Leprechaun Laffs #41


DL - Leprechaun Laffs

Alright quiet in the ranks you Grumbling Goldbricks! At Ease! Slurp or sip it if you got it and it better not be any of mine!

Yes its only Tuesday. No the weekend isn’t here yet. Yes it sucks. Yes I agree the US needs to shift to a 10 hour day 4 day work week schedule and add an extra day to the weekend in theory. However that’s not really going to get us anyplace as it will just make Tuesday “the new Monday”or Thursday “the new Friday” as well as certainly screw up the placement of Hump Day so lets just grit our teeth and get on with it shall we?

Alright then. About Face – Forward Laugh!

2008-09-27

We’ve all been interviewed for jobs. And, we’ve all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don’t bite your nails. Don’t fidget. Don’t interrupt. Don’t belch. If we did any of the don’ts, we knew we’d disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The lowlights:

– “…stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.”

– “She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time.”

– “A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece.”

– “…asked to see interviewer’s resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate.”

– “… announced she hadn’t had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer’s office – wiping the ketchup on her sleeve.”

– “Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.”

– “Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions.”

– “When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office.”

– “At the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, went through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left.”

– “…pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him.”

– “Said he wasn’t interested because the position paid too much.”

– “While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold.”

– “During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate’s brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview.”

– “A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: ‘Which company? When do I start? What’s the salary?’ I said, ‘I assume you’re not interested in conducting the interview any further.’ He promptly responded, ‘I am as long as you’ll pay me more.’ I didn’t hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer.”

– “His attaché [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies’ undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume.”

– “Candidate said he really didn’t want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one.”

– “…asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security.”

– “Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch, and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk.”

That last guy must have been applying for a job as a terrorist.

 

Saudi Coke Slaes

There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives parallel each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy. Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten through their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college, and upon graduation, became priests. Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally acknowledged that Antonio Secola was just a wee cut above Timothy Murphy in all respects.

Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally Cardinal was swift to say the least, and the Catholic world knew that when the present Pope died, it would be one of the two who would become the next Pope. In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work. In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the chimney and the world waited to see whom they had chosen.

The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope! Antonio Secola was beyond surprise. He was devastated, because even with all of Timothy’s gifts, Antonio knew he was just a bit better qualified. With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio Secola asked for a private session with them in which he candidly asked, “Why Timothy?”

After a long silence, an old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered man and rose to reply. “We knew you were the better of the two, but we just could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called POPE SECOLA.

DL Introspection Header

President Obama returned to Washington, D.C., on Wednesday night expecting to face tough questions on Libya, Japan’s earthquake recovery and other major international crises. But a more personal issue stood in the way: he appeared to be locked out of the White House.

Video of the First Family disembarking Air Force One showed Obama approaching the White House and trying to open a french door–that didn’t budge. Barely pausing, he walked to the next set of doors, peering in as he passed, and tried a third set of doors with success.

Obama

Crap! Who the hell left that door unlocked? There’s going to be a White House Marine Detail Guard finding himself standing a watch post in the ass end of Nowhereistan when I get to the bottom of this!

Damn Obama for being so damned dumb too! He couldn’t take the hint? Next time he leaves we’ll just have to move 1600 Pennsylvania Ave so he can’t find it when he gets back!

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Florida kayaker has close encounter with enormous shark

Presumably, the kayaker in the video was aware that the massive creature swimming toward him was a harmless basking shark, but the situation must have been unsettling nonetheless. The extremely rare encounter with the planet’s second-largest shark — only the whale shark is larger — occurred off Panama City, Fla. Sightseers and fishermen also witnessed the spectacle. For the sake of perspective, the kayak is 14 feet long. Basking sharks, which can measure 40 feet, feed on plankton and are found in temperate and Arctic waters. Sightings off Florida are very unusual.

Shark & Kaayak

I wonder just how much you can crap a kayak before it sinks?
I’ll bet that poor guy came close to finding out!

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K-squared tag

This just in from our good friend and loyal reader Karl:

As a rule, I don’t pass along these “add your name” lists that appear in e-mails, BUT this one is important.  It has been circulating for months and has been sent to over 25 million people.   We don’t want to lose any names on the list so just hit forward and send it on.  Please keep it going!

To show your support for President Obama and the job he is doing please go to the end of the list and add your name.

1.  Michelle Obama.

2.

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At Heathrow, a 300-foot long red carpet is stretched out to Air
Force One and President Obama strides to a warm but dignified
handshake from Queen Elizabeth II.
They ride in a silver 1934 Bentley limousine to the edge of
central London where they board an open 17th century coach
hitched to six magnificent white matching horses.
They ride toward Buckingham Palace, each looking sideways and
waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets,
all is going well.
But suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most
horrendous, earth-rending, eye-smarting blast of gastronomic
flatulence ever heard in the British Empire, including Bermuda,
Tortola and the Falkland Islands. It shakes the coach.
Uncomfortable, but under control, the two dignitaries of state do
their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen
decides that’s ridiculous. She turns to Obama and explains,
“Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I’m sure you understand
that there are some things that even a Queen cannot control.”
Obama replies, “Your Majesty,
please don’t give the matter another thought. You know, if you
hadn’t said something, I would have thought it was one of the
horses….”

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Impish Dragon at the Beach

!cid_6_3332821572@web36901_mail_mud_yahoo

I swear he NEVER misses an opportunity for a snack!

 

In the not too distant future, YouTube, Twitter & Facebook will merge to form one giant, idiotic, super time wasting website called…

!cid_X_MA1_1300978478@aol

 

t-shirt

DL LAst Word Header

I’ve been Obama bashing pretty good today (it’s really hard to refrain from with the amount of quality humorous material out there he so generously provides us) so I figured I might as well end that way too. Yeah this piece is a bit dated but I think this particular view point and my twist one it at the end make it fresh enough and humorous enough to use as  today’s Last Word. This comes courtesy of Mike R.

Let me get this straight.
We’re going to be “gifted” with a health care plan we are forced to purchase and fined if we don’t, which purportedly covers at least ten million more people, without adding a single new doctor, but provides for 16,000 new IRS agents, written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn’t understand it, passed by a Congress that didn’t read it — but exempted themselves from it, and signed by a president who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn’t pay his taxes, for which we’ll be taxed for four years before any benefits take effect, by a government which has already bankrupted Social Security and Medicare, all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that’s broke!
What the hell could possibly go wrong?

Obamacare Pace Car

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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11 Responses to Leprechaun Laffs #41

  1. shoes says:

    Thanks, I loved this blog post. I found this post using Yahoo search, and certainly liked skimming through it, so I’ll probably stumble through again within a month and read up on what’s new 🙂 Thanks!

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      And in a month or so when you do Shoes we’ll be lopping the Spam off your comment again before it posts.

      It costs us to run this site, so therefore it cost you to advertise you website on here.

      Nopayee…No Spamee…Got it?

  2. Delbert Tanh says:

    Hi! I’ve been following your website for some time now and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from Houston Texas! Just wanted to tell you keep up the great job!

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      How do Delbert from NW Houston I-45/Fm1960 area. Glad you wandered in. Ya’ll come back real soon now hear?
      Sorry about your SPAM link getting left out of your comment but Impish and I are on a strict NO SPAM diet here be it links, block, slices or patties.

  3. Zezima461 says:

    Perfect work you have done, this website is really cool with superb info .

  4. catt says:

    On the way out the door!

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      I wish I could say I understood the context of your comment Catt.

      Did WordPress cut part of it off?

  5. lethalleprechaun says:

    I thank ye kindly lass for those kind words.

    Everything there ’tis gospel true. ‘Tis the real me, hairy warts and all and nae intention do I have for offerin’ apologies or “by your leaves” for me beliefs or opinions to anyone.

    As Popeye would said “I am what I am.” and I believe if there were a few more like the likes o me that were nae afraid of liberal lemmings givin’ them a fat load o’ lip for saying so and sticking to their beliefs things would be far better off here in the USA

  6. Don Schindler says:

    Your webs were so good when I first subscribed…funny, clever and witty..but now your hatred of the president is repuulsive..lighten up and do the good stuff again

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Don, Don, Don, (shaking my head)

      Where to start with you… the list is so long of things that need to be said.

      Out of 217 posts to the blog, I’ll bet less than 1 in 10 do any serious Obama bashing, that’s someplace around 5% or so.
      I smell the stench of low tolerance for anything or anyone not proclaiming this court jester of a president the 2nd coming of the Messiah Liberal Lemming on you.

      Had you bothered reading the about ImpishDragon & about LethalLeprechaun sections from the headers or were a subscriber
      to the group when it was Yahoo powered you would know:(quoting those sources)

      Impish Dragon is a handsomely young looking ancient blue dragon who is known world-wide as an opinionated hooligan, hell-bent on saving the world through laughter, inappropriate behavior, obnoxious opinions and opprobrious rants.

      and….

      I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn’, causes the Devil to say “BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!”….I’m a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots’ Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association.

      I notice you only whine (immediately) when Obama is bashed and not when we bash the Republicans or call “Bullshit” on the entire government as a whole. Apparently according to you only Liberal, Democrats, & President Procrastination are off limits. That’s not how we work nor is it what this blog is about we are equal opportunity political & governmental bashers commenting where we see it as wee see it.

      This is primarily a humor blog true but well laced with our editorial commentaries on anything we deem comment worth and SOLELY from our perspective. I cannot see us changing our format after almost 1200 Dragon Laffs and nearly 50 Leprechaun Laffs. Especially in light of the comments posted below by Jeannie as well as others in the past. 450+ e-mail subscribers and 120 something blog hits for the issue so far with only one whiner…YOU. That alone should tell you something right there.

      Spend more time learning tolerance of other view points, that this country was founded on each individual have the GOD GIVEN RIGHT to a point of view as well as the CIVIL LIBERTY and CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT to express it, How to use the scroll key or wheel on your keyboard or mouse and the location and function of the delete key instead of whining about the content of a blog that so obviously goes against your political beliefs in is basic conception.

  7. Jeannie says:

    Hi Lethal Leprechaun,
    BRAVO. I absolutely agree with everything you’ve said in your “About lethalleprechaun”
    You’re right on the mark! God Bless us All.

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