Good Morning Campers… Congratulations need to go out to our dear Lethal Leprechaun who just recently passed his centennial mark with Leprechaun Laffs #100. I fear I missed the mark the other day and he is already up to #101, but ‘tis not too late to run the congratulations! Congratulations dear friend! Tis surely a tremendous milestone you’ve reached! But, that’s not all we are celebrating with LL today! Wait till you get down to the end of today’s Dragon Laffs to find some wonderful, off-the-cuff humor created by our favorite green mythical maniac in response to a spammer who’s been trying to get his bull-shit website in our comments section for months now…
anyway, I won’t ruin the surprise for you, you’ll just have to reach the end of the blog to read it yourself. Now, let us be on our way to laffter and fun!
Times are tough! I’m telling you, times are so tough that…
~ Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can’t afford batteries for their vibrators.
~ Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
~ A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
~ I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
~ McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
~ Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
~ Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.
~ My cousin had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
~ A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
~ A picture is now only worth 500 words.
~ When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
~ The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates
Our dear camper buddy Ginny sends this golden oldie….
More living proof that women should be running the world!
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 20 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent: Oil Change:$29.00 Coffee: Complementary TOTAL: $29.00
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner; use your debit card for $40.00.
2. Stop by liquor store and buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under son’s bike.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19. Remember drain plug from step 11.
20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21. Drink beer.
22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25. Begin cussing fit.
26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck and left dent.
29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
33. Lower truck from jack stands.
34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
36. Test drive truck.
37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38. truck gets impounded.
39. Call loving wife, make bail.
40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard.
Money spent: Parts: $50.00 DUI: $2,500.00 Impound fee: $75.00 Bail: $1,500.00 Beer: $20.00 TOTAL: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!
I just keep hearing “Coo-Coo! Coo-Coo!”
marriage. Apparently they don’t want to miss out on the windfall
of marriage counseling once gay married couples realize what they
have gotten themselves into.
And another oldie, but goodie…
A Harley Rider walked into a drug store in Waco, Texas and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no males employed there. She then asked if she could help him. The biker said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional, and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The biker then agreed and began by saying …….”This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a …. Permanent Erection. It causes me a lot of problems,and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.”
The pharmacist said …… “Just a minute, I’ll talk to my sister.”
When she returned, she said …… “We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is as follows:
1/3 ownership in the store …….
A company pickup truck ………
Two home cooked dinners a week …….
And $3,000 a month in living expenses.”
I was tempted to put this as a Last Word, but as uproariously funny as it is, I determined that it is best served in it’s own glory. In case you still aren’t reading the blog on line and therefore are still missing out on the wonderful fun we’ve been having with the comments section, let me explain the back story just a little bit here.
We have a spammer. “Little Dick Matt” who is so convinced of his own inferior gifts of manhood that he believes that everybody needs to partake of his particular brand of penis enlargement that he has several times tried to spam our comments section with snow shovels full of bull shit saying how great we are. We know how great we are, but the comments are so generic that …. well… read for yourself:
Congratulations on possessing certainly one of one of the vital sophisticated blogs Ive arrive across in a while! Its just superb how a lot you’ll be capable of think about away from a thing mainly simply because of how visually gorgeous it is. Youve place collectively an incredible weblog site space –nice graphics, films, layout. This is definitely a should-see web site!
All in an attempt to get his web address inserted in our comments section. Well, Lethal has been having such fun with him, we’ve actually been allowing his comments…after editing out the web address, but yesterday was the topper of all toppers. Our dear Leprechaun was in rare form when he replied to the above bovine excrement…
Matt Matt Matt Matt Matt Matt….sigh….
Excuse me a moment while I hose all the BS you threw around the blog off it and my Wellies.
I have to admit that is an impressive manure spreader you have there, I think it slings more and faster than even a Dragon is capable of producing it! With a spreader like that and such skill in wielding it I am forced to inquire if you are somehow involved in politics and the Democratic Party in particular?
To be honest while its possible I am reading something into your post, I have to say that I am a wee bit insulted by your blind insinuation that my manhood needs enhancing. It should be readily apparent from my comportment and attitude in the blog that I possess a set of McGoogles the size of duck eggs made of the finest Connemara marble and engraved with gold and platinum filled ancient sacred Celtic runes of manhood fertility invincibility, love, loyalty, longevity and prowess in combat.
Under the right conditions when I walk and they clack together lighting shoots out my bum and consumes Democrats and Spammers whole where they stand. At other times they cause me to fart shamrocks (a side effect of having a Leprechaunish heritage) and ooze charm combined with woman attracting by the scores pheromones.
As to the other half of me manhood, lets just say that the rest of the world is grossly misinformed regarding the term “shelleigh” and why Irishmen are so renowned and famed for possessing them and leave it at that. Modesty (and Molly who fears I have said too much already and now all the women who read the blog will want me) prevents me from saying anymore on the subject. Molly has suggested before you going telling me (and therefore through me, her) that my member is not of sufficient size that you either make your wife available for a second opinion or that you yourself bend over so that I might drive home the point that its not for you to say!
She also suggests that if you are hinting that my libido is starting to flag and wane that you make your wife or yourself available to pick up her slack when she refuses me. In short my darling loving Molly is more than a little miffed at your unwarranted, unwanted and (in her words) grossly unneeded offer of help, going so far as to suggest you put up or shut up by placing your or your wife’s body where you spam is.
Even Impish is in agreement with Molly that you’ll not find a bigger Irish Leprechaunish prick blogging anyplace on the internet!
Speaking of Impish, as to his own manhood…first of all what part of HE’S A FECKING DRAGON is it you do not understand? Ok, admittedly his endowment in recent years has atrophied a bit due to lack of use I’ll grant you that. However I strongly disagree that daily ingestion of lawn and garden clippings mixed with dried ground animal penises is going to seriously do anything in this regard. Were it so, then he’d already be in possession of a member best compared to the boom of a heavy lift crane as those things are already found in prodigious quantities in his daily diet do largely to his indifferent eating habits.
It’s much more likely that a more frequent use of his manhood (a.k.a. exercising it more oft) will have a fair more beneficial effect on its deterioration than any snake oil you shamelessly and inconsiderately spam. All he truly requires is some intensive hypnotherapy so he remembers to screw his dinner date before dining on her to see a reversal of his diminishing condition.
Mayhaps you did not chance to read my reply to your comment Matt on LL#92 Wed 08/03 when I basically said that I’d be drinking hot tea in Hell for its warmth before you would be allowed to spam our blog? What part of out fervent Anti-Spam/Death to Spammers Philosophy escapes you? Is the fact that your first half dozen spam attempts went straight into the toilet something you failed to notice? Are you that attached to your perception of reality altering Democratic Party Goggles that you cannot see the writing on the blog wall in all caps 72 pt. font block letters that says your only wasting your time and giving me ammunition to make fun of you by spamming here?
Stop thinking with your brain damaged from using your own products little head, cut your losses and move on. The abuse is only going to continue to get worse!
Hecklingly, Disrespectfully & Irascibly as possible,
And even if nobody every forwards Lethal’s response (hint, hint) to the email address that he so happily puts in all his comments (see the comments section) we are definitely having an AWFUL lot of fun at his expense.
And what more could you possibly ask for on a Thursday morning!
Today’s Last Word…comes from our buddy Bob.
Thom Hartmann’s blog