Dragon Laffs

As many of you probably know, tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo and although many of you … okay, ALL of you … will treat this holiday as just another holiday to celebrate with drink and dance, there is some real history and modern significance to the holiday.  Here, let me go to my library… I’ve got an excellent reference book here somewhere
Let me just get these … um … “artistic magazines” … out of the way first
Let’s see…
Okay, here it is:
The Liberal Leanings of Lethal Leprechaun
oh no, wait.  That one’s blank.  Hang on.
Dark and Dangerous Details of Impish Dragon’s Spiritual Journeys
Damn, that one’s blank, too!
Ah, here it is: The REAL History and Explanations of Holidays, by Dr. L. L. Leprechaun…hmm, wonder what the middle L stands for?  At any rate, here’s what he has to say about Cinco de Mayo:

 

Okay, so there you have it.  A completely unbiased and factual description of this opportunity to drink and dance…. or … um … I mean special holiday.

So, from here, we take right off into our jokes and laughter….so…

Okay, so maybe not THAT quickly into the jokes and laughter.  A bit more business to take care of first. 

Before we get started, I’d like to take the opportunity to wish our dear poetess of puns, one of our oldest and dearest dragonettes, our dear Diaman a huge Get Well Soon! From your two favorite mythological and phantasmagorical creatures…
Diaman has had a really tough couple of weeks.  Without going into private details, please, in all seriousness, keep her in your thoughts and prayers.  I know that Lethal and I will.  Get well dear friend and fellow camper.

And we all know that’s so very true….now, here’s EXACTLY what you need…

This next one is VERY important.  I’ve always had a real sweet spot for nurses, they’re sexy, they’re smart and they love to flirt and tease.  And of that, is all I will say…

 

Okay, so now all joking aside.  I know that the last couple of cartoons have been of a humorous nature, but this one is deadly serious…
Now, you probably remember that my doctor is Lethal Leprechaun and he is a professional doctor of… are you ready for it…
If you’ve been around before you already know what his specialty is…
he’s a doctor of…
Quackery!  He’s got business cards and everything.
So you see.  The last one is a real threat.
But do get well dear.

So now, we can get on with the laughter and fun.

TERRORIST ACTIVITY HAS CAUSED THE U.S. SECRET SERVICE TO TAKE MEASURES IN ORDER TO PROTECT THE DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE FOR THE 2016 PRESIDENCY.

FOR SECURITY REASONS, THEY HAVE SUGGESTED THAT HILLARY CLINTON TAKE A MUSLIM NAME, SO FROM NOW ON, PLEASE REFER TO HER BY HER NEW MUSLIM NAME:

 SELDOM BIN LAYED

Piff The Magic Dragon….quite literally.  and remember…you HAVE to go to the website to see this!!!
http://dragonlaffs.com

Hey Wheats!  You were such a fan before, here’s a couple more for you!  Enjoy!

This is fantastic!  A spectacle worth celebrating all on it’s own.  Cinco De Mayo ain’t got nuthin’ on this one!
Remember, you’ll have to go to the website to view the videos… http://dragonlaffs.com

NEW YORK (CNN) –

As construction workers cheered, the final two pieces of a 408-foot spire were hoisted high above their heads Thursday to the top of One World Trade Center.

Draped with the American flag, the silver spire settled on a temporary platform. Final installation of the pieces will happen later.

“(It’s a) beacon that’ll be seen for miles around and give a tremendous indication to people around the entire region, and the world, that we’re back and we’re better than ever,” said Steven Plate, director of construction, CNN affiliate WABC reported.

Once the building is complete, it will stand at a height of 1,776 feet — an allusion to the year of the birth of the nation.

Already the tallest in New York City, One World Trade Center will be the highest building in the Western Hemisphere.

Delivery of the final two sections was delayed by wind and rain, said Anthony Hayes, assistant director of media for the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey. The crowning pieces were supposed to have been delivered last Monday morning.

Thursday is the second anniversary of the death of Osama bin Laden, the mastermind behind the September 11, 2001, attacks that toppled the original World Trade Center towers.

The spire will contain 18 separate sections of steel and three communication rings. The first — and heaviest — steel section was installed in January, weighing more than 67 tons, according to a statement from the Port Authority.

It will serve as an antenna for a television broadcast facility housed in the building.

“This is like the icing on the cake for New York,” construction worker Dennis Muia said, WABC reported.

For more fantastic pictures, check out this link:

http://thechive.com/2013/05/03/putting-the-final-piece-on-the-one-world-trade-center-13-photos/

WOMAN:  “Hi Honey, it’s me.  Are you at the club?”
MAN:”Yes.”
WOMAN:  “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat.  It’s only $2,000.
Is it OK if I buy it?
MAN:  “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN:  “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models.I saw one
I really            liked.”
MAN:  “How much?”
WOMAN:  $90,000.market.
MAN:  “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN:  “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Janie and found out
that the house I wanted last year is back on the market.  They’re asking $980,000
for it
MAN:  “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it.
If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you really want.
WOMAN:    “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much.”
MAN:  “Bye! I love you, too”.
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment,
mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, “Anyone know whose  phone this is?”

Obama rated 5th best US President ever!
Of the total of 44 US Presidents:
Obama rated 5th best president ever. I was just reading a Democratic publicity
release that said, “… after a little more than 5 years, Obama has been rated the 5th best president ever.” The details according to White House Publicists…
* Reagan, Lincoln, and 8 others tied for first,
* 15 presidents tied for second,
* 17 other presidents tied for third,
* Jimmy Carter came in 4th, and
* Obama came in fifth

Yup, that’s me as a baby.  I used to get into all kinds of trouble.

The Federal Reserve Bank in Washington D.C. introduced the new one-hundred-dollar bill complete with Ben Franklin’s portrait on it plus dozens of new security features. It was time to bring out a new one-hundred-dollar bill. China’s got all the old ones.

Bill Clinton made his debut on Twitter on last week. He is not really in safe hands with technology. If you think the Secret Service protects the president, the U.S. Office of Patents delayed approval of the cell phone camera until Bill Clinton was safely out of office.

President Obama met Jordan’s King Abdullah at the White House last Friday as pressure mounted to intervene in the region. Action looks imminent. The day before, he stopped by the George W. Bush Library to give a speech and to pick up the plans for invading Syria.

A survey says that 61% of all Mexicans say they wouldn’t move to the U.S. even if they could. The other 39% say it isn’t so bad once you get here.

The U.S. paid off $35 Billion of the national debt, the first time cutting the deficit in six years. We still owe $16 Trillion. That’s about the same effect on your mortgage as finding a nickel in your living room sofa.

A study says that unemployment fraud is costing the U.S. Government $3.3 Billion a year.  The problem is, when someone goes to the unemployment office and says they are out of work, who is not going to believe them?

China and France have vowed to promote a multipolar world where there is no dominant superpower. To which Joe Biden says we are already multipolar. There is the North Pole and the South Pole.

An Illinois child with an IQ of 147 has become the youngest person to be admitted to Mensa. Or as people in Alabama are saying, “What’s Mensa?”

 

Today’s last word is a pictorial called:

I really want one of these!!…

This is a GREAT idea…and I’ve seen different aspects of this.  One was even a shelf…

This is a pretty cool idea, too…

This is a great idea for a house with kids or a day care…

This is really a good morning…

I really want one of these, too.  Showering with a friend now means you can each have your own spigot…although, for the main shower in my quarters at the office, when I shower with the harem, we might need a few more hoses…

Thanks for standing in for Impish Harry and classy intro I’ll grant, you but you COULD have waited until I got the lid on me travel mug! I think every one between my office coffee pot and the press room is wearing some of me Brown Gold! 

No folks Impish isn’t off pretending to consult with his peers on how to save us from Biological, Chemical or Dirty Bomb attacks while actually playing tourist again. This holiday is written into his bloody contract (along with the myriad of others) See, its May Day, or at least it falls at some point this week and Big Brother (with the assistance of the buttinski-we-attempt-to-ruin-rewrite-customs/history-to suit-us-and-our need-to-dominate-your life-taking-the least-bit-fun-out-of-everything- Catholic Church) here in the USA choose to designate May 1st as the Day.

So today especially, but also on and off through out the week (read that last part every time I turn my back for 10 seconds and he can take wing) Impish is/will be off scouring the countryside for signs of ribbon & flower festooned young maidens dancing around a Maypole hope to cull from them a couple of virgins to augment his ever dwindling stock. Poor guy, he just refuses to acknowledge that chaste comely and virginal young women are about as scarce as honest politicians and nearly as mythical as black unicorns!

Mean while thanks to Harry Potter’s overly enthusiastic introduction I’m already nearly out of Brown Gold in my cup…

NO HARRY! DON’T BLOODY DO IT! PUT YOUR WAND AWAY!

I prefer to get my coffee the Muggle way by walking over to the pot and negating the chance of spilling it. Thanks anyway. Hey hang around a bit though Harry won’t you? I’d like to talk to you a bit, I’ve a couple schemes uh-um BUSINESS OPORTUNITIES that you and that wand of yours might prove a useful partner in.

Beside, if Impish gets himself in trouble (like he usually manages to) having you around to wand him out of it could be handy. A cup of my legendary Brown Gold? Um… ok I’ll trade you for Herminie’s unlisted Owl address! What?! I can’t help it! I’m Irish and she’s a fiery tempered redhead!

Mean while the rest of you enjoy!

 

Take notes on that Harry!

Traditional May Day celebrations

May Day is related to the Celtic festival of Beltane and the Germanic festival of Walpurgis Night. May Day falls exactly half a year from November 1, another cross-quarter day which is also associated with various northern European pagan and the year in the Northern hemisphere, and it has traditionally been an occasion for popular and often raucous celebrations.

As Europe became Christianized, the pagan holidays lost their religious character and either changed into popular secular celebrations, as with May Day, or were merged with or replaced by new Christian holidays as with Christmas, Easter, Pentecost and All Saint’s Day. In the twentieth and continuing into the twenty-first century, many neopagans began reconstructing the old traditions and celebrating May Day as a pagan religious festival again.

Origins

The earliest May Day celebrations appeared in pre-Christian times, with the festival of Flora, the Roman goddess of flowers, and the Walpurgis Night celebrations of the Germanic countries. It is also associated with the Gaelic Beltane. Many pagan celebrations were abandoned or Christianized during the process of conversion in Europe. A more secular version of May Day continues to be observed in Europe and America. In this form, May Day may be best known for its tradition of dancing the maypole dance and crowning of the Queen of the May. Various Neopagan groups celebrate reconstructed (to varying degrees) versions of these customs on May 1st.

The day was a traditional summer holiday in many pre-Christian European pagan cultures. While February 1 was the first day of Spring, May 1 was the first day of summer; hence, the summer solstice on June 25 (now June 21) was Midsummer.

Bonfires, often created by rubbing sticks together, were common features of Beltane celebrations. Related rituals included driving cattle between two fires, dancing around the fires, and burning witches in effigy. Another tradition was Beltane cakes, which would be broken into several pieces, one of which was blackened. They would be drawn by celebrants at random; the person getting the unlucky blackened piece would face a mock execution.

In the Roman Catholic tradition, May is observed as Mary’s month, and in these circles May Day is usually a celebration of the Blessed Virgin Mary. In this connection, in works of art, school skits, and so forth, Mary’s head will often be adorned with flowers in a May crowning. Fading in popularity since the late 20th century is the giving of “May baskets,” small baskets of sweets and/or flowers, usually left anonymously on neighbors’ doorsteps.

 

5 songs that will get stuck in your head

Believe it or not, there’s actually a name for when you can’t get that great/grating song out of your head.

It’s called an earworm, a term popularized by James Kellaris, a marketing researcher at the University of Cincinnati. Kellaris says an earworm is a portion of a song that repeats compulsively within one’s mind.

Don’t like the list? Want to complain about it? No big deal. I love you just they way you are …

No. 5: “Just the Way You Are” by Billy Joel

Once upon a time, a knucklehead in the office was doing research on a nifty feature entitled “What Sesame Street Character Are You?” While scanning the Web, he came across an Oscar The Grouch clip on YouTube.

A young Billy Joel was singing this tune to the garbage can guy. “Don’t go changing to try to please me,” Joel warbled to Oscar. “I love you just the way you are.”

The knucklehead had to listen to the song at least 15 times to get over it. He never really did, and now has the entire Billy Joel Greatest Hits 1 & 2 CD’s burned on his iTouch.

He doesn’t even like Billy Joel.

As for the song, it reached No. 3 in the U.S. and won the 1978 Grammy for Record of the Year and Song of the Year. Joel says he wrote it for his first wife, Elizabeth Weber. That’s pre-Christie Brinkley if you’re scoring at home.

No. 4: “Don’t Stop Believin'” by Journey

This one most famously accompanied the ending of arguably the best TV show ever: “The Sopranos.”

Tony, Carmella and A.J. are eating in a diner. Meadow tries to park the car. You think they’re all going to die in a bloodbath. This Journey staple is blaring.

At “Don’t Stop…” the screen goes to black, and the viewers get zero closure to the Mafia drama. The song is DRILLED into your brain in the most “HUH?” ending in TV history.

The song was also the theme song of the Chicago White Sox’ 2005 World Series run, with Steve Perry even belting it out at the victory parade.

As for its place on the charts, it reached No. 9 on Billboard way back in 1981.

It’s also one of those rare songs where the chorus isn’t heard until it’s almost over. The actual words “Don’t stop believin'” are revealed with 50 seconds left in the tune. Talk about a delayed earworm.

No. 3: “Come and Get It” by Badfinger

Badfinger didn’t have that many mega-hits. But they did produce a mega-earwormer called “Come And Get It,” which was penned by Beatle Paul McCartney. Bet ya didn’t know that.

As the story goes, McCartney gave Badfinger the song in 1969 as long as they produced it exactly as he instructed.

It was a no-brainer, and Badfinger (at that time called The Iveys) was soon crooning, “If you want it … here it is come and get it …”

The single made it to No. 4 on the charts in the U.S., and was the opening theme for the movie “The Magic Christian,” starring Ringo Starr. Didn’t see that one? Neither did the rest of the world.

As for the original McCartney “Come And Get It” demo, it was released on the “Beatles Anthology 3” CD. It’s a bit slower, and you wonder to yourself, “Who are the Beatles covering here?” Answer: Badfinger.

No. 2: “Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree” by Dawn featuring Tony Orlando

It happened while watching CNN during the daytime (which is quite dangerous if you don’t want to see dopey advertising).

On the screen: a svelte Tony Orlando, declaring he had lost a zillion pounds through some weight-loss thing and now sporting a 34-inch waist. Likely story.

Unlikely story? Tony’s lead vocals on the uber-earworm “Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Ole Oak Tree.” That 1973 number out of nowhere topped the U.S. charts for four weeks. It’s also No. 37 on Billboard’s list of Greatest Songs Of All Time.

Tony-O doesn’t get top billing, though, because the song was released by “Dawn, featuring Tony Orlando.”

Been three long years since you’ve last heard it? One listen and it’ll stick with you for another three.

That’s not hard to believe.

Thirty-four inch waist? Right.

No. 1: “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd

Tunelessly singing “I’m as freeee as a biiiird now …” as annoyingly as you can to yourself is one thing.

The serious earworm is when you put into words the signature guitar solo to yourself. It sounds something like this: “deer to deer, deer, deer, deer, deer, deer, diddly, deer, deer, deer.” Or something like that.

It’s total southern nuthouse territory. But that’s Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Free Bird” for ya. Earworming it this very second. And this bird cannot chay-a-yange! Lord help me, I cannot chay-a-yange!

As for the charts, the 1974 song only peaked at No. 19 on Billboard.

No. 19? Just goes to show that the classics aren’t always No. 1. But try to stop humming it. That bird you cannot change.

Beltane or Beltain  is the Anglicized spelling of the Goidelic name for either the month of May or the festival held on the first day of May. In Irish it is Bealtaine , in Scottish Gaelic Bealltainn and in Manx Gaelic Boaltinn or Boaldyn.

Beltane was an ancient Gaelic festival celebrated in Ireland, Scotland and the Isle of Man. It marked the beginning of summer and was linked to similar festivals held elsewhere in Europe, such as the Welsh Calan Mai and the Germanic Walpurgis Night.

Beltane and Samhain were the leading terminal dates of the civil year in medieval Ireland, though the latter festival was the more important. It is a cross-quarter day, marking the midpoint in the Sun’s progress between the spring equinox and summer solstice. The astronomical date for this midpoint is nearer to 5 May or 7 May, but this can vary from year to year.

According to Nora Chadwick, in Celtic Ireland “Beltine (or Beltaine) was celebrated on 1 May, a spring-time festival of optimism. Fertility ritual again was important, in part perhaps connecting with the waxing power of the sun, symbolized by the lighting of fires through which livestock were driven, and around which the people danced in a sunwise direction.” The ninth century Sanas Cormaic (or “Cormac’s Glossary”) says the “…Druids used to make [the fires] with great incantations,” and were lit to safeguard against diseases.

In Irish mythology, the beginning of the summer season for the Tuatha Dé Danann and the Milesians started at Bealtaine. Great bonfires would mark a time of purification and transition, heralding in the season in the hope of a good harvest later in the year, and were accompanied with ritual acts to protect the people from any harm by Otherworldly spirits, such as the Aos Sí. Like the festival of Samhain, opposite Beltane on 31 October, Beltane was also a time when the Otherworld was seen as particularly close at hand. Excavations at Uisnech in the 20th century provided evidence of large fires taking place.

According to Geoffrey Keating, the main Beltane fire in medieval Ireland was on the hill of Uisneach, in what is now County Westmeath. There is no corroborating reference to the Beltane fires at Uisneach in the annals, so Keating’s claims cannot be proven. However, there is evidence of large fires and charred bones from excavations at the site, showing it to have been ritually significant.

Beltane regained popularity during the Celtic Revival and is still observed as a cultural festival by some in Ireland, Scotland, the Isle of Man and among their diasporas

 

Adam & Eve

In the Garden of Eden, as everyone knows,
Lived Adam and Eve, without any clothes.
In this garden, were two little leaves,
One covered Adam’s, one covered Eve’s.

As the story goes on, never the less to say,
the wind came along, and blew the leaves away.
At the sight, Adam did stare,
There was Eve’s treasure, all covered with hair.

And wonder came, under Eve’s eyes,
As Adam’s thing, started to rise.
They found a spot, that suited them best,
A nice big tree, where they began to rest.

Her legs spread wider, and wider apart,
While thrill after thrill, came into her heart.
The head of Adam’s thing, peeked into the hole,
And filled her with passion, beyond her control.

Backward and forward, his thing did slide,
And Eve’s treasure, was all wet inside.
The joy was good, she wouldn’t let loose,
Until Adam’s thing, was all out of juice.

Then down through the years, people did screw,
And now it is time, for me and you.
So pull down your pants, and lay in the grass,
Because I’m in the mood for a piece of that ass!

 

Finder’s Keepers

Practicing to be Nudists

Father Guido Sarducci’s Five Minute University

(I’m pretty sure this is where Impish got his college degree)

Can’t see the video? Blog is that way =>

Folklorist James Frazer associates the Green Man with May Day celebrations, and with the character of Jack in the Green, who is a more modern adaptation of the Green Man. Jack is a more specifically defined version of the nature spirit than the earlier Green Man archetype. Frazer speculates that while some form of the Green Man was probably present in a variety of separate early cultures, he developed independently into a variety of newer, more modern characters. This would explain why in some areas he is Jack, while in others he is Robin of the Hood, or Herne the Hunter in different parts of England. Likewise, other, non-British cultures seem to have similar nature deities.

The Green Man is typically portrayed as a human face surrounded by dense foliage. Such images appear as far back as the eleventh century, in church carvings. As Christianity spread, the Green Man went into hiding, with stonemasons leaving secret images of his face around cathedrals and churches. He enjoyed a revival during the Victorian era, when he became popular with architects, who used his visage as a decorative aspect in buildings.

Legends connected to the archetype of the Green Man are everywhere. In the Arthurian legend, the tale of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight is a prime example. The Green Knight represents the pre-Christian nature religion of the British Isles. Although he originally confronts Gawain as an enemy, the two later are able to work together – perhaps a metaphor for the assimilation of British Paganism with the new Christian theology. Many scholars also suggest that the tales of Robin Hood evolved from Green Man mythology. Allusions to the Green Man can even be found in J.M. Barrie’s classic Peter Pan – an eternally youthful boy, dressed in green and living in the forest with the wild animals. Today, some traditions of Wicca interpret the Green Man as an aspect of the Horned God, Cernunnos.

Great photo of a USAF C-17

Being Impish’s friend/keeper (and our wives will tell you bromance partner) I tend to give him a bit of a proper going over, usually according to him, this going over involves running him over with a metaphorical bus.

Being a Marine I also tend to be disposed towards casting aspersions on “the baby” of your armed services, The Air Farce FORCE, I MEAN THE AIR FORCE!Don’t get me wrong now I have NOTHING but respect for Impish’s career with the Air Force Reserve and what he does. He has awards plaques certificates and teaching requests enough to wall paper a fair sized house to prove he is a master at a very important survival skill and teaching it. We’re I going back to war I’d want him teaching my refresher.

I figured in light of this it was time I posted something “pro Air Force” despite the personal ribbing and going over by other service members this was likely to earn me. So here goes:

Here is one of the best photographs of the always forgotten ugly duckling of the USAF and RAF fleets… the Boeing C-17 Globemaster 3.

So why should this be the case. The answer is simple…It’s not a fighter…It’s very big…It doesn’t make much noise… It doesn’t do aerobatics and it doesn’t travel at twice the speed of sound. No, it’s a transport aircraft.

However, in this unique photograph I feel its full glory is captured perfectly. The landing gear is fully extended as are all of the flaps, spoilers and other aerodynamic devices needed to bring this expensive and heavy piece of military hardware in for a perfect landing.

Also note how the crew has the aircraft perfectly configured in a slightly nose up attitude so as to ensure this elegant transport lands perfectly balanced at its destination without causing excessive loads on either itself or the runway.

Study the high resolution photograph carefully because maybe you will spot something that’s not apparent to others especially from this unique angle.

This aircraft will never have quite the appeal the of the F-15, F-16 or F-18, but this photograph will bring the C-17 pretty close.

Technical feedback is much appreciated. When ready click the link below.

http://www.c141heaven.info/dotcom/globemaster.php

 

Finding your teenager’s Facebook page open on her laptop brings to mind that climactic scene in the Indiana Jones movie where the Nazis remove the cover from the Ark of the Covenant. Part of you wants to look, but part of you is afraid your face will melt off.

8 Things You Can Do With Peanut Butter

Unusual uses for your favorite spread

For some, peanut butter is merely the humble glue that holds two slices of whole-grain bread together. But for others, the nutty spread is an exalted food group deserving of its own layer of the pyramid, its own compartment of the MyPlate. Fierce battles erupt between the camps of creamy and crunchy. And don’t even get them started on the inferiority of almond butter.

There’s a lot to celebrate about peanut butter: it’s full of magnesium, potassium, protein, and MUFAs. Plus, the nutty stuff works equally well in savory and sweet dishes. So dig out your favorite spoon, apologize to the roof of your mouth, and let’s get sticky.

Crunchy Peanut Butter Cookies

Makes 24

1 c crunchy peanut butter, preferably organic
1 c brown sugar
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1 tsp all-purpose flour (for shaping cookies)
1 tsp pure vanilla extract

HEAT oven to 350°F. Coat several large baking sheets with cooking spray.

COMBINE peanut butter, brown sugar, baking soda, and ¼ tsp salt in bowl. Add egg and vanilla extract and beat until smooth.

SHAPE dough into 24 balls and arrange on prepared pans. Dip tines of a fork into flour and gently press a crisscross pattern into top of each cookie.

BAKE until lightly browned on bottom, 10 to 12 minutes. Transfer to rack to cool. Store in airtight container at room temperature.

 

Chocolate Chunk Peanut Butter Cookies

Makes 36

1/4 c + 2 Tbsp dark brown sugar
1/3 c trans-free vegetable oil spread
1/4 c crunchy peanut butter, preferably organic
1 lg egg yolk
1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
1/2 c all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
2 oz semisweet baking chocolate, broken into 36 small chunks

HEAT oven to 350ºF. Line 2 large baking sheets with parchment.

COMBINE sugar, spread, peanut butter, egg yolk, and vanilla extract in large bowl and mix until well combined. In medium bowl, combine flour, baking powder, and 1/8 tsp salt. Add to peanut butter mixture and stir until well combined.

DIVIDE dough into 36 cookies, using 1 generous teaspoon per cookie, and place on baking sheets. Lightly press each cookie down with fingers until slightly larger than a quarter and about 1/4″ thick. Bake until lightly golden, 9 to 11 minutes.

REMOVE cookies from oven and immediately press a chocolate chunk onto center of each. Cool completely on baking sheet or chill 15 minutes to firm chocolate.

Chocolate–Peanut Butter Pie

Serves 8

1 c milk
1/3 c creamy peanut butter, preferably organic
1 package (3.5 oz) instant chocolate pudding mix
1 container (8 oz) frozen light whipped topping, thawed
1 prepared graham cracker or chocolate cookie pie crust (9″ diameter)
Chocolate shavings (optional)

BEAT milk and peanut butter in large bowl with electric mixer on low speed until smooth. Add pudding mix and continue to beat until thickened, about 2 minutes. Gently fold in half of the whipped topping.

SPOON mixture into prepared crust and smooth top. Cover and chill overnight.

DOLLOP pie with remaining whipped topping and sprinkle with chocolate shavings, if desired.

Peanut Butter and Banana Streusel Muffins

Makes 12

Streusel
3 Tbsp whole grain pastry flour
3 Tbsp brown sugar
1 Tbsp unsalted butter, melted
1 tsp honey

Muffins
2 c whole grain pastry flour
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 c pureed banana (about 1 med)
1/2 c unsweetened applesauce
1/2 c brown sugar
1/3 c peanut butter, preferably organic
1 lg egg
3/4 c milk
1 tsp pure vanilla extract

HEAT oven to 400ºF. Coat 12-cup muffin pan with cooking spray.

MAKE streusel: Stir together flour, sugar, butter, and honey in small bowl until wet crumbs form. Set aside.

PREPARE muffins: Whisk together flour, baking powder, cinnamon, and ½ tsp salt in medium bowl until combined. In large bowl, whisk together banana, applesauce, sugar, peanut butter, and egg until blended. Whisk in milk and vanilla extract. Stir in flour mixture just until blended. Do not overmix.

DIVIDE batter evenly among prepared muffin cups. Crumble streusel on top of batter. Bake until wooden pick inserted in center of muffin comes out clean, 16 to 18 minutes. Remove from pan and serve warm.

When Impish got wind of the fact that this weeks recipes were ‘peanut butter centric’ he started whining and wheedling as only a pushy dragon can about either getting samples to taste or a peek at the recipes so he could try making them himself.

Finally out of a sense of self preservation (to say nothing of desperation) I threw him the muffin one hoping the peanut butter would glue his tongue to the roof of his mouth for a while and I would get some peace so I could finish the issue.

He was kind/grateful enough to bless us (??!) with his thoughts on the above recipe in time for the issue.

I found that my peanut butter and banana streusel muffins did not come out looking like the picture at all.  Well, I suppose you can’t expect everything.  But taste-wise… oh man!  Delicious!

I couldn’t find any pastry flour, but when I looked it up on line, while standing in the grocery store, it said that pastry flour was fairly close to cake flour, so that’s what I used.  It probably came out a little fluffier than it would have, but it was still really good.  The peanut butter taste was  probably a little heavier than the banana, I think I would have preferred it the other way  and I think next time (and there will definitely be a next time) I will add just a touch more banana.  Overall, a GREAT recipe, as is usual with the stuff that Lethal offers.  Thanks for the chance to try this one out!- Impish Dragon

 

Peanut Butter Milkshake

Serves 1

1 1/2 c milk
1/4 c French vanilla–flavored nondairy creamer
2 Tbsp peanut butter, preferably organic
1 tsp ground flaxseed
1 tsp sesame seeds, toasted if you like
1 c ice cubes

COMBINE all ingredients in blender and puree until smooth.

(I’d skip the flax & sesame seeds personally)

Popeye Peanut Butter Hummus

Serves 4

1 can (15 oz) chickpeas, rinsed and drained
3 Tbsp peanut butter, preferably organic
2 Tbsp fresh lemon juice
2 tsp extra virgin olive oil
1/2 tsp cumin
1 clove garlic, mashed with a pinch of salt
5 oz (½ pkg) frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry

COMBINE all ingredients except spinach in food processor.

ADD 1/3 cup warm water and ½ tsp kosher salt and process until smooth. Quickly pulse in spinach until combined.

TRANSFER to serving bowl.

Hummus is very healthy for you. Many lose weight and healthy eating sites recommend using it in place of mayo for healthier lower in calorie & fat sandwiches. The thing is those little tubs are expensive. Hummus is actually extremely easy to make but most people baulk at having to keep Tahini which is a paste made from ground, hulled sesame seeds used in North African, Greek, Turkish and Middle Eastern cuisine on hand for it. Well tahini tastes pretty much just like peanut butter. For me the primary differences at in texture and thickness, the tahini paste being a bit softer and runnier than PB. Will you have 100% authentic Hummus? No, but then again you won’t be paying for a specialty item you’ll only likely use in a single recipe either and that should taste pretty good to you!

Peanut Noodles

Simple fast & easy Asian accompaniment to any dinner. Goes great with Teriyaki skewers. In a real hurry? Use 2 packets of Ramens Noodles. Cook the Ramens in only 1 package of the flavoring and drain.

Serves 4

8 oz whole wheat spaghetti
5 Tbsp creamy peanut butter, preferably organic
3 Tbsp seasoned rice vinegar
1 Tbsp reduced-sodium soy sauce
½ c chopped scallion greens + ¼ c slivered scallion greens

PREPARE pasta per package directions. Reserve 1/2 cup of the cooking liquid and drain pasta in colander.

WHISK together reserved cooking liquid, peanut butter, vinegar, soy sauce, and chopped scallion greens. Add to pasta, tossing to combine well.

DIVIDE among 4 serving bowls and top with slivered scallion greens.

Peanut Butter Banana Split Sundaes

Serves 4

½ c semisweet chocolate chips
¼ c peanut butter, preferably organic
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
4 medium bananas, halved lengthwise
1 pint frozen yogurt (any flavor)
¼ c salted roasted peanuts

COMBINE chocolate chips, peanut butter, vanilla extract, and 2 Tbsp water in microwaveable bowl. Cover and microwave 30 seconds. Uncover and stir. Repeat process until mixture is melted and smooth.

DIVIDE banana halves among 4 dishes and top evenly with scoops of frozen yogurt. Drizzle with sauce and sprinkle with peanuts. Serve immediately.

Charm School?

Two delicate flowers of Southern womanhood were conversing on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion.

The first woman said, “When my first child was born, my husband built
this beautiful mansion for me.”

The second woman commented, “Well, isn’t that nice.”

The first woman continued “When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive.”

Again, the second woman commented, “Well, isn’t that nice.”

The first woman boasted “Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.”

Yet again, the second woman commented “Well, isn’t that nice.”

The first woman then asked her companion, “What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?”

The second woman replied “My husband sent me to charm school.”

“Charm school!” the first woman cried “land sakes, child, what on Earth for?”

The second woman responded, “So that instead of saying ‘who gives a
flying f@!##’, I learned to say ‘Well, isn’t that nice’.”

HEAVEN FORBID we should have any ‘deep thoughts’ or ‘serious and/or meaningful dialog’ as to what  is wrong with the country’s governing or the monumental problems we are facing. The order of the day (judging by all the comments approving of Impish’s nothing but humor posts) is burying your heads in the sands of meaningless frivolity.

OK by me. You want meaningless frivolity, that’s cool. How about we talk about the weather? Can’t get much more meaningless than that!

Before I arrived in Texas like most of the US I was familiar with Texas’ claim that ‘Everything is bigger in Texas’. Like most of you I too figured it was all hype. Then I came here and learned different. Everything IS bigger here, travel times, distances between things (prime example I now live in a city nearly as big in area land wise as the entire state I came from. It took less time to drive diagonally across Connecticut than I cane make it diagonally across Houston). One of the things I would have never believed was ‘bigger in Texas’ though was the weather. I mean ok hot is hot and while Houston DOES get hot there ARE places that get hotter than Texas in the US.

What I didn’t stop to consider was the effect of that statement on storms, and in particular violent ones. In Connecticut we got the occasional violent T-storm with accompanying ‘micro downburst drafts and even the occasional Tornado or Hurricane. We’ve even had significant damage from Hurricanes and not just on the coast but extremely far inland, in fact about as far inland as you could get and still be in Connecticut.

These event don’t compare however the ‘Everything is bigger in Texas’ sized Violent storms however. Images like this happen every year it seems:

The last year or two these severe violent storms seem to have been getting stronger and more prolonged along with the frequency of torrential rain storms that while brief result in ‘white outs’ and severe hydroplaning on the roads. Those of you who live in ‘snow states’ undoubtedly understand the term ‘white out’. For those who do not I’ll quickly explain. A white out occurs when the snow is falling so hard as to totally obscure visibility making any sort of travel impossible. The general yardstick of measure for this is when visibility is reduced to less than 1/8 mile (under 660 feet).

Now that you understand the concept envision just how hard it has to be raining to accomplish that and just how much water that represents. Now consider that from my home office window to the gable end of the building opposite me is exactly 26’ 3.5” (I’ve measured it) and that there have been times I have not been able to see the two story gable end of the building that distance away from me and the sodium light on it was only at best a dim indistinct glow.

Saturday Houston saw such a storm. Fortunately here at Casa de Curmudgeon we didn’t suffer anywhere near the full power of the storm, just some stiff wind a LOT of thunder and lightening and some short bouts of torrential rain that were far enough apart the flooding was not too much of a problem.

That could not be said for downtown Houston in the area of Reliant Stadium however where the full fury and duration of the Texas sized violent storm were felt.

HOUSTON – As severe weather moved through the Houston area on Saturday, hail collected around Reliant Stadium forming small rivers of ice as the rain water drained in the streets.

KHOU 11 Photographer George Jensen shot this video from the eighth floor of the facility looking down on the streets.

Some motorists tried to drive through the streets with little success

There was so much rain and large hail that now only did it impede driving and require pedestrians to seek shelter wherever they were able but it actually created a moving stream of hail in the streets around Reliant!

You think that is just a ‘Texas sized tall tale’?

 

Then click that Irish Texas state outline above there and watch the video for yourself! when he zooms in on the Pickup with the trailer that white stuff moving just below the pick up is large chunks of hail in all the rain run off. So is all the white edging around the area of Reliant Stadium on the grass. BTW it’s that dark and the video was taken sometime between 3 and 5 PM which should give you an idea just how bad & strong the storm was.

Well hope your all happy, I couldn’t think of a topic more inane, pointless, time wasting or completely frivolous than this so you wouldn’t have to think or  (heaven forbid) form an intelligently informed opinion about an important issue. Lord knows we can’t have that, as it’s apparently wholly unacceptable to most of you!

Okay, so Lethal Leprechaun is absolutely, 100% correct in his comments that this is nothing more than a feeble attempt on my part to clean out my in-box, files, and boxes and boxes of stuff that I have collected over the years.  It’s true.  I admit it fully and completely.  But, I haven’t heard any complaints, so let’s get started.  Why don’t we start with some Motivational Posters on a theme.  And since I’m a male chauvinist pig who loves nothing more than to drool over (and on, at times) the wonderful, beautiful and majestic accouterments of the female body…let’s let THAT be our topic..


Okay, I just realized that I could probably fill 3 episodes with pictures of partially and/or scantily clad women and although I can hear the male campers out there saying, “Hell Yeah!” okay, so they are screaming, let’s be honest.  But the ladies out there, aren’t that excited… and just as an aside, if you ladies are excited…well, send me an email off line and I’d be very happy to line up a three-way with a very cooperative dragon.  So, searching through my motivational posters for something for the ladies, I really don’t have much… there’s this guy, with boobs on his biceps..
Okay, maybe not so much… well, how about this body builder?
He does look an awful lot like a uterus…not that I’ve ever seen one except in pictures.  If any of you ladies really do find that attractive, which I seriously doubt, please…don’t call me.

So, instead, let’s just get a couple of more, just plain funny motivationals out there and have a good laugh.



Now, we’ll catch a couple of cartoons…or such.  Did you guys enjoy the motivationals?


Yeah, you know, WTF?  What’s up with that?  Why is it that I can hold my phone 3 feet from the window at work and I have 4 or 5 bars and a 4G signal and I move to 3 ½ feet and it becomes an expensive paperweight.

Especially at three o’clock in the morning when you’re trying to get to sleep

and how about all of our favorites…. some cute, cuddly and often hilarious critters.




And to wrap up this issue of just cartoon … or … um … funnies… or…what ever the hell this thing is, here’s a final laugh that really, really cracked me up!

and that, my fellow campers, is, as they say, that.

Good morning campers.  Just finished up with a major inspection that’s lasted this whole week.  The only thing I can tell you about it is that we done good…REAL GOOD!!!  But, would you expect any less of your favorite dragon and his friends?
Nope.
So, let’s just go ahead and and get this started, cause I really need this…

This is a wonderful story of a woman, who saves herself from a Grizzly bear with a little 25 caliber pistol

I found this extremely interesting…how much food will $5 buy you around the world?  And remember, in order to view this video, you MUST go to the website at http://dragonlaffs.com

This picture was actually sent to me by someone who suggested it was about me…what happened to this person you ask?  Well, she was good for breakfast.

Nope, I’ve haven’t the foggiest idea what the hell it is, but it’s cool!

And, under the category of “Absolutely Fu*king Amazing” you have this.  Now, we’ve been assured that there has been NO manipulation of the video…and remember… you have to go to the website to see it.  http://dragonlaffs.com

And here’s another one that might easily fall into that last category.  86 year old, former WWII sniper, still has got what it takes.  And remember… http://dragonlaffs.com

 

“The problems we face today are there because the people who work for a living are now outnumbered by those who vote for a living.” —Anonymous

For those of you (those poor, poor, raised in a closet, horribly under privileged you) who’ve never before seen “Whose Line Is It, Anyway?” you are in for a real treat.  For the rest of us, we can laugh, too.  Do I really need to tell you where to go to watch the video?  Have you not figured it out yet?

http://dragonlaffs.com
You know, I was going to insert a bunch of additional videos from “Whose Line” here, but I realized, as soon as you watched that first one, you were going down the list at youtube and watching them all!  And it’s probably like an hour later now that you are reading this line here, so…what’s the use?

A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take

them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another

Farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to

mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.

The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty

miles each to a field in which the pigs could mate. The first morning,

the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the pigs into

the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove

the thirty miles.

While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, “How will I

know if they are pregnant?” The other farmer replied, “If they’re

lying in the grass in the morning, they’re pregnant. If they’re in the

mud, they’re not.”

The next  morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them

off, loaded them into the Station wagon again and proceeded to try

again. This continued each morning for more than a week and the

farmers were about worn out.

About two weeks later the farmer with the female pigs was too tired to

get out of bed. He said to his wife, “Honey, please go look outside

and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass.”

“Neither,” replied his wife, “they’re all in the station wagon and one

of them is honking the horn.”

Did you know “listen” and “silent” use the same letters?

And that “eat” is the only word that if you take the first letter and move it to the last,

And have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in “illegal immigrants,” and add just a few more letters, it spells: “Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, baby-making, non-English-speaking jackasses and take those other hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding, goat-loving, raggedy-ass bastards with you.” 

How weird is that?

This one hit me dead center.  It is a very accurate and moving letter and I think should be read by everyone.  I wish, oh I wish I had said this myself.  The best thing we can do, is to copy it here and to suggest to all of you that you pass it on to as many of your friends as you can.  You could just send them the link to dragon laffs (that’s http://dragonlaffs.com) and tell them to read to the end.
Very articulate (and pretty accurate also) letter to the two U.S. Senators from Washington State.

April 3, 2013

Senator Patty Murray
Senator Maria Cantwell
Washington, DC, 20510

Dear Senator:

I have tried to live by the rules my entire life. My father was a Sergeant Major, U.S. Army, who died of combat related stresses shortly after his retirement. It was he who instilled in me those virtues he felt important – honesty, duty, patriotism and obeying the laws of God and of our various governments. I have served my country, paid my taxes, worked hard, volunteered and donated my fair share of money, time and artifacts.

Today, as I approach my 79th birthday, I am heart-broken when I look at my country and my government. I shall only point out a very few things abysmally wrong which you can multiply by a thousand fold. I have calculated that all the money I have paid in income taxes my entire life cannot even keep the Senate barbershop open for one year! Only Heaven and a few tight-lipped actuarial types know what the Senate dining room costs the taxpayers. So please, enjoy your haircuts and meals on us.

Last year, the president spent an estimated 1.4 $billion on himself and his family. The vice president spends $millions on hotels. They have had 8 vacations so far this year! And our House of Representatives and Senate have become America’s answer to the Saudi royal family. You have become the “perfumed princes and princesses” of our country.

In the middle of the night, you voted in the Affordable Health Care Act, a.k.a. “Obama Care,” a bill which no more than a handful of senators or representatives read more than several paragraphs, crammed it down our throats, and then promptly exempted yourselves from it substituting your own taxpayer-subsidized golden health care insurance.

You live exceedingly well, eat and drink as well as the “one per centers,” consistently vote yourselves perks and pay raises while making 3.5 times the average U.S. individual income, and give up nothing while you (as well as the president and veep) ask us to sacrifice due to sequestration (for which, of course, you plan to blame the Republicans, anyway).

You understand very well the only two rules you need to know – (1) How to get elected, and (2) How to get re-elected. And you do this with the aid of an eagerly willing and partisan press, speeches permeated with a certain economy of truth, and by buying the votes of the greedy, the ill-informed and under-educated citizens (and non-citizens, too, many of whom do vote) who are looking for a handout rather than a job. Your so-called “safety net” has become a hammock for the lazy. And, what is it now, about 49 or 50 million on food stamps – pretty much all Democrat voters – and the program is absolutely rife with fraud with absolutely no congressional oversight?

I would offer that you are not entirely to blame. What changed you is the seductive environment of power in which you have immersed yourselves. It is the nature of both houses of Congress which requires you to subordinate your virtue in order to get anything done until you have achieved a leadership role. To paraphrase President Reagan, it appears that the second oldest profession (politics), bears a remarkably strong resemblance to the oldest.

As the hirsute first Baron John Emerich Edward Dalberg Acton (1834 – 1902), English historian and moralist, so aptly and accurately stated, “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men.” I’m only guessing that this applies to the female sex as well. Tell me, is there a more corrupt entity in this country than Congress?

While we middle class people continue to struggle, our government becomes less and less transparent, more and more bureaucratic, and ever so much more dictatorial, using Czars and Secretaries to tell us (just to mention a very few) what kind of light bulbs we must purchase, how much soda or hamburgers we can eat, what cars we can drive, gasoline to use, and what health care we must buy. Countless thousands of pages of regulations strangle our businesses costing the consumer more and more every day.

As I face my final year, or so, with cancer, my president and my government tell me “You’ll just have to take a pill,” while you, Senator, your colleagues, the president, and other exulted government officials and their families will get the best possible health care on our tax dollars until you are called home by your Creator while also enjoying a retirement beyond my wildest dreams, which of course, you voted for yourselves and we pay for.

The chances of you reading this letter are practically zero as your staff will not pass it on, but with a little luck, a form letter response might be generated by them with an auto signature applied, hoping we will believe that you, our senator or representative, has heard us and actually cares. This letter will, however, go on line where many others will have the chance to read one person’s opinion, rightly or wrongly, about this government, its administration and its senators and representatives.

I only hope that occasionally you might quietly thank the taxpayer for all the generous entitlements which you have voted yourselves, for which, by law, we must pay, unless, of course, it just goes on the $17 trillion national debt for which your children and ours, and your grandchildren and ours, ad infinitum, must eventually try to pick up the tab.

My final thoughts are that it must take a person who has either lost his or her soul, or conscience, or both, to seek re-election and continue to destroy this country I deeply love and put it so far in debt that we will never pay it off while your lot improves by the minute, because of your power. For you, Senator, will never stand up to the rascals in your House who constantly deceive the American people. And that, my dear Senator, is how power has corrupted you and the entire Congress. The only answer to clean up this cesspool is term limits. This, of course, will kill the goose that lays your golden eggs. And woe be to him (or her) who would dare to bring it up.

Sincerely,

Bill Schoonover

3096 Angela Lane

Oak Harbor, WA 98277

Constantly changing weather over the last week coupled with resultant changes in my health/ daily lifestyle have resulted in my being in chronic pain to the point I’m resorting to pain medication of a far strong sort far more often than I’m used to. I find this leaves me somewhat foggy/cloudy minded and incapable of crafting witty opening banter.

As a result we’re just jumping right into it this morning. I’m sure this disappoints you all greatly.

 

I think we need a double shot of espresso in our coffee this morning. In fact we just might have double shots all issue long!

The year is 2024 and the United States has just elected the first woman as President of the United States.

A few days after the election, the president-elect calls her father in Houston and asks, “So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?”

“I don’t think so. It’s a long drive; your mom isn’t as young as she used to be, we’ll have the dog with us, and my arthritis is acting up in my knee.”

“Don’t worry about it, Dad, I’ll send Air Force One or another support aircraft to pick you up and take you home, and a limousine will pick you up at your door,” she said.

“I don’t know… that’s taxpayer money, you know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?”

“Oh, Dad,” she replied, I’ll pay the tab! I’ll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by one of the best designers in New York.”

“Honey,” Dad complained, “You know we can’t eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.”

The President-elect responded, “Don’t worry, Dad. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in D.C. And I’ll ensure your meals are salt-free. Dad, I really want you to come.”

So her parents reluctantly agreed, and on January 20, 2024 arrived to see their daughter sworn in as President of the United States.

The parents of the new President are seated in the front row. The President’s dad notices a Senator sitting next to him and leans over and whispers, “You see that woman up there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States ?”

The Senator whispered in reply, “Yes, I do.”

The proud Dad says proudly, “Her brother played football at Texas A&M.”

 

MURDER AT WALMART

Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A ‘friend of a friend’ put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of ‘Artie..’ Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn’t have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife’s insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man’s wife to the local Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol’ Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store’s security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave
The store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared…

 

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ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WAL-MART!’

Oh, quit groaning! I don’t write this stuff, I receive it from warped readers and then send it on to you.

Pork chops are now ribeyes as U.S. meat industry renames cuts

By P.J. Huffstutter CHICAGO | Thu Apr 4, 2013 4:00pm EDT

(Reuters) – BBQ fans, brace yourselves: “Pork butt” will soon be a thing of the past.

In an effort to boost sales just ahead of the U.S. grilling season, and make shopping at the meat counter a bit easier, the pork and beef industries are retooling more than 350 names of meat cuts to give them more sizzle and consumer appeal.

The revised nomenclature emerged after two years of consumer research, which found that the labels on packages of fresh cuts of pork and beef are confusing to shoppers, said Patrick Fleming, director of retail marketing for trade group National Pork Board.

A stroll down the meat aisle had become baffling for shoppers looking for a steak. When they would see packages of “butler steak” or “beef shoulder top blade steak, boneless, flat iron” – they would walk away with an empty cart, said Trevor Amen, director of market intelligence for the Beef Checkoff Program.

So recently, the National Pork Board and the Beef Checkoff Program, with the blessing of officials with USDA, got the nod to update the Uniform Retail Meat Identification Standards, or URMIS. Though the URMIS system is voluntary, a majority of U.S. food retailers use it.

So pork and beef industry officials say they hope the new names will show up in stores nationwide by this summer’s grilling season.

If it does, the lowly “pork chop” will be gone. Instead, grocery retailers could be stocking stacks of “porterhouse chops,” “ribeye chops” and “New York chops.” The pork butt – which actually comes from shoulder meat – will be called a Boston roast.

“One of our biggest challenges has been the general belief among consumers that a pork chop is a pork chop,” said Fleming. “But not all pork chops are equal, and not all pork chops are priced equally.”

So much for pork being known as the other white meat–a label the pork industry used for years to lure consumers away from chicken.

To read the rest of the article:   

 

A cappella history of music

A cappella superstars Pentatonix give you a crash course on the evolution of pop music starting in the 11th century. Which songs do you recognize?

 

 

 Cheerleaders and Soldiers: Call Me Maybe

This is fascinating. The Miami Dolphins Cheerleaders did a dance video to “Call Me Maybe.” U.S. troops stationed in Afghanistan saw it and did their own version, matching the cheerleaders scene-by scene. Here are the two videos together.

 

Thanks to reader Paul for this next bit of information. He seemed to speak with a great deal of first hand knowledge on what I previously thought was an Urban Legend

THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but that it was expensive..

“A less costly alternative,” said the doctor, “is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can (COORS), then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.”

The Alabamian said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.”

“Trust me,” said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.

He held the can up to his ear and began to count! 

‘1’

‘2’

‘3’

‘4’

‘5’

(you’ll love this…)

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee , Kentucky ,

Louisiana, Arkansas , Mississippi , and parts of Georgia , Missouri , and West Virginia and……….

ALL of Washington DC .

I’m reasonably informed by Impish who ran right off to disproved this that it works well on Dragons too.

 

YES! OK! So the following IS just sarcastic political satire (abet of the finest order and caliber IMHO) but this is precisely the liberal’s point of view and mind set behind all their gun control legislation, to say nothing of basically any other restrictive ‘big brother knows best’ policies they want to implement.

It’s just easier to demonstrate their logic and thinking this way to say nothing of much funnier.

Sensible(?) Legislation

April 18, 2013

 

SUBJECT: Sensible Legislation In Response To Boston Marathon Bombing

Fellow Liberals,

We need you help – your country needs you.

Now that we’ve learned that professional-style, high capacity pressure cookers were used to make the bombs for the Boston Marathon attack, we must address this concern before more lives are lost.

Now, we’re not trying to take pots and pans away from moms and chefs, we just need some common sense legislation.

Does anyone really need a professional-style, 5-quart pressure cooker? Pots and pans are fine, but is there any reason for ordinary serfs citizens to have those professional-style pressure cookers. They’re just too dangerous – as this tragedy shows. I support a ban on high capacity pressure cookers. No one without a federal pressure cooker license (FPCL) should be allowed to purchase pressure cookers in excess of a 3-quart capacity. Also, we should prohibit the import of cheap, small, pressure cookers that are easily concealable in kitchen cabinets: the so-called “Saturday Night Dinner Specials.”

Also, did you know that pressure cookers can be bought and sold without a license or background check at any department store, through the mail and even at a rummage sale – by anyone! Grandmothers can pass them down to granddaughters, again, without any background checks, state or federal! This is just not right! Even if we save just one child’s life, isn’t it time to do something to stop this senseless pressure cooker violence? We must establish universal background checks for all pressure cooker sales! Close the dangerous loopholes, now!

Personally, we’d prefer to just make all pressure cookers illegal so we can get them off our streets like we did with drugs and prostitutes, but I don’t think that we can get that through the Congress yet.

Remember, it’s just old, bitter, white men clinging to their guns, Bibles and pressure cookers, that oppose us. 90% of the American public supports common sense pressure cooker control legislation. Contact your congressman and senators today!

(Signed)

Barack Obama, President United States of America

Nancy Pelosi, House Minority Leader

Harry Reid, Senate Majority Leader

NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg

Andrew Cuomo, Governor New York

Daniel Malloy, Governor Connecticut

Yo Impish! I got a $5 spot & 2:1 odds that say the liberal loony lurkers are going to boil out of the woodwork all offended over this dragging the PC Police behind them and try to cloud this over by screaming I’m being insensitive about Boston by posting this. You want some of that action?