Yup Hump Day has arrived in all it’s “Humptacularness.” Whoopee still 3 days until the weekend get here. I guess its time to swap out the Half and Half in the pitcher for Bailey’s again.
I spoke with Impish briefly. He’s doing just about how you would expect under the circumstances. I mentioned all your kind words of support and condolences for which he asked me to express his thanks. I’m sure when he gets back he’ll do it personally as well.
Ok its bad enough its only Hump Day without us getting all depressed too so…
Physicist Michio Kaku, author of the new book “Physics of the Future: How Science Will Change Daily Life by 2100,” says by that year we’ll have robots helping us with our daily tasks. But they’ll need some cool names, won’t they?
The Top 5 Robots We’d Like to See
5> Foreplay Droid: now you can skip the boring parts
4> Queenbot: rules the house like Elizabeth, sings like Freddie
3> The Snookinator: cyborg assassin sent back in time to kill the parents of the “Jersey Shore” cast before they can conceive
2> Groomba: traverses your woolly mammoth of a body, shaving, pruning, plucking and waxing
and The Number 1 Robot We’d Like to See…
1> Iron Man: no more wrinkled laundry!
[ Copyright 2011 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]
FUNNY WEBSITE NAMES – All are real!!!
All of these are legitimate companies that didn’t spend quite enough time to consider how their online name might appear! These are not made up. Check them out yourself!
1. ‘Who Represents’ is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is: www.whorepresents.com
2. ‘Experts Exchange’ is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at: www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a great pen? Look no further than ‘Pen Island.’ It can be found at:www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try ‘Therapist Finder’ at: www.therapistfinder.com
5. Then there’s the ‘Italian Power Generator’ company. Check it out at: www.powergenitalia.com
6.’IP computer’ software, there’s always: www.ip_anywhere.com
7. And the designers at ‘Speed of Art’ await you at their wacky Web site: www.speedofart.com
thanks to our token Israeli reader & Contributor Lynn for those
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. (Don’t go there you sick demented perverts!) They undress and step in the showers, before they realize there is no soap. (Didn’t I JUST say don’t go there? Honestly you people! And I get the hate mail for making Obama jokes? Sheesh!) Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap in his hands and heads back to the showers.
He gets halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place
to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he s a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls his dick.
Startled, he drops a bar of soap. “Oh look,” says the 2nd nun…”a soap dispenser.” To test her theory she also pulls his dick…and sure enough he drops the last bar of soap.
The third nun then pulls, first once, then twice and three times. Still nothing happens. So she tries once more and to her delight she yells… “Look, hand cream!”
A Little Something Special for Yesterdays Token Liberal Commenter
Just for the record ALL the Obama material I used yesterday plus this today came from our readers Don, I didn’t go hunting for it to promote an agenda. Sure makes you think don’t it? Oh! Wait! Thinking isn’t a Liberal or Democratic strong suit is it?
Talk about your modern conveniences and time savers! With these Post-a-Note style Nasty Notes you don’t even have to waste your time or breath expressing your distain or dismay via the F-bomb anymore! Is this a wonder age we live in or what?!
Democrat, Republican, or a Texan?
You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, a terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner,
locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you…
You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?
THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN:
- Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question!
- What is a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP?
- Does the man look poor or oppressed?
- Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling?
- Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
- Could we run away?
- What does my wife think?
- What about the kids?
- Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
- What does the law say about this situation?
- Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
- Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
- Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?
- Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
- If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
- Should I call 9-1-1?
- Why is this street so deserted?
- We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day.
- Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
- I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
- This is all so confusing!
………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… …….. ……… ..
………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… …….. ……
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click….. (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click! (Only 2 mags?! Musta been his back up weapon!)
Daughter: ‘Nice grouping, Daddy!’
‘Were those the .45 ACP Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points I got you for Christmas?!’
Son: ‘Can I shoot the next one?!’
Wife: ‘You ain’t taking that to the Taxidermist!
Women! If it ain’t got lace & frills or isn’t artsy fartsy and gay looking you can’t bring it in THEIR house! It don’t matter you’re paying for the house or would be the only fella in your gun club with a trophy mounted terrorist on your man cave wall!
For a long time Verizon had the richly deserved distinction of having the hardest to understand bills and worst customer service in the wireless industry. To say this did not sit well with their customers would be something of an understatement. Most (if they could afford it) broke their contracts and went elsewhere, some suffered out their contracts in silence a few creative customers took their revenge in interesting ways like this:
Such an elegant and succinct comment on the astronomical size of his bill and its near indecipherability! Never piss off a Geek they beat you with their brains and with epic sarcasm every time!
I have to admit for as much as Impish and I raise a hue and a cry about what is going on here in the US, the sad state to which America and it’s ideals have fallen that even I had no real clear big picture idea of just how bad things are. That is at least until I saw this article sent to me by several readers as well other sources. I doubt most of you have realized that things are actually this bad either. Fasten your seatbelts, remove all breakable objects from the immediate vicinity, grab a couple of Rolaids or TUMS take a deep centering breath and read on but prepared to be disgusted and depressed like I am.
Anyone else besides Impish and I strongly considering finding a way & place to move to where we can have the old values and morals back again? Liberals, lawyers, politicians, the entitlement minded, illegal immigrants and religious whackos need not apply.