Dragon Laffs

 

A couple of nice signs sent to me by one of my favorite campers.  Thanks Ginny!

This is a really big issue and I’ve run out of time, so instead of putting a bunch of words at the beginning of this issue, why don’t we just go ahead and get to the fun stuff?  I’m yawning so hard and so often that I can barely see the screen anyway.  So….

Okay, this guy is absolutely amazing!!!  I’ve seen hand passes where the coins are moved, but this is all done right in front of you!

From our good friends at Kim Komando’s website comes this very timely article:
Warn the family about this dangerous site for kids!

Keeping children safe is the number one responsibility of being a parent. That’s why parents and grandparents alike need to be extremely vigilant in keeping tabs on their online experiences. In an effort to help, we’ve warned you about secret “sexting” codes that kids are using.

Internet addiction, cyberbullying and online predators are just a few of the threats that you need to watch out for. Now, there is a live video streaming site where children are being preyed upon that you need to know about.

How to protect your children online

More and more kids are being exposed to smartphones and the internet at younger ages these days. The chances of them running into a digital predator are pretty high.

What’s happening now is, police are warning parents about the dangers associated with the site younow.com. The site is described as, “the best way to discover talented broadcasters, watch live streams and video chat with people from around the world.”

Police detectives in Fullerton, California recently completed a two-month long investigation dealing with unlawful sex with a minor. A 26-year-old male, Vincent John Conti, was allegedly having a sexual relationship with a 13-year-old girl. Conti met the victim on the younow website.

I’m not going to copy the entire article here, to read the rest click on this link: http://www.komando.com/happening-now/403457/warn-the-family-about-this-dangerous-site-for-kids?utm_medium=nl&utm_source=alerts&utm_content=2017-06-07-article-title

This is a bit of play acting the Lethal and I came up with.  That’s him with the shield and sword.  This goes back a couple of years and at that time, he really wanted to impress this girl (see the girl in the lower right corner).  He asked me to attack him and make it spectacular, so lots of flames and roars and such later, the girl is so overwhelmingly impressed she just can’t help herself.

We haven’t been able to figure out a way, in all these years, for him to do the same for me.  I’d have to eat him or something in order to get the appreciation of a female dragon and that doesn’t really end well for him.

Yeah….don’t you hate that?  Except….I’m normally the one getting the look instead of giving it!  LOL!

 

Say what you want about Trump’s decision to pull out of the Paris Accords.  I happen to agree with him whole-heartedly.  No one said we were going to stop caring about the climate or the environment, but this means we don’t pay a thousand times more than any other country.  America needs to take care of itself!

And you want to talk about ruining the environment?  Just get one pissed off dragon…

You climb back into bed and hide!

That is, without a doubt, one of Lethal’s kitties.

Truly amazing the way that works.

I don’t know why men go to bars to meet women?
Go to Target.
The female to male ratio is 10 to 1 and they’re already looking for things they don’t need.

 

Like a really bad horror movie!!!!

Run, Little Buddy! Run like the wind!

 

You may have seen this picture before.  But, do you know the story behind it?  It is well worth reading and remembering.  Never let the bastards see that they got you down.

Leading the fight is U S Marine Gunnery Sgt. Michael Burghardt, known as ‘Iron Mike’ or just ‘Gunny’. He is on his third tour in Iraq . He had become a legend in the bomb disposal world after winning the Bronze Star for disabling 64 IEDs and destroying 1,548 pieces of ordnance during his second tour.
Then, on September 19, he got blown up… He had arrived at a chaotic scene after a bomb had killed four US Marines.. He chose not to wear the bulky bomb protection suit. ‘You can’t react to any sniper fire and you get tunnel-vision,’ he explains. So, protected by just a helmet and standard-issue flak jacket, he began what bomb disposal officers term ‘the longest walk’, stepping gingerly into a 5 foot deep and 8 foot wide crater.
The earth shifted slightly and he saw a Senao base station with a wire leading from it.  He cut the wire and used his 7 inch knife to probe the ground.  ‘I found a piece of red detonating cord between my legs,’ he says. ‘That’s when I knew I was screwed.’ Realizing he had been sucked into a trap, Sgt Burghardt, 35, yelled at everyone to stay back. At that moment, an insurgent, probably watching through binoculars, pressed a button on his mobile phone to detonate the secondary device below the sergeant’s feet  ‘A chill went up the back of my neck and then the bomb exploded,’ he recalls. ‘As I was in the air I remember thinking, ‘I don’t believe they got me…’ I was just ticked off they were able to do it. Then I was lying on the road, not able to feel anything from the waist down.’
His fellow Marines cut off his trousers to see how badly he was hurt. None could believe his legs were still there ‘My dad’s a Vietnam vet who’s paralyzed from the waist down,’ says Sgt Burghardt. ‘I was lying there thinking I didn’t want to be in a wheelchair next to my dad and for him to see me like that… They started to cut away my pants and I felt a real sharp pain and blood trickling down. Then I wiggled my toes and I thought, ‘Good, I’m in business.’  As a stretcher was brought over, adrenaline and anger kicked in. ‘I decided to walk to the helicopter. I wasn’t going to let my team-mates see me being carried away on a stretcher.’ He stood and gave the insurgents who had blown him up a one-fingered salute. ‘I flipped them one.. It was like, ‘OK, I lost that round but I’ll be back next week.’
Copies of a photograph depicting his defiance, taken by Jeff Bundy for the Omaha World-Herald, adorn the walls of homes across America and that of Col John Gronski, the brigade commander in Ramadi, who has hailed the image as an exemplar of the warrior spirit.
Sgt Burghardt’s injuries – burns and wounds to his legs and buttocks – kept him off duty for nearly a month and could have earned him a ticket home.  But, like his father – who was awarded a Bronze Star and three Purple Hearts for being wounded in action in Vietnam – he stayed in Ramadi to engage in the battle against insurgents who are forever coming up with more ingenious ways of killing Americans.

Men, just so you know, there are other deadly terms you need to know, but let’s work on this list first.

Late one Friday night, a policeman spotted a green colored, short man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the leprechaun over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.

‘Aye, so I have. It’s Friday and I be Lethal Leprechaun, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called ‘Happy Hour’ and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five of those. Then I had to drive me friend Impish Dragon home and of course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness – couldn’t be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later…’ Then, the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.

The officer sighed, and said, ‘Sir, I’m afraid I’ll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test.’

Indignantly, the Leprechaun said, ‘Why? Don’t ye believe me?’

Bet you didn’t know that our security staff made a calendar a couple of years ago, did ya?  Yup, they did.  Miss May, our Swing Shift Supervisor. 

Really good advice…it bothers me that someone thought it was a necessary warning, but still, really good advice.

Nine excellent, random, funny thoughts…

1. Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
2. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
3. Life is sexually transmitted.
4. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
5. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
7. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
8. Get the last word in: Apologize.
9. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Yup, I’ve got that problem too.  But, I know where you can get some cool blue condoms.

Okay, so that really deserves a groaner, but I was laughing to hard to post a warning.

Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?

In the song “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini,” which is yellow-the bikini or the polka dots?

I know people who, if they don’t live on this road, they ought to.

Why do we say “heads up” when we actually duck?

 

Why is there a top line on lined paper if we never use it?

Why is a square meal served on round plates?

That ought to stop it…even his breathing.

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

Why is it that humans can move their eyes in opposite directions toward the nose, but not away from the nose?

Amen!  That is the truest statement I’ve heard in a long, long time!

 

Here’s an essay that I just had to share.  It came with a picture that I haven’t been able to prove is actually the author, but I have indeed proven, to my own acceptance, that it was written by CMSgt (That’s Chief Master Sergeant) (Retired) George Roof, US Air Force.  It was written November 20, 2016 on his FaceBook page.  It is a great read!

Because I am a “lifer” in the military, I’ve seen the impact of a president more than many of you can imagine.  I enlisted with LBJ and saw just what a Democrat cluster flock was all about.  I went to Vietnam and saw how we were constantly and incessantly bombarded with micromanagement from Washington that got thousands of military people killed. I sometimes wonder if I’ll get to heaven, but if I go to hell, I’m sure I’ll still be a few hundred floors above that bastard Robert McNamara , LB Johnson, John Kerry, Jane Fonda, and yes, even the “hero” John McCain.

After Johnson “abdicated” rather than having his ass waxed, I lived through Nixon who was hawkish but allowed the generals (and there WERE a few real generals back then versus now) run the show.  Nixon was so out of touch that he never knew North Vietnam was about to surrender when the Paris Accord was presented.
Only God could help us after Gerald Ford was beaten by Jimmy ‘Peanuts’ Carter who’d been funded by Saudi money.  The military was turned into Section 8 and even the Whitehouse suffered the austerity.

Then the light began to shine and Ronald Reagan swept into the fray.  He not only loved the country and the military, they loved him back.  Esprit d’corps was off the scale during his presidency. The Liberals were slowly turning into socialists, however, and about this time all the draft dodgers of the 1960’s who’d been given amnesty by Jimmy ‘Peanuts’ were turning out college graduates with degrees in socialism.

Bush 1 was an enigma from the CIA and though he never did much either way, he NEVER DID MUCH EITHER WAY.

Welcome to Bill Clinton.  Clinton spent most of his two terms wagging the dog and creating the ‘Oral’ Office, sending a bomber to blow up Quaddafi’s tent and killing a goat or two, while allowing the UN to set up the infamous Black Hawk Down situation.  He made history by becoming only the second president to be impeached.

I actually felt sorry for Bush 2.  He was doomed to infamy from the start.  He thought most of America was still the rah rah patriots of WWII when they were ‘simply socialists’ waiting to feed him to the sharks.

Then there came the Manchurian Candidate Obama with a faked (OK Democrats, let’s say “of questionable origin” to assuage your PC brains) birth certificate, who’d gotten a free ride through college under a foreign student exemption, and whose college records and complete life history had been ‘sealed.’  (We know more about Thomas Jefferson’s bastard children than we do about Obama, Michelle , OR their two faked kids.) From his inaugural address, he slandered America and within days had begun to encourage dissention of the races as well as slandering police who “acted stupidly.” That was mild to the crap that would come in doubling the national debt from what had been built by ALL THE PREVIOUS PRESIDENTS COMBINED, feeding us bullshit about how Muslims built this country, and nationalizing American industries.  Fueled by George Soros’ money and using the Air Force fleet as his personal charters, he appointed malcontents and traitors into positions of authority. He trashed the Constitution by installing “czars” (interesting he chose a title like that) to bypass Congressional authority.  By that time, Congress was completely corrupt on both sides of the aisle.  No one had balls to impeach this charlatan Obama.

Mysteriously, the lone outspoken conservative Supreme Court Justice Scalia suddenly dies in his sleep at an Obama pal’s hunting lodge and the Supreme Court is evenly split.  Finally, Congress shows some balls and rejects Obama’s Supreme Court Justice nomination.  The Libertards aren’t worried because the fix is in. Soros ‘has paid’ demonstrators to cause turmoil at ‘all the Republican gatherings.’  Obama concedes that illegal aliens should vote as they won’t be prosecuted, and Soros-manufactured voting machines are caught switching votes in certain precincts.  Hillary has cheated her way to the nomination and her lies are completely ignored by the brainwashed minions of sycophants who follow her.

But a shocking thing happened on the way to the forum.

Middle America had had enough and although the pollsters and the pipers tried to convince middle America not even to bother to vote, they were fed up with the denizens of the swamp.  It was time. Florida was designated a “swing” state ignoring that all those old retirees living in St. Petersburg, and the fed up Cuban Americans of Miami weren’t interested in their platform.  Ohio and Pennsylvania , where coal production was blacklisted and where Obama had ridiculed them for “clinging to their Bibles and their guns,” lay awaiting this supposed “landslide” Hillary vote,…. and creamed it.

The Socialist world of the Democratic Party disintegrated.  An American who expressed unbridled love of country and respect for police, firemen, and military steamrolled across the heartland and the liberals realized their scheme was trashed.

A CONSTITUTIONALIST would be nominated to the Supreme Court and if the old hag Ginsburg who’d claimed to retire if Trump were elected would actually retire and leave, the Supreme Court would have a massive majority of CONSTITUTIONALISTS for the next 40-50 years.

Now, the same party who’d ridiculed Trump on his comments about the election being rigged, started screaming that the election ‘was’ rigged.  They even advocated having the election repeated.  They created mobs that burned and pillaged, stopped traffic, threatened murder, battery and rape of Trump supporters, and became the anarchists that the socialist dream thrives upon.  They run like castrated pigs for safe zones and use diaper pins as their national symbol.

This is exactly what happens when political correctness takes over and participation trophies are awarded to everyone.  They can’t conceive how disgusting and subservient they have become.  Donald Trump may NOT be the best person for the job, but he’s such a welcome respite from the candy-assed whimps who’ve been running the swamp that it’s refreshing to see.  At the very least, Donald Trump derailed the Socialist train and bought us precious time.  If he only does half of what he’s promised, we’ll still be legions ahead of where Obama has dragged us.  Already countries who held us in contempt are lining up to be found in the favor of America.  Donald Trump has done more in his short time in the public eye…he prevented Hillary Clinton from becoming president!

So for you liberal lurkers and you half-assed fence-sitters, Tough Shit!  You had your big hurrah and now your party is over.  For you staunch Republicans in office, don’t gloat so much yourselves.  You’ve been put on notice by the American people that we’re fed up with ALL YOU BASTARDS and if you don’t start putting America first, you do so at your own peril.  You might want to buy a copy of George McGovern’s autobiography and see how shocking and humbling it can be for a professional politician to have to try to find legitimate work once he falls from grace. 

​​This election was pure, unadulterated AMERICAN.  Hillary got beaten and AMERICA WON THE ELECTION. You can claim he’s not “your president” all you want, but unless you forfeit your American citizenship, ……

YES, HE IS YOUR PRESIDENT!!

Go cry a river some place they need water.

Now, go share this with all your friends!

Beautiful isn’t it?

Just another example of the wonders created by our artisan community here in Leprechonia where I currently still am. In fact, depending on how a certain part of today’s issue goes over in certain circles, I could be here for a heck of a long time.

Anyway, Ive got to dash I’m late for my massage ah.. err…office hours! Yes that’s it! I’m late for my office hours! Got to dash!

Enjoy!

 

I’m not entirely sure about the forget part but it does make it less painful.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A: The little swallow.

Bill and Doug were having a beer at the neighborhood bar.
“What’s the matter?” asked Bill of his buddy. “You look kind of down.”
“My wife just told me that my lovemaking is just like a news bulletin.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because it’s brief, unexpected and usually a disaster.”

Bill’s friend Harry went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, so he asked her to dance.
She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, Harry said, “You really smell terrific. What’s that you have on?”
The flattered girl told him it was Channel #5.
Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, “You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?”
Honest Harry replied: “Well, I’ve got a hard on, but I didn’t think you could smell it.”

I want to publically apologize to Impish before this next joke for going back on my word. A while back we had a behind the scenes… lets call it a sort of an “Executive Disconnect” which started when I was highly overstressed because of a personal situation Molly and I were going through, (Ok, mostly Molly but there was little I could do to help or protect her and my feeling useless, helpless and/or unable to do anything effective about any situation is a fantastic way to make me stressed and angry) and blew a gasket over a funny Impish made at my expense at which I took exception.

He defended himself by pointing out the number of times he’d been ruthlessly tossed under the bus by me (ruthlessly is my term and not his) and pointed out that on a weekly basis Impish’s Insights appeared at least once in the issue if not more.

I was forced to concede his extremely valid point and swore to him that I would layoff him entirely from then on. You may have noticed that there have been basically no Impish jokes and very few if any dragon jokes the last couple of months.

However I have been attempting to walk away from this  particular one for so long now that it’s actually starting to have detrimental effect on my sanity and a few of my detractors on the Leprechaun Council have begun to call into question my “Lethal” moniker suggesting I have gone soft.  I simply cannot have the distraction of this constantly nagging at me, nor am I willing to give up a reputation for being the most ruthless Leprechaun there is (which took me well over 500 years to acquire).

So with the deepest of regrets and sincere apologies to my good friend I make the following joke at his expense. With any luck both you and he will agree it was just to good and too well fitting to pass up doing. Hopefully now that this is out of my system, I can limit this to a one time thing.

OH WHAT THE HELL!~ In for a penny, in for a pound. This one is too good a follow up to pass up!

Now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, maybe I can get some actual rest at night!

Impish, what is good for the goose is good for the gander, tit for tat (but no tats on tits those are disgusting), an eye for an eye or, if you prefer, turnabout is fair play, etcetera, ectetera.

You may fire at me when ready Gridley and I’ll not complain a single peep.

Here, let me even start you off pal-

I should note for honesty sake that it’s a walk-in closet too.

Realtors- nearly as bad as lawyers or used car salesmen! 

Last Friday was National Donut Day as Impish observed on Saturday of which I failed to make mention in my previous issue. In fact I didn’t even remember until I was reminded late in the day on Friday. Thankfully I have Molly who on top of everything else she does manages to stay on top of the events which I hold as so dear and important.

The ones you see above come from a place very near where she works that specializes in “gourmet pastries that are several cuts above”.  For example, the half eaten one I am holding is a Key Lime Pie Donut, and tastes exactly like Key Lime Pie (one of my top 5 favorite desserts).

I’ve forgotten a few of the ones she bought ($18/ dozen, a little stiff but that at extremely good and they DO deliver to Home and Office w/in a 5 mile radius as long as you are buying 2 dozen or more. Plus look at their idea of a donut box so they don’t get squished!)  Top center is a Carmel Apple dipped in Cinnamon & Brown Sugar and drizzled with glaze. Top right is an all chocolate cake donut dipped in white chocolate then tossed with dark chocolate shavings. Second row left is some sort of Salted Carmel Macchiato Doughnut (obviously Molly didn’t buy all these with me in mind) The one next to it is a carrot and zucchini cake with cream cheese filling and a pumpkin glaze which was fantastic despite how it might sound to some (Excuse me a minute while I wipe up my drool!)

Row 3 Left and right are Peña Colada Donuts with fresh coconut. The one in the center of that row is actually a cronut filled with probably the best Bavarian cream I have ever had and two kinds of chocolate gnash over it.

Just under the Key Lime one is a Chocolate Covered Cherry Donut, consisting of a Cherry Nut Cake Donut filled with Cherry filling into which dark chocolate mini bits had been mixed then covered in chocolate glaze. That one might have been a tad over the top as it was so rich we could only each eat half of it. Sadly I do not recall what the bottom center one was as I was not allowed near it by Molly with whom I had to fight to keep it there long enough to get this photo.

After having partaken of their donuts, all I can say is I can hardly wait for National Pie Day!

50 States of Doughnuts

No matter how you spell it, these fried, baked, topped and filled creations from around the country encourage you to start the day on a sweet note.

Out of deference to Ginny her weak knees and the fact she’s been picked up off the floor already after the donut descriptions above I’ll only post this link to these delicacies.

Explore at the peril of your own waist line and cholesterol levels !

Less Tolerance for Zero Tolerance: A 14-year-old girl at an unnamed school in Pittsburgh, Pa., really did attack a boy, stabbing him in the neck with a pencil. Despite apparent provocation (the boy had grabbed her breasts and buttocks, the 14-year-old says, and threw a bottle cap at her), the Pittsburgh Public School District expelled her for a year for the attack, on the grounds that the pencil was a “weapon” that violated the district’s zero tolerance weapons policy. The girl’s parents took the case to a county court, and the judge reversed the suspension; the school appealed to the Commonwealth Court.

There, Judge Patricia A. McCullough upheld the county judge. Even though the pencil was actually used as a weapon, the school district can’t automatically declare sharpened pencils are “weapons,” since if that were a valid definition, “then a classroom full of students taking a multiple choice exam would all be in violation of Rule No. 6 and, eventually, there would be no students in attendance at the school,” McCullough ruled. “Obviously, this result is patently unreasonable and absurd.” Further, she lectured, “We believe that any reasonable person looking at a pencil situated on a desk would not associate it with a ‘weapon,’ akin to a knife, rifle or explosive.” (RC/Harrisburg Patriot-News) …If the standard is a “reasonable person” should judge things, the school district will need to hire someone.

Brilliant Mathematics:

This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic. 

Good for a laugh.
This is a strictly …..  mathematical viewpoint… and it goes like this:

What Makes  100% ?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

What makes up 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 =   98%

And K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 =  96%

But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 =   100% 

And, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 =   103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7  =  118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while

Hardwork and Knowledge   will get you close, and Attitude will get you there. It’s the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top. 

Now you know why Politicians are where they are!

[Via The Urban Dictionary] Covefefe – Fake news or disinformation developed and implemented by an alliance between MSM, CIA, and various propaganda churning US Federal govt agencies; deliberately to confuse and brainwash the American public.

[Usage] “All this covefefe, and none of it makes any sense.”

Kathy Griffin will not be back as co-host of CNN’s annual New Year’s Eve program, the network announced Wednesday.

CNN’s decision comes one day after photos were released of Griffin that showed the comedian holding up a bloody head resembling that of President Donald Trump.

“CNN has terminated our agreement with Kathy Griffin to appear on our New Year’s Eve program,” the network said in a statement.

Griffin has apologized for the photos, taken by provocative celebrity photographer Tyler Shields.

“I beg for your forgiveness. I went too far,” she said in a video posted to Instagram late Tuesday. “I made a mistake and I was wrong.”

Admitting the images were “too disturbing,” Griffin said she asked Shields to take down the photo.

Griffin has co-hosted CNN’s annual New Year’s Eve program alongside Anderson Cooper since 2007.

Now if we could only extend this will all those idiots who resend those not based in fact full of bullshit eMails as if they were gospels of great importance we’d have the Internet 1/2 way cleaned up!

WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN IF TRUMP SIMPLY AIRED THIS ?

Diaman sent me this and I have to admit she has a heck of a point too.

Donald Trump should just televise this Bill Clinton speech from 1995 and then simply state “I’m Donald Trump and I approve this message”

Oh, please, please let this go viral.  Not one word of commentary needs to be added. 
Very short video – about 84 seconds
https://www.c-span.org/video/? c4351026/c

It never ceases to amaze me how wishy-washy and flip-floppy Liberals are. Their beliefs and view point change as much and as quickly as the wind based solely on what gets them votes and being against anything the middle or right is for.

 

Oh OUCH! That’s got to seriously burn!

Clan Mistress SC getting fitted for her new dog proof battle armor.

SC: “I think you’ve had enough Human Treats for one day Molly! See? How duz you likes it when dat gets said?”

Human dere will bes da serious pains suffered by you for dis indignity!

RECON!

And what a wonderful morning it is, too!  It’s threatening rain, the base is having it’s annual family day (read “picnic” or “BBQ”) and I’m running the Emergency Communications Center and teaching a class in the middle of all that!

Yes, it’s definitely a wonderful day!

Really gotta work on that sarcasm font.

Tune in later on in the issue, if I can somehow find the time, and I’ll give you an idea of how incredibly wonderful my whole WEEK has been.

And yes, before you ask, THAT should have ALSO been in the, yet to be invented, “Sarcasm” Font.

Yeah, that didn’t work out so well.  Bastard probably didn’t want anyone to scratch his ride.

 

Time is a river – You cannot touch the same water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again.  Enjoy every moment of life.

Yesterday, Friday, June 2nd, was National Doughnut Day!  Needless to say, I was a little busy.

”$2.99!!!!!! On National Donut Day they are supposed to be free!” is exactly what I said to the store manager and consequently, the police officer whom he called.  Absolutely no sense at all!  I won’t go so far as to say the name of the grocery store, due to possible legal issue with a still “possibly” pending lawsuit, but I’ll bet if you look around a little you can probably figure it out.

National Doughnut Day started in 1938 as a fund raiser for Chicago‘s The Salvation Army. Their goal was to help those in need during the Great Depression, and to honor The Salvation Army “Lassies” of World War I, who served doughnuts to soldiers.

Soon after the US entrance into World War I in 1917, The Salvation Army sent a fact-finding mission to France. The mission concluded that the needs of US enlisted men could be met by canteens/social centers termed “huts” that could serve baked goods, provide writing supplies and stamps, and provide a clothes-mending service. Typically, six staff members per hut would include four female volunteers who could “mother” the boys. These huts were established by The Salvation Army in the United States near army training centers.

About 250 Salvation Army volunteers went to France. Because of the difficulties of providing freshly baked goods from huts established in abandoned buildings near to the front lines, the two Salvation Army volunteers (Ensign Margaret Sheldon and Adjutant Helen Purviance) came up with the idea of providing doughnuts. These are reported to have been an “instant hit”, and “soon many soldiers were visiting The Salvation Army huts”. Margaret Sheldon wrote of one busy day: “Today I made 22 pies, 300 doughnuts, 700 cups of coffee.”

Soon, the women who did this work became known by the servicemen as “Doughnut Girls”.^[6]

A misconception has taken hold that the provision of doughnuts to US enlisted men in World War I is the origin of the term “doughboy” to describe US infantry. But, the term was in use as early as the Mexican-American War of 1846–47.

In Chicago and other cities, National Doughnut Day is still a fundraiser for The Salvation Army. In 2017, the organization joined with Russ’s Market, Super Saver, LaMar’s Donuts, Hurts Donuts and Krispy Kreme in Lincoln, Nebraska to raise funds on National Doughnut Day.

In the Second World War, Red Cross Volunteers also distributed doughnuts, and it became routine to refer to the Red Cross girls as Doughnut Dollies as well.

There are three other doughnut holidays, the origins of which are obscure. International Jelly-Filled Doughnut Day is widely recognized as June 8 (occasionally as June 9). National Cream-Filled Doughnut Day is celebrated on September 14. Buy a Doughnut Day occurs on October 30.

The birthday of the United States Marine Corps was once referred to as National Donut Day, in a successful ruse by American prisoners of war at Son Tay prison camp to trick the North Vietnamese into giving out donuts in honor of the occasion.

Wow!  Now THAT was some interesting information on Doughnut Day.  So, I guess you have to be being shot at in order to get free doughnuts!  And then you only get them from the Salvation Army or the Red Cross.  Now THAT sucks!

Hey, they’ll probably be some more donut stuff later…. just sayin’.

Okay, so that’s a really good question!  What the hell people?  The amount of money that you put into those spikes for all your different locations, you could have built inexpensive housing for some of the homeless…especially some of the homeless vets that are out there.  Just like the point that instead of sending money to other countries who hate us, how about spending that money right here on people who love us!!!!  What kind of sense does that make?  Why do we have men and women who have served our country, went places and did things that no sane human being would EVER do on purpose, and made it back home only to be living in a cardboard box (and that’s if their lucky!)?  THAT IS NOT RIGHT!

Okay, so time to kick that soap box back under the counter.

I’m guessing this is next on my list…

Okay, I’m rapidly running out of time, and for that I’m very sorry, but I want to give you this other article from the Washington Post on National Donut Day because it’s got some really cool information on it.

The brutal war and sweet patriotism that led to National Doughnut Day

A century ago, not long after the United States entered World War I, the Salvation Army deployed hundreds of volunteers to France to soothe and bolster American troops.

The men were homesick. They were hungry. They wanted a slice of apple pie.

But that, of course, was impossible. The many indignities of war include this undeniable one: A fox hole is a terrible place to bake.

So the Salvation Army troops improvised, frying dough in soldier helmets, producing such delicious doughnuts that when the war was over, when the troops finally came home, the government produced a guide for veterans to open doughnut shops.

This is how the doughnut came to America. This is what led to National Doughnut Day. This is why the line at Dunkin’ Donuts was extra long on a recent Friday morning — free doughnuts, not as a marketing ploy (well, maybe a little), but to remember the sacrifices those men made and the Salvation Army volunteers who comforted them.

[The U.S. joined the ‘Great War’ 100 years ago. America and warfare were never the same.]

They called those volunteers, mostly women, “Doughnut Lassies.”

“As they dipped doughnuts for their boys, they dispensed motherhood,” John T. Edge wrote in “Donuts: An American Passion,” a seminal volume in the genre of historic deliciousness.

The recipe called for:

• 5 C flour
• 2 C sugar
• 5 tsp. baking powder
• 1 ‘salt spoon’ salt
• 2 eggs
• 1 3/4 C milk
• 1 Tub lard

The most important instruction: “Dust with powdered sugar. Let cool and enjoy.”

Edge, a food historian (what a gig!), identified three important rounds in the popularization of doughnuts. The first was the Salvation Army effort.

“By the close of World War I, the Salvation Army was among the strongest charitable forces in America,” Edge wrote, “and their chosen totem, the doughnut, was an ingrained symbol of home.”

The second was the invention of — the following words are completely true — the Wonderful Almost Human Doughnut Machine, invented by Adolph Levitt, a Jewish immigrant from Eastern Europe.

“When filled with his proprietary dough mix, it cranked out hundreds of perfectly round doughnuts per hour,” Edge wrote. “Placed in a window for all to see, the machine stopped traffic in Times Square.”

Let us pause to consider whether any other food has stopped traffic at The Crossroads of the World.

Nope.

Anyway, there’s one more round — the third. Edge calls this one “glamour.” It takes place during the Great Depression. By this time, doughnuts are an industry — not big and important like, say, steel, but important. And tasty.

“As the nation slid into economic depression, the industry feared that doughnuts might go the way of the street corner apple,” Edge writes. “So they aligned themselves with America’s emerging aristocracy, the ladies and gentlemen of Hollywood.”

Frank Capra put doughnuts in his movies. There’s that scene in “It Happened One Night” where Clark Gable teaches, as Edge puts it, “doughnut etiquette.” On Shirley Temple’s list of works is this: “Dora’s Dunking Donuts.” Laurel and Hardy posed for photos holding doughnuts.

And you know what?

Doughnuts survived the Great Depression. Hurrah for doughnuts.

While their nutritional value is questionable, their patriotic value is as certain as the round hole at their center, through which eaters can look back through time and see not just food history, but the story of America — of our soldiers fighting for what’s right, fueled by what would become the country’s favorite pastry.

I’m sorry my friends, but it’s late and I do have to work tomorrow.  God Bless you all.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

When you arrive at the conference room all appears back to normal from the Memorial Day Weekend Event with one exception. On stage there is no podium with Lethal standing behind it sipping his coffee and splitting his attention between the door and his pocket watch.

Instead an iLethal stands in its place under the video projection screen which has been drawn down, the blue blinking light informing you it’s camera is active. On the screen you see the above scenery, so peaceful and tranquil. Once you are all seated and the doors closed you hear Lethal’s voice:

Mornin’ ta ya all-

I see many of you are still sporting some painful looking sunburns and judging by the way some o’ you are sitting so gingerly some o’ them burns are in right interesting places! No worries, chilled tubes of Aloe Gel with Vitamin E will be made available ta ya as you leave.

Now, as to my not being there today- ‘Tis been a right while since I’ve attended ta affairs here in Leprechonia so I decided to take a couple days after the stress and strain of not only putting together the Memorial Day Issue but two issues back to back.

As soon as I’m done with my Japanese style bath soak, I’m sure my Leprechonian Sexatary err… Secretary Luscious will take me well in hand and have me hard on err hard at the piled up work here in no time.

If you find the issue a bit abbreviated, I do apologize but I flat ran out of time after niggling with a annoying computer glitch in my system that is happen too damned swiftly for me to see what is going on.  Not to worry, there will be a full length issue next week when all is back to normal.

Mean while I’ll let you folks get to work on the issue and slathering each other in Aloe Gel.

 

Within two weeks of moving into a new house, the homeowner had to call an electrician, a roofer and a carpenter. One afternoon he returned early from work and saw a plumber’s truck in the driveway.

“Lord,” he pleaded, looking skyward, “please let her be having an affair.

 

 

School district slams sixth grader with suspension over haircut

BAYTOWN, Texas – Xavier Davis had no idea his hair could cause him so much trouble.

Xavier is a sixth grader at Cedar Bayou Junior High School in Baytown.

When he walked into class last Thursday, he said he was promptly sent to the office.

“I was walking into class, and she saw my hair and said, ‘You can’t have two lines in your hair. Go to the office,'” Xavier said.

The school, he said, ordered him to fix the haircut by Monday, or be punished with in-school suspension.
“I don’t think it’s fair,” Xavier said.

“He’s had his hair cut like this for six months and now all of a sudden it’s a problem?” said his father, Matt Davis.

One day of in-school suspension was enough for Xavier.

A new school-approved single line has been created, courtesy of his mother.

“He had a space here and a space there,” Matt Davis said. “She took a Sharpie permanent marker and colored the bottom of his hair in, so in order for him to get an education, we have to treat his hair like a coloring book, I guess.”

The district dress code listed in the code of conduct says:

“Letters, symbols, and designs beyond a single straight line which draw attention to an individual shall not be permitted. The administrator/supervisor reserves the right to determine if a hairstyle is disruptive to the educational process.”

“I don’t know if having one line or two is a distraction to learning, it’s not a distraction to me,” Matt Davis said. “It’s nonsense. We send him here to get an education. We send him here to learn. It’s not about his haircut.”

And Parent reserve the right to determine if the administrator/supervisor is an idiot and requires replacing.

OK! (Crosses that off post lottery win list of things to do)

On the way to pre-school, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.
“Be still, my heart,” thought the doctor, “my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!”
Then the child spoke into the instrument, “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order?”

Guardian’s of the Galaxy Then & Now

When my daughter was about 6, my sister was baby sitting for the day.
My sister had a soap opera on the TV and during a love scene, my daughter expressed how gross she thought it was that a man and a woman were kissing.
My sister explained that when a man and a woman are in love, kissing is not gross. She then said, “your Mommy and Daddy kiss – they’re in love.”
My daughter’s rebuttal to that was “No they’re not – they’re married!”

 

James Walker: Teenagers? Let’s call them the new adults

At first, I thought it was just me being hypocritical about people who didn’t conform to my views on life.

After all, we do live in a society where everyone has the right to do their thing and under most circumstances, not be criticized or ostracized for doing so.

But once again, my role as an editor continues to badger me with a persistent question that has been nagging at me for years but one that I have found no answer to: Where are all the adults?

That is a question that judges are asking, police are asking, social workers are asking, teachers are asking, and the general public is asking.

Why are so many adults acting like they’ve “gone wild” and dismissed the responsibility and accountability of adulthood as if they’re myths of yore and have no relevance in today’s society?

A better question may be why aren’t adults acting like adults instead of angry teenagers? Why haven’t they shed that teenage angst and moved into responsible adulthood?

Many act like they don’t understand they are adults and their actions have consequences.

A look at mug shots — which used to carry the stigma of shame — that show the stunted growth of some adults as police snapshots are now a fashion portrait to be complemented with smiles and poses to be shared — and ankle monitors are the latest accessory not to be hidden under long pants but displayed as a symbol of … what?

Press releases from police and the office of the state’s attorney office flood into the Register’s newsroom with a near daily barrage of adults gone wild, displaying outlandish behavior, making childlike decisions and then breaking down in tears and begging for forgiveness with a mea culpa.

But some things that adults are doing are totally irrational, such as letting their kid, 10, drive while streaming it for the enjoyment of social media; or using an electric shock collar to punish a child, or locking children in a dog cage to discipline them, as well as starving their kids.

How does a mea culpa defend those actions?

While these things happened in Connecticut, I have stayed away from some of the stupid behavior, as well as horrific acts, adults here in Greater New Haven have committed to spare their family and loved ones— not them — further shame.

Adulthood seems to be the missing ingredient these days in a melting pot that’s in an upheaval. Many parents throw public tantrums, fight publicly at adult and children’s sporting events and many show total disregard for the law and sneer at conformity.

It’s like some people have continued to grow physically but stopped growing mentally, their maturity stuck somewhere between the petulance of adolescent and the reality of being an adult.

Fake news has gotten out that life isn’t supposed to be tough and people don’t have to tough it out or take the necessary steps to improve their lives.

I’ve written a lot about how irresponsible parents, bad behavior and lack of responsibility and accountability has left children mired in a welfare system without the parental guidance and direction they need to be successful in life.

But it is not only low-income, uneducated parents, but a broad spectrum of people who refuse to “man up” to the problems they create. The trials and tribulations a person must endure as they build a better life have been turned into myths.

Too many parents have shoved the responsibility of being an adult onto their young children’s shoulders long before they are mentally ready.

It is a phenomenon that has swept through the country, leaving millions of teenagers following in their parent’s footsteps of discontent — and other teenagers beginning to question why they act more adult than their parents.

Psychiatrists have been warning since the early 1990s about the problem of people transferring their personal problems — whether health or social — into government entities to be solved, thereby creating a dependent society — and a nation of many irresponsible adults.

It is something they had labeled extremely dangerous and we are seeing the results: People who never grow up.

Whatever the case, adulthood and the responsibility that comes with it is becoming a vanishing breed much like a species that is headed toward extinction.

And that is leaving teenagers heading into parenthood and the real world with the responsibility of being level-headed adults.

It is something many of them are ill-equipped to handle and know nothing about — because they never learned it from their parents.

James Walker is the New Haven Register’s senior editor.