GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My apologies for the formatting screw ups in today’s post and to those of you who received it by email twice! I’m not sure what happened, but I had a computer hiccup and when it was done the formatting was all screwed up. I tried to put it back together, but then when it posted to the blog it was screwed up again! I’ll investigate over the weekend and see what can be done to keep it from happening again.
Cheers,
Impish
Good Morning Campers!
It’s finally:
It finally got here! I was fairly convinced it wasn’t going to make it this week!
More Big NEWS!
As promised, your favorite dragon is a grandpa again! So recently that we don’t even have a picture yet! Rose Michelle was born about 730 this morning weighing in at 6lbs and 15 oz and 19 inches long! I can’t wait to see her and share her picture with you guys.
Congratulations to her wonderful parents. I love you all very much!
Okay, so that ought to be it on the grandbaby front, for a little while, anyway.
I may be having a visit of grandbabies tomorrow…if so…stay tuned for pictures.
It’s time to get started on the meat and potatoes of today’s issue… so…
CLICK ON CARD
Warning! X-rated material ahead!
Shocking picture of a black woman with two different colored boobs!
And then a GREAT shot of a perfect camel toe!
A picture’s worth a thousand words…..
The PERFECT visual example of what the hell is
wrong with our government!
A short grammar lesson …
In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, I’ve noticed that more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the art of capitalization.
For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement:
“Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse… and helping your uncle jack off a horse.”
![1_thumb5_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu[2]](https://dragonlaffs.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/1_thumb5_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu21.gif "1_thumb5_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu[2]")
To Lethal Leprechaun when he calls me fat, well here’s a FACT:
Heat makes objects expand….
So there you have it! I’m not fat, I’m just hot! Blame global warming!
A poll says that 46% of Americans think that most members of Congress
are corrupt. The other 54% think that being corrupt is their most
positive quality.
Too Funny….. The new movie: “The Man Without A FaceBook”
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/man-facebook/
![write-to-us_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thumb[2]](https://dragonlaffs.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/write-to-us_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thumb21.gif "write-to-us_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thumb[2]")
Okay, so this one’s implications are more scary than funny, but still, very well done.
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/gmail-man-gmail-parody-video-microsoft/
This one is very funny. A classic Buddy Hackett Skit.
http://redux.com/stream/item/1126763/BABY-ELEPHANT-TRUNK-PENIS-BY-BUDDY-HACKETT
![1_thumb9_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu[2]](https://dragonlaffs.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/1_thumb9_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu22.gif "1_thumb9_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu[2]")
Sent in by our dear camper Jeannie, but referenced to a blog called The Grouch at Right Truth. I’ve gone through some of his blog and it’s quite good. He could be a fellow camper. Anyway, the link to this original article is at the bottom. Enjoy!
Washington DC. July 21, 2011
![WTF_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_t[2]](https://dragonlaffs.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/wtf_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_t2.gif "WTF_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_t[2]")
This is friggin’ GREAT!!!! And haven’t we all been saying the same thing for years, that global warming is a pure made up topic! Well, now NASA itself is throwing the bull-shit flag! See U.S. Government, you pissed them off. Now, what have they got to loose in arguing with you, their funding? Too Late! Here’s the article:
By James Taylor | Forbes – Wed, Jul 27, 2011
New NASA Data Blow Gaping Hole In Global Warming Alarmism
NASA satellite data from the years 2000 through 2011 show the Earth’s atmosphere is allowing far more heat to be released into space than alarmist computer models have predicted, reports a new study in the peer-reviewed science journal Remote Sensing. The study indicates far less future global warming will occur than United Nations computer models have predicted, and supports prior studies indicating increases in atmospheric carbon dioxidetrap far less heat than alarmists have claimed.
Study co-author Dr. Roy Spencer, a principal research scientist at the University of Alabama in Huntsville and U.S. Science Team Leader for the Advanced Microwave Scanning Radiometer flying on NASA’s Aqua satellite, reports that real-world data from NASA’s Terra satellite contradict multiple assumptions fed into alarmist computer models.
“The satellite observations suggest there is much more energy lost to space during and after warming than the climate models show,” Spencer said in a July 26 University of Alabama press release. “There is a huge discrepancy between the data and the forecasts that is especially big over the oceans.”
In addition to finding that far less heat is being trapped than alarmist computer models have predicted, the NASA satellite data show the atmosphere begins shedding heat into space long before United Nations computer models predicted.
The new findings are extremely important and should dramatically alter the global warming debate.
Scientists on all sides of the global warming debate are in general agreement about how much heat is being directly trapped by human emissions of carbon dioxide (the answer is “not much”). However, the single most important issue in the global warming debate is whether carbon dioxide emissions will indirectly trap far more heat by causing large increases in atmospheric humidity and cirrus clouds. Alarmist computer models assume human carbon dioxide emissions indirectly cause substantial increases in atmospheric humidity and cirrus clouds (each of which are very effective at trapping heat), but real-world data have long shown that carbon dioxide emissions are not causing as much atmospheric humidity and cirrus clouds as the alarmist computer models have predicted.
The new NASA Terra satellite data are consistent with long-term NOAA and NASA data indicating atmospheric humidity and cirrus clouds are not increasing in the manner predicted by alarmist computer models. The Terra satellite data also support data collected by NASA’s ERBS satellite showing far more longwave radiation (and thus, heat) escaped into space between 1985 and 1999 than alarmist computer models had predicted. Together, the NASA ERBS and Terra satellite data show that for 25 years and counting, carbon dioxide emissions have directly and indirectly trapped far less heat than alarmist computer models have predicted.
In short, the central premise of alarmist global warming theory is that carbon dioxide emissions should be directly and indirectly trapping a certain amount of heat in the earth’s atmosphere and preventing it from escaping into space. Real-world measurements, however, show far less heat is being trapped in the earth’s atmosphere than the alarmist computer models predict, and far more heat is escaping into space than the alarmist computer models predict.
When objective NASA satellite data, reported in a peer-reviewed scientific journal, show a “huge discrepancy” between alarmist climate models and real-world facts, climate scientists, the media and our elected officials would be wise to take notice. Whether or not they do so will tell us a great deal about how honest the purveyors of global warming alarmism truly are.
James M. Taylor is senior fellow for environment policy at The Heartland Institute and managing editor of Environment & Climate News.
Highlighting added by Impish
Great Ad!
Dear Mr. President, Members of Congress and the Senate,
Here we go again. Another round of nonsense and non performance in managing our country. We the people, spend all day listening to the claptrap that comes out of Washington while all of you are more concerned with your political posturing than you are with the welfare of the estate you were put in charge of.
As your employer, we the people say: “You’re Fired!” You have proven yourselves incompetent and incapable of doing the job that you not only promised to do, but swore you were capable of doing. I don’t believe either of those statements are true.
You have been more concerned with getting yourselves re-hired at the next contract term than you have been with doing your job. This doesn’t impress us! At the end of this contract you will be out of a job!
You want to change our minds? You still have time. Not much, but a little. Let’s start with this:
1. Why is it that Social Security, Medicare, military pay and the like are the first things that you scare us with, like there’s nothing you can do about it? We want to see each and everyone of you stop YOUR pay and that of your staff if a debt solution isn’t met.
2. Any sitting congress member or senator who is in office while our country doesn’t have a balanced budget and is working towards paying off our country’s ridiculous debt, is ineligible for re-election. And of course that goes for the president, also.
3. You can’t come up with a decision? You DON’T walk out! You walk off the job, that means you just quit and we will hire your replacement! Get your ass to work! 
It’s possible that the perfect solution is at hand. In a cartoon sent to me by our Queen of Puns, Diaman and featuring Maxine, whom many of you seem to like quite a bit. It makes good sound sense.
People of the United States, remember this crap when it comes election time. Remember how these high-hatted bull-shit artists treated 
us, their employers. How little disregard they showed for OUR assets and OUR hard earned dollars. How much crap do we have to take before we fire these assholes?
Have a great weekend my friends.
Have you ever danced with a Leprechaun in the pale moon’s light?
If you did, did you look him in the eye?
Did he dance the gold out of your soul, and then dance right back into his hole?
Well, you better say never, because the dance with the fae folk might last you forever.
(With apologies to The Joker for liberties taken)
(Right up until I see Impish going “Native” in the office)
Yup it’s Friday, end of the work week and gateway to the Land of Honey~dos.
Tropical Storm Don isn’t going to call directly on us which is both good and bad, most everywhere in Texas was of a mind to welcome his rain just not his winds. The lucky winners this time around are the folks down in the Rio Grande Valley farm lands which of course is good for all the farmers. They have been having it real hard with the severe drought and really need the rain. However the local weatherguesser says we here might pick up as much as a half an inch of much needed rain from the fringes and moisture the the storm is dragging along with it.
You as my brother once pointed out them weathermen got a heck of a racket going on. IN no other job can you be wrong and screw up more than you are right but still keep your job. So while I go dig out my MP3 of B.J. Thomas singing ‘Rain Drops Keep Fallin’ On My Head’ You good folks get to….
YUCK IT UP!
K2 says-
Finally Wal-Mart has their theme song, ha. It’s a good one, too.
Play one or the other (or both). Then post which game and your score in the comments section at the end of the issue. Both my scores are based on my first run through the games so no practice runs first please!
Recognize and select the correct log while only viewing a fraction of it.
I scored 122350 and I know there is room for improvement on that.
http://www.logoquiz.net/mini_putt.php
I shot a respectable 8 under par 40 including 5 Aces.
Aced holes were 1,3,7,12,18
No “gimme” putts now!
Dear Disney,
So let me get this straight… You hire Miley Cyrus and she becomes a slut, hire Demi Lovato, she becomes depressed and addicted to drugs, and now Selena Gomez is a lesbian…WTF are you doing to them?!
Sincerely, concerned.
Dear human,
The dead rodent wasn’t a gift, it was a warning.
Sincerely, your cat.
Dear Google,
How about you let me finish what I’m typing before you start guessing after the first letter.
Sincerely, a little cocky aren’t we?
Dear whoever came up with the phrase “son of a bitch”,
Isn’t that basically just a puppy?
Sincerely, that’s the best insult you could come up with?
Dear six year old sister,
Yes, babies do come from UPS.
Sincerely, that should work for now..
Dear silence,
You may be golden, but I’m silver
Sincerely, duct tape.
Dear Wal-Mart,
If you’re lowering prices everyday… How come nothing is free?
Sincerely, still waiting.
Dear phone,
You can spell Byzantine but not noodles?!
Sincerely, this is a problem.
Dear waitress that asked if I wanted a table,
No.
Sincerely, I’ll just eat on the floor, thanks.
Dear person who told me I suck,
Not for free…
Sincerely, didn’t see that one coming, did you?
Dear Edward Scissorhands,
How did you wipe your butt?
Sincerely, curious.
Dear women,
If you think that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, you are aiming a little too high.
Sincerely, men.
Dear boy,
Please don’t ask me “are you sure?” when I tell you I’m a virgin.
Sincerely, no, I forgot about that one time…
Dear boyfriend,
When texting “my shirt smells like you…” be sure to spell “shirt” correctly.
Sincerely, girlfriend.
Dear mosquitoes,
Please start sucking fat.
Sincerely, please?
Dear child throwing a tantrum in the grocery store,
Back in my day, we got spankings…
Sincerely, wishing it was still 1985.
Dear fan,
I realize I shouldn’t jump on my bed, but seriously, violence is not the answer!
Sincerely, that hurt!
Dear hammer,
We found out you were banging ALL of us. You definitely have some explaining to do.
Sincerely, the nails.
Oh Stop Grumbling! I clearly said “Fantasy Girl” you sick perverts!
“I’m worried that I’m losing my wife’s love”, Impish told the counselor.
“Has she started to neglect you?”
“Not at all,” Impish replied. “She meets me at the door with a cold drink and a warm kiss. My shirts are always ironed, she’s a great cook, the house is always neat, she keeps the kids out of my hair. She lets me choose the television shows we watch and she never objects to kinky sex or says she has a headache.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“Maybe I’m just being too sensitive,” Impish ventured to say, “but at night, when she thinks I’m sleeping, she puts her lips close to my ear and whispers, ‘Die! You S-O-B, die!'”
This time Carrot & Zucchini Cookies, Cakes and Muffins!
1 cup shortening
3/4 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 cup shredded carrots
2 cups flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
In a bowl, cream the shortening and the sugar. Add the eggs. Mix well. Stir in the carrots. Combine the flour, baking powder, and salt. Gradually add to the carrot mixture. Drop by rounded teaspoonful’s 2 inches apart onto ungreased baking sheets. Bake at 400 F for 8-10 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove to wire racks to cool.
2 c. flour
2 tsp. soda
2 c. Sprinkle Sweet
1 1/2 c. oil
4 eggs, beaten
2 tsp. cinnamon
3 c. grated carrots
Mix dry ingredients. Add oil and eggs. Add carrots. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.
ICING:
1 (8 oz.) pkg. cream cheese, softened
1 lg. pkg. instant sugar-free pudding (6 serving size)
1 sm. can crushed pineapple, in own juice (no sugar), very well drained
Prep Time: 15 Minutes Cook Time: 10 Minutes
Ready In: 25 Minutes Servings: 36
“Spicy drop cookies with a soft moist texture that are made with zucchini and raisins. “
Ingredients:
1/2 cup margarine, softened
1 cup white sugar
1 egg
1 cup grated zucchini
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1 cup raisins
Directions:
1. In a medium bowl, cream together the margarine and sugar until smooth. Beat in the egg then stir in the zucchini. Combine the flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon; stir into the zucchini mixture. Mix in raisins. Cover dough and chill for at least 1 hour or overnight.
2. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Grease cookie sheets. Drop dough by teaspoonfuls onto the prepared cookie sheet. Cookies should be about 2 inches apart.
3. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in the preheated oven until set. Allow cookies to cool slightly on the cookie sheets before removing to wire racks to cool completely.
Prep Time: 15 Minutes Cook Time: 10 Minutes
Ready In: 25 Minutes Servings: 48
“Soft chocolaty drop cookies made with zucchini.”
Ingredients:
1/2 cup butter flavored shortening
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 3/4 cups grated zucchini
Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease cookie sheets.
2. In a medium bowl, cream together the shortening, white sugar and brown sugar until smooth. Beat in the egg and vanilla. Combine the flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt; gradually stir into the creamed mixture. Fold in the grated zucchini. Drop by rounded spoonfuls onto the prepared cookie sheets.
3. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in the preheated oven. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
Prep Time: 25 mins Total Time: 45 mins Yield: 96 cookies
Ingredients
1 cup butter, softened
2 cups granulated sugar
2 eggs, beaten
4 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon salt
2 small zucchini, grated (you want it to measure approximately 2 cups of grated zucchini)
2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 1/2-2 cups walnuts, chopped (optional)
Directions
First you will want to preheat your oven to 350 degrees F.
Spray cookie sheets with cooking spray or line with Parchment paper.
Next you want to cream your butter and sugar together in a large mixing bowl until light and fluffy.
Then you want to add the egg, flour, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt into the butter mixture, gradually; mix well.
Stir in the zucchini.
Fold in your walnuts (optional), and chocolate chips.
Drop by teaspoonfuls with two (2) inches between each cookie– onto the cookie sheets.
Bake for 15 to 20 minutes, or until golden.
Do not over-bake, or you will not enjoy your cookies.
Let stand to cool for 2 to 3 minutes, then remove and place on wire racks to allow to cook completely.
This recipe makes a lot but is easily halved to make 4 dozen instead of 8!
Prep Time: 10 Minutes
Cook Time: 25 Minutes
Ready In: 35 Minutes
Servings: 16
uses carrot cake mix to stir up these moist muffins chock-full of zucchini, nuts and raisins. ‘They make great snacks and are wonderful for dessert when spread with cream cheese frosting,
Ingredients:
1 (18.5 ounce) package carrot cake mix
1 egg
1/2 cup applesauce
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 1/2 cups shredded zucchini
1/2 cup raisins
1/2 cup chopped pecans
Directions:
1. In a mixing bowl, combine the cake mix, egg, applesauce and oil; mix well. stir in the zucchini, raisins and pecans.
2. Fill greased or paper-lined muffin cups three-fourths full.
3. Bake at 350 degrees F for 25-30 minutes or until muffins test done.
1 1/2 c. flour
1 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1/8 tsp. baking powder
1 egg
1 1/4 c. sugar
1/2 c. brown sugar
1/2 c. oil
1 tsp. vanilla
1 1/2 c. grated zucchini
1/2 c. grated carrots
Sift dry ingredients. Beat egg and add sugars, then add oil and vanilla. Mix until smooth. Stir in vegetables. Add dry ingredients. Pour into greased bread pan. Bake 45-55 minutes at 350 degrees until cake springs to touch. Cool and remove.
1 (No. 2) can crushed pineapple
1/4 stick butter
1/4 c. sugar
Juice of 1 lemon
1 (3 oz.) pkg. cream cheese
1 box powdered sugar
Combine pineapple butter and sugar in saucepan; cook until mixture is thickened and transparent, stirring constantly. Let stand until cool.
Combine lemon juice and cream cheese; blend in powdered sugar. Add pineapple mixture; beat well. Spread on cake.
NOTE: The icing is only an option. Pound cake is delicious by itself, topped with jam or fresh berries. It also freezes well, and is a good cake to bake to take with you on trips.
2 pkg cream cheese (softened)
2 pkg Dream Whip
2 cans Pineapple
pecans (about one cup)
powdered sugar, to taste
Mix together Dream Whip as the directions say on the box. Add the softened cream cheese slowly. Drain the pineapple and add them. Mix in the nuts. Add the powdered sugar. This is NOT a sweet icing, so, not too much powdered sugar!
Next Up~ Slightly New, Unusual or Creative Marinades Spice Rubs and BBQ Sauces. Got a need for a recipe for something particular? Know where the comments section is? Know how to reach us?
That naughty Patty Murphy has been seeing another man during the day while her hard working husband, Thomas, is out earning wages. One day her 8-year-old son, Michael, arrives home early from school quite unexpectedly, and bounds up to the master bedroom looking for his mum. The boy catches Patty and her lover in bed together, so Patty quickly pushes Michael into the closet and shuts the door because she doesn’t know what else to do.
Just at that moment, as fate would have it, her hard working husband, Thomas, also comes home early unexpectedly seeking a little afternoon rendezvous with his wife. Thomas is downstairs shouting, “Patty, I’m home. Where are you, my love?”
Patty nervously pushes her lover into the closet with Michael.
The little boy quietly says, “Dark in here.”
Patty’s lover quietly replies, “Yes, it is.”
Michael whispers, “I have a skateboard.”
Says the lover, “That’s nice.”
Michael senses an opportunity and asks, “Want to buy it?”
“No, thanks,” answers the lover.
“But, my dad’s outside,” counters Michael in a slightly louder voice.
The lover catches on and quietly asks, “Ah! I see! How much?”
Michael replies, “Only $500.”
Two weeks later the same thing happens all over again. Michael and the lover are again inside the closet together.
Says Michael quietly, “Dark in here.”
The lover whispers, “Yes, it is.”
Michael quietly says, “I have a helmet.”
The lover, recalling the blackmail from last time, asks the enterprising boy, “I’ll bet you do. How much?”
Michael replies, “Just $300.”
“Fine,” replies the lover.
Just a few days later Thomas, the father, says to Michael, his son, “Go get your helmet and skateboard so you can show me how well you ride.”
Michael replies, “I can’t, Dad. I sold them.”
Thomas asks, “What! How much did you sell them for?”
Says Michael, “$800.”
Thomas replies, “Michael, that’s a terrible thing to overcharge your friends like that. That is much more than they are worth. We’re going to church and you are going to confess to Father O’Hara.”
At the church Thomas takes Michael to the confessional and tells the lad to go inside, shutting the door behind him.
Once inside the dark confessional Michael says, “Dark in here.”
Father O’Hara replies, “Don’t start that crap again.”
Michael Harrington was at his weekly session in the office of his psychologist, Dr. O’Phelen. Michael said to his doctor, “Dr. O’Phelen, We had a family gathering last week end at my mother-in-law’s home, who, as I have told you before, makes a terrible pest of herself with her controlling behavior by butting into my marriage. I believe that I made a terrible Freudian slip while speaking to her.”
Dr. O’Phelen replied, “Well, it couldn’t have been that bad. What did you say to her?”
“Well,” replied Michael, “I had intended to say, ‘could you please pass the butter?’ But instead I said, ‘You silly cow! You have completely ruined my life.’”
O’Brien, a retired electrical engineer, was attending the homecoming football game at his old alma mater, Notre Dame, one crisp fall afternoon.
He had been talking football to a college freshman sitting next to him when the conversation turned to electronics and how quickly the world was now changing.
The freshman said that it would be impossible for O’Brien’s generation to understand his.
“You grew up in a different world,” the freshman said loud enough for the everyone nearby to hear.
“Today we have television, jet planes, and space travel,” the freshman continued. “Man has walked on the Moon, and our spaceships have visited Mars.”
“We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing and…”
Suddenly O‘Brien interrupted the young student and also spoke loud enough to be heard by those nearby, “You’re right. We didn’t have those things when I was young; so we invented them. What the hell are you doing for the next generation?”
What’s more laughable about this story?
Would it be that a department of motor vehicles has yanked the vanity plate LMAOATU, ruling it “vulgar” because, as most of you know, the A in the familiar texting and email acro LMAO stands for the body part upon which we sit?
Or would it be the fact that the DMV in question operates in the state of Nevada, home to Sin City, legal prostitution and a commercial reverence for the A in LMAO that stands rivaled only by the T in T & A?
My vote goes to latter; I mean this wouldn’t seem anywhere near as ridiculous had it happened in Salt Lake City instead of Las Vegas.
From a report on the Website of KTNV-TV in Las Vegas:
“The plate says LMAOATU. The acronym means, ‘Laughing my @## off at you.” The car’s owners Neil Manas and Brooke Bennett-Manas say it’s an inside joke meant to be funny and not offensive.
” ‘We see people all the time coming out in parking lots taking pictures of our license plate, or at stop lights, stop signs. You know people think it’s funny. We get complimented on it every day,’ said Brooke Bennette-Manas.”
Those compliments are well deserved, IMHO. And you should know that I only used @## instead of the word ass in that excerpt because that’s what the good folks at KTNV-TV in Las Vegas did, apparently to protect the gentle sensibilities of their viewers, all of whom – have I mentioned this? – live in or around Las Vegas.
Back to the story:
“But someone didn’t find (the LMAOATU plate) funny and complained to the DMV. The pair got a letter telling them their plate was offensive, obscene and had to be changed.
” ‘I really just feel like this is unacceptable. I see obscene and way worse stuff on a daily basis. This is Las Vegas!’ Brooke said.”
Sometimes the obvious does require belaboring.
The plate owners will have an opportunity to appeal the DMV decision to a judge. Presuming he or she is a sensible sort, the DMV will get its @## laughed right out of court.
So apparently, what happens in Vegas doesn’t necessarily stay in Vegas if its an illustration of epic bureaucratic stupidity!
![Dragon-Laffs-28_thumb1_thumb_thumb_t[1]](https://dragonlaffs.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/dragon-laffs-28_thumb1_thumb_thumb_t1.jpg "Dragon-Laffs-28_thumb1_thumb_thumb_t[1]")
Good Morning Campers.
Thursday….From the Latin word Thorstdan meaning, “Ain’t it Friday yet?” Yes, we still have a little left to suffer through in this week, but we’ll do it together and we’ll have fun. Let’s jump right into the laughter this morning, shall we?
I’ve seen this one before, and it’s frustrating as hell. Thanks to Ginny for sending it in:
You think you’re smart, take the Idiot Test… This is no joke, nothing is going to jump out at you or anything like that. I made it finally….I just wouldn’t give up! If anyone completes it let me know…..
If your memory is shot, get a pencil to right down what to do, you’ll understand once you start.
The perfect example of what the hell is wrong with our leaders
|
And here’s another example of how screwed up things are.
Not saying that the homeless guy shouldn’t have been punished, and the fact that he robbed a bank under the threat of violence is probably what did him in, but how can you compare these two crimes and justify the first guy getting a slap on the wrist? Makes no sense.
Finally! An instruction manual has been written to help us understand women!
One of the best websites to belong to, MakeUseOf.com has some really interesting stuff on line and sent to you by email. I’m copying this one to you whole so you can see what I mean.
MakeUseOf Limited
105 Collingwood Road
Colchester, C03 9BB
Essex / UK
![1_thumb5_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu[1]](https://dragonlaffs.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/1_thumb5_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu12.gif "1_thumb5_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu[1]")
Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.
Oh yes, please call Adam’s mother and tell her he is okay. He can’t write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn’t been for the lightning.
Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn’t hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?
The wet wood didn’t burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes.
We think it’s a super bus. He doesn’t care if we get it dirty, and if it’s hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us.
Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don’t worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren’t any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks.
This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn’t let me because I can’t swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it’s concrete because we didn’t have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.
Scoutmaster Ted isn’t crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn’t even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.
Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet works.
Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I’m so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?
I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and
buy some more beer and ammo. Don’t worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it’s my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster’s tent.
A broccoli, a tomato, and a yam were running in a race. The broccoli got off to a great start, but being a green runner, didn’t have the strength to finish the race. The yam and the tomato were neck and neck for the first stretch, but the tomato quickly fell behind. The yam was about to reach the end of the track, but collapsed in exhaustion right before the finish line. Over the course of an hour, the tomato ran the entire length of the race, and won. Why was the tomato so successful? The tomato paste itself.
Talk about ruining your whole day!
Ozzy Osbourne spent $10,000 on a Yorkie. That pretty much answers
the questions as to whether he has quit using drugs.
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Italians:
Why do Italians hate Jehovah’s Witnesses?
Because Italians hate all witnesses.
Do you know why most men from Italy are named Tony?
On the boat over to America they put a sticker on them that said
(To New York ) TO NY
You know you’re Italian when. . .
You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.
You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can’t fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag.
Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.
You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or on the same block.
All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.
You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners
You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.
If someone in your family grows beyond 5′ 9″, it is presumed his Mother had an affair.
There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.
You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.
And you REALLY, REALLY know you’re Italian when . . . .
Your grand father had a fig tree.
You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.
Christmas Eve . . . only fish.
Your mom’s meatballs are the best.
You’ve been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.
Clear plastic covers on all the furniture.
You know how to pronounce “manicotti” and “mozzarella.”
You fight over whether it’s called “sauce” or “gravy.”
You’ve called someone a “mamaluke.”
And you understand “bada bing”.
Italians have a $40,000 kitchen, but use the $259 stove from Sears in the basement to cook.
There is some sort of religious statue in the hallway, living room, bedroom, front porch and backyard.
The living room is filled with old wedding favors with poofy net bows and stale almonds (they are too pretty to open).
A portrait of the Pope and Frank Sinatra hang in the dining room.
God forbid if anyone EVER attempted to eat ‘Chef Boy-ar-dee’, ‘Franco American’, ‘Ragu’, ‘Prego’, or anything else labeled as Italian in a jar or can.
Meatballs are made with pork, veal and beef. Italians do not care about cholesterol.
Turkey is served on Thanksgiving AFTER the manicotti, gnocchi, lasagna, and minestrone or shcarole soup.
If anyone EVER says ESCAROLE, slap ’em in the face — it’s SHCAROLE.
Sunday dinner was at 1:00 PM sharp. The meal went like this… The table was set with everyday dishes. It doesn’t matter if they don’t match. They’re clean; what more do you want?
All the utensils go on the right side of the plate and the napkin goes on the left.
A clean kitchen towel was put at Nonna’s & Papa’s plates because they won’t use napkins.
Homemade wine and bottles of 7-UP are on the table.
First course, antipasto.
Change plates.
Second course, macaroni. All pasta was called macaroni.
Change plates.
Third course, roast beef, potatoes and vegetables.
Change plates.
THEN, and only then – NEVER AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MEAL – would you eat the salad drenched in homemade oil & vinegar dressing.
Change plates.
Next course, fruit & nuts – in the shell – on paper plates because you ran out of the real ones.
Last was coffee with anisette espresso for Nonna, ‘American’ coffee for the rest – with hard cookies (biscotti) to dunk in the coffee.
The kids would go out to play.
The men would go lay down. They slept so soundly that you could do brain surgery on them without anesthesia.
The women cleaned the kitchen.
We got screamed at by Mom or Nonna and half of the sentences were English, the other half Italian.
Italian mothers never threw a baseball in their life, but could nail you in the head with a shoe thrown from the kitchen while you were in the living room.
Other things particular to Italians…
The prom dress that Zia Ceserina made you cost only $20.00, which was for the material.
The prom hairdo was done free by Cousin Angela.
Turning around at the prom to see your entire family, including your Godparents, standing in the back of the gym… PRICELESS!
True Italians will love this.
Those of you who are married to Italians will understand this.
Those who wish they were Italian, and those who are friends with Italians, will smile
Ginny writes:
During a time when our country should be tightening the belt (just like OUR families have to during financially tough times) to read something like this just chaps my ass! And trust me when I tell you that I have a lot of ass to chap! It’s from almost 10 months ago! Why are we not thinking of ourselves first? We have AMERICANS in our country who could use the help and here we are cutting off our own Social Security and handing money to other countries. It makes me sick.
The U. S. State Department yesterday announced that the Obama Administration has agreed to contribute $4 billion to the United Nations Global Fund to fight AIDs, Tuberculosis, and Malaria from 2011 to 2013.
The $4 billion represents a 38% increase over the previous U.S. commitment to the fund.
United Nations Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon said that a total of $11.7 billion has been raised from 40 countries, the European Commission, faith-based organizations, private foundations, and various corporations.
This means that over one-third of the money will come from the pockets of US taxpayers.
Oil-rich nations like Saudi Arabia, Abu Dhabi, and the United Arab Emirates contribute next to nothing, and China, which holds most of the US $14 trillion debt, agreed to provide a measly $14 million.
In addition to the annual gift of $1.33 billion to the Global Fund, President Obama has agreed to provide billions more for UN projects.
These allocations are set forth in a 28 page document as follows:
The United States is assessed at 22% of the U.N. regular budget and more than 27% for U.N. the peacekeeping budget. Mr. Obama has requested $516.3 million for the U.N. regular budget and more than $2.182 billion for the peacekeeping budget for 2011.
The United States is also assessed for numerous other United Nations organizations as well. More than $6.347 billion went to U.N. organizations in FY 2009.
The United States also provides money to the U.N. through the State Department, Department of Agriculture, Department of Energy, Department of Health and Human Services, and other agencies.
Andrea Lafferty of The Traditional Values Coalition writes: “The U.S. taxpayer is forced to pay billions to an inefficient organization run by world leaders who hate America and the free market system. This doesn’t make any sense – nor does our paying 22% of the cost to keep this bureaucracy alive when we have only one vote in the General Assembly.”
Several candidates have called for the U.S. to sever its relationship with the United Nations. The list includes Dennis Ross, a Republican candidate for Congress from the 12th Congressional District of Florida.
In a statement to The New American, Mr. Ross said:
An organization that allows nations like Iran and Libya to chair committees dedicated to human and women’s rights makes a mockery of both. The UN, like any bureaucracy, must constantly be evaluated and put to the test, and if found lacking, be dismantled. I believe the US government is perfectly capable of conducting bilateral and multilateral relations with other nations on our own. Despots, human rights violators, and tyrants should be confronted, not congratulated.
Such concerns over the U.S. involvement with the UN are not new.
Senator Barry Goldwater was quoted in 1971 by the Congressional Record as saying:
The time has come to recognize the U.N. for the anti-American, anti-freedom organization that it has become. The time has come for us to cut off all financial help, withdraw as a member, and ask the U.N. to find a headquarters location outside the United States that is more in keeping with the philosophy of the majority of voting members, someplace like Moscow or Peking.
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Yup we’re knee deep in the midweek middens they call Wednesday again. Before we get started I’d like to thanks those who took the time and effort to leave comments of support regarding the changes to Leprechaun Laughs or who sent me supportive e~mails.
Several voiced the opinion that Molly had the right of things regarding the rants and the soapbox. You really need not tell me that not only do I know when she is right, she frequently reminds me she is always right.
Let me just say that while the support is much appreciated some helpful suggestions for features or new sections would be greatly appreciated.
Short of fathering a love child on Impish or lavishly praising Obama I think at this point I’ll consider most any non~liberal feature suggestions.
Somebody is spending too way much time on not handing me my coffee!
A NEW TOOL AT ACE HARDWARE……….
FOR ALL of YOU TOOL NUTS …..
here’s a great present.
I just bought this new gauge from Ace hardware.
It takes a while to learn all the settings but I’m pretty
handy and was patient, so I figured it out eventually.
You know for sure with this gauge, there is no more guessing!
Ace Hardware……A man’s toy store………
It’s just so much fun to use. I really love it!!!
A guy just can’t own too many tools.
Just one more reason Ace is the place for me!
A Wish To Live Forever
I met a fairy today that said she would grant me one wish.
(Mainly because she was caught red handed thieving me fairie dust supply)
“I want to live forever,” said I.
“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant wishes like that!”
“Fine,” said I, “then I want to die after Congress gets their heads out of their asses.”
“You crafty bastard Lethal,” said the fairy.
Speaking o’ Boobs~ Seems out favorite one ran amuck down here in Texas last time he visited, As usual antics have caused him to ran afoul of the Texas Rangers and now his likeness is plastered all over the post offices down here.
Begorrah! ‘Impersonating a Comedian’. ‘ Crimes Against Humor, ‘Excessive Use of Puns’, and ‘Virgin Rustling’ with those charges I’d be lucky to get him a quick cremation and scatter of the ashes to prevent his remains from being defiled after his execution!
Good thing they can’t find him to take him into custody. $10,000 a ton reward too and he’s been packing it on of late too. I wonder if that’s the same reward for all or if they are cumulative? Maybe I can get him to make some remarks that could be taken as liberal criticism of Texas? An additional charge of “Messin’ With Texas’ would see that reward jump to $25,000 easy.
You folks read on I have to go find that book I bought long ago on legal ethics and see if turning him in for the reward conflicts with my representing him This might take a while.
OK ‘tis true we’ve run this once at least once before but a long time ago ‘twas and some things people are able to do are just so amazing as to bare reshowing occasionally without complaints.
Once you see this, you will be blown away. If you have never seen this before, you are in for a treat.
Some of us wonder what is the best computer in the world. It has to be the Human Brain.
Truly unbelievable.
This amazing artistic autistic!!! Holy cow, how could anyone do this? Shouldn’t he be working for the CIA? Can you imagine his value to an organization like the CIA in the days before satellite cameras and other now common spy technologies?
Man wakes after 21 hours in morgue fridge
JOHANNESBURG — A South African health official says a man awoke to find himself in a morgue fridge — nearly a day after his family thought he had died.
Health department spokesman Sizwe Kupelo said Monday that the man awoke Sunday afternoon, 21 hours after his family called in an undertaker who sent him to the morgue after an asthma attack.
Kupelo says the man started yelling, prompting morgue workers to run away in fear. They eventually returned and removed him from the fridge. He was then taken to a nearby hospital and later discharged by doctors who deemed him stable.
The mortuary owner says his family is very happy to have him home.
Kupelo urged South Africans to call on health officials to confirm that their relatives are really dead.
First of all why am I wholly unsurprised this happened in So. Africa?
Secondly, I can’t believe this guy can, with a straight face, call the person who sent this poor fella to the morgue a ‘health official’ Even witch doctors should be able to find a pulse or hear a heart beat!
If you’ve never seen it, you’re in for a treat.
If you have, you get to see it again.
{FYI: Prospective wise~ Torrington is in NW Connecticut where the Heat Index made a record 105}
So a big part of the US is currently in the middle of a very nasty heat wave. That means it’s going to be gettin hot in here, So in the spirit of staying cool ladies take off all your clothes. (What’s that? No Impish I’m not talking to you, you put some on please!)
Whoa, Nelly! I’ve got to invest in wrinkle and cellulite cream manufacturers I can see that!
5> Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt start scoping out potential orphans in Antarctica.
4> Now that the tar is already boiling, feathers are the only thing needed for Casey Anthony.
3> The Wax Museum’s Anthony Hopkins now looks like Winston Churchill.
2> New video circulating online shows Kim Kardashian deep-throating a fire hydrant.
1> Al Gore’s new crisis: Global Chafing
[ Copyright 2011 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]
Dear fan,
I realize I shouldn’t jump on my bed, but seriously, violence is not the answer!
Sincerely, that hurt!
Dear hammer,
We found out you were banging ALL of us. You definitely have some explaining to do.
Sincerely, the nails.
Dear Disney,
So let me get this straight… You hire Miley Cyrus and she becomes a slut, hire Demi Lovato, she becomes depressed and addicted to drugs, and now Selena Gomez is a lesbian…WTF are you doing to them?!
Sincerely, concerned.
Dear human,
The dead rodent wasn’t a gift, it was a warning.
Sincerely, your cat.
Dear Google,
How about you let me finish what I’m typing before you start guessing after the first letter.
Sincerely, a little cocky aren’t we?
Dear whoever came up with the phrase “son of a bitch”,
Isn’t that basically just a puppy?
Sincerely, that’s the best insult you could come up with?
Dear six year old sister,
Yes, babies do come from UPS.
Sincerely, that should work for now..
Dear silence,
You may be golden, but I’m silver
Sincerely, duct tape.
Dear boys who complain about PMS,
Let me know when you have blood coming out of your penis and we’ll talk.
Sincerely, girls everywhere.
Dear restrooms,
Your automatic toilets, sinks, soap dispensers, and paper towel dispensers mean nothing when I have to touch the door handle when leaving.
Sincerely, I need to wash my hands again.
Dear girl I dislike,
It’s not that I hate you, I just hope your next period happens in a shark tank.
Sincerely, anonymous.
Dear cleaning supply commercials,
Please stop showing mothers who just smile and laugh when their children make huge messes. You’re being completely unrealistic.
Sincerely, my mother would have killed me.
Dear “two wrongs don’t make a right”,
LIES. Everyone knows a negative times a negative equals a positive.
Sincerely, nice try though.
Dear shower,
I love how hot you get when I turn you on.
Sincerely, a satisfied showerer.
Dear officer,
No, my speech isn’t slurred. I’m just talking in cursive.
Sincerely, not as think as you drunk I am.
I recently asked my friends’ little girl what she wanted to be
when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President of the United
States .
Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there. So
I asked her, “If you were President, what would be the first thing you
would do?” She replied, “I’d give food and houses to all the homeless
people… “
Her parents proudly beamed. “Wow…what a worthy goal,” I told
her. “But you don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that. Tell
you what – you can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds,
and sweep my driveway, and I’ll pay you $50. Then I’ll take you over to
the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him
the $50 to use toward food and a new house. How about doing something
wonderful like that?”
She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me
straight in the eye and asked, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over
and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?”
I said, “Welcome to the Republican Party.”
Her parents still aren’t speaking to me
Impish is going to be SO disappointed!
Although most computer users are aware of online threats, Internet security risks, and how to stay safe online, there are still many misconceptions. Can you separate fact from fiction?
Myth #1: I have security software, so I’m safe to click anywhere online
Truth: Security software protects your computer from threats and helps you stay safe as you surf the web, but it can’t protect you against tactics like social engineering scams, where scammers trick you to download a malware, or trick you into revealing personal or financial information.
According to a recent report by Sophos, the majority of infected sites are websites that you trust and visit almost daily. Hijacked trusted sites represent more than 83% of malware hosting sites.
Myth #2: Once software is installed on your computer, you do not have to worry about it anymore.
Truth: Vendors may release updated versions of software to address problems or fix vulnerabilities. You should install the updates as soon as possible; some software even offers the option to obtain updates automatically. Making sure that you have the latest virus definitions for your anti-virus software is especially important.
Myth #3: When computers slow down, it means that they are old and should be replaced.
Truth: It is possible that running certain programs on older computers could lead to slow performance. However, another possibility is that there are other processes or programs running in the background. If your computer has suddenly become slower, it may be have been compromised by malware or spyware, or you may be experiencing a denial-of-service attack. Make sure your anti-malware solution is up-to-date, and then run a scan to see if anything if lurking on your PC.
Myth #4: Attackers only target people with money and companies.
Truth: Anyone can become a victim of identity theft. Attackers look for easy prey where they can get the biggest reward for the least amount of effort, so they typically target home users, whose PC’s are easier to break into than big corporations.
Hackers often also attack databases that store information about many people. If your information happens to be in the database, it could be collected and used for malicious purposes. It is important to pay attention to your credit information so that you can minimize any potential damage.
Myth #5: There’s nothing important on my computer that a hacker would want.
Truth: Your opinion about what is important may differ from an attacker’s opinion. If you have personal or financial data on your computer, attackers may be able to collect it and use it for their own financial gain. Perhaps your resume is saved on your hard drive, listing your name, address, and your work experience etc. That’s exactly the type of information you need when you apply for a credit card – making it very valuable to identity thieves.
Even if you do not store that kind of information on your computer, an attacker who can gain control of your computer may be able to use it in attacks against other people.
And contrary to popular belief, it is easier to hack into a computer than you may think. You don’t have to be a computer genius. Hacking tools are readily available online and can be downloaded in a few minutes. They even come with directions.
Myth # 6: Only naive users get hit by viruses and spyware.
Truth: Even if you are a computer expert you may fall victim to a cyber attack. Many malware attacks happen silently without any user involvement or user action, other than visiting an infected site. Therefore, it doesn’t matter what level of computer expertise you may have – anyone can be hit by a virus.
Protect yourself
Be smart about what websites you visit and where you click – keep your guard up when surfing the web – and protect yourself and your PC. Install an anti-malware solution, such as Ad-Aware, to protect against viruses, spyware and many other cyber threats.
For more information on cyber-security, please visit http://www.us-cert.gov/cas/tips/
[taken from LavaSoft News]
A look-alike is a person who closely resembles another person.
Patrick McMahon and Michael O’Shea bumped into each other on St. Stephen Green on the streets of Dublin, Ireland. Said O’Shea to McMahon, “Have ye seen ol’ Fogarty lately, Pat?”
Pat replied, “Well, I have, and then again I haven’t.”
O’Shea then asked, “Well, tell me now, McMahon, and what d’ye mean by that, ye have and then again ye haven‘t?”
“Well, Mick,” replied Patrick McMahon. “It’s like this. Ye see…I saw a chap who at first I thought was Fogarty. Then he saw a chap that he thought was me.”
“But, when we got up ta one another…it wasn’t neither of us.”
And all this time I thought Hagar was a Viking not an Irishman!
Here’s another good reason to wear clean skivvies….
 | impishdragon on Dragon Laffs #2449 |
| impishdragon on Dragon Laffs #2448 |
| impishdragon on Dragon Laffs #2448 |
| impishdragon on Dragon Laffs #2446 |
 | Leah D on Dragon Laffs #2449 |
Dragon Laffs 