Dragon Laffs #1544


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campers

 

A couple of nice signs sent to me by one of my favorite campers.  Thanks Ginny!0b

This is a really big issue and I’ve run out of time, so instead of putting a bunch of words at the beginning of this issue, why don’t we just go ahead and get to the fun stuff?  I’m yawning so hard and so often that I can barely see the screen anyway.  So….

let's laugh

Okay, this guy is absolutely amazing!!!  I’ve seen hand passes where the coins are moved, but this is all done right in front of you!

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A businessman in the first class cabin decided to chat up the drop dead, gorgeous flight attendant.
Businessman: “What is your name?”
 
Flight Attendant: “Angela Benz, sir”

 
Businessman: 
“Lovely name …any relation to Mercedes Benz?”
 
Flight Attendant: “Yes sir, very close”

Businessman: “How close?”
 
Flight Attendant: “Same price”.

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public service

From our good friends at Kim Komando’s website comes this very timely article:
Warn the family about this dangerous site for kids!

Keeping children safe is the number one responsibility of being a parent. That’s why parents and grandparents alike need to be extremely vigilant in keeping tabs on their online experiences. In an effort to help, we’ve warned you about secret “sexting” codes that kids are using.

Internet addiction, cyberbullying and online predators are just a few of the threats that you need to watch out for. Now, there is a live video streaming site where children are being preyed upon that you need to know about.

How to protect your children online

More and more kids are being exposed to smartphones and the internet at younger ages these days. The chances of them running into a digital predator are pretty high.

What’s happening now is, police are warning parents about the dangers associated with the site younow.com. The site is described as, “the best way to discover talented broadcasters, watch live streams and video chat with people from around the world.”

Police detectives in Fullerton, California recently completed a two-month long investigation dealing with unlawful sex with a minor. A 26-year-old male, Vincent John Conti, was allegedly having a sexual relationship with a 13-year-old girl. Conti met the victim on the younow website.

I’m not going to copy the entire article here, to read the rest click on this link: http://www.komando.com/happening-now/403457/warn-the-family-about-this-dangerous-site-for-kids?utm_medium=nl&utm_source=alerts&utm_content=2017-06-07-article-title

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Dragon

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This is a bit of play acting the Lethal and I came up with.  That’s him with the shield and sword.  This goes back a couple of years and at that time, he really wanted to impress this girl (see the girl in the lower right corner).  He asked me to attack him and make it spectacular, so lots of flames and roars and such later, the girl is so overwhelmingly impressed she just can’t help herself.

We haven’t been able to figure out a way, in all these years, for him to do the same for me.  I’d have to eat him or something in order to get the appreciation of a female dragon and that doesn’t really end well for him.

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Yeah….don’t you hate that?  Except….I’m normally the one getting the look instead of giving it!  LOL!

Bus animation

 

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Say what you want about Trump’s decision to pull out of the Paris Accords.  I happen to agree with him whole-heartedly.  No one said we were going to stop caring about the climate or the environment, but this means we don’t pay a thousand times more than any other country.  America needs to take care of itself!

And you want to talk about ruining the environment?  Just get one pissed off dragon…

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You climb back into bed and hide!

Critter

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That is, without a doubt, one of Lethal’s kitties.

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a77

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Truly amazing the way that works.

I don’t know why men go to bars to meet women?
Go to Target.
The female to male ratio is 10 to 1 and they’re already looking for things they don’t need.

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9b

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9c

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Like a really bad horror movie!!!!Oh No!
mouse anim

Run, Little Buddy! Run like the wind!

 

Patriotic Pause

You may have seen this picture before.  But, do you know the story behind it?  It is well worth reading and remembering.  Never let the bastards see that they got you down.

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Leading the fight is U S Marine Gunnery Sgt. Michael Burghardt, known as ‘Iron Mike’ or just ‘Gunny’. He is on his third tour in Iraq . He had become a legend in the bomb disposal world after winning the Bronze Star for disabling 64 IEDs and destroying 1,548 pieces of ordnance during his second tour.
Then, on September 19, he got blown up… He had arrived at a chaotic scene after a bomb had killed four US Marines.. He chose not to wear the bulky bomb protection suit. ‘You can’t react to any sniper fire and you get tunnel-vision,’ he explains. So, protected by just a helmet and standard-issue flak jacket, he began what bomb disposal officers term ‘the longest walk’, stepping gingerly into a 5 foot deep and 8 foot wide crater.
The earth shifted slightly and he saw a Senao base station with a wire leading from it.  He cut the wire and used his 7 inch knife to probe the ground.  ‘I found a piece of red detonating cord between my legs,’ he says. ‘That’s when I knew I was screwed.’ Realizing he had been sucked into a trap, Sgt Burghardt, 35, yelled at everyone to stay back. At that moment, an insurgent, probably watching through binoculars, pressed a button on his mobile phone to detonate the secondary device below the sergeant’s feet  ‘A chill went up the back of my neck and then the bomb exploded,’ he recalls. ‘As I was in the air I remember thinking, ‘I don’t believe they got me…’ I was just ticked off they were able to do it. Then I was lying on the road, not able to feel anything from the waist down.’1
His fellow Marines cut off his trousers to see how badly he was hurt. None could believe his legs were still there ‘My dad’s a Vietnam vet who’s paralyzed from the waist down,’ says Sgt Burghardt. ‘I was lying there thinking I didn’t want to be in a wheelchair next to my dad and for him to see me like that… They started to cut away my pants and I felt a real sharp pain and blood trickling down. Then I wiggled my toes and I thought, ‘Good, I’m in business.’  As a stretcher was brought over, adrenaline and anger kicked in. ‘I decided to walk to the helicopter. I wasn’t going to let my team-mates see me being carried away on a stretcher.’ He stood and gave the insurgents who had blown him up a one-fingered salute. ‘I flipped them one.. It was like, ‘OK, I lost that round but I’ll be back next week.’
Copies of a photograph depicting his defiance, taken by Jeff Bundy for the Omaha World-Herald, adorn the walls of homes across America and that of Col John Gronski, the brigade commander in Ramadi, who has hailed the image as an exemplar of the warrior spirit.
Sgt Burghardt’s injuries – burns and wounds to his legs and buttocks – kept him off duty for nearly a month and could have earned him a ticket home.  But, like his father – who was awarded a Bronze Star and three Purple Hearts for being wounded in action in Vietnam – he stayed in Ramadi to engage in the battle against insurgents who are forever coming up with more ingenious ways of killing Americans.

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Men, just so you know, there are other deadly terms you need to know, but let’s work on this list first.

Late one Friday night, a policeman spotted a green colored, short man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the leprechaun over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.

‘Aye, so I have. It’s Friday and I be Lethal Leprechaun, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called ‘Happy Hour’ and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five of those. Then I had to drive me friend Impish Dragon home and of course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness – couldn’t be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later…’ Then, the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.

The officer sighed, and said, ‘Sir, I’m afraid I’ll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test.’

Indignantly, the Leprechaun said, ‘Why? Don’t ye believe me?’

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Fantasy

f2010102505

Bet you didn’t know that our security staff made a calendar a couple of years ago, did ya?  Yup, they did.  Miss May, our Swing Shift Supervisor. 

2835

Really good advice…it bothers me that someone thought it was a necessary warning, but still, really good advice.

Nine excellent, random, funny thoughts…

1. Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
2. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
3. Life is sexually transmitted.
4. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
5. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
7. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
8. Get the last word in: Apologize.
9. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

2836

Yup, I’ve got that problem too.  But, I know where you can get some cool blue condoms.

Politicians

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6a

6b

6c

6d

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Okay, so that really deserves a groaner, but I was laughing to hard to post a warning.

Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?

In the song “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini,” which is yellow-the bikini or the polka dots?

2838

I know people who, if they don’t live on this road, they ought to.

Why do we say “heads up” when we actually duck?

When the stock market closes at the end of the day, why does everyone stand around smiling and clapping regardless of whether the stocks are up or down?

 

2840

Why is there a top line on lined paper if we never use it?

Why is a square meal served on round plates?

2843

Motivate

Natural Selection

Natural Selection2

natural202

Nature Photographer

Nature

2844

That ought to stop it…even his breathing.

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

Why is it that humans can move their eyes in opposite directions toward the nose, but not away from the nose?

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Amen!  That is the truest statement I’ve heard in a long, long time!

 

Last Word

Here’s an essay that I just had to share.  It came with a picture that I haven’t been able to prove is actually the author, but I have indeed proven, to my own acceptance, that it was written by CMSgt (That’s Chief Master Sergeant) (Retired) George Roof, US Air Force.  It was written November 20, 2016 on his FaceBook page.  It is a great read!

Because I am a “lifer” in the military, I’ve seen the impact of a president more than many of you can imagine.  I enlisted with LBJ and saw just what a Democrat cluster flock was all about.  I went to Vietnam and saw how we were constantly and incessantly bombarded with micromanagement from Washington that got thousands of military people killed. I sometimes wonder if I’ll get to heaven, but if I go to hell, I’m sure I’ll still be a few hundred floors above that bastard Robert McNamara , LB Johnson, John Kerry, Jane Fonda, and yes, even the “hero” John McCain.

After Johnson “abdicated” rather than having his ass waxed, I lived through Nixon who was hawkish but allowed the generals (and there WERE a few real generals back then versus now) run the show.  Nixon was so out of touch that he never knew North Vietnam was about to surrender when the Paris Accord was presented.
Only God could help us after Gerald Ford was beaten by Jimmy ‘Peanuts’ Carter who’d been funded by Saudi money.  The military was turned into Section 8 and even the Whitehouse suffered the austerity.

Then the light began to shine and Ronald Reagan swept into the fray.  He not only loved the country and the military, they loved him back.  Esprit d’corps was off the scale during his presidency. The Liberals were slowly turning into socialists, however, and about this time all the draft dodgers of the 1960’s who’d been given amnesty by Jimmy ‘Peanuts’ were turning out college graduates with degrees in socialism.

Bush 1 was an enigma from the CIA and though he never did much either way, he NEVER DID MUCH EITHER WAY.

Welcome to Bill Clinton.  Clinton spent most of his two terms wagging the dog and creating the ‘Oral’ Office, sending a bomber to blow up Quaddafi’s tent and killing a goat or two, while allowing the UN to set up the infamous Black Hawk Down situation.  He made history by becoming only the second president to be impeached.

I actually felt sorry for Bush 2.  He was doomed to infamy from the start.  He thought most of America was still the rah rah patriots of WWII when they were ‘simply socialists’ waiting to feed him to the sharks.

Then there came the Manchurian Candidate Obama with a faked (OK Democrats, let’s say “of questionable origin” to assuage your PC brains) birth certificate, who’d gotten a free ride through college under a foreign student exemption, and whose college records and complete life history had been ‘sealed.’  (We know more about Thomas Jefferson’s bastard children than we do about Obama, Michelle , OR their two faked kids.) From his inaugural address, he slandered America and within days had begun to encourage dissention of the races as well as slandering police who “acted stupidly.” That was mild to the crap that would come in doubling the national debt from what had been built by ALL THE PREVIOUS PRESIDENTS COMBINED, feeding us bullshit about how Muslims built this country, and nationalizing American industries.  Fueled by George Soros’ money and using the Air Force fleet as his personal charters, he appointed malcontents and traitors into positions of authority. He trashed the Constitution by installing “czars” (interesting he chose a title like that) to bypass Congressional authority.  By that time, Congress was completely corrupt on both sides of the aisle.  No one had balls to impeach this charlatan Obama.

Mysteriously, the lone outspoken conservative Supreme Court Justice Scalia suddenly dies in his sleep at an Obama pal’s hunting lodge and the Supreme Court is evenly split.  Finally, Congress shows some balls and rejects Obama’s Supreme Court Justice nomination.  The Libertards aren’t worried because the fix is in. Soros ‘has paid’ demonstrators to cause turmoil at ‘all the Republican gatherings.’  Obama concedes that illegal aliens should vote as they won’t be prosecuted, and Soros-manufactured voting machines are caught switching votes in certain precincts.  Hillary has cheated her way to the nomination and her lies are completely ignored by the brainwashed minions of sycophants who follow her.

But a shocking thing happened on the way to the forum.

Middle America had had enough and although the pollsters and the pipers tried to convince middle America not even to bother to vote, they were fed up with the denizens of the swamp.  It was time. Florida was designated a “swing” state ignoring that all those old retirees living in St. Petersburg, and the fed up Cuban Americans of Miami weren’t interested in their platform.  Ohio and Pennsylvania , where coal production was blacklisted and where Obama had ridiculed them for “clinging to their Bibles and their guns,” lay awaiting this supposed “landslide” Hillary vote,…. and creamed it.

The Socialist world of the Democratic Party disintegrated.  An American who expressed unbridled love of country and respect for police, firemen, and military steamrolled across the heartland and the liberals realized their scheme was trashed.

A CONSTITUTIONALIST would be nominated to the Supreme Court and if the old hag Ginsburg who’d claimed to retire if Trump were elected would actually retire and leave, the Supreme Court would have a massive majority of CONSTITUTIONALISTS for the next 40-50 years.

Now, the same party who’d ridiculed Trump on his comments about the election being rigged, started screaming that the election ‘was’ rigged.  They even advocated having the election repeated.  They created mobs that burned and pillaged, stopped traffic, threatened murder, battery and rape of Trump supporters, and became the anarchists that the socialist dream thrives upon.  They run like castrated pigs for safe zones and use diaper pins as their national symbol.

This is exactly what happens when political correctness takes over and participation trophies are awarded to everyone.  They can’t conceive how disgusting and subservient they have become.  Donald Trump may NOT be the best person for the job, but he’s such a welcome respite from the candy-assed whimps who’ve been running the swamp that it’s refreshing to see.  At the very least, Donald Trump derailed the Socialist train and bought us precious time.  If he only does half of what he’s promised, we’ll still be legions ahead of where Obama has dragged us.  Already countries who held us in contempt are lining up to be found in the favor of America.  Donald Trump has done more in his short time in the public eye…he prevented Hillary Clinton from becoming president!

So for you liberal lurkers and you half-assed fence-sitters, Tough Shit!  You had your big hurrah and now your party is over.  For you staunch Republicans in office, don’t gloat so much yourselves.  You’ve been put on notice by the American people that we’re fed up with ALL YOU BASTARDS and if you don’t start putting America first, you do so at your own peril.  You might want to buy a copy of George McGovern’s autobiography and see how shocking and humbling it can be for a professional politician to have to try to find legitimate work once he falls from grace. 

​​This election was pure, unadulterated AMERICAN.  Hillary got beaten and AMERICA WON THE ELECTION. You can claim he’s not “your president” all you want, but unless you forfeit your American citizenship, ……

YES, HE IS YOUR PRESIDENT!!

Go cry a river some place they need water.

Now, go share this with all your friends!

Cheers Impish

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1544

  1. Leah D says:

    Honestly, every issue I expect it to say you have found it to take too much time, be to much work, etc. and so you are informing us this will be the last issue. I admire both of you! How you manage to keep pumping out issues with all that is going on in your lives, I can’t imagine …. I can only be extremely thankful for!

    • impishdragon says:

      Leah D, Ginny, Diaman and the others who have said such nice things about today’s issue I thank you. I know I speak for Lethal when I say that our issues are passionate pain. Something we both love and hate to do.
      We love what we do and we hate we don’t have more time, more readers, or make more money (or any money for that matter) not because we’re greedy but because the more money we could make, the more time we could spend doing this and making more people smile and laugh.
      Thank you for your kind words, they mean everything.

  2. Ginny says:

    When you said you had a big issue….you were not kidding I loved the story about the Marine named Michael Burghardt. What a way to show the SOB who set off the bomb that he was walking out and giving him his salute. The public notice about the predators was also great…passed it on to my facebook friends, family and friends. The whole issue was fantastic and your Final Word…..George Roof was a HOME RUN…..thanks for keeping us laughing and always giving us a great start to the weekend. xoxoxo

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