Dragon Laffs #1286


header47adult1Good Morning Campers.  Another Saturday spent with your favorite dragon… Nol!  Not Barney!  Dammit Lethal!  Stop spreading rumors!  Me!  Impish Dragon, I’m your favorite dragon….right?  RIGHT?
“I Love You, You Love Me, we’re a great …””
Shut that crap off!  I swear to Tiamat, that if I find out who has been sabotaging all my audio recordings with that crap, I’m going to eat the person responsible!!!
”…happy family.”
<sound of gun fire>
Okay, now, where was I?

Okay folks, all you wonderful generous people, I hate that we have to do this, but last weeks request for donations only garnered 3 donations.  Not near enough to cover our expenses again for the next year.  Yes, I know things are tough all over for everyone, us too.  We provide the work and the material for free.  Well, it’s not really free, it’s our time.  Time we take away from our family, time we take away from our friends of away from sleep.  Don’t get me wrong, we both LOVE doing this, but if I have to turn to Mrs. Dragon and say, not only am I taking away from the time spent with you and the little dragon, but I’m going to take from our very tight budget as well?  Well, I’m not sure I can do that.  We’re not asking for bunches of money from a couple of people, if everyone even just sent in one dollar, what ever you can spare, that would help immensely.  And to the three who have donated, I say thank you very much.  You help and generosity are deeply appreciated.  Again, go to the web site at http://dragonlaffs.com and at the upper right, directly under the word blogroll,  you can see where you can click on the words to donate through paypal.  If you really don’t want to go to the website….and I’m not really sure why you wouldn’t, but here’s the direct address to paypal to donate to dragonlaffs: https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=4X2MEADWHBYE8 

Now, let’s get on with the laughter!

1

I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing
handwriting; nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality
counterbalancing indecipherability transcendentalizes intercommunication’s
incomprehensibleness. (The longest known meaningful sentence
where each word is one letter longer than the last)

97Ain’t it the truth!  We ALL need to let them know that.  Your chance comes in November.  You must be sure to take advantage of that opportunity!  Please, don’t sit your ass at home.  You need to get out there and:Vote
This is probably the best question I have EVER read.  And it makes the most sense!
98

And Everybody Seems To Think That Lethal Leprechaun’s Irish Blessings Are So Nice…
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coollogo_com-35886411Thanks to Lynn for this Way Cool Website to Visit:

Telegrams From Last Century

There is something that is absolutely fascinating about telegrams to me. Telegrams have a romantic air of the past about them. They are like touchstones to people and places that are now captured in time on a piece of paper.

Created in August of 2011, this site features telegrams from the last century. The blog-style navigation is a breeze – just scroll down the page and click Older to view previous entries or newer to see more recent entries. On the left side of the page there is menu that gives you the option of viewing a full list of tags, emailing the site’s author, viewing the archive, sending the author a message (send me a telegram), submitting telegrams, or viewing a random post.

Beneath that menu there is a search field.  Just type in a key word and hit enter. For example, if you type in Howard Hughes and hit enter, you’ll bring up all the telegrams that he sent sent. Several of those telegrams were sent to Katherine Hepburn via her secretary Emily Perkins under the pseudonym Dan or Stephen.

Most of the telegrams are from someone famous to someone famous, but I think that just adds to the intrigue and romance allowing us a glimpse into their communications. You’ll also find telegrams to politicians like the one from Jackie Robinson to President Lyndon B. Johnson, communiqués from FBI agents about escaped prisoners like John Dillinger, and  telegrams of congratulations or condolences. It is also very neat to see how the actual physical form of the telegrams change over time, what kinds of paper they are printed on, and  how they are formatted.

This is a great site that celebrates the telegram, check it out today!

http://telegramsfromlastcentury.tumblr.com/

A dear nurse friend of mine sent me this.  She knows that I have this thing for nurses.  Not sure if it’s the uniform or the large breasts or just what it is, ….

198

The phone rings, and the wife answers.
A pervert, with heavy breathing, says, “I bet you have a tight ass with no hair?”
Woman replies, “Yes, he’s watching TV – who shall I say is calling?”

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DragonPapa1 (160)

Observations

Olympic gymnast Gabby Douglas became America’s darling
when she won the gold medal. She spun in the air, twirled
and flipped twice and landed squarely on her feet. President
Obama called her and asked if she would be his
new press secretary.


Washington D.C. agreed to convert to lower-wattage streetlights
to save energy and cut back on greenhouse gas emissions. The
environmentalists are forcing the city to convert to dimmer
bulbs. So they’re screwing members of Congress into the
light sockets.


President Obama ordered the CIA’s clandestine services to help
the Syrian rebels overthrow Bashar Assad. There goes the
element of surprise. President Obama’s idea of clandestine is
he only tells three newspapers and one cable news network.


Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke says that economic
data is masking the struggles of the average American. Mostly
because the economic data is put out by the government who
doesn’t want the average American to see how badly the
government has screwed things up.

If we test Olympians for steroids, I’m sure we could test
Harry Reid for crazy pills.  

President Obama’s 51st birthday was Sunday. Assume Donald
Trump sent him a card saying “Prove it.

 


A poll says that President Obama’s approval rating is below 50%
in 37 states. The question is, which 13 states are happy about
the way things are going?

Spain kicked off its bullfighting season with the Running of
the Bulls Monday. Young men run through streets in front
of charging bulls for the thrill of outrunning death. Americans
get the same thrill running just ahead of the bankers at the
first of every month.


A Brazilian Senator was expelled from his office for corruption.
U.S. Senators were shocked. What kind of backwards,
primitive government are they running there?
199
And Oldie, but Goodie…

Last Saturday afternoon, in Washington , D.C, an aide to Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi visited the Bishop of the Catholic cathedral in D.C. He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day’s Mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and Say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.
The Cardinal replied, “No. I don’t really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi’s views.

Pelosi’s aide then said, “Look, I’ll write a check here and now for a donation of $10,000 to your church if you’ll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint.”
The Cardinal thought about it and said, “Well, the church can use the money, so I’ll work your request into tomorrow’s sermon.”
As Pelosi’s aide promised, Pelosi appeared for the Sunday worship and seated herself prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle. As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that Pelosi was present.
The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, “While Congresswoman Pelosi’s presence is probably an honor to some, the woman is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of her views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and she tends to flip-flop on many other issues.
Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. I must say, Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. She married for money and is using her wealth to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both In Washington and in California. The woman is simply not to be trusted.”
The Cardinal concluded, “But, when compared with President Obama, Pelosi is a saint.”

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DAFFYNITIONS & VERBAL ABUSE

~~~
Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
~~~
Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”
~~~
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

~~~
Biplane: The advice I got from my mother on purchasing underwear.
~~~
Dark Ages: Knight time
~~~
Cistern: Opposite of brethren. 

200

Here’s another opportunity for you to help us out.  A plea for help. A begging for funds.  All those things that we hate to do, but are forced to through economically troubled times.  Click on the little blue dragon and it will take you to our paypal donation site. Please help us keep this blog free!  Thanks for all you do!

Donate2

Mt. Vernon Times Headline:

MT. VERNON , TEXAS WHOREHOUSE SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE!

Diamond D’s brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business. In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding with morning, afternoon and evening prayer sessions at their church. Work on Diamond D’s progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground!

After the cathouse was burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about “the power of prayer.”

But late last week ‘Big Jugs’ Jill Diamond, the owner/madame, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the church … “was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business either through direct or indirect divine actions or means.”

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently and voraciously denied any and all responsibility or any connection to the building’s demise.

The crusty old judge read through the plaintiff’s complaint and the defendant’s reply, and at the opening hearing he commented, “I don’t know how the hell I’m going to decide this damn case, but it appears from the paperwork that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that thinks it’s all bullshit!”

201

Last week we attended a wake for our sister’s ex-husband, who
was well-known for his strong atheist views. When we found out
that his mother made arrangements for his funeral to be held in her
Congregational church, my brother wittily observed: “This brings
the expression ‘over my dead body’ to a whole new dimension!


Artistic Graffitig6g7g8

This is one tough repo lady!  Just give her the damn car!

203

Where’s the Beef? What the Chick-fil-A Boss Really Said
 
So, did you hear about that wild quote that the president of Chick-fil-A didn’t say the other day?
 


202
Pun Queen

For a tree pun I had to go out on a limb and branch out to
some other sources.
 
An inebriated orthopedist tried to apply a cast on his patient’s broken arm, but failed as he was plastered.
 
A surgeon operated upon a patient who had a hopelessly gangrenous leg but amputated the patient’s healthy leg instead. The patient sued. The Judge suggested he drop the suit stating, ”You don’t have a leg to stand on.”
 
My kids call their downstairs play area the “wreck room.”
 
Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.
 
Gas produced by flatulent cows is a major cause of global warming. Automobiles are equipted with devises to detoxify the gas called cattle-lytic converters. 
 
Dolly Parton’s autobiography is entitled, “My Life Has Been A Really Big Bust”
 
They say not to put all of your eggs in one basket, but I’ll be darned if I am going to roll twelve shopping carts out of the grocery store.
 
“Now, son,” the farmer said to the new farmhand. “Are you sure you know just how long cows should be milked?” “Yep,” said the hired help. “Just the same as short ones.”
 
You may not take a second polygraph test because they can’t be re-lied upon.
 
Our local Catholic church has plans to bring their parishioners to services by bus; they plan to call it mass transit.
 
“Bartender, got any specials today?” “Yes, we mix Pabst Blue Ribbon and Smirnoff Vodka.” “What do you call it?” “A Pap Smear!”
 
A woman rushes into a doctor’s office and says, “Doctor, what should I take when I feel rundown?” The doctor says, “The license plate.”
 
An unemployed jester is nobody’s fool.
 
I can Harley wait to get my motorcycle license.
 
Moses came down with the Ten Amendments,
which were God’s Bill of Wrongs.

Doctors automatically know what’s wrong with you.
They have a sick sense.


204
96
coollogo_com-7318770Motivational SuddenlyMotivational TeasingMotivational The PlagueMotivational They See Me
Okay, so this one is old.  I won’t call it a golden oldie cause…well…cause it isn’t.

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.
“Oh My God! Hurry! Grab your clothes,” she yelled to her lover, “and jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”
“I can’t jump out the window!” came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets. “It’s raining out there!”
“If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!” she replied. “He’s got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems!”
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon. So he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to “blend in” as best he could. It wasn’t that effective!
After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
“Do you always run in the nude?” one asked.
“Oh, yes!” he replied, gasping for air. “It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you’re running.”
Another runner moved alongside. “Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?”
“Oh, yes!” our friend answered breathlessly. “That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried.
“Do you always wear a condom when you run?”
“Only when it’s raining,” he replied.

205

While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud
case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller’s window, the hiccups
seemed to have worsened. The teller took my friend’s check and proceeded
to run a computer verification of his account. After a minute she looked
up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to
cash his check.

“Why not?” my friend asked incredulously.

“I’m sorry, sir,” she replied, “but our computer indicates that you do
not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact,”
she continued, “our records show your account overdrawn in excess of
$5000.”

“It CAN’T be!” he cried. “You have GOT to be kidding!”

“Yes, I am,” she answered with a big smile, counting out his cash. “But
you will notice that your hiccups are gone.”

Hiding under the mask

Have you ever wondered who is playing the role of a character?
Often, even the most unrealistic characters are well-known actors…
 
 
 
Robert Englund – Freddy Krueger
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Zoe Saldana – Neytiri in the Picture

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Rebecca Romiyn – Mystique in X-Men

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Hugo Weaving – V – for Vendetta

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1aThe following video is a GREAT representation of how the current political regime is concerned more with their own re-election and popularity than they are with the lives of the men and women and their family and friends, who are protecting this country.  You must watch this video.  Which means you are going to have to go to the website to see it.  Our website is http://dragonlaffs.com .  The video is called Dishonorable Disclosures: How Leaks And Politics Threatens National Security.  It’s put together by a group called OPSEC.  Those of you in the military or associated with the military know that this acronym stands for OPERATIONS SECURITY.  The hallmark of keeping our brothers and sisters safe.  As one of the speakers at the end puts it so succinctly, “Shut the fuck up, Mr. President.”  Here’s the video’s own description:

Intelligence and Special Operations forces are furious and frustrated at how President Obama and those in positions of authority have exploited their service for political advantage. Countless leaks, interviews and decisions by the Obama Administration and other government officials have undermined the success of our Intelligence and Special Operations forces and put future missions and personnel at risk.
The unwarranted and dangerous public disclosure of Special Forces Operations is so serious — that for the first time ever — former operators have agreed to risk their reputations and go ‘on the record’ in a special documentary titled “Dishonorable Disclosures.” Its goal is to educate America about serious breaches of security and prevent them from ever happening again.
Use of military ranks, titles & photographs in uniform does not imply endorsement of the Dept of the Army or the Department of Defense. All individuals are no longer in active service with any federal agency or military service.

and here’s the video itself.  Sit back, relax and try to not get so pissed off.  I know that advice didn’t work so well with me.

So?  Are you as pissed as I am?  I hope so.  Truly I do.  Now, go out and enjoy the rest of your day.
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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1286

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    SING ALONG EVERYBODY!

    i love you you love me
    were a happy family
    with a great big hug
    and a kiss from me 2 you
    wont you say you love me 2

    i love you you love me
    we are friends like friends should be
    with a great big hug
    and a kiss from me 2 you
    wont you say you love me 2

  2. lethalleprechaun says:

    Grrr! I’M FECKING PISSED AND i WANT SOME HEADS ON THE BLOCK AND BUTTS ON THE LINE!!

    Loose Lips LOSE LIVES! AMERICAN MILITARY LIVES.

    Lets not even talk about the fact that fewer and fewer people and countries are willing to ally with us after we sell people and countries out!

    Here is ANOTHER clear demonstration of Obama’s TOTAL WANTON DISREGARD AND DISRESPECT of our Military forces!

    Help Impish & I defend our country against DOMESTIC ENEMIES- VOTE THIS ARROGANT MUSLIM LOVING AMERICA HATING ASSHOLE OUT OF OFFICE!!!

    No, your absolutely right I don’t know that Romney is any better but I DO know he CANNOT POSSIBLY be any fecking worse!

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