over a minute the truth about Islam. Please watch and if you agree, please forward it to your friends; if you disagree, hit the delete button.

See? EXACTLY what I have been saying ever since September 11th 2001!

ISLAM IS NOT A RELIGION OF PEACE! IT IS A RELIGON OF CONQUEST AND EVIL!

An evil tree bears evil fruit. You can destroy as much fruit as you want, but it will always grow back, and it will always be evil.

Tear the tree out of the ground by the roots and burn it. Burn it to ash and grind out the embers with your boot until there’s nothing left. Not a single spark. Not a single seed.  This is how you deal with evil.

See Mohammad towards the end of the Koran got more blood thirsty and hard line not because his views of Christians or Jews changed but because he WAS trying to craft a religion of peace in a volatile area and it was backfiring on him. This alienated his own clan who were quite blood thirsty and basically raided and made war to live on guess who? Yup Christians and Jews!

So Mohammad in an attempt to get them back on board bloodied up the last few chapters in total conflict to his earlier teachings/writings and these are the ones that under the rules of abrogation take precedent (when two or more verses conflict, the newest one [generally the violent ones] normally is the valid one) and all the fundamentalist point at as their holy justification for making deadly pains in the ass of themselves.

Due largely to this, until every last radical fundamentalist Muslim is buried on a pig farm wrapped in a pork fat saturated shroud,the body first washed in pigs blood, the Arab world is dragged kicking and screaming into the modern world where is is forced under threat of arms to act in a manner socially and morally acceptable to the modern global society and Mullahs made to adopt another way of resolving conflicting suras other than the rules of abrogation  we will continue to have these problems.

I say its well nigh PAST TIME for another Crusade, this time a global one!

Islam has a choice, moderate, police itself and grow up to modern standards or perish in fire and under our boots as we grind out the embers of the Religion of Intolerance, Hatred, & Bigotry Towards Women or Anything Non-Muslim.

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Why this guy is not Romney’s VP choice I’ll never understand!

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Won’t you help us continue to resist the forces of Liberalism? Please donate or make a purchase an item today! The sanity you save may just be your own!

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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2 Responses to Leprechaun Laughs # 154 for Wednesday August 15th 2012

  1. Frankly, I think you are trying to raise money in just the opposite manner that you should. Instead of threatening to withhold commentary and jokes if you get a certain amount, you should threaten to withhold said commentary and jokes if you don’t. That might have much more effect and might cause the rising tide to lift your personal boat higher than you’d hoped.

    And on the “We the People” poll, I selected the second option, not because I’m for Obama/Biden, but because it won’t make a difference in this home of the voting dead, Illinois, who I vote for to put in the White House. But in every race below Romney/Paul, I will be voting to remove or replace all the liberal, big government jerks I can, and hope to replace the left-wing Costello (IL-12) in the House of Representatives with a young, committed, conservative who will stand for America first and not for promoting big government with or without the interference of the U.N.

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      The reasoning behind my challenge is actually quite simple Tom.

      We get comments quite often (ok so they probably ARE from the left) that this blog used to be primarily humor with a little social commentary thrown in. Those commenters say that the tone and tenor of DragonLaffs has changed since I came on board and that now there is more serious stuff than there is humor.

      When I bemoan the lack of comments after a particularly good Parting Shot about it I get explanations from the right about how I am preaching to the choir, should recognize this and not feel that an AMEN! PREACH IT LETHAL” should be forth coming each time I climb my soapbox and rant about something.

      Then of course there are the Luddites firmly and deeply ensconced in the concrete of “We Liked/Want It the Way It Used to Be!” who will not only not read the blog anyplace but their e-mail boxes where it is severely truncated but will only reply privately in our e-mail boxes about things.

      So I figured a wee trip down nostalgia road was the perfect thing to offer as it SHOULD theoretically appeal to all 3 factions.

      As for your idea Tom, don’t think I have not considered it as well as the option of splintering off the political stuff some how and making it a separate blog. The thing is the humor part is generally easy to assemble, hell I have the next 2 issues worth already firmly laid out. The political and social comments, making the Introspection meaningful but short and humor coated, the full blown parting shot commentary (to say nothing of the fact checking, research and associated article reading that is required) eats up 4 or 5 times the amount of time that selecting the humor and figuring out how to order it in an issue requires. Sadly neither I nor Impish have the kind of time we would need to devote to such an endeavor to make a quality product we’d want associated with what we are doing here.

      Then we’d also have to consider the facts that;

      a.) We’d be the new kids on the block trying to get people to notice and subscribe.

      b.) We’d still be a single voice in the multitudes- we fear being lost in the chorus w/o any hope of ever receiving a solo that gets us noticed.

      c.) We’d be paying for yet another domain and URL and we cannot even cover the costs of this one. People are inclined to pay to be made to laugh LONG before they are inclined to pay to hear stuff that’s going to depress them or outright piss them off. We have a liberal media full of out of context sound bite backed of talking heads with corporate political agendas for that.

      Hence my offer of 2 issues pure humor for $100 in donations received by the end of the month.

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