The brutal summer heat has made it self know already here in Houston at Keebler Towers. Starting with this weekend nights are now in the very high (and humid) 70’s, while daytime temps hover in the high 80s and oft cross over into the low 90’s.
Just how bad can it possibly be you ask? I’m glad you asked, see, in addition the the ambient temp we have to deal with the power solar heating effects. While sights like this are not common down here they probably are technically p[possible and I have witnessed eggs cooked on slate tiles with no more heat than having been in strong sunlight a few hours.
You know those silver reflective windshield screens you use to keep your car cool when you park? Down here we actually need them to keep from burning ourselves on the upholstery or steering wheel and often will burn ourselves on those solar shields themselves!
So how did we celebrate this here at Keebler Towers? Why by losing our A/C on Sunday evening of course! We had no A/C from about 10 PM until about 10:30 AM and after the temp outside had made it to 90. Inside we were up to about 82 and even the Ninja Kitties were complaining.
Fortunately it was a relatively easy repair, the fan on the compressor unit had seized up, so it was done in short order, that is, once they finally arrived.
So I’m taking no chances and moving operations to this nice cool & quiet cottage located in the Piney Wood, well outside the additional heat of the urban sprawl we normally call home.
So while I’m transferring locations, why don’t you go ahead and get started transferring the laughs from today’s issue to you.
Adam West, the actor best known for his performance as television’s Batman in the 1960s, died Friday, June 9, 2017, in Los Angeles, after a short battle with leukemia, according to multiple news sources. He was 88.
West, a rising star prior to landing the starring role of Batman, saw his life defined forevermore by those three campy years on television. Rather than fight the typecasting that often marked the latter 45 years of his career, however, West ultimately came to embrace it. In doing so, he became a beloved pop culture icon and helped usher in an age in which once-fringe “geek” pastimes have become mainstream.
A Man’s age according to Home Depot!
This is about the way it goes ~~
You are in the middle of some home projects: putting in a new fence, painting the porch, planting some flowers and fixing a broken door lock. You are hot and sweaty, covered with dirt, lawn clippings and paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit — shorts with a hole in the crotch, an old T-shirt with a stain from who-knows-what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of these tasks you realize that you need to run to Home Depot for supplies. Depending on your age you might do one of the following:
In your 20s: Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because, you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout line. And yes, you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30s: Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change your shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it! Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister of someone you went to school with.
In your 40s: Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brut is almost empty so don’t waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The hot young thing running the register is your daughter’s age and you feel weird about thinking she’s spicy.
In your 50s: Stop what you are doing. Put on a hat. Wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don’t want to get dog crap in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember — the hat you have on is from Bubba’s Bait & Beer Bar and it says, ‘I Got Worms ‘.
In your 60s: Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat any more. Hose the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50s. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don’t have your glasses on, so you’re not sure.
In your 70s: Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until you call the drug store to have your prescriptions ready for pick too and check your grocery list for a quick stop there. Got to save trips! Don’t even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register stares at you and you realize your privates are hanging out the hole in your crotch… who cares.
In your 80s: Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you need to go to Home Depot. You go to Wal-Mart instead. You went to school with the old lady greeter. You wander around trying to remember what you are looking for. Then you fart out loud and turn around thinking someone called your name.
In your 90s & beyond:
What’s a home deep hoe?
Something for my garden?
Where am I?
Who am I?
Why am I reading this?
Did I send it?
Jesus loves you…but everyone else thinks you are an ass.
Impotence…Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings,”
Everyone has a photographic memory …some just don’t have any film.
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
I used to have a handle on life…but it broke off.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Guys…just because you have one, doesn’t mean you have to be one.
If you can read this…I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Try not to let your mind wander…It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.
DL/LL Digital Media, Lethal Leprechaun and Impish Dragon categorically refuse to accept any responsibility for the consequences of your actions for failing to heed the above warning. Black Lives Matter circular bullshit type logic don’t play here. ALL LIVES MATTER and everyone (of legal age) assumes responsibility for their own actions here.
Now that he lawyers are mollified, last August ( Leprechaun Laughs # 353 for Wednesday August 10th 2016 ) I covered 5 Unique S’more Ideas that were very adult and several notches above those of the Girl Scouts. That was admittedly pretty late in the summer season but hey I post ‘em as I find ‘em.
Fortunately, I found this version much earlier this year and you can make huge batch of these far ahead of time!
S’mores Blossom Cookies
Peanut butter-chocolate blossom cookies are great, but they’re even better paired with toasted, gooey marshmallows. Serve these at your next summer get-together, no bonfire required.
- 1 cup creamy peanut butter
- 2/3 cup granulated sugar, plus more for rolling
- 1/3 cup packed light brown sugar
- 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
- 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
- 1 large egg
- 12 marshmallows, cut in half crosswise
- 24 milk chocolate candies, such as Hershey’s Kisses
Position the oven racks in the top and bottom thirds of the oven and preheat to 350 degrees F. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment.
Beat the peanut butter, granulated sugar, light brown sugar and salt, in a large bowl, with an electric mixer on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes. Beat in the vanilla and egg.
Put some granulated sugar in a small bowl. Shape scant tablespoons of the dough into balls and roll each ball in the sugar to coat. Evenly space the balls on the prepared baking sheets. Press each ball down with the tines of a fork to flatten it slightly.
Bake until the bottoms are golden brown, about 10 minutes. Remove from the oven and turn the broiler on.
Top each cookie with a marshmallow, sticky-side-down, and put 1 baking sheet at a time under the broiler until lightly golden, about 30 seconds. While the marshmallow is still hot, press a chocolate candy into it. Repeat with the remaining baking sheet. Let the cookies cool for a few minutes on the baking sheets, then transfer to a rack to cool completely. The cookies can be stored in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 3 days.
Batman 1966 – The Batusi
Todays comment is in regard to last weeks Kathy Griffin Editorial Cartoon and comes from Mike who very articulately said:
I have always espoused colloquialisms to describe an event or happening that was unique unto itself until the situation occurs again in another situation.
Let me explain further.
“Jumping the Shark”, describes a point in a serial show, a movie sequence that the writers have run out of topics to keep our interest going. Just as “Nuking the Freezer” has been popular more recently.
Well, I propose that anytime a celeb, pol or athlete does something so stupid as to put their career in jeopardy that will result in its end, should hence forth be known as………
PULLED A GRIFFIN
My most recent thought is Ashley Judd and her rant at the Women March in Washington. I cannot imagine anyone hiring her for any role in a movie or anything else after she……….
PULLED A GRIFFIN
I’m sure there are a lot more examples out their, but an athlete getting a DUI is bad, that won’t qualify as a……………
PULLED A GRIFFIN
It’s more of a situation where someone who has more of a sense of self worth, than sense. And their acts have resulted in the end of their careers.
PULLED A GRIFFIN
Well thought out and said sir!
I would have thought “Pulled a Jane Fonda” but perhaps that should be reserved for those acts that are Unpatriotic/Un-American/borderline Treasonous by the same sort of individuals and damages/destroys their careers (deservedly so).
Must be the green Giant’s guitar for his Hippy days.
6 Toed Sammy Ninja Cat Clan’s Office Manager
Balls – INTERESTING OBSERVATION (Thanks to Diaman)
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4 . The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.
THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:
The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
There must be a boat load of people in Washington playing marbles.
I am reminded of this very old ditty for some reason:
The Night of the King’s Castration
‘Twas the Night of the King’s Castration, and the Queen was having a Ball.
All the counts, viscounts and no-accounts were there.
Even the poor buggers who couldn’t count were in the back row.
“Balls!” cried the Queen. “If I had to, I could be King.”
“Balls!” said the Prince. “I have two but I’m still not King!”
“Balls!” said the Knave. “If I had five, I’d be a pinball machine.”
And the King laughed. Not because he wanted to, but because he had two.
“What Ho?” asked the King.
“Ass ho’!” cried the Knave, and was thrown to the lions.
A lion took a bite of him, and the Knave said, “That tickles”.
“What tickles?” asked the King.
“Testicles!” he replied, and died laughing.
The King returned to the Ball, and asked, “Where’s the Queen?”
“In bed with diphtheria.”
“Diphtheria! That Greek bastard’s back again? Oh, shit!”, cried the king.
And twenty thousand loyal subjects stooped and strained,
for in those days the King’s word was law, and he ruled with an iron hand.
“Where’s the Princess?” someone asked.
“Oh, fuck the Princess!” replied the King.
And fifty thousand loyal subjects were killed in the rush,
for in those days the King’s word was law, he ruled with an iron hand,
and besides, the Princess was a comely wench.
That’s one of the NKC’s clandestine operatives, Code Name: Velvet Fog, having a drink with a paid informant. Yeah Velvet Fog is notoriously cheap when it comes to paying for information you’re right.
Ford used to have the Eddie Bauer Edition and has the King Ranch Edition currently, Dodge decided they needed the Fred Flintstone Edition apparently.
Thank you for giving me warnings before your dessert section. I’ve been going for physical therapy to strengthen my weak knees…I can now pass the bakery, and Dunkin Donuts, but the therapist said it will be at least another year before I can look at anything from Lethal Leprechaun. Great issue my friend….well done again!..