Dragon Laffs #1324


Dragon Laffs 28
Good morning campers.  Just finished up with a major inspection that’s lasted this whole week.  The only thing I can tell you about it is that we done good…REAL GOOD!!!  But, would you expect any less of your favorite dragon and his friends?
Nope.
So, let’s just go ahead and and get this started, cause I really need this…
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This is a wonderful story of a woman, who saves herself from a Grizzly bear with a little 25 caliber pistol

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This is a story of self control and marksmanship with an itsy bitsy shooter

by a woman against a fierce predator.

What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself? The Beretta Jetfire:

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While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my boyfriend we were surprised by a huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.  If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me I would not be here today!

Just one shot to my boyfriend’s knee cap was all it took…the bear got him and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.    It’s one of the best pistols in my collection! 

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I found this extremely interesting…how much food will $5 buy you around the world?  And remember, in order to view this video, you MUST go to the website at http://dragonlaffs.com

coollogo_com-26562107_thumb[1]d2013042401This picture was actually sent to me by someone who suggested it was about me…what happened to this person you ask?  Well, she was good for breakfast.

Pun Queen

PRINTERS reproduce at great frequency
POSTMEN come slower.
PROFESSORS do it by the book.
RACERS like to finish first
ROOFERS do it when high.
 
Whorehouse: A business dedicated to making sure the customer always comes first.
 
Transvestites are men who like to eat, drink, and be Mary.
 
A healthy virgin:  one who has never been bed-ridden.
 
My girlfriend likes sticking her breasts in my face, then asking for something really expensive. She invariably gets what she wants. That, my friends, is what is known as a booby trap.
 
TENNIS PLAYERS avoid love.
TRAVEL AGENTS do it in many places
TRUCK DRIVERS check their dipsticks frequently.
VETERINARIANS help needy pussies.
VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up.
   
Headline: Man Having Hard Time After Viagra Overdose
 
There is a new shoe for lesbians called Dike. It comes with an extra long tongue and you can get it off with one finger.
She was only a cyclist’s daughter, and she peddled it all over town.
 
100 cows masturbating is beef strokin’ off.
 
The square root of sixty-nine is ate something.
 
A dentist couldn’t get erection on wedding night so he used his finger. Wife: “What’s this?” Husband: “Nothing honey, just a temporary filling.”
 
GOLFERS will do anything for a hole in one.
GYMNASTS are masters of mounts and dismounts.
HAIRDRESSERS give the best blow jobs
HAM OPERATORS do it with frequency.
HANDYMEN provide screws.
HOUSEWIVES will do it for an allowance.
 
The old man who wore glasses on his butt had terrific hindsight.
 
The difference between a porcupine and a Mercedes Benz full of lawyers is the porcupine has its pricks on the outside.
 
Florida gynecologists are spreaders of old wives’ tails.
 
What’s the difference between dark and hard? It stays dark all night.
 
The old man who wore glasses on his butt had terrific hindsight.
 
A guy who cries while he masturbates is a tearjerker.
 
Hobosexual: A bum f*ck.
 
SURGEONS are smooth operators.
TAILORS make a good fit.
TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town.
TAXIDERMISTS mount anything.
TELLERS handle deposits and withdrawals.
 
AUDITORS like to examine figures.
ARTISTS are exhibitionists.
BAILIFFS always come to order.
BAND MEMBERS play all night.
BANKERS do it with interest but with a penalty for early withdrawal.
 
The most often used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position. The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
 
 If a pretty girl sits down on your hand, try to get her off!
 
The bikini was invented for orthodox Jews. It separates the meat from the dairy sections

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The room was full of pregnant women with their  husbands.   The instructor said, “Ladies, remember that  exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the  pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.
 
Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to  stay on a soft surface like grass or a  path.”
 
“Gentlemen, remember — you’re in this together. It  wouldn’t hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would  be good for you both.”
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men  absorbed this information.
After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back  of the room, slowly raised his hand.
 
“Yes?” said the  Instructor.
 
“I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries  a golf bag while we walk?”
 
Brings a tear to your eye doesn’t  it?    This kind of  sensitivity just can’t be taught.

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f2009062501Nope, I’ve haven’t the foggiest idea what the hell it is, but it’s cool!

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And, under the category of “Absolutely Fu*king Amazing” you have this.  Now, we’ve been assured that there has been NO manipulation of the video…and remember… you have to go to the website to see it.  http://dragonlaffs.com

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A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him.
She says, ‘Hello.’
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he asks, ‘Do you know me?’
To which she replies, ‘I think you’re the father of one of my kids.’
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.
So he asks, ‘Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?’
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, ‘No, I’m your son’s teacher.’

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beauty
captain
go on
mother
Never

nuked

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And here’s another one that might easily fall into that last category.  86 year old, former WWII sniper, still has got what it takes.  And remember… http://dragonlaffs.com

 

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“The problems we face today are there because the people who work for a living are now outnumbered by those who vote for a living.” —Anonymous

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For those of you (those poor, poor, raised in a closet, horribly under privileged you) who’ve never before seen “Whose Line Is It, Anyway?” you are in for a real treat.  For the rest of us, we can laugh, too.  Do I really need to tell you where to go to watch the video?  Have you not figured it out yet?

Dr. Suess Pick Up Lines

http://dragonlaffs.com
You know, I was going to insert a bunch of additional videos from “Whose Line” here, but I realized, as soon as you watched that first one, you were going down the list at youtube and watching them all!  And it’s probably like an hour later now that you are reading this line here, so…what’s the use?

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A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take

them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another

Farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to

mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.

The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty

miles each to a field in which the pigs could mate. The first morning,

the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the pigs into

the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove

the thirty miles.

While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, “How will I

know if they are pregnant?” The other farmer replied, “If they’re

lying in the grass in the morning, they’re pregnant. If they’re in the

mud, they’re not.”

The next  morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them

off, loaded them into the Station wagon again and proceeded to try

again. This continued each morning for more than a week and the

farmers were about worn out.

About two weeks later the farmer with the female pigs was too tired to

get out of bed. He said to his wife, “Honey, please go look outside

and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass.”

“Neither,” replied his wife, “they’re all in the station wagon and one

of them is honking the horn.”

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This is the best, most interesting English lesson I have had to date. 

Did you know “listen” and “silent” use the same letters?


Do you know that the words “race car” spelled backwards still spells “race car”? 

And that “eat” is the only word that if you take the first letter and move it to the last,

it spells its past tense “ate”? 

And have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in “illegal immigrants,” and add just a few more letters, it spells: “Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, baby-making, non-English-speaking jackasses and take those other hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding, goat-loving, raggedy-ass bastards with you.” 

How weird is that?

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Last Word4_thumb[1]This one hit me dead center.  It is a very accurate and moving letter and I think should be read by everyone.  I wish, oh I wish I had said this myself.  The best thing we can do, is to copy it here and to suggest to all of you that you pass it on to as many of your friends as you can.  You could just send them the link to dragon laffs (that’s http://dragonlaffs.com) and tell them to read to the end.
Very articulate (and pretty accurate also) letter to the two U.S. Senators from Washington State.

April 3, 2013

Senator Patty Murray
Senator Maria Cantwell
Washington, DC, 20510

Dear Senator:

I have tried to live by the rules my entire life. My father was a Sergeant Major, U.S. Army, who died of combat related stresses shortly after his retirement. It was he who instilled in me those virtues he felt important – honesty, duty, patriotism and obeying the laws of God and of our various governments. I have served my country, paid my taxes, worked hard, volunteered and donated my fair share of money, time and artifacts.

Today, as I approach my 79th birthday, I am heart-broken when I look at my country and my government. I shall only point out a very few things abysmally wrong which you can multiply by a thousand fold. I have calculated that all the money I have paid in income taxes my entire life cannot even keep the Senate barbershop open for one year! Only Heaven and a few tight-lipped actuarial types know what the Senate dining room costs the taxpayers. So please, enjoy your haircuts and meals on us.

Last year, the president spent an estimated 1.4 $billion on himself and his family. The vice president spends $millions on hotels. They have had 8 vacations so far this year! And our House of Representatives and Senate have become America’s answer to the Saudi royal family. You have become the “perfumed princes and princesses” of our country.

In the middle of the night, you voted in the Affordable Health Care Act, a.k.a. “Obama Care,” a bill which no more than a handful of senators or representatives read more than several paragraphs, crammed it down our throats, and then promptly exempted yourselves from it substituting your own taxpayer-subsidized golden health care insurance.

You live exceedingly well, eat and drink as well as the “one per centers,” consistently vote yourselves perks and pay raises while making 3.5 times the average U.S. individual income, and give up nothing while you (as well as the president and veep) ask us to sacrifice due to sequestration (for which, of course, you plan to blame the Republicans, anyway).

You understand very well the only two rules you need to know – (1) How to get elected, and (2) How to get re-elected. And you do this with the aid of an eagerly willing and partisan press, speeches permeated with a certain economy of truth, and by buying the votes of the greedy, the ill-informed and under-educated citizens (and non-citizens, too, many of whom do vote) who are looking for a handout rather than a job. Your so-called “safety net” has become a hammock for the lazy. And, what is it now, about 49 or 50 million on food stamps – pretty much all Democrat voters – and the program is absolutely rife with fraud with absolutely no congressional oversight?

I would offer that you are not entirely to blame. What changed you is the seductive environment of power in which you have immersed yourselves. It is the nature of both houses of Congress which requires you to subordinate your virtue in order to get anything done until you have achieved a leadership role. To paraphrase President Reagan, it appears that the second oldest profession (politics), bears a remarkably strong resemblance to the oldest.

As the hirsute first Baron John Emerich Edward Dalberg Acton (1834 – 1902), English historian and moralist, so aptly and accurately stated, “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men.” I’m only guessing that this applies to the female sex as well. Tell me, is there a more corrupt entity in this country than Congress?

While we middle class people continue to struggle, our government becomes less and less transparent, more and more bureaucratic, and ever so much more dictatorial, using Czars and Secretaries to tell us (just to mention a very few) what kind of light bulbs we must purchase, how much soda or hamburgers we can eat, what cars we can drive, gasoline to use, and what health care we must buy. Countless thousands of pages of regulations strangle our businesses costing the consumer more and more every day.

As I face my final year, or so, with cancer, my president and my government tell me “You’ll just have to take a pill,” while you, Senator, your colleagues, the president, and other exulted government officials and their families will get the best possible health care on our tax dollars until you are called home by your Creator while also enjoying a retirement beyond my wildest dreams, which of course, you voted for yourselves and we pay for.

The chances of you reading this letter are practically zero as your staff will not pass it on, but with a little luck, a form letter response might be generated by them with an auto signature applied, hoping we will believe that you, our senator or representative, has heard us and actually cares. This letter will, however, go on line where many others will have the chance to read one person’s opinion, rightly or wrongly, about this government, its administration and its senators and representatives.

I only hope that occasionally you might quietly thank the taxpayer for all the generous entitlements which you have voted yourselves, for which, by law, we must pay, unless, of course, it just goes on the $17 trillion national debt for which your children and ours, and your grandchildren and ours, ad infinitum, must eventually try to pick up the tab.

My final thoughts are that it must take a person who has either lost his or her soul, or conscience, or both, to seek re-election and continue to destroy this country I deeply love and put it so far in debt that we will never pay it off while your lot improves by the minute, because of your power. For you, Senator, will never stand up to the rascals in your House who constantly deceive the American people. And that, my dear Senator, is how power has corrupted you and the entire Congress. The only answer to clean up this cesspool is term limits. This, of course, will kill the goose that lays your golden eggs. And woe be to him (or her) who would dare to bring it up.

Sincerely,

Bill Schoonover

3096 Angela Lane

Oak Harbor, WA 98277

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