Another cold snowy, blowy, week.  We’ve had wind-chills all the way down to –15 F!  That’s fifteen degrees below zero!  That’s forty-seven (47) degrees colder than the temperature at which water freezes!  That’s pretty damn cold!

Thank goodness my blood has a high level of ethanol in it, which really helps when it comes to keeping me from, at best, falling into hibernation and at worst, plunging to the ground unconscious from several thousand feet up in the air.  As I’m sure Lethal has told you many times before, that NEVER works out well for me.

 

 

I’m sure there’s a joke in there somewhere, but it’s pretty lame.  So, if it’s so lame, why did I include it in today’s issue?
Honestly?
I have no idea.  There’s probably a deep psychological issue that was just uncovered in me.

Yeah, that’s probably quite true.

Donald MacDonald from the Scottish Highlands, went to study Law at a renowned and austere English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there.

After he had been there a month, his old mother came to visit him.

“And how do you find the English students, Donald?” she asked.

“Mother,” he replied, “they’re such terrible, noisy people…

…The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won’t stop…

…The one on the other side screams and screams all night.”

“Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?” She asked her son.

Donald replied enthusiastically: “Mother, I do nothing. I simply ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes.”

Mrs. Dragon snapped this picture of me a couple of Christmases ago.  I get pretty excited when I wait for Santa.

 

Now, I am a fan, like many of you, of the movies.  But, this is going just a little too far.

This one is both gross and hilarious!  Poor thing is SO tired and SO messy!

 

Thanks to Papa Dragon Most Senior for this next one.  Put your coffee down, you don’t want to spit it everywhere!

 

Now, this next one is just pure genius!  Easier than using my snow blower!

We all know there are scams everywhere and this one is no different.  I would normally not bother with something that I think is kind of obvious, but since there are so many of you who are drunkards enjoy a nice glass of wine, I thought this was important to share.  Again, it comes from America’s Digital Goddess, Kim Komando.

HOLIDAY WINE BOTTLE EXCHANGE

The latest scam targeting Facebook users is the “holiday wine bottle exchange.”

What’s happening is, you’re asked if you’re interested in a holiday wine bottle exchange, or Total Wine gift card exchange.

You are told that you only have to purchase one bottle of wine valued at $15 or more. In return, the scammer says that you will receive between six and 36 wine bottles or gift cards. The return depends on how many wine drinkers join.

The wording might be different depending on which post you see, but the message is the same. Here is what the scam looks like, I found this on my Facebook newsfeed:

Warning! If you see a post like this, DO NOT SEND MONEY! This is a scam and you will not receive any wine.

The “holiday wine bottle exchange” is similar to how a pyramid scheme works. The U.S. Postal Service said this is basically a chain letter, which is illegal because it’s a form of gambling. So, even if you did receive wine in return, it would be illegal.

Police are asking people to watch for any of these posts and not to fall for this hoax. You also should report the post to Facebook if you see one.

To report a Facebook post:

1. Click the downward pointing arrow in the top-right corner of the post.
2. Click Report post or Report photo.
3. Select the option that best describes the issue and follow the on-screen instructions.

This isn’t the first scam we’ve seen on Facebook and it definitely won’t be the last. It wasn’t long ago that a similar scam was being passed around, it was called the “secret sister gift exchange.”

A great rule to live by is if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Thanks Kim!

Well, that’s true for Grandpa’s also.

So, here’s my cousin, sitting down with the counselor.  They often have very long talks and the counselor is said to do a great job.  Which is which?  Oh….that’s my cousin Suzanne talking with Mr. Fine.  He’s the red one.

You may have noticed that I haven’t put that much Christmas stuff in this issue.  That’s for two reasons.  #1) I don’t want to over do Christmas so that you are sick of it by the time the holiday finally does get here and b) I don’t want to step on Lethal’s toes and possibly use something that he is going to use. 

Okay, so you’re buying all that, right?

Good.

You find Lethal standing at the podium in the strangest manner of dress you’ve ever seen him in. He’s clad in black fleece pants, a tropical print Hawaiian shirt and a Notre Dame watch cap.

He observes your quizzical stares and explains:

“Welcome to Texas December attire. In the last week we’ve gone from highs in the high 70’s to a high in the low 40’s. Lows have ranged from 66 to freeze warnings and I can honestly say I have had the air conditioning and and heat both going in the same day.”

He continues:

“The weather man and his forecasts are of basically little use beyond his observations of current conditions and the prevalent temperature trend for that particular day. The extended forecasts are changing with nearly every website update. Heck they even go as far as to radically disagree with each other at times. Hence our mode of dress trying to cover all contingencies. At this point we don’t even know if we’ll be wearing thermals or board shorts for Christmas morning.

Moving on, ‘tis a brief housekeeping note I have for ya. Next week Impish and I will be swapping places. You be seeing DragonLaffs on Wednesday next so that our Holiday Issue can fall on Christmas Eve. Things will be back to (what passes for) normal around here with my being back on the Wednesday between Christmas and New Year. In keeping with his desire to be less of a gold brick and contribute more Impish who did so well with the Halloween Issue will be doing our 2017 New Years Issue this year.”

Anyway, you folks get on with the issue it’s full and near to bursting with manic holiday cheer and good will. Mean time I’ll get back to working on my DIY present for Impish.

Straight No Chaser – The Christmas Can-Can

 

 

Santa’s house, workshop and 25 acres listed on Zillow real estate website

The folks at the real estate website Zillow are obviously in a holiday mood. They’ve just revealed a listing for Santa’s House at the North Pole.

It’s not opulent but it’s extremely cozy, with three bedrooms, two bathrooms and 2,500 square feet of “gorgeous old-growth timber logged on site.” Santa Claus’ house has never been sold and is not on the market, Zillow said in a news release.

Although the house is not for sale, Santa was able to update his home’s description and add photos, which can enhance the “Zestimate” value, Zillow said.

Built in 1822, the home looks great, thanks to a 2013 update with modern amenities.

The gourmet kitchen, for example, features an oven with 12 different cookie settings. The living room retains its Old World charm with a floor-to-ceiling river rock fireplace for roasting chestnuts.

 

In Santa’s study are a writing desk and sewing table where Santa made the original teddy bear, according to Zillow. 

“Santa’s home at the North pole is one of the most famous homes in the world, so we’re thrilled it’s now on Zillow,” said Zillow spokesman Jeremy Wacksman.

Also, at the Santa’s house listing on Zillow, children can start following Santa’s Christmas Eve trek to deliver presents around the world through the official NORAD Santa tracker. Type “Santa’s house” into the search bar on Zillow.com and click on “Locate Santa” in the lower right corner of the page.

 

The 25-acre property includes a workshop that is, of course, state of the art with work stations for 50 elves. The garage houses Santa’s all-weather sleigh, and the stables have space for eight live-in reindeer.

With all these features, this property would be snatched up if it were for sale. The “Zestimate” price of $656,957 or rental rate of $3,300 per month would be a bargain for Santa Claus’ house at the North Pole.

Santa’s Comin’ In A Whirly Bird

 

Maybe Impish should think about hiring these too to get him off the Naughty list. I don’t know though, what penalty does Santa impose for hacking his system? Sounds like ground for addition to the ‘You’ve Got to be Kidding Me’ permanent Naughty List if you ask me!

Yup, even Impish is benched this year, something about failing his sleigh flight physical

Cute, certainly. Adorable, agreed. But that turns into this:

the nanosecond your back turns. TRUST ME on this!

OK so maybe Chef Lethal and a few Leprechonia style ‘Elfettes’.

Here’s a fast, easy, and soul warming one pot dinner that goes well on nay cold night.

One Pot Spaghetti Carbonara

This one-pot wonder makes a simply delicious recipe easier than ever.  Pasta cooks right in the sauce adding to the rich creaminess that comes from cream of chicken soup.  Bacon adds a smoky note while Parmesan gives a great flavor boost. 

 

Prep time: 10 minutes

Total time: 30 minutes

Serves: 4 people

 

 

Ingredients

• 4 slices bacon, chopped
• 1 large shallot, chopped (about 1/2 cup)
• 1 can  Condensed Cream of Chicken Soup or  Condensed  Cream of Mushroom Soup
• 3 1/2 cups Low Sodium Chicken Broth
• 3/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
• 8 ounces uncooked spaghetti
• 1 cup frozen peas, thawed
• Cracked black pepper to taste

Directions

Step 1

Cook the bacon and shallot in a 6-quart saucepot over medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until the bacon is browned, stirring occasionally.

Step 2

Stir the soup, broth and 1/2 cup cheese in the saucepot and heat to a boil.  Stir in the spaghetti. Reduce the heat to medium-low and cook for 10 minutes or until the spaghetti is tender and the soup mixture is thickened, stirring occasionally.  Stir in the peas and sprinkle with the remaining cheese  and freshly cracked black pepper just before serving.

I usually use Cream of Mushroom soup and/or add a can of precooked sliced mushrooms in broth. I’ve also use the precooked shredded bacon in the pouch for this with great success. I’ve also used Fettuccini in place of the spaghetti but found I needed slightly more chicken broth to account for the longer cooking time and larger size of the noodle.

Finally if you have leftovers (what are those?), just reheat with a little milk or half and half the next day and it goes right back to creaming goodness.

I’m sure you’ve noticed there hasn’t been that many cookie recipes this year. That’s because few of the new recipes have met my criteria for ‘’keepers”. Yes I have criteria- the recipe has to not have weird, rare, or hard to find ingredients, it can’t be involved- no two day cookie making process etc. and finally the recipe has to make more than just a dozen of dozen and a half cookies- if we’re baking cookies by the cookie gods I want to have cookies for a week not a day and a half!

It goes without saying that they have to look and taste good as well and if that happens to include being good for you (or at least not overly fattening) well hey  look at that- another Christmas miracle!

Both the follow recipes met all the above criteria and passed the all important taste test.

Lemon Ricotta Cookies with Lemon Glaze

 

Ingredients

Cookies: 
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 stick unsalted butter, softened
2 cups sugar
2 eggs
1 (15-ounce) container whole milk ricotta cheese
3 tablespoons lemon juice
1 lemon, zested

Glaze:
1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
3 tablespoons lemon juice
1 lemon, zested

Directions

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.

Cookies:
In a medium bowl combine the flour, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.
In the large bowl combine the butter and the sugar. Using an electric mixer beat the butter and sugar until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add the eggs, 1 at a time, beating until incorporated. Add the ricotta cheese, lemon juice, and lemon zest. Beat to combine. Stir in the dry ingredients.
Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper. Spoon the dough (about 2 tablespoons for each cookie) onto the baking sheets. Bake for 15 minutes, until slightly golden at the edges. Remove from the oven and let the cookies rest on the baking sheet for 20 minutes.

Glaze:
Combine the powdered sugar, lemon juice, and lemon zest in a small bowl and stir until smooth. Spoon about 1/2-teaspoon onto each cookie and use the back of the spoon to gently spread. Let the glaze harden for about 2 hours. Pack the cookies into a decorative container.

Eggnog Meltaway Cookies

 

Total Time: 2 hr. 25 min
Prep: 25 min
Inactive: 1 hr. 10 min
Cook: 50 min
Yield: 4 dozen cookies
Level: Easy

 

 

 

Ingredients

1 cup blanched almonds (skinless)
2 cups confectioners’ sugar
2 sticks (1 cup) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 tablespoon bourbon
2 teaspoons rum extract
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour (see Cook’s Note)
1/2 teaspoon fine salt
1 tablespoon freshly grated nutmeg, plus more for serving

Directions

Line 2 baking sheets with parchment.

Put the almonds and 1/2 cup of the confectioners’ sugar in the bowl of a food processor and process until very finely ground, about 2 minutes. Add the butter and process until smooth, 30 seconds to 1 minute. Scrape the dough off the inside of the bowl if needed. Add the bourbon and rum and vanilla extracts and pulse until smooth. Add the flour and salt and pulse until the dough forms a ball.

Roll mounded teaspoons of the dough into balls about 1 inch wide and place on the prepared baking sheets about 1 inch apart. Refrigerate for 30 minutes.
Meanwhile, position oven racks in the top and bottom thirds of the oven and preheat to 350 degrees F.

Bake, rotating the baking sheets from top to bottom and front to back halfway through, until the cookies are firm when gently pressed, completely dry and just beginning to crack at the top, 20 to 25 minutes. Cool the cookies on the sheets for 5 minutes; they will firm as they cool.

Meanwhile, put the nutmeg and remaining 1 1/2 cups confectioners’ sugar in a pie plate or wide baking dish and mix well. Toss the warm cookies very gently in the sugar mixture until evenly coated; the cookies need to be warm for the first coating of sugar to stick. Cool the cookies on a wire rack completely, about 30 minutes, then toss again in the sugar mixture so they are very white. Sprinkle with additional grated nutmeg.

Store the cookies in a little bit of extra confectioners’ sugar in an airtight container for up to a week.

 

Bill Engvall – Here’s Your Sign Christmas

 

T’was the Night of online shopping

T’was the Night of online shopping byJohnthomas1969©

T’was the night of online shopping and all through the net,
You could buy an actual tiger cub to have as a pet.

No waiting in line just easy shopping at home,
and you get your items delivered to you by a drone.

The children won’t know what you got them unless,
They stole your Amazon password to gain your access.

It’s shopping made easy you just look, point and click,
And you will fill up your shopping cart extremely quick.

Twelve hours of screen staring may make you go blind,
Or simply overload your senses and you’ll loose your whole mind.

No more driving to Walmart on Thanksgiving day,
Only to find the item you wanted has been raffled away.

No camping at 2:30 a.m in the snow,
hoping not to get trampled by those playing Pokémon go.

Free shipping you’ll get with Amazon prime,
And with some of the deals shopping feels like a crime.

For those who are naughty and in need of a thrill,
There’s Spencer’s, Wild Secrets and even Jack and Jill.

For you who are willing to just chill and relax,
There’s Stitch fix and Target and of course TJ Max.

Shopping on ebay is always a trip,
You can buy vintage clothing to make you look hip.

You can buy watches and records and real paper money,
There’s even a beehive to make actual real honey.

You can buy tickets and stamps and things just plain scary,
Like an old grilled cheese sandwich shaped like the Virgin Mary.

You can buy seashells and starfish, heck even a whole beach,
Just be wise with your password in case there’s a breach.

No bell ringing Santa’s will you have to avoid,
Nor entitled little brats to make you annoyed.

Please take a quick survey for your chance to win,
One million dollars or a personalized pen.

Yes online shopping is finally a blessing to all,
With the possible exception of the owners of malls.

Amazon sells everything except time, space and air,
But I guess even they can’t have everything to be totally fair.

You might run out of room in your overcrowded house,
Or get blisters on your finger from clicking the mouse.

A small price to pay for shopping online,
And where else can you shop while enjoying some wine?

You can shop in your pj’s or even in the nude,
And not have to deal with cashiers who are rude.

Although returning your stuff might be more of pain,
It beats walking through a parking lot in the heavy pouring rain.

And please remember to subscribe, share and like,
To get your packages by Christmas unless there’s a strike.

 

Well Impish appealed his “Naughty List” certification and asked for a hand count by Santa instead of a machine review. I’ve just received the review’s results so lets see what they have to say-

OUCH! I think that’s a little harsh! It is Christmas after all! Where’s the good will towards men (and the odd, ok very odd dragon)? I might have to appeal this one myself.

Joe Diffie – Leroy The Redneck Reindeer

 

Japan Gift Wrapping Hack Explained

 

Yes I know its Christmas time. Peace on Earth, Good Will toward men- even Liberals etc. ad nauseum.  However the problem with great responses such as this is that they never come exactly when you want or need them to publishing wise.  With Veteran’s Day just a month past and last week being the 75th Memorial of Pearl Harbor I felt it was important to call attention to this response to a prevalent undertone of attitude in our modern society.

Mike Rowe slams critic who calls American flag a “mere symbol”

Michael Gregory Rowe (born March 18, 1962) is an American actor primarily known as a television host and narrator. Known for his work on the Discovery Channel series Dirty Jobs and the CNN series Somebody’s Gotta Do It. Rowe has narrated programs on the Discovery Channel, The Science Channel and National Geographic Channel such as Deadliest Catch, How the Universe Works, and Shark Week. He has appeared on commercials for firms such as the Ford Motor Company. On Facebook he has 4+ million followers, where his frequent essays draw anywhere from tens of thousands to hundreds of thousands of “likes”. He’s served as a social activist on the causes of economic growth and job expansion as well. [He’s also unabashedly and unapologetically patriotic. – L.L.]

A few days back, former host of Dirty Jobs and national treasure Mike Rowe called schools that refuse to fly the American flag yet are happy to accept federal money hypocritical. He argued that such schools, pointing out Hampshire College in particular, benefit from taking students’ federal financial aid because it allows them to raise their tuition costs.

His responses stemmed from an event in which students at Hampshire College burned an American flag, resulting in the president removing all flags from campus. His opinions about Old Glory seemed to strike a nerve with one of his fans, and she thought it a sound idea to let him know about it, calling him “blindly patriotic”. We’re guessing she regrets it.

“How did you become so blindly patriotic? First of all, the college you were referencing in your rant about the American flag is a private college and doesn’t receive federal funding. However…the very essence of freedom in this country is our right to speak out against the flag, which is a mere symbol. If you take away that right, then we have lost all freedom. You really need to take a civics course, Mike Rowe. I used to like you; but, you have really become very annoying to me in recent years. I thought you were more intelligent. But, I guess appearances aren’t everything.”

Hi Susanne

I’ve never thought of myself as “blindly patriotic,” but I am a fan of the United States, the founding fathers, and the men and women who have served on my behalf. I also confess to feeling lucky to live here. Having said that, I think you’re correct about the flag; it’s only a symbol. So too is the Crucifix. And the middle finger. And the Swastika. And the compressed chunks of carbon that millions wear on their ring fingers as expressions of timeless love and eternal devotion.

It’s easy to make anything feel small and silly by reducing it to its chemical composition or its various component parts. But if you really believe our flag is nothing but a “mere symbol,” equally suitable for flying or burning, ask yourself if you’d be comfortable if the people you work with suddenly started coming to the office in pointy white hats fashioned from bedsheets? Would that be a problem for you? Or how about The Rainbow Flag, favored by the LGBTQ community? Would it be OK if people started burning that? If not, why not? I mean, it’s only a symbol, right?

Years ago, an artist named Andres Serrano presented a charming piece called “Immersion.” It consisted of a Crucifix, immersed in a glass of the artist’s urine. Amazingly, some people were offended. Christians, in particular. They just couldn’t see that Andres was using a symbol to express himself. Silly Christians. Interesting though, that Andres didn’t submerge Mohammed in the same glass. I wonder why that is?”

“The thing about “mere symbols” Susanne, is that they represent “mere ideas,” and “mere ideas” are the backbone of “mere humanity.” In the case of the flag, we’re talking about ideas that are wrapped into the Constitution – a document that separates us from every other country on the planet.

Mere ideas are the reason people fight and die. Mere ideas are the reason we’re allowed to speak freely, protest publicly, bear arms, and burn the very symbol that represents those very freedoms. I didn’t suggest that you or anyone else be denied your right to fly or burn whatever flag you wish. What I failed to do, is quietly accept behavior I don’t care for. Which, if I’m not mistaken, is the same compulsion that motivates others to publicly express themselves in whatever ways they choose.

As for Hampshire College, I’m afraid you’re mistaken. If you check the link I provided in my original post, you’ll see that several forms of federal funding are readily available to their students. Also, according to their site, you’ll notice that the flag is once again flying at full staff. I’ll take no credit for this, if you offer no blame. Deal?

Finally, regarding my overall annoyance, you’re correct, and you’re not alone. I’ve been annoying people for years now. Just ask my mother. And yes, I too, once thought I was more intelligent than I actually am. I still remember the disappointment when the test results come back.
Anyway, thanks for your comments, Susanne. I do hope you’ll stick around.

Mike

Well done Mike! Semper Fi. ‘Nuff said right there.

Except for….

As we grow older, our Christmas List grows smaller and we realize that the things we really want can’t be bought. 

And one of those “most-wanted” Christmas gifts is the gift of health.  As we get older, we lose more and more of those closest to us.  It’s a fact of life.  So many of my friends and loved ones are suffering this time of year, from health issues to emotional issues or both.

If I had a magic lamp and could wish whatever wish I wished, then I would wish that all of you out there who suffer pain day to day could find relief.  This is a crappy time of year for those of us with pain, and I hope and pray that all of you can find some relief, even if just for a short time.

Now, let’s get to it!  For laughter is the best medicine.

 

This perfectly describes me:

Too old for Snapchat, too young for Life Alert.

It’s that in-between age where you don’t get along with your seniors and they are getting fewer and fewer in number and you don’t understand your juniors and they look at you like an odd antique in a museum.

So, let’s review our mantra…

Wait!!  No!  Not that mantra!  THIS mantra:

Yeah, okay, that’s better.  And if that doesn’t work, “Load, Aim, Fire!” On to more laughter…

When we were kids, we had “banana” seats on our “stingray” bikes

And you can still buy them!  So, why are we torturing ourselves with those OTHER seats?  Let’s put baseball cards in the spokes, held on with wooden clothes pins, and make our stingrays ROAR!!

Okay, so yeah….. Alzheimer’s isn’t my problem, but probably something to do with childhood regression.

Yup, that horrible time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s where every single ounce of weight that was sweated off with hard work, comes right back in an afternoon and brings his friends.

 

Since I’m working on this part yesterday…well … yesterday for you, today for me … okay, we’re not gonna do the whole time thing again.  My head still hurts because of it.  So, let me start again.

Since I’m working on this part on Friday, I thought this next little ditty most appropriate.

Yup, I don’t care what day it is…it rhymes with Vodka.

There would be so many less charges of domestic violence if more people learned this lesson.

It’s getting really close!  Is everybody ready?  No??!!  You mean I’m not the only one.

I tried that once…selling my body on the street…I owed more money than ever when I was done.

Dear Santa,
Does naughty count if you do it very nicely?

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But ten extra pounds on hip, thigh and rear.

Dear Santa,
This year please give me a big, fat bank account and a slim body.  Please don’t mix those two up like you did last year.
Thanks,

A young farm couple, Homer and Darlene, got married and just couldn’t seem to get enough lovin’. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.

Now that’s a great present in your stocking!

And that qualifies as an entry into the “Nothing Surprises Me Anymore” category.

I’ve never really played the game a whole lot, but this video brings ping pong to a whole new level:

Okay, so I admit it.

Here are some really great signs seen around town.

Understating the obvious?

Makes you wonder what they do with the Authorized ones?

But…. oh, never mind!

Okay, this is an old one written by Dave Barry.  No, I don’t know anyone getting ready to go through one and it’s not a national holiday or anything, it’s just really funny.

You want me to turn it up?’ said Andy, from somewhere behind me.

‘Ha ha,’ I said.  And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade.  If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like..

I have no idea.  Really.  I slept through it.  One moment, ABBA was yelling ‘Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,’ and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt.  I felt excellent.  I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

 

Okay, so we gave ping pong a chance with their trick shots, so we’ve got to do golf…

I know that Lethal normally gives you these types of warnings of scams, but at this time of year, I thought that it was more important to get the information out to you as quickly as possible.  Besides, Lethal has pretty much taught me everything I know.

Oh Gods!  Don’t be telling them that!  They’ll just be thinking what a terrible teacher I am!

Okay, then how about, the poor, pathetic amount I know can be attributed directly to Lethal’s stellar …. no …. wait….um. the little I know… no.  um…

Look you imbecilic lizard, if it twasn’t for me hard work and dogged determination to get anything to stick in that walnut sized brain of yours you’d barely be able to sign on to your favorite dragon porn site!

And there you have it! 

So, anyway, scams and warnings…

If you’re like me, you do a lot of shopping on line.  I am an avid Amazon shopper.  Well, the bad guys don’t take the holidays off and they use the fact that more and more of us are shopping on line to get into your financial undies.  This from Kim Komando’s website

Holiday cheer isn’t the only thing spreading this time of year. Phishing scams are also on the rise. These scams are especially successful in November and December because we do so much online shopping for gifts.

When you order a package, it’s not uncommon to receive emails from the sender about the status of the delivery. And, usually, those emails are the first ones you open. Especially, if you can’t wait for the arrival of your package.

But what if you saw an email in your inbox that said there were problems with your delivery? Right now, scammers are assuming what your natural reaction will be, and hoping you’ll click anything to find out what’s delaying things.

Note: This isn’t the only tactic scammers use to fool you. They misspell theURLs of our favorite retailer sites to lure us to phishing sites. They also send fake Amazon and Paypal emails to get our account information.

If you see an email claiming that your package can’t be delivered, double check the sender’s credentials before you click any links in the message or open any attachments. Does the email mention you by name? Does it include your actual order number?

Scammers will use an address similar to the company’s name and even company logos to fool you. The delivery services have caught on to these scams and they want you to report them. FedEx has examples of fraud emails on their site and UPS has an entire PDF file of fraudulent email examples. If you see any emails in your inbox with these subject lines, proceed with caution:

• We could not deliver your parcel, #00556030
• Please Confirm Your DHL Shipment
• Problems with item delivery, n.000834069
• Delivery Receipt | Confirm Awb no:XXX830169
• Your order is ready to be delivered
• Courier was unable to deliver the parcel, ID00990381
• Your DHL isher please download attachment to view detail and confirmation of your  address

What happens if you fall for it?

If you’re tricked by these email scams, there are a few different, undesirable scenarios. The link could take you to a phishing site that requests your account information (logins and credit card details). This site will look very similar to the legitimate site you intended to reach.

The other possible result is that attachments or malicious links could be hiding malware. If you click and accidentally install this malicious software, your device could be infected with software that spies on you, or you could even be hit by ransomware.

I’m not going to repeat the entire article here, there has to be something left for the student to pursue as homework.  Follow this link for the rest of the article and several good links to other articles by Kim.
http://www.komando.com/happening-now/382810/fake-package-delivery-notices-could-be-a-scam?utm_medium=nl&utm_source=notd&utm_content=2016-12-09-article-title

Even though the election is over, it’s still one of my favorite topics on Dragon Laffs
I understand freedom of speech and freedom of expression, but I have the freedom to express my displeasure over your choice of freedom of expression

There are so many possibilities for this form….I think I’ll get them printed out.

Is there any one of you out there who doubts the truth of that statement?

Well, I’m running out of time to publish this issue and there is a couple of things I wanted to mention.  The first is the possibility of winter weather in our near future.  My weather guy on base has many different programs and models that he uses to guess … I mean “predict” what the weather is going to do.  He says that beginning on Saturday evening all the way through to Tuesday of next week, we could get some serious snow.  Serious is anywhere from 5 inches to 18 inches, depending on which model you trust.  This morning (Friday) it was 20 degrees with a wind chill of 4.  In technical weather language that is “Friggin’ Cold!”

Currently it’s 24 and feels like 18.  Damn!  It’s a heat wave!

Okay, so I guess that’s the only thing I wanted to say.  So, let’s do some ….

And meanwhile in Dragon Laffs…..

Be safe and warm and happy my dear friends.

Yes, I know “But Lethal! It’s Christmas time!”.  Yes I also know there are only 2 remaining issues of Leprechaun Laughs before the annual Holiday Issue and 17 shopping says remaining until Christmas. Still I am choosing to use one of those two issues for this. Perhaps that should tell you something right there regarding the level of  importance I am placing on this event.

Whenever December 7th rolls around, I remember that it is Pearl Harbor Day.  I stop for a second and send a prayer to the valor and bravery that was exhibited, and I also pray for those who lost so much on that terrible day. do this because it’s part of being an American, not because it’s part of my personal history.  It happened long before I was born.

Whenever September 11th rolls around, I remember that it is the day that America was attack by Muslim Terrorists.  I remember exactly where I was, what I was doing, and the effort required to try and wrap my head around all that I was hearing.  The effort that was needed to not run around in fear.  The silence of the skies devoid of all planes for several days. I stop now, and send a prayer to the valor and bravery that was exhibited, and I also pray for those who lost so much on that terrible day. It is the Pearl Harbor of my generation allowing me to relate to and empathize with those who lived the horror that was Pearl Harbor as well as their families and the rest of the nation.

Through assisting with the volunteer efforts of my wife and her Grandfather on behalf of the Nimitz Museum, more correctly known as The National Museum of the Pacific War  I’ve come to know the  stories of lots of people who can recall that terrible December day as though it were yesterday.  For many it is as if that terrible day was just yesterday.  For some life stopped on that day.  For them, this unexpected attack is seared into their brains and they cannot, nor would they ever wish to forget.  It is part of what has forged their identity…it’s part of what makes them an American.  It’s part of the package of grit, determination, an unwillingness to give up their way of life or the demands that living free often requires.  It is how they define the spine and courage of being an American.  Times passes and the rawness covers over.  Life moves on and the horror becomes history.

We must Remember, Observe and Commemorate these historical events, lest we ‘ere forget. To forget is for us to lose sight of an important part of what it is to be and what makes us Americans.

 Tissues at the ready! That order includes you too tough guys.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt – Pearl Harbor Address

 

Japan’s December 7, 1941 attack on Pearl Harbor and six other military bases on the Hawaiian island of Oahu precipitated America’s entry into World War II, a global conflict. Pearl Harbor endures as a symbol of American resilience and resolve, and the annual commemoration of the attack on Pearl Harbor fosters reflection, remembrance, and understanding.

There are roughly about 855,000 WWII Vets still alive of the once 16 million. Only 2000 to 2500 of the 60,000 original survivors are thought to still be alive. According to statistics released by the Veteran’s Administration, our World War II vets are dying at a rate of approximately 492 a day. These men and women deserve every opportunity to be remembered and honored. With out them you might well be speaking Japanese now.

The U.S. Navy battleship USS California is seen ablaze after an attack by Japanese carrier based strike aircraft on the Hawaiian port of Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941. Reuters

 

National Geographic: Pearl Harbor Hero Returns Home After 75 Years in an Unknown Grave

 

 

After laying a memorial wreath, USS Oklahoma and Pearl Harbor survivor Sterling Cale bows his head in prayer.

American WWII Song — “Remember Pearl Harbor” (Don Reid’s Version)

 

The 75th anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor is an opportunity to honor the sacrifice and dedication of our “Greatest Generation” both civilian and military, the endured incredible sacrifices on December 7, 1941, the “date which will live in infamy.” It would thrust America into World War II, changing Hawaii and America forever and continues to define their place in the world. The events of that date triggered our resolve as a nation, our can-do attitude and resourcefulness and an unmatched commitment to the defense of freedom.

The Greatest Generation | Pearl Harbor 75th Anniversary

 

0342 hours

The minesweeper Condor is on patrol less than two miles (3.2 kilometers) off the entrance to Pearl Harbor. The officer of the deck sees something “about fifty yards [45 meters] ahead off the port bow.” He asks a sailor what he makes of the object. “That’s a periscope, sir,” the sailor replies. “And there aren’t supposed to be any subs in the area.”
The Condor sends a blinker-light message to the destroyer Ward: “Sighted submerged submarine on westerly course, speed 9 knots.”

0610 hours
Already in flight, Comdr. Mitsuo Fuchida, who will lead the Japanese air attack on Pearl Harbor, sees the Japanese aircraft carriers rocking on a choppy sea. As the carriers pitch and roll, waves crash across on the flight decks. Crewmen cling to the aircraft to keep them from going over the side.
The carriers turn into the wind, and the first wave of planes—183 fighters, bombers, and torpedo planes—roar into the sky. Pilots reconfirm their navigation by using a Honolulu radio station’s music as a guiding beam.

0645 hours

The U.S. destroyer Ward, which had not been able to find the midget submarine reported by the minesweeper Condor, moves in for the kill. The Ward’s captain, Lt. William W. Outerbridge, has been in command for only two days. He orders men to commence firing. The first shot misses. The second strikes the submarine at the waterline.
The submarine heels over and appears “to slow and sink.” The Ward assures the sinking by dropping “a full pattern of depth charges.”

0653 hours

From the Ward to the 14th Naval Headquarters, at Pearl Harbor Naval Station: “We have dropped depth charges upon sub operating in defensive sea area.” Then, almost immediately, a second, more detailed message: “We have attacked, fired upon, and dropped depth charges upon submarine operating in defensive sea area.”
The Ward’s captain believes that the message will show superiors that the destroyer had not just responded to a submarine sighting but actually had “shot at something.”

0702 hours

The Army’s Opana Mobile Radar Station is one of six radar stations on Oahu. Radar is a new defense tool in Hawaii; the system has been in operation for less than a month.
One of the two privates on duty looks at the radar oscilloscope and can’t believe his eyes. He asks his buddy to take a look—and he confirms the sighting: 50 or more aircraft on a bearing for Oahu. The privates call the Fort Shafter information center, the hub of the radar network.

0715 hours
The Ward had sent out its message—that it had attacked an unidentified sub—in code. At headquarters, code clerks decode the message, then routinely put it in “paraphrase” so there will not be an exact paper copy that might aid an enemy code breaker.
The message gradually makes its way to the top: Adm. Husband E. Kimmel, commander in chief of the Pacific Fleet. Because there had been so many “false reports of submarines” recently, Kimmel decides to “wait for verification of the report.”

0720 hours

An Army lieutenant who is in training at the radio-network operations center at Fort Shafter gets the Opana radar station report: “the biggest sightings” the radar operator had ever seen. By now the planes are about 70 miles (113 kilometers) away. The lieutenant believes that the radar had picked up a flight of U.S. B-17 Flying Fortress bombers heading from California to Hawaii. For security reasons, he cannot tell this to the radar operators. All he says is, “Well, don’t worry about it.”

0733 hours

U.S. code breakers, though stymied by Japanese naval codes, have cracked the Japanese diplomatic code. From a Tokyo-to-Washington message, President Franklin D. Roosevelt and Gen. George C. Marshall, Army Chief of Staff, learn that Japanese negotiators in Washington have been told to break off talks. Believing this may mean war, Marshall sends a warning to Lt. Gen. Walter C. Short, commander of U.S. Army forces in Hawaii.
Because atmospheric static blacks out communications with Hawaii, Marshall’s message goes via commercial telegraph. (It will reach Short’s headquarters at 1145 hours. He will not see it until about 1500 hours.)

0740 hours

Planes of the first wave take off from the Japanese carriers—49 high-altitude bombers, 51 dive-bombers, 40 torpedo planes, 43 fighters. They fly through clouds, wondering if Pearl Harbor will be visible.
Then, as they near Oahu, the attack commander hears a Honolulu weather report: “clouds mostly over the mountains. Visibility good.” The clouds break. The fliers see “a long white line of coast”—Oahu’s Kakuku Point.

0749 hours

Air-attack commander Mitsuo Fuchida, looking down on Pearl Harbor, sees no aircraft carriers, which the Japanese hoped to destroy and thus thwart U.S. retaliation. He orders his telegraph operator to tap out to, to, to: attack. Then other taps: to ra, to ra, to ra: attack, surprise achieved.
Though not meant to have a double meaning, to ra is read by some Japanese pilots as tora—tiger. And according to a Japanese saying, “A tiger goes out 1,000 ri [2,000 miles/3,218 kilometers] and returns without fail.”

0755 hours

At the Command Center on Ford Island, Comdr. Logan C. Ramsey looks out a window to see a low-flying plane. A reckless U.S. pilot, he thinks. Then he sees “something black fall out of that plane” and realizes it’s a bomb.
Ramsey runs to a radio room and orders the telegraph operators to send out an uncoded message to every ship and base: AIR RAID ON PEARL HARBOR X THIS IS NOT DRILL
The coordinated attack begins as dive-bombers strike the Army Air Forces’ Wheeler Field, north of Pearl Harbor, and Hickam Field, near Ford Island’s Battleship Row. The Japanese, wanting control of the air, hope to destroy American warplanes on the ground.
Most U.S. planes have been parked wingtip-to-wingtip in neat rows to make it easy to guard them against sabotage. Most are destroyed.

0800 hours

As part of a U.S. plan to bolster the Pacific forces, 12 B-17 Flying Fortresses have been ordered to the Philippines. The first stop is Oahu. Unaware that Japan is attacking Oahu, they prepare to land.
Because they are unarmed—to save weight—the B-17s can only dodge Japanese fighters and U.S. antiaircraft gunfire. Most manage to land intact-one touching down on a golf course.

0810 hours

An armor-piercing bomb, dropped by a high-altitude bomber, pierces the forward deck of the Arizona, setting off more than a million pounds (450,000 kilograms) of gunpowder, creating a huge fireball, and killing 1,177 men.
A sailor on the torpedoed battleship Nevada sees the Arizona “jump at least 15 or 20 feet [5 or 6 meters] upward in the water and sort of break in two.” In nine minutes the Arizona is on the bottom.

0817 hours

Through the flames and smoke, the destroyer Helm speeds to the open sea.
As the Helm leaves the channel, a lookout spots a Japanese sub snagged on a reef. The Helm “turned hard right toward enemy submarine,” shoots—and misses. The two-person sub breaks free and submerges. But it snags again. Trying to escape the foundering sub, one crewman drowns. The other is washed ashore—and becomes the United States’ first World War II prisoner of war.

0839 hours

As the destroyer Monaghan tries to “get out of that damn harbor as fast as possible,” a nearby U.S. ship signals that it has sighted a submarine. The Monaghan heads for the sub at top speed, hits it with gunfire, then rams it and drops depth charges. The charges are so close that when they explode, the blasts lift the Monaghan out of the water but do not damage her.
The sinking midget submarine has managed to fire a torpedo. But it does not hit anything.

0850 hours

The Nevada gets her steam up in 45 minutes and, with antiaircraft guns blazing, heads for the open sea. A sailor sees her U.S. flag flying in the smoke and thinks of the words of “The Star-Spangled Banner.”
Japanese planes of the second wave bomb her, hoping that by sinking her in the narrow channel she will bottle up the fleet. Rather than risk that, she deliberately grounds herself off Hospital Point.

0854 hours

The second wave—35 fighters, 78 dive-bombers, and 54 high-altitude bombers—meets heavy antiaircraft fire. Bombers attack the navy yard dry dock and hit the battleship Pennsylvania. Another bomber hits oil tanks between the destroyers Cassin and Downes. Onboard ammunition explodes, and the Cassin rolls off her blocks and into the Downes.
Bombs hit the light cruiser Raleigh, which had been torpedoed in the first wave. Crewmen jettison gear to keep her from capsizing.

0930 hours

A bomb blows off the bow of the destroyer Shaw; pieces of the ship rain down half a mile (.8 kilometer) away. A photo of the spectacular explosion becomes one of the best known images of December 7, 1941. Repair workers are on the job immediately. The Shaw eventually gets a new bow and is back in action by July 1942.
Except for the Arizona, Utah, and Oklahoma, every ship sunk or damaged on December 7 will sail again.

1000 hours

Japanese fighters do not have homing devices or radar. They rendezvous with bombers off Oahu and follow them back to the carriers.
Of the 29 Japanese planes lost, antiaircraft guns probably shot down 15.
Exultant Japanese pilots urge a third strike. If the gasoline tanks at Pearl Harbor are hit, they reason, the Pacific Fleet will be out of action for weeks. But superiors, saying the attack has been successful, rule out a third strike. One reason: the whereabouts of the U.S. carriers is still unknown.

1030 hours

From the ships and airfields come the wounded—some horribly burned, others riddled by bullets and shrapnel. At some hospitals casualties are laid out on lawns. Medics convert barracks, dining halls, and schools into temporary hospitals.
For many severely wounded and dying men, all nurses can do is give them morphine. They then put a lipstick M on their foreheads to indicate the painkilling drug. Trucks become ambulances and hearses. The death toll eventually reaches 2,390.

1300 hours

The Pearl Harbor strike force turns for home.

In the 44 months of war that will follow, the U.S. Navy will sink every one of the Japanese aircraft carriers, battleships, and cruisers in this strike force. And when Japan signs the surrender document on September 2, 1945, among the U.S. warships in Tokyo Bay will be a victim of the attack, the U.S.S. West Virginia.

1220 hours

A heavily guarded black limousine pulled up to the south entrance of the U.S. Capitol. President Franklin D. Roosevelt got out of the car and entered the Capitol, assisted by his son Captain James Roosevelt, who wore the uniform of the U.S. Marines. The chamber of the House of Representatives was jammed with members of both houses of Congress, the U.S. Supreme Court, official guests, and onlookers in the galleries.

1229 hours

The President, still on his son’s arm, entered the Chamber of the House, was introduced briefly by Speaker Sam Rayburn, and received a thunderous ovation. For the past nine years, Republicans had shown little enthusiasm toward the President when he addressed a Joint Session of Congress. This time, the Republicans joined in, signifying the nation’s sudden unity.

Solemnly, he began his speech requesting a declaration of war: “Yesterday, December 7, 1941—a date which will live in infamy—the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.”

1300 hours

The Senate unanimously adopted a resolution declaring war on Japan. At 1:10 p.m. the House voted for war, 388 to 1. The single dissenting vote was cast by Representative Jeannette Rankin of Montana, who had also voted against a declaration of war in 1917.

 

A Battle Cry That Will Never Be Forgotten | Pearl Harbor 75th Anniversary

 

“Uncommon valor was a common virtue.” – Fleet Admiral Nimitz

75 Years Later: Pearl Harbor Survivor Richard Schimmel’s Story

 

 

World War II Valor in the Pacific National Monument

There is a reason the USS Arizona Memorial is the number one visitor destination in Hawaii. Millions of people from all over the world come to this majestic setting to see for themselves where World War II began for the United States on December 7, 1941.

Located in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, 3,000 miles from the West Coast of America and 4,000 miles from Japan, Pearl Harbor serves as a central gathering place for the WWII Valor in the Pacific National Monument, which consists of 9 historic locations in 3 of the westernmost United States – California, Alaska, and Hawaii. Of these, five are located within Pearl Harbor itself: the USS Arizona Memorial, the USS Oklahoma Memorial, the USS Utah Memorial, and parts of Ford Island and Battleship Row.

The USS Arizona Memorial is a must-see destination for all individuals coming to Hawaii, drawing more than 1.8 million visitors each year from all over the world. The Pearl Harbor Visitor Center receives an average of 4,500 visitors per day and 1.5 million visitors annually

Pearl Harbor Survivor Recalls Attack of USS Oklahoma

 

Museum launches ‘Real-time’ Twitter Experience for Pearl Harbor

Pearl Harbor | Reliving The Past, In The Present

A ‘real-time’ Twitter Experience  

In 1941, on the most infamous day in the modern era, news of a shocking event that altered the course of human history took the span of several hours (even days) to spread through the civilized world. 

But,.. what if our present 24-hour news technology had existed then? What if people (military personnel and civilians) could use the power of social media to record and report the humanity, horrors, and heroes of Pearl Harbor as suddenly as they happened?   

December 7, 2016, marks the 75th anniversary of the surprise attack upon the United States by Imperial Japan. To commemorate, The National Museum of the Pacific War teams with Project C to create and curate a ‘real-time’ Twitter experience. It’s built exclusively with rare and authentic artifacts, photographs, and eyewitness testimonials hand-picked from the museum’s on-site archives for this interactive experience. 

The occurrences of that fateful Sunday morning are respectfully recounted in meticulous detail and with historical, chronological accuracy.  Feel this content-rich narrative takes on a unique shape by posts from varied points-of-view – composed by both Japanese and American participants, plus by local Hawaiian residents and tourists. 

Simultaneously, an abridged version of this social activation runs on the National Museum’s official Facebook’s page . 

By leveraging Twitter Moments, users can possibly take a ‘deeper dive’ into specific content and explore true tales such as the sinking and capture of a mini-sub and its pilot of the coast of Honolulu. Best of all, audiences can visit the museum and see this actual submarine (and much, much more) in person.  

Follow the museum on Twitter by searching @nimitzmuseum. And, Like us on Facebook @nationalmuseumofthepacificwar. 

Pearl Harbor – Dec. 7, 1941 – The only color film of the attack

 

The Flag

Do not drape The Flag upon my coffin.
Do not grieve for my death.
Celebrate the life I have lived
Wish me wondrous things.
I have seen many go before me
To pave the way to the to road Glory.
I will not lie, I wish they still here.
Yet I know in my Heart I will see them again.
It is Faith that keeps us going
Without it we are lost.
A tiny Prayer is all it takes
Please do not drape The Flag on my face.
I know what I have done
I sing the Songs that no one knows.
Please do not cover my face
Let me see you as I meet my Grace.

The First Twelve Minutes | Pearl Harbor 75th Anniversary

 

Iconic photo of the Mahan-class destroyer USS Shaw (DD-373) in dry dock at Pearl Harbor her  forward magazine having taken a direct hit causes her bow to be blown off.

Never Forget Pearl Harbor | Pearl Harbor 75th Anniversary

 

Picking Up the Pieces | Pearl Harbor 75th Anniversary

A Pearl Harbor Prayer

This prayer is in memory of those who lost their lives on Sunday, December 7, 1941, as well as the remaining survivors. I am especially honored to pastor a man named Harold Saly who is a Pearl Harbor survivor. God bless you, Harold.

O God of our Fathers,
We guard in our hearts today the sacred memory of those who gave their lives on that day which will live in infamy. Bless us, O Lord, as we humble ourselves in Thy presence to remember our shipmates and friends who served our country so valiantly.

Let us not disgrace those who still lie in the quiet places through our indifference or forgetfulness. Rather, help us to always remember Pearl Harbor and help us to keep America alert. May we never forget that more than 2,000 of our sons, fathers, brothers, and friends were killed and more than 1,000 citizens of our land were wounded on December 7, 1941. Their sacrifices were not in vain. They defended America’s freedom and demonstrated America’s goodness.

Heavenly Father, we give thanks for the brave men who embodied your love by making this ultimate sacrifice. You have declared “greater love hath no man than this, than to lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). May we be willing to follow their example when duty calls.

We also give thanks for those who survived the attack on our country and who went on with their lives in a way that portrayed honor to a watching world. They carried on with life even as they bore deep within them the haunting memories of what they witnessed, heard, and felt. Bless them with continued grace and mercy from your holy hand.

Guide us and direct us in all that we do. Let us live to bring glory and honor to Thee.
This we pray in the Name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,
Amen.

Well, it’s been over a week since Thanksgiving and I think we are just about out of turkey.  Not that I don’t just love turkey.  If you haven’t figured it out by now it is one of my most favorite dishes of all time.  That’s one of the reasons it’s so easy for Lethal to black mail ….. sorry …. I mean motivate me with it.

It’s been a pretty boring week as far as everything goes. 

No dart matches (we have a bye week); no doctor appointments; no days off;

sigh

I can’t wait for the Christmas holidays to get here.  Above and beyond the fact that I just love Christmas, I’m taking a couple of days off.

Anyway, since I really don’t have anything to report, why don’t we just…

No kidding.  We didn’t get grounded from anything.  Well, I take that back.  We got grounded – not allowed to go out and play, but that was AFTER the Ass Whoopin’!

Just a quick note here…K2 sent me a little list entitled The Top Ten Reasons Why Trick or Treating is Better Than Sex.  I’ll save the actual joke for next year’s Halloween Issue, but I just have one comment:  Karl, if you think Trick or Treating is better than sex, then you ain’t doin’ it right!

 

I know it’s a little early in the issue for this, but as a news reporting organization, as well as poking fun at said news, we have to report it when we get it. Therefore:

It’s amazing to me that so many of our graduates from DL&LL University want their pictures taken with one of the co-founders.

Yes, I know you should’ve been warned beforehand about this groaner, but it just came on so quickly, I never had the chance.

Paul sent in this next list, which is actually quite interesting and yes, I did check (somewhat) the veracity of this list.

Atlantans live in the hometown of the world’s best-known brand: Coca-Cola. That sweet, zingy soda pop will never lose a Pepsi Challenge inside the perimeter (especially with whiskey). That being said, there’s probably a lot you still don’t know about the elixir created by John Pemberton, commodified by Asa Griggs Candler, and consumed by everybody that’s ever lived. Crack a bottle and catch up on some lesser-known Coke facts.

Keanu Reeves owes his acting career to Coke 

Back before he was Ted, Neo, Sad Keanu, or the homeless guy in Poetic Justice (seriously), he was in a Coke commercial. His character participates in a cycling race, comes in second, and reacts to his proud dad offering him ATL’s favorite soft drink by saying, “A Coke!,” (in a very Steven-Avery’s-nephew-like way). His last line — “My DAD!” — comes after someone asks who trained him (to come in second). But somehow it all seems lovingly doofus-y, meaning “very Keanu”, and thanks to the work that came after this break, he’s now rich and famous enough to buy the world a Coke.

Coke is a tasty way to stop an asthma attack 

Your prescription inhaler is probably the best method for counteracting chronic breathing problems. But if it’s not handy — or even if it is — Coke tastes way better! Caffeine has been found to open the airways when asthmatics are wheezing or otherwise having trouble getting air. And since each 12oz can has 34mg of the hype, you have an excuse to keep chugging until you catch your second wind.

Coke’s stock has more than doubled in the last 10 years 

As beverage options have broadened and the market for drinkable liquids has expanded into things we didn’t even know could be ingested, The Coca-Cola Company has diversified to include some level of ownership in a lot of your other favorite brands. Do you like Keurig, Odwalla or Simply Orange? So does Coke, and they know you love all four, because they have the receipts. Therefore, a $20 share in 2006 is worth around $45 today, at least at press time. It might be a good time to buy, since Coke’s likely going to Cuba soon, but that’s just what Fidel Castro tells us, and you know how he is with money.

Coke invented Santa Claus 

If you know St. Nicholas as a plump, white-haired, long-bearded member of the Bloods, you have been watching way too many episodes of Gangland. Santa likes to wear red because it was a fashion trait he was given by an artist named Haddon Sundblom, who was commissioned by Coke to draw him that way for the first time ever. Sure, St. Nick “existed,” but it was a Coke ad that cemented the image we’ve come to accept. The real question is, would Santa wear blue if Pepsi got to him first?

Coke owns Georgia 

That’s not just a clever double entendre. Coca-Cola has a line of canned Japanese coffee beverages named “Georgia,” named after our state. Since 2009, it’s been available here in the US, but only in Asian supermarkets.

Coke money basically built Downtown Chattanooga 

ATL’s Georgia Aquarium was inspired by Chattanooga’s Tennessee Aquarium, which was built a few years prior and sits on the edge of the Tennessee River, next to the Tennessee Riverwalk, not far from the University of Tennessee in Chattanooga. These projects began and were helped greatly by the more than $50 million in funding support from John T. Lupton II, whose grandfather founded the JTL Corporation, which got the exclusive rights to bottle Coca-Cola from Asa Candler… for $1… in 1899.

Coke may or may not have a tiny bit of alcohol in it 

You’ll drown before getting a buzz from Coke — it’s still very much classified as a non-alcoholic beverage. Still, Huffington Post published a story in 2012, quoting research from the National Institute of Consumption (it’s French), that said that Coke and 18 other popular soft drink brands were 0.001% alcohol per liter. Coke says the alcohol could possibly come from one of its secret ingredients, but one of the company’s websites says “alcohol is not added as an ingredient and no fermentation takes place.”

New Coke was actually a big money maker for Coke 

You may be too young to remember “New Coke,” but it was a remixed, sweetened version of the original Coke recipe that everybody already loved, which they got rid of entirely to launch the update. Let’s just say it got old quickly and has been known as one of the biggest marketing failures of all time. However, in the six months after the company killed the New and brought back the Classic, sales went through the roof, more than doubling Pepsi’s sales during the same period. (So, basically “New Coke” was a huge success after it was dumped.  Hmm, you know, there’s a connection there with real life.  Start off by giving your best work, then start giving crappy work, then, when you get back to your best again, it looks even BETTER than before and you’ll get even more rewards for the same thing you’ve done all along.  I really need to think about that. ~ LOL!) THEN Coke released Coca-Cola Cherry right after, which was simply pure genius.

Factory error Coke cans sell for thousands 

This fact is somewhere between the “Perri-Air” from Spaceballs and the ultimate win for whoever actually reaches for a Coke when they have asthma. Every once in awhile, a Coke can is accidentally sealed without anything inside but air. If you happen to find one of these, you can quickly make up to $10K — judging by past and current eBay auctions. Hopefully you never found one and cursed out your gas station clerk after returning it for a refund.

Kim Jong Un gets no Coke 

At one time there were only two countries in the world where you couldn’t buy Coca-Cola: Cuba and North Korea. And even then, as anybody who’s ever smoked a Cuban cigar can tell you, it wasn’t that hard in CastroLand. But now that we’re friends again, it’s only the so-called Hermit Kingdom that can’t drink from the fountain of the world’s biggest brand. Maybe stop firing off so many random missiles, dude.

Coke pumps from the heart of Mexico’s former president 

Before Vicente Fox rose to the height of political power in his country, he was a Harvard business school grad driving a Coke delivery truck. He stuck it out and rose through the ranks to run Coke in Mexico (and ultimately all of Latin America), presiding over the company at a time when it became Mexico’s top-selling soft drink. He even married a Coke receptionist.

Not really sure what the last picture on the right has to do with Vicente Fox and Coke, but that is what I got when I did a Google search.   There is a legend that the coke bottle was shaped after the figure of a woman and these last two  pictures go a long way to disproving that myth.

Okay, so you get a warning for this one…

The world’s shortest train.  This is hilarious.  Pay attention, it goes by fast.

 

Okay, all I can say about this next one is that he is FRIGGIN’ CRAZY!!!!

Yeah, think I’ll go ahead and pass on the bridge ride.

 

You wouldn’t think that there would be a lot of political cartoons published right after the election, but you’d be wrong.  I think there are at least as many, if not more than before the election.  Let’s check out a few.

You say that like there’s something wrong with that.

Yeah, that’s another whole topic.  But, it does lead nicely into a little poem that Diaman sent in.

The election is over, the talking is done.
Your party lost, my party won.
So let us be friends, let arguments pass
I’ll hug my elephant,  you kiss your ass!

So it’s cute.  Not very subtle, but cute.

I’m not sure Miley can spell “Women’s Dignity” much less recognize it.

That’s pretty true.  None of the people that I know have ever done anything like that.

Yup.  That’s me.

 

Every day, before their shifts start, the security personnel get together and limber up for their shifts.  It’s just another one of those special little things that make DL&LL Media a favored and sought after employer.  And yes, they are on the clock when they warm up.

It’s like the old joke about being involved in something and being committed to something.  For instance, let’s take the subject “Breakfast”.
You have eggs and sausage or bacon.
In this example the chicken is involved but the pig is committed.

Ginny sent this story in from a friend of hers.

I can vouch for that.  I’ve worked with a lot of different departments that handle HazMat in one form or another and some of them REALLY take their jobs WAY TOO seriously.

This one was sent in by Papa Dragon Most Senior.  Most excellently said:

A guy looked at my Corvette the other day and said I wonder how many people could have been fed for the money that sports car cost.

I replied I am not sure, it fed a lot of families in Bowling Green, Kentucky who built it, it fed the people who make the tires, it fed the people who made the components that went into it, it fed the people in the copper mine who mined the copper for the wires, it fed people in Decatur IL. at Caterpillar who make the trucks that haul the copper ore.

It fed the trucking people who hauled it from the plant to the dealer and fed the people working at the dealership and their families. BUT,… I have to admit, I guess I really don’t know how many people it fed.

That is the difference between capitalism and welfare mentality. When you buy something, you put money in people’s pockets, and give them dignity for their skills.

When you give someone something for nothing, you rob them of their dignity and self worth.

Capitalism is freely giving your money in exchange for something of value.

Socialism is taking your money against your will and shoving something down your throat that you never asked for….

That dog’s got to belong to only one of two people that I can think of …
Donald Trump
or…
Lethal Leprechaun
I’m sure you can figure out why.

 

 

There is nobody … NOBODY …. who could turn that away if it came out to the table and you were told it was a salad!

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.

They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The angel said: “Unfortunately, there’s only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.”

The angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly took off her top and said: “Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created and I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”

The angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.

The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word.

The Angel immediately said: “OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven.”

Dolly was outraged and asked, “What was that all about? I showed you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?”

“Sorry, Dolly,” said the Angel, “but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair – no matter how big they are.”

Well, this Jersey Boy would never DREAM of retiring and moving to Florida or …
…excuse me!
Yes, you there standing up, we’re not ready  to ….
What do you mean that I’m wrong?!  You do realize this is my stage, right?
You mean to tell me that, “because I’m from Jersey I HAVE to retire to Florida?  A rule BOOK!!
Okay, so show me the book.
…
…
…
Okay, so I am wrong.  It is a rule that ANYONE from New Jersey who retires MUST go to Florida.
I’m so fucked.

You know…that’s absolutely true!

Oh, I hope so!

Medical Porn?  I mean, I’ve got this thing for nurses, but somehow, I don’t think that’s what they’re talking about.

Yup, I’ve had that kind of a day, too.

A man lost an arm when his golf cart rolled over on him on a down slope. He became very depressed because he loved to play golf.
  
   One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide and end it all. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.
  
   He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man down on the sidewalk skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels.
  
   He looked closer and saw that this man didn’t have any arms at all. He started thinking, “What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself?
 
   I still have one good arm to do things with.” He thought, “There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and  going on with  his life.”
  
   He hurried down to the sidewalk and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms  and felt useless and was going to kill himself.
 
   He thanked him for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if the guy could go on with no arms. The man with no arms began  dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again.
 
   He asked, “Why are you so happy anyway?”
 
   He said, “I’m NOT happy.
 
   My balls itch.”
 
Heart-warming stories like this just bring a tear to my eye.

Lethal?  Why did I find these in my jerky locker?

And that, my dear campers, is that.  It’s passed my bedtime and I have to work all weekend.  I hope you all have a great weekend.