Dragon Laffs #1513

header19

campers
Well, it’s been a week.

I can’t possibly express to you how incredibly disappointed I am in Lethal’s menu for Thanksgiving. 

He says he wants us to eat like the military guys who are deployed overseas are eating. 

He says that the guys on the front lines are eating MREs.

He says that he wants to have the families over to eat MREs.

(SOB!) He says no turkey…

(weep!) He says no stuffing…

He says no ….

I can’t do this anymore…

Let’s just get on with it.! 

let's laugh

Here’s a great toy that I think we ought to give to all our police departments to play with.  Kinda like the “pit” maneuver on training wheels.

How many of you current or former LEOs out there (and I know there are at least a few) think that this is a great idea?  Let me know in the comments below.

I’m warning you now.  This next cartoon will make you…Groan

2343Now, don’t look at me that way.  Not only did I not write the joke, I warned you ahead of time!

The students at a local college were assigned to read two books, “Titanic” and “My Life” by Bill Clinton, and to write book reports. 
 
One student turned in the following book report; with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!  His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report. 
       
Titanic: Cost = $29.99 
Clinton : Cost = $29.99 
 
Titanic: Over 3 hours to read 
Clinton : Over 3 hours to read 
      
Titanic:   The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. 
Clinton:  The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe 
 
Titanic:   Jack is a starving artist. 
Clinton : Bill is a bullshit artist.
  
Titanic:   In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar. 
Clinton:  Ditto for Bill 
 
Titanic:   During the ordeal, Rose’s dress gets ruined. 
Clinton:  Ditto for Monica’s.
 
Titanic:    Jack teaches Rose to spit. 
Clinton:   Let’s not go there. 
 
Titanic:    Rose gets to keep her jewelry. 
Clinton:   Monica is forced to return her gifts. 
 
Titanic:   Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life. 
Clinton:  Clinton doesn’t remember anything. 
       
Titanic:   Rose goes down on a vessel full of sea men. 
Clinton:  Monica.. Ooh, let’s not go there, either.
 
Titanic:   Jack surrenders to an icy death. 
Clinton:  Bill goes home to Hillary; basically the same thing.

 

2346

Dragon__Earth_Dragon__You know, with the holidays coming, you’ll be seeing relatives that you haven’t seen since…well, since the holidays LAST year.  It’s the same in the dragon family.  This is a picture of my great uncle Stonewall waking up after eating the turkey last year.  He wanted to watch football on the TV.  But, I guess all of that is over now.  I can’t invite uncle Stonewall to Thanksgiving day dinner when we’re only going to have … (gulp!) … MREs!  Oh…(sob!) go on and read some more of the issue.  I can’t stand it…

2344

Health Capsules

See!  See! 10 Billion doughnuts every year!  I’m not getting anywhere NEAR my fair share! And donuts are another thing that I love on Thanksgiving morning!!!  I’ll bet we won’t have any of those, either!!  And none of the 700 million pancakes for breakfast!  This Thanksgiving is gonna SUCK!!!

2345Not near as comforting as I might have thought.

Aeronautical Quiz…

Ginny sent me this quiz and it was so interesting that I thought I’d share it with all of you.  And really, they say it’s common sense but here’s a clue: remember, that a helicopter’s blade (in cross-section) is shaped like an airplane’s wing and both catch air creating lift.  helico2So, this should actually be an easy quiz for those who have even a modicum of knowledge about aircraft.  airplane aniHowever, the answer may surprise you.  I may have a slight advantage with my Air Force experience, but… here’s the question:

”What is the primary advantage of rotary winged aircraft over a fixed wing aircraft?”

Scroll down for the correct answer.

 

arrow down 9

arrow down 5

10Yup, I got it wrong, too!

2347Ain’t that the truth!

 

Fantasy
f2010071901I don’t even want to talk about my aunt Gretta and what SHE’s like at Thanksgiving! 
2348
Movie

Okay, so this first video is GREAT!  Disco the Parakeet.  I didn’t know that parakeets could talk.  I’ve raised several over my lifetime and never had a one that talked.  This guy is good!  See for yourself.

Now this one, buddy Wheats sent me just yesterday.  Apparently, Millennials are people born after 1984.  And, at least according to this next video, they need our help!

And finally, we get a sneak peek at one of the famous Ninja Kitties in training…

 

2350

This is the honest truth.  Mrs. Dragon and I have been married for over 21 years, and although I joke around a lot here in the blog, I still open the door for her more often than not!  I hold the door for here when we go in someplace (unless it can be a “dicey” place, and then I go in first to make sure it is safe for her).  I’m currently walking with a cane and most of the time am in some degree of agony with every step I take and I STILL will hand her into the car first!

Our Izzy dragon has asked why I do it (when it’s just Izzy and I, I do the same thing for her) and my answer is that if she brings a boy home to meet me who doesn’t hold the door for her, I’ll kick his ass right out of the house.  She doesn’t really get it yet, but she’s starting to.

2351

Our dear friend and fellow camper Ginny is either very much behind and has sent us her goals for 2016 or she is very much ahead and has sent us her goals for 2017.  But, then again, when you start getting older, it’s tough to remember what the date is.

1. My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds. Only 15 to go.

2. Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza.

3. How to  prepare Tofu:
a.  Throw it in the trash
b.  Grill some meat

4. I just  did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

5. I don’t mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than  men who mention it.

7. Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school? Me neither.

10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.

11. I love being over 70. I learn something new every day and forget 5 others.

12. A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.

13. I think I’ll just put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a  day.

14. November 6, 2016 will be the end of Daylight Savings Time. Hope you don’t forget to set your bathroom scale back 10 pounds on Saturday night.

15. Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

Yup, it’s all true.

2352

Yeah, I’m not really getting that one either.  It’s just as easy for them to put it down, as it is for us to put it up.  When I asked why we had to put it up and then put it back down again, Mrs. Dragon told me the reason…she said that when she gets up in the middle of the night and sits down on the pot and the seat is up, she dunks her butt in the water.  I told her that when I go to the toilet in the middle of the night, I turn the fucking light on in the bathroom!
She didn’t think that was very funny.

Motivate

good-eats-turkey-innuendo-demotivational-poster-1259256748

Oh gawd!!! I was gonna do Thanksgiving Motivationals, but I just CAN’T!!!  I’m going to really miss my turkey!!

Math

Like the people who work the cash register who can’t make change without using the computer.

Math2

Nope!  You’re still not getting it.

Math3

AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!  PIE!!!!!!!!!!!

Math4

YouTube Math, like Microsoft Minutes have no basis in reality.

2353

2349

That would do it.

2354

Younger kids can’t believe we ever had phones with cords.  Teenagers can’t believe we ever had phones with dials.

Last Word

For my Last Word today, I only have one thing….

5b

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Leprechaun Laughs #366 for November 16th 2016

image

We got to enjoy about a week of cooler abet damper weather last week where the temps were in the middle 70’s and things felt sort of fall-ish out. However the middle of this week has seen us climb back into the low 80’s. Hard to feel like Thanksgiving when you’re tempted to put a fan behind your thawing turkey to help with the cooling in the kitchen!

Speaking of Thanksgiving and Turkey, subject both near and dear to Impish’s heart (via his stomach) let’s look in on Impish and see what holiday antics he’s up to this year:

Impish sat inhaling his cigar and blowing smoke out his nose staring out the patio doors of his office contemplating the utter disaster that was the last 15 minutes of his life.
He was flat out flummoxed to figure out what had happened and where it had all gone wrong. He glanced at the exploded 3 inch ring binder that sat in a pile of papers where he’d hurled it against the far wall of his office when he came in. Brutus was busily and happily shredding the papers it had contained now.

He’d spent weeks carefully planning everything down to the last detail. Made extra sure he’d done a good job on the Halloween issue and had his plan fully mapped out for Lethal to inspect (even though he’d planned a few private deviations from it that Lethal would never have to know about) So how had it gotten so bunged up? He thought back-

“He in?” Impish inquired of Friday bustling into the office under a full head of steam it had taken most of the hallway to work up to so she couldn’t stop him.

“He’s having lunch and doesn’t want to be disturbed specifically by mooching dragons.” came the response.

“Lunch? Fantastic! I-was-feeling-a-little-peckish-and-its-been-too-long-since-he-and-I-broke-bread-together-he-won’t-mind-sharing-with-his-best-bud.” Impish rapid fired over his shoulder as he barreled past her and into Lethal’s office. “Hi-pal!- Glad-I-caught-you.-Let me just-grab-this-chair-and-I’ll-help-you out-with-that…salad?!”

[Impish reflected that this should have been his first sign his luck had run out]

Lethal chewed mightily paused for a sip of his beloved Brown Gold before chewing a little more and swallowing. He paused to wipe his mouth (or Impish reflected hide a pleased smirk behind it) before inquiring of his rather tersely “Wadda ya want Impish? I’m a little busy here with this Cobb salad as you can see.”

Impish stammered “I ah…that is we’re due for our annual discussion..you know …Thanksgiving? You usually seek my input on the menu and such.”

Lethal stared at Impish  a moment before spearing a cherry tomato running it through the blue cheese dressing and then rolling it in the real bacon bits liberal tossed all over his salad. “I think you mean you think this is the time where you barge in my office with preposterous and grandiose ideas and enough recipes to feed several 3rd world countries ready to fight tooth and nail to defend every last one. THAT the discussion you’re wanting to have? Because if it is Impish frankly I’ve…”

“Hang on a moment please Lethal.” Impish places the binder on Lethal desk. “I’ve been trying to be more helpful around here and less of an obstruction. You have to admit my paperwork is up to date, my issues have been in on time, I did a good job on the Halloween special, heck I don’t want to brag but even those 11th hour changes to last weeks issue because of Paul & Ginny’s loss were dealt with by me in a dare I say top notch first rate manner.

I’ve taken the liberty of creating a plan for Thanksgiving this year, well much of it comes from your plans from previous year with a few of my ideas and flourishes tossed in. Now I’d really like you to look at it not only with an eye to adopting my menu but also in regard to allowing me to run Thanksgiving this year.” There he thought, he’d said it, now if he could only get Lethal to agree step one of his Thanksgiving Master Plan Operation Thankful Dragon would be complete.

Lethal raised an eyebrow popped the tomato in his mouth, wiped it then made gimme motions at Impish and the book he had his hands still on. Taking the book he settle back in his chair and opened to the menu section. After perusing a few minutes while chewing he swallowed and spoke.

“Given this menu came from you,  its remarkably restrained and all most reasonable, though I do see a serious problem with your personal turkeys.”

“Problem? My turkeys? Those are crucial to my plan to maximize my eating time if I’m to crash ah err…drop in unannounced…no that’s no good…surprise several gatherings with my presence for their holiday dinner times.”

“Well yes I can clearly see that but none the less you idea of a straight turkey version of a Turducken will never fly. It is in fact impractical and impossible.”

“Why? I specifically call for leaving the dressing/stuffing out to leave more room for turkey” Impish was sure it would work even if spatial geometry wasn’t something he could spell much less understand.””

“Because the whole Turducken thing works because the birds are all progressively smaller in size, and made even more so by the removal of their bones. For it to work the way you want the first turkey would have to weigh in at 50 pounds minimum the second in the mid twenties and the third barely ten. I’ve never seen a 50 pound turkey and if it exists I serious doubt its for sale. Also you’re calling for 3 of these. Finding even one would be a miracle.” Lethal pontificated as he chose his next mouthful of salad, this one topped with smoked turkey and Swiss cheese strips which to Impish’s shock was actually making him start to salivate despite his despising vegetables.

“Well tabling that small hiccup for the moment what about the rest of it? Can I be given the responsibility of being in charge of Thanksgiving ?” Impish pressed.

“Oh no doubt this is impressive, I can see you have undoubtedly spent a great deal of time on this. I am impressed, truly I am.”

Impish though he heard a ‘but’ coming.

“But I wish you had asked me about this much earlier Impish. See while you were working on the Halloween issue I was working on the Veteran’s Day issue…”

“And a great issue it was! Fantastic! Probably your best ever dude Seriously, I wept like a baby at parts.”

Impish wasn’t above pandering and shamelessly sucking up to obtain his goals. Especially when food or hedonistic pleasures were at stake.  He liked to think he was good at it.

“Yes well be that as it may…” (he tosses Impish a napkin and mimes nose wiping ) “You’ve got some brown on it. Now where was I? Oh yes! As I was saying while doing the Veteran’s Day issue it occurred to me we needed to do more to show our support for our enlisted service personnel and their families. We talk a good game but we’re not doing nearly enough about it.

That’s when I decided on a theme for this years Thanksgiving Dinner and the theme sort of dictated the cuisine which in turn wound up dictating this years menu. Don’t lose that though, its not bad, sure it needs some work, but it has potential to be the plan for a future Thanksgiving or Christmas” Lethal stabbed his salad, ham topping the forkful this time which caused Impish stomach to rumble and chewed a moment giving Impish time to digest this bit of information as he took the book back from Lethal.

“So what’s this theme then?” Impish asked with as much trepidation as anticipation in his voice. While they had had themed events before never had he heard Lethal suggest that the theme had dictated the cuisine much less the cuisine dictating the menu. In Impish’s experience when cuisine dictated the menu that meant a restricted menu. He considered Mexican food a prime example of this.

Lethal sipped his Brown Gold, put the salad on his desk and folded his hand looking Impish squarely in the eyes. “This years theme is “Thanksgiving with the Troops.” I’ve invited about 2500 family members of deployed troops to join us for Thanksgiving dinner and I’m working on a few surprises for them too. To make them feel like their with their loved ones and to show our solidarity and support we’ll be eating what our deployed troops will be eating.” He points to 3 cases of something on a credenza off to one side of his office. “Holiday MREs for us and several company sized ones for you.” I got those as samples. Just leave me 2 of each and you can take the rest to try. Let me know which one(s) you prefer so I can make sure yours arrive with the others. Getting 3000 MRE’s here all at one time in such a short time when you’re ordering a specific MRE isn’t as easy as you might think. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think we’re done here and I’d like to finish my lunch before I start my back to back to back meetings this afternoon.”

Impish his mouth still agape got up from his chair and shuffled towards the door still shaking his head in disbelief.

“Hey! You’re forgetting the MRE’s ! Don’t you want to try them before I order? Otherwise It’s pot luck you’re getting!”

Impish his whole Thanksgiving Holiday Fantasy World to say nothing of his hopes for Operation Thankful Dragon dashed couldn’t bring himself to speak as he was barely containing his whimpers of disappointment now. He simply shook his head without turning around and made a dismissive swipe with his clawed forearm.

As he entered his office Terrance took one look at his boss and knew things had not gone even remotely as Impish had hoped. When he tried to question his boss about it Impish just shook his head and sighed saying he didn’t want to be disturbed for at least 2 hours before closing the door to his office and throwing the binder against the wall. He needed to think. To ponder. To regroup. There had to be alternatives, Thanksgiving was just too important to him, particularly to his stomach. He needed to figure out what had gone wrong to regroup and come up with an alternate plan.

Brutus, awoken by the sound of the binder hitting the wall waited until Impish was seated with cigar before jumping up on Impish and inquiring “Meeerky?”

Impish smile stroked his little muse and said “No, no Turkey. Apparently its MREs for all this year.” Brutus demonstrated what he thought of that by making a sound Impish associated with finding another sticky hairball soon after hearing.

“I quite agree Brutus, I quite agree. Now be a good lad and get down I’ve some thinking and scheming to do. I’m not giving up yet. This just might be Lethal’s opening gambit in his attempt to keep me out of the loop and away from the Thanksgiving preparations. Now that I think on it a little MREs for Thanksgiving is just too cruel and hideous even for him.”

American Let's Roll

image

 This is not the coffee you are looking for. You want Starbucks.

Turns out there’s a genetic reason why you drink so much coffee.

Many people cannot function properly without copious amounts of caffeine in their system on the daily basis. They drink cup after cup of coffee to open their eyes wider and wire up their systems. And after that coffee wears off and the dreaded “2PM slump” hits, everyone knows it’s time for a second round. Coffee has become a life source for many folks and science has now found a genetic reason why we all drink so much coffee.

A recent study found that a gene variation called PDSS2 makes people metabolize coffee slower — meaning they need less of it.

This gene variation is responsible for both lowering your caffeine cravings and making the coffee stay in your system for a prolonged time. People without the variation metabolize coffee at a normal/speedy rate — which means that are running for that second cup as you still ride the energy wave from the first.

To even further blow your mind with cool science stuff, study author Nicola Piratsu told Time that people with that gene variation need less coffee to get the same effect as those who drink more.

Maybe they are just more sensitive to the chemicals inside of coffee, which would explain why those lucky people evolved to not need liquid gold. Oh, what we wouldn’t do to naturally wake ourselves up in the morning.

The study was conducted on 1,200 people from Italy and then replicated in a follow-up study in the Netherlands. All results point to people with the gene variation PDSS2 drinking significantly less coffee every day compared to those who don’t have the variation. While coffee consumption studies are not uncommon, finding a result like this pretty rare. Hopefully, in the future, we can be genetically modified to avoid that third or fourth cup in the office.

image

Advice for after the election anxiety-

A doctor on TV said that in order to have inner peace in our lives during this political campaign, we should always finish things that we start. Since we all could use more calm in our lives, I looked around my house to find things I’d started & hadn’t finished.

I finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a choclutz. Yu has no idr how fablus I feel rite now.

Sned this to all ur frenz who need inner piss. An telum u luvum.

image

 

 

20070356_26_340_191

 

You can celebrate a lot more than Thanksgiving in November

Ok so we might be a day late on this first one but with T-Day coming up its still not a bad idea.

November 15th- Clean Out Your Fridge Day

It’s time to finally get rid of that week-old lasagna and whatever else might be lurking in those corners.

November 15th- Clean Out Your Fridge Day

It’s time to finally get rid of that week-old lasagna and whatever else might be lurking in those corners.

November 17th- National Unfriend Day

Two days after you’ve cleaned out your fridge you can clean out your friends. Do you really need to know what’s going on in your third grade teachers’ life? Probably not.

November 17th- National Unfriend Day

Two days after you’ve cleaned out your fridge you can clean out your friends. Do you really need to know what’s going on in your third grade teachers’ life? Probably not.

November 18th- Use Less Stuff Day

No one likes a hoarder, so take some time to think about what you actually need in your  life and try and think about how you can declutter your day.

November 18th- Use Less Stuff Day

No one likes a hoarder, so take some time to think about what you actually need in your life and try and think about how you can declutter your day.

November 19th- World Toilet Day

Yes, this is a thing.  Created in 2001, the international event is meant to destigmatize the toilet and address the issue of global sanitization. Their website points out that billions of people in the world don’t have access to toilets and that they’re not only a life necessity, but they can be “fun and sexy.” Yes, fun and sexy.

November 19th- World Toilet Day

Yes, this is a thing. Created in 2001, the international event is meant to destigmatize the toilet and address the issue of global sanitization. Their website points out that billions of people in the world don’t have access to toilets and that they’re not only a life necessity, but they can be “fun and sexy.” Yes, fun and sexy.

November 19th- International Men’s Day

Each year there is a different theme for International Men’s Day, this year their mission is to stop male suicide, according to their website.

November 19th- International Men’s Day

Each year there is a different theme for International Men’s Day, this year their mission is to stop male suicide, according to their website.

!cid_AD3CF887-FC0C-4D0B-94FE-B0B05C4F8A3F

If you’re happy and you know it, it’s your meds.
If you’re happy and you know it, it’s your meds.
If you’re happy and you know it, your Pharmacy bills are gonna show it.
If you’re happy and you know it, it’s your meds.

Excuse me ,it’s time for me to go get happy again!

 

image

image

image

Lets face it, we all know what’s for Thanksgiving dinner already. In many cases the menu is dictated by family tradition, Aunt Sally’s Sweet Potatoes, Betty’s Blueberry Buckle, Mom recreates her mothers Turkey and Stuffing (?Dressing). Then we all have that one relative that insists on experimenting every year. Last year it was mashed cauliflower, the year before the braised Brussels sprouts before that was some Cabbage concoction.

I won’t waste your time with dinner ideas but here are a couple ideas for the dessert table that are fast easy and sure to please.

Pumpkin Dip

image

 

Total Time:  10 min
Prep: 10 min
Yield: 6 to 8 servings
Level: Easy

 

 

 

 

Ingredients

One 15-ounce can pure pumpkin puree
2/3 cup packed light brown sugar
3 ounces cream cheese, at room temperature
3/4 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
3/4 cup heavy cream
Ginger snap cookies, for garnish

Directions

Put the pumpkin puree, light brown sugar, cream cheese, pumpkin pie spice and salt in a large bowl and beat with an electric mixer on medium-high speed until completely smooth. Add the heavy cream and continue to beat on medium-high until very thick and fluffy. Transfer to a dip bowl and keep refrigerated until ready to serve. Right before serving, garnish with a border of ginger snaps. Serve with dippers. 

Suggested dippers: ginger snaps, cinnamon-sugar pita chips, graham crackers

 

Apple-Bread Pudding Cake

image

 

 

Total Time: 1 hr. 5 min
Prep: 30 min
Cook: 35 min
Yield: 8-10
Level: Easy

 

 

Ingredients

4 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted, plus more for the pan
2 1/2 cups chunky applesauce
1/2 cup golden raisins
1 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 cup milk
2 large eggs, separated
1 1 -pound loaf sliced whole-wheat or cinnamon-raisin bread, crusts removed
1/2 cup confectioners’ sugar
3/4 cup apricot preserves

Directions

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Butter an 8-inch-square baking pan and line with foil, leaving a 2-inch overhang on all sides; butter the foil.
Mix the applesauce, raisins, lemon zest and cinnamon in a bowl; set aside. Whisk the melted butter, milk and egg yolks in a shallow dish.
Dip half of the bread slices in the egg mixture and layer in the prepared pan, trimming as needed. Spread the applesauce mixture over the bread. Dip the remaining bread slices in the egg mixture and layer on top. Bake until the egg mixture is set and the bread is golden, about 35 minutes.
Meanwhile, beat the egg whites and confectioners’ sugar in a bowl with a mixer on medium-high speed until stiff peaks form. Spread the apricot preserves on top of the cake. Spread the egg-white mixture on top of the preserves, forming peaks with the back of a spoon. Return to the oven until the meringue is golden, 5 to 7 minutes.
Let the cake cool in the pan, about 1 hour. Lift out of the pan using the foil and slice into squares for serving.

Me personally, I’m not a meringue kind of guy. I just omit the Apricot Preserves and the meringue step and opt for a very large dollop of whipped cream on top instead.

!cid_60FC8747-EABF-48B3-A19E-ED53C4A32295

I do the same thing but for different reasons. I have faith in Hillary & Bill’s death squads!

image

image

image

image

image

Since Thanksgiving is practically synonymous with Football, I thought it appropriate I tweak the blue one’s nose just a little about a certain subject:

image

 

RorW 3

Vatican bans Catholics from keeping ashes of loved ones at home

Cremation guidelines state remains cannot be scattered or kept at home but rather stored in a sacred, church-approved place

Catholics are forbidden from keeping the ashes of cremated loved ones at home, scattering them, dividing them between family members or turning them into mementoes, the Vatican has ruled.

Ashes must be stored in a sacred place, such as a cemetery, according to instructions disclosed at a press conference in Rome on Tuesday.

The Vatican may protest, but traditional funerals are dead and buried

Sophia Deboick

Acknowledging that an increasing number of Catholics were opting for cremation rather than burial, the church’s doctrinal and disciplinary body warned against “new ideas contrary to the church’s faith”.

Cardinal Gerhard Müller, the prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, reiterated that burial of the dead was preferable to cremation.

“We come from the earth and we shall return to the earth,” he said. “The church continues to incessantly recommend that the bodies of the dead be buried either in cemeteries or in other sacred ground.”

Cardinal Gerhard Müller

Cardinal Gerhard Müller outlines Catholic cremation guidelines at a press conference in Rome. 

However, the increase in cremation since it was permitted in 1963 required new guidelines, he added, noting an increasing trend for “domestic” conservation.

Ashes must be kept “in a holy place, that is a cemetery or a church or in a place that has been specifically dedicated to this purpose. The conservation of ashes in the home is not allowed,” he said.

 

“Furthermore, in order to avoid any form of pantheistic or naturalistic or nihilistic misunderstanding, the dispersion of ashes in the air, on the ground, on water or in some other way as well as the conversion of cremated ashes into commemorative objects is not allowed.”

A bishop may allow ashes to be kept at home only in extraordinary cases, the instructions state.

Some people keep the ashes of loved ones in urns or special containers on display, while others prefer to scatter them in gardens of remembrance or favorite spots. Possibilities include mixing them with clay, concrete or paint to create works of art or to incorporate them into building projects, having ashes pressed into vinyl to make a musical memento, or turning them into fireworks or jeweler.

The Vatican document, Ad Resurgendum cum Christo, is dated 15 August and says Pope Francis approved it in March. The instructions were released before All Souls’ Day on 2 November, when the faithful remember and pray for the dead.

The Vatican may protest, but traditional funerals are dead and buried

Sophia Deboick

Just in time for the prayers for the dead on All Souls’ Day next Wednesday, the Vatican has restated its position on what can be done with the ashes of the faithful. In short, no longer can Auntie be kept in a mantelpiece urn or granddad’s ashes scattered on his local team’s football pitch.

Concerned about the adoption of “new ideas contrary to the church’s faith” suggestive of “pantheism, naturalism or nihilism”, the Vatican document conflates ashes-scattering with a dangerously new age spirituality, stipulating instead that remains should be kept tangibly in a sacred place. The Catholic belief in bodily resurrection at the end of days makes this position unsurprising, and the church clearly has a vested interest in discouraging casual rituals outside their control, but it’s a proscription that doesn’t sit well with current trends in the UK. The Vatican may face a harder battle against creeping modernism in the matter of burial and funeral practices than they bargained for.

Burial space in the UK is at a premium. [as well as in many other countries- L.L.] The Labour government’s 2007 plan to allow the reuse of graves was given the green light in London, but the toxicity of the topic has seen it languish “under review” ever since for the rest of England and Wales. A Scottish bill to permit such recycling was passed in March. But such measures won’t make a significant dent in the 75% cremation rate, and the scattering of ashes is still a huge trend – the Mountaineering Council of Scotland warns that the sheer volume of ashes on the most popular summits is such that it is causing dangerous chemical changes in the soil.

he Vatican rejects the idea of death as “the moment of fusion with Mother Nature or the universe, or as a stage in the cycle of regeneration” that scattering in such natural environments represents; it also bans the use of ashes in memorial trinkets. In recent years, ashes have been used to make everything from records to tattoo ink, and such gung-ho going-ons have become associated with rock’n’roll abandon, from Keith Richards snorting his father’s remains, to the metal fan whose ashes were scattered in the mosh pit earlier this year. US experimental act Negativland went so far as to issue their new album this month with a small bag of the ashes of band member Don Joyce. Irreverent stuff, but the modern history of cremation in the UK started in no less paganistic style, with the failed prosecution of druid William Price for burning the body of his baby son on a pyre in 1884, setting a legal precedent that saw the practice legalised in 1902.

But cremation may not be where the individualism and valorisation of the natural world the church so fears is really thriving. Alternative trends in the disposal of bodies are moving towards burial. The Association of Natural Burial Grounds (ANBG) represents more than 270 woodlands and meadows run as natural cemeteries in the UK; 20 years ago there was only one such facility. It is in natural burial that the idea of an unmediated return to the earth that the church has denounced is writ large, with bodies often buried without a coffin and the landscape managed sustainably to preserve its natural beauty.

Rosie Inman-Cook, head of the ANBG and of the Natural Death Centre (NDC), a charity that puts choice, family and respect for the environment at the centre of their funeral advice service, has written inspiringly about the wide range of funeral and burial options available in the UK today. In the words of Leedam Natural Heritage, which operates eight natural burial grounds, these alternatives “offer something gentler”. Indeed, this is all in a context of the rejection of the staid funerals of old, which belonged to a more emotionally buttoned-up past, with British Humanist Association-trained celebrants now conducting more than 7,000 funerals a year.

But more and more people are doing away with formal ceremony and professional celebrant altogether, instead taking the “direct-it-yourself” approach championed by Inman-Cook, or going for direct cremation, which involves no funeral at all. The fact that David Bowie chose this option cemented his image as the ultimate individualist, and the NDC has reported a rise in interest in this possibility.

With adherence to a faith’s doctrines always being on a sliding scale, and the Catholic faithful hardly being immune to changing fashions, the church perceives these new approaches to marking the end of our lives as a threat. But if they are worried about greater freedom and a more individualistic approach to death and burial, scattering of ashes is old news.

I wasn’t too happy when I read all the above. As most of you know I was raised Roman Catholic but drifted away when I began to learn about the church, its motivations, and started asking intelligent pointed questions about dogma and the rational behind some church policies. The more time I was told ‘I had to take things on faith or was pointed to the bible as the rational (a book which anyone of any serious learning and intelligence will recognize as apocryphal the more I rebelled an asked questions.

I finally came to the conclusion the religion (or at least the RCC as I really do not have much experience with other religions) just like our Big Brother government is primarily about control. Control of you. What you think, what you believe what you do or do not do.

It’s secondary purpose in attaching it self to you is to amass money because money plus loyal unthinking for themselves followers equates to power. 850 million Catholics tithe on the average $10 per week to their church. That’s just the regular collections and not counting the special ones. That’s $44.2 Billion a year they collect tax free from their followers for no other reason than because they tell their ‘faithful’ to donate and they do so. We’ll get back to this and why it’s important in a few minutes.

I check back as best I could and up until this Papal Bull was issued there was no condemnation of conversation about cremated remains coming out of the Vatican. I will admit that some of the things that are offered to be done with a loved one’s ashes are questionable in taste and reverence. Shot Gun shells and fireworks leading that list.  The antics of a few idiots like Keith Richards (who never met a substance he wouldn’t snort) and that metalhead are going to be with us regardless of what rules someone lays down. I have faith that there will always be idiots and idiots will always do idiotic things with out regard for anything other than their whims.

Statuary being made from concrete and cremains is a grey area which I consider dependent on what the statue is, its placement and the intent of the bereaved in having it made. A particularly religious family having the matriarch’s ashes cast into a likeness of the Virgin Mary and placed in a shrine in their back yard I see no problem with. A lawn jockey for the front porch not so much.

Ashes being converted into diamonds to my way of thinking is a borderline thing. True you are changing the nature of the cremains but you are also insuring they are going to last literally forever. A widow of a 50 year happy marriage wants a diamond pendant made from her husband’s cremains so she can keep him close to her heart, why not? Turning the husband into a flashy diamond tennis bracelet because she thought him too cheap to buy her one while she was alive? No.

With regards to the spreading of cremains at the request of the deceased, this is where I really start getting disgusted with this issue. According to Genesis 2:7

“And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.”

According to the Qur’an[23:12–15],

“God created man from clay.”

If you observe Ash Wednesday, the opening day of the season of Lent, a priest marks your forehead with the sign of the cross by dipping his thumb into a bowl of moistened palm ashes while telling you:

Meménto, homo, quia pulvis es, et in púlverem revertéris
Remember, man, that thou art dust, and unto dust thou shalt return

The words said by the priest come from Genesis 3:19 when Adam and Eve were made subject to the corruption of death and dying with the words of God ringing in their ears:

“for dust thou art, and unto dust thou shalt return”

Yet (in my mind at least some what blatantly hypocritically) the church is seeking to bar you from returning your loved one the the dust from which he was created, choosing to label it

“the adoption of “new ideas contrary to the church’s faith” suggestive of “pantheism, naturalism or nihilism”…

The church allegedly sees the adoption of these ideas and the “direct-it-yourself” approach or going for direct cremation, which involves no funeral at all as a threat. My problem is what they perceive it as a threat to. Certainly not to our faith, Europe is full of crypts where the bones of the dead have been fashioned into artwork, chandeliers, arches, ceiling supports, ceiling decorations etc. what the majority of people are doing with the cremains are certainly no worse than these examples that were done my the church itself.

No, what this change in attitude towards the remains of our deceased represents is a threat to the bottom line of the church.

THAT is what has them up in arms, as these practices grow the sales of burial plots on church owned “consecrated hallow ground” ($1000 to $4500/ plot) and mausoleum crypts ($2000 to $4000) steadily decline and the church loses revenue. Remember that $44.2 billion in collections annually? Well the Vatican shows assets in the Vatican Bank totaling roughly only $8 billion. A lot of bites get taken out of the $44.2 billion on its way up the ladder. The local church has the be kept up, the Diocese, Archdiocease both take a cut, all the priests and lay people associated the the churches there represented must be paid, then there is the upkeep on the Cemeteries and Mausoleums. When you start losing on the average of $3000/ departed faithful the accounts start cringing and crying out for something to be done because not only the faithful are starting to think for themselves (a danger to any organized religion to be sure) but with their bottom line taking a dip the start losing power and prestige. When you are bent on forcing your religious dogma down the throats of ever government in the world that’s a bad thing. Lack of power means lack of influence and that cannot be tolerated when interfering in free governments.

Anti hyprocracy Curmudgeon

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Dragon Laffs #1512

Header1478
Campers

Before I get started with my already written opening, I have pulled this issue back from the publishers in order to address a sad situation.

A dear family member has been lost.  Ginny wrote to Lethal and I today to say that her and Paul have lost their beloved Bear.  She said that he had just celebrated his 15th birthday in October.  Those of yoa1u who know Ginny or Paul have seen pictures of their beautiful family member, but for the rest
of you, here’s a few pictures that I could a3find.

Ginny runs a trivia site in her off time and Bear has been featured several times in the email that goes out to remind you to play.  In fact, all of these pictures came from those emails.  I wish I had more of them saved,  but I’m sure you get more than the idea from the ones that I could find.

Bear is a beautiful, highly intelligent dog, but what would you really expect from parents like Ginny and Paul.

Ginny has said that her and Paul won’t be on line for a while and for all of us to hold our emails to them.  We are going to respect that wish and not write back, even as much as we truly want to let them both know that as their hearts break, ours are right there with them and to let them know that they are loved and thought of and aa4re in our thoughts and prayers.

But, they know that.

I don’t have a doubt that they absolutely know that we love them and care for them.

So, I ask you, please.  Please refrain from calling or email or texting them during their time of grief.  What I wa5ould like all of you to do is to go to the bottom of this post and click the comment button and leave a comment for Ginny and Paul so when they are ready to come back on line, all of those well wishes and outpouring of love from their Dragon and Leprechaun Laffs family will be right there waiting for them and they will bask in the glow of our friendship and love.

This is a picture of Bear’s 15th birthday party.  He’s the tha6ird one from the left.  Ginny says that this is what he wanted, all of his friends over for a pizza party, so that is what he got.

Anyway, in closing, Lethal knew of this great poem and sent it to me to include here.  You may have seen it before.

rainbowbridge2

Ginny and Paul and Bear, you are in our hearts and prayers.  

Now, we need to get back to the issue…

On Tuesday, Donald Trump won the election to become the first non-political person to do so.  (Depending on your thoughts on previous presidents, he might not be the FIRST, but he’s been the first in a long time).

Now, my country is going crazy.  I won’t dignify the idiots by putting pictures up here, but I’m sure you’ve all seen them on TV.  Signs saying, “Not my president” and “Where’s my vote” over top of the heads of crowds.  And many of them that say “Love Trumps Hate” which, although very catchy, doesn’t really say whether they are for or against Mr. Trump.

Or should I say, President-Elect Trump.  Because, that’s what he is.  He has been elected as our next president.  We aren’t campaigning any more.  It’s done.  Over with. 

My dear liberal friends, and I know there are at least a couple of you out there who are upset because Mrs. Clinton didn’t win, let me ask you a couple of questions:

Doesn’t it feel good to not have to make insane excuses, either out loud or to yourself for the Clinton lies?

Doesn’t it bring at least a small sense of relief that our country won’t have to shoulder the burden of all of those Clinton Fund deals that she made with other countries, now expecting the favors their donations were paying for?

Doesn’t it ease your conscious, just a little, that your mantra of: “She wasn’t convicted of ANY of those charges!” no longer has to be your last defense in any political argument?

Whether she had the FBI cowed enough to not file charges for the thousands of of charges of email security breeches or the fact that you don’t have to worry about her being put in jail after being elected as the president of the most powerful nation on earth, don’t you feel a bit more comfortable that you don’t have to try to invent excuses for that, now?

The last difficult choice is going to be Obama’s.  If the Justice Department does decide to charge her with multiple counts of treason, or OPSEC or COMSEC violations will he pardon her and then have to go and pardon the possible hundreds of men and women who are in jail for the exact same thing, but to a much lesser degree.  How could he pardon her and not the poor sailor who happened to take a picture in the wrong part of the submarine that got something in the background accidently.  Accidently!  And hers were all done purposefully and with knowledge of wrong doing.  Or the Generals who were forced to resign over one count of the exact same thing.  Aren’t you glad that is his decision?

Okay, so tongue in cheek questions aside, you people who are sobbing and crying and gnashing your teeth need to grow the hell up.  Can  you possibly imagine the backlash if it were the other way and it was the republicans who were doing all the rioting?

It’s crazy.

It’s time to heal our country.  It’s time for all of us to pull together and make this work.  It’s time to pull up our big girl panties and get to work.

I’m done.

At least for now.

I’m sure by the time I get to the end of this that I’ll at least bring it up one more time.

So, it’s time for laughter to help heal our country.  So …

Lets Laugh

2326

One of the most amazing things about this video is that with just a few pencil strokes at the very beginning of the video, you can already see Bill’s face pop out inside of Abe’s.

This guy has so much talent, that it almost looks like a photograph when he’s done.

2327

Now, the talent for this piece of “art work” comes from a completely different place.  The only thing I can think of is that it must be REALLY friggin’ cold where they are.

This is an incredible video.  What a difference a country makes.  One car is made in Mexico and one car is made in America.  Which one would you rather be in during a crash?  Watch the difference, here:

Dragon Pix

11

My grandpa before he died in a horrible swinging door accident.

2328

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now passed-away Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship. One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said: “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years

The Fairy Godmother replied: “Well, Cinderella, as you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?”

Cinderella was overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, almost under her breath, she uttered her first wish: “I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension.”
Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear.

Cinderella said: “Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!”

The Fairy Godmother replied: “It’s the least I can do. What does your heart desire for your second wish?”

Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said: “I wish I were young and full of the beauty of youth again.”

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years. And long forgotten vigor and vitality began to course through her very soul.

Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke: “You have one more wish, what will you have?”

Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said: “I wish you to transform Alan my old cat into a beautiful and handsome young man.”

Magically, Alan suddenly underwent a fundamental change in his biological make-up, that, when complete, he stood before her a boy so beautiful – the likes of which neither she nor the world had ever seen – so fair indeed that birds began to fall from the sky at his feet.

The Fairy Godmother again spoke, “Congratulations, Cinderella.  Enjoy your new life!” And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.

For a few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes.  Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen.

Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his strong, youthful arms.  He leaned in close to her ear, whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breathing, “I bet you regret having me neutered now, don’t you?”

2329

100

2330

Fantasy

f2010091901

I think our security is the best in the business and they’ve actually won awards.  Did you know that there is an actual  security Olympics every year?  Neither did I!  Well, this is Heather, and she is the first place winner of the long  sword competition this year.  We are all so very proud of her.

2331

101

2332

102

2333

Motivational

Married Life

You know, he’s right.  It is a touching story.  A story of young married life.  But, for us older guys who’ve been married for a while we know now that it’s, “Honey Bear, I’m going to the bar.  I won’t be long.”
And her reply, “What the fuck ever…”

Martial Arts

mary_poppins

It was that nasty divorce with Bert, the Chimney Sweep, and all the chimney’s he was sweeping that Mary found out about.

Masturbation

That is just wrong in so many ways!

Math Jokes

2334

Below is a list of at least 23 celebrities who promised to leave if Mr. Trump was elected:

  • Comedian Jon Stewart
  • Comedian Chelsea Handler
  • Actress Neve Campbell
  • IAC Interactive Founder Barry Diller
  • Feminist Lena Dunham
  • Comedian Keegan-Michael Key
  • Actress Chloë Sevigny
  • Race Hustler Al Sharpton
  • Actress Natasha Lyonne
  • Comedian Eddie Griffin
  • Filmmaker Spike Lee
  • Model Amber Rose
  • Actor Samuel L. Jackson
  • Singer Cher
  • Comedian George Lopez
  • Singer Barbra Streisand
  • Actress Raven-Symoné
  • TV Host Whoopi Goldberg
  • Actor Omari Hardwick
  • Pop Star Miley Cyrus
  • Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg
  • Comedian Amy Schumer
  • British Columnist Katie Hopkins

To these arrogant, self-important jerks, I have only this to say: Either pack your bags or stick your tails between your legs and for once in your lives be quiet and listen.

Office Space TUC meme

You may not like how we perceive the world, but we are human beings just like you. So instead of insulting us, mocking us and making fun of us, maybe, just maybe open your hearts and minds and start listening, because we are the silent majority, and we will be heard whether you like it or not.

H/T The Gateway Pundit

Nicely said!

2336

2335

Damn!  I hate it when that happens!!!

2337

! BIRDBRAINS Drop-In Template CS5

2339

2340

2341

2342

Last Word

In closing, I want to offer you this essay that was sent to me by my Dad.  I don’t know who wrote it, although I wish I did. I’ll not offer opinion on it other than to say that you will read it and find in it your own truth of lies.  For me…it answers exactly how I feel.

50 Million+ Deplorables

This wasn’t an election. It was a revolution.

It’s midnight in America. The day before, fifty million Americans got up and stood in front of the great iron wheel that had been grinding them down. They stood there even though the media told them it was useless. They took their stand even while all the chattering classes laughed and taunted them.

They were fathers who couldn’t feed their families anymore. They were mothers who couldn’t afford health care. They were workers whose jobs had been sold off to foreign countries. They were sons who didn’t see a future for themselves. They were daughters afraid of being murdered by the “unaccompanied minors” flooding into their towns. They took a deep breath and they stood.

They held up their hands and the great iron wheel stopped.

The Great Blue Wall crumbled. The impossible states fell one by one. Ohio. Wisconsin. Pennsylvania. Iowa. The white working class that had been overlooked and trampled on for so long got to its feet. It rose up against its oppressors and the rest of the nation, from coast to coast, rose up with it.

They fought back against their jobs being shipped overseas while their towns filled with migrants that got everything while they got nothing. They fought back against a system in which they could go to jail for a trifle while the elites could violate the law and still stroll through a presidential election. They fought back against being told that they had to watch what they say. They fought back against being held in contempt because they wanted to work for a living and take care of their families.

They fought and they won.

This wasn’t a vote. It was an uprising. Like the ordinary men chipping away at the Berlin Wall, they tore down an unnatural thing that had towered over them. And as they watched it fall, they marveled at how weak and fragile it had always been. And how much stronger they were than they had ever known.

Who were these people? They were leftovers and flyover country. They didn’t have bachelor degrees and had never set foot in a Starbucks. They were the white working class. They didn’t talk right or think right. They had the wrong ideas, the wrong clothes and the ridiculous idea that they still mattered.

They were wrong about everything. Illegal immigration? Everyone knew it was here to stay. Black Lives Matter? The new civil rights movement. Manufacturing? As dead as the dodo. Banning Muslims? What kind of bigot even thinks that way? Love wins. Marriage loses. The future belongs to the urban metrosexual and his dot com, not the guy who used to have a good job before it went to China or Mexico.

They couldn’t change anything. A thousand politicians and pundits had talked of getting them to adapt to the inevitable future. Instead they got in their pickup trucks and drove out to vote.

And they changed everything.

Barack Hussein Obama boasted that he had changed America. A billion regulations, a million immigrants, a hundred thousand lies and it was no longer your America. It was his.

He was JFK and FDR rolled into one. He told us that his version of history was right and inevitable.

And they voted and left him in the dust. They walked past him and they didn’t listen. He had come to campaign to where they still cling to their guns and their bibles. He came to plead for his legacy.

And America said, “No.”

Fifty millions Americans repudiated him. They repudiated the Obamas and the Clintons. They ignored the celebrities. They paid no attention to the media. They voted because they believed in the impossible. And their dedication made the impossible happen.

Americans were told that walls couldn’t be built and factories couldn’t be opened. That treaties couldn’t be unsigned and wars couldn’t be won. It was impossible to ban Muslim terrorists from coming to America or to deport the illegal aliens turning towns and cities into gangland territories.

It was all impossible. And fifty million Americans did the impossible. They turned the world upside down.

It’s midnight in America. CNN is weeping. MSNBC is wailing. ABC calls it a tantrum. NBC damns it. It wasn’t supposed to happen. The same machine that crushed the American people for two straight terms, the mass of government, corporations and non-profits that ran the country, was set to win.

Instead the people stood in front of the machine. They blocked it with their bodies. They went to vote even though the polls told them it was useless. They mailed in their absentee ballots even while Hillary Clinton was planning her fireworks victory celebration. They looked at the empty factories and barren farms. They drove through the early cold. They waited in line. They came home to their children to tell them that they had done their best for their future. They bet on America. And they won.

They won improbably. And they won amazingly.

They were tired of ObamaCare. They were tired of unemployment. They were tired of being lied to. They were tired of watching their sons come back in coffins to protect some Muslim country. They were tired of being called racists and homophobes. They were tired of seeing their America disappear.

And they stood up and fought back. This was their last hope. Their last chance to be heard.

Watch all the left’s video stunts. See ten ways John Oliver destroyed Donald Trump. Here’s three ways Samantha Bee broke the internet by taunting Trump supporters. These three minutes of Stephen Colbert talking about how stupid Trump is owns the internet. Watch Madonna curse out Trump supporters. Watch Katy Perry. Watch Miley Cyrus. Watch Robert Downey Jr. Watch Beyonce campaign with Hillary. Watch. Click away!

Watch fifty million Americans take back their country.

The media had the election wrong all along. This wasn’t about personalities. It was about the impersonal. It was about fifty million people whose names no one except a server will ever know fighting back. It was about the homeless woman guarding Trump’s star. It was about the lost Democrats searching for someone to represent them in Ohio and Pennsylvania. It was about the union men who nodded along when the organizers told them how to vote, but who refused to sell out their futures.

No one will ever interview all those men and women. We will never see all their faces. But they are us and we are them. They came to the aid of a nation in peril. They did what real Americans have always done. They did the impossible.

America is a nation of impossibilities. We exist because our forefathers did not take no for an answer. Not from kings or tyrants. Not from the elites who told them that it couldn’t be done.

The day when we stop being able to pull off the impossible is the day that America will cease to exist.

Today is not that day. Today fifty million Americans did the impossible.

Midnight has passed. A new day has come. And everything is about to change.

Cheers Impish

Posted in Uncategorized | 12 Comments

DL/LL Digital Media Enterprise’s Veterans Day 2016 Issue

image

We Veteran’s are the unspoken of “7 Percenters”. I’m not talking about the wealthiest 2 percent which if you’d believe the garbage spewing forth from Liberals and Occupiers mouths are sole responsible for the unhappiness of the rest of us and should be underwriting a free ride for us simply because they are wealthy.

No, I’m speaking of being a member of the 7 percent of American’s who hear a calling in our hearts to protect this country and step up to sign that blank check. OK some of you are saying you didn’t have a choice you were drafted into the military during war time to serve. However all you have to do is look around you to see that there are as many of you that volunteered after the draft was abolished as there are of you.

We hold a title that in my mind is a pretty august one because it can’t be assigned, appointed, inherited, bought or bestowed on you by anyone. It is a title we all earned with our commitment, service, blood, sweat, tears and heartbreak. And while we touch on what went into earning this life long title leave us not forget the sacrifices made by our loved one we left at home while we earned it. From where I stand I find it a crying shame that there is no title that they can carry to honor their suffering and depravations because we were deployed serving our country. We should always be as proud of them as they are of us.

The most recent data from the 2010 Census shows that only seven percent of Americans have served in the military, while veterans make up 20 percent of the current Congress. In 1971, 73 percent of members of Congress were veterans, but veterans made up fewer than 15 percent of the American population.

https://www.google.com/search?q=what+percent+of+Congress+served+in+the+military&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8

Is it any wonder then why our government mistreats us so badly?

Erodes our benefits, issues substandard ballistic vest to forward deployed combat troops, (when it has them to issue), treats our medical problems brought on from our serving in dirty over taxed and severely aging  Veteran’s Hospitals. They label us potential “Home Grown Domestic Terrorists”. Uses our medical care system to probe for reasons to take away our Second Amendment rights? Due to their own administrative mismanagement of paperwork and records attempt to forcibly reclaim several thousands of dollars in ‘signing bonuses’ from National Guardsmen after they have completed in some cases multiple tours in combat zones?  Deprive us of the ability to defend ourselves against terrorist attacks on US military bases by refusing to allow us to be armed. Relenting (but only to the point of delaying the collections until a review the collection program to insure it’s ‘fairness’) only after their heavy handed tactics garner the attention of the press? (see articles here and here).

My fellow Brothers and Sisters in Arms from where I stand it seems to me that our Government, the Department of Defense and the Democratic Party at large think the term ‘Veteran’ is synonymous with ‘sucker’ and means its ok to shit on us anytime they find it in their best interest. The only reason this has become possible is because the number of our kindred serving in Congress and the rest of our Government has dropped so low. I say it is high time we changed that by voting only for political candidates at all levels of government who have served in the military.

We Veteran’s all took an oath to defend this country against all enemies foreign and domestic when we signed our enlistment papers and at each subsequent re-enlistment and in some cases at promotion ceremonies. None of us were relieved of that oath upon our separation from our respective services. In short, its high time that we went back to honoring that oath. The will of  WE THE PEOPLE should amply included WE THE VETERANS in it’s representation. Since we are the few who were willing to protect the people’s rights, I think its only right that they help us protect and defend ours as well as theirs.

Thank you for your kind attention. God Bless You, God Bless our Serving Men and Women and God Bless the United States of America,

Now Ladies and Gentleman, won’t you please join me and the rest of the DL/LL Digital Media Enterprise’s family of Veterans in standing for the playing of our National Anthem.

Veterans! AH-TEN-SHUN!

Star Spangled Banner | The National Anthem | MattNickleMusic

 

image

image

image

Marine Corps Birthday is on November 10 and celebrates the establishment of the US Marine Corp in 1775.

image

“Honor to the soldier and sailor everywhere, who bravely bears his country’s cause. Honor, also, to the citizen who cares for his brother in the field and serves, as he best can, the same cause.”  – Abraham Lincoln

 

image

image

image

 

 image

image

 image

See Disabled Army Vet’s Perfect Response After He’s Slammed For Using Special Parking Bays

image

A disabled American army veteran responded in perfect style after a cruel note was left on his car demanding he not use special parking bays because he “didn’t look” handicapped.

The man was left stunned when he returned to his vehicle in Houston, Texas, and discovered the message on his windscreen.

The letter addressed him as “buddy,” before harshly telling him to “stop parking in handicap spots!!!!”

“You DO NOT have a sticker nor do you look handicapped,” it read.

image

“I have taken a picture of your license plate and sent it to the office for towing by the courtesy officer. Stop being a jerk!!” it added.

The veteran, who has not been named, wrote out a phenomenal response – where he explains exactly why he has the right to use the bays – before attaching it to a photocopy of the original note he’d received.

A picture of the two letters was uploaded to Reddit, and it’s since gone viral with more than 2.8 million views.

“In the state of Texas, if a vehicle has DISABLED VETERAN license plates, that vehicle is not required, BY LAW, to have a handicapped placard displayed, nor a handicapped emblem on the license plate, UNLESS that vehicle is parked on FEDERAL property,” he said.

image

“If you had bothered to spend 30 seconds and pull the miniature computer out of your pocket to research this then you would have never needed to leave me this offensive note. 

“Considering that you took a picture of my license plate that says: DISABLED VETERAN US ARMED FORCES.

“But it’s cool. You probably just let your emotions get the best of you and felt like being a social justice hero,” he added, before commenting on his appearance.

“Although I may not ‘look’ handicapped to you, I can assure you that the amount of pain I feel from walking due to combat-sustained injuries far supersedes any level of pain you have ever felt in your entire life,” he said.

“Or maybe not… Who am I to say? After all, I don’t even know who you are. By the way, I would love to hear what your idea of a handicapped person ‘looks’ like.”

The author then revealed he would frame the original message and “look at it everyday as to remind myself what kind of person NOT to be.”

He signed off with the phrase: “The guy who doesn’t look handicapped.”

!cid_359CBC3E-D956-4229-9711-9C89BE8E7063

For those of you finding the facts above a little hard to read let me list them here for you:

  1. More military deaths by suicide than in combat (since) 2012.
  2. Military suicides at a rate higher than the last 10 years (22 per day on average) .
  3. 8 to 20% of military personnel deployed to Iraq and/or Afghanistan suffer a Traumatic Brain Injury.
  4. 20% of all suicides nationally are committed by Veterans.
  5. 300,000 veterans of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have been diagnosed with some level of PTSD.
  6. Traumatic Brain Injuries can increase suicidal thoughts and behavior (so can PTSD).

Trace Adkins- Semper Fi

 

image

It’s usually Ibuprofen with an additional low dosage painkiller and oft referred to as “grunt candy”. It helps the troops shrug off the constant aches and pains a their harsh lives and function at top levels so they can make and mean statements like this:

.image

!cid_04EFA8F0-1340-46E7-9987-DCCD97D2B7A8

image

 

In honor of Fleet Week (May 2016), Jimmy and Adam perform “Friends on All Bases” (parody of “Friends in Low Places”).

The brave men and women who serve in our nation’s military should always get to hear “thank you,” no matter where they go. And whether you agree or not with the current wars our country is in, one thing is certain: our soldiers always deserve to be given honor and respect!

Jimmy Fallon is well known for his appreciation and respect for the men and women in our armed forces. His father-in-law flew the early jet fighters during the Cold War, and he’s let his patriotism be known to the world time and time again. So it makes sense that, during New York City’s Fleet Week, he would make sure to have an audience full of nothing but military servicemen and women!

But inviting them all to see his show wasn’t enough — Fallon wanted to make sure he’d send them off with a very personalized gift. So he donned his cowboy hat, picked up the guitar, and got onstage to perform a riff on the Garth Brooks’ classic “Friends in Low Places.”

Along with the help of his fellow SNL alum Adam Sandler, the two absolutely blew the minds of his whole audience with their silly, but respectful lyrics that honor all of his friends on all of the bases! Make sure to check this hilarious video out!

 

image

image

The Charge of the Light Brigade

1.

Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
“Forward, the Light Brigade!
“Charge for the guns!” he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

2.

“Forward, the Light Brigade!”
Was there a man dismay’d?
Not tho’ the soldier knew
Someone had blunder’d:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

3.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley’d and thunder’d;
Storm’d at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.

4.

Flash’d all their sabres bare,
Flash’d as they turn’d in air,
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army, while
All the world wonder’d:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro’ the line they broke;
Cossack and Russian
Reel’d from the sabre stroke
Shatter’d and sunder’d.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.

5.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Volley’d and thunder’d;
Storm’d at with shot and shell,
While horse and hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro’ the jaws of Death
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.

6.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wondered.
Honor the charge they made,
Honor the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred.

Copied from Poems of Alfred Tennyson, J. E. Tilton and Company, Boston, 1870

image

image

Tattoos and Scars (Montgomery Gentry)

 

image

Cammo Cat is all loaded up and ready for war.

image

“And I learned early in my life that only two things protected America, the grace of Almighty God and the United States Military. It was that way then, it is that way now and will forever be that way as long as America remains a free and sovereign nation. “ – Charlie Daniels

!cid_9318C527-48D6-46C6-A1FA-E9CE73490BC6

image

image

Kristy Lee Cook – Airborne Ranger Infantry

 

Image result

image

 

image

Often when our veterans return from their tour of service, the tolls of war have been too great to bear alone. Wars in the Middle East and other parts of the world have left some of our bravest service personnel with injuries that will affect them the rest of their lives. Some require intense rehabilitation and years of physical therapy.

http://www.thejourneyhomeproject.org/

image

 

image

image

 

image

 

image

WWII veteran gets surprise honor at his home

98-Year-Old World War II Vet Tears Up When Navy Sailors Surprise Him With Song

Navy veteran Ernest Thompson served on the on the USS Missouri during WWII and witnessed the end of the historic war. At 98 years old, Ernie is no longer able to visit the USS Iowa battleship so the Navy Chief Selects came to him.

Volunteers from the Battleship IOWA in California put together the event to him for his bravery and his service to the country. Battleship IOWA Museum Volunteer Coordinator Susan Schmidt filmed this awesome film of Chief Selects from the Fleet Anti-Submarine Warfare Training Center visiting fellow IOWA museum crew member and WWII veteran Ernie Thompson.

The Navy Chief Selects showed up at the front door of the WWII veteran to honor him with a song. 24 chief selects stood in front of his California home and serenaded him with the Navy’s march song, thanked him for his service, and presented him with a special gift, a commemorative plaque made from actual wood from the ship.

 

Short poem you won’t forget.

Do you recall the President referring to the Benghazi incident as “a bump in the road?”

Today I heard an ex-Navy Seal being interviewed on Fox News regarding a book he has

Written about how to handle crisis situations in our lives.

At the end of the interview he asked if he could make a comment on Benghazi and, of course,

The anchor said “yes.”

He then thanked Fox News for keeping the Benghazi story in the news, since other news organizations are not.

He said the Seals who died deserve the public knowing the truth about the whole affair.

The poem was written by an anonymous Marine Corps officer:

“THE BATTLING BOYS OF BENGHAZI”

We’re the battling boys of Benghazi,

No fame, no glory, no paparazzi.

Just a fiery death in a blazing hell,

Defending our country we loved so well.

It wasn’t our job, but we answered the call,

Fought to the Consulate and scaled the wall.

We pulled twenty countrymen from the jaws of fate

Led them to safety and stood at the gate.

Just the two of us and foes by the score,

But we stood fast to bar the door.

Three calls for reinforcement, but all were denied,

So we fought and we fought and we fought ’til we died.

We gave our all for our Uncle Sam,

But Barack and Hillary didn’t give a damn.

Just two dead Seals who carried the load

No thanks to us…we were just

“Bumps In The Road”.

Mitch Rossell – A Soldier’s Memoir

 

image

Don’t forget our 4 footed Vets either!

image

Those boys and girls are the effects of the blast from a roadside IED on an armored Humvee. This is the sort of thing our troops have to worry about and deal with everyday.

sexy_to_powerful_military_monday_79photos91_1471317738

Darryl Worley: I Just Came Back From A War

 

image

 

image

Fallen soldier Nathan Fair

 

image

National Veterans Day Ceremony

The Veterans Day National Ceremony is held each year on November 11th at Arlington National Cemetery . The ceremony commences precisely at 11:00 a.m. with a wreath laying at the Tomb of the Unknowns and continues inside the Memorial Amphitheater with a parade of colors by veterans’ organizations and remarks from dignitaries. The ceremony is intended to honor and thank all who served in the United States Armed Forces.

November 11, 2014 – Vice President of the United States, Joe Biden, lays a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, Arlington National Cemetery, Virginia on Veterans Day. The Vice President was joined by military leaders and other dignitaries as fellow proud Americans watched the ceremony … all honoring veterans for their service to our beloved America.

image

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them.
May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

image

 

image

Posted in Uncategorized | 14 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1511

Header1511

Campers

As many of you know, I have some physical problems that at times preclude me from doing much of anything. 

Well, this has been one of those weeks.

01cBecause of that, my issue of Dragon Laffs this week has taken a major hit to the point that it is now Friday evening and I’m forcing myself to get it not only completed, but started.

So, I wish to apologize ahead of time because I know that it will not be all that it could be.

Now, having gotten the obligatory apology out of the way, let’s get started on some of the things that need to be said!

vote1

Lethal and I have been preaching this since the LAST election!  And now the time is finally here.  There may not be anyone you want to vote for, but I will bet you a donut to a ten-dollar bill that there are people you’d like to vote against.  4a

You all know how we feel about Hillary and our opinions have been being proven day by day and week by week.  She is a proven liar.  She is a liability that this country just votecan’t afford at this point in time.

All of us thought that electing a black man would be a good thing for this country but we all knew that Obama wasn’t the rightVote black man.  Now, I know a lot of you think that it is high time that a woman be elected president and I agree with you!  Just not this woman!  Liar, thief, and dare I even whisper, murderer!  Please my friends, get out there and vote and make vote-counts1sure she doesn’t get any closer to the oval office than a jail cell in Maryland.

There is another very important announcement that needs to happen today, but I think what we need at this point is to get a little laughter in our mouths to get the really lousy taste of politics out.

So, without any further ado…Let's Laugh

2316

Okay, so yeah, it’s after Halloween and all that, and yeah, I’m really sick to death of Halloween candy, and those of you who know me, know how tough that is to do, but this video is definitely worth watching, even though it has a Halloween theme and I know you are all as sick of Halloween as I am.

2317

There once was a congressman named Weiner, 
                        who had a perverted demeanor.  
           He was forced from the hill, for acting like Bill.
                    Now Congress is one Weiner leaner.
 
                                  And The Moral Is: 
                You tweet your meat, you lose your seat.

2318

Dragon Pix

d2016090405

2319

A new supermarket opened near my house.  It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.  Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.

2320

Political

4g

4h

4i

4j

4k

4l

4m

4n

4o

4p

Okay, so that last one is pretty much the only one that I think really should be used.  That’s the end of my political cartoons…at least the ones that I have right now. I’m sure by next week, when we know who our new leader will be, I’ll have a bunch more.

2321

An old priest lay dying in a hospital. He had served the people of the
nation’s capital for many years.
He motioned for the nurse to come near.
“Yes Father?” said the nurse.
“I would really like to see Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama before I die”
whispered the priest.
“I will see what I can do” said the nurse.
The nurse sent the request to Washington and waited for a response.
Soon an answer came back, both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama would be
delighted to visit the priest.
As they were driven to the hospital Hillary commented to Obama “I don’t know
why this old priest wants to see us, but it certainly will help our images
and may even help my election prospects”.
Obama agreed it was a good thing.
When they arrived at the priest’s bedside, the Priest took Hillary’s hand in
his right hand and Obama’s hand in his left hand.
There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face.
Finally Obama spoke “Father, of all people you could have chosen, why did
you chose us to be with you at this time when your end is so near?”
The old priest slowly replied “I have always tried to pattern my life and
behavior after our Lord and Savior.”
“Amen” said Hillary.
“Amen” said Obama.
The old priest continued “Our Savior died between two lying, thieving
bastards and I would like to do the same!”

2322

4a1

I’m not sending this to blast Broom-Hillary for giving a speech about inequality while wearing a $12,500 Armani jacket.
I’m posting this to give credit to Armani for being able to sell a potato sack with sleeves for $12,500, which, in this case, holds about 180 pounds of bullshit
2323

Lovers help each other undress before sex. However, after sex, they always dress on their own.

Simple Truth: In life, no one helps you  once you’re screwed.

2324

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, “Congrats”. But, none of them touch the man’s penis and say, “Good job”.

Simple Truth: Some members of a team are never appreciated.

2325

Okay, so I’m all done in.  It’s time to call it a night.  Oh, the other special thing?  Tonight’s the night to turn back the clock!  It’s daylight savings time!!!!!
Daylightsavingstime2

At 2 am on Sunday morning, due to the magic invested in Daylight Savings Time, it instantly becomes 1 am again. 

And everyone gets an extra hour of sleep.

And with that.

Cheers my friends.

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments