Have you ever danced with a Leprechaun in the pale moon’s light?
If you did, did you look him in the eye?
Did he dance the gold out of your soul, and then dance right back into his hole?
Well, you better say never, because the dance with the fae folk might last you forever.
(With apologies to The Joker for liberties taken)
(Right up until I see Impish going “Native” in the office)
Yup it’s Friday, end of the work week and gateway to the Land of Honey~dos.
Tropical Storm Don isn’t going to call directly on us which is both good and bad, most everywhere in Texas was of a mind to welcome his rain just not his winds. The lucky winners this time around are the folks down in the Rio Grande Valley farm lands which of course is good for all the farmers. They have been having it real hard with the severe drought and really need the rain. However the local weatherguesser says we here might pick up as much as a half an inch of much needed rain from the fringes and moisture the the storm is dragging along with it.
You as my brother once pointed out them weathermen got a heck of a racket going on. IN no other job can you be wrong and screw up more than you are right but still keep your job. So while I go dig out my MP3 of B.J. Thomas singing ‘Rain Drops Keep Fallin’ On My Head’ You good folks get to….
YUCK IT UP!
It’s HERE !…”Wal-Martians”…..the 2011 hit single !!!
Finally Wal-Mart has their theme song, ha. It’s a good one, too.
Play one or the other (or both). Then post which game and your score in the comments section at the end of the issue. Both my scores are based on my first run through the games so no practice runs first please!
Logos…..how good are you?????
Recognize and select the correct log while only viewing a fraction of it.
I scored 122350 and I know there is room for improvement on that.
I shot a respectable 8 under par 40 including 5 Aces.
Aced holes were 1,3,7,12,18
No “gimme” putts now!
So let me get this straight… You hire Miley Cyrus and she becomes a slut, hire Demi Lovato, she becomes depressed and addicted to drugs, and now Selena Gomez is a lesbian…WTF are you doing to them?!
The dead rodent wasn’t a gift, it was a warning.
Sincerely, your cat.
How about you let me finish what I’m typing before you start guessing after the first letter.
Sincerely, a little cocky aren’t we?
Dear whoever came up with the phrase “son of a bitch”,
Isn’t that basically just a puppy?
Sincerely, that’s the best insult you could come up with?
Dear six year old sister,
Yes, babies do come from UPS.
Sincerely, that should work for now..
You may be golden, but I’m silver
Sincerely, duct tape.
If you’re lowering prices everyday… How come nothing is free?
Sincerely, still waiting.
You can spell Byzantine but not noodles?!
Sincerely, this is a problem.
Dear waitress that asked if I wanted a table,
Sincerely, I’ll just eat on the floor, thanks.
Dear person who told me I suck,
Not for free…
Sincerely, didn’t see that one coming, did you?
Dear Edward Scissorhands,
How did you wipe your butt?
If you think that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, you are aiming a little too high.
Please don’t ask me “are you sure?” when I tell you I’m a virgin.
Sincerely, no, I forgot about that one time…
When texting “my shirt smells like you…” be sure to spell “shirt” correctly.
Please start sucking fat.
Dear child throwing a tantrum in the grocery store,
Back in my day, we got spankings…
Sincerely, wishing it was still 1985.
I realize I shouldn’t jump on my bed, but seriously, violence is not the answer!
Sincerely, that hurt!
We found out you were banging ALL of us. You definitely have some explaining to do.
Sincerely, the nails.
Oh Stop Grumbling! I clearly said “Fantasy Girl” you sick perverts!
“I’m worried that I’m losing my wife’s love”, Impish told the counselor.
“Has she started to neglect you?”
“Not at all,” Impish replied. “She meets me at the door with a cold drink and a warm kiss. My shirts are always ironed, she’s a great cook, the house is always neat, she keeps the kids out of my hair. She lets me choose the television shows we watch and she never objects to kinky sex or says she has a headache.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“Maybe I’m just being too sensitive,” Impish ventured to say, “but at night, when she thinks I’m sleeping, she puts her lips close to my ear and whispers, ‘Die! You S-O-B, die!'”
This time Carrot & Zucchini Cookies, Cakes and Muffins!
1 cup shortening
3/4 cup sugar
1 cup shredded carrots
2 cups flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
In a bowl, cream the shortening and the sugar. Add the eggs. Mix well. Stir in the carrots. Combine the flour, baking powder, and salt. Gradually add to the carrot mixture. Drop by rounded teaspoonful’s 2 inches apart onto ungreased baking sheets. Bake at 400 F for 8-10 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove to wire racks to cool.
DIABETIC CARROT CAKE
2 c. flour
2 tsp. soda
2 c. Sprinkle Sweet
1 1/2 c. oil
4 eggs, beaten
2 tsp. cinnamon
3 c. grated carrots
Mix dry ingredients. Add oil and eggs. Add carrots. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.
1 (8 oz.) pkg. cream cheese, softened
1 lg. pkg. instant sugar-free pudding (6 serving size)
1 sm. can crushed pineapple, in own juice (no sugar), very well drained
Prep Time: 15 Minutes Cook Time: 10 Minutes
Ready In: 25 Minutes Servings: 36
“Spicy drop cookies with a soft moist texture that are made with zucchini and raisins. “
1/2 cup margarine, softened
1 cup white sugar
1 cup grated zucchini
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1 cup raisins
1. In a medium bowl, cream together the margarine and sugar until smooth. Beat in the egg then stir in the zucchini. Combine the flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon; stir into the zucchini mixture. Mix in raisins. Cover dough and chill for at least 1 hour or overnight.
2. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Grease cookie sheets. Drop dough by teaspoonfuls onto the prepared cookie sheet. Cookies should be about 2 inches apart.
3. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in the preheated oven until set. Allow cookies to cool slightly on the cookie sheets before removing to wire racks to cool completely.
Chocolate Zucchini Cookies
Prep Time: 15 Minutes Cook Time: 10 Minutes
Ready In: 25 Minutes Servings: 48
“Soft chocolaty drop cookies made with zucchini.”
1/2 cup butter flavored shortening
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 3/4 cups grated zucchini
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease cookie sheets.
2. In a medium bowl, cream together the shortening, white sugar and brown sugar until smooth. Beat in the egg and vanilla. Combine the flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt; gradually stir into the creamed mixture. Fold in the grated zucchini. Drop by rounded spoonfuls onto the prepared cookie sheets.
3. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in the preheated oven. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
Chocolate Chip Zucchini Cookies
Prep Time: 25 mins Total Time: 45 mins Yield: 96 cookies
1 cup butter, softened
2 cups granulated sugar
2 eggs, beaten
4 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon salt
2 small zucchini, grated (you want it to measure approximately 2 cups of grated zucchini)
2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 1/2-2 cups walnuts, chopped (optional)
First you will want to preheat your oven to 350 degrees F.
Spray cookie sheets with cooking spray or line with Parchment paper.
Next you want to cream your butter and sugar together in a large mixing bowl until light and fluffy.
Then you want to add the egg, flour, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt into the butter mixture, gradually; mix well.
Stir in the zucchini.
Fold in your walnuts (optional), and chocolate chips.
Drop by teaspoonfuls with two (2) inches between each cookie– onto the cookie sheets.
Bake for 15 to 20 minutes, or until golden.
Do not over-bake, or you will not enjoy your cookies.
Let stand to cool for 2 to 3 minutes, then remove and place on wire racks to allow to cook completely.
This recipe makes a lot but is easily halved to make 4 dozen instead of 8!
Zucchini Carrot Muffins
Prep Time: 10 Minutes
Cook Time: 25 Minutes
Ready In: 35 Minutes
uses carrot cake mix to stir up these moist muffins chock-full of zucchini, nuts and raisins. ‘They make great snacks and are wonderful for dessert when spread with cream cheese frosting,
1 (18.5 ounce) package carrot cake mix
1/2 cup applesauce
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 1/2 cups shredded zucchini
1/2 cup raisins
1/2 cup chopped pecans
1. In a mixing bowl, combine the cake mix, egg, applesauce and oil; mix well. stir in the zucchini, raisins and pecans.
2. Fill greased or paper-lined muffin cups three-fourths full.
3. Bake at 350 degrees F for 25-30 minutes or until muffins test done.
ZUCCHINI & CARROT CAKE
1 1/2 c. flour
1 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1/8 tsp. baking powder
1 1/4 c. sugar
1/2 c. brown sugar
1/2 c. oil
1 tsp. vanilla
1 1/2 c. grated zucchini
1/2 c. grated carrots
Sift dry ingredients. Beat egg and add sugars, then add oil and vanilla. Mix until smooth. Stir in vegetables. Add dry ingredients. Pour into greased bread pan. Bake 45-55 minutes at 350 degrees until cake springs to touch. Cool and remove.
CREAM CHEESE-PINEAPPLE ICING
1 (No. 2) can crushed pineapple
1/4 stick butter
1/4 c. sugar
Juice of 1 lemon
1 (3 oz.) pkg. cream cheese
1 box powdered sugar
Combine pineapple butter and sugar in saucepan; cook until mixture is thickened and transparent, stirring constantly. Let stand until cool.
Combine lemon juice and cream cheese; blend in powdered sugar. Add pineapple mixture; beat well. Spread on cake.
NOTE: The icing is only an option. Pound cake is delicious by itself, topped with jam or fresh berries. It also freezes well, and is a good cake to bake to take with you on trips.
GRANNY’S AWESOME ICING
2 pkg cream cheese (softened)
2 pkg Dream Whip
2 cans Pineapple
pecans (about one cup)
powdered sugar, to taste
Mix together Dream Whip as the directions say on the box. Add the softened cream cheese slowly. Drain the pineapple and add them. Mix in the nuts. Add the powdered sugar. This is NOT a sweet icing, so, not too much powdered sugar!
Next Up~ Slightly New, Unusual or Creative Marinades Spice Rubs and BBQ Sauces. Got a need for a recipe for something particular? Know where the comments section is? Know how to reach us?
That naughty Patty Murphy has been seeing another man during the day while her hard working husband, Thomas, is out earning wages. One day her 8-year-old son, Michael, arrives home early from school quite unexpectedly, and bounds up to the master bedroom looking for his mum. The boy catches Patty and her lover in bed together, so Patty quickly pushes Michael into the closet and shuts the door because she doesn’t know what else to do.
Just at that moment, as fate would have it, her hard working husband, Thomas, also comes home early unexpectedly seeking a little afternoon rendezvous with his wife. Thomas is downstairs shouting, “Patty, I’m home. Where are you, my love?”
Patty nervously pushes her lover into the closet with Michael.
The little boy quietly says, “Dark in here.”
Patty’s lover quietly replies, “Yes, it is.”
Michael whispers, “I have a skateboard.”
Says the lover, “That’s nice.”
Michael senses an opportunity and asks, “Want to buy it?”
“No, thanks,” answers the lover.
“But, my dad’s outside,” counters Michael in a slightly louder voice.
The lover catches on and quietly asks, “Ah! I see! How much?”
Michael replies, “Only $500.”
Two weeks later the same thing happens all over again. Michael and the lover are again inside the closet together.
Says Michael quietly, “Dark in here.”
The lover whispers, “Yes, it is.”
Michael quietly says, “I have a helmet.”
The lover, recalling the blackmail from last time, asks the enterprising boy, “I’ll bet you do. How much?”
Michael replies, “Just $300.”
“Fine,” replies the lover.
Just a few days later Thomas, the father, says to Michael, his son, “Go get your helmet and skateboard so you can show me how well you ride.”
Michael replies, “I can’t, Dad. I sold them.”
Thomas asks, “What! How much did you sell them for?”
Says Michael, “$800.”
Thomas replies, “Michael, that’s a terrible thing to overcharge your friends like that. That is much more than they are worth. We’re going to church and you are going to confess to Father O’Hara.”
At the church Thomas takes Michael to the confessional and tells the lad to go inside, shutting the door behind him.
Once inside the dark confessional Michael says, “Dark in here.”
Father O’Hara replies, “Don’t start that crap again.”
Michael Harrington was at his weekly session in the office of his psychologist, Dr. O’Phelen. Michael said to his doctor, “Dr. O’Phelen, We had a family gathering last week end at my mother-in-law’s home, who, as I have told you before, makes a terrible pest of herself with her controlling behavior by butting into my marriage. I believe that I made a terrible Freudian slip while speaking to her.”
Dr. O’Phelen replied, “Well, it couldn’t have been that bad. What did you say to her?”
“Well,” replied Michael, “I had intended to say, ‘could you please pass the butter?’ But instead I said, ‘You silly cow! You have completely ruined my life.’”
O’Brien, a retired electrical engineer, was attending the homecoming football game at his old alma mater, Notre Dame, one crisp fall afternoon.
He had been talking football to a college freshman sitting next to him when the conversation turned to electronics and how quickly the world was now changing.
The freshman said that it would be impossible for O’Brien’s generation to understand his.
“You grew up in a different world,” the freshman said loud enough for the everyone nearby to hear.
“Today we have television, jet planes, and space travel,” the freshman continued. “Man has walked on the Moon, and our spaceships have visited Mars.”
“We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing and…”
Suddenly O‘Brien interrupted the young student and also spoke loud enough to be heard by those nearby, “You’re right. We didn’t have those things when I was young; so we invented them. What the hell are you doing for the next generation?”
Nevada License Plate Yanked for Being ‘Vulgar’
Nevada’s Department of Motor Vehicles isn’t laughing over the LMAOATU license plate but its owner are appealing a decision to remove it.
What’s more laughable about this story?
Would it be that a department of motor vehicles has yanked the vanity plate LMAOATU, ruling it “vulgar” because, as most of you know, the A in the familiar texting and email acro LMAO stands for the body part upon which we sit?
Or would it be the fact that the DMV in question operates in the state of Nevada, home to Sin City, legal prostitution and a commercial reverence for the A in LMAO that stands rivaled only by the T in T & A?
My vote goes to latter; I mean this wouldn’t seem anywhere near as ridiculous had it happened in Salt Lake City instead of Las Vegas.
From a report on the Website of KTNV-TV in Las Vegas:
“The plate says LMAOATU. The acronym means, ‘Laughing my @## off at you.” The car’s owners Neil Manas and Brooke Bennett-Manas say it’s an inside joke meant to be funny and not offensive.
” ‘We see people all the time coming out in parking lots taking pictures of our license plate, or at stop lights, stop signs. You know people think it’s funny. We get complimented on it every day,’ said Brooke Bennette-Manas.”
Those compliments are well deserved, IMHO. And you should know that I only used @## instead of the word ass in that excerpt because that’s what the good folks at KTNV-TV in Las Vegas did, apparently to protect the gentle sensibilities of their viewers, all of whom – have I mentioned this? – live in or around Las Vegas.
Back to the story:
“But someone didn’t find (the LMAOATU plate) funny and complained to the DMV. The pair got a letter telling them their plate was offensive, obscene and had to be changed.
” ‘I really just feel like this is unacceptable. I see obscene and way worse stuff on a daily basis. This is Las Vegas!’ Brooke said.”
Sometimes the obvious does require belaboring.
The plate owners will have an opportunity to appeal the DMV decision to a judge. Presuming he or she is a sensible sort, the DMV will get its @## laughed right out of court.
So apparently, what happens in Vegas doesn’t necessarily stay in Vegas if its an illustration of epic bureaucratic stupidity!