Dragon Laffs

Before I get started with my already written opening, I have pulled this issue back from the publishers in order to address a sad situation.

A dear family member has been lost.  Ginny wrote to Lethal and I today to say that her and Paul have lost their beloved Bear.  She said that he had just celebrated his 15th birthday in October.  Those of you who know Ginny or Paul have seen pictures of their beautiful family member, but for the rest
of you, here’s a few pictures that I could find.

Ginny runs a trivia site in her off time and Bear has been featured several times in the email that goes out to remind you to play.  In fact, all of these pictures came from those emails.  I wish I had more of them saved,  but I’m sure you get more than the idea from the ones that I could find.

Bear is a beautiful, highly intelligent dog, but what would you really expect from parents like Ginny and Paul.

Ginny has said that her and Paul won’t be on line for a while and for all of us to hold our emails to them.  We are going to respect that wish and not write back, even as much as we truly want to let them both know that as their hearts break, ours are right there with them and to let them know that they are loved and thought of and are in our thoughts and prayers.

But, they know that.

I don’t have a doubt that they absolutely know that we love them and care for them.

So, I ask you, please.  Please refrain from calling or email or texting them during their time of grief.  What I would like all of you to do is to go to the bottom of this post and click the comment button and leave a comment for Ginny and Paul so when they are ready to come back on line, all of those well wishes and outpouring of love from their Dragon and Leprechaun Laffs family will be right there waiting for them and they will bask in the glow of our friendship and love.

This is a picture of Bear’s 15th birthday party.  He’s the third one from the left.  Ginny says that this is what he wanted, all of his friends over for a pizza party, so that is what he got.

Anyway, in closing, Lethal knew of this great poem and sent it to me to include here.  You may have seen it before.

Ginny and Paul and Bear, you are in our hearts and prayers.  

Now, we need to get back to the issue…

On Tuesday, Donald Trump won the election to become the first non-political person to do so.  (Depending on your thoughts on previous presidents, he might not be the FIRST, but he’s been the first in a long time).

Now, my country is going crazy.  I won’t dignify the idiots by putting pictures up here, but I’m sure you’ve all seen them on TV.  Signs saying, “Not my president” and “Where’s my vote” over top of the heads of crowds.  And many of them that say “Love Trumps Hate” which, although very catchy, doesn’t really say whether they are for or against Mr. Trump.

Or should I say, President-Elect Trump.  Because, that’s what he is.  He has been elected as our next president.  We aren’t campaigning any more.  It’s done.  Over with. 

My dear liberal friends, and I know there are at least a couple of you out there who are upset because Mrs. Clinton didn’t win, let me ask you a couple of questions:

Doesn’t it feel good to not have to make insane excuses, either out loud or to yourself for the Clinton lies?

Doesn’t it bring at least a small sense of relief that our country won’t have to shoulder the burden of all of those Clinton Fund deals that she made with other countries, now expecting the favors their donations were paying for?

Doesn’t it ease your conscious, just a little, that your mantra of: “She wasn’t convicted of ANY of those charges!” no longer has to be your last defense in any political argument?

Whether she had the FBI cowed enough to not file charges for the thousands of of charges of email security breeches or the fact that you don’t have to worry about her being put in jail after being elected as the president of the most powerful nation on earth, don’t you feel a bit more comfortable that you don’t have to try to invent excuses for that, now?

The last difficult choice is going to be Obama’s.  If the Justice Department does decide to charge her with multiple counts of treason, or OPSEC or COMSEC violations will he pardon her and then have to go and pardon the possible hundreds of men and women who are in jail for the exact same thing, but to a much lesser degree.  How could he pardon her and not the poor sailor who happened to take a picture in the wrong part of the submarine that got something in the background accidently.  Accidently!  And hers were all done purposefully and with knowledge of wrong doing.  Or the Generals who were forced to resign over one count of the exact same thing.  Aren’t you glad that is his decision?

Okay, so tongue in cheek questions aside, you people who are sobbing and crying and gnashing your teeth need to grow the hell up.  Can  you possibly imagine the backlash if it were the other way and it was the republicans who were doing all the rioting?

It’s crazy.

It’s time to heal our country.  It’s time for all of us to pull together and make this work.  It’s time to pull up our big girl panties and get to work.

I’m done.

At least for now.

I’m sure by the time I get to the end of this that I’ll at least bring it up one more time.

So, it’s time for laughter to help heal our country.  So …

One of the most amazing things about this video is that with just a few pencil strokes at the very beginning of the video, you can already see Bill’s face pop out inside of Abe’s.

This guy has so much talent, that it almost looks like a photograph when he’s done.

Now, the talent for this piece of “art work” comes from a completely different place.  The only thing I can think of is that it must be REALLY friggin’ cold where they are.

This is an incredible video.  What a difference a country makes.  One car is made in Mexico and one car is made in America.  Which one would you rather be in during a crash?  Watch the difference, here:

My grandpa before he died in a horrible swinging door accident.

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now passed-away Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship. One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said: “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years

The Fairy Godmother replied: “Well, Cinderella, as you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?”

Cinderella was overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, almost under her breath, she uttered her first wish: “I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension.”
Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear.

Cinderella said: “Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!”

The Fairy Godmother replied: “It’s the least I can do. What does your heart desire for your second wish?”

Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said: “I wish I were young and full of the beauty of youth again.”

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years. And long forgotten vigor and vitality began to course through her very soul.

Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke: “You have one more wish, what will you have?”

Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said: “I wish you to transform Alan my old cat into a beautiful and handsome young man.”

Magically, Alan suddenly underwent a fundamental change in his biological make-up, that, when complete, he stood before her a boy so beautiful – the likes of which neither she nor the world had ever seen – so fair indeed that birds began to fall from the sky at his feet.

The Fairy Godmother again spoke, “Congratulations, Cinderella.  Enjoy your new life!” And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.

For a few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes.  Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen.

Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his strong, youthful arms.  He leaned in close to her ear, whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breathing, “I bet you regret having me neutered now, don’t you?”

I think our security is the best in the business and they’ve actually won awards.  Did you know that there is an actual  security Olympics every year?  Neither did I!  Well, this is Heather, and she is the first place winner of the long  sword competition this year.  We are all so very proud of her.

You know, he’s right.  It is a touching story.  A story of young married life.  But, for us older guys who’ve been married for a while we know now that it’s, “Honey Bear, I’m going to the bar.  I won’t be long.”
And her reply, “What the fuck ever…”

It was that nasty divorce with Bert, the Chimney Sweep, and all the chimney’s he was sweeping that Mary found out about.

That is just wrong in so many ways!

Nicely said!

Damn!  I hate it when that happens!!!

In closing, I want to offer you this essay that was sent to me by my Dad.  I don’t know who wrote it, although I wish I did. I’ll not offer opinion on it other than to say that you will read it and find in it your own truth of lies.  For me…it answers exactly how I feel.

50 Million+ Deplorables

This wasn’t an election. It was a revolution.

It’s midnight in America. The day before, fifty million Americans got up and stood in front of the great iron wheel that had been grinding them down. They stood there even though the media told them it was useless. They took their stand even while all the chattering classes laughed and taunted them.

They were fathers who couldn’t feed their families anymore. They were mothers who couldn’t afford health care. They were workers whose jobs had been sold off to foreign countries. They were sons who didn’t see a future for themselves. They were daughters afraid of being murdered by the “unaccompanied minors” flooding into their towns. They took a deep breath and they stood.

They held up their hands and the great iron wheel stopped.

The Great Blue Wall crumbled. The impossible states fell one by one. Ohio. Wisconsin. Pennsylvania. Iowa. The white working class that had been overlooked and trampled on for so long got to its feet. It rose up against its oppressors and the rest of the nation, from coast to coast, rose up with it.

They fought back against their jobs being shipped overseas while their towns filled with migrants that got everything while they got nothing. They fought back against a system in which they could go to jail for a trifle while the elites could violate the law and still stroll through a presidential election. They fought back against being told that they had to watch what they say. They fought back against being held in contempt because they wanted to work for a living and take care of their families.

They fought and they won.

This wasn’t a vote. It was an uprising. Like the ordinary men chipping away at the Berlin Wall, they tore down an unnatural thing that had towered over them. And as they watched it fall, they marveled at how weak and fragile it had always been. And how much stronger they were than they had ever known.

Who were these people? They were leftovers and flyover country. They didn’t have bachelor degrees and had never set foot in a Starbucks. They were the white working class. They didn’t talk right or think right. They had the wrong ideas, the wrong clothes and the ridiculous idea that they still mattered.

They were wrong about everything. Illegal immigration? Everyone knew it was here to stay. Black Lives Matter? The new civil rights movement. Manufacturing? As dead as the dodo. Banning Muslims? What kind of bigot even thinks that way? Love wins. Marriage loses. The future belongs to the urban metrosexual and his dot com, not the guy who used to have a good job before it went to China or Mexico.

They couldn’t change anything. A thousand politicians and pundits had talked of getting them to adapt to the inevitable future. Instead they got in their pickup trucks and drove out to vote.

And they changed everything.

Barack Hussein Obama boasted that he had changed America. A billion regulations, a million immigrants, a hundred thousand lies and it was no longer your America. It was his.

He was JFK and FDR rolled into one. He told us that his version of history was right and inevitable.

And they voted and left him in the dust. They walked past him and they didn’t listen. He had come to campaign to where they still cling to their guns and their bibles. He came to plead for his legacy.

And America said, “No.”

Fifty millions Americans repudiated him. They repudiated the Obamas and the Clintons. They ignored the celebrities. They paid no attention to the media. They voted because they believed in the impossible. And their dedication made the impossible happen.

Americans were told that walls couldn’t be built and factories couldn’t be opened. That treaties couldn’t be unsigned and wars couldn’t be won. It was impossible to ban Muslim terrorists from coming to America or to deport the illegal aliens turning towns and cities into gangland territories.

It was all impossible. And fifty million Americans did the impossible. They turned the world upside down.

It’s midnight in America. CNN is weeping. MSNBC is wailing. ABC calls it a tantrum. NBC damns it. It wasn’t supposed to happen. The same machine that crushed the American people for two straight terms, the mass of government, corporations and non-profits that ran the country, was set to win.

Instead the people stood in front of the machine. They blocked it with their bodies. They went to vote even though the polls told them it was useless. They mailed in their absentee ballots even while Hillary Clinton was planning her fireworks victory celebration. They looked at the empty factories and barren farms. They drove through the early cold. They waited in line. They came home to their children to tell them that they had done their best for their future. They bet on America. And they won.

They won improbably. And they won amazingly.

They were tired of ObamaCare. They were tired of unemployment. They were tired of being lied to. They were tired of watching their sons come back in coffins to protect some Muslim country. They were tired of being called racists and homophobes. They were tired of seeing their America disappear.

And they stood up and fought back. This was their last hope. Their last chance to be heard.

Watch all the left’s video stunts. See ten ways John Oliver destroyed Donald Trump. Here’s three ways Samantha Bee broke the internet by taunting Trump supporters. These three minutes of Stephen Colbert talking about how stupid Trump is owns the internet. Watch Madonna curse out Trump supporters. Watch Katy Perry. Watch Miley Cyrus. Watch Robert Downey Jr. Watch Beyonce campaign with Hillary. Watch. Click away!

Watch fifty million Americans take back their country.

The media had the election wrong all along. This wasn’t about personalities. It was about the impersonal. It was about fifty million people whose names no one except a server will ever know fighting back. It was about the homeless woman guarding Trump’s star. It was about the lost Democrats searching for someone to represent them in Ohio and Pennsylvania. It was about the union men who nodded along when the organizers told them how to vote, but who refused to sell out their futures.

No one will ever interview all those men and women. We will never see all their faces. But they are us and we are them. They came to the aid of a nation in peril. They did what real Americans have always done. They did the impossible.

America is a nation of impossibilities. We exist because our forefathers did not take no for an answer. Not from kings or tyrants. Not from the elites who told them that it couldn’t be done.

The day when we stop being able to pull off the impossible is the day that America will cease to exist.

Today is not that day. Today fifty million Americans did the impossible.

Midnight has passed. A new day has come. And everything is about to change.

We Veteran’s are the unspoken of “7 Percenters”. I’m not talking about the wealthiest 2 percent which if you’d believe the garbage spewing forth from Liberals and Occupiers mouths are sole responsible for the unhappiness of the rest of us and should be underwriting a free ride for us simply because they are wealthy.

No, I’m speaking of being a member of the 7 percent of American’s who hear a calling in our hearts to protect this country and step up to sign that blank check. OK some of you are saying you didn’t have a choice you were drafted into the military during war time to serve. However all you have to do is look around you to see that there are as many of you that volunteered after the draft was abolished as there are of you.

We hold a title that in my mind is a pretty august one because it can’t be assigned, appointed, inherited, bought or bestowed on you by anyone. It is a title we all earned with our commitment, service, blood, sweat, tears and heartbreak. And while we touch on what went into earning this life long title leave us not forget the sacrifices made by our loved one we left at home while we earned it. From where I stand I find it a crying shame that there is no title that they can carry to honor their suffering and depravations because we were deployed serving our country. We should always be as proud of them as they are of us.

The most recent data from the 2010 Census shows that only seven percent of Americans have served in the military, while veterans make up 20 percent of the current Congress. In 1971, 73 percent of members of Congress were veterans, but veterans made up fewer than 15 percent of the American population.

https://www.google.com/search?q=what+percent+of+Congress+served+in+the+military&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8

Is it any wonder then why our government mistreats us so badly?

Erodes our benefits, issues substandard ballistic vest to forward deployed combat troops, (when it has them to issue), treats our medical problems brought on from our serving in dirty over taxed and severely aging  Veteran’s Hospitals. They label us potential “Home Grown Domestic Terrorists”. Uses our medical care system to probe for reasons to take away our Second Amendment rights? Due to their own administrative mismanagement of paperwork and records attempt to forcibly reclaim several thousands of dollars in ‘signing bonuses’ from National Guardsmen after they have completed in some cases multiple tours in combat zones?  Deprive us of the ability to defend ourselves against terrorist attacks on US military bases by refusing to allow us to be armed. Relenting (but only to the point of delaying the collections until a review the collection program to insure it’s ‘fairness’) only after their heavy handed tactics garner the attention of the press? (see articles here and here).

My fellow Brothers and Sisters in Arms from where I stand it seems to me that our Government, the Department of Defense and the Democratic Party at large think the term ‘Veteran’ is synonymous with ‘sucker’ and means its ok to shit on us anytime they find it in their best interest. The only reason this has become possible is because the number of our kindred serving in Congress and the rest of our Government has dropped so low. I say it is high time we changed that by voting only for political candidates at all levels of government who have served in the military.

We Veteran’s all took an oath to defend this country against all enemies foreign and domestic when we signed our enlistment papers and at each subsequent re-enlistment and in some cases at promotion ceremonies. None of us were relieved of that oath upon our separation from our respective services. In short, its high time that we went back to honoring that oath. The will of  WE THE PEOPLE should amply included WE THE VETERANS in it’s representation. Since we are the few who were willing to protect the people’s rights, I think its only right that they help us protect and defend ours as well as theirs.

Thank you for your kind attention. God Bless You, God Bless our Serving Men and Women and God Bless the United States of America,

Now Ladies and Gentleman, won’t you please join me and the rest of the DL/LL Digital Media Enterprise’s family of Veterans in standing for the playing of our National Anthem.

Veterans! AH-TEN-SHUN!

Star Spangled Banner | The National Anthem | MattNickleMusic

 

Marine Corps Birthday is on November 10 and celebrates the establishment of the US Marine Corp in 1775.

“Honor to the soldier and sailor everywhere, who bravely bears his country’s cause. Honor, also, to the citizen who cares for his brother in the field and serves, as he best can, the same cause.”  – Abraham Lincoln

 

 

 

 

See Disabled Army Vet’s Perfect Response After He’s Slammed For Using Special Parking Bays

A disabled American army veteran responded in perfect style after a cruel note was left on his car demanding he not use special parking bays because he “didn’t look” handicapped.

The man was left stunned when he returned to his vehicle in Houston, Texas, and discovered the message on his windscreen.

The letter addressed him as “buddy,” before harshly telling him to “stop parking in handicap spots!!!!”

“You DO NOT have a sticker nor do you look handicapped,” it read.

“I have taken a picture of your license plate and sent it to the office for towing by the courtesy officer. Stop being a jerk!!” it added.

The veteran, who has not been named, wrote out a phenomenal response – where he explains exactly why he has the right to use the bays – before attaching it to a photocopy of the original note he’d received.

A picture of the two letters was uploaded to Reddit, and it’s since gone viral with more than 2.8 million views.

“In the state of Texas, if a vehicle has DISABLED VETERAN license plates, that vehicle is not required, BY LAW, to have a handicapped placard displayed, nor a handicapped emblem on the license plate, UNLESS that vehicle is parked on FEDERAL property,” he said.

“If you had bothered to spend 30 seconds and pull the miniature computer out of your pocket to research this then you would have never needed to leave me this offensive note. 

“Considering that you took a picture of my license plate that says: DISABLED VETERAN US ARMED FORCES.

“But it’s cool. You probably just let your emotions get the best of you and felt like being a social justice hero,” he added, before commenting on his appearance.

“Although I may not ‘look’ handicapped to you, I can assure you that the amount of pain I feel from walking due to combat-sustained injuries far supersedes any level of pain you have ever felt in your entire life,” he said.

“Or maybe not… Who am I to say? After all, I don’t even know who you are. By the way, I would love to hear what your idea of a handicapped person ‘looks’ like.”

The author then revealed he would frame the original message and “look at it everyday as to remind myself what kind of person NOT to be.”

He signed off with the phrase: “The guy who doesn’t look handicapped.”

For those of you finding the facts above a little hard to read let me list them here for you:

1. More military deaths by suicide than in combat (since) 2012.
2. Military suicides at a rate higher than the last 10 years (22 per day on average) .
3. 8 to 20% of military personnel deployed to Iraq and/or Afghanistan suffer a Traumatic Brain Injury.
4. 20% of all suicides nationally are committed by Veterans.
5. 300,000 veterans of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have been diagnosed with some level of PTSD.
6. Traumatic Brain Injuries can increase suicidal thoughts and behavior (so can PTSD).

Trace Adkins- Semper Fi

 

It’s usually Ibuprofen with an additional low dosage painkiller and oft referred to as “grunt candy”. It helps the troops shrug off the constant aches and pains a their harsh lives and function at top levels so they can make and mean statements like this:

.

 

In honor of Fleet Week (May 2016), Jimmy and Adam perform “Friends on All Bases” (parody of “Friends in Low Places”).

The brave men and women who serve in our nation’s military should always get to hear “thank you,” no matter where they go. And whether you agree or not with the current wars our country is in, one thing is certain: our soldiers always deserve to be given honor and respect!

Jimmy Fallon is well known for his appreciation and respect for the men and women in our armed forces. His father-in-law flew the early jet fighters during the Cold War, and he’s let his patriotism be known to the world time and time again. So it makes sense that, during New York City’s Fleet Week, he would make sure to have an audience full of nothing but military servicemen and women!

But inviting them all to see his show wasn’t enough — Fallon wanted to make sure he’d send them off with a very personalized gift. So he donned his cowboy hat, picked up the guitar, and got onstage to perform a riff on the Garth Brooks’ classic “Friends in Low Places.”

Along with the help of his fellow SNL alum Adam Sandler, the two absolutely blew the minds of his whole audience with their silly, but respectful lyrics that honor all of his friends on all of the bases! Make sure to check this hilarious video out!

 

The Charge of the Light Brigade

1.

Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
“Forward, the Light Brigade!
“Charge for the guns!” he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

2.

“Forward, the Light Brigade!”
Was there a man dismay’d?
Not tho’ the soldier knew
Someone had blunder’d:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

3.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley’d and thunder’d;
Storm’d at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.

4.

Flash’d all their sabres bare,
Flash’d as they turn’d in air,
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army, while
All the world wonder’d:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro’ the line they broke;
Cossack and Russian
Reel’d from the sabre stroke
Shatter’d and sunder’d.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.

5.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Volley’d and thunder’d;
Storm’d at with shot and shell,
While horse and hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro’ the jaws of Death
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.

6.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wondered.
Honor the charge they made,
Honor the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred.

Copied from Poems of Alfred Tennyson, J. E. Tilton and Company, Boston, 1870

Tattoos and Scars (Montgomery Gentry)

 

Cammo Cat is all loaded up and ready for war.

“And I learned early in my life that only two things protected America, the grace of Almighty God and the United States Military. It was that way then, it is that way now and will forever be that way as long as America remains a free and sovereign nation. “ – Charlie Daniels

Kristy Lee Cook – Airborne Ranger Infantry

 

 

Often when our veterans return from their tour of service, the tolls of war have been too great to bear alone. Wars in the Middle East and other parts of the world have left some of our bravest service personnel with injuries that will affect them the rest of their lives. Some require intense rehabilitation and years of physical therapy.

http://www.thejourneyhomeproject.org/

 

 

 

WWII veteran gets surprise honor at his home

98-Year-Old World War II Vet Tears Up When Navy Sailors Surprise Him With Song

Navy veteran Ernest Thompson served on the on the USS Missouri during WWII and witnessed the end of the historic war. At 98 years old, Ernie is no longer able to visit the USS Iowa battleship so the Navy Chief Selects came to him.

Volunteers from the Battleship IOWA in California put together the event to him for his bravery and his service to the country. Battleship IOWA Museum Volunteer Coordinator Susan Schmidt filmed this awesome film of Chief Selects from the Fleet Anti-Submarine Warfare Training Center visiting fellow IOWA museum crew member and WWII veteran Ernie Thompson.

The Navy Chief Selects showed up at the front door of the WWII veteran to honor him with a song. 24 chief selects stood in front of his California home and serenaded him with the Navy’s march song, thanked him for his service, and presented him with a special gift, a commemorative plaque made from actual wood from the ship.

 

Short poem you won’t forget.

Do you recall the President referring to the Benghazi incident as “a bump in the road?”

Today I heard an ex-Navy Seal being interviewed on Fox News regarding a book he has

Written about how to handle crisis situations in our lives.

At the end of the interview he asked if he could make a comment on Benghazi and, of course,

The anchor said “yes.”

He then thanked Fox News for keeping the Benghazi story in the news, since other news organizations are not.

He said the Seals who died deserve the public knowing the truth about the whole affair.

The poem was written by an anonymous Marine Corps officer:

“THE BATTLING BOYS OF BENGHAZI”

We’re the battling boys of Benghazi,

No fame, no glory, no paparazzi.

Just a fiery death in a blazing hell,

Defending our country we loved so well.

It wasn’t our job, but we answered the call,

Fought to the Consulate and scaled the wall.

We pulled twenty countrymen from the jaws of fate

Led them to safety and stood at the gate.

Just the two of us and foes by the score,

But we stood fast to bar the door.

Three calls for reinforcement, but all were denied,

So we fought and we fought and we fought ’til we died.

We gave our all for our Uncle Sam,

But Barack and Hillary didn’t give a damn.

Just two dead Seals who carried the load

No thanks to us…we were just

“Bumps In The Road”.

Mitch Rossell – A Soldier’s Memoir

 

Don’t forget our 4 footed Vets either!

Those boys and girls are the effects of the blast from a roadside IED on an armored Humvee. This is the sort of thing our troops have to worry about and deal with everyday.

Darryl Worley: I Just Came Back From A War

 

 

Fallen soldier Nathan Fair

 

National Veterans Day Ceremony

The Veterans Day National Ceremony is held each year on November 11th at Arlington National Cemetery . The ceremony commences precisely at 11:00 a.m. with a wreath laying at the Tomb of the Unknowns and continues inside the Memorial Amphitheater with a parade of colors by veterans’ organizations and remarks from dignitaries. The ceremony is intended to honor and thank all who served in the United States Armed Forces.

November 11, 2014 – Vice President of the United States, Joe Biden, lays a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, Arlington National Cemetery, Virginia on Veterans Day. The Vice President was joined by military leaders and other dignitaries as fellow proud Americans watched the ceremony … all honoring veterans for their service to our beloved America.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them.
May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

 

As many of you know, I have some physical problems that at times preclude me from doing much of anything. 

Well, this has been one of those weeks.

Because of that, my issue of Dragon Laffs this week has taken a major hit to the point that it is now Friday evening and I’m forcing myself to get it not only completed, but started.

So, I wish to apologize ahead of time because I know that it will not be all that it could be.

Now, having gotten the obligatory apology out of the way, let’s get started on some of the things that need to be said!

Lethal and I have been preaching this since the LAST election!  And now the time is finally here.  There may not be anyone you want to vote for, but I will bet you a donut to a ten-dollar bill that there are people you’d like to vote against. 

You all know how we feel about Hillary and our opinions have been being proven day by day and week by week.  She is a proven liar.  She is a liability that this country just can’t afford at this point in time.

All of us thought that electing a black man would be a good thing for this country but we all knew that Obama wasn’t the right black man.  Now, I know a lot of you think that it is high time that a woman be elected president and I agree with you!  Just not this woman!  Liar, thief, and dare I even whisper, murderer!  Please my friends, get out there and vote and make sure she doesn’t get any closer to the oval office than a jail cell in Maryland.

There is another very important announcement that needs to happen today, but I think what we need at this point is to get a little laughter in our mouths to get the really lousy taste of politics out.

So, without any further ado…

Okay, so yeah, it’s after Halloween and all that, and yeah, I’m really sick to death of Halloween candy, and those of you who know me, know how tough that is to do, but this video is definitely worth watching, even though it has a Halloween theme and I know you are all as sick of Halloween as I am.

A new supermarket opened near my house.  It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.  Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.

Okay, so that last one is pretty much the only one that I think really should be used.  That’s the end of my political cartoons…at least the ones that I have right now. I’m sure by next week, when we know who our new leader will be, I’ll have a bunch more.

An old priest lay dying in a hospital. He had served the people of the
nation’s capital for many years.
He motioned for the nurse to come near.
“Yes Father?” said the nurse.
“I would really like to see Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama before I die”
whispered the priest.
“I will see what I can do” said the nurse.
The nurse sent the request to Washington and waited for a response.
Soon an answer came back, both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama would be
delighted to visit the priest.
As they were driven to the hospital Hillary commented to Obama “I don’t know
why this old priest wants to see us, but it certainly will help our images
and may even help my election prospects”.
Obama agreed it was a good thing.
When they arrived at the priest’s bedside, the Priest took Hillary’s hand in
his right hand and Obama’s hand in his left hand.
There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face.
Finally Obama spoke “Father, of all people you could have chosen, why did
you chose us to be with you at this time when your end is so near?”
The old priest slowly replied “I have always tried to pattern my life and
behavior after our Lord and Savior.”
“Amen” said Hillary.
“Amen” said Obama.
The old priest continued “Our Savior died between two lying, thieving
bastards and I would like to do the same!”

Lovers help each other undress before sex. However, after sex, they always dress on their own.

Simple Truth: In life, no one helps you  once you’re screwed.

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, “Congrats”. But, none of them touch the man’s penis and say, “Good job”.

Simple Truth: Some members of a team are never appreciated.

Okay, so I’m all done in.  It’s time to call it a night.  Oh, the other special thing?  Tonight’s the night to turn back the clock!  It’s daylight savings time!!!!!

At 2 am on Sunday morning, due to the magic invested in Daylight Savings Time, it instantly becomes 1 am again. 

And everyone gets an extra hour of sleep.

And with that.

Cheers my friends.

Well the good news is I managed not to wind up on any juries last week. My mobility was so bad on Wednesday that they took one look at me hobbling in, excused me for serving and sent me right back home for which honestly I was extremely grateful as I was dreading having to sit there all day with limited pain relief.

The bad news is two fold,

a.) the salmon fishing I’m doing is only reliving memories of past trips to Oswego NY in my younger years. Salmon don’t run in Texas and even if they did I couldn’t hobble out into any stream to catch them the way my legs have been acting up lately. I’m hoping it’s simply the normal seasonal change pain and swelling I’m experiencing and that I’ll be back to normal shortly.

b.) Impish has already eaten all the candy we received/swiped/cajoled or stole trick or treating. Even the box of liqueurs in miniature chocolate bottles that someone gave specifically to me while he got 15# of candy corn.

It’s ok though, you should have seen the look in his eyes when he gobble the dozen chocolate covered Scotch Bonnet peppers that I had left conspicuously right next to my chocolate stash  in a box marked Chocolate Covered Cherries the next time he came through. Then again, the howls of anguish coming from the little dragon’s room about 4 hours later were pretty epic too.

[Lethal wipes his eye while attempting to stifle a chuckle at the memory] Moving right along-

While I figure Impish will have more on this this weekend I’m going to take a moment to mention this now. Next Tuesday, November 8th is Election Day. Get out and vote. Yes there will be lines. Yes there will be inclement weather in some places. Yes once again we are faced with choosing between the lesser of two evils. Get out there and vote anyway. Just suck it up and do it.

Once every four years WE THE PEOPLE are given an opportunity to express our wish for the direction the country should be taken in as well as the actions of those who are in office looking to be re-elected.  If we the ‘common sense’ faction don’t get out and express ourselves things skew too far to the Left or to the Right and that’s when the bad things happen. Of course when things are fair and balanced pretty much nothing happens. That’s probably the biggest problem with a 2 party system.

I’m not going to tell you to whom to vote for, that is strictly your choice. What I am going to tell you is that a lot of American’s down through the years have died to protect your right to vote (among other rights). Please do not dishonor them and their efforts by blowing it off.

Alright off with the lot of you then. Enjoy the issue. I’ve got to go polish and place finishing touches on one of the hardest issues I do every year, The Veteran’s Day Issue which you’ll see next week right here.

I think Ninja Kitty Clan Mistress SC is trying to tell me something!

 

 

The Top 5 Signs Your Debate Is Going Poorly

5.)  Your opponent’s opening statement directs the audience’s attention to your mismatched socks and open fly.

4.) “And that is why I ask you to erect me President.”

3.) Halfway through your opening statement your campaign manager’s resignation letter lands on your lectern.

2.) You find yourself saying, “…and I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for those damn Millennials!”

And the Number One Sign Your Debate Is Going Poorly…

1.) Moderator: “Whadaya say to that, dumbass?”

I hear this happens a lot during elections

DIVORCE  AGREEMENT

The  person who wrote this is a college (law) student. Perhaps there is hope  for us after all.

Dear  American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and  Obama supporters, et al:

We  have stuck together since  the late 1950’s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest  election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we  tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations,  but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our  two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is  right for us all, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and  chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own  way.

Here  is our separation agreement:

–Our  two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a  similar portion.  That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our  two sides can come to a friendly agreement.  After that, it should be  relatively easy!  Our respective representatives can effortlessly  divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate  tastes.

–We  don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.

–You  are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

–Since  you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the  military.

–We’ll  take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go  with wind, solar and biodiesel.

–You  can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell. You are, however,  responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three  of them.

–We’ll  keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, WalMart  and Wall Street.

–You  can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless,  homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.

–We’ll  keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and  rednecks.

–We’ll  keep Bill O’Reilly, and Bibles and give you NBC and  Hollywood.

–You  can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade  and hammer places that threaten us.

–You  can have the peaceniks and war protesters.

—  When  our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them  security.

–We’ll  keep our Judeo-Christian values.

–You  are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and  Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be  paying the bill.

–We’ll  keep the SUV’s, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take  every Volt and Leaf you can find.

–You  can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing  doctors.

–We’ll  keep “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” and “The National  Anthem.”

–I’m  sure you’ll be happy to substitute “Imagine”, “I’d Like to Teach the World  to Sing”, “Kum Ba Ya” or “We Are the World”.

–We’ll  practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up  poverty your best shot.

–Since  it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our  flag.

Would  you agree to this?  If so, please pass it along to other like-minded  liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit  delete.  In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you might think  about which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John  J. Wall

Law  Student and an American

P.S.   Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen,  Barbara Streisand, ( Hanoi ) Jane Fonda with you.

P.S.S.   And you won’t have to press 1 for English when you call our  country.

Forward  This Every Time You Get It!  Let’s Keep This Going, Maybe Some Of It  Will Start Sinking In!

 

 

OH STOP GROANING! It’s not like I didn’t warn you! 

Some girl made this for her brother.  It went viral.

Recipes You Absolutely Can’t Fuck Up

By: The best goddamned sister in the whole world

Caring for your cast iron pan:

I have already seasoned it for the year but basic up-keep is needed to make sure you have a long lasting and faithful workhorse for your kitchen.

● DON’T YOU EVER DARE TO PUT IT IN THE DISHWASHER!!!

● Unless you get rust you do not need to put it in water

● When cleaning, simply put on medium heat and add vegetable oil and salt, scrub it out then wipe clean with a paper towel and a bit of oil.

● Cast iron and eggs aren’t the best of friends, avoid pairing them unless you want a lot of clean up.

● These fuckers get hot so use a hot pad or kitchen rag when handling.

● You only need to season these once a year unless you develop rust

○ Make sure there is no food burned to the pan

○ Rub a thin layer of solid fat (Crisco or lard, either works but I use crisco) into the pan

○ Place the pan in a 400 degree oven and leave for 1 hour (it will be smoky)

○ After the time is up turn off the oven and leave pan in until room temp.

–> If you develop RUST, scrub thoroughly in hot water with soap, dry and follow seasoning steps.

The most important thing to remember is that cooking is an art, it’s about experimentation and having fun. These are simple recipes to get your feet wet and are easy to tinker with when you start to branch out. Find your own rhythm in the kitchen and make your own style. Not everything will turn out perfect on the first try but don’t get discouraged because failure is how you learn. Go wild and enjoy yourself, just don’t burn down the house in the process. Merry Christmas, jerk face.

Chicken Soup So Simple A Caveman Can Do It.

Unless you’re so dumb you couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel, then you’re shit out of luck.

Ingredients

● 1 Whole broiler/fryer chicken

● 1 Bag of egg noodles

● 2 Whole white onions

● 4 Stalks of celery

● 4 Carrots

● 3 Bay leaves

● 2 Tbs Basil

● 1 Tbs Rosemary

● 1tsp Paprika

● Salt and Pepper to taste

Instructions

Place the chicken in a large pot with one quartered onion, two carrots, and two stalks of celery. Fill the pot with water until it just covers the chicken, place on low heat and simmer for 2-4 hours. Once cooked, remove chicken and spent veggies from pot and allow chicken to cool before boning and skinning (Reserve one breast and one thigh worth of meat for Chicken salad). Chop the remaining onion, carrots, and celery then add to pot. Add bay leaves, basil, rosemary, and paprika. Wait 10 minutes for carrot to soften then add the chicken and the bag of noodles. When noodles are soft, serve and stuff your face.

Leftover Chicken Salad So Your Lazy Ass Can Make Two Meals At Once

If you can’t make this, then you’re pretty much hopeless.

Ingredients

● Leftover chicken, or 1/2 lb boiled chicken.

● 1 Stalk of celery

● 1/4 c. Mayo (None of that Miracle Whip bullshit, man up and get the good shit)

● 2 Tbs Deli Mustard (Not that bright yellow crap that goes on hotdogs)

● 1/2 tsp Tabasco sauce

● Salt and Pepper to taste

Instructions

Chop up the chicken and celery. Mix with the other shit, eat on a sandwich or straight out of the bowl – I don’t judge, usually. Why are you still reading dummy?

Shepherd’s Pie That We All Know Will Be Eaten In One Sitting.

Lie to me all you want but don’t lie to yourself

Ingredients

● 1 lb Ground beef

● A handful of dried onions

● 3 Tbs Worcestershire sauce (If I find out you aren’t using Lea&Perrins I will hunt you down and go Sweeny Todd on your ass)

● 1/4 Bag of frozen veggies (I usually use peas and carrots or mixed veggies, but whatever you have is fine)

● Boxed mashed potatoes (I don’t measure this, just mix into boiling water until it’s thick)

● Grated mutha-fukin cheddah cheez!

● Salt and Pepper to taste

Instructions

Pre-heat oven to 350 F. In a skillet brown the meat and add Worcestershire, dried onions, salt, and pepper. While meat is cooking, boil water and mix in dried potatoes. While they are still liquid-y add 2-3 handfuls of cheese . Mix the veggies in with the meat and then cover everything with the potatoes. Top with a bit more cheese and bake in oven for 20-25 minutes.

Swedish Meat(Space)Balls

Not your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate’s meatballs

Ingridients

● 1 egg beaten

● ¾ cup milk

● 4 slices day old bread

● 1 tsp salt

● ⅛ tsp pepper

● 1 tsp dried minced onion

● ¾ lb ground chuck

● ¼ cup salad oil

● 1 can cream of mushroom soup

Instructions

Heat oven to 350 F. Beat egg & milk together. Pour over bread and let stand for 5 minutes. With fork, beat until bread is in fine pieces. Stir in next four ingredients. Make into meatballs and brown quickly in oil. Put in one-quart casserole. Mix mushroom soup with ⅓ soup-can of milk, and pour over meatballs. Bake oven for 30 minutes.

Indian Chicken Curry (Not the ‘night on the toilet’ kind)

I’d say that this is as easy as boiling water, but you’ve burnt that before

● ½ cup finely chopped onion

● ½ cup finely chopped celery

● 3 Tbs butter

● 3 Tbs flour

● 2 cups chicken stock

● 1 cup tomato juice

● ½ tsp Worcestershire sauce

● salt & pepper, to taste

● 1 tsp curry powder

● 4 cups diced chicken

● 4 cups hot cooked rice

Instructions

Lightly brown onion & celery in hot fat. Add flour and blend. Add stock, cook until thick, stirring constantly. Add tomato juice, Worcestershire sauce, seasonings and chicken. Heat thoroughly. Serve over rice.

Meatloaf

Did you really expect to get away without this one? Just don’t get too distracted playing with it

Ingredients

6-7 lbs hamburger

3-4 eggs

1½ cups shredded carrot

1 can tomato sauce

1/4 cup dried onion

Salt and pepper to taste

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350 F. Mix hamburger, eggs, carrot, and onion together and then season with salt and peper. Shape into loaf and put in pan. Pour tomato sauce over the top. Fill sauce can 1/2 full with water and pour into the bottom of the pan. Bake for 1.5-2 hours

Cream Cheese Spaghetti Bake

Use this to impress a girl if you ever manage to get one over

Ingredients

● 1 pound spaghetti

● 1 tablespoon olive oil

● 1 pound ground beef

● 1 small onion, diced

● Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

● 1 (28-ounce) can crushed tomatoes

● 1 teaspoon dried basil

● 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano

● 1/2 teaspoon dried parsley

● 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes, optional

● 1/2 cup whipped cream cheese

● 1/2 cup sour cream

● 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese

● 1/2 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese

● 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley leaves

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly oil a 9×13 baking dish or coat with nonstick spray. In a large pot of boiling salted water, cook pasta according to package instructions; drain well. Heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium high heat. Add ground beef and onion and cook until beef has browned, about 3-5 minutes, making sure to crumble the beef as it cooks; season with salt and pepper, to taste. Drain excess fat. Stir in crushed tomatoes, basil, oregano, parsley and red pepper flakes; season with salt and pepper, to taste.In a small bowl, whisk together cream cheese and sour cream. Add pasta to the prepared baking dish and layer with cream cheese and beef mixture; sprinkle with cheeses. Place into oven and bake until bubbly and heated through, about 15-20 minutes. Serve immediately, garnished with parsley, if desired.

(This also freezes really well, just portion it off into tupperware while hot and let it cool to room temp before freezing it. When you want to microwave it, do so in 1 min. increments.)

Not So Kentucky Fried Chicken

Remember: Hot oil + bare skin = a not so fun night at the hospital

Ingredients

● Bone-in, skin-on pieces of chicken (I prefer dark meat just remember thighs will take a little longer because of the bone)

● 1 Cup Flour

● 1 Egg

● 1 Tbs Ground Rosemary

● 1 Tbs Paprika

● Salt and pepper to taste

● Oil (as this is frying an oil with a high smoke point-the temp at which it begins to smoke, duh- is better. Go for canola before vegetable oil)

Instructions

Pour oil into pan until 1/4 of an inch fills it. In three bowls separate bowls place 1/4 cup of plain flour, the egg and a teaspoon of water and scramble, the remaining 3/4 cup of flour and the rosemary, paprika, salt, and pepper. Put the pan on a medium heat until the bottom shimmers. Take the chicken and dust with plain flour, then dip in the egg and then roll in the seasoned flour before placing in the hot oil. *Don’t let the chicken sit too long before frying it or the coat will become soggy.* For breasts and thighs fry each side for 8 min., for wings fry 5 min each side., for legs fry for 4 min the rotate 90 degrees and repeat until done.

Teriyaki Chicken

This is not an excuse for 20 cups of rice

Ingredients

● 12 oz skinless and boneless chicken thighs

● 1 1/2 tablespoon soy sauce

● 1 heaping tablespoon sugar or to taste

● 1 tablespoon Japanese cooking sake (rice wine)

● 1 1/2 tablespoon oil

● White sesame, for garnishing

Instructions

Marinate the chicken with soy sauce, sugar, and cooking sake for 20 minutes.Heat up a skillet with the oil on low heat. When the oil is heated, transfer the chicken and the marinade sauce into the skillet and let cook slowly. Turn the chicken over after 5 minutes and continue to cook on low heat, for another 5 minutes. Serve over rice with a green veggie.

Beef Stroganoff

More like beef strokin off. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge….awkward laugh

Ingredients

● 1 lb ground beef

● 1 box elbow macaroni

● 1 package mushrooms (whole are usually cheaper than sliced but whatever)

● 1 small onion or 1/4 cup dried onion (if dried, add when browning meat)

● 1 Can of cream of mushroom

● 1/4 cup of sour cream

● Salt and pepper to taste

Instructions

Put a large pot of salted water on to boil. In a skillet saute the small onion and the mushrooms with a pat of butter until they soften. Add the beef and brown. Add cream of mushroom, sour cream, and salt and pepper. Let it simmer on low heat, stir occasionally. Put macaroni into water to cook. When noodles are done, drain and combine with the beef sauce. Serve and eat until you can’t move, yo.

Loaded Baked Potato Soup

Try not to blow your mind with this motherfucker

Ingredients

● 1 package (12 oz) bacon

● 1 1/2 cups chopped onion

● 6 cups chicken broth (two 32 oz cartons, low sodium)

● 2 lb baking potatoes, peeled, cubed

● 2/3 cup butter

● 1/4 all-purpose flour

● 4 cups milk

● 1 container (8 oz) sour cream

● 2 1/2 cups shredded sharp Cheddar cheese (10 oz)

● 3/4 cup sliced green onions

● Salt and pepper to taste

Instructions

In 12-inch skillet, cook bacon over medium heat 6 to 7 minutes or until crisp; drain on paper towels. Crumble bacon; set aside. Reserve 2 tablespoons drippings in skillet. Cook onion in bacon drippings over medium-high heat 6 minutes or until almost tender. In 6-quart Dutch oven, mix onion, broth and potatoes. Heat to boiling; reduce heat. Cook 10 minutes or until potatoes are very tender Meanwhile, in same skillet, melt butter over low heat. Stir in flour with whisk until smooth. Cook and stir 1 minute. Gradually stir in 2 cups of the milk. Pour milk mixture into potato mixture. Add remaining 2 cups milk, the salt and pepper. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly with whisk, until mixture is thickened and bubbly. Stir in half of the bacon, the sour cream, 2 cups of the cheese and 1/2 cup of the green onions. Cook until thoroughly heated and cheese is melted. Evenly top individual servings with remaining bacon, 1/2 cup cheese and 1/4 cup green onions.

Honey Soy Pork Chops

Oink oink beeyotch

Ingredients

● 8 pork chops

● ¼ cup soy sauce

● ½ cup honey

● 2 cloves garlic

● pinch of ground ginger

● pinch red pepper flakes

Instructions

Mince garlic and combine all ingredients in a plastic bag and marinate 4-6 hours. After marinating put pork chops in a hot skillet and cook 4 minutes on each side. Add remaining marinade over chops and reduce to make a sauce. Serve with rice and veggies or just eat straight out of the pan, loser.

Internet Addiction Test (IAT)

The Internet Addiction Test (IAT) is the first Validated measure of Internet Addiction described in the IAT Manual to measure Internet use in terms of mild, moderate, to several levels of addiction.

Based upon the following five-point likert scale, select the response that best represents the frequency of the behavior described in the following 20-item questionnaire.

0 = Not Applicable
1 = Rarely
2 = Occasionally
3 = Frequently
4 = Often
5 = Always

1. ___How often do you find that you stay online longer than you intended?
2. ___How often do you neglect household chores to spend more time online?
3. ___How often do you prefer the excitement of the Internet to intimacy with your partner?
4. ___How often do you form new relationships with fellow online users?
5. ___How often do others in your life complain to you about the amount of time you spend online?
6. ___How often do your grades or school work suffer because of the amount of time you spend online?
7. ___How often do you check your e-mail before something else that you need to do?
8. ___How often does your job performance or productivity suffer because of the Internet?
9. ___How often do you become defensive or secretive when anyone asks you what you do online?
10. ___How often do you block out disturbing thoughts about your life with soothing thoughts of the Internet?
11. ___How often do you find yourself anticipating when you will go online again?
12. ___How often do you fear that life without the Internet would be boring, empty, and joyless?
13. ___How often do you snap, yell, or act annoyed if someone bothers you while you are online?
14. ___How often do you lose sleep due to late-night log-ins?
15. ___How often do you feel preoccupied with the Internet when off-line, or fantasize about being online?
16. ___How often do you find yourself saying “just a few more minutes” when online?
17. ___How often do you try to cut down the amount of time you spend online and fail?
18. ___How often do you try to hide how long you’ve been online?
19. ___How often do you choose to spend more time online over going out with others?
20. ___How often do you feel depressed, moody, or nervous when you are off-line, which goes away once you are back online?

After all the questions have been answered, add the numbers for each response to obtain a final score. The higher the score, the greater the level of addiction and creation of problems resultant from such Internet usage.  The severity impairment index is as follows:

NONE 0 – 30 points

MILD 31- 49 points: You are an average online user. You may surf the Web a bit too long at times, but you have control over your usage.

MODERATE 50 -79 points: You are experiencing occasional or frequent problems because of the Internet. You should consider their full impact on your life.

SEVERE 80 – 100 points: Your Internet usage is causing significant problems in your life. You should evaluate the impact of the Internet on your life and address the problems directly caused by your Internet usage.

I scored a semi respectable/reasonable 35. Impish on the other hand couldn’t be pried away from his net surfing for virgins long enough to take the test and became angry at the interruption. SIGH! Where did I put that number for the Hokey Pokey Clinic?

Installation of SpyCat Real Time Monitoring System Node complete!

 

As you enter the usual campground area you see that there is a long line in front of the biggest tent you’ve ever seen.  This one is even bigger than the last “Biggest Tent You’ve Ever Seen.”  It covers the entire campground, not just the area where you normally view the latest issue of Dragon Laffs, but the entire camping area.  You see that there is only one line, but two doorways in to the tent. 

You notice two of the Cyber Lethals checking IDs and then herding the person or party into one doorway or another.  It seems as though the older members, members with very young children and the infirm are going through the right doorway and the young people and those of stronger and more vigorous constitutions are going in the left side.

As you get closer, you can see Ginny and Diaman arguing with Paul (aka Paul the Old Fart).  You can  just catch a few phrases here and there, but as Paul is getting louder and louder, you begin to hear more of the conversation:

Paul: I AM NOT going through the Kiddie side!

Ginny: It’s NOT the Kiddie side.  It is a side for anyone who may have problems getting scared inside.

Paul: I’ve been a Fire Fighter all my life!  Do you think that Impish or Lethal can set up some fake props with people in costumes jumping out and grabbing someone is going to frighten ME?!  Do you think I won’t be able to HANDLE IT?

Diaman: Paul, no one says you can’t handle it.  It is a decision that the Cyber Lethals’ programing has decided.  You just fall into their category of …

Paul:  I know that!  And most of the rest of those old codgers would probably fall over with a heart attack by going in there, but I’M NOT ONE OF THEM!

Before either of them could get wound up any further, Lethal Leprechaun strolls up and gives Ginny and Diaman a kiss on the cheek and Paul a firm handshake and asks, “What’s going on folks?  Something I can do to help?”

Paul: Yes.  Yes you can.  You can let me inside the adult side of the tent and not humiliate me by sending me in with the kiddies.

Lethal: Ah, I see.

Lethal makes a gesture and one of the Cyber Lethals approaches him.  Lethal excuses himself and steps over to the side and begins speaking in hushed tones with the robot.  After a few moments of the back and forth, Lethal nods and a slot opens up in the stomach area of the machine man.  Out of this slot pops several sheets of paper.  Lethal uses the Cyber Lethal’s metal shoulder to tap the pages into a neat stack and gestures for Paul and the two ladies to come over. 

As they approach, he says something else to the robot which turns around and a smallish shelf pops out of his back.

Lethal: Okay, Paul.  I understand the problem.  You fit the profile of the people who should go into the right side, and not the left.  What I have here is a little legal document that basically says that you and subsequently any member of your family, friends, children, etc. will hold DL&LL Enterprises and myself and Impish Dragon completely un-responsible for any and all problems, side effects, subsequent defects and any other problem or issue listed or not listed in the document.  It runs to 137 pages, so I’m pretty sure that our legal department has all the bases covered.  This is not the first time we have had someone sign a document of this type.  Basically, by signing this document you are giving up all rights to suing us if you get hurt.  Physically or mentally.

Paul:  Where’s the pen, I’ll sign.

Lethal: I’m not quite done yet.  Your immediate family needs to sign this as well since they must both approve you going in and accepting the fact that you might get hurt.  That would be Ginny.  She holds the actual key as to whether or not you can enter the left side.  Oh, and if she agrees, she must accompany you through the entire thing.

Paul: Ginny?  Would you sign this please?

Ginny: No Paul.  I can’t.  I can’t have you go inside there against the better advice of Lethal’s robots.  I just can’t.  You are …

You realize you are passed the couple discussing which door to go in and realize that you have entered the tent and since you were so intent on listening to the couple argue that you’re not sure which door you went in.  Did you go in the easy door or the one that your physician had to sign off saying your heart was strong enough or the supposed, easier one?

As you wander deeper in the darkness, the rest of us will join the issue.

So….it’s Halloween…time for ghosts and goblins to run from door to door begging treats and threatening tricks.  But, where did this very much different holiday come from?  Well, according to the History Channel…

History of Halloween
Straddling the line between fall and winter, plenty and paucity, life and death, Halloween is a time of celebration and superstition. It is thought to have originated with the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, when people would light bonfires and wear costumes to ward off roaming ghosts. In the eighth century, Pope Gregory III designated November 1 as a time to honor all saints and martyrs; the holiday, All Saints’ Day, incorporated some of the traditions of Samhain. The evening before was known as All Hallows’ Eve and later Halloween. Over time, Halloween evolved into a secular, community-based event characterized by child-friendly activities such as trick-or-treating. In a number of countries around the world, as the days grow shorter and the nights get colder, people continue to usher in the winter season with gatherings, costumes and sweet treats.

Well, that’s a nice start, while you wonder your way through my maze, let’s get into the issue and learn a bit more about Halloween along the way.

It is extraordinarily hard to find Halloween jokes, stories and quips to share throughout this issue, but I’m going to try.  And perhaps I’ll transform some other jokes into a form that would be Halloweenish.

And knowing that, this next video really doesn’t really have anything to do with Halloween…expect … well, the night before Halloween when I was growing up, was called mischief night and part of that is pulling pranks and this next video is one of the greatest pranks ever played on a telemarketer in all time.  I actually got a call from California while I was driving and didn’t answer it.  They didn’t leave a message and when I got home I looked the number up on Google and found out it was a telemarketer and that led me to this:

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the phone number that called me was from Anaheim, California and it was 714-340-2608 so if you have the ability to block calls on your phone, you can add that one to the list.

Ancient Origins of Halloween
Halloween’s origins date back to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain (pronounced sow-in). The Celts, who lived 2,000 years ago in the area that is now Ireland, the United Kingdom and northern France, celebrated their new year on November 1. This day marked the end of summer and the harvest and the beginning of the dark, cold winter, a time of year that was often associated with human death. Celts believed that on the night before the new year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred. On the night of October 31 they celebrated Samhain, when it was believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth. In addition to causing trouble and damaging crops, Celts thought that the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids, or Celtic priests, to make predictions about the future. For a people entirely dependent on the volatile natural world, these prophecies were an important source of comfort and direction during the long, dark winter.

Okay, another video.  Remember the Christmas lights set to music that have become so popular lately?  Well, here’s a Halloween themed one set to one of my favorite songs.  Well, one of my favorite songs from a movie…okay, one of my favorite songs from THIS movie.  Well…. screw it!  It’s Time Warp from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.  You may recognize this house from Lethal Leprechaun’s issue on Wednesday where it was set up to Ghost Busters.  That was 2015 and this is 2016.  Glad to see they’ve kept it going.

 

Did You Know?
One quarter of all the candy sold annually in the U.S. is purchased for Halloween.

I guess I’m finding a lot of videos.  Not many Halloween jokes so we’ll stick with the movies. We’ve shown you “Simon’s Cat” previously, but this one is the self-proclaimed “Halloween Special”:

I REALLY enjoy jumping out of caldrons and scaring the daylights out of witches. But, let’s get back to the Ancient Origins of Halloween:

To commemorate the event, Druids built huge sacred bonfires, where the people gathered to burn crops and animals as sacrifices to the Celtic deities. During the celebration, the Celts wore costumes, typically consisting of animal heads and skins, and attempted to tell each other’s fortunes. When the celebration was over, they re-lit their hearth fires, which they had extinguished earlier that evening, from the sacred bonfire to help protect them during the coming winter.
By 43 A.D., the Roman Empire had conquered the majority of Celtic territory. In the course of the four hundred years that they ruled the Celtic lands, two festivals of Roman origin were combined with the traditional Celtic celebration of Samhain. The first was Feralia, a day in late October when the Romans traditionally commemorated the passing of the dead. The second was a day to honor Pomona, the Roman goddess of fruit and trees. The symbol of Pomona is the apple and the incorporation of this celebration into Samhain probably explains the tradition of “bobbing” for apples that is practiced today on Halloween.
On May 13, 609 A.D., Pope Boniface IV dedicated the Pantheon in Rome in honor of all Christian martyrs, and the Catholic feast of All Martyrs Day was established in the Western church. Pope Gregory III (731?741) later expanded the festival to include all saints as well as all martyrs, and moved the observance from May 13 to November 1. By the 9th century the influence of Christianity had spread into Celtic lands, where it gradually blended with and supplanted the older Celtic rites. In 1000 A.D., the church would make November 2 All Souls’ Day, a day to honor the dead. It is widely believed today that the church was attempting to replace the Celtic festival of the dead with a related, but church-sanctioned holiday. All Souls Day was celebrated similarly to Samhain, with big bonfires, parades, and dressing up in costumes as saints, angels and devils. The All Saints Day celebration was also called All-hallows or All-hallowmas (from Middle English Alholowmesse meaning All Saints’ Day) and the night before it, the traditional night of Samhain in the Celtic religion, began to be called All-hallows Eve and, eventually, Halloween.

Halloween Comes to America
Celebration of Halloween was extremely limited in colonial New England because of the rigid Protestant belief systems there. Halloween was much more common in Maryland and the southern colonies. As the beliefs and customs of different European ethnic groups as well as the American Indians meshed, a distinctly American version of Halloween began to emerge. The first celebrations included “play parties,” public events held to celebrate the harvest, where neighbors would share stories of the dead, tell each other’s fortunes, dance and sing. Colonial Halloween festivities also featured the telling of ghost stories and mischief-making of all kinds. By the middle of the nineteenth century, annual autumn festivities were common, but Halloween was not yet celebrated everywhere in the country.

In the second half of the nineteenth century, America was flooded with new immigrants. These new immigrants, especially the millions of Irish fleeing Ireland’s potato famine of 1846, helped to popularize the celebration of Halloween nationally. Taking from Irish and English traditions, Americans began to dress up in costumes and go house to house asking for food or money, a practice that eventually became today’s “trick-or-treat” tradition. Young women believed that on Halloween they could divine the name or appearance of their future husband by doing tricks with yarn, apple parings or mirrors.
In the late 1800s, there was a move in America to mold Halloween into a holiday more about community and neighborly get-togethers than about ghosts, pranks and witchcraft. At the turn of the century, Halloween parties for both children and adults became the most common way to celebrate the day. Parties focused on games, foods of the season and festive costumes. Parents were encouraged by newspapers and community leaders to take anything “frightening” or “grotesque” out of Halloween celebrations. Because of these efforts, Halloween lost most of its superstitious and religious overtones by the beginning of the twentieth century.
By the 1920s and 1930s, Halloween had become a secular, but community-centered holiday, with parades and town-wide parties as the featured entertainment. Despite the best efforts of many schools and communities, vandalism began to plague Halloween celebrations in many communities during this time. By the 1950s, town leaders had successfully limited vandalism and Halloween had evolved into a holiday directed mainly at the young. Due to the high numbers of young children during the fifties baby boom, parties moved from town civic centers into the classroom or home, where they could be more easily accommodated. Between 1920 and 1950, the centuries-old practice of trick-or-treating was also revived. Trick-or-treating was a relatively inexpensive way for an entire community to share the Halloween celebration. In theory, families could also prevent tricks being played on them by providing the neighborhood children with small treats. A new American tradition was born, and it has continued to grow. Today, Americans spend an estimated $6 billion annually on Halloween, making it the country’s second largest commercial holiday.

I know it’s dark where you are and you’re still trying to find your way out of the maze….if … you’re even still alive in there.  So, let’s learn some more about Halloween, shall we?  After all, I wouldn’t want you to think that you’ve died from a made up holiday!

Today’s Halloween Traditions
The American Halloween tradition of “trick-or-treating” probably dates back to the early All Souls’ Day parades in England. During the festivities, poor citizens would beg for food and families would give them pastries called “soul cakes” in return for their promise to pray for the family’s dead relatives. The distribution of soul cakes was encouraged by the church as a way to replace the ancient practice of leaving food and wine for roaming spirits. The practice, which was referred to as “going a-souling” was eventually taken up by children who would visit the houses in their neighborhood and be given ale, food, and money.
The tradition of dressing in costume for Halloween has both European and Celtic roots. Hundreds of years ago, winter was an uncertain and frightening time. Food supplies often ran low and, for the many people afraid of the dark, the short days of winter were full of constant worry. On Halloween, when it was believed that ghosts came back to the earthly world, people thought that they would encounter ghosts if they left their homes. To avoid being recognized by these ghosts, people would wear masks when they left their homes after dark so that the ghosts would mistake them for fellow spirits. On Halloween, to keep ghosts away from their houses, people would place bowls of food outside their homes to appease the ghosts and prevent them from attempting to enter.

Have we learned enough about Halloween yet?  Are you poor babies still trapped in the darkness?  Awww, well the rest of us aren’t quite done just yet.

Halloween Superstitions
Halloween has always been a holiday filled with mystery, magic and superstition. It began as a Celtic end-of-summer festival during which people felt especially close to deceased relatives and friends. For these friendly spirits, they set places at the dinner table, left treats on doorsteps and along the side of the road and lit candles to help loved ones find their way back to the spirit world. Today’s Halloween ghosts are often depicted as more fearsome and malevolent, and our customs and superstitions are scarier too. We avoid crossing paths with black cats, afraid that they might bring us bad luck. This idea has its roots in the Middle Ages, when many people believed that witches avoided detection by turning themselves into cats. We try not to walk under ladders for the same reason. This superstition may have come from the ancient Egyptians, who believed that triangles were sacred; it also may have something to do with the fact that walking under a leaning ladder tends to be fairly unsafe. And around Halloween, especially, we try to avoid breaking mirrors, stepping on cracks in the road or spilling salt.
But what about the Halloween traditions and beliefs that today’s trick-or-treaters have forgotten all about? Many of these obsolete rituals focused on the future instead of the past and the living instead of the dead. In particular, many had to do with helping young women identify their future husbands and reassuring them that they would someday,with luck, by next Halloween, be married. In 18th-century Ireland, a matchmaking cook might bury a ring in her mashed potatoes on Halloween night, hoping to bring true love to the diner who found it. In Scotland, fortune-tellers recommended that an eligible young woman name a hazelnut for each of her suitors and then toss the nuts into the fireplace. The nut that burned to ashes rather than popping or exploding, the story went, represented the girl’s future husband. (In some versions of this legend, confusingly, the opposite was true: The nut that burned away symbolized a love that would not last.) Another tale had it that if a young woman ate a sugary concoction made out of walnuts, hazelnuts and nutmeg before bed on Halloween night she would dream about her future husband. Young women tossed apple-peels over their shoulders, hoping that the peels would fall on the floor in the shape of their future husbands’ initials; tried to learn about their futures by peering at egg yolks floating in a bowl of water; and stood in front of mirrors in darkened rooms, holding candles and looking over their shoulders for their husbands’ faces. Other rituals were more competitive. At some Halloween parties, the first guest to find a burr on a chestnut-hunt would be the first to marry; at others, the first successful apple-bobber would be the first down the aisle.
Of course, whether we’re asking for romantic advice or trying to avoid seven years of bad luck, each one of these Halloween superstitions relies on the good will of the very same “spirits” whose presence the early Celts felt so keenly.

Well, well, well.  That’s the end of the story of Halloween, but not, dear camper, the end of this issue, but it might be, the end of you who are still trapped …..

I’m really quite pleased with this next picture, since I took it myself and manipulated it into the form you see here:

Pretty cool, huh?

Okay, this has got to be the best costume a building has ever worn

Leave it to a Burger King in Queens, NY to display the best Halloween costume a fast-food chain has ever worn. The fast food restaurant draped a huge white sheet over the exterior of the building with the word McDonald’s spray painted on top. Add a few eyes and you have yourself a certified flame grilled ghost.

During the day, the place looks like it’s getting it’s annual fumigation done, but I still have to give the franchise credit for their commitment to getting into the Halloween spirit.

Let’s not get our hopes too high for a retaliation from McDonald’s. They’re still up in arms over the whole scary clown debacle that has swept the nation, so much that they were forced to hide Ronald until Halloween is over. Too bad too, because if McDonald’s had a committed team of employees like BK did in organizing the fitting of that massive costume, who knows what Mickey D’s would have fired back with.

Okay, so this issue is so huge that it just crashed on me and I thought I had lost everything!  Talk about a Halloween scare!  I hope before it crashed that everyone who was still in the maze got out safely, but I guess we’ll find that out when next we meet and we see if everyone is still there.

I hope you enjoyed the issue.  Thanks to all of you who contributed and special thanks to my buddy and partner Lethal Leprechaun, who really kept this issue full.

Until next week.