Leprechaun Laughs #396 for Wednesday June 7th 2017


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Beautiful isn’t it?

Just another example of the wonders created by our artisan community here in Leprechonia where I currently still am. In fact, depending on how a certain part of today’s issue goes over in certain circles, I could be here for a heck of a long time.

Anyway, Ive got to dash I’m late for my massage ah.. err…office hours! Yes that’s it! I’m late for my office hours! Got to dash!

Enjoy!

 

YGR_LR 3

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I’m not entirely sure about the forget part but it does make it less painful.

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Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A: The little swallow.

Bill and Doug were having a beer at the neighborhood bar.
“What’s the matter?” asked Bill of his buddy. “You look kind of down.”
“My wife just told me that my lovemaking is just like a news bulletin.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because it’s brief, unexpected and usually a disaster.”

Bill’s friend Harry went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, so he asked her to dance.
She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, Harry said, “You really smell terrific. What’s that you have on?”
The flattered girl told him it was Channel #5.
Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, “You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?”
Honest Harry replied: “Well, I’ve got a hard on, but I didn’t think you could smell it.”

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I want to publically apologize to Impish before this next joke for going back on my word. A while back we had a behind the scenes… lets call it a sort of an “Executive Disconnect” which started when I was highly overstressed because of a personal situation Molly and I were going through, (Ok, mostly Molly but there was little I could do to help or protect her and my feeling useless, helpless and/or unable to do anything effective about any situation is a fantastic way to make me stressed and angry) and blew a gasket over a funny Impish made at my expense at which I took exception.

He defended himself by pointing out the number of times he’d been ruthlessly tossed under the bus by me (ruthlessly is my term and not his) and pointed out that on a weekly basis Impish’s Insights appeared at least once in the issue if not more.

I was forced to concede his extremely valid point and swore to him that I would layoff him entirely from then on. You may have noticed that there have been basically no Impish jokes and very few if any dragon jokes the last couple of months.

However I have been attempting to walk away from this  particular one for so long now that it’s actually starting to have detrimental effect on my sanity and a few of my detractors on the Leprechaun Council have begun to call into question my “Lethal” moniker suggesting I have gone soft.  I simply cannot have the distraction of this constantly nagging at me, nor am I willing to give up a reputation for being the most ruthless Leprechaun there is (which took me well over 500 years to acquire).

So with the deepest of regrets and sincere apologies to my good friend I make the following joke at his expense. With any luck both you and he will agree it was just to good and too well fitting to pass up doing. Hopefully now that this is out of my system, I can limit this to a one time thing.

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OH WHAT THE HELL!~ In for a penny, in for a pound. This one is too good a follow up to pass up!

20089259_30_426_480

Now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, maybe I can get some actual rest at night!

Impish, what is good for the goose is good for the gander, tit for tat (but no tats on tits those are disgusting), an eye for an eye or, if you prefer, turnabout is fair play, etcetera, ectetera.

You may fire at me when ready Gridley and I’ll not complain a single peep.

Here, let me even start you off pal-

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I should note for honesty sake that it’s a walk-in closet too.

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Realtors- nearly as bad as lawyers or used car salesmen! 

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Last Friday was National Donut Day as Impish observed on Saturday of which I failed to make mention in my previous issue. In fact I didn’t even remember until I was reminded late in the day on Friday. Thankfully I have Molly who on top of everything else she does manages to stay on top of the events which I hold as so dear and important.

The ones you see above come from a place very near where she works that specializes in “gourmet pastries that are several cuts above”.  For example, the half eaten one I am holding is a Key Lime Pie Donut, and tastes exactly like Key Lime Pie (one of my top 5 favorite desserts).

I’ve forgotten a few of the ones she bought ($18/ dozen, a little stiff but that at extremely good and they DO deliver to Home and Office w/in a 5 mile radius as long as you are buying 2 dozen or more. Plus look at their idea of a donut box so they don’t get squished!)  Top center is a Carmel Apple dipped in Cinnamon & Brown Sugar and drizzled with glaze. Top right is an all chocolate cake donut dipped in white chocolate then tossed with dark chocolate shavings. Second row left is some sort of Salted Carmel Macchiato Doughnut (obviously Molly didn’t buy all these with me in mind) The one next to it is a carrot and zucchini cake with cream cheese filling and a pumpkin glaze which was fantastic despite how it might sound to some (Excuse me a minute while I wipe up my drool!)

Row 3 Left and right are Peña Colada Donuts with fresh coconut. The one in the center of that row is actually a cronut filled with probably the best Bavarian cream I have ever had and two kinds of chocolate gnash over it.

Just under the Key Lime one is a Chocolate Covered Cherry Donut, consisting of a Cherry Nut Cake Donut filled with Cherry filling into which dark chocolate mini bits had been mixed then covered in chocolate glaze. That one might have been a tad over the top as it was so rich we could only each eat half of it. Sadly I do not recall what the bottom center one was as I was not allowed near it by Molly with whom I had to fight to keep it there long enough to get this photo.

After having partaken of their donuts, all I can say is I can hardly wait for National Pie Day!

50 States of Doughnuts

No matter how you spell it, these fried, baked, topped and filled creations from around the country encourage you to start the day on a sweet note.

Out of deference to Ginny her weak knees and the fact she’s been picked up off the floor already after the donut descriptions above I’ll only post this link to these delicacies.

Explore at the peril of your own waist line and cholesterol levels !

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Less Tolerance for Zero Tolerance: A 14-year-old girl at an unnamed school in Pittsburgh, Pa., really did attack a boy, stabbing him in the neck with a pencil. Despite apparent provocation (the boy had grabbed her breasts and buttocks, the 14-year-old says, and threw a bottle cap at her), the Pittsburgh Public School District expelled her for a year for the attack, on the grounds that the pencil was a “weapon” that violated the district’s zero tolerance weapons policy. The girl’s parents took the case to a county court, and the judge reversed the suspension; the school appealed to the Commonwealth Court.

There, Judge Patricia A. McCullough upheld the county judge. Even though the pencil was actually used as a weapon, the school district can’t automatically declare sharpened pencils are “weapons,” since if that were a valid definition, “then a classroom full of students taking a multiple choice exam would all be in violation of Rule No. 6 and, eventually, there would be no students in attendance at the school,” McCullough ruled. “Obviously, this result is patently unreasonable and absurd.” Further, she lectured, “We believe that any reasonable person looking at a pencil situated on a desk would not associate it with a ‘weapon,’ akin to a knife, rifle or explosive.” (RC/Harrisburg Patriot-News) …If the standard is a “reasonable person” should judge things, the school district will need to hire someone.

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Brilliant Mathematics:

This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic. 

Good for a laugh.
This is a strictly …..  mathematical viewpoint… and it goes like this:

What Makes  100% ?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

What makes up 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 =   98%

And K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 =  96%

But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 =   100% 

And, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 =   103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7  =  118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while

Hardwork and Knowledge   will get you close, and Attitude will get you there. It’s the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top. 

Now you know why Politicians are where they are!

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[Via The Urban Dictionary] CovefefeFake news or disinformation developed and implemented by an alliance between MSM, CIA, and various propaganda churning US Federal govt agencies; deliberately to confuse and brainwash the American public.

[Usage] “All this covefefe, and none of it makes any sense.”

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Kathy Griffin will not be back as co-host of CNN’s annual New Year’s Eve program, the network announced Wednesday.

CNN’s decision comes one day after photos were released of Griffin that showed the comedian holding up a bloody head resembling that of President Donald Trump.

“CNN has terminated our agreement with Kathy Griffin to appear on our New Year’s Eve program,” the network said in a statement.

Griffin has apologized for the photos, taken by provocative celebrity photographer Tyler Shields.

“I beg for your forgiveness. I went too far,” she said in a video posted to Instagram late Tuesday. “I made a mistake and I was wrong.”

Admitting the images were “too disturbing,” Griffin said she asked Shields to take down the photo.

Griffin has co-hosted CNN’s annual New Year’s Eve program alongside Anderson Cooper since 2007.

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Now if we could only extend this will all those idiots who resend those not based in fact full of bullshit eMails as if they were gospels of great importance we’d have the Internet 1/2 way cleaned up!

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WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN IF TRUMP SIMPLY AIRED THIS ?

Diaman sent me this and I have to admit she has a heck of a point too.

Donald Trump should just televise this Bill Clinton speech from 1995 and then simply state “I’m Donald Trump and I approve this message”

Oh, please, please let this go viral.  Not one word of commentary needs to be added. 
Very short video – about 84 seconds
https://www.c-span.org/video/? c4351026/c

It never ceases to amaze me how wishy-washy and flip-floppy Liberals are. Their beliefs and view point change as much and as quickly as the wind based solely on what gets them votes and being against anything the middle or right is for.

 

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Oh OUCH! That’s got to seriously burn!

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Clan Mistress SC getting fitted for her new dog proof battle armor.

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SC: “I think you’ve had enough Human Treats for one day Molly! See? How duz you likes it when dat gets said?”

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Human dere will bes da serious pains suffered by you for dis indignity!

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RECON!

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About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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6 Responses to Leprechaun Laughs #396 for Wednesday June 7th 2017

  1. Mike says:

    I have always espoused colloquialisms to describe an event or happening that was unique unto itself
    until the situation occurs again in another situation.

    Let me explain further.

    “Jumping the Shark”, describes a point in a serial show, a movie sequence that the writers have
    run out of topics to keep our interest going. Just as “Nuking the Freezer” has been popular more
    recently.

    Well, I propose that anytime a celeb, pol or athlete does something so stupid as to put their
    career in jeopardy that will result in its end, should hence forth be known as………

    PULLED A GRIFFIN

    My most recent thought is Ashley Judd and her rant at the Women March in Washington.
    I cannot imagine anyone hiring her for any role in a movie or anything else after she……….

    PULLED A GRIFFIN

    I’m sure there are a lot more examples out their, but an athlete getting a DUI is bad, that won’t
    qualify as a……………

    PULLED A GRIFFIN

    It’s more of a situation where someone who has more of a sense of self worth, than sense.
    And their acts have resulted in the end of their careers.

    They have

    PULLED A GRIFFIN

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      I would have thought “Pulled a Jane Fonda” but perhaps that should be reserved for those acts that are unpatriotic
      by the same sort of individuals.

  2. Ginny says:

    OMG Lethal….where was your caution or weak knees sign….I immediately fell to my knees with
    the donuts Molly brought home. If they deliver with 2 dozen donuts….wonder if they would UPS or Fed Ex to New Jersey. Great issue my friend…enjoyed it all.

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      I was having trouble towards the end of assembling the issue and had to go with not risking it for fear of losing the issue. Sorry.

      Somehow I doubt the donuts would arrive in great shape if they did ship them and my money is on them not arriving at all due to being
      picked off in transit by a certain former New Jerseyite.

      • Ginny says:

        Well it would be nice if they shipped them…..but it probably would be too expensive and ruined before I got them…..so lie to me and tell me they were the worse donuts you ever had!

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Even bad donuts, much like bad pizza, beats, no donuts hands down so I really can’t do that in good conscience.

        Best that you send Paul off with insturctions to secure several Dunken Donuts Blueberry Cake Donuts and not return without them for you.

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