In case you can’t read the tag line (Impish) its goes:

“Who needs to usurp a Chinese Lunar Year when you(r kind) have your own bloody museum?”

FAIR WARNING GIVEN: I’ve been on a bloody tear ever since Saturday when I came across the subject of today’s Parting Shot. Because I’m highly insulted and cheesed beyond words I’m even less inclined to be restrained or respectful of certain individuals in positions of power than normal in this issue. Best to place your beverage of choice in a travel mug with a secure lid, return your tray table to its upright position along with your seat and securely fasten your personal restraint devices, its likely to get damned bumpy around here today! It’s highly likely that before any of the liberal readers even make it to my Parting Shot they will be howling for my bloody and wanting to Occupy my Lap Top!

However before we get into any of that I have to first pay off on a bet I made with Impish regarding the Super Bowl.

As you know from our comments section Impish and I agreed to disagree on the probably outcome of the game. When I contacted him Sunday about an hour before the game we agreed to a small wager on the outcome. The short of it is I lost – he won and now I have to pay up. So here it is in all its painful payment.

In my (not always humble) opinion and from my point of view the outcome of this game just goes to show how pervasively far Obama’s Share Your Wealth and the Occupy Anything We Can Because We’re Too Lazy To Work mind set has become. The team with the better record and who was expected to win was clearly forced to give welfare points to the Giants at least twice during the game. This caused the better team (richer in wins) to lose.

[Hey I said I’d pay off I never said I would not bitch about having to do so!]

 

Jihad Awareness Month (Hat Tip: Barack Obama)

After complaints from Muslim organizations, the Obama Administration is eliminating all counter-Jihad training in the U.S. government.

Because you know it might save some lives of “The Great Satan” and that is offensive to Muslims.

 

Apparently counter jihad training for those who have reasons to fear being targets or work in a place conducive to another Sept 11th type attack is a “negative stereotype of Islam”.

People like Don Schindler our resident ill-informed by loudly vocal liberal loony will try to tell you that you have nothing to fear that who countries if Muslims do not gather and chant Death to America and that news reports in the blatantly liberal media reporting the breaking up and capture of terrorist cells intent on destruction both here and in foreign countries are just sensationalism and hype. According to Don I imagine we should lovingly embrace these bastards and allow the easier access to placing the knife in our backs but only after educating feeding and housing them at our expense!

Dancing Stars

Round and round they go.

 

This is a still image, but if you move your eyes around the central square pattern, the stars will seem to move. The effect is due to a phenomenon that’s colloquially called “eye jitter.” The eyes, constantly moving by imperceptible amounts, amplify the difference between the two patterns and create the illusion of motion.

 

Who’s Hugging Whom?

Here’s another accidental optical illusion photo that’s been circulating lately. When I first saw it, it seemed as if the guy’s head wasn’t in proportion with rest of his body… Only then I realized his girlfriend wasn’t the one reading the newspapers. Instead, she is the one standing behind the couch and hugging her boyfriend. It becomes harder to see the illusion once you understand what is going on here… You decide if it’s good!

Heikie Weber’s Fantastic Flooring

Imagine stepping into a room in the local art museum and suddenly not knowing where to step because the ground appears to be completely uneven. But that’s exactly what would happen if you  happen to visit Kunstraum München in Munich, Germany. At least, if you happened to visit after Heikie Weber finished putting her installations up at the gallery.

That’s because the artist’s surreal creations convert ordinary rooms into mind-melding creations that seem impossible to walk on…of course, with art this fantastic, it seems a shame to trod on it anyway! But the most impressive part is how Heike does it…

From gentle, sea-like blue waves to red wobbling carpets that look even stranger when reflected in the mirror, Miss Weber’s creations turn something as simple as walking through a museum into a mind-altering experience.

Here’s a close up. Don’t fall in!

A Senior Moment

Several days ago as I left a meeting at church, I gave myself a pat down for my keys. They were not in my pockets.

A quick search in the church meeting room revealed nothing.

Then I realized, I must have left them in the car. So, I headed for the parking lot.

My wife has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I exited the church, I concluded my wife’s theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police, gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered. I always call her “honey” in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”

There was a brief period of silence, and then she said, “I dropped you off!”

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, will you come and get me.”

She retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car!”

If Alcohol Labels Were Honest

 

 

 

Obama and a Skunk: What They Have in Common.

Yup this was an insulting and deliberate Obama bashing joke and I proudly admit it and proclaim it. However he has it coming and arguably took the first swing. You’ll see what I mean as soon as you reach the Parting Shot.

But first a response from the Obama camp to this joke:

 

Lets go with a two-for today, its been a while on the insights

Impish (thanks to me) had a very good last Word on Saturday (with a truly disappointing response from you readers I might add) regarding the goings on in Georgia as the relate to Obama being on the ballot there come November and his contempt for the court system in Georgia. While I did respond in the comments section of the issue I could not get this graphic into the comments. I was going to just let it slide but since the May NOT BE Legally Qualified to Be Commander in Socialist Turban cheesed me off at an epic level I decided not to.

 

DOESN’T PASS THE SMELL TEST: A Federal District Court judge in New York has ruled that the Clorox Pet Products Co. must stop running an ad claiming that their “Fresh Step” cat litter product is superior to Arm
& Hammer cat litters. Judge Jed S. Rakoff said he found it “highly implausible” that 11 panelists could “stick their noses in jars of
excrement and report 44 independent times that they smelled nothing unpleasant.” Therefore, he found the TV commercial’s claims “literally false” and allowed a lawsuit by Church & Dwight, the company that owns Arm & Hammer, to proceed. (RC/New York Times, AP) …But your honor! Congressional ethics committees do the same thing all the time!

PITY THE FOOL: Anquin St. Junious, 32, can scarcely walk and can only feed himself with a special lightweight spoon, said his attorney. The La Crosse, Wisc., man is accused of stabbing a bartender before he was badly beaten himself. But although St. Junious sat “motionless” in a wheelchair in court, Judge Scott Horne concluded the defendant was less disabled than dishonest: surveillance video shows that while awaiting his court hearing, St. Junious was doing pushups in jail. So instead of releasing him over his supposedly poor medical condition as his attorney had requested, the judge doubled his bond. St. Junious “left the courtroom humiliated,” a reporter noted. (AC/La Crosse Tribune)

…Advice to his lawyer: Check for video cameras at the crime scene before arguing his innocence at trial.

ANOTHER CRIMINAL CASE WRAPPED UP: The Buffalo News describes the suburb of Tonawanda as “sleepy,” but things were tense after a woman called police to say her son was holding two hostages in his home. The town’s SWAT team surrounded the residence and evacuated neighbors, but when they ordered the man via bullhorn to drop his weapons and come out,
nothing happened. The woman insisted her son was armed, so police stood watch from 5:45 a.m. until they finally reached the man at 10:45 a.m. on his cell phone, and he stepped out as requested. He hadn’t heard the commotion because he was asleep. “It was just a guy who had too much to drink,” said police Capt. Jonathan Scott. “It turned out not to be a hostage situation.” Still, the unnamed man, who is on leave from the Marines after serving in Iraq, was charged with fourth-degree criminal mischief and taken for a mental examination. (RC/Buffalo News)

…Wait: they charged a sleepy war veteran with a crime and let the mother go free?

ARE YOU JOKING? “I don’t think the national anthem is something we ought to be joking around with,” said Indiana state Sen. Vaneta Becker, explaining her proposed law to regulate the singing of “The Star-Spangled Banner” — the national anthem. Under the bill, the state education department would create “performance standards,” and anyone singing the anthem for school events would have to agree to comply –and face a $25 fine if the performance broke the rules. Becker said she was prompted by a constituent who was upset about altered lyrics that had been used in a school program, but says she had also heard the song
parodied on TV. (AC/Indianapolis Star)

…In some public schools, just singing “the land of the free and the home of the brave” is parody enough!

LET’S CHANGE THEIR NAME FROM “THE PALMETTO STATE” TO “THE ZOMBIE STATE”:
In the middle of a court fight to determine whether South Carolina’s Voter Identification law is Constitutional (so far: no), Kevin Shwedo, director of the state’s Department of Motor Vehicles, announced that “more than 900” people listed in state records as deceased have “recently voted” in elections. “If you have voted after you are dead,” Shwedo told reporters, “there is a goo d, strong possibility that you did something illegal.” (RC/AP)

…On the other hand, surely the dead would do a much better job of electing honest representatives.

SABER RATTLING: Police responded to a 911 call from a Toys ‘R’ Us store on Hayden Island in Portland, Ore., because of a man inside attacking customers. He allegedly assaulted three people and then went out to the parking lot with weapon in hand. Police tried twice to use a Taser on him, but he deflected the attack. Eventually, police pinned the 33-year-old man to the ground. The unnamed man was taken to a hospital for mental evaluation, after which he faces “several criminal charges,” says Portland Police Bureau spokesman Sgt. Pete Simpson. The reason for the mental evaluation may be due to his choice of weapon: a toy light
saber from Star Wars. None of his alleged victims required medical attention. (MS/Portland Oregonian)

…Obviously he is not properly trained in use of the Force.

 

Librarian Groaners

“Do you have any books on how to get organized?”
“Probably, but I have no idea where they are.”

“Do you have any books on deafness?”
“What?”

“Do you have any books on nepotism?”
“Ask my husband; he’s the head librarian.”

“Do you have any books on apathy?”
“I don’t know and I don’t care.”

“Do you have any books on De Sade?”
“Beats me.”

“Do you have any books on goat breeding?”
“Are you kidding?”

“Do you have any books on building self-esteem? “
“Not for stupid, ugly people like you!”

“Do you have any books on phobias?”
“I’m afraid not.”

“Do you have any books on psychiatry?”
“What do you think?”

“Yes, they’re on the shelf over there.”
“Do you have any books on ESP?”

“Do you have any books on Chinese shipping?”
“Oh, no; we don’t handle that junk.”

“Do you have any books on procrastination? “
“No, we haven’t gotten around to ordering them yet.”

“Do you have any books on the Navy?”
“Yes, ‘Over There,’ with the blue jackets,”

“Do you have any books on orgasms?”
“Yes, come with me.”

“Do you have any books on electricity? “
“Watt we have is not current, but might shed some light on the subject. Wire you asking?”

 

Newt’s Ridiculous Wikipedia Page Edits

Newt Gingrich can’t change his past, but that won’t stop him from trying to hide it. The former speaker’s communications director, Joe DeSantis has made more than 60 changes to Newt’s Wikipedia page, including deleting any mentions of his three marriages and his House ethics charges. A Wikipedia editor even had to comment that “pointing out factual error is one thing, but your input should not go beyond that.” Another editor said “the fact that Callista is Speaker Gingrich’s third wife is well-known and indisputable. Please do not remove it from her biography.” DeSantis, however, continues to defend his changes.

Read it at CNN Political Ticker

Of course the fact that this is critical of a Republican will go by totally unnoticed by liberal Kool-aid swillers like old Don, right Don? Well shame on you  Don for thinking you liberals are owed an uneven playing field and not being man enough to admit when your “facts” are wrong after taking us unnecessarily to task or that we call bullshit on all politicians, that it just so happens SOME are so much more full of it than others!

 

 

Take tonight for example 6 times from between my feet up into my lap between me and the keyboard trying to go to sleep in my arm while I’m typing!

The ULTIMATE in Women’s Body Piercing… Biggest turn on for guys!

Men all over the country are urging their wives and sweethearts to get this ‘chic’ procedure.

The going cost in the UK now exceeds $10,000. But MOST MEN POLLED feel it is worth it !!

Maybe we can get it to become popular with Liberals too!

Eastwood: I’m Not Politically Affiliated With Obama

Chrysler ad a political football By Mary Papenfuss,  Newser Staff Posted Feb 7, 2012 2:28 AM CST

(Newser) – God bless America … and the Chrysler bailout … seemed to be the message that left football fans misty-eyed after Clint Eastwood’s Super Bowl Chrysler ad. It’s “halftime” in America, and we’re all pulling together for a brighter economic future, says the gravelly-voiced star. But Eastwood was opposed to the bailout that made the Chrysler turnaround possible, and now the ad has become a political football as Dems score points with it and the GOP tackles it, notes ABC News. “Saving the American Auto Industry: Something Eminem and Clint Eastwood can agree on,” crowed White House spokesman Dan Pfeiffer on Twitter, referring to Eminem’s Chrysler ad during last year’s Super Bowl. “Powerful spot,” chimed in Obama re-election strategist David Axelrod. But George Bush’s political maven Karl Rove snapped that he was “offended” by the ad, which he argued was orchestrated by the administration to paint a rosy future.

Wait a minute there, pardner. “I am certainly not politically affiliated with Mr. Obama,” Eastwood shot back to Fox News. The ad “was meant to be a message about job growth and the spirit of America. I think all politicians will agree with it.” Ironically, the Republican star and former mayor of Carmel, Calif., blasted the $12.5 billion bailout that saved Chrysler’s bacon. “We shouldn’t be bailing out the banks and car companies. If a CEO can’t figure out how to make his company profitable, then he shouldn’t be the CEO,” he said at the time. Chrysler CEO Sergio Marchionne said the ad has nothing to do with politics, but was intended as a tribute to Chrysler workers and “the resilience of America.” Here’s the final irony: Chrysler isn’t an all-American company. Italy’s Fiat now owns a majority share.

Rush Limbaugh: Eastwood ‘Got Scammed’ on Ad

Super Bowl spot ended up being for Democrats, not USA, he says

(Newser) – Rush Limbaugh thinks Clint Eastwood “got suckered into” shilling for Democrats in the Chrysler Super Bowl commercial at the center of recent controversy. “I think he got scammed. I think he got roped into doing something he thought was patriotic and ended up being played,” Limbaugh said on his radio show today. Conservatives need to make a similar commercial, he says. “We need to have something like this ready to go next August-September when college football kicks up.”

The ad’s “working together” theme is standard fare for when Democrats are about to face a drubbing, Limbaugh added, according to Politico. “When the Democrats are on the ropes, ‘Time out! Time out, time out! We’ve got to stop all the partisanship,'” he said. “Of course that means, ‘Republicans need to shut up. Stop being critical! We’ve got to all come together now.’”

Now I  have to sat that next to ”The Duke”, John Wayne ( said with hat off head bowed and quiet hushed reverence) there is no actor I know of with a greater love of America or understanding of what it means and takes to be a true American than Clint Eastwood.

I watched the ad in question during  Super Bowl XLVI and I came away from it with the message Clint is quoting above based on his being an American Icon and Football being one of your two national pass time sports. It sort of made me feel vaguely patriotic and all 4th of July-ish inside ( ok that COULD have been just gas from the hot wings reacting with the mini pepperoni pizza calzones).

However apparently the Obama administration is taking a play from the Occupy Movement’s play book and occupying this ad. While I hate Rush Limbaugh almost as much as Obama and think he does the country a disservice and would best serve us by fatally over ego masturbating to death (Holy Mary Mother of God I cannot believe I am about to type these next words) I think Rush is correct and spot on Clint somehow got hosed in this either deliberate and premeditatedly or through and Occupy Movement Obama sponsored high-jacking.

I cannot say I’m surprised. Since he’s clearly such an Islamic terrorist lover, (see The Parting Shot below) how far a step is it to being a Technical Media Terrorist and high-jacking Celebrities and their commercial messages for your on purposes? I hope the next time Clint Eastwood sees Obama of any of his terror media tweeters he does the rest of America proud and goes all Philo Beddoe on their asses and turns then Every which Way But Lose until he beats some truth, honor and moderate sensibility into them. Sadly I suspect however that’s too much to ask even for a Patriotic American Icon like Clint.

Woolery is one of the founders of the political action committee RestartCongress.org, along with Mark Young and Michigan’s 41st Secretary of State, Terri Lynn Land. The organization is dedicated to passing an amendment to the United States Constitution establishing term limits for members of the United States Congress.

 His view points though designed to be comedic are well thought out, elegant in their simplistic approach and refreshing.

Consider Chuck Woolery as a Third Party write in candidate, I mean seriously who better to run the Washington Government Game than a game show host? Can he possibly do any worse than the Muslim Clown Prince of Arrogant Buffoonery we have now?

One thing for sure Chuck Woolery (who is a Navy veteran) would NEVER for a nanosecond have considered the latest travesty and insult to servicemen being perpetuated by the Towel headed Muslim Lickspittle in Chief and aimed right at the families and memories of 281  fallen US Marines.

(See below but be prepared to be angry and outraged)

FAIR WARNING GIVEN!

Obama Sides with Islamic Iran on their 1983 Bombing that Killed 241 US Marines

Once again, Obama sides with our mortal enemies, a cornerstone of his foreign policy meticulously detailed in my book, The Post-American Presidency: The Obama Administration’s War on America. This is consistent with the same anti-America, anti-freedom, pro-jihad platform we have suffered the last three years.

Marines carry Lance Cpl. Paul Kotoucout of the rubble following the 1983 truck bombing of Marine barracks in Beirut. The blast killed 241 U.S. servicemen.

Back in September 2007, there was official recognition that Islamic Iran declared jihad warfare on America back in ’83 when they murdered 241 Marines in Beirut in what was the single largest non-nuclear explosion since World War II. Iran had to pay $2.65 billion to the families of the 241 U.S. service members killed in the 1983 bombing of the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut.

U.S. District Judge Royce C. Lamberth described his ruling as the largest-ever such judgment by an American court against another country. “These individuals, whose hearts and souls were forever broken, waited patiently for nearly a quarter century for justice to be done,” he said.

Iran created the Muslim jihad group Hezbollah, which carried out the homicide bombing in Beirut. It was the worst Islamic (or any) terrorist act against U.S. targets until the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks.

Obama ‘taking Iran’s side’ on damages from ’83 bombing that killed 241 Marines

Special to WorldTribune.com

WASHINGTON — President Barack Obama, in a bid to reconcile with the
Teheran regime, has blocked legislation that would hold Iran accountable for
the Hezbollah bombing that killed 241 U.S. Marines in 1983.

A survivors group has asserted that the administration is pressuring Democrats in Congress not to support a bill that would enforce massive judgments against Iran by the families of the Marines. In 2007, a U.S. federal district court judge found Iran liable for the Beirut bombing and ordered Teheran to pay $2.65 billion in damages.

A U.S. Marine searches the rubble on Oct. 31, 1983, after an Oct. 23 attack on the headquarters of the U.S. troops of the multinational force in Beirut, Lebanon. In twin attacks on U.S. and French military installations, suicide bombers driving trucks killed 299 French and Americans, including 241 U.S. service members.

“This administration talks a lot about sanctions, but we know Iran is watching this case closely and, astonishingly, Obama’s people are taking Iran’s side,” Lynn Smith Derbyshire, a lobbyist for the legislation, said.

Ms. Derbyshire, whose brother Marine Capt. Vincent Smith was killed in the 1983 bombing, said survivors and their families were urging Congress to support amendments to the Iran Sanctions Bill, scheduled for mark-up in the Senate Banking Committee on Feb. 2.

But they said committee members were being pressed by the White House not to vote for amendments that would hold Teheran responsible for the 1983 attack and transfer the $2.65 billion awarded in 2007. The Iran Sanctions Bill would enable U.S. sanctions on foreign companies that purchase or ship oil through the Iranian government or sell telecommunications equipment to Teheran.

“We have petitioned Congress to prevent the government of the Islamic republic of Iran from avoiding its obligations to pay judgments awarded to past and future victims and survivors of Iranian terrorism,” Ms. Derbyshire said on Jan. 30. “We’ve spoken with many sympathetic members of Congress but they won’t act while this administration is blocking what we and the
American people know is right.”

Over the last decade, the families of Iranian-sponsored attacks have won billions of dollars in suits against the Teheran regime. But the federal government, particularly the State Department, has blocked access to Iranian assets or funds in the United States.

Ms. Derbyshire said she represents more than 1,000 families across the United States in the campaign to target Teheran and its finances. The group has also lobbied Congress to strengthen the U.S. law that bans Iran from laundering money in the United States to finance Hezbollah and other insurgency proxies.

“We can show that international banks have moved billions of dollars of funds from Bank Markazi, Iran’s central bank, through banks in the U.S.,” Ms. Derbyshire said. “So far that money has been untouchable. We believe that is wrong. We are confident that most Americans would agree. Yet, the Obama administration is thwarting our efforts.”

http://atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com/atlas_shrugs/2012/02/obama-sides-with-islamic-iran-on-their-1983-bombing-that-killed-241-us-marines.html

Seems every opportunity this Arab loving asshole gets he goes out of his way to slap the American people and ESPECIALLY the military which he has repeatedly expressed his distain for. Were I one of the Marines responsible for guarding the White House after this I would be hard pressed not take hostile aggressive action on behalf of my fallen Marine brethren on this American/America hating Arab/Islam lover by lancing political pustule with a bayonet! Just HOW MUCH MORE insult must we the people tolerate before this guy gets impeached or cornered and made to give straight documentable and verifiable answers to some hard questions

[Before you go running to make asinine ignorance of the true facts showing comments about how shameful I am for making unsupported statement Don, here’s some facts to back it up: Fact 1    Fact 2  Fact 3  Fact 4  fact 5  Now chew on those Don and when you’re done put your foot back in your mouth because you are not done with chewing on it from the lat tile you mistakenly opened those liberal lips! ]

Its no secret that Obama seems to think America needs to apologize for everything it’s done historically, reducing our standing in the world to that of a sniveling, repentant bully despite the fact that it that meant the freedom of people suffering under the rule of cruel dictators or was in answer to naked aggression.

Now his treatment of and distain for our military men and women as even caught the eye of House Armed Services Committee Chairman Howard P. McKeon.  Representative McKeon said that he thinks Obama and his cronies view our military as a principal adversary rather than as an asset in the pursuit of world peace. In fact McKeon when so far as to say

“President Obama’s policies often seem reflective of an ideology that treats American power as the principal adversary, not ally, to world peace.”

Obama is doing nothing short of taking sides AGAIN with a country aligned diametrically against America! Let’s be very clear about this. Obama is doing this to appease the country and leadership of Iran. A country who sponsors government run demonstrations like this:

 

THAT takes precedence over our fallen and their families best interests and welfare? Gives him the right to blatantly disregard a court order? You Democrats and Liberals lurking the the cyber shadows at the edge of the blog, THIS is your Messiah? THIS is your chosen one? Are you all SO desperate to be in power and control of our National Fate that you REALLY don’t care what the cost or damage for it is? Can’t you feel it when he slaps your faces along with the rest of us?

You cannot convince me that NONE of your were military or Marines. Yet you’re going to stand idly by and mutely at that and ALLOW the pencil necked Brooks Brother suited two faced sleaze balls in Foggy Bottom ( that’s where State Dept is based out of) to block a COURT ORDER allowing the dependant of these murdered Marines just compensation? Were these families minorities and the perpetrators rich or white you people would be screaming to bleed them dry PLUS a pound of flesh! Why is it different because they are Marines and Hezbollah is a bunch of toweled State sponsored terrorists? We are hitting them where it hurts them the most in their pockets depriving them of funds and paying them directly to the victims of the terrorists, but Obama has a PROBLEM with that? Well screw you Liberals and screw that closet Muslim asshole too!

What slap in the American pubic face in favor of Islam could possibly top this and be next? A Presidential Directive for a Mosque at Ground Zero? Maybe one at the Pentagon too? How about one encroaching on the 9-11Memorial Garden in Shanksville Pa.? Hell why don’t we just turn the Capitol over to them for one and pay to have the Rotunda Dome refabricated into a minaret? At least it will deprive Obama of the satisfaction of getting to slap us in the face and pride again!

I AM THE LETHAL BLOODY LEPRECHAUN AND I SAY: bloody well IMPEAH OBAMA FOR TREASON then drop the Muslim loving Shit Heel in Chief bare assed naked in the middle of the biggest Hezbollah stronghold we can find with a camera strapped on him so we can see just how friendly, peace loving and forgiving they are. Just let us know well in advance because I’m going to want to set my DVR to record it so I can play it back a couple thousand times and have some popcorn ready for the big show!

Unless of course President Obama has anything to say or do about it! Then its only for the Muslims, the Poor, the Illegal Aliens and Islamic Terrorists

 

Good Morning Campers…

Many of you have tried to contact me to wish me well, and find out what’s going on.  It’s difficult for me to get messages out, while I’m in hiding … um… under house arrest.  My dear friend and legal representative, Lethal Leprechaun, due to the fact that I was so badly mistreated in my last placement, has arranged for me to be moving back and forth between two different magical/mythical homes.  These were negotiated between himself and a representative of Queen <said in a whisper> Tiamat.  All was well and good, and Lethal urged me to write a letter, not of apology so much as a letter of explanation.  Here’s what I sent him and the conversation we had afterward:

My Most Esteemed Queen,

Thou hast charged me with heinous crimes, all of them untrue.  I am naught but a loyal and trustworthy member or your court.  Please allow me to explain….

Thou knowest that I am the only dragon with an open persona in the public.  Aye, there have been other dragons in cinema and books, but most of them give dragons a bad name, not the good, kind and intelligent creatures that we really are.  I, on the other hand, through my Impish Dragon persona, have gathered a small following of like minded humans (okay, granted, there are probably some Gnomes, Dwarves, Gnolls, Fairies, Centaurs, and other mythical/magical creatures who are members of the readership of Dragon Laffs) who choose to see dragons as good and honest creatures.  Creatures with integrity, wit and humility.

Now, it comes to my attention that the oriental calendar has once again come round to the year of the dragon…the year of the water dragon to be precise and, although I know this calendar has naught to do with us real dragons, I thought it would be a good marketing tool to allow the GOOD name of dragons to get out.  Not the Hobbit eating and village burning of Smaug, nor the abandonment issues of Puff.  Any given human, when you ask them about dragons will come up with Norbert, the baby dragon from the Harry Potter movies: a lovable enough pet, but he is shanghaied in the end.  Sapharia, one of noble and intelligent birth…sadly, not many know of her true nature.  No, most are more likely to remember the buffoons Devon and Cornwall or the evilness of Vermithrax Pejorative neither of which is close to the truth.

My Queen, I took this as an opportunity to reveal the truth of dragon kind and to not continuing to allow the world to buy into the foolishness of Hollywood and Disney.

Respectfully Submitted,

Impish Dragon

Lethal Leprechaun: Ok A) You chose to live with humans, consort with them and view them as something altogether other than food.
B) You consort with ME to make money rather than the old fashioned Draconian way of terrorizing villagers and stealing it.
C) And I quote “Trustworthy  member of Her court”  is practically a blatant lie right there and is enough to carry a charge of Contempt of Court.
And on top of everything else, WHY THE FECK DO LEPRECHAUNS GET NO FECKING MENTION?? WHO DO YOU THINK STAFFS OUR ENTIRE ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT?

Lethal Leprechaun: And whatever happened to “declining numbers on both sides of the Dragon aisle requiring you to band together and come together to work to save the grandeur and majesty that is the ancient and wisest of races: Dragons”?

Lethal Leprechaun: Your writers need flogging!

Impish Dragon: So they do.  And besides, I thought leaving the Leprechauns out of it would be a good thing!  Figured it would be safer for you.

Lethal Leprechaun: It depends on your reasons for consorting with them, now doesn’t it?  Like say…attempting to learn the secrets of, what is arguably, the ONLY competition that Dragons have for being the richest race in existence?

Impish Dragon: Hmm….that’s a really good point.  Do you think she’ll notice?

Lethal Leprechaun: Do you honestly think you matter enough for the Queen of all Dragonkind to read your little letter and not some underling somewhere?

Impish Dragon: Well, she’s trying to kill me, or have me killed; I think that she would have enough interest in it to read it!

Lethal Leprechaun: Really?  And for that matter, do you know for a fact that SHE is behind all this?  YOU spoke with HER?  She told you snout to snout that she wants your skuzzy, scaled, traitorous tail dead?  Or did you not get the same printed poster and writ that I got, executed in HER name and ALLEGEDLY at HER direction?

Impish Dragon: Well … no … but if someone is throwing Her name around…

Lethal Leprechaun: And IF that WERE the case, that might, just MIGHT make this whole thing look ENTIRELY different, now wouldn’t it….

Impish Dragon: Well, yeah it would, but how do you …

Lethal Leprechaun: Shaddup, I’m thinkin’ here…
could it all be ….?
what if it was …?
Holy Jumping Shamrocks!  I think I’ve got it.  Anyone on Her High Council or Her staff not like you?  Anyone that also might be working for the Loony Liberal Left?  Did you also notice the complete lack of any official seal on any of the documents?

Impish Dragon: I can think of several who aren’t fans of mine.  They think I’m too outspoken for a dragon, and consort too much with the humans. And that I’m …

Lethal Leprechaun:  Yeah, yeah mate.  No sense in you singing your negative side to me, I know all about it.

Impish Dragon: No!  That’s not what …

Lethal Leprechaun: Any of them swift enough to have guessed your intent or that you might even have discussed it with?  See the Pan Lung had an interesting tail to tell me, if you’ll pardon the pun…

Impish Dragon: Go on…

Lethal Leprechaun: See, it seems they THOUGHT they had been hired by Tiamat to give you “your wish” and make you wingless like one of them, albeit as painfully as possible, while making it look like Asian Outrage over you usurping THEIR year.  Now, that’s not to say they weren’t, they just had different plans for you…they were going to use poisoned Asian Virgin Ninja Assassins.

Impish Dragon: Wow!  I’m speechless.

Lethal Leprechaun: Don’t I wish. Anyway, they could just be pissin’ in me fried rice..but what if they aren’t?  No seal on that writ IS sort of interesting and suspicious…maybe not the one on the island, or hung in the towns, but the one that was delivered by currier to the law offices?

Impish Dragon: Who do we know that can find out the truth?

Lethal Leprechaun: (Yeah, that whole speechless thing didn’t last long at all, did it?) I’m filling a legal writ which basically says PROVE you have the authority to do this and citing the lack of seals as a basis for the demand.  We’ll see what happens from there.  I’ll arrange for multiple deliveries in multiple areas … basically through a very expensive magical spell, every place that got a copy of the warrant will get a copy of our demand for proof of authority.  It will either start something huge or get you in even more shit.

Impish Dragon: (Funny how ALL the magical spells you use are “hugely expensive.”) Ok, so you want I should just hang with Odin?  Hey, by the way, who’d you dicker with over my house arrest?

Lethal Leprechaun: <whispers> Shen.  And I wasn’t the wrangler, I called in a favor.

Impish Dragon: Shen?

Lethal Leprechaun: Shh!  For Jaysus Sake!  NOT SO FECKING BLOODY LOUD!  YOU WANT HIM FLYING OVER HERE? EVERYTHING HIS SHADOW FALLS ON WITHERS AND DIES!  He’s the only one of his kind: a Black Shadow Dragon! How can you not know of him?  The sky grows dark with his passage and wherever his shadow touches, life ceases to exist!  As <whispers> Shen flies on, clouds boil black beneath him and the land quakes and shudders.  Volcanoes spout molten lava and poison gasses into the air as terrible storms sweep the earth.

Impish Dragon: Oh yeah, Shen.  I know him.  No worries, he’s actually related to me… let’s see … on my mother’s side, 3^rd cousin or some such.  He’s lots of fun at family get-togethers.

Lethal Leprechaun: That’s interesting.  Apparently, that is why he referred to you as the brain damaged black sheep of the family.  Now that makes sense.

Impish Dragon:  Ha, ha, ha!  Yeah, that Shen!  He’s a real kidder, he is!

Lethal Leprechaun: Yeah, he said he felt sorry for you, being exiled and brain damaged and all.  He DECLINED the bribe I offered out of family honor….I’m not sure that qualifies as kidding.

Impish Dragon: Yeah… No… What?

 

So, dear campers, that was several days ago, and apparently, the amazing Legal Team of Lethal’s has uncovered even more information.  It seems that this whole thing may have been a huge plan on the part of the left to tie us up in court and legal battles in order to take our attention away from Obama and the election.  If they could drag it out until after the election, it would be a fait accompli and we’d be done!

Just last night I got this late message from Lethal:

Lethal Leprechaun:  Just got some game changing information, but I can’t talk about it over unsecure lines. 

Impish Dragon: I’m still with Odin…the Valkyries are giving me strange looks…where shall we meet?

Lethal Leprechaun: Listen, I have a tough night dealing with all of this.  My head is pounding with a migraine.  Anyone annoys me or makes me think too hard and I’m likely to go all Mean Green Lethal Leprechaun Machine on their asses.  I got a truck load of rabid badgers and I’m itching for an excuse to use them!  The plane will be there to move you tonight.  Apparently, you’re eating Odin out of house and home and wearing out your welcome with the Valkyries! You’ll now be Zeus’s guest for a couple of weeks.  Try not to wear out this welcome too fast!  I’ll be in touch and let you know what’s going on with the investigation.  Just be sure of one thing…DO NOT accept ANYTHING from ANY other dragon, whether you’re related to them or not.

Impish Dragon: What are you saying?  My family…..?

Lethal Leprechaun: Apparently this goes a lot deeper and farther than we had even imagined….think big houses, painted white.  That’s all I’m sayin’ now unless you want them rabid badgers….

Impish Dragon: No…no dude, you go get some rest.  I’ll look forward to getting on the plane tonight.

Lethal Leprechaun:  And if you even think about getting air sick again, I’ve told the flight crew to make you clean it up before they are to let you off!

So, as you can see….a lot is going on.  Before I get too much further into this, why don’t we go ahead and start the laughter?

How about we start today’s issue with a couple of oldies, but goodies.  All of these have one thing in common…they all resulted in bodily harm to one or the other of the participants.  Let’s see…

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift….
The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
“Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
(A broken arm and two broken legs)

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’
‘No,’ she answered…
I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
(Black eye, broken nose, two missing teeth)

I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”
“Nah, she can order for herself.”
(Black eye, broken jaw, blisters on his feet from the walk home)

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, “Do you know him?”
“Yes”, she sighed, “He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
(Shards of glass removed from his rectum from where his wife shoved her drink)

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, “When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.”
(Body was never recovered.  Investigation is on-going)

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, “What’s on TV?”
I said, “Dust.”
(Split lip and loose teeth)

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is
terrible.”
My loving wife of 5 years replied, “And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”
(Case pending in divorce court.  Husband is suing to get his dignity back.)

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.”
I bought her a bathroom scale.
(In ICU on a respirator.  Not expected to recover)

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.’
(Wife’s body has not been recovered.  Husband is incarcerated, but expected to be released with no charges since no one has recovered a body.)

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror..
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
“I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
I replied, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
(Will require the use of a seeing-eye-dog for the rest of his life)

I rear-ended a car this morning…the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said ‘I am NOT Happy!’
So I said, ‘Well, which one ARE you then?’
(Sued by the Dwarven Council on Stature Equality.  Expected to be litigated to death.)

100 Years of History in 10 minutes
From 1911 to 2011
Well worth the watch!

I really apologize for these…..they are especially dreadful this time around:

Gossips have a keen sense of rumor.

I want to be a watchmaker. It is a great job because you can make your own hours.

I can Harley wait to get my motorcycle license.

After the shepherd retired, he felt ewes less.

Optometrists live long because they dilate.

Purposely NOT poking fun at the Leprechaun…

A property manager of single-family residences was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions.

“Professionally employed?” he asked.

“We’re a military family,” the wife answered.

“Children?”

“Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve,” she answered proudly.

“Animals?”

“Oh, no,” she said earnestly. “They’re very well behaved.”

It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the high school intercom:“Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing.”

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:“Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars please return to class.”

How to maintain a healthy level of insanity, by K²

“Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.”

“A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.”

“California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange.”

“You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

“I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.”

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.”

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.”

Some people say I have a weird personality… That’s ok, I have four more…

I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots.
Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to
visit there too often.  It’s right next door to Debt.  I’ve spent a great deal of time in Debt.  It’s not a very nice place.

I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was
very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I go there more often as I’m getting
older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets
the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get! PLEASE DO YOUR PART!

From one unstable person to
another… I hope everyone is happy in your head – we’re all doing
pretty good in mine!

“If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to
live, I wouldn’t brood. I’d type a little faster.” ~Isaac Asimov

A row of bottles on my shelf
Caused me to analyze myself.

One yellow pill I have to pop
Goes to my heart so it won’t stop.

A little white one that I take
Goes to my hands so they won’t shake.

The blue ones that I use a lot
Tell me I’m happy when I’m not.

The purple pill goes to my brain
And tells me that I have no pain.

The capsules tell me not to wheeze
Or cough or choke or even sneeze.

The red ones, smallest of them all
Go to my blood so I won’t fall.

The orange ones, very big and bright
Prevent my leg cramps in the night.

Such an array of brilliant pills
Helping to cure all kinds of ills.

But what I’d really like to know,
Is what tells each one where to go!

I just read that last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?

From the Big Bang Theory

Today’s Last Word…Well, this will piss you off…Thanks to LL for pointing this out to me in time to get it in today’s issue…for those of you who wish to read it on line where we found it, click on the title and it should take you there

OBAMA ELIGIBILITY COURT CASE…BLOW BY BLOW By Craig Andresen on January 26, 2012 at 9:25 am

Now, let’s face it… if you or I were to pull this garbage, a bench warrant would be issued and we’d be in jail faster than you can say, “Birth Certificate”.  And if half of what is alleged in this article were true, none of us would stand a chance.  It pisses me off that ANYONE can get away with something like this, just because of their position.  I’ve seen it happen over and over again (work in the military or for the government long enough and you’ll find someone who takes advantage due to their rank or position) and it pisses me off every time I see it.  And not to even mention the absolute gall and arrogance of ignoring the proceeding when they couldn’t get it cancelled.  What does that tell us about his presidency and the DNC’s apparent conspiracy to cover up his ineligibility?  Or the supposed claim that the state of Georgia has no authority over who is, or is not on their ballot?

Okay, so go ahead, and tell me how much I’m Obama bashing again.  That’s just fine.  I’m telling you, if presenting the facts, as far as we know them, and taking a stand for the Constitution is Obama bashing, then I’m guilty as charged.  But, on June 17, 1977 I raised my hand and swore to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; (And since I can hear you ones out there saying I’m Obama bashing telling me to write the rest of it, I will….) and I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice.  So help me God.

I can hear you crowing… I’m supposed to obey the President.  It says so right in my pledge that I’m trying to use to present my case.  Well, look at it closer…according to the regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice.  Did you know, that the UCMJ makes it a crime to obey an order from a superior that you know is unlawful?  That’s right.  If a superior, ANY superior, gives an order that goes against the Constitution, it is our DUTY to not only NOT follow it, but to do what we can to STOP that order from damaging the United States. 

Any of you sitting out there doubt for one minute that this man has NOT gone against the Constitution, time and time again?  If so, then you just ain’t payin’ attention, or you are willfully being deceitful (we call that lying or drinking the loony liberal Kool-ade, right down to the delusional dregs! ~LL). 

Okay, so I have to go find a cool place to rest.  I’ve gotten so angry I’ve set fire to everything in Zeus’s back garden.  It’s a good thing most of my laptops are flame proof.  (Dude, you’re SO screwed!  The Olympian gardens are HERA’s and you KNOW what a bitch she can be when you piss her off!)

Wow one month down and 11 left to go in 2012 already! How time flies and the price of coffee shamelessly soars!

I have decided to fight flights of fancy (Impish having any legit claim to “The Year of the Dragon”)
with hard facts, the fact that Ireland has a National Museum dedicated to venerating meself and me brethren Leprechauns.

Since when it comes to this subject Impish is about as logical as a liberal I doubt I’ll have much success but at least it will help me poor BP stay a wee bit lower until be gets this lunacy out of his system.

For those of you who cannot read it the tag line at the bottom reads:

“Because a National Heritage Museum is so much more impressive than usurping a tired old worn out Chinese Lunar Calendar Year and lots less (legal) trouble too!”

Besides, how much profit can you make selling rubes a calendar once every 12 years as compared to a museum gift shop open daily?

 

 

 

Just in Case You Have Nothing Better to Do (i.e. Bored)

 

Just Click on the Door Stop then click on the larger image

It is amazing how little it takes to entertain senior citizens!!!!!

You actually clicked? Seriously? You’re BORED already? The issue isn’t even started! I’m insulted!

 

 

 

Mitt’s Income vs. Your Income

 

How long would it take the GOP candidate to earn what you make in a year?

By Dan Check|Posted Tuesday, Jan. 24, 2012, at 4:35 PM ET

EMMANUEL DUNAND/AFP/Getty Images.

Mitt Romney released his 2010 tax return on Monday. His total income for the year was listed as $21.6 million, more than one-half of which came from capital gains. How does that stack up against your income? Enter your annual income below to find out how long it would have taken Mitt Romney to earn the same amount of money. (Don’t worry, we’re not collecting any data you type in.)

How long would it take Mitt Romney to earn what you make in a year? Find out here.

(thanks to my darlin’ Molly for depressing me even more by showing me this!)

Impish says he’ll need to find a place to live should he beat the charges against him as the wife threw him out followed by a hail of pots and pans.

Gee I can’t imagine why!

Ok so you’re going to wind up with a double dose of me preaching to the choir today but there is something I have to get off me chest before my BP spikes through the roof and I stroke out or go postal on the first Afghani rat bastard I see. Unfortunately I received this after having sent today’s issue to layout and having already spent an great deal of time on my Parting Shot, hence the double dosing. However once you read this I don’t think most of you are going to have a problem with the double dosing and I expect many of you are going to be as up in arms about the entire thing as I am.

I’ve been doing a Yeoman’s job according to several sources including Impish and Molly over keeping quiet about the Marines videoed urinating on dead (presumably) Taliban. Impish and I had discussed the “advisability” of me making a statement of my view point and decided it would be unwise at the time for me to say the sort of things that were running through my mind despite the likelihood that any reader who ever experienced combat would understand my point of view on the issue. As of today that point of view about the inadvisability of my remarks has changed in light of something K-Squared has sent me. I’ll come back after you see this. Be prepared to be incensed, and I DO NOT mean by your priest with Frankincense.

High Fashion in the Mosque

Notice the SMILE on the rat bastard’s face over his shirt!

We’re constantly clubbed on the head with the claim that the Muslim world condemns 9/11, abhors 9/11, etc. – Yet every day Shirts like this are mass produced, marketed, and sold by street venders thru out the Middle East and it’s simply OK. The mass-murder of 9-11 is a celebrated event by millions of people. Now a few of our military guys, after months of sleeping on the cold ground, eating MREs, not having a good hot shower, and away from their love ones, get caught peeing on a couple of dead Taliban/Al Qada types, and they are condemned by the world. What they did wasn’t right, but the huge outpouring of condemnation doesn’t compare (in my mind) to someone who would wear a shirt like this that glorifies the murder of over 3,000 innocent Americans.

So some pissed off young Marines pissed on some dead Taliban/Al Qada types to show their distain for the enemy and they way they do things (to say nothing of the politically correct, touchy feely, politics driven rules of engagement they are made to suffer under which effectively ties one of their arms behind their back). What things? SO GLAD YOU ASKED! HOW about (for starters):

1. Persecution of those of other religions up to and including torture and death.
2. Defamation and destruction of materials and places of other religions while DEMANDING we treat their religious places and materials with the respect of an adherent of their terroristic religion “of peace”.
3. Using those same religious sites to cache and store weapons and explosives (proven) while demanding we respect their religion and not “defile” these places by entering and searching them.
4. Securing hostages who are under threat of torture mutilation and death in mosques so as to make them untouchable and unrescueable
5. When in danger of being captured, killed or over run by U.S. forces, retreating into Mosques where US forces are forbidden to fire because we might “damage a holy site” but continuing to fire upon U,S, troops from those “holy sites of the religion of peace”
6. Offering bounties for wounded U.S. troops to torture and then publically behead.
7. Offering bounties for the bodies of fallen U.S. troops to mutilate desecrate and display publically while proudly claiming credit for the acts that they cannot do unless the U.S. soldier is dead because he’d kill him and 30 of his friends were he alive.
8. Issuing a fatwa at the drop of a hat on anyone who mentions Mohammed critically or draws a picture of him while adherents of “the religion of peace” sell and wear shirts proudly celebrating the tragedy of September 11th and the deaths of over 3000.

I could continue to list their daily atrocities committed against our troops, but I think you get the idea. Strange how that Liberal Bastion of Oppression, Bullshit and Hatred of All Things That Make Up America Except Our Money and Resources the United Nations, can be so silent about all these daily occurrences, but let one single squad of young fed up Marines express their contempt for these Tali-turds and the success stifling overly restrictive Mother-May-I rules of engagement they just cannot roll out the Liberally Superior Condemnation Wagon fast enough! As if that was not bad enough every damned arrogant Democrat in Congress and the Closet Towelhead himself our Tali-turd Lover in Chief hops aboard before they even have the Condemnation Party Wagon totally out of the UN’s paid for by our government garage!

If you ask me the REAL question is NOT why they did this, but why it has not happened sooner or more often. I think they showed a great deal of restraint! Were it me I probably would have killed, bled and gutted a pig over them and buried them with it each with a mouthful of pig organic by product then had a Rabbi & a Priest pray over the grave!

As for that festering anal pustule in the photo above THIS is how I would express my displeasure with him:

The ONLY reason I would not fix the problem with a FLAME THROWER is because napalm DOES stick to kids and I’d want to avoid any collateral damage from dealing with this ass pustule.

I’M THE SODDING BLOODY LETHAL LEPRECHAUN AND I SAY its high time these Tali-turds reap what they have been sowing for so long….IN BUGGERING SPADES! Only then when we take the gloves off and start making them fear us coming for them because they KNOW we’ll take away any chance they have at Paradise will we get a permanent resolution to this.

PISS ON THEM an piss on the bloody morally superior but have never been in battle liberals who are so quick to jump to condemn them too!

 

The Top 5 Oscar Nominations in Hell

5 Best Picture: “My Week With Marilyn Manson”
4  Best Actress: Bette Midler in “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Annoying”
3  Best Actor: Brad Pitt as Ron Jeremy in “Moneyshot”
2  Best Picture: “Stinker Sailor Told a Lie: The Italian Cruise Ship Disaster”

and The Number 1 Oscar Nomination in Hell…

1  Best Actress: Anne Hathaway in “The Devil Wears Your Freshly Flayed Skin”
[ Copyright 2012 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

 

New Battle Between Retailers and Credit Cards Could Catch Consumers In The Middle

January 24, 2012 By George Gombossy

Another major dispute on interchange fees could take place, and this one may have new, painful consequences on consumers. This time, the battle centers around the swipe fee that retailers pay on credit card transactions.

According to CNBC, there is an antitrust suit between five million retailers and Visa, MasterCard and 13 large banks, including Citi, Bank of America, Chase, Capital One, U.S. Bancorp and Wells Fargo. Retailers claim that banks and the payment systems have unfairly worked together to increase the amount of the interchange fee retailers pay on credit card transactions.

The amount that each retailer pays as a swipe fee varies widely but the industry average is approximately 2 percent. This antitrust suit could cut that figure by three-quarters down to 0.5 percent. That would be one more devastating revenue blow to the banks as well as Visa and MasterCard, leading to billions of dollars in lost income.

Last year, the Durbin amendment went into effect on October 1, cutting the interchange fee on debit card transactions from an average of 44 cents to no more than 21 cents (plus 0.05 percent of the transaction, with the possibility of an additional cent if banks comply with fraud prevention procedures). Banks tried to make up for this lost revenue by implementing a monthly debit card fee which led to consumer outrage. Banks eventually rescinded this monthly fee.

If the retailers win this antitrust suit, it could have have a significant impact on consumers:

* Banks will lose billions of dollars at a time when they have already suffered significant cutbacks in revenue. Whenever banks lose revenue in one area, they try to make up for it in another area and that always comes at the expense of the consumer. An increase in existing fees, the introduction of new fees, and an increase in the credit card interest rates are changes that could be pushed by banks.

* A significant decrease in credit card reward programs. The lucrative cash back and airline mile rewards will likely decline. Most banks eliminated debit card rewards when the Durbin amendment passed. The same could happen with credit card  programs if retailers win this suit.

* A likely decrease in attractive balance transfer offers. Currently, credit card issuers are offering 0 percent interest rates for extended periods of time in order to lure customers from their competitors. The Citi Platinum Select card offers 0 percent for 21 months; the Discover More card offers 0 percent for 18 months; and the Slate from Chase card offers 0 percent for 12 months with no balance transfer fee. If retailers win this antitrust suit, look for credit card issuers to scale back these balance transfer offers.

* On the positive side, a possible decrease in prices at store level. Retailers claimed the passage of the Durbin amendment could lead to a decrease in prices since they would no longer have to pay the high swipe fees on debit card transactions. It is difficult to see if this actually took place. However, retailers may face more pressure from consumer groups to cut prices if the interchange fee is also slashed on credit card purchases.

 

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint…

when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, ‘Hey Koala! What are you doing?’

The koala said, ‘Smoking a joint, come up and have some.’

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was ‘dry’ and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river.
A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, ‘What’s the matter with you?’
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink..
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,

‘Hey you!’
So the koala looked down at him and said,

‘F & #K me….
how much water did you drink!!!!!!!!!

 

I’ll bet the name of the Dragon this refers to escapes you right? Now I don’t want to say he’s a glutton or anything and ok I’ll admit he lost a whole 3 pounds while in captivity but after 52 kinds of pie on his flight, plus a week of binging on pies and hot wings, when my personal plane took his broad backside to his house arrest location it had to use the call sign “Shamrock One HEAVY”

Speaking of food, this seems like an ideal segue to… 

3-Nut Upside-Down Cake

 

A rich chocolate cake is even better when topped with a mix of sweetened nuts.

Ingredients:

• 1/4 cup butter
• 1/4 cup packed dark brown sugar
• 2/3 cup light-colored corn syrup
• 1/4 cup whipping cream
• 1/2 cup chopped pecans
• 1/2 cup chopped walnuts
• 1/2 cup chopped macadamia nuts
• 1-1/3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/3 cup butter, softened
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 2 eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 2/3 cup milk

Steps:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degree F. Line a 9x9x2-inch baking pan with foil; grease foil. In a small saucepan melt 1/4 cup butter over medium heat. Stir in brown sugar. Cook and stir until sugar is dissolved. Stir in corn syrup and cream. Bring just to boiling. Stir in nuts. Spread in pan.
2. Combine flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, baking soda, and 1/2 teaspoon salt; set aside. In a large mixing bowl beat 1/3 cup butter with electric mixer on medium to high speed for 30 seconds. Gradually add granulated sugar, beating on medium speed until well combined, scraping sides of bowl. Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating after each (about 1 minute total). Beat in vanilla. Alternately add flour mixture and milk to butter mixture, beating on low speed after each addition just until combined. Pour into pan, being careful not to disturb nuts. Bake for 45 to 50 minutes or until a wooden toothpick inserted near center comes out clean. Cool in pan on wire rack 10 minutes. Remove from pan. Carefully peel off foil. Place nut side up on plate. Serve at room temperature. Makes 9 servings.

 

Nutritional Information:

Carbohydrate: 65g, Sodium: 393g, Fiber: 2g, Cholesterol: 91mg, Total Fat: 31g, Calories: 551, Protein: 7g.

Hearty Lasagna Soup

 

Are you in the mood for lasagna, but don’t have the time? Try this clever soup that has all the flavors of your favorite lasagna…and it’s on the table in just 35 minutes.

Hearty Lasagna Soup

 

Prep: 10 minutes
Cook: 25 minutes

Serves: 4

Are you in the mood for lasagna, but don’t have the time? Try this clever soup that has all the flavors of your favorite lasagna…and it’s on the table in just 35 minutes.

Ingredients:

• 1 pound ground beef
• 1 small onion, chopped (about 1/4 cup)
  
• 1 teaspoon minced garlic
• 1/4 teaspoon dried parsley flakes
  
• 3 1/2 cups Swanson® Beef Broth (Regular or 50% Less Sodium)
  
• 1 can (about 14 .5 ounces) diced tomatoes
  
• 1/4 teaspoon Italian seasoning, crushed
• 1 1/2 cups uncooked mafalda or rotini pasta
  
• 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese

Directions:

Cook the beef, onion, garlic and parsley in a 3-quart saucepan over medium-high heat for 10 minutes, or until the beef is well browned, stirring often to separate meat. Pour off any fat.

Stir the broth, tomatoes and Italian seasoning in the saucepan and heat to a boil.

Stir the pasta in the saucepan. Reduce the heat to medium and cook for 10 minutes or until the pasta is tender. Stir in the cheese. Serve with additional cheese, if desired.

Recipe Tips:

Serving Suggestion: Serve with an Iceberg lettuce salad with Italian vinaigrette. For dessert serve fresh apple slices.

Nutrition Information

Nutritional Values per Serving

Using Swanson Beef Broth: : Calories 378, Total Fat 14g, Saturated Fat 6g, Cholesterol 73mg, Sodium 1074mg, Total Carbohydrate 32g, Dietary Fiber 3g, Protein 30g, Vitamin A 9%DV, Vitamin C 23%DV, Calcium 12%DV, Iron 20%DV
Nutritional Values per Serving

Using Swanson 50% Less Sodium Beef Broth: : Calories 378, Total Fat 14g, Saturated Fat 6g, Cholesterol 73mg, Sodium 680mg, Total Carbohydrate 32g, Dietary Fiber 3g, Protein 31g, Vitamin A 9%DV, Vitamin C 23%DV, Calcium 12%DV, Iron 20%DV
Nutritional Values per Serving

Using Swanson Certified Organic Beef Broth: : Calories 378, Total Fat 14g, Saturated Fat 6g, Cholesterol 73mg, Sodium 777mg, Total Carbohydrate 32g, Dietary Fiber 3g, Protein 30g, Vitamin A 9%DV, Vitamin C 23%DV, Calcium 12%DV, Iron 20%DV

 

 

The Top 5 Bumper Stickers for Hybrid Cars

5  If you can read this, then help push me up the hill
4  My other battery-powered ride’s a vibrator!
3  This car stops at all Whole Foods
2  Hippie-Chick Magnet

and The Number 1 Bumper Sticker for Hybrid Cars…

1  I’d rather be lecturing you about the planet

[ Copyright 2012 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

Today’s response to my Parting Shot video last issue regarding the controlling  of information you can access on the Internet comes from our very own Richard Kimbel-esque  fugitive on the run who is currently lolling in semi comfort under house arrest with a neutral party, Impish Dragon who wrote:

Comment on Leprechaun Laughs # 125 for Wednesday 1/25/12 by impishdragon Wednesday, January 25, 2012 5:29 AM

Wow.  I never looked at the internet and google, etc, in quite that way before (Your TED video in your parting shot).  That is an extremely important point to make.  So, the question becomes, where do we go for a truly honest search? 

Thanks my friend.  You’ve given me something to really think about.
Cheers,
Impish

 

Rather than a Rebuttal (note to self for the third time, figure out an alternate title and make a new graphic), my response to Impish’s comment is

The concepts of “And That’s The Way It Is” & “Just the Facts Ma’am”  died with Walter Cronkite and Jack Webb. Honest, unvarnished, undiluted and accurate reporting with a fundamental belief in the people’s right to know has gone the way of the Dodo and the passenger pigeon.

There is no long “the truth the WHOLE truth and nothing but the truth”, no accurate factual reporting with which people can  draw their own conclusions and create their own (well informed opinions). Now there is only “The Spin” & “The Sound Bite” (popular for the incredible ease with which they can be used out of context) and a preponderance of muckraking yellow journalism.

I am constantly reminded accessing the news of a scene in Star Wars – Return of the Jedi.

Luke: Obi-Wan? Why didn’t you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father.
Obi-Wan: Your father was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true, from a certain point of view.
Luke: “A certain point of view”?
Obi-Wan: Luke, you will find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.
— Return of the Jedi

While Obi-Wan may have been speaking in a quasi-religious &/or personal beliefs and values sense, from where I sit this has become the guiding philosophy of all news outlets, however the point of view that matters, the one the truth is judged by is each media/news services own political agenda.

Now this “cancer of the truth” is rapidly spreading to the internet in the form of overly restrictive search algorithms seeking to personalize your search results for you. I see this as much a result of a desire by Big Brother to have total control over information so as to make us believe and perceive what is in their best interest coupled with the continuing trend to “dumb down” the use of the internet until it becomes unrecognizable from AOL and therefore totally unusable as the meaningful, informative or educational unbiased information and idea exchange medium it was envisioned to be.

 

Abbott and Costello’s Classic Who’s On First Updated for the Obama Era

 Basically everyone knows this old classic. Well here they are again Abbott and Costello, this time discussion our current problem of unemployment in only the way they could.

COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America.

ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It’s 9%.

COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?

ABBOTT: No, that’s 16%.

COSTELLO: You just said 9%.

ABBOTT: 9% Unemployed.

COSTELLO: Right 9% out of work.

ABBOTT: No, that’s 16%.

COSTELLO: Okay, so it’s 16% unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, that’s 9%…

COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 9% or 16%?

ABBOTT: 9% are unemployed. 16% are out of work.

COSTELLO: IF you are out of work you are unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, you can’t count the “Out of Work” as the unemployed.
You have to look for work to be unemployed.

COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!

ABBOTT: No, you miss my point.

COSTELLO: What point?

ABBOTT: Someone who doesn’t look for work, can’t be counted with those who look for work.
It wouldn’t be fair.

COSTELLO: To who?

ABBOTT: The unemployed.

COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work.

ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work stopped looking.
They gave up. And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.

COSTELLO: So if you’re off the unemployment rolls, that would count as less unemployment?

ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!

COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don’t look for work?

ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That’s how you get to 9%. Otherwise it would be 16%.
You don’t want to read about 16% unemployment do ya?

COSTELLO: That would be frightening.

ABBOTT: Absolutely.

COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means they’re two ways to bring down the unemployment number?

ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.

COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?

ABBOTT: Correct.

COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?

ABBOTT: Bingo.

COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work.

ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like an economist.

COSTELLO: I don’t even know what the hell I just said!

And now you know why Obama’s unemployment figures are improving!

 Now to get the nasty taste of those twisted liberal idea of “facts” out of your mouth and brain. Here are Abbott & Costello doing the real version of the Classic Who’s On First. Forget and enjoy!

 

Hunting in Canada

A Canadian and an American were hunting in Canadian woods when a Mexican runs across the field and the Canadian shoots him in the back and kills him. “You can’t do that!” cried the American.

“Yes I can,” replies the Canadian,”it’s legal here in Canada .”

Later that night the American goes out and buys beer and puts it on the roof of his truck to open the door. Just then a Mexican runs by, grabs the beer, and runs away. The American thinks, “No problem,” and he shoots him in the back and kills him. As he is getting his beer the police come and arrest him.

“But I thought it was legal to shoot Mexicans here in Canada !” protests the American.

“Well, yeah,” says the cop, “but you can’t use bait.”

 

 

 

It never hurts to smile at a stranger….. or, you might want to save a life, with a simple kiss….

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to commit suicide,” she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn’t want to miss an opportunity so he asked… “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a kiss?”

So she does… And it was a long, deep lingering kiss.

After she’s finished, the biker says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That’s a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl…..”

 

 

 

 

This Parting Shot brought to you (with editorial comments by me) in part by Reader Paul (Pt. 1) and in part by Reader K-Squared (Pt. 2) I thought both sets of comments dovetailed so well that I decided they belonged together despite how long it made this Parting Shot.

Please don’t consider this is just a bunch of political hog-wash and trash it. Read it carefully, think about it, research it, item by item. A lot has happened in the last 3 years, WOW! It’s not what I had expected to happen within our country. How about you?

I WANT TO GET RE-ELECTED

“The country will survive Obama but it cannot survive the invincible, abject ignorance that elected him.”

 

An old West Virginia Hillbilly saying:

“You cannot get the water to clear up until you get the pigs out of the creek.”

SOME OF YOU MAY APPRECIATE THIS  (the intelligent folks with common sense ) AND SOME OF YOU (Liberals & Loonies) MAY NOT.  I DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR SENDING THIS BECAUSE OF IT’S TRUTH. (Besides that it’s my damned opinion and blog)

If any other of our presidents had doubled the national debt, which had taken more than two centuries to accumulate, in one year, would you have approved?

If any other of our presidents had then proposed to double the debt again within 10 years, would you have approved?

If any other of our presidents had criticized a state law that he admitted he never even read, would you think that he is just an ignorant hot head?

If any other of our presidents joined the country of Mexico and sued a state in the United States to force that state to continue to allow illegal immigration, would you question his patriotism and wonder who’s side he was on?

If any other of our presidents had pronounced the Marine Corps like Marine Corpse, would you think him an idiot?

If any other of our presidents had put 87,000 workers out of work by arbitrarily placing a moratorium on offshore oil drilling on companies that have one of the best safety records of any industry because one foreign company had an accident, would you have agreed?

If any other of our presidents had used a forged document as the basis of the moratorium that would render 87000 American workers unemployed would you support him?

If any other of our presidents had been the first President to need a Teleprompter installed to be able to get through a press conference, would you have laughed and said this is more proof of how inept he is on his own and is really controlled by smarter men behind the scenes?

If any other of our presidents had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to take his First Lady to a play in NYC, would you have approved?

If any other of our presidents had reduced your retirement plan holdings of GM stock by 90% and given the unions a majority stake in GM, would you have approved?

If any other of our presidents had made a joke at the expense of the Special Olympics, would you have approved?

If any other of our presidents had given Gordon Brown a set of inexpensive and incorrectly formatted DVDs, when Gordon Brown had given him a thoughtful and historically significant gift, would you have approved?

If any other of our presidents had given the Queen of England an iPod containing videos of his speeches, would you have thought it a proud moment for America ?

If any other of our presidents had bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia would you have approved?

If any other of our presidents had visited Austria and made reference to the nonexistent “Austrian language,” would you have brushed it off as a minor slip?

If any other of our presidents had filled his cabinet and circle of advisers with people who cannot seem to keep current in their income taxes, would you have approved?

If any other of our presidents had stated that there were 57 states in the United States , wouldn’t you have had second thoughts about his capabilities?

If any other of our presidents would have flown all the way to Denmark to make a five minute speech about how the Olympics would benefit him walking out his front door in his home town, would you not have thought he was a self-important, conceited, egotistical jerk.

If any other of our presidents had been so Spanish illiterate as to refer to “Cinco de Cuatro” in front of the Mexican ambassador when it was the 5th of May (Cinco de Mayo), and continued to flub it when he tried again, wouldn’t you have winced in embarrassment?

If any other of our presidents had burned 9,000 gallons of jet fuel to go plant a single tree on Earth Day, would you have concluded he’s a hypocrite?

If any other of our presidents’ administrations had okayed Air Force One flying low over millions of people followed by a jet fighter in downtown Manhattan causing widespread panic, would you have wondered whether they actually get what happened on 9-11? *

If any other of our presidents had failed to send relief aid to flood victims throughout the Midwest with more people killed or made homeless than in New Orleans , would you want it made into a major ongoing political issue with claims of racism and incompetence?

If any other of our presidents had created the position of 32 Czars who report directly to him, bypassing the House and Senate on much of what is happening in America , would you have ever approved.

If any other of our presidents had ordered the firing of the CEO of a major corporation, even though he had no constitutional authority to do so, would you have approved?

So, tell me again, what is it about Obama that makes him so brilliant and impressive?

Can’t think of anything? (can’t say that’s shocking to me)

Don’t worry.

He’s done all this in 34 months – so you don’t have that much time to come up with an answer. (ok, found something impressive, the fact he has screwed up this badly in such a short period of time and has not suffered a single use of the word “impeachment” in relation to him IS impressive)

Every statement and action in this email is factual and directly attributable to Barrack Hussein Obama.

Every bumble is a matter of record and completely verifiable.

AND NOW–

HE ACTUALLY WANTS US TO RE-ELECT HIM.

WAKE UP AMERICA 2012 IS UPON US.

I WONDER HOW MANY OF YOU WILL FORWARD THIS ?

I AM BECAUSE I CANNOT AFFORD TO TAKE A CHANCE ON THIS GUY FOR ANOTHER FOUR YEARS . . .

And Now Part Two which is thanks to K-Squared…

WHEN – he refused to disclose who donated money to his election campaign, as other candidates had done, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he received endorsements from people like Louis Farrakhan, Muramar Kaddafi and Hugo Chavez, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – it was pointed out that he was a total newcomer and had absolutely no experience at anything except community organizing, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he chose friends and acquaintances such as Bill Ayers and Bernadine Dohrn who were revolutionary radicals, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – his voting record in the Illinois Senate and in the U.S. Senate came into question, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he refused to wear a flag lapel pin and did so only after a public outcry, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – people started treating him as a Messiah and children in schools were taught to sing his praises, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he stood with his hands over his groin area for the playing of the National Anthem and Pledge of Allegiance, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he surrounded himself in the White House with advisors who were pro-gun control, pro-abortion, pro-homosexual marriage and wanting to curtail freedom of speech to silence the opposition, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he said he favors sex education in kindergarten, including homosexual indoctrination, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – his personal background was either scrubbed or hidden and nothing could be found about him, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – the place of his birth was called into question, and he refused to produce a birth certificate, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he had an association in Chicago with Tony Rezco – a man of questionable character and who is now in prison and had helped Obama to a sweet deal on the purchase of his home – people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – it became known that George Soros, a multi-billionaire Marxist, spent a ton of money to get him elected, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he started appointing White House Czars that were radicals, revolutionaries, and even avowed Marxist /Communists, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he stood before the Nation and told us that his intentions were to “fundamentally transform this Nation” into something else, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – it became known that he had trained ACORN workers in Chicago and served as an attorney for ACORN, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he appointed cabinet members and several advisors who were tax cheats and socialists, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he appointed a Science Czar, John Holdren, who believes in forced abortions, mass sterilizations and seizing babies from teen mothers, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he appointed Cass Sunstein as Regulatory Czar who believes in “Explicit Consent,” harvesting human organs without family consent and allowing animals to be represented in court, while banning all hunting, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he appointed Kevin Jennings, a homosexual and organizer of a group called Gay, Lesbian, Straight, Education Network as Safe School Czar and it became known that he had a history of bad advice to teenagers, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he appointed Mark Lloyd as Diversity Czar who believes in curtailing free speech, taking from one and giving to another to spread the wealth, who supports Hugo Chavez, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – Valerie Jarrett, an avowed Socialist, was selected as Obama’s Senior White House Advisor, people said it didn’t matter,
WHEN – Anita Dunn, White House Communications Director, said Mao Tse Tung was her favorite philosopher and the person she turned to most for inspiration, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he appointed Carol Browner, a well known socialist as Global Warming Czar working on Cap and Trade as the nation’s largest tax, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he appointed Van Jones, an ex-con and avowed Communist as Green Energy Czar, who since had to resign when this was made known, people said it didn’t matter. (Valerie Jarrett is a long time promoter of Van Jones).
WHEN – Tom Daschle, Obama’s pick for Health and Human Services Secretary could not be confirmed because he was a tax cheat, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – as President of the United States, he bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he traveled around the world criticizing America and never once talking of her greatness, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – his actions concerning the Middle East seemed to support the Palestinians over Israel, our long time ally, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he took American tax dollars to resettle thousands of Palestinians from Gaza to the United States, people said it didn’t
matter.
WHEN – he upset the Europeans by removing plans for a missile defense system against the Russians, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he played politics in Afghanistan by not sending troops early-on when the Field Commanders said they were necessary to win, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he started spending us into a debt that was so big we could not pay it off, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he took a huge spending bill under the guise of stimulus and used it to pay off organizations, unions, and individuals that got him elected, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he took over insurance companies, car companies, banks, etc., people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he took away student loans from the banks and put it through the government, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he designed plans to take over the health care system and put it under government control, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he claimed he was a Christian during the election and tapes were later made public that showed Obama speaking to a Muslim group and ‘stating’ that he was raised a Muslim, was educated as a Muslim, and is still a Muslim, people said it didn’t matter.
WHEN – he set into motion a plan to take over the control of all energy in the United States through Cap and Trade, people said it
didn’t matter.
WHEN – he finally completed his transformation of America into a Socialist State, people woke up— but it was too late.

Add these up one by one and you get a phenomenal score that points to the fact that Barrack Hussein Obama is determined to turn America into a Marxist-Socialist society. All of the items in the preceding paragraphs have been put into place. All can be documented very easily.

Before you disavow this, do an Internet search. The last paragraph alone is not yet cast in stone. You and I will write that
paragraph. Will it read as above or will it be a more happy ending for most of America?

Don’t just belittle the opposition. Search for the truth. We all need to pull together or watch the demise of a free society.
Pray for Americans to seek the truth and take action for it will keep us FREE.

Our biggest enemy is not China, Russia, North Korea or Iran.
Our biggest enemy is a contingent of politicians in Washington, DC .
The government will not help, so we need to do it ourselves.

Question….will you delete this, or pass it on to others who don’t
know about Obama’s actions and plans for the USA, so that they may
know how to vote in November, 2012 and the ensuing years?

It’s your decision. I believe it does matter. How about you?

WHEN – November 2012 comes, it will matter who you vote for!

“All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”

I’m the Lethal Leprechaun and your too damned bloody right I approved this message!

 

 

Democratic Dream Ticket – What A Team!

My name is Barney Frank and I endorse this advertisement

Good Morning Campers…I join you from a secure location.  I’m in hiding.  Seems I’m a wanted dragon…and not the good kind of wanted (nod to the ladies ) more of the Wanted: Dead or Alive (preferably DEAD) kind of wanted.  I’ve a pretty good idea who I’m wanted by, but not why I’m wanted by … um … her <said in a whisper>.
What’s that?
A summons?
From her!!!???
Let me see that!
Okay, folks, I gather that there is some sort of summons being posted everywhere, I’ll look this over and get back with you.  For now…

A young man’s impression of how he feels texting a girl he cares about.

Can you imagine what it must be like for kids in school nowadays?  We used to pass notes in the hall, or sometimes, heaven forbid, in class.  The smart phone has completely revolutionized the way kids interact, flirt and cheat in school.  With the phones themselves getting smaller and smaller, it must be harder and harder for teachers to police their classrooms.  I’ve got an idea for all you teachers out there who are having this problem…

Industrial Strength Cell Phone Jammer (CDMA, GSM, DCS, and 3G)…powerful cellphone disrupting device provides industrial strength frequency jamming with four high gain antennas and an impressive 10 watts of output!

And right now, they’re on sale for $91.41!  For less than a hundred bucks, you can easily earn the title of “Meanest F♫cking Teacher” of the year!  Now, wouldn’t that plaque look great on your “I Love Me” wall in your office, home or even the classroom.  Hang that plaque right there in the classroom and on the first day next year, set the rotten little bastard’s expectations right up front!  For a modest fee, Dragon and Leprechaun Laffs, LLP, will set you up with:
1. The Industrial Strength Cell Phone Jammer
2. “Meanest Teacher of the Year” plaques going back for the last 3 years (additional years available for additional cost)
3. Installation and set up.
For an additional charge, for the teacher who wants it all, we can also wire the room to emit a piercing tone that only teenagers can hear, with a sliding volume control settings from “annoy” to “bleeding ears”.
We welcome your ideas for products you’d like to see.

He has difficulty communicating with pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf.

Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five-dollar bill next to it.

The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf-mute, and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket.

Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language.

“Look,” the pharmacist says, “if you can’t afford to lose, you shouldn’t bet.”

Oh yeah, very funny!  Who’s idea of a joke was this??

A filthy rich Florida man decided he wanted to throw a party so he invited all of his buddies and neighbors.  He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood.  He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women. 

At the height of the party, the host said, “I have a 10 foot man-eating gator in my pool and I’ll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.”

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash.  Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool.  Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its rear!  Leroy was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.  The water was churning and splashing everywhere.  Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising heck.  Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. 

Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool.  Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.  Finally the host said, “Well Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.”

“No, that’s okay.  I don’t want it,” said Leroy. 

The rich man said, “Man, I have to give you something.  You won the bet.  How about half a million bucks then?”

“No thanks, I don’t want it,” answered Leroy. 

The host said, “Come on, I insist on giving you something.  That was amazing.  How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?”

Again Leroy said no. 

Confused, the rich man asked, “Well Leroy, then what do you want?”

Leroy said, “I want the name of the sumbich who pushed me in the pool!”

I didn’t enlist in the Army — I was drafted. So I wasn’t going to make life easy for anyone. During my physical, the doctor asked softly, “Can you read the letters on the wall?”
“What letters?” I answered slyly.
“Good,” said the doctor. “You passed the hearing test.”

So, it’s been awhile since we’ve heard from Zack…but that’s not his fault.  I’m really far behind in my emails, in fact, the email that these really lousy jokes were in was dated December 19th.  So, I’m more than a month behind in my emails…..these jokes didn’t get any better with age…

Q: What did the rabbit give his girlfriend for Christmas?
A: A 14 carrot ring.

Q: What do rich cats have in their refrigerators?
A: Automatic mice makers.

I just got off the phone with a friend living in
Adams, N.Y. near the Canadian Border. He said that since
early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is
nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is
dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to
near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through
the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets
much worse, he may have to let her in.

Again, seeing as how far behind I am in my emails, it’s not surprising that I found this great Christmas joke I had to share…

I just thought I would share with you all this wisdom, if you have ever been owned by a cat or know anyone with a cat – you will relate to this! Enjoy!
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.
16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don’t reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.
19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.
22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat’s enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.
26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.
29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.
30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.
31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)
32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.
33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.
34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.
36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.
38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver’s face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.
39. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the gift for you.

I guess this is a good place to break in, right after a cartoon featuring a Leprechaun, as I’m sure you’ve read by now, I am under arrest…but luckily, I have this issue about done, so at least most of it will get out.  I’m going to try and finish up real quick and get this posted to the auto loader so that, if nothing else, you guys will have your laffs on Saturday morning.  I’m being told now that Lethal is here, so let me see what he has to say….carry on with your laffs.

A motorcycle mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley-Davidson when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, ‘Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?’ The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, ‘So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any
damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.

So how come I make $39,000 a year and you make $1,500,000 when you and I are doing basically the same work?’

The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic….

‘Try doing it with the engine running’.

Yeah, Monday’s are like that.

A true Christmas Story from just this last Christmas…

Lethal Leprechaun and Molly were Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed. Walking through the mall the surprised Molly looked up and noticed her husband was no where around and she was very upset because they had a lot to do. She used her cell phone to call Lethal because she was so upset, to ask him where he was. Our Green Hero, in a calm voice said, honey remember the jewelry store we went into 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day. Molly said crying, yes I remember that jewelry store. Lethal said, well I’m in the pub next to it

A nice “Pure Michigan” Ad…

I think I’ve found a long, lost relative!  Aunt Chippy is fantastic!

There’s lots more…..just go to youtube.com and do a search for Aunt Chippy and sit and enjoy….but make sure you have a couple of hours to kill.

Yeah, I’m not going to say any more about being behind in my emails, but here’s another one that should’ve been around for Christmas, but is still VERY much worth watching now:

Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately
gave myself a personal TSA pat down.  I was looking for my keys.  They were
not in my pockets.  A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

       Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car.  Frantically,
I headed for the parking lot.  My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times
for
leaving the keys in the ignition.  My theory is the ignition is the best
place not to lose them.  Her theory is that the car will be stolen.  As I
burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion.
Her theory was right.  The parking lot was empty.

       I immediately call the police.  I gave them my location, confessed
that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.  Then I
made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered.  I always call
her “honey”
in times like these.  “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”

       There was a period of silence.  I thought the call had been dropped,
but then I heard Diane’s voice. “Ken” she barked, “I dropped you off!” Now
it was my time to be silent.  Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”
Diane retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not
stolen your car?”

Today’s Last Word…Okay, I just have a minute here… I’ve been placed under house arrest.  Lethal says he’ll explain everything in a posting that you’ll get before this issue hits the stands, so you’ll know more about it than I probably do right now.  I’ve been told that I’m no longer allowed to talk about The             Of The               stuff and that if I even try, it will have to be edited right out of the issue before it gets to you.  I think that sucks.
It seems this whole        Of The             stuff is what has that bitch                 all up in arms over.  That’s really just wrong!
But, I’ll have to follow my lawyer’s advice and speak no more of the         of the             .  I’m sorry.  All of you         of the             fans out there will have to get along without your         of the             celebrations and         of the             coffee mugs and          of the             bow ties and all of that!
I’m off to an undisclosed location, LL won’t tell me where I’m going, he just says I have to be on my best behavior because there are some sort of Amazons there who will kick me in the butt if I don’t behave.
I’m really insulted by all that.
I don’t ever misbehave….
unless there are naked virgins…
or hot wings…
or pies… I love pies…
especially pizza pies!

So, as I dash out to Lethal’s plane…. he’ll probably try to put me in the cargo bay again …. I just want to say one more thing in defiance of everything else…

HAPPY             OF THE                   !!!

Lethal here again folks

Today I am coming to you from my offices at my law firm, Dewy, Cheatem, Griftem and Howe, rather than my usually offices at the DragonLaffs Corporate HQ. As there has been a bit of a development. As you know I said I would keep you updated on Impish’s situation as events warranted. Well I never would have suspected that the event warranting the update would have been an actual warrant for his detention!

Let me explain, as you know until we could figure out just who and why Impish was snatched I had him doing a forced imitation of Carmen Sandiago in an attempt to keep him hidden and safe. As you might have also garnered from the last update my staff and I were not with out our suspicions based on where Impish had re-emerged into this realm as to who it was behind his being dragonnapped.

This morning at the same time my law offices were receiving what you see below by official Gargoylegram messenger, identical copies appeared in every town in every country in the 5 realms, 2 dozen or so assorted dimensions and stuck to the outside of DragonLaffs HQ. IF its a little hard to read I DO apologize but please keep in mind the originals are on some sort of skin (what kind I do not want to consider) and were scribed with a Dragon claw suitable resharpened for use as a quill!

 

 

 

Now Queen Tiamat is not someone or something to be trifled with. She is considered among the eldest of the Elder Fae and even most of the Elder Fae and Elder Gods grant her due deference and generally try not to incur too much of her wrath or displeasure. When she is offended or in a snit and displeased, a rabid PMSing badger on crack would win a most cuddly contest next to her.

In short this writ pretty much took away all my remaining wiggle room, all my Irish inspirations, left handed leprechaun legal tricks, Gaelic Grifts and Celtic chicanery options went right out the window faster than Impish after an Ice Cream Truck.

At noon today as an officer of both the Fae and Mortal courts armed with the power of and under the compulsion of this  Writ, in the name of the Court of Queen Tiamat, Queen and Mother of All True Dragonkind I placed Impish Dragon under arrest. Discussions of the logistics and timing of pending arrangements for extradition to the Realm of Dragons are currently under way but not likely to be completed until some time mid next week at the soonest.

NOW BEOFRE YOU COMMENCE THE THROWING OF ROTTEN FRUIT AND SHOES!

1.) I had no choice I was out maneuvered and left without a single option. I have been at least two steps behind the entire situation. I finally caught up to one step behind but it was too late even then. The Writ came through very early this morning but I did not arrest Impish until noon because we were hard at working looking for loopholes and options. I plain ran out of time when I got word that someone one the safe island was attempting to contact Tiamat and negotiate for a reward for Impish’s location

2.) IF I had not arrested him myself someone that was not his friend would have. Impish probably would have resisted the attempt. At best one or both of them would have gotten hurt, possibly seriously and Impish would be looking at additional charges of assaulting an officer and resisting arrest. At worse one or the other would be dead and Impish might be charge with Murder of an Officer of the Court. Regardless of the outcome of the other charges that is an automatic death sentence.

3.) Arresting him myself and my subsequent instructions to him to plead to be held in an Accorded Neutral Territory facility pending trial based on his mistreatment and harsh imprisonment conditions the last time around meant that I could at least chose a place where he would be safe(r), better  cared for and more comfortable. It also allowed me to choose a location of one of the few people who might tell Queen Tiamet to bugger off and kiss her own bloody arse over any further demands she might be inclined to make and well as give me time to try and negotiate for the hearing and trial to be held someplace both Impish and I might feel safe and secure (definitely NOT Queen Tiamat’s realm or court).

‘Tis off then I am to bury a Dragon Queen under a blizzard of pretrial motions and to kiss some major Elder God tushe in the hopes of saving not only my but my biggest billable client and bestest bud’s life. I’m sure despite advice to the contrary not to try the case in the court of public opinion Impish will have a few thoughts on this development tomorrow ( another advantage of my arresting him was placing him someplace he could still work and post from)

I’ll update as soon as another “other shoe” drops.