Leprechaun Laughs #339 for Wednesday April 13 2016


image

You enter the Conference Room to see it has been taken over by the Ninja Kitty Clan. Taken over to the extent that each seat or preferred bench spot seems to have a cat laying in it awaiting a human attendant. Clan Mistress SC is lounging somewhat uneasily atop the podium as distantly you can hear the angry bellowing of Lethal start out with WHAT?! OH I SWEAR I AM GOING TO KILL SOMEONE TODAY! Which idiot came up with THAT solution?”

The sound of hastily closing fire doors can be heard and all the Ninja Kitties seem agitated and nervous, except for those few already being petted.

SC pushes a roll of paper off the edge of the podium to unfurl which reads:

Humans pet Kitties now please. Green one has been hissing continually since Friday. This not good for Kitties. Big blue lizard run away and hide. Kitties hide too but need human interaction and petting. Mean blue lizard took pretty giggly kitty petting humans with him.  You pet us, I push button start the issue. NO pets- no issue. Green one comes it be every human and kitty for themselves.

SC continues to stare at all of you until you settle and begin petting cats. Soon the room is filled with the soft throbbing sound of purring which manages to even drown out the occasional distant outburst from Lethal.

With a nod she stretches and then pounces on the button before jumping down to seek a lap herself

 

Opening Logo 11

image

!cid_60063B0C-52C2-4E82-A1D4-626D26C357FA

premeditated

Today I had to go to Lowe’s. As I approached the entrance, I noticed a driver looking for a parking space.

I flagged the driver and pointed out a handicap parking space that was open and available. The driver looked puzzled, rolled down her window and said, “I’m not handicapped!”

Well, as you can imagine, my face was red! “Oh, I’m sorry,” I said. “I saw your ‘I’m Ready for Hillary’ bumper sticker and just assumed that you suffer from a mental disorder.”
She gave me the finger and screamed some nasty names at me.

Boy! Some people don’t appreciate it when you’re just trying to help them

image

image

 

!cid_0F7BF13C815A4EB48F4ED0EFE7101736@PeterStempien

CONDOM HISTORY

This pearl of history may have escaped you. I’ve always been a student of history but I didn’t know this.
In 1272, the Arab Muslims invented the condom, using a goat’s lower intestine.
In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
Don’t thank me; I do this as a public service for the advancement of education.

image

Naked & Afraid: Celebrity Edition – SNL

 

image

image

Most of our generation of 60+ were HOME SCHOOLED in many ways .

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL  DONE.

“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My father taught me LOGIC.

” Because I said so, that’s why .”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .

“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My father taught me IRONY.

“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

“Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times, don’t exaggerate!”

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out…”

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .

“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

“Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

“You are going to get it from your father when you get home!”

18 . My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP.

“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

20. My father taught me HUMOR.

“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

“You’re just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.

25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .

“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

This should only be sent to the over 50 crowd because the younger ones would not believe we truly were told these “EXACT” words by our parents…

image

(For you uninitiated GTA V is Grand Theft Auto 5 a popular Video game.)

dhs-domestic-terrorist-chart-ndaa-hr1540-s1867

ISIS Hunting 101: How to Bag & Tag Jihadis

 

image

image

image

image

image

On 21 February 2006, Canadian Paul Marek published on his blog Celestial Junk an article titled “Why the Peaceful Majority is Irrelevant.” In passages such as the following, Marek’s essay warned about the dangers of Islamic fanaticism and dismissed as irrelevant the notion that the overwhelming majority of Muslims are peaceful:

We are told again and again by “experts” and “talking heads” that Islam is the religion of peace, and that the vast majority of Muslims just want to live in peace. Although this unquantified assertion may be true, it is entirely irrelevant. It is meaningless fluff, meant to make us feel better, and meant to somehow diminish the specter of fanatics rampaging across the globe in the name of Islam. The fact is, that the fanatics rule Islam at this moment in history. It is the fanatics who march. It is the fanatics who wage any one of 50 shooting wars world wide. It is the fanatics who systematically slaughter Christian or tribal groups throughout Africa and are gradually taking over the entire continent in an Islamic wave. It is the fanatics who bomb, behead, murder, or honor kill. It is the fanatics who take over mosque after mosque. It is the fanatics who zealously spread the stoning and hanging of rape victims and homosexuals. The hard quantifiable fact is, that the “peaceful majority” is the “silent majority” and it is cowed and extraneous.
History lessons are often incredibly simple and blunt, yet for all our powers of reason we often miss the most basic and uncomplicated of points. Peace-loving Muslims have been made irrelevant by the fanatics. Peace-loving Muslims have been made irrelevant by their silence. Peace-loving Muslims will become our enemy if they don’t speak up, because like my friend from Germany, they will awake one day and find that the fanatics own them, and the end of their world will have begun. Peace-loving Germans, Japanese, Chinese, Russians, Rwandans, Bosnians, Afghans, Iraqis, Palestinians, Somalis, Nigerians, Algerians, and many others, have died because the peaceful majority did not speak up until it was too late. As for us who watch it all unfold, we must pay attention to the only group that counts; the fanatics who threaten our way of life.

Marek’s article has been republished in books such as How to Achieve a Heaven on Earth and Getting Through: How to Talk to Non-Muslims About the Disturbing Nature of Islam, and it has been widely circulated on the Internet under the title “A German’s View on Islam.” However, in the latter form the essay has most commonly been attributed to the late Dr. Emanuel Tanay, a psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor who isn’t German (he was born in Poland and immigrated to the United States) and had nothing to do with writing it.

image

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Leprechaun Laughs #339 for Wednesday April 13 2016

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    Ninja Kitty Clan Chief Sneak Chai loves it when I’m prone resting or sleeping. The small of my back, my hip or between my knees are her prime napping places when she really is serious about napping or concerned about me. If I start coughing, snoring or wheezing Nurse Chai is gone like a shot for Dr. Molly and will not let up on her until she comes and checks on me.
    Speaking of being prone resting or sleeping I’ve got a couple things to finish off and then thats exactly where I’m headed, for a wee nap before a simple dinner.

  2. Ginny says:

    Good “STUFF” oh Green Great One. So who let the Ninja Kitties in? Have a good day and
    remember it’s getting to be countdown time for TAX DAY.

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Silly Jersy girl!

      The Ninja kitties are ALWAYS around, just because you don’t see them doesn’t mena anything, their Ninja’s after all!
      Personally I can’t wait for Tax Day. Molly will be off at a wedding most of the weekend and I’m planning on catching up on a lot of lost sleep,
      reading and TV

      • Ginny says:

        Sleep, reading and TV….well deserved!

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Doctor demanded as well

      • Ginny says:

        No matter how much we try and push ourselves when the demand is present, we all have our
        breaking points. So do listen to your doctor…just tell your “putty” cats to leave Daddy alone!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s